May 6, 2025 • 35 mins
Season 2 kicks off with process-minded Greg Toler, who shares his personal frameworks and rules for life that he's developed through years of learning lessons the hard way.
Greg's insights offer practical wisdom applicable to both personal and professional settings. At the heart of this, the key is knowing your values and creating structure to support them.
Listen to learn more about Greg's rules for life, from work-life presence to meeting people where they are but not leaving them there.
About the Guest:
Greg is the COO of Scrappy ABM and Co-founder of BoostIdeal. He’s been in marketing and operations for over 10 years, running in house and consulting with organizations ranging from startups to enterprise. He’s married and has two daughters, so when he’s not working he’s spending time with his family.
Podcast Intro and Outro Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life
Thanks for listening! Find me @lessonstolearnbeforeyoudie. And if you enjoy the podcast, I'd really appreciate sharing the love (share an episode or leave me a review!)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Parker (00:00):
Hi and welcome to Lessons to Learn Before you Die.
Today, Greg Toler is joining us.
Greg is currently the COO ofScrappy ABM and the co-founder
of a recently released productcalled Boost Ideal.
He's been in marketingoperations for over 10 years,
running in-house and consultingwith organizations, and he's
(00:21):
married and has two daughters.
When he's not working, he'sspending his time with his
lovely family.
Welcome, Greg.
Greg (00:28):
Thanks, parker, it's good to be here.
Parker (00:31):
We have talked a lot about your philosophies.
You love to share yourframeworks and you reference
that you have a framework foreverything.
I even remember a framework forgift giving.
You have a framework foreverything I even remember a
framework for gift giving.
So been developed from some ofthe lessons you've learned.
So how do you take lessons thatyou've learned and develop them
(00:55):
into these frameworks, kind ofwhat's the goal and process to
that?
Greg (00:59):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So, my, it's an unfortunatelook into the way that my brain
works.
But my brain just works inbuckets and structures.
I think in processes andoptimization, and I'm a bit of a
nerd that way.
And so when I see things, orwhen I'm thinking about things,
or when most of my lessons ormost of my frameworks come from
(01:21):
me doing the wrong thing, toomany times that I realize, oh, I
need to fix this, which is thegift giving framework as an
example, I had too many poorholidays that I realized I
needed to do something different.
Yeah, in a pretty big way.
And so it really that's.
(01:42):
That's where a lot of it's justlike my brain is constantly on
analysis mode and so I think,okay, well, how can I fix this
or how can I optimize this orhow can I make it better?
And I am not good at much, butI am good at following a process
and so my brain kind of backsup and I like to look at things
in chunks and in constructs andtry and build a way to fix it.
(02:06):
And so from that, uh becauseapparently I'm bad at a lot of
things I've just learned overthe years that, uh, and just
built these kinds of constructsover the years for how I
communicate or how I um identifyways to to improve things, and
so some of that's personal, someof that's work related, and
it's just, uh, if I don't knowsomething or I need to learn
something or improve something,my brain tends to put it in a
(02:28):
box.
Parker (02:30):
So what do you do when your frameworks don't match,
like sometimes?
You can't, you have to gooutside the box.
What do you do?
Greg (02:37):
Yeah, that's a good question.
I feel like, oh man, that'stough Because my brain is
constantly optimizing andevaluating.
I'm also relativelyself-deprecating and understand
that there's a limit to myknowledge, so I'm usually the
first person to admit thatsomething that I've created
(02:58):
doesn't work.
I can get stuck in thisanalysis phase where I'm trying
to solve the broader problem andkind of lose the forest for the
trees in that moment.
Parker (03:11):
You should listen to my procrastination episode.
I had a guest who had somereally interesting ways to get
outside the box.
Greg (03:19):
I will.
I'll have to go back and listento that, because productive
procrastination is definitelysomething that I do.
When I start my day, I have mylist of things, like everybody
does, right, and I've got my bigthree that have to get done,
and then I start with the littleones, because the theory goes
you build some traction, you geta snowball effect to it, but
from from me, it's oh, I'mreally busy and most of the time
(03:46):
the big things I need to do I'mafraid to do uh, or I know the
right things to do, but uh, butI'm nervous about uh.
I'm literally sitting on onetoday as we talk about this.
That has been making me sweatall morning and uh.
So, yeah, that's that's.
That's a good point, and nowyou're accountable.
Parker (03:59):
You've said that you have to do it.
Greg (04:00):
I am.
I don't know when this is goingto get published, but hopefully
it's done by then, if not, I'min big trouble.
Parker (04:09):
So you have like a list of rules for life that I've
heard you mention.
Greg (04:17):
Can you tell me a bit about what they are and where
they came from?
Yeah, so my, because I'm aprocess guy and I years I've
been collecting quotes frompeople and really where the
where the list started was, mydad used to say the same like
five things over and over againand they just kind of got
ingrained into my brain and theyweren't like bad things, but
(04:40):
things like keep it cleaner thanwhen you found it, or you know
different things like that.
And my dad actually was the onewho first said, at least to me
I don't know if he came up withthis or not, probably not but
meet people where they are, butdon't don't leave them there.
He also used to say, to neverbe afraid of the conversation,
just like different things likethat.
That, like he, you knew he wasgoing to say it before he said
(05:05):
it.
You kind of had this view oflike okay, I'm dealing with this
and my dad says this all thetime, I know he's going to say
that, and so from that like justconstantly, kind of repeating
those things, I realized overthe years that like right, wrong
or indifferent, I started to dothe same thing with people and
with things.
So, like you know, whether Icall them rules or whatever you
(05:30):
know, one of them is, as youknow pretty well from a working
perspective, is work half done,is work not done?
My rules aren't perfect, and Iknow that sometimes they're
contradictory, because anotherone is progress is better than
perfection, which is one that Isay a lot to myself because I
get in this.
My standard is up here andtypically everybody else's
expectation is here, but like Ishoot for this and so, like,
(05:53):
sometimes they're counter toeach other in what I think is a
healthy tension way.
But it really started with justmy dad constantly saying the
same things and I realized hemight have a point in a few of
them, and he did it enough timesto where I started doing it too
, I guess.
Parker (06:10):
I grew up as a like a horse girl and we always had
these like 10 cowboy rules inthe bathroom.
So every time you went to thebathroom it was like the rules
were like if you take something,put it back where you found it,
or like it had all I don't know.
And it's interesting how thoseum kind of reinforce and but
they do set you up for success,that you're kind of mindful and
(06:33):
considerate and in other wayslike that um.
So this past year reinforcedthe idea for you that like if
something's worth doing, it'sworth doing right the first time
.
Can you tell me about why thisyear's reinforced that or like
what ways it's come up or you'vekind of struggled with it?
Greg (06:53):
Yeah, so if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
The first time has been it wassomething that actually a mentor
of mine used to say all thetime that I've attempted to
adopt and at one point I did, Idid a pretty good job at this
from a mentality perspective.
But recently in this past year,there's all, there's a lot of
(07:14):
things going on.
I've always kind of hadmultiple balls in the air.
They're working full time,family building things,
consulting, kind of doing, doingall the things all the time.
And this past year I realizedthat like I got into this habit
of kind of doing good enough inall of those areas and even even
(07:37):
on the family side of things I,you know, would would
over-rotate in one area and Iwould kind of do something for
us as a family or kind of dosomething for for a particular
area.
Uh, and I found pretty quicklyduring the first kind of three
to four months of the year thatall I was doing was kind of
kicking the can down the roadand creating more problems for
myself.
(07:57):
Later, Um and um uh, I had apretty, I had a pretty tough
conversation with my wife um uh,wife a little earlier than the
half of the year where she wasstarting to see things pile up
just kind of across the boardand we were getting ready to
travel at that point and therewas there was a bunch of kind of
compounding things that thatstarted to hit a week or two
(08:18):
before we left and I really hadto take a look at like, okay,
I've really messed up and Ithought that I was doing things
and getting things done, but Iwas doing them in a silly
example.
It was one that I can share.
We were getting ready to traveland I there was a massive list
(08:48):
of things that I needed to getdone to, to cut things off and
to transition and removing andall sorts of different things
and hadn't started registeringor changing addresses or
changing all of those thingsLike I I should have been, and I
kind of like I'd fill out thepaperwork and not not finish it,
or like I do one thing but thenI'd get distracted doing
something else and not do therest of them.
(09:09):
And so I started missing billsbecause I was getting things
sent to the wrong place and nota wrong thing.
And right before the week beforewe left, we got hit with a
pretty big bill that, like Icould have easily avoided if I
had just set everything up thefirst time, the way that it was
done, and that compounded thosetypes of things.
(09:29):
As silly of an example as thatis, that compounded across a lot
of different areas where I wasmaking kind of half processes,
thinking I'll fix them in thefuture, and then things at work
started to to get really tight,or with consulting clients, you
know, doing kind of enough toget through the next week, but
then you would see those thingsstack up week over week where
(09:50):
now I'm three or four weeks inand what I should have been
doing incrementally is now a bigpile of things that I have to
get done kind of last minute, sothis week or this year.
Really about just before halfwaythrough, I realized that like,
uh, I was reminded of this anduh realized that like I can't
continue to operate this yearlike that.
(10:12):
So I spent about a monthdigging myself out of the holes
that I had continued to putmyself in, uh, and have been
kind of attempting to to stay ontop of things and make sure
that, like, if these things areimportant then I need to do them
right the first time and ifit's not worth doing right the
first time, then it's probablynot important enough to spend
time on and focus at all.
Parker (10:32):
So does that mean you feel like you should delegate
more or say no more, or?
Greg (10:37):
Probably a little bit of both, but mostly say no more.
A lot of it tends to be youknow, what am I prioritizing
today, or what is my goal forthe next couple of months, and
am I saying yes to too manythings?
Are my priorities misaligned?
Do I have a misconception ofwhat is actually important?
(11:00):
And some of that's a byproductof doing so many different
things and then also kind ofbeing an in the moment kind of
guy and so like when I'm doingsomething with someone, I want
them, for example, to feel likethat that's the most important
thing, and so I want to say yesto what they want.
I want to help people, I wantto help them, but then I
(11:21):
probably overcommit and spendmore time shuffling the cards
than I do actually getting themost important things done,
because what felt important inthe moment in the grand scheme
of things probably wasn'tholistically important.
Parker (11:36):
That's fair.
So for you it's aprioritization.
But I will say you are verygood at making people feel in
the moment and important.
And I had somebody very closeto me who I had to have like a
heart to heart with because Iwas like you're always on your
phone when you're around me andlike you say that this is
important and you've carved timeout of your day to like make
(11:59):
time for this relationship butlike your actions aren't showing
that and it's like hurtful tome that it feels like you're not
really prioritizing this.
And they were receptive, but itwas like I'm not obviously not
going to say who it is, becauseI don't want them to feel that
after I called out, you know, Inoticed like a change in their
(12:20):
actions, but they were reallynot great at that.
They were trying to juggle alot but they weren't good at
staying in the moment eventhough they wanted to be.
So I give you props for that.
Greg (12:30):
Well, I appreciate that.
It's similar to the concept ofthis right Like.
That's a lesson that I'velearned poorly and over lots of
mistakes there got to a point intime a couple of years ago,
because of doing so many things,I started to realize that, like
when I was at work, I wasfrustrated and thinking about
not being able to spend timewith my family, and when I was
(12:51):
with my family, I spent most ofit distantly thinking about work
and all the things that weren'tdone and needed to get done,
and my ability tocompartmentalize became
essentially non-existent.
Um, and I remember there wasone day, uh, my, my daughter
vivian was, I think she was oneor two at that point.
(13:12):
Uh, and she was talking so shewas probably one and a half to
two and she was trying to tellme something.
Um, and I just remember I her.
All I remember is her walkingaway and I was sitting on the
floor looking at my phone.
Uh, and she walked away andstarted telling my wife, who was
sitting on the couch at thetime, uh, the exact same thing
(13:34):
that she was trying to tell me.
Uh, and I realized in thatmoment that I had no clue what
she said.
Um, and it sorry.
It hit me really hard because Irealized that, like you said,
you were going to do this too.
Um, it hit me really hardbecause I realized that, like
you said, you're going to dothis too.
It hit me really hard because Irealized that, like I only get
so much time with her, not justin life.
(13:56):
Everybody says that, right,your kids grow up too fast,
which is true, but I also onlyget so much time during the day
because of work.
And it hit me that like daybecause of work.
And it hit me that, like I, I,something was broken in the way
that I worked, that I had tostill be thinking about it at
home and the way that I wasoperating at home was broken
(14:18):
because I wasn't, I wasn't doingthe right thing.
So that transitioned into Icall it this I don't know where
I got it from, but I can't takecredit for it I'm sure a
work-life presence, because forall of us and I just posted
about this on LinkedIn too, but,like, a lot of us work more
than we spend time with ourfamily and that, and I will
always be like that I don't knowthat that will ever change, at
(14:40):
least not in the short term it's.
I know that work will naturallywin the time game, and I
started then and have beenworking towards this idea of I
have to be productive andpresent at work so that I can be
present at home and let the twobleed together.
And that was a very hard lessonlearned with with missing more
(15:04):
than I wish I probably did earlyon with my kids.
Parker (15:08):
Yeah, and you realize kind of what's important and I
think building things which youare very good at is important.
I know you care about makingpeople's lives better and making
things that actually helppeople.
But, yeah, sometimes you'resmacked in the face with the
reality of of the relationshipsthat are important and that's
(15:30):
why I say that picking a goodlike an important, a good job
that you enjoy is important,because you are going to spend
more time at work and the peoplethat you work with and I care
about, like who my bosses arefor that reason.
Greg (15:39):
But, yeah, sometimes reality is just she punches us
in the face sometimes that is uh, and an unfortunate reality for
a lot of us, and that's why,like you know, whether, whether
it sounds systematic or or coldor not, but like having having
(16:01):
some level of construct where Ican at least have a baseline or
an anchor for to to keep me ontrack, because I do easily fall
back into into rhythms that areprobably not great.
It's just really important andthat's something that I, that I
preach to the people that workfor me and with me, as well as,
like you know, making sure thatpriorities of family come first
(16:24):
and like work will always bethere and regardless of how you,
how you divide or subdividethat with your, with your own
life, even though I don't do itwell for myself, it's important,
as I say, not as I do Do youknow how many times I've said
that?
Yeah exactly, instill that inother people and make it, make
it a priority for them as bestas I can.
Parker (16:43):
So actually that kind of makes me think like you've set
these rules for yourself to kindof give yourself like some
structure, like you said to toapproach things.
Is it important for you toshare that with other people, or
is it more just something thatyou've made for yourself?
Greg (17:02):
Yeah, so over the years, a lot of it just started with me,
but over the years I've startedto adapt versions of this that
apply in like a corporatesetting or work setting or with
my team.
When I've built things on myown.
They naturally kind oftransition into things like core
values or habits to work withor things that that I do.
(17:24):
Some of it is just, um,everybody in my family is a
teacher but me, basically, so,uh, I, uh, I, I have the, I have
the bent towards that and I didteach for a couple of years and
so like it's just kind of adefault.
That's like I want tocommunicate things that I've
learned or things that that Ihave worked through.
If I see people who are goingthrough similar things, or
(17:46):
there's there's a time where youknow something that I've I've
learned is applicable, I justlike sharing that and I think
it's important.
There are some things that arelike you know, for instance I
said earlier but like work halfdone is work not done is
something that that I, I instillin my team is something like
this is how I operate.
Like I I'm fine with iterativegrowth, but like if you say
(18:09):
something is done and it's notactually done or you've done it
halfway, then I don't considerthat done.
And generally to the point thatwe've been talking about, that
compounds to issues later, andso it's things like that that
like I try and instill as aguideline for for my teams.
Not necessarily anything thatlike I hold as a as a hard fast
rule, but yeah do you know whatone of my favorites is?
Parker (18:32):
look, before you ask, because I worked in a library,
um at a university, and I wasshocked the amount of people who
like have no ability to findthings themselves or figure it
out themselves, and I'm not likeit's a good rule, though, to be
like hey, try it on your ownfirst, see if you can find it
and then come back.
So that's a personal favorite,cause that takes time to like
(18:55):
send people things I get it.
Greg (18:56):
Yeah, oh yeah, you're.
Basically you're the way that Ialways viewed it, which is
probably a negative way ofviewing it.
But, like, I'm valuing my timeover somebody else's time and if
I am unwilling to go the, I sayit a few different ways, but
one of the ways is I always askmyself where can I find the
answer to this question before Iask it?
Um, because if I just it's alack of consideration, not
(19:21):
always, like sometimes you justyou know somebody knows
something faster than you can gofind it and the the time
constraint to to things, or oror you know different things,
like that.
But like, generally speaking,it's a level of consideration
for somebody else and their time.
They're not spending their timejust waiting for you to ask
some questions, to go look forsomething for you.
There too, they have thingsgoing on, they have a life,
(19:44):
whether professionally orpersonally, and so, like, for me
, that became an important thingthat I do instill with teams.
A lot is like where can I findthe answer to this?
And then the follow up to thatis like if I'm asking this
question, somebody else probablyis as well, and if it's not
anywhere, how can I, how can Idocument it, or how can I store
(20:05):
this to make it easy for thenext person to find it without
having to ask for it?
So it's just that processrecognition.
Parker (20:12):
So that kind of relates to what you talked about earlier
, which is meet people wherethey are but don't leave them
there.
Where did this come from, andhow do you try and implement
that both in your professionaland personal life?
Greg (20:26):
Yeah.
So it's kind of my dad used tosay all the time that leave
things better than when youfound them and over the years,
like when you're a kid, you knowit was don't leave a mess at a
restaurant or you know, like ifyou throw something on the floor
(20:46):
, pick it up or you knowwhatever, just kind of you know
those early stages of like,diligence and discipline and
like those types of things.
But over the years I just kindof watched him whether it was
spoken or not spoken, as a, as ateacher I watched him do this
with people as a teacher.
(21:09):
Uh, I watched him do this withpeople all the time.
Um, we growing up, we lived inuh, not the best area Um and uh.
So a lot of the, a lot of theschools that my dad was
administrator for a long timeand a lot of schools that we
went to, um, you know, naturallythere were kids who struggled a
little bit more Um and uh.
I just watched him for yearsover invest with kids and he
would.
He would always kind of do this.
(21:30):
Where it was like kids wouldget accepted into the school
that we knew weren't up to acertain point, and he would.
The first thing he would alwaysdo is figure out what they're
doing now, where are they now,and then start working with them
to figure out okay, well, howcan we even if it's not, you
know, get them to a standard ofanything.
How do we just make incrementalimprovements to help them feel
(21:51):
success and feel growth?
And I just watched him kind ofpattern this over and over where
eventually I I turned it intothis meet people where they are
but don't leave them there.
Because I think it's reallyimportant first, that people
feel heard and they feelunderstood where they are.
Because a lot of times peoplejust come in and try and fix
things.
And I see this professionallywhere, like organization, new
(22:15):
hires come in, new leadershipcomes in and they just start
changing things to the way thatthey, that they used to do it.
Or, as a person, you meetsomeone that you see problems
with or you see things that theycould improve in, and you just
go in and start cutting andfixing.
And people don't need that,organizations don't need that.
It's a really bad direction tojust come in and start changing
things before you know all theanswers and that person doesn't
(22:37):
have a perspective or and how doyou even know how to help
somebody or be there forsomebody if you don't understand
them?
And so I watched him kind ofpattern this over the years and
(22:58):
so how that applies to like meand with my teams and stuff is
like or just with people ingeneral, is it's not my job to
fix people?
Uh, I just want to understandpeople, want to understand who
you are, where you're comingfrom, what's important to you,
what makes you tick as a person.
And then if there's anything Ican do to just improve your life
or improve your day to day, Iwant to help, support that.
(23:21):
Not change you, not fix you,not whatever, but like meet you
where you are today and then howcan I make an impact in
somebody's life that makes thembetter tomorrow?
And that's just kind of thegoal for it and where it
originated.
Parker (23:35):
Everything that you just said I realized is like my
mission statement for life.
Like I was like oh, that's likereally what I care about, like
I love getting to know peopleand what makes them tick and
like hearing their perspectives,and I think that's why I
started the podcast in general,but also like I just want to do
that for work.
Like I just realized, like youjust made this little light bulb
come off that I'm like that'slike my mission statement.
Greg (23:58):
I've always thought it would like transition to like I
don't know, some sort of likecareer development thing or like
coaching or you know something,because, like I would, I'd be
naive to think that I knoweverything about everything.
But because of the way my brainprocesses things, I am pretty
good at like in taking lots ofinformation.
First thinking like in takinglots of information, helping
(24:21):
create a construct out of thatand then thinking about ways to
help improve and so well, Idon't want, you know, enforce
that on people or make it makeit a thing on people.
Necessarily, it is somethingthat I'm pretty good at and I
enjoy doing and do with things.
So, anyways, that's that'swhere that, that's where that
came from, and watching itmodeled and and kind of what I
(24:43):
not that I think everybody needsmy help, but I think we all
need each other.
Parker (24:47):
Community is so important yeah.
Greg (24:49):
And, like you know, you're really good at things that I'm
horrible at, and I'm sure thatthere may be something that I'm
okay, that that I can, that Ican help and, like you know,
it's how do we?
Rising tide lifts all boatsright?
How do we?
How do we help each other uhgrow and know, make, uh, make an
(25:10):
impact in everyone's lives.
Parker (25:11):
Yeah, I love that.
I love everything that you justsaid there.
Um, what do you do, though, if?
If people don't like willinglyparticipate in that growth or
they're not receptive to um kindof the change or change in
general?
Greg (25:30):
this is actually really hard for me and it's something
that I'm working through because, objectively, I know the answer
right it's like you can't.
You can lead a horse to water,you can't force them to drink
whatever those types of whateverthose types of things are.
So, objectively, I I understandconceptually that, like I can't
force anything on anybody ifthey don't want to, if they
(25:52):
don't want to change, whatever.
Now, circumstances differ,right.
So, like, if it's in a worksetting and it's employee that's
doing something they shouldn'tor not doing something they
should be doing and it's like aconstruct to it, then that's a
coaching opportunity.
And if they're still like, ifthey're just outright refusing
not to improve from, like, aperformance perspective, that's
a different conversation.
But like on a on a personal andrelational level, objectively,
(26:16):
it's not my job to fix anybody,it's not my job to enforce, and
what works for me doesn'tdoesn't always work for everyone
.
So, like, at some point you haveto be able to to
compartmentalize and just bethere and be an example and be a
support, how you can, knowingthat, like, not everybody wants
it and that's, that's fine, um,but I get personally and
(26:38):
emotionally invested in people,probably, uh, probably more than
um, yeah, I get emotionallyinvested in people because I
care about people and, uh, Iwatched my, my family do this
for years and so, like, um, itdoes hurt sometimes when, like,
I'm investing so much in you andlike there's no reciprocation
(27:00):
or even, uh, appreciationsometimes, and so I'm getting
better at knowing the limits andknowing the points, um, and
like, not overextending andmaking sure that I, you know,
protect myself and my time too,but that's a, that's a hard
thing that I'm, that I'm workingthrough is just like you know,
you can only do so much and what.
(27:21):
At what point do you disengage?
And then just model being theexample Cause I think about it
with my family too, like my dadcould have, you know, told me
what to do and you know, kind ofeffectively forced compliance
with his rules or whatever, orwith people right, Like you
can't force others to do things,but I just watched him do that
(27:44):
as an example for so many yearsand some people it stuck with
and some people it didn't, andso I try to think of it that way
, where it's like I can be areminder, I can be a nice voice.
Parker (27:59):
I can just be there and be that example.
If it sticks, great.
If it doesn't, I've done what Ican.
Yeah, technically you've stillleft it better and it's up to
them to like continue and takethat and run or not.
Um, yeah, how, like if you weretalking to somebody else, would
you suggest they develop somekind of guidelines for their
life or structure, or you know?
(28:23):
Is this more of like aprinciples for life kind of
thing, or is it more like here'ssome guidelines to just help
you get through life?
Greg (28:31):
Good question.
I think naturally my answer isgoing to be yes, just because,
like that's the way my brainworks.
Right, everybody worksdifferent, though.
If I, you know, if I told uh, Itold my wife, for example that
like we were going to sit downand have family core values and
like we were going to outlinewhat our, what our plan is for
the year or whatever, I doubtthat that would go over super
(28:52):
well.
But generally speaking, you know, the way that I look at it is
how do I know what to do if Idon't know where I'm going?
Kind of a perspective, one ofmy other rules, or at least
guidelines for things.
As you've probably heard waytoo many times, if it's not
outlined, it can't be executed,because so often people just
(29:13):
kind of jump in and dive intothe thing and then they don't
really have a plan, andsometimes that's cool.
Like you know, if you're on aroad trip and you're like I'm
kind of going here but likewe'll just see what happens
along the way, had some amazingmoments like that, right, but
but for the most part it'sreally difficult to get to your
destination or get to theoutcome that you want to achieve
(29:34):
without having some sort ofidea and I think I think about
it in the same way with, like,how I operate as a person, what
I want to be known for, what Iwant others to see when, when
they talk to me, and so, yeah,it's like I would recommend it
if there's a blanket statementfor recommendation.
(29:55):
But everybody works differently,right, and the brand just
thinks that way.
But I do think it's importantbroadly to know what you're
about and how you want to beknown and where you want to go,
because that sticks and it'seasier to see.
Not that there's not coursecorrection, but it's easier to
see.
Am I, am I doing what isimportant?
(30:19):
Again back to thatprioritization Am I doing what's
important?
Am I acting the way that Ishould be acting?
Am I supporting others the waythat I should be, or is it all
focused on me and what I canachieve?
Parker (30:29):
So, to summarize, I feel like it's like knowing your
values and when you want to beknown for, and then for you it's
adding the structure, so thatyou're doing things to go that
back up, that kind of structureand value.
Yeah, okay.
So I'm going to throw you acouple curveballs, all right, I
love it, let's go.
If we're talking about how youwant to be known, what are three
(30:55):
words, or a statement, orsomething like that, that you
think others would describe youas now Like how?
Greg (31:01):
you would want to be known as.
Oh, man Depends on who we'retalking to.
Parker (31:08):
That's fair, but in general like a consensus.
This is what the consensuswould be at your funeral, or
something.
Greg (31:14):
Oh well, uh, if it's my family talking, probably messy
uh is one of those words.
So, uh, which is odd forsomebody who who attempts to be
so structured and organized, um,no, um, well, you used one of
them earlier and I I would hopethat that rings true with others
too.
At present, I don't think thatit's described me, um, as I've
(31:36):
clearly outlined already andprobably thrown myself under the
bus a bit, but like uh, I thinkI'm better at it.
Phone goes on the counter when,when I'm done at work, uh,
until the kids go to bed andmaybe I have to go back, but
phone's on the counter as bestas I can, um, when I'm on calls
with people.
You know, making sure that theyknow that like this is
(31:56):
important.
So I would say present would beone that I would hope people
say, and, and I think they wouldI think generally people who
only know me to a certain pointwould describe me as confident.
I think people who really knowme might not you can edit this
(32:22):
one out if this one doesn't cutthe mustard or whatever but
maybe it's not confident, butit's articulate or something
something to that effect.
I am incredibly introverted andincredibly insecure, but I have
a pretty good way of of notcoming across that way with
(32:46):
other people or in circumstancesthat I that I need to have that
level, and then I wouldprobably say for the last one if
I had to pick something, um.
And then I would probably sayfor the last one if I had to
pick something, um.
I hope that people would, um,would feel and see a level of
(33:06):
dedication in the things that Ido, uh, or commitment to the
things that I do.
Not necessarily that it comesacross as consistent, but, um, I
work very hard and that's beena staple of of who I am as a
person for a really long time,and I get feedback that people
see that it's not always theright way, it's not, it's not
the way that I would recommendfor everyone, but that's
(33:27):
something that I'm I've alwaysreally prided myself on right,
wrong or indifferent is beingwilling to put in the work.
So I think maybe people wouldsay that too.
Parker (33:35):
I don't know last question um, if you could say
something to yourself, likemaybe a year or a year and a
half ago, when things werefeeling pretty hard, like what
would you say to yourself?
Greg (33:51):
um, I think, like always, I would say, say don't let other
people's perspectives andexpectations impact what I do.
I've spent a lot of timeworried about what other people
think and what they say and whatI'm allowed to do or not
allowed to do because of otherpeople's perspectives or
(34:12):
construct or opinion in my life,and I'm just now starting to
get out of that mentality and soif I could go back, I would say
just do all of the things thatI wanted to do and not care so
much about what it looks like orwhat other people think,
because I've seen more growthdifficult growth, but more
growth in the last three monthsish of just making those
(34:35):
decisions, to step out and dothose things rather than worry
about what other people think.
Parker (34:40):
Well, thank you for your time today.
Thank you.
Hi and welcome to Lessons to Learn Before you Die.
Today, Greg Toler is joining us.
Greg is currently the COO ofScrappy ABM and the co-founder
of a recently released productcalled Boost Ideal.
He's been in marketingoperations for over 10 years,
running in-house and consultingwith organizations, and he's
(00:21):
married and has two daughters.
When he's not working, he'sspending his time with his
lovely family.
Welcome, Greg.
Greg (00:28):
Thanks, parker, it's good to be here.
Parker (00:31):
We have talked a lot about your philosophies.
You love to share yourframeworks and you reference
that you have a framework foreverything.
I even remember a framework forgift giving.
You have a framework foreverything I even remember a
framework for gift giving.
So been developed from some ofthe lessons you've learned.
So how do you take lessons thatyou've learned and develop them
(00:55):
into these frameworks, kind ofwhat's the goal and process to
that?
Greg (00:59):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So, my, it's an unfortunatelook into the way that my brain
works.
But my brain just works inbuckets and structures.
I think in processes andoptimization, and I'm a bit of a
nerd that way.
And so when I see things, orwhen I'm thinking about things,
or when most of my lessons ormost of my frameworks come from
(01:21):
me doing the wrong thing, toomany times that I realize, oh, I
need to fix this, which is thegift giving framework as an
example, I had too many poorholidays that I realized I
needed to do something different.
Yeah, in a pretty big way.
And so it really that's.
(01:42):
That's where a lot of it's justlike my brain is constantly on
analysis mode and so I think,okay, well, how can I fix this
or how can I optimize this orhow can I make it better?
And I am not good at much, butI am good at following a process
and so my brain kind of backsup and I like to look at things
in chunks and in constructs andtry and build a way to fix it.
(02:06):
And so from that, uh becauseapparently I'm bad at a lot of
things I've just learned overthe years that, uh, and just
built these kinds of constructsover the years for how I
communicate or how I um identifyways to to improve things, and
so some of that's personal, someof that's work related, and
it's just, uh, if I don't knowsomething or I need to learn
something or improve something,my brain tends to put it in a
(02:28):
box.
Parker (02:30):
So what do you do when your frameworks don't match,
like sometimes?
You can't, you have to gooutside the box.
What do you do?
Greg (02:37):
Yeah, that's a good question.
I feel like, oh man, that'stough Because my brain is
constantly optimizing andevaluating.
I'm also relativelyself-deprecating and understand
that there's a limit to myknowledge, so I'm usually the
first person to admit thatsomething that I've created
(02:58):
doesn't work.
I can get stuck in thisanalysis phase where I'm trying
to solve the broader problem andkind of lose the forest for the
trees in that moment.
Parker (03:11):
You should listen to my procrastination episode.
I had a guest who had somereally interesting ways to get
outside the box.
Greg (03:19):
I will.
I'll have to go back and listento that, because productive
procrastination is definitelysomething that I do.
When I start my day, I have mylist of things, like everybody
does, right, and I've got my bigthree that have to get done,
and then I start with the littleones, because the theory goes
you build some traction, you geta snowball effect to it, but
from from me, it's oh, I'mreally busy and most of the time
(03:46):
the big things I need to do I'mafraid to do uh, or I know the
right things to do, but uh, butI'm nervous about uh.
I'm literally sitting on onetoday as we talk about this.
That has been making me sweatall morning and uh.
So, yeah, that's that's.
That's a good point, and nowyou're accountable.
Parker (03:59):
You've said that you have to do it.
Greg (04:00):
I am.
I don't know when this is goingto get published, but hopefully
it's done by then, if not, I'min big trouble.
Parker (04:09):
So you have like a list of rules for life that I've
heard you mention.
Greg (04:17):
Can you tell me a bit about what they are and where
they came from?
Yeah, so my, because I'm aprocess guy and I years I've
been collecting quotes frompeople and really where the
where the list started was, mydad used to say the same like
five things over and over againand they just kind of got
ingrained into my brain and theyweren't like bad things, but
(04:40):
things like keep it cleaner thanwhen you found it, or you know
different things like that.
And my dad actually was the onewho first said, at least to me
I don't know if he came up withthis or not, probably not but
meet people where they are, butdon't don't leave them there.
He also used to say, to neverbe afraid of the conversation,
just like different things likethat.
That, like he, you knew he wasgoing to say it before he said
(05:05):
it.
You kind of had this view oflike okay, I'm dealing with this
and my dad says this all thetime, I know he's going to say
that, and so from that like justconstantly, kind of repeating
those things, I realized overthe years that like right, wrong
or indifferent, I started to dothe same thing with people and
with things.
So, like you know, whether Icall them rules or whatever you
(05:30):
know, one of them is, as youknow pretty well from a working
perspective, is work half done,is work not done?
My rules aren't perfect, and Iknow that sometimes they're
contradictory, because anotherone is progress is better than
perfection, which is one that Isay a lot to myself because I
get in this.
My standard is up here andtypically everybody else's
expectation is here, but like Ishoot for this and so, like,
(05:53):
sometimes they're counter toeach other in what I think is a
healthy tension way.
But it really started with justmy dad constantly saying the
same things and I realized hemight have a point in a few of
them, and he did it enough timesto where I started doing it too
, I guess.
Parker (06:10):
I grew up as a like a horse girl and we always had
these like 10 cowboy rules inthe bathroom.
So every time you went to thebathroom it was like the rules
were like if you take something,put it back where you found it,
or like it had all I don't know.
And it's interesting how thoseum kind of reinforce and but
they do set you up for success,that you're kind of mindful and
(06:33):
considerate and in other wayslike that um.
So this past year reinforcedthe idea for you that like if
something's worth doing, it'sworth doing right the first time
.
Can you tell me about why thisyear's reinforced that or like
what ways it's come up or you'vekind of struggled with it?
Greg (06:53):
Yeah, so if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
The first time has been it wassomething that actually a mentor
of mine used to say all thetime that I've attempted to
adopt and at one point I did, Idid a pretty good job at this
from a mentality perspective.
But recently in this past year,there's all, there's a lot of
(07:14):
things going on.
I've always kind of hadmultiple balls in the air.
They're working full time,family building things,
consulting, kind of doing, doingall the things all the time.
And this past year I realizedthat like I got into this habit
of kind of doing good enough inall of those areas and even even
(07:37):
on the family side of things I,you know, would would
over-rotate in one area and Iwould kind of do something for
us as a family or kind of dosomething for for a particular
area.
Uh, and I found pretty quicklyduring the first kind of three
to four months of the year thatall I was doing was kind of
kicking the can down the roadand creating more problems for
myself.
(07:57):
Later, Um and um uh, I had apretty, I had a pretty tough
conversation with my wife um uh,wife a little earlier than the
half of the year where she wasstarting to see things pile up
just kind of across the boardand we were getting ready to
travel at that point and therewas there was a bunch of kind of
compounding things that thatstarted to hit a week or two
(08:18):
before we left and I really hadto take a look at like, okay,
I've really messed up and Ithought that I was doing things
and getting things done, but Iwas doing them in a silly
example.
It was one that I can share.
We were getting ready to traveland I there was a massive list
(08:48):
of things that I needed to getdone to, to cut things off and
to transition and removing andall sorts of different things
and hadn't started registeringor changing addresses or
changing all of those thingsLike I I should have been, and I
kind of like I'd fill out thepaperwork and not not finish it,
or like I do one thing but thenI'd get distracted doing
something else and not do therest of them.
(09:09):
And so I started missing billsbecause I was getting things
sent to the wrong place and nota wrong thing.
And right before the week beforewe left, we got hit with a
pretty big bill that, like Icould have easily avoided if I
had just set everything up thefirst time, the way that it was
done, and that compounded thosetypes of things.
(09:29):
As silly of an example as thatis, that compounded across a lot
of different areas where I wasmaking kind of half processes,
thinking I'll fix them in thefuture, and then things at work
started to to get really tight,or with consulting clients, you
know, doing kind of enough toget through the next week, but
then you would see those thingsstack up week over week where
(09:50):
now I'm three or four weeks inand what I should have been
doing incrementally is now a bigpile of things that I have to
get done kind of last minute, sothis week or this year.
Really about just before halfwaythrough, I realized that like,
uh, I was reminded of this anduh realized that like I can't
continue to operate this yearlike that.
(10:12):
So I spent about a monthdigging myself out of the holes
that I had continued to putmyself in, uh, and have been
kind of attempting to to stay ontop of things and make sure
that, like, if these things areimportant then I need to do them
right the first time and ifit's not worth doing right the
first time, then it's probablynot important enough to spend
time on and focus at all.
Parker (10:32):
So does that mean you feel like you should delegate
more or say no more, or?
Greg (10:37):
Probably a little bit of both, but mostly say no more.
A lot of it tends to be youknow, what am I prioritizing
today, or what is my goal forthe next couple of months, and
am I saying yes to too manythings?
Are my priorities misaligned?
Do I have a misconception ofwhat is actually important?
(11:00):
And some of that's a byproductof doing so many different
things and then also kind ofbeing an in the moment kind of
guy and so like when I'm doingsomething with someone, I want
them, for example, to feel likethat that's the most important
thing, and so I want to say yesto what they want.
I want to help people, I wantto help them, but then I
(11:21):
probably overcommit and spendmore time shuffling the cards
than I do actually getting themost important things done,
because what felt important inthe moment in the grand scheme
of things probably wasn'tholistically important.
Parker (11:36):
That's fair.
So for you it's aprioritization.
But I will say you are verygood at making people feel in
the moment and important.
And I had somebody very closeto me who I had to have like a
heart to heart with because Iwas like you're always on your
phone when you're around me andlike you say that this is
important and you've carved timeout of your day to like make
(11:59):
time for this relationship butlike your actions aren't showing
that and it's like hurtful tome that it feels like you're not
really prioritizing this.
And they were receptive, but itwas like I'm not obviously not
going to say who it is, becauseI don't want them to feel that
after I called out, you know, Inoticed like a change in their
(12:20):
actions, but they were reallynot great at that.
They were trying to juggle alot but they weren't good at
staying in the moment eventhough they wanted to be.
So I give you props for that.
Greg (12:30):
Well, I appreciate that.
It's similar to the concept ofthis right Like.
That's a lesson that I'velearned poorly and over lots of
mistakes there got to a point intime a couple of years ago,
because of doing so many things,I started to realize that, like
when I was at work, I wasfrustrated and thinking about
not being able to spend timewith my family, and when I was
(12:51):
with my family, I spent most ofit distantly thinking about work
and all the things that weren'tdone and needed to get done,
and my ability tocompartmentalize became
essentially non-existent.
Um, and I remember there wasone day, uh, my, my daughter
vivian was, I think she was oneor two at that point.
(13:12):
Uh, and she was talking so shewas probably one and a half to
two and she was trying to tellme something.
Um, and I just remember I her.
All I remember is her walkingaway and I was sitting on the
floor looking at my phone.
Uh, and she walked away andstarted telling my wife, who was
sitting on the couch at thetime, uh, the exact same thing
(13:34):
that she was trying to tell me.
Uh, and I realized in thatmoment that I had no clue what
she said.
Um, and it sorry.
It hit me really hard because Irealized that, like you said,
you were going to do this too.
Um, it hit me really hardbecause I realized that, like
you said, you're going to dothis too.
It hit me really hard because Irealized that, like I only get
so much time with her, not justin life.
(13:56):
Everybody says that, right,your kids grow up too fast,
which is true, but I also onlyget so much time during the day
because of work.
And it hit me that like daybecause of work.
And it hit me that, like I, I,something was broken in the way
that I worked, that I had tostill be thinking about it at
home and the way that I wasoperating at home was broken
(14:18):
because I wasn't, I wasn't doingthe right thing.
So that transitioned into Icall it this I don't know where
I got it from, but I can't takecredit for it I'm sure a
work-life presence, because forall of us and I just posted
about this on LinkedIn too, but,like, a lot of us work more
than we spend time with ourfamily and that, and I will
always be like that I don't knowthat that will ever change, at
(14:40):
least not in the short term it's.
I know that work will naturallywin the time game, and I
started then and have beenworking towards this idea of I
have to be productive andpresent at work so that I can be
present at home and let the twobleed together.
And that was a very hard lessonlearned with with missing more
(15:04):
than I wish I probably did earlyon with my kids.
Parker (15:08):
Yeah, and you realize kind of what's important and I
think building things which youare very good at is important.
I know you care about makingpeople's lives better and making
things that actually helppeople.
But, yeah, sometimes you'resmacked in the face with the
reality of of the relationshipsthat are important and that's
(15:30):
why I say that picking a goodlike an important, a good job
that you enjoy is important,because you are going to spend
more time at work and the peoplethat you work with and I care
about, like who my bosses arefor that reason.
Greg (15:39):
But, yeah, sometimes reality is just she punches us
in the face sometimes that is uh, and an unfortunate reality for
a lot of us, and that's why,like you know, whether, whether
it sounds systematic or or coldor not, but like having having
(16:01):
some level of construct where Ican at least have a baseline or
an anchor for to to keep me ontrack, because I do easily fall
back into into rhythms that areprobably not great.
It's just really important andthat's something that I, that I
preach to the people that workfor me and with me, as well as,
like you know, making sure thatpriorities of family come first
(16:24):
and like work will always bethere and regardless of how you,
how you divide or subdividethat with your, with your own
life, even though I don't do itwell for myself, it's important,
as I say, not as I do Do youknow how many times I've said
that?
Yeah exactly, instill that inother people and make it, make
it a priority for them as bestas I can.
Parker (16:43):
So actually that kind of makes me think like you've set
these rules for yourself to kindof give yourself like some
structure, like you said to toapproach things.
Is it important for you toshare that with other people, or
is it more just something thatyou've made for yourself?
Greg (17:02):
Yeah, so over the years, a lot of it just started with me,
but over the years I've startedto adapt versions of this that
apply in like a corporatesetting or work setting or with
my team.
When I've built things on myown.
They naturally kind oftransition into things like core
values or habits to work withor things that that I do.
(17:24):
Some of it is just, um,everybody in my family is a
teacher but me, basically, so,uh, I, uh, I, I have the, I have
the bent towards that and I didteach for a couple of years and
so like it's just kind of adefault.
That's like I want tocommunicate things that I've
learned or things that that Ihave worked through.
If I see people who are goingthrough similar things, or
(17:46):
there's there's a time where youknow something that I've I've
learned is applicable, I justlike sharing that and I think
it's important.
There are some things that arelike you know, for instance I
said earlier but like work halfdone is work not done is
something that that I, I instillin my team is something like
this is how I operate.
Like I I'm fine with iterativegrowth, but like if you say
(18:09):
something is done and it's notactually done or you've done it
halfway, then I don't considerthat done.
And generally to the point thatwe've been talking about, that
compounds to issues later, andso it's things like that that
like I try and instill as aguideline for for my teams.
Not necessarily anything thatlike I hold as a as a hard fast
rule, but yeah do you know whatone of my favorites is?
Parker (18:32):
look, before you ask, because I worked in a library,
um at a university, and I wasshocked the amount of people who
like have no ability to findthings themselves or figure it
out themselves, and I'm not likeit's a good rule, though, to be
like hey, try it on your ownfirst, see if you can find it
and then come back.
So that's a personal favorite,cause that takes time to like
(18:55):
send people things I get it.
Greg (18:56):
Yeah, oh yeah, you're.
Basically you're the way that Ialways viewed it, which is
probably a negative way ofviewing it.
But, like, I'm valuing my timeover somebody else's time and if
I am unwilling to go the, I sayit a few different ways, but
one of the ways is I always askmyself where can I find the
answer to this question before Iask it?
Um, because if I just it's alack of consideration, not
(19:21):
always, like sometimes you justyou know somebody knows
something faster than you can gofind it and the the time
constraint to to things, or oror you know different things,
like that.
But like, generally speaking,it's a level of consideration
for somebody else and their time.
They're not spending their timejust waiting for you to ask
some questions, to go look forsomething for you.
There too, they have thingsgoing on, they have a life,
(19:44):
whether professionally orpersonally, and so, like, for me
, that became an important thingthat I do instill with teams.
A lot is like where can I findthe answer to this?
And then the follow up to thatis like if I'm asking this
question, somebody else probablyis as well, and if it's not
anywhere, how can I, how can Idocument it, or how can I store
(20:05):
this to make it easy for thenext person to find it without
having to ask for it?
So it's just that processrecognition.
Parker (20:12):
So that kind of relates to what you talked about earlier
, which is meet people wherethey are but don't leave them
there.
Where did this come from, andhow do you try and implement
that both in your professionaland personal life?
Greg (20:26):
Yeah.
So it's kind of my dad used tosay all the time that leave
things better than when youfound them and over the years,
like when you're a kid, you knowit was don't leave a mess at a
restaurant or you know, like ifyou throw something on the floor
(20:46):
, pick it up or you knowwhatever, just kind of you know
those early stages of like,diligence and discipline and
like those types of things.
But over the years I just kindof watched him whether it was
spoken or not spoken, as a, as ateacher I watched him do this
with people as a teacher.
(21:09):
Uh, I watched him do this withpeople all the time.
Um, we growing up, we lived inuh, not the best area Um and uh.
So a lot of the, a lot of theschools that my dad was
administrator for a long timeand a lot of schools that we
went to, um, you know, naturallythere were kids who struggled a
little bit more Um and uh.
I just watched him for yearsover invest with kids and he
would.
He would always kind of do this.
(21:30):
Where it was like kids wouldget accepted into the school
that we knew weren't up to acertain point, and he would.
The first thing he would alwaysdo is figure out what they're
doing now, where are they now,and then start working with them
to figure out okay, well, howcan we even if it's not, you
know, get them to a standard ofanything.
How do we just make incrementalimprovements to help them feel
(21:51):
success and feel growth?
And I just watched him kind ofpattern this over and over where
eventually I I turned it intothis meet people where they are
but don't leave them there.
Because I think it's reallyimportant first, that people
feel heard and they feelunderstood where they are.
Because a lot of times peoplejust come in and try and fix
things.
And I see this professionallywhere, like organization, new
(22:15):
hires come in, new leadershipcomes in and they just start
changing things to the way thatthey, that they used to do it.
Or, as a person, you meetsomeone that you see problems
with or you see things that theycould improve in, and you just
go in and start cutting andfixing.
And people don't need that,organizations don't need that.
It's a really bad direction tojust come in and start changing
things before you know all theanswers and that person doesn't
(22:37):
have a perspective or and how doyou even know how to help
somebody or be there forsomebody if you don't understand
them?
And so I watched him kind ofpattern this over the years and
(22:58):
so how that applies to like meand with my teams and stuff is
like or just with people ingeneral, is it's not my job to
fix people?
Uh, I just want to understandpeople, want to understand who
you are, where you're comingfrom, what's important to you,
what makes you tick as a person.
And then if there's anything Ican do to just improve your life
or improve your day to day, Iwant to help, support that.
(23:21):
Not change you, not fix you,not whatever, but like meet you
where you are today and then howcan I make an impact in
somebody's life that makes thembetter tomorrow?
And that's just kind of thegoal for it and where it
originated.
Parker (23:35):
Everything that you just said I realized is like my
mission statement for life.
Like I was like oh, that's likereally what I care about, like
I love getting to know peopleand what makes them tick and
like hearing their perspectives,and I think that's why I
started the podcast in general,but also like I just want to do
that for work.
Like I just realized, like youjust made this little light bulb
come off that I'm like that'slike my mission statement.
Greg (23:58):
I've always thought it would like transition to like I
don't know, some sort of likecareer development thing or like
coaching or you know something,because, like I would, I'd be
naive to think that I knoweverything about everything.
But because of the way my brainprocesses things, I am pretty
good at like in taking lots ofinformation.
First thinking like in takinglots of information, helping
(24:21):
create a construct out of thatand then thinking about ways to
help improve and so well, Idon't want, you know, enforce
that on people or make it makeit a thing on people.
Necessarily, it is somethingthat I'm pretty good at and I
enjoy doing and do with things.
So, anyways, that's that'swhere that, that's where that
came from, and watching itmodeled and and kind of what I
(24:43):
not that I think everybody needsmy help, but I think we all
need each other.
Parker (24:47):
Community is so important yeah.
Greg (24:49):
And, like you know, you're really good at things that I'm
horrible at, and I'm sure thatthere may be something that I'm
okay, that that I can, that Ican help and, like you know,
it's how do we?
Rising tide lifts all boatsright?
How do we?
How do we help each other uhgrow and know, make, uh, make an
(25:10):
impact in everyone's lives.
Parker (25:11):
Yeah, I love that.
I love everything that you justsaid there.
Um, what do you do, though, if?
If people don't like willinglyparticipate in that growth or
they're not receptive to um kindof the change or change in
general?
Greg (25:30):
this is actually really hard for me and it's something
that I'm working through because, objectively, I know the answer
right it's like you can't.
You can lead a horse to water,you can't force them to drink
whatever those types of whateverthose types of things are.
So, objectively, I I understandconceptually that, like I can't
force anything on anybody ifthey don't want to, if they
(25:52):
don't want to change, whatever.
Now, circumstances differ,right.
So, like, if it's in a worksetting and it's employee that's
doing something they shouldn'tor not doing something they
should be doing and it's like aconstruct to it, then that's a
coaching opportunity.
And if they're still like, ifthey're just outright refusing
not to improve from, like, aperformance perspective, that's
a different conversation.
But like on a on a personal andrelational level, objectively,
(26:16):
it's not my job to fix anybody,it's not my job to enforce, and
what works for me doesn'tdoesn't always work for everyone
.
So, like, at some point you haveto be able to to
compartmentalize and just bethere and be an example and be a
support, how you can, knowingthat, like, not everybody wants
it and that's, that's fine, um,but I get personally and
(26:38):
emotionally invested in people,probably, uh, probably more than
um, yeah, I get emotionallyinvested in people because I
care about people and, uh, Iwatched my, my family do this
for years and so, like, um, itdoes hurt sometimes when, like,
I'm investing so much in you andlike there's no reciprocation
(27:00):
or even, uh, appreciationsometimes, and so I'm getting
better at knowing the limits andknowing the points, um, and
like, not overextending andmaking sure that I, you know,
protect myself and my time too,but that's a, that's a hard
thing that I'm, that I'm workingthrough is just like you know,
you can only do so much and what.
(27:21):
At what point do you disengage?
And then just model being theexample Cause I think about it
with my family too, like my dadcould have, you know, told me
what to do and you know, kind ofeffectively forced compliance
with his rules or whatever, orwith people right, Like you
can't force others to do things,but I just watched him do that
(27:44):
as an example for so many yearsand some people it stuck with
and some people it didn't, andso I try to think of it that way
, where it's like I can be areminder, I can be a nice voice.
Parker (27:59):
I can just be there and be that example.
If it sticks, great.
If it doesn't, I've done what Ican.
Yeah, technically you've stillleft it better and it's up to
them to like continue and takethat and run or not.
Um, yeah, how, like if you weretalking to somebody else, would
you suggest they develop somekind of guidelines for their
life or structure, or you know?
(28:23):
Is this more of like aprinciples for life kind of
thing, or is it more like here'ssome guidelines to just help
you get through life?
Greg (28:31):
Good question.
I think naturally my answer isgoing to be yes, just because,
like that's the way my brainworks.
Right, everybody worksdifferent, though.
If I, you know, if I told uh, Itold my wife, for example that
like we were going to sit downand have family core values and
like we were going to outlinewhat our, what our plan is for
the year or whatever, I doubtthat that would go over super
(28:52):
well.
But generally speaking, you know, the way that I look at it is
how do I know what to do if Idon't know where I'm going?
Kind of a perspective, one ofmy other rules, or at least
guidelines for things.
As you've probably heard waytoo many times, if it's not
outlined, it can't be executed,because so often people just
(29:13):
kind of jump in and dive intothe thing and then they don't
really have a plan, andsometimes that's cool.
Like you know, if you're on aroad trip and you're like I'm
kind of going here but likewe'll just see what happens
along the way, had some amazingmoments like that, right, but
but for the most part it'sreally difficult to get to your
destination or get to theoutcome that you want to achieve
(29:34):
without having some sort ofidea and I think I think about
it in the same way with, like,how I operate as a person, what
I want to be known for, what Iwant others to see when, when
they talk to me, and so, yeah,it's like I would recommend it
if there's a blanket statementfor recommendation.
(29:55):
But everybody works differently,right, and the brand just
thinks that way.
But I do think it's importantbroadly to know what you're
about and how you want to beknown and where you want to go,
because that sticks and it'seasier to see.
Not that there's not coursecorrection, but it's easier to
see.
Am I, am I doing what isimportant?
(30:19):
Again back to thatprioritization Am I doing what's
important?
Am I acting the way that Ishould be acting?
Am I supporting others the waythat I should be, or is it all
focused on me and what I canachieve?
Parker (30:29):
So, to summarize, I feel like it's like knowing your
values and when you want to beknown for, and then for you it's
adding the structure, so thatyou're doing things to go that
back up, that kind of structureand value.
Yeah, okay.
So I'm going to throw you acouple curveballs, all right, I
love it, let's go.
If we're talking about how youwant to be known, what are three
(30:55):
words, or a statement, orsomething like that, that you
think others would describe youas now Like how?
Greg (31:01):
you would want to be known as.
Oh, man Depends on who we'retalking to.
Parker (31:08):
That's fair, but in general like a consensus.
This is what the consensuswould be at your funeral, or
something.
Greg (31:14):
Oh well, uh, if it's my family talking, probably messy
uh is one of those words.
So, uh, which is odd forsomebody who who attempts to be
so structured and organized, um,no, um, well, you used one of
them earlier and I I would hopethat that rings true with others
too.
At present, I don't think thatit's described me, um, as I've
(31:36):
clearly outlined already andprobably thrown myself under the
bus a bit, but like uh, I thinkI'm better at it.
Phone goes on the counter when,when I'm done at work, uh,
until the kids go to bed andmaybe I have to go back, but
phone's on the counter as bestas I can, um, when I'm on calls
with people.
You know, making sure that theyknow that like this is
(31:56):
important.
So I would say present would beone that I would hope people
say, and, and I think they wouldI think generally people who
only know me to a certain pointwould describe me as confident.
I think people who really knowme might not you can edit this
(32:22):
one out if this one doesn't cutthe mustard or whatever but
maybe it's not confident, butit's articulate or something
something to that effect.
I am incredibly introverted andincredibly insecure, but I have
a pretty good way of of notcoming across that way with
(32:46):
other people or in circumstancesthat I that I need to have that
level, and then I wouldprobably say for the last one if
I had to pick something, um.
And then I would probably sayfor the last one if I had to
pick something, um.
I hope that people would, um,would feel and see a level of
(33:06):
dedication in the things that Ido, uh, or commitment to the
things that I do.
Not necessarily that it comesacross as consistent, but, um, I
work very hard and that's beena staple of of who I am as a
person for a really long time,and I get feedback that people
see that it's not always theright way, it's not, it's not
the way that I would recommendfor everyone, but that's
(33:27):
something that I'm I've alwaysreally prided myself on right,
wrong or indifferent is beingwilling to put in the work.
So I think maybe people wouldsay that too.
Parker (33:35):
I don't know last question um, if you could say
something to yourself, likemaybe a year or a year and a
half ago, when things werefeeling pretty hard, like what
would you say to yourself?
Greg (33:51):
um, I think, like always, I would say, say don't let other
people's perspectives andexpectations impact what I do.
I've spent a lot of timeworried about what other people
think and what they say and whatI'm allowed to do or not
allowed to do because of otherpeople's perspectives or
(34:12):
construct or opinion in my life,and I'm just now starting to
get out of that mentality and soif I could go back, I would say
just do all of the things thatI wanted to do and not care so
much about what it looks like orwhat other people think,
because I've seen more growthdifficult growth, but more
growth in the last three monthsish of just making those
(34:35):
decisions, to step out and dothose things rather than worry
about what other people think.
Parker (34:40):
Well, thank you for your time today.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com