Been Ghosted, After Trying To Talk It Out?

Have you ever wondered if there's more to ghosting than someone simply disappearing without warning? Mental health expert Minaa B. offers a powerful perspective that may forever change how you view the end of friendships.

Ghosting isn't always what it seems. In this deeply reflective episode, I share Minaa's profound insights from her newsletter "Mindful with Minaa" about the less-discussed side of friendship dissolution. We explore how what appears as ghosting is often the culmination of numerous attempts at communication—the final act after words have repeatedly fallen on deaf ears.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Let it Be Easy with Susie Moore.
Today I am reading somethingfrom one of my favorite guests
who's ever been on the Let it BeEasy podcast, mina B.
Definitely check out thatepisode.

(00:22):
If you haven't listened to italready, it's m-i-n-a-a-b.
You might have to go back alittle.
I first found Mina through hercosmopolitan column.
She is their mental healthexpert.
She is an incredible voice inthe mental health space and she

(00:44):
has a newsletter that Isubscribe to.
So you can absolutely subscribeto this, too, and I recommend
it.
It's called Mindful with Mina.
I'm part of the Substackcommunity, but I wanted to read
out what she had to share in oneof her recent newsletters,
because it's so good and Ihaven't heard this spoken about

(01:05):
that often.
It's called, when GhostingHappens After you Try to Talk it
Out, a Reflection on FriendshipBreakups, and this came out on
August 28th.
I'm going to read it to youbecause I loved it and I thought
someone needs to hear thistoday.
This is going to help someone,soothe someone.

(01:26):
Maybe a light bulb moment willgo off in your mind.
Maybe forward this to someonewho it could be useful to Enjoy.
There's a lot of talk onlineabout friends being ghosted by
long-term friends and, I'll behonest, I don't think the full
story is being told.
Some people are not self-awareenough to see their role in

(01:48):
someone's sudden departure.
It's easier to focus on beingabandoned than to take
responsibility.
Oh yes, mina, when we talkabout ghosting we often imagine
someone disappearing out ofnowhere without a call, a text
or any closure, and in manycases that's exactly what
happens.
But what we rarely talk aboutis a different type of ghosting

(02:10):
the kind that occurs afteryou've tried to communicate.
The kind that shows up whenyou've been doing the emotional
work, trying to address aproblem with care, and still
find yourself met withdefensiveness, avoidance or
silence.
In my work as a therapist, I'velistened to countless stories
of friendship loss, not throughexplosive fights but through

(02:31):
slow and painful disconnection.
Clients often share how hardthey try to hold space, regulate
their emotions and name theirneeds, but those efforts were
met with friends who shut down,became combative or refused to
engage with any level ofemotional maturity or honesty.
We often hold healthycommunication as a gold standard

(02:53):
of conflict resolution.
But what's frequently missed inthat conversation is this
Healthy communication requiresreciprocity.
Communication requiresreciprocity.
One person cannot carry theemotional maturity of the entire
relationship.
My gosh, has that ever feltlike you?
When one person, when only oneperson, is trying to create

(03:15):
safety, the dynamic becomesunbalanced and often
unsustainable.
Here are her points now aboutwhat we miss, about ghosting in
friendships.
Number one some people ghostbecause they've already tried to
talk.
Ghosting isn't always a firstresponse.
For many it's a last resortafter realizing that words
aren't being heard and effortsto repair aren't being met.

(03:37):
When communication starts tofeel like talking to a brick
wall, silence and disengagementmay seem like the only remaining
path left that protects one'semotional and mental health and
sanity.
Two emotional maturity isn'tuniversal.
We believe everyone has theability to sit with discomfort,

(03:59):
handle tough conversations andstay regulated when overwhelmed
by strong feelings, but noteveryone can.
Some people haven't done thework and some can't meet you
where you are, and that gapcreates a rupture that words
alone can't fix.
Number three recognizingconflict doesn't automatically
indicate a healthy relationship.

(04:20):
A relationship may appearpeaceful simply because issues
are never openly addressed.
However, avoiding discussionoften allows underlying problems
such as resentment, unmet needsor emotional distance to fester
over time.
Rather than suddendisappearances, these
relationships tend to degradegradually, eventually drifting

(04:42):
apart until they ultimately cometo an end.
Two more points here, myfriends.
Number four being the biggerperson shouldn't require
self-abandonment.
Staying in a relationship whereyour needs are dismissed and
your boundaries ignored isn'tnoble, it's depleting.
If you've tried to work throughthings and the other person

(05:04):
refuses to meet you halfway,stepping away might be the
healthiest choice you can make.
And number five when someone isemotionally exhausted from
trying to be heard, their bodymay interpret disengagement as a
form of self-protection.
It's not always the healthiestoutcome, but it is a nervous

(05:24):
system response, a form ofprotection when connection no
longer feels possible.
Ghosting isn't always as blackand white as it may seem.
There are times we fail to seethe signs that someone is
desperately trying tocommunicate with us, but we
refuse to listen.
And then, when they disappear,we wonder why.
It might be because they tried,but you didn't want to hear

(05:48):
what they had to say, so theytook their words with them.
At some point people stopknocking on a door that refuses
to open Some powerful food forthought.
Today Until tomorrow, myfriends, so much love and ease.

(06:08):
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(06:31):
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