July 13, 2025 • 30 mins
Delbert and Hess have their Sunday morning chat today about what having a tribe or village in our lives does for us. They are varied. This week Delbert was grateful for her Kentucky Select tribe of mentors and colleagues that she works with in real estate, grateful for her village of family, the village of friends. Hess is on her boat, the Relation Ship on the Rideau Canal, finishing up a two week cruise with her friend Melinda. She belongs to a tribe of people that own the same type of vessel—a Rosborough 246. They joined up and cruised for a while with Mike and Linda on their Rosborough—the Tailwind, they met up also with Rob on his, called Sweet Pea’. (He is a big Popeye fan.) Hess spoke of feeling a connection—a camaraderie that happens with these boaters—feeling like she has always known them. Our village or tribe accepts us for who we are. It is important that they are compassionate and help raise us up. We are better when the people around us share their knowledge and talents with us. Who are your tribes? Peace and Love, and please like and subscribe and share!
Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. After the first rounds of chemo, after new scans--the good news is that the tumor in the colon has shrunk, but they have increased in his liver. His oncologist has increasd the power of the chemo to help irradicate it elsewhere. Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:00):
Everybody, thank you so much for joining in with us.
(00:03):
My name is Hess and I'm sittingon my boat, the Relation Ship I
have, my good friend Melindawith me and my dog Tyler, on
this journey that we're wrappingup.
We've been two weeks on cruisingon the Rideau Canal in beautiful
Ontario, Canada, and right nowI'm sitting docked.
(00:25):
At Davis Lock here on the Rideauand I've got my star link
satellite propped up, but withthe with the lawn chair to keep
it straight'cause I forgot thebase for it.
But I'm live and here and live.
Welcome, welcome to, let me tellyou this about that.
Delbert (00:43):
Welcome everybody.
This is Delbert.
I'm live from the Green couch inLouisville, Kentucky.
keeps coming in and out, itlooks like.
the most part, it's gonna be abeautiful day.
It might rain just a little bit,but that's okay.
'cause my green grass is gettinga little dry.
And I told Hess yesterday, I'vebeen thinking so much about
(01:08):
relationships in life.
And one of the things I do whenI get up in the morning is I
always my gratitudes and Ialways.
Am most thankful for my familyand my relationships with my
family and my extended family,my friends that I've had since
high school and since parochialschool all of my good work
(01:33):
friends.
And HEss sent me this picture ofwhere she is and, she's just
surrounded by all these boatsand all this community and
they're all just, enjoying thebeauty being out on the water
together.
And I just, I said I think weshould talk about our villages
that we have because we havemany, we form'em through school,
(01:56):
our activities that we like todo.
Sometimes we form'em throughphilanthropic work and, and
we're so fortunate to have thosegreat villages with us in our
life.
So we want you to think aboutthat two podsters and how you
form your villages and who is ityou that you're so grateful for.
(02:19):
And then a little bit of it is,sometimes we do get those toxic
people in our lives and how towork on getting those people you
a little bit more at bay and.
And tightening.
You know who we let in to ourclose circle.
Hess (02:35):
And when you talked about villages, instantly came into
mind, this Rosborough group, my,my.
The relationship is called aboand they were built initially
in, up in Nova Scotia, and mineis in 1997 Rosborough.
And then later in the early twothousands, they were bought by
Eastern Boats and they're madein New Hampshire.
(02:56):
But all of us together that owna boat like this.
We get together and we haverendezvous, and Mike and his
wife Lynn from Ottawa, have aboat, have a roseboro that they
call the tailwind.
And before I decided on my thisshows you the benefits of a
village or a tribe is beforeI'm, before I, I heard that the
(03:18):
Rideau canal was just sobeautiful, so I was always
wanted to come up here.
So before I made the trip lastyear, I inquiRideau.
Out there to, to the universeand to, to my roseboro tribe
about where would be the bestplaces to launch my boat?
Where are the best places tosee?
And Rob from Sweet Pea and Mikeand Lynn from Tailwind, they all
(03:42):
gave me this whole list ofthings to do and see and where
to put in.
And so it.
And then we all met up wecruised a little while with Mike
and Len and you and Delbert.
I just felt and Melinda canattest that I feel like I, I've
known these people almost mywhole life.
It's something about the kind ofpeople that have a boat like
(04:04):
this.
It's not a condominium on thewater.
It's more like a real.
Practical boat.
It can be in heavy seas or itcan be on smooth lake waters,
but it's comfortable.
There's a V berth, there's adining berth you can sleep in.
There's a nice little kitchen, afridge.
It's not huge, but it'strailerable and you can take it
where you wanna go and there'sthis village of people that own
(04:28):
Rosboroughs from all walks oflife.
But there's this commonality ofthis boat.
And we feel like we already knoweach other.
We're like-minded people,adventurous, spirited we don't
need a lot of plush, fancythings, Delbert yesterday we
were seeing what they had ontheir boat.
They were seeing what we, I haveon my boat, and they had these
(04:49):
nice, you're gonna enjoy it downat the lake baby.
They had these nice little,close hooks, but they were big
and round on the end plastic.
They fit around the the chromeon the boat, the bow sprint and
stuff on the boat.
They fit around perfectly to beable to hang your laundry up
there.
And she gave me a packet of ityesterday, a packet of 12 of'em
(05:10):
yesterday before we left.
And it's you learn things fromthem and it's share and it's
just so much fun.
Delbert (05:19):
I was reading an article in Forbes magazine that
just is just saying, just thatsurrounding yourself with the
right people changes everything.
And you want people around youthat can mentor you and vice
versa, that you can help youshare your knowledge.
Before we started talkingrecording I was just saying it's
(05:40):
the same philosophy as in sportsis to play up, play up in
sports, play somebody that'sbetter than you to make you
better
Hess (05:48):
Yeah, I always played better tennis Delbert when I
played with somebody better thanme.
Delbert (05:53):
Yeah.
You always play better'cause itmakes you think.
A little quicker kind of react.
It ups your game.
For sure.
For sure.
When youngest Sophie was playingbasketball.
She was at a very littleparochial school called St.
James.
And there were just so few kidsthat they played on every, as
long as you weren't too old forthe team you played up, you
(06:15):
played up on, in fourth grade, Ithink she played on the seventh
and eighth grade team for alittle bit,
Hess (06:20):
wow.
Wow.
Delbert (06:21):
I.
That it made'em such goodplayers by the time they were in
seventh and eighth grade, andthen they would be far ahead of
a team the fifth and sixth gradewould come and be their bench.
So it's just a really cool wayof playing up and learning.
I.
Making yourself better.
it's so true that being aroundthe right people just makes you
(06:45):
such a much better person.
I love having mentors at work.
I think about that all the time.
When I first got to KentuckySelect, I was just surrounded by
people.
Who had been in the business fora really long time, whose advice
and expertise.
I just, admired and I wouldlisten to them on the phone.
I would listen to how they talkto people and how they respected
(07:08):
people and respected their homesand the equity they had in it.
And it just, it made me a betterrealtor and a better person just
having that at my disposal or bein the office and be around all
those people.
I loved it.
And as much as we love to bearound positive people, it's
(07:28):
good to be mindful about thenegative Nellie's, the people
that are not self-aware, kind ofsuck all the energy out of the
room and have to make it allabout themselves.
We're around people like thatsometimes.
And if they're in our circle, itcan really suck the life out of
you.
Hess (07:47):
Yeah, so I'm on this little 25 foot boat by eight
foot six inches wide.
Delbert you you, how many squarefeet is that?
24 by eight.
Delbert (07:59):
24 by eight.
Now I have to get my calculatorout.
It's early in the morning.
Pod
Hess (08:04):
You're in housings.
You're in the housing.
So anyway, the point is, and thepoint is this, that's something
that.
Delbert (08:10):
square feet.
Okay.
Hess (08:12):
So I'm in 192 square feet for two weeks.
Delbert (08:14):
apartment,
Hess (08:15):
very, yeah.
190.
It's like a closet, a kitchen,and a place for you to sleep.
But I've told Melinda, I said,can you imagine if being on a
boat this size with somebody youdidn't like, but
Delbert (08:27):
can you imagine?
Hess (08:28):
I'm on this boat.
I'm on this boat with Melinda,and every morning she says.
Oh my gosh, it's such abeautiful morning and I love
that.
I love that.
Delbert (08:42):
the day with the positive energy and she's sounds
like she's a person.
That's the light, that'sself-aware, understands that
what you say and do affectsother people and
Hess (08:54):
absolutely.
Delbert (08:55):
a light.
And in your life.
Yeah.
Hess (08:58):
yeah.
Delbert (08:59):
want those light people in our life.
Hess (09:01):
Three beautiful, three beautiful kids.
Three beautiful kids that she'sraised with that light.
And Delbert being she was ateacher, a special education
teacher.
When we go through places,everybody goes hi.
Hey.
And they're looking at the boat.
And in certain places that we'vegone through little kids have
been yelling, hi, and.
It's so fun to hear Melindarespond to these little kids.
(09:23):
Okay, now you gotta say bye.
Delbert (09:26):
Still teaching.
Hess (09:28):
Still teaching.
Still teaching?
Yeah.
Delbert (09:31):
That.
Hess (09:32):
Yeah what I hear is at Kentucky Select when you joined
there, you kept your ear open tothis village that surrounded you
of the way that they talked andhonoRideau their clients and the
respect they showed on the phoneand directly with their clients.
And you took that on.
It taught you how to do that,and I think that is so cool
(09:53):
that.
I always try to be around peoplethat raise me up, My village at
the barn.
Everybody does things betterthan me.
That's why I love being aroundthem, because they do it better
than me and I can learn how todo it
Delbert (10:05):
Exactly
Hess (10:06):
by that.
Delbert (10:06):
And when we share like that, we can all benefit from
each other.
'cause we all have differentstrengths and talents and and
know a little bit and you're acurious person.
You always wanna learn.
And that's such a great way tobe in life to always be open
learning and to always.
Be willing to listen to people.
Another thing, go ahead.
Hess (10:29):
Along that line, Delbert, it's very important that the
people that you have in yourvillage or your tribe that they
have compassion and they'rereally, they're willing to share
what they know with others.
We're celebrating Pam's birthdayan equestrian at our farm this
coming Tuesday.
She loves lobster.
She loves that lobster place in.
(10:50):
What's that Lobster?
Red Lobster.
She always loves REd Lobster.
So REd Lobster Tuesday, six 30to celebrate Pam's birthday.
Yay.
I'm in m and then somebodyresponded to the person that, to
the equestrian.
I've always aspired to be,because Pam's the person in the
barn, in the village, in thetribe, and she's always willing
to share.
(11:10):
Not like I'm better than you,but.
To share her knowledge of how towrap a leg or how to get a
better leg yield or a canterapart or something, and so it's
important the people that youhave in your village or tribe,
that they have compassion andthey're will willing to share
their knowledge.
I love that.
Delbert (11:28):
Exactly.
Be open to share.
But I was just telling Hess Ijust was more aware of my
gratitude this week.
Sometimes it just is a littlemore clear to you and maybe the
things that you do.
I got to go to Lakeside with my.
Oldest darling and my oldestdaughter.
And, just laying there atLakeside on our rafts, talking
(11:53):
laughing and just beautiful blueskies and Lakeside's, a
beautiful place.
It's an old quarry that theyturned into a pool and there was
a swim meet going on I said, oh,I'm so grateful for my
relationships with you all andfor how.
How we love to be around eachother, and I'm also so grateful
(12:15):
that I'm not on that swim team.
Hess (12:19):
Now my friend Melinda will tell you a lot of stories about
swimming at Lakeside'cause shegrew up swimming there and how
cold the water would be early inthe morning, jumping in there.
'cause as Delbert said, it's arock quarry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (12:33):
Unbelievable that you won't believe this, Melinda,
tell Melinda that.
Actually lakeside water becauseit's just been so hot lately.
It's warm even in the deepestpart of the lake.
So yesterday and two morerelationships.
I'm thankful for two friendsI've had since Sacred Heart.
(12:54):
Was it Turner's with themyesterday floating in the pool
Hess (12:59):
Yeah.
Delbert (12:59):
and they keep pumping cold water into the pool'cause
of the heat.
And so Turner's, even thoughit's a little bit old pool it's
cooler.
It's a little bit morerefreshing right now than
Lakeside is.
Hess (13:11):
Oh wow.
Wow.
Delbert (13:13):
interesting, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm like I'm the temperaturepolice.
Remember when we were inBethany, I'd go in the ocean
every day and I'd say, I thinkit's about 67 degrees.
And I'd come out and check thelifeguard chair and see if I was
right.
Anyway.
Hess (13:28):
I think, I think Turner's now, my, my friend Melinda's
sitting in the cockpit here andshe can hear you.
Delbert, Turner's started offwith this I would call it a
village of what it wanted tocreate in the community when it
originated.
Could you say again how Turner'scame about?
(13:48):
Because it's got the ingredientsof creating that.
Delbert (13:52):
It's beautiful.
It started in Germany and itreally was for people to have a
place to exercise.
They also had books there.
and so it was just about havinga sound mind and sound body.
That's how the club was created.
So when people came to America,some of these German Americans
(14:12):
they sought out.
create the same place inAmerican, so the club's always
called American Turner's andthen Dash wherever it is.
So I belong to AmericanTurner's, Louisville and I
always say Germans are reallysmart about real estate.
I.
The Ursuline sisters that are aGerman order bought that
beautiful land on LexingtonRoad, they also bought all the
(14:36):
land that is St.
Joseph's orphanage down onFrankfurt.
And then, the LouisvilleTurner's purchased some really
beautiful land right on the OhioRiver.
So we're right there on, onprime real estate and.
Everything that's there isreally geared towards family
being outdoors doing sports.
(14:57):
There's pickleball, there'stennis, there's a big baseball
field that they play softballand kickball on.
There's a soccer field.
I think the Louisville rugbyteam used to play there or
played there.
So they rent out the front fieldfor football teams to practice
local, like high school andgrade school, football teams and
(15:18):
soccer.
And so it's just, and then thebig building has a circus.
so turner's means to turn, to doa flip.
Hess (15:29):
Got you.
Delbert (15:30):
That is a long way around the barn.
But yeah that's how it started.
It started as a village to keeppeople mentally and physically
in good shape, which is one ofthe things I always for and
meditate for in the morning.
I just say, keep us mentally,physically, and spiritually
healthy.
(15:51):
Everybody in my family, That'sso important.
All you gotta have all three,
Hess (15:56):
mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.
Yep.
Delbert (15:59):
I say spiritually, but Yeah.
Hess (16:01):
Spiritually.
Delbert (16:04):
because
Hess (16:04):
Yeah.
Delbert (16:04):
I'm connecting with emotional, I think.
But hey, you, do you boo Prayhowever you want.
Hess (16:11):
Yeah.
Your spirituality is verysingular.
In the broad sense of thesingular self, because there's
this wide expanse of theuniverse and the world.
Yeah.
Yeah, so the village or.
Your village or like the BarclayVillage, y'all.
This is something that we calledourselves a Barclay Village
(16:33):
because we went on this retreatand it, there was nine, nine
people all collectively did someBrene Brown work there.
And it, and by sharing ourstories, by sharing our work.
We, it all connected us and westarted calling ourselves the
Barkley Village.
And that's what our, that's whatour, that's what our thread is
(16:54):
on text.
So we became a village.
It's about sharing yourself.
And Yeah.
And like Brene Brown says it'strue belonging.
They were asked to change who weare.
True belonging requires us to bewho we are.
So who we were showed up and wewitnessed each other and it made
(17:14):
us fall in love with each other,and we became a village.
Delbert (17:18):
Exactly, and it's, it just goes to show, I think we
were all 66 when we did that.
Little trip to Lake Barkley inJanuary and just goes to show
you that no matter your age, youcan form these new relationships
and meaningful, deep, meaningfulvillages and deep, meaningful
(17:39):
relationships no matter what ageyou are.
And
Hess (17:43):
Like us Delbert so the Barkley Village, we'd all gone
to the same high school, butsome of us were closer in high
school than others.
We knew each other but thisweekend made us all more
connected and like we've had, wetalked to you all about the
crisscrosses that Delbert and Ihave had in our lives as we were
in the same grade school.
Our dads, all our dads both hadboat on the river.
(18:06):
Our dad, our dads both werebuilders, but our parents
weren't.
Social friends together.
And so we didn't really see eachother on the river.
We were on the riversimultaneously.
We were probably tied up to 12Mile Island at the same time,
but we never did anythingtogether.
But because of the relationshipswe had and my, with my cousin
(18:26):
Dewey, we crisscross backtogether.
So it's never I gotta say that'sso important.
Like Delbert said, it's nevertoo late to establish that and
to.
To make those, the connectionsto to co-create new villages,
new tribes of people that helpraise you up.
Delbert (18:45):
It is so important to put yourself out there and to
make connections in life and tonot be afraid to meet new
peoples.
One.
One of the, one of the things inthis Psychology Today article
that I read, was talking aboutdarkness and light, the negative
Nellie, then the lights thatshine on you and themselves
(19:07):
there.
It's the difference betweenself-awareness and unaware.
And it really encouraged thereader to analyze.
Your friend groups, yourcircles.
Make sure that you're not beingdrained by somebody that needs a
constant attention or is alwaysin dramas, always has something,
(19:29):
crazy going on, and they alwaysderail the conversation.
It's important to analyze thatin your life and make sure that
you don't have any toxic peoplein your life.
The article encouraged you ifyou do, to maybe seek out.
At least one new friend and tryto create a friendship circle.
(19:49):
And I know that's hard, but youdo have to put yourself out
there with, with your activitiesand your life.
I don't ever meet a stranger.
I talk to everybody in thecheckout line.
I tell people I like theirclothes.
I tell people I like their,yesterday at Turner, some lady
came up to Karen Barnett and I,we both have blonde hair and we
(20:10):
shop together a lot.
So our bathing suits were, butdifferent colors.
And she goes, are y'all twins?
And we let, we said separated atbirth.
We're very good friends, bestfriends since 14 at Sacrrd Heart
and love to hang out together.
And she said I just have to, Ithought you all were sisters.
I was just anyway, she becameour new friend and she sat next
(20:31):
to us and we have a new Turner'sfriend.
So yourself out there and try tomeet new people and put yourself
in the light.
Put yourself in the light.
Hess (20:42):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It just feels so good.
Now, you might have, there mightbe you call these negative nels.
There might be some people thatmight drain you.
I'd say consciouslyintentionally, have a
conversation, say it seems likethis is always going on with
you.
I just wanna ask, are you openfor my suggestion?
Would you like any of mysuggestions or do you just want
(21:04):
me to listen?
No just so just doesn't keepgoing around in circles where
you keep getting pulled down,
Delbert (21:12):
yes.
Good one.
That's a true therapist.
There's Yeah, that's true Mostof the time my experience has
been that they really don't wantyour opinion.
That's been my experience.
They really want you to listen.
Because sometimes when peopleare, dramatic and love to
monopolize the conversation.
(21:32):
They really just being in that,like being in that little
squirrel,
Hess (21:36):
i'd say Delbert they don't really like it, but it's maybe
just familiar to them.
Delbert (21:42):
Yeah.
Hess (21:43):
Yeah.
Delbert (21:43):
It's familiar.
Hess (21:44):
yeah.
Yeah.
So if you're like that, gimme acall and let's work on it.
Delbert (21:49):
let's work on that.
Hes, Hess is the person to call.
She's got her info on ourpodcast, so work on that.
Hess (21:56):
Yeah.
Delbert (21:57):
stuff.
Hess (21:58):
LCSW that somebody like that is stuck.
They're stuck in bad energy andit's it's not good for
themselves.
Delbert (22:04):
And like life is too short.
Life is so beautiful.
Melinda says, it's a beautifulday every day when you wake up.
Hess (22:12):
Sure.
Delbert (22:12):
So lucky just to be here and be alive and enjoy the
world and nature and each other.
So don't get stuck.
Don't get stuck on that loop.
Be like Melinda.
Hess (22:28):
I know and just saying it makes you feel it.
Some mornings were dark orovercast and gosh, what a
beautiful, and there's a wholelot of beauty to think about
with, however, the morning is
Delbert (22:39):
Absolutely.
Think about going to BethanyBeach, and we got up and went to
those sunrises every day.
They were
Hess (22:46):
right.
Delbert (22:46):
They were all different.
Some days it was rainy andfoggy, right?
We didn't even see the sun butwe saw the cloud formation over
the ocean and it was misty andfoggy, and it was beautiful in
its own right.
Hess (23:00):
Each one was beautiful and something that drew me back
here, Delbert on my trip up herelast year.
I got some phenomenal sunrisepictures with the skies.
And I'm not getting this, I'mnot getting that same photo, but
it brought me back up hereagain.
And I said, before I came, Isaid, there were so many
beautiful pictures I took and Ishow people in my office'cause I
(23:21):
blew some up and have'em framedon the, on, on my office wall.
I said I won't see that samesunrise, but I know that I'll
see other kinds of beauty too.
And it's been like that,
Delbert (23:32):
right.
Hess (23:34):
So like Terry always goes to sunrise every morning, even
if it's overcast it's beaubeautiful in its own way.
Delbert (23:41):
Yeah, that was a really, that was a really good
lesson.
Yeah.
I love
Hess (23:46):
Okay, y'all, so this is food for thought, your tribe,
your village.
What's it look like to you?
Where are they?
Can they can be all differentparts of your life.
You can have different villagesand tribes and the input that
you have on, the input thatother people have and how you
can co-create new villages andtribes and be intentional and
(24:07):
say, Hey, I wanna spend moretime with you.
I really enjoy your company.
And like you read in thatarticle, reach out and make a
new connection.
Delbert (24:16):
Yes, every day is a new start, right?
We can always improve our livesno matter how old we are.
No matter where we are in life,we can reach out and make those
connections.
So
Hess (24:29):
Amen.
Delbert (24:29):
we gave you food for thought today, and we hope you,
we got you thinking about yourvillage and your relationships
and the great ones that you wantto give gratitude for, and maybe
the ones that need a little workand some new ones.
Hess (24:45):
Thanks for joining us on our Sunday morning chat.
We love you.
Delbert (24:48):
Peace and love.
Friends, we love you.
Everybody, thank you so much for joining in with us.
(00:03):
My name is Hess and I'm sittingon my boat, the Relation Ship I
have, my good friend Melindawith me and my dog Tyler, on
this journey that we're wrappingup.
We've been two weeks on cruisingon the Rideau Canal in beautiful
Ontario, Canada, and right nowI'm sitting docked.
(00:25):
At Davis Lock here on the Rideauand I've got my star link
satellite propped up, but withthe with the lawn chair to keep
it straight'cause I forgot thebase for it.
But I'm live and here and live.
Welcome, welcome to, let me tellyou this about that.
Delbert (00:43):
Welcome everybody.
This is Delbert.
I'm live from the Green couch inLouisville, Kentucky.
keeps coming in and out, itlooks like.
the most part, it's gonna be abeautiful day.
It might rain just a little bit,but that's okay.
'cause my green grass is gettinga little dry.
And I told Hess yesterday, I'vebeen thinking so much about
(01:08):
relationships in life.
And one of the things I do whenI get up in the morning is I
always my gratitudes and Ialways.
Am most thankful for my familyand my relationships with my
family and my extended family,my friends that I've had since
high school and since parochialschool all of my good work
(01:33):
friends.
And HEss sent me this picture ofwhere she is and, she's just
surrounded by all these boatsand all this community and
they're all just, enjoying thebeauty being out on the water
together.
And I just, I said I think weshould talk about our villages
that we have because we havemany, we form'em through school,
(01:56):
our activities that we like todo.
Sometimes we form'em throughphilanthropic work and, and
we're so fortunate to have thosegreat villages with us in our
life.
So we want you to think aboutthat two podsters and how you
form your villages and who is ityou that you're so grateful for.
(02:19):
And then a little bit of it is,sometimes we do get those toxic
people in our lives and how towork on getting those people you
a little bit more at bay and.
And tightening.
You know who we let in to ourclose circle.
Hess (02:35):
And when you talked about villages, instantly came into
mind, this Rosborough group, my,my.
The relationship is called aboand they were built initially
in, up in Nova Scotia, and mineis in 1997 Rosborough.
And then later in the early twothousands, they were bought by
Eastern Boats and they're madein New Hampshire.
(02:56):
But all of us together that owna boat like this.
We get together and we haverendezvous, and Mike and his
wife Lynn from Ottawa, have aboat, have a roseboro that they
call the tailwind.
And before I decided on my thisshows you the benefits of a
village or a tribe is beforeI'm, before I, I heard that the
(03:18):
Rideau canal was just sobeautiful, so I was always
wanted to come up here.
So before I made the trip lastyear, I inquiRideau.
Out there to, to the universeand to, to my roseboro tribe
about where would be the bestplaces to launch my boat?
Where are the best places tosee?
And Rob from Sweet Pea and Mikeand Lynn from Tailwind, they all
(03:42):
gave me this whole list ofthings to do and see and where
to put in.
And so it.
And then we all met up wecruised a little while with Mike
and Len and you and Delbert.
I just felt and Melinda canattest that I feel like I, I've
known these people almost mywhole life.
It's something about the kind ofpeople that have a boat like
(04:04):
this.
It's not a condominium on thewater.
It's more like a real.
Practical boat.
It can be in heavy seas or itcan be on smooth lake waters,
but it's comfortable.
There's a V berth, there's adining berth you can sleep in.
There's a nice little kitchen, afridge.
It's not huge, but it'strailerable and you can take it
where you wanna go and there'sthis village of people that own
(04:28):
Rosboroughs from all walks oflife.
But there's this commonality ofthis boat.
And we feel like we already knoweach other.
We're like-minded people,adventurous, spirited we don't
need a lot of plush, fancythings, Delbert yesterday we
were seeing what they had ontheir boat.
They were seeing what we, I haveon my boat, and they had these
(04:49):
nice, you're gonna enjoy it downat the lake baby.
They had these nice little,close hooks, but they were big
and round on the end plastic.
They fit around the the chromeon the boat, the bow sprint and
stuff on the boat.
They fit around perfectly to beable to hang your laundry up
there.
And she gave me a packet of ityesterday, a packet of 12 of'em
(05:10):
yesterday before we left.
And it's you learn things fromthem and it's share and it's
just so much fun.
Delbert (05:19):
I was reading an article in Forbes magazine that
just is just saying, just thatsurrounding yourself with the
right people changes everything.
And you want people around youthat can mentor you and vice
versa, that you can help youshare your knowledge.
Before we started talkingrecording I was just saying it's
(05:40):
the same philosophy as in sportsis to play up, play up in
sports, play somebody that'sbetter than you to make you
better
Hess (05:48):
Yeah, I always played better tennis Delbert when I
played with somebody better thanme.
Delbert (05:53):
Yeah.
You always play better'cause itmakes you think.
A little quicker kind of react.
It ups your game.
For sure.
For sure.
When youngest Sophie was playingbasketball.
She was at a very littleparochial school called St.
James.
And there were just so few kidsthat they played on every, as
long as you weren't too old forthe team you played up, you
(06:15):
played up on, in fourth grade, Ithink she played on the seventh
and eighth grade team for alittle bit,
Hess (06:20):
wow.
Wow.
Delbert (06:21):
I.
That it made'em such goodplayers by the time they were in
seventh and eighth grade, andthen they would be far ahead of
a team the fifth and sixth gradewould come and be their bench.
So it's just a really cool wayof playing up and learning.
I.
Making yourself better.
it's so true that being aroundthe right people just makes you
(06:45):
such a much better person.
I love having mentors at work.
I think about that all the time.
When I first got to KentuckySelect, I was just surrounded by
people.
Who had been in the business fora really long time, whose advice
and expertise.
I just, admired and I wouldlisten to them on the phone.
I would listen to how they talkto people and how they respected
(07:08):
people and respected their homesand the equity they had in it.
And it just, it made me a betterrealtor and a better person just
having that at my disposal or bein the office and be around all
those people.
I loved it.
And as much as we love to bearound positive people, it's
(07:28):
good to be mindful about thenegative Nellie's, the people
that are not self-aware, kind ofsuck all the energy out of the
room and have to make it allabout themselves.
We're around people like thatsometimes.
And if they're in our circle, itcan really suck the life out of
you.
Hess (07:47):
Yeah, so I'm on this little 25 foot boat by eight
foot six inches wide.
Delbert you you, how many squarefeet is that?
24 by eight.
Delbert (07:59):
24 by eight.
Now I have to get my calculatorout.
It's early in the morning.
Pod
Hess (08:04):
You're in housings.
You're in the housing.
So anyway, the point is, and thepoint is this, that's something
that.
Delbert (08:10):
square feet.
Okay.
Hess (08:12):
So I'm in 192 square feet for two weeks.
Delbert (08:14):
apartment,
Hess (08:15):
very, yeah.
190.
It's like a closet, a kitchen,and a place for you to sleep.
But I've told Melinda, I said,can you imagine if being on a
boat this size with somebody youdidn't like, but
Delbert (08:27):
can you imagine?
Hess (08:28):
I'm on this boat.
I'm on this boat with Melinda,and every morning she says.
Oh my gosh, it's such abeautiful morning and I love
that.
I love that.
Delbert (08:42):
the day with the positive energy and she's sounds
like she's a person.
That's the light, that'sself-aware, understands that
what you say and do affectsother people and
Hess (08:54):
absolutely.
Delbert (08:55):
a light.
And in your life.
Yeah.
Hess (08:58):
yeah.
Delbert (08:59):
want those light people in our life.
Hess (09:01):
Three beautiful, three beautiful kids.
Three beautiful kids that she'sraised with that light.
And Delbert being she was ateacher, a special education
teacher.
When we go through places,everybody goes hi.
Hey.
And they're looking at the boat.
And in certain places that we'vegone through little kids have
been yelling, hi, and.
It's so fun to hear Melindarespond to these little kids.
(09:23):
Okay, now you gotta say bye.
Delbert (09:26):
Still teaching.
Hess (09:28):
Still teaching.
Still teaching?
Yeah.
Delbert (09:31):
That.
Hess (09:32):
Yeah what I hear is at Kentucky Select when you joined
there, you kept your ear open tothis village that surrounded you
of the way that they talked andhonoRideau their clients and the
respect they showed on the phoneand directly with their clients.
And you took that on.
It taught you how to do that,and I think that is so cool
(09:53):
that.
I always try to be around peoplethat raise me up, My village at
the barn.
Everybody does things betterthan me.
That's why I love being aroundthem, because they do it better
than me and I can learn how todo it
Delbert (10:05):
Exactly
Hess (10:06):
by that.
Delbert (10:06):
And when we share like that, we can all benefit from
each other.
'cause we all have differentstrengths and talents and and
know a little bit and you're acurious person.
You always wanna learn.
And that's such a great way tobe in life to always be open
learning and to always.
Be willing to listen to people.
Another thing, go ahead.
Hess (10:29):
Along that line, Delbert, it's very important that the
people that you have in yourvillage or your tribe that they
have compassion and they'rereally, they're willing to share
what they know with others.
We're celebrating Pam's birthdayan equestrian at our farm this
coming Tuesday.
She loves lobster.
She loves that lobster place in.
(10:50):
What's that Lobster?
Red Lobster.
She always loves REd Lobster.
So REd Lobster Tuesday, six 30to celebrate Pam's birthday.
Yay.
I'm in m and then somebodyresponded to the person that, to
the equestrian.
I've always aspired to be,because Pam's the person in the
barn, in the village, in thetribe, and she's always willing
to share.
(11:10):
Not like I'm better than you,but.
To share her knowledge of how towrap a leg or how to get a
better leg yield or a canterapart or something, and so it's
important the people that youhave in your village or tribe,
that they have compassion andthey're will willing to share
their knowledge.
I love that.
Delbert (11:28):
Exactly.
Be open to share.
But I was just telling Hess Ijust was more aware of my
gratitude this week.
Sometimes it just is a littlemore clear to you and maybe the
things that you do.
I got to go to Lakeside with my.
Oldest darling and my oldestdaughter.
And, just laying there atLakeside on our rafts, talking
(11:53):
laughing and just beautiful blueskies and Lakeside's, a
beautiful place.
It's an old quarry that theyturned into a pool and there was
a swim meet going on I said, oh,I'm so grateful for my
relationships with you all andfor how.
How we love to be around eachother, and I'm also so grateful
(12:15):
that I'm not on that swim team.
Hess (12:19):
Now my friend Melinda will tell you a lot of stories about
swimming at Lakeside'cause shegrew up swimming there and how
cold the water would be early inthe morning, jumping in there.
'cause as Delbert said, it's arock quarry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Delbert (12:33):
Unbelievable that you won't believe this, Melinda,
tell Melinda that.
Actually lakeside water becauseit's just been so hot lately.
It's warm even in the deepestpart of the lake.
So yesterday and two morerelationships.
I'm thankful for two friendsI've had since Sacred Heart.
(12:54):
Was it Turner's with themyesterday floating in the pool
Hess (12:59):
Yeah.
Delbert (12:59):
and they keep pumping cold water into the pool'cause
of the heat.
And so Turner's, even thoughit's a little bit old pool it's
cooler.
It's a little bit morerefreshing right now than
Lakeside is.
Hess (13:11):
Oh wow.
Wow.
Delbert (13:13):
interesting, isn't it?
Yeah.
I'm like I'm the temperaturepolice.
Remember when we were inBethany, I'd go in the ocean
every day and I'd say, I thinkit's about 67 degrees.
And I'd come out and check thelifeguard chair and see if I was
right.
Anyway.
Hess (13:28):
I think, I think Turner's now, my, my friend Melinda's
sitting in the cockpit here andshe can hear you.
Delbert, Turner's started offwith this I would call it a
village of what it wanted tocreate in the community when it
originated.
Could you say again how Turner'scame about?
(13:48):
Because it's got the ingredientsof creating that.
Delbert (13:52):
It's beautiful.
It started in Germany and itreally was for people to have a
place to exercise.
They also had books there.
and so it was just about havinga sound mind and sound body.
That's how the club was created.
So when people came to America,some of these German Americans
(14:12):
they sought out.
create the same place inAmerican, so the club's always
called American Turner's andthen Dash wherever it is.
So I belong to AmericanTurner's, Louisville and I
always say Germans are reallysmart about real estate.
I.
The Ursuline sisters that are aGerman order bought that
beautiful land on LexingtonRoad, they also bought all the
(14:36):
land that is St.
Joseph's orphanage down onFrankfurt.
And then, the LouisvilleTurner's purchased some really
beautiful land right on the OhioRiver.
So we're right there on, onprime real estate and.
Everything that's there isreally geared towards family
being outdoors doing sports.
(14:57):
There's pickleball, there'stennis, there's a big baseball
field that they play softballand kickball on.
There's a soccer field.
I think the Louisville rugbyteam used to play there or
played there.
So they rent out the front fieldfor football teams to practice
local, like high school andgrade school, football teams and
(15:18):
soccer.
And so it's just, and then thebig building has a circus.
so turner's means to turn, to doa flip.
Hess (15:29):
Got you.
Delbert (15:30):
That is a long way around the barn.
But yeah that's how it started.
It started as a village to keeppeople mentally and physically
in good shape, which is one ofthe things I always for and
meditate for in the morning.
I just say, keep us mentally,physically, and spiritually
healthy.
(15:51):
Everybody in my family, That'sso important.
All you gotta have all three,
Hess (15:56):
mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.
Yep.
Delbert (15:59):
I say spiritually, but Yeah.
Hess (16:01):
Spiritually.
Delbert (16:04):
because
Hess (16:04):
Yeah.
Delbert (16:04):
I'm connecting with emotional, I think.
But hey, you, do you boo Prayhowever you want.
Hess (16:11):
Yeah.
Your spirituality is verysingular.
In the broad sense of thesingular self, because there's
this wide expanse of theuniverse and the world.
Yeah.
Yeah, so the village or.
Your village or like the BarclayVillage, y'all.
This is something that we calledourselves a Barclay Village
(16:33):
because we went on this retreatand it, there was nine, nine
people all collectively did someBrene Brown work there.
And it, and by sharing ourstories, by sharing our work.
We, it all connected us and westarted calling ourselves the
Barkley Village.
And that's what our, that's whatour, that's what our thread is
(16:54):
on text.
So we became a village.
It's about sharing yourself.
And Yeah.
And like Brene Brown says it'strue belonging.
They were asked to change who weare.
True belonging requires us to bewho we are.
So who we were showed up and wewitnessed each other and it made
(17:14):
us fall in love with each other,and we became a village.
Delbert (17:18):
Exactly, and it's, it just goes to show, I think we
were all 66 when we did that.
Little trip to Lake Barkley inJanuary and just goes to show
you that no matter your age, youcan form these new relationships
and meaningful, deep, meaningfulvillages and deep, meaningful
(17:39):
relationships no matter what ageyou are.
And
Hess (17:43):
Like us Delbert so the Barkley Village, we'd all gone
to the same high school, butsome of us were closer in high
school than others.
We knew each other but thisweekend made us all more
connected and like we've had, wetalked to you all about the
crisscrosses that Delbert and Ihave had in our lives as we were
in the same grade school.
Our dads, all our dads both hadboat on the river.
(18:06):
Our dad, our dads both werebuilders, but our parents
weren't.
Social friends together.
And so we didn't really see eachother on the river.
We were on the riversimultaneously.
We were probably tied up to 12Mile Island at the same time,
but we never did anythingtogether.
But because of the relationshipswe had and my, with my cousin
(18:26):
Dewey, we crisscross backtogether.
So it's never I gotta say that'sso important.
Like Delbert said, it's nevertoo late to establish that and
to.
To make those, the connectionsto to co-create new villages,
new tribes of people that helpraise you up.
Delbert (18:45):
It is so important to put yourself out there and to
make connections in life and tonot be afraid to meet new
peoples.
One.
One of the, one of the things inthis Psychology Today article
that I read, was talking aboutdarkness and light, the negative
Nellie, then the lights thatshine on you and themselves
(19:07):
there.
It's the difference betweenself-awareness and unaware.
And it really encouraged thereader to analyze.
Your friend groups, yourcircles.
Make sure that you're not beingdrained by somebody that needs a
constant attention or is alwaysin dramas, always has something,
(19:29):
crazy going on, and they alwaysderail the conversation.
It's important to analyze thatin your life and make sure that
you don't have any toxic peoplein your life.
The article encouraged you ifyou do, to maybe seek out.
At least one new friend and tryto create a friendship circle.
(19:49):
And I know that's hard, but youdo have to put yourself out
there with, with your activitiesand your life.
I don't ever meet a stranger.
I talk to everybody in thecheckout line.
I tell people I like theirclothes.
I tell people I like their,yesterday at Turner, some lady
came up to Karen Barnett and I,we both have blonde hair and we
(20:10):
shop together a lot.
So our bathing suits were, butdifferent colors.
And she goes, are y'all twins?
And we let, we said separated atbirth.
We're very good friends, bestfriends since 14 at Sacrrd Heart
and love to hang out together.
And she said I just have to, Ithought you all were sisters.
I was just anyway, she becameour new friend and she sat next
(20:31):
to us and we have a new Turner'sfriend.
So yourself out there and try tomeet new people and put yourself
in the light.
Put yourself in the light.
Hess (20:42):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It just feels so good.
Now, you might have, there mightbe you call these negative nels.
There might be some people thatmight drain you.
I'd say consciouslyintentionally, have a
conversation, say it seems likethis is always going on with
you.
I just wanna ask, are you openfor my suggestion?
Would you like any of mysuggestions or do you just want
(21:04):
me to listen?
No just so just doesn't keepgoing around in circles where
you keep getting pulled down,
Delbert (21:12):
yes.
Good one.
That's a true therapist.
There's Yeah, that's true Mostof the time my experience has
been that they really don't wantyour opinion.
That's been my experience.
They really want you to listen.
Because sometimes when peopleare, dramatic and love to
monopolize the conversation.
(21:32):
They really just being in that,like being in that little
squirrel,
Hess (21:36):
i'd say Delbert they don't really like it, but it's maybe
just familiar to them.
Delbert (21:42):
Yeah.
Hess (21:43):
Yeah.
Delbert (21:43):
It's familiar.
Hess (21:44):
yeah.
Yeah.
So if you're like that, gimme acall and let's work on it.
Delbert (21:49):
let's work on that.
Hes, Hess is the person to call.
She's got her info on ourpodcast, so work on that.
Hess (21:56):
Yeah.
Delbert (21:57):
stuff.
Hess (21:58):
LCSW that somebody like that is stuck.
They're stuck in bad energy andit's it's not good for
themselves.
Delbert (22:04):
And like life is too short.
Life is so beautiful.
Melinda says, it's a beautifulday every day when you wake up.
Hess (22:12):
Sure.
Delbert (22:12):
So lucky just to be here and be alive and enjoy the
world and nature and each other.
So don't get stuck.
Don't get stuck on that loop.
Be like Melinda.
Hess (22:28):
I know and just saying it makes you feel it.
Some mornings were dark orovercast and gosh, what a
beautiful, and there's a wholelot of beauty to think about
with, however, the morning is
Delbert (22:39):
Absolutely.
Think about going to BethanyBeach, and we got up and went to
those sunrises every day.
They were
Hess (22:46):
right.
Delbert (22:46):
They were all different.
Some days it was rainy andfoggy, right?
We didn't even see the sun butwe saw the cloud formation over
the ocean and it was misty andfoggy, and it was beautiful in
its own right.
Hess (23:00):
Each one was beautiful and something that drew me back
here, Delbert on my trip up herelast year.
I got some phenomenal sunrisepictures with the skies.
And I'm not getting this, I'mnot getting that same photo, but
it brought me back up hereagain.
And I said, before I came, Isaid, there were so many
beautiful pictures I took and Ishow people in my office'cause I
(23:21):
blew some up and have'em framedon the, on, on my office wall.
I said I won't see that samesunrise, but I know that I'll
see other kinds of beauty too.
And it's been like that,
Delbert (23:32):
right.
Hess (23:34):
So like Terry always goes to sunrise every morning, even
if it's overcast it's beaubeautiful in its own way.
Delbert (23:41):
Yeah, that was a really, that was a really good
lesson.
Yeah.
I love
Hess (23:46):
Okay, y'all, so this is food for thought, your tribe,
your village.
What's it look like to you?
Where are they?
Can they can be all differentparts of your life.
You can have different villagesand tribes and the input that
you have on, the input thatother people have and how you
can co-create new villages andtribes and be intentional and
(24:07):
say, Hey, I wanna spend moretime with you.
I really enjoy your company.
And like you read in thatarticle, reach out and make a
new connection.
Delbert (24:16):
Yes, every day is a new start, right?
We can always improve our livesno matter how old we are.
No matter where we are in life,we can reach out and make those
connections.
So
Hess (24:29):
Amen.
Delbert (24:29):
we gave you food for thought today, and we hope you,
we got you thinking about yourvillage and your relationships
and the great ones that you wantto give gratitude for, and maybe
the ones that need a little workand some new ones.
Hess (24:45):
Thanks for joining us on our Sunday morning chat.
We love you.
Delbert (24:48):
Peace and love.
Friends, we love you.
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