November 23, 2022 • 25 mins
When you leave religion, and have family and loved ones that are still in, the holidays can be a tough season.
In this episode I share some suggestions for how to navigate family during the holidays so that you can have a beautiful experience.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:01):
Welcome, welcome, welcome. I am so thrilled that
you're here. I am your host,Amanda Loveland. And you are
listening to my podcast leavingreligion a guide. I have been
taking a few weeks off as I'vebeen traveling. And we are right
before Thanksgiving. And it feltthat we really, I really wanted
(00:22):
to share a little podcast withsome tips and tricks and little
thoughts with how to navigatefamilies through the holidays,
because that's, that's one ofthe biggest challenges right
when we step out of religion,and we're navigating family that
are still in, and just thoserelationships. So I wanted to
talk about that today. Butbefore I dive in, I wanted to
(00:43):
share it felt to also for thoseof you who don't really know me,
who kind of been recommendedthis podcast, but didn't really
hear my story. I am an NLPpractitioner. I'm also a
shamanic practitioner. And for along time, I ran a clothing
business. I owned and ran aclothing brand called mod BOD
(01:04):
that was geared towards Mormons,and I loved it. But as I changed
and grew, the brand changed andgrew. And then I had a soul's
call to dive into what I'm doingnow, which is his podcast
retreats. I've written andpublished a few books, I do one
on one client sessions. And Iwas surprised and I felt called
(01:25):
to do this podcast and knew thatit needed to be from a place of
not malice, not hatred, notanger, but just really a
resource for those who areseeking a different way, a
different way of navigatingthrough religion, that just that
reminder that we're not alone,and offering just that comfort,
because when we step out ofreligion, it can feel really,
(01:45):
really lonely. So I stepped outof Mormonism in 2012. And I've
been navigating this world sinceand the irony, and I find it
quite comical. I know more aboutthe scriptures and about
doctrine in general. Now thatI've left Mormonism than when I
was Mormon, and I taught gospeldoctrine, and I was never really
(02:07):
a script Torian. But it's justbeen fascinating this journey,
and part of the reason is reallythis podcast, it's really
propelled me to having deepconversations with individuals
that are deep thinkers and, andreally see that there is truth
in all things, and truth in thescriptural Khan in the
scriptural texts that we have.
But there are subtle shifts orchanges, if you will, and then
(02:30):
the way that that religion comesin and kind of tweaks it and
wants to take control over ourspirituality and our connection
that really is ours by ourbirthright, our connection to
God, to source to spirit to theDivine, whatever you want to
call it, is our birthright, itis part of what we are wired
with when we come in. And oftenwhen we leave religion, the
(02:53):
those parts of us die, becausewe associated it with religion.
I know for me, when I steppedout of Mormonism, I remember
sitting in this room, actually,and was at my computer, and I
was writing and I was lookingoutside and looking at these
rocks here that are a waterfallthat no longer works. If you're
(03:14):
watching on YouTube, you can seewhat I'm talking about. And I
like the foundation of thatconnection that I used to have
with all things was gone,because my God had died. And I
grew up with a father who Iloved dearly, and he would
always just have such deepadmiration for nature, for
scenery, for the sunsets andtalk about how amazing of a God
(03:37):
that we had that he createdthese things. And so I always
had that connection with natureand God. So naturally, as my God
dies, my Mormon version of Goddies, then the connection that I
had to nature into beauty, andnature also died. And it was
some of the darkest times in mylife, and I've had some really
dark moments. But when yourconnection to God to the Divine
(03:58):
to source dies, it is painful,it is really painful. So if any
of you that are listening rightnow, and are hearing these
words, and you're in that space,I feel you. I am a voice of many
that have been there, whereyou're at and have gone through
(04:19):
what you're going through. And Ipromise you, there is another
side to this and you you willget through it, and it is
better. This ability that wehave to really turn on our gifts
turn on our abilities to ourintuition, our sense of the
spirit, our sense of connectionwith God is one of the most
empowering things that we cando. It's really more stepping
(04:41):
into our sovereignty. And oursovereignty is that ability to
really own all of who we are,without attachment to anything
external, which I know when Isay that that seems like a
little conundrum. But if I am cocreating with God, which I do,
then God the Divine is we're intandem together. We're in team
(05:03):
we're working together, but Ihave choice in everything that I
receive from spirit. So when Igot this call to do this
podcast, it actually started outas a book first, I really sat
with it, like, is this somethingthat I want to do? Do I want to
do this podcast? And can I do itfrom a place of not malice, not
anger? And I sat with it for Ithink it was a year before I
(05:24):
said, Yes. And it started, youknow, as you all know, or maybe
you don't know, it started firstwith this podcast, and then my
book came later. But thatability that I have to connect
with God and and have thatsovereignty of knowing that even
though this connection thatseems more aware and
knowledgeable than myself, Istill have choice, I still have
(05:48):
choice. And if I'm going tolisten and follow through what
I'm hearing from God from spiritfrom the Divine. Now, I always
say God's Spirit, the divinebecause that everyone has a
different context of what Godlooks like for a while I had to
replace the word God was source.
Because when I read anythingthat had gotten it, it really
(06:08):
triggered me. So I replaced thatword with source and I just kind
of kind of had this my shamanicbackground, I kind of had this
attachment with it, that it wasthe unknowable one, it wasn't a
man up on a throne. It was thisunknowable being. And it wasn't
really actually, until thispodcast is I'm reflecting upon
(06:30):
it that really started openingme back up to asking deeper
questions of who is myconnection? What does that look
like. And as I sat in deepmeditation and, and created
actually some really beautiful,guided meditations to unwind,
and uncouple some of those oldholdings from religion, I got to
also experience some reallyprofound connections with what
(06:55):
my, my God looks like now. Andwhat's funny about this, this
episode is, as I'm sharing allthis, I did not plan on sharing
all this. So for whoever this isfor know that you're, if this is
resonating with you, and you'reI'm speaking to you then just
know that you are being watchedout for there are angels, there
(07:18):
are hands that have a part inall of our lives. And we get to
be little angels, littlewhatever you want to call it for
each other. So as you'renavigating through, and you're
navigating through stepping outof religion, well, one of the
most challenging pieces isreally holding that this is the
(07:40):
answer that I got for myself,and then navigating into spaces
with our family. And especiallyas we're walking into
Thanksgiving this week, and thenwe'll be stepping into, you
know, the rest of the holidayseason. Being with our family
can be one of the mostchallenging things. Now I wrote
about this in my book. But oneof the things that often happens
(08:02):
when we step out of religion iswe want other people to validate
our choice. And the reason whywe do this is because we're
looking for that validation thatwe're not wrong, because this
choice to step out of religionis a huge one. And all of you
recognize that all of you knowthis, it was not a choice that
was haphazard, it was notsomething that was excuse me,
(08:24):
it was not something that youjust did on a whim, this was
something you were more likelyhaving the stirrings within your
heart for quite some time inhaving the courage to actually
step out and be more in yourauthenticity of who you are, is
not an easy feat. And so when wefinally make that decision, when
(08:47):
we finally step out, and wefinally start allowing ourselves
to be seen, and some of you maynot be at that place yet, and
that's okay, you can take yourtime, a lot of people will
slowly take one step at a time,no longer going to church, but
don't really want to tell myfamily, or my family knows, but
I'm not going to drink in frontof them, or whatever it is if we
still play these parts in theseroles of what we think we should
(09:09):
be, and how we should be forother people to make them happy.
Meanwhile, you're prettymiserable. So when we step out,
huge decision, then we startreally all of the programming
that we had starts coming withus of Oh shit. Now my life is
going to be crappy if my life iscrappy. I remember when I used
(09:30):
to say, oh, somebody laughed.
This is this is the consequenceof their action. They're not
getting the blessings fromheaven from God from from
Heavenly Father. And that is aninteresting and a really
difficult piece to navigatethrough. Maybe they were right.
And so we want other people,especially in our family system
or our loved ones to validatethat choice of us leaving
(09:52):
because we're starting toquestion if we were right or if
we're wrong. This is completelynatural. You Have you felt a
call to step out of Mormonism orany religion? That was your
inner guide your inner guru,your inner connection to God
telling you that this is nolonger for you? And you stepping
out? 100%? Was you listening toyou? And that, my friends is one
(10:13):
of the most beautiful, beautifulthings? What is the most
challenging things is to startbeing more and more of who you
are now that you? What is youridentity now, what does that
even look like and be that infront of your family. And the
truth is, all of us want toexperience unconditional love
with our family members. Butit's not often experience for a
(10:34):
lot of different reasons. Somepeople just they, well, if you
are in a religion, the irony andI've talked about this in other
podcasts, but the irony ofbelieving that a god would
punish someone for doingsomething one of their children,
one of his children, forcommitting a sin is really
interesting, because there's nounconditional love in in the way
(10:55):
that the consequences are. Andthis, when you have a family
system that's embedded in, let'sjust say Mormonism, and your
belief that a god is going toreward you and heaven for how
you behave on earth does notsound like a really
unconditionally, unloving,unbiased God into me, God is
(11:16):
unconditionally loving, andunbiased. He loves all of His
children, the same Whitney, heshe whatever God looks like for
you. So if your system if yourfamily system is embedded in a
religion, your parents also havethis condition with God that God
has different ways in which youshould behave in order to
(11:38):
receive His love, His mercy, Hisglory. So that would then move
into their children. Becausethat's what they know. And we do
the best that we can with whatwe know at the time, right. And
then the next day, or whateverwe do better if we're wanting to
do better for wanting to bebetter. So if your parents are
still in and you're choosingout, or your family members are
(12:02):
still in and you're choosingout, they have this conditioning
within them, that they believethat God actually is a
conditional, loving God. So theythen will also do the same to
you. Were stepping out. And itfeels like this big oxymoron.
But they don't know anythingdifferent. And neither did you,
when you were in one of thebiggest tools that I can remind
(12:24):
everyone is when you were a partof whatever religion you also
practice the same beliefs. Andnow that you know different can
you really fault your familymembers, your loved ones for
practicing exactly as you did,because they only they're doing
the best with what they have.
And maybe down the road, they'llchoose different if they want
(12:44):
to, but they're not. And withyou making this choice, to ask
them to be anything differentthan who they are, again, is a
paradox, right? You're you'rewanting them to treat you
different now that you'vestepped out. And yet you're
expecting them to be differentthan how how they always have
(13:05):
been. And really we've talkedabout I've talked about this
before, they're questioning morethan likely what their real
beliefs are now that a loved onehas stepped out? What do I
really think about eternalfamilies? What do I really think
about when I die? If my child isno longer part of this religion?
Will I see them in heaven? Whatdo I really believe? And these
(13:27):
questions will trigger a lot offear within an individual when
you're talking about religion,your connection to God and your
eternal salvation about yoursoul, it will trigger a lot of
fear and how do people react infear. So as you're navigating
through these spaces, my numberone recommend recommendation
(13:49):
that I would give to all of youis to do your best with holding
your family members and the lovein which you are wanting to
receive. Life is about givingand receiving. If we're not
putting the energy out there forholding a certain belief within
us, we are going to get thatbelief right back. Life is
always giving us results of ofour interstate or in our belief
(14:13):
systems, our inner limitingemotions, limiting beliefs, our
wounds. So if you believe thensubconsciously, more than likely
that when you step out, you areno longer wanted. You're no
longer going to be loved oraccepted then that is what you
will receive from your familymembers. But if you can shift
that, reframe it, of, you knowwhat my family is doing the best
(14:37):
that they can with what theyhave, and so am I and I they're
still my family, and I still getto hold them in love. I can
still boundaries and we'll talkabout that in a minute. But I
can still hold them in love andsee them for who they're trying
to be and how they're trying todo the best with what they have.
And so when you're going in forthe hug if they're doing a half
assed hug or a or there hashesitant It's, why not be all
(15:01):
the way in with them, why not beall the way and with loving who
they are because they were thesame that they were before you
left. You can't expect them tochange because you're changing,
that's an unfair expectation.
And it's an unfair attachmentthat you're having that will
create more pain for you andyour transition, what you're
choosing to do is solely foryou, and to expect other people
(15:23):
to support you in the way thatyou think they should, is.
You're just creating more painfor yourselves, my friends. So
holding them and love in thebest way that you can, giving
what you are hoping you'llreceive without expecting them
to, to give it back. Becausethat's also the other kick
(15:44):
kicker, they have their freeagency, their choice of how
they're going to respond. Nowwhat happens when you get
triggered? What happens if theystart asking if you've newly
left, and this is like a newerfamily or a recent, you know,
family gathering pretty recentto you leaving and they bring up
religion? Maybe that's aboundary that you have of you
know what I really want to enjoythe holidays? Can we not talk
(16:05):
about this topic? Because Idon't want to get into an
argument I just want to enjoy myfamily. Or you respond with I
know this was a really difficultdecision. And as I wrestled with
it, and as I sat with it, Ican't deny the answer that I
received, just like I know, youhave your answers to stay.
(16:26):
Without getting into thedoctrine, I find that when we
start getting into dissectingdifferent things, as far as what
what about this? Or what aboutthat it doesn't go anywhere,
because you're never going toget to where you're wanting to
go. Unless you have a familymember or family members that
can really have empathy and arereally curious. That's a little
(16:47):
bit of a different circumstance.
But if they're trying to have aconversation, because they're
wanting to get you to come backto the fold, then there is no
winning in that conversation.
There's no winning, winning inthat situation. So the boundary
piece is a real thing withbefore you step through that
door before you walk into aspace having your boundaries
with Where are you going to holdthem in love or not? Maybe
(17:11):
you're choosing not to. But ifyou choose that then that you're
going to get that right back. Ifconversations around religion
come up, how are you going tochoose to engage or disengage
from it? Are you going to excuseyourself? Are you going to? Are
you going to say anything? Howdo you want to have a boundary
in that space? You know, whatare the boundaries that you want
to hold as far as what is goingto happen as you are interacting
(17:32):
with your family? And you can ifyou're creating a boundary to
avoid something that'suncomfortable that I would take
a minute to really sit in thatif you're creating a boundary
because you really want to havea healthy relationship, then
that is what boundaries are.
They're like the banks of ariver. As the river flows, if it
had no banks, the river, thewater would go everywhere. But
(17:55):
the banks hone this energy togetting to where you're wanting
to go, and what do youultimately want with your loved
ones, to still have arelationship, even though you
don't know what it's going tolook like. So creating
boundaries from that lovingplace of really wanting this end
result of still having arelationship and still, you
know, cultivating and fosteringa new type of relationship is a
(18:15):
really beautiful desire. So whenyou get triggered, which may
happen, what do you do when youget triggered and somebody says
something, somebody, whatever,take a minute, you'll notice the
emotions will pop big time. Andwhat I do in these situations is
(18:35):
I breathe. I count sometimes,especially if it's really bad,
so that I can get out of mythoughts of what the hell did
you just say to me, or whateverit was, I'll count, I usually
count a 1015 20 and allow a noand allow myself to feel the
emotions all the way know thatthe trigger is created as
bumping up on some sort of abelief that I carry or why would
(18:57):
not be triggered that deeply.
And I let the emotion pass I donot respond in that, in that in
that moment. And if you're in asituation to where it's a one on
one, maybe it is a moment whereyou say you'll have to excuse
me, and you walk away. Or youjust take a moment and you tell
them I need a I need a minute,give me a minute and you
(19:18):
breathe. But triggers are reallyreally painful and really really
beautiful indicators of what isgoing on in your internal world.
What is going on in thesubconscious the psyche of you.
If somebody says something thattriggers you, where is the
belief that you're holding onthat it's bumping up against?
Michael singer talks about thesesimilar to some scars and scars
(19:41):
that we carry on the heart. Andwhen we have these different
scars based off of differentevents that have transpired in
our lives. There are filters inwhich we see the world so if you
can imagine a window and uslooking out of the window or out
of our eyes, obviously lookinginto the world if we had these
little scars Those that arecreating little lines through
the windows and creatingfractals of how we see the world
(20:03):
and our, our vision is skewedand that perspective is, is
altered. Instead of seeingclearly out, we have a skewed
vision of how we're seeing theworld or how we're seeing a
person or how we're seeing anevent based off of whatever the
Samskaara and the wound that ishanging out there. So when these
triggers come up, Michael singertalks about it like this really
(20:25):
beautiful, amazing, this isshowing me a place of where I
have a wound or I have a scar orI have some sort of a belief,
they're all the same thing thatI can go look at, I can go
witness, I can go see and, andit gives you this beautiful
opportunity to clear so that youno longer have that, that filter
in which you see the world. Soholidays are really beautiful
(20:54):
time to gather. And they can bereally, really painful. So as a
reminder, and just to recap,hold yourself in the most
unconditional love that you can.
And then share that with yourfamily. That energy that you're
wanting to receive, do your bestto give it and know that your
best may not feel good enough.
But knowing that you're doingthe best that you have with what
(21:17):
you can today is enough, myfriends, and it is just one step
at a time. I over the years, myfamily relationships have
changed and changed and changed.
And if you reflect back, I wouldimagine that your relationships
with your family have changedmultiple times, with or without
you being in religion. It's justpart of nature. As humans, we're
(21:39):
always changing, we're alwaysevolving and things come up
things pop. So this is justanother thing. It's a pretty big
one. But breathe, use yourbreath to move energy and a move
emotions move those triggershave your boundaries, how do I
want to navigate if this isgoing to happen, because you
know your family well enough,you know that things may or may
not be sad, or how they're goingto interact with you. So have a
(22:00):
expectation for yourself ofwhat's the boundary that I want
to hold so that I can have agood holiday. And breathe
through the triggers and look atthem as this beautiful
invitation to look within ofwhat am I holding on to that's
asking to be released andhealed. I feel excited for all
(22:22):
of you that are stepping intothese places of really getting
to know yourself that muchdeeper, and that much more
intimately. Because our familyand our loved ones are really
beautiful reflections ofourselves. So I hope some of
this helped some of you, all ofyou. And I if you follow me on
social media, you will see thatI haven't really been
(22:44):
advertising this a ton. But Iwant to make sure and
communicate it clearly here Ihave a really beautiful life
elevated mastermind that I'mstarting on December 4, I
believe it's a Sunday, and itwill be a three month
mastermind. And this is a groupthat the group that's already
coming together is I juststunning and really powerful and
(23:07):
really empowered. If you'refeeling like you're in a place
in your life, where you'rewanting more tools with how to
really get to where you'rewanting to go, you're wanting to
learn how to cultivate yourgifts, your talents, your
abilities, that ability, youhave to connect with yourself
with spirit, if you're wantingto monetize some of the ways in
which you move through theworld, and you're looking for
(23:29):
support and how to get to whereyou're wanting to go. Because
oftentimes, when we set adestination of where we're
wanting to go, in order to getto where we're wanting to go,
it's going to require us to movethrough some really painful
pieces, like you're doing withleaving religion. So having that
support of Yep, this is normal,keep going, keep going, keep
going, or hey, have you thoughtabout it this way, is really,
(23:50):
really helpful. And this groupis crazy cheap, it really felt
like there's so many people thatare looking for resources, but
don't necessarily have theresources to give. So I'm doing
this group at 222 a month. Andthat like I said, it'll be three
months every Sunday, the callswill be from 10am to 12pm
Mountain Standard Time and maygo a little longer depending on
(24:13):
on the call and they will all bethrough zoom, I'll have
different guest speakers. Andthis will be a really, really
beautiful empowered mastermind.
So if you're feeling the callahead to my website, Amanda joy
loveland.com forward slashelevated mastermind, and you can
go fill out the little form andget on my registration list. If
you are feeling the call to be aguest on my podcast, please
(24:37):
reach out. You can message me onsocial media or you can also go
to my website to the podcastpage about halfway down. Or I
think if you go to my website,Amanda loveland.com forward
slash be a guest I think is theURL or go to the podcast page
and you'll see where to click onto be a guest. But as always, my
friend I'm sending you so muchlove there is resources and
(25:01):
there's so many people who haveleft religion know that you are
not alone. And that theseobstacles in these places that
you're moving through life arereally helping you to cultivate
more of who you are, andcultivating your sovereignty and
awakening into more and more ofthe wholeness of who you are. So
that, my friends is crazyexciting, and I am excited for
(25:22):
you. Happy holidays, happyThanksgiving and sending you all
so much love.
Welcome, welcome, welcome. I am so thrilled that
you're here. I am your host,Amanda Loveland. And you are
listening to my podcast leavingreligion a guide. I have been
taking a few weeks off as I'vebeen traveling. And we are right
before Thanksgiving. And it feltthat we really, I really wanted
(00:22):
to share a little podcast withsome tips and tricks and little
thoughts with how to navigatefamilies through the holidays,
because that's, that's one ofthe biggest challenges right
when we step out of religion,and we're navigating family that
are still in, and just thoserelationships. So I wanted to
talk about that today. Butbefore I dive in, I wanted to
(00:43):
share it felt to also for thoseof you who don't really know me,
who kind of been recommendedthis podcast, but didn't really
hear my story. I am an NLPpractitioner. I'm also a
shamanic practitioner. And for along time, I ran a clothing
business. I owned and ran aclothing brand called mod BOD
(01:04):
that was geared towards Mormons,and I loved it. But as I changed
and grew, the brand changed andgrew. And then I had a soul's
call to dive into what I'm doingnow, which is his podcast
retreats. I've written andpublished a few books, I do one
on one client sessions. And Iwas surprised and I felt called
(01:25):
to do this podcast and knew thatit needed to be from a place of
not malice, not hatred, notanger, but just really a
resource for those who areseeking a different way, a
different way of navigatingthrough religion, that just that
reminder that we're not alone,and offering just that comfort,
because when we step out ofreligion, it can feel really,
(01:45):
really lonely. So I stepped outof Mormonism in 2012. And I've
been navigating this world sinceand the irony, and I find it
quite comical. I know more aboutthe scriptures and about
doctrine in general. Now thatI've left Mormonism than when I
was Mormon, and I taught gospeldoctrine, and I was never really
(02:07):
a script Torian. But it's justbeen fascinating this journey,
and part of the reason is reallythis podcast, it's really
propelled me to having deepconversations with individuals
that are deep thinkers and, andreally see that there is truth
in all things, and truth in thescriptural Khan in the
scriptural texts that we have.
But there are subtle shifts orchanges, if you will, and then
(02:30):
the way that that religion comesin and kind of tweaks it and
wants to take control over ourspirituality and our connection
that really is ours by ourbirthright, our connection to
God, to source to spirit to theDivine, whatever you want to
call it, is our birthright, itis part of what we are wired
with when we come in. And oftenwhen we leave religion, the
(02:53):
those parts of us die, becausewe associated it with religion.
I know for me, when I steppedout of Mormonism, I remember
sitting in this room, actually,and was at my computer, and I
was writing and I was lookingoutside and looking at these
rocks here that are a waterfallthat no longer works. If you're
(03:14):
watching on YouTube, you can seewhat I'm talking about. And I
like the foundation of thatconnection that I used to have
with all things was gone,because my God had died. And I
grew up with a father who Iloved dearly, and he would
always just have such deepadmiration for nature, for
scenery, for the sunsets andtalk about how amazing of a God
(03:37):
that we had that he createdthese things. And so I always
had that connection with natureand God. So naturally, as my God
dies, my Mormon version of Goddies, then the connection that I
had to nature into beauty, andnature also died. And it was
some of the darkest times in mylife, and I've had some really
dark moments. But when yourconnection to God to the Divine
(03:58):
to source dies, it is painful,it is really painful. So if any
of you that are listening rightnow, and are hearing these
words, and you're in that space,I feel you. I am a voice of many
that have been there, whereyou're at and have gone through
(04:19):
what you're going through. And Ipromise you, there is another
side to this and you you willget through it, and it is
better. This ability that wehave to really turn on our gifts
turn on our abilities to ourintuition, our sense of the
spirit, our sense of connectionwith God is one of the most
empowering things that we cando. It's really more stepping
(04:41):
into our sovereignty. And oursovereignty is that ability to
really own all of who we are,without attachment to anything
external, which I know when Isay that that seems like a
little conundrum. But if I am cocreating with God, which I do,
then God the Divine is we're intandem together. We're in team
(05:03):
we're working together, but Ihave choice in everything that I
receive from spirit. So when Igot this call to do this
podcast, it actually started outas a book first, I really sat
with it, like, is this somethingthat I want to do? Do I want to
do this podcast? And can I do itfrom a place of not malice, not
anger? And I sat with it for Ithink it was a year before I
(05:24):
said, Yes. And it started, youknow, as you all know, or maybe
you don't know, it started firstwith this podcast, and then my
book came later. But thatability that I have to connect
with God and and have thatsovereignty of knowing that even
though this connection thatseems more aware and
knowledgeable than myself, Istill have choice, I still have
(05:48):
choice. And if I'm going tolisten and follow through what
I'm hearing from God from spiritfrom the Divine. Now, I always
say God's Spirit, the divinebecause that everyone has a
different context of what Godlooks like for a while I had to
replace the word God was source.
Because when I read anythingthat had gotten it, it really
(06:08):
triggered me. So I replaced thatword with source and I just kind
of kind of had this my shamanicbackground, I kind of had this
attachment with it, that it wasthe unknowable one, it wasn't a
man up on a throne. It was thisunknowable being. And it wasn't
really actually, until thispodcast is I'm reflecting upon
(06:30):
it that really started openingme back up to asking deeper
questions of who is myconnection? What does that look
like. And as I sat in deepmeditation and, and created
actually some really beautiful,guided meditations to unwind,
and uncouple some of those oldholdings from religion, I got to
also experience some reallyprofound connections with what
(06:55):
my, my God looks like now. Andwhat's funny about this, this
episode is, as I'm sharing allthis, I did not plan on sharing
all this. So for whoever this isfor know that you're, if this is
resonating with you, and you'reI'm speaking to you then just
know that you are being watchedout for there are angels, there
(07:18):
are hands that have a part inall of our lives. And we get to
be little angels, littlewhatever you want to call it for
each other. So as you'renavigating through, and you're
navigating through stepping outof religion, well, one of the
most challenging pieces isreally holding that this is the
(07:40):
answer that I got for myself,and then navigating into spaces
with our family. And especiallyas we're walking into
Thanksgiving this week, and thenwe'll be stepping into, you
know, the rest of the holidayseason. Being with our family
can be one of the mostchallenging things. Now I wrote
about this in my book. But oneof the things that often happens
(08:02):
when we step out of religion iswe want other people to validate
our choice. And the reason whywe do this is because we're
looking for that validation thatwe're not wrong, because this
choice to step out of religionis a huge one. And all of you
recognize that all of you knowthis, it was not a choice that
was haphazard, it was notsomething that was excuse me,
(08:24):
it was not something that youjust did on a whim, this was
something you were more likelyhaving the stirrings within your
heart for quite some time inhaving the courage to actually
step out and be more in yourauthenticity of who you are, is
not an easy feat. And so when wefinally make that decision, when
(08:47):
we finally step out, and wefinally start allowing ourselves
to be seen, and some of you maynot be at that place yet, and
that's okay, you can take yourtime, a lot of people will
slowly take one step at a time,no longer going to church, but
don't really want to tell myfamily, or my family knows, but
I'm not going to drink in frontof them, or whatever it is if we
still play these parts in theseroles of what we think we should
(09:09):
be, and how we should be forother people to make them happy.
Meanwhile, you're prettymiserable. So when we step out,
huge decision, then we startreally all of the programming
that we had starts coming withus of Oh shit. Now my life is
going to be crappy if my life iscrappy. I remember when I used
(09:30):
to say, oh, somebody laughed.
This is this is the consequenceof their action. They're not
getting the blessings fromheaven from God from from
Heavenly Father. And that is aninteresting and a really
difficult piece to navigatethrough. Maybe they were right.
And so we want other people,especially in our family system
or our loved ones to validatethat choice of us leaving
(09:52):
because we're starting toquestion if we were right or if
we're wrong. This is completelynatural. You Have you felt a
call to step out of Mormonism orany religion? That was your
inner guide your inner guru,your inner connection to God
telling you that this is nolonger for you? And you stepping
out? 100%? Was you listening toyou? And that, my friends is one
(10:13):
of the most beautiful, beautifulthings? What is the most
challenging things is to startbeing more and more of who you
are now that you? What is youridentity now, what does that
even look like and be that infront of your family. And the
truth is, all of us want toexperience unconditional love
with our family members. Butit's not often experience for a
(10:34):
lot of different reasons. Somepeople just they, well, if you
are in a religion, the irony andI've talked about this in other
podcasts, but the irony ofbelieving that a god would
punish someone for doingsomething one of their children,
one of his children, forcommitting a sin is really
interesting, because there's nounconditional love in in the way
(10:55):
that the consequences are. Andthis, when you have a family
system that's embedded in, let'sjust say Mormonism, and your
belief that a god is going toreward you and heaven for how
you behave on earth does notsound like a really
unconditionally, unloving,unbiased God into me, God is
(11:16):
unconditionally loving, andunbiased. He loves all of His
children, the same Whitney, heshe whatever God looks like for
you. So if your system if yourfamily system is embedded in a
religion, your parents also havethis condition with God that God
has different ways in which youshould behave in order to
(11:38):
receive His love, His mercy, Hisglory. So that would then move
into their children. Becausethat's what they know. And we do
the best that we can with whatwe know at the time, right. And
then the next day, or whateverwe do better if we're wanting to
do better for wanting to bebetter. So if your parents are
still in and you're choosingout, or your family members are
(12:02):
still in and you're choosingout, they have this conditioning
within them, that they believethat God actually is a
conditional, loving God. So theythen will also do the same to
you. Were stepping out. And itfeels like this big oxymoron.
But they don't know anythingdifferent. And neither did you,
when you were in one of thebiggest tools that I can remind
(12:24):
everyone is when you were a partof whatever religion you also
practice the same beliefs. Andnow that you know different can
you really fault your familymembers, your loved ones for
practicing exactly as you did,because they only they're doing
the best with what they have.
And maybe down the road, they'llchoose different if they want
(12:44):
to, but they're not. And withyou making this choice, to ask
them to be anything differentthan who they are, again, is a
paradox, right? You're you'rewanting them to treat you
different now that you'vestepped out. And yet you're
expecting them to be differentthan how how they always have
(13:05):
been. And really we've talkedabout I've talked about this
before, they're questioning morethan likely what their real
beliefs are now that a loved onehas stepped out? What do I
really think about eternalfamilies? What do I really think
about when I die? If my child isno longer part of this religion?
Will I see them in heaven? Whatdo I really believe? And these
(13:27):
questions will trigger a lot offear within an individual when
you're talking about religion,your connection to God and your
eternal salvation about yoursoul, it will trigger a lot of
fear and how do people react infear. So as you're navigating
through these spaces, my numberone recommend recommendation
(13:49):
that I would give to all of youis to do your best with holding
your family members and the lovein which you are wanting to
receive. Life is about givingand receiving. If we're not
putting the energy out there forholding a certain belief within
us, we are going to get thatbelief right back. Life is
always giving us results of ofour interstate or in our belief
(14:13):
systems, our inner limitingemotions, limiting beliefs, our
wounds. So if you believe thensubconsciously, more than likely
that when you step out, you areno longer wanted. You're no
longer going to be loved oraccepted then that is what you
will receive from your familymembers. But if you can shift
that, reframe it, of, you knowwhat my family is doing the best
(14:37):
that they can with what theyhave, and so am I and I they're
still my family, and I still getto hold them in love. I can
still boundaries and we'll talkabout that in a minute. But I
can still hold them in love andsee them for who they're trying
to be and how they're trying todo the best with what they have.
And so when you're going in forthe hug if they're doing a half
assed hug or a or there hashesitant It's, why not be all
(15:01):
the way in with them, why not beall the way and with loving who
they are because they were thesame that they were before you
left. You can't expect them tochange because you're changing,
that's an unfair expectation.
And it's an unfair attachmentthat you're having that will
create more pain for you andyour transition, what you're
choosing to do is solely foryou, and to expect other people
(15:23):
to support you in the way thatyou think they should, is.
You're just creating more painfor yourselves, my friends. So
holding them and love in thebest way that you can, giving
what you are hoping you'llreceive without expecting them
to, to give it back. Becausethat's also the other kick
(15:44):
kicker, they have their freeagency, their choice of how
they're going to respond. Nowwhat happens when you get
triggered? What happens if theystart asking if you've newly
left, and this is like a newerfamily or a recent, you know,
family gathering pretty recentto you leaving and they bring up
religion? Maybe that's aboundary that you have of you
know what I really want to enjoythe holidays? Can we not talk
(16:05):
about this topic? Because Idon't want to get into an
argument I just want to enjoy myfamily. Or you respond with I
know this was a really difficultdecision. And as I wrestled with
it, and as I sat with it, Ican't deny the answer that I
received, just like I know, youhave your answers to stay.
(16:26):
Without getting into thedoctrine, I find that when we
start getting into dissectingdifferent things, as far as what
what about this? Or what aboutthat it doesn't go anywhere,
because you're never going toget to where you're wanting to
go. Unless you have a familymember or family members that
can really have empathy and arereally curious. That's a little
(16:47):
bit of a different circumstance.
But if they're trying to have aconversation, because they're
wanting to get you to come backto the fold, then there is no
winning in that conversation.
There's no winning, winning inthat situation. So the boundary
piece is a real thing withbefore you step through that
door before you walk into aspace having your boundaries
with Where are you going to holdthem in love or not? Maybe
(17:11):
you're choosing not to. But ifyou choose that then that you're
going to get that right back. Ifconversations around religion
come up, how are you going tochoose to engage or disengage
from it? Are you going to excuseyourself? Are you going to? Are
you going to say anything? Howdo you want to have a boundary
in that space? You know, whatare the boundaries that you want
to hold as far as what is goingto happen as you are interacting
(17:32):
with your family? And you can ifyou're creating a boundary to
avoid something that'suncomfortable that I would take
a minute to really sit in thatif you're creating a boundary
because you really want to havea healthy relationship, then
that is what boundaries are.
They're like the banks of ariver. As the river flows, if it
had no banks, the river, thewater would go everywhere. But
(17:55):
the banks hone this energy togetting to where you're wanting
to go, and what do youultimately want with your loved
ones, to still have arelationship, even though you
don't know what it's going tolook like. So creating
boundaries from that lovingplace of really wanting this end
result of still having arelationship and still, you
know, cultivating and fosteringa new type of relationship is a
(18:15):
really beautiful desire. So whenyou get triggered, which may
happen, what do you do when youget triggered and somebody says
something, somebody, whatever,take a minute, you'll notice the
emotions will pop big time. Andwhat I do in these situations is
(18:35):
I breathe. I count sometimes,especially if it's really bad,
so that I can get out of mythoughts of what the hell did
you just say to me, or whateverit was, I'll count, I usually
count a 1015 20 and allow a noand allow myself to feel the
emotions all the way know thatthe trigger is created as
bumping up on some sort of abelief that I carry or why would
(18:57):
not be triggered that deeply.
And I let the emotion pass I donot respond in that, in that in
that moment. And if you're in asituation to where it's a one on
one, maybe it is a moment whereyou say you'll have to excuse
me, and you walk away. Or youjust take a moment and you tell
them I need a I need a minute,give me a minute and you
(19:18):
breathe. But triggers are reallyreally painful and really really
beautiful indicators of what isgoing on in your internal world.
What is going on in thesubconscious the psyche of you.
If somebody says something thattriggers you, where is the
belief that you're holding onthat it's bumping up against?
Michael singer talks about thesesimilar to some scars and scars
(19:41):
that we carry on the heart. Andwhen we have these different
scars based off of differentevents that have transpired in
our lives. There are filters inwhich we see the world so if you
can imagine a window and uslooking out of the window or out
of our eyes, obviously lookinginto the world if we had these
little scars Those that arecreating little lines through
the windows and creatingfractals of how we see the world
(20:03):
and our, our vision is skewedand that perspective is, is
altered. Instead of seeingclearly out, we have a skewed
vision of how we're seeing theworld or how we're seeing a
person or how we're seeing anevent based off of whatever the
Samskaara and the wound that ishanging out there. So when these
triggers come up, Michael singertalks about it like this really
(20:25):
beautiful, amazing, this isshowing me a place of where I
have a wound or I have a scar orI have some sort of a belief,
they're all the same thing thatI can go look at, I can go
witness, I can go see and, andit gives you this beautiful
opportunity to clear so that youno longer have that, that filter
in which you see the world. Soholidays are really beautiful
(20:54):
time to gather. And they can bereally, really painful. So as a
reminder, and just to recap,hold yourself in the most
unconditional love that you can.
And then share that with yourfamily. That energy that you're
wanting to receive, do your bestto give it and know that your
best may not feel good enough.
But knowing that you're doingthe best that you have with what
(21:17):
you can today is enough, myfriends, and it is just one step
at a time. I over the years, myfamily relationships have
changed and changed and changed.
And if you reflect back, I wouldimagine that your relationships
with your family have changedmultiple times, with or without
you being in religion. It's justpart of nature. As humans, we're
(21:39):
always changing, we're alwaysevolving and things come up
things pop. So this is justanother thing. It's a pretty big
one. But breathe, use yourbreath to move energy and a move
emotions move those triggershave your boundaries, how do I
want to navigate if this isgoing to happen, because you
know your family well enough,you know that things may or may
not be sad, or how they're goingto interact with you. So have a
(22:00):
expectation for yourself ofwhat's the boundary that I want
to hold so that I can have agood holiday. And breathe
through the triggers and look atthem as this beautiful
invitation to look within ofwhat am I holding on to that's
asking to be released andhealed. I feel excited for all
(22:22):
of you that are stepping intothese places of really getting
to know yourself that muchdeeper, and that much more
intimately. Because our familyand our loved ones are really
beautiful reflections ofourselves. So I hope some of
this helped some of you, all ofyou. And I if you follow me on
social media, you will see thatI haven't really been
(22:44):
advertising this a ton. But Iwant to make sure and
communicate it clearly here Ihave a really beautiful life
elevated mastermind that I'mstarting on December 4, I
believe it's a Sunday, and itwill be a three month
mastermind. And this is a groupthat the group that's already
coming together is I juststunning and really powerful and
(23:07):
really empowered. If you'refeeling like you're in a place
in your life, where you'rewanting more tools with how to
really get to where you'rewanting to go, you're wanting to
learn how to cultivate yourgifts, your talents, your
abilities, that ability, youhave to connect with yourself
with spirit, if you're wantingto monetize some of the ways in
which you move through theworld, and you're looking for
(23:29):
support and how to get to whereyou're wanting to go. Because
oftentimes, when we set adestination of where we're
wanting to go, in order to getto where we're wanting to go,
it's going to require us to movethrough some really painful
pieces, like you're doing withleaving religion. So having that
support of Yep, this is normal,keep going, keep going, keep
going, or hey, have you thoughtabout it this way, is really,
(23:50):
really helpful. And this groupis crazy cheap, it really felt
like there's so many people thatare looking for resources, but
don't necessarily have theresources to give. So I'm doing
this group at 222 a month. Andthat like I said, it'll be three
months every Sunday, the callswill be from 10am to 12pm
Mountain Standard Time and maygo a little longer depending on
(24:13):
on the call and they will all bethrough zoom, I'll have
different guest speakers. Andthis will be a really, really
beautiful empowered mastermind.
So if you're feeling the callahead to my website, Amanda joy
loveland.com forward slashelevated mastermind, and you can
go fill out the little form andget on my registration list. If
you are feeling the call to be aguest on my podcast, please
(24:37):
reach out. You can message me onsocial media or you can also go
to my website to the podcastpage about halfway down. Or I
think if you go to my website,Amanda loveland.com forward
slash be a guest I think is theURL or go to the podcast page
and you'll see where to click onto be a guest. But as always, my
friend I'm sending you so muchlove there is resources and
(25:01):
there's so many people who haveleft religion know that you are
not alone. And that theseobstacles in these places that
you're moving through life arereally helping you to cultivate
more of who you are, andcultivating your sovereignty and
awakening into more and more ofthe wholeness of who you are. So
that, my friends is crazyexciting, and I am excited for
(25:22):
you. Happy holidays, happyThanksgiving and sending you all
so much love.
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