August 31, 2025 • 28 mins
Podcast 46! Honor the Hard and Make a U-turn towards Love
Hess and Delbert commiserate about the news headlines of the week. People starving in Gaza, another school shooting, ICE holding people without cause. It is tough and hard. One of their classmates from Sacred Heart was the mother of the Minnesota shooter. Their compassion goes out to her. Hess finds solace in the words and wisdom of Buddhist practitioner Tara Brach. “Don’t be dismayed by the brokenness of the world, all things break. And all things can be mended not with time as they say but with intention. So go, love intentionally, unconditionally. Honor the hard.” Delbert tells another story of her Papaw who on Labor Day made joy happen by thinking of a new paradigm. Let’s go! Let’s move to compassion and connection and weave a new world! Peace and Love, and thanks for listening.
I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. We are awaiting the next CT Scans that will tell you where he is after his second round of treatments. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:00):
Hey you all.
Thanks for joining us for our 46podcast to let me tell you this
about that.
My name is Hess and I'm sittingin the white chair in my bedroom
looking out the window to bluesky with little soft white
clouds and the grass is still ahint of green.
(00:22):
We need more rain.
Come on rain.
I'm doing rain dance.
Delbert (00:27):
I hope the rain dance doesn't take effect until after
Monday HEss,'cause I'm trying tosplash out a summer.
I'm hitting all my pools thisLabor Day weekend, so I'm I'm
mourning the end of summer alittle bit.
And I'm here again.
It's me, Delbert from the greencouch.
Oh my goodness.
It was the most beautifulsunrise this morning.
(00:49):
It was a pink swirl and justgorgeous day.
I'm gonna go to Lakeside todaywith some of my Kentucky Select
friends, and I went to Turner'syesterday with some of my Sacred
Heart friends.
But also, and so that's how I'mcelebrating end of summer with
Joy, but I was talking to Hessearlier this week and, i've got
(01:11):
a lot on my heart this week.
A lot of sadness.
I continue to grieve aboutstarvation in Gaza.
This week was another horribleshooting in Minneapolis,
Minnesota, and first andforemost, those children are on
(01:32):
my heart.
Went down a rabbit hole.
To look at ways to help.
And I donated to the Sandy HookPromise Common Sense gun laws,
and then I started looking atsome of the children who
survived.
There's a little girl namedSophia Forchas I hope I'm saying
her name right.
(01:53):
It's F-O-R-C-H-A-S.
And she's still in criticalcondition.
There are a lot of GoFundMe'sfor a lot of the children that
are still in the hospital there,if You wanna help.
But we also do a lot of braggingabout being from the class of
1976 at Sacred Heart Academyhere in Louisville.
(02:13):
And of our class members MaryGrace, it was her daughter that
was the shooter.
And have a lot of sadness on ourheart this week, but we wanna
say, Mary Grace, we're sendingyou love
Hess (2) (02:27):
Yes.
Delbert (02:27):
and
Hess (2) (02:28):
Yeah.
Delbert (02:29):
And that's all we can say.
'cause we don't know whathappened And we're, anybody
that's making judgements, you,we're taught Hess and I grew up
in the Catholic church andChrist tells us not to judge
people.
Let's save that.
We don't even know.
We don't even know what thisfamily went through.
So Mary Grace, we're sending youlove.
Hess (2) (02:51):
Mary Grace, we love you.
We can't imagine what you'regoing through.
We love you.
And as a mom of two sons, I knowI haven't done, we, we all it's,
no we do the best we can and weknow, and I know that you've
done the best you can.
(03:12):
We love you and ah.
We're here to support you, sendyou love and peace.
Delbert, I see the headlinestoday, like Gaza needs 500
trucks coming in with food everyday.
And they're getting, Israel isthrowing gunfire at all the
places where the food's beingdelivered and so on, and they're
(03:34):
not getting near enough truckscoming in with food.
There's been 150 children die ofstarvation there.
Mothers can't.
Can no longer nurse their littlebabies.
And other headlines.
Just looking at the Guardiannewspaper this morning that
people are being held in icewithout bail.
(03:54):
There's a firefighter that wason track for legal status.
He was arrested close to theborder.
RFK, the head of our health forthe United States says he's
gonna fix a vaccine program bycanceling compensation for
people with injuries.
That was one of the headlines.
Pride Crosswalks are beingerased.
500 workers at Voice of Americaare being laid off.
(04:19):
And if our children aren'tsupported and loved and fed and
taken care of.
And given what they need, likejust the pride crosswalk that
who we are needs to be erased.
Tho those are things that affectthe mental stability of our
children.
And Robin was not in her rightplace when this happened.
(04:41):
And we're gonna create more ofthose kind of things of acting
out if we don't support peoplewho they are and give them.
All the support that they needand the mental health that they
need and the rights that theydeserve, and to be able to be
seen and valued.
We all have value.
And so that comes back to whatyou said before, that we can't
(05:04):
go to the place, to other, toblame somebody and to other
somebody that never, ever helpssolve anything.
Delbert (05:13):
Or to blame a group of people, and so when we talked
about, this heavy topic thisweek.
We also talked about, how do weturn that, how do we make a
U-turn out of all of theseheadlines and all this that's
(05:33):
going on in the world?
How do we make a U-turn to ourtrue selves?
Because God designed us for joy.
You were created to live in thisworld in your true form, which
is joyful.
Successful.
Yeah,
Hess (2) (05:51):
Yeah.
Delbert (05:51):
Fully alive is how you were designed.
And so Hess has this wonderfulmeditation that she did and a
tool.
Do you wanna tell everybodyabout that Hass?
Hess (2) (06:05):
I really I love Tara Brach.
She's a Buddhist meditatorphilosopher psychotherapist.
She gives a story in one of herrecent podcasts that we can't
forget this belonging, this fullaliveness.
That's our natural state, thisbelonging to our inner life, to
this earth, to each other.
(06:27):
She says that in this podcastand this conditioning of having
to blame somebody else to thisbad othering.
It, it doesn't work.
It doesn't it, it doesn't moveto anything positive.
So she tells this story in this,in her podcast about this, this
fable that it's the it's aboutthe human searching for truth,
(06:51):
and it lies in a cave nearby,and we don't always find it
because we are so distracted bythe trance, by the anxiety, by
the reactivity, and by the speedof these times.
Inside the cave, there's an oldwoman weaving the most beautiful
garment ever imagined.
But now, and then she has topause and go to the back of the
(07:13):
cave and stir this huge pot ofseeds that hold all the seeds of
the earth.
And if they're not stirred, theseeds will burn, and life itself
vanishes.
So while she's away, while she'sin the back of the cave.
A black dog slips in andunravels her weaving thread by
(07:36):
thread until only chaos remains.
And when she returns, shepauses, but it's not an anger.
She comes into stillness, intopresence, into deep inner
listening, and then she picks upa thread.
And in that thread, sheenvisions an even more beautiful
(07:59):
garment, one that didn't existbefore the unraveling.
This is possibility.
And the elders say, don't cursethe dog, don't curse the dog.
And she means if nothing fellapart, nothing new could be
imagined.
(08:19):
The old woman is the world, thedreaming force of the world.
Imagining itself into somethingnew and better.
So yeah, we are in a dark nightof the soul, and that's that's
how we can turn something hardinto something good.
(08:41):
And I ask you Podsters, I askedDelbert if it would be okay if I
highlighted this and it'sDelberts story.
When her sister was killed andher daughter and the neighbor
daughter, when they were killedby the woman that was high on
opioids that morning when theywere on their way to school.
(09:03):
That you all did hit that hardspot of that hard surface of
despair, of loss.
And you all sat with that andwere with that.
And then some of the positiveoutcomes that came out of that,
of those deaths was that youwere able to go after the doctor
(09:26):
that prescribed all of thoseopioid medications for this
woman.
You went after him, he lost hislicense.
You all went after the threepharmacies that, that, gave this
woman these these prescriptions.
And also a law was changed inWest Virginia so that there's
(09:48):
even tracking of when somebodygets prescriptions for narcotics
so that someone can't keep doingthat.
So there is something.
This some and Delbert, when youall talk about all of these
times, you went back and forthas a family in this car and the
restaurant that you would go toand the hotel you would stay at
(10:11):
for all of these trials over theyears.
And it was a slug and it was aheave hut hoe, but the joy that
you found in the people thereand the connections that you
made in the people there and thecertain waiter or waitress or
the people in the hotel.
All of that was all turned, tothis love, to this expansion of
(10:31):
love and then these positivethings that resulted so that
more people aren't harmed bythis narcotic.
Delbert (10:42):
You.
Yeah, I, there was somethingthat we talked about and and
it's about, sorrow, fear, all ofand all of those negative
feelings that we can feel.
And when we peel'em back rightunderneath there, we're
sorrowful, we're fearful becausewe care.
(11:03):
And when you unwrap that, that'scompassion.
and that's part of the U-turn,right?
Because then you take that careand compassion and you turn it
into good.
And that's where you find yourjoy.
That's where you turn to joy.
Hess (2) (11:20):
Right.
Delbert (11:20):
hope I said that the right way.
'Cause Hess is the one that toldme that.
And I I hold onto that all thetime and it's how I've dealt
with things in my own life.
I've tried to do what we say atCarol's kitchen was we turned
tragedy into legacy.
(11:42):
And that is the only way I know.
I believe that you can moveforward a life that's fully
alive and acknowledging thepast, but moving forward in joy
and compassion.
Hess (2) (12:02):
And as we've spoken, the opposite of depression is
connection and it's moving fromthat hard.
Place into connection, intolove, and I tell all my clients
that if you're feeling anyanxiety, if you're feeling
depression, it feels bad.
And that's dis-ease.
Lack of ease.
(12:23):
Ease is our natural state.
Joyful liveness is our naturalstate, and that's being able to
make the U-turn back to that.
Tara goes on about talking moreabout this trance of bad
othering, cursing the black dogthat unraveled the quilt, right?
(12:44):
That, that, that can fuel, thatfuels our division.
And the more that we're divided,the more we're disconnected, and
the more we're disconnected, themore we move into lack of ease
and moving away from joy, movingaway from connection.
Moving us more into addiction,isolation.
(13:05):
Yeah.
So we have to be free from blameand the practice of that.
You turning inward with kindnessto transform that anger, fear,
and grief, and into care.
And having that balance of I'veheard it from Brene also and
Tara quotes it, of having astrong back, but a soft front.
(13:28):
And to cultivate the courage andtenderness in times of violence
and hard times, we have to seethe suffering beneath the
harmful actions and allow us tomeet others.
Then with compassion, to havecompassion for this black dog,
to have compassion.
There's something about thisperson that hurt so much.
(13:51):
This person really can't feelgood about themself if they're
always criticizing and blamingsomeone else.
And I tell my clients this thatBlame and criticism, it comes
out from discomfort and pain.
There's discomfort and paincoming from this person.
There's discomfort and paincoming from somebody that wants
(14:14):
to take secret service away fromKamala Harris.
Kamala Harris is about to starther book tour of her book, I
think is something called like181 days.
That's how many days she hadafter she was nominated to be
president for her tour.
She's gonna be on the road andto not have her secret service.
It's kinda saying, I don't careabout you.
(14:37):
I don't care if somebody badcomes up.
I don't want you protected frombad people and.
That's not good.
So I just, I'm turning tocompassion and love to somebody
that feels so uneasy, that's inso much discomfort and pain that
wants to put bad things out toother people.
(14:57):
I wanna send love and put toyour gold light out to anybody
stopping all those trucks fromgoing in to to take food to
Gaza.
Yeah.
Hoo.
Delbert (15:11):
Ooh.
Hess (2) (15:14):
Yeah, so the Broken World, Delbert, it waits for the
light that's in you.
That's the U-turn.
Find the light in you.
Delbert (15:23):
All right.
Shine a light in that crack ofthe broken world.
Hess (2) (15:28):
Don't be dismayed by all the brokenness of the world.
All things break and all thingscan be mended.
Not with time, as they say, butwith intention.
So go love intentionally andunconditionally.
Delbert (15:44):
I have a funny story if we wanna, I Charlie story, about
Labor Day.
I went out to, dinner with myAunt Katie, who just turned 83
for her birthday and she said,here's what I remember about
Labor Day Mama Dorothy, as I'vealways told you all could make
(16:04):
anything out of anything.
And she made my mom Doty, myAunt Judy and my Aunt Katie,
these little outfits to be inthis Labor Day parade,
Hess (2) (16:13):
yeah.
Delbert (16:13):
And just pulling this from that, to create something.
And of course my Aunt Katie saidthey were really cute and but
then they found out last minutethat they, if you wanted to be
in this parade, you had to havethese majorette boots.
And they did not have money forthree pairs of majorette boots.
(16:36):
But Papa Charlie being PapaCharlie, he.
Had just gotten some money fromtheir landlady to put gutters on
the house, put new gutters onthe house.
And so he just couldn't stand tosee the kids disappointed.
So he took that money he bought'em majorette boots and
(16:57):
surprised them.
And she said, you just don'tknow how joyful were to march in
that parade with our majoretteboots.
She said, and then.
Papa went out and found somescrap gutters I learned how to
solder.
We put'em all together solderedthem and I learned how to solder
(17:18):
'cause I love to help him.
So Aunt Katie learned how tosolder and they, they worked it
out both ways, but that was hiscreativity, his love, his joy
that, from all the sorrow thathe saw in World War II and all
the things we've talked about,that's how he would turn things
(17:39):
around.
And he did those types of thingshis whole life.
always thinking about family,thinking about how to make
people joyful and how to make'emlaugh
Hess (2) (17:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (17:52):
that's my Labor Day story about Papa Charlie.
Hess (2) (17:55):
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
And all the stuff we've heard inour pod about Papa Charlie I was
making up in my mind as I waslistening that he was gonna take
the gutters and make little topsof boots to put over.
Delbert (18:12):
He could have probably done that.
He could have.
Hess (2) (18:14):
Would've.
Delbert (18:15):
but yeah, but they got the gutters, they still got the
gutters.
They weren't New, but,
Hess (2) (18:19):
And they still got the parade.
They got the parade.
Delbert (18:22):
to be in the parade.
And that's what they remember,
Hess (2) (18:25):
yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (18:25):
That he fulfilled that sweet little dream of theirs,
and that's what we do for ourkids.
We just.
try to turn everything that theywanna do into a reality, however
hard it is, and.
Hess (2) (18:39):
And I wanna, I'm gonna go back to physiologically,
biologically in our body.
Delbert, what joy is.
Okay.
And it's the neurobiology of it.
And we have neurotransmitters,we have a few of'em that promote
pos positive feelings, and thoseare called dopamine, serotonin,
(19:00):
oxytocin, and endorphins.
And the good news is that manychanges to our lives can
increase those neurotransmitterlevels.
For example, cuddling.
Cuddling someone can releaseoxytocin.
So how we could increase those.
And I was listening to anotherpodcast the Huberman Lab about.
(19:23):
How we can get more dopamine.
And we really, he was, they weredoing the analyzation like,
okay, you get this much dopaminefrom a cigarette, or you get
this much dopamine from a blah,blah, blah.
You actually get more dopaminewhen you're doing something
difficult that you love.
It's not about, climbing thewall and being able to touch the
(19:44):
bell.
It's the climbing the wallthat's hard.
Doing something that's difficultthat you enjoy that releases the
most dopamine.
Now exercise re releasesdopamine, but if you don't like
to exercise, it doesn't releasethe same kind of dopamine.
Okay?
So you have to work at somethingthat you love.
(20:05):
And that's been something I'vereally discovered in my life
that anything around us.
That that we feel the most proudof or get the most joy from.
It's'cause we had to work hardat it, we had to work hard at
it.
Your, your practice and mypractice, in my twenty-six year
practice of becoming a licensedclinical social worker, I've
(20:26):
tried to learn everything I canthat's gonna help my clients the
most.
And when my clients get up andsmile and they say, thank you so
much, I just feel so muchbetter.
I say, I just be thankful forthe people that discovered this
modality, that I've learned.
And it's people, it's growingand learning.
The most that we can and growingit into something.
(20:47):
So just like your the way thatyou've worked with your clients,
both selling, buying, and intheir everyday life, whatever
they're going through with theirlife, you're connected to them.
That's what's made you a goodreal realtor.
Delbert, the daily, it's thedaily toil.
Delbert (21:03):
it is, and you're a wonderful therapist.
I'm so thankful for therapist,
Hess (2) (21:09):
yeah.
It's sometimes we do need somemedication.
You all that, that you mightneed some medication.
There might be some badchemistry in your brain.
You just need the appropriatemedication to bump you up so
that you can be at a level.
To where you can reach for thatjoy.
And I I suggest to some of myclients that need medication to
(21:31):
go get there's some places youcan get some genetic testing to
find out exactly whatmedication's gonna be best for
you.
So that's a cool thing.
Now, Delbert, that they can dogenetic testing and go into your
DNA to see what's gonna be best.
That's cool.
Delbert (21:47):
That
Hess (2) (21:47):
cool.
Yeah.
Delbert (21:48):
we want all of you out there pods to live in your joy,
be your best selves To head intothis, end of the year, we're
going to transition into fallsoon, the harvest time of the
year and gather Brought us andthink about it.
I wanted to do a little bit ofhousekeeping.
Hess (2) (22:10):
Yes.
Delbert (22:10):
My cousin Tony Smith always listens, so shout out to
Tony.
Tony wanted to tell us that theconfluence of the Ohio and
Mississippi is actually inCairo, Illinois.
He's been there.
It looks like a beautiful placeon the map, and now it's become
a bucket list for me.
(22:31):
So thank you Tony.
He's he's the son of my auntKatie, so you know how much more
awesome can you be?
He actually, that was madefamous in the novel Huckleberry
Finn.
That's why he went there.
I think so.
Hess (2) (22:45):
Awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Delbert (22:47):
So we hope you all go out and have a wonderful Labor
Day weekend, finish out summer,and live in your joy, live in
your true self.
Hess (2) (23:00):
Yeah.
Yep.
Jump in that pool.
The last time before they drainat Delbert.
Delbert (23:06):
You know that I'm going to.
Hess (2) (23:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So peace and love.
We love you all and we can dothis.
We're here in this together.
Delbert (23:19):
We love you friends.
Peace and love.
Hey you all.
Thanks for joining us for our 46podcast to let me tell you this
about that.
My name is Hess and I'm sittingin the white chair in my bedroom
looking out the window to bluesky with little soft white
clouds and the grass is still ahint of green.
(00:22):
We need more rain.
Come on rain.
I'm doing rain dance.
Delbert (00:27):
I hope the rain dance doesn't take effect until after
Monday HEss,'cause I'm trying tosplash out a summer.
I'm hitting all my pools thisLabor Day weekend, so I'm I'm
mourning the end of summer alittle bit.
And I'm here again.
It's me, Delbert from the greencouch.
Oh my goodness.
It was the most beautifulsunrise this morning.
(00:49):
It was a pink swirl and justgorgeous day.
I'm gonna go to Lakeside todaywith some of my Kentucky Select
friends, and I went to Turner'syesterday with some of my Sacred
Heart friends.
But also, and so that's how I'mcelebrating end of summer with
Joy, but I was talking to Hessearlier this week and, i've got
(01:11):
a lot on my heart this week.
A lot of sadness.
I continue to grieve aboutstarvation in Gaza.
This week was another horribleshooting in Minneapolis,
Minnesota, and first andforemost, those children are on
(01:32):
my heart.
Went down a rabbit hole.
To look at ways to help.
And I donated to the Sandy HookPromise Common Sense gun laws,
and then I started looking atsome of the children who
survived.
There's a little girl namedSophia Forchas I hope I'm saying
her name right.
(01:53):
It's F-O-R-C-H-A-S.
And she's still in criticalcondition.
There are a lot of GoFundMe'sfor a lot of the children that
are still in the hospital there,if You wanna help.
But we also do a lot of braggingabout being from the class of
1976 at Sacred Heart Academyhere in Louisville.
(02:13):
And of our class members MaryGrace, it was her daughter that
was the shooter.
And have a lot of sadness on ourheart this week, but we wanna
say, Mary Grace, we're sendingyou love
Hess (2) (02:27):
Yes.
Delbert (02:27):
and
Hess (2) (02:28):
Yeah.
Delbert (02:29):
And that's all we can say.
'cause we don't know whathappened And we're, anybody
that's making judgements, you,we're taught Hess and I grew up
in the Catholic church andChrist tells us not to judge
people.
Let's save that.
We don't even know.
We don't even know what thisfamily went through.
So Mary Grace, we're sending youlove.
Hess (2) (02:51):
Mary Grace, we love you.
We can't imagine what you'regoing through.
We love you.
And as a mom of two sons, I knowI haven't done, we, we all it's,
no we do the best we can and weknow, and I know that you've
done the best you can.
(03:12):
We love you and ah.
We're here to support you, sendyou love and peace.
Delbert, I see the headlinestoday, like Gaza needs 500
trucks coming in with food everyday.
And they're getting, Israel isthrowing gunfire at all the
places where the food's beingdelivered and so on, and they're
(03:34):
not getting near enough truckscoming in with food.
There's been 150 children die ofstarvation there.
Mothers can't.
Can no longer nurse their littlebabies.
And other headlines.
Just looking at the Guardiannewspaper this morning that
people are being held in icewithout bail.
(03:54):
There's a firefighter that wason track for legal status.
He was arrested close to theborder.
RFK, the head of our health forthe United States says he's
gonna fix a vaccine program bycanceling compensation for
people with injuries.
That was one of the headlines.
Pride Crosswalks are beingerased.
500 workers at Voice of Americaare being laid off.
(04:19):
And if our children aren'tsupported and loved and fed and
taken care of.
And given what they need, likejust the pride crosswalk that
who we are needs to be erased.
Tho those are things that affectthe mental stability of our
children.
And Robin was not in her rightplace when this happened.
(04:41):
And we're gonna create more ofthose kind of things of acting
out if we don't support peoplewho they are and give them.
All the support that they needand the mental health that they
need and the rights that theydeserve, and to be able to be
seen and valued.
We all have value.
And so that comes back to whatyou said before, that we can't
(05:04):
go to the place, to other, toblame somebody and to other
somebody that never, ever helpssolve anything.
Delbert (05:13):
Or to blame a group of people, and so when we talked
about, this heavy topic thisweek.
We also talked about, how do weturn that, how do we make a
U-turn out of all of theseheadlines and all this that's
(05:33):
going on in the world?
How do we make a U-turn to ourtrue selves?
Because God designed us for joy.
You were created to live in thisworld in your true form, which
is joyful.
Successful.
Yeah,
Hess (2) (05:51):
Yeah.
Delbert (05:51):
Fully alive is how you were designed.
And so Hess has this wonderfulmeditation that she did and a
tool.
Do you wanna tell everybodyabout that Hass?
Hess (2) (06:05):
I really I love Tara Brach.
She's a Buddhist meditatorphilosopher psychotherapist.
She gives a story in one of herrecent podcasts that we can't
forget this belonging, this fullaliveness.
That's our natural state, thisbelonging to our inner life, to
this earth, to each other.
(06:27):
She says that in this podcastand this conditioning of having
to blame somebody else to thisbad othering.
It, it doesn't work.
It doesn't it, it doesn't moveto anything positive.
So she tells this story in this,in her podcast about this, this
fable that it's the it's aboutthe human searching for truth,
(06:51):
and it lies in a cave nearby,and we don't always find it
because we are so distracted bythe trance, by the anxiety, by
the reactivity, and by the speedof these times.
Inside the cave, there's an oldwoman weaving the most beautiful
garment ever imagined.
But now, and then she has topause and go to the back of the
(07:13):
cave and stir this huge pot ofseeds that hold all the seeds of
the earth.
And if they're not stirred, theseeds will burn, and life itself
vanishes.
So while she's away, while she'sin the back of the cave.
A black dog slips in andunravels her weaving thread by
(07:36):
thread until only chaos remains.
And when she returns, shepauses, but it's not an anger.
She comes into stillness, intopresence, into deep inner
listening, and then she picks upa thread.
And in that thread, sheenvisions an even more beautiful
(07:59):
garment, one that didn't existbefore the unraveling.
This is possibility.
And the elders say, don't cursethe dog, don't curse the dog.
And she means if nothing fellapart, nothing new could be
imagined.
(08:19):
The old woman is the world, thedreaming force of the world.
Imagining itself into somethingnew and better.
So yeah, we are in a dark nightof the soul, and that's that's
how we can turn something hardinto something good.
(08:41):
And I ask you Podsters, I askedDelbert if it would be okay if I
highlighted this and it'sDelberts story.
When her sister was killed andher daughter and the neighbor
daughter, when they were killedby the woman that was high on
opioids that morning when theywere on their way to school.
(09:03):
That you all did hit that hardspot of that hard surface of
despair, of loss.
And you all sat with that andwere with that.
And then some of the positiveoutcomes that came out of that,
of those deaths was that youwere able to go after the doctor
(09:26):
that prescribed all of thoseopioid medications for this
woman.
You went after him, he lost hislicense.
You all went after the threepharmacies that, that, gave this
woman these these prescriptions.
And also a law was changed inWest Virginia so that there's
(09:48):
even tracking of when somebodygets prescriptions for narcotics
so that someone can't keep doingthat.
So there is something.
This some and Delbert, when youall talk about all of these
times, you went back and forthas a family in this car and the
restaurant that you would go toand the hotel you would stay at
(10:11):
for all of these trials over theyears.
And it was a slug and it was aheave hut hoe, but the joy that
you found in the people thereand the connections that you
made in the people there and thecertain waiter or waitress or
the people in the hotel.
All of that was all turned, tothis love, to this expansion of
(10:31):
love and then these positivethings that resulted so that
more people aren't harmed bythis narcotic.
Delbert (10:42):
You.
Yeah, I, there was somethingthat we talked about and and
it's about, sorrow, fear, all ofand all of those negative
feelings that we can feel.
And when we peel'em back rightunderneath there, we're
sorrowful, we're fearful becausewe care.
(11:03):
And when you unwrap that, that'scompassion.
and that's part of the U-turn,right?
Because then you take that careand compassion and you turn it
into good.
And that's where you find yourjoy.
That's where you turn to joy.
Hess (2) (11:20):
Right.
Delbert (11:20):
hope I said that the right way.
'Cause Hess is the one that toldme that.
And I I hold onto that all thetime and it's how I've dealt
with things in my own life.
I've tried to do what we say atCarol's kitchen was we turned
tragedy into legacy.
(11:42):
And that is the only way I know.
I believe that you can moveforward a life that's fully
alive and acknowledging thepast, but moving forward in joy
and compassion.
Hess (2) (12:02):
And as we've spoken, the opposite of depression is
connection and it's moving fromthat hard.
Place into connection, intolove, and I tell all my clients
that if you're feeling anyanxiety, if you're feeling
depression, it feels bad.
And that's dis-ease.
Lack of ease.
(12:23):
Ease is our natural state.
Joyful liveness is our naturalstate, and that's being able to
make the U-turn back to that.
Tara goes on about talking moreabout this trance of bad
othering, cursing the black dogthat unraveled the quilt, right?
(12:44):
That, that, that can fuel, thatfuels our division.
And the more that we're divided,the more we're disconnected, and
the more we're disconnected, themore we move into lack of ease
and moving away from joy, movingaway from connection.
Moving us more into addiction,isolation.
(13:05):
Yeah.
So we have to be free from blameand the practice of that.
You turning inward with kindnessto transform that anger, fear,
and grief, and into care.
And having that balance of I'veheard it from Brene also and
Tara quotes it, of having astrong back, but a soft front.
(13:28):
And to cultivate the courage andtenderness in times of violence
and hard times, we have to seethe suffering beneath the
harmful actions and allow us tomeet others.
Then with compassion, to havecompassion for this black dog,
to have compassion.
There's something about thisperson that hurt so much.
(13:51):
This person really can't feelgood about themself if they're
always criticizing and blamingsomeone else.
And I tell my clients this thatBlame and criticism, it comes
out from discomfort and pain.
There's discomfort and paincoming from this person.
There's discomfort and paincoming from somebody that wants
(14:14):
to take secret service away fromKamala Harris.
Kamala Harris is about to starther book tour of her book, I
think is something called like181 days.
That's how many days she hadafter she was nominated to be
president for her tour.
She's gonna be on the road andto not have her secret service.
It's kinda saying, I don't careabout you.
(14:37):
I don't care if somebody badcomes up.
I don't want you protected frombad people and.
That's not good.
So I just, I'm turning tocompassion and love to somebody
that feels so uneasy, that's inso much discomfort and pain that
wants to put bad things out toother people.
(14:57):
I wanna send love and put toyour gold light out to anybody
stopping all those trucks fromgoing in to to take food to
Gaza.
Yeah.
Hoo.
Delbert (15:11):
Ooh.
Hess (2) (15:14):
Yeah, so the Broken World, Delbert, it waits for the
light that's in you.
That's the U-turn.
Find the light in you.
Delbert (15:23):
All right.
Shine a light in that crack ofthe broken world.
Hess (2) (15:28):
Don't be dismayed by all the brokenness of the world.
All things break and all thingscan be mended.
Not with time, as they say, butwith intention.
So go love intentionally andunconditionally.
Delbert (15:44):
I have a funny story if we wanna, I Charlie story, about
Labor Day.
I went out to, dinner with myAunt Katie, who just turned 83
for her birthday and she said,here's what I remember about
Labor Day Mama Dorothy, as I'vealways told you all could make
(16:04):
anything out of anything.
And she made my mom Doty, myAunt Judy and my Aunt Katie,
these little outfits to be inthis Labor Day parade,
Hess (2) (16:13):
yeah.
Delbert (16:13):
And just pulling this from that, to create something.
And of course my Aunt Katie saidthey were really cute and but
then they found out last minutethat they, if you wanted to be
in this parade, you had to havethese majorette boots.
And they did not have money forthree pairs of majorette boots.
(16:36):
But Papa Charlie being PapaCharlie, he.
Had just gotten some money fromtheir landlady to put gutters on
the house, put new gutters onthe house.
And so he just couldn't stand tosee the kids disappointed.
So he took that money he bought'em majorette boots and
(16:57):
surprised them.
And she said, you just don'tknow how joyful were to march in
that parade with our majoretteboots.
She said, and then.
Papa went out and found somescrap gutters I learned how to
solder.
We put'em all together solderedthem and I learned how to solder
(17:18):
'cause I love to help him.
So Aunt Katie learned how tosolder and they, they worked it
out both ways, but that was hiscreativity, his love, his joy
that, from all the sorrow thathe saw in World War II and all
the things we've talked about,that's how he would turn things
(17:39):
around.
And he did those types of thingshis whole life.
always thinking about family,thinking about how to make
people joyful and how to make'emlaugh
Hess (2) (17:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (17:52):
that's my Labor Day story about Papa Charlie.
Hess (2) (17:55):
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
And all the stuff we've heard inour pod about Papa Charlie I was
making up in my mind as I waslistening that he was gonna take
the gutters and make little topsof boots to put over.
Delbert (18:12):
He could have probably done that.
He could have.
Hess (2) (18:14):
Would've.
Delbert (18:15):
but yeah, but they got the gutters, they still got the
gutters.
They weren't New, but,
Hess (2) (18:19):
And they still got the parade.
They got the parade.
Delbert (18:22):
to be in the parade.
And that's what they remember,
Hess (2) (18:25):
yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (18:25):
That he fulfilled that sweet little dream of theirs,
and that's what we do for ourkids.
We just.
try to turn everything that theywanna do into a reality, however
hard it is, and.
Hess (2) (18:39):
And I wanna, I'm gonna go back to physiologically,
biologically in our body.
Delbert, what joy is.
Okay.
And it's the neurobiology of it.
And we have neurotransmitters,we have a few of'em that promote
pos positive feelings, and thoseare called dopamine, serotonin,
(19:00):
oxytocin, and endorphins.
And the good news is that manychanges to our lives can
increase those neurotransmitterlevels.
For example, cuddling.
Cuddling someone can releaseoxytocin.
So how we could increase those.
And I was listening to anotherpodcast the Huberman Lab about.
(19:23):
How we can get more dopamine.
And we really, he was, they weredoing the analyzation like,
okay, you get this much dopaminefrom a cigarette, or you get
this much dopamine from a blah,blah, blah.
You actually get more dopaminewhen you're doing something
difficult that you love.
It's not about, climbing thewall and being able to touch the
(19:44):
bell.
It's the climbing the wallthat's hard.
Doing something that's difficultthat you enjoy that releases the
most dopamine.
Now exercise re releasesdopamine, but if you don't like
to exercise, it doesn't releasethe same kind of dopamine.
Okay?
So you have to work at somethingthat you love.
(20:05):
And that's been something I'vereally discovered in my life
that anything around us.
That that we feel the most proudof or get the most joy from.
It's'cause we had to work hardat it, we had to work hard at
it.
Your, your practice and mypractice, in my twenty-six year
practice of becoming a licensedclinical social worker, I've
(20:26):
tried to learn everything I canthat's gonna help my clients the
most.
And when my clients get up andsmile and they say, thank you so
much, I just feel so muchbetter.
I say, I just be thankful forthe people that discovered this
modality, that I've learned.
And it's people, it's growingand learning.
The most that we can and growingit into something.
(20:47):
So just like your the way thatyou've worked with your clients,
both selling, buying, and intheir everyday life, whatever
they're going through with theirlife, you're connected to them.
That's what's made you a goodreal realtor.
Delbert, the daily, it's thedaily toil.
Delbert (21:03):
it is, and you're a wonderful therapist.
I'm so thankful for therapist,
Hess (2) (21:09):
yeah.
It's sometimes we do need somemedication.
You all that, that you mightneed some medication.
There might be some badchemistry in your brain.
You just need the appropriatemedication to bump you up so
that you can be at a level.
To where you can reach for thatjoy.
And I I suggest to some of myclients that need medication to
(21:31):
go get there's some places youcan get some genetic testing to
find out exactly whatmedication's gonna be best for
you.
So that's a cool thing.
Now, Delbert, that they can dogenetic testing and go into your
DNA to see what's gonna be best.
That's cool.
Delbert (21:47):
That
Hess (2) (21:47):
cool.
Yeah.
Delbert (21:48):
we want all of you out there pods to live in your joy,
be your best selves To head intothis, end of the year, we're
going to transition into fallsoon, the harvest time of the
year and gather Brought us andthink about it.
I wanted to do a little bit ofhousekeeping.
Hess (2) (22:10):
Yes.
Delbert (22:10):
My cousin Tony Smith always listens, so shout out to
Tony.
Tony wanted to tell us that theconfluence of the Ohio and
Mississippi is actually inCairo, Illinois.
He's been there.
It looks like a beautiful placeon the map, and now it's become
a bucket list for me.
(22:31):
So thank you Tony.
He's he's the son of my auntKatie, so you know how much more
awesome can you be?
He actually, that was madefamous in the novel Huckleberry
Finn.
That's why he went there.
I think so.
Hess (2) (22:45):
Awesome.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Delbert (22:47):
So we hope you all go out and have a wonderful Labor
Day weekend, finish out summer,and live in your joy, live in
your true self.
Hess (2) (23:00):
Yeah.
Yep.
Jump in that pool.
The last time before they drainat Delbert.
Delbert (23:06):
You know that I'm going to.
Hess (2) (23:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So peace and love.
We love you all and we can dothis.
We're here in this together.
Delbert (23:19):
We love you friends.
Peace and love.
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