September 28, 2025 • 31 mins
Neurotransmitters—the Brain Bridge to Positivity
Hess and Delbert feel energized when they talk about possibility. They wanted to follow up and talk about it more after last week’s Podcast. In their Sunday chat this morning, Hess explains how we can move from trauma to resiliency. We can use the neuroplasticity of the brain to rewire and get out of the “ditch”. Trauma lives in the limbic area of the brain and stays there if it is not processed in a healthy way. The trauma lives on in the re-triggering with anything similar to the trauma. She is trained in a modality called Accelerated Resolution Therapy. With this modality, the therapist leads the client to replace the trauma—with something different—something more positive. After a session, the traumatic event is a fact-it happened, but the brain is no longer triggered emotionally.
There are options—there are ways to get the help we need to be able to “spiral back up”. We can work together, there are solutions. Delberts family charity, Carole’s Kitchen was able to combine with a bigger organization—Dare to Care that can help the Seneca Food Pantry stay stocked all year round.
Do what you can to move to positivity—towards better outcomes. It is good for you and for others.
Thanks for listening! We love you! Like and share!
I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. This week José received radiation in his lower spine every day. We are awaiting the next CT Scans. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:01):
Welcome back to our next conversation to let me tell you
this about that I'm Hess and I'msitting in the white chair in my
bedroom looking out and Delbert.
We've had a few days of rain andI swear it's just like a
miracle.
It's like in the springtime whenthings start to turn green,
things are turning green again,folks.
(00:22):
Yeah, we've had we had aboutsix, six weeks with no rain and
just with a couple days of rain.
It's just so awesome how it'sstarting to green up.
So amazing.
Love it.
So that's the report from mywhite chair.
How's the green?
Delbert (00:39):
Alright, I'm Delbert as always on the green couch
looking out my picture window.
Hess is rain dance worked.
It's been raining.
Things are greening up.
I planted some, rose of Sharon.
Once you get one rose of Sharon,the birds will plant other ones
in all different places.
I had one growing up in my firepit, had one growing up in
(01:00):
another little planter, and Ijust dug'em up and.
And planted'em somewhere else.
And they were, I was like, ohman.
They can grow anywhere.
They're real hearty and strong.
And my grandma used to call'emalley flowers'cause they could
grow in the alley.
They just grow in rock and all,they grow all along the back
alleys in old Louisville andSouthern Louisville.
(01:20):
But so it's the rain helped it.
I put some more potting soil onthis one that was struggling.
My rose of Sharon is comingback.
Grass is green.
Hess (01:32):
All of this all comes together again, we've talked to
you about possibility.
And this kind of reiterates thateven though the grass had gotten
brown and is withholding itsenergy and it still had the
possibility to turn green, yourlittle rose of sharon that, that
wasn't doing so well with therain and with you putting some
(01:55):
new potting soil around it.
It's giving it new possibility.
Delbert (01:59):
Yeah, and I talked to him.
I'm like, you're gonna make it.
You're gonna pull through.
It's all good.
Hess (02:05):
Yeah, wor words can give possibility too.
Delbert (02:09):
Yeah, encouragement for So has what, I mean we had so
much to say about possibilitythat we made it two podcasts.
So
Hess (02:17):
Yeah.
Delbert (02:17):
did you, have on your mind that you wanted to say
about possibility?
Hess (02:22):
Bert.
Now everybody, I really want youto go back and listen to all of
our podcasts because I reallyfeel like there's so many
threads that tie together.
Because when we're going throughsomething hard, we can spiral
down and when we spiral down, itjust gets more and more
negative.
And we just, that teacher sisterPatrick at Sacred Heart, she
(02:43):
said if you start to feel down,you start drooping your
shoulders and then you trip moreand then things get worse.
Yeah.
Delbert (02:51):
Look up.
Hess (02:52):
Look up.
Delbert when I went back toschool in 19 94 to the college
of social work when I was 36years old.
Like I said, I had a customer atthe fruit market, this attorney
that was one of the bestattorneys in Lexington, and she
went to law school when she was40.
(03:13):
She said, I knew when I turned43, I knew I'd turned 43 whether
I went to law school or not.
So I thought, why not go to lawschool at 40?
I'll be 43 anyway.
And at 36.
At 36, I went back to schoolMaster's of Social Work.
And it's always been myintention and this is what keeps
(03:34):
you young, is to be a curiouslearner.
I've always been curious.
I've always wanted to learn asmuch as I can and my clients
motivate me to keep learningmore so I can help them the
most.
Delbert (03:44):
Right.
Hess (03:45):
Yeah, so I learned that really good cool relationship
work, Imago, which was amazing.
And I learned that because Cathyand I were going through a hard
time and I read about it and wewent to that and it was
transformational.
So you talk about like movingtowards positivity, reframe, you
can learn something, you canlearn new ways to have
(04:07):
connection and how tocommunicate, how to relate.
Like that intentional dialoguethat I've taught all my clients,
my couples.
So when we've gone through anykind of trauma and it doesn't
get processed in a healthy way,it gets stuck in our brain in
that limbic part of our brain.
(04:28):
And that's a deep.
Subcortical area in our brain.
It's where the amygdala is, andwe, our amygdala can hijack us
and that limbic part of ourbrain where the trauma got
stored, it doesn't speakEnglish, it's images in
sensations.
So whenever we get.
(04:50):
Re stimulated.
We like go through it all overagain.
Our body floods and that's allconnected to the medulla
Oblangata.
That and that part of our brainthat will run, fight or play
dead.
If we thought we were gonna die,we immediately react.
It's when we get activated, it'sa switch.
It's not a volume.
(05:12):
And for example, I'll give youan example of that.
When I was growing up and Ifinally, when I was 11 years old
and I thought I was ancient, Ifinally got my horse, Jesse
James.
His name was Whiskey.
But we didn't think that wouldbe a good name for a horse for a
young girl.
So we named him Jesse James.
My grandpa would give you$50 ifyou named somebody, Jesse.
(05:33):
So anyway,
Delbert (05:34):
For that.
Hess (05:35):
$50.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's why with my 32 firstcousins, there's about 10 of us
that have Jesse in our names.
All right.
Riding at the state fair waslike, the epitome was like the
top of the staircase of placesyou could compete.
And it was just so exciting.
And you'd be riding, you'd bepracticing, and then you'd go
(05:57):
into that air conditioning ofFreedom Hall.
And you're riding and they havemulch that you're riding on.
It was a good surface for yourhorse.
And so that smell of mulch wasalways just, would just always
make me feel good whenever I'dsmell mulch.
Okay.
All right.
So then the second part of mystory is tragically my brother
(06:20):
died when he was 21.
Jesse boy, there's anotherJesse.
He was, yeah.
He died and the wake after theservice was at Dad and Susie's
house and my dad made sure thatthe yard looked good and he had
his, the area in between thebushes and shrubs.
(06:42):
He had all that re-mulched.
And so then mulch, that smellthen replaced my good smell of
mulch.
To, to the death and tragedy ofmy brother.
So that's the flip, that's theswitch that gets flipped now
when I smell mulch.
Okay.
(07:03):
Yeah.
So we can go through somethinghard and tough and when that
limbic part of our brain getsreactivated, it's like all over
again.
Okay.
And that's how trauma lives onand on with its reactivation.
So that's hard and tough.
And then we kinda live in thatcycle of keep getting triggered
(07:26):
and waiting for the shoe todrop.
So anyway, when we talked, whenwe were talking about
possibility last time, Delbert,I wanted to share that this new
therapeutic modality that I use.
Called Accelerated resolutionTherapy has been a game changer,
and I learned it about eightyears ago and it was, it grew
(07:48):
out of.
Eye movement desensitization,reprocessing, EMDR, that there's
a bilateral of back and forth,maybe somebody's hand going
through across our eyes ortappers or something like that,
side to side.
As we're processing a trauma, ithelps us process it or it can
reinforce a resource also.
(08:11):
So tell me if I start losingyou, Bert.
'cause I don't wanna lose any ofthe pods.
You following me?
Delbert (08:17):
I am following you.
Hess (08:18):
Okay, so what's so amazing and you can go on my website,
everybody, jessicabollinger.com, and I have a tab
for accelerated resolutiontherapy, jessica bollinger.com
and Lainey Rosenweig who, whocame up with this technique of
accelerated resolution therapy.
She, I have a video attached tomy website where you can listen
(08:42):
to her talk about it.
What she came up with, and itjust happenstance working with a
client where she's doing just aregular EMDR protocol where you
go, okay, you're doing theprotocol and then you say, okay,
go with that.
And the client goes, go withwhat?
And she goes, I don't know.
Go with something positive.
So he put something positivethere.
(09:04):
She noticed, like how muchbetter her clients, she started
doing that more with herclients, put something positive
there.
So she did this whole kind ofprotocol.
I'm not gonna explain the wholeprotocol if anybody needs this,
find somebody.
And there's so many more, somany people get trained all the
time and accelerated resolutiontherapy, the acronym is art ART
(09:24):
so for instance.
Cathy Lucas and I were in areally bad car accident about 14
years ago on old Frankford Pike,and it was a three car, a four
car accident.
We, we were on our side, we hadto climb out the sunroof, and
what that accident did is thatit made me a hypervigilant
(09:45):
driver.
I was scared when I was drivingand, and that didn't help me be
a better driver or if I was apassenger, I was hypervigilant.
And in the meantime, Lucas beganto drive.
He turned 16, he was 11 at thetime of the car accident.
He turned 16.
He's driving.
I'm trying to get the dang speedlimit on old Frank Fort Pike,
(10:06):
lowered from 55 down to 45.
'cause it's just scaring me.
I'm more scared when I'mdriving.
Anyway.
I go get trained in this ARTthis modality just sounds like
it's like too good to be true.
I get trained in it and when youdo the training, Delbert, you do
training with each other and soyou gotta practice with each
(10:27):
other.
And so I chose to process thecar accident.
So I processed the car accidentand then part of the protocol
is, okay, let's replace it.
And I replaced it.
We were on our way to a lady catbasketball game when this
happened.
It was January 3rd and it was at6:30 at night.
(10:48):
It's dark.
And what I replaced it withDelbert is that we drove to the
basketball game.
I ate a bucket of popcorn, whichI did sometimes.
We were sitting with ourfriends, Nan and Tink.
I waved to Mel and Albertaacross the stadium, across
Memorial Col because you canalways pick them out because
Alberta has beautiful white hairwaved to them, and the Lady Cats
(11:11):
win and we drive home.
So the rest of the protocol kindof reinforces this new thing I'm
putting in my limbic system.
Okay.
Delbert (11:20):
Okay.
Hess (11:21):
And Delbert, even though it's a fact the accident
happened, I put somethingdifferent in my limbic part of
my brain and I noticed thatnight that it worked.
So let me describe that.
Okay.
With the people that were at theworkshop, I said, there's a
(11:42):
really good Mexican place.
Let's all meet there.
And so Cathy Lucas and I met theother people at the workshop at
the ART workshop.
We met them at jalapenos.
Cathy and I both had amargarita.
And so we had Lucas drive ushome so Cathy sitting in the
passenger seat, Lucas isdriving, I'm behind Lucas in the
car.
(12:02):
And we come back home and Cathysays, drop me off down at the
barn.
The barn is below our househere, just down the driveway.
She says, drop me off at thebarn before you drive to the
house so I can water the horses.
So Lucas pulls down to the barn,Cathy gets out, goes in the
front door of the barn, we backup.
(12:23):
And as we back up, I see a carhad been parked there and left
by somebody that might've gottendropped off at the barn.
Okay?
And right then, Delbert, I go,oh my gosh, this worked.
Because Delbert, when wewould've pulled in there, I
would've, I, my hyper vigilanceself would've gone, Lucas.
(12:43):
Now when you back up, you watchout for that car, and so when we
backed up and I saw that car.
And Lucas of course, missed it.
He's a really good driver.
I thought, oh my gosh, thisworked.
So it's just amazing.
And so last week, Delbert, or inour, in one of our last
podcasts, we were talking aboutreframing.
(13:05):
So in ART you're reframing anold trauma into something
different.
And it changes your emotionalconnection.
I don't know how thathyperactivity, hyper vigilance
anymore because of the accident.
And Delbert, I still drive.
If I go to town, I drive past ittwice, but I, it's a fact it
(13:28):
happened, but I'm notemotionally connected to it
anymore.
Delbert (13:33):
That is so great.
I And just like you're saying,reframe it.
We can all do that if we're downin that dark hole we've talked
about people being so down deep,in the ground, they can turn it,
they can twist it upward.
A big,
Hess (13:54):
right
Delbert (13:54):
flower Towards the sun because there's help out there
for you.
There's a way and when we weretalking about possibilities, we
were talking about being thearchitect of your life.
when you reframe it, it's likeframing a house.
It's like building something.
Hess (14:14):
Right.
Delbert (14:15):
that memory, that brain, that beautiful brain of
yours.
Into a more positive light.
And I love that.
I love that.
What's beautiful about ourminds, because sometimes when
something bad happens, we feellike we don't have any control.
You're telling us in thiswonderful story is that we do
(14:36):
have control.
Hess (14:38):
Yes.
Yes.
Delbert (14:39):
tools in our toolkit for therapists and counselors
help you reframe, rebuild anykind of trauma, and I love that.
I
Hess (14:52):
Absolutely.
Delbert (14:53):
Yes,
Hess (14:54):
Absolutely.
Delbert (14:55):
we're in control.
We're in control of our minds,even though sometimes, things
can get away from us and we cango off and thought we are in
control.
Hess (15:06):
Delbert, the brain has neuroplasticity and it can grow
in new directions and make newconnections.
And when we've had a trauma andthen we get re-triggered, it
makes that more of a ditch and atrough of.
Of trauma and it makes itdeeper.
Delbert (15:25):
And we've talked about, car accidents, they do trigger a
lot of things.
Accidents trigger a lot and,it's very it's very much a
metaphor, when somebody's downin the ditch, in a car.
In their life, in their mentalstate.
You gotta roll out of that.
You gotta There And it's okay ifyou're hurt and you're bruised
(15:48):
and know it's okay to sit therefor a minute and yourself
together.
That's okay.
Hess (15:54):
Sit in the Denny's and have a cup of coffee because
you're just blown out andstunned
Delbert (15:59):
Exactly.
You.
Okay.
Hess (16:01):
when you.
Yeah.
When you got that phone callabout your sister and the
tragedy of the car accident andyour niece and the little
neighbor girl that's where youwent and you were numb and you
called somebody and they cameand got you.
But and then just a few weeksago, you're talking on our pod
about being with your nephew.
The surviving son.
(16:22):
Like you all saw a van upsidedown and he said, if anybody's
ready to run towards it, it'sus.
We gotta run towards it.
Delbert (16:30):
Mean we did.
And that is.
When you can rebuild it, andthat's when you can reframe it,
reshape it, and say, weunderstand.
We understand what
Hess (16:42):
Yes.
Delbert (16:43):
right to happen.
We understand and we are here tohelp.
Bend yourself and you rebuildand you reframe.
Then you are so resilient.
You're so strong, and you canhelp others.
And that's what you do.
Hess.
You help other people in yourpractice These thoughts that are
crippling themselves in theirlife.
(17:04):
Andre helping'em get back upthere.
Hess (17:07):
Yeah.
Delbert (17:07):
up.
Hess (17:08):
Yeah.
Delbert (17:09):
And so that's just our.
Our minds, our imaginations thepossibilities of what we can do
are just, it's just endless.
It's just endless.
And I just hope everybody that'slistening out there, if you're
going through anything hard andgosh knows there's a lot going
(17:31):
on right now it's all gonna beokay.
We're It.
We're gonna, work together,we'll help each other
Hess (17:39):
and there, there's a, we there's new paradigms or new
ways to think about things.
You you are moving towardscollaborating with Carole;s
Kitchen and say more about that,how there's a new paradigm there
for you.
Delbert (17:54):
right?
One of our podcasts you'll hearme talk about a golf scramble
that we do annually.
And and it just, it really wassuper draining for everybody
that did it'cause we just don'thave that many volunteers And,
we were looking for a way to beto have legacy with the Seneca
(18:15):
Pantry and to keep it going, aslong as it's needed.
And we were feeling like, oh,shoot we just don't know what to
do.
We don't have any young peoplethat really wanna come in and
help us, or maybe we're justnot, reaching out the right way
or, but a lot of people.
Are my age or older, and they'rejust thinking, gosh, I'm
(18:35):
retiring, I want to travel.
I don't know how long I can dothis.
my friend Patty, who's just sogreat in volunteering and
networking, she happened to readsomething about Dare to Care
partnering, with othercharities.
And and suggested it and wereached out to them.
(18:58):
And they said, yes, we willpartner with you.
And so we became a partner withdare to Care for Seneca's
Pantry.
Carole;s Kitchen is now anofficial partner with Dare to
Care our Seneca Pantry.
And that money that we raisedwould normally just serve the
(19:20):
pantry for one year really willfeed that pantry forever until
as long as somebody will stillorder the food.
They will be.
With Dare to Care.
Hess (19:30):
Wow.
Delbert (19:31):
I just I'm so thrilled about it.
It's like I said I would get sotired for at least a week after
the golf scramble, because thereBob Jones and I were the two
that volunteered and it wouldjust level us,
Hess (19:44):
and it would be weather dependent, right?
Delbert (19:46):
Yes.
Yes.
And you know what, so wild aboutthat.
Every year, it's always aroundCarole;s birthday in September
and the weather has always beenbeautiful.
That probably was coming oneday.
But the fact that we found a newway that we pivoted, that we
found a new possibility and whenwe partnered with somebody that
(20:09):
was bigger than us.
And and, dare to Care has alsopartnered with Feed America.
So they're partners with them'cause they're bigger than them.
And in these times when, I wastelling Hess, there are benefits
that are being cut and it scaressmall.
that, that deal with hunger.
(20:29):
I worried about how long I couldsustain what I was doing and and
so partnering with somebodybigger it's such a godsend.
It's such a relief.
instead of planning a scramblethis week, this is just God and
the universe.
I'm gonna go see Christopherthis weekend Carole;s son just
(20:52):
had his first child so I'm,
Hess (20:56):
You're gonna be there on her birthday, on his mom's
birthday,
Delbert (20:59):
Instead of doing the golf scramble on her birthday, I
am gonna be holding her gr firstgrand baby on her birthday.
Hess (21:05):
and you're gonna be the grandmother to that baby.
Delbert (21:08):
Probably there's a lot of people standing in line to do
that, but I'll be one of'em andI'm so excited and I'm I'm just,
that's a new, that's a newpossibility That wouldn't have
been possible if I was hereplanning the scramble.
Open your heart up.
And you don't always have tohave your, your nose, so to the
(21:31):
grindstone that you can't seeleft or right.
Just open it up and ask for helpand look at this wonderful thing
that we've created for Seneca.
Their Will go on forever.
Dependent on just a few peopleNow.
It's, it's infinite.
It's infinite, and I'm just, I'mso excited.
(21:53):
So that's just, that's how Godin the universe works.
Hess (21:58):
Love that.
Love that.
Delbert (21:59):
how I feel.
I'm going to see Christopher andhis baby and his wife instead of
doing the scramble this year.
So
Hess (22:06):
so cool.
Delbert (22:07):
That's beautiful.
Hess (22:08):
Yeah.
When we spiral down, itconstricts our vision so we
don't see as many opportunities.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (22:16):
And we do, we, and that old saying about your nose to
the grindstone, I'm reallyguilty of that.
I work work so hard.
And when you all hear theself-help podcast, I'm a nut,
I'll just work myself to deathand I'm just almost flattened,
this is teaching me a new way, anew possibility, new ways to do
things, to let go and let otherpeople help me connect with,
(22:42):
bigger forces.
And and I'm gonna do that withsome other schools as well.
I'd always worked with blessingsin a backpack for elementary
schools and then just donebackup pantries and that takes
such a load off.
'cause the kids are getting thefood on the weekend, just
supplementing maybe oldersiblings and things their
(23:03):
pantries.
But yeah.
But this is very similar to thatin that, this bigger charity is
helping me supplement.
Yeah.
Hess (23:12):
So next week I'm going on an adventure.
The possibility of learning howto make sauces beyond my
hollandaise with the littleDijon mustard in the microwave
for 30 seconds.
Going with one of our highschool friends, Karen Rood who
is a chef and affiliated with aFrench cooking school going with
(23:33):
the group and one of, one of ourhigh school class, another one
of our high school classmates,Mary Carol and her daughter's
good friend Leslie.
There's about 10 of us in totalwho are going to France to hop
around and do, learn somecooking and to travel around and
so on.
Our podcast next week we'regoing to play one we recorded
(23:56):
last October about Delbert abouttaking care of herself and
Delbert's gonna talk abouthitting a wall and what she
needed to do to rechargeherself.
That's really important to.
To do some self care so that wecan spiral back up.
Delbert (24:13):
Exactly.
Exactly.
We've gotta take good care ofourselves.
We've gotta reframe when we needto.
We gotta get up and be thearchitect of our day, make that
list, make that plan.
Let's thinking, even a grocerylist.
It helps you have a moresuccessful trip to the grocery,
(24:35):
doesn't it?
Hess (24:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And practice Delbert's techniqueof the Goldie Hawn stretch when
you first open your eyes in themorning and putting a positive
light around your day and aroundthe people that you love.
Practice doing that practicelooking as she talked about last
week, of looking at yourschedule for the next day so
(25:02):
that you can see that it allworks out and it all flows.
It makes it all easier.
Yeah.
Delbert (25:09):
It
Hess (25:09):
Yeah.
Delbert (25:09):
it all down Don't wear yourself out too much.
Don't do too much.
You're showing up in your lifethat counts for something.
That's what.
Hess (25:19):
And when you look, when you're looking out in a wider
vision, you're seeing a lot ofdifferent miracles that are
happening right now, rightaround you.
It's beautiful and that feedsyou and gives you energy.
It moves you forward.
With more of a spring in yourstep.
Delbert (25:35):
Absolutely.
Hess (25:37):
yeah
Delbert (25:38):
we can't wait to hear our.
The next podcast that we dotogether will be our 52nd our
year.
So we're gonna hear all aboutHess's Trip and The trouble that
I
Hess (25:49):
yeah.
Delbert (25:49):
here in Louisville, Kentucky while she's traveling,
and all Wonderful things.
Hess (25:55):
And what it's like to hold that new great nephew.
Delbert (25:59):
oh, don't you know.
Hess (26:01):
Don't,
Delbert (26:01):
don't you know, that's Okay.
Hess (26:03):
Send pictures.
Delbert (26:04):
Hey,
Hess (26:06):
hey, what?
Hey, we love you all and besure.
I hope this lifts you up.
It lifts me up.
Be sure to like, share,subscribe, and leave us comments
and we love you.
Delbert (26:20):
hey friends.
We do love you so much.
Peace and love.
Welcome back to our next conversation to let me tell you
this about that I'm Hess and I'msitting in the white chair in my
bedroom looking out and Delbert.
We've had a few days of rain andI swear it's just like a
miracle.
It's like in the springtime whenthings start to turn green,
things are turning green again,folks.
(00:22):
Yeah, we've had we had aboutsix, six weeks with no rain and
just with a couple days of rain.
It's just so awesome how it'sstarting to green up.
So amazing.
Love it.
So that's the report from mywhite chair.
How's the green?
Delbert (00:39):
Alright, I'm Delbert as always on the green couch
looking out my picture window.
Hess is rain dance worked.
It's been raining.
Things are greening up.
I planted some, rose of Sharon.
Once you get one rose of Sharon,the birds will plant other ones
in all different places.
I had one growing up in my firepit, had one growing up in
(01:00):
another little planter, and Ijust dug'em up and.
And planted'em somewhere else.
And they were, I was like, ohman.
They can grow anywhere.
They're real hearty and strong.
And my grandma used to call'emalley flowers'cause they could
grow in the alley.
They just grow in rock and all,they grow all along the back
alleys in old Louisville andSouthern Louisville.
(01:20):
But so it's the rain helped it.
I put some more potting soil onthis one that was struggling.
My rose of Sharon is comingback.
Grass is green.
Hess (01:32):
All of this all comes together again, we've talked to
you about possibility.
And this kind of reiterates thateven though the grass had gotten
brown and is withholding itsenergy and it still had the
possibility to turn green, yourlittle rose of sharon that, that
wasn't doing so well with therain and with you putting some
(01:55):
new potting soil around it.
It's giving it new possibility.
Delbert (01:59):
Yeah, and I talked to him.
I'm like, you're gonna make it.
You're gonna pull through.
It's all good.
Hess (02:05):
Yeah, wor words can give possibility too.
Delbert (02:09):
Yeah, encouragement for So has what, I mean we had so
much to say about possibilitythat we made it two podcasts.
So
Hess (02:17):
Yeah.
Delbert (02:17):
did you, have on your mind that you wanted to say
about possibility?
Hess (02:22):
Bert.
Now everybody, I really want youto go back and listen to all of
our podcasts because I reallyfeel like there's so many
threads that tie together.
Because when we're going throughsomething hard, we can spiral
down and when we spiral down, itjust gets more and more
negative.
And we just, that teacher sisterPatrick at Sacred Heart, she
(02:43):
said if you start to feel down,you start drooping your
shoulders and then you trip moreand then things get worse.
Yeah.
Delbert (02:51):
Look up.
Hess (02:52):
Look up.
Delbert when I went back toschool in 19 94 to the college
of social work when I was 36years old.
Like I said, I had a customer atthe fruit market, this attorney
that was one of the bestattorneys in Lexington, and she
went to law school when she was40.
(03:13):
She said, I knew when I turned43, I knew I'd turned 43 whether
I went to law school or not.
So I thought, why not go to lawschool at 40?
I'll be 43 anyway.
And at 36.
At 36, I went back to schoolMaster's of Social Work.
And it's always been myintention and this is what keeps
(03:34):
you young, is to be a curiouslearner.
I've always been curious.
I've always wanted to learn asmuch as I can and my clients
motivate me to keep learningmore so I can help them the
most.
Delbert (03:44):
Right.
Hess (03:45):
Yeah, so I learned that really good cool relationship
work, Imago, which was amazing.
And I learned that because Cathyand I were going through a hard
time and I read about it and wewent to that and it was
transformational.
So you talk about like movingtowards positivity, reframe, you
can learn something, you canlearn new ways to have
(04:07):
connection and how tocommunicate, how to relate.
Like that intentional dialoguethat I've taught all my clients,
my couples.
So when we've gone through anykind of trauma and it doesn't
get processed in a healthy way,it gets stuck in our brain in
that limbic part of our brain.
(04:28):
And that's a deep.
Subcortical area in our brain.
It's where the amygdala is, andwe, our amygdala can hijack us
and that limbic part of ourbrain where the trauma got
stored, it doesn't speakEnglish, it's images in
sensations.
So whenever we get.
(04:50):
Re stimulated.
We like go through it all overagain.
Our body floods and that's allconnected to the medulla
Oblangata.
That and that part of our brainthat will run, fight or play
dead.
If we thought we were gonna die,we immediately react.
It's when we get activated, it'sa switch.
It's not a volume.
(05:12):
And for example, I'll give youan example of that.
When I was growing up and Ifinally, when I was 11 years old
and I thought I was ancient, Ifinally got my horse, Jesse
James.
His name was Whiskey.
But we didn't think that wouldbe a good name for a horse for a
young girl.
So we named him Jesse James.
My grandpa would give you$50 ifyou named somebody, Jesse.
(05:33):
So anyway,
Delbert (05:34):
For that.
Hess (05:35):
$50.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's why with my 32 firstcousins, there's about 10 of us
that have Jesse in our names.
All right.
Riding at the state fair waslike, the epitome was like the
top of the staircase of placesyou could compete.
And it was just so exciting.
And you'd be riding, you'd bepracticing, and then you'd go
(05:57):
into that air conditioning ofFreedom Hall.
And you're riding and they havemulch that you're riding on.
It was a good surface for yourhorse.
And so that smell of mulch wasalways just, would just always
make me feel good whenever I'dsmell mulch.
Okay.
All right.
So then the second part of mystory is tragically my brother
(06:20):
died when he was 21.
Jesse boy, there's anotherJesse.
He was, yeah.
He died and the wake after theservice was at Dad and Susie's
house and my dad made sure thatthe yard looked good and he had
his, the area in between thebushes and shrubs.
(06:42):
He had all that re-mulched.
And so then mulch, that smellthen replaced my good smell of
mulch.
To, to the death and tragedy ofmy brother.
So that's the flip, that's theswitch that gets flipped now
when I smell mulch.
Okay.
(07:03):
Yeah.
So we can go through somethinghard and tough and when that
limbic part of our brain getsreactivated, it's like all over
again.
Okay.
And that's how trauma lives onand on with its reactivation.
So that's hard and tough.
And then we kinda live in thatcycle of keep getting triggered
(07:26):
and waiting for the shoe todrop.
So anyway, when we talked, whenwe were talking about
possibility last time, Delbert,I wanted to share that this new
therapeutic modality that I use.
Called Accelerated resolutionTherapy has been a game changer,
and I learned it about eightyears ago and it was, it grew
(07:48):
out of.
Eye movement desensitization,reprocessing, EMDR, that there's
a bilateral of back and forth,maybe somebody's hand going
through across our eyes ortappers or something like that,
side to side.
As we're processing a trauma, ithelps us process it or it can
reinforce a resource also.
(08:11):
So tell me if I start losingyou, Bert.
'cause I don't wanna lose any ofthe pods.
You following me?
Delbert (08:17):
I am following you.
Hess (08:18):
Okay, so what's so amazing and you can go on my website,
everybody, jessicabollinger.com, and I have a tab
for accelerated resolutiontherapy, jessica bollinger.com
and Lainey Rosenweig who, whocame up with this technique of
accelerated resolution therapy.
She, I have a video attached tomy website where you can listen
(08:42):
to her talk about it.
What she came up with, and itjust happenstance working with a
client where she's doing just aregular EMDR protocol where you
go, okay, you're doing theprotocol and then you say, okay,
go with that.
And the client goes, go withwhat?
And she goes, I don't know.
Go with something positive.
So he put something positivethere.
(09:04):
She noticed, like how muchbetter her clients, she started
doing that more with herclients, put something positive
there.
So she did this whole kind ofprotocol.
I'm not gonna explain the wholeprotocol if anybody needs this,
find somebody.
And there's so many more, somany people get trained all the
time and accelerated resolutiontherapy, the acronym is art ART
(09:24):
so for instance.
Cathy Lucas and I were in areally bad car accident about 14
years ago on old Frankford Pike,and it was a three car, a four
car accident.
We, we were on our side, we hadto climb out the sunroof, and
what that accident did is thatit made me a hypervigilant
(09:45):
driver.
I was scared when I was drivingand, and that didn't help me be
a better driver or if I was apassenger, I was hypervigilant.
And in the meantime, Lucas beganto drive.
He turned 16, he was 11 at thetime of the car accident.
He turned 16.
He's driving.
I'm trying to get the dang speedlimit on old Frank Fort Pike,
(10:06):
lowered from 55 down to 45.
'cause it's just scaring me.
I'm more scared when I'mdriving.
Anyway.
I go get trained in this ARTthis modality just sounds like
it's like too good to be true.
I get trained in it and when youdo the training, Delbert, you do
training with each other and soyou gotta practice with each
(10:27):
other.
And so I chose to process thecar accident.
So I processed the car accidentand then part of the protocol
is, okay, let's replace it.
And I replaced it.
We were on our way to a lady catbasketball game when this
happened.
It was January 3rd and it was at6:30 at night.
(10:48):
It's dark.
And what I replaced it withDelbert is that we drove to the
basketball game.
I ate a bucket of popcorn, whichI did sometimes.
We were sitting with ourfriends, Nan and Tink.
I waved to Mel and Albertaacross the stadium, across
Memorial Col because you canalways pick them out because
Alberta has beautiful white hairwaved to them, and the Lady Cats
(11:11):
win and we drive home.
So the rest of the protocol kindof reinforces this new thing I'm
putting in my limbic system.
Okay.
Delbert (11:20):
Okay.
Hess (11:21):
And Delbert, even though it's a fact the accident
happened, I put somethingdifferent in my limbic part of
my brain and I noticed thatnight that it worked.
So let me describe that.
Okay.
With the people that were at theworkshop, I said, there's a
(11:42):
really good Mexican place.
Let's all meet there.
And so Cathy Lucas and I met theother people at the workshop at
the ART workshop.
We met them at jalapenos.
Cathy and I both had amargarita.
And so we had Lucas drive ushome so Cathy sitting in the
passenger seat, Lucas isdriving, I'm behind Lucas in the
car.
(12:02):
And we come back home and Cathysays, drop me off down at the
barn.
The barn is below our househere, just down the driveway.
She says, drop me off at thebarn before you drive to the
house so I can water the horses.
So Lucas pulls down to the barn,Cathy gets out, goes in the
front door of the barn, we backup.
(12:23):
And as we back up, I see a carhad been parked there and left
by somebody that might've gottendropped off at the barn.
Okay?
And right then, Delbert, I go,oh my gosh, this worked.
Because Delbert, when wewould've pulled in there, I
would've, I, my hyper vigilanceself would've gone, Lucas.
(12:43):
Now when you back up, you watchout for that car, and so when we
backed up and I saw that car.
And Lucas of course, missed it.
He's a really good driver.
I thought, oh my gosh, thisworked.
So it's just amazing.
And so last week, Delbert, or inour, in one of our last
podcasts, we were talking aboutreframing.
(13:05):
So in ART you're reframing anold trauma into something
different.
And it changes your emotionalconnection.
I don't know how thathyperactivity, hyper vigilance
anymore because of the accident.
And Delbert, I still drive.
If I go to town, I drive past ittwice, but I, it's a fact it
(13:28):
happened, but I'm notemotionally connected to it
anymore.
Delbert (13:33):
That is so great.
I And just like you're saying,reframe it.
We can all do that if we're downin that dark hole we've talked
about people being so down deep,in the ground, they can turn it,
they can twist it upward.
A big,
Hess (13:54):
right
Delbert (13:54):
flower Towards the sun because there's help out there
for you.
There's a way and when we weretalking about possibilities, we
were talking about being thearchitect of your life.
when you reframe it, it's likeframing a house.
It's like building something.
Hess (14:14):
Right.
Delbert (14:15):
that memory, that brain, that beautiful brain of
yours.
Into a more positive light.
And I love that.
I love that.
What's beautiful about ourminds, because sometimes when
something bad happens, we feellike we don't have any control.
You're telling us in thiswonderful story is that we do
(14:36):
have control.
Hess (14:38):
Yes.
Yes.
Delbert (14:39):
tools in our toolkit for therapists and counselors
help you reframe, rebuild anykind of trauma, and I love that.
I
Hess (14:52):
Absolutely.
Delbert (14:53):
Yes,
Hess (14:54):
Absolutely.
Delbert (14:55):
we're in control.
We're in control of our minds,even though sometimes, things
can get away from us and we cango off and thought we are in
control.
Hess (15:06):
Delbert, the brain has neuroplasticity and it can grow
in new directions and make newconnections.
And when we've had a trauma andthen we get re-triggered, it
makes that more of a ditch and atrough of.
Of trauma and it makes itdeeper.
Delbert (15:25):
And we've talked about, car accidents, they do trigger a
lot of things.
Accidents trigger a lot and,it's very it's very much a
metaphor, when somebody's downin the ditch, in a car.
In their life, in their mentalstate.
You gotta roll out of that.
You gotta There And it's okay ifyou're hurt and you're bruised
(15:48):
and know it's okay to sit therefor a minute and yourself
together.
That's okay.
Hess (15:54):
Sit in the Denny's and have a cup of coffee because
you're just blown out andstunned
Delbert (15:59):
Exactly.
You.
Okay.
Hess (16:01):
when you.
Yeah.
When you got that phone callabout your sister and the
tragedy of the car accident andyour niece and the little
neighbor girl that's where youwent and you were numb and you
called somebody and they cameand got you.
But and then just a few weeksago, you're talking on our pod
about being with your nephew.
The surviving son.
(16:22):
Like you all saw a van upsidedown and he said, if anybody's
ready to run towards it, it'sus.
We gotta run towards it.
Delbert (16:30):
Mean we did.
And that is.
When you can rebuild it, andthat's when you can reframe it,
reshape it, and say, weunderstand.
We understand what
Hess (16:42):
Yes.
Delbert (16:43):
right to happen.
We understand and we are here tohelp.
Bend yourself and you rebuildand you reframe.
Then you are so resilient.
You're so strong, and you canhelp others.
And that's what you do.
Hess.
You help other people in yourpractice These thoughts that are
crippling themselves in theirlife.
(17:04):
Andre helping'em get back upthere.
Hess (17:07):
Yeah.
Delbert (17:07):
up.
Hess (17:08):
Yeah.
Delbert (17:09):
And so that's just our.
Our minds, our imaginations thepossibilities of what we can do
are just, it's just endless.
It's just endless.
And I just hope everybody that'slistening out there, if you're
going through anything hard andgosh knows there's a lot going
(17:31):
on right now it's all gonna beokay.
We're It.
We're gonna, work together,we'll help each other
Hess (17:39):
and there, there's a, we there's new paradigms or new
ways to think about things.
You you are moving towardscollaborating with Carole;s
Kitchen and say more about that,how there's a new paradigm there
for you.
Delbert (17:54):
right?
One of our podcasts you'll hearme talk about a golf scramble
that we do annually.
And and it just, it really wassuper draining for everybody
that did it'cause we just don'thave that many volunteers And,
we were looking for a way to beto have legacy with the Seneca
(18:15):
Pantry and to keep it going, aslong as it's needed.
And we were feeling like, oh,shoot we just don't know what to
do.
We don't have any young peoplethat really wanna come in and
help us, or maybe we're justnot, reaching out the right way
or, but a lot of people.
Are my age or older, and they'rejust thinking, gosh, I'm
(18:35):
retiring, I want to travel.
I don't know how long I can dothis.
my friend Patty, who's just sogreat in volunteering and
networking, she happened to readsomething about Dare to Care
partnering, with othercharities.
And and suggested it and wereached out to them.
(18:58):
And they said, yes, we willpartner with you.
And so we became a partner withdare to Care for Seneca's
Pantry.
Carole;s Kitchen is now anofficial partner with Dare to
Care our Seneca Pantry.
And that money that we raisedwould normally just serve the
(19:20):
pantry for one year really willfeed that pantry forever until
as long as somebody will stillorder the food.
They will be.
With Dare to Care.
Hess (19:30):
Wow.
Delbert (19:31):
I just I'm so thrilled about it.
It's like I said I would get sotired for at least a week after
the golf scramble, because thereBob Jones and I were the two
that volunteered and it wouldjust level us,
Hess (19:44):
and it would be weather dependent, right?
Delbert (19:46):
Yes.
Yes.
And you know what, so wild aboutthat.
Every year, it's always aroundCarole;s birthday in September
and the weather has always beenbeautiful.
That probably was coming oneday.
But the fact that we found a newway that we pivoted, that we
found a new possibility and whenwe partnered with somebody that
(20:09):
was bigger than us.
And and, dare to Care has alsopartnered with Feed America.
So they're partners with them'cause they're bigger than them.
And in these times when, I wastelling Hess, there are benefits
that are being cut and it scaressmall.
that, that deal with hunger.
(20:29):
I worried about how long I couldsustain what I was doing and and
so partnering with somebodybigger it's such a godsend.
It's such a relief.
instead of planning a scramblethis week, this is just God and
the universe.
I'm gonna go see Christopherthis weekend Carole;s son just
(20:52):
had his first child so I'm,
Hess (20:56):
You're gonna be there on her birthday, on his mom's
birthday,
Delbert (20:59):
Instead of doing the golf scramble on her birthday, I
am gonna be holding her gr firstgrand baby on her birthday.
Hess (21:05):
and you're gonna be the grandmother to that baby.
Delbert (21:08):
Probably there's a lot of people standing in line to do
that, but I'll be one of'em andI'm so excited and I'm I'm just,
that's a new, that's a newpossibility That wouldn't have
been possible if I was hereplanning the scramble.
Open your heart up.
And you don't always have tohave your, your nose, so to the
(21:31):
grindstone that you can't seeleft or right.
Just open it up and ask for helpand look at this wonderful thing
that we've created for Seneca.
Their Will go on forever.
Dependent on just a few peopleNow.
It's, it's infinite.
It's infinite, and I'm just, I'mso excited.
(21:53):
So that's just, that's how Godin the universe works.
Hess (21:58):
Love that.
Love that.
Delbert (21:59):
how I feel.
I'm going to see Christopher andhis baby and his wife instead of
doing the scramble this year.
So
Hess (22:06):
so cool.
Delbert (22:07):
That's beautiful.
Hess (22:08):
Yeah.
When we spiral down, itconstricts our vision so we
don't see as many opportunities.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (22:16):
And we do, we, and that old saying about your nose to
the grindstone, I'm reallyguilty of that.
I work work so hard.
And when you all hear theself-help podcast, I'm a nut,
I'll just work myself to deathand I'm just almost flattened,
this is teaching me a new way, anew possibility, new ways to do
things, to let go and let otherpeople help me connect with,
(22:42):
bigger forces.
And and I'm gonna do that withsome other schools as well.
I'd always worked with blessingsin a backpack for elementary
schools and then just donebackup pantries and that takes
such a load off.
'cause the kids are getting thefood on the weekend, just
supplementing maybe oldersiblings and things their
(23:03):
pantries.
But yeah.
But this is very similar to thatin that, this bigger charity is
helping me supplement.
Yeah.
Hess (23:12):
So next week I'm going on an adventure.
The possibility of learning howto make sauces beyond my
hollandaise with the littleDijon mustard in the microwave
for 30 seconds.
Going with one of our highschool friends, Karen Rood who
is a chef and affiliated with aFrench cooking school going with
(23:33):
the group and one of, one of ourhigh school class, another one
of our high school classmates,Mary Carol and her daughter's
good friend Leslie.
There's about 10 of us in totalwho are going to France to hop
around and do, learn somecooking and to travel around and
so on.
Our podcast next week we'regoing to play one we recorded
(23:56):
last October about Delbert abouttaking care of herself and
Delbert's gonna talk abouthitting a wall and what she
needed to do to rechargeherself.
That's really important to.
To do some self care so that wecan spiral back up.
Delbert (24:13):
Exactly.
Exactly.
We've gotta take good care ofourselves.
We've gotta reframe when we needto.
We gotta get up and be thearchitect of our day, make that
list, make that plan.
Let's thinking, even a grocerylist.
It helps you have a moresuccessful trip to the grocery,
(24:35):
doesn't it?
Hess (24:38):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And practice Delbert's techniqueof the Goldie Hawn stretch when
you first open your eyes in themorning and putting a positive
light around your day and aroundthe people that you love.
Practice doing that practicelooking as she talked about last
week, of looking at yourschedule for the next day so
(25:02):
that you can see that it allworks out and it all flows.
It makes it all easier.
Yeah.
Delbert (25:09):
It
Hess (25:09):
Yeah.
Delbert (25:09):
it all down Don't wear yourself out too much.
Don't do too much.
You're showing up in your lifethat counts for something.
That's what.
Hess (25:19):
And when you look, when you're looking out in a wider
vision, you're seeing a lot ofdifferent miracles that are
happening right now, rightaround you.
It's beautiful and that feedsyou and gives you energy.
It moves you forward.
With more of a spring in yourstep.
Delbert (25:35):
Absolutely.
Hess (25:37):
yeah
Delbert (25:38):
we can't wait to hear our.
The next podcast that we dotogether will be our 52nd our
year.
So we're gonna hear all aboutHess's Trip and The trouble that
I
Hess (25:49):
yeah.
Delbert (25:49):
here in Louisville, Kentucky while she's traveling,
and all Wonderful things.
Hess (25:55):
And what it's like to hold that new great nephew.
Delbert (25:59):
oh, don't you know.
Hess (26:01):
Don't,
Delbert (26:01):
don't you know, that's Okay.
Hess (26:03):
Send pictures.
Delbert (26:04):
Hey,
Hess (26:06):
hey, what?
Hey, we love you all and besure.
I hope this lifts you up.
It lifts me up.
Be sure to like, share,subscribe, and leave us comments
and we love you.
Delbert (26:20):
hey friends.
We do love you so much.
Peace and love.
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