September 25, 2025 • 34 mins
Send Naihomy encouraging words!💕
Willpower isn't the magic solution for achieving health goals that many believe it to be. It's a limited resource that eventually becomes depleted, leaving us without a backup plan when our determination runs out.
• Willpower is defined as control exerted to do something or restrain impulses
• According to psychological science, willpower is a limited resource capable of being depleted
• Career demands, stress, poor sleep, knowledge gaps, and hormonal shifts all sabotage health goals
• Your environment—including the people around you, your schedule, home setup, and mindset—significantly impacts success
• Start with just 1-2 small changes rather than overwhelming yourself with a complete lifestyle overhaul
• Habit stack by pairing new healthy behaviors with established daily routines
• Pay attention to how new habits make you feel to build motivation through positive feedback
• Sustainable health happens when you design systems that make healthy choices easier than unhealthy ones
If you're tired of relying on willpower alone, book a free consultation call with the link below to learn how personalized coaching can help you create sustainable health systems.
Thank you so much for listening!
- Book a Free Consultation Call for Food & Hormone Health Coaching
- Follow me on Instagram
- Visit my website & sign up for my newsletter
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast.
Today I'm going to touch on atopic that we have all thought
it is the one and only thingthat we need to hit our health
goals.
It's just, it's this, just onething, and that is willpower.
And I am here to tell you thatthat is not the only thing that
(00:24):
we need, although it might behelpful sometimes.
But I feel like just relying onwillpower and making it mean so
much about you and yourwillpower and how you don't have
none and therefore this is whyyou cannot accomplish your
health goals, it's kind ofsetting you up for failure in
(00:48):
the long term.
So first I went down thisrabbit hole of what does
willpower actually mean?
Can we get a definition please?
So, according toMerriam-Webster, willpower means
control exerted to do somethingor restrained impulses.
Isn't that funny?
(01:09):
Like you exert is like.
Doesn't that feel restrictivealready?
Like you control exerted to dosomething, so you're putting out
this energy to do this onething or you're also, at the
same time, restraining yourselffrom doing other things.
That doesn't feel too good, butanyway, I thought that that was
(01:32):
not good enough.
So then I went ahead and didsome more digging and I found
this article from the AmericanPsychological Association that
is titled what you Need to KnowAbout Willpower the
Psychological Science ofSelf-Control, and then they have
this subtitle underneath thatsays with more self-control,
would we all eat right, exerciseregularly, avoid drugs and
(01:56):
alcohol, save for retirement,stop procrastinating and achieve
all sorts of noble goals?
That is a great questionbecause we all assume is
willpower.
So I'm not going to read youthe article, don't worry.
But at the end they have thissection called defining
willpower, and at first I'mgoing to read it to you.
(02:18):
They have one, two, three, four, five bullets on defining it,
and in the last bullet we'regoing to see why willpower as a
long-term strategy for yourhealth goals is never going to
work and you make it mean somuch about you, okay, so I quote
(02:39):
, I'm reading directly from thisarticle.
We have many common names forwillpower determination, drive,
resolve, self-discipline,self-control but psychologists
characterize willpower orself-control in more specific
ways.
According to most psychologicalscientists, willpower can be
(03:01):
defined as the ability to delaygratification, resisting
short-term temptations in orderto meet long-term goals.
This is me now talking, isn'tthis?
It right here?
Like, oh, I'm not going to eatthe ice cream, I'm not going to
eat that dessert, I'm not goingto have that pizza because this
is short-term temptation, right,and if we eat this ice cream,
(03:24):
this pizza, this cupcake,whatever, it's not going to
allow me to lose weight in thelong term.
So willpower, bullet point one.
Here's bullet two the capacityto override an unwanted thought,
feeling or impulse.
Again, everybody around you isgetting dessert, or everybody
around you is grabbing a drink,right, and you have to override
(03:50):
the feeling or impulse of notdoing that yourself, and maybe
this was common behavior for you.
Especially, I think thishappens when we're around other
people and we must have thecapacity to do that.
Willpower Bullet number threethe ability to employ a cool
(04:11):
cognitive system of behaviorrather than a hot emotional
system.
Again, going back toself-control, you're making
these decisions cool as acucumber, not super hot and
emotional over something that'sgoing on.
Remaining your cool understress, remaining your cool when
(04:32):
someone says something meanremaining cool when you're
around all of your favoritedrinks, foods, family members,
things like that.
Number four conscious, effortfulregulation of the self by the
self, of the self by the self,and that's the part that gets us
(04:53):
the most most of the time,because it is us being able to
stick to our decision,regardless of what pressures are
around us.
And this is including your ownbrain, because your own brain it
is so loud, our brains are soloud, and your brain is the
(05:18):
first one that would be like heyfriends, you know we love some
Oreos, you know they taste great, hey friend, one glass of wine
is not an issue, hey friend,like right.
So it's you almost managingyourself and also you managing
yourself around other people,and it needs to be, as they say,
(05:42):
a conscious, effortful andconscious effort to do this all
the time introspective.
(06:09):
When you kind of aredisconnected from how you feel,
who you are, then it is reallyhard to make conscious efforts
to regulate yourself, whetherthat's regulating your emotions
or regulating habits, behavior,skills that you want to put in
place for your health andwellness.
You want to put in place foryour health and wellness.
Now, the very last definitionthat they give here, and why
(06:30):
willpower is not a long-term,let's say, solution for you to
meet your health and wellnessgoals is because this is the
definition a limited resourcecapable of being depleted.
Let me read that one more time.
(06:50):
Okay, let's read that one moretime.
A limited resource capable ofbeing depleted.
Okay, the resource you becomedepleted, when you are trying so
incredibly hard and you thinkand believe that you can just
(07:13):
have endless amounts ofwillpower for a long time in a
sustainable way that you do notburn yourself out, okay.
And this is where we're gettingat, where a lot of times we
blame ourselves and we punishourselves oh, we don't have
(07:34):
willpower, we can never stick toanything that, that, that, that
.
But we do not realize thatwillpower is maybe a little push
, a little impulse, a little uh,what's it called?
Like when you're in atrampoline, like I think it's
kind of like impulse, right,like a little little push, you
(07:58):
know, when you're learning howto ride a bike and somebody,
just you know, gives you thislittle push, a little headstart,
that's all it is.
And we do not plan for what'sgoing to happen when this
willpower runs out.
And I am sure you have CVS sizereceipts as to when your
(08:20):
willpower has completelydepleted.
You do not know how toreplenish it and then you quit,
or you feel bad about yourself,or you think it's not for you.
You beat yourself up becauseyou believe that you should have
just had willpower for end oftime, okay, and that is just not
(08:45):
the case.
So what do we do?
What do we do then?
Why is this showing up in thatway?
Let's get into it.
(09:12):
So, now that we know thatwillpower is a limited source
that can be depleted and we seethis every single time you make
a New Year's resolution youstart off strong and then you
trail off.
We see this every single Monday, where you say you're going to
start and then by Wednesday,you're beating yourself up.
We see this every single timeyou join a challenge for a
specific amount of time and whenthe challenge is over, you're
over too right.
So, aside from that, there'salso so many, let's say,
(09:36):
obstacles that may be sabotagingyour health goals and your
willpower that you don't knowabout.
Okay, you don't know how big ofan impact it places on you,
because we assume that thewillpower is separate and
individual from the rest of ourlives.
But newsflash, you are.
(09:58):
You all the time.
You are in your body all thetime.
You still need to meet yourneeds all the time.
So when we're not taking intoconsideration other things that
may involuntarily be interferingwith our willpower or with our
(10:19):
goals, then it's really easy tojust continue to blame ourselves
.
So, first of all, let's gothrough what are some of the
things that can be interfering,that are obstacles to our health
goals, that we don't realizeand willpower is not going to do
much when it comes to thesethings.
(10:40):
Sometimes it's your career.
I named this as number onebecause careers stress, like
overall stress, right, whetherit's family stress, career
stress, relationship stress allof these things really interfere
with our health goals and Ithink that career takes up so
(11:03):
much of that, so much of thatspace, because we're in it every
day, because we're in it forsurvival, while we just need
money, right, we're in thiscapitalistic, because we're in
it for survival.
Well, we just need money, right, we're in this capitalistic
society.
Let's place that as theumbrella here.
Shall we, shall, we placecapitalism as the umbrella and
then everything else under that.
So our career, which we mightwant to grow in, there might be
(11:28):
microaggressions happening.
You might be doing the job ofthree people.
So when we're not taking anaccurate kind of picture of how
we're going to meet our healthgoals within the career that we
have, or how we're going to setsome boundaries to make our
(11:51):
health goals a priority, thenthat's one thing that's going to
quickly dissolve your willpowerand feel like you can't do it
because your career is sodemanding, you don't have the
time, you don't have the space.
You're really exhausted.
So figuring out how career andwhatever you have to do to meet
(12:15):
your health goals are going tocoexist is really important.
We already spoke about stress,right?
Another thing is sleep thatoftentimes gets in the way.
These are things that we needto resolve, for Are you going to
bed late?
What is your sleep hygiene like?
How long are you at work for?
Do you have young children?
(12:36):
That you don't have muchcontrol over your sleep?
Trust me, I'm a mom of two.
I know Sometimes it's not up tous how much we're sleeping.
Okay.
So these are things that canreally affect us.
Another thing is not knowingwhat you don't know knowledge
gaps Okay.
(12:57):
So if we're in this space andyou're like, oh my gosh, I had
no idea about how career affectsme, how stress affects me,
sleep affects me, and how I haveto solve for these things and
kind of integrate it into myhealth plan, health goal plans,
(13:19):
then you just don't know whatyou don't know.
Filling in those knowledge gapsis extremely important and this
is actually something.
Well, all of the above, butfilling in the knowledge gaps is
a lot of what I do with myclients and one-on-one food and
hormone health coaching, and isone of the reasons why they get
to be wildly successful withtheir health goals and sustain
(13:43):
their progress for years andyears and years, because they
are now knowledgeable, not onlyabout learning more about
themselves and beingintrospective and connected to
themselves, like I said in thefirst part, but also how to meet
their needs with the resourcesthey have around them.
I was just coaching one of myclients today because we're
(14:05):
coming up on three months ofworking together and she
traveled.
She went on vacation and we gotto see how she's integrating
all the pieces where she usedher knowledge right, the stuff
that we've learned.
She used her introspection,what her body needed and how she
(14:28):
felt, and she also, because ofher knowledge and knowing how
she felt, she was able to useher environment, what was around
her, to meet her needs.
So filling in those knowledgegaps can really be helpful for
you.
And then the last thing thatreally sabotages it feels like
(14:50):
it's sabotaging our health goalsa lot of times and you're like,
wtf, what is happening, becausethis used to work before and
now it doesn't is our hormonesAgain, another piece of
knowledge that my clients and Iwork so deeply on, because, as
females, we go through so manycycles of hormonal shifts
(15:12):
whether we want to or not,voluntarily or involuntarily
that we need to understand howto align our health habits, our
skills, to the health goals thatwe want.
Because you might have the samegoal that you had in your 20s,
(15:32):
in your early 30s, and you knewlike, you made a few changes and
you hit them.
And now you're in your late 30sand your 40s and you're like
what the fuck is happening?
Like what is happening?
Why is this not working?
And it's because of our hormoneshifts, right?
Not only are hormones affectedby our stress levels, our sleep,
(15:54):
how we're eating, but asidefrom that, it just happens.
Right.
As females, we start tomenstruate.
As females, we have the choiceof having a baby or not, right?
So if you've been throughpregnancy, if you've been
through postpartum, that'sanother wild hormone shifts
happening.
And whether you've had a babyor not, every female goes
(16:18):
through perimenopause andmenopause.
So, learning how to adjust yourknowledge base, your skill sets,
your habits, not freakingwillpower that is not going to
get you through this journey,okay Is everything else is so
(16:39):
important because your hormoneswill give you.
What's that stuff that theyoung kids say a one, two and a
side piece, a one, two, whateverthey will come for you, okay,
but it doesn't mean that thereare not any habits or skills or
tools out there that are notgoing to support you along the
(17:00):
way, and my clients and I speaka lot about what tools are out
there to support us during thisseason of our lives.
All right, so another thingthat may be holding you back
here that you think is justwillpower is your environment
and how you set up yourenvironment for either success
(17:21):
or failure, and by yourenvironment I also mean yourself
and your mind.
Okay, yourself and your mind.
So what are some environmentalfactors that may be interfering
with your health goals?
That you assume is justwillpower.
And number one this might soundrude, but it is the people that
(17:43):
are around you.
Okay, there's this stat right,I don't know where it comes from
, but is a stat that say you'rethe average of the five people
who are around you, and they saythis when it comes to
relationships, and if a frienddivorces, then your X amount
times higher maybe you willdivorce.
(18:04):
It just happens with everythingand it also happens with your
health and wellness journey andwhat the people around you are
doing.
So maybe it's not getting ridof all your friends and
everybody you love, but it isadding on, adding on to a
community who is aligned andwanting to meet health goals, so
(18:28):
that you have people whounderstand you, where you can be
seen when you won't be judged,who understand and have the
mindset of doing that.
But we also want to be careful,because what I often find is
that we outsource our wellnessto other people.
Well, if my friend goes to thegym, then I'll go to the gym.
My friend doesn't want to go tothe gym, so I won't go to the
(18:49):
gym.
My friend wants to eat this andI don't want to eat that.
Let me tell you something weneed to take accountability for
ourselves, because our health isnot someone else's health.
Okay, our health, your personalhealth, is not someone else's
health.
And I always love to considerfriends or whoever's joining us
(19:09):
our spouse, our partner, whoeveras the cherry on top.
And by that I mean that if yourpartner or your friend or
whoever decides to join you,then that's so cute, that's the
cherry on top, but it does notmean that you're not the whole
Sunday, it doesn't mean thatbecause they can't make it to
(19:35):
whatever it is that y'all aredoing the eating style, the gym,
whatever it is that you don'tgo if you've already decided to
go, right Like, you, still showup for yourself, because there's
going to be those times wheresomeone is not feeling well,
their kid is sick, they haveother responsibilities.
They just need a little bit morerest, and that might not be
(19:57):
what you also need.
Need a little bit more rest,and that might not be what you
also need.
So you still need to show upother things in your environment
that might set you up forsuccess or failure when it comes
to your health journey and yourhealth goals.
That does not have to do withbillpower is how you set up your
schedule, the boundaries thatyou set right, uh, when?
(20:18):
When you're going to get up,when you're going to do certain
things.
So just know that a lot oftimes when I'm working with my
clients, we go through ourschedules or their schedule
together to see where they'regoing to fit these things in,
and it can be as simple as whenare you going to have more water
?
Okay, when are you going tohave that snack?
(20:38):
What time?
What time does it make sensefor you to get a workout in?
When can you go for a walk?
And it's not as complicated asit seems, because we're kind of
going at it together and thereusually is so much space for you
to do these things.
But you don't realize it, andthat's the advantage of having
(21:01):
me on your team and supportingyou and helping you find and
create these spaces where itdoesn't feel overwhelming or
like a lot of extra work.
With that said, another thingthat gets in the way is how you
set up your home.
What are you bringing into yourhome?
What distractions do you havein your home?
What do you want to use yourhome for?
Who are you having in your home?
(21:22):
Those are other things that canset you up or set you back from
your health goals, and it'smore than you think.
It's not just having a cookiestash or some ice cream in the
freezer.
It's a lot more than that whenit comes to your health and
wellness that you might not bethinking about.
And the last thing, as Imentioned, your environment has
(21:45):
to do with your mind too.
So how do you address thethoughts that come up when
they're so loud when they'relike, oh, I don't want to do
this, this is so hard, thisdoesn't taste the same, uh, I'm
going to have to do this.
Like there's so many excuses orthoughts about how things are
going to go or not go, or howhard it feels that can really
(22:11):
hold us back or push us forward.
So, aside from willpower, right, is these thoughts in our mind
that might be setting us up forsuccess or failure, and that,
again, is something that we gothrough in one-on-one food and
hormone health coaching, wherewe really start to identify what
the brain is telling you aboutthese new things that you're
(22:32):
incorporating in your routineand how are they actually making
you feel.
Why are you doing that andcreating new amounts of evidence
based on love and curiosity andpatience, so that you can start
to create new thoughts?
Right, and how do you actuallywant to think and what is the
(22:55):
purpose and the point of youdoing all this?
So that we can offer your brainsome safety and that you're not
wild and crazy for wanting todo all this that you actually
might be feeling so dang goodthis might be feeling so good,
and because your mind has justbeen stuck on this thought of I
(23:18):
don't do this or this doesn'twork for me.
We're not able to bridge thatgap and see that, okay.
So I want to offer you threeways that you can start making
healthier automatic choices withnot so much effort.
Right, so that you can startlooking at the difference
(23:39):
between the willpower andsetting yourself up for success
when the willpower is depleted.
Okay, don't worry, it comes andgoes, but we need to set up
strategies outside of that sothat you're able to sustain the
actions that you're doing pastthe willpower phase.
(24:02):
So number one is you love tooverwhelm yourself, right?
We are just a perfectionistbunch over here.
Zero to a hundred, all ornothing, black or white.
We're going to add some colorand some sparkle to this, okay,
because that does not workeither.
So the first thing I'm going tosay is choose one to two things
(24:24):
to start off with and then buildon.
We're not going to do it all atonce.
We're not going to make perfectmeal plans and go to the gym
seven days a week and go tomeditation and do the sauna.
No, let's cut all that out,please.
We're going to choose one ortwo things.
You want to start with onething learn how to hydrate,
(24:45):
learn how to drink more water.
That is it.
You want to do?
Another thing eat three meals aday.
Learn to eat, actually pauseand eat and have meals instead
of just snack, snack, snack,snack, snack.
That's not what I mean.
I don't mean snack every twohours, I mean have a meal, at
least two a day, please, liketwo formal meals if you can, and
(25:13):
that is going to start you offon a path to start to feel
better.
And this is something that youcan 100% lean on or build on as
time goes on.
But what happens is when youfeel so absolutely depleted, low
energy, not good in your body,foggy mind it's hard to do
anything else.
All right, and you can even usetechnology to help you, like
setting an alarm.
Please don't ignore your alarms, okay, your reminders that to
(25:37):
fill up your water bottle, tomove your body a little bit when
you go to the bathroom, so onand so forth.
So start with that, okay.
Another thing I'm going torecommend is to habit stack.
I don't know if y'all have readAtomic Habits, but let me tell
you I was so offended when Iread Atomic Habits because I had
never read that book before,and then I was like this is
(25:59):
exactly the process I do with myclients, and no wonder they're
so successful.
All right, but of course thisguy wrote a book about it.
So whatever, but habit stackingcan work in your favor.
You don't need to create thiswhole separate schedule for
yourself.
You can just intertwine it andweave it in to your daily
(26:22):
activities that you're doingthroughout the day so that it is
easier to remember.
Because when you pair this newhabit with an habit that's
already established, you mightbe more successful down the road
.
So maybe you go walk your dogevery morning and maybe, while
you're walking your dog, youdrink a bottle of water, maybe I
(26:46):
mean, there's certain thingsyou might be doing every day.
Every day you might beshowering.
Every day you might be brushingyour teeth.
I hope you know.
So maybe you say that whileyou're in the shower, you're
going to think remember, yourbrain has a lot to do with
shower.
You're going to think remember,your brain has a lot to do with
this.
You're going to think about whois that person you want to
become, what was hard about theday, and so on and so forth.
(27:08):
Right, we start to build thesehabits throughout the day.
What do you do when you're atwork?
What do you do when you're athome?
What do you do when you're onvacation?
And that starts to be soincredibly helpful.
Okay, and I'm not going to giveyou more than that.
(27:28):
Oh, I know, I said three.
The last thing is that I wantyou to focus on is how do you
feel?
Again, we're so disconnectedfrom our bodies and we don't
understand, we don't build thatbridge as to how our actions
really impact and affect how wefeel.
So I want you to start buildingthat connection of how do you
feel when you have more water,how do you feel when you're
(27:50):
actually feeding yourself?
How does it feel when you dothis new habit, with a habit
that's already established andyour habit stacking, because
then you start to build evidenceand proof for yourself that
what you're doing is actuallynot as hard as you thought and
you feel amazing, so much betterthan when you're not doing it.
(28:14):
So that alone starts toencourage you to continue to do
those actions, because you'reactually loving how you feel.
All right, so this is exactlywhat I support my clients with
Understanding that willpowerwill not get you very far and
(28:34):
building a sustainable systemaround that, around your
environment, around your brain,around your group of friends.
What happens when you are inthese different environments and
like I help my client do isbuilding and weaving this
(28:55):
three-part system of how do youfeel, what's the knowledge that
you have and what's theenvironment that you're in, and
how do you come up with a choiceand a decision to meet that
based on your goals.
All right, and this isespecially important to be so
personalized.
(29:15):
The way I work is directlyone-on-one with you and we
create this together.
It's not this cookie cutterplan that I just hand out to all
my clients.
We really personalize it to youand your lifestyle and what you
need, because that's how we getit to stick.
Everybody's obstacles are sodifferent and what derails you
(29:38):
might not be what derailssomeone else.
So it's really important thatin working one-on-one together,
we identify your specificbarriers and create a system
that works with your lifestyle,not against it.
You don't want to feel likeyou're consistently on the
(29:58):
struggle bus, like moving in theright direction.
So this personalized approachis why my clients see lasting
results.
I want you to know thatsustainable health changes
happen when you design yourenvironment and your systems to
make healthier choices easierthan unhealthy ones.
(30:20):
And again, when we build andbuild on the knowledge gaps,
when we fill those knowledgegaps, when we start to
understand, when you start tounderstand how you're feeling in
your body, then you don't needto rely on willpower all the
time to fight against your owncircumstances.
(30:40):
Your circumstances are whatthey are and when we learn to
work with them and you don'tmake it just about you being so
strong, trying to like, avoidthings and include things that
just really does not work foryou, things that just really
(31:01):
does not work for you, then itjust becomes so much more
pleasurable to be on this healthjourney and to meet your health
goals, because you're actuallygoing to see what is working for
you, what is in line for you.
So, again, if you know that youjust rely on willpower and as
soon as it runs out, you areleft out in the dust, you're
(31:24):
left out in the middle ofnowhere and you have no idea
where to turn, I'm going toinvite you to book a free
consultation call with the linkin the show notes.
Free consultation call with thelink in the show notes.
It is exactly why my clients areso successful and I can talk to
my clients who I've worked withtwo years ago, three years ago,
(31:46):
five years ago, and they stillare applying their habits, they
still have all their tools inplace, they still are keeping
their results and building ontheir goals and their health
journey along the way and whythey still feel so incredibly
well in your body.
(32:08):
You can find success when youcreate supportive systems and
environments and stop beatingyourself up for not being quote
unquote strong enough.
And part of the supportivesystems and environments is
working with someone who seesyou, who understands your
cultural background, whounderstands generational traumas
(32:31):
okay who lives in acapitalistic society herself,
who is a mom, who experienceshormone shifts as well, and who
is deep, deep, deep into thisresearch right and can help you
fill those knowledge gaps andcan help you see that you
(32:51):
actually really can show up foryourself in this way.
It's just that you may not knowwhat you don't know, and that
is exactly what I'm here tosupport you with.
So I cannot wait to talk to you.
I cannot wait to see you andone-on-one food and hormone
health coaching, and I will talkto y'all on the next episode.
(33:15):
Bye.
Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast.
Today I'm going to touch on atopic that we have all thought
it is the one and only thingthat we need to hit our health
goals.
It's just, it's this, just onething, and that is willpower.
And I am here to tell you thatthat is not the only thing that
(00:24):
we need, although it might behelpful sometimes.
But I feel like just relying onwillpower and making it mean so
much about you and yourwillpower and how you don't have
none and therefore this is whyyou cannot accomplish your
health goals, it's kind ofsetting you up for failure in
(00:48):
the long term.
So first I went down thisrabbit hole of what does
willpower actually mean?
Can we get a definition please?
So, according toMerriam-Webster, willpower means
control exerted to do somethingor restrained impulses.
Isn't that funny?
(01:09):
Like you exert is like.
Doesn't that feel restrictivealready?
Like you control exerted to dosomething, so you're putting out
this energy to do this onething or you're also, at the
same time, restraining yourselffrom doing other things.
That doesn't feel too good, butanyway, I thought that that was
(01:32):
not good enough.
So then I went ahead and didsome more digging and I found
this article from the AmericanPsychological Association that
is titled what you Need to KnowAbout Willpower the
Psychological Science ofSelf-Control, and then they have
this subtitle underneath thatsays with more self-control,
would we all eat right, exerciseregularly, avoid drugs and
(01:56):
alcohol, save for retirement,stop procrastinating and achieve
all sorts of noble goals?
That is a great questionbecause we all assume is
willpower.
So I'm not going to read youthe article, don't worry.
But at the end they have thissection called defining
willpower, and at first I'mgoing to read it to you.
(02:18):
They have one, two, three, four, five bullets on defining it,
and in the last bullet we'regoing to see why willpower as a
long-term strategy for yourhealth goals is never going to
work and you make it mean somuch about you, okay, so I quote
(02:39):
, I'm reading directly from thisarticle.
We have many common names forwillpower determination, drive,
resolve, self-discipline,self-control but psychologists
characterize willpower orself-control in more specific
ways.
According to most psychologicalscientists, willpower can be
(03:01):
defined as the ability to delaygratification, resisting
short-term temptations in orderto meet long-term goals.
This is me now talking, isn'tthis?
It right here?
Like, oh, I'm not going to eatthe ice cream, I'm not going to
eat that dessert, I'm not goingto have that pizza because this
is short-term temptation, right,and if we eat this ice cream,
(03:24):
this pizza, this cupcake,whatever, it's not going to
allow me to lose weight in thelong term.
So willpower, bullet point one.
Here's bullet two the capacityto override an unwanted thought,
feeling or impulse.
Again, everybody around you isgetting dessert, or everybody
around you is grabbing a drink,right, and you have to override
(03:50):
the feeling or impulse of notdoing that yourself, and maybe
this was common behavior for you.
Especially, I think thishappens when we're around other
people and we must have thecapacity to do that.
Willpower Bullet number threethe ability to employ a cool
(04:11):
cognitive system of behaviorrather than a hot emotional
system.
Again, going back toself-control, you're making
these decisions cool as acucumber, not super hot and
emotional over something that'sgoing on.
Remaining your cool understress, remaining your cool when
(04:32):
someone says something meanremaining cool when you're
around all of your favoritedrinks, foods, family members,
things like that.
Number four conscious, effortfulregulation of the self by the
self, of the self by the self,and that's the part that gets us
(04:53):
the most most of the time,because it is us being able to
stick to our decision,regardless of what pressures are
around us.
And this is including your ownbrain, because your own brain it
is so loud, our brains are soloud, and your brain is the
(05:18):
first one that would be like heyfriends, you know we love some
Oreos, you know they taste great, hey friend, one glass of wine
is not an issue, hey friend,like right.
So it's you almost managingyourself and also you managing
yourself around other people,and it needs to be, as they say,
(05:42):
a conscious, effortful andconscious effort to do this all
the time introspective.
(06:09):
When you kind of aredisconnected from how you feel,
who you are, then it is reallyhard to make conscious efforts
to regulate yourself, whetherthat's regulating your emotions
or regulating habits, behavior,skills that you want to put in
place for your health andwellness.
You want to put in place foryour health and wellness.
Now, the very last definitionthat they give here, and why
(06:30):
willpower is not a long-term,let's say, solution for you to
meet your health and wellnessgoals is because this is the
definition a limited resourcecapable of being depleted.
Let me read that one more time.
(06:50):
Okay, let's read that one moretime.
A limited resource capable ofbeing depleted.
Okay, the resource you becomedepleted, when you are trying so
incredibly hard and you thinkand believe that you can just
(07:13):
have endless amounts ofwillpower for a long time in a
sustainable way that you do notburn yourself out, okay.
And this is where we're gettingat, where a lot of times we
blame ourselves and we punishourselves oh, we don't have
(07:34):
willpower, we can never stick toanything that, that, that, that
.
But we do not realize thatwillpower is maybe a little push
, a little impulse, a little uh,what's it called?
Like when you're in atrampoline, like I think it's
kind of like impulse, right,like a little little push, you
(07:58):
know, when you're learning howto ride a bike and somebody,
just you know, gives you thislittle push, a little headstart,
that's all it is.
And we do not plan for what'sgoing to happen when this
willpower runs out.
And I am sure you have CVS sizereceipts as to when your
(08:20):
willpower has completelydepleted.
You do not know how toreplenish it and then you quit,
or you feel bad about yourself,or you think it's not for you.
You beat yourself up becauseyou believe that you should have
just had willpower for end oftime, okay, and that is just not
(08:45):
the case.
So what do we do?
What do we do then?
Why is this showing up in thatway?
Let's get into it.
(09:12):
So, now that we know thatwillpower is a limited source
that can be depleted and we seethis every single time you make
a New Year's resolution youstart off strong and then you
trail off.
We see this every single Monday, where you say you're going to
start and then by Wednesday,you're beating yourself up.
We see this every single timeyou join a challenge for a
specific amount of time and whenthe challenge is over, you're
over too right.
So, aside from that, there'salso so many, let's say,
(09:36):
obstacles that may be sabotagingyour health goals and your
willpower that you don't knowabout.
Okay, you don't know how big ofan impact it places on you,
because we assume that thewillpower is separate and
individual from the rest of ourlives.
But newsflash, you are.
(09:58):
You all the time.
You are in your body all thetime.
You still need to meet yourneeds all the time.
So when we're not taking intoconsideration other things that
may involuntarily be interferingwith our willpower or with our
(10:19):
goals, then it's really easy tojust continue to blame ourselves
.
So, first of all, let's gothrough what are some of the
things that can be interfering,that are obstacles to our health
goals, that we don't realizeand willpower is not going to do
much when it comes to thesethings.
(10:40):
Sometimes it's your career.
I named this as number onebecause careers stress, like
overall stress, right, whetherit's family stress, career
stress, relationship stress allof these things really interfere
with our health goals and Ithink that career takes up so
(11:03):
much of that, so much of thatspace, because we're in it every
day, because we're in it forsurvival, while we just need
money, right, we're in thiscapitalistic, because we're in
it for survival.
Well, we just need money, right, we're in this capitalistic
society.
Let's place that as theumbrella here.
Shall we, shall, we placecapitalism as the umbrella and
then everything else under that.
So our career, which we mightwant to grow in, there might be
(11:28):
microaggressions happening.
You might be doing the job ofthree people.
So when we're not taking anaccurate kind of picture of how
we're going to meet our healthgoals within the career that we
have, or how we're going to setsome boundaries to make our
(11:51):
health goals a priority, thenthat's one thing that's going to
quickly dissolve your willpowerand feel like you can't do it
because your career is sodemanding, you don't have the
time, you don't have the space.
You're really exhausted.
So figuring out how career andwhatever you have to do to meet
(12:15):
your health goals are going tocoexist is really important.
We already spoke about stress,right?
Another thing is sleep thatoftentimes gets in the way.
These are things that we needto resolve, for Are you going to
bed late?
What is your sleep hygiene like?
How long are you at work for?
Do you have young children?
(12:36):
That you don't have muchcontrol over your sleep?
Trust me, I'm a mom of two.
I know Sometimes it's not up tous how much we're sleeping.
Okay.
So these are things that canreally affect us.
Another thing is not knowingwhat you don't know knowledge
gaps Okay.
(12:57):
So if we're in this space andyou're like, oh my gosh, I had
no idea about how career affectsme, how stress affects me,
sleep affects me, and how I haveto solve for these things and
kind of integrate it into myhealth plan, health goal plans,
(13:19):
then you just don't know whatyou don't know.
Filling in those knowledge gapsis extremely important and this
is actually something.
Well, all of the above, butfilling in the knowledge gaps is
a lot of what I do with myclients and one-on-one food and
hormone health coaching, and isone of the reasons why they get
to be wildly successful withtheir health goals and sustain
(13:43):
their progress for years andyears and years, because they
are now knowledgeable, not onlyabout learning more about
themselves and beingintrospective and connected to
themselves, like I said in thefirst part, but also how to meet
their needs with the resourcesthey have around them.
I was just coaching one of myclients today because we're
(14:05):
coming up on three months ofworking together and she
traveled.
She went on vacation and we gotto see how she's integrating
all the pieces where she usedher knowledge right, the stuff
that we've learned.
She used her introspection,what her body needed and how she
(14:28):
felt, and she also, because ofher knowledge and knowing how
she felt, she was able to useher environment, what was around
her, to meet her needs.
So filling in those knowledgegaps can really be helpful for
you.
And then the last thing thatreally sabotages it feels like
(14:50):
it's sabotaging our health goalsa lot of times and you're like,
wtf, what is happening, becausethis used to work before and
now it doesn't is our hormonesAgain, another piece of
knowledge that my clients and Iwork so deeply on, because, as
females, we go through so manycycles of hormonal shifts
(15:12):
whether we want to or not,voluntarily or involuntarily
that we need to understand howto align our health habits, our
skills, to the health goals thatwe want.
Because you might have the samegoal that you had in your 20s,
(15:32):
in your early 30s, and you knewlike, you made a few changes and
you hit them.
And now you're in your late 30sand your 40s and you're like
what the fuck is happening?
Like what is happening?
Why is this not working?
And it's because of our hormoneshifts, right?
Not only are hormones affectedby our stress levels, our sleep,
(15:54):
how we're eating, but asidefrom that, it just happens.
Right.
As females, we start tomenstruate.
As females, we have the choiceof having a baby or not, right?
So if you've been throughpregnancy, if you've been
through postpartum, that'sanother wild hormone shifts
happening.
And whether you've had a babyor not, every female goes
(16:18):
through perimenopause andmenopause.
So, learning how to adjust yourknowledge base, your skill sets,
your habits, not freakingwillpower that is not going to
get you through this journey,okay Is everything else is so
(16:39):
important because your hormoneswill give you.
What's that stuff that theyoung kids say a one, two and a
side piece, a one, two, whateverthey will come for you, okay,
but it doesn't mean that thereare not any habits or skills or
tools out there that are notgoing to support you along the
(17:00):
way, and my clients and I speaka lot about what tools are out
there to support us during thisseason of our lives.
All right, so another thingthat may be holding you back
here that you think is justwillpower is your environment
and how you set up yourenvironment for either success
(17:21):
or failure, and by yourenvironment I also mean yourself
and your mind.
Okay, yourself and your mind.
So what are some environmentalfactors that may be interfering
with your health goals?
That you assume is justwillpower.
And number one this might soundrude, but it is the people that
(17:43):
are around you.
Okay, there's this stat right,I don't know where it comes from
, but is a stat that say you'rethe average of the five people
who are around you, and they saythis when it comes to
relationships, and if a frienddivorces, then your X amount
times higher maybe you willdivorce.
(18:04):
It just happens with everythingand it also happens with your
health and wellness journey andwhat the people around you are
doing.
So maybe it's not getting ridof all your friends and
everybody you love, but it isadding on, adding on to a
community who is aligned andwanting to meet health goals, so
(18:28):
that you have people whounderstand you, where you can be
seen when you won't be judged,who understand and have the
mindset of doing that.
But we also want to be careful,because what I often find is
that we outsource our wellnessto other people.
Well, if my friend goes to thegym, then I'll go to the gym.
My friend doesn't want to go tothe gym, so I won't go to the
(18:49):
gym.
My friend wants to eat this andI don't want to eat that.
Let me tell you something weneed to take accountability for
ourselves, because our health isnot someone else's health.
Okay, our health, your personalhealth, is not someone else's
health.
And I always love to considerfriends or whoever's joining us
(19:09):
our spouse, our partner, whoeveras the cherry on top.
And by that I mean that if yourpartner or your friend or
whoever decides to join you,then that's so cute, that's the
cherry on top, but it does notmean that you're not the whole
Sunday, it doesn't mean thatbecause they can't make it to
(19:35):
whatever it is that y'all aredoing the eating style, the gym,
whatever it is that you don'tgo if you've already decided to
go, right Like, you, still showup for yourself, because there's
going to be those times wheresomeone is not feeling well,
their kid is sick, they haveother responsibilities.
They just need a little bit morerest, and that might not be
(19:57):
what you also need.
Need a little bit more rest,and that might not be what you
also need.
So you still need to show upother things in your environment
that might set you up forsuccess or failure when it comes
to your health journey and yourhealth goals.
That does not have to do withbillpower is how you set up your
schedule, the boundaries thatyou set right, uh, when?
(20:18):
When you're going to get up,when you're going to do certain
things.
So just know that a lot oftimes when I'm working with my
clients, we go through ourschedules or their schedule
together to see where they'regoing to fit these things in,
and it can be as simple as whenare you going to have more water
?
Okay, when are you going tohave that snack?
(20:38):
What time?
What time does it make sensefor you to get a workout in?
When can you go for a walk?
And it's not as complicated asit seems, because we're kind of
going at it together and thereusually is so much space for you
to do these things.
But you don't realize it, andthat's the advantage of having
(21:01):
me on your team and supportingyou and helping you find and
create these spaces where itdoesn't feel overwhelming or
like a lot of extra work.
With that said, another thingthat gets in the way is how you
set up your home.
What are you bringing into yourhome?
What distractions do you havein your home?
What do you want to use yourhome for?
Who are you having in your home?
(21:22):
Those are other things that canset you up or set you back from
your health goals, and it'smore than you think.
It's not just having a cookiestash or some ice cream in the
freezer.
It's a lot more than that whenit comes to your health and
wellness that you might not bethinking about.
And the last thing, as Imentioned, your environment has
(21:45):
to do with your mind too.
So how do you address thethoughts that come up when
they're so loud when they'relike, oh, I don't want to do
this, this is so hard, thisdoesn't taste the same, uh, I'm
going to have to do this.
Like there's so many excuses orthoughts about how things are
going to go or not go, or howhard it feels that can really
(22:11):
hold us back or push us forward.
So, aside from willpower, right, is these thoughts in our mind
that might be setting us up forsuccess or failure, and that,
again, is something that we gothrough in one-on-one food and
hormone health coaching, wherewe really start to identify what
the brain is telling you aboutthese new things that you're
(22:32):
incorporating in your routineand how are they actually making
you feel.
Why are you doing that andcreating new amounts of evidence
based on love and curiosity andpatience, so that you can start
to create new thoughts?
Right, and how do you actuallywant to think and what is the
(22:55):
purpose and the point of youdoing all this?
So that we can offer your brainsome safety and that you're not
wild and crazy for wanting todo all this that you actually
might be feeling so dang goodthis might be feeling so good,
and because your mind has justbeen stuck on this thought of I
(23:18):
don't do this or this doesn'twork for me.
We're not able to bridge thatgap and see that, okay.
So I want to offer you threeways that you can start making
healthier automatic choices withnot so much effort.
Right, so that you can startlooking at the difference
(23:39):
between the willpower andsetting yourself up for success
when the willpower is depleted.
Okay, don't worry, it comes andgoes, but we need to set up
strategies outside of that sothat you're able to sustain the
actions that you're doing pastthe willpower phase.
(24:02):
So number one is you love tooverwhelm yourself, right?
We are just a perfectionistbunch over here.
Zero to a hundred, all ornothing, black or white.
We're going to add some colorand some sparkle to this, okay,
because that does not workeither.
So the first thing I'm going tosay is choose one to two things
(24:24):
to start off with and then buildon.
We're not going to do it all atonce.
We're not going to make perfectmeal plans and go to the gym
seven days a week and go tomeditation and do the sauna.
No, let's cut all that out,please.
We're going to choose one ortwo things.
You want to start with onething learn how to hydrate,
(24:45):
learn how to drink more water.
That is it.
You want to do?
Another thing eat three meals aday.
Learn to eat, actually pauseand eat and have meals instead
of just snack, snack, snack,snack, snack.
That's not what I mean.
I don't mean snack every twohours, I mean have a meal, at
least two a day, please, liketwo formal meals if you can, and
(25:13):
that is going to start you offon a path to start to feel
better.
And this is something that youcan 100% lean on or build on as
time goes on.
But what happens is when youfeel so absolutely depleted, low
energy, not good in your body,foggy mind it's hard to do
anything else.
All right, and you can even usetechnology to help you, like
setting an alarm.
Please don't ignore your alarms, okay, your reminders that to
(25:37):
fill up your water bottle, tomove your body a little bit when
you go to the bathroom, so onand so forth.
So start with that, okay.
Another thing I'm going torecommend is to habit stack.
I don't know if y'all have readAtomic Habits, but let me tell
you I was so offended when Iread Atomic Habits because I had
never read that book before,and then I was like this is
(25:59):
exactly the process I do with myclients, and no wonder they're
so successful.
All right, but of course thisguy wrote a book about it.
So whatever, but habit stackingcan work in your favor.
You don't need to create thiswhole separate schedule for
yourself.
You can just intertwine it andweave it in to your daily
(26:22):
activities that you're doingthroughout the day so that it is
easier to remember.
Because when you pair this newhabit with an habit that's
already established, you mightbe more successful down the road
.
So maybe you go walk your dogevery morning and maybe, while
you're walking your dog, youdrink a bottle of water, maybe I
(26:46):
mean, there's certain thingsyou might be doing every day.
Every day you might beshowering.
Every day you might be brushingyour teeth.
I hope you know.
So maybe you say that whileyou're in the shower, you're
going to think remember, yourbrain has a lot to do with
shower.
You're going to think remember,your brain has a lot to do with
this.
You're going to think about whois that person you want to
become, what was hard about theday, and so on and so forth.
(27:08):
Right, we start to build thesehabits throughout the day.
What do you do when you're atwork?
What do you do when you're athome?
What do you do when you're onvacation?
And that starts to be soincredibly helpful.
Okay, and I'm not going to giveyou more than that.
(27:28):
Oh, I know, I said three.
The last thing is that I wantyou to focus on is how do you
feel?
Again, we're so disconnectedfrom our bodies and we don't
understand, we don't build thatbridge as to how our actions
really impact and affect how wefeel.
So I want you to start buildingthat connection of how do you
feel when you have more water,how do you feel when you're
(27:50):
actually feeding yourself?
How does it feel when you dothis new habit, with a habit
that's already established andyour habit stacking, because
then you start to build evidenceand proof for yourself that
what you're doing is actuallynot as hard as you thought and
you feel amazing, so much betterthan when you're not doing it.
(28:14):
So that alone starts toencourage you to continue to do
those actions, because you'reactually loving how you feel.
All right, so this is exactlywhat I support my clients with
Understanding that willpowerwill not get you very far and
(28:34):
building a sustainable systemaround that, around your
environment, around your brain,around your group of friends.
What happens when you are inthese different environments and
like I help my client do isbuilding and weaving this
(28:55):
three-part system of how do youfeel, what's the knowledge that
you have and what's theenvironment that you're in, and
how do you come up with a choiceand a decision to meet that
based on your goals.
All right, and this isespecially important to be so
personalized.
(29:15):
The way I work is directlyone-on-one with you and we
create this together.
It's not this cookie cutterplan that I just hand out to all
my clients.
We really personalize it to youand your lifestyle and what you
need, because that's how we getit to stick.
Everybody's obstacles are sodifferent and what derails you
(29:38):
might not be what derailssomeone else.
So it's really important thatin working one-on-one together,
we identify your specificbarriers and create a system
that works with your lifestyle,not against it.
You don't want to feel likeyou're consistently on the
(29:58):
struggle bus, like moving in theright direction.
So this personalized approachis why my clients see lasting
results.
I want you to know thatsustainable health changes
happen when you design yourenvironment and your systems to
make healthier choices easierthan unhealthy ones.
(30:20):
And again, when we build andbuild on the knowledge gaps,
when we fill those knowledgegaps, when we start to
understand, when you start tounderstand how you're feeling in
your body, then you don't needto rely on willpower all the
time to fight against your owncircumstances.
(30:40):
Your circumstances are whatthey are and when we learn to
work with them and you don'tmake it just about you being so
strong, trying to like, avoidthings and include things that
just really does not work foryou, things that just really
(31:01):
does not work for you, then itjust becomes so much more
pleasurable to be on this healthjourney and to meet your health
goals, because you're actuallygoing to see what is working for
you, what is in line for you.
So, again, if you know that youjust rely on willpower and as
soon as it runs out, you areleft out in the dust, you're
(31:24):
left out in the middle ofnowhere and you have no idea
where to turn, I'm going toinvite you to book a free
consultation call with the linkin the show notes.
Free consultation call with thelink in the show notes.
It is exactly why my clients areso successful and I can talk to
my clients who I've worked withtwo years ago, three years ago,
(31:46):
five years ago, and they stillare applying their habits, they
still have all their tools inplace, they still are keeping
their results and building ontheir goals and their health
journey along the way and whythey still feel so incredibly
well in your body.
(32:08):
You can find success when youcreate supportive systems and
environments and stop beatingyourself up for not being quote
unquote strong enough.
And part of the supportivesystems and environments is
working with someone who seesyou, who understands your
cultural background, whounderstands generational traumas
(32:31):
okay who lives in acapitalistic society herself,
who is a mom, who experienceshormone shifts as well, and who
is deep, deep, deep into thisresearch right and can help you
fill those knowledge gaps andcan help you see that you
(32:51):
actually really can show up foryourself in this way.
It's just that you may not knowwhat you don't know, and that
is exactly what I'm here tosupport you with.
So I cannot wait to talk to you.
I cannot wait to see you andone-on-one food and hormone
health coaching, and I will talkto y'all on the next episode.
(33:15):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.