Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, ready to
dive deep into something kind of
tricky Codependency.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Oh yeah, Codependency
.
It's something that I think alot of people can relate to.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Yeah, and I think
it's something that can be
really hard to identify,definitely so.
Today we're looking at thisblog post from the Lestallion.
It's called 50 Journal Promptsfor Codependency.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Oh, interesting.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And I think it's
going to be really interesting
to kind of go through theseprompts and see how they can
help us understand ourselves andour relationships better.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah, I think
journaling can be a really
powerful tool for self-discovery.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Totally Okay.
So first things first.
For someone who's likecodependency, what is that?
How would you explain it?
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Well, I think a good
way to think about it is like a
seesaw.
You know how a seesaw needsbalance to work.
So in a relationship, if oneperson's needs and emotions are
always outweighing the others,it's like that seesaw is stuck,
and that's kind of whatcodependency is.
It's this imbalance where oneperson relies so heavily on the
other person for validation thattheir own identity gets blurry.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
So it's more than
just being clingy.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, it's deeper
than that.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It's like your whole
sense of self gets wrapped up in
the other person.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Exactly, and it can
lead to a lot of problems down
the line.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Like what?
What are some of the red flags?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well, I think one of
the biggest ones is sacrificing
your own needs to please theother person.
And this can show up in a lotof different ways, like saying
yes to things you don't want todo, or always putting their
needs before your own.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I've totally been
there.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Yeah, and over time
this can lead to feeling
resentful and even losingyourself in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
That makes sense.
That's where the journalingcomes in, right, yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Journaling can help
you start to unpack all of that
and figure out what's reallygoing on.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Okay, so let's dig
into some of these listallion
prompts.
Their first section is allabout understanding yourself,
which makes sense.
Gotta start with the basics,right?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Right.
Self-awareness is key.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And they have this
one prompt that really jumped
out at me Reflect on a time whenyou felt overly responsible for
someone else's emotions.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Oh, that's a good one
.
That definitely speaks to acodependent tendency.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Right, like if
someone's upset, it
automatically becomes my problemto fix.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's that people
pleasing instinct in overdrive.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And I think for a lot
of us it comes from this place
of thinking that our value comesfrom making others happy.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Absolutely, instead
of recognizing our own inherent
worth.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Whoa yeah.
So constantly putting othersfirst can actually be a sign of
low self-esteem.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It can be and there's
another prompt in this section
that gets at this Describe asituation where you neglected
your own needs to please someoneelse.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oof that one hits
close to home.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It's about
recognizing those moments where
we abandon ourselves to avoidconflict or get approval.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, I think we've
all been there at some point.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
And it's not about
beating ourselves up for it.
It's about using thoseexperiences to learn and grow.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
That's so true.
So we're already seeing howthese prompts can be powerful,
right?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Definitely they help
us see those patterns that we
might not even be aware of.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
It's like they're
holding up a mirror to our soul.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Exactly, and
sometimes that can.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I'm ready to get
uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Me too.
So are you ready to move on tothe next section?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Let's do it.
I want to see how all of thisplays out in our relationships
with other people.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Okay, let's dive into
those prompts about exploring
relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I think it's going to
get really interesting.
All right, I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Okay, let's go.
So now we're getting into howcodependency shows up in our
actual relationships.
Right, because dependency showsup in our actual relationships
Right, because it's one thing tounderstand it in theory, yeah,
but then, yeah, you got to seeit in action.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You got to see how it
plays out with like a partner
or a friend or a family member.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Exactly, and these
listallion prompts they really
get into that dynamic.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
OK, so give me an
example.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
OK, so there's this
one.
Think about a significantrelationship in your life.
How does it make you feel andwhat role do you play in it?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I like that.
It goes deeper than just likedo you like this person?
It's getting at the feeling.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, the feeling is
key because you know
codependency it can disguiseitself as love.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
So you have to pay
attention to those subtle cues.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
So like what kind of
cues are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Like do you feel
energized or depleted in this
relationship?
Are you constantly like walkingon eggshells, or are you always
the one fixing things?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh, those are some
good questions to ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yeah, they can be
real eye openers.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
I'm starting to see
how these prompts can be like a
relationship diagnostic tool.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Exactly.
They can help you identify someof those unhealthy patterns.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
And once you identify
them, you can start to change
them.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Right, and speaking
of patterns, here's another
prompt that's really relevant,right about a time when you felt
you had to fix someone else'sproblems.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
The classic rescuer
complex.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But hold on.
Isn't it a good thing to wantto help someone?
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It depends.
It's all about the intentversus the impact.
If you're constantly swoopingin to see someone, you might
actually be enabling them.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Oh, that's
interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Or preventing them
from learning and growing on
their own.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
So, like even with
good intentions, you could be
doing more harm than good.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, and it can also
create an imbalance of power in
the relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Hmm, it makes you
think.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
It does, so sometimes
the most helpful thing you can
do is step back and let theperson figure things out on
their own.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Give them the space
to grow.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
This is reminding me
of something Lestallion said in
the blog post Go on.
They said that healthyrelationships are built on
mutual respect and understanding, which sounds so obvious.
It does, but in practice it canbe so hard.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah, it's a lot more
nuanced than it seems on the
surface.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Because with
codependency, respect can get
all out of whack.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Totally Like.
One person's needs might alwayscome first.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And that's not
healthy for anyone in the long
run.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Not sustainable at
all.
So how do we shift from thatcodependent mindset to something
that's more like balanced andempowering?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Well, that's where
the next set of prompts comes in
.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Lay it on me.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Lestallion dives into
building self-confidence and
embracing independence, whichare like the antidotes to
codependency.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Interesting.
So we're moving from fixingothers to empowering ourselves.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Exactly, it's a total
game changer.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Okay, I'm here for it
.
Tell me more.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
So one prompt that
really gets to the heart of this
is think about a time when youmade a decision based solely on
your own needs.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Whoa, that's a tough
one.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
It can be, especially
if you're used to putting
everyone else first.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
But it's crucial,
right.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
It is.
It's about recognizing thatyour needs and desires are valid
and that it's OK to prioritizethem.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Without feeling
guilty.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
It's like finally
saying, hey, my needs matter too
.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
It's a revolutionary
act of self-care.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And it ties into
another prompt that I love
Reflect on your personal goals.
How do they align with yourvalues?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Oh yeah, that one's
good.
It helps you reconnect withthose passions and dreams that
you might have put on hold.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Because you were busy
taking care of everyone else
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's about reclaiming
your own life and your own
narrative.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
And that can be both
exhilarating and terrifying.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Oh, absolutely.
It's like stepping out of afamiliar role and into the
unknown.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, you're not the
caretaker anymore, you're.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You're the
protagonist of your own story.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And I love how the
Stallion talks about
independence.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
How do they put it?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
They say it's a
journey of self-discovery and
personal growth.
It's not a destination, it's anongoing process.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
So true, it's about
shedding those layers of
people-pleasing and uncoveringyour authentic self.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay, we've talked
about understanding ourselves,
navigating our relationships,building self-confidence and
embracing independence.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
It's a lot to unpack
understanding ourselves,
navigating our relationships,building self-confidence and
embracing independence.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
It's a lot to unpack,
yeah, but I think we're getting
somewhere.
So what's the final piece ofthe puzzle?
How do we actually cultivatehealthy relationships?
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Well, that's where
Lestallion's final set of
prompts comes in, and I thinkyou're going to love this part.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Okay, hit me with it.
I'm ready to createrelationships that feel good and
supportive and not totallydraining.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I think you're going
to find these prompts really
helpful.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
All right.
So we've done all this innerwork, figured out our patterns,
built up our self-confidence.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, we've laid the
groundwork.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Now, how do we
actually put this all into
practice, like, how do we buildhealthy relationships?
Lestallion, help us out here.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
They do.
They have this last section,all about cultivating healthy
relationships.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Okay, yeah, because
it's one thing to know what a
healthy relationship should looklike, but then it's like okay,
how do I actually how?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
do you make it happen
?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, how do I create
that?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
So what's the secret
sauce?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Well, one of the key
ingredients, I think, is
boundaries.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Boundaries oh yeah,
those are important.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, and Lestallion
has this prompt Describe a
moment when you set a healthyboundary in a relationship
relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Okay, so it's not
just about like knowing what
your boundaries are.
It's about actually enforcingthem, yeah, putting them out
there.
Yes, which can be really hard,oh my gosh so hard, especially
if you're used to peoplepleasing.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Right, it can feel so
uncomfortable at first.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
But it's so important
it is.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It's about saying,
hey, this is what I'm okay with
and this is what I'm not okaywith.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
And that takes
practice right, Like you.
Don't just wake up one day andsuddenly You're a boundary
setting master.
Exactly yeah, it's a skill youhave to develop.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I like that the
prompt also asks you to think
about how the other personreacted to your boundary.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Oh, that's a good
point, because that tells you a
lot about the relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
It does Like did they
respect your boundary or did
they try to push back?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Or guilt you into
giving in.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So even the way
someone responds to a boundary
can be like a little red flag.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
It can be a big red
flag.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Okay, this is making
me think about all my
relationships.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
I know right, it's a
lot to process.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
It is, but in a good
way, in a growth kind of way,
exactly.
Okay, so boundaries are huge.
What else is important forbuilding those healthy
connections?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Communication
Lestallion.
Has this prompt Reflect on youremotional needs?
How do you express them in yourrelationships?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Ooh emotional needs
that's deeper than just like
practical needs, right it?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
is.
It's about those core needsthat we all have like feeling
loved and respected andsupported.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
And safe.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
And safe, yes, and in
codependent relationships those
needs often get overlooked.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Because you're so
focused on the other person's
needs.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
So this prompt is
encouraging us to like turn the
spotlight back on ourselves alittle bit and to figure out how
to communicate those needs in ahealthy way.
Yeah, because it's not aboutbeing demanding or needy.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Right, it's about
being assertive and clear about
what you need.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
While still being
respectful of the other person.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
It's a balance.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
It is a balance, for
sure.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
But it's a balance
worth finding.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I'm really liking
these Lestallian prompts.
They're so thought provoking.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
They are.
They really get you thinkingabout your relationships in a
whole new way.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
And you know what
else I appreciate about this
blog post.
They emphasize the importanceof those core values.
Like what Like trust andrespect and mutual support.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Oh yeah, those are
essential for any healthy
relationship.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
And I think sometimes
we forget that those things
don't just happen automatically.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
You have to work at
them.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, you have to
nurture them and make them a
priority.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
And be willing to put
in the effort.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So it's not about
finding the perfect partner.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
It's about creating
the right conditions for a
healthy relationship to thrive.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
This has been such a
great deep dive.
I feel like we've covered somuch ground.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
We have, from
unpacking codependency to
exploring our patterns, tobuilding self-confidence and now
we're equipped to actually goout there and build healthy
relationships.
Yes, and remember it's ajourney, not a destination.
There will be bumps along theway, for sure, but every step
you take towards greaterself-awareness and healthier
connections is a win.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So true and listeners
if you're feeling lost or
overwhelmed or just need alittle extra support.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Don't be afraid to
reach out.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Yeah, there are so
many resources available, like
therapists, support groups, eventrusted friends.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
People who want to
see you succeed.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Exactly and, as
Lestallion says, healthy
relationships are built on trust, respect and mutual support.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Couldn't have said it
better myself.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
So, on that note, I
think it's time to wrap up this
deep dive.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Thank you for joining
us on this exploration of
codependency and the power ofjournaling.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It's been a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Until next time, keep
diving deep, keep learning and
keep growing.