October 29, 2024 • 38 mins
What truly distinguishes godly anger from its ungodly counterpart? Unlock the biblical insights you need to transform your response to anger, inspired by Robert Jones’s compelling book, "Uprooting Anger: A Biblical Help for Common Problems." In our latest episode, we journey through the heart's terrain, exploring the roots of anger and the pivotal role of repentance in achieving true transformation. Align your perceptions with biblical truths and discover how prayer and reflection can mend relationships and foster inner peace.
Embrace the transformative power of humility and grace as we reflect on the teachings of James 4:6 and Hebrews 4:16. Understand how humbling yourself before God invites His unmerited grace, empowering you to manage anger with a heart aligned to His will. We delve into the difference between forgiving grace, which inspires us to forgive others, and enabling grace, which strengthens us to overcome sin, drawing us closer to God’s loving embrace.
Explore the path to genuine repentance and spiritual restoration through a Christian lens. Our discussion takes you through the essential steps, including rejecting worldly desires and resisting the devil’s lies, to foster a deeper relationship with God. With insights from Romans 12, learn how to bless those who persecute you and embody a Christ-like attitude. Conclude with us in a prayer of gratitude, preparing your heart for further exploration of these spiritual truths in our next session. Don’t miss this opportunity to embrace the Savior and illuminate your life with God’s glory.
Embrace the transformative power of humility and grace as we reflect on the teachings of James 4:6 and Hebrews 4:16. Understand how humbling yourself before God invites His unmerited grace, empowering you to manage anger with a heart aligned to His will. We delve into the difference between forgiving grace, which inspires us to forgive others, and enabling grace, which strengthens us to overcome sin, drawing us closer to God’s loving embrace.
Explore the path to genuine repentance and spiritual restoration through a Christian lens. Our discussion takes you through the essential steps, including rejecting worldly desires and resisting the devil’s lies, to foster a deeper relationship with God. With insights from Romans 12, learn how to bless those who persecute you and embody a Christ-like attitude. Conclude with us in a prayer of gratitude, preparing your heart for further exploration of these spiritual truths in our next session. Don’t miss this opportunity to embrace the Savior and illuminate your life with God’s glory.
ABOUT JAMES AND LESSONS FOR LIFE
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join Dr. James Long, Jr., a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life’s biggest questions and helps us find God’s solutions to life’s struggles. Learn the power of living by God’s grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are in search of freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, it's James Long and welcome back to
our Lunch and Learn.
We are in our fourth weekdealing with uprooting anger.
Hopefully you've been learninga lot through this series and
hopefully you've been able tofly the things that we've been
talking about during this time.
We are now in our fourth lesson.
(00:20):
If you remember, this series isconnecting back to this book by
Robert Jones.
It's called Uprooting Anger aBiblical Help for Common
Problems.
I've encouraged you to pick upthe book and to be reading it
throughout the week.
We're taking it a chapter at atime.
I'm just giving you an overviewof the chapter, giving you some
insights of how I apply theprinciples in this chapter.
(00:43):
Over the last several weeks,we've been talking about what
anger is and what makes angerbiblical versus unbiblical,
godly versus ungodly, and nowtoday, what we're going to do is
we're going to look at the factthat anger is not just external
.
We've been talking about thatover the last several weeks that
anger is an issue that isrooted deeply in our hearts,
(01:04):
that is so important and so like.
In this meeting we're going totalk about the topic of
repentance.
So, once we've identified thatwe have issues with ungodly
anger, which a lot of usstruggle with.
If you remember, there werethree criteria.
The first criteria is that youneed a biblical standard.
There has to be a godlystandard for why we're getting
(01:24):
angry.
It can't just be some rule thatwe make up on our own.
It's got to be something that'sdriven out of God's word.
So the standard is the firstone that makes it godly.
The second thing that we saidis that not only does it have to
be a standard, but there has tobe a proper motive, a godly
motive, a motive for the gloryof God or the good of others.
And you'll be honest, we'll behonest, very honestly.
(01:46):
As we look, how many times is itthat we find ourselves getting
so angry, so disappointed withother people, so frustrated that
maybe they actually did dosomething wrong, and we say that
there is a standard that hasbeen broken, but the motive is
not really for the glory of Godor the good of others.
It's primarily about us, and assoon as we have a selfish
(02:08):
motive, our godly anger has nowbecome ungodly.
And so now that moves us to thethird thing.
You need to also now display itin a godly way.
You need to show that anger outin a godly way that represents
God Love, joy, peace, patience,kindness, goodness, faithfulness
, gentleness, self-control.
(02:28):
You must display that anger ina way that still reflects God.
So I couldn't have godly angerwhen I have a standard that has
been broken against me and thatI have a motive for the glory of
God and the good of others, butnow I yell and scream and I
curse out that person.
I have automatically takengodly anger and now made it
(02:48):
ungodly anger in my heart andlife.
And as you go through thosethree criteria, very honestly,
most of us struggle with ungodlyanger.
So what we now need to do is tomove to this next step of
repentance.
Repentance is the key toaddressing anger in our hearts
and anger at the core, becauseanger is not external, anger is
(03:10):
something that's internal.
Now you remember we had givenyou this definition of anger and
I'll go back to it because Ithink it's really important that
our anger is a whole person,active response of a negative
moral judgment against perceivedevil, and you remember that we
talked about the fact that,because it's your whole person,
(03:31):
it's not just emotion, it's allof who you are, and then it's a
negative response that we'rehaving, it's active, it's not
something passive that's comingupon us, and then it is against
a perceived evil, and we talkedabout the fact that our
perception may be right.
Our perception may be wrong anda lot of times our perception
is wrong.
So that is why it is so vitalthat when we see that we have
(03:56):
failed, we need to see thatrepentance is a major piece of
the puzzle.
Now Robert Jones, in his book,provides us biblical insights
into how we deal with this.
It's a practical tool, it's awonderful testimony, and I hope
that it will help us, at the endof the session, turn away from
those sinful responses and towalk in the righteousness and
(04:16):
the genuine repentance that Godwants for us and the
transformation that can happenwithin us, but also externally,
with others as well.
Let me open in prayer and thenwe'll kind of walk through the
slides today.
So, father, I want to thank youand I want to praise you for
your kind grace and your mercy.
Thank you for your love for us.
(04:36):
Thank you for your time thatyou have given us.
I thank you for the fact thatyou are so patient with us.
You're so kind to us, us.
I thank you for the fact thatyou are so patient with us.
You're so kind to us.
Thank you for the fact that yougrant us grace.
You said where our sinincreases, your grace increases
all the more.
So, lord, I pray today that youwould help us to see our sin,
(04:57):
but more than that, help us tosee your Savior, our Savior.
Father, help us to understandguilt, but more than that, help
us to understand grace.
And, father, help us to befilled with gratitude in our
hearts and our lives, and helpus to know that we can have
victory over this desperateissue that we struggle with at
times anger and frustration andbitterness, and hurt and
(05:19):
unforgiveness.
Help us to know that in you, wecould change.
In Jesus' name, we pray, amen.
Okay, so let's get started herewith our first slide, and I
want you to think about this Now.
There are typical ways thatpeople handle anger, and maybe
you look at this list and maybeyou do some of these things.
(05:40):
Now I want you to acknowledgethat some of these things on
here are common, but they'reunhelpful, and they tend to
respond this way when we feelmistreated by others.
Now, these responses may feellike we're justified in them,
but often what they do is theyexacerbate the problem rather
than bringing about solutions orhealing.
(06:01):
So look at the first oneyelling.
See, when we feel hurt ordisrespected, our immediate
reaction might be to raise ourvoice, and yelling is often a
way to express frustration ormaybe even to exert control.
But it usually escalates theproblem, it escalates the
conflict and it deepens thedivisions that we have and
(06:23):
retreat or tip out.
Now that's actually going tothe other extreme.
I think I had said one of myweeks that one author said that
we can either stuff our anger,spew our anger, or we can study
our anger, and I had said thatwhat we want to try to do over
these weeks is to study ouranger, which is so important.
So now the spewing the angerwould be the yeller.
(06:45):
The stuffer of the anger wouldbe the one that retreats here.
This person will withdraw andgive the silent treatment.
They may solve, they may pout,and what they're doing is it's a
form of punishment.
It may not seem like it on thesurface, but what it does is
it's telling the other personthat I don't want to address
(07:05):
this issue, I don't want to dealwith you, I don't want to
reconcile with you.
So we can either yell, spew, orwe can retreat and pout stuff,
or we can go to a third way.
What a lot of people tend to dois that they tell a friend,
instead of dealing directly withthe person who wronged us.
(07:26):
We might be tempted to vent toa friend, which a lot of people
do, because we're trying to seekvalidation from others.
And now, while it can feel goodthat we have somebody that is
on our side, somebody that isagreeing with us, the problem is
that telling a friendoftentimes leads to gossip, it
(07:46):
can lead to bitterness and itdoesn't resolve the conflict,
and what that does is it's goingto create divisions.
It can manipulate arelationship, it can undermine
trust and what it does is,instead of encouraging peace and
understanding, it actuallyexacerbates the problem.
So I want you to consider whichof these ways do you see
(08:10):
yourself doing?
Which of these ways do you findyourself struggling at times in
your relationships?
Are you a yeller, the spewer?
Are you one that retreats andpouts?
Are you one that tells a friendand tries to get them on your
side, or are you one that'sgoing to get a group of people
to come and try to manipulatethis person back into the
(08:31):
situation?
These techniques don't work atall.
These techniques may give youtemporary relief, but it doesn't
produce any real peace, itdoesn't glorify God and it's not
going to repair thisrelationship.
So what would you do if you hada friend who had a firm biblical
(08:51):
understanding of what washappening here?
And this friend knows exactlyhow you should be honoring God
in this situation?
What would they say to you?
So for the first one, ratherthan yelling, we would be called
to nourish and to cherish ourwives.
So let's think about a marriagesituation.
And if a friend came alongsideand said I hear that you're
(09:15):
upset, I hear that you'refrustrated with the situation,
but the response that you'regiving is not godly, they would
say here are some ways that youcan manage things in a more
Christ-like way.
And so what they would say forthe yelling?
They said rather than yelling,instead of raising your voice in
anger, they would counsel youto approach the situation in a
spirit of gentleness.
(09:36):
Galatians, chapter 6, verses 1and 2, talk about that.
It talks about the fact thatthere is the spirit of
gentleness that is there.
It's supposed to be full ofgrace and full of truth.
I love this passage in John,chapter 1, verse 14.
It says that Jesus dwelt withus and he was a man full of
grace and full of truth.
(09:57):
So gentleness is a major pieceof the puzzle, and what it does
is it communicates that we lovethem, that we understand them
and that we desire to build themup rather than cut them down.
Now, somebody who's counselingyou, saying rather than
retreating, rather than stuffing, which is oftentimes sinful,
(10:18):
we're called to love them and tolove them like Christ loved the
church.
Now, how did Christ love thechurch?
He was a sacrificial lover.
He gave In Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 2,.
We're called to walk in love,just as Christ loved us.
See, what retreating does isthat oftentimes fosters
(10:38):
resentment.
It oftentimes fostersunforgiveness, whereas engaging
in communication can be an actof obedience.
It shows that we're honoringGod and we're trying to love
each other.
And a lot of times we bringpeople in and they don't need to
be in there.
So, instead of bringingsomebody else into the situation
and gossiping, kind of likeProverbs, chapter 16, verse 28,.
(11:00):
It says that a perverse personstirs up conflict and a gossip
separates close friends.
So the biblical counsel wouldbe not to gossip and bring other
people in, but it wouldactually be to follow what
Matthew, chapter 18, verse 15,says it is trying to get
somebody to reconcile, help youreconcile the situation.
(11:22):
That's radically different thanwhat is happening here or in
this last one.
Telling a friend, you know,telling a friend can be
manipulative and what it is is amanipulative approach to
pressure the person into seeingour perspective and taking our
side.
The Bible would tell us tobring others into our situation
may actually producedivisiveness, and we don't want
(11:42):
to do that.
Oftentimes in my counseling,when I'm working with couples, I
say that I want to be the onethat's surprised here.
Don't shortcut this person.
Don't blindside them in thesession.
Don't bring up something thatyou weren't going to be willing
to tell them that you're goingto bring up.
So bringing others into amarital conflict without proper
reason can be really divisive.
(12:03):
The biblical approach is toapproach that person one-on-one,
which is so important.
My hope is that ultimately,your friend would be there to
help and support you.
Are the people in your life,people that are encouraging you
in God's grace?
Are they people that know theword, are filled with the spirit
(12:25):
and are trying to encourage youto move in a way that's going
to reflect God?
As Paul said in Corinthians,bad company corrupts good morals
, and so what ends up happeningis that we sometimes put people
around us that are going to justagree with us, but they're not
really going to confront us in abiblical way and encourage us
to reflect God.
I want you to know that thereis hope.
(12:46):
There's hope for the one who iswilling to humble themselves,
and so many times we're notwilling.
You remember it says that Godopposes the proud but gives
grace to the humble.
But here he's saying I give yougrace, that there is grace for
the one who humbles themselvesand admits that they have an
anger issue and that their angeris sinful.
(13:07):
When we're willing to admit it,what God is going to do is he's
going to do amazing things.
So when we humble ourselves,what we're doing is we're
opening ourselves up for God'sgrace.
We acknowledge that our angeris sinful and we humble
ourselves before God and we openthe door for his grace to come
into our lives.
That grace is unmerited, whichis so important.
(13:31):
I don't deserve that grace,neither do you.
That unmerited grace isavailable, and what it does is
not only forgives you, but itempowers you to overcome sin and
to live in a way that overcomesevil and walks in accordance
with God's will, our pride.
What it does is it often leadsus to justify ourselves or to
(13:52):
excuse our anger, but humilitydoes something radically
different it brings us to aplace where we receive God's
help.
So allow God to work in yourlife, because humility is a
place where God opens grace toyou if you're humble.
I think another thing that youneed to think about is that
humility is the key totransformation.
(14:13):
See, what humility does is itstarts with a recognition that
we cannot uproot anger by ourown strength.
You and I need God's grace, andthat's what James, chapter 4,
verse 6, is telling us.
It's telling us that humilityis desperately needed in your
life and in my life, because wecan't conquer this issue without
humility.
(14:34):
And so what he does in thispassage is it tells us that we
have a posture of grace, andwhat that does is it attracts
God to pour more grace into yourlife, and when we come to him
in repentance and we admit ourneed, he meets us in the
strength that we need.
And then what is amazing hereis not only is God's grace
(14:57):
available to the humble, and notonly is humility the key to
transformation, but the thirdthing I want you to think about
as you consider this verse, isthat there's a promise of more
grace.
This grace is not just, butit's more grace, abundant grace,
abundant supply of grace.
For every moment of weakness inour lives, and even when your
anger seems to be overwhelmingor entrenched, god offers you a
(15:20):
great supply of grace to helpyou and to turn from it and to
live in a way that's going tohonor God.
So I pray that truth encouragesyou.
I pray that you would not be sooverwhelmed with your sinful
anger.
So many of us find ourselvesgetting so overwhelmed with
(15:41):
condemnation and guilt and wefind ourselves focusing so much
on our sin that we fail to lookat the Savior, we fail to see
His grace and see the gospel andsee the beauty that what God is
looking to do is to createbeauty out of the ashes of our
lives.
He gets the glory, and so weneed to humble ourselves,
(16:01):
because pride is just going toelevate us to a point where
we're not going to look to Godnumber one and we're not going
to love others, number two.
By humility, we recognize Idon't have it.
I don't have the ability.
I need your help.
Newton, on his deathbed the onewho wrote Amazing Grace said
(16:22):
that I am a great sinner, but heis a great Savior.
It is so important for us tokeep those components in mind.
Yes, I'm a sinner, but I have agreat Savior who is available
to me, and that there's hope.
Now we talked about grace andthat there are two different
types of grace.
Now Scripture gives us twodifferent types of grace that we
need.
These aspects of grace areavailable to you.
(16:44):
There is first forgiving grace.
Now you see this passage here inHebrews 4, verse 16.
And it talks about this.
I love this passage.
It says that you can comeboldly to the throne of grace
and receive mercy and find graceto help you in your time of
need.
The first grace that I want youto think about is this that
(17:04):
there is a grace that isavailable to you that allows us
to find forgiveness from God forthe sins that we've committed.
See, when we repent, god iswilling to forgive you if you
confess your sins.
He is faithful and just toforgive you of your sins and to
cleanse you from allunrighteousness.
He wants to provide that graceto you.
It's forgiving grace, and Ilove this passage in 1 John 2,
(17:28):
verse 2.
It talks about Jesus Christ isthe propitiation for our sins.
It basically means that heappeases God for your sin.
The anger that God has for yoursin has been appeased by the
perfect work of Christ, and sowhen he died 2,000 years ago,
all of God's anger and wrath foryour sin and my sin, if you
trust in him was poured out onhis son.
(17:50):
God's anger has been appeasedin light of God's work on the
cross Christ's work on the cross.
So I want you to think aboutthis forgiving grace.
A lot of times we find ourselvesstruggling immensely with our
anger because we do notrecognize the forgiveness that
God has given us in Christ.
So forgiving grace is a vitalaspect of dealing with the
(18:13):
offenses of other people.
When we can think about how Godhas forgiven us immensely for
our sin, when we can recognizethat my sin is so great and God
has forgiven me all of it, thatshould give us opportunities to
be able to forgive others.
I often say this you know, I'vebeen married to my wife for 32
years and Amy can literallynever sin against me as much as
(18:38):
I've sinned against God.
And so how is it that God canforgive me all the sins I've
ever committed, every sin thatI've ever committed and every
sin that I will ever commit, godhas forgiven me.
Why is it that I couldn'tpossibly forgive those people in
my life?
Well, there's a second type ofgrace.
It's not just forgiving grace.
The second type of grace is anenabling grace, and this grace
(19:01):
is so important.
Using the same passage inHebrews, chapter 4, you can
approach God's throne withconfidence and receive mercy and
find the grace that you need inyour time of need.
I love that passage that it'sin your time of need.
God gives you the strength thatyou absolutely need when you
need it.
There's that other passage in 2Corinthians 12, verses 9-10.
(19:23):
You know this passage well.
My grace is sufficient for you,for my power is made perfect in
my weakness.
What Paul was saying was that Iwas going through all of these
stressors and struggles.
God wanted Paul to look to hisgrace rather than to remove the
problem.
So God's enabling grace andGod's forgiving grace are
(19:44):
available to you.
So I want you to think aboutthis.
When you find yourself thinkingthat you can never overcome
this issue with sin, I want youto remind yourself that you can,
in the power of God, becausehe's already forgiven you.
Number one and then number twohe is enabling you to conquer it
.
It's not just that he has dealtwith the cancellation of your
(20:05):
debt.
What he's trying to do is toalso bring about a
reconciliation or restoration,better word of your life, so
that you start to look more andmore like Christ.
You can say no to sin and yesto righteousness, and he's going
through the sanctificationprocess in your life.
He is making you more and morelike Christ.
You can say no to sin and yesto righteousness, and he's going
through the sanctificationprocess in your life.
He is making you more and morelike Christ.
So, forgiveness and freedom.
(20:25):
And the third is a family.
A number of times we strugglein our relationships and anger
has broken apart families, andmaybe some people are angry with
you.
Maybe it's your relationshipwith God that has hindered their
relationship with you, and Godwants you to know that you've
been adopted into his family.
You have a brother in Christand you have billions of people
(20:46):
that trust in the Lord JesusChrist over the millennia, that
are available as a family to youand you will spend eternity
with them.
Forgiveness, freedom, familyand then, fourth, a future.
I want you to know that yourfuture is bright Now.
You may look back and you mightfind yourself discouraged.
You may look around, you mightfind yourself frustrated, but in
(21:07):
the future, I want you to knowthat God works all these things
together for good and that youhave an eternity.
Forgiving grace.
Enabling grace leads us to thisnext one.
I want you to think about whatmust take place if we are going
to truly be repentant.
This is so important for us tobe able to keep in mind.
Now I want you to think aboutthe essential steps of what it
(21:30):
means to go through forgiveness,and step number one is that God
calls us to reject our worldlylovers.
In James, chapter 4, verses 4through 5, this verse talks
about spiritual unfaithfulness,of loving the world, and when we
prioritize worldly desires andrelationships or possessions
above God, we are committingspiritual adultery.
(21:52):
True repentance, on the otherhand, rejects these worldly
lovers, the things that captureour hearts, our devotion, that
draw us away from God.
They involve a conscious choice.
It's got to be a consciouschoice of your heart to draw
away from those, to break awayfrom those attachments and to
find yourself God.
So, number one you need toreject those worldly lovers.
(22:16):
That leads to step number twois that God calls us to repent
of our sinful ruling desires.
If you remember, we had talkedabout earlier in James, chapter
four.
It says what causes the fightsand quarrels among you?
Is it not this that yourpassions are at war within you?
There's these ruling desires.
What God calls us to do is hegives us grace if we're humble,
(22:38):
and when we repent, we need tohumble ourselves before God,
recognizing our sinful desires,our ruling passions that lead us
astray.
We need to confront theunderlying issue.
Maybe it's pride, or maybe it'sjealousy, or maybe it's
self-centeredness that drives usto those sinful desires and
responses.
Number one we need to rejectour worldly lovers.
(23:02):
Number two we need to repent ofour sinful ruling desires.
Number three God calls us toresist the devil by rejecting
his lies and drawing near to God.
This is so important.
Satan wants to fill you withlies and we need to resist the
devil.
He often fuels anger with liesand accusations.
(23:24):
We sin on our own flesh.
He can't make us sin, but whathe does is he tries to encourage
us to sin.
And when we resist him byrejecting his deceptions and
drawing near to God, what Goddoes is he gives us the ability
to be able to say no to sin andyes to righteousness.
And as we draw near to God, hedraws near to us, which is so
(23:44):
beautiful here in James, chapter4, verses 7 and 8.
He says he'll draw near to you,he'll cleanse your heart, he'll
purify your mind.
This intimacy with God equipsus to overcome the spiritual
battles that provoke our angerand to live in a place of
obedience and trust in God.
The last step is that God callsus to resign our God-playing,
(24:08):
which is so important.
In verses 11 and 12 of thatpassage, we are cautioned
against speaking evil of otherpeople or judging them.
A lot of times in our anger, weare cautioned against speaking
evil of other people or judgingthem.
A lot of times in our anger, wefind ourselves judging other
people and we make our mindsetthat we know what they're doing.
We presume that we know whatthey're thinking in their hearts
and their motives.
We even say I know why you didthis, and we don't even know our
(24:32):
own hearts, jeremiah.
God says through Jeremiah.
So what we need to do is totruly repent, and when we truly
repent, that includesrelinquishing the desire to
control or judge others, andwhen we recognize that there's
only one, god, god the Father,god, the Son, god, the Holy
Spirit are the only rightfuljudges and that our role is to
(24:53):
humble ourselves before them.
And so now I want you toconsider that each step of this
process will help you to workthrough, and what it does is it
shows hard transformation.
You're rejecting the evil lover, you are recognizing your
sinful desires, you're resistingthe lies of Satan, you're
drawing near to God and you'resaying I'm going to give up
(25:16):
trying to be God here and letGod be God.
And each one of these steps areso important in the process of
true repentance and being ableto have victory over anger.
I want you to consider whatdoes repentance look like Now?
True repentance looks like aturning away.
That's really what repentanceis.
It means that you are turningaway from one lifestyle pattern,
(25:40):
one way of thinking, one way ofacting, and you are turning to
something different.
True repentance is not justturning away, which is an
important piece of the puzzle,but true repentance also
involves grieving over your sin.
A great passage to look up isin 2 Corinthians 7, verse 10.
(26:00):
It talks about godly sorrowleads to repentance, while
worldly sorrow leads to regret.
There's so many of us that findourselves getting sorrowful,
because it's just worldly sorrow.
We're only upset that peopleare upset with us.
We're upset that we have todeal with the consequences, but
we're not really upset over thesin.
True repentance is recognizingthat I have offended God and
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I've hurt others and I want tochange.
It's not enough to say that I'msorry.
It should actually producechange.
None of us are going to beperfect, but there should be a
change in the way we start tothink and the way we start to
speak.
We should be recognizing thatwe're off track and we need to
do the right thing.
And what true repentance can dois it can lead to restored
(26:42):
relationships.
Because what happens is that asyou really change from the
inside out, this other personopens themselves up to trusting
you again, which is such a bigpiece of the puzzle.
And as they trust you again,what they do is you're proving
yourself to be trustworthy.
They're trusting you, and nowthe relationship is restored in
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many ways.
So I want you to think abouthave you truly repented?
Have you really truly takensome of those steps to grieve
over your sin that has produceda behavior change and that
hasn't been changing yourrelationships?
That's an important piece, okay.
(27:26):
So what are some of thetendencies that we have to blame
shift?
We blame our circumstances andwe look to justify our situation
.
Because we look at thesituations and say, well, the
reason why I got angry isbecause of this.
We blame our situation, weblame other people, and so it's
your fault that I get angry.
It's your fault that Iresponded the way I did.
So what we do is we stick onefinger out.
I often say this.
I know people pick on me aboutthis, but it's one finger out.
Really, there's three fingerspointing back.
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It is such an important mindsetto keep in mind that we have a
tendency to stick our finger outat another person and blame
them, but we really need torecognize that there's three
fingers pointing back to us.
We should be looking at ourlives and looking at the things
that we need to change.
So some of us have a tendency toblame circumstances.
For others, we blame ourbackground or our upbringing,
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and so we say I grew up in thishome, my dad was this way, my
mom was this way.
I had this really difficultenvironment, and I am not trying
to tell you that thoseenvironments don't influence us.
They do, but they just don'tdetermine why I do what I do.
It influences us.
So for some of us, we blame ourcircumstances.
For others, we blame others.
For others, we blame ourbackground.
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For others, we blame ourpersonality or temperament.
Well, that's just the way I am,that's the way I've been wired.
By doing so, I don't think werecognize that we are in essence
blaming God because God hasgiven us a personality or given
us a temperament, and then weare saying that we can't help
but sin because of thatpersonality or temperament.
We're once again not shiftingblame to another person
(28:54):
horizontally, we're actuallyshifting blame to God.
And that's what Adam did in thegarden, if you remember.
He says it was the woman thatyou gave to me no-transcript.
So I want you to think aboutthis when you're confronting
this situation.
I want you to think aboutwhat's intensifying your desires
(29:16):
.
I'm angry now because I think Imust have what Fill in the
blank.
I must have your time, I musthave your respect, I must have
that possession.
What is it that you think youneed desperately, that
possession?
What is it that you think youneed desperately?
Once you've identified that, Iwant you to repent of that
ruling desire, whatever it is,that is controlling your heart.
(29:37):
That is either encouraging youto sin or you sin when you don't
get it.
That is a ruling desire.
Whatever the fill in the blankis here, I'm asking you to
repent of that.
Turn away from that.
That's not going to help thesituation by any stretch.
It actually hinders the freedomthat you have.
So let me end with this passagefrom Romans, chapter 12.
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And in Romans, chapter 12, Ithink it's a powerful passage.
Paul, after he has taken usthrough the beauty of the gospel
, from Romans, chapter 1 throughRomans, chapter 11, he talks
about the beauty of the gospelfrom Romans, chapter 1 through
Romans, chapter 11.
He talks about the beauty ofour sin, and then salvation and
sanctification and God'ssovereignty, all amazing aspects
of our salvation.
(30:20):
That's what he does in thefirst 11 chapters of Romans, and
then the last chapters areabout how you practically live
in light of that.
And so what Paul does is inthis passage he talks about how
we must deal with our sin in ourlives, and he gives us the
steps.
So I'm just going to read thispassage for you, then look at
each step and then we'll closeup here today.
(30:43):
He says in Romans, chapter 12,verse 14, he says bless those
who persecute you.
Bless and do not curse them.
So one of the very first thingsthat you and I need to do is,
rather than cursing or seekingretaliation, we are called, like
Jesus, to bless those who wantto harm us.
You remember when Jesus was onthe cross, he said Father,
forgive them.
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They don't know what they do.
Bless them.
What it does is it means thatwe choose to wish God's best
upon them rather than holding onto bitterness.
So that's step number one inthe process.
Then he says in verse 15,rejoice with those who rejoice
and weep with those who weep.
And so what he wants us to dois to have a true concern for
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other people.
This is so important.
We need to empathize with them,even those who have hurt us.
We need to rejoice with thosewho rejoice and weep with those
who weep, and show a genuineconcern for human beings.
That will change your hearttowards them and that will
change your reactions towardsthem.
Number three we need to look.
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Reject pride and judgmentalism.
Verse 16,.
It says this live in harmonywith one another, do not be
haughty, prideful, but associatewith the lowly.
Never be wise in your own eyes.
Oftentimes we need to humbleourselves before God, and so
what we do is, instead of seeingourselves as superior and
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holding judgment against otherpeople and having a judgmental
attitude, we need to live inharmony with them.
Humility is the crucial step indealing with those who have
offended us.
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Verse 17 says this Repay no oneevil for evil, so never seek
payback.
The Bible clearly commands usnot to repay evil for evil.
Revenge may seem satisfying atthe moment I know it does at
times but ultimately what itdoes is it perpetuates a cycle
of wrongdoing.
They've wronged you, so nowwhat you do is wrong them.
It doesn't solve the process.
Our goal is to live abovereproach in our conduct, aiming
(32:46):
to do what is honorable in thesight of everyone else and for
the glory of God.
To do what is honorable in thesight of everyone else and for
the glory of God.
Verse 18 says if possible, asfar as it depends upon you, live
peaceably with all.
We need to strive for peace inour relationships.
It says if possible.
I want you to recognize thatsometimes you're not going to
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have reconciliation because theperson doesn't want it.
You can't control how otherpeople act.
You can't control how otherpeople are going to respond, but
you can control how you reactand respond, and we should be
doing everything with the powerto seek reconciliation and peace
.
Verse 19 says this.
It says in verse 19, beloved,never avenge yourself, but leave
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it to the wrath of God.
For it is written Vengeance ismine, I will repay, says the
Lord.
So God's word is a constantreminder to you and me that we
need to remind ourselves that heis the one that is sovereign
and in control.
We need to trust that God willbring about his justice.
And then, finally, we need toovercome evil with good.
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It says this.
This is just an amazing passage.
To the contrary, if your enemyis hungry, feed him If he is
thirsty.
If he is thirsty, give himsomething to drink, for by doing
so, you will heap burning coalon his head.
Do not become overcome by evil,but overcome evil with good.
See, this principle istransformative.
(34:16):
Instead of responding with evil,what we need to do is to
respond with good, and thismight not look like things that
we can even think about, butwhat it is is maybe showing
kindness to someone who has hurtus, extending grace in
situations when we feeljustified to withhold it.
We are actually going againstthat desire and desiring to do
(34:39):
something good.
It's not just about notretaliating.
What it's saying here is thatwe're actively doing something
good in this person's life.
I want you to consider how manyof those steps have you taken?
And I want you to take sometime here to go through Romans,
chapter 12 this week andprayerfully go through it,
because what we're called to dois to uproot anger, and the
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reason why he gave the titleuprooting anger is because it
starts from the inside out.
It's not primarily about what'shappening around us.
It's primarily about what'shappening within us.
So it's so important for youand I to keep that in mind,
because what we'll do is thatwe'll seek to blame other people
, and that will leave ushopeless and helpless, but if,
(35:20):
on the other hand, we aretrusting God to do his work in
us and then his work through us.
So I want you to know that.
If you want more informationabout us, please go to my
website jameslongjrorgjameslongjr right there org.
If you want to learn more aboutus.
I have a lot of blogs, podcasts.
(35:42):
There's a lot of greatinformation and resources that
are there on the website.
If you're interested in beingpart of our membership or group
coaching program.
You'll also see a link on ourwebsite to that.
We have a membership that youcan be part of, where you'll get
additional resources and evenmore resources than on our
website.
Or, if you're interested ingroup coaching, we have group
(36:05):
coaching meetings every twoweeks.
Plus, we do these weekly lunchand learns.
We do Q&A sessions.
So I would love it if you wouldbe interested in joining on one
of those.
So next week, lord willing,we're going to come back to
lesson number five, where we'llcontinue to dig deeper into this
process of uprooting anger andunderstanding that there is a
(36:26):
path of transformation availableto us in Christ.
I don't want you to miss it.
We're going to talk about somepractical aspects of how we can
apply these truths in our lives.
So I thank you so much forbeing with me again today.
Look forward to seeing you,lord willing, at 12 pm Eastern
Standard Time next week.
Let me pray us out as we go.
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So, lord, I thank you for thisopportunity that we've had to
meet.
We thank you for your love.
I thank you that you are agreat God and there's no one
like you.
I thank you for the fact thatwhere sin abounds, grace abounds
.
All the more.
I thank you for the fact that,at your son's cross and because
of his empty tomb, we haveforgiveness of sins and freedom
(37:08):
from our sin.
We have a family in God and wehave a future.
I pray that those truths wouldso dominate our hearts and our
lives.
Help us not to be sooverwhelmed with our guilt, but
to be overwhelmed with yourgrace and the gospel, and help
us to live our lives ingratitude for what you've done.
Lord, today, as we look at oursin, help us to turn away from
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it and turn to your Savior, andhelp us to bring glory, honor
and majesty to your name.
In Jesus' name, we pray.
Amen.
Be blessed everyone.
Take care.
Hello everyone, it's James Long and welcome back to
our Lunch and Learn.
We are in our fourth weekdealing with uprooting anger.
Hopefully you've been learninga lot through this series and
hopefully you've been able tofly the things that we've been
talking about during this time.
We are now in our fourth lesson.
(00:20):
If you remember, this series isconnecting back to this book by
Robert Jones.
It's called Uprooting Anger aBiblical Help for Common
Problems.
I've encouraged you to pick upthe book and to be reading it
throughout the week.
We're taking it a chapter at atime.
I'm just giving you an overviewof the chapter, giving you some
insights of how I apply theprinciples in this chapter.
(00:43):
Over the last several weeks,we've been talking about what
anger is and what makes angerbiblical versus unbiblical,
godly versus ungodly, and nowtoday, what we're going to do is
we're going to look at the factthat anger is not just external
.
We've been talking about thatover the last several weeks that
anger is an issue that isrooted deeply in our hearts,
(01:04):
that is so important and so like.
In this meeting we're going totalk about the topic of
repentance.
So, once we've identified thatwe have issues with ungodly
anger, which a lot of usstruggle with.
If you remember, there werethree criteria.
The first criteria is that youneed a biblical standard.
There has to be a godlystandard for why we're getting
(01:24):
angry.
It can't just be some rule thatwe make up on our own.
It's got to be something that'sdriven out of God's word.
So the standard is the firstone that makes it godly.
The second thing that we saidis that not only does it have to
be a standard, but there has tobe a proper motive, a godly
motive, a motive for the gloryof God or the good of others.
And you'll be honest, we'll behonest, very honestly.
(01:46):
As we look, how many times is itthat we find ourselves getting
so angry, so disappointed withother people, so frustrated that
maybe they actually did dosomething wrong, and we say that
there is a standard that hasbeen broken, but the motive is
not really for the glory of Godor the good of others.
It's primarily about us, and assoon as we have a selfish
(02:08):
motive, our godly anger has nowbecome ungodly.
And so now that moves us to thethird thing.
You need to also now display itin a godly way.
You need to show that anger outin a godly way that represents
God Love, joy, peace, patience,kindness, goodness, faithfulness
, gentleness, self-control.
(02:28):
You must display that anger ina way that still reflects God.
So I couldn't have godly angerwhen I have a standard that has
been broken against me and thatI have a motive for the glory of
God and the good of others, butnow I yell and scream and I
curse out that person.
I have automatically takengodly anger and now made it
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ungodly anger in my heart andlife.
And as you go through thosethree criteria, very honestly,
most of us struggle with ungodlyanger.
So what we now need to do is tomove to this next step of
repentance.
Repentance is the key toaddressing anger in our hearts
and anger at the core, becauseanger is not external, anger is
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something that's internal.
Now you remember we had givenyou this definition of anger and
I'll go back to it because Ithink it's really important that
our anger is a whole person,active response of a negative
moral judgment against perceivedevil, and you remember that we
talked about the fact that,because it's your whole person,
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it's not just emotion, it's allof who you are, and then it's a
negative response that we'rehaving, it's active, it's not
something passive that's comingupon us, and then it is against
a perceived evil, and we talkedabout the fact that our
perception may be right.
Our perception may be wrong anda lot of times our perception
is wrong.
So that is why it is so vitalthat when we see that we have
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failed, we need to see thatrepentance is a major piece of
the puzzle.
Now Robert Jones, in his book,provides us biblical insights
into how we deal with this.
It's a practical tool, it's awonderful testimony, and I hope
that it will help us, at the endof the session, turn away from
those sinful responses and towalk in the righteousness and
(04:16):
the genuine repentance that Godwants for us and the
transformation that can happenwithin us, but also externally,
with others as well.
Let me open in prayer and thenwe'll kind of walk through the
slides today.
So, father, I want to thank youand I want to praise you for
your kind grace and your mercy.
Thank you for your love for us.
(04:36):
Thank you for your time thatyou have given us.
I thank you for the fact thatyou are so patient with us.
You're so kind to us, us.
I thank you for the fact thatyou are so patient with us.
You're so kind to us.
Thank you for the fact that yougrant us grace.
You said where our sinincreases, your grace increases
all the more.
So, lord, I pray today that youwould help us to see our sin,
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but more than that, help us tosee your Savior, our Savior.
Father, help us to understandguilt, but more than that, help
us to understand grace.
And, father, help us to befilled with gratitude in our
hearts and our lives, and helpus to know that we can have
victory over this desperateissue that we struggle with at
times anger and frustration andbitterness, and hurt and
(05:19):
unforgiveness.
Help us to know that in you, wecould change.
In Jesus' name, we pray, amen.
Okay, so let's get started herewith our first slide, and I
want you to think about this Now.
There are typical ways thatpeople handle anger, and maybe
you look at this list and maybeyou do some of these things.
(05:40):
Now I want you to acknowledgethat some of these things on
here are common, but they'reunhelpful, and they tend to
respond this way when we feelmistreated by others.
Now, these responses may feellike we're justified in them,
but often what they do is theyexacerbate the problem rather
than bringing about solutions orhealing.
(06:01):
So look at the first oneyelling.
See, when we feel hurt ordisrespected, our immediate
reaction might be to raise ourvoice, and yelling is often a
way to express frustration ormaybe even to exert control.
But it usually escalates theproblem, it escalates the
conflict and it deepens thedivisions that we have and
(06:23):
retreat or tip out.
Now that's actually going tothe other extreme.
I think I had said one of myweeks that one author said that
we can either stuff our anger,spew our anger, or we can study
our anger, and I had said thatwhat we want to try to do over
these weeks is to study ouranger, which is so important.
So now the spewing the angerwould be the yeller.
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The stuffer of the anger wouldbe the one that retreats here.
This person will withdraw andgive the silent treatment.
They may solve, they may pout,and what they're doing is it's a
form of punishment.
It may not seem like it on thesurface, but what it does is
it's telling the other personthat I don't want to address
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this issue, I don't want to dealwith you, I don't want to
reconcile with you.
So we can either yell, spew, orwe can retreat and pout stuff,
or we can go to a third way.
What a lot of people tend to dois that they tell a friend,
instead of dealing directly withthe person who wronged us.
(07:26):
We might be tempted to vent toa friend, which a lot of people
do, because we're trying to seekvalidation from others.
And now, while it can feel goodthat we have somebody that is
on our side, somebody that isagreeing with us, the problem is
that telling a friendoftentimes leads to gossip, it
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can lead to bitterness and itdoesn't resolve the conflict,
and what that does is it's goingto create divisions.
It can manipulate arelationship, it can undermine
trust and what it does is,instead of encouraging peace and
understanding, it actuallyexacerbates the problem.
So I want you to consider whichof these ways do you see
(08:10):
yourself doing?
Which of these ways do you findyourself struggling at times in
your relationships?
Are you a yeller, the spewer?
Are you one that retreats andpouts?
Are you one that tells a friendand tries to get them on your
side, or are you one that'sgoing to get a group of people
to come and try to manipulatethis person back into the
(08:31):
situation?
These techniques don't work atall.
These techniques may give youtemporary relief, but it doesn't
produce any real peace, itdoesn't glorify God and it's not
going to repair thisrelationship.
So what would you do if you hada friend who had a firm biblical
(08:51):
understanding of what washappening here?
And this friend knows exactlyhow you should be honoring God
in this situation?
What would they say to you?
So for the first one, ratherthan yelling, we would be called
to nourish and to cherish ourwives.
So let's think about a marriagesituation.
And if a friend came alongsideand said I hear that you're
(09:15):
upset, I hear that you'refrustrated with the situation,
but the response that you'regiving is not godly, they would
say here are some ways that youcan manage things in a more
Christ-like way.
And so what they would say forthe yelling?
They said rather than yelling,instead of raising your voice in
anger, they would counsel youto approach the situation in a
spirit of gentleness.
(09:36):
Galatians, chapter 6, verses 1and 2, talk about that.
It talks about the fact thatthere is the spirit of
gentleness that is there.
It's supposed to be full ofgrace and full of truth.
I love this passage in John,chapter 1, verse 14.
It says that Jesus dwelt withus and he was a man full of
grace and full of truth.
(09:57):
So gentleness is a major pieceof the puzzle, and what it does
is it communicates that we lovethem, that we understand them
and that we desire to build themup rather than cut them down.
Now, somebody who's counselingyou, saying rather than
retreating, rather than stuffing, which is oftentimes sinful,
(10:18):
we're called to love them and tolove them like Christ loved the
church.
Now, how did Christ love thechurch?
He was a sacrificial lover.
He gave In Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 2,.
We're called to walk in love,just as Christ loved us.
See, what retreating does isthat oftentimes fosters
(10:38):
resentment.
It oftentimes fostersunforgiveness, whereas engaging
in communication can be an actof obedience.
It shows that we're honoringGod and we're trying to love
each other.
And a lot of times we bringpeople in and they don't need to
be in there.
So, instead of bringingsomebody else into the situation
and gossiping, kind of likeProverbs, chapter 16, verse 28,.
(11:00):
It says that a perverse personstirs up conflict and a gossip
separates close friends.
So the biblical counsel wouldbe not to gossip and bring other
people in, but it wouldactually be to follow what
Matthew, chapter 18, verse 15,says it is trying to get
somebody to reconcile, help youreconcile the situation.
(11:22):
That's radically different thanwhat is happening here or in
this last one.
Telling a friend, you know,telling a friend can be
manipulative and what it is is amanipulative approach to
pressure the person into seeingour perspective and taking our
side.
The Bible would tell us tobring others into our situation
may actually producedivisiveness, and we don't want
(11:42):
to do that.
Oftentimes in my counseling,when I'm working with couples, I
say that I want to be the onethat's surprised here.
Don't shortcut this person.
Don't blindside them in thesession.
Don't bring up something thatyou weren't going to be willing
to tell them that you're goingto bring up.
So bringing others into amarital conflict without proper
reason can be really divisive.
(12:03):
The biblical approach is toapproach that person one-on-one,
which is so important.
My hope is that ultimately,your friend would be there to
help and support you.
Are the people in your life,people that are encouraging you
in God's grace?
Are they people that know theword, are filled with the spirit
(12:25):
and are trying to encourage youto move in a way that's going
to reflect God?
As Paul said in Corinthians,bad company corrupts good morals
, and so what ends up happeningis that we sometimes put people
around us that are going to justagree with us, but they're not
really going to confront us in abiblical way and encourage us
to reflect God.
I want you to know that thereis hope.
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There's hope for the one who iswilling to humble themselves,
and so many times we're notwilling.
You remember it says that Godopposes the proud but gives
grace to the humble.
But here he's saying I give yougrace, that there is grace for
the one who humbles themselvesand admits that they have an
anger issue and that their angeris sinful.
(13:07):
When we're willing to admit it,what God is going to do is he's
going to do amazing things.
So when we humble ourselves,what we're doing is we're
opening ourselves up for God'sgrace.
We acknowledge that our angeris sinful and we humble
ourselves before God and we openthe door for his grace to come
into our lives.
That grace is unmerited, whichis so important.
(13:31):
I don't deserve that grace,neither do you.
That unmerited grace isavailable, and what it does is
not only forgives you, but itempowers you to overcome sin and
to live in a way that overcomesevil and walks in accordance
with God's will, our pride.
What it does is it often leadsus to justify ourselves or to
(13:52):
excuse our anger, but humilitydoes something radically
different it brings us to aplace where we receive God's
help.
So allow God to work in yourlife, because humility is a
place where God opens grace toyou if you're humble.
I think another thing that youneed to think about is that
humility is the key totransformation.
(14:13):
See, what humility does is itstarts with a recognition that
we cannot uproot anger by ourown strength.
You and I need God's grace, andthat's what James, chapter 4,
verse 6, is telling us.
It's telling us that humilityis desperately needed in your
life and in my life, because wecan't conquer this issue without
humility.
(14:34):
And so what he does in thispassage is it tells us that we
have a posture of grace, andwhat that does is it attracts
God to pour more grace into yourlife, and when we come to him
in repentance and we admit ourneed, he meets us in the
strength that we need.
And then what is amazing hereis not only is God's grace
(14:57):
available to the humble, and notonly is humility the key to
transformation, but the thirdthing I want you to think about
as you consider this verse, isthat there's a promise of more
grace.
This grace is not just, butit's more grace, abundant grace,
abundant supply of grace.
For every moment of weakness inour lives, and even when your
anger seems to be overwhelmingor entrenched, god offers you a
(15:20):
great supply of grace to helpyou and to turn from it and to
live in a way that's going tohonor God.
So I pray that truth encouragesyou.
I pray that you would not be sooverwhelmed with your sinful
anger.
So many of us find ourselvesgetting so overwhelmed with
(15:41):
condemnation and guilt and wefind ourselves focusing so much
on our sin that we fail to lookat the Savior, we fail to see
His grace and see the gospel andsee the beauty that what God is
looking to do is to createbeauty out of the ashes of our
lives.
He gets the glory, and so weneed to humble ourselves,
(16:01):
because pride is just going toelevate us to a point where
we're not going to look to Godnumber one and we're not going
to love others, number two.
By humility, we recognize Idon't have it.
I don't have the ability.
I need your help.
Newton, on his deathbed the onewho wrote Amazing Grace said
(16:22):
that I am a great sinner, but heis a great Savior.
It is so important for us tokeep those components in mind.
Yes, I'm a sinner, but I have agreat Savior who is available
to me, and that there's hope.
Now we talked about grace andthat there are two different
types of grace.
Now Scripture gives us twodifferent types of grace that we
need.
These aspects of grace areavailable to you.
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There is first forgiving grace.
Now you see this passage here inHebrews 4, verse 16.
And it talks about this.
I love this passage.
It says that you can comeboldly to the throne of grace
and receive mercy and find graceto help you in your time of
need.
The first grace that I want youto think about is this that
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there is a grace that isavailable to you that allows us
to find forgiveness from God forthe sins that we've committed.
See, when we repent, god iswilling to forgive you if you
confess your sins.
He is faithful and just toforgive you of your sins and to
cleanse you from allunrighteousness.
He wants to provide that graceto you.
It's forgiving grace, and Ilove this passage in 1 John 2,
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verse 2.
It talks about Jesus Christ isthe propitiation for our sins.
It basically means that heappeases God for your sin.
The anger that God has for yoursin has been appeased by the
perfect work of Christ, and sowhen he died 2,000 years ago,
all of God's anger and wrath foryour sin and my sin, if you
trust in him was poured out onhis son.
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God's anger has been appeasedin light of God's work on the
cross Christ's work on the cross.
So I want you to think aboutthis forgiving grace.
A lot of times we find ourselvesstruggling immensely with our
anger because we do notrecognize the forgiveness that
God has given us in Christ.
So forgiving grace is a vitalaspect of dealing with the
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offenses of other people.
When we can think about how Godhas forgiven us immensely for
our sin, when we can recognizethat my sin is so great and God
has forgiven me all of it, thatshould give us opportunities to
be able to forgive others.
I often say this you know, I'vebeen married to my wife for 32
years and Amy can literallynever sin against me as much as
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I've sinned against God.
And so how is it that God canforgive me all the sins I've
ever committed, every sin thatI've ever committed and every
sin that I will ever commit, godhas forgiven me.
Why is it that I couldn'tpossibly forgive those people in
my life?
Well, there's a second type ofgrace.
It's not just forgiving grace.
The second type of grace is anenabling grace, and this grace
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is so important.
Using the same passage inHebrews, chapter 4, you can
approach God's throne withconfidence and receive mercy and
find the grace that you need inyour time of need.
I love that passage that it'sin your time of need.
God gives you the strength thatyou absolutely need when you
need it.
There's that other passage in 2Corinthians 12, verses 9-10.
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You know this passage well.
My grace is sufficient for you,for my power is made perfect in
my weakness.
What Paul was saying was that Iwas going through all of these
stressors and struggles.
God wanted Paul to look to hisgrace rather than to remove the
problem.
So God's enabling grace andGod's forgiving grace are
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available to you.
So I want you to think aboutthis.
When you find yourself thinkingthat you can never overcome
this issue with sin, I want youto remind yourself that you can,
in the power of God, becausehe's already forgiven you.
Number one and then number twohe is enabling you to conquer it
.
It's not just that he has dealtwith the cancellation of your
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debt.
What he's trying to do is toalso bring about a
reconciliation or restoration,better word of your life, so
that you start to look more andmore like Christ.
You can say no to sin and yesto righteousness, and he's going
through the sanctificationprocess in your life.
He is making you more and morelike Christ.
You can say no to sin and yesto righteousness, and he's going
through the sanctificationprocess in your life.
He is making you more and morelike Christ.
So, forgiveness and freedom.
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And the third is a family.
A number of times we strugglein our relationships and anger
has broken apart families, andmaybe some people are angry with
you.
Maybe it's your relationshipwith God that has hindered their
relationship with you, and Godwants you to know that you've
been adopted into his family.
You have a brother in Christand you have billions of people
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that trust in the Lord JesusChrist over the millennia, that
are available as a family to youand you will spend eternity
with them.
Forgiveness, freedom, familyand then, fourth, a future.
I want you to know that yourfuture is bright Now.
You may look back and you mightfind yourself discouraged.
You may look around, you mightfind yourself frustrated, but in
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the future, I want you to knowthat God works all these things
together for good and that youhave an eternity.
Forgiving grace.
Enabling grace leads us to thisnext one.
I want you to think about whatmust take place if we are going
to truly be repentant.
This is so important for us tobe able to keep in mind.
Now I want you to think aboutthe essential steps of what it
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means to go through forgiveness,and step number one is that God
calls us to reject our worldlylovers.
In James, chapter 4, verses 4through 5, this verse talks
about spiritual unfaithfulness,of loving the world, and when we
prioritize worldly desires andrelationships or possessions
above God, we are committingspiritual adultery.
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True repentance, on the otherhand, rejects these worldly
lovers, the things that captureour hearts, our devotion, that
draw us away from God.
They involve a conscious choice.
It's got to be a consciouschoice of your heart to draw
away from those, to break awayfrom those attachments and to
find yourself God.
So, number one you need toreject those worldly lovers.
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That leads to step number twois that God calls us to repent
of our sinful ruling desires.
If you remember, we had talkedabout earlier in James, chapter
four.
It says what causes the fightsand quarrels among you?
Is it not this that yourpassions are at war within you?
There's these ruling desires.
What God calls us to do is hegives us grace if we're humble,
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and when we repent, we need tohumble ourselves before God,
recognizing our sinful desires,our ruling passions that lead us
astray.
We need to confront theunderlying issue.
Maybe it's pride, or maybe it'sjealousy, or maybe it's
self-centeredness that drives usto those sinful desires and
responses.
Number one we need to rejectour worldly lovers.
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Number two we need to repent ofour sinful ruling desires.
Number three God calls us toresist the devil by rejecting
his lies and drawing near to God.
This is so important.
Satan wants to fill you withlies and we need to resist the
devil.
He often fuels anger with liesand accusations.
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We sin on our own flesh.
He can't make us sin, but whathe does is he tries to encourage
us to sin.
And when we resist him byrejecting his deceptions and
drawing near to God, what Goddoes is he gives us the ability
to be able to say no to sin andyes to righteousness.
And as we draw near to God, hedraws near to us, which is so
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beautiful here in James, chapter4, verses 7 and 8.
He says he'll draw near to you,he'll cleanse your heart, he'll
purify your mind.
This intimacy with God equipsus to overcome the spiritual
battles that provoke our angerand to live in a place of
obedience and trust in God.
The last step is that God callsus to resign our God-playing,
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which is so important.
In verses 11 and 12 of thatpassage, we are cautioned
against speaking evil of otherpeople or judging them.
A lot of times in our anger, weare cautioned against speaking
evil of other people or judgingthem.
A lot of times in our anger, wefind ourselves judging other
people and we make our mindsetthat we know what they're doing.
We presume that we know whatthey're thinking in their hearts
and their motives.
We even say I know why you didthis, and we don't even know our
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own hearts, jeremiah.
God says through Jeremiah.
So what we need to do is totruly repent, and when we truly
repent, that includesrelinquishing the desire to
control or judge others, andwhen we recognize that there's
only one, god, god the Father,god, the Son, god, the Holy
Spirit are the only rightfuljudges and that our role is to
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humble ourselves before them.
And so now I want you toconsider that each step of this
process will help you to workthrough, and what it does is it
shows hard transformation.
You're rejecting the evil lover, you are recognizing your
sinful desires, you're resistingthe lies of Satan, you're
drawing near to God and you'resaying I'm going to give up
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trying to be God here and letGod be God.
And each one of these steps areso important in the process of
true repentance and being ableto have victory over anger.
I want you to consider whatdoes repentance look like Now?
True repentance looks like aturning away.
That's really what repentanceis.
It means that you are turningaway from one lifestyle pattern,
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one way of thinking, one way ofacting, and you are turning to
something different.
True repentance is not justturning away, which is an
important piece of the puzzle,but true repentance also
involves grieving over your sin.
A great passage to look up isin 2 Corinthians 7, verse 10.
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It talks about godly sorrowleads to repentance, while
worldly sorrow leads to regret.
There's so many of us that findourselves getting sorrowful,
because it's just worldly sorrow.
We're only upset that peopleare upset with us.
We're upset that we have todeal with the consequences, but
we're not really upset over thesin.
True repentance is recognizingthat I have offended God and
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I've hurt others and I want tochange.
It's not enough to say that I'msorry.
It should actually producechange.
None of us are going to beperfect, but there should be a
change in the way we start tothink and the way we start to
speak.
We should be recognizing thatwe're off track and we need to
do the right thing.
And what true repentance can dois it can lead to restored
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relationships.
Because what happens is that asyou really change from the
inside out, this other personopens themselves up to trusting
you again, which is such a bigpiece of the puzzle.
And as they trust you again,what they do is you're proving
yourself to be trustworthy.
They're trusting you, and nowthe relationship is restored in
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many ways.
So I want you to think abouthave you truly repented?
Have you really truly takensome of those steps to grieve
over your sin that has produceda behavior change and that
hasn't been changing yourrelationships?
That's an important piece, okay.
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So what are some of thetendencies that we have to blame
shift?
We blame our circumstances andwe look to justify our situation
.
Because we look at thesituations and say, well, the
reason why I got angry isbecause of this.
We blame our situation, weblame other people, and so it's
your fault that I get angry.
It's your fault that Iresponded the way I did.
So what we do is we stick onefinger out.
I often say this.
I know people pick on me aboutthis, but it's one finger out.
Really, there's three fingerspointing back.
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It is such an important mindsetto keep in mind that we have a
tendency to stick our finger outat another person and blame
them, but we really need torecognize that there's three
fingers pointing back to us.
We should be looking at ourlives and looking at the things
that we need to change.
So some of us have a tendency toblame circumstances.
For others, we blame ourbackground or our upbringing,
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and so we say I grew up in thishome, my dad was this way, my
mom was this way.
I had this really difficultenvironment, and I am not trying
to tell you that thoseenvironments don't influence us.
They do, but they just don'tdetermine why I do what I do.
It influences us.
So for some of us, we blame ourcircumstances.
For others, we blame others.
For others, we blame ourbackground.
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For others, we blame ourpersonality or temperament.
Well, that's just the way I am,that's the way I've been wired.
By doing so, I don't think werecognize that we are in essence
blaming God because God hasgiven us a personality or given
us a temperament, and then weare saying that we can't help
but sin because of thatpersonality or temperament.
We're once again not shiftingblame to another person
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horizontally, we're actuallyshifting blame to God.
And that's what Adam did in thegarden, if you remember.
He says it was the woman thatyou gave to me no-transcript.
So I want you to think aboutthis when you're confronting
this situation.
I want you to think aboutwhat's intensifying your desires
(29:16):
.
I'm angry now because I think Imust have what Fill in the
blank.
I must have your time, I musthave your respect, I must have
that possession.
What is it that you think youneed desperately, that
possession?
What is it that you think youneed desperately?
Once you've identified that, Iwant you to repent of that
ruling desire, whatever it is,that is controlling your heart.
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That is either encouraging youto sin or you sin when you don't
get it.
That is a ruling desire.
Whatever the fill in the blankis here, I'm asking you to
repent of that.
Turn away from that.
That's not going to help thesituation by any stretch.
It actually hinders the freedomthat you have.
So let me end with this passagefrom Romans, chapter 12.
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And in Romans, chapter 12, Ithink it's a powerful passage.
Paul, after he has taken usthrough the beauty of the gospel
, from Romans, chapter 1 throughRomans, chapter 11, he talks
about the beauty of the gospelfrom Romans, chapter 1 through
Romans, chapter 11.
He talks about the beauty ofour sin, and then salvation and
sanctification and God'ssovereignty, all amazing aspects
of our salvation.
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That's what he does in thefirst 11 chapters of Romans, and
then the last chapters areabout how you practically live
in light of that.
And so what Paul does is inthis passage he talks about how
we must deal with our sin in ourlives, and he gives us the
steps.
So I'm just going to read thispassage for you, then look at
each step and then we'll closeup here today.
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He says in Romans, chapter 12,verse 14, he says bless those
who persecute you.
Bless and do not curse them.
So one of the very first thingsthat you and I need to do is,
rather than cursing or seekingretaliation, we are called, like
Jesus, to bless those who wantto harm us.
You remember when Jesus was onthe cross, he said Father,
forgive them.
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They don't know what they do.
Bless them.
What it does is it means thatwe choose to wish God's best
upon them rather than holding onto bitterness.
So that's step number one inthe process.
Then he says in verse 15,rejoice with those who rejoice
and weep with those who weep.
And so what he wants us to dois to have a true concern for
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other people.
This is so important.
We need to empathize with them,even those who have hurt us.
We need to rejoice with thosewho rejoice and weep with those
who weep, and show a genuineconcern for human beings.
That will change your hearttowards them and that will
change your reactions towardsthem.
Number three we need to look.
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Reject pride and judgmentalism.
Verse 16,.
It says this live in harmonywith one another, do not be
haughty, prideful, but associatewith the lowly.
Never be wise in your own eyes.
Oftentimes we need to humbleourselves before God, and so
what we do is, instead of seeingourselves as superior and
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holding judgment against otherpeople and having a judgmental
attitude, we need to live inharmony with them.
Humility is the crucial step indealing with those who have
offended us.
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Verse 17 says this Repay no oneevil for evil, so never seek
payback.
The Bible clearly commands usnot to repay evil for evil.
Revenge may seem satisfying atthe moment I know it does at
times but ultimately what itdoes is it perpetuates a cycle
of wrongdoing.
They've wronged you, so nowwhat you do is wrong them.
It doesn't solve the process.
Our goal is to live abovereproach in our conduct, aiming
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to do what is honorable in thesight of everyone else and for
the glory of God.
To do what is honorable in thesight of everyone else and for
the glory of God.
Verse 18 says if possible, asfar as it depends upon you, live
peaceably with all.
We need to strive for peace inour relationships.
It says if possible.
I want you to recognize thatsometimes you're not going to
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have reconciliation because theperson doesn't want it.
You can't control how otherpeople act.
You can't control how otherpeople are going to respond, but
you can control how you reactand respond, and we should be
doing everything with the powerto seek reconciliation and peace
.
Verse 19 says this.
It says in verse 19, beloved,never avenge yourself, but leave
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it to the wrath of God.
For it is written Vengeance ismine, I will repay, says the
Lord.
So God's word is a constantreminder to you and me that we
need to remind ourselves that heis the one that is sovereign
and in control.
We need to trust that God willbring about his justice.
And then, finally, we need toovercome evil with good.
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It says this.
This is just an amazing passage.
To the contrary, if your enemyis hungry, feed him If he is
thirsty.
If he is thirsty, give himsomething to drink, for by doing
so, you will heap burning coalon his head.
Do not become overcome by evil,but overcome evil with good.
See, this principle istransformative.
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Instead of responding with evil,what we need to do is to
respond with good, and thismight not look like things that
we can even think about, butwhat it is is maybe showing
kindness to someone who has hurtus, extending grace in
situations when we feeljustified to withhold it.
We are actually going againstthat desire and desiring to do
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something good.
It's not just about notretaliating.
What it's saying here is thatwe're actively doing something
good in this person's life.
I want you to consider how manyof those steps have you taken?
And I want you to take sometime here to go through Romans,
chapter 12 this week andprayerfully go through it,
because what we're called to dois to uproot anger, and the
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reason why he gave the titleuprooting anger is because it
starts from the inside out.
It's not primarily about what'shappening around us.
It's primarily about what'shappening within us.
So it's so important for youand I to keep that in mind,
because what we'll do is thatwe'll seek to blame other people
, and that will leave ushopeless and helpless, but if,
(35:20):
on the other hand, we aretrusting God to do his work in
us and then his work through us.
So I want you to know that.
If you want more informationabout us, please go to my
website jameslongjrorgjameslongjr right there org.
If you want to learn more aboutus.
I have a lot of blogs, podcasts.
(35:42):
There's a lot of greatinformation and resources that
are there on the website.
If you're interested in beingpart of our membership or group
coaching program.
You'll also see a link on ourwebsite to that.
We have a membership that youcan be part of, where you'll get
additional resources and evenmore resources than on our
website.
Or, if you're interested ingroup coaching, we have group
(36:05):
coaching meetings every twoweeks.
Plus, we do these weekly lunchand learns.
We do Q&A sessions.
So I would love it if you wouldbe interested in joining on one
of those.
So next week, lord willing,we're going to come back to
lesson number five, where we'llcontinue to dig deeper into this
process of uprooting anger andunderstanding that there is a
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path of transformation availableto us in Christ.
I don't want you to miss it.
We're going to talk about somepractical aspects of how we can
apply these truths in our lives.
So I thank you so much forbeing with me again today.
Look forward to seeing you,lord willing, at 12 pm Eastern
Standard Time next week.
Let me pray us out as we go.
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So, lord, I thank you for thisopportunity that we've had to
meet.
We thank you for your love.
I thank you that you are agreat God and there's no one
like you.
I thank you for the fact thatwhere sin abounds, grace abounds
.
All the more.
I thank you for the fact that,at your son's cross and because
of his empty tomb, we haveforgiveness of sins and freedom
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from our sin.
We have a family in God and wehave a future.
I pray that those truths wouldso dominate our hearts and our
lives.
Help us not to be sooverwhelmed with our guilt, but
to be overwhelmed with yourgrace and the gospel, and help
us to live our lives ingratitude for what you've done.
Lord, today, as we look at oursin, help us to turn away from
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it and turn to your Savior, andhelp us to bring glory, honor
and majesty to your name.
In Jesus' name, we pray.
Amen.
Be blessed everyone.
Take care.
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