July 2, 2025 • 34 mins
Have you ever found yourself giving 100% to so many areas of your life that the math simply doesn't add up? That breaking point where your body and mind finally say "enough" isn't a failure—it's a desperate call to reconnect with yourself.
In this deeply resonant conversation, neuroscientist-turned-wellness coach Stephanie Pasniokas takes the mic as guest host to explore what happens when we push ourselves beyond sustainable limits. Together with Melissa, they unpack the biological reality of burnout, revealing how constant stress affects us at the cellular level, creating inflammation instead of energy.
Melissa vulnerably shares her journey of complete disconnection—physically unable to feel pain from a broken toe, emotionally unable to access her feelings, and mentally stuck in loops of anxiety and perfectionism. Her story illuminates how the very traits that help us survive challenging seasons (like compartmentalizing emotions during her husband's military deployments) can become liabilities when they prevent us from experiencing a full, connected life.
Perhaps most surprising is the revelation that many women find stillness and rest actively anxiety-producing. After living in constant motion, our nervous systems actually become comfortable with stress, making calm feel strange and threatening. This explains why you might find yourself filling every quiet moment with activity, even when you're exhausted.
Through Melissa's "Peace Restoration Method," we discover that reconnecting with ourselves doesn't happen all at once. It's a dance between mental and physical healing, between identifying harmful beliefs and creating new patterns. The key insight? We must feel to heal—and when we shut down difficult emotions, we inadvertently block joy and excitement too.
If you're feeling depleted, disconnected, or simply unable to remember who you are beneath all your responsibilities, this conversation offers both validation and hope. Healing is possible, even if your path doesn't involve moving to a tropical island. Connect with us in the Reignite your Flame Facebook group to continue this journey together.
Feeling stuck, snappy, or soul-tired?
The Flow Challenge is your 10-day nervous system reset to help you realign and rise into the life you crave.
Each day, you'll get an e-mail with educational videos, experiential exercises, and journal prompts to create real change—fast.
A VIP option with live calls, meditations, and more.
Sign up for the challenge HERE
It’s time to rediscover YOU. Join the Reignite Your Flame Facebook group—a supportive community where women like you find peace, joy, and purpose. Together, we’ll nurture your mind, body, and spirit so you can shine again. Don’t wait to start your journey back to yourself.
Join Reignite Your Flame HERE
Are you a woman over 40 who is on the verge of a mental or physical breakdown? Are you ready to invite peace, joy, and excitement into your life again? Download 5 Tips to Feel Joy Again in Under 20-Mintues AND Join the Reignite Your Flame Group on Facebook where women, just like you, come together to support, encourage, and connect.
Music by Adipsia
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hey friend, you were in for something really special
today.
I've got a guest host takingthe mic, and she's not just
brilliant, she's someone that Inow get to call a dear friend.
Let me introduce you toStephanie Pasniokas.
She's a neuroscientist turnedwellness coach and the founder
of SJP Health and Wellness.
(00:26):
We met just a few months ago ata retreat and it was instant
connection.
You know when you just clickwith someone.
Well, that was us.
Her wisdom, warmth and let'sget real attitude is something I
knew I wanted you to experiencehere on the Lemon Balm Coaching
Podcast.
So today she is leading theconversation, and it's a
(00:47):
powerful one about self-loveafter a season of giving, and
don't worry, I'm not going far.
Stephanie will be back with meas a guest in the next episode
and we'll dive even deeper intowhat she is doing.
So go ahead, press play, grabyour favorite cozy drink and let
this conversation fill you upin all the best ways.
(01:08):
I guarantee you are going tolove it.
Welcome to the Lemon BalmCoaching Podcast, your cozy
corner of the world where we'llsip on life's lessons and
squeeze the most out of everymoment.
I'm Melissa, your coach,cheerleader and maybe even a
little bit like that mom, whoalways has a warm hug and the
best advice waiting for you.
If you're a woman over 40,feeling like life's left you a
(01:31):
little lost, aimless ordownright stuck, you're in the
right place.
This is where your joy, yourfreedom and your purpose come
back into focus.
Together, we'll laugh, learnand rediscover what makes you
come alive.
Because it's not too late, thisis your time, so grab a cup of
something warm, settle in andlet's start creating the next
(01:52):
most beautiful chapter of yourlife together.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
But what we're talking about today is self-love
after a season of giving, andthis is such an important aspect
of our whole health.
In fact, the way we approachour self-love and caring for
ourselves really feeds into ourmindset in every area of our
lives.
I'm really about the health ofour entire body, and nutrition
(02:21):
and mindset are just twocomponents of a larger piece of
the pie, and I'm so glad youguys are here.
I'm so excited to introduceMelissa and Melissa, please just
tell us a little bit aboutyourself and why you're here and
what we're going to be talkingabout today.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh, my goodness, a little bit about myself.
I don't know how much time dowe have Tell us whatever you
would like.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
We have about a half an hour and we're going to just
hit whatever topics we can.
The idea is, you know, talkingabout things.
Like you know, we call todayself-love, after a season of
giving that was what just cameout of our conversation breaking
the cycle of overgiving andburnout, reconnecting with our
own voice and needs, buildingself-love without guilt, shame
or performance, and creating apeace-filled rhythm you can
(03:04):
actually maintain.
And I want to also reassureevery woman who's watching.
This doesn't mean that you'resuddenly going into a season of
selfishness, because that'sgoing to just give you a
knee-jerk reaction and say Idon't want to be that person.
Good, we're not supposed to be,but we want to give from our
overflow and not from an emptycup, and that is what we're
going to be talking about is howcan you get to that place where
(03:25):
we have so much extra to justgive and serve with?
So yeah, tell us a little bitabout who you are, what you're
doing and get us started today,and we'll just do a little back
and forth interview style, Sure.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So, since this is about loving ourselves after a
season of giving, let me talkabout the season of giving.
So I'm in my mid fifties, I'vegot four grown children, I've
got five grandchildren, and Igrew up with this idea that
everything has to be at ahundred percent.
If I'm not giving it a hundredpercent, there's something not
(04:02):
worthy about me, like I'm notworth loving, I'm not even worth
paying attention to, I'm notworthy of your connection if I'm
not giving 100%.
So here I am.
First of all, I became a mom at21.
Not a mom of a baby, but a momof a preteen.
(04:24):
So here I am, a kid myself,looking back now right, I look
back now at pictures and I'mlike, what was I thinking?
Well, I wasn't thinking, I wasjust following God's leading.
And I became a mom of twopreteens at the age of 21 and
immediately added two more kidsby the time I was 23.
So here I am, 23 years old,four kids, my husband active
(04:45):
duty military, deployed all thetime, and I had this 100% idea.
Well, if I'm going to be a mom,I'm going to be a mom at 100%.
So I gave 100% to my family,which was great because that was
my focus.
My family was my focus.
I wasn't doing things otherthan family.
So it was easy to give 100% tomy family.
(05:09):
And then my kids were growingand we decided to homeschool.
Awesome, I can give 100% tohomeschooling, right?
That's still family, right?
Kind of.
So here I am 100% wife, 100%homemaker, 100% homeschooler.
It was still manageable for me.
And then, when my youngest was asenior in high school, I went
(05:30):
back into the workforce and Iworked for my chiropractor
Wonderful job.
I have nothing but amazingthings to say about working
there.
But I gave 100 percent.
So now I'm at 400 percent, 100percent mom, 100% homemaker,
100% homeschooler, 100% worker.
(05:50):
Oh, I was also a Boy Scoutmaster 100% Boy Scout master,
100%, no matter where I was.
And I burned out.
I burned all the candles at allthe ends.
I had nothing left to give andended up having an emotional and
a physical breakdown.
I started having cripplinganxiety, depression.
(06:13):
My digestion shut down, Icouldn't process food, like
everything was giving up.
My whole being, mind, body andspirit was giving up.
That's the season of giving.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I came out of yeah, you know what my story and I,
you know, I know we're going toget to some really juicy places,
so I just want to share it,like my story is.
It's so similar, so so verysimilar, and I think that it's
so important for us to realizethat we think that that season
of giving that, that puttingourselves out there, that it's
(06:47):
all an emotional burden, evenbecause you know, like, well,
I'm eating and I'm doing thisand I'm doing that, maybe you're
even gaining weight, like I did, and you're like, well, I'm not
starving myself, but why am Iso sick?
And you know?
But the thing is, is all ofthis high achieving whether
you're high achieve or not, whenyou're just giving that much,
when you're going that hardconstantly and you're never I
(07:11):
know you're going to get to thiswhen you're never restoring
your body?
It isn't just something that'sin your head, it's not just a
tiredness, it's not just mybrain is too full, because all
the things I'm doing, every oneof those things is affecting
your body in a on a cellularlevel, inside of yourselves, in
your mitochondria, and thosemitochondria are the canary in
(07:34):
the coal mine.
They are the thing that shoutsout for help first in your body
and they either produce energyor they produce inflammation and
that is why everything shutdown for you.
It was your brain and your gutand your body and all of that is
a major gut killer.
And then we can't digest ourfood, then we can't bring in all
(07:54):
of the nutrients that keep ourbodies working appropriately,
then we have dis-ease.
So just want to point out fromthe science side of it everybody
this is all connected.
We can't have one or the other.
It isn't just you'resacrificing your own personal
comfort.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And everything Stephanie is saying is
absolutely true.
My body was completely inflamedand it's because of that whole
mind, body, spirit disconnect.
Everything was suffering,everything about me was
suffering and I had no idea whatto do.
I literally was doingeverything everybody tells you
(08:30):
to do.
I was meditating, I wasexercising, I was eating.
I was eating healthy.
Right, healthy Wasn't healthyfor me, but I was eating healthy
, trying to rest.
I mean everything, everythinggoing to the doctor, getting
tests, nothing was working.
Everything was shutting down.
(08:51):
It was pretty miserable, I'lljust say that.
But then, in 2019, somethingabsolutely magical happened.
My husband had an opportunityto work overseas and I said when
do we leave?
So, all of our kids were grown.
They didn't need us.
(09:11):
Kids always need you, but theydidn't need us.
I quit my job and we movedoverseas.
And then COVID hit and we were,you know, the whole Island was
shut down, couldn't go anywhere,couldn't do anything, and I was
like, okay, well, let's figuresome stuff out.
And that is where I started myhealing journey.
(09:33):
And I do want to mention one ofthe things that was a big clue
for me that I was completelydisconnected mind, body and
spirit was I didn't feel things.
And I'm not just talkingemotions, right, I physically
didn't feel things.
I ran into a wall and broke mytoe and said, huh, I just broke
(10:01):
my toe and it took six monthsfor my toe to heal.
Why?
Because there was no painassociated with it, so my brain
didn't know to send white bloodcells to that area for healing.
So, completely disconnectedmind, body and spirit, so much
so that there was no painsensation.
(10:22):
I definitely feel things nowbecause I'm reconnected mind,
body and spirit working together.
All three parts have to worktogether body and spirit working
together, all three parts haveto work together All three parts
.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I want to ask anybody is there any part of you?
You may not feel fullydisconnected the way you know
Melissa's describing for herself.
She was like really far, andbut if you feel it all sometimes
, you know and it's not ashameful thing to even admit it
If you sometimes feel, if youfeel like there's a part of you
(10:57):
that's just disconnected, knowthat you're not alone.
(11:17):
Let us know that that's thecase, and you know, I know that
I felt that way when in 2014 and2013 was a lot of wine and a
lot of reading and hiding awayfrom my family, I didn't have
anything left over after givingall the percents to everything
else.
Got my kids into bed and I waslike, yeah, mom is doing
whatever.
Yeah, that was mine.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah, mommy is, mom is doing whatever.
Yeah, that was mine.
I do want to acknowledge,though, that my ability to
disconnect, that disconnectserved me well for a very long
time.
I it was a real, it was astrength to be able to
compartmentalize and disconnectuntil it wasn't yeah, when my
(11:52):
husband was deployed in combatzones.
To be able to compartmentalizeand disconnect made it possible
for me to raise my kids when hewasn't To function as the
caregiver Exactly when he livedin a different state because of
his job, like he does right now.
Being able to disconnect made itpossible for me to survive
(12:16):
raising kids, caring for kids,teenagers, raising teenagers
alone, you know, until it didn't, until it didn't serve me
anymore, and then it was.
It was like a perfect storm ofsymptoms.
Just everything at one timecame down on me and left me in
(12:39):
that place of anxiety anddepression and disconnect.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
When we're in that place, where we're in survival
mode, oftentimes it's a big,huge red flag for our bodies
Like, hey, where in your lifecan you slow down?
Where in your life can you takespace?
Where are you trying to overdo?
Where might we need to ask forhelp?
And I think that's anotherthing women are so not good at,
we are so not good at asking forhelp, and it's okay to ask for
(13:05):
help, whether it's you knowanybody listening.
So so how did you what?
What was that?
So we're we know where you are.
You were at the rock bottom.
How did you break that cycle ofovergiving and burnout and
reconnect with your own voice?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Honestly, the very first thing I did I was still
working at my chiropractor and II reached out to a therapist.
I was like I don't know whatelse to do.
My medical doctor's not helpingme.
They put me on antidepressantsand I really didn't need them
because working with thetherapist, I learned something
really, really critical aboutmyself.
(13:45):
I was taking on my husband'sproblems and making them my own,
and that doesn't work.
His problems are his problems,my problems are my problems.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
No, and in fact, as I would say, anybody who's worked
with me or done some of myprograms.
What do I call that?
It's your sphere of controlthat is outside of your sphere
of control.
And the more we take on thingsthat are outside of our sphere
of control, the more anxiety.
And we can't, because our brain, we know we can't do anything
about it.
So now we're just worrying.
It's like if I decided tosuddenly like there are things
(14:18):
happening in the world that Ihave zero control over and if I
let them take over, they're sooverwhelming that my brain is
going to have a panic attack.
Yeah, and it's going to affecteverything else, right, it's
just going to compoundeverything.
So you learned that you weretaking on something outside of
your sphere of control.
It was about somebody you'veheard about, but you couldn't do
(14:40):
anything about it Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
So.
That was the first thing, right, realizing that this wasn't a
mental issue.
Right, it was me trying to takecontrol of his problems and
make them my own.
Again, I was a hundred percentwoman.
Right, it was me trying to takecontrol of his problems and
make them my own.
Again, I was 100% woman, right.
But after realizing that that'swhat was going on, I was like,
well, I don't need to be onantidepressants, this isn't
(15:02):
traditional mental depression.
I wasn't lacking serotonin oranything.
It was me trying to be 100% inmy marriage for him, like 100%
him and 100% me.
Our minds can't handle that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Just like what does that put you up to?
Like 600, 700, 800%?
Oh my gosh, yes, right, so likeso that was the first thing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But then the second thing is when we were, when we
moved overseas and COVID hit andwe're stuck at home, right, we
couldn't do anything.
I was like well, people havecalled me their life coach
pretty much my whole life.
People come to me and getadvice it's not advice that I do
(15:45):
as a life coach, but that'skind of how we labeled it and I
said well, I think I'm going tobite the bullet and I'm going to
go get my certification forlife coaching.
And one of the things aboutcoaching which I'm sure you know
, stephanie, is when you go toget your certification, you
don't just learn things, youactually have to experience them
(16:07):
.
And through the certificationprocess, I reemerged.
I reemerged, I reconnected withwho I was designed to be and
like reconnected mind, body andspirit Looking in the mirror and
(16:29):
going oh, there you are.
Oh, there you are, peter.
Yes, exactly.
If anybody knows what movie I'mquoting props, okay, but yeah,
just really just reconnectingwith who I was designed to be
from the very beginning, right?
I believe that the momentyou're conceived there's a
(16:50):
design and then life happens,right?
Life happens and we think we'rewho we're supposed to be.
I become a certain thingbecause I have to be that thing
and I leave behind who I wasdesigned to be and reconnect
with who I was designed to be,remembering I'm this fun,
exciting, kind of crazy personand enjoying it, actually
(17:13):
enjoying my life again.
What is that Like?
For the longest time it wasjust do, do, do, go, go go, b B,
b.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
How many people listening have done the do, do,
do, go, go, go, b, b, b.
Yeah, all right, how many havedone that?
And I want to just say, like,you can still serve and be a
fantastic mother, be an amazingemployee, be a wonderful friend,
(17:44):
be a part of a gorgeous,beautiful community and be whole
and healed um, healed and calmin your nervous system.
It is possible.
I know that I I didn't believeit.
At one point in time.
I thought that if I wasn'tworried, things weren't going to
get done.
I didn't trust myself to dowhat needed to be done unless I
(18:08):
was angsting and worried andtype a personality all over it,
if you want to call that, youknow whatever.
But and it got to the pointwhere, when things finally
changed in my life and thingsslow down and I couldn't think
of anything that was wrong andit almost seemed too good to be
true, I was sitting on a beachand it was still, and it was my
perfect, perfect place and, um,yeah, I was anxious, couldn't
(18:36):
think of a thing about it.
I'd always been able to pointto a reason.
I was anxious before and atthat moment I said, oh my gosh,
I'm anxious and I shouldn't beSomething's wrong with me.
I must have a disorder.
I must have generalized anxietydisorder, because I don't even
I.
But this is the thing my braindidn't know how to not be
anxious.
I had to learn that.
I had to learn it, and it'slearnable, it's a skill.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I was just working with.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I was just working with a client today on this
because her nervous systemexactly what you're talking
about Her nervous system is usedto being anxious, and now
that's the safe thing, it's theknown thing that the brain is
doing Exactly Calm feels likecalm feels weird and it's scary,
and it's scary, yeah.
(19:22):
So so if you felt that, if youhave felt that every time you
sit down to do nothing instillness, that you get anxious,
and now you have to go and dosomething, to the point where
it's way past your bedtime, andnow you're falling into bed, and
now you're not getting thesleep that your body needs,
because you had to do things,because you couldn't sit in
quiet.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yes, I was just going to say, if silence is a problem
, there's a problem because weshould be able to sit in silence
and enjoy our thoughts.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
And how do we hear that still small voice.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
If we can't sit in the silence.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yes, we've.
We've identified the problem.
There's a way out of it.
It is possible.
How do you recognize you're init?
But I never, ever, ever want toleave anybody feeling in that
space Like, okay, but this is me, and now I'm really like sad
and scared.
How do we build that self-lovewithout guilt, shame, um, or the
need to perform?
Uh, you know the place thatwe're most, that we keep falling
into a pattern on, that's theplace where we need the help,
(20:30):
and it's okay to ask for helpand, um, and the thing is, is
the thing that threatens ourbrain is when we're trying to
just change it all at once.
And you know what we can learnto have peace and stillness, and
it also can be the baby steps,just like I talk about with
getting our wellness together.
It's the same thing.
(20:52):
It's not going to be scary andyou're going to come out the
other side of it going wow.
So tell us a little bit abouthow someone does that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Sure.
So the method that I've come upwith and it's actually the one
that I've walked through myselfis it's just called the peace
restoration method, because thewomen that I work with are on
the verge of a mental orphysical breakdown, just like I
was, and they cannot keep goinglike that anymore.
I had a client who checkedherself into the hospital on her
(21:28):
birthday one year because shecouldn't keep going anymore, and
the whole time she was in thehospital.
She was in the hospital forthree days on the psych ward, on
a on a hold, and, um, she wasalready on a physical health
journey.
She had changed the way thatshe was eating.
She was eating whole foods,natural foods.
(21:48):
She had really done a lot ofwork on her physical body and,
uh, the foods that they weregiving her were full of
chemicals and just terrible.
All they wanted to do was puther on medications.
She didn't want to be on anymore medication and she left the
hospital feeling exactly likeshe did when she went in and
(22:11):
that's when she reached out tome.
So that's who I work with Peoplewho are on that.
They're on the verge.
I mean we just can't keep goinglike that anymore.
But I help them reconnect withwho they were designed to be so
that they can have that peace,that excitement about life again
, that purpose that's theirs,Not just the purpose to serve,
but their purpose, their purposein life.
(22:32):
And the way I do that is just.
There's six pillars to thepeace restoration method and
it's different for everyone.
Yes, we touch on all of thepillars, but I work one-on-one
with women because it's such apersonal experience that it's
got to be one-on-one.
So that's what I do with peopleI work one-on-one with them in
(22:57):
a very intimate setting and helpthem reconnect with who they
were designed to be so that theycan have that purpose and joy
and excitement about life again.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Absolutely.
I want to say you know, we weretalking about this before the
call, before our live tonightand before we came on with
everybody is that sometimes,sometimes it's the health that's
keeping your mind from beingable to get into a healthy place
, and sometimes it's the mindthat's keeping your health from
(23:30):
being able to get into a healthyplace, and sometimes you have
to bounce back and forth andmake some progress here and then
some progress here and progresshere and progress there.
Sometimes it's one and then theother, or or you know, you know
it's, but you know what youcan't, you can't do it wrong,
and you know.
But if you find yourself tryingto make really great changes in
(23:53):
your life and you just keephitting up against a pattern,
this is, I would you say, mostof this is sort of that signal
that, ah, I am, I am, I am, I amdoing so much I'm doing, I'm a
doer, doer, doer, doer, doer.
I'm not sure how to ditch, orto delegate, or defer, or to
balance, or to.
You know, I, I feel likeeverything has to be me.
(24:13):
You know, I feel likeeverything has to be me and I
don't feel like I know even whoI am anymore.
I don't know how to dreamanymore.
You know, and there's acontinuum.
It's not all or nothing, it's acontinuum.
(24:40):
You know, that might be thatthat may be an opportunity for
you to say you know what.
Let me, let me try to justtackle this from another
perspective for a little whileso that I can get to a place for
you when you know I know thatyou had said your gut shut down,
your health, so your physicalhealth shut down, but you had to
change something, you had towork on something before you
were able to address that.
I mean, how did that work?
That work for you?
Was it?
Was it one step forward here,one step forward there?
(25:00):
Was it one thing where you know?
How did that look like for you?
What do you invite other people, the people who are here, into?
How do they know?
You know and and and?
Can they just have aconversation with you just to
find out?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
like you know, so for me it was really working on the
mental part.
One of my clients calls itmental gymnastics.
There was a lot of mentalgymnastics going on and figuring
out where in the world did thisbelief begin?
Where did this belief beginthat I have about myself that is
(25:36):
preventing me from being me,begin that I have about myself
that is preventing me from beingme.
So for me it was working somuch on the mental part before I
could address the physical part.
And I'm still addressing thephysical part.
That's going to go on for therest of my life, and so is the
mental stuff right.
But I had to do the mental workfirst.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That was what I had to do Because that was the big
blocker, that was the log foryou.
That was oh my gosh weidentified that log jam and um,
you know, that is just.
That is so important tounderstand, because you just
said I had to know who I am.
If you don't know who you are,if you can't find you, if you
(26:19):
don't even know what you want,how can you do good things for
yourself, how can you practiceself-love if you don't know who
you?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
are, and if I don't know who I am right and I can't,
how do I even serve otherpeople?
How do I serve authentically ifI don't even know who I am
authentically?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Right?
Do you mean sort of likeserving others as a checklist
item versus servingauthentically with your heart
and your feelings and youremotions?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
right, correct, yes, cause I could.
I can, yeah, sure, I can go outand serve, but that's going to
leave me depleted, that's goingto leave me exhausted.
But if I'm serving, alignedfrom my heart, that's going to
give me energy, because it's,it's part of who I am and I have
to know that.
I have to know who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yeah, and I mean I, I would.
I hope that you know again,there's this whole continuum,
that that if you can think ofanybody listening, if you can
think of a time where, whenyou're in that place of service
and you're receiving and givingand you're and you're feeling,
you know, remembering what thatfeels like.
You know, sometimes we allowthat to happen when we're
(27:22):
completely out of context of oureveryday life.
Right, you might go to aretreat, you might go on a trip,
you might, and you might findit in those places, but when you
come back home and you'resurrounded by your context, it
all goes away and you're likewhat the heck happened?
I thought I was, I thoughtthings, you know.
But that's not a bad thing,because now you kind of have a
connection, you at least knowand have experienced the goal,
(27:44):
right, and I think you know,melissa, what I believe that you
can do through your peacerestoration method is you can
help people create the path tothat peace, that place you know,
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
And I and I know not everybody can move to a tropical
island in the middle of thePacific Ocean to find themselves
.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I almost commented that in the middle.
I was like yeah, and pleasetell me that your method doesn't
require me to go to Guam.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I really, I really do know that not everybody has
that, that opportunity and,honestly, covid was the
opportunity for me.
Opportunity for me.
Covid was not a bad thing.
That was the space that allowedme to heal.
No-transcript, we moved all thetime as kids.
(28:32):
I never missed anywhere that welived.
We moved all the time when myhusband was in the military.
I never missed anyone or anyplace.
But I miss Guam because that iswhere my healing journey began
and I reconnected with beingable to feel emotions, being
able to feel my body again, andthat's where it all started and
(28:54):
I actually miss, I long to goback and I've never had that
before.
So this is healing.
This is what healing looks like, right, that longing, that
desire, that deep soul desirefor things that we just want now
, that we never knew we evenwanted before.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Healing happens when we're not in a stressed state.
Healing doesn't happen understress.
From a physiological standpoint, in the sympathetic nervous
system, we don't heal, wesurvive, we don't heal.
We heal in the parasympathetic.
We heal when oxytocin is incharge cortisol.
(29:37):
Where does oxytocin come from?
From that connection, from thatcommunity, from a feeling of
safety.
So if you are constantly,constantly feeling stressed,
you're taking your body out ofthat healing mode.
And there's a lot of ways thatwe stress.
We don't just stressemotionally.
We don't just stressemotionally, we don't just
stress from an occupationalperspective, but we can stress
(29:58):
physically, we can overextendourselves, we can get an illness
.
There's so many things.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I can eat foods that are not good for me and that
stresses my body and that causesstress on the body that is a
physical stress.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
There are toxins in the environment that can cause
physical stress on your body andI mean we can't walk around
like the boy on the bubbleprotecting ourselves from
everything.
But there are things that wecan do that allow our bodies to
get into that healing state andthere are ways we can nourish
our body and move our body inhealing ways that foster all of
(30:33):
that healing so that we healfaster than we get harmed.
Just start seeing what ispercolating in your brain, what
is coming up for you, and don'tbe afraid to feel it Feeling's
good.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
We have to feel to be able to heal.
Going back to my broken toething six months six months
because there was no feeling.
That's a physical example of wehave to feel to heal.
But we also have to feel ouremotions.
Our emotions were designed tohelp us experience life and if
(31:12):
we shut them off, you don't justget to choose which emotions
you want to feel.
I don't get to say I don't wantanger and shame and frustration
, I only want joy and excitement.
If I shut one off, I shut themall off.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And guess what?
Our feelings are data.
I'm sorry, I'm always going tobe the scientist.
I know it's a feeling momentand I have lots and lots of
feels.
But emotions are data.
They are part of we need them.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
We need them yes, we absolutely do to experience this
life.
Thanks so much for spending alittle time with me today on the
Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast.
I hope you're walking away withsomething that sparks joy, hope
or a fresh perspective for yourjourney.
If you loved today's episode,let's keep the conversation
going.
You can find more inspiration,coaching tips and resources over
(32:03):
at my website,lemonbalmcoachingcom.
Don't forget to follow me onsocial media for encouragement
and updates, and you'll find meon Instagram and Facebook at
Lemon Balm Coaching.
And hey, if you're looking fora supportive, uplifting
community of amazing women justlike you, come join us in the
Reignite your Flame Facebookgroup.
It's a safe, welcoming spacewhere we share, grow and cheer
(32:24):
each other on, and you can findthe link on my website or just
search for Reignite your Flameon Facebook.
Remember, honey, just beyourself.
The world needs what only youhave to offer.
Take care, and I'll see you inthe next episode.
Hey friend, you were in for something really special
today.
I've got a guest host takingthe mic, and she's not just
brilliant, she's someone that Inow get to call a dear friend.
Let me introduce you toStephanie Pasniokas.
She's a neuroscientist turnedwellness coach and the founder
of SJP Health and Wellness.
(00:26):
We met just a few months ago ata retreat and it was instant
connection.
You know when you just clickwith someone.
Well, that was us.
Her wisdom, warmth and let'sget real attitude is something I
knew I wanted you to experiencehere on the Lemon Balm Coaching
Podcast.
So today she is leading theconversation, and it's a
(00:47):
powerful one about self-loveafter a season of giving, and
don't worry, I'm not going far.
Stephanie will be back with meas a guest in the next episode
and we'll dive even deeper intowhat she is doing.
So go ahead, press play, grabyour favorite cozy drink and let
this conversation fill you upin all the best ways.
(01:08):
I guarantee you are going tolove it.
Welcome to the Lemon BalmCoaching Podcast, your cozy
corner of the world where we'llsip on life's lessons and
squeeze the most out of everymoment.
I'm Melissa, your coach,cheerleader and maybe even a
little bit like that mom, whoalways has a warm hug and the
best advice waiting for you.
If you're a woman over 40,feeling like life's left you a
(01:31):
little lost, aimless ordownright stuck, you're in the
right place.
This is where your joy, yourfreedom and your purpose come
back into focus.
Together, we'll laugh, learnand rediscover what makes you
come alive.
Because it's not too late, thisis your time, so grab a cup of
something warm, settle in andlet's start creating the next
(01:52):
most beautiful chapter of yourlife together.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
But what we're talking about today is self-love
after a season of giving, andthis is such an important aspect
of our whole health.
In fact, the way we approachour self-love and caring for
ourselves really feeds into ourmindset in every area of our
lives.
I'm really about the health ofour entire body, and nutrition
(02:21):
and mindset are just twocomponents of a larger piece of
the pie, and I'm so glad youguys are here.
I'm so excited to introduceMelissa and Melissa, please just
tell us a little bit aboutyourself and why you're here and
what we're going to be talkingabout today.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh, my goodness, a little bit about myself.
I don't know how much time dowe have Tell us whatever you
would like.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
We have about a half an hour and we're going to just
hit whatever topics we can.
The idea is, you know, talkingabout things.
Like you know, we call todayself-love, after a season of
giving that was what just cameout of our conversation breaking
the cycle of overgiving andburnout, reconnecting with our
own voice and needs, buildingself-love without guilt, shame
or performance, and creating apeace-filled rhythm you can
(03:04):
actually maintain.
And I want to also reassureevery woman who's watching.
This doesn't mean that you'resuddenly going into a season of
selfishness, because that'sgoing to just give you a
knee-jerk reaction and say Idon't want to be that person.
Good, we're not supposed to be,but we want to give from our
overflow and not from an emptycup, and that is what we're
going to be talking about is howcan you get to that place where
(03:25):
we have so much extra to justgive and serve with?
So yeah, tell us a little bitabout who you are, what you're
doing and get us started today,and we'll just do a little back
and forth interview style, Sure.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
So, since this is about loving ourselves after a
season of giving, let me talkabout the season of giving.
So I'm in my mid fifties, I'vegot four grown children, I've
got five grandchildren, and Igrew up with this idea that
everything has to be at ahundred percent.
If I'm not giving it a hundredpercent, there's something not
(04:02):
worthy about me, like I'm notworth loving, I'm not even worth
paying attention to, I'm notworthy of your connection if I'm
not giving 100%.
So here I am.
First of all, I became a mom at21.
Not a mom of a baby, but a momof a preteen.
(04:24):
So here I am, a kid myself,looking back now right, I look
back now at pictures and I'mlike, what was I thinking?
Well, I wasn't thinking, I wasjust following God's leading.
And I became a mom of twopreteens at the age of 21 and
immediately added two more kidsby the time I was 23.
So here I am, 23 years old,four kids, my husband active
(04:45):
duty military, deployed all thetime, and I had this 100% idea.
Well, if I'm going to be a mom,I'm going to be a mom at 100%.
So I gave 100% to my family,which was great because that was
my focus.
My family was my focus.
I wasn't doing things otherthan family.
So it was easy to give 100% tomy family.
(05:09):
And then my kids were growingand we decided to homeschool.
Awesome, I can give 100% tohomeschooling, right?
That's still family, right?
Kind of.
So here I am 100% wife, 100%homemaker, 100% homeschooler.
It was still manageable for me.
And then, when my youngest was asenior in high school, I went
(05:30):
back into the workforce and Iworked for my chiropractor
Wonderful job.
I have nothing but amazingthings to say about working
there.
But I gave 100 percent.
So now I'm at 400 percent, 100percent mom, 100% homemaker,
100% homeschooler, 100% worker.
(05:50):
Oh, I was also a Boy Scoutmaster 100% Boy Scout master,
100%, no matter where I was.
And I burned out.
I burned all the candles at allthe ends.
I had nothing left to give andended up having an emotional and
a physical breakdown.
I started having cripplinganxiety, depression.
(06:13):
My digestion shut down, Icouldn't process food, like
everything was giving up.
My whole being, mind, body andspirit was giving up.
That's the season of giving.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
I came out of yeah, you know what my story and I,
you know, I know we're going toget to some really juicy places,
so I just want to share it,like my story is.
It's so similar, so so verysimilar, and I think that it's
so important for us to realizethat we think that that season
of giving that, that puttingourselves out there, that it's
(06:47):
all an emotional burden, evenbecause you know, like, well,
I'm eating and I'm doing thisand I'm doing that, maybe you're
even gaining weight, like I did, and you're like, well, I'm not
starving myself, but why am Iso sick?
And you know?
But the thing is, is all ofthis high achieving whether
you're high achieve or not, whenyou're just giving that much,
when you're going that hardconstantly and you're never I
(07:11):
know you're going to get to thiswhen you're never restoring
your body?
It isn't just something that'sin your head, it's not just a
tiredness, it's not just mybrain is too full, because all
the things I'm doing, every oneof those things is affecting
your body in a on a cellularlevel, inside of yourselves, in
your mitochondria, and thosemitochondria are the canary in
(07:34):
the coal mine.
They are the thing that shoutsout for help first in your body
and they either produce energyor they produce inflammation and
that is why everything shutdown for you.
It was your brain and your gutand your body and all of that is
a major gut killer.
And then we can't digest ourfood, then we can't bring in all
(07:54):
of the nutrients that keep ourbodies working appropriately,
then we have dis-ease.
So just want to point out fromthe science side of it everybody
this is all connected.
We can't have one or the other.
It isn't just you'resacrificing your own personal
comfort.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And everything Stephanie is saying is
absolutely true.
My body was completely inflamedand it's because of that whole
mind, body, spirit disconnect.
Everything was suffering,everything about me was
suffering and I had no idea whatto do.
I literally was doingeverything everybody tells you
(08:30):
to do.
I was meditating, I wasexercising, I was eating.
I was eating healthy.
Right, healthy Wasn't healthyfor me, but I was eating healthy
, trying to rest.
I mean everything, everythinggoing to the doctor, getting
tests, nothing was working.
Everything was shutting down.
(08:51):
It was pretty miserable, I'lljust say that.
But then, in 2019, somethingabsolutely magical happened.
My husband had an opportunityto work overseas and I said when
do we leave?
So, all of our kids were grown.
They didn't need us.
(09:11):
Kids always need you, but theydidn't need us.
I quit my job and we movedoverseas.
And then COVID hit and we were,you know, the whole Island was
shut down, couldn't go anywhere,couldn't do anything, and I was
like, okay, well, let's figuresome stuff out.
And that is where I started myhealing journey.
(09:33):
And I do want to mention one ofthe things that was a big clue
for me that I was completelydisconnected mind, body and
spirit was I didn't feel things.
And I'm not just talkingemotions, right, I physically
didn't feel things.
I ran into a wall and broke mytoe and said, huh, I just broke
(10:01):
my toe and it took six monthsfor my toe to heal.
Why?
Because there was no painassociated with it, so my brain
didn't know to send white bloodcells to that area for healing.
So, completely disconnectedmind, body and spirit, so much
so that there was no painsensation.
(10:22):
I definitely feel things nowbecause I'm reconnected mind,
body and spirit working together.
All three parts have to worktogether body and spirit working
together, all three parts haveto work together All three parts
.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I want to ask anybody is there any part of you?
You may not feel fullydisconnected the way you know
Melissa's describing for herself.
She was like really far, andbut if you feel it all sometimes
, you know and it's not ashameful thing to even admit it
If you sometimes feel, if youfeel like there's a part of you
(10:57):
that's just disconnected, knowthat you're not alone.
(11:17):
Let us know that that's thecase, and you know, I know that
I felt that way when in 2014 and2013 was a lot of wine and a
lot of reading and hiding awayfrom my family, I didn't have
anything left over after givingall the percents to everything
else.
Got my kids into bed and I waslike, yeah, mom is doing
whatever.
Yeah, that was mine.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah, mommy is, mom is doing whatever.
Yeah, that was mine.
I do want to acknowledge,though, that my ability to
disconnect, that disconnectserved me well for a very long
time.
I it was a real, it was astrength to be able to
compartmentalize and disconnectuntil it wasn't yeah, when my
(11:52):
husband was deployed in combatzones.
To be able to compartmentalizeand disconnect made it possible
for me to raise my kids when hewasn't To function as the
caregiver Exactly when he livedin a different state because of
his job, like he does right now.
Being able to disconnect made itpossible for me to survive
(12:16):
raising kids, caring for kids,teenagers, raising teenagers
alone, you know, until it didn't, until it didn't serve me
anymore, and then it was.
It was like a perfect storm ofsymptoms.
Just everything at one timecame down on me and left me in
(12:39):
that place of anxiety anddepression and disconnect.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
When we're in that place, where we're in survival
mode, oftentimes it's a big,huge red flag for our bodies
Like, hey, where in your lifecan you slow down?
Where in your life can you takespace?
Where are you trying to overdo?
Where might we need to ask forhelp?
And I think that's anotherthing women are so not good at,
we are so not good at asking forhelp, and it's okay to ask for
(13:05):
help, whether it's you knowanybody listening.
So so how did you what?
What was that?
So we're we know where you are.
You were at the rock bottom.
How did you break that cycle ofovergiving and burnout and
reconnect with your own voice?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Honestly, the very first thing I did I was still
working at my chiropractor and II reached out to a therapist.
I was like I don't know whatelse to do.
My medical doctor's not helpingme.
They put me on antidepressantsand I really didn't need them
because working with thetherapist, I learned something
really, really critical aboutmyself.
(13:45):
I was taking on my husband'sproblems and making them my own,
and that doesn't work.
His problems are his problems,my problems are my problems.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
No, and in fact, as I would say, anybody who's worked
with me or done some of myprograms.
What do I call that?
It's your sphere of controlthat is outside of your sphere
of control.
And the more we take on thingsthat are outside of our sphere
of control, the more anxiety.
And we can't, because our brain, we know we can't do anything
about it.
So now we're just worrying.
It's like if I decided tosuddenly like there are things
(14:18):
happening in the world that Ihave zero control over and if I
let them take over, they're sooverwhelming that my brain is
going to have a panic attack.
Yeah, and it's going to affecteverything else, right, it's
just going to compoundeverything.
So you learned that you weretaking on something outside of
your sphere of control.
It was about somebody you'veheard about, but you couldn't do
(14:40):
anything about it Exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
So.
That was the first thing, right, realizing that this wasn't a
mental issue.
Right, it was me trying to takecontrol of his problems and
make them my own.
Again, I was a hundred percentwoman.
Right, it was me trying to takecontrol of his problems and
make them my own.
Again, I was 100% woman, right.
But after realizing that that'swhat was going on, I was like,
well, I don't need to be onantidepressants, this isn't
(15:02):
traditional mental depression.
I wasn't lacking serotonin oranything.
It was me trying to be 100% inmy marriage for him, like 100%
him and 100% me.
Our minds can't handle that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Just like what does that put you up to?
Like 600, 700, 800%?
Oh my gosh, yes, right, so likeso that was the first thing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But then the second thing is when we were, when we
moved overseas and COVID hit andwe're stuck at home, right, we
couldn't do anything.
I was like well, people havecalled me their life coach
pretty much my whole life.
People come to me and getadvice it's not advice that I do
(15:45):
as a life coach, but that'skind of how we labeled it and I
said well, I think I'm going tobite the bullet and I'm going to
go get my certification forlife coaching.
And one of the things aboutcoaching which I'm sure you know
, stephanie, is when you go toget your certification, you
don't just learn things, youactually have to experience them
(16:07):
.
And through the certificationprocess, I reemerged.
I reemerged, I reconnected withwho I was designed to be and
like reconnected mind, body andspirit Looking in the mirror and
(16:29):
going oh, there you are.
Oh, there you are, peter.
Yes, exactly.
If anybody knows what movie I'mquoting props, okay, but yeah,
just really just reconnectingwith who I was designed to be
from the very beginning, right?
I believe that the momentyou're conceived there's a
(16:50):
design and then life happens,right?
Life happens and we think we'rewho we're supposed to be.
I become a certain thingbecause I have to be that thing
and I leave behind who I wasdesigned to be and reconnect
with who I was designed to be,remembering I'm this fun,
exciting, kind of crazy personand enjoying it, actually
(17:13):
enjoying my life again.
What is that Like?
For the longest time it wasjust do, do, do, go, go go, b B,
b.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
How many people listening have done the do, do,
do, go, go, go, b, b, b.
Yeah, all right, how many havedone that?
And I want to just say, like,you can still serve and be a
fantastic mother, be an amazingemployee, be a wonderful friend,
(17:44):
be a part of a gorgeous,beautiful community and be whole
and healed um, healed and calmin your nervous system.
It is possible.
I know that I I didn't believeit.
At one point in time.
I thought that if I wasn'tworried, things weren't going to
get done.
I didn't trust myself to dowhat needed to be done unless I
(18:08):
was angsting and worried andtype a personality all over it,
if you want to call that, youknow whatever.
But and it got to the pointwhere, when things finally
changed in my life and thingsslow down and I couldn't think
of anything that was wrong andit almost seemed too good to be
true, I was sitting on a beachand it was still, and it was my
perfect, perfect place and, um,yeah, I was anxious, couldn't
(18:36):
think of a thing about it.
I'd always been able to pointto a reason.
I was anxious before and atthat moment I said, oh my gosh,
I'm anxious and I shouldn't beSomething's wrong with me.
I must have a disorder.
I must have generalized anxietydisorder, because I don't even
I.
But this is the thing my braindidn't know how to not be
anxious.
I had to learn that.
I had to learn it, and it'slearnable, it's a skill.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I was just working with.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I was just working with a client today on this
because her nervous systemexactly what you're talking
about Her nervous system is usedto being anxious, and now
that's the safe thing, it's theknown thing that the brain is
doing Exactly Calm feels likecalm feels weird and it's scary,
and it's scary, yeah.
(19:22):
So so if you felt that, if youhave felt that every time you
sit down to do nothing instillness, that you get anxious,
and now you have to go and dosomething, to the point where
it's way past your bedtime, andnow you're falling into bed, and
now you're not getting thesleep that your body needs,
because you had to do things,because you couldn't sit in
quiet.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yes, I was just going to say, if silence is a problem
, there's a problem because weshould be able to sit in silence
and enjoy our thoughts.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
And how do we hear that still small voice.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
If we can't sit in the silence.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yes, we've.
We've identified the problem.
There's a way out of it.
It is possible.
How do you recognize you're init?
But I never, ever, ever want toleave anybody feeling in that
space Like, okay, but this is me, and now I'm really like sad
and scared.
How do we build that self-lovewithout guilt, shame, um, or the
need to perform?
Uh, you know the place thatwe're most, that we keep falling
into a pattern on, that's theplace where we need the help,
(20:30):
and it's okay to ask for helpand, um, and the thing is, is
the thing that threatens ourbrain is when we're trying to
just change it all at once.
And you know what we can learnto have peace and stillness, and
it also can be the baby steps,just like I talk about with
getting our wellness together.
It's the same thing.
(20:52):
It's not going to be scary andyou're going to come out the
other side of it going wow.
So tell us a little bit abouthow someone does that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Sure.
So the method that I've come upwith and it's actually the one
that I've walked through myselfis it's just called the peace
restoration method, because thewomen that I work with are on
the verge of a mental orphysical breakdown, just like I
was, and they cannot keep goinglike that anymore.
I had a client who checkedherself into the hospital on her
(21:28):
birthday one year because shecouldn't keep going anymore, and
the whole time she was in thehospital.
She was in the hospital forthree days on the psych ward, on
a on a hold, and, um, she wasalready on a physical health
journey.
She had changed the way thatshe was eating.
She was eating whole foods,natural foods.
(21:48):
She had really done a lot ofwork on her physical body and,
uh, the foods that they weregiving her were full of
chemicals and just terrible.
All they wanted to do was puther on medications.
She didn't want to be on anymore medication and she left the
hospital feeling exactly likeshe did when she went in and
(22:11):
that's when she reached out tome.
So that's who I work with Peoplewho are on that.
They're on the verge.
I mean we just can't keep goinglike that anymore.
But I help them reconnect withwho they were designed to be so
that they can have that peace,that excitement about life again
, that purpose that's theirs,Not just the purpose to serve,
but their purpose, their purposein life.
(22:32):
And the way I do that is just.
There's six pillars to thepeace restoration method and
it's different for everyone.
Yes, we touch on all of thepillars, but I work one-on-one
with women because it's such apersonal experience that it's
got to be one-on-one.
So that's what I do with peopleI work one-on-one with them in
(22:57):
a very intimate setting and helpthem reconnect with who they
were designed to be so that theycan have that purpose and joy
and excitement about life again.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Absolutely.
I want to say you know, we weretalking about this before the
call, before our live tonightand before we came on with
everybody is that sometimes,sometimes it's the health that's
keeping your mind from beingable to get into a healthy place
, and sometimes it's the mindthat's keeping your health from
(23:30):
being able to get into a healthyplace, and sometimes you have
to bounce back and forth andmake some progress here and then
some progress here and progresshere and progress there.
Sometimes it's one and then theother, or or you know, you know
it's, but you know what youcan't, you can't do it wrong,
and you know.
But if you find yourself tryingto make really great changes in
(23:53):
your life and you just keephitting up against a pattern,
this is, I would you say, mostof this is sort of that signal
that, ah, I am, I am, I am, I amdoing so much I'm doing, I'm a
doer, doer, doer, doer, doer.
I'm not sure how to ditch, orto delegate, or defer, or to
balance, or to.
You know, I, I feel likeeverything has to be me.
(24:13):
You know, I feel likeeverything has to be me and I
don't feel like I know even whoI am anymore.
I don't know how to dreamanymore.
You know, and there's acontinuum.
It's not all or nothing, it's acontinuum.
(24:40):
You know, that might be thatthat may be an opportunity for
you to say you know what.
Let me, let me try to justtackle this from another
perspective for a little whileso that I can get to a place for
you when you know I know thatyou had said your gut shut down,
your health, so your physicalhealth shut down, but you had to
change something, you had towork on something before you
were able to address that.
I mean, how did that work?
That work for you?
Was it?
Was it one step forward here,one step forward there?
(25:00):
Was it one thing where you know?
How did that look like for you?
What do you invite other people, the people who are here, into?
How do they know?
You know and and and?
Can they just have aconversation with you just to
find out?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
like you know, so for me it was really working on the
mental part.
One of my clients calls itmental gymnastics.
There was a lot of mentalgymnastics going on and figuring
out where in the world did thisbelief begin?
Where did this belief beginthat I have about myself that is
(25:36):
preventing me from being me,begin that I have about myself
that is preventing me from beingme.
So for me it was working somuch on the mental part before I
could address the physical part.
And I'm still addressing thephysical part.
That's going to go on for therest of my life, and so is the
mental stuff right.
But I had to do the mental workfirst.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That was what I had to do Because that was the big
blocker, that was the log foryou.
That was oh my gosh weidentified that log jam and um,
you know, that is just.
That is so important tounderstand, because you just
said I had to know who I am.
If you don't know who you are,if you can't find you, if you
(26:19):
don't even know what you want,how can you do good things for
yourself, how can you practiceself-love if you don't know who
you?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
are, and if I don't know who I am right and I can't,
how do I even serve otherpeople?
How do I serve authentically ifI don't even know who I am
authentically?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Right?
Do you mean sort of likeserving others as a checklist
item versus servingauthentically with your heart
and your feelings and youremotions?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
right, correct, yes, cause I could.
I can, yeah, sure, I can go outand serve, but that's going to
leave me depleted, that's goingto leave me exhausted.
But if I'm serving, alignedfrom my heart, that's going to
give me energy, because it's,it's part of who I am and I have
to know that.
I have to know who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Yeah, and I mean I, I would.
I hope that you know again,there's this whole continuum,
that that if you can think ofanybody listening, if you can
think of a time where, whenyou're in that place of service
and you're receiving and givingand you're and you're feeling,
you know, remembering what thatfeels like.
You know, sometimes we allowthat to happen when we're
(27:22):
completely out of context of oureveryday life.
Right, you might go to aretreat, you might go on a trip,
you might, and you might findit in those places, but when you
come back home and you'resurrounded by your context, it
all goes away and you're likewhat the heck happened?
I thought I was, I thoughtthings, you know.
But that's not a bad thing,because now you kind of have a
connection, you at least knowand have experienced the goal,
(27:44):
right, and I think you know,melissa, what I believe that you
can do through your peacerestoration method is you can
help people create the path tothat peace, that place you know,
and yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
And I and I know not everybody can move to a tropical
island in the middle of thePacific Ocean to find themselves
.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I almost commented that in the middle.
I was like yeah, and pleasetell me that your method doesn't
require me to go to Guam.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
I really, I really do know that not everybody has
that, that opportunity and,honestly, covid was the
opportunity for me.
Opportunity for me.
Covid was not a bad thing.
That was the space that allowedme to heal.
No-transcript, we moved all thetime as kids.
(28:32):
I never missed anywhere that welived.
We moved all the time when myhusband was in the military.
I never missed anyone or anyplace.
But I miss Guam because that iswhere my healing journey began
and I reconnected with beingable to feel emotions, being
able to feel my body again, andthat's where it all started and
(28:54):
I actually miss, I long to goback and I've never had that
before.
So this is healing.
This is what healing looks like, right, that longing, that
desire, that deep soul desirefor things that we just want now
, that we never knew we evenwanted before.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Healing happens when we're not in a stressed state.
Healing doesn't happen understress.
From a physiological standpoint, in the sympathetic nervous
system, we don't heal, wesurvive, we don't heal.
We heal in the parasympathetic.
We heal when oxytocin is incharge cortisol.
(29:37):
Where does oxytocin come from?
From that connection, from thatcommunity, from a feeling of
safety.
So if you are constantly,constantly feeling stressed,
you're taking your body out ofthat healing mode.
And there's a lot of ways thatwe stress.
We don't just stressemotionally.
We don't just stressemotionally, we don't just
stress from an occupationalperspective, but we can stress
(29:58):
physically, we can overextendourselves, we can get an illness
.
There's so many things.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I can eat foods that are not good for me and that
stresses my body and that causesstress on the body that is a
physical stress.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
There are toxins in the environment that can cause
physical stress on your body andI mean we can't walk around
like the boy on the bubbleprotecting ourselves from
everything.
But there are things that wecan do that allow our bodies to
get into that healing state andthere are ways we can nourish
our body and move our body inhealing ways that foster all of
(30:33):
that healing so that we healfaster than we get harmed.
Just start seeing what ispercolating in your brain, what
is coming up for you, and don'tbe afraid to feel it Feeling's
good.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
We have to feel to be able to heal.
Going back to my broken toething six months six months
because there was no feeling.
That's a physical example of wehave to feel to heal.
But we also have to feel ouremotions.
Our emotions were designed tohelp us experience life and if
(31:12):
we shut them off, you don't justget to choose which emotions
you want to feel.
I don't get to say I don't wantanger and shame and frustration
, I only want joy and excitement.
If I shut one off, I shut themall off.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And guess what?
Our feelings are data.
I'm sorry, I'm always going tobe the scientist.
I know it's a feeling momentand I have lots and lots of
feels.
But emotions are data.
They are part of we need them.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
We need them yes, we absolutely do to experience this
life.
Thanks so much for spending alittle time with me today on the
Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast.
I hope you're walking away withsomething that sparks joy, hope
or a fresh perspective for yourjourney.
If you loved today's episode,let's keep the conversation
going.
You can find more inspiration,coaching tips and resources over
(32:03):
at my website,lemonbalmcoachingcom.
Don't forget to follow me onsocial media for encouragement
and updates, and you'll find meon Instagram and Facebook at
Lemon Balm Coaching.
And hey, if you're looking fora supportive, uplifting
community of amazing women justlike you, come join us in the
Reignite your Flame Facebookgroup.
It's a safe, welcoming spacewhere we share, grow and cheer
(32:24):
each other on, and you can findthe link on my website or just
search for Reignite your Flameon Facebook.
Remember, honey, just beyourself.
The world needs what only youhave to offer.
Take care, and I'll see you inthe next episode.
Popular Podcasts
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.