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April 6, 2025 31 mins

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Hess and Delbert reminisce about their enduring friendships and the close-knit community that began at Sacred Heart Academy. Through touching anecdotes and profound reflections, they explore the significance of lasting bonds, the strength found in adversity, and the joys of reconnecting with old friends-and making new ones! Their conversation spans from nostalgic high school memories, including a historic basketball victory, to the inspiring stories of resilience and achievement from their alma mater. With themes of trust, perseverance, and the power of support networks, Hess and Delbert's discussion serves as a beautiful reminder of the importance of staying connected with those who shape our lives. Those many villages of our communities always can lift us up and make life better.

Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999

In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com

One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!

Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties

Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:00):
Hey, this is Hess and welcome to, let me tell you this
about that.
I'm sitting in my white chair bythe window

Delbert (00:07):
and this Delbert, and I'm again on the green couch
looking out my picture window.
Let me tell you this about that.
Been storming like crazy here inKentucky, Tennessee.
We're just really, we've gotthis weather front that just is
unrelenting that's movingthrough right now.

Hess (00:27):
Yeah it's been on a vertical kind of running The
south to the north, like rightthrough this area.
And April showers bring mayflowers, but I think we got
enough rain now.

Delbert (00:37):
We are good mother Nature.
We're good.
Let's wrap it up.
The river's starting to rise.

Hess (00:43):
Done with it.
Done with it.
Done with it.

Delbert (00:46):
peace and love, rain

Hess (00:48):
Delbert, let me share this with you and our listeners.
You already know about it.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell it tothe listeners, is this year our
high school Delbert and I wentto Sacred Heart.
Academy to high school, and in1976 when we were seniors and I
was on the team, Delbert was acheerleader.

(01:09):
We won the state basketballchampionship for the first time.
And it was just a two yearsafter Title ix.
Title IX happened in 1974.
And it was just spectacular.
We were made captains of theBell, Louisville, we got a key
to the city.
We were on this little show onWHAS called the omelet and
stuff.
Anyway, it was tremendous.

(01:30):
And then a freshman on the teamDonna Bender.
She showed up for us in thestate tournament.
Our coach bunny Doherty, she putDonna in and took Donna with us
to the state tournament.
It was fabulous.
Donna ends up being the coach atSacred Heart and she is coached
for about 35 years at SacredHeart, and she just won for the

(01:55):
fifth, straight fifth straightyear in a row.
The state tournament.
So it is just really fabulousand she's won it numerous other
times too.
Sacred Heart, has won more statechampionships with all different
sports than almost any otherteam in Kentucky.
They really have a name forthemselves.

(02:15):
Anyway Delbert this past week,like I've got all these
questions for, I had all thesequestions for Coach Donna what
was it like and all this kind ofstuff.
And we're on a thread, which isso cool.
Is, and Bert's on it too.
We're on a, we're on a textthread with the whole team from
1976 with Coach Moir

Delbert (02:35):
Yeah.

Hess (02:36):
Yeah, and to put it out there to do a Zoom call where
all of us could be on there.
A bunch of us were, we did thisthe other night and a bunch of
us were, and it was just reallyfabulous.
One one of our ex team membersfrom from Sacred Heart, lives in
Brisbane, Australia now, and shewas on the last part of the
call.

(02:56):
And anyway, it was just reallyfabulous.
We were asking Donna alldifferent kinds of questions,

Delbert (03:01):
so she just won her fifth state championship in a
row, which that's historic.
It was actually historic lastyear when they won four in a
row.
No other team has done that.
Boys or a girl.
And then we're also coming up onthe 50 year anniversary of the
championship.
Just all great things.
And how cool is it that you allhave remained in touch with that

(03:25):
thread?
The 1976 champs, what the threadis called, and they're all still
friends and they all stillcommunicate and lift each other
up.
Really support Donna when shegets ready for tournament time.
It's just a really beautifulthing.
There are people that still livein Louisville, they're still
here.

(03:45):
Here's Donna in the same campusthat she grew up in teaching
girls just like.
Bunny did our coach.
And I always think when I'mdriving around St.
Matthew's, because our sacredheart is like right down the
street from where I live where Iwork and where I, have fun, and
I think about that all the time.

(04:06):
Like I'm still in the same placethat I've always been and I'm so
happy here.

Hess (2) (04:11):
Right.

Delbert (04:12):
wherever life takes you, it's just a journey.
If you really listen to yourheart let the universe provide
the best outcome for you, yourlife will be a success.
Everything will work out.

Hess (2) (04:26):
Hey, will you just repeat those last two lines
please?

Delbert (04:30):
Oh goodness.
Let me see if I can remember.
Said, when you just listen toyour heart and let the universe
provide for you will have thebest outcome in your life.
And we talked a little bit aboutthat.
Hess about going to bed, Cathywas saying she rests so well
your wife because she says Iworked all day.

(04:51):
I gave it my best.
There's nothing else I can do.
I've gotta recharge fortomorrow.
And that really is how life is.

Hess (2) (04:57):
Yeah.
I was sitting around, I wassitting around in a group with
the girls from the farm.
We do some daring greatly workwith them and give them a, give
'em a good meal.
It's my carol's kitchen I guessthat I do for the girls.
Give them a good meal a hot mealand some bread and salad.
And we were just talking abouthow we go to sleep, how many of
us.

(05:17):
Have racing thoughts before wego to sleep and how many can go
like right to sleep.
And so we were talking aboutthat and the theme for our talk
that night was being able totrust ourselves and put trust in
ourselves and know that we're inan adult body now, and we can
trust, we can be brave, we cando all those.
All those things for ourself andgive those things for ourselves.

(05:39):
And so then we went around atthe end, like how can we use
what we learned tonight abouttrusting ourself to, to be able
to just go to sleep easier?
And one of the gals said in, inmy belief in God that.
I believe, he's got a hand inthings and everything turns out
for the best.
And like this horse I have, Ididn't get the horse that I

(06:01):
wanted.
And then I end up getting it andI end up, let's see, she said,
I.
I ended up adopting this horse,rescuing this horse, and she
ends up being this horse I havenow, Gracie, and it's the most
special horse I could ever have.
And so she says, so what I tell,what I can tell myself now when
I go to sleep is it's okay.
Everything's gonna work out fineanyway.

(06:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Delbert (06:24):
gotta put your trust in yourself and in your beliefs.
Whe whether it's God or whateveryour beliefs are in the universe
and let it go and rest.
I also love some of the stories.
I didn't get to join the Zoom.
I was out showing property, butI Hess was so great, she
recorded it.
So I listened to it while I wasironing clothes and cleaning my

(06:47):
kitchen and, so two of thegirls.
Tina Judy McDonald, Tina Kellerand Judy McDonald, they got
called back to campus as well.
They got called back to becoaches of the softball team and
they had a ball doing that.
And then Judy was the swim coachand coached Mary t Maher.
We were talking about LauraLombard, how she didn't make the

(07:09):
team her sophomore and junioryear, and she just kept trying
out, and she was on thatchampionship team because she
wouldn't give up.
Just tenacity and believing inyourself.
There's so many wonderfulstories.
I wish we could have each andevery one of the players on our
podcast because

Hess (2) (07:25):
Yeah.

Delbert (07:26):
story of their lives is just so wonderful and so woven
into that team.
It's really

Hess (2) (07:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And we've had every, it wasreally cool Delbert to be seen
and to be to know that you cangive back to a greater good.
And that ended up like somethingI wrote was like, to, to the, to
our thread was that we hadfoundational witnessing to
ourselves and our lives.

(07:53):
In that, and it's almost like alittle infant.
The secure attachment with thedevelopmental stages of life.
Secure attachment happens asthat infant When that infant is
gazing into the eyes of thecaregiver and the caregiver's
gazing back and the infant says,goo.
And the caregiver smiles andsays, goo back.

(08:15):
We feel seen.
We feel validated, and that's soimportant in our lives and.
Being able to accomplish thatand have that victory, work hard
towards something.
We all had our own treasures andtalents and we weaved them
together.
That was that was really almostlike that foundational
witnessing.

(08:35):
So we had that atmosphere wherewe could be witnessed and we
could lead.
And one of Donna's story wasjust how her dad saw her.
Her dad just thought her as, oneof the, one of the boys.
And he would take her out onthe, his foursomes, his golf
foursomes and, nobody thoughtdifferent.
And Donna was a fantastic golferor pick her up early from school

(08:57):
and take her to the track.
And.
And then like you said, Laura'sperseverance, not making the
team sophomore, junior year, andchecking in with Coach Doherty
each time.
Like, how come I didn't make theteam?
I don't take you serious enough.
You joke around too much.
And so then she come back thenext year and so when she came
back her senior year, she's I'mnot gonna laugh one single time,

Delbert (09:19):
just gonna give the death stare the whole time.
And tell the story about Donna.
'cause Donna was gonna playprofessional golf.
She's a really good golfer.

Hess (2) (09:29):
So Donna went to Donna, Donna went to Cincinnati
to play basketball.
And and then while she was upthere, she thought why am I
here?
I'm not feeling, I'm not feelingit.
So then she went to uk.
She started playing golf at UKjust as a walk on, and she would
make the score.
She was not on a scholarship,and she'd make a score better

(09:51):
than the people that were onscholarship, and then she would
be taken to some tournaments andstuff.
Anyway she ended up getting herdegree from Cincinnati'cause
they were on a trimester kind ofschedule and it was easier for
her credits to to get taken careof there.
And so she went out to join thePGA and she tried three years

(10:11):
and went to that, to thosetrials for the PGA.
And she tried three years and.
She didn't make it.
And she goes, oh gosh.
And it's lonely, the golf is,you're out there on your own.
And she was talking to coachDoherty.
Coach Doherty says, Hey, whydon't you come here and help me?
Donna ends up going back andhelping out Coach Doherty and

(10:32):
becoming the athletic director,and.
For a really small salary,$4,000, her first year athletic
director and coaching.
And she coached a bunch ofdifferent teams then too.
There weren't diff, there werenot different coaches for each
team.
And she had somebody that shewas friends with who also had
some young kids and said, lookand Donna had two kids at the

(10:55):
time and the friend said, I'llwatch kids take that job.
And she did.
And the rest is history.

Delbert (11:01):
Big history

Hess (2) (11:02):
Yeah.

Delbert (11:03):
yeah, so just following her heart and.
And using her intuition andletting the universe provide for
her, that worked out so much inher favor.
Just incredible.

Hess (2) (11:16):
following her values she's a real family person.
She's real dedicated and shealways wants to learn and get
better.
She loves challenges and, sheloves to lead kids and so she's
following her values and boom,success, huge success.

Delbert (11:33):
the things she does to set them up for success and for
college and all the things shewas telling us that she did.
I was thinking while I waslistening the Ursuline core
values are very strong in Donnaand it's service, Reverence.
She really does serve andprotect students that come

(11:56):
through that gym.

Hess (2) (11:57):
Beautiful in 2001.
She thought of the idea insteadof just have practice over the
Christmas holidays to go tonational tournaments, so she
started going like to Californiaor to Arizona.
I.
For tournaments, and they werejust trying to raise the money
on their own.
The kids would all have carwashes and stuff like that.

(12:18):
And that was just so amazing andso cool to go to trying to make
money, making, to do car washes.
And she said, now they paySacred Heart to come to the
tournament, and they get, they,they have to pay for their
flights, but they get theirhotel room and free and all of
their expenses.

Delbert (12:36):
So incredible.
All the things that she'saccomplished.
Yeah.
Just another life lesson.
We hope pods out there.
We hope that you have yourvillage or villages make,
sometimes they're not as big asa whole team, but your village
together and stay connected tothem.
It's so important to, check inand to feel that support and to

(13:01):
be seen.

Hess (2) (13:03):
For sure.
Delbert, you've got a goodhandful of people, classmates
from Sacred Heart that you go toRough River Camp you have birth
monthly birthday dinners and youall stay in touch and you know
what's going on in each other'slives.
You've been there for importantthings for each other.
It's just so beautiful.

Delbert (13:25):
It is, and I feel I've got so many villages.
I feel very fortunate, myextended family, I'm very close
to, I'm, very close to myfriends from Sacred Heart, and I
was telling Hess the other day,I heard from a friend of ours
from MGC Mitzi Petri.
She.
And I and Dewey cheeredtogether.
Her mom was our coach and we hadthe best time.

(13:48):
We were talking about what awonderful childhood we had,
going to mother of good counseland cheering and so we were just
connecting.
And her older sister, she wastwo years ahead of us, but we
won all kinds of statechampionships in cheerleading
back then.
And just had such a great timeand I'm gonna get together with
them soon and reconnect withthem.

(14:10):
So life is just always a seriesof reconnecting and staying in
touch and reaching out.
I'm so glad she reached out tome and she asked about you,
Hess, and, and it's ourrelationship is a reconnection,

Hess (2) (14:23):
absolutely.
Absolutely.
And just being able to this kindof connection and being able to
work together, accomplish thingstogether, it can spiral you up.
Like we talked about before,give you confidence and to be
able to do, to take risks, tosay yes to things.
And those things that have beenhard in our life, like Donna,

(14:47):
and not making the PGA threeyears in a row, boom.
Then she gets this opportunityand part of what brought me to
a, to the career I have now as alicensed clinical social worker
was a difficult time in my lifethat I wanted to go back to
school and help couples so kidswouldn't be put in the middle of
relationship hardships.

(15:07):
And so I'd gone through thathardship and that motivated me
to go back to school and I can'tbelieve how much I love what I
do and.
And it was through somethingdifficult and Delbert, there was
a professor at the college inone of our classes that said,
okay, how many of you all arehere getting your master's of
social work because you've had abad life event?

(15:27):
And boom, everybody's hand shotup,

Delbert (15:30):
Wow.

Hess (2) (15:30):
everybody.

Delbert (15:31):
Turning that burden into a blessing turning,
beautiful things can come out ofhard things.
We know that, you were sayingthat your group your Brene Brown
group.
From church, you're serving themspaghetti and salad and bread
and you're talking about how toget good rest and how to take
care of you're not just feedingtheir bodies, you're feeding

(15:52):
their souls.
And that's what we say atCarol's kitchen.
Feeding the soul yeah.

Hess (2) (15:58):
Yeah, so they're young.
They're young girls that arecollege students here at the
farm that board their horsehere.
Yeah.

Delbert (16:04):
Oh, that's that's even better.
I

Hess (2) (16:06):
And it makes them even more connected because they're
sharing their story

Delbert (16:10):
yes.
Oh my

Hess (2) (16:11):
Uhhuh.

Delbert (16:11):
You're creating this wonderful community for them.

Hess (2) (16:15):
It's so cool because some of them have never known
each other.
They meet here and they end uprooming together.
And like my friend Melinda andAnn that I knew from when I was
riding horses at 11 years old,they're still my friends.
It's these long enduringfriendships.

Delbert (16:32):
And these are all the things that give us our bounce
back.
Or as Doty and Taylor Swift say,it helps us shake it off, and
come back.
And, we hope that you do that.
You reach out to somebody, podstirs or reconnect with some
people if you don't have a goodcircle or good village around

(16:53):
you.

Hess (2) (16:54):
Yeah, somebody's waiting to hear from you and
that's gonna help.

Delbert (16:58):
They really are.
I was listening to the Zoomrecording and I was ironing, and
then I got on a little bit of ahousekeeping, bend, and whenever
I I.
I do housework and chores.
That makes me feel close to mymom, even though she's gone from
the earth.
I feel her with me.

(17:18):
And when she used to, she therethe adjective back then in the
sixties for a clean house wasimmaculate.
I.
Do you remember that?
Her

Hess (2) (17:26):
No.

Delbert (17:27):
immaculate and my grand, my grandmother Dorothy,
my mama, she was not a goodhousekeeper.
And my mom would say, you couldeat off her floors.
And my mama would say who wouldwanna do that?
A rebuttal.
Why would you wanna eat off afloor?
So I'm running my vacuum and mymom used to sing the song from
Church Immaculate Mary while shewas running her vacuum.

(17:49):
and I just, it just makes melike, giggle and feel close to
her every time I run my vacuum.
And I'm like Hess, if we everget super famous and we're paid
to do a product, I wanna do DawnDish washing liquid because my
mom cleaned everything withDawn.
And so I clean everything withDawn'cause it makes me feel

(18:09):
close to her.
But when I get ready to go on atrip I usually clean my house
and I make my bed with freshlinen, so I come into a fresh,
clean house and and it justmakes me feel so good.
So I'm giving myself a gift ofthat when I travel.
But, Yeah made me Much of mymama.

Hess (2) (18:30):
did your mom clean on a certain day of the week?
Delbert?

Delbert (18:33):
Oh, on Saturday, she'd turn on George Jones.
And she would just crank up thestereo she would clean the whole
house.
And now she would put hotscalding water in a dish pan
with dawn liquid and a rag, andshe would wash our walls from

(18:53):
ceiling to floor and wipe thebaseboards on Saturdays.

Hess (2) (18:57):
Wow.

Delbert (18:57):
But yeah, but she, but sometimes she'd say, I'm doing a
deep clean dining room, andshe'd put all the chairs out in
the hallway we would sit in'emand act like we were on a train,
and then we'd take pretzelsticks and turn around to the
person behind us and say, do youhave a light?
And so we'd play train while shewas cleaning the dining room and
the broken pretzel sticks werematches, and the whole ones were

(19:21):
cigarettes and we'd sit and playtrain the whole time.
She was like housekeeping.
That was usually on a weekday.
But yeah, Doty, God, there wereseven of us, so we were always
trashing the joint, but

Hess (2) (19:31):
That's a full train.

Delbert (19:32):
Oh, that is, yeah.
So yeah, we had all the seatslined up and we'd okay, we're on
a train.
Let's all smoke.
Who's got a cigarette?
You got a light?
Okay.
Yeah, it was, and we entertainedourselves that way.
simpler, much simpler times.
But one of the things that Ithought of when I was cleaning

(19:54):
and making the bed was somethingthat I wrote Hess and I, if you
don't know, we're both writingmemoirs.
Mine are just more like littleshort stories of my life growing
up I just wanted to honor myfamily and mainly my sister
Carol.
The things that we talked aboutthat we laughed about all the
time, the cigarettes were one ofthem.

(20:14):
Do you care if I just, and it'snot perfect'cause I'm just
working on it, but this happenedwhen, talking about being in
your village, my aunts or myvillage too.
I'm very close to them all.
and so this made me think of mymom and her sisters.
I've probably made thousands andthousands of beds in my
lifetime, some with mygrandmother or mother, others

(20:38):
with my sisters, aunts, cousins,and my own children.
It was a symbol of a brand newday.
It may be simple, but whenteamwork happens, it makes it a
special ritual.
Ritual, person on each side ofthe bed raising the sheets and

(21:00):
blankets in the air to create asmall cloud, gently bringing
them back to the mattress, inthe sheets and blanket on either
side for a cozy and snug fit inthe evening.
That tender Love and care iswaiting for you as you open the
covers at night and get ready todream and rest.

(21:20):
And if you're lucky, someone wholoves you will tuck you in.
I never thought much about thatritual until my Aunt Judy, who's
also my godmother, was in thehospital dying.
She was on a ventilator and in ahospital bed.
She was so uncomfortable and shemotioned to my aunt, Katie and I
that she was cold.
So we got her a warm blanketfrom the nurse's station

(21:43):
instinctively.
We both got on either side ofthe bed, a quick cloud, and then
tucked her in.
Sometimes just the simplestmotion can communicate so much
love, and it's the last thing Idid for her.

Hess (2) (21:58):
Oh, it's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Wow.
Thanks Delbert.
That is a wonderful last thingto do for her.
I.
I see that.
I see that warm blanket justlike coming down softly, like a
cloud coming down on her bodyand y'all getting her warm.

(22:18):
Lovely.
And then she went up to thecloud, huh?

Delbert (22:22):
she went up to the clouds, right?

Hess (2) (22:24):
Yeah.

Delbert (22:25):
it was like with Dewey that we talked about.
We were all around the bed withher.

Hess (2) (22:29):
And then and then after Dewey passed, was it,
Leslie said, open the window soshe could go out.

Delbert (22:36):
Leslie said, open the window.
And Missy, who I call Unicorn'cause she can do just about
anything.
She and I had already walkedover to the office, to see how
long we could have to stay inthe apartment and get her things
together.
And she actually worked theretoo.
I love that she found successthere.
At the end of her life, sheworked until she died until the

(22:59):
last week, and she was theirleasing superstar.
So there you go.
She was following the universein her heart and that and we,
she had her insurance andeverything there.
So Unicorn and I were justtrying to figure out all the,
Business part of it.
'cause we'd been around the bedfor about 20 minutes and then
Leslie said, open the window andlet her out.

(23:19):
And you know what we weresitting in that office talking
to the manager and and I lookedat each other and I said, she
just flew right in here with us.

Hess (2) (23:28):
Oh gosh.

Delbert (23:29):
Yeah,

Hess (2) (23:30):
Yeah, still supervising.

Delbert (23:33):
yeah.

Hess (2) (23:34):
Oh, cool.

Delbert (23:35):
What's the

Hess (2) (23:36):
Yeah.
What's the scoop?
Hey, what's the scoop?

Delbert (23:39):
or what?

Hess (2) (23:41):
When's my stuff gotta be out?

Delbert (23:46):
What is

Hess (2) (23:47):
I.

Delbert (23:47):
scoop?
What's the buzz?
Tell me

Hess (2) (23:49):
Yeah.

Delbert (23:50):
Oh

Hess (2) (23:50):
Yeah.
Delbert you have a good visitwith your daughter.
You're gonna go travel to seeher, and I'm gonna go travel to
see some friends in Aikens,South Carolina and really
looking forward to that.
And it's all good.
It's all good.
It will all end up okay.
And you can go to sleeppeacefully.

Delbert (24:08):
Yes, make yourself a cozy little snug.
To rest and rest your eyes andknow that you've done everything
you can do for that day.
It's over.
Everything's gonna work out theway it's supposed to, and

Hess (2) (24:25):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Delbert (24:25):
all good.
As Cathy says, it's all

Hess (2) (24:28):
It's all good.
Yeah.
One of the gals at the DaringGreatly at Carriage Station, she
said, when I go to bed and Iclose my eyes, I'm thinking
about my list.
'cause I make a list for everysingle day I'm thinking about my
list.
So a way that she could trustherself is to go to sleep
easier.
And she'd say, oh, I can make alist.

(24:49):
But it all turns out anyway,

Delbert (24:51):
exactly.
Exactly.
And I do love a list, but I dothat in the morning.
What did I say to you when wewere talking earlier?
I'm like going to bed at night,it's the reverse Goldie hunt.
And you're like, But yourself alittle cozy way to unplug
instead of plug in, right?

(25:12):
You take

Hess (2) (25:12):
Right.

Delbert (25:13):
what?
I do take deep breaths before Igo to sleep.
It helps

Hess (2) (25:16):
Yes.

Delbert (25:17):
And when I, ever since I was little, I always decide
what I'm gonna dream about.
Doesn't always work out, but, Itry to think of something really

Hess (2) (25:24):
Yeah.

Delbert (25:25):
I wanna dream about.

Hess (2) (25:26):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
We love you all.
Peace and love.
Thank you so much for tuning into let me tell you this about
that.
Please

Hess (25:34):
Like.

Hess (2) (25:34):
and subscribe and share it with a friend.

Delbert (25:37):
Peace and love.
We love you friends.
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