March 26, 2025 • 21 mins
Imagine a time when life wasn't constantly interrupted by notifications, and meaningful conversations weren't overshadowed by the glow of a screen. On this episode of the Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast, I share a heartfelt story from my pre-cell phone days, a time marked by a family health scare, that served as a powerful reminder of both the necessity of phones and the beauty of their absence. This story sets the stage to consider how our modern connectivity, while useful, often pulls us away from the genuine human connections that truly matter. We'll explore how rediscovering the essentials of love, safety, and belonging can help women over 40 who may feel lost or stuck, to create deeper connections and a more fulfilling life.
Let's challenge the norm of constant connectivity and rekindle the art of being truly present. I'll express the frustration of witnessing people more engaged with their screens than with each other, especially during cherished social gatherings. Together, we'll uncover practical tips to set boundaries with technology, creating intentional phone-free moments that foster genuine relationships. By tuning into this episode, you'll learn how to reduce stress, reclaim joy, and deepen your connections with loved ones. So, grab a cozy drink, and let's embark on this journey to find more joy, freedom, and purpose by being present in every beautiful moment of our lives.
It’s time to rediscover YOU. Join the Reignite Your Flame Facebook group—a supportive community where women like you find peace, joy, and purpose. Together, we’ll nurture your mind, body, and spirit so you can shine again. Don’t wait to start your journey back to yourself.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Melissa Holman (00:06):
I don't know about you, but watching people
sitting at dinner on theirphones while ignoring the people
they're with just baffles me.
Today on the show, I'll betalking about the art of being
present, how to truly enjoyevery moment.
Welcome to the Lemon BalmCoaching Podcast, your cozy
corner of the world where we'llsip on life's lessons and
(00:28):
squeeze the most out of everymoment.
I'm Melissa, your coach,cheerleader and maybe even a
little bit like that mom whoalways has a warm hug and the
best advice waiting for you.
If you're a woman over 40,feeling like life's left you a
little lost, aimless ordownright stuck, you're in the
right place.
This is where your joy, yourfreedom and your purpose come
(00:49):
back into focus.
Together, we'll laugh, learnand rediscover what makes you
come alive, because it's not toolate.
This is your time, so grab acup of something warm, settle in
and let's start creating thenext most beautiful chapter of
your life together.
One of the things that's crazy,super important for me as a
(01:11):
coach when I'm working with aclient is presence like, being
present in the moment, holdingthat space for my clients so
that they can show up and sharethemselves fully.
But how do you practicepresence Like?
How do you do that?
This isn't something that wenaturally know how to do.
It's not something that we'regenerally taught in school.
But today I wanted to just talkabout a few things that can
(01:33):
help you practice presence inevery moment, so that you can be
with the people that you'rewith and have that true, honest
to goodness, deep, human tohuman connection that we all
crave so deeply.
Remember, we are designed forthree things.
We need three things for thislife we need love, we need
(01:55):
safety and we need belonging,and all three of those things
come down to connection andbeing present with the people
around us.
So the first thing I wanted totalk about is just like these
phones.
Oh my gosh.
So if you're a listener of thepodcast, you're probably around
the same age as I am, whichmeans we remember a time when we
(02:17):
didn't have these things in ourpockets 24, seven, like you
could leave the house and no onecould get in touch with you.
It was wonderful.
I still leave my phone homesometimes because, well, I
forget it, but also I don't needit and I don't need people to
be able to get in touch with me24-7 all the time.
(02:39):
I remember the first cell phoneI got for myself.
It was a little flip phone.
It was one of those ones,prepaid ones, that you get at
Walmart.
And the reason that I got it isbecause I had just gotten home
from a trip to Florida to visitmy parents and when I walked
into the house I didn't have acell phone.
Right, I drove the 20 hoursfrom my parents' house back to
(03:02):
Texas without a phone.
Can you imagine?
Oh my gosh.
Anyway, I walked into the houseand there was a note on the
table from my husband that saidyour dad had a heart attack.
Why didn't you stay in Florida?
And I was like what the heckjust happened?
And I tried to use the phone,but our phone was out at the
house.
We were having issues with ourphone company that's a story for
(03:24):
another day but the phone wasout at the house.
We were having issues with ourphone company that's a story for
another day but the phone wasout at the house.
So I hopped in the car and Iwent to try and find a payphone.
Now, this was right after cellphones.
Well, not right after, becauseI'm I'm late to the game all the
time.
I do not like trends.
I like to wait until things areestablished before I grab onto
them.
But I went to try and find apayphone.
(03:46):
I finally found a payphone andI called my sister, who was
living in Florida at the time,and she didn't answer.
I tried to call my mom.
She didn't answer and I'm suretheir caller ID didn't recognize
the number, so they didn'tthink to answer because my dad
had just had a heart attack andeverybody was probably paying
attention to that anyway.
(04:07):
So that didn't work and I waslike I need a phone, I've got to
be able to get in touch with myfamily.
So I went to Walmart and Ibought one of those phones, a
little flip phone, you know, 25cents a minute kind of thing,
and I, you know, was able to getin touch with my family and
find out what was going on, etcetera, et cetera.
All that washed, you know,washed over, and then it was.
(04:30):
It was several months later andI remember my, my oldest son.
He called me at the house andhe goes mom, I've been trying to
call you.
I said the phone hasn't rungonce and he's like no, I was
calling your cell phone.
I said why were you calling mycell phone?
He goes well, you have a cellphone.
I was calling your cell phone,I said but I bought that cell
(04:50):
phone for emergencies.
He's like well, what if I hadhad emergency?
I said, no, not youremergencies, my emergencies.
That's why I had a cell phone.
Anyway, I remember all of this.
I remember being tethered to thewall as a teenager.
I remember that freedom of notbeing able to be found.
Every single time I walkedaround a corner, there's the
(05:14):
phone, always available, alwayson, and this idea that people
expect an immediate response allthe time, things like that.
That's since cell phones becamethe thing that we use to
communicate.
It didn't used to be that way,right?
We used to be able to go out todinner and just be out to
(05:35):
dinner with the people that wewere with.
We used to be able to just sitdown to dinner at home and
ignore the phone if it rang onthe wall, and ignore the phone
if it rang on the wall.
(05:57):
I get so frustrated, though,when I'm out to dinner and I see
people sitting at the table ontheir phones instead of
communicating and connectingwith the people that they're
with.
I don't know about you, butthat really frustrates me.
I don't understand.
I don't want to be sodisconnected from the people
that I love that I can'tcommunicate with them.
So the first thing I want toencourage you to do is put down
(06:17):
your phone.
If you want to practice presence, if you want to be with the
people that you're with, putdown your phone, turn it off.
Maybe even set aside time everyday where the phone doesn't get
touched.
Actually turn it off.
Power it down so that no onecan get in touch with you and
(06:38):
you can just have time.
I feel like having 24-7 accessto us all the time is really
creating so much stress mentalstress, emotional stress and,
ultimately, physical stress.
So if you really want topractice presence, then you've
(06:58):
got to stop having this with youall the time.
We've got to be able to havetime where we can just be with
the people that we want to bewith.
So decide, make a decisionbetween this hour and this hour.
Nobody gets in touch with me,and you know what.
(07:18):
Let your family know, let yourfriends know.
This is going to be my time.
I'm not going to have my phoneon.
Don't call me.
It's important.
It's important to have thatdowntime and not being behind
your phone all the time willallow you to be present where
you are.
My oldest son was a weddingphotographer and he said
(07:41):
probably the thing thatfrustrated him the most as a
wedding photographer was beingthere taking all these beautiful
pictures.
And he would turn around and hewould see people in the
audience with their phones uptaking pictures instead of
actually being present in themoment.
(08:02):
And when he told me that, I waslike, oh, wow, wow, you know
what I'm guilty of?
That I'm guilty of takingpictures instead of being
present, and it was then that Istopped doing that and I
actually miss out on a lot ofphoto opportunities because I
want to be present with thepeople that I'm with.
(08:23):
So put down your phone, pick atime each day where you're just
gonna say that's it, nobodycalls me, I don't call anyone,
this is my time.
The next thing that's super,super important for practicing
presence is attunement, and thismight be a new word for you.
Attunement.
You might have heard it before.
(08:44):
You might have heard me say it.
If you have never heard itbefore.
Attunement is just.
It can be simply defined as thefocus of attention on the inner
world.
That's Dr Dan Siegel, and healso said interpersonal
(09:04):
attunement, attunement betweenpeople, is the focusing of kind
attention on the internalexperience of another.
Attunement is one of the thingsthat is critical for survival
in this life.
We have to have attunement withothers.
(09:26):
That's that connection, that'sthat community, that's that
belonging that our survivalbrain desperately needs for us
to be able to be okay in thislife.
Infants must have attunement tosurvive.
I remember the movie by M NightShyamalan called Old, where one
(09:47):
of the girls has a baby and ifyou've never seen the movie I
don't want to give too much away.
But they're on this beach wheretime passes very quickly, and
she put the baby down to I don'tremember stand up or something,
and by the time she turnedaround the baby had died.
Because there was a lack ofattunement, there was no
(10:09):
connection.
We have to have connection inthis life to survive.
We have to be connected toother people to be okay.
Think about tribal living, clanlife.
Any type of primitive peoplegroup understood this.
(10:30):
They understood they had tohave a group of people that were
like them to be able to survivein this life.
And that's attunement.
It's taking that connection tothe next level, being able to
look at someone and havecompassion and kindness toward
their internal experience, nottheir external, but what's going
(10:52):
on inside them andunderstanding and being able to
set aside our own experience oflife to be compassionate and
empathetic toward another.
So practicing attunement willhelp you be present and it is
(11:14):
something that needs to bepracticed.
Again, it's not something thatjust comes natural, except for
that mother-baby relationship,because of the dopamine and the
other happy hormones that arereleased between mother and baby
.
God did that.
He made that on purpose, sothat we would want to care for
(11:36):
our children.
But attunement is so important.
I remember I visited I cameback from overseas to visit my
family and I stopped in to seemy oldest son and his family and
I told everyone that I would behugging them.
If they started hugging me, Iwould hug them until they
(11:57):
stopped no-transcript, and I didit with all of them.
(12:27):
I even did it with my son andmy daughter-in-law because I was
like I'm doing it, I'm justdoing it, and there would be
times where they would be like Ithink we're done now and I'd be
like, okay, that's fine andstop hugging, but practice
attunement, practice settingaside your own self and looking
with kindness on the internalexperience of another and have
(12:50):
that compassion and empathytoward others.
Another really great thing thathelps you practice presence is
eye contact.
Making eye contact with someoneand this can be really
uncomfortable, especially now,because we're not used to it.
We're used to looking at ourphones, we're used to looking
down, we're used to not reallycommunicating with eye contact
(13:12):
anymore.
So make eye contact with thepeople that you are talking with
.
So make eye contact with thepeople that you are talking with
.
It's huge.
People don't do it anymore.
So when it happens, there'ssomething magical that happens
inside of the people that aremaking eye contact, because that
(13:34):
eye contact helps to speak tothe survival brain, helps to
speak to the survival brain.
It helps to help that survivalbrain realize and know that, oh,
everything's okay, I'm withsomebody who's like me, it's
okay.
So make eye contact.
Practice presence by making eyecontact when you're out to
dinner.
Oh my gosh, you can use this asyour time when you turn off
(13:56):
your phone.
Turn off your phone, leave itin your pocket, leave it in the
car and just practice presence.
Make eye contact with thepeople that you're with and
it'll be kind of funny at firstbecause it's awkward, we're not
used to it anymore.
So if you start making eyecontact with people.
They might squirm a little bit,but just be patient, continue
(14:19):
to make eye contact and justenjoy being present.
And while you're making eyecontact, I just want to
encourage you.
There is nothing wrong withsilence.
I actually enjoy the silence.
There's a lot of power insilence.
Sometimes you can just make eyecontact and not say anything
and it just speaks to the otherperson soul to soul.
(14:41):
So make that eye contact.
The other thing that I wantedto tell you about, the final
thing today, is just activelistening.
This is not something that wedo naturally.
This is not something that istaught.
Most of us want to talk aboutourselves all the time.
That's just natural.
We know ourselves, we know ourstory.
(15:03):
It's easy to talk about ourstory, but to actively listen to
another person lets them knowthat you care, lets them know
that you hear them, it speaks totheir survival brain and lets
them know that they are okay.
And active listening is thingslike repeating back phrases that
(15:26):
they're saying to you.
Like if I were to come and say,hey, I had a really rough day
today and I'm not feeling thatgreat, could you sit with me for
a while?
You could say, oh, wow, you hada rough day today and you're
not feeling great.
Yeah, I'll sit with you.
It's a small thing but it's ahuge thing because it speaks to
(15:48):
the brain.
It speaks directly to the brain.
It bypasses the verbal.
It really does and speaks tothe brain and lets the other
person know that they are okay,that they are with someone who
understands them and loves themand values them.
And active listening is one ofthe best ways to practice
(16:10):
presence and it does takepractice.
It's not something that happensovernight.
I remember back when I wasgoing through wood badge
training and my friend, uh,david I just met that day.
We were not friends at the time.
We're good friends now.
We were doing an activelistening exercise and we were
(16:30):
given slips of paper and, uh,one side of the table was told
how to listen and then the otherside of the table was told to
just share a story about afamily vacation.
On my piece of paper it saidoffer advice before they ask for
it.
So I grew up in the theater, soI was totally all over that and
(16:54):
he started talking about familyvacations and I started making
suggestions and offering adviceand cutting him off and telling
him all these wonderful thingsthat he could try with his
family.
And it was absolutelyhysterical because his face just
kept getting redder and redderand he kept getting more and
more frustrated because I wasn'tlistening.
I was not listening.
(17:15):
I was listening to respond, notlistening to understand.
And active listening islistening to understand.
And it was actually super funnybecause by the time that we
were told to stop the exercise,he slammed his hands on the
table and stood up and told methat I was a very annoying
(17:39):
person and I busted out laughing.
I thought that was hystericalbecause I was just doing what I
was told.
I was not offended by hisoutburst.
I thought it was very funny,but it was because I was not
listening.
I was not listening at all toanything he was saying.
So active listening reallylisten to understand, do not
(18:05):
listen to respond.
It's a totally different way ofparticipating in a conversation
.
So those are four things thatyou can start doing today to
begin practicing presence,active listening, eye contact,
attunement and put your phonedown.
Set aside time where that phoneis not your priority.
(18:26):
Just stop.
We know what it was like to bewithout that phone.
Let's go back to it, okay.
Let's go back to a time wherewe could just be with the people
that we were with love, thepeople that we were with, attune
with the people that we werewith, and listen to them.
Listen to understand, not torespond.
(18:49):
So that's some ways that youcan start practicing presence
today, and I you know, and Iwould love to hear your thoughts
on it.
You can respond directly withinthe app.
Let me know what your thoughtsare about this episode, let me
know what topics you would likeme to cover and let me know if
you'd like me to get salty againand get up on my soapbox.
(19:12):
All right guys, see you nexttime.
Thanks so much for spending alittle time with me today on the
Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast.
I hope you're walking away withsomething that sparks joy, hope
or a fresh perspective for yourjourney.
If you loved today's episode,let's keep the conversation
going.
You can find more inspiration,coaching tips and resources over
at my website,lemonbalmcoachingcom.
(19:33):
Don't forget to follow me onsocial media for encouragement
and updates, and you'll find meon Instagram and Facebook at
Lemon Balm Coaching and hey, ifyou're looking for a supportive,
uplifting community of amazingwomen just like you, come join
us in the reignite your flameFacebook group.
It's a safe, welcoming spacewhere we share, grow and cheer
each other on, and you can findthe link on my website or just
(19:56):
search for Reignite your Flameon Facebook.
Remember, honey, just beyourself.
The world needs what only youhave to offer.
Take care and I'll see you inthe next episode.
I don't know about you, but watching people
sitting at dinner on theirphones while ignoring the people
they're with just baffles me.
Today on the show, I'll betalking about the art of being
present, how to truly enjoyevery moment.
Welcome to the Lemon BalmCoaching Podcast, your cozy
corner of the world where we'llsip on life's lessons and
(00:28):
squeeze the most out of everymoment.
I'm Melissa, your coach,cheerleader and maybe even a
little bit like that mom whoalways has a warm hug and the
best advice waiting for you.
If you're a woman over 40,feeling like life's left you a
little lost, aimless ordownright stuck, you're in the
right place.
This is where your joy, yourfreedom and your purpose come
(00:49):
back into focus.
Together, we'll laugh, learnand rediscover what makes you
come alive, because it's not toolate.
This is your time, so grab acup of something warm, settle in
and let's start creating thenext most beautiful chapter of
your life together.
One of the things that's crazy,super important for me as a
(01:11):
coach when I'm working with aclient is presence like, being
present in the moment, holdingthat space for my clients so
that they can show up and sharethemselves fully.
But how do you practicepresence Like?
How do you do that?
This isn't something that wenaturally know how to do.
It's not something that we'regenerally taught in school.
But today I wanted to just talkabout a few things that can
(01:33):
help you practice presence inevery moment, so that you can be
with the people that you'rewith and have that true, honest
to goodness, deep, human tohuman connection that we all
crave so deeply.
Remember, we are designed forthree things.
We need three things for thislife we need love, we need
(01:55):
safety and we need belonging,and all three of those things
come down to connection andbeing present with the people
around us.
So the first thing I wanted totalk about is just like these
phones.
Oh my gosh.
So if you're a listener of thepodcast, you're probably around
the same age as I am, whichmeans we remember a time when we
(02:17):
didn't have these things in ourpockets 24, seven, like you
could leave the house and no onecould get in touch with you.
It was wonderful.
I still leave my phone homesometimes because, well, I
forget it, but also I don't needit and I don't need people to
be able to get in touch with me24-7 all the time.
(02:39):
I remember the first cell phoneI got for myself.
It was a little flip phone.
It was one of those ones,prepaid ones, that you get at
Walmart.
And the reason that I got it isbecause I had just gotten home
from a trip to Florida to visitmy parents and when I walked
into the house I didn't have acell phone.
Right, I drove the 20 hoursfrom my parents' house back to
(03:02):
Texas without a phone.
Can you imagine?
Oh my gosh.
Anyway, I walked into the houseand there was a note on the
table from my husband that saidyour dad had a heart attack.
Why didn't you stay in Florida?
And I was like what the heckjust happened?
And I tried to use the phone,but our phone was out at the
house.
We were having issues with ourphone company that's a story for
(03:24):
another day but the phone wasout at the house.
We were having issues with ourphone company that's a story for
another day but the phone wasout at the house.
So I hopped in the car and Iwent to try and find a payphone.
Now, this was right after cellphones.
Well, not right after, becauseI'm I'm late to the game all the
time.
I do not like trends.
I like to wait until things areestablished before I grab onto
them.
But I went to try and find apayphone.
(03:46):
I finally found a payphone andI called my sister, who was
living in Florida at the time,and she didn't answer.
I tried to call my mom.
She didn't answer and I'm suretheir caller ID didn't recognize
the number, so they didn'tthink to answer because my dad
had just had a heart attack andeverybody was probably paying
attention to that anyway.
(04:07):
So that didn't work and I waslike I need a phone, I've got to
be able to get in touch with myfamily.
So I went to Walmart and Ibought one of those phones, a
little flip phone, you know, 25cents a minute kind of thing,
and I, you know, was able to getin touch with my family and
find out what was going on, etcetera, et cetera.
All that washed, you know,washed over, and then it was.
(04:30):
It was several months later andI remember my, my oldest son.
He called me at the house andhe goes mom, I've been trying to
call you.
I said the phone hasn't rungonce and he's like no, I was
calling your cell phone.
I said why were you calling mycell phone?
He goes well, you have a cellphone.
I was calling your cell phone,I said but I bought that cell
(04:50):
phone for emergencies.
He's like well, what if I hadhad emergency?
I said, no, not youremergencies, my emergencies.
That's why I had a cell phone.
Anyway, I remember all of this.
I remember being tethered to thewall as a teenager.
I remember that freedom of notbeing able to be found.
Every single time I walkedaround a corner, there's the
(05:14):
phone, always available, alwayson, and this idea that people
expect an immediate response allthe time, things like that.
That's since cell phones becamethe thing that we use to
communicate.
It didn't used to be that way,right?
We used to be able to go out todinner and just be out to
(05:35):
dinner with the people that wewere with.
We used to be able to just sitdown to dinner at home and
ignore the phone if it rang onthe wall, and ignore the phone
if it rang on the wall.
(05:57):
I get so frustrated, though,when I'm out to dinner and I see
people sitting at the table ontheir phones instead of
communicating and connectingwith the people that they're
with.
I don't know about you, butthat really frustrates me.
I don't understand.
I don't want to be sodisconnected from the people
that I love that I can'tcommunicate with them.
So the first thing I want toencourage you to do is put down
(06:17):
your phone.
If you want to practice presence, if you want to be with the
people that you're with, putdown your phone, turn it off.
Maybe even set aside time everyday where the phone doesn't get
touched.
Actually turn it off.
Power it down so that no onecan get in touch with you and
(06:38):
you can just have time.
I feel like having 24-7 accessto us all the time is really
creating so much stress mentalstress, emotional stress and,
ultimately, physical stress.
So if you really want topractice presence, then you've
(06:58):
got to stop having this with youall the time.
We've got to be able to havetime where we can just be with
the people that we want to bewith.
So decide, make a decisionbetween this hour and this hour.
Nobody gets in touch with me,and you know what.
(07:18):
Let your family know, let yourfriends know.
This is going to be my time.
I'm not going to have my phoneon.
Don't call me.
It's important.
It's important to have thatdowntime and not being behind
your phone all the time willallow you to be present where
you are.
My oldest son was a weddingphotographer and he said
(07:41):
probably the thing thatfrustrated him the most as a
wedding photographer was beingthere taking all these beautiful
pictures.
And he would turn around and hewould see people in the
audience with their phones uptaking pictures instead of
actually being present in themoment.
(08:02):
And when he told me that, I waslike, oh, wow, wow, you know
what I'm guilty of?
That I'm guilty of takingpictures instead of being
present, and it was then that Istopped doing that and I
actually miss out on a lot ofphoto opportunities because I
want to be present with thepeople that I'm with.
(08:23):
So put down your phone, pick atime each day where you're just
gonna say that's it, nobodycalls me, I don't call anyone,
this is my time.
The next thing that's super,super important for practicing
presence is attunement, and thismight be a new word for you.
Attunement.
You might have heard it before.
(08:44):
You might have heard me say it.
If you have never heard itbefore.
Attunement is just.
It can be simply defined as thefocus of attention on the inner
world.
That's Dr Dan Siegel, and healso said interpersonal
(09:04):
attunement, attunement betweenpeople, is the focusing of kind
attention on the internalexperience of another.
Attunement is one of the thingsthat is critical for survival
in this life.
We have to have attunement withothers.
(09:26):
That's that connection, that'sthat community, that's that
belonging that our survivalbrain desperately needs for us
to be able to be okay in thislife.
Infants must have attunement tosurvive.
I remember the movie by M NightShyamalan called Old, where one
(09:47):
of the girls has a baby and ifyou've never seen the movie I
don't want to give too much away.
But they're on this beach wheretime passes very quickly, and
she put the baby down to I don'tremember stand up or something,
and by the time she turnedaround the baby had died.
Because there was a lack ofattunement, there was no
(10:09):
connection.
We have to have connection inthis life to survive.
We have to be connected toother people to be okay.
Think about tribal living, clanlife.
Any type of primitive peoplegroup understood this.
(10:30):
They understood they had tohave a group of people that were
like them to be able to survivein this life.
And that's attunement.
It's taking that connection tothe next level, being able to
look at someone and havecompassion and kindness toward
their internal experience, nottheir external, but what's going
(10:52):
on inside them andunderstanding and being able to
set aside our own experience oflife to be compassionate and
empathetic toward another.
So practicing attunement willhelp you be present and it is
(11:14):
something that needs to bepracticed.
Again, it's not something thatjust comes natural, except for
that mother-baby relationship,because of the dopamine and the
other happy hormones that arereleased between mother and baby
.
God did that.
He made that on purpose, sothat we would want to care for
(11:36):
our children.
But attunement is so important.
I remember I visited I cameback from overseas to visit my
family and I stopped in to seemy oldest son and his family and
I told everyone that I would behugging them.
If they started hugging me, Iwould hug them until they
(11:57):
stopped no-transcript, and I didit with all of them.
(12:27):
I even did it with my son andmy daughter-in-law because I was
like I'm doing it, I'm justdoing it, and there would be
times where they would be like Ithink we're done now and I'd be
like, okay, that's fine andstop hugging, but practice
attunement, practice settingaside your own self and looking
with kindness on the internalexperience of another and have
(12:50):
that compassion and empathytoward others.
Another really great thing thathelps you practice presence is
eye contact.
Making eye contact with someoneand this can be really
uncomfortable, especially now,because we're not used to it.
We're used to looking at ourphones, we're used to looking
down, we're used to not reallycommunicating with eye contact
(13:12):
anymore.
So make eye contact with thepeople that you are talking with
.
So make eye contact with thepeople that you are talking with
.
It's huge.
People don't do it anymore.
So when it happens, there'ssomething magical that happens
inside of the people that aremaking eye contact, because that
(13:34):
eye contact helps to speak tothe survival brain, helps to
speak to the survival brain.
It helps to help that survivalbrain realize and know that, oh,
everything's okay, I'm withsomebody who's like me, it's
okay.
So make eye contact.
Practice presence by making eyecontact when you're out to
dinner.
Oh my gosh, you can use this asyour time when you turn off
(13:56):
your phone.
Turn off your phone, leave itin your pocket, leave it in the
car and just practice presence.
Make eye contact with thepeople that you're with and
it'll be kind of funny at firstbecause it's awkward, we're not
used to it anymore.
So if you start making eyecontact with people.
They might squirm a little bit,but just be patient, continue
(14:19):
to make eye contact and justenjoy being present.
And while you're making eyecontact, I just want to
encourage you.
There is nothing wrong withsilence.
I actually enjoy the silence.
There's a lot of power insilence.
Sometimes you can just make eyecontact and not say anything
and it just speaks to the otherperson soul to soul.
(14:41):
So make that eye contact.
The other thing that I wantedto tell you about, the final
thing today, is just activelistening.
This is not something that wedo naturally.
This is not something that istaught.
Most of us want to talk aboutourselves all the time.
That's just natural.
We know ourselves, we know ourstory.
(15:03):
It's easy to talk about ourstory, but to actively listen to
another person lets them knowthat you care, lets them know
that you hear them, it speaks totheir survival brain and lets
them know that they are okay.
And active listening is thingslike repeating back phrases that
(15:26):
they're saying to you.
Like if I were to come and say,hey, I had a really rough day
today and I'm not feeling thatgreat, could you sit with me for
a while?
You could say, oh, wow, you hada rough day today and you're
not feeling great.
Yeah, I'll sit with you.
It's a small thing but it's ahuge thing because it speaks to
(15:48):
the brain.
It speaks directly to the brain.
It bypasses the verbal.
It really does and speaks tothe brain and lets the other
person know that they are okay,that they are with someone who
understands them and loves themand values them.
And active listening is one ofthe best ways to practice
(16:10):
presence and it does takepractice.
It's not something that happensovernight.
I remember back when I wasgoing through wood badge
training and my friend, uh,david I just met that day.
We were not friends at the time.
We're good friends now.
We were doing an activelistening exercise and we were
(16:30):
given slips of paper and, uh,one side of the table was told
how to listen and then the otherside of the table was told to
just share a story about afamily vacation.
On my piece of paper it saidoffer advice before they ask for
it.
So I grew up in the theater, soI was totally all over that and
(16:54):
he started talking about familyvacations and I started making
suggestions and offering adviceand cutting him off and telling
him all these wonderful thingsthat he could try with his
family.
And it was absolutelyhysterical because his face just
kept getting redder and redderand he kept getting more and
more frustrated because I wasn'tlistening.
I was not listening.
(17:15):
I was listening to respond, notlistening to understand.
And active listening islistening to understand.
And it was actually super funnybecause by the time that we
were told to stop the exercise,he slammed his hands on the
table and stood up and told methat I was a very annoying
(17:39):
person and I busted out laughing.
I thought that was hystericalbecause I was just doing what I
was told.
I was not offended by hisoutburst.
I thought it was very funny,but it was because I was not
listening.
I was not listening at all toanything he was saying.
So active listening reallylisten to understand, do not
(18:05):
listen to respond.
It's a totally different way ofparticipating in a conversation
.
So those are four things thatyou can start doing today to
begin practicing presence,active listening, eye contact,
attunement and put your phonedown.
Set aside time where that phoneis not your priority.
(18:26):
Just stop.
We know what it was like to bewithout that phone.
Let's go back to it, okay.
Let's go back to a time wherewe could just be with the people
that we were with love, thepeople that we were with, attune
with the people that we werewith, and listen to them.
Listen to understand, not torespond.
(18:49):
So that's some ways that youcan start practicing presence
today, and I you know, and Iwould love to hear your thoughts
on it.
You can respond directly withinthe app.
Let me know what your thoughtsare about this episode, let me
know what topics you would likeme to cover and let me know if
you'd like me to get salty againand get up on my soapbox.
(19:12):
All right guys, see you nexttime.
Thanks so much for spending alittle time with me today on the
Lemon Balm Coaching Podcast.
I hope you're walking away withsomething that sparks joy, hope
or a fresh perspective for yourjourney.
If you loved today's episode,let's keep the conversation
going.
You can find more inspiration,coaching tips and resources over
at my website,lemonbalmcoachingcom.
(19:33):
Don't forget to follow me onsocial media for encouragement
and updates, and you'll find meon Instagram and Facebook at
Lemon Balm Coaching and hey, ifyou're looking for a supportive,
uplifting community of amazingwomen just like you, come join
us in the reignite your flameFacebook group.
It's a safe, welcoming spacewhere we share, grow and cheer
each other on, and you can findthe link on my website or just
(19:56):
search for Reignite your Flameon Facebook.
Remember, honey, just beyourself.
The world needs what only youhave to offer.
Take care and I'll see you inthe next episode.
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