What Is Relational Wisdom and Why It Matters?

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Are you seeking hope, wisdom, and practical solutions to life’s challenges? Dr. James Long, Jr., pastor, counselor, and professor with over 30 years of experience, helps people discover God’s solutions to emotional, relational, and spiritual challenges. Each episode of Lessons for Life points you to the peace and freedom found in Jesus Christ.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:26):
Hey everyone, it's James Long Jr.
and welcome to Lessons for Life.
Today we want to talk about thisquestion: what is relational
wisdom and why it matters?
Why is it that somerelationships struggle while
others thrive?
Now, have you ever wondered whysome people handle relational
tension with grace and othersseem to explode, withdraw, or

(00:47):
manipulate?
And why do certain relationshipsthrive while others fall into
constant patterns of hurt andmisunderstanding?
The difference is often not inintelligence, education, or
theology, it's in wisdom,relational wisdom.
The kind of wisdom that doesn'tjust help us navigate conflict,
it teaches us how to live wellwith others and with God by

(01:09):
understanding ourselves, valuingothers, and walking in the light
of the God, and walking in lightof God's truth.
This is not optional.
Scripture is clear.
Whoever is wise andunderstanding among you, by his
good conduct, let him show hisworks in meekness and wisdom.
That's found in James chapter 3,verse 13.

(01:29):
Wisdom is not only about what weknow, but it's about how we live
and how we love.
Now, what is relational wisdom?
Relational wisdom is yourability to discern emotions,
interests, and circumstances sothat you can respond to people
and situations in a Christ-likeand constructive manner.
It was created by this author,Ken Sandy, great guy.

(01:52):
I've been one of his advancedinstructors for a number of
years in his program calledRelational Wisdom, and I want to
talk to you about it today.
Now it builds upon the biblicalcommand to love God and to love
others, Matthew chapter 22,verses 37 to 39.
And it integrates three keyrelational dimensions self,
others, and God.

(02:13):
Now, when we see self, we seeself-awareness and
self-engagement.
We'll talk more about this, butit's what you know and it's how
you respond to yourself.
It's understanding your ownemotions, values, triggers, and
tendencies, and it's regulatingyour reactions to align with
God's purposes.
But then, second, there is otherawareness and other engagement.

(02:35):
It's empathizing with others,noticing their emotional states
and responding with grace,valuing others as image bearers
of God, not obstacles to yourcomfort.
So we have self-awareness andself-engagement, other awareness
and other engagement.
And the third relationaldimension is God, God awareness

(02:56):
and God engagement.
What you know about God and howyou respond to God.
It's living every relationshipwith a view of God's presence,
his promises, and his purposes.
And it's anchoring your identityand security in him rather than
in the opinions of others.
Now, these three dimensions areoften taught in a framework we

(03:16):
call SOG, S-O-G plan.
Self-aware.
And that's asking yourself, whatam I feeling and what am I
doing?
Other aware, how are othersfeeling and how am I affecting
them?
And then God aware, what is Godup to in this situation?
Now, why it matters?
The cost of relationalfoolishness.

(03:38):
Now, the opposite of relationalwisdom is relational
foolishness, reacting out ofpride, fear, control, or
self-righteousness.
Scripture tells us that leads tochaos.
In James chapter 3, verse 16, itsays this where jealousy and
selfish ambition exist, therewill be disorder in every vile

(03:59):
practice.
Relational foolishness damagesmarriages, friendships, and
churches.
It drives people to isolation,bitterness, and burnout.
It robs us of joy and ruins ourwitness for Christ.
But wisdom from above is firstpure, then peaceable, gentle,

(04:20):
open to reason, full of mercyand good fruits.
That says that it says that inJames chapter 3, verse 17.
When relational wisdom takesroot in your heart, you become a
safe person, a wise counselor,and a redemptive presence in the
lives of others.
Now, let me give you a biblicalexample.
Abigail's wisdom in crisis.

(04:41):
Now, if you turn to 1 Samuelchapter 25, Abigail stands as a
powerful model of relationalwisdom.
Her husband, Nabel, responds toDavid's request with arrogance
and hostility, but Abigail stepsin, discerned the emotional
state of David, and actedquickly with humility, grace,
and God awareness.

(05:01):
She diffused the conflict,honored God, and protected her
household.
Abigail was self-aware.
She recognized herresponsibility and acted with
courage.
She was other aware.
She understood David's risinganger and spoke wisely to calm
it.
And then got aware, she appealedto God's promises and honored

(05:22):
his anointed king.
This is relational wisdom inaction.
Now, how to begin practicingrelational wisdom?
You don't need to have aseminary degree to grow in
relational wisdom.
You need a surrendered heart,teachable spirit, and practical
tools.
And that's what we're going tohopefully talk to you about
through this series.
Here are a few ways that you canbegin.

(05:43):
Number one, reflect beforereacting.
Ask, what am I feeling?
What does this person need?
What would honor God?
Those are really importantquestions to a number two, ask
for feedback.
Invite those close to you toshare how your emotions and
actions affect them.
Number three, stay grounded inscripture and in prayer.

(06:06):
Let God's truth shape how yousee yourself and others.
Number four, pursue growthintentionally.
Learn practical tools andstrategies to help you engage
others with wisdom.
Relational wisdom is not apersonality train, it's a skill,
a mindset, a spirit-empoweredpractice, and it can be learned

(06:27):
one conversation at a time.
Well, let's bring this home.
Let us reflect and apply.
I want you to ponder this.
Where do you most often strugglein your relationships?
Self-awareness, other awareness,or God awareness?
Second, I want you topersonalize what would change if

(06:48):
you responded to people withgreater emotional insight and
biblical clarity.
Third, I want you to considerthis.
I want you to pray.
So ponder, personalize, I wantyou to pray.
Ask God to make you a personmarked by grace, truth, and
wisdom in all yourrelationships.
And then fourth, I want you topractice.

(07:09):
Start using the SOG plan, theSOG plan this week during one
difficult interaction ordecision.
You want to join the journey?
If you want to grow in emotionalmaturity, strengthen your
relationships, and walk ingreater spiritual clarity, I
invite you to take the nextstep.
The Lessons for Life communityis where we help people apply

(07:31):
God's word to life's everydaychallenges.
Inside the community, you'llfind courses on relational
wisdom, peacemaking, andemotional health, membership
resources with practical toolsand devotionals, and group
coaching opportunities for reallife growth and encouragement.
Come walk with us and discoverhow to live with greater wisdom,

(07:52):
peace, and joy.
Visit JamesLongjr.org.
That's James Long L-O-N-G Jr J Rdotorg to learn more and to join
today.
Well, thank you so much forbeing with us today.
I look forward to meeting withyou next time.
Be blessed, everyone.
Take care.