October 5, 2025 • 29 mins
Self Care—
This is a previously recorded podcast.
Hess and Delbert talk about how important self care is for our lives. We have to listen to ourselves. Delbert hit the “wall” after a very busy time, as she was walking her GrandDogs down the alley. She went home, cooked herself some “soul food” (for her)—Linguini and clams, and binge watched her feel good series, Ugly Betty. She did her laundry-returned calls and emails, and went to bed at 5:30. After the following day, she was recharged.
Self Care is so important. Our body needs it to stay healthy. Delbert pushed through old childhood guilt messages of “You have to stay busy”. The previous year she had not listened to her body talking to her when it was tired. Her immune system was low and she had bronchitis twice.
Hess shared Teal Swan's analogy—we are all “Cups”—if someone has their cup half full, we cannot ‘tilt’ our cup to fill theirs up. The cups don’t tilt. The way to fill someone else’s cup is to allow our cup to overflow.
Fill your cup!
Peace and Love friends! Like and share!
I am still collecting for José's cancer treatments. This week José received radiation in his lower spine every day. We are awaiting the next CT Scans. Thank you for your continued support!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a top realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties She will help you find your home, and also help you get the most equity when you sell your house.
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:01):
Hey, everybody.
Thank you so much for comingback to let me tell you this
about that.
I'm Hess.
Delbert (00:07):
And I'm Delbert.
Hess (00:09):
Yeah.
Delbert (00:11):
We're here to talk to you today a little bit about
self care.
So important.
I was telling Hess that my kidscall me a robot.
I go for a very long time.
And then all of a sudden, almostwithout warning, just hit a wall
(00:32):
and I'm just done.
My batteries are toast.
And I try to really,
Hess (00:38):
When you say that, it comes to my mind is like a
puppy, how it plays plays.
Delbert (00:46):
a lot of energy and I do feel like a little kid.
So like a puppy.
Yeah.
I most of the time I'm like,yay, I get up and I'm like a
little kid when I wake up in themorning.
So I, it is like that.
And I never really know when I'mgoing to run out of juice, it
just hits me.
So I was trying not to feelguilty, grew up having.
(01:11):
what we call Catholic guiltabout things.
And I try really hard not to dothat when I hit a wall and have
to just take some time formyself.
And I think that I may have madea little bit of progress this
time.
I had So many events.
I had two listings that I gotready to go on the market and
(01:34):
staged them.
Then I had two listings thatclosed that I had to pick up a
bunch of furniture and thingsfrom, and then I had three
birthdays.
Both of my children are born inthe same week, and my youngest
daughter and youngest grandchildare born on the exact same day.
And I have to be, yeah, I haveto make a big do about that.
(01:55):
That's how I do had that allgoing on, and then had the
fundraiser for my family'scharity, Carol's Kitchen, the
big golf scramble, where weraised over 28, 000, by the
Hess (02:07):
Oh my gosh.
Delbert (02:08):
I know.
Hess (02:09):
Congratulations.
Delbert (02:11):
really did just find that out.
And
Hess (02:13):
Is that a record?
Delbert (02:14):
that is a record.
That is a record for us.
Yeah.
Hess (02:18):
Give a little bit of, give a little bit of, to our
podsters, what Carol's Kitchendoes, who it serves.
Delbert (02:25):
Carol's Kitchen is a 501c3 charity that's dedicated
to my late sister and my lateniece.
And it works to our missionstatement is to eliminate
childhood hunger and otherbarriers to education.
So we work to make sure thatkids are fed.
(02:49):
That's.
Really, the number one basichuman need is to have
nourishment, and kids that go toschool and don't have anything
to eat they can't learn, theycan't concentrate.
On an empty stomach.
And so we serve right now.
We serve two elementary schoolsand one high school.
(03:13):
I've served as many as, fiveschools at a time, and I also
help with implement blessingprograms in schools for
elementaries, because I believethat program is really
important.
Amazing and successful.
I really believe in blessings ina backpack because they're in
the school sending food home.
It's the perfect setup, but I'vemodeled what I do at Carol's
(03:37):
Kitchen after some of the thingsBlessings does.
I'm inside the schools andSeneca High School is my biggest
school that I feed right now.
I feed between 42 and 50students and their families,
younger siblings.
And we teach students how tocook things with pantry staple
(03:58):
items.
We've made it a cooking clubinstead of a pantry.
So it takes the stigma away, butjust have
Hess (04:05):
that.
Delbert (04:06):
awesome, amazing kids.
And right after the golfscramble, we had recipe of the
month, which is a big do causewe, we cook a big recipe.
Everybody gets to eat ittogether.
It's our version of, even thoughwe're not single.
sitting around a table.
We're standing around withsomething warm, talking and
communicating with each other.
Hess (04:26):
So once a month you all do a meal where you cook something
and prep it and then you haveall those ingredients that these
kids can take home and fix athome.
Got you.
Got you.
Delbert (04:37):
Yeah.
And one of the things we do atthe scramble too, is all of the
alumni from Seneca usually playin the scramble and a lot of
just friends from other highschools too.
And everybody from the scramblewrites a note on a note card to
a student.
And inside of the cabinet, whenyou open it up where we have our
(04:57):
food, it also says, here arerecipes and if you're having a
bad day, grab one of these.
So it's just a little note ofencouragement, like a little
affirmation.
And the kids really like them.
They're always empty when I goto refill them.
So that's a little somethingabout Carol's Kitchen.
And I can tell you more aboutthe Carol's Kitchen story.
(05:20):
Another time, but
Hess (05:23):
So say more.
So you have all this stuff goingon,
Delbert (05:26):
yeah, I have all this stuff going on and I'm going for
10 days to 2 weeks.
I lost track of how long it wasgoing on and the very last day
we had just had our reunion withour Berkeley village, which we
told everybody about the lasttime.
And that was so joyous andwonderful and really
(05:49):
invigorating.
But the next day when I got up,I showed a few houses and then I
went to take my grand dogs on awalk because my.
Daughter and her family were ata festival out of town and I
said, Oh yeah, feed the dogs andwalk them.
And I was standing in the alleyoutside their house, walking the
(06:12):
dogs, and I just hit a wall.
I hit, my batteries were gone.
Boom.
What you gonna do?
So luckily I was finished withwork and I didn't have a really
pressing day the next day.
So I went home and as LeanneMorgan says, I took to the bed.
I was just so tired.
(06:33):
I think I went to bed at 5 30that night and Just licked my
wounds and did my laundry.
And I was like, I'm just goingto work from home today.
Do the bare minimal, return mycalls, return my emails, take
care of anything pressing, butI'm just going to do laundry and
stay home.
And then I started bingewatching ugly Betty.
It's the best show.
(06:53):
You've got to watch it.
It's so good.
And she never gives up and Ilove her for that.
So it's a great show that wason, I think in the early two
thousands or something and.
I just loved it when it was on.
I watched it with my kids.
So it brought back all thesehappy memories too.
So I was trying so hard not tohave that Catholic guilt about
taking me time.
Hess (07:15):
Yeah.
And you said you were fixingyourself some comfort food too.
And it sounds like ugly buddy'skind of a comfort show Brought
back good memories early twothousands when you were watching
that with your girls.
Delbert (07:27):
Yeah, it really was.
I had, I didn't want to go tothe store.
So I had some pasta, I had someclams and I had some butter and
some lemon.
And I'm like, I could just makea little clams with linguine and
kind of binged on clams andlinguine.
And my kids cracked up.
They're like, of course you hadthe ingredients for that, It's
(07:49):
been wild, I never go to thegrocery and we talked about my
coffee, toilet paper and vodkastory.
But I just was fighting so hardwith myself to not only not feel
guilty about this rest andrejuvenation that I needed.
But also to just not, I thinksome of it's FOMO.
(08:16):
I'm like, when am I going tofeel rested?
When can I go back outside andplay like the puppy again, like
a little kid, and I always getworried that I'm not going to
get my bounce back.
It always comes back, but Inever know when, I never know
how long I need to rest.
It's just a crazy roller coasterthat happens to me, couple times
a year.
(08:36):
So it always is a little bitscary to me, but it's also a
little kid.
Like I'm just longing to, I justwant to go back to the office
and see my friends.
I just want to go shopping.
So I ended that little period ofalmost two days by just going
(08:56):
and saying, listen, do this foryourself.
Go get a manicure and apedicure.
It's going to give you yourbounce back.
It's going to make you feelgood.
And I went to one of thosereally good nail salons that's
got the massage
Hess (09:10):
yeah.
Delbert (09:11):
It was like, boom! I had the sweetest manicurist, and
when she finished up, that, thatchair just took the last kink
out of my back and my shoulders,and she's she always gives me
trouble about my feet, causethey have so many calluses, and
she always like shakes thatcheese grater at me, and I'm
like, I like it, go ahead, itfeels good, get all the calluses
(09:34):
off.
She's telling me in a nice waythat I've been on my feet for
too long.
Hess (09:38):
She say, you have too many calluses.
That's why you don't have noboyfriend.
Delbert (09:41):
Yeah, it could be why I have no boyfriend.
Hess (09:46):
That's why you have no boyfriend.
Delbert (09:49):
no.
So anyway want to say to peopleout there, it's, I, in my, I
just went and got my hair donetoday, and my hairdresser has
been taking care of her momwho's sick.
Just like we were talking abouttaking care of our own parents.
And I'm like, it's the hardestthing that you'll ever do, but
it's the most rewarding thing.
(10:10):
And she was on the same track.
She's I'm so tired.
All I do is work and go spendthe night at my mom's house.
And I said I just went through alittle, pity party for myself.
And I'm like, you've got to takea day for yourself.
You've got to take care ofyourself.
So you don't get so run down.
You can't take care of anything.
And I told her about the jellyroll song, I'm not okay, but
(10:32):
it's going to be all right.
And
Hess (10:35):
Ain't that the truth?
Delbert (10:36):
ain't that the truth.
So anyway, when I left her, Iwas her last appointment.
She goes, Judy, I'm going to goget me a manicure and a
pedicure.
I said, Get a massage chair now.
That's what I guarantee you.
But
Hess (10:52):
So it's, so at 67 you're trying to get the hang out of
not having any more of what weused to call Catholic guilt.
We, Delbert and I both grew upCatholic most of our lives.
It sounds like you needed thatrest.
Delbert (11:08):
I did, I really did.
And I'm one of those people thatI try to relax when I go on
vacation, but I feel guiltyabout it.
And I'm going on a work tripwith a friend of mine.
And I told her I got us two daypasses for the pool.
And she's I'm going to.
So guilty.
And I'm like, stop, we have totalk to each other out of our
(11:30):
guilt.
She's feel so guilty that we'renot working.
We deserve it.
I'm really trying to do that,that little convincing to myself
because like you said, I stilldon't know how to get away from
this Catholic guilt, like alittle kid, Oh, I should not be
(11:51):
watching this much television.
I'm going to get in trouble.
Hess (11:55):
So Delbert, let me see if I got you.
You had a really busy 2 weeks.
You sold 2 houses.
You've prepped and stage 2houses to put up for sale.
Also, you have 3 birthdays tocelebrate.
And we had that reunion with theBarclay Village retreat group.
And you were like a ball, justbouncing all over the place with
(12:16):
energy, with intention, withfull presence.
It sounds like you gave yourselfsome well needed rest.
Eating that comfort food andwatching the buddy.
Ugly Betty show, you vegged, youeven had, you did get your
emails and returned calls.
Your robot just needed to plugin and charge up.
(12:36):
And we have to do that.
When we sleep every night, itgives our body rest.
Our brain has downtime andresets itself.
Delbert, when we don't rest, ithurts our immune system.
You remember last year, how yougot sick a couple times and
usually don't get sick?
(12:57):
was around the same kind ofthing.
You weren't, you were like younever recharged.
So our body then isn't strongenough to fight the fight back
and that guilt.
And you said that you mightworry that bounce back might not
come back.
Delbert (13:16):
Yes,
Hess (13:18):
let's break it down.
Guilt is what we feel when we'vedone something bad.
So I got to talk about thisbecause we heard that word
Catholic guilt a lot, Catholic,the doctrine was really thick,
almost bigger than the Biblethat you couldn't eat meat on
Fridays.
You had to go, you had to wearsomething over your head when
you went to mass and that kindof stuff.
(13:40):
And if you didn't go to massevery Sunday, you were in
trouble.
Like we'd be on vacation.
We find the Catholic church tobe able to go to mass.
So we have is called Catholicguilt.
The guilt is I've done somethingbad.
If we went to a party withfriends in college and we didn't
study for the test the nextmorning.
Oh, I got a bad grade.
(14:03):
That's guilt.
I can do something about it andchange that next time.
I won't go out with friends andI'll study the night before we
can change what we're doing.
Humiliation is what is thevariable?
That's did I deserve that?
I think we've had someconversation with my parents
(14:23):
getting divorced when I was in,Grade school that I didn't know
anybody whose parents weredivorced.
And that one teacher saidsomething to me that made me
feel bad that my parents weredivorced.
And when I went home, Delbert, Idid not share that with my mom
cause my mom had felt bad enoughand was in a state of shock and
(14:45):
was very.
Was really torn up and that thenis humiliation that that I no,
that was shame because I didn'tshare that with mom but I know
we have a friend who, who heardthat in grade school and she
went home and told her mom.
And her mom, called the schooland said, Hey, what are you
(15:05):
doing here?
And that was humiliation thatshe didn't deserve to have that
told to her.
Delbert (15:12):
exactly.
Hess (15:14):
Yeah.
Now embarrassment, Delbert isthe funny feeling like when we
walk out of the bathroom withtoilet paper to her on our
shoes.
Delbert (15:22):
Rosanna then
Hess (15:23):
Yeah.
But shame is the feeling I'mbad.
It's the focus on the self andnot the behavior.
With the result that we feelalone, shame is never known to
lead us towards positive change.
I think the Catholic church madeus feel shame and That's what I
think.
Delbert (15:42):
probably cause we were just little kids.
What could we possibly be doingto be guilty?
You're right.
It was more shame.
You're right.
Hess (15:51):
Yeah.
Delbert (15:52):
The worst thing we ever did was come late to school and
have to wear a Kleenex on ourhead.
If we forgot our beanie.
Hess (15:59):
I wasn't responsible for my dad taking me to school late
every morning.
Delbert (16:02):
Exactly.
Hess (16:04):
I was a Catholic for such a big chunk of my life.
I know exactly how that feels.
No, you taking this time to restand recharge up, I wonder if
it's like the message from ourparents about how hard they
work, like lazy people are bad.
My dad was one of nine kids andmy dad's dad told all the kids,
(16:27):
if I had another kid, I'd haveone that could do something.
My aunt, my dad and my auntHelen are telling me this,
Delbert, one day, and they werelaughing, they said they would
tease daddy and say daddy, yourchances are pretty slim of
having one that don't have ifyou got nine and you still don't
have one.
So I got a picture of my dad.
(16:47):
He's 8 years old, and he's nextto a big tub full of rats.
And he's got a gas mask onholding this right up by the
tail because he started workingfor my grandpa when he was 5
years old.
Delbert (16:57):
Exterminate
Hess (16:58):
was what I was raised with, is my dad went to the
office every day until he was 89years old.
I could, if I went to the beach,I'd have to rake the beach.
I couldn't just lay on thebeach.
I'm not supposed to take time,and at 67 I'm glad that I'm
growing out of that.
It's okay to rest and take iteasy.
I'm so glad you did, Delbert,because I don't want you getting
(17:20):
sick.
Delbert (17:20):
I know.
I don't want, ain't nobody gottime for bronchitis.
I had it twice last year.
What, Hestia, you are a reallygood example because I can see
you like when we go on our boattrips, you are so relaxed.
You are so in control of beingin the moment.
(17:40):
And I think it's part of thereason that I'm getting better
at it.
I only felt half guilty.
Hess (17:49):
That's a, that's good.
That's progress.
Delbert (17:51):
Hey, that's a lot of progress for me.
And here I am preaching to myhairdresser and to my work
friend about not feeling guilty,think of for yourself.
And I'm like, we're going toCharleston to this work event.
And I told my friend, I said, weare going to go to the pool two
days.
We're going to get two day poolmasses because we deserve to
(18:13):
relax.
I'll check back in with you andlet you know if I have any guilt
about that or shame.
Hess (18:20):
Awesome.
Awesome.
I'm glad you got those poolpasses.
I'm proud of you.
We always teach and preach whatwe want to learn ourself.
Delbert (18:29):
Exactly.
You're right.
You're right.
And I think if we just cheereach other on and help each
other out and just keep sayingto people, you are okay, it is
going to be all right.
We're going to make it.
Take care of yourself.
Take good care because this onebody, this one life, it's all
(18:51):
you've got.
Make the most of it.
Hess (18:58):
story is popping in my head.
Do you mind if I tell it?
Delbert (19:01):
Sure.
What is it?
Hess (19:03):
It's it's not, it's I don't know, here it is I heard
about these monkeys that werebeing studied on this mountain.
And they noticed that this.
They noticed and they'd beenstudying this family of monkeys
for a long time.
And there's this one monkey thatwas always quiet just off to the
side and they were thinkingabout all the different dynamics
of the different monkeys.
(19:23):
And they decided they wouldremove this one monkey and just
to see how the order was.
In this family, and they weregoing to be returning this
monkey, but they had this, theytook this monkey and they, and
then they came back the nextweek.
They came back and the familymonkeys had all been killed.
Delbert (19:44):
No.
Hess (19:45):
And what they discovered was this quiet monkey, this
monkey that seemed like it wasmore at rest.
It was in more of an introvertthat monkey had an important
role of watching and alerting.
And so it's.
Every part of us, every it's, weit's for some purpose.
(20:07):
It's for a purpose that youmight not be like that that,
that bunny just keep going, thattime to rejuvenate and watch the
ugly Betty and recharging, comeback, refresh, maybe some new
ideas and thoughts and.
of looking at things.
Delbert (20:28):
Yes.
And that wall that I had was myalert.
It was keeping me safe.
Hess (20:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hitting that wall.
Delbert (20:37):
Like the quiet monkey.
a
Hess (20:42):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So awesome.
Good deal.
Good deal.
Thank I'm really proud of y'allraising all that money.
Was that a record for the golfsymbol?
Oh wow.
Delbert (20:57):
it really was.
And, usually with this amount ofkids that I have caught, it'll
cost me, between 10 and 15 thisyear to feed them.
And so it gives me some reservein case I have an emergency.
The school has a very largehomeless population.
So I'm not quite sure everythingthat's going on with those
(21:22):
students.
I've got some parents that shopin the pantry too, after school.
And I've got an outdoor pantrythat, that we're restocking all
the time with hygiene stuff andutensils and can openers and
easy open meals and things likethat.
And so I'm not really quitesure.
(21:44):
How many people it's reaching sofar, but I feel like I'm close.
I feel like I'm close and
Hess (21:51):
That's awesome.
I know our pod, our pods, ourpod squad really will look
forward to hearing why the, whythis Carol's kitchen started.
And that's a, just a beautifulstory.
I can't wait for y'all to hearit.
Delbert, I love you.
And I'm really glad that you'regoing on this trip to support a
(22:12):
friend that's getting an awardand that you got those two pool,
those two day pool passes.
I love that.
Delbert (22:19):
I love you friend.
You're the best.
You're such a great role model.
Everybody take care ofyourselves.
Remember to take care ofyourselves and each other.
Peace and love.
Hess (22:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just ask you this.
Ask yourself the question likewhat can I do for myself?
What can I do for myself?
Because we got to fill our cell,our cup up so that it can spill
out to other cups.
Delbert (22:46):
Oh, that's a good one.
Love that.
Hess (22:48):
We're all cups.
This gal Teal Swan wrote this inher book.
Darkness before the light thatwe're all cups and we can't tip
our cup.
So if somebody's cup is halffull, I can't tip my cup and
give them any more.
I got to fill my cup all the wayup so it bubbles over the top
and then they can get some of mycup.
Delbert (23:09):
I love that.
I love that.
I need to remember that nexttime I binge Ugly Betty and eat
clams and linguine, filling mycup up.
Hess (23:19):
Yeah.
So everybody please you arelistening to, let me tell you
this about that.
And we, this always fills us upand gives us a good start of the
week.
And we want to share that withyou.
So share this with your friends,subscribe, like it, leave a
comment, take care, peace andlove.
Delbert (23:44):
Peace and love.
Hess (23:46):
Bye.
Hey, everybody.
Thank you so much for comingback to let me tell you this
about that.
I'm Hess.
Delbert (00:07):
And I'm Delbert.
Hess (00:09):
Yeah.
Delbert (00:11):
We're here to talk to you today a little bit about
self care.
So important.
I was telling Hess that my kidscall me a robot.
I go for a very long time.
And then all of a sudden, almostwithout warning, just hit a wall
(00:32):
and I'm just done.
My batteries are toast.
And I try to really,
Hess (00:38):
When you say that, it comes to my mind is like a
puppy, how it plays plays.
Delbert (00:46):
a lot of energy and I do feel like a little kid.
So like a puppy.
Yeah.
I most of the time I'm like,yay, I get up and I'm like a
little kid when I wake up in themorning.
So I, it is like that.
And I never really know when I'mgoing to run out of juice, it
just hits me.
So I was trying not to feelguilty, grew up having.
(01:11):
what we call Catholic guiltabout things.
And I try really hard not to dothat when I hit a wall and have
to just take some time formyself.
And I think that I may have madea little bit of progress this
time.
I had So many events.
I had two listings that I gotready to go on the market and
(01:34):
staged them.
Then I had two listings thatclosed that I had to pick up a
bunch of furniture and thingsfrom, and then I had three
birthdays.
Both of my children are born inthe same week, and my youngest
daughter and youngest grandchildare born on the exact same day.
And I have to be, yeah, I haveto make a big do about that.
(01:55):
That's how I do had that allgoing on, and then had the
fundraiser for my family'scharity, Carol's Kitchen, the
big golf scramble, where weraised over 28, 000, by the
Hess (02:07):
Oh my gosh.
Delbert (02:08):
I know.
Hess (02:09):
Congratulations.
Delbert (02:11):
really did just find that out.
And
Hess (02:13):
Is that a record?
Delbert (02:14):
that is a record.
That is a record for us.
Yeah.
Hess (02:18):
Give a little bit of, give a little bit of, to our
podsters, what Carol's Kitchendoes, who it serves.
Delbert (02:25):
Carol's Kitchen is a 501c3 charity that's dedicated
to my late sister and my lateniece.
And it works to our missionstatement is to eliminate
childhood hunger and otherbarriers to education.
So we work to make sure thatkids are fed.
(02:49):
That's.
Really, the number one basichuman need is to have
nourishment, and kids that go toschool and don't have anything
to eat they can't learn, theycan't concentrate.
On an empty stomach.
And so we serve right now.
We serve two elementary schoolsand one high school.
(03:13):
I've served as many as, fiveschools at a time, and I also
help with implement blessingprograms in schools for
elementaries, because I believethat program is really
important.
Amazing and successful.
I really believe in blessings ina backpack because they're in
the school sending food home.
It's the perfect setup, but I'vemodeled what I do at Carol's
(03:37):
Kitchen after some of the thingsBlessings does.
I'm inside the schools andSeneca High School is my biggest
school that I feed right now.
I feed between 42 and 50students and their families,
younger siblings.
And we teach students how tocook things with pantry staple
(03:58):
items.
We've made it a cooking clubinstead of a pantry.
So it takes the stigma away, butjust have
Hess (04:05):
that.
Delbert (04:06):
awesome, amazing kids.
And right after the golfscramble, we had recipe of the
month, which is a big do causewe, we cook a big recipe.
Everybody gets to eat ittogether.
It's our version of, even thoughwe're not single.
sitting around a table.
We're standing around withsomething warm, talking and
communicating with each other.
Hess (04:26):
So once a month you all do a meal where you cook something
and prep it and then you haveall those ingredients that these
kids can take home and fix athome.
Got you.
Got you.
Delbert (04:37):
Yeah.
And one of the things we do atthe scramble too, is all of the
alumni from Seneca usually playin the scramble and a lot of
just friends from other highschools too.
And everybody from the scramblewrites a note on a note card to
a student.
And inside of the cabinet, whenyou open it up where we have our
(04:57):
food, it also says, here arerecipes and if you're having a
bad day, grab one of these.
So it's just a little note ofencouragement, like a little
affirmation.
And the kids really like them.
They're always empty when I goto refill them.
So that's a little somethingabout Carol's Kitchen.
And I can tell you more aboutthe Carol's Kitchen story.
(05:20):
Another time, but
Hess (05:23):
So say more.
So you have all this stuff goingon,
Delbert (05:26):
yeah, I have all this stuff going on and I'm going for
10 days to 2 weeks.
I lost track of how long it wasgoing on and the very last day
we had just had our reunion withour Berkeley village, which we
told everybody about the lasttime.
And that was so joyous andwonderful and really
(05:49):
invigorating.
But the next day when I got up,I showed a few houses and then I
went to take my grand dogs on awalk because my.
Daughter and her family were ata festival out of town and I
said, Oh yeah, feed the dogs andwalk them.
And I was standing in the alleyoutside their house, walking the
(06:12):
dogs, and I just hit a wall.
I hit, my batteries were gone.
Boom.
What you gonna do?
So luckily I was finished withwork and I didn't have a really
pressing day the next day.
So I went home and as LeanneMorgan says, I took to the bed.
I was just so tired.
(06:33):
I think I went to bed at 5 30that night and Just licked my
wounds and did my laundry.
And I was like, I'm just goingto work from home today.
Do the bare minimal, return mycalls, return my emails, take
care of anything pressing, butI'm just going to do laundry and
stay home.
And then I started bingewatching ugly Betty.
It's the best show.
(06:53):
You've got to watch it.
It's so good.
And she never gives up and Ilove her for that.
So it's a great show that wason, I think in the early two
thousands or something and.
I just loved it when it was on.
I watched it with my kids.
So it brought back all thesehappy memories too.
So I was trying so hard not tohave that Catholic guilt about
taking me time.
Hess (07:15):
Yeah.
And you said you were fixingyourself some comfort food too.
And it sounds like ugly buddy'skind of a comfort show Brought
back good memories early twothousands when you were watching
that with your girls.
Delbert (07:27):
Yeah, it really was.
I had, I didn't want to go tothe store.
So I had some pasta, I had someclams and I had some butter and
some lemon.
And I'm like, I could just makea little clams with linguine and
kind of binged on clams andlinguine.
And my kids cracked up.
They're like, of course you hadthe ingredients for that, It's
(07:49):
been wild, I never go to thegrocery and we talked about my
coffee, toilet paper and vodkastory.
But I just was fighting so hardwith myself to not only not feel
guilty about this rest andrejuvenation that I needed.
But also to just not, I thinksome of it's FOMO.
(08:16):
I'm like, when am I going tofeel rested?
When can I go back outside andplay like the puppy again, like
a little kid, and I always getworried that I'm not going to
get my bounce back.
It always comes back, but Inever know when, I never know
how long I need to rest.
It's just a crazy roller coasterthat happens to me, couple times
a year.
(08:36):
So it always is a little bitscary to me, but it's also a
little kid.
Like I'm just longing to, I justwant to go back to the office
and see my friends.
I just want to go shopping.
So I ended that little period ofalmost two days by just going
(08:56):
and saying, listen, do this foryourself.
Go get a manicure and apedicure.
It's going to give you yourbounce back.
It's going to make you feelgood.
And I went to one of thosereally good nail salons that's
got the massage
Hess (09:10):
yeah.
Delbert (09:11):
It was like, boom! I had the sweetest manicurist, and
when she finished up, that, thatchair just took the last kink
out of my back and my shoulders,and she's she always gives me
trouble about my feet, causethey have so many calluses, and
she always like shakes thatcheese grater at me, and I'm
like, I like it, go ahead, itfeels good, get all the calluses
(09:34):
off.
She's telling me in a nice waythat I've been on my feet for
too long.
Hess (09:38):
She say, you have too many calluses.
That's why you don't have noboyfriend.
Delbert (09:41):
Yeah, it could be why I have no boyfriend.
Hess (09:46):
That's why you have no boyfriend.
Delbert (09:49):
no.
So anyway want to say to peopleout there, it's, I, in my, I
just went and got my hair donetoday, and my hairdresser has
been taking care of her momwho's sick.
Just like we were talking abouttaking care of our own parents.
And I'm like, it's the hardestthing that you'll ever do, but
it's the most rewarding thing.
(10:10):
And she was on the same track.
She's I'm so tired.
All I do is work and go spendthe night at my mom's house.
And I said I just went through alittle, pity party for myself.
And I'm like, you've got to takea day for yourself.
You've got to take care ofyourself.
So you don't get so run down.
You can't take care of anything.
And I told her about the jellyroll song, I'm not okay, but
(10:32):
it's going to be all right.
And
Hess (10:35):
Ain't that the truth?
Delbert (10:36):
ain't that the truth.
So anyway, when I left her, Iwas her last appointment.
She goes, Judy, I'm going to goget me a manicure and a
pedicure.
I said, Get a massage chair now.
That's what I guarantee you.
But
Hess (10:52):
So it's, so at 67 you're trying to get the hang out of
not having any more of what weused to call Catholic guilt.
We, Delbert and I both grew upCatholic most of our lives.
It sounds like you needed thatrest.
Delbert (11:08):
I did, I really did.
And I'm one of those people thatI try to relax when I go on
vacation, but I feel guiltyabout it.
And I'm going on a work tripwith a friend of mine.
And I told her I got us two daypasses for the pool.
And she's I'm going to.
So guilty.
And I'm like, stop, we have totalk to each other out of our
(11:30):
guilt.
She's feel so guilty that we'renot working.
We deserve it.
I'm really trying to do that,that little convincing to myself
because like you said, I stilldon't know how to get away from
this Catholic guilt, like alittle kid, Oh, I should not be
(11:51):
watching this much television.
I'm going to get in trouble.
Hess (11:55):
So Delbert, let me see if I got you.
You had a really busy 2 weeks.
You sold 2 houses.
You've prepped and stage 2houses to put up for sale.
Also, you have 3 birthdays tocelebrate.
And we had that reunion with theBarclay Village retreat group.
And you were like a ball, justbouncing all over the place with
(12:16):
energy, with intention, withfull presence.
It sounds like you gave yourselfsome well needed rest.
Eating that comfort food andwatching the buddy.
Ugly Betty show, you vegged, youeven had, you did get your
emails and returned calls.
Your robot just needed to plugin and charge up.
(12:36):
And we have to do that.
When we sleep every night, itgives our body rest.
Our brain has downtime andresets itself.
Delbert, when we don't rest, ithurts our immune system.
You remember last year, how yougot sick a couple times and
usually don't get sick?
(12:57):
was around the same kind ofthing.
You weren't, you were like younever recharged.
So our body then isn't strongenough to fight the fight back
and that guilt.
And you said that you mightworry that bounce back might not
come back.
Delbert (13:16):
Yes,
Hess (13:18):
let's break it down.
Guilt is what we feel when we'vedone something bad.
So I got to talk about thisbecause we heard that word
Catholic guilt a lot, Catholic,the doctrine was really thick,
almost bigger than the Biblethat you couldn't eat meat on
Fridays.
You had to go, you had to wearsomething over your head when
you went to mass and that kindof stuff.
(13:40):
And if you didn't go to massevery Sunday, you were in
trouble.
Like we'd be on vacation.
We find the Catholic church tobe able to go to mass.
So we have is called Catholicguilt.
The guilt is I've done somethingbad.
If we went to a party withfriends in college and we didn't
study for the test the nextmorning.
Oh, I got a bad grade.
(14:03):
That's guilt.
I can do something about it andchange that next time.
I won't go out with friends andI'll study the night before we
can change what we're doing.
Humiliation is what is thevariable?
That's did I deserve that?
I think we've had someconversation with my parents
(14:23):
getting divorced when I was in,Grade school that I didn't know
anybody whose parents weredivorced.
And that one teacher saidsomething to me that made me
feel bad that my parents weredivorced.
And when I went home, Delbert, Idid not share that with my mom
cause my mom had felt bad enoughand was in a state of shock and
(14:45):
was very.
Was really torn up and that thenis humiliation that that I no,
that was shame because I didn'tshare that with mom but I know
we have a friend who, who heardthat in grade school and she
went home and told her mom.
And her mom, called the schooland said, Hey, what are you
(15:05):
doing here?
And that was humiliation thatshe didn't deserve to have that
told to her.
Delbert (15:12):
exactly.
Hess (15:14):
Yeah.
Now embarrassment, Delbert isthe funny feeling like when we
walk out of the bathroom withtoilet paper to her on our
shoes.
Delbert (15:22):
Rosanna then
Hess (15:23):
Yeah.
But shame is the feeling I'mbad.
It's the focus on the self andnot the behavior.
With the result that we feelalone, shame is never known to
lead us towards positive change.
I think the Catholic church madeus feel shame and That's what I
think.
Delbert (15:42):
probably cause we were just little kids.
What could we possibly be doingto be guilty?
You're right.
It was more shame.
You're right.
Hess (15:51):
Yeah.
Delbert (15:52):
The worst thing we ever did was come late to school and
have to wear a Kleenex on ourhead.
If we forgot our beanie.
Hess (15:59):
I wasn't responsible for my dad taking me to school late
every morning.
Delbert (16:02):
Exactly.
Hess (16:04):
I was a Catholic for such a big chunk of my life.
I know exactly how that feels.
No, you taking this time to restand recharge up, I wonder if
it's like the message from ourparents about how hard they
work, like lazy people are bad.
My dad was one of nine kids andmy dad's dad told all the kids,
(16:27):
if I had another kid, I'd haveone that could do something.
My aunt, my dad and my auntHelen are telling me this,
Delbert, one day, and they werelaughing, they said they would
tease daddy and say daddy, yourchances are pretty slim of
having one that don't have ifyou got nine and you still don't
have one.
So I got a picture of my dad.
(16:47):
He's 8 years old, and he's nextto a big tub full of rats.
And he's got a gas mask onholding this right up by the
tail because he started workingfor my grandpa when he was 5
years old.
Delbert (16:57):
Exterminate
Hess (16:58):
was what I was raised with, is my dad went to the
office every day until he was 89years old.
I could, if I went to the beach,I'd have to rake the beach.
I couldn't just lay on thebeach.
I'm not supposed to take time,and at 67 I'm glad that I'm
growing out of that.
It's okay to rest and take iteasy.
I'm so glad you did, Delbert,because I don't want you getting
(17:20):
sick.
Delbert (17:20):
I know.
I don't want, ain't nobody gottime for bronchitis.
I had it twice last year.
What, Hestia, you are a reallygood example because I can see
you like when we go on our boattrips, you are so relaxed.
You are so in control of beingin the moment.
(17:40):
And I think it's part of thereason that I'm getting better
at it.
I only felt half guilty.
Hess (17:49):
That's a, that's good.
That's progress.
Delbert (17:51):
Hey, that's a lot of progress for me.
And here I am preaching to myhairdresser and to my work
friend about not feeling guilty,think of for yourself.
And I'm like, we're going toCharleston to this work event.
And I told my friend, I said, weare going to go to the pool two
days.
We're going to get two day poolmasses because we deserve to
(18:13):
relax.
I'll check back in with you andlet you know if I have any guilt
about that or shame.
Hess (18:20):
Awesome.
Awesome.
I'm glad you got those poolpasses.
I'm proud of you.
We always teach and preach whatwe want to learn ourself.
Delbert (18:29):
Exactly.
You're right.
You're right.
And I think if we just cheereach other on and help each
other out and just keep sayingto people, you are okay, it is
going to be all right.
We're going to make it.
Take care of yourself.
Take good care because this onebody, this one life, it's all
(18:51):
you've got.
Make the most of it.
Hess (18:58):
story is popping in my head.
Do you mind if I tell it?
Delbert (19:01):
Sure.
What is it?
Hess (19:03):
It's it's not, it's I don't know, here it is I heard
about these monkeys that werebeing studied on this mountain.
And they noticed that this.
They noticed and they'd beenstudying this family of monkeys
for a long time.
And there's this one monkey thatwas always quiet just off to the
side and they were thinkingabout all the different dynamics
of the different monkeys.
(19:23):
And they decided they wouldremove this one monkey and just
to see how the order was.
In this family, and they weregoing to be returning this
monkey, but they had this, theytook this monkey and they, and
then they came back the nextweek.
They came back and the familymonkeys had all been killed.
Delbert (19:44):
No.
Hess (19:45):
And what they discovered was this quiet monkey, this
monkey that seemed like it wasmore at rest.
It was in more of an introvertthat monkey had an important
role of watching and alerting.
And so it's.
Every part of us, every it's, weit's for some purpose.
(20:07):
It's for a purpose that youmight not be like that that,
that bunny just keep going, thattime to rejuvenate and watch the
ugly Betty and recharging, comeback, refresh, maybe some new
ideas and thoughts and.
of looking at things.
Delbert (20:28):
Yes.
And that wall that I had was myalert.
It was keeping me safe.
Hess (20:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hitting that wall.
Delbert (20:37):
Like the quiet monkey.
a
Hess (20:42):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So awesome.
Good deal.
Good deal.
Thank I'm really proud of y'allraising all that money.
Was that a record for the golfsymbol?
Oh wow.
Delbert (20:57):
it really was.
And, usually with this amount ofkids that I have caught, it'll
cost me, between 10 and 15 thisyear to feed them.
And so it gives me some reservein case I have an emergency.
The school has a very largehomeless population.
So I'm not quite sure everythingthat's going on with those
(21:22):
students.
I've got some parents that shopin the pantry too, after school.
And I've got an outdoor pantrythat, that we're restocking all
the time with hygiene stuff andutensils and can openers and
easy open meals and things likethat.
And so I'm not really quitesure.
(21:44):
How many people it's reaching sofar, but I feel like I'm close.
I feel like I'm close and
Hess (21:51):
That's awesome.
I know our pod, our pods, ourpod squad really will look
forward to hearing why the, whythis Carol's kitchen started.
And that's a, just a beautifulstory.
I can't wait for y'all to hearit.
Delbert, I love you.
And I'm really glad that you'regoing on this trip to support a
(22:12):
friend that's getting an awardand that you got those two pool,
those two day pool passes.
I love that.
Delbert (22:19):
I love you friend.
You're the best.
You're such a great role model.
Everybody take care ofyourselves.
Remember to take care ofyourselves and each other.
Peace and love.
Hess (22:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And just ask you this.
Ask yourself the question likewhat can I do for myself?
What can I do for myself?
Because we got to fill our cell,our cup up so that it can spill
out to other cups.
Delbert (22:46):
Oh, that's a good one.
Love that.
Hess (22:48):
We're all cups.
This gal Teal Swan wrote this inher book.
Darkness before the light thatwe're all cups and we can't tip
our cup.
So if somebody's cup is halffull, I can't tip my cup and
give them any more.
I got to fill my cup all the wayup so it bubbles over the top
and then they can get some of mycup.
Delbert (23:09):
I love that.
I love that.
I need to remember that nexttime I binge Ugly Betty and eat
clams and linguine, filling mycup up.
Hess (23:19):
Yeah.
So everybody please you arelistening to, let me tell you
this about that.
And we, this always fills us upand gives us a good start of the
week.
And we want to share that withyou.
So share this with your friends,subscribe, like it, leave a
comment, take care, peace andlove.
Delbert (23:44):
Peace and love.
Hess (23:46):
Bye.
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