March 26, 2025 • 37 mins
The number one question we get..."when are you gonna have kids???" The answer? NEVER EVER EVER EVER. Let's dig into all the reasons why we've chosen to never have children!
follow us on IG:
Let's Dig In: @letsdigin.podcast
Matt Benfield: @mr.benfield
Omar Ahmed: @omarahmed.co
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matt Benfield's video reco (00:00):
Wow.
We put our tits out today as weshould.
Our tits should be out 24 7audio show.
There's partly video on thisshow, and welcome to our home as
if you're coming over for dinnerand our Ts are out and that's
what it would be like if youwere coming over for dinner.
As our friends can attest to,our tits are all the time.
Hello.
Hi.
Welcome back to Let's Dig In.
(00:21):
We are your hosts, Matt andOmar.
Oh, I know.
Sometimes you wanna do an introThe last two times I've said
that.
I said, where we are, yourhosts.
Yeah.
Do you remember?
Yeah.
That's how I was trying to say,we are your hosts.
We are your host.
Where we are.
Your Where we are.
Yeah.
I just adlib last time'cause ofmy, the blunders.
You never know what you're gonnaget with the show with me
specifically.
(00:41):
Mm.
What am I gonna say next?
What are you gonna say next?
Who knows?
Up the bum.
There's a British saying for thetopic that we're gonna be
speaking.
It's not saying, yes, it is isn.
What other kind of saying wouldit be?
I saw it when I was in Thailandlike 10 years ago.
It makes more sense.
There's a British saying.
There's a British saying aboutthe topic that we're gonna hit
on today, and it's up the bu.
(01:04):
No baby.
And it means if you have gaysex, you'll not have a baby.
And I personally think thatshould be the title of this
episode, but.
Omar thinks differently.
So that will not be the title,but it is my title of this
episode.
I told you that that saying evenexisted and I love it.
Yeah, and it's my hyper fixationright now.
(01:24):
Free.
We are gonna be talking abouttoday, we're gonna be digging
into the idea you did it rightfor the first time ever.
I know.
I always say dive.
We're gonna be digging into theidea of not the idea.
Yeah.
We're not fucking having kidsdown.
The philosophy.
Sit down.
The philosophy of not havingchildren dink wad.
If you will.
Ew dink.
What is the lamest term everdouble the most?
(01:46):
No kids Annoying without.
With a dog.
With a dog.
Ah.
That is the most annoyingmillennial bullshit that we've
ever come up with.
IAD squad as a society.
Hashtag dink squad.
Hashtag dink squad.
Like God, what we are, it's dinksquad couples, but it is what we
are.
It just sounds lame.
Dink wad.
Double income.
No kids.
With a dog.
(02:06):
And that's what we are in mymind when I was young.
Is that why I wanted for mylife?
Yeah.
I definitely was young.
A double income.
No kids with a dog.
Yeah.
Mm.
I was like, oh my God, when Igrew up, I wanna be a dink
squad.
You said those exact words.
Yes.
You wished on the shooting star.
I wish.
On the shooting star said,please hear me.
Let me be a dig squad.
Please hear me.
(02:27):
Who?
Who am I praying to as a9-year-old?
Who am I praying to?
Awa.
I am trying to think ofsomething a bit more fun.
Fucking canal.
Jesus.
No, that's less fun.
You got less fun.
Buddha.
That's more fun.
Okay, that's more fun.
Keep going.
The Scientology.
God, I was thinking like,fucking heck day.
The Scientology.
God.
No, I was thinking like he dayor I don't know.
(02:49):
Okay.
Do he day fucking Zeus or someshit?
Not Zeus.
'cause Eew man.
Athena not the goddess of war.
Here we are and here you are.
And the age old question hascome up again.
Do you want kids?
Do you want kids?
Oh my God.
Do you want kids?
Ah, you'd be great parents.
(03:10):
Oh my God.
Can't wait till you guys to havekids.
Shut up.
That is the number one commentwe've, we get all the time.
Oh my God.
Shut the fuck up.
First of all, shut the fuck up.
Oh my God.
It'd be so nice to have, seelike a little mini you running
around.
I'm a terror as it is.
There is no reason for anotherone of me to be running around
this planet.
It'd be nice to have one of me.
No they wouldn't.
You are insufferable.
(03:31):
But what if we combined they thebest of each other into one
little baby?
I'm not creating a geneticallymutated little beast running
around this planet.
that baby would be cute.
What if we did that and theywere a mutant?
Oh, and then they closed, then Iwould definitely want actual
terror on the planet.
I would definitely want it,which saw the end of the world.
I would definitely want it.
(03:52):
That sounds like sci-fi can getbehind.
Should.
A mutant baby.
Should mutant baby.
Honestly.
Better than, yeah.
Better than a fucking humanbaby.
Ew.
Boring ass human baby.
No powers.
Let's have a mutant baby.
No powers fucking loser.
I do want to see.
I don't wanna have a baby.
Number one, I do wanna see whatwe would look like if we had a
baby, what that baby would looklike.
(04:12):
AI can do that for you.
I wanna see how it would grow upand how like attractive it would
be later.
AI can do that for you.
And then if it was ugly, then itwell, my brother baby, well my
brother and his fiance will havekids in the next five years, I'm
sure.
But she's a ginger.
So the next are gonna be alittle bit different.
Yeah, same.
Yeah.
Similar sim.
Similar just like change thehair color.
Different, yeah.
Just like pretend.
did you always think?
(04:33):
You didn't wanna have kids?
I think so, like from thebeginning, like in my mind, I
can't think I can't think I'vealways wanted.
Actually, maybe not, becausewhen I was like young, I, you
know, I I would play like PollyPocket and like with little baby
stroller games, all the, you'veheard the strollers?
I don't know.
My, oh my God, I think my cousinhad a baby.
Wee Wee.
Oh, the ones that Pee baby.
Wee Wee.
Yeah.
I don't know if it was from likeMattel or some shit.
(04:54):
Baby Wee.
We, I don't know what it isabout.
About toy manufacturers andmarketing baby products to
babies.
no girls.
Here's a baby.
Yeah.
To, to little girls.
Here is a infant that not evenhere is a newborn that you can
take care of.
Yeah.
There was one called Baby Wee Welove, I remember it so well.
Love baby wee wee.
(05:14):
Baby wee wee.
He needs to wee.
It's gone.
Uh, wee baby Wee Wee baby Weewee.
What was that the song?
That was it.
That was the, the song for BabyWee and the only thing, oh no,
he went Wee wee.
And this baby would be fed waterand then fed.
It would go fed water.
It would go Mama wee wee.
And then you'd take his littlediaper off and it's tiny little
(05:36):
dinky.
Ew.
No, it's crazy.
It's tiny little plastic dinkywith like squirt water out.
Was it only a boy?
It was, It was a boy, yeah.
So you could only have PO reallyshow Ah, yes, anatomy of urine
wouldn't work with girl.
What is this conversation about?
What the fuck?
That's so weird.
It wouldn't poo.
I feel like there is one thatpoofs.
I think there is one that poos.
(05:56):
Maybe it's in a more advancedmood.
Who wants that though?
That's so fucking weird.
You know what it is that's sofucking weird.
You know, It's the toy companieswanting to raise good mothers.
Yeah.
It's patriarch.
I'm blaming patriarchy.
It's definitely patriarchy.
It's patriarchy.
We're like women should be childbearers and home wives.
Home wives.
Home wives.
Housewives.
Housewives.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yes.
And then the men should, and menshould be play well.
(06:20):
I played castle.
What the fuck?
I had a castle and I love that.
Every single episode it startswith some sort of childhood
trauma, Yeah, I played withCastle.
I played Yugi, did not play withlittle girls.
I did you yo too.
Did you?
Yeah, I did.
You, yo, you didn't tell methat.
I used to collect UO cards.
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah.
I used to collect UO cards.
You didn't tell me you playeduo.
Yeah, I knew.
I knew you knew some of thecards, but I didn't know you
(06:42):
played.
Blue-eyed white motherfuckingdragon bitch.
No, a dark sorcerer.
Oh my God.
Conty, what was it called?
The Purple Magician?
Dark Magician.
The Dark Magician.
The Dark Magician with Cial.
Oppose.
Oh, love.
No, it was like contorted.
There was one, was there onethat was like, like a celestial
angel looking one.
Yes.
Don't remember the name.
Yeah, I don't remember that, butI was like, so that's me.
(07:04):
No babies.
I was like, oh my God, so cutebabies.
Ah, I never thought that.
I never wanted kids.
I think I, and then I think whenI grew older, I would use my
cousin's babies for Instagramphotos and then like throw them
away.
Not you using them for clout.
I remember, I remember like thefirst time I like, I know one of
my cousins had a kid and I waslike, let me take a photo with
(07:25):
this baby.
You'll get so many likes onInstagram.
That is the only reason to havea baby or to have children.
Yeah, to take pictures.
My bloggers run to something.
Honestly.
Exploitation of children.
Listen if I did have a baby, Iwould probably want to be one of
those people.
'cause I wouldn't care.
Because I don't care about theirwellbeing.
You'd be moving to Tennessee,wouldn't you?
I would be moving to Tennesseeif moving to Arizona.
(07:46):
Wow.
You, wherever they move is aterrible person.
I'm a ter.
I would be a terrible parent iswhat I would be.
And I can say that with a full,full heart, full heart of
hatred.
Because we're never having kids.
I would never have kids.
We would never be, we wouldn'tbe here right now.
No, we wouldn't be here.
Sat right now recording thisepisode if it wasn't for.
Both of our mutual disdain forchildbirth.
(08:08):
There are people childbirth asif we get to do it.
Literally we don't do anything.
there are people who hadchildren before we even met.
Like at our, the age that wewere when we met, there were
people who were already likehaving 1-year-old, two year
olds.
And I was like, could youimagine?
I can imagine right now having ababy at my grown age of 30.
Could you imagine at 23 having ababy?
(08:28):
My god.
In high school?
No.
There was a girl doing a GCs E.
That's crazy.
Like fully pregnant.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
And she kept it.
Yeah, she kept it.
That's crazy.
She's got two kids now.
That's crazy.
She's kind of thriving.
Thriving.
in high school.
Should we?
In high school?
High school's.
Crazy.
Yeah,'cause we were 16.
I are we in high school at 16and she was 16 doing a GCSEs.
That's wild.
Yeah.
(08:49):
Like right now, I couldn'timagine being responsible for
another living, being much lessat 16.
You have a dog, you have a dog.
She barely lives.
You have a dog.
She barely lives.
She lives.
Hey, don't diminish her lifelike that.
She's looking at the groundright now, just staring at the
ground because the ground issomething that she wants.
a being that needs to go tocollege.
(09:10):
Let's say that she could go tocollege or Todd could go to
college.
I don't think she's smart enoughfor that.
She get her doctorate in.
What?
I don't know.
What does she like to do?
Stare out the window.
Yeah.
Guard the neighborhood.
Cybersecurity.
Yeah.
She'd be really good atcybersecurity.
So there's a girl on TikTok witha list.
That's the, that's gonna be,that's gonna be the bulk of
today.
The list.
(09:30):
Have you seen the list?
You've seen the list?
Yeah.
There's a girl on TikTok withthe list about the reasons why
she would never have reasons toremain child free.
I love the word child free.
People hate the word child free.
Parents hate the word childfree.
People think that child-freepeople are bitter and they lack
joy in whatever else the fuckthat they think that we lack
(09:53):
when we're on our fuckingprivate yachts, having the best
vacation of our lives.
Where's your private yacht?
I don't know.
I want a private yacht from nothaving a childhood, and I'm not
saying it sending it to college.
Where's my yacht?
there are people who think theonly thing that will bring you
joy in life is children.
My mom has asked, and I'm like,if you don't shut the fuck up,
there's at least one person inboth of our families who is
having kids, so that's fine.
(10:14):
We don't need to have kids to behappy.
For us, these are among manyreasons why we chose to be child
free.
Number one, they are yourresponsibility for.
Forever.
That's forever.
Forever.
For the rest of my life.
I have another responsibility.
No, Evie's gonna die in 10years.
(10:36):
10.
She's gonna hang on for a while.
She's going to, she'll be, she'sfour or five max.
We'll see.
So even better.
Even better.
Then she's gone.
And then if I want a moreresponsibility, I can go get a
cat.
I can get a dog.
No responsibilities.
Exactly.
Or I could just live my lifewithout responsibilities of, for
caring for another thing.
I think people also say who'sgonna look after you when you're
(10:57):
in the nursing home?
People I pay, I would rather paysomeone or be around like
friends or I don't know, growold with the people I care
about.
Mm-hmm.
Rather than have a child who'sburdened with.
The last few years of my lifeburdened not the burden and is
resentful of the fact that theyhave to take care of me.
(11:20):
That's the thing.
Whenever I'm not doing that.
Like I'm not gonna be doingthat.
Yeah.
For my, I'm not gonna be therefor my parents throughout their
last remaining year.
Parents, I say parents, if Igive a fuck about my dad, my mom
I'll be close by.
I'll be hopping over, back andforth.
Yeah, but that's why you haveother brothers.
That's why I have other brotherswho live in the uk, but in my
mind I'm like.
I also dunno if she's like, staywith me forever.
(11:42):
That's not something she'sasking me to do.
It's not something I'm gonna askmy child to do.
People always say that.
That's like the main thing.
Who's gonna look after you towhen you're older?
Why are we guilting people tohaving children?
Just so that someone can lookafter them when they're older.
People have strangerelationships with their
parents.
People's parents suck.
Yeah.
So first of all, I'm likepeople, most of the people that
(12:03):
ask this question, I'm like.
But also, why am I gonna bespending so much of my time,
money, energy, stress, all ofthese things that come with
having a child for 18 years andthen they're off to college and
then their college years, andthen they grow up, whatever.
Why am I gonna spend like thatmuch time?
Number two, they take a hugechunk of your money.
(12:24):
They take a huge chunk of yourExactly.
Yeah.
That I like spending my money onmyself and you and Evie.
And I'm like, that's Numberseven, children can inherit your
mental illnesses.
I've already inherited myparents' mental illnesses.
Do I need to pass that on toother people?
I heard something on TikToktoday.
Is that your egg that you weremade into or of, or from
(12:47):
whatever, you weren't made intoan egg.
You were made from an egg.
Yes.
Whatever from the egg.
You were an egg.
That egg existed in yourgrandma.
Existed in your grandma.
Yeah.
So the things that your grandmawas experiencing had an effect
on you.
Yeah.
And that's crazy.
I know.
Like What was my grandmaexperience?
The fucking dust bowl.
What is a dust bowl?
The Dust bowl.
During the Great Depression.
(13:08):
Huh?
During the Great Depression,there was a dust bowl.
Grandma, like Trilby?
Yeah.
RIP Trilby.
the Great Depression and theDust Bowl.
She was born in 1928.
Fucking how?
During the beginning of theGreat Depression.
It is crazy.
She went through that and thathad an effect on me, and that's
crazy.
In the year 2025.
Oh, a hundred years.
That's crazy.
(13:29):
Wait, 1925.
28.
That is crazy.
Oh my God.
So a hundred years ago theessence of you was born.
I guess so, but does it startwhenever like a girl goes
through pub puberty?
No, I think the egg or the eggis always there.
There's like.
or there the, this, I don'tknow.
I'm not a fucking biologisthere.
(13:50):
I'm talking about childbirthwhen I'm like, I'm never gonna
be able to even do that.
Yeah.
So not only are you responsiblefor the mental illnesses of your
offspring, you are responsiblefor the mental illnesses of
their offspring.
Crazy.
And that's too muchresponsibility for me to bear.
The bloodline can end with me,to be quite honest with you.
What is the big, what is the bigdeal?
(14:10):
What is a big idea withbloodlines?
Why is that important?
No, I really don't know.
Why is it important?
Because people are also like,what's gonna happen to your,
like your wealth and your Idon't know, spread it to the
masses.
Your like property and stuff.
I'm like, I'm just gonna give itto my mates.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't care.
What am I gonna do with mywealth?
I'm gonna have nieces andnephews.
Yeah.
Give it to them.
Pick your favorite one.
(14:31):
No, because they don't existyet.
Yeah.
The thing is that they don'texist yet, so in my mind I'm
like, fuck them.
I'm like, I have a long line offriends that I'm gonna give it
my shit to literally, if my willis being written out and those
little bitches aren't in it yet.
Yeah.
Do a lottery, give it to someonerandom.
No.
I don't care about random.
See, this is the problem.
I don't care about things thatdon't exist yet.
(14:53):
Okay?
These babies don't exist yet.
Oh my God, I love this one.
Okay.
They can be bullied.
Is number 17 on the list?
They can be bullied, but number18, they can be bullies.
No.
Imagine raising a little shit,first of all.
So sad.
Imagine raising a little bit ofa loser.
Oh, that'd be not a loser.
And that'd be really sad.
(15:13):
Yeah.
And that I'd be really sad.
And I'd feel really sorry forhe, she, they.
But do you think we would raiseFuck no.
A bully or bully?
This is what I mean.
I feel like a victim or a no.
A perpetrator.
I think a perpetrator for sure.
No, but I feel like if we wereresponsible for our own child, a
result might be a little bitdifferent.
Would it be a mean girl or a Mychild would be a little bit of a
(15:35):
mean girl.
Yeah.
Your child would be a little bitof a nerd, but then together and
then together.
Maybe they're like the best ofboth world.
Both worlds.
No, we're not talking abouthypothetical babies now.
I'm not talking abouthypothetical baby.
All of a sudden having, but thenthey can be bullied and that's
really sad.
'cause imagine your kid cominghome from school and just being
like, that's so sad.
He was bullied There are 8billion people in the world.
(15:56):
8 billion going on.
Nine is one too many.
Nine.
I think there's 9 billion,eventually.
Nine.
I think we're going back in myday.
There was seven back in my day.
There were six.
When was the six in elementaryschool?
Oh, maybe there was six, nine.
Do you remember?
I remember it turning to sevenand I was like, in high school.
I don't remember that.
It was definitely six when I wasgrowing up.
That's too many people.
And you want I heard.
(16:17):
No, I think I remember seeingthat.
I remember seeing in the TikTokvideo, And however many years
the human population's gonnalike peak.
Yeah.
At a certain level.
And it's not gonna get anyhigher than that.
Yeah.
Which is like 15 million, Ithink.
15 billion.
Billion, yeah.
Yeah.
Billion, 15 billion.
Yeah.
I think that was the number.
No, I could be making this up.
How can we have, so what if wejust all stopped having babies?
(16:40):
We are just for a few years, theUS birth rate is declining.
Thank God.
There's no more, this is thelast thing that we need more US
baby.
More American little fucks, nomore of the rest of the world.
Sure.
Not us.
Now we can cut it back on the UKtoo a little bit.
But although, here's the thing,here's the downside of that.
Speaking in America, TheRepublicans are having babies.
(17:01):
The Democrats are not havingbabies.
Oh, no, wait.
Yeah.
No.
They're gonna out us.
So we're losing us.
They're gonna outnumber us.
They're gonna outnumber us.
No, I didn't even think aboutthat.
Yeah.
What do we do?
A very, I'm not having a baby.
So the thing is, the thing thatcould you imagine?
First of all, I'm gonna have tostop you right there.
You wake up in the morning, it's6:00 AM to the sounds of a
(17:23):
howling.
Monster.
You think it's that late?
No.
No.
You think it?
You think it.
It's 6:00 AM I'm tellingsomething.
Listen to my story.
You're participating in myreality right now.
Listen, 6:00 AM howling.
Howling sounds of a monster.
Wake you up.
You've had an hour and 45minutes of sleep.
(17:45):
Because an hour and 45 minutesago you just laid that beast
down to rest.
After it was howling for twohours at 4 45.
Yeah.
So here you are awake again.
Days ahead of you.
You have to change feed, bathe abeast.
(18:08):
Then you have to.
Maybe try and bathe yourself.
Are you gonna go to the gym?
No.
You're too tired.
You are gonna try and eat somefood'cause you need to sustain
your life.
No.
You've gotten a bit fat.
Ah, you've gotten a bit ugly.
Your hairs overgrown.
You don't have time to go To thebarber.
No.
You're balding.
(18:29):
Oh.
And you're balding from stress.
And the few hairs that you havegot left are gray.
That hurts.
Your back might be broken.
Yeah.
Your back hurts all the time.
You stink.
You smell like shit.
And you're ugly.
And you're ugly and you're baldand you're fat.
And you're fat.
And all of this sounds appealingto you.
(18:51):
This is specifically you I wastalking to you about.
Hey.
Yeah.
'cause I would be the oneraising it.
I'm not having babies.
This is what I said.
If we were, if we on our firstdate didn't discuss Oh, totally.
Yeah.
Like we talked about so manythings and like it just came up.
We were like, do you wanna havekids?
And we're like, no, not really.
Yeah.
And you were like, no, meneither.
No.
Great.
We've just like really stuckwith that.
(19:12):
And it's like fucking, we like,just like really driven the idea
home that we like truly neverwanna have kids.
No, we never revisited it.
Never.
I've never been like there.
What do you think?
There's never been a, a time inmy life where I've been like,
'cause also right now.
I feel so young still, Icouldn't possibly imagine having
a child at this current age.
Yeah.
(19:32):
Whereas so many of my friendshave babies.
Yeah.
Or cousins have babies or peoplethat we know having are having
kids, adopting children, goingthrough surrogacy.
And here I am, like we're goingon 5,000 trips.
Yeah.
and I'm like, I couldn't imaginehaving a child and doing that
and like continuing my life.
And people think it's selfish.
(19:53):
They say it's selfish to notwant to have, but why?
Why is it selfish?
Why is it selfish?
I'm just living my fucking life.
Oh, you're selfish for notwanting a kid.
'cause to like produce a childand to have a child come to, I
don't give a fuck.
But you know what that is?
You knew then you know what thatidea is capitalism.
That's like in their head.
It's like you are selfish fornot having a kid because
everyone should have a kid toto.
(20:13):
Fucking contribute to the world,contribute to the cog that we
live in as a no contribute tothe machine as a cog.
And that's what it is.
And that's why society is set upto be.
And that's why everyone says,Hey, you're a piece of shit for
not having a child, but I'm anangel for having a child.
I'm like, no.
Okay.
And here.
Oh my God.
And don't get me started on thefucking pro-lifers, two
(20:34):
pro-life.
Two pro-life.
Two pro-life.
Are you embarrassed?
Yeah.
Are you not embarrassed?
Yeah.
Pro-life, but pro gun.
I'm like pro-life, but thatdon't work.
But pro Tesla.
Ugh.
That is the, that is anti-life.
Pro-life.
But pro cyber truck.
Get out of here.
Get the fuck out of here.
Disgusting.
It's crazy work.
I think because like I come froma family of like people who I
(20:57):
don't know, it's just likeeveryone has children and
everyone's excited to havechildren and everyone's like,
kids, kids, kids.
Woo.
My mom had three chi four.
Ooh.
Who are you gonna cut off there?
Mm-hmm.
In my mind it always just slipsout.
Even though my brother, myyoungest brother is 23, it just
slips out that I'm like, oh,just skip over that one.
(21:18):
Yeah, no, I know I don't skip.
Sorry.
Love you.
Four children.
My mom's mom had I think sevenor eight children.
No.
Yeah, my sister has fourchildren.
Do we know like people with morethan seven children?
Like my grandma, like I'm notfriends with Mormons.
No.
No.
Thank God.
Fuck.
(21:38):
I don't know.
No, my sister is the person whoI know have has the most kids,
and that's four, like currentlyhas the most kids, which I think
is crazy.
Yeah, I have a friend who's myage who has two, and that's, I
feel like that's normal.
N two is a good number.
Two is two is a great number.
Two is a great number, right?
Three is a good number.
Four is just like pushed up.
Look, being like judgy, like youhave as many kids as you fucking
want.
But I'm like, I think that'sfucking weird.
(21:59):
This podcast is for us to judgeyou.
We are judged fucking weirdo andexecution, fucking weirdo.
What are you doing having 17children?
What the fuck?
Get a life.
What do you need them for?
The farm.
The farm.
That is actually the reasonpeople had a lot of babies.
For workers on the farm?
I guess back in the day.
(22:20):
Back in the day, yeah.
In the fucking 18 hundreds.
Sure.
17 hundreds.
No, he had 19 hundreds.
I guess.
Oh, and like, you know, the,everything was bubonic and the
child mortality rate was so low.
Well, That was the 1600.
Oh, okay.
Let's um, the pub play, theSalem Witch trial No.
Another reason that babies,could you imagine having a baby
in the pandemic?
(22:40):
Oh my god.
Could you imagine having had ababy in the pandemic stockpile
diapers too, along with, withthe toilet of the paper?
Oh my God.
Imagine having to buy diapers.
Like we have to buy poop bags.
Dog food.
We pay a, they buy her treat.
Groom her to groom her everycouple of months.
Yeah, we.
What else do we do?
(23:00):
She's got a cute little harness.
This is the, that's it.
That's the extent of myexpenses.
Yeah.
And the vet every so often.
Vaccines.
Yeah.
Okay, so it's cheap to have adog.
Yeah.
It's cheap enough.
That's is the benefit of havinga nanny or boarding school.
But then you have to pay forthose things too.
Yeah, I would do boardingschool.
You'd ship a child after thebargaining school?
(23:22):
Yeah.
The skill.
Skill.
Why does say skill like that?
I don't know.
Oh, another big thing.
Big thing.
The thing that really irks uswhenever we are on vacation.
Oh, Oh my God.
Keep your little shit away fromme.
I go to a hotel and it'ssomewhat luxury.
Why the fuck is your child?
I'm got, I'm getting my conte b.
(23:44):
I am at the hotel breakfast,getting my Conti B, stacking it
up.
The other fucking week when wewere in Thailand, I was walking
back to my table with mycontinental breakfast that I had
curated immaculately onto myplate.
Beautiful.
Why are these three, threechildren running around the
(24:07):
dining room?
fancy place.
Yeah.
It was beautiful.
Yeah.
Five star resort.
Why are these children runningaround amuck?
First of all, ruining my vibe.
Yeah.
Killing the feng shui of thewhole building.
Yeah.
And um, producing such a noisethat now I need to go go for a
massage to forget about.
(24:28):
Imagine going, my life is sohard, you guys, it's hard for
you.
Imagine being a parent with achild at one of those places and
you are trying to enjoyyourself.
You are going on vacation tohave a vacation.
I don't understand why,actually, I do not understand
why parents bring their babiesto like Disneyland, like baby
babies, like baby.
Like One, two or zero to two,whatever.
(24:50):
I don't know because it like,they're not gonna remember it.
I went to Disney World.
I was like a fucking 3-year-old.
Do I remember it?
No.
Did you probably had fun though?
I probably do.
You know what?
Selfish What that?
What?
Because it's not for them.
It's not for the child.
It's for the parent to be like,oh my God, I took my 1-year-old.
To the to, to Disney.
It feels more stressful than,what's a fuck Disney.
(25:10):
Have you ever been.
No, I would never go to Disney.
We should go.
No, I would truly, I would nevergo to Disney.
First of all, I hate everything.
Second of all, I hate children,right?
Third of all, I hate Disney.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't.
What if you grew, what if you'rea child?
Are you about to come out as aDisney adult?
What if your child grew up andit was to be a Disney adult and
(25:32):
it was a Disney adult?
That's what would you do?
Ugh.
Just So what would you do?
Bring out the guillotine, notthe guillotine.
that would not stand in myhousehold.
Why?
Have a question.
Yeah.
Why is it that baby elephantscan come out and start swinging
their trunks around?
(25:53):
Oh yeah.
And baby humans can't becausebaby elephants are pregnant.
Elephants are pregnant for like18 months.
I love that.
You just ask a question that youdid patient.
I mean, I can't imagine beingpregnant.
'cause Pregnancy for ninemonths.
Sounds crazy.
Yeah, for 18 months sounds likeI would kill myself.
That's crazy.
Do you ever think back to whenyour parents had you in that
(26:13):
exact date, based on yourbirthday?
What do you mean?
Like the 1st of June?
Yeah, like if it was, if it waslike Valentine's Day.
Or if it was like Christmas, oh,if it was like a holiday.
The date of consummation.
The date of consummation.
Consummation conception.
Because mine, I think was aroundValentine's Day.
Conception.
Conception, consummation,consummate.
No, it's consummating.
The marriage, which is havingsex.
Yeah.
(26:33):
And conception.
Conception is when the baby is,when the egg sperm goes into the
egg.
When embryo is created.
When baby be born, baby be born.
No conception When baby be made.
That's what pro-lifers thinkpro-lifers think that life
starts at conception.
When you're clum of cells, fuckoff.
(26:54):
Can that clum of cells doanything?
No, Yeah, you're not a morningperson, so like how are you
gonna take care of a child?
I'm still hypotheticallythinking that we might have a
child one day, which we won't.
We're not.
But I'm saying like, what ifyou're not a morning person?
If you told me one day, if youwere like, I wanna have a child,
and you're really adamant onhaving a baby, we're breaking
up.
I don't care, obviously, but Iwould never do that.
I would want another dog.
(27:14):
No, I would, we're breaking up.
Do you want a cat?
I do want a cat.
I don't know why.
Okay.
We got a dog in the pandemic.
No, right before the pandemicAnd yeah, it was like, we got a
puppy.
What the fuck did we know aboutraising a puppy?
Yeah.
That was difficult.
Yeah.
And like she was pretty easy.
(27:35):
I would say she was pretty easyto like take care of, teach how
to do things.
Pee outside.
Yeah.
Easy.
Yeah.
But the beginning, like week orso, when we were getting used to
schedules and stuff, waking upat like 6:00 AM to take her out,
I'd be like, this was, oh God.
Yeah.
That was torture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why did I do that?
Because look at her.
She's so cute.
(27:56):
She's cute now.
Yeah.
But in my mind, I'm like, whatdid I know about raising a
living creature?
Um,'cause now I want a cat.
'cause they're veryself-sufficient.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Love.
And I just feel love that, Ijust feel like I'm more of a cat
person.
I do love dogs so much.
You are a black cat.
Yeah.
I am a golden retriever.
I just love how cundy they are.
I'm just like, also like Ireally resonate with that like
(28:16):
mindset.
I'm like sometimes give meattention, but sometimes leave
me the fuck alone.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's literally you.
Yeah.
And me.
I'm just like, yeah.
You're like, hello.
How are you?
What are you doing?
Oh God.
Hi.
Oh, what's that?
Huh?
Can I have some imagine pickingup poo of EVs, but 10 times
worse because it's in a diaper.
What's better?
Where is this conversation?
(28:37):
Because this is another problemof having kids poopy diapers.
Whereas I was like, would yourather pick up a giant turd
through a plastic bag in thegarden?
Yeah.
Or change like a mushy diaper.
You're not just changing it.
Have you changed diapers before?
No.
Ew.
Never.
No.
See that's crazy to me.
Obviously, I'm not cleaningEvie's butt hole, am I?
No, that's true.
(28:57):
I used to change diapers.
My little brother stinky.
I used to change my littlebrother's diapers.
Stinky my little brother'sdiapers.
Isn't that so crazy?
I was nine when he was born.
Yeah.
Your mom was like, I'm tootired.
You take care of this child.
Well, Do you know what the thingis?
I think, I don't know if thatwas easy for her to have three
cognizant children already whenshe had a fourth one.
Yeah.
(29:18):
Because we, I feel like I, Iremember doing a lot.
see, this is white people havemultiple kids.
Yeah.
To be like, there's another one,someone else take care of it.
Someone else just deal with it.
But the name of my mind, I'mlike, first one.
And you have the second onepretty much straight after and
that's cool.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, because first of all.
I dunno, people like it.
Who am I to say no, this is thepoint.
(29:39):
Sometimes I'm like, who am I tosay fucking weirdos.
This is the point.
Some people can like things, wedon't like them.
I think it's so great.
The society that we live in isso child-focused and child
friendly.
What?
You know, What's bad?
What?
Stepping on a Lego that's justlike randomly on the floor.
The mess involved.
(29:59):
Oh my god.
Around.
Like I, I'm annoyed when Evie'stoys are randomly outside.
I'm not annoyed.
She's so thoughtful.
She keeps'em all in the cornerWhat, the only thing I have to
deal with is like a stray tennisball somewhere.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But imagine like a kid's messalso.
Did you see that one fuckingkid?
Yes.
Of the hot sauce?
Yes.
Yes.
Hot sauce all over the couch.
(30:20):
Yes.
And what was it, chola, I think.
Yeah.
And then the, and the parent waslike very gentle parroting
parenting.
And I was like, it's time we endthat, eh, it's time we end that.
Who am I to say?
But is gentle parroting the wayto go.
I wasn't gentle parented.
No, I wasn't either.
No.
Yeah.
Not in turned out swell.
Also, kids are dumb nowadaysbecause I don't think the
(30:41):
parenting is going well.
Oh my God.
You can't read.
Kids can't read.
Yeah.
Do you know kids can't read?
They can't read I don't think.
I don't know if the educationsystem is broken, but I've seen
kids doing math nowadays and I'mlike, what the fuck is that?
Oh my God, they do that.
So weird.
What is it?
They do maths.
So weird.
What are they doing?
Like we would do, they'redrawing diagrams.
Yeah, full diagrams for likeplus two to like do
multiplication or something.
(31:01):
That's like the simplemultiplication.
I think that's crazy.
Like we would, if we were gonnaplus add something, 15 plus two,
you would go put 15 on the topand then two and then add and
then down.
So one seven.
That's so easy.
I've seen them doing likefucking magic tricks, trying to
figure out that Oh yeah.
That equation.
Oh yeah.
I do that with multiplicationtoo.
'cause you'd do if it was likelong multiplication, you would
(31:23):
do 3, 5, 6 times by 28.
Yeah.
And you'd like.
Times that by that and then thatby that, and then that by that,
and then that.
By that I'm like, this is why wehave calculators.
The diagram.
Yeah, I know exactly.
Also, you'd have to listen toCoco Melon all the time and like
annoying kids songs.
Oh my God.
That would be really annoying.
The troll soundtrack, like whenmy little brother was growing
up, I did watch.
A lot of tally puppies and, whatwas it, Tweenies.
(31:46):
Oh, I feel like everything's sodifferent because it was on
tweenies.
The BBC had a children'snetwork.
Yeah.
Called cbb.
CBBs.
CBBs.
It was called CBBs.
That's cute.
I like that.
Bbs, what does it stand for?
At CBBs.
Oh, just CBBs?
I don't know.
Okay.
I don't fucking know.
Okay.
It's just spelledC-B-E-E-B-I-E-S.
(32:07):
CBBs.
Oh, that's not what I thought.
I thought it was a CBB.
No.
CBBs and spell out.
Okay.
And then what would we watch?
We would watch Blues Clues.
Yeah.
We, you know, blues clothes.
Yeah.
Obviously I fuck with bluesclothes.
Dora was on that shit too.
Live for Dora.
But at the time I was like, thisis really fun.
I like that.
That's cute.
Because I was like nine or 10and I'm like, do you know what?
(32:28):
I'm young enough that I stillenjoy this.
But I'm old enough that I stillenjoy this.
Was SpongeBob in that, SpongeBobcame a little bit late.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
More was five or six and I waslike, courage cow with the dogs.
16.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Courage.
That's not a children's show.
No, but I did watch it as achild.
Oh my God.
Having to censor things yourchildren watch.
(32:50):
Ah, the shit that I was hit.
Another reason.
Another reason.
One big fat reason.
Yeah.
The shit that I was doing at 13,14.
Yeah.
If I could, if I had a child andI was imagining them doing that.
At 13, 14.
Uhuh, permanently grounded,Uhuh, permanently locked in a
tower throw with key untilyou're of age.
(33:12):
So you throw down your hairuntil you throw down your locks,
or a dragon comes to save you orsome shit.
Yeah.
Having to deal with that.
Having to be like there presentfor all those years.
All of the tantrums, all of therebellions.
kids can ruin marriages.
Kids have no sense ofboundaries.
Kids can be too honest and endup breaking your heart.
Kids cause burnout.
there's so much.
(33:33):
kids suck and that's the end ofthat.
Sorry if you think opposite, butwe all have our opinions.
And I will never have a child,not in this life.
One of my biggest fears, oh myGod, it's been a nightmare.
It's been a nightmare of mine.
Have you seen that movie with,there was an actress who was
like really big and up andcoming and then she like was
(33:54):
apparently a terrible to, towork with and so she's just
like, her career, didn't amountto anything.
What was that movie she was in?
It was like a dumb rom-com andit here, the premise of the
movie.
Lead actress.
Best friends with person.
Okay.
Lead actor.
Best friends with husband ofperson.
Yeah.
But they never got on.
(34:15):
Ever.
Enemies to lovers, if you will,right?
This is the story of the plotline, but their best friends die
in a car accident or some shit,and in their will, they leave
behind the baby to them.
That is my worst nightmare.
Is that legal?
To just leave a baby to a personwithout saying, telling them no,
(34:37):
I guess if you're a godparent.
I think they were godparents.
Okay.
So that's the thing.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
Fuck no.
This is the thing.
Fuck no, there's no benefit tothat.
No, no, no.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
That is the moral of the story.
There is no benefits to doingthat.
There's only a negative having achild.
What's the benefit?
doing something that your wantsto, honestly is one of my
biggest nightmares in life.
(34:58):
To wake up one day.
And then someone's oh, you're inthe will to take care of this
child for the rest of your life.
And I'm like,'cause you can'tsay no.
You can't say no.
Oh, I'm saying no.
You've already said Yeah, butyou can't have I, when did I say
Yeah, when you decided to be agodparent?
Oh yeah.
No, I'm not doing that.
Yeah, but if you did, but thisis the thing.
I'm not doing that.
Yeah.
But if you did, if there was aworld where you said yes to
(35:18):
being a godparent to like, Ithought godparents were like,
just like a religious thing.
No.
cause why is my brother agodparent to some random kid?
I think it's like a.
It's just like a thing that canbe religious or not.
People are crazy, but it's like,I will take care of your child
if you dead.
And then it's there yoursforever.
Yeah.
That's my worst nightmare.
Yeah.
That's my worst nightmare forsure.
And that's why we're never gonnado that.
(35:38):
Similar of the story.
No children.
No children ever.
And if you want children, it'sfine.
I'm not judging you.
I would never.
that drained me.
I'm not gonna lie.
You can hear it in my voice.
The idea that even the conceptof children just drained.
I need a nap.
And guess what?
Because I have the luxury ofdoing so, I just might.
(35:59):
Because we also have to do todayit's 3:00 PM today here on a
Tuesday.
Today here on a Tuesday, the daythat we're filming this episode.
The year of our Lord.
The Year of our Lord and Savior,Dua Lipa.
Have you seen sh her show inMelbourne?
My God, yes.
You've seen her show.
She's in Australia.
Yes, I've seen it.
She's fucking, that's my mom.
That is my mother.
She birthed you.
I get to have an nap and thenit's gonna do a bit of editing.
(36:21):
I'm just gonna chill for a bit.
Might read my book, oh, I wannaread my book.
In peace and quiet.
And that is just And harmony.
Harmony.
And that is just the benefit ofbeing a d dink wad.
That is just the benefit ofbeing a dink wad.
Look, I wanna name this episodeDink Wad So bad, but I'm so
embarrassed by that word.
Dink wad.
(36:42):
Is there a funnier way to sayit?
Have you, you just said it.
Yeah, you just said it.
You just said the funny way ofsaying it.
Dink what is stupid?
but it's what we are Exactly.
And we can't deny it any longer.
If you love this episode, pleasegive us a review on Apple
Podcasts.
Subscribe wherever we wannasubscribe and follow us
everywhere.
Five stars, only.
Five stars only, and we'll seein the next one.
(37:06):
Bye when?
When?
When?
Shut up.
Wow.
We put our tits out today as weshould.
Our tits should be out 24 7audio show.
There's partly video on thisshow, and welcome to our home as
if you're coming over for dinnerand our Ts are out and that's
what it would be like if youwere coming over for dinner.
As our friends can attest to,our tits are all the time.
Hello.
Hi.
Welcome back to Let's Dig In.
(00:21):
We are your hosts, Matt andOmar.
Oh, I know.
Sometimes you wanna do an introThe last two times I've said
that.
I said, where we are, yourhosts.
Yeah.
Do you remember?
Yeah.
That's how I was trying to say,we are your hosts.
We are your host.
Where we are.
Your Where we are.
Yeah.
I just adlib last time'cause ofmy, the blunders.
You never know what you're gonnaget with the show with me
specifically.
(00:41):
Mm.
What am I gonna say next?
What are you gonna say next?
Who knows?
Up the bum.
There's a British saying for thetopic that we're gonna be
speaking.
It's not saying, yes, it is isn.
What other kind of saying wouldit be?
I saw it when I was in Thailandlike 10 years ago.
It makes more sense.
There's a British saying.
There's a British saying aboutthe topic that we're gonna hit
on today, and it's up the bu.
(01:04):
No baby.
And it means if you have gaysex, you'll not have a baby.
And I personally think thatshould be the title of this
episode, but.
Omar thinks differently.
So that will not be the title,but it is my title of this
episode.
I told you that that saying evenexisted and I love it.
Yeah, and it's my hyper fixationright now.
(01:24):
Free.
We are gonna be talking abouttoday, we're gonna be digging
into the idea you did it rightfor the first time ever.
I know.
I always say dive.
We're gonna be digging into theidea of not the idea.
Yeah.
We're not fucking having kidsdown.
The philosophy.
Sit down.
The philosophy of not havingchildren dink wad.
If you will.
Ew dink.
What is the lamest term everdouble the most?
(01:46):
No kids Annoying without.
With a dog.
With a dog.
Ah.
That is the most annoyingmillennial bullshit that we've
ever come up with.
IAD squad as a society.
Hashtag dink squad.
Hashtag dink squad.
Like God, what we are, it's dinksquad couples, but it is what we
are.
It just sounds lame.
Dink wad.
Double income.
No kids.
With a dog.
(02:06):
And that's what we are in mymind when I was young.
Is that why I wanted for mylife?
Yeah.
I definitely was young.
A double income.
No kids with a dog.
Yeah.
Mm.
I was like, oh my God, when Igrew up, I wanna be a dink
squad.
You said those exact words.
Yes.
You wished on the shooting star.
I wish.
On the shooting star said,please hear me.
Let me be a dig squad.
Please hear me.
(02:27):
Who?
Who am I praying to as a9-year-old?
Who am I praying to?
Awa.
I am trying to think ofsomething a bit more fun.
Fucking canal.
Jesus.
No, that's less fun.
You got less fun.
Buddha.
That's more fun.
Okay, that's more fun.
Keep going.
The Scientology.
God, I was thinking like,fucking heck day.
The Scientology.
God.
No, I was thinking like he dayor I don't know.
(02:49):
Okay.
Do he day fucking Zeus or someshit?
Not Zeus.
'cause Eew man.
Athena not the goddess of war.
Here we are and here you are.
And the age old question hascome up again.
Do you want kids?
Do you want kids?
Oh my God.
Do you want kids?
Ah, you'd be great parents.
(03:10):
Oh my God.
Can't wait till you guys to havekids.
Shut up.
That is the number one commentwe've, we get all the time.
Oh my God.
Shut the fuck up.
First of all, shut the fuck up.
Oh my God.
It'd be so nice to have, seelike a little mini you running
around.
I'm a terror as it is.
There is no reason for anotherone of me to be running around
this planet.
It'd be nice to have one of me.
No they wouldn't.
You are insufferable.
(03:31):
But what if we combined they thebest of each other into one
little baby?
I'm not creating a geneticallymutated little beast running
around this planet.
that baby would be cute.
What if we did that and theywere a mutant?
Oh, and then they closed, then Iwould definitely want actual
terror on the planet.
I would definitely want it,which saw the end of the world.
I would definitely want it.
(03:52):
That sounds like sci-fi can getbehind.
Should.
A mutant baby.
Should mutant baby.
Honestly.
Better than, yeah.
Better than a fucking humanbaby.
Ew.
Boring ass human baby.
No powers.
Let's have a mutant baby.
No powers fucking loser.
I do want to see.
I don't wanna have a baby.
Number one, I do wanna see whatwe would look like if we had a
baby, what that baby would looklike.
(04:12):
AI can do that for you.
I wanna see how it would grow upand how like attractive it would
be later.
AI can do that for you.
And then if it was ugly, then itwell, my brother baby, well my
brother and his fiance will havekids in the next five years, I'm
sure.
But she's a ginger.
So the next are gonna be alittle bit different.
Yeah, same.
Yeah.
Similar sim.
Similar just like change thehair color.
Different, yeah.
Just like pretend.
did you always think?
(04:33):
You didn't wanna have kids?
I think so, like from thebeginning, like in my mind, I
can't think I can't think I'vealways wanted.
Actually, maybe not, becausewhen I was like young, I, you
know, I I would play like PollyPocket and like with little baby
stroller games, all the, you'veheard the strollers?
I don't know.
My, oh my God, I think my cousinhad a baby.
Wee Wee.
Oh, the ones that Pee baby.
Wee Wee.
Yeah.
I don't know if it was from likeMattel or some shit.
(04:54):
Baby Wee.
We, I don't know what it isabout.
About toy manufacturers andmarketing baby products to
babies.
no girls.
Here's a baby.
Yeah.
To, to little girls.
Here is a infant that not evenhere is a newborn that you can
take care of.
Yeah.
There was one called Baby Wee Welove, I remember it so well.
Love baby wee wee.
(05:14):
Baby wee wee.
He needs to wee.
It's gone.
Uh, wee baby Wee Wee baby Weewee.
What was that the song?
That was it.
That was the, the song for BabyWee and the only thing, oh no,
he went Wee wee.
And this baby would be fed waterand then fed.
It would go fed water.
It would go Mama wee wee.
And then you'd take his littlediaper off and it's tiny little
(05:36):
dinky.
Ew.
No, it's crazy.
It's tiny little plastic dinkywith like squirt water out.
Was it only a boy?
It was, It was a boy, yeah.
So you could only have PO reallyshow Ah, yes, anatomy of urine
wouldn't work with girl.
What is this conversation about?
What the fuck?
That's so weird.
It wouldn't poo.
I feel like there is one thatpoofs.
I think there is one that poos.
(05:56):
Maybe it's in a more advancedmood.
Who wants that though?
That's so fucking weird.
You know what it is that's sofucking weird.
You know, It's the toy companieswanting to raise good mothers.
Yeah.
It's patriarch.
I'm blaming patriarchy.
It's definitely patriarchy.
It's patriarchy.
We're like women should be childbearers and home wives.
Home wives.
Home wives.
Housewives.
Housewives.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yes.
And then the men should, and menshould be play well.
(06:20):
I played castle.
What the fuck?
I had a castle and I love that.
Every single episode it startswith some sort of childhood
trauma, Yeah, I played withCastle.
I played Yugi, did not play withlittle girls.
I did you yo too.
Did you?
Yeah, I did.
You, yo, you didn't tell methat.
I used to collect UO cards.
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah.
I used to collect UO cards.
You didn't tell me you playeduo.
Yeah, I knew.
I knew you knew some of thecards, but I didn't know you
(06:42):
played.
Blue-eyed white motherfuckingdragon bitch.
No, a dark sorcerer.
Oh my God.
Conty, what was it called?
The Purple Magician?
Dark Magician.
The Dark Magician.
The Dark Magician with Cial.
Oppose.
Oh, love.
No, it was like contorted.
There was one, was there onethat was like, like a celestial
angel looking one.
Yes.
Don't remember the name.
Yeah, I don't remember that, butI was like, so that's me.
(07:04):
No babies.
I was like, oh my God, so cutebabies.
Ah, I never thought that.
I never wanted kids.
I think I, and then I think whenI grew older, I would use my
cousin's babies for Instagramphotos and then like throw them
away.
Not you using them for clout.
I remember, I remember like thefirst time I like, I know one of
my cousins had a kid and I waslike, let me take a photo with
(07:25):
this baby.
You'll get so many likes onInstagram.
That is the only reason to havea baby or to have children.
Yeah, to take pictures.
My bloggers run to something.
Honestly.
Exploitation of children.
Listen if I did have a baby, Iwould probably want to be one of
those people.
'cause I wouldn't care.
Because I don't care about theirwellbeing.
You'd be moving to Tennessee,wouldn't you?
I would be moving to Tennesseeif moving to Arizona.
(07:46):
Wow.
You, wherever they move is aterrible person.
I'm a ter.
I would be a terrible parent iswhat I would be.
And I can say that with a full,full heart, full heart of
hatred.
Because we're never having kids.
I would never have kids.
We would never be, we wouldn'tbe here right now.
No, we wouldn't be here.
Sat right now recording thisepisode if it wasn't for.
Both of our mutual disdain forchildbirth.
(08:08):
There are people childbirth asif we get to do it.
Literally we don't do anything.
there are people who hadchildren before we even met.
Like at our, the age that wewere when we met, there were
people who were already likehaving 1-year-old, two year
olds.
And I was like, could youimagine?
I can imagine right now having ababy at my grown age of 30.
Could you imagine at 23 having ababy?
(08:28):
My god.
In high school?
No.
There was a girl doing a GCs E.
That's crazy.
Like fully pregnant.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
And she kept it.
Yeah, she kept it.
That's crazy.
She's got two kids now.
That's crazy.
She's kind of thriving.
Thriving.
in high school.
Should we?
In high school?
High school's.
Crazy.
Yeah,'cause we were 16.
I are we in high school at 16and she was 16 doing a GCSEs.
That's wild.
Yeah.
(08:49):
Like right now, I couldn'timagine being responsible for
another living, being much lessat 16.
You have a dog, you have a dog.
She barely lives.
You have a dog.
She barely lives.
She lives.
Hey, don't diminish her lifelike that.
She's looking at the groundright now, just staring at the
ground because the ground issomething that she wants.
a being that needs to go tocollege.
(09:10):
Let's say that she could go tocollege or Todd could go to
college.
I don't think she's smart enoughfor that.
She get her doctorate in.
What?
I don't know.
What does she like to do?
Stare out the window.
Yeah.
Guard the neighborhood.
Cybersecurity.
Yeah.
She'd be really good atcybersecurity.
So there's a girl on TikTok witha list.
That's the, that's gonna be,that's gonna be the bulk of
today.
The list.
(09:30):
Have you seen the list?
You've seen the list?
Yeah.
There's a girl on TikTok withthe list about the reasons why
she would never have reasons toremain child free.
I love the word child free.
People hate the word child free.
Parents hate the word childfree.
People think that child-freepeople are bitter and they lack
joy in whatever else the fuckthat they think that we lack
(09:53):
when we're on our fuckingprivate yachts, having the best
vacation of our lives.
Where's your private yacht?
I don't know.
I want a private yacht from nothaving a childhood, and I'm not
saying it sending it to college.
Where's my yacht?
there are people who think theonly thing that will bring you
joy in life is children.
My mom has asked, and I'm like,if you don't shut the fuck up,
there's at least one person inboth of our families who is
having kids, so that's fine.
(10:14):
We don't need to have kids to behappy.
For us, these are among manyreasons why we chose to be child
free.
Number one, they are yourresponsibility for.
Forever.
That's forever.
Forever.
For the rest of my life.
I have another responsibility.
No, Evie's gonna die in 10years.
(10:36):
10.
She's gonna hang on for a while.
She's going to, she'll be, she'sfour or five max.
We'll see.
So even better.
Even better.
Then she's gone.
And then if I want a moreresponsibility, I can go get a
cat.
I can get a dog.
No responsibilities.
Exactly.
Or I could just live my lifewithout responsibilities of, for
caring for another thing.
I think people also say who'sgonna look after you when you're
(10:57):
in the nursing home?
People I pay, I would rather paysomeone or be around like
friends or I don't know, growold with the people I care
about.
Mm-hmm.
Rather than have a child who'sburdened with.
The last few years of my lifeburdened not the burden and is
resentful of the fact that theyhave to take care of me.
(11:20):
That's the thing.
Whenever I'm not doing that.
Like I'm not gonna be doingthat.
Yeah.
For my, I'm not gonna be therefor my parents throughout their
last remaining year.
Parents, I say parents, if Igive a fuck about my dad, my mom
I'll be close by.
I'll be hopping over, back andforth.
Yeah, but that's why you haveother brothers.
That's why I have other brotherswho live in the uk, but in my
mind I'm like.
I also dunno if she's like, staywith me forever.
(11:42):
That's not something she'sasking me to do.
It's not something I'm gonna askmy child to do.
People always say that.
That's like the main thing.
Who's gonna look after you towhen you're older?
Why are we guilting people tohaving children?
Just so that someone can lookafter them when they're older.
People have strangerelationships with their
parents.
People's parents suck.
Yeah.
So first of all, I'm likepeople, most of the people that
(12:03):
ask this question, I'm like.
But also, why am I gonna bespending so much of my time,
money, energy, stress, all ofthese things that come with
having a child for 18 years andthen they're off to college and
then their college years, andthen they grow up, whatever.
Why am I gonna spend like thatmuch time?
Number two, they take a hugechunk of your money.
(12:24):
They take a huge chunk of yourExactly.
Yeah.
That I like spending my money onmyself and you and Evie.
And I'm like, that's Numberseven, children can inherit your
mental illnesses.
I've already inherited myparents' mental illnesses.
Do I need to pass that on toother people?
I heard something on TikToktoday.
Is that your egg that you weremade into or of, or from
(12:47):
whatever, you weren't made intoan egg.
You were made from an egg.
Yes.
Whatever from the egg.
You were an egg.
That egg existed in yourgrandma.
Existed in your grandma.
Yeah.
So the things that your grandmawas experiencing had an effect
on you.
Yeah.
And that's crazy.
I know.
Like What was my grandmaexperience?
The fucking dust bowl.
What is a dust bowl?
The Dust bowl.
During the Great Depression.
(13:08):
Huh?
During the Great Depression,there was a dust bowl.
Grandma, like Trilby?
Yeah.
RIP Trilby.
the Great Depression and theDust Bowl.
She was born in 1928.
Fucking how?
During the beginning of theGreat Depression.
It is crazy.
She went through that and thathad an effect on me, and that's
crazy.
In the year 2025.
Oh, a hundred years.
That's crazy.
(13:29):
Wait, 1925.
28.
That is crazy.
Oh my God.
So a hundred years ago theessence of you was born.
I guess so, but does it startwhenever like a girl goes
through pub puberty?
No, I think the egg or the eggis always there.
There's like.
or there the, this, I don'tknow.
I'm not a fucking biologisthere.
(13:50):
I'm talking about childbirthwhen I'm like, I'm never gonna
be able to even do that.
Yeah.
So not only are you responsiblefor the mental illnesses of your
offspring, you are responsiblefor the mental illnesses of
their offspring.
Crazy.
And that's too muchresponsibility for me to bear.
The bloodline can end with me,to be quite honest with you.
What is the big, what is the bigdeal?
(14:10):
What is a big idea withbloodlines?
Why is that important?
No, I really don't know.
Why is it important?
Because people are also like,what's gonna happen to your,
like your wealth and your Idon't know, spread it to the
masses.
Your like property and stuff.
I'm like, I'm just gonna give itto my mates.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't care.
What am I gonna do with mywealth?
I'm gonna have nieces andnephews.
Yeah.
Give it to them.
Pick your favorite one.
(14:31):
No, because they don't existyet.
Yeah.
The thing is that they don'texist yet, so in my mind I'm
like, fuck them.
I'm like, I have a long line offriends that I'm gonna give it
my shit to literally, if my willis being written out and those
little bitches aren't in it yet.
Yeah.
Do a lottery, give it to someonerandom.
No.
I don't care about random.
See, this is the problem.
I don't care about things thatdon't exist yet.
(14:53):
Okay?
These babies don't exist yet.
Oh my God, I love this one.
Okay.
They can be bullied.
Is number 17 on the list?
They can be bullied, but number18, they can be bullies.
No.
Imagine raising a little shit,first of all.
So sad.
Imagine raising a little bit ofa loser.
Oh, that'd be not a loser.
And that'd be really sad.
(15:13):
Yeah.
And that I'd be really sad.
And I'd feel really sorry forhe, she, they.
But do you think we would raiseFuck no.
A bully or bully?
This is what I mean.
I feel like a victim or a no.
A perpetrator.
I think a perpetrator for sure.
No, but I feel like if we wereresponsible for our own child, a
result might be a little bitdifferent.
Would it be a mean girl or a Mychild would be a little bit of a
(15:35):
mean girl.
Yeah.
Your child would be a little bitof a nerd, but then together and
then together.
Maybe they're like the best ofboth world.
Both worlds.
No, we're not talking abouthypothetical babies now.
I'm not talking abouthypothetical baby.
All of a sudden having, but thenthey can be bullied and that's
really sad.
'cause imagine your kid cominghome from school and just being
like, that's so sad.
He was bullied There are 8billion people in the world.
(15:56):
8 billion going on.
Nine is one too many.
Nine.
I think there's 9 billion,eventually.
Nine.
I think we're going back in myday.
There was seven back in my day.
There were six.
When was the six in elementaryschool?
Oh, maybe there was six, nine.
Do you remember?
I remember it turning to sevenand I was like, in high school.
I don't remember that.
It was definitely six when I wasgrowing up.
That's too many people.
And you want I heard.
(16:17):
No, I think I remember seeingthat.
I remember seeing in the TikTokvideo, And however many years
the human population's gonnalike peak.
Yeah.
At a certain level.
And it's not gonna get anyhigher than that.
Yeah.
Which is like 15 million, Ithink.
15 billion.
Billion, yeah.
Yeah.
Billion, 15 billion.
Yeah.
I think that was the number.
No, I could be making this up.
How can we have, so what if wejust all stopped having babies?
(16:40):
We are just for a few years, theUS birth rate is declining.
Thank God.
There's no more, this is thelast thing that we need more US
baby.
More American little fucks, nomore of the rest of the world.
Sure.
Not us.
Now we can cut it back on the UKtoo a little bit.
But although, here's the thing,here's the downside of that.
Speaking in America, TheRepublicans are having babies.
(17:01):
The Democrats are not havingbabies.
Oh, no, wait.
Yeah.
No.
They're gonna out us.
So we're losing us.
They're gonna outnumber us.
They're gonna outnumber us.
No, I didn't even think aboutthat.
Yeah.
What do we do?
A very, I'm not having a baby.
So the thing is, the thing thatcould you imagine?
First of all, I'm gonna have tostop you right there.
You wake up in the morning, it's6:00 AM to the sounds of a
(17:23):
howling.
Monster.
You think it's that late?
No.
No.
You think it?
You think it.
It's 6:00 AM I'm tellingsomething.
Listen to my story.
You're participating in myreality right now.
Listen, 6:00 AM howling.
Howling sounds of a monster.
Wake you up.
You've had an hour and 45minutes of sleep.
(17:45):
Because an hour and 45 minutesago you just laid that beast
down to rest.
After it was howling for twohours at 4 45.
Yeah.
So here you are awake again.
Days ahead of you.
You have to change feed, bathe abeast.
(18:08):
Then you have to.
Maybe try and bathe yourself.
Are you gonna go to the gym?
No.
You're too tired.
You are gonna try and eat somefood'cause you need to sustain
your life.
No.
You've gotten a bit fat.
Ah, you've gotten a bit ugly.
Your hairs overgrown.
You don't have time to go To thebarber.
No.
You're balding.
(18:29):
Oh.
And you're balding from stress.
And the few hairs that you havegot left are gray.
That hurts.
Your back might be broken.
Yeah.
Your back hurts all the time.
You stink.
You smell like shit.
And you're ugly.
And you're ugly and you're baldand you're fat.
And you're fat.
And all of this sounds appealingto you.
(18:51):
This is specifically you I wastalking to you about.
Hey.
Yeah.
'cause I would be the oneraising it.
I'm not having babies.
This is what I said.
If we were, if we on our firstdate didn't discuss Oh, totally.
Yeah.
Like we talked about so manythings and like it just came up.
We were like, do you wanna havekids?
And we're like, no, not really.
Yeah.
And you were like, no, meneither.
No.
Great.
We've just like really stuckwith that.
(19:12):
And it's like fucking, we like,just like really driven the idea
home that we like truly neverwanna have kids.
No, we never revisited it.
Never.
I've never been like there.
What do you think?
There's never been a, a time inmy life where I've been like,
'cause also right now.
I feel so young still, Icouldn't possibly imagine having
a child at this current age.
Yeah.
(19:32):
Whereas so many of my friendshave babies.
Yeah.
Or cousins have babies or peoplethat we know having are having
kids, adopting children, goingthrough surrogacy.
And here I am, like we're goingon 5,000 trips.
Yeah.
and I'm like, I couldn't imaginehaving a child and doing that
and like continuing my life.
And people think it's selfish.
(19:53):
They say it's selfish to notwant to have, but why?
Why is it selfish?
Why is it selfish?
I'm just living my fucking life.
Oh, you're selfish for notwanting a kid.
'cause to like produce a childand to have a child come to, I
don't give a fuck.
But you know what that is?
You knew then you know what thatidea is capitalism.
That's like in their head.
It's like you are selfish fornot having a kid because
everyone should have a kid toto.
(20:13):
Fucking contribute to the world,contribute to the cog that we
live in as a no contribute tothe machine as a cog.
And that's what it is.
And that's why society is set upto be.
And that's why everyone says,Hey, you're a piece of shit for
not having a child, but I'm anangel for having a child.
I'm like, no.
Okay.
And here.
Oh my God.
And don't get me started on thefucking pro-lifers, two
(20:34):
pro-life.
Two pro-life.
Two pro-life.
Are you embarrassed?
Yeah.
Are you not embarrassed?
Yeah.
Pro-life, but pro gun.
I'm like pro-life, but thatdon't work.
But pro Tesla.
Ugh.
That is the, that is anti-life.
Pro-life.
But pro cyber truck.
Get out of here.
Get the fuck out of here.
Disgusting.
It's crazy work.
I think because like I come froma family of like people who I
(20:57):
don't know, it's just likeeveryone has children and
everyone's excited to havechildren and everyone's like,
kids, kids, kids.
Woo.
My mom had three chi four.
Ooh.
Who are you gonna cut off there?
Mm-hmm.
In my mind it always just slipsout.
Even though my brother, myyoungest brother is 23, it just
slips out that I'm like, oh,just skip over that one.
(21:18):
Yeah, no, I know I don't skip.
Sorry.
Love you.
Four children.
My mom's mom had I think sevenor eight children.
No.
Yeah, my sister has fourchildren.
Do we know like people with morethan seven children?
Like my grandma, like I'm notfriends with Mormons.
No.
No.
Thank God.
Fuck.
(21:38):
I don't know.
No, my sister is the person whoI know have has the most kids,
and that's four, like currentlyhas the most kids, which I think
is crazy.
Yeah, I have a friend who's myage who has two, and that's, I
feel like that's normal.
N two is a good number.
Two is two is a great number.
Two is a great number, right?
Three is a good number.
Four is just like pushed up.
Look, being like judgy, like youhave as many kids as you fucking
want.
But I'm like, I think that'sfucking weird.
(21:59):
This podcast is for us to judgeyou.
We are judged fucking weirdo andexecution, fucking weirdo.
What are you doing having 17children?
What the fuck?
Get a life.
What do you need them for?
The farm.
The farm.
That is actually the reasonpeople had a lot of babies.
For workers on the farm?
I guess back in the day.
(22:20):
Back in the day, yeah.
In the fucking 18 hundreds.
Sure.
17 hundreds.
No, he had 19 hundreds.
I guess.
Oh, and like, you know, the,everything was bubonic and the
child mortality rate was so low.
Well, That was the 1600.
Oh, okay.
Let's um, the pub play, theSalem Witch trial No.
Another reason that babies,could you imagine having a baby
in the pandemic?
(22:40):
Oh my god.
Could you imagine having had ababy in the pandemic stockpile
diapers too, along with, withthe toilet of the paper?
Oh my God.
Imagine having to buy diapers.
Like we have to buy poop bags.
Dog food.
We pay a, they buy her treat.
Groom her to groom her everycouple of months.
Yeah, we.
What else do we do?
(23:00):
She's got a cute little harness.
This is the, that's it.
That's the extent of myexpenses.
Yeah.
And the vet every so often.
Vaccines.
Yeah.
Okay, so it's cheap to have adog.
Yeah.
It's cheap enough.
That's is the benefit of havinga nanny or boarding school.
But then you have to pay forthose things too.
Yeah, I would do boardingschool.
You'd ship a child after thebargaining school?
(23:22):
Yeah.
The skill.
Skill.
Why does say skill like that?
I don't know.
Oh, another big thing.
Big thing.
The thing that really irks uswhenever we are on vacation.
Oh, Oh my God.
Keep your little shit away fromme.
I go to a hotel and it'ssomewhat luxury.
Why the fuck is your child?
I'm got, I'm getting my conte b.
(23:44):
I am at the hotel breakfast,getting my Conti B, stacking it
up.
The other fucking week when wewere in Thailand, I was walking
back to my table with mycontinental breakfast that I had
curated immaculately onto myplate.
Beautiful.
Why are these three, threechildren running around the
(24:07):
dining room?
fancy place.
Yeah.
It was beautiful.
Yeah.
Five star resort.
Why are these children runningaround amuck?
First of all, ruining my vibe.
Yeah.
Killing the feng shui of thewhole building.
Yeah.
And um, producing such a noisethat now I need to go go for a
massage to forget about.
(24:28):
Imagine going, my life is sohard, you guys, it's hard for
you.
Imagine being a parent with achild at one of those places and
you are trying to enjoyyourself.
You are going on vacation tohave a vacation.
I don't understand why,actually, I do not understand
why parents bring their babiesto like Disneyland, like baby
babies, like baby.
Like One, two or zero to two,whatever.
(24:50):
I don't know because it like,they're not gonna remember it.
I went to Disney World.
I was like a fucking 3-year-old.
Do I remember it?
No.
Did you probably had fun though?
I probably do.
You know what?
Selfish What that?
What?
Because it's not for them.
It's not for the child.
It's for the parent to be like,oh my God, I took my 1-year-old.
To the to, to Disney.
It feels more stressful than,what's a fuck Disney.
(25:10):
Have you ever been.
No, I would never go to Disney.
We should go.
No, I would truly, I would nevergo to Disney.
First of all, I hate everything.
Second of all, I hate children,right?
Third of all, I hate Disney.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't.
What if you grew, what if you'rea child?
Are you about to come out as aDisney adult?
What if your child grew up andit was to be a Disney adult and
(25:32):
it was a Disney adult?
That's what would you do?
Ugh.
Just So what would you do?
Bring out the guillotine, notthe guillotine.
that would not stand in myhousehold.
Why?
Have a question.
Yeah.
Why is it that baby elephantscan come out and start swinging
their trunks around?
(25:53):
Oh yeah.
And baby humans can't becausebaby elephants are pregnant.
Elephants are pregnant for like18 months.
I love that.
You just ask a question that youdid patient.
I mean, I can't imagine beingpregnant.
'cause Pregnancy for ninemonths.
Sounds crazy.
Yeah, for 18 months sounds likeI would kill myself.
That's crazy.
Do you ever think back to whenyour parents had you in that
(26:13):
exact date, based on yourbirthday?
What do you mean?
Like the 1st of June?
Yeah, like if it was, if it waslike Valentine's Day.
Or if it was like Christmas, oh,if it was like a holiday.
The date of consummation.
The date of consummation.
Consummation conception.
Because mine, I think was aroundValentine's Day.
Conception.
Conception, consummation,consummate.
No, it's consummating.
The marriage, which is havingsex.
Yeah.
(26:33):
And conception.
Conception is when the baby is,when the egg sperm goes into the
egg.
When embryo is created.
When baby be born, baby be born.
No conception When baby be made.
That's what pro-lifers thinkpro-lifers think that life
starts at conception.
When you're clum of cells, fuckoff.
(26:54):
Can that clum of cells doanything?
No, Yeah, you're not a morningperson, so like how are you
gonna take care of a child?
I'm still hypotheticallythinking that we might have a
child one day, which we won't.
We're not.
But I'm saying like, what ifyou're not a morning person?
If you told me one day, if youwere like, I wanna have a child,
and you're really adamant onhaving a baby, we're breaking
up.
I don't care, obviously, but Iwould never do that.
I would want another dog.
(27:14):
No, I would, we're breaking up.
Do you want a cat?
I do want a cat.
I don't know why.
Okay.
We got a dog in the pandemic.
No, right before the pandemicAnd yeah, it was like, we got a
puppy.
What the fuck did we know aboutraising a puppy?
Yeah.
That was difficult.
Yeah.
And like she was pretty easy.
(27:35):
I would say she was pretty easyto like take care of, teach how
to do things.
Pee outside.
Yeah.
Easy.
Yeah.
But the beginning, like week orso, when we were getting used to
schedules and stuff, waking upat like 6:00 AM to take her out,
I'd be like, this was, oh God.
Yeah.
That was torture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why did I do that?
Because look at her.
She's so cute.
(27:56):
She's cute now.
Yeah.
But in my mind, I'm like, whatdid I know about raising a
living creature?
Um,'cause now I want a cat.
'cause they're veryself-sufficient.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Love.
And I just feel love that, Ijust feel like I'm more of a cat
person.
I do love dogs so much.
You are a black cat.
Yeah.
I am a golden retriever.
I just love how cundy they are.
I'm just like, also like Ireally resonate with that like
(28:16):
mindset.
I'm like sometimes give meattention, but sometimes leave
me the fuck alone.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's literally you.
Yeah.
And me.
I'm just like, yeah.
You're like, hello.
How are you?
What are you doing?
Oh God.
Hi.
Oh, what's that?
Huh?
Can I have some imagine pickingup poo of EVs, but 10 times
worse because it's in a diaper.
What's better?
Where is this conversation?
(28:37):
Because this is another problemof having kids poopy diapers.
Whereas I was like, would yourather pick up a giant turd
through a plastic bag in thegarden?
Yeah.
Or change like a mushy diaper.
You're not just changing it.
Have you changed diapers before?
No.
Ew.
Never.
No.
See that's crazy to me.
Obviously, I'm not cleaningEvie's butt hole, am I?
No, that's true.
(28:57):
I used to change diapers.
My little brother stinky.
I used to change my littlebrother's diapers.
Stinky my little brother'sdiapers.
Isn't that so crazy?
I was nine when he was born.
Yeah.
Your mom was like, I'm tootired.
You take care of this child.
Well, Do you know what the thingis?
I think, I don't know if thatwas easy for her to have three
cognizant children already whenshe had a fourth one.
Yeah.
(29:18):
Because we, I feel like I, Iremember doing a lot.
see, this is white people havemultiple kids.
Yeah.
To be like, there's another one,someone else take care of it.
Someone else just deal with it.
But the name of my mind, I'mlike, first one.
And you have the second onepretty much straight after and
that's cool.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, because first of all.
I dunno, people like it.
Who am I to say no, this is thepoint.
(29:39):
Sometimes I'm like, who am I tosay fucking weirdos.
This is the point.
Some people can like things, wedon't like them.
I think it's so great.
The society that we live in isso child-focused and child
friendly.
What?
You know, What's bad?
What?
Stepping on a Lego that's justlike randomly on the floor.
The mess involved.
(29:59):
Oh my god.
Around.
Like I, I'm annoyed when Evie'stoys are randomly outside.
I'm not annoyed.
She's so thoughtful.
She keeps'em all in the cornerWhat, the only thing I have to
deal with is like a stray tennisball somewhere.
Sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But imagine like a kid's messalso.
Did you see that one fuckingkid?
Yes.
Of the hot sauce?
Yes.
Yes.
Hot sauce all over the couch.
(30:20):
Yes.
And what was it, chola, I think.
Yeah.
And then the, and the parent waslike very gentle parroting
parenting.
And I was like, it's time we endthat, eh, it's time we end that.
Who am I to say?
But is gentle parroting the wayto go.
I wasn't gentle parented.
No, I wasn't either.
No.
Yeah.
Not in turned out swell.
Also, kids are dumb nowadaysbecause I don't think the
(30:41):
parenting is going well.
Oh my God.
You can't read.
Kids can't read.
Yeah.
Do you know kids can't read?
They can't read I don't think.
I don't know if the educationsystem is broken, but I've seen
kids doing math nowadays and I'mlike, what the fuck is that?
Oh my God, they do that.
So weird.
What is it?
They do maths.
So weird.
What are they doing?
Like we would do, they'redrawing diagrams.
Yeah, full diagrams for likeplus two to like do
multiplication or something.
(31:01):
That's like the simplemultiplication.
I think that's crazy.
Like we would, if we were gonnaplus add something, 15 plus two,
you would go put 15 on the topand then two and then add and
then down.
So one seven.
That's so easy.
I've seen them doing likefucking magic tricks, trying to
figure out that Oh yeah.
That equation.
Oh yeah.
I do that with multiplicationtoo.
'cause you'd do if it was likelong multiplication, you would
(31:23):
do 3, 5, 6 times by 28.
Yeah.
And you'd like.
Times that by that and then thatby that, and then that by that,
and then that.
By that I'm like, this is why wehave calculators.
The diagram.
Yeah, I know exactly.
Also, you'd have to listen toCoco Melon all the time and like
annoying kids songs.
Oh my God.
That would be really annoying.
The troll soundtrack, like whenmy little brother was growing
up, I did watch.
A lot of tally puppies and, whatwas it, Tweenies.
(31:46):
Oh, I feel like everything's sodifferent because it was on
tweenies.
The BBC had a children'snetwork.
Yeah.
Called cbb.
CBBs.
CBBs.
It was called CBBs.
That's cute.
I like that.
Bbs, what does it stand for?
At CBBs.
Oh, just CBBs?
I don't know.
Okay.
I don't fucking know.
Okay.
It's just spelledC-B-E-E-B-I-E-S.
(32:07):
CBBs.
Oh, that's not what I thought.
I thought it was a CBB.
No.
CBBs and spell out.
Okay.
And then what would we watch?
We would watch Blues Clues.
Yeah.
We, you know, blues clothes.
Yeah.
Obviously I fuck with bluesclothes.
Dora was on that shit too.
Live for Dora.
But at the time I was like, thisis really fun.
I like that.
That's cute.
Because I was like nine or 10and I'm like, do you know what?
(32:28):
I'm young enough that I stillenjoy this.
But I'm old enough that I stillenjoy this.
Was SpongeBob in that, SpongeBobcame a little bit late.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
More was five or six and I waslike, courage cow with the dogs.
16.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Courage.
That's not a children's show.
No, but I did watch it as achild.
Oh my God.
Having to censor things yourchildren watch.
(32:50):
Ah, the shit that I was hit.
Another reason.
Another reason.
One big fat reason.
Yeah.
The shit that I was doing at 13,14.
Yeah.
If I could, if I had a child andI was imagining them doing that.
At 13, 14.
Uhuh, permanently grounded,Uhuh, permanently locked in a
tower throw with key untilyou're of age.
(33:12):
So you throw down your hairuntil you throw down your locks,
or a dragon comes to save you orsome shit.
Yeah.
Having to deal with that.
Having to be like there presentfor all those years.
All of the tantrums, all of therebellions.
kids can ruin marriages.
Kids have no sense ofboundaries.
Kids can be too honest and endup breaking your heart.
Kids cause burnout.
there's so much.
(33:33):
kids suck and that's the end ofthat.
Sorry if you think opposite, butwe all have our opinions.
And I will never have a child,not in this life.
One of my biggest fears, oh myGod, it's been a nightmare.
It's been a nightmare of mine.
Have you seen that movie with,there was an actress who was
like really big and up andcoming and then she like was
(33:54):
apparently a terrible to, towork with and so she's just
like, her career, didn't amountto anything.
What was that movie she was in?
It was like a dumb rom-com andit here, the premise of the
movie.
Lead actress.
Best friends with person.
Okay.
Lead actor.
Best friends with husband ofperson.
Yeah.
But they never got on.
(34:15):
Ever.
Enemies to lovers, if you will,right?
This is the story of the plotline, but their best friends die
in a car accident or some shit,and in their will, they leave
behind the baby to them.
That is my worst nightmare.
Is that legal?
To just leave a baby to a personwithout saying, telling them no,
(34:37):
I guess if you're a godparent.
I think they were godparents.
Okay.
So that's the thing.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
Fuck no.
This is the thing.
Fuck no, there's no benefit tothat.
No, no, no.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
Never say yes to being agodparent.
That is the moral of the story.
There is no benefits to doingthat.
There's only a negative having achild.
What's the benefit?
doing something that your wantsto, honestly is one of my
biggest nightmares in life.
(34:58):
To wake up one day.
And then someone's oh, you're inthe will to take care of this
child for the rest of your life.
And I'm like,'cause you can'tsay no.
You can't say no.
Oh, I'm saying no.
You've already said Yeah, butyou can't have I, when did I say
Yeah, when you decided to be agodparent?
Oh yeah.
No, I'm not doing that.
Yeah, but if you did, but thisis the thing.
I'm not doing that.
Yeah.
But if you did, if there was aworld where you said yes to
(35:18):
being a godparent to like, Ithought godparents were like,
just like a religious thing.
No.
cause why is my brother agodparent to some random kid?
I think it's like a.
It's just like a thing that canbe religious or not.
People are crazy, but it's like,I will take care of your child
if you dead.
And then it's there yoursforever.
Yeah.
That's my worst nightmare.
Yeah.
That's my worst nightmare forsure.
And that's why we're never gonnado that.
(35:38):
Similar of the story.
No children.
No children ever.
And if you want children, it'sfine.
I'm not judging you.
I would never.
that drained me.
I'm not gonna lie.
You can hear it in my voice.
The idea that even the conceptof children just drained.
I need a nap.
And guess what?
Because I have the luxury ofdoing so, I just might.
(35:59):
Because we also have to do todayit's 3:00 PM today here on a
Tuesday.
Today here on a Tuesday, the daythat we're filming this episode.
The year of our Lord.
The Year of our Lord and Savior,Dua Lipa.
Have you seen sh her show inMelbourne?
My God, yes.
You've seen her show.
She's in Australia.
Yes, I've seen it.
She's fucking, that's my mom.
That is my mother.
She birthed you.
I get to have an nap and thenit's gonna do a bit of editing.
(36:21):
I'm just gonna chill for a bit.
Might read my book, oh, I wannaread my book.
In peace and quiet.
And that is just And harmony.
Harmony.
And that is just the benefit ofbeing a d dink wad.
That is just the benefit ofbeing a dink wad.
Look, I wanna name this episodeDink Wad So bad, but I'm so
embarrassed by that word.
Dink wad.
(36:42):
Is there a funnier way to sayit?
Have you, you just said it.
Yeah, you just said it.
You just said the funny way ofsaying it.
Dink what is stupid?
but it's what we are Exactly.
And we can't deny it any longer.
If you love this episode, pleasegive us a review on Apple
Podcasts.
Subscribe wherever we wannasubscribe and follow us
everywhere.
Five stars, only.
Five stars only, and we'll seein the next one.
(37:06):
Bye when?
When?
When?
Shut up.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.