June 16, 2025 • 33 mins
Delbert and Hess just got back to Kentucky after being with their tribe at Bethany Beach, Delaware. They came back with the spirit of living wholeheartedly. They all read Brené Browns the Gifts of Imperfection before they got together. They talked about letting go of fear of what people think and moving into authenticity; moving from perfectionism into self compassion; moving from numbing and powerlessness to a resilient spirit; from scarcity and fear of the dark into gratitude; from the need of certainty to listening to your intuition and have trusting faith; creativity; comparisons to creativity; don’t buy into exhaustion as a status symbol, but move to play and rest; anxiety as a lifestyle to calm and stillness; “supposed to’s” to meaningful work; and finally being cool and ‘always in control’ to laughter, song and dance.
You got this! Be You. Stay in your lane. Trust yourself! Peace and love!
Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:00):
Hey, thank you all so much for joining us.
I'm Hess, and I'm talking to youfrom my office.
Welcome to, let me tell you thisabout that I.
Delbert (00:12):
Hey, it's Delbert and I am surprise, surprise, back on
the green couch, looking out mybig picture window.
It's a beautiful sunny day inLouisville, Kentucky, and we're
coming to you in the summer.
Good old summertime, my favoritetime of year.
Hess (00:29):
And we're all back home.
we talked to you in the last podthat we were heading to Bethany
Beach, where we had just gottenthere last Sunday to Bethany.
Beach that's in Delaware, and itwas cute.
I think Delaware, I told people,Delbert that Delaware was not
colored in on the back of mycar.
(00:50):
That was one state I don't thinkI'd ever really been to.
And some of the other, some ofthe other girls said the same
thing.
Delbert (00:58):
For sure, and it's such a beautiful state.
I'm disappointed that I didn'thave it on my Bingo card.
It's got farmland, it's gotocean front.
It's got areas that look likethe low country.
It's just a little bit ofeverything, and it is beautiful
and I would certainly go back.
Hess (01:17):
Myself also.
And we, Delbert and I, andanother guest flew into
Baltimore and rented a car andstopped in Annapolis to visit my
cousin Bo and his wife Liz, andher dad George.
And she fixed us breakfast.
And then, had a really goodvisit and then continued about
(01:38):
two hours on to Bethany Beachand going across that.
How many mile long is thatChesapeake Bay Bridge.
It's pretty
Delbert (01:47):
It's pretty long.
I didn't count the miles'causethe view was so beautiful.
So I appreciate you drivingbecause it was spectacular.
Hess (01:56):
for sure.
And then you land on the otherside and they call that the Del
Marva.
The De Marva area, and thatstands for Delaware, Maryland,
Virginia.
Because you have all thosestates.
They're in this big, huge blockof peninsula.
guess it I guess it.
(02:17):
It's not an island because Ithink they put a canal across
the top.
So it's not a true island, it'sa peninsula.
It's this big huge space.
And they, we drove on over andyou all had told me,'cause you'd
been there before Delbert, aboutthree years ago.
All the fruit stands, all thegrowing that happens in those
agriculture areas.
(02:37):
Fruit stands after fruit stand.
After fruit stand.
So cool.
So neat.
Delbert (02:43):
So we had a lot of delicious fresh produce and a
lot of.
Seafood and just had a lot ofgreat community time around the
dinner table and also at thebeach.
And then with our wholeheartedliving guide posts.
Hess (03:00):
So our theme was the the book by Brene Brown.
The Gifts of Imperfection, andthat was one of the first books
that, that Brene Brown wrote.
And the other ones came out ofthat.
It was really, it's really agood theme for right now,
Delbert being able to move toliving wholeheartedly and let go
(03:23):
of some ways where we don't livefully.
Delbert (03:26):
All right.
Hess (03:27):
even if we're going through something tough and
hard.
If we're living wholeheartedly,it helps us a whole lot.
Get through that.
Mm-hmm.
Delbert (03:38):
We are going through some hard times right now.
Hess (03:42):
Yeah, there, there was protest there in Bethany and
that was fun.
I went to that.
I.
And it was a lot of people,about 500 people.
So there were about 2000protests like that happened on
Saturday morning.
The guidepost for wholeheartedli living that Brene kinda lays
out, is letting go of whatpeople think and moving into
(04:05):
authenticity.
That's, so there's 10 guidepostsgo of what people think and
moving into authenticity.
You wanna alternate theseDelbert?
Delbert (04:15):
Yeah.
The second one is perfectionismMoving into self-compassion.
I love that.
I love when we give ourselvesgrace.
And I'll just go back on yourauthenticity for one second.
I think that we have peoplegravitate towards who we are and
we gather the right peoplearound us when we're our true
(04:37):
self.
And I think that's what wecreated with our Barkley
Village.
Hess (04:43):
True.
True.
That.
And I'll the letting go of thatperfectionism.
Moving towards self-compassion.
We'll never get anything perfectand we create too much of of
anxiety.
If we try to always do somethingperfect and we don't take
chance, we don't take risk.
We're not just in a flow becausewe're trying to be perfect.
(05:06):
And it's hey that's why pencilshave eraser.
It's okay to make a mistake.
That's how we learn things.
Delbert (05:12):
Exactly.
Hess (05:13):
The next one one, some ways that we can can hold us
back is if we numb and we movetowards powerless.
Powerless, powerlessness.
What can I do?
I can't do anything.
I can't do anything to make thechange.
And the show.
I was with a whole lot ofcomradery there.
Holding signs up at the side ofthe road where we feel like we
(05:34):
are resilient.
We do have a say.
We can put our voice out there,and there's a whole lot of life
and a whole lot of positivity.
Having resilient spirit, able,like you you like to put at
Delbert, being able to do thebounce back.
Delbert (05:50):
Exactly.
Exactly.
Whatever happens, we just, wecan think about it for a minute
and then bounce back and go intoaction.
The scarcity and fear of thedark and the way to move away
from that is gratitude and joy.
And I think a lot of us worryabout, having enough for our
(06:13):
families or the un unknown.
Right and the way to, to combatthat, sometimes we live in
fearful times.
It's hard to do but to wake upevery morning with a grateful
heart and be thankful.
And so right now in this moment,we can live in gratitude and joy
(06:34):
and try to push that darknessand fear and scarcity out of our
mind.
Hess (06:40):
It turns the light bulb the light bulb on, doesn't it?
Delbert, when we move togratitude and joy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You And what is you saidscarcity, fear of the dark.
It's, and you said it exactlyright.
It's like the unknown.
What do we know?
We don't know what we don'tknow, If we just just gather
(07:02):
what, whatever information wecan and do the next best step,
we're not frozen.
Delbert (07:08):
Next best thing.
And and one of our conversationsaround the dinner table, I think
was that we said, we can befearful about the time that our
country's in right now if wewanna be.
But I think we can also takecomfort in the fact that.
I do believe that things aregonna work out and they're going
(07:28):
to be all right.
I do believe that this was meantto happen for a reason, this
time that we're going through.
And I do with all my whole heartbelieve that things are gonna be
all right if we keep doing thenext right thing.
Hess (07:44):
Yes.
And I see a lot of people.
It's making everybody kind ofuse their voice They can
Delbert (07:49):
And we've had to do that before, yeah, exactly.
We've had to do that.
Hess (07:53):
show, go ahead, sorry.
Delbert (07:55):
No.
I just said we've had to do thatbefore, so we know how to do it.
Hess (07:59):
We need to move from the need for certainty and move
instead towards intuition andtrusting our faith.
that's exactly what you justsaid.
Dell is, like you said I knowthings are gonna get better and
I trust that it will.
Yeah.
Delbert (08:19):
And just a little sidebar on that intuition and
trusting faith.
I colored my rainbow color'causeI thought it said nutrition.
My friend that I stayed with hada cat, a beautiful black cat
with big green eyes, but I wasallergic to it.
And by the day that we did thisexercise I really, my eyes were
really bloodshot and blurry andallergy ridden.
(08:40):
I'm still sniffing just a littlebit, but yeah, I thought that
said nutrition, so I colored itlike a rainbow for good
nutrition.
Hess (08:47):
Nutrition really is important for whole.
Delbert (08:49):
It's important too.
Hess (08:51):
But she
Delbert (08:52):
important too.
Hess (08:52):
have that listed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (08:56):
Actually it is because I do remember one of the other
ones, and I'll bring it up whenit comes.
Hess (09:02):
Okay.
Okay.
intuition, what we feel in ourgut, and it's not a, it's not a
ticker tape.
The kids print it.
It's what am I feeling here?
When I get those What are theysaying?
to know that is our truth.
And it's we can be certain, wecan listen to that intuition.
(09:24):
And trust when Brene's talking,and she did her video when she
did her video about I.
About being able to bevulnerable, vulner vulnerable.
She said we've moved in even inour spiritual lives, this need
for certainty.
You gotta do this, you gotta dothat to be able to get to
heaven.
(09:44):
You gotta, and that, thatfreezes you, that you don't
relax, you don't go with theflow when there's this need for
certainty.
Delbert (09:54):
Exactly.
And then
Hess (09:56):
the next one,
Delbert (09:56):
the next one was compassion and creativity.
Hess (10:00):
Her eyes are still a little bit
Delbert (10:02):
No, our eyes are still a little blur.
Sorry, let me go back to that.
Whoop, whoop.
Hold the boat.
Comparison.
We gotta move away fromcomparison and that frees us up
to move into creativity.
Yeah.
Hess (10:17):
Yeah.
Delbert (10:17):
Yeah.
Hess (10:19):
Hey, did you all just notice that Delbert read
something incorrectly and shegave herself?
She had, she showed up withself-compassion and her
self-compassion for thinking itsaid nutrition, more about how
comparison holds us back,Delbert.
What do you have to say about
Delbert (10:35):
I just think, and we said this in our group, that
we're at an age where maybe thisdoesn't matter as much.
This is something I really wannashare with my teenage darlings.
But when we compare ourselves toothers, it says that in the
Desdarada you'll become vain andbitter because they're always
gonna be greater, lesser personsthan yourself.
(10:56):
So you don't wanna be either ofthose things.
You just wanna be you.
There's nobody else like you.
And so to compare ourselves toanybody else keeps you from
being that beautiful person thatyou are and being free and being
the most creative being that Godmade you to be.
Hess (11:15):
It frees you up to be creative, doesn't
Delbert (11:17):
Yeah.
Hess (11:20):
Yeah.
Comparison.
It either puts you down or putssomebody else down, and you
can't be doing that.
Delbert (11:26):
We can't be doing that.
Hess (11:27):
No.
Another one that happens a wholelot these days is exhaustion is
a status symbol.
And pro productivity being,being your token of self-worth,
Delbert (11:41):
yes.
Hess (11:43):
We gotta be able and the opposite of that is play and
rest.
We we gotta do the charge up.
We gotta play.
That's what, that's how we get,that's how we open up
creativity.
That's how we open up new ideas.
That's how we can think ofsomething.
Solutions, having downtime, thatrest time.
I, I've always thought I don'twanna have that on my
(12:04):
gravestone.
How hard I worked.
I wanna say I.
Wanna say that being able to andrest then is, I've really
enjoyed life.
Why she lives, she lived.
That's what I'd rather have onmy gravestone.
Delbert (12:17):
Exactly.
That's one that I think a lot ofus related to.
'Cause I think we were justraised to be hard workers and we
were proud of ourselves when weworked really hard.
But, and so I think that may besomething about our generation,
our age group.
That's a hard one for peoplethat are in their sixties or
(12:37):
seventies.
But the rest in play she saidwas as important as exercise and
nutrition.
So I just impose that nutritionup in there.
So anyway, it is rest in playare just as important to your
wellbeing as getting the rightamount of vitamins and nutrients
and the right amount of exercise
Hess (12:58):
For
Delbert (12:59):
about that.
Think about that.
I love that she says that.
Hess (13:04):
and Delbert just.
When you were at Papa's house inyour grandmother's house, what
did you call your grandmotherwhen you were at Mammaw and
Papa's house?
What I get that when you've toldme stories about being there and
the there, there was a whole lotgoing on.
But you but it's not bad chaos.
(13:24):
It's not.
It's not anything that, that,that produces exhaustion.
It's a whole lot of fun andstuff,
Delbert (13:34):
I called it good chaos.
Yeah.
And it was also that everybodywas free to play and rest
however they wanted to.
And there were so many people,there were so many different
ways.
The men always wanted to playpoker In the basement or cellar,
and the women wanted to, beupstairs talking, singing, there
(13:54):
was always my grandmother'salways pinning a pattern on
somebody that was making theirfirst communion or,
Hess (14:00):
making something outta some spare cloth.
Delbert (14:02):
So it was just good chaos.
Yeah.
And
Hess (14:04):
and none of that was exhausting.
It was it.
Delbert (14:07):
No, it was just, it was good energy.
Yeah.
It revitalized us, itrevitalized us from the week and
always said she, she'd pull usin like the moon, like the tide
and we'd have all thisrelaxation and fun and get
charged back up for the week onSunday.
And then she'd send us back out,
Hess (14:25):
love
Delbert (14:25):
Had going out.
So yes she instilled in all ofus that.
How good it was to be togetherand to relax and let everybody
relax and rest the way theywanted to.
It was all good.
It was all good.
Yeah.
Hess (14:40):
And my dad was very successful and worked hard, but
he also played he he loved thewater.
And if you went somewhere yougot in the water and you swam
you enjoy and
Delbert (14:51):
Yeah.
Hess (14:51):
some time.
Delbert (14:52):
Just lay back.
Yeah.
Hess (14:54):
Though that childhood we had of our dads having a boat on
the river, that even though ourdads worked hard all during the
week they play and rest on theriver on the weekends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the next one we got.
Delbert (15:14):
It's anxiety is a lifestyle which I just.
That is just terrible.
Because I am a person who lovesto be calm and still, and I'll
actually tell people when I needstillness.
I really can't deal withanxiety.
So I try to have as little ofthat in my life as possible.
I'm old enough to trust that I'mgonna figure it out.
(15:39):
I trust and believe, and I'lltrust and verify.
Those are two of our greatsayings from the week.
But I've got to, and I'll justtake a break from things.
I'll just unplug and say, I'vegotta have stillness.
I need stillness right now andcalmness in my life.
Because I do love the beautifulchaos.
I'm usually going, runningCarol's kitchen, running, my
(16:01):
real estate business.
Doing the podcast connectingwith friends and family.
I love to go, to Lakeside and Ilove to go to Turner's and I
love to do all those things,but.
I always know when my tank'sgetting ready to run out.
And I think if you don't knowhow to unplug, you need to learn
your body and your rhythms sothat you can be calm and still
(16:22):
when you need to be.
'cause there ain't nothing like,and I'm gonna trust and believe
me, there ain't nothing likeunplugging and just being still.
Hess (16:32):
And some of our input was like if we need calm stillness,
you gotta find the true thingthat's gonna give you calm and
stillness.
And maybe scrolling throughFacebook and stuff might not be
the thing that that makes youfeel calm
Delbert (16:46):
Yeah.
Nothing mindless.
Nothing mindless, just realstillness.
Either rest or meditation or,yeah.
Yes.
Just get your feet.
Yeah.
Get your feet connected to thatground.
I always say I stand in myclover in my yard if I need to
be barefooted.
But when I'm near the beach Ihave to go in and just get my
(17:06):
feet in that water and get thosepositive ions going.
Hess (17:11):
Or I go outside and I'll lay in the grass.
Exhale.
And I believe you know the needfor certainty.
a lot of that anxiety.
Delbert (17:22):
Some of these are intertwined.
They really are.
Hess (17:26):
Are, they're wrapping
Delbert (17:27):
and
Hess (17:27):
other like Ivy.
Delbert (17:28):
They really are.
Like a big, beautiful vine.
And we did some of this practiceinside, but we did a lot of it a
lot of it just in what weexperienced together.
The, the play and rest on thebeach.
Everybody's separating and doingwhat made them come alive.
And, going out on the boat andplaying putt and playing
pickleball and, going to thebotanical barn, everybody had
(17:52):
something that they wanted to doand that made them feel alive.
And it was like, usually wepaired up and split off or, and
then always came back together.
It was really beautiful the waythat we did it.
Hess (18:05):
Yeah, I would go off with Mary and do some swimming and
she had this little routine for20 minutes.
She would swim and we'd have ourmask on or snorkel on swim and
do strokes, and then for 20minutes we would water tread.
And she goes to the deep waterand she's like Diana Nyad.
She could like, she could go forhours and hours.
(18:26):
She could probably water treadfor six hours.
She could, she says she could bea what's that squad?
That for the for the Army orNavy or something where
Delbert (18:34):
Oh, the Navy Seals.
Hess (18:36):
she could be a Navy Seal.
Yeah.
and then we would do wateraerobics for 20 minutes.
So that, that was a way.
To just plug in and reinvigoratetoo.
The common stillness really doesreinvigorate you.
It's kinda like when I would doBuddhist meditation it's calm
and it's still, but I would havemore energy after, or like lo
(18:59):
yoga, I would have more energyafter.
And the anxiety is a lifestyle.
Delbert, there's a just a wholelot of young people these days
that seem like anxiety's alittle bit, or maybe we talk
about it more.
Do you remember anxiety beingsuch a buzzword when we were in
grade school and high school?
Delbert (19:17):
I do not.
And I never even said it untilhere lately.
And I don't remember that.
I do think people, I think it'sa good thing that people are
more in touch with.
It.
But I think in the booksomewhere she says, and I
wholeheartedly agree with this,don't say I have anxiety.
Maybe say, this particular.
(19:40):
Instance makes me a littleanxious.
'cause I think when we startlabeling ourselves with certain
things, then we start believingthat everything makes us have
anxiety or every, that we're,that we can't handle as much as
we actually can.
And that's just me.
I'm from the school of hardknocks.
I liked the street Catholic nuns'cause I needed discipline I
(20:01):
might not be the right person toask that, but I do believe that
we should be gentle withourselves, but we also should
really take a good stern look atourselves and say, I'm gonna be
okay.
That's not so bad.
Hess (20:15):
And I could reword it.
So if I don't know what's gonnahappen versus saying I have
anxiety and say, okay no.
What am I really feeling here?
Oh, it's just about not knowingwhat, where I.
What's going on for the meetingtomorrow?
Or this or that.
And I could say, okay, I'm gonnachange that to excitement.
I don't really know exactlywhat's gonna happen, so I'm
(20:38):
gonna say I'm excited about it.
Delbert (20:40):
I like that you said that a lot better and just turn
it on its head.
And that's what's great aboutour group.
We all look at thingsdifferently and I love it when
somebody turns something on itshead that I never thought about
and lets me look at it inanother way and.
Hess (20:54):
There was so much beautiful input.
There's so much wisdom.
These, this Barkley village,they're just all so smart.
Just it amazes me.
Yeah.
All right.
Self-doubt and supposed tos andmoving instead into just what's
meaningful work I can do?
(21:16):
And doing the next best step.
Yeah.
So self-doubt.
And that's labeling it.
Because we don't know what wedon't know, and where is a
resource where I could find outa little bit more information to
help me make the right decisionand into more meaningful work?
(21:36):
1, 1, 1 exercise we did waslike, what messages did we get
growing up from all differentareas of our life of how we were
supposed to be?
And there, there were a lot ofthings there.
Everybody had four or five.
Things that they were told theywere supposed to be.
And no, we're not supposed to beanything because that kind of
(21:58):
takes away our own individualityour creativity of what we have
and who we are and what we haveto offer.
Delbert (22:08):
And everything we do as work or within our family is
meaningful.
Nothing's greater or lesser thananything else.
So I think you have to takepride in what you do as your
profession, whatever it is.
And if it's something that youdon't necessarily love, look to
(22:30):
move up and without fear,
Hess (22:34):
Gravitate to what will bring you joy
Delbert (22:36):
right.
I.
Hess (22:37):
And be more of your passion.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And all that will lead to moremeaningful work, that will mean
something to us.
It doesn't have to mean anythingto anybody else.
The meaningful work is what ismeaningful to you.
I love that.
Delbert (22:56):
I get to do the last one, which is my favorite one.
It was my favorite day on thebeach Being cool and always in
control.
I.
Move away from that to laughter,song and dance and I forget what
day it was, probably Thursdaywas the morning after Brian
Wilson had passed and we were onthe beach with the speaker and
(23:20):
we're playing music and we moveddown to the water to put our
feet in the water and had thespeaker there up in the chair
and Beth said.
Put it on the beach Boys.
Let's just, celebrate BrianWilson and just spread joy.
And and we all got up anddanced, to the Beach Boys and
people that would walk past uson the beach.
(23:43):
They got it, and they would,most, almost every single person
would start dancing to our BeachBoys music.
Hess (23:49):
As they walked past or
Delbert (23:51):
Yeah.
Hess (23:52):
us,
Delbert (23:52):
Yeah.
Hess (23:52):
just like wiggle and dance and brought smile.
And you all talked about somegirls being out in the water
playing.
Say more about that.
Delbert (24:01):
Oh, there were just these two little girls that
loved it, that we had thatmusic.
They were probably like 10 or 11and they were dancing.
They would start dancing in thewaves to whatever song was on.
They'd look back at us to see ifwe could see, and we'd give'em
the thumbs up yeah.
Yeah, you're nailing, you'rekilling it.
It's perfect.
So what, wherever you are, justlet go of all that.
(24:25):
We were the coolest people onthe beach'cause we brought the
music'cause we didn't care.
We just wanted everybody to havefun and join in and be part of
our celebration.
So dance, like no one's looking.
Hess (24:38):
sing like nobody's listening, being cool and always
in control.
That's thinking other people aregonna perceive you a certain way
and that's that's not living intrue wholehearted living, right?
How are people gonna look at me?
How are I better not wear that,that people might think it looks
(24:59):
stupid.
I gotta look cool.
We're not always in control.
We don't need to be in control.
Just do the next best thing andenjoy and be in the flow.
Delbert (25:08):
Be part of the universe and that, all of that's woven
into rest and play andcreativity and being resilient
and losing all thatperfectionism and just.
Having self-compassion.
All the things.
Hess (25:24):
That's exactly right.
That's exactly right.
I I took a photo of our boardwhere people wrote down moving
from and to, because they, youall also added a bunch of other
stuff too that.
Let me scroll back and find thatDelbert.
It might be where people addedto this back here.
(25:49):
Here we go.
Here we go.
Super past my cousin B's littlebar that he made that looks like
a phone booth.
Like an English phone booth.
Delbert (26:02):
That was so cool.
Hess (26:03):
So y'all moving from you.
People who don't livewholeheartedly might be more.
Worried about money.
They might be insin, insincere,they might be more negative,
right?
Critical, not open.
Living.
More fear.
They're judgmental.
Maybe I.
They might just besingle-minded, right?
(26:25):
That's opposite of open-minded,manipulative, unavailable,
living, scarcity, and morethings that we wrote down about
being able to cultivate.
Moving to wholeheartednessintuition, trust, creativity,
positivity, manifesting love,care for the earth nature.
Preserve, stay connected withpeople.
(26:50):
Live in abundance.
Have a passion.
Hope.
take yourself too seriously.
Laugh, play care for others.
Don't judge no comparison.
Yeah.
Have com have compassion andempathy be reality based.
Be curious.
Be open-minded.
I.
Be fearless, take risks.
(27:11):
Take good care of yourself.
Do some self preservation ingood ways.
Live in joy, be honest, bespiritual.
So amen to all that, Delb
Delbert (27:21):
Amen, Hess.
Hess (27:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
The gifts of imperfection.
You might wanna get the book orget the audio and live your most
wholehearted life.
Go do it.
Delbert (27:33):
Go do it and live in.
Live in your best spirit, yourbest thought for this world and
this country.
We got a lot going on.
Be sure you check all your newssources and listen to.
Several different outlets.
Hess (27:52):
Yeah, make sure you try to dig it up and find out if it's a
fact or not.
Okay.
We love you.
Let this is, let me tell youthis about that.
Delbert and I go back 60 yearsto first grade at our mother of
good counsel.
We've been friends ever since,and continue it on with a great
spirit and wholeheartedness.
We love you.
Delbert (28:11):
Piece of and love.
We love you friends.
Hey, thank you all so much for joining us.
I'm Hess, and I'm talking to youfrom my office.
Welcome to, let me tell you thisabout that I.
Delbert (00:12):
Hey, it's Delbert and I am surprise, surprise, back on
the green couch, looking out mybig picture window.
It's a beautiful sunny day inLouisville, Kentucky, and we're
coming to you in the summer.
Good old summertime, my favoritetime of year.
Hess (00:29):
And we're all back home.
we talked to you in the last podthat we were heading to Bethany
Beach, where we had just gottenthere last Sunday to Bethany.
Beach that's in Delaware, and itwas cute.
I think Delaware, I told people,Delbert that Delaware was not
colored in on the back of mycar.
(00:50):
That was one state I don't thinkI'd ever really been to.
And some of the other, some ofthe other girls said the same
thing.
Delbert (00:58):
For sure, and it's such a beautiful state.
I'm disappointed that I didn'thave it on my Bingo card.
It's got farmland, it's gotocean front.
It's got areas that look likethe low country.
It's just a little bit ofeverything, and it is beautiful
and I would certainly go back.
Hess (01:17):
Myself also.
And we, Delbert and I, andanother guest flew into
Baltimore and rented a car andstopped in Annapolis to visit my
cousin Bo and his wife Liz, andher dad George.
And she fixed us breakfast.
And then, had a really goodvisit and then continued about
(01:38):
two hours on to Bethany Beachand going across that.
How many mile long is thatChesapeake Bay Bridge.
It's pretty
Delbert (01:47):
It's pretty long.
I didn't count the miles'causethe view was so beautiful.
So I appreciate you drivingbecause it was spectacular.
Hess (01:56):
for sure.
And then you land on the otherside and they call that the Del
Marva.
The De Marva area, and thatstands for Delaware, Maryland,
Virginia.
Because you have all thosestates.
They're in this big, huge blockof peninsula.
guess it I guess it.
(02:17):
It's not an island because Ithink they put a canal across
the top.
So it's not a true island, it'sa peninsula.
It's this big huge space.
And they, we drove on over andyou all had told me,'cause you'd
been there before Delbert, aboutthree years ago.
All the fruit stands, all thegrowing that happens in those
agriculture areas.
(02:37):
Fruit stands after fruit stand.
After fruit stand.
So cool.
So neat.
Delbert (02:43):
So we had a lot of delicious fresh produce and a
lot of.
Seafood and just had a lot ofgreat community time around the
dinner table and also at thebeach.
And then with our wholeheartedliving guide posts.
Hess (03:00):
So our theme was the the book by Brene Brown.
The Gifts of Imperfection, andthat was one of the first books
that, that Brene Brown wrote.
And the other ones came out ofthat.
It was really, it's really agood theme for right now,
Delbert being able to move toliving wholeheartedly and let go
(03:23):
of some ways where we don't livefully.
Delbert (03:26):
All right.
Hess (03:27):
even if we're going through something tough and
hard.
If we're living wholeheartedly,it helps us a whole lot.
Get through that.
Mm-hmm.
Delbert (03:38):
We are going through some hard times right now.
Hess (03:42):
Yeah, there, there was protest there in Bethany and
that was fun.
I went to that.
I.
And it was a lot of people,about 500 people.
So there were about 2000protests like that happened on
Saturday morning.
The guidepost for wholeheartedli living that Brene kinda lays
out, is letting go of whatpeople think and moving into
(04:05):
authenticity.
That's, so there's 10 guidepostsgo of what people think and
moving into authenticity.
You wanna alternate theseDelbert?
Delbert (04:15):
Yeah.
The second one is perfectionismMoving into self-compassion.
I love that.
I love when we give ourselvesgrace.
And I'll just go back on yourauthenticity for one second.
I think that we have peoplegravitate towards who we are and
we gather the right peoplearound us when we're our true
(04:37):
self.
And I think that's what wecreated with our Barkley
Village.
Hess (04:43):
True.
True.
That.
And I'll the letting go of thatperfectionism.
Moving towards self-compassion.
We'll never get anything perfectand we create too much of of
anxiety.
If we try to always do somethingperfect and we don't take
chance, we don't take risk.
We're not just in a flow becausewe're trying to be perfect.
(05:06):
And it's hey that's why pencilshave eraser.
It's okay to make a mistake.
That's how we learn things.
Delbert (05:12):
Exactly.
Hess (05:13):
The next one one, some ways that we can can hold us
back is if we numb and we movetowards powerless.
Powerless, powerlessness.
What can I do?
I can't do anything.
I can't do anything to make thechange.
And the show.
I was with a whole lot ofcomradery there.
Holding signs up at the side ofthe road where we feel like we
(05:34):
are resilient.
We do have a say.
We can put our voice out there,and there's a whole lot of life
and a whole lot of positivity.
Having resilient spirit, able,like you you like to put at
Delbert, being able to do thebounce back.
Delbert (05:50):
Exactly.
Exactly.
Whatever happens, we just, wecan think about it for a minute
and then bounce back and go intoaction.
The scarcity and fear of thedark and the way to move away
from that is gratitude and joy.
And I think a lot of us worryabout, having enough for our
(06:13):
families or the un unknown.
Right and the way to, to combatthat, sometimes we live in
fearful times.
It's hard to do but to wake upevery morning with a grateful
heart and be thankful.
And so right now in this moment,we can live in gratitude and joy
(06:34):
and try to push that darknessand fear and scarcity out of our
mind.
Hess (06:40):
It turns the light bulb the light bulb on, doesn't it?
Delbert, when we move togratitude and joy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You And what is you saidscarcity, fear of the dark.
It's, and you said it exactlyright.
It's like the unknown.
What do we know?
We don't know what we don'tknow, If we just just gather
(07:02):
what, whatever information wecan and do the next best step,
we're not frozen.
Delbert (07:08):
Next best thing.
And and one of our conversationsaround the dinner table, I think
was that we said, we can befearful about the time that our
country's in right now if wewanna be.
But I think we can also takecomfort in the fact that.
I do believe that things aregonna work out and they're going
(07:28):
to be all right.
I do believe that this was meantto happen for a reason, this
time that we're going through.
And I do with all my whole heartbelieve that things are gonna be
all right if we keep doing thenext right thing.
Hess (07:44):
Yes.
And I see a lot of people.
It's making everybody kind ofuse their voice They can
Delbert (07:49):
And we've had to do that before, yeah, exactly.
We've had to do that.
Hess (07:53):
show, go ahead, sorry.
Delbert (07:55):
No.
I just said we've had to do thatbefore, so we know how to do it.
Hess (07:59):
We need to move from the need for certainty and move
instead towards intuition andtrusting our faith.
that's exactly what you justsaid.
Dell is, like you said I knowthings are gonna get better and
I trust that it will.
Yeah.
Delbert (08:19):
And just a little sidebar on that intuition and
trusting faith.
I colored my rainbow color'causeI thought it said nutrition.
My friend that I stayed with hada cat, a beautiful black cat
with big green eyes, but I wasallergic to it.
And by the day that we did thisexercise I really, my eyes were
really bloodshot and blurry andallergy ridden.
(08:40):
I'm still sniffing just a littlebit, but yeah, I thought that
said nutrition, so I colored itlike a rainbow for good
nutrition.
Hess (08:47):
Nutrition really is important for whole.
Delbert (08:49):
It's important too.
Hess (08:51):
But she
Delbert (08:52):
important too.
Hess (08:52):
have that listed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (08:56):
Actually it is because I do remember one of the other
ones, and I'll bring it up whenit comes.
Hess (09:02):
Okay.
Okay.
intuition, what we feel in ourgut, and it's not a, it's not a
ticker tape.
The kids print it.
It's what am I feeling here?
When I get those What are theysaying?
to know that is our truth.
And it's we can be certain, wecan listen to that intuition.
(09:24):
And trust when Brene's talking,and she did her video when she
did her video about I.
About being able to bevulnerable, vulner vulnerable.
She said we've moved in even inour spiritual lives, this need
for certainty.
You gotta do this, you gotta dothat to be able to get to
heaven.
(09:44):
You gotta, and that, thatfreezes you, that you don't
relax, you don't go with theflow when there's this need for
certainty.
Delbert (09:54):
Exactly.
And then
Hess (09:56):
the next one,
Delbert (09:56):
the next one was compassion and creativity.
Hess (10:00):
Her eyes are still a little bit
Delbert (10:02):
No, our eyes are still a little blur.
Sorry, let me go back to that.
Whoop, whoop.
Hold the boat.
Comparison.
We gotta move away fromcomparison and that frees us up
to move into creativity.
Yeah.
Hess (10:17):
Yeah.
Delbert (10:17):
Yeah.
Hess (10:19):
Hey, did you all just notice that Delbert read
something incorrectly and shegave herself?
She had, she showed up withself-compassion and her
self-compassion for thinking itsaid nutrition, more about how
comparison holds us back,Delbert.
What do you have to say about
Delbert (10:35):
I just think, and we said this in our group, that
we're at an age where maybe thisdoesn't matter as much.
This is something I really wannashare with my teenage darlings.
But when we compare ourselves toothers, it says that in the
Desdarada you'll become vain andbitter because they're always
gonna be greater, lesser personsthan yourself.
(10:56):
So you don't wanna be either ofthose things.
You just wanna be you.
There's nobody else like you.
And so to compare ourselves toanybody else keeps you from
being that beautiful person thatyou are and being free and being
the most creative being that Godmade you to be.
Hess (11:15):
It frees you up to be creative, doesn't
Delbert (11:17):
Yeah.
Hess (11:20):
Yeah.
Comparison.
It either puts you down or putssomebody else down, and you
can't be doing that.
Delbert (11:26):
We can't be doing that.
Hess (11:27):
No.
Another one that happens a wholelot these days is exhaustion is
a status symbol.
And pro productivity being,being your token of self-worth,
Delbert (11:41):
yes.
Hess (11:43):
We gotta be able and the opposite of that is play and
rest.
We we gotta do the charge up.
We gotta play.
That's what, that's how we get,that's how we open up
creativity.
That's how we open up new ideas.
That's how we can think ofsomething.
Solutions, having downtime, thatrest time.
I, I've always thought I don'twanna have that on my
(12:04):
gravestone.
How hard I worked.
I wanna say I.
Wanna say that being able to andrest then is, I've really
enjoyed life.
Why she lives, she lived.
That's what I'd rather have onmy gravestone.
Delbert (12:17):
Exactly.
That's one that I think a lot ofus related to.
'Cause I think we were justraised to be hard workers and we
were proud of ourselves when weworked really hard.
But, and so I think that may besomething about our generation,
our age group.
That's a hard one for peoplethat are in their sixties or
(12:37):
seventies.
But the rest in play she saidwas as important as exercise and
nutrition.
So I just impose that nutritionup in there.
So anyway, it is rest in playare just as important to your
wellbeing as getting the rightamount of vitamins and nutrients
and the right amount of exercise
Hess (12:58):
For
Delbert (12:59):
about that.
Think about that.
I love that she says that.
Hess (13:04):
and Delbert just.
When you were at Papa's house inyour grandmother's house, what
did you call your grandmotherwhen you were at Mammaw and
Papa's house?
What I get that when you've toldme stories about being there and
the there, there was a whole lotgoing on.
But you but it's not bad chaos.
(13:24):
It's not.
It's not anything that, that,that produces exhaustion.
It's a whole lot of fun andstuff,
Delbert (13:34):
I called it good chaos.
Yeah.
And it was also that everybodywas free to play and rest
however they wanted to.
And there were so many people,there were so many different
ways.
The men always wanted to playpoker In the basement or cellar,
and the women wanted to, beupstairs talking, singing, there
(13:54):
was always my grandmother'salways pinning a pattern on
somebody that was making theirfirst communion or,
Hess (14:00):
making something outta some spare cloth.
Delbert (14:02):
So it was just good chaos.
Yeah.
And
Hess (14:04):
and none of that was exhausting.
It was it.
Delbert (14:07):
No, it was just, it was good energy.
Yeah.
It revitalized us, itrevitalized us from the week and
always said she, she'd pull usin like the moon, like the tide
and we'd have all thisrelaxation and fun and get
charged back up for the week onSunday.
And then she'd send us back out,
Hess (14:25):
love
Delbert (14:25):
Had going out.
So yes she instilled in all ofus that.
How good it was to be togetherand to relax and let everybody
relax and rest the way theywanted to.
It was all good.
It was all good.
Yeah.
Hess (14:40):
And my dad was very successful and worked hard, but
he also played he he loved thewater.
And if you went somewhere yougot in the water and you swam
you enjoy and
Delbert (14:51):
Yeah.
Hess (14:51):
some time.
Delbert (14:52):
Just lay back.
Yeah.
Hess (14:54):
Though that childhood we had of our dads having a boat on
the river, that even though ourdads worked hard all during the
week they play and rest on theriver on the weekends.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the next one we got.
Delbert (15:14):
It's anxiety is a lifestyle which I just.
That is just terrible.
Because I am a person who lovesto be calm and still, and I'll
actually tell people when I needstillness.
I really can't deal withanxiety.
So I try to have as little ofthat in my life as possible.
I'm old enough to trust that I'mgonna figure it out.
(15:39):
I trust and believe, and I'lltrust and verify.
Those are two of our greatsayings from the week.
But I've got to, and I'll justtake a break from things.
I'll just unplug and say, I'vegotta have stillness.
I need stillness right now andcalmness in my life.
Because I do love the beautifulchaos.
I'm usually going, runningCarol's kitchen, running, my
(16:01):
real estate business.
Doing the podcast connectingwith friends and family.
I love to go, to Lakeside and Ilove to go to Turner's and I
love to do all those things,but.
I always know when my tank'sgetting ready to run out.
And I think if you don't knowhow to unplug, you need to learn
your body and your rhythms sothat you can be calm and still
(16:22):
when you need to be.
'cause there ain't nothing like,and I'm gonna trust and believe
me, there ain't nothing likeunplugging and just being still.
Hess (16:32):
And some of our input was like if we need calm stillness,
you gotta find the true thingthat's gonna give you calm and
stillness.
And maybe scrolling throughFacebook and stuff might not be
the thing that that makes youfeel calm
Delbert (16:46):
Yeah.
Nothing mindless.
Nothing mindless, just realstillness.
Either rest or meditation or,yeah.
Yes.
Just get your feet.
Yeah.
Get your feet connected to thatground.
I always say I stand in myclover in my yard if I need to
be barefooted.
But when I'm near the beach Ihave to go in and just get my
(17:06):
feet in that water and get thosepositive ions going.
Hess (17:11):
Or I go outside and I'll lay in the grass.
Exhale.
And I believe you know the needfor certainty.
a lot of that anxiety.
Delbert (17:22):
Some of these are intertwined.
They really are.
Hess (17:26):
Are, they're wrapping
Delbert (17:27):
and
Hess (17:27):
other like Ivy.
Delbert (17:28):
They really are.
Like a big, beautiful vine.
And we did some of this practiceinside, but we did a lot of it a
lot of it just in what weexperienced together.
The, the play and rest on thebeach.
Everybody's separating and doingwhat made them come alive.
And, going out on the boat andplaying putt and playing
pickleball and, going to thebotanical barn, everybody had
(17:52):
something that they wanted to doand that made them feel alive.
And it was like, usually wepaired up and split off or, and
then always came back together.
It was really beautiful the waythat we did it.
Hess (18:05):
Yeah, I would go off with Mary and do some swimming and
she had this little routine for20 minutes.
She would swim and we'd have ourmask on or snorkel on swim and
do strokes, and then for 20minutes we would water tread.
And she goes to the deep waterand she's like Diana Nyad.
She could like, she could go forhours and hours.
(18:26):
She could probably water treadfor six hours.
She could, she says she could bea what's that squad?
That for the for the Army orNavy or something where
Delbert (18:34):
Oh, the Navy Seals.
Hess (18:36):
she could be a Navy Seal.
Yeah.
and then we would do wateraerobics for 20 minutes.
So that, that was a way.
To just plug in and reinvigoratetoo.
The common stillness really doesreinvigorate you.
It's kinda like when I would doBuddhist meditation it's calm
and it's still, but I would havemore energy after, or like lo
(18:59):
yoga, I would have more energyafter.
And the anxiety is a lifestyle.
Delbert, there's a just a wholelot of young people these days
that seem like anxiety's alittle bit, or maybe we talk
about it more.
Do you remember anxiety beingsuch a buzzword when we were in
grade school and high school?
Delbert (19:17):
I do not.
And I never even said it untilhere lately.
And I don't remember that.
I do think people, I think it'sa good thing that people are
more in touch with.
It.
But I think in the booksomewhere she says, and I
wholeheartedly agree with this,don't say I have anxiety.
Maybe say, this particular.
(19:40):
Instance makes me a littleanxious.
'cause I think when we startlabeling ourselves with certain
things, then we start believingthat everything makes us have
anxiety or every, that we're,that we can't handle as much as
we actually can.
And that's just me.
I'm from the school of hardknocks.
I liked the street Catholic nuns'cause I needed discipline I
(20:01):
might not be the right person toask that, but I do believe that
we should be gentle withourselves, but we also should
really take a good stern look atourselves and say, I'm gonna be
okay.
That's not so bad.
Hess (20:15):
And I could reword it.
So if I don't know what's gonnahappen versus saying I have
anxiety and say, okay no.
What am I really feeling here?
Oh, it's just about not knowingwhat, where I.
What's going on for the meetingtomorrow?
Or this or that.
And I could say, okay, I'm gonnachange that to excitement.
I don't really know exactlywhat's gonna happen, so I'm
(20:38):
gonna say I'm excited about it.
Delbert (20:40):
I like that you said that a lot better and just turn
it on its head.
And that's what's great aboutour group.
We all look at thingsdifferently and I love it when
somebody turns something on itshead that I never thought about
and lets me look at it inanother way and.
Hess (20:54):
There was so much beautiful input.
There's so much wisdom.
These, this Barkley village,they're just all so smart.
Just it amazes me.
Yeah.
All right.
Self-doubt and supposed tos andmoving instead into just what's
meaningful work I can do?
(21:16):
And doing the next best step.
Yeah.
So self-doubt.
And that's labeling it.
Because we don't know what wedon't know, and where is a
resource where I could find outa little bit more information to
help me make the right decisionand into more meaningful work?
(21:36):
1, 1, 1 exercise we did waslike, what messages did we get
growing up from all differentareas of our life of how we were
supposed to be?
And there, there were a lot ofthings there.
Everybody had four or five.
Things that they were told theywere supposed to be.
And no, we're not supposed to beanything because that kind of
(21:58):
takes away our own individualityour creativity of what we have
and who we are and what we haveto offer.
Delbert (22:08):
And everything we do as work or within our family is
meaningful.
Nothing's greater or lesser thananything else.
So I think you have to takepride in what you do as your
profession, whatever it is.
And if it's something that youdon't necessarily love, look to
(22:30):
move up and without fear,
Hess (22:34):
Gravitate to what will bring you joy
Delbert (22:36):
right.
I.
Hess (22:37):
And be more of your passion.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And all that will lead to moremeaningful work, that will mean
something to us.
It doesn't have to mean anythingto anybody else.
The meaningful work is what ismeaningful to you.
I love that.
Delbert (22:56):
I get to do the last one, which is my favorite one.
It was my favorite day on thebeach Being cool and always in
control.
I.
Move away from that to laughter,song and dance and I forget what
day it was, probably Thursdaywas the morning after Brian
Wilson had passed and we were onthe beach with the speaker and
(23:20):
we're playing music and we moveddown to the water to put our
feet in the water and had thespeaker there up in the chair
and Beth said.
Put it on the beach Boys.
Let's just, celebrate BrianWilson and just spread joy.
And and we all got up anddanced, to the Beach Boys and
people that would walk past uson the beach.
(23:43):
They got it, and they would,most, almost every single person
would start dancing to our BeachBoys music.
Hess (23:49):
As they walked past or
Delbert (23:51):
Yeah.
Hess (23:52):
us,
Delbert (23:52):
Yeah.
Hess (23:52):
just like wiggle and dance and brought smile.
And you all talked about somegirls being out in the water
playing.
Say more about that.
Delbert (24:01):
Oh, there were just these two little girls that
loved it, that we had thatmusic.
They were probably like 10 or 11and they were dancing.
They would start dancing in thewaves to whatever song was on.
They'd look back at us to see ifwe could see, and we'd give'em
the thumbs up yeah.
Yeah, you're nailing, you'rekilling it.
It's perfect.
So what, wherever you are, justlet go of all that.
(24:25):
We were the coolest people onthe beach'cause we brought the
music'cause we didn't care.
We just wanted everybody to havefun and join in and be part of
our celebration.
So dance, like no one's looking.
Hess (24:38):
sing like nobody's listening, being cool and always
in control.
That's thinking other people aregonna perceive you a certain way
and that's that's not living intrue wholehearted living, right?
How are people gonna look at me?
How are I better not wear that,that people might think it looks
(24:59):
stupid.
I gotta look cool.
We're not always in control.
We don't need to be in control.
Just do the next best thing andenjoy and be in the flow.
Delbert (25:08):
Be part of the universe and that, all of that's woven
into rest and play andcreativity and being resilient
and losing all thatperfectionism and just.
Having self-compassion.
All the things.
Hess (25:24):
That's exactly right.
That's exactly right.
I I took a photo of our boardwhere people wrote down moving
from and to, because they, youall also added a bunch of other
stuff too that.
Let me scroll back and find thatDelbert.
It might be where people addedto this back here.
(25:49):
Here we go.
Here we go.
Super past my cousin B's littlebar that he made that looks like
a phone booth.
Like an English phone booth.
Delbert (26:02):
That was so cool.
Hess (26:03):
So y'all moving from you.
People who don't livewholeheartedly might be more.
Worried about money.
They might be insin, insincere,they might be more negative,
right?
Critical, not open.
Living.
More fear.
They're judgmental.
Maybe I.
They might just besingle-minded, right?
(26:25):
That's opposite of open-minded,manipulative, unavailable,
living, scarcity, and morethings that we wrote down about
being able to cultivate.
Moving to wholeheartednessintuition, trust, creativity,
positivity, manifesting love,care for the earth nature.
Preserve, stay connected withpeople.
(26:50):
Live in abundance.
Have a passion.
Hope.
take yourself too seriously.
Laugh, play care for others.
Don't judge no comparison.
Yeah.
Have com have compassion andempathy be reality based.
Be curious.
Be open-minded.
I.
Be fearless, take risks.
(27:11):
Take good care of yourself.
Do some self preservation ingood ways.
Live in joy, be honest, bespiritual.
So amen to all that, Delb
Delbert (27:21):
Amen, Hess.
Hess (27:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
The gifts of imperfection.
You might wanna get the book orget the audio and live your most
wholehearted life.
Go do it.
Delbert (27:33):
Go do it and live in.
Live in your best spirit, yourbest thought for this world and
this country.
We got a lot going on.
Be sure you check all your newssources and listen to.
Several different outlets.
Hess (27:52):
Yeah, make sure you try to dig it up and find out if it's a
fact or not.
Okay.
We love you.
Let this is, let me tell youthis about that.
Delbert and I go back 60 yearsto first grade at our mother of
good counsel.
We've been friends ever since,and continue it on with a great
spirit and wholeheartedness.
We love you.
Delbert (28:11):
Piece of and love.
We love you friends.
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