June 7, 2022 • 30 mins
In this episode, I sit down with actor, singer, musician & songwriter, Eleri Ward. And if you have been listening to Let Perfect Burn, then you have heard Eleri's incredible voice and her soulful original music.
This summer, Eleri is opening for Josh Groban for his "Harmony Tour". Her signature indie-folk sound is most notable on her album A Perfect Little Death. This album was produced by Ghostlight Records, and features Eleri’s covers of Stephen Sondheim classics. In speaking about her amazing upcoming summer adventure, Eleri says, “I’m going to be doing this alone with the guitar, but in front of thousands of people. I’m freaked out. But also, excited AF about it.”
The genesis of A Perfect Little Death came during Covid. Eleri took to her walk-in closet and created an arrangement of the Sondheim song that she couldn’t get out of her head. Her Joanna Reprise arrangement and homemade video was created the next day, and before long, her social media posts took off. Over the course of a month, she recorded all 13 songs to create the album. She had a friend mix and master it. She took a Polaroid of herself holding a guitar for the album. She says, “When something is truly raw and organic, you can feel it. And I can’t help but wonder if that’s the thing that people have responded to.”
Eleri uses her reach to encourage others to put their work into the world and to make art from their authentic selves. “There’s something about people continuing and truly putting themselves out there, even if it’s uncomfortable or no one’s watching. Because you don’t know what can happen to that work that you put out years from now.”
Highlights from Eleri:
"It can be hard for me to let go and just trust that the audience's reaction is the truth versus my own inner experience that no one else is seeing. And I'm just I'm really, really hard on myself. And I'm working on not being so hard on myself. But it's definitely a double edged sword, because it's like, that clearly has worked for me in terms of working hard and being the best that I can possibly be."
"And it's like, jeez girl, give yourself a break—you're a human being. And they gave you a standing O, and that should be reason enough to ease up on yourself and believe that the imperfections of that performance gave them a special experience that they'll never get if they watch a video."
"A lot of the time as an artist, you don't even realize the gifts that you're giving people. And that is a really beautiful thing. I can't stress enough how important it is to me for people to fearlessly and continuously put their work out there. Because that is a gift they are giving, even if they have no idea they are giving it to somebody."
Don't Miss a Beat.
Follow my Instagram for news from me, Tara Beckett:
https://www.instagram.com/letperfectburn/
Listen to All of Eleri Ward's Music & Catch Her Shows:
https://www.instagram.com/eleriward/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tara Beckett (00:23):
Hi, I'm Tara Beckett and welcome back to let
perfect burnmy guest today is actor singer,
musician and songwriter Elleryward. And if you listen to let
perfect burn, then you haveheard her incredible voice and
(00:45):
her soulful, original music.
Let's just say I was extremelylucky to have worked with Ellery
before she blew up. Her indiefolk album, a perfect little
death has been produced byGhostlight records, and it's
open doors for Ellery to performall over the country. This
summer, she will open for JoshGroban. Ellery says of her
(01:08):
amazing summer adventure. I'mgoing to be doing this alone
with my guitar. But in front of1000s of people. I'm freaked
out, but also excited a f aboutit. Ellery created this album
and her walk in closet duringCOVID. She says when something
is truly raw and organic, youcan feel it. And I can't help
(01:29):
but wonder if that's the thingthat people have responded to.
I'm here with Ellery ward. She'sa Chicago born actor, singer,
musician and songwriter. And shewrote the original music for lit
perfect burn podcast. She isknown for indie folks on time
(01:53):
album, a perfect little death.
And Lea, I just have to say whenI first heard this album, I
remember I pulled my car overand I just stopped and listened
to it because there was justsomething so amazing about your
sound and what you were doingwith these, you know, Broadway
standards that I was like, thisis something I gotta stop and
listen to it. So I would justlove if you took us from, you
(02:14):
know, you resettle in New YorkCity and what that five years
has looked like for you. Yeah,
Eleri Ward (02:21):
I moved to New York, right out of college. So I spent
the summer in Boston, and thenmoved to New York, in August of
2017. I knew that was alwaysgoing to be my plan. And I, I
just went headfirst intoeverything, not knowing any of
(02:44):
the quote unquote, rules ofauditioning or the process or
how anything worked. I justauditioned for everything. It
wasn't until kind of like thepast year or so I think the
pandemic really taught me thisthat I don't need to audition
(03:05):
for absolutely everythinganymore. And I can kind of fine
tune what I'm inspired by andwhat feels right for me. But for
the first three years, I reallydid go crazy. And it actually
really paid off because it wasmy way of saying hello to the
industry hello to castingdirectors and theaters that I
(03:26):
had never met before or workedwith before. And it paid off
because the second year goinginto 2021 All the auditions I
got up until I got an agent inSeptember. I was called in for
by casting directors that I'vejust formed relationships with
(03:47):
over the past few years. Sopeople do notice and take note
of your work even if you're notgetting callbacks every single
time even if you're not bookingeverything. So I'm a huge
advocate for that because I'mliving proof that I went to
everything got little to nothingin return. And then years later
(04:07):
I'm being called back by thesepeople because they've witnessed
my work ethic and what I have toshare. So that's been a that's
been my like New York journeyreally has has been auditioning
like crazy.
(04:31):
And this sometimes stuff reallydidn't have anything to do with
anything until last year, right?
Yeah.
Tara Beckett (04:39):
Can you talk about the development of the Sondheim
album and what make what madeyou choose Sondheim and how you
recorded it? Yeah.
Eleri Ward (04:50):
It started in 2019.
It was the height of auditionseason in New York City. And if
you are someone who's neverexperienced that I'm envious,
because it's really not the mostfun thing. So, this one day, I
saw a friend and an audition,and they asked me how I was
(05:10):
doing. And the first thing thatpopped in my head was, oh, you
know, every day a little death,because that's just how I was
feeling. And I have this songtitle come out of my mouth as a
way to explain it, explain howI'm feeling. I don't know. It's
just, it's all intrinsic. And,therefore, I had the song stuck
(05:35):
in my head. And when I have asong stuck in my head, I either
listen to it obsessively, or Icover it, or sometimes both. And
I'm not a very big fan oflistening to Broadway cast
recordings. So I decided to do acover of it, just to get it out
of my system. It was March1 2019, when I made this video
(05:58):
and in my room, because Jamieand my boyfriend was in the
other room on meetings, and Ihad to get this out somehow. And
it was like just quiet enoughthat I like, you know, not be
heard by him. So I don't know,it just sort of came out. I
(06:19):
didn't really know how to playguitar. I still don't. But like,
at that point, I had begunteaching myself guitar in like
summer fall of 2016. And I justsort of randomly played guitar
here and there. At that point, Iwas still primary, primarily a
(06:40):
pianist like that piano has beenmy home bass instrument for a
while. And yeah, I had no ideawhat I was doing. But I just
like created this littlearrangement in my room and
posted it to Instagram, which atthat point, was just like my
friends. And my friend Harper.
(07:02):
She said, You need to make thisa series. And I immediately was
like, okay, yeah. Why not? Yeah.
So the next day, I came up withmy Joanna reprise arrangement
and video.
Tara Beckett (07:16):
I love that song.
Eleri Ward (07:19):
So wild to think like, march 2 2019. I came up
with that. Yeah, now it's 2022.
And that's like, the thing thatI'm known for. Yeah. Which is
really weird. But yeah, and thenafter that, I just like
sporadically made these videosjust for my YouTube and my
Instagram for my own personalenjoyment.
(07:45):
It was like a no brainer that Iwas going to do joint a reprise
as a single, but I was like, Ihave at least like eight other
arrangements at this time. Icouldn't make an album. It's
amazing. And it's like, it'sjust acoustic guitar and some
piano and my vocals, I can dothat myself. I don't need to
like, hire session musicians.
For anything else. I don't needto it's so simple and stripped,
(08:07):
I can just have my friend mixand master it for me. Otherwise,
I'll produce it myself. Itseemed pretty simple. And it
was. And so I just took to mywalk in closet, because at this
time I was I was in Boston,because the pandemic sort of,
you know, shifted all our livesin different ways and brought me
(08:29):
to Boston. And that sweet, sweetCOVID Deal. Got a walk in closet
in there. I was like, Okay,great. Yeah. So yeah, over the
course of a month, I recordedall 13 songs, and wow, some of
them I even like workshopped asI was recording it. And that's
how I created the arrangements,or at least finalized some of
(08:53):
the arrangements. But yeah, Idid it in a month in my closet,
and then had my friend Tom mixand master it for me. I knew
exactly what I wanted everythingto sound like. And then I, I
took a Polaroid of me holding aguitar. And I took a picture. I
took a I took a picture of thePolaroid on my phone. Uh huh.
(09:17):
And that's the album cover. Soperfect.
Tara Beckett (09:23):
Yeah, I mean, I'm just taking by how you follow
your impulse and made somethingincredible and people are really
responding to it. And like yousaid, you didn't wait for this
polished perfect scenario. It'slike walk in closet, a Polaroid
(09:44):
and some shit. I'm reallypassionate about let's go.
Eleri Ward (09:47):
Yeah, I mean, it's it also. I think this is part of
why it's been so successful. iIt's not my primary like thing.
It's not like Oh, this is thisis gonna make me a star like,
you know, it was just for funand because people enjoyed it
and I didn't really put thatmuch thought into it other than
(10:12):
like, following my gut everystep of the way. And I really
think that's the serendipitousthing that made it what it is
and made it. I don't know, whensomething is truly raw and
organic, you can feel it. And Ican't help but wonder that
that's the thing that peoplehave responded to with this.
Yep. Because I've put a lot ofeffort into many other things.
(10:37):
as well. But like, I thinkthat's such a beautiful lesson.
It's a really, really is andthen I'm taking with me
throughout everything else thatI do.
Tara Beckett (10:58):
So tell me about what has happened since the
release of this album and ittook off took fire
Eleri Ward (11:04):
crazy things. When when you have a somewhat of an
idea, or hope or a vision forwhat your career or your life is
going to be. And then this thinghappens and it's taken you in a
completely different directionand opened you up to
opportunities you never sawcoming like that is what it it
(11:28):
has been for me, which is Idon't know, speaking of lessons
like that's, that's a lessonwhere I'm just like, on this
ride, and I'm letting it takeme. I had no idea that this
album would ever get picked upby a label when I was trying to
just like do promotion myself,because at this point, I was
(11:49):
just gonna release itindependently as I had done all
of my other music. And he said,I don't want to get in the way
of your release. But I just Ireally wish that Ghostlight was
releasing this album. And Isaid, Well, maybe we can make
that happen. Yeah, no, like,releases get changed and move
(12:10):
all the time. So yeah, you could
Tara Beckett (12:13):
arrange that.
Eleri Ward (12:14):
Right. Yeah. And so that was a huge thing. And then
my album came out June 4, lastyear, through Ghostlight. And I,
I just I didn't know the impactthat this thing would have up
until this point. And I'veplayed so many shows. I've made
(12:35):
so many connections with peoplethat I've always admired and
have worked and likecollaborated with people I've
always admired as well and I amgoing to continue to do so which
is really cool. And yeah, sothen the ghostly people set up.
(12:58):
They booked me a show atRockwood Music Hall. I did two
shows on October 4. It was likemy debut like solo show to
celebrate this album release.
And at the second show, KevinGore who's the president of
Warner Chappell music. He camewith Josh Groban. And I was
sitting there like playing allthe songs on my guitar. Looking
(13:23):
at this intimate room and likelooking into Josh Griffin's is
as I'm like singing, and I'mlike, this weirdly feels normal.
Like, okay, and after the show,I met him and he was lovely. And
Kevin was lovely. And Josh meshmessaged me the day after the
(13:46):
show just thanking me for Idon't even know. Well, yeah,
music. Yeah, it's just like,it's, it's hard for me to grasp
that. I have something like agift to give as all artists do.
Yeah, it's just a little strangeto to look in the mirror, and
(14:08):
that'd be you. Especially tosomeone like Josh. But yeah, we
kind of message back and forth.
And he was lovely. And we'vekind of remained friends since
then. And in early December, hecalled me and he asked me if I
(14:34):
would be the opener for hissummer arena tour. Amazing. And
it was, it was really surprisingand validating moments that I
did not expect. And so I wasjust sort of like, okay, well,
I'll like talk to you tomorrowand I'll let this like a settle
(14:56):
I didn't want to be like too hotto try and be like yes were
exactly, um, but yeah, it hasall worked out. And I'm going on
tour with Josh Grove in thesummer. So it's just gonna be me
and the guitar, which is likethrilling and scary. And like,
I'm thinking about me who like,this project started in my
(15:20):
apartment alone, not for anybodyin your closet. Yeah. And now
I'm going to be doing this alonewith the guitar, but in front of
1000s of people. I'm just like,I'm freaked out. But like, I
excited a f
Tara Beckett (15:48):
I just was wondering, you know, with all
these things that have beengoing so Right, right, like,
what do you face like eitherdemons or just challenges that
you're facing as this ishappening to your career?
Eleri Ward (16:01):
Oh, my God, I'm, I've been someone who's
struggled with performance,anxiety and nerves, literally my
whole life, since I was a tinylittle child. And that's never
really gone away, and I'mgetting better at handling it.
But it's still such a head gamefor me. And it can be hard for
(16:23):
me to let go and just trust thatthe audience's reaction is the
truth versus my own innerexperience that no one else is
seeing. And I'm just I'm really,really hard on myself. And I'm
working on not being so hard onmyself. But it's definitely a
(16:44):
double edged sword, because it'slike, that clearly has worked
for me in terms of working hardand being the best that I can
possibly be. But then on theother end of it, it's like, I
can just judge myself to no endand beat myself up. And it's not
(17:05):
nice. So I definitely strugglewith that. And always have and I
will continue to, but hopefullyit just becomes easier to
manage, it's like the problemstays the same, but how we react
to it, we get better atit. I found my therapist early
last year. And it was just likesuch a search for like months on
(17:42):
end. And I feel like I hit thejackpot. And I lucked out.
Because we do EMDR, which islike you are tapping your body
to connect your mind and yourbody. So I'm someone where I
know all the facts of mysituation. And I know what my
(18:03):
issues are, I know where I wantto be and what I want to do to
get better. But my bodyreaction, it has been in such a
habitual cycle that even when Iknow the facts, my body is still
you know, going through itsnormal thing. And so connecting
the facts with my physical,physiological reaction to things
(18:25):
has been like a really bigjourney for me. And it's, it's
helped so much. And I feel likeI'm just embarking on this, and
there's so much more work to bedone. But I'm really grateful
for where I've gotten up untilthis point. And just knowing
(18:47):
that, like, it doesn't have tobe the same for forever, because
that was a fear of mine waslike, am I going to be this way
for ever? Yes. Because in themoment, it feels that way. Yeah,
it does. And then I've beengoing through this strange kind
of recalibration of like, it'sgetting better, but my body's
(19:08):
like, wait, but we usually dothis. Like, I'm someone who, I
have a lot of fear aboutforgetting lyrics. And it can
spiral me into oblivion, and Ihave trouble trusting myself.
And I'm so used to practicing tono end to drill it so hard. And
(19:33):
now I'm at a point where I don'tactually have to do that so
much. And my body is like, Wait,please practice more because you
you can't you can't trust thatyou're going to know everything
just after this amount ofpractice, you need more. And
it's like just because I used toneed that much to like, put my
(19:55):
mind at ease doesn't mean that Ineed to do it. The same thing
now, especially with materialthat I've been doing for a few
months now, like, yeah, it'sokay. You're okay. And that's
just that's been. That's been, Ithink the biggest obstacle that
I recently would like toovercome is like, you, you don't
(20:17):
need to operate in the same wayanymore because you're at a
different place now.
Even this past week, when Iperformed in St. Louis, I had, I
(20:39):
put a lot of pressure on myselfagain. And while it wasn't as
dramatic as my high school self,I found myself after the show
that I had done, just beratingmyself for not being perfect.
And it made me really upset thatI was being so judgmental. It
(21:00):
actually I was actually moreupset about my judgment than
about not doing my personalbest. Yep, I was super raw.
There were like, technicalissues at the start that like,
messed up my head and like,stuff like that. And like,
that's just live entertainment.
That's kind of happened. And Iwas emotional throughout, which
(21:22):
kind of like messed things up.
But it was from a real place. SoI'm fine with that. But yeah, I
was I was more upset that I wasjudging myself for these like,
little mistakes that I madethroughout the show that the
audience loved, right. And I waslike, oh, maybe I'm not as as
(21:48):
far as I thought I was in inthis kind of performance
headspace that I've been workingon for the past almost year. And
it made me feel like I I waslike, overconfident in my own
ability to master my, myheadspace while performing. And
(22:11):
it's like, cheese girl, like,give yourself a break, you're a
human being. And they gave you astanding Oh, and that should be
reason enough to like, ease upon yourself and say, the
imperfections of thatperformance gave them a special
experience that they'll neverget if they watch a video. And
(22:35):
so over the past few days, likecoming off of this performance,
I've just really been processingthat. And it's like, pay this is
the first time I've really hadlike kind of a meltdown after a
performance. That actuallyoverall was a success. And I'm
just like really taking stock ofthat and like trying to, I don't
(22:56):
know, ease up on myself more andmore as I go through these
experiences and take them all asa learning experience and a
lesson for my own inner self.
Tara Beckett (23:19):
I feel like you are making a difference in other
artists life, right to exposesome of these feelings that
happen when you perform. Or justyou know how many times you had
to do the audition circuitbefore something started to
track. Can you talk a little bitabout just what you think your
(23:40):
role is as like an artist forother artists?
Eleri Ward (23:45):
Yeah, I mean, that's something I've been, I guess,
learning about myself over thepast year, because I've never
been someone who like peoplehave like, looked up to before
because I've never really had aplatform. And now to get the
(24:05):
messages that I get from peoplesaying like seeing your tiktoks
I felt so much better and likemore confident going into this
audition, or you've inspired meto start singing again after not
for a few years. I mean, I getso emotional reading these
messages because I think givesme that much more purpose. Yeah,
(24:29):
what I'm doing. And it's notjust about me enjoying making
these things in my room anymore.
It actually does impact peoplein a positive way. And kind of
what I said earlier as artists,we give people gifts. Yep. And a
lot of the time as an artist,you don't even realize the gifts
that you're giving people. Andthat is a really beautiful
(24:51):
thing. I I can't stress enoughhow important it is to me For
people to fearlessly andcontinuously put their work out
there, because that is a giftthey are giving, even if they
have no idea, they are giving itto somebody. And it it means
something like you have no ideawho's watching, you have no idea
(25:17):
who's taking note or payingattention to what you're doing,
unless they tell you, butsometimes you really have no
clue you could change someone'slife. I made a video the other
day of like, a year ago, me andtalking to me now. Yes. And I
was like, truly not in a goodplace a year ago. And I just
(25:37):
wanted to kind of emphasize howmuch life and things can change
in a year. Just by continuouslyputting yourself out there. And
someone commented saying, Ithink you're going to like save
someone's life by sharing this,this arc. So, so openly. And
(25:57):
that hit me so deeply. Becauseif I can be the thing that makes
someone continue going on whereotherwise they wouldn't. I just,
I feel like I've done my duty.
(26:21):
And it's it's a whole so muchmore gravity than anything else
I've ever put out there before.
Tara Beckett (26:39):
There's two ways you can die, right? There's like
your physical death. But there'salso you know, something I was
going through for almost adecade, you can sort of pull
yourself away from life so muchthat you're, you know, dead
emotionally or dead, spirituallyor dead with your art. And I
just feel like you do have thatpower with your music that when
(27:01):
you listen to your work, there'sjust something that comes alive
and people and I think that is ahuge beautiful thing.
Eleri Ward (27:09):
Thank you. It's yeah, it's something I never
have experienced before orexpected to experience before.
And now that I I know that thereare people who look up to me in
this way, and I have positivelyimpacted their lives. I'm like,
Okay, why I can't stop everdoing this.
Tara Beckett (27:31):
It's amazing. And please don't I know we have to
wrap up. Let perfect burn. Whatdoes it mean to you?
Eleri Ward (27:42):
It means that if you have the choice between living
your life and being perfect, youshould choose living your life.
Tara Beckett (27:55):
I love it. Ellery it's been such a joy, such a
pleasure. And every time themusic plays on my podcast, I
will just feel a little bit moreconnected to you. I love
following your work. Can youjust let everybody know who's
listening? How to keep followingyou how to see you. Just so that
they can you know keep in touch?
Eleri Ward (28:16):
Absolutely. You can find me at Ella reward on
Instagram, Tik Tok Twitter. Andyou can also visit my website
I'll reward.com where I have allof the things that you could
possibly think of on there. Butyeah, I'm I'm everywhere. I'm on
Spotify, Apple Music. I've got aperfect little death out there.
(28:37):
I've got original music outthere. So yeah, pretty easy to
find me.
Tara Beckett (28:42):
Definitely everybody go and check it out.
And I think you will be touchedand changed by that album. And I
wish you all the best thing asyou continue on your crazy
journey and you're killing it,girl.
Eleri Ward (28:57):
Thank you. Thank you for having me,
Tara Beckett (28:59):
of course and take care Ellie All righty. Perfect.
Hi, I'm Tara Beckett and welcome back to let
perfect burnmy guest today is actor singer,
musician and songwriter Elleryward. And if you listen to let
perfect burn, then you haveheard her incredible voice and
(00:45):
her soulful, original music.
Let's just say I was extremelylucky to have worked with Ellery
before she blew up. Her indiefolk album, a perfect little
death has been produced byGhostlight records, and it's
open doors for Ellery to performall over the country. This
summer, she will open for JoshGroban. Ellery says of her
(01:08):
amazing summer adventure. I'mgoing to be doing this alone
with my guitar. But in front of1000s of people. I'm freaked
out, but also excited a f aboutit. Ellery created this album
and her walk in closet duringCOVID. She says when something
is truly raw and organic, youcan feel it. And I can't help
(01:29):
but wonder if that's the thingthat people have responded to.
I'm here with Ellery ward. She'sa Chicago born actor, singer,
musician and songwriter. And shewrote the original music for lit
perfect burn podcast. She isknown for indie folks on time
(01:53):
album, a perfect little death.
And Lea, I just have to say whenI first heard this album, I
remember I pulled my car overand I just stopped and listened
to it because there was justsomething so amazing about your
sound and what you were doingwith these, you know, Broadway
standards that I was like, thisis something I gotta stop and
listen to it. So I would justlove if you took us from, you
(02:14):
know, you resettle in New YorkCity and what that five years
has looked like for you. Yeah,
Eleri Ward (02:21):
I moved to New York, right out of college. So I spent
the summer in Boston, and thenmoved to New York, in August of
2017. I knew that was alwaysgoing to be my plan. And I, I
just went headfirst intoeverything, not knowing any of
(02:44):
the quote unquote, rules ofauditioning or the process or
how anything worked. I justauditioned for everything. It
wasn't until kind of like thepast year or so I think the
pandemic really taught me thisthat I don't need to audition
(03:05):
for absolutely everythinganymore. And I can kind of fine
tune what I'm inspired by andwhat feels right for me. But for
the first three years, I reallydid go crazy. And it actually
really paid off because it wasmy way of saying hello to the
industry hello to castingdirectors and theaters that I
(03:26):
had never met before or workedwith before. And it paid off
because the second year goinginto 2021 All the auditions I
got up until I got an agent inSeptember. I was called in for
by casting directors that I'vejust formed relationships with
(03:47):
over the past few years. Sopeople do notice and take note
of your work even if you're notgetting callbacks every single
time even if you're not bookingeverything. So I'm a huge
advocate for that because I'mliving proof that I went to
everything got little to nothingin return. And then years later
(04:07):
I'm being called back by thesepeople because they've witnessed
my work ethic and what I have toshare. So that's been a that's
been my like New York journeyreally has has been auditioning
like crazy.
(04:31):
And this sometimes stuff reallydidn't have anything to do with
anything until last year, right?
Yeah.
Tara Beckett (04:39):
Can you talk about the development of the Sondheim
album and what make what madeyou choose Sondheim and how you
recorded it? Yeah.
Eleri Ward (04:50):
It started in 2019.
It was the height of auditionseason in New York City. And if
you are someone who's neverexperienced that I'm envious,
because it's really not the mostfun thing. So, this one day, I
saw a friend and an audition,and they asked me how I was
(05:10):
doing. And the first thing thatpopped in my head was, oh, you
know, every day a little death,because that's just how I was
feeling. And I have this songtitle come out of my mouth as a
way to explain it, explain howI'm feeling. I don't know. It's
just, it's all intrinsic. And,therefore, I had the song stuck
(05:35):
in my head. And when I have asong stuck in my head, I either
listen to it obsessively, or Icover it, or sometimes both. And
I'm not a very big fan oflistening to Broadway cast
recordings. So I decided to do acover of it, just to get it out
of my system. It was March1 2019, when I made this video
(05:58):
and in my room, because Jamieand my boyfriend was in the
other room on meetings, and Ihad to get this out somehow. And
it was like just quiet enoughthat I like, you know, not be
heard by him. So I don't know,it just sort of came out. I
(06:19):
didn't really know how to playguitar. I still don't. But like,
at that point, I had begunteaching myself guitar in like
summer fall of 2016. And I justsort of randomly played guitar
here and there. At that point, Iwas still primary, primarily a
(06:40):
pianist like that piano has beenmy home bass instrument for a
while. And yeah, I had no ideawhat I was doing. But I just
like created this littlearrangement in my room and
posted it to Instagram, which atthat point, was just like my
friends. And my friend Harper.
(07:02):
She said, You need to make thisa series. And I immediately was
like, okay, yeah. Why not? Yeah.
So the next day, I came up withmy Joanna reprise arrangement
and video.
Tara Beckett (07:16):
I love that song.
Eleri Ward (07:19):
So wild to think like, march 2 2019. I came up
with that. Yeah, now it's 2022.
And that's like, the thing thatI'm known for. Yeah. Which is
really weird. But yeah, and thenafter that, I just like
sporadically made these videosjust for my YouTube and my
Instagram for my own personalenjoyment.
(07:45):
It was like a no brainer that Iwas going to do joint a reprise
as a single, but I was like, Ihave at least like eight other
arrangements at this time. Icouldn't make an album. It's
amazing. And it's like, it'sjust acoustic guitar and some
piano and my vocals, I can dothat myself. I don't need to
like, hire session musicians.
For anything else. I don't needto it's so simple and stripped,
(08:07):
I can just have my friend mixand master it for me. Otherwise,
I'll produce it myself. Itseemed pretty simple. And it
was. And so I just took to mywalk in closet, because at this
time I was I was in Boston,because the pandemic sort of,
you know, shifted all our livesin different ways and brought me
(08:29):
to Boston. And that sweet, sweetCOVID Deal. Got a walk in closet
in there. I was like, Okay,great. Yeah. So yeah, over the
course of a month, I recordedall 13 songs, and wow, some of
them I even like workshopped asI was recording it. And that's
how I created the arrangements,or at least finalized some of
(08:53):
the arrangements. But yeah, Idid it in a month in my closet,
and then had my friend Tom mixand master it for me. I knew
exactly what I wanted everythingto sound like. And then I, I
took a Polaroid of me holding aguitar. And I took a picture. I
took a I took a picture of thePolaroid on my phone. Uh huh.
(09:17):
And that's the album cover. Soperfect.
Tara Beckett (09:23):
Yeah, I mean, I'm just taking by how you follow
your impulse and made somethingincredible and people are really
responding to it. And like yousaid, you didn't wait for this
polished perfect scenario. It'slike walk in closet, a Polaroid
(09:44):
and some shit. I'm reallypassionate about let's go.
Eleri Ward (09:47):
Yeah, I mean, it's it also. I think this is part of
why it's been so successful. iIt's not my primary like thing.
It's not like Oh, this is thisis gonna make me a star like,
you know, it was just for funand because people enjoyed it
and I didn't really put thatmuch thought into it other than
(10:12):
like, following my gut everystep of the way. And I really
think that's the serendipitousthing that made it what it is
and made it. I don't know, whensomething is truly raw and
organic, you can feel it. And Ican't help but wonder that
that's the thing that peoplehave responded to with this.
Yep. Because I've put a lot ofeffort into many other things.
(10:37):
as well. But like, I thinkthat's such a beautiful lesson.
It's a really, really is andthen I'm taking with me
throughout everything else thatI do.
Tara Beckett (10:58):
So tell me about what has happened since the
release of this album and ittook off took fire
Eleri Ward (11:04):
crazy things. When when you have a somewhat of an
idea, or hope or a vision forwhat your career or your life is
going to be. And then this thinghappens and it's taken you in a
completely different directionand opened you up to
opportunities you never sawcoming like that is what it it
(11:28):
has been for me, which is Idon't know, speaking of lessons
like that's, that's a lessonwhere I'm just like, on this
ride, and I'm letting it takeme. I had no idea that this
album would ever get picked upby a label when I was trying to
just like do promotion myself,because at this point, I was
(11:49):
just gonna release itindependently as I had done all
of my other music. And he said,I don't want to get in the way
of your release. But I just Ireally wish that Ghostlight was
releasing this album. And Isaid, Well, maybe we can make
that happen. Yeah, no, like,releases get changed and move
(12:10):
all the time. So yeah, you could
Tara Beckett (12:13):
arrange that.
Eleri Ward (12:14):
Right. Yeah. And so that was a huge thing. And then
my album came out June 4, lastyear, through Ghostlight. And I,
I just I didn't know the impactthat this thing would have up
until this point. And I'veplayed so many shows. I've made
(12:35):
so many connections with peoplethat I've always admired and
have worked and likecollaborated with people I've
always admired as well and I amgoing to continue to do so which
is really cool. And yeah, sothen the ghostly people set up.
(12:58):
They booked me a show atRockwood Music Hall. I did two
shows on October 4. It was likemy debut like solo show to
celebrate this album release.
And at the second show, KevinGore who's the president of
Warner Chappell music. He camewith Josh Groban. And I was
sitting there like playing allthe songs on my guitar. Looking
(13:23):
at this intimate room and likelooking into Josh Griffin's is
as I'm like singing, and I'mlike, this weirdly feels normal.
Like, okay, and after the show,I met him and he was lovely. And
Kevin was lovely. And Josh meshmessaged me the day after the
(13:46):
show just thanking me for Idon't even know. Well, yeah,
music. Yeah, it's just like,it's, it's hard for me to grasp
that. I have something like agift to give as all artists do.
Yeah, it's just a little strangeto to look in the mirror, and
(14:08):
that'd be you. Especially tosomeone like Josh. But yeah, we
kind of message back and forth.
And he was lovely. And we'vekind of remained friends since
then. And in early December, hecalled me and he asked me if I
(14:34):
would be the opener for hissummer arena tour. Amazing. And
it was, it was really surprisingand validating moments that I
did not expect. And so I wasjust sort of like, okay, well,
I'll like talk to you tomorrowand I'll let this like a settle
(14:56):
I didn't want to be like too hotto try and be like yes were
exactly, um, but yeah, it hasall worked out. And I'm going on
tour with Josh Grove in thesummer. So it's just gonna be me
and the guitar, which is likethrilling and scary. And like,
I'm thinking about me who like,this project started in my
(15:20):
apartment alone, not for anybodyin your closet. Yeah. And now
I'm going to be doing this alonewith the guitar, but in front of
1000s of people. I'm just like,I'm freaked out. But like, I
excited a f
Tara Beckett (15:48):
I just was wondering, you know, with all
these things that have beengoing so Right, right, like,
what do you face like eitherdemons or just challenges that
you're facing as this ishappening to your career?
Eleri Ward (16:01):
Oh, my God, I'm, I've been someone who's
struggled with performance,anxiety and nerves, literally my
whole life, since I was a tinylittle child. And that's never
really gone away, and I'mgetting better at handling it.
But it's still such a head gamefor me. And it can be hard for
(16:23):
me to let go and just trust thatthe audience's reaction is the
truth versus my own innerexperience that no one else is
seeing. And I'm just I'm really,really hard on myself. And I'm
working on not being so hard onmyself. But it's definitely a
(16:44):
double edged sword, because it'slike, that clearly has worked
for me in terms of working hardand being the best that I can
possibly be. But then on theother end of it, it's like, I
can just judge myself to no endand beat myself up. And it's not
(17:05):
nice. So I definitely strugglewith that. And always have and I
will continue to, but hopefullyit just becomes easier to
manage, it's like the problemstays the same, but how we react
to it, we get better atit. I found my therapist early
last year. And it was just likesuch a search for like months on
(17:42):
end. And I feel like I hit thejackpot. And I lucked out.
Because we do EMDR, which islike you are tapping your body
to connect your mind and yourbody. So I'm someone where I
know all the facts of mysituation. And I know what my
(18:03):
issues are, I know where I wantto be and what I want to do to
get better. But my bodyreaction, it has been in such a
habitual cycle that even when Iknow the facts, my body is still
you know, going through itsnormal thing. And so connecting
the facts with my physical,physiological reaction to things
(18:25):
has been like a really bigjourney for me. And it's, it's
helped so much. And I feel likeI'm just embarking on this, and
there's so much more work to bedone. But I'm really grateful
for where I've gotten up untilthis point. And just knowing
(18:47):
that, like, it doesn't have tobe the same for forever, because
that was a fear of mine waslike, am I going to be this way
for ever? Yes. Because in themoment, it feels that way. Yeah,
it does. And then I've beengoing through this strange kind
of recalibration of like, it'sgetting better, but my body's
(19:08):
like, wait, but we usually dothis. Like, I'm someone who, I
have a lot of fear aboutforgetting lyrics. And it can
spiral me into oblivion, and Ihave trouble trusting myself.
And I'm so used to practicing tono end to drill it so hard. And
(19:33):
now I'm at a point where I don'tactually have to do that so
much. And my body is like, Wait,please practice more because you
you can't you can't trust thatyou're going to know everything
just after this amount ofpractice, you need more. And
it's like just because I used toneed that much to like, put my
(19:55):
mind at ease doesn't mean that Ineed to do it. The same thing
now, especially with materialthat I've been doing for a few
months now, like, yeah, it'sokay. You're okay. And that's
just that's been. That's been, Ithink the biggest obstacle that
I recently would like toovercome is like, you, you don't
(20:17):
need to operate in the same wayanymore because you're at a
different place now.
Even this past week, when Iperformed in St. Louis, I had, I
(20:39):
put a lot of pressure on myselfagain. And while it wasn't as
dramatic as my high school self,I found myself after the show
that I had done, just beratingmyself for not being perfect.
And it made me really upset thatI was being so judgmental. It
(21:00):
actually I was actually moreupset about my judgment than
about not doing my personalbest. Yep, I was super raw.
There were like, technicalissues at the start that like,
messed up my head and like,stuff like that. And like,
that's just live entertainment.
That's kind of happened. And Iwas emotional throughout, which
(21:22):
kind of like messed things up.
But it was from a real place. SoI'm fine with that. But yeah, I
was I was more upset that I wasjudging myself for these like,
little mistakes that I madethroughout the show that the
audience loved, right. And I waslike, oh, maybe I'm not as as
(21:48):
far as I thought I was in inthis kind of performance
headspace that I've been workingon for the past almost year. And
it made me feel like I I waslike, overconfident in my own
ability to master my, myheadspace while performing. And
(22:11):
it's like, cheese girl, like,give yourself a break, you're a
human being. And they gave you astanding Oh, and that should be
reason enough to like, ease upon yourself and say, the
imperfections of thatperformance gave them a special
experience that they'll neverget if they watch a video. And
(22:35):
so over the past few days, likecoming off of this performance,
I've just really been processingthat. And it's like, pay this is
the first time I've really hadlike kind of a meltdown after a
performance. That actuallyoverall was a success. And I'm
just like really taking stock ofthat and like trying to, I don't
(22:56):
know, ease up on myself more andmore as I go through these
experiences and take them all asa learning experience and a
lesson for my own inner self.
Tara Beckett (23:19):
I feel like you are making a difference in other
artists life, right to exposesome of these feelings that
happen when you perform. Or justyou know how many times you had
to do the audition circuitbefore something started to
track. Can you talk a little bitabout just what you think your
(23:40):
role is as like an artist forother artists?
Eleri Ward (23:45):
Yeah, I mean, that's something I've been, I guess,
learning about myself over thepast year, because I've never
been someone who like peoplehave like, looked up to before
because I've never really had aplatform. And now to get the
(24:05):
messages that I get from peoplesaying like seeing your tiktoks
I felt so much better and likemore confident going into this
audition, or you've inspired meto start singing again after not
for a few years. I mean, I getso emotional reading these
messages because I think givesme that much more purpose. Yeah,
(24:29):
what I'm doing. And it's notjust about me enjoying making
these things in my room anymore.
It actually does impact peoplein a positive way. And kind of
what I said earlier as artists,we give people gifts. Yep. And a
lot of the time as an artist,you don't even realize the gifts
that you're giving people. Andthat is a really beautiful
(24:51):
thing. I I can't stress enoughhow important it is to me For
people to fearlessly andcontinuously put their work out
there, because that is a giftthey are giving, even if they
have no idea, they are giving itto somebody. And it it means
something like you have no ideawho's watching, you have no idea
(25:17):
who's taking note or payingattention to what you're doing,
unless they tell you, butsometimes you really have no
clue you could change someone'slife. I made a video the other
day of like, a year ago, me andtalking to me now. Yes. And I
was like, truly not in a goodplace a year ago. And I just
(25:37):
wanted to kind of emphasize howmuch life and things can change
in a year. Just by continuouslyputting yourself out there. And
someone commented saying, Ithink you're going to like save
someone's life by sharing this,this arc. So, so openly. And
(25:57):
that hit me so deeply. Becauseif I can be the thing that makes
someone continue going on whereotherwise they wouldn't. I just,
I feel like I've done my duty.
(26:21):
And it's it's a whole so muchmore gravity than anything else
I've ever put out there before.
Tara Beckett (26:39):
There's two ways you can die, right? There's like
your physical death. But there'salso you know, something I was
going through for almost adecade, you can sort of pull
yourself away from life so muchthat you're, you know, dead
emotionally or dead, spirituallyor dead with your art. And I
just feel like you do have thatpower with your music that when
(27:01):
you listen to your work, there'sjust something that comes alive
and people and I think that is ahuge beautiful thing.
Eleri Ward (27:09):
Thank you. It's yeah, it's something I never
have experienced before orexpected to experience before.
And now that I I know that thereare people who look up to me in
this way, and I have positivelyimpacted their lives. I'm like,
Okay, why I can't stop everdoing this.
Tara Beckett (27:31):
It's amazing. And please don't I know we have to
wrap up. Let perfect burn. Whatdoes it mean to you?
Eleri Ward (27:42):
It means that if you have the choice between living
your life and being perfect, youshould choose living your life.
Tara Beckett (27:55):
I love it. Ellery it's been such a joy, such a
pleasure. And every time themusic plays on my podcast, I
will just feel a little bit moreconnected to you. I love
following your work. Can youjust let everybody know who's
listening? How to keep followingyou how to see you. Just so that
they can you know keep in touch?
Eleri Ward (28:16):
Absolutely. You can find me at Ella reward on
Instagram, Tik Tok Twitter. Andyou can also visit my website
I'll reward.com where I have allof the things that you could
possibly think of on there. Butyeah, I'm I'm everywhere. I'm on
Spotify, Apple Music. I've got aperfect little death out there.
(28:37):
I've got original music outthere. So yeah, pretty easy to
find me.
Tara Beckett (28:42):
Definitely everybody go and check it out.
And I think you will be touchedand changed by that album. And I
wish you all the best thing asyou continue on your crazy
journey and you're killing it,girl.
Eleri Ward (28:57):
Thank you. Thank you for having me,
Tara Beckett (28:59):
of course and take care Ellie All righty. Perfect.
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