May 11, 2025 • 28 mins
In this episode Hess and Delbert share a life theory, that you are the lead character in your life movie. You have to play that role with true authenticity. There is no other person who can play it! Choose the themes and values that are most important, attract people around you who can play those supportive roles. You are allowed mistakes, that is how we learn. You can ask for help, you don’t have to know it all or do it all. It's just doing the next best thing, and then then next best thing comes next. Take charge! Play it big! You are on the billboard!
Update on my friend José and his cancer treatments. José has finsihed two raounds of chemo--the second round much stronger. After a recent scan, there is great news the tumors have shrunk--ALOT! Thank you Lord, and José's positive frame of mind! He knows he will beat this! Thank you so much for your support to Jose!
https://gofund.me/e6f61999
In addition to being a podcast host, Hess is also an LCSW--if you'd like to learn more about her work as a therapist, check it out at www.jessicabollinger.com
One of her mission's is for all of our lights to shine--when we see each other and allow ourself to be seen--and we can say to the person in front of us, There You Are! the world will be an amazing place!
Delbert is a realtor in Louisville, KY, and you can find her at Kentucky Select Properties
Her philanthropic work to continue her sister Carole and niece Meghan is Carole's Kitchen. Blessings in a Backpack helps feed the many hungry students in our schools. The instagram account is: https://www.instagram.com/caroleskitchen.nonprofit?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Hess (00:00):
Hey, this is Hess and welcome to our podcast.
Let me tell you this about that.
Delbert (00:09):
Good morning.
This is me Delbert on the greencouch, as always looking out my
picture window on this beautifulMother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day, everybody.
And wow, what a beautiful springday it is in Kentucky.
Hess (00:26):
Yeah, I want to, I wanna extenuate that.
Happy Mother's Day because weare all mothers In all different
forms, whether biologically ormentoring or being a teacher,
having an effect on someone, ona child, happy Mother's Day.
Delbert (00:45):
Heck yeah.
The lady that checked me outyesterday at the store wished me
Happy Mother's Day, and I said,oh, right back at you if you are
a mother.
And she said I'm a cat mom.
And I said, that counts.
Hess (00:59):
Yeah.
And when I was taking myhazardous waste to the city
collection point yesterday therewas a whole line of people
collecting and I was takingabout 12 cans of paint.
I opened up the hatch, the dogswere in the back.
I got out, make sure the dogsdidn't jump out and they were
taking the paint out, all thesevolunteers and one fellow looked
(01:22):
me right in the eye and he said,Hey, happy Mother's Day.
And boy, I received it.
It was
Delbert (01:27):
Oh, there are just good people everywhere.
There are just good peopleeverywhere.
How sweet is that?
Hess (01:35):
And we had a young friend text me yesterday and she said,
are you all home tonight?
I've got a little present foryou all.
And that had boarded at the farmhere brought us flowers for
Mother's Day and sat and we hada great conversation for an hour
or two.
Is
Delbert (01:50):
That's beautiful.
You've already been celebrating,Hess you went to, you went out
with one of your, students thatgraduated and witnessed her
mother and their relationship.
Hess (02:02):
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So I was invited to a brunch forone of the girls at the farm who
graduated from college, and Igot to meet all of her family,
her grandparents, her I'd mether, I'd met her mom I, and
maybe her dad.
But to be able to sit next tothem and to have conversation
(02:23):
with all of these people that,that have a role in Emily's
life, making her who she is, theamazing person that she is.
So Delbert, I'm gonna, I'm gonnahand the baton to you.
What do you wanna talk abouttoday?
Delbert (02:36):
So it's piggybacks on what you just said.
I was listening to one of myfavorite podcasts.
We Can Do Hard Things and theyhad a guest on Samantha Irby,
who was talking about her booksand just her life experience and
the work she's done.
She writes for tv.
Shrill and among other things.
(02:56):
And just like that the spinofffrom Sex and the City, she's
just really hilarious.
And she was talking about thetrauma in her life that made her
a comedic writer, have comedyplay a large role in her life.
And I was just, and she talked alittle bit about her life as
her, as the star of the movie ofher life.
And I thought that's sointeresting.
(03:18):
And I called Hess and I said,let's talk about how are we
showing up as the star of themovie of our life?
How are we showing up forourselves?
As the star of our own lifemovie.
And who are we, how are wesupporting ourselves with our
co-stars?
(03:38):
Who are we choosing in thosesupporting roles and what kind
of location or, have we got thatset in, and how are we writing
our episodes and takinginventory and maybe rewriting.
So that the next day is better.
And another phrase that she usedthat I love, and I say this to
(03:59):
Hess a lot, and I say it to mykids a lot.
Let's just do the next rightthing.
What's the next right thing?
We can't change the past, butwhat's the next right thing to
do?
Hess (04:12):
Yeah.
And then that leads to the nextright thing
Delbert (04:15):
It's a path, right?
It's a path and it's abeautiful, whatever your life
story is, whatever that movieis, just keep moving forward and
focusing on that.
And so I was telling Hess sortof my philosophy'cause I'm Irish
and I love, my heritage, my, Idescribe my life and my
(04:37):
supporting cast and my locationas a trinity.
It's, and it's my first littleleaf of my shamrock is the three
things that are the mostimportant to me, and that's my
faith, family and friends.
And I keep them tight and I keepthat, close and I make it a
(04:57):
priority.
I.
And then my second leaf on myshamrock is my community and my
work.
And those are interchangeable.
I believe that, if you're arealtor and you're selling a
community, then you've worked tomake that a better community.
So those are in interchangeable.
(05:17):
And then my last one is what Ido to recharge, to have the
energy, to spread good energyinto those other leads.
And so I told Hess this morning,I'm like, Hess, you're part of
two of my leaves.
You you're part of doing thispodcast, and the conversations
that we have are part of myrecharge, the podcast, people
are like, how do you do that andyou still work and blah, blah.
(05:39):
I'm like no that's part of therecharge.
It's actually fun and relaxingto do
Hess (05:44):
okay.
Comes up for me about thatDelbert is all of those all
right from the same XLE in flow.
In biology, when we cut thatcelery in, in half and put it in
some dyed water, it was reallycool to see the xylum in the
floem of the capillaries thatcome up to feed it.
So all of those all areintegrated too.
(06:06):
And that's your life.
So if what you're talking about,this is what I'm picturing,
podsters tell me what you'reseeing as Delbert's talking.
seeing a stage, and these aredifferent scenes, which are all
part of your story.
have, you have the, you havethat one leaf and the one leaf
(06:27):
is your faith, then family andfriends.
Is that.
Yeah, that's part of it.
And then your work, your realestate and your community and
putting things back into thecommunity.
Because if you're selling ahouse in a community, in a
neighborhood you're selling awhole community and what's good
(06:47):
about it and what can you putback in to the community.
And then the third leaf, thirdscene on your stage is your
rejuvenation.
What helps feed you.
And give you the energy or therecharge to do all those things
in.
And we all have heard aboutwater and swimming and dancing,
(07:09):
music, funny podcasts and soforth.
Is that, am I
Delbert (07:14):
Meditation you are.
And sometimes I love a moviewith a double or triple
storyline or a love a show, andsometimes those three little
leaves, they all are, oneshamrock and they, and they
blend together.
Sometimes they just flow rightinto each other.
Hess (07:32):
So Carol's kitchen, blessings in a backpack that
would be in your community andin your work.
Delbert (07:38):
right
Hess (07:38):
got
Delbert (07:39):
And then, but I blend my family and friends into that
too, yeah, Carol's Kitchen andBlessings would definitely be
that.
And that second one, but theyblend in.
And sometimes, when I'm planningfor, an event or it's part of my
recharge too,'cause I like toimagine and dream and think
(08:00):
about what I can do.
So I just like how they all flowinto each other.
So Hess and I were just talkingand we wanted to share our
stage, how we.
Perform in our own life to askour Podsters out there
listening.
Reflect on that.
Think about how you're showingup for yourself.
(08:21):
How are you showing up foryourself in your life?
How are you making it the bestmovie it can possibly be?
Hess (08:31):
Delbert sometimes when I, and with my clients and showing
up as your authentic self.
I tell my clients, Hey, all theother parts are taken except for
your role and you're in chargeof your role and do it.
And there's no other, there's noother you, there's no other
person playing that role.
(08:51):
You do you.
And that all kind of feeds intothe what I'm writing about.
There you are, that we can seethe essence of the other.
And be able to see thatindividuation and to own our own
individuation.
Individuation and how we'redifferent.
And that's the own, that's thesingle spark that we have to
(09:12):
give
Delbert (09:13):
And when you're sparking, when you're showing up
that's a big part of it, right?
Showing up as your true self.
You really do.
Generate something reallybeautiful when you're showing up
as your true self and you've gotthose walls down.
You draw people in, you draw theright people in when you're your
true self.
Hess (09:34):
Oh Delbert life.
Life just gets us where we wannafeel loved and seen, and we
adapt.
I'm gonna give you a littlepsychology here
Delbert (09:43):
Good.
Hess (09:44):
That limbic part of our brain and we're born with
millions of extra brain cellsthat have to help us adapt and
be in the world.
And those millions of extrabrain cells go away by the age
of about seven, those extrabrain cells that help us adapt
Delbert (09:59):
Thanks.
Hess (10:00):
We're so dependent on that caregiver being able to see us
and allow us, because we sodependent, so fragile.
we're born, they say that wehave to be born when we are
because our heads are so big,but we're not like a little bird
that's gonna fly off the nest inthree or four weeks that we
need.
(10:20):
We're so dependent on thecaregiver to help us survive.
Here we are from zero to seven.
However, we need to do to adapt,to see the favor, to be able to
feel loved and connected.
And we adapt certain ways andsometimes those don't work so
well when we're older.
And then here we go into, whenyou go into adolescence, I can
(10:42):
remember Lucas being this littleboy just on the back of the
truck.
With his reflection in the frontof the gooseneck horse trailer.
He's standing in the back of thetruck and he's seeing his
reflection and he's justdancing.
He's hearing this music in hishead and he is just dancing back
and forth and doing this dancemove.
And he's seeing himself like amirror.
And then he turns to me, andthen he sees I have a video
(11:03):
camera, and he says, do you likethose moves?
And then the next day he wantedto do it again.
Do it again, just because heenjoyed seeing himself doing
that.
And I.
How, how that young childadapted later being under peer
pressure or, oh, I'm not dancingin public, and how we change the
essences of who we are, becausewe feel like we might be judged.
Delbert (11:28):
Yes.
Yes.
And just, one of, one of thethings that I wrote down, that I
wrote down, things that I dowell and things that I.
I suck at, so I made twocategories, like what I don't
suck at and what I suck at.
And one of them's joy that Idon't suck at, like I am really
(11:49):
grounded in joy.
And the funny thing is I'venever been embarrassed to dance
in public.
And one of the things.
As and as bad as it is, one ofthe things that brings me joy I
find a song every year at Easterand I dance, I choreograph a
dance to that in my Easter Bunnycostume.
(12:10):
And that just brings me suchjoy.
But I, if there's music playingin a restaurant, I just walk in
dancing and and I don't even,I'm not even conscious of it.
So I hate that, kids lose thatinability to just be them, be
their true self because it's soimportant for you.
Hess (12:29):
I, that, that natural state is their ability
Delbert (12:34):
Yeah, it is natural.
Yeah.
Hess (12:37):
they gain inability to own it and be it.
And you know what?
Nobody's really watching.
Delbert (12:44):
Nobody is,
Hess (12:46):
You gotta dance like nobody's watching.
You gotta sing.
Delbert (12:50):
Because you know what?
Nobody really is watching you.
They're watching themselves.
They're too worried aboutthemselves, and so that's the
thing I don't suck at.
I suck at like being mature.
'cause I think I've always beenseven inside my brain.
I'm immature.
I am.
I'm like a little kid when Ilook in the mirror I'm like,
(13:11):
holy cow.
How did that happen?
I.
Hess (13:14):
your own self-judgment thinking that you're immature.
Delbert (13:18):
I'm so young.
How did that old lady show up?
Oh my goodness.
Hess (13:22):
but I, when I'm looking at the stage and I'm seeing the
Delbert show, I see that's youressence.
Is that, that joyful,youthfulness, I.
Delbert (13:33):
Oh thank you.
Hess (13:34):
Yeah.
If we're, we don't wanna be ourourself critic right up there
when we're in our life playingour own role, being a critic of
ourself is no good.
Reading the critic review in thepaper of ourself is no good.
'cause Delbert, if I'm thinkingsomebody's judging me.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to think about what'sgoing on in their own head.
(13:56):
I can't think about what's goingon in their own head.
I have no idea what's going onin their head.
Delbert (14:01):
Yeah, you got, in life you just gotta live it.
You gotta get out of your ownhead and you certainly gotta get
outta other people's heads.
And I did this littlecheerleading move when I was
showing a house one day.
'cause I got so excited abouthow perfect it was for my.
Client, I just went, yay.
And just did just struck like akind of victory pose.
(14:21):
And and my client just kindalooked at me weird and I was
like, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm still a cheerleader insidemy own brain.
And that cracked him up.
So just don't worry.
People aren't judging you ashard as you think.
Hess (14:37):
No.
No.
So Bert the Shamrock.
What helps you be in all ofthose spaces without
self-judgment and being fully inyour role?
What helps you?
Delbert (14:52):
I try to practice patience with myself and
forgiveness.
Like I try to just let myselfgo, let go of the negativity,
forgive myself and others forthings.
I think that's important.
I, and I'm trying to maintaindoing healthy things that are
good for myself because ifyou're feeding in healthy input.
(15:14):
Healthy foods, healthy lifestyleyou're inputting good.
So I'm trying to, I'm trying todo that.
I'm not, and that's one of thethings that I'm trying to be
better at, but could,potentially be on my, I suck it
list.
And then, yeah, just showing upas my authentic self, just
showing up for myself and forother people authentically.
Hess (15:39):
Yeah.
Cool.
what I gotta say is, if we don'tmake mistakes, we're not
learning anything, we're gonna,
Delbert (15:47):
Exactly.
Hess (15:48):
make a mistake when we're concentrating hard at something,
we're gonna make a mistake.
When we're not focusing, we'regonna make a mistake, we're
gonna make a mistake.
If we've really researched it,we're gonna make a mistake.
If We read up a lot about andresearch it.
We're gonna make a mistake andwe don't research it.
We're gonna make a mistake whenwe're tired.
(16:08):
We're gonna make a mistake whenwe're alert.
So it's in the mistakes.
Every mistake that we make, thatwe learn something, yeah.
Delbert (16:17):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And one of the other things I'mtrying to get better at in my
life, because I'm a multitaskerand I'm a, like I said, when I'm
working, I'm also, thinkingabout community stuff and I'm
really trying to get morefocused on one thing at a time
and to ask for help.
I don't have to do it all.
I'm a mom.
I'm the oldest grandchild.
(16:38):
I'm the oldest child.
I'm, I've been a mom since Iwas, I've had a baby on my hip
since I was like, four.
And I have to learn that thereare other people that can do
things and to ask for help.
And I love my office at KentuckySelect because I, have all these
people that can help me.
(16:59):
And I.
I need to do that more in my ownpersonal life.
That was a good, that's a goodtraining ground because there
all these different departmentsthat can help me, and I need to
think of that more in my ownlife.
How about you, Hess?
Are you, do you ask for help?
Do you, are you a.
Hess (17:17):
We.
I haven't in my life, but I amso dependent on the intelligence
of everybody around me.
I love to attract people thatare more intelligent friends,
that are smarter, that I canlearn something from people that
I work with that are smarter andcan do it better than me.
what I try to do.
I'm reading a really cool bookright now, Delbert, I got a, I
(17:40):
went down a wormhole, I sawWarren Buffet was resigning and
I don't know how he's in hiseighties and he is gonna let a
CEO kind of take over whateverrole he has and was talking
about.
He's got three kids.
So then I go kinda looking atwho his kids are and one of his
children, Peter Buffet, wentinto music and he wrote a book.
(18:03):
Life is what you make it.
It was released in 2010, so Igot a copy of it in what you're
just talking about.
He just referred to, in onepoint of the book is like a
movie.
When you look at, when you lookat a whole movie and then you
watch the credits run, there'shundreds of people.
(18:23):
That had something to do withthat movie.
And in every single one of thoseparts of those people that had
something to do with that movie,they were working independently
on what they are good at, on
Delbert (18:35):
Right.
Hess (18:36):
what their, what, their part of what they needed to do
for the movie.
Delbert (18:39):
How perfect is that we don't have to do everything
right?
Hess (18:43):
No.
And so a movie can't be madewithout a bunch of help.
Delbert (18:48):
Exactly.
Hess (18:49):
hundreds of people.
Yeah.
Delbert (18:51):
That's beautiful.
And you actually sent me thatbook and I got it last night
when I came home from work and Isat down outside and read the
foreword and it is beautiful.
Thank you so much.
And it remind, he was reallyjust honoring his parents and,
and people saying, you're sonormal, but I thought about that
first little leaf of my trinity,honoring my ancestors and my
(19:13):
family as part of that firsttrinity, right?
He's honoring his parents.
And when you stay connected topeople who knew them or who have
a memory, of you as a youngperson, then you're honoring all
those ancestors.
Hess (19:30):
What I love today, Delbert, is like at the
beginning of our UnitarianChurch service, we honor the
ground the Native Americanswere.
I love how there's a lot ofplaces in our world right now
where they honor.
The people that came way beforeus before, before the white man
came and settled, the white mancame and stole.
(19:53):
But I love that.
We're going even further back.
Delbert (19:58):
That's beautiful.
Oh, I love that.
I love your church and I lovehow you love your church and you
have all these communities andyour is it your soul study that
you all I.
Hess (20:08):
Once a month we have a topic and we study different
things.
It's, we're given a little listof stories or projects that we
can do for that topic.
But going back, Going back to inyour movie that you are playing,
let's go back to what Delbertstarted talking about at first.
Is you're playing your lead roleand what we're talking about is
(20:30):
you being able to play that leadrole the best that you can
because that's yourcontribution.
Delbert (20:37):
Exactly.
Get the best you know script.
Get the best supportingcharacters.
Get all the best people likethat movie that's rolling all
the credits.
Surround yourself with goodpeople.
I.
I tell my kids that a lot.
I try to surround myself withgood people.
One of the reasons I chose thecompany that I'm at is because
(20:58):
everyone, I love everyone there.
They're all good people doingthe right thing, the next right
thing.
And when you surround yourselfwith a good cast, surround
yourself with good people,because that's what your life
movie will become, what you'resurrounding yourself with.
Hess (21:16):
And adjustments in the in wherever you need to be able to
write the story the way that youwant it to be,
Delbert (21:25):
You can recast, you can rewrite put in new episodes.
You've got the control.
You've got the control.
So we wanted you all to.
Out there listening to just takeinventory and kind of decide how
you're writing that movie ofyour life and what, who you've
got showing up for you, butmainly how you're showing up for
(21:46):
yourself.
Hess (21:49):
Yes, that's what you're in charge of.
and no self-judgment.
Don't worry if you thinkanybody's judging you because
you're judging if they'rejudging or not.
Don't be doing that and best youcan, the next step that you need
to take and there's always gonnabe a lot of mistakes and welcome
(22:12):
them because that's a way tolearn.
Delbert (22:18):
For sure, and I hope wherever you are listening, it's
a beautiful day like it is here.
Get outside.
Hess (22:28):
we're lucky to be in Kentucky right now.
The weather's really nice andit's warmed up and it's just
just awesome.
Just awesome.
Delbert (22:35):
It is.
I got a quote for you today,Hess from Daniel Boone.
Hess (22:41):
All right.
Delbert (22:43):
It says Heaven is a Kentucky kind of place.
Hess (22:48):
Wow.
Delbert (22:49):
It's a short one, folks.
You can quit listening and gooutside.
Hess (22:53):
Yeah.
Whether you're in Kentucky ornot, find the heaven in wherever
you're, wherever you are rightnow, and take charge.
Delbert (23:01):
Ah, I love that.
That's beautiful.
That could be a quote Hess.
Hess (23:06):
I love you all.
Thank y'all so much for joining.
I'm Hess, let me tell you thisabout that.
Please subscribe, share.
This is, we have a conversationevery Sunday.
It kinda like straightens outour week.
Gives us something to lookforward to in the week ahead and
let's go.
Delbert (23:23):
Let's go.
Let's make next week the bestweek ever.
Peace and love.
We love you friends.
Hey, this is Hess and welcome to our podcast.
Let me tell you this about that.
Delbert (00:09):
Good morning.
This is me Delbert on the greencouch, as always looking out my
picture window on this beautifulMother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day, everybody.
And wow, what a beautiful springday it is in Kentucky.
Hess (00:26):
Yeah, I want to, I wanna extenuate that.
Happy Mother's Day because weare all mothers In all different
forms, whether biologically ormentoring or being a teacher,
having an effect on someone, ona child, happy Mother's Day.
Delbert (00:45):
Heck yeah.
The lady that checked me outyesterday at the store wished me
Happy Mother's Day, and I said,oh, right back at you if you are
a mother.
And she said I'm a cat mom.
And I said, that counts.
Hess (00:59):
Yeah.
And when I was taking myhazardous waste to the city
collection point yesterday therewas a whole line of people
collecting and I was takingabout 12 cans of paint.
I opened up the hatch, the dogswere in the back.
I got out, make sure the dogsdidn't jump out and they were
taking the paint out, all thesevolunteers and one fellow looked
(01:22):
me right in the eye and he said,Hey, happy Mother's Day.
And boy, I received it.
It was
Delbert (01:27):
Oh, there are just good people everywhere.
There are just good peopleeverywhere.
How sweet is that?
Hess (01:35):
And we had a young friend text me yesterday and she said,
are you all home tonight?
I've got a little present foryou all.
And that had boarded at the farmhere brought us flowers for
Mother's Day and sat and we hada great conversation for an hour
or two.
Is
Delbert (01:50):
That's beautiful.
You've already been celebrating,Hess you went to, you went out
with one of your, students thatgraduated and witnessed her
mother and their relationship.
Hess (02:02):
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So I was invited to a brunch forone of the girls at the farm who
graduated from college, and Igot to meet all of her family,
her grandparents, her I'd mether, I'd met her mom I, and
maybe her dad.
But to be able to sit next tothem and to have conversation
(02:23):
with all of these people that,that have a role in Emily's
life, making her who she is, theamazing person that she is.
So Delbert, I'm gonna, I'm gonnahand the baton to you.
What do you wanna talk abouttoday?
Delbert (02:36):
So it's piggybacks on what you just said.
I was listening to one of myfavorite podcasts.
We Can Do Hard Things and theyhad a guest on Samantha Irby,
who was talking about her booksand just her life experience and
the work she's done.
She writes for tv.
Shrill and among other things.
(02:56):
And just like that the spinofffrom Sex and the City, she's
just really hilarious.
And she was talking about thetrauma in her life that made her
a comedic writer, have comedyplay a large role in her life.
And I was just, and she talked alittle bit about her life as
her, as the star of the movie ofher life.
And I thought that's sointeresting.
(03:18):
And I called Hess and I said,let's talk about how are we
showing up as the star of themovie of our life?
How are we showing up forourselves?
As the star of our own lifemovie.
And who are we, how are wesupporting ourselves with our
co-stars?
(03:38):
Who are we choosing in thosesupporting roles and what kind
of location or, have we got thatset in, and how are we writing
our episodes and takinginventory and maybe rewriting.
So that the next day is better.
And another phrase that she usedthat I love, and I say this to
(03:59):
Hess a lot, and I say it to mykids a lot.
Let's just do the next rightthing.
What's the next right thing?
We can't change the past, butwhat's the next right thing to
do?
Hess (04:12):
Yeah.
And then that leads to the nextright thing
Delbert (04:15):
It's a path, right?
It's a path and it's abeautiful, whatever your life
story is, whatever that movieis, just keep moving forward and
focusing on that.
And so I was telling Hess sortof my philosophy'cause I'm Irish
and I love, my heritage, my, Idescribe my life and my
(04:37):
supporting cast and my locationas a trinity.
It's, and it's my first littleleaf of my shamrock is the three
things that are the mostimportant to me, and that's my
faith, family and friends.
And I keep them tight and I keepthat, close and I make it a
(04:57):
priority.
I.
And then my second leaf on myshamrock is my community and my
work.
And those are interchangeable.
I believe that, if you're arealtor and you're selling a
community, then you've worked tomake that a better community.
So those are in interchangeable.
(05:17):
And then my last one is what Ido to recharge, to have the
energy, to spread good energyinto those other leads.
And so I told Hess this morning,I'm like, Hess, you're part of
two of my leaves.
You you're part of doing thispodcast, and the conversations
that we have are part of myrecharge, the podcast, people
are like, how do you do that andyou still work and blah, blah.
(05:39):
I'm like no that's part of therecharge.
It's actually fun and relaxingto do
Hess (05:44):
okay.
Comes up for me about thatDelbert is all of those all
right from the same XLE in flow.
In biology, when we cut thatcelery in, in half and put it in
some dyed water, it was reallycool to see the xylum in the
floem of the capillaries thatcome up to feed it.
So all of those all areintegrated too.
(06:06):
And that's your life.
So if what you're talking about,this is what I'm picturing,
podsters tell me what you'reseeing as Delbert's talking.
seeing a stage, and these aredifferent scenes, which are all
part of your story.
have, you have the, you havethat one leaf and the one leaf
(06:27):
is your faith, then family andfriends.
Is that.
Yeah, that's part of it.
And then your work, your realestate and your community and
putting things back into thecommunity.
Because if you're selling ahouse in a community, in a
neighborhood you're selling awhole community and what's good
(06:47):
about it and what can you putback in to the community.
And then the third leaf, thirdscene on your stage is your
rejuvenation.
What helps feed you.
And give you the energy or therecharge to do all those things
in.
And we all have heard aboutwater and swimming and dancing,
(07:09):
music, funny podcasts and soforth.
Is that, am I
Delbert (07:14):
Meditation you are.
And sometimes I love a moviewith a double or triple
storyline or a love a show, andsometimes those three little
leaves, they all are, oneshamrock and they, and they
blend together.
Sometimes they just flow rightinto each other.
Hess (07:32):
So Carol's kitchen, blessings in a backpack that
would be in your community andin your work.
Delbert (07:38):
right
Hess (07:38):
got
Delbert (07:39):
And then, but I blend my family and friends into that
too, yeah, Carol's Kitchen andBlessings would definitely be
that.
And that second one, but theyblend in.
And sometimes, when I'm planningfor, an event or it's part of my
recharge too,'cause I like toimagine and dream and think
(08:00):
about what I can do.
So I just like how they all flowinto each other.
So Hess and I were just talkingand we wanted to share our
stage, how we.
Perform in our own life to askour Podsters out there
listening.
Reflect on that.
Think about how you're showingup for yourself.
(08:21):
How are you showing up foryourself in your life?
How are you making it the bestmovie it can possibly be?
Hess (08:31):
Delbert sometimes when I, and with my clients and showing
up as your authentic self.
I tell my clients, Hey, all theother parts are taken except for
your role and you're in chargeof your role and do it.
And there's no other, there's noother you, there's no other
person playing that role.
(08:51):
You do you.
And that all kind of feeds intothe what I'm writing about.
There you are, that we can seethe essence of the other.
And be able to see thatindividuation and to own our own
individuation.
Individuation and how we'redifferent.
And that's the own, that's thesingle spark that we have to
(09:12):
give
Delbert (09:13):
And when you're sparking, when you're showing up
that's a big part of it, right?
Showing up as your true self.
You really do.
Generate something reallybeautiful when you're showing up
as your true self and you've gotthose walls down.
You draw people in, you draw theright people in when you're your
true self.
Hess (09:34):
Oh Delbert life.
Life just gets us where we wannafeel loved and seen, and we
adapt.
I'm gonna give you a littlepsychology here
Delbert (09:43):
Good.
Hess (09:44):
That limbic part of our brain and we're born with
millions of extra brain cellsthat have to help us adapt and
be in the world.
And those millions of extrabrain cells go away by the age
of about seven, those extrabrain cells that help us adapt
Delbert (09:59):
Thanks.
Hess (10:00):
We're so dependent on that caregiver being able to see us
and allow us, because we sodependent, so fragile.
we're born, they say that wehave to be born when we are
because our heads are so big,but we're not like a little bird
that's gonna fly off the nest inthree or four weeks that we
need.
(10:20):
We're so dependent on thecaregiver to help us survive.
Here we are from zero to seven.
However, we need to do to adapt,to see the favor, to be able to
feel loved and connected.
And we adapt certain ways andsometimes those don't work so
well when we're older.
And then here we go into, whenyou go into adolescence, I can
(10:42):
remember Lucas being this littleboy just on the back of the
truck.
With his reflection in the frontof the gooseneck horse trailer.
He's standing in the back of thetruck and he's seeing his
reflection and he's justdancing.
He's hearing this music in hishead and he is just dancing back
and forth and doing this dancemove.
And he's seeing himself like amirror.
And then he turns to me, andthen he sees I have a video
(11:03):
camera, and he says, do you likethose moves?
And then the next day he wantedto do it again.
Do it again, just because heenjoyed seeing himself doing
that.
And I.
How, how that young childadapted later being under peer
pressure or, oh, I'm not dancingin public, and how we change the
essences of who we are, becausewe feel like we might be judged.
Delbert (11:28):
Yes.
Yes.
And just, one of, one of thethings that I wrote down, that I
wrote down, things that I dowell and things that I.
I suck at, so I made twocategories, like what I don't
suck at and what I suck at.
And one of them's joy that Idon't suck at, like I am really
(11:49):
grounded in joy.
And the funny thing is I'venever been embarrassed to dance
in public.
And one of the things.
As and as bad as it is, one ofthe things that brings me joy I
find a song every year at Easterand I dance, I choreograph a
dance to that in my Easter Bunnycostume.
(12:10):
And that just brings me suchjoy.
But I, if there's music playingin a restaurant, I just walk in
dancing and and I don't even,I'm not even conscious of it.
So I hate that, kids lose thatinability to just be them, be
their true self because it's soimportant for you.
Hess (12:29):
I, that, that natural state is their ability
Delbert (12:34):
Yeah, it is natural.
Yeah.
Hess (12:37):
they gain inability to own it and be it.
And you know what?
Nobody's really watching.
Delbert (12:44):
Nobody is,
Hess (12:46):
You gotta dance like nobody's watching.
You gotta sing.
Delbert (12:50):
Because you know what?
Nobody really is watching you.
They're watching themselves.
They're too worried aboutthemselves, and so that's the
thing I don't suck at.
I suck at like being mature.
'cause I think I've always beenseven inside my brain.
I'm immature.
I am.
I'm like a little kid when Ilook in the mirror I'm like,
(13:11):
holy cow.
How did that happen?
I.
Hess (13:14):
your own self-judgment thinking that you're immature.
Delbert (13:18):
I'm so young.
How did that old lady show up?
Oh my goodness.
Hess (13:22):
but I, when I'm looking at the stage and I'm seeing the
Delbert show, I see that's youressence.
Is that, that joyful,youthfulness, I.
Delbert (13:33):
Oh thank you.
Hess (13:34):
Yeah.
If we're, we don't wanna be ourourself critic right up there
when we're in our life playingour own role, being a critic of
ourself is no good.
Reading the critic review in thepaper of ourself is no good.
'cause Delbert, if I'm thinkingsomebody's judging me.
I'm trying.
I'm trying to think about what'sgoing on in their own head.
(13:56):
I can't think about what's goingon in their own head.
I have no idea what's going onin their head.
Delbert (14:01):
Yeah, you got, in life you just gotta live it.
You gotta get out of your ownhead and you certainly gotta get
outta other people's heads.
And I did this littlecheerleading move when I was
showing a house one day.
'cause I got so excited abouthow perfect it was for my.
Client, I just went, yay.
And just did just struck like akind of victory pose.
(14:21):
And and my client just kindalooked at me weird and I was
like, oh, I'm sorry.
I'm still a cheerleader insidemy own brain.
And that cracked him up.
So just don't worry.
People aren't judging you ashard as you think.
Hess (14:37):
No.
No.
So Bert the Shamrock.
What helps you be in all ofthose spaces without
self-judgment and being fully inyour role?
What helps you?
Delbert (14:52):
I try to practice patience with myself and
forgiveness.
Like I try to just let myselfgo, let go of the negativity,
forgive myself and others forthings.
I think that's important.
I, and I'm trying to maintaindoing healthy things that are
good for myself because ifyou're feeding in healthy input.
(15:14):
Healthy foods, healthy lifestyleyou're inputting good.
So I'm trying to, I'm trying todo that.
I'm not, and that's one of thethings that I'm trying to be
better at, but could,potentially be on my, I suck it
list.
And then, yeah, just showing upas my authentic self, just
showing up for myself and forother people authentically.
Hess (15:39):
Yeah.
Cool.
what I gotta say is, if we don'tmake mistakes, we're not
learning anything, we're gonna,
Delbert (15:47):
Exactly.
Hess (15:48):
make a mistake when we're concentrating hard at something,
we're gonna make a mistake.
When we're not focusing, we'regonna make a mistake, we're
gonna make a mistake.
If we've really researched it,we're gonna make a mistake.
If We read up a lot about andresearch it.
We're gonna make a mistake andwe don't research it.
We're gonna make a mistake whenwe're tired.
(16:08):
We're gonna make a mistake whenwe're alert.
So it's in the mistakes.
Every mistake that we make, thatwe learn something, yeah.
Delbert (16:17):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And one of the other things I'mtrying to get better at in my
life, because I'm a multitaskerand I'm a, like I said, when I'm
working, I'm also, thinkingabout community stuff and I'm
really trying to get morefocused on one thing at a time
and to ask for help.
I don't have to do it all.
I'm a mom.
I'm the oldest grandchild.
(16:38):
I'm the oldest child.
I'm, I've been a mom since Iwas, I've had a baby on my hip
since I was like, four.
And I have to learn that thereare other people that can do
things and to ask for help.
And I love my office at KentuckySelect because I, have all these
people that can help me.
(16:59):
And I.
I need to do that more in my ownpersonal life.
That was a good, that's a goodtraining ground because there
all these different departmentsthat can help me, and I need to
think of that more in my ownlife.
How about you, Hess?
Are you, do you ask for help?
Do you, are you a.
Hess (17:17):
We.
I haven't in my life, but I amso dependent on the intelligence
of everybody around me.
I love to attract people thatare more intelligent friends,
that are smarter, that I canlearn something from people that
I work with that are smarter andcan do it better than me.
what I try to do.
I'm reading a really cool bookright now, Delbert, I got a, I
(17:40):
went down a wormhole, I sawWarren Buffet was resigning and
I don't know how he's in hiseighties and he is gonna let a
CEO kind of take over whateverrole he has and was talking
about.
He's got three kids.
So then I go kinda looking atwho his kids are and one of his
children, Peter Buffet, wentinto music and he wrote a book.
(18:03):
Life is what you make it.
It was released in 2010, so Igot a copy of it in what you're
just talking about.
He just referred to, in onepoint of the book is like a
movie.
When you look at, when you lookat a whole movie and then you
watch the credits run, there'shundreds of people.
(18:23):
That had something to do withthat movie.
And in every single one of thoseparts of those people that had
something to do with that movie,they were working independently
on what they are good at, on
Delbert (18:35):
Right.
Hess (18:36):
what their, what, their part of what they needed to do
for the movie.
Delbert (18:39):
How perfect is that we don't have to do everything
right?
Hess (18:43):
No.
And so a movie can't be madewithout a bunch of help.
Delbert (18:48):
Exactly.
Hess (18:49):
hundreds of people.
Yeah.
Delbert (18:51):
That's beautiful.
And you actually sent me thatbook and I got it last night
when I came home from work and Isat down outside and read the
foreword and it is beautiful.
Thank you so much.
And it remind, he was reallyjust honoring his parents and,
and people saying, you're sonormal, but I thought about that
first little leaf of my trinity,honoring my ancestors and my
(19:13):
family as part of that firsttrinity, right?
He's honoring his parents.
And when you stay connected topeople who knew them or who have
a memory, of you as a youngperson, then you're honoring all
those ancestors.
Hess (19:30):
What I love today, Delbert, is like at the
beginning of our UnitarianChurch service, we honor the
ground the Native Americanswere.
I love how there's a lot ofplaces in our world right now
where they honor.
The people that came way beforeus before, before the white man
came and settled, the white mancame and stole.
(19:53):
But I love that.
We're going even further back.
Delbert (19:58):
That's beautiful.
Oh, I love that.
I love your church and I lovehow you love your church and you
have all these communities andyour is it your soul study that
you all I.
Hess (20:08):
Once a month we have a topic and we study different
things.
It's, we're given a little listof stories or projects that we
can do for that topic.
But going back, Going back to inyour movie that you are playing,
let's go back to what Delbertstarted talking about at first.
Is you're playing your lead roleand what we're talking about is
(20:30):
you being able to play that leadrole the best that you can
because that's yourcontribution.
Delbert (20:37):
Exactly.
Get the best you know script.
Get the best supportingcharacters.
Get all the best people likethat movie that's rolling all
the credits.
Surround yourself with goodpeople.
I.
I tell my kids that a lot.
I try to surround myself withgood people.
One of the reasons I chose thecompany that I'm at is because
(20:58):
everyone, I love everyone there.
They're all good people doingthe right thing, the next right
thing.
And when you surround yourselfwith a good cast, surround
yourself with good people,because that's what your life
movie will become, what you'resurrounding yourself with.
Hess (21:16):
And adjustments in the in wherever you need to be able to
write the story the way that youwant it to be,
Delbert (21:25):
You can recast, you can rewrite put in new episodes.
You've got the control.
You've got the control.
So we wanted you all to.
Out there listening to just takeinventory and kind of decide how
you're writing that movie ofyour life and what, who you've
got showing up for you, butmainly how you're showing up for
(21:46):
yourself.
Hess (21:49):
Yes, that's what you're in charge of.
and no self-judgment.
Don't worry if you thinkanybody's judging you because
you're judging if they'rejudging or not.
Don't be doing that and best youcan, the next step that you need
to take and there's always gonnabe a lot of mistakes and welcome
(22:12):
them because that's a way tolearn.
Delbert (22:18):
For sure, and I hope wherever you are listening, it's
a beautiful day like it is here.
Get outside.
Hess (22:28):
we're lucky to be in Kentucky right now.
The weather's really nice andit's warmed up and it's just
just awesome.
Just awesome.
Delbert (22:35):
It is.
I got a quote for you today,Hess from Daniel Boone.
Hess (22:41):
All right.
Delbert (22:43):
It says Heaven is a Kentucky kind of place.
Hess (22:48):
Wow.
Delbert (22:49):
It's a short one, folks.
You can quit listening and gooutside.
Hess (22:53):
Yeah.
Whether you're in Kentucky ornot, find the heaven in wherever
you're, wherever you are rightnow, and take charge.
Delbert (23:01):
Ah, I love that.
That's beautiful.
That could be a quote Hess.
Hess (23:06):
I love you all.
Thank y'all so much for joining.
I'm Hess, let me tell you thisabout that.
Please subscribe, share.
This is, we have a conversationevery Sunday.
It kinda like straightens outour week.
Gives us something to lookforward to in the week ahead and
let's go.
Delbert (23:23):
Let's go.
Let's make next week the bestweek ever.
Peace and love.
We love you friends.
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