Welcome to LET PERFECT BURN

Oh my God, it's finally here!

I am so, so proud that I am launching this podcast, a creation that began as an idea during recovery after a mental health crisis. Now Let Perfect Burn is a lifeline to me that I believe in more than anything else I have ever done as a professional, working artist.

In this episode, I will bring you my story, how Let Perfect Burn was born and my mission in its creation.

Some highlights in this Episode from me:

"It is extremely hard for a perfectionist to need to go to the hospital for something so often seen in society as something not to be discussed. And at this point, I take 3-4 medications just to function, and not always very well. And that can feel tough and shameful like, 'What the heck? Why do I need all this just to be in the world?'"

"But I will say... As hard as it's been and as hard as it may continue to be, I really love this person I am now. She's a lot braver. She's so much more real. She still really struggles, but she is getting better at letting people in."

"And it is my hope that in all of the voices you hear, you find a moment here or there that makes you feel seen, and heard. And gives you hope. And makes you believe, that when you let perfect burn, what's left is really, really beautiful."

Don't miss a beat.
Follow my Instagram for news from me:
https://www.instagram.com/letperfectburn/

Episode Transcript

Tara Beckett (00:11):
Hi, I'm Tara Beckett and this is let perfect
burn. The home I grew up in wasfull of so much love, as well as

(00:47):
pain, and chaos. And somewherealong the line, I learned that I
could protect myself from thispain in chaos by putting all of
my messy feelings away in a box,hiding them from myself and from
the world. The woman visible tothe outside world, showed that

(01:10):
there was nothing she couldn'tdo nothing, she couldn't achieve
nothing she couldn't hold.

Unknown (01:17):
The woman inside of me was a mess. This woman felt
rage, grief, emptiness, longing.
I buried her deep in the ground.
There, I figured she would stayquiet. And this way of living

(01:44):
benefited me for a long,long time. I was always getting
attention for my achievements,for my endless generosity for
seeming to be able to handle somuch more than those around me.
And this fed my idea thatperfectionism was my friend, and

(02:06):
something I needed to prove myworth in this world. To the
outside world, it looked like Ialways had everything I could
ever need. And no matter whatwas thrown my way, I would take
it on and handle it and all comeout on the other side on scape.
But in the fall of 2021,something snapped. That woman I

(02:36):
buried deep in the ground,wanted out. And 24 hours a day.
Thoughts that I could notcontrol started hammering at me.
Those thoughts told me that theonly way to escape the flooding

(02:59):
of pain that had broken loosewas to end my own life. At that
time, I was not living. I wastrying to survive and just get
through the day. I was trying tofigure out how to wake up each

(03:19):
morning and just try to functionit soon became so clear that
what I needed was to behospitalized. So I could safely
adjust my medication withsupport. So I could have the

(03:44):
space to completely let go ofall that I was holding in a way
that I would not hurt myself.
And I needed to jump. And Ineeded to fall into a place
where I was anonymous, where Icould be watched and cared for

(04:05):
in a way that the predeterminedexpectation of me wasn't there.
So that I could really stripdown to nothing and find myself
and figure out what was real.
And what were these learnedbehaviors that were hurting me.
It is extremely hard for aperfectionist to need to go to

(04:30):
the hospital for something sooften seen in society as
something not to be discussed.
So I struggle, both with feelingreally proud of my decision to
say I need help. I know what Ineed. I don't care what people
think I got to go to thatfeeling of maybe I was weak. And

(04:58):
what will people think If I tellthem and do people who love me
really believe what happened.
And then I really struggle withthe shame that comes from that
experience. That at this point,I take three to four
medications, just to functionand not always very well. And

(05:21):
that can really feel tough andsometimes shameful. Like, what
the heck? Why do I need all thisjust to be in the world. But I
will say, as hard as it's been,and as hard as it may continue

(05:41):
to be, I really love this personI am now she's a lot braver.
She's so much more real. Shestill really struggles, but she
is getting better at lettingpeople in. And I am starting to

(06:04):
understand that I do not takethose medications, because I am
some sort of GlassCastle. I take them to make a
bridge to this woman comingalive in me who is hard for me

(06:26):
to look at. She is bright. Sheis beautiful. She is messy,
ugly, imperfect. She is human.

(06:52):
So in recovery, I knew I neededto reclaim my voice as a woman.
And as I started thinking abouthow to do that, I've thought
about those dark days ofpostpartum depression with my
first child over seven yearsago. And I thought about what I

(07:16):
would have given to hear a trueexperience from someone who had
battled what I was battling, andhave her words, put an arm
around me and say it's normal.
It's okay. You don't have tohide or hold it all. And so
that's my mission. I createdthis podcast in the hopes of

(07:43):
bringing women on to the show,not because they have figured it
all out, not because they havearrived at the top of some sort
of mountain, or that they haveachieved at all, or that they
have won that race. But insteadsharing space with women who

(08:07):
have faced crossroads of theirown, who currently struggle with
grief, or depression orchallenges, who have a story to
tell about letting theirauthentic self come out. And
what they have won and what theyhave lost in the process. Women
who like me, found it impossibleto be their true selves when

(08:33):
perfectionism was their demon. Iam so interested in more of that
conversation. And it is my hopethat in all the voices you hear
you find a moment here or therethat makes you feel seen and

(08:55):
heard and gives you hope andmakes you believe that when you
let perfect burn what's left isreally, really beautiful. So
stay with me. Each week we'llfeature a new guest and

(09:21):
everything you need to knowabout how to listen can be found
on my Instagram page. Handle atlet perfect burn. I can't wait
to bring these stories to you.
See you soon. Love Tara