October 9, 2025 • 38 mins
Send Naihomy encouraging words!💕
We trade a planned topic for a real-time unpacking of how overwhelming decisions were draining our energy and how five simple practices brought us back to a grounded, clear place. We connect emotional stagnation to physical symptoms, use tools to regulate and reflect, and end with flexible, values-led action.
• naming stagnant emotions and their impact on the body
• the cost of avoidance, rushing decisions, and rigidity
• feeling the full emotion without performing calm
• speaking with safe people for validation, mirrors, and perspective
• journaling prompts that surface lessons, fears, and the ideal
• defining five non-negotiables with therapist support
• 12-minute meditation to shift state and calm the nervous system
• asking the 10-year-old self what they need
• choosing flexibility over forever decisions
• a clear recap of the five practices to get unstuck
• invitation for supported, personalized wellness change
If that support would help, book a consultation with the link below, or DM me on Instagram and we can see if it’s a fit for you
Audio Books Mentioned:
We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions, By: Glennon Doyle, Abby Wamback, Amanada DoyleÂ
The Source: The Secret of the Universe, the Science of the Brain, By: Tara Swart, MD, PhD
Thank you so much for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 00 (00:00):
Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast.
So earlier today, I had atherapy session with my
therapist, and I was planning adifferent episode for today.
But I don't know if you canfeel my energy or not.
I was like, I cannot.
I I am not in the energeticspace to discuss the topic that
(00:25):
I was planning to for today, andI considered not even recording
an episode.
However, I was like, I'm justgoing to talk about the process
that I've been going through tomake a decision and to decide
what to do.
(00:45):
I've been having such a hardtime with making a decision or
choosing a direction to go in.
For me specifically, it's beenwith career and finances.
And I was like, people who aretrying to make decisions about
(01:09):
their health and wellness mightbe feeling the same kind of
distress that I am in health andwellness space as I am dealing
with career and finances.
And I feel finally like I havemore clarity on the direction I
(01:29):
want to move in, the actions Iwant to take, and why, right?
Like that's really importantwhy.
In the past, I would have justdwelled and dwelled and dwelled
and kept everything in.
And that is not good for ourhealth and wellness, right?
Everything coming back to that.
Because stagnant emotions.
(01:50):
I'm sorry, there's like a caralarm going off right now, as
there sometimes is.
Oh, okay, it's gone.
So where was I?
Okay, yes, stagnant emotions.
This is so real.
Like, y'all, bear with me.
Stagnant emotions.
(02:11):
When our emotions becomestagnant in our body, it can
really manifest into healthproblems, right?
It really, really can.
It can affect specific organs,it can manifest into different
illnesses.
And I don't know if you'veheard of these stories of people
showing up to the doctor, andthey're like, I don't feel well,
(02:31):
my head hurts, my stomachhurts, or I think something's
seriously wrong with me.
And sometimes there is, and thedoctor sometimes is like,
you're fine, like I don't know.
And oftentimes it's tied toemotional distress or stress and
things like that that'smanifesting physically in the
body, and that is something Idon't want to happen to me.
(02:52):
So I've been working onnavigating everything that I'm
feeling on the inside becausebefore I used to just hold
everything in, I would go intofreeze, I would go into
avoidance, and I'm really tryingto use the tools that I have
(03:13):
invested in deeply with healersand with coaching and with
therapy to process what iscurrently happening.
So, what I'm gonna do in thisepisode is walk you through what
I've been doing, and hopefully,one of these pieces will be
helpful to you if you need them,if you've been trying to make
(03:38):
decisions for yourself.
Uh, and hopefully you get tohang on to one of these tools,
which I've actually acquiredfrom different sources, and I'll
tell you a few of them.
I'm actually trying to lookthem up now so I can tell you
where I acquired some of thesetools from because I think um
(03:58):
that's really important too.
I didn't just come up with Ididn't just come up with these
tools on my own.
A lot of times, again, they'vebeen from the investments I've
made, from therapy, fromcoaching, and audiobooks or
books that have reminded me ofthese things.
(04:19):
It's not necessarily somethingnew, but a reminder of the tools
that I do have and how to leaninto them.
Okay, let's get started becausewe deserve to be unstuck.
Um, oh, I'll mention one otherthing.
Aside from being in avoidanceum and stuck, another thing I
(04:42):
would do to make decisions or totake action was to rush and to
take action in desperation.
And that's also not helpful.
I would just be veryspontaneous, I would rush into
things, I would not think aboutit because a lot of times I just
wanted to get rid of myemotions and that decision so
(05:05):
quickly, and I also did not wantto make decisions from a place
like that, from that emotionalspace.
I wanted to make decisions froma place where I felt more
grounded, more neutral, morelevel-headed, and I'm turning my
head right now because I justremembered there's this what's
(05:27):
called an emotional vibrationchart that kind of delineates
emotions based on yourvibration, and all the way at
the bottom is like guilt, shame,grief, things like that, and
towards the top, there's joy,peace, acceptance, forgiveness,
(05:50):
willingness.
So I definitely wanted to betoward the high end of the
vibration chart, um, and feelvery confident, very grounded,
and very knowing of the actionsand decisions that I wanted to
take and be able to communicatethat.
So I think that piece was alsoimportant to share if you at all
(06:10):
feel seen in that.
So let's get started.
I was trying to make a list foryou.
Like, I'm gonna share fivethings, I'm gonna share seven
things, but the truth is that mylist is a little like took a
little mind of its own, and itstarted as a list, and then I
started filling in the blanksand all this.
(06:32):
So just flow with me here,okay.
I'll try and do a recap at theend as to what these things
were.
So the first thing I've beendoing, maybe I should number
these as we go along.
This is like a little workshopwe're doing here all together.
All right, so the first thing Istarted to do or I allowed
(06:53):
myself to do actually was tofeel my emotions and to feel my
feelings.
Uh, a lot of sadness, lots offrustration, lots of I don't
know, not knowing.
I don't even know if that's anemotion.
I should look up the emotionschart.
(07:16):
There is an emotions chart too,but feeling lost, and that
doesn't feel good.
Okay, and just the fact that Iallowed myself to say that I
will feel my emotions in thisjourney has been helpful.
Allowing myself to cry,allowing myself to feel sad,
(07:40):
allowing myself to not put on ashow or a performance, just and
meeting myself there.
So if you follow me onInstagram, you've probably
noticed that I've been not onvideo that much, and that's one
of the reasons.
Another one of the reasons isbecause anytime I show up on
(08:02):
video on Instagram now, it showsmy stuff to nobody, like it'll
go from almost 200 views to like20 views, and that on its own
has me a little annoyed.
So I've also been trying tobuild community in different
ways, like meeting people inperson, communicating through my
(08:24):
email list, and through here onmy podcast.
So I digress anyway, feelingmaking sure I'm feeling my
emotions and meeting myselfwhere I am.
So, in doing that, somethingthat has been helpful and not so
easy for me is talking to otherpeople.
I am an avoider, I am a well,maybe I should say recovering
(08:53):
from these things.
I like avoidance andhyperindependence, where I just
will not share what's happeningwith anyone because I tell
myself or I've learned that Ineed to solve all my issues
myself with no support becausethat's what I was used to doing
(09:13):
growing up.
And as an adult, and as I getdeeper into my healing journey,
I've had to really work onletting go of that and allowing
for me to be vulnerable and forother people to support me.
So this is a lesson I've beenlearning.
(09:34):
So talking to others has been,I guess, number two of what I've
been doing.
And of course, this is nottalking to anyone and everyone,
this is talking to people who Itrust, people who I feel safe
with, who I know I will besupported by.
And those people have been myhubs, my partner, uh, friends,
(09:58):
certain friends that I can leanon, my therapist, and a few
business supports that I'vehired, and I've just shared like
how I've been feeling, whetherit's frustrated or like
nothing's working, things likethat.
So really leaning into sharinghow I'm feeling has allowed me
(10:20):
to release, right?
To release some of thoseemotions, to release some of the
pressure.
It has also opened upconversations where I am
validated and I there arestories that other people have
from other points of views thatmake me feel like I'm not alone
(10:43):
and I'm not crazy.
Cause you know, we be feelinglike we're the only ones and
then we're crazy.
It has also allowed for mirroropportunities where friends have
either been in my shoesrecently or they're in a
different space where I get toreflect off of that and be like,
(11:04):
Oh, I think that I need to bein a similar space if I want XYZ
and I'm not there, so I need tomeet my needs in another way.
So it's definitely not areflection in a bad way, it's a
reflection in a good way to tryand understand where I am
better, and also it has provideda mirror to see like you can
(11:28):
bounce back from these things orthings can look different
because some of my friends havebeen in this position before and
they're in a totally differentplace now, and it's like wow, we
are able to come back fromthese things because another
thing I am actively and andalways recovering from is
rigidity.
I tend to be so extremely rigidwith myself, or so zero to a
(11:54):
hundred, or like if I make thisdecision, then I need to 100%
scrap everything else.
If I make this choice, I cannoteven think about or you know,
practice something else at thesame time.
So my rigidity has always beensomething that has also kept me
(12:14):
stuck, and to see the flow ofthese things with like living
examples of someone else hasbeen really supportive to me
because it's always valuablewhen other people bring a
different perspective, and withmy therapist, is like more of
narrowing things down or likereally aligning a lot of my
(12:37):
thoughts into an actionable pathwhere I'm able to anchor myself
in, and with that comes finallybeing able to journal.
I'm not a big journaler formany reasons.
Sometimes I feel like I don'tknow exactly what to write, I
(12:57):
kind of get lost in the writing,or I don't really love what I'm
writing about, like so manythings.
But this time around, I justwent straight to the point with
myself and I asked myselfquestions like, what is the
lesson I'm learning in thisseason?
Like it feels so hard, but Iknow that every season or every
(13:20):
circumstance you learn somethingfrom that, so I wanted not to
gloss over that.
So these are the journalingthings I did just to tell you,
and this is number three, right?
Like the number three thingthat I did.
And sometimes I'll say that weneed this process.
I was not ready for journalingin this way, but talking about
(13:43):
it with different people andseeing what I consistently was
maybe complaining about orworried about, then led me to
ask myself these questions injournaling.
So the first thing was I wantedagain to highlight what exactly
I was learning in this seasonof my life.
(14:05):
And I wrote a bunch of thingsdown that I was learning and
that was important for me tolearn or is important for me to
learn, and I would not belearning if I was not in this
current situation.
So that's really important toknow because sometimes we need
to put, be put in that situationfor us to learn specific
lessons.
(14:25):
And if you've become a parentor you've switched jobs or you
become a caretaker or somethinglike that, sometimes you really
have to be in the shoes toactually be learning those
lessons.
And again, those are importantthings to know because then
these lessons will betransferable skills, right?
(14:46):
That you can use and will helpyou kind of catapult as you move
into whatever next season or Idon't know, situation,
circumstance that you're in.
So that's the first thing Idid.
The second, and this is not atthe same time either, right?
Like this is over various days.
(15:06):
The second thing I asked myselfis why am I scared of XYZ?
Why am I scared?
And I was really avoiding thisbecause I was one, two, three,
four, just five points in whenthe real reasons why I was
scared came up for me and I wassobbing.
(15:29):
And as much as I like releaseand crying and all of that, it
is freaking exhausting.
It is exhausting, it takes alot out of you to process
emotions, and I frankly am kindof tired of being exhausted from
processing emotions.
(15:50):
Like, I I I needed to chill,but this has been really good,
so I asked myself why I wasscared, and then I asked myself,
what is my ideal situation?
What would it look like?
And again, I was like one, two,three points in, and again, I
(16:14):
started with the waterworkssobbing again, but it was so
insightful because it reallybrought to the surface what I
was fill-in-the-blank avoiding.
And what I realized was that itbrought up so much, it brought
up trauma that I had beenthrough that I had not even
(16:37):
acknowledged for so many years.
Yes, I had spoken about it andglossed over it and was in
community about it, but toreally write everything down and
realize how much specificsituation, probably around and
like specifically around career,has affected me was really
(16:58):
eye-opening.
And then it made things moreclear of what was trauma, what
was ego-based, and how myintuition was actually talking
to me in these situations andwhat I actually wanted.
So I ended up bringing this tomy therapist and she helped me
(17:19):
narrow things down.
She was like, from your idealsituation, what are, because
there was like a list of I don'tknow, a dozen, maybe 10 to 12.
She was like, What are fivethings that are non-negotiable
for you from this idealsituation, right?
Because as with everything,there's gonna be sacrifices,
there's gonna be give and takes,but more or less, what are five
(17:43):
things that will really holdthis idea of an ideal situation
down for you?
And I was able to identifythose.
We spoke about them together,we walked through them as to why
they were important, and thenshe was like, Okay, now when you
take action on these things theway you want to, you'll be able
(18:05):
to be more clear as to whereyou stand and what direction
you're you want to take, and youcan kind of and you can use it
as a benchmark to make decisionswhen things come up for you.
Okay, so that was so extremelyhelpful for me, and I'm still
(18:28):
like my eyes hurt y'all from theamount of crying I did on this
call every single Wednesday.
I'm recording this onWednesday, but you're hearing it
on Thursday, or whenever you'retuning in, thank you so much.
Um, I just know that I'm gonnacry a lot because I'm still
processing emotions, and I thinkout of I don't know how many
(18:49):
months I've been with atherapist, I haven't cried like
two days.
Again, it's exhausting, but Iknow that I need to process this
in this way.
Crying is a way that I release,and I always try and plan or
take it easier with myself for afew hours after that because I
(19:13):
know it's going to be a lot inthat moment.
Okay, let's keep moving on.
So the fourth thing I've beendoing is I've been sitting for
12 minutes.
This this might be calledmeditation for some people.
I am not a good meditator, or Ialways think I don't have the
(19:39):
time to meditate or to sit stillor in silence, and I know that
it's important, but at the sametime, it's something that I have
not made a priority until Iread or I listened to the book
The Source, The Secret of theUniverse, The Science of the
(20:01):
Brain by Dr.
Tara Swart.
I'll put it in the show notestoo.
And she was like, All you needis 12 minutes of sitting down
and meditating.
All you need is 12 minutes, andshe went on this little rampage
(20:24):
of I know 12 minutes might be alot of time, you might not have
12 minutes, and she's like, butyou really do, it's just 12
minutes out of your day, and youcan do it at multiple points,
you can do it while you'recommuting, you can do it while
you're I don't know, definitelynot driving.
(20:45):
But she's saying, like, you candefinitely find 12 minutes to
do it, and although I have notdone it every single day, I have
been more consistent with it,and I actually did my 12 minutes
before my therapy sessiontoday, and it's been helpful to
just quiet down the mind.
Usually, when I meditate, I'm aperson who sees colors, so
(21:10):
sometimes that's helpful, andit's just I actually started
doing it more because it wouldhelp with my anxiety.
So, whenever I noticed that Iwas starting to feel very
stressed out, that my anxietywas starting to rise, that my
brain was going a mile a minute,like super fast with thoughts,
(21:32):
and I felt like I was losingcontrol.
I was like, nope, I need tomeditate, and I don't sit in
silence because that is actuallyvery uncomfortable for me.
So, what I listened to thatI've actually been sharing with
my clients is oh my gosh, I amlooking for this playlist that
(21:55):
I've been sending to my clients.
Let me see if I find itquickly.
It is hold on.
No, I lost it.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
It is oh my gosh, I can't findexactly the name.
Oh, maybe if I go to themessages, thanks for bearing
(22:20):
with me.
Thanks for bearing with me.
Um, okay, I found it.
It's called Tibetan HealingMusic, Zen Meditation, Stress
Relief, Relaxing Music, TibetanBowl Bowls, Indian Flute.
So I guess it's not really likea name name.
It's called Tibetan HealingMusic.
That's what it is, and I loveit because it's gentle, there's
(22:43):
a lot of nature sounds inside.
There's birds, there's like itsaid flutes and like light drums
and all this, and it just feelsvery calming to my nervous
system.
I love the bird sounds, I justreally love the bird sounds, and
that helps me kind of zone infor 12 minutes.
(23:03):
So, again, it might not, and Ifeel like it's just enough time,
okay?
Like just enough time before Iget antsy, and just enough time
for it to be effective.
Okay, so yes, that is numberfour.
Okay, another thing that I didtoday, actually, with my
(23:30):
meditation that was so helpful,was ask myself a question, and
I'll tell you where it camefrom.
I am currently listening to theaudiobook We Can Do Hard Things
Answer to Life's 20 Questionsby Glenn and Doyle, Abby
Wombach, and Amanda Doyle.
(23:50):
I had heard, I feel like it wasI don't remember if it was all
three of them, but I thinkdefinitely Glenn and Doyle on
the Happiness Lab podcast, wherethey were having a series on
parenting, and they mentionedthis book.
(24:10):
So I decided to listen to it.
And just today, before mytherapy session, I reached the
chapter on making decisions andhow tough that can be, or like
listening to your intuition,what something like that.
And they one of them mentioned,ask your 10-year-old self what
(24:36):
they need.
And they were like, Becausemost of the time, when you ask
your adult self what you need,you most likely think of a
strategy.
And don't quote me, this is notlike quoted, this is just you
know what I remember.
And so, yeah, they were like,most of the time, if you ask
your adult self, is going to bea strategy, like I should try
(25:01):
XYZ, or I should work onwhatever it is, strategy base.
But they were like, if you askyour 10-year-old self, most
likely your 10-year-old self isgonna say something like, I need
a glass of water, I wanna gooutside and play, I need a nap,
I need rest, I want to watch TV,I don't know, something like
(25:25):
that.
XYZ is going to be meeting yourneeds to some capacity.
So when I was in my 12 minutes,the question came up for me
like, what does 10-year-oldNaomi need?
And that again made me cry.
I made it to my therapy sessionalready crying.
(25:47):
Like I was telling mytherapist, I'm like, I'm kind of
over myself and I'm kind ofembarrassed.
Um, but anyway, so yes, I askedmy five, my 10-year-old self
what I needed, and my10-year-old self was like, I'm
tired, I'm tired, I need a breakfrom this.
(26:09):
My brain hurts of trying tofigure it out, and it's not
physically tired, is mentallytired, and I could just see her
little face of exhaustion andjust needing a break, and
needing what I like to say, somefloaties, like I'm just
(26:31):
sinking, and it's funny becausemy friend who I sent a voice
note to kind of sharing a littlebit of what was going on, she
was like, Wow, I can hear kindof the burnout when it comes to
this topic, I can hear how tiredyou are over it, and I felt so
bad for my 10-year-old self.
(26:53):
And as a parent with a11-year-old and a nine-year-old,
I was kind of I could reallypicture myself in their shoes
and when they look tired andoverwhelmed and exhausted.
And as their mom, I'm not like,well, this is the strategy of
(27:15):
not being tired if you need tolay down and you need a break.
This is the strategy.
You need to work harder, youneed to push through, you need
to do this, right?
Like, I don't do that to mykids.
I'm like, yes, let's rest,let's take a break.
It's okay if you do this later,it's okay if you change your
(27:38):
mind.
And posing that question tomyself kind of really supported
everything else that I hadalready done, like the
journaling work of what I wasscared of, what I was learning,
what direction I wanted to movein, and then um with the
(28:01):
discussion with my therapist.
So as you can see, everythingis kind of starting to fall in
line, and this has taken monthsand months and months of trying
to decide what to do, trying todecide when is enough and is
enough, trying to decide when amI gonna flip a switch, like all
(28:22):
these things, and with all ofthat, my therapist again
reminded me because I was like,haha, I'm not good read change,
obviously, and and she was like,uh, remember that nothing is
set in stone, you can alwayschange your mind, things are not
(28:46):
forever.
And I was like, Oh, oh, ohyeah, because y'all, me and
rigidity, me and making adecision and not leaving any
room for flexibility or play inthere is so real for me, and
(29:06):
it's so hard to have blurryedges around any of this, and to
let ebbs and flows within mydecisions happen, um, because
again, control, right, and justmaking up a story of how things
are supposed to be and play outwhen none of it ain't even
(29:29):
happened yet, all right.
So that was essentially thelast thing, and as I was talking
with you guys about it, I kindof uh outlined everything.
So it's basically five thingsthat I've been doing, and I hope
it helps you if you're tryingto make a decision for your
(29:52):
health and wellness, becausesome areas of life come easier
to some people than others.
Others and I don't want to saythat my life into health and
wellness was so easy, and I justflipped the switch and it was
fine because there were so manylearnings and ups and downs when
(30:14):
it came to that.
However, I do find that when itcomes to health and wellness,
for the most part, it's easierfor me to adapt and make
changes.
Whereas for other people, itmight be extremely difficult and
excruciating.
And I want to say that it'stotally, totally valid.
(30:34):
Uh, and it doesn't mean thatyou can't do it, it just might
mean that you need a lot ofsupport to get you to where you
want to be.
The same way that I've neededso much support for myself
because this does not come easyto me when it comes to career
and finances.
(30:54):
Okay, so uh hopefully, thislittle outline of what I've been
doing, which to be honest withyou, I've surprised myself that
this has been my process, andI'm grateful for again all the
investments I've made, all howI've showed up for myself, even
(31:17):
if it is, you know, investing insupport and trusting myself to
just lean into the tools thathave come my way and piecing
them all together betweenaudiobooks, um, therapy,
coaching, healing work that I'vedone throughout all this time
(31:39):
to help me get here because forsomeone else, these decisions
might feel super easy, like ano-brainer.
And for me, it's excruciatinglydifficult.
And my brain is literallydrowning and exhausting,
exhausted trying to make thesechanges and and come up with
these decisions and take anysort of action around it.
(32:00):
So, again, I'll summarize thefive for you.
It was number one, emotionsgalore.
That's exactly what I wrotedown.
Just allowing yourself to feelthe emotions that come up.
All emotions are valid.
I've gone from everything fromanger, frustration, grief,
sadness, all these things to nowfeeling a little bit more
(32:25):
neutral.
And I have to say, it justhasn't been an uphill
lovey-dovey journey either,because there were a weeks where
I felt super calm and confidentand just trusting and hopeful.
And then the following week Iwas drowning in my sorrows
again.
(32:45):
So I'm feeling pretty okayright now, but I wouldn't be
surprised if another wave ofthose emotions come back as
emotions come and go.
Number two was talking toothers, people who you feel safe
with, uh, and really beingvulnerable and having open
conversations.
(33:06):
Number three was journaling,and I specifically asking myself
what lessons I'm learning, whyam I scared of XYZ?
And what is my ideal situation?
What would it look like forXYZ?
Uh, number four was sitting for12 minutes, like however that
(33:30):
works for you, if it's a guidedmeditation, if it's music like I
use, but really sitting inwhatever feels good for you,
just listening to your thoughtsor like breathing and calming um
your nervous system.
I specifically use this when mymind was racing, when I felt a
lot of anxiety, and I justneeded to remind my body that I
(33:55):
was safe and and learning, notlearning, uh practicing my deep
breathing again and just calmingmy nervous system.
That was really helpful.
And then number five was whatwould my 10-year-old need?
What does she need?
What does my 10-year-oldversion of myself need?
And I did that while I was inmeditation, but you can also
(34:20):
just ask yourself that you canprocess that through journaling
or however it is that you needto.
But that question was so goodfor me because at 10, you're old
enough to to know, you know, alittle bit more, but you're not
necessarily relying on strategy,you're relying on you know,
(34:41):
meeting your basic needs, andthen from what from there you
get to decide what actions youwant to take to meet those
needs.
And lastly, I mean this is notnumber six, but just for me was
identifying things that hold meback in the journey, and for me,
(35:01):
that was or that is rigidityand like being scared of change,
which I think is is somethingthat's true for a lot of people.
So I hope this was helpful foryou.
If you are in need of supportfor health and wellness, if you
know that in health and wellnessis one of those areas where you
(35:27):
really struggle, it feelsreally scary, it feels like it's
really hard to attain and toreach, and it's easy for other
people, but not for you.
But you know deep down that itis something you want to figure
out, and you know that it'simportant to you, you're just
kind of lost as to how to getthere, and you would benefit
(35:50):
from having somebody to holdspace for you to give you
different ideas as to how itcould feel safer for you to
adopt and not so scary to reallygive you validation as to
what's happening in your journeyand support you with knowledge
(36:15):
and skill building and habitbuilding that goes at your own
pace, it's personalized to youand what you like and what you
need at the moment in yourcurrent circumstance, then that
is something I 100% support myclients on.
I basically walk them throughsimilar processes when it comes
(36:39):
to health and wellness, becausethat's where my gift lies.
And so many of my clients, whenthey are really afraid of
wellness or things that theyknow they want to do for
themselves, but they just reallydon't know how to get
themselves to do it, issomething that I support them
and they are very successful in.
(37:00):
So if that's something that youknow can be helpful for you, I
invite you to book aconsultation call with the link
in the show notes, or you can DMme directly on Instagram and we
can have a conversation to seeif it's a right fit for you.
All right, I'll see y'all nextweek.
(37:21):
Bye.
Hello friends, welcome back to the podcast.
So earlier today, I had atherapy session with my
therapist, and I was planning adifferent episode for today.
But I don't know if you canfeel my energy or not.
I was like, I cannot.
I I am not in the energeticspace to discuss the topic that
(00:25):
I was planning to for today, andI considered not even recording
an episode.
However, I was like, I'm justgoing to talk about the process
that I've been going through tomake a decision and to decide
what to do.
(00:45):
I've been having such a hardtime with making a decision or
choosing a direction to go in.
For me specifically, it's beenwith career and finances.
And I was like, people who aretrying to make decisions about
(01:09):
their health and wellness mightbe feeling the same kind of
distress that I am in health andwellness space as I am dealing
with career and finances.
And I feel finally like I havemore clarity on the direction I
(01:29):
want to move in, the actions Iwant to take, and why, right?
Like that's really importantwhy.
In the past, I would have justdwelled and dwelled and dwelled
and kept everything in.
And that is not good for ourhealth and wellness, right?
Everything coming back to that.
Because stagnant emotions.
(01:50):
I'm sorry, there's like a caralarm going off right now, as
there sometimes is.
Oh, okay, it's gone.
So where was I?
Okay, yes, stagnant emotions.
This is so real.
Like, y'all, bear with me.
Stagnant emotions.
(02:11):
When our emotions becomestagnant in our body, it can
really manifest into healthproblems, right?
It really, really can.
It can affect specific organs,it can manifest into different
illnesses.
And I don't know if you'veheard of these stories of people
showing up to the doctor, andthey're like, I don't feel well,
(02:31):
my head hurts, my stomachhurts, or I think something's
seriously wrong with me.
And sometimes there is, and thedoctor sometimes is like,
you're fine, like I don't know.
And oftentimes it's tied toemotional distress or stress and
things like that that'smanifesting physically in the
body, and that is something Idon't want to happen to me.
(02:52):
So I've been working onnavigating everything that I'm
feeling on the inside becausebefore I used to just hold
everything in, I would go intofreeze, I would go into
avoidance, and I'm really tryingto use the tools that I have
(03:13):
invested in deeply with healersand with coaching and with
therapy to process what iscurrently happening.
So, what I'm gonna do in thisepisode is walk you through what
I've been doing, and hopefully,one of these pieces will be
helpful to you if you need them,if you've been trying to make
(03:38):
decisions for yourself.
Uh, and hopefully you get tohang on to one of these tools,
which I've actually acquiredfrom different sources, and I'll
tell you a few of them.
I'm actually trying to lookthem up now so I can tell you
where I acquired some of thesetools from because I think um
(03:58):
that's really important too.
I didn't just come up with Ididn't just come up with these
tools on my own.
A lot of times, again, they'vebeen from the investments I've
made, from therapy, fromcoaching, and audiobooks or
books that have reminded me ofthese things.
(04:19):
It's not necessarily somethingnew, but a reminder of the tools
that I do have and how to leaninto them.
Okay, let's get started becausewe deserve to be unstuck.
Um, oh, I'll mention one otherthing.
Aside from being in avoidanceum and stuck, another thing I
(04:42):
would do to make decisions or totake action was to rush and to
take action in desperation.
And that's also not helpful.
I would just be veryspontaneous, I would rush into
things, I would not think aboutit because a lot of times I just
wanted to get rid of myemotions and that decision so
(05:05):
quickly, and I also did not wantto make decisions from a place
like that, from that emotionalspace.
I wanted to make decisions froma place where I felt more
grounded, more neutral, morelevel-headed, and I'm turning my
head right now because I justremembered there's this what's
(05:27):
called an emotional vibrationchart that kind of delineates
emotions based on yourvibration, and all the way at
the bottom is like guilt, shame,grief, things like that, and
towards the top, there's joy,peace, acceptance, forgiveness,
(05:50):
willingness.
So I definitely wanted to betoward the high end of the
vibration chart, um, and feelvery confident, very grounded,
and very knowing of the actionsand decisions that I wanted to
take and be able to communicatethat.
So I think that piece was alsoimportant to share if you at all
(06:10):
feel seen in that.
So let's get started.
I was trying to make a list foryou.
Like, I'm gonna share fivethings, I'm gonna share seven
things, but the truth is that mylist is a little like took a
little mind of its own, and itstarted as a list, and then I
started filling in the blanksand all this.
(06:32):
So just flow with me here,okay.
I'll try and do a recap at theend as to what these things
were.
So the first thing I've beendoing, maybe I should number
these as we go along.
This is like a little workshopwe're doing here all together.
All right, so the first thing Istarted to do or I allowed
(06:53):
myself to do actually was tofeel my emotions and to feel my
feelings.
Uh, a lot of sadness, lots offrustration, lots of I don't
know, not knowing.
I don't even know if that's anemotion.
I should look up the emotionschart.
(07:16):
There is an emotions chart too,but feeling lost, and that
doesn't feel good.
Okay, and just the fact that Iallowed myself to say that I
will feel my emotions in thisjourney has been helpful.
Allowing myself to cry,allowing myself to feel sad,
(07:40):
allowing myself to not put on ashow or a performance, just and
meeting myself there.
So if you follow me onInstagram, you've probably
noticed that I've been not onvideo that much, and that's one
of the reasons.
Another one of the reasons isbecause anytime I show up on
(08:02):
video on Instagram now, it showsmy stuff to nobody, like it'll
go from almost 200 views to like20 views, and that on its own
has me a little annoyed.
So I've also been trying tobuild community in different
ways, like meeting people inperson, communicating through my
(08:24):
email list, and through here onmy podcast.
So I digress anyway, feelingmaking sure I'm feeling my
emotions and meeting myselfwhere I am.
So, in doing that, somethingthat has been helpful and not so
easy for me is talking to otherpeople.
I am an avoider, I am a well,maybe I should say recovering
(08:53):
from these things.
I like avoidance andhyperindependence, where I just
will not share what's happeningwith anyone because I tell
myself or I've learned that Ineed to solve all my issues
myself with no support becausethat's what I was used to doing
(09:13):
growing up.
And as an adult, and as I getdeeper into my healing journey,
I've had to really work onletting go of that and allowing
for me to be vulnerable and forother people to support me.
So this is a lesson I've beenlearning.
(09:34):
So talking to others has been,I guess, number two of what I've
been doing.
And of course, this is nottalking to anyone and everyone,
this is talking to people who Itrust, people who I feel safe
with, who I know I will besupported by.
And those people have been myhubs, my partner, uh, friends,
(09:58):
certain friends that I can leanon, my therapist, and a few
business supports that I'vehired, and I've just shared like
how I've been feeling, whetherit's frustrated or like
nothing's working, things likethat.
So really leaning into sharinghow I'm feeling has allowed me
(10:20):
to release, right?
To release some of thoseemotions, to release some of the
pressure.
It has also opened upconversations where I am
validated and I there arestories that other people have
from other points of views thatmake me feel like I'm not alone
(10:43):
and I'm not crazy.
Cause you know, we be feelinglike we're the only ones and
then we're crazy.
It has also allowed for mirroropportunities where friends have
either been in my shoesrecently or they're in a
different space where I get toreflect off of that and be like,
(11:04):
Oh, I think that I need to bein a similar space if I want XYZ
and I'm not there, so I need tomeet my needs in another way.
So it's definitely not areflection in a bad way, it's a
reflection in a good way to tryand understand where I am
better, and also it has provideda mirror to see like you can
(11:28):
bounce back from these things orthings can look different
because some of my friends havebeen in this position before and
they're in a totally differentplace now, and it's like wow, we
are able to come back fromthese things because another
thing I am actively and andalways recovering from is
rigidity.
I tend to be so extremely rigidwith myself, or so zero to a
(11:54):
hundred, or like if I make thisdecision, then I need to 100%
scrap everything else.
If I make this choice, I cannoteven think about or you know,
practice something else at thesame time.
So my rigidity has always beensomething that has also kept me
(12:14):
stuck, and to see the flow ofthese things with like living
examples of someone else hasbeen really supportive to me
because it's always valuablewhen other people bring a
different perspective, and withmy therapist, is like more of
narrowing things down or likereally aligning a lot of my
(12:37):
thoughts into an actionable pathwhere I'm able to anchor myself
in, and with that comes finallybeing able to journal.
I'm not a big journaler formany reasons.
Sometimes I feel like I don'tknow exactly what to write, I
(12:57):
kind of get lost in the writing,or I don't really love what I'm
writing about, like so manythings.
But this time around, I justwent straight to the point with
myself and I asked myselfquestions like, what is the
lesson I'm learning in thisseason?
Like it feels so hard, but Iknow that every season or every
(13:20):
circumstance you learn somethingfrom that, so I wanted not to
gloss over that.
So these are the journalingthings I did just to tell you,
and this is number three, right?
Like the number three thingthat I did.
And sometimes I'll say that weneed this process.
I was not ready for journalingin this way, but talking about
(13:43):
it with different people andseeing what I consistently was
maybe complaining about orworried about, then led me to
ask myself these questions injournaling.
So the first thing was I wantedagain to highlight what exactly
I was learning in this seasonof my life.
(14:05):
And I wrote a bunch of thingsdown that I was learning and
that was important for me tolearn or is important for me to
learn, and I would not belearning if I was not in this
current situation.
So that's really important toknow because sometimes we need
to put, be put in that situationfor us to learn specific
lessons.
(14:25):
And if you've become a parentor you've switched jobs or you
become a caretaker or somethinglike that, sometimes you really
have to be in the shoes toactually be learning those
lessons.
And again, those are importantthings to know because then
these lessons will betransferable skills, right?
(14:46):
That you can use and will helpyou kind of catapult as you move
into whatever next season or Idon't know, situation,
circumstance that you're in.
So that's the first thing Idid.
The second, and this is not atthe same time either, right?
Like this is over various days.
(15:06):
The second thing I asked myselfis why am I scared of XYZ?
Why am I scared?
And I was really avoiding thisbecause I was one, two, three,
four, just five points in whenthe real reasons why I was
scared came up for me and I wassobbing.
(15:29):
And as much as I like releaseand crying and all of that, it
is freaking exhausting.
It is exhausting, it takes alot out of you to process
emotions, and I frankly am kindof tired of being exhausted from
processing emotions.
(15:50):
Like, I I I needed to chill,but this has been really good,
so I asked myself why I wasscared, and then I asked myself,
what is my ideal situation?
What would it look like?
And again, I was like one, two,three points in, and again, I
(16:14):
started with the waterworkssobbing again, but it was so
insightful because it reallybrought to the surface what I
was fill-in-the-blank avoiding.
And what I realized was that itbrought up so much, it brought
up trauma that I had beenthrough that I had not even
(16:37):
acknowledged for so many years.
Yes, I had spoken about it andglossed over it and was in
community about it, but toreally write everything down and
realize how much specificsituation, probably around and
like specifically around career,has affected me was really
(16:58):
eye-opening.
And then it made things moreclear of what was trauma, what
was ego-based, and how myintuition was actually talking
to me in these situations andwhat I actually wanted.
So I ended up bringing this tomy therapist and she helped me
(17:19):
narrow things down.
She was like, from your idealsituation, what are, because
there was like a list of I don'tknow, a dozen, maybe 10 to 12.
She was like, What are fivethings that are non-negotiable
for you from this idealsituation, right?
Because as with everything,there's gonna be sacrifices,
there's gonna be give and takes,but more or less, what are five
(17:43):
things that will really holdthis idea of an ideal situation
down for you?
And I was able to identifythose.
We spoke about them together,we walked through them as to why
they were important, and thenshe was like, Okay, now when you
take action on these things theway you want to, you'll be able
(18:05):
to be more clear as to whereyou stand and what direction
you're you want to take, and youcan kind of and you can use it
as a benchmark to make decisionswhen things come up for you.
Okay, so that was so extremelyhelpful for me, and I'm still
(18:28):
like my eyes hurt y'all from theamount of crying I did on this
call every single Wednesday.
I'm recording this onWednesday, but you're hearing it
on Thursday, or whenever you'retuning in, thank you so much.
Um, I just know that I'm gonnacry a lot because I'm still
processing emotions, and I thinkout of I don't know how many
(18:49):
months I've been with atherapist, I haven't cried like
two days.
Again, it's exhausting, but Iknow that I need to process this
in this way.
Crying is a way that I release,and I always try and plan or
take it easier with myself for afew hours after that because I
(19:13):
know it's going to be a lot inthat moment.
Okay, let's keep moving on.
So the fourth thing I've beendoing is I've been sitting for
12 minutes.
This this might be calledmeditation for some people.
I am not a good meditator, or Ialways think I don't have the
(19:39):
time to meditate or to sit stillor in silence, and I know that
it's important, but at the sametime, it's something that I have
not made a priority until Iread or I listened to the book
The Source, The Secret of theUniverse, The Science of the
(20:01):
Brain by Dr.
Tara Swart.
I'll put it in the show notestoo.
And she was like, All you needis 12 minutes of sitting down
and meditating.
All you need is 12 minutes, andshe went on this little rampage
(20:24):
of I know 12 minutes might be alot of time, you might not have
12 minutes, and she's like, butyou really do, it's just 12
minutes out of your day, and youcan do it at multiple points,
you can do it while you'recommuting, you can do it while
you're I don't know, definitelynot driving.
(20:45):
But she's saying, like, you candefinitely find 12 minutes to
do it, and although I have notdone it every single day, I have
been more consistent with it,and I actually did my 12 minutes
before my therapy sessiontoday, and it's been helpful to
just quiet down the mind.
Usually, when I meditate, I'm aperson who sees colors, so
(21:10):
sometimes that's helpful, andit's just I actually started
doing it more because it wouldhelp with my anxiety.
So, whenever I noticed that Iwas starting to feel very
stressed out, that my anxietywas starting to rise, that my
brain was going a mile a minute,like super fast with thoughts,
(21:32):
and I felt like I was losingcontrol.
I was like, nope, I need tomeditate, and I don't sit in
silence because that is actuallyvery uncomfortable for me.
So, what I listened to thatI've actually been sharing with
my clients is oh my gosh, I amlooking for this playlist that
(21:55):
I've been sending to my clients.
Let me see if I find itquickly.
It is hold on.
No, I lost it.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
It is oh my gosh, I can't findexactly the name.
Oh, maybe if I go to themessages, thanks for bearing
(22:20):
with me.
Thanks for bearing with me.
Um, okay, I found it.
It's called Tibetan HealingMusic, Zen Meditation, Stress
Relief, Relaxing Music, TibetanBowl Bowls, Indian Flute.
So I guess it's not really likea name name.
It's called Tibetan HealingMusic.
That's what it is, and I loveit because it's gentle, there's
(22:43):
a lot of nature sounds inside.
There's birds, there's like itsaid flutes and like light drums
and all this, and it just feelsvery calming to my nervous
system.
I love the bird sounds, I justreally love the bird sounds, and
that helps me kind of zone infor 12 minutes.
(23:03):
So, again, it might not, and Ifeel like it's just enough time,
okay?
Like just enough time before Iget antsy, and just enough time
for it to be effective.
Okay, so yes, that is numberfour.
Okay, another thing that I didtoday, actually, with my
(23:30):
meditation that was so helpful,was ask myself a question, and
I'll tell you where it camefrom.
I am currently listening to theaudiobook We Can Do Hard Things
Answer to Life's 20 Questionsby Glenn and Doyle, Abby
Wombach, and Amanda Doyle.
(23:50):
I had heard, I feel like it wasI don't remember if it was all
three of them, but I thinkdefinitely Glenn and Doyle on
the Happiness Lab podcast, wherethey were having a series on
parenting, and they mentionedthis book.
(24:10):
So I decided to listen to it.
And just today, before mytherapy session, I reached the
chapter on making decisions andhow tough that can be, or like
listening to your intuition,what something like that.
And they one of them mentioned,ask your 10-year-old self what
(24:36):
they need.
And they were like, Becausemost of the time, when you ask
your adult self what you need,you most likely think of a
strategy.
And don't quote me, this is notlike quoted, this is just you
know what I remember.
And so, yeah, they were like,most of the time, if you ask
your adult self, is going to bea strategy, like I should try
(25:01):
XYZ, or I should work onwhatever it is, strategy base.
But they were like, if you askyour 10-year-old self, most
likely your 10-year-old self isgonna say something like, I need
a glass of water, I wanna gooutside and play, I need a nap,
I need rest, I want to watch TV,I don't know, something like
(25:25):
that.
XYZ is going to be meeting yourneeds to some capacity.
So when I was in my 12 minutes,the question came up for me
like, what does 10-year-oldNaomi need?
And that again made me cry.
I made it to my therapy sessionalready crying.
(25:47):
Like I was telling mytherapist, I'm like, I'm kind of
over myself and I'm kind ofembarrassed.
Um, but anyway, so yes, I askedmy five, my 10-year-old self
what I needed, and my10-year-old self was like, I'm
tired, I'm tired, I need a breakfrom this.
(26:09):
My brain hurts of trying tofigure it out, and it's not
physically tired, is mentallytired, and I could just see her
little face of exhaustion andjust needing a break, and
needing what I like to say, somefloaties, like I'm just
(26:31):
sinking, and it's funny becausemy friend who I sent a voice
note to kind of sharing a littlebit of what was going on, she
was like, Wow, I can hear kindof the burnout when it comes to
this topic, I can hear how tiredyou are over it, and I felt so
bad for my 10-year-old self.
(26:53):
And as a parent with a11-year-old and a nine-year-old,
I was kind of I could reallypicture myself in their shoes
and when they look tired andoverwhelmed and exhausted.
And as their mom, I'm not like,well, this is the strategy of
(27:15):
not being tired if you need tolay down and you need a break.
This is the strategy.
You need to work harder, youneed to push through, you need
to do this, right?
Like, I don't do that to mykids.
I'm like, yes, let's rest,let's take a break.
It's okay if you do this later,it's okay if you change your
(27:38):
mind.
And posing that question tomyself kind of really supported
everything else that I hadalready done, like the
journaling work of what I wasscared of, what I was learning,
what direction I wanted to movein, and then um with the
(28:01):
discussion with my therapist.
So as you can see, everythingis kind of starting to fall in
line, and this has taken monthsand months and months of trying
to decide what to do, trying todecide when is enough and is
enough, trying to decide when amI gonna flip a switch, like all
(28:22):
these things, and with all ofthat, my therapist again
reminded me because I was like,haha, I'm not good read change,
obviously, and and she was like,uh, remember that nothing is
set in stone, you can alwayschange your mind, things are not
(28:46):
forever.
And I was like, Oh, oh, ohyeah, because y'all, me and
rigidity, me and making adecision and not leaving any
room for flexibility or play inthere is so real for me, and
(29:06):
it's so hard to have blurryedges around any of this, and to
let ebbs and flows within mydecisions happen, um, because
again, control, right, and justmaking up a story of how things
are supposed to be and play outwhen none of it ain't even
(29:29):
happened yet, all right.
So that was essentially thelast thing, and as I was talking
with you guys about it, I kindof uh outlined everything.
So it's basically five thingsthat I've been doing, and I hope
it helps you if you're tryingto make a decision for your
(29:52):
health and wellness, becausesome areas of life come easier
to some people than others.
Others and I don't want to saythat my life into health and
wellness was so easy, and I justflipped the switch and it was
fine because there were so manylearnings and ups and downs when
(30:14):
it came to that.
However, I do find that when itcomes to health and wellness,
for the most part, it's easierfor me to adapt and make
changes.
Whereas for other people, itmight be extremely difficult and
excruciating.
And I want to say that it'stotally, totally valid.
(30:34):
Uh, and it doesn't mean thatyou can't do it, it just might
mean that you need a lot ofsupport to get you to where you
want to be.
The same way that I've neededso much support for myself
because this does not come easyto me when it comes to career
and finances.
(30:54):
Okay, so uh hopefully, thislittle outline of what I've been
doing, which to be honest withyou, I've surprised myself that
this has been my process, andI'm grateful for again all the
investments I've made, all howI've showed up for myself, even
(31:17):
if it is, you know, investing insupport and trusting myself to
just lean into the tools thathave come my way and piecing
them all together betweenaudiobooks, um, therapy,
coaching, healing work that I'vedone throughout all this time
(31:39):
to help me get here because forsomeone else, these decisions
might feel super easy, like ano-brainer.
And for me, it's excruciatinglydifficult.
And my brain is literallydrowning and exhausting,
exhausted trying to make thesechanges and and come up with
these decisions and take anysort of action around it.
(32:00):
So, again, I'll summarize thefive for you.
It was number one, emotionsgalore.
That's exactly what I wrotedown.
Just allowing yourself to feelthe emotions that come up.
All emotions are valid.
I've gone from everything fromanger, frustration, grief,
sadness, all these things to nowfeeling a little bit more
(32:25):
neutral.
And I have to say, it justhasn't been an uphill
lovey-dovey journey either,because there were a weeks where
I felt super calm and confidentand just trusting and hopeful.
And then the following week Iwas drowning in my sorrows
again.
(32:45):
So I'm feeling pretty okayright now, but I wouldn't be
surprised if another wave ofthose emotions come back as
emotions come and go.
Number two was talking toothers, people who you feel safe
with, uh, and really beingvulnerable and having open
conversations.
(33:06):
Number three was journaling,and I specifically asking myself
what lessons I'm learning, whyam I scared of XYZ?
And what is my ideal situation?
What would it look like forXYZ?
Uh, number four was sitting for12 minutes, like however that
(33:30):
works for you, if it's a guidedmeditation, if it's music like I
use, but really sitting inwhatever feels good for you,
just listening to your thoughtsor like breathing and calming um
your nervous system.
I specifically use this when mymind was racing, when I felt a
lot of anxiety, and I justneeded to remind my body that I
(33:55):
was safe and and learning, notlearning, uh practicing my deep
breathing again and just calmingmy nervous system.
That was really helpful.
And then number five was whatwould my 10-year-old need?
What does she need?
What does my 10-year-oldversion of myself need?
And I did that while I was inmeditation, but you can also
(34:20):
just ask yourself that you canprocess that through journaling
or however it is that you needto.
But that question was so goodfor me because at 10, you're old
enough to to know, you know, alittle bit more, but you're not
necessarily relying on strategy,you're relying on you know,
(34:41):
meeting your basic needs, andthen from what from there you
get to decide what actions youwant to take to meet those
needs.
And lastly, I mean this is notnumber six, but just for me was
identifying things that hold meback in the journey, and for me,
(35:01):
that was or that is rigidityand like being scared of change,
which I think is is somethingthat's true for a lot of people.
So I hope this was helpful foryou.
If you are in need of supportfor health and wellness, if you
know that in health and wellnessis one of those areas where you
(35:27):
really struggle, it feelsreally scary, it feels like it's
really hard to attain and toreach, and it's easy for other
people, but not for you.
But you know deep down that itis something you want to figure
out, and you know that it'simportant to you, you're just
kind of lost as to how to getthere, and you would benefit
(35:50):
from having somebody to holdspace for you to give you
different ideas as to how itcould feel safer for you to
adopt and not so scary to reallygive you validation as to
what's happening in your journeyand support you with knowledge
(36:15):
and skill building and habitbuilding that goes at your own
pace, it's personalized to youand what you like and what you
need at the moment in yourcurrent circumstance, then that
is something I 100% support myclients on.
I basically walk them throughsimilar processes when it comes
(36:39):
to health and wellness, becausethat's where my gift lies.
And so many of my clients, whenthey are really afraid of
wellness or things that theyknow they want to do for
themselves, but they just reallydon't know how to get
themselves to do it, issomething that I support them
and they are very successful in.
(37:00):
So if that's something that youknow can be helpful for you, I
invite you to book aconsultation call with the link
in the show notes, or you can DMme directly on Instagram and we
can have a conversation to seeif it's a right fit for you.
All right, I'll see y'all nextweek.
(37:21):
Bye.
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