May 13, 2025 • 36 mins
Mental health awareness becomes a gateway to deeper relationships with God, others, and ourselves when we approach it with honesty and the right resources.
• Recognizing when you need outside help doesn't mean you're broken
• Therapy provides insight and vocabulary for feelings we struggle to articulate
• Understanding the difference between self-care and self-maintenance is crucial for emotional wellbeing
• True self-awareness helps identify unhealthy patterns like passive-aggressiveness and avoidance
• A therapist with shared values can strengthen rather than replace faith
• Learning to process feedback without taking it personally transforms all relationships
• Creating a support system with various trusted advisors provides different perspectives
• Prayer and therapy work together—sometimes miracles happen immediately, sometimes over time
If you're feeling called to explore therapy, please reach out in the comments. We're happy to pray with you or recommend our therapist who is always taking new clients.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up let's Dig crew.
Thank you for joining thisconversation.
It is going to be a little deep, but we are talking about
mental health today.
We're talking about how it hasimpacted my life, how it's
changed my life and it'sactually helped me draw a closer
relationship with the Lord.
So we're going to get into allthat how I knew to get into
therapy, how I found the personand what it did for my life.
(00:23):
It's going to be a goodconversation today.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, yeah.
And also, before we jump intoit, I want to say welcome to all
of the new viewers, newsubscribers, welcome to let's
Dig Crew.
We are here to help you grow adeep relationship with God,
others and yourself, and so ifyou're looking forward to this
conversation, go ahead and hitthat little thumbs up button
right now, matter of fact, ifyou even mind, and hit that
subscribe.
If you're new to the channeland we haven't heard from you,
(00:47):
send us a little comment, alittle message.
We'd love to hear from you Ifyou're listening to this on
Apple or on Spotify, all theother fun places like write us a
little review if you wouldn'tmind, and we'd love to hear from
you.
But the reason why we do thatright, because the algorithm
right, it pushes it through andit lets other people know that
they want to talk about thisconversation too.
So mental health is really big.
Mental health awareness is veryimportant too.
(01:08):
I think people most oftenneglect their mental health
because it's something that's onthe inside and you think you
can deal with it just byyourself.
So true, but I want to talkabout how it affected you, how
it affected me, how it affectedeven your relationship with God,
your relationship with thechildren, with your coworkers,
with your leaders, things likethat.
But I'm ready, man, let's talkabout it.
All right, let's dig.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
So some of you may know our story.
We went to therapy at year 10of our marriage and we did about
a year with this therapist andafter that happened I had taken
on a role at our church.
I was a children's director fora year and a half and I think
it was a lot of the aftereffects of what we had gone
(01:51):
through in our marriage and thengetting put into a completely
new career.
Everything was new for me.
I'd never worked at a churchlike that, Never been a
children's director.
I was a hairstylist for 10years, so this was a completely
new career change and I thinkall of that um really made me
(02:11):
question a lot of things,including after doing some of
our digging in our marriage.
It really made me question myidentity, um, my personality
type.
I felt like I didn't knowmyself because a lot of our
marriage I had found my identityin you.
So take that away.
Now we're getting to ahealthier place.
(02:31):
But I didn't have answers for alot of the questions I had about
myself and that was one of thethings that really made me feel
like, okay, wait, maybe I shoulddo this, Like now that we've
done it for our marriage andwe're in a better place.
Maybe I should actually just dothis for myself.
I didn't have, um, any of thosepeople in my life like as a
(02:52):
mentor, someone in closeproximity where they could kind
of walk me along, that Sometimesthere are those people in your
life, uh, that are justblessings from God.
Maybe it's a church leader,Maybe it's an older person in
your life that feels like amother or a father figure, and
sometimes they have enoughwisdom where they can walk you
through those things.
But sometimes it's literally atherapist who has a skillset,
(03:16):
who has an education, who hasall these resources that we
don't have, naturally, that youcan benefit from if you sit in
their seat.
But I think a lot of people getstuck on the part of like
getting to that seat.
They cannot make that decisionto say, okay, I actually do need
outside help.
I do need to pay for someone tohelp me.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Did you feel like you cause?
It's a big misconception, Ithink, for a lot of people who
are looking into gettinghealthier Mentally speaking.
Did you feel like you werebroken in order to go to like
therapy?
Or was it a place as like youwere proud to go to therapy?
Or were you embarrassed to go,because I think there's people
(04:00):
like people that are likeembarrassed to go because they
feel like they're broken Right,they hit rock bottom in order to
go to therapy?
Or were you in a place whereyou're like no, I just need a
few little you know verbiage,like things like that.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, there was definitely more brokenness to it
Feeling a little lost, feelinglike I don't know much about
myself, feeling like I couldn'tget myself over the hump.
I didn't feel depression,anxiety, like those things that
I feel like often are attributedto like, oh, I need therapy
because my depression is out ofcontrol.
(04:34):
I didn't have those bigsymptoms or things and some
people do and that's like theirflags.
Right To know I need to go totherapy.
For me, it was just this like Ihave to figure some things out
about myself, about mypersonality, about how to
process information, how to dobetter for myself as a grown
woman and as an adult.
(04:55):
Um, I won't always have someoneholding my hand, so I needed to
learn some skills.
I needed someone to help thinkthrough processes with me.
I'm an outward processor, so Iknew the model of talking to
someone about what I was likestruggling with would be really
helpful for me.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, I can't remember.
But like, were you open aboutbeing in therapy, like while you
were in it, like with yourfriends, your peers, your family
, like I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I don't think I really hit it.
I think I was.
I was.
I felt free to finally say Imade that decision of like, yeah
, I'm getting therapy and it'snot for me and him, we're good,
it's now, it's for me.
Help me figure these things out.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, I think people get scared too because, like our
brains, did not come with, youknow, user manuals.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yeah, we didn't come with like a little pamphlet on
how to understand your brain?
Yeah, and like, I think peopleeven grab a gravitate towards
like what the world might put onthem.
Right, you like you watch a TikTOK video that says you might
be autistic if you do this.
Or you might be, or you mayhave ADHD if you say this.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
There's so many of those that are mine.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, or the inside of your car looks like this,
it's like, and people say, oh mygosh, I have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It's so true.
I found videos where they tellme I'm on the spectrum because
of, just like the texture thingsthat I have, or um, isms that I
have, like and, and yes, thosecan be qualifying, those can be
characteristics of people whohave those things.
But just because you relate toa video on Tik TOK does not mean
(06:35):
that you are automatically inthat category.
Um, but I do think that therapyreally helped me see certain
blind spots that maybe Icouldn't filter or I couldn't
see.
It's so much harder to seesomething when you're in it, as
opposed to someone sitting onthe outside prospectively
looking at you and saying, well,that kind of looks like this
(06:57):
and that kind of looks like that.
For instance, one of the thingsthat my therapist helped me
realize, there was that season Iwas in a role.
This was later towards the endof the things that my therapist
helped me realize.
Um, there was that season I wasin a role.
This was later, towards the endof the role.
I was really struggling and Iwasn't really happy, but I knew
I was supposed to be in that, inthat position, and I kept
telling him like I just feellike our lives never stop, feel
(07:20):
like nothing ever slows down.
And I told him.
I was like but I do self-care.
I go to the gym, I get my nailsdone, I get my hair done, I
take care of myself every day.
And I was like but I still justfeel so emptied out, like
drained.
And he was like well, thosedon't really sound like
(07:40):
self-care, danny Lee.
Those sound like maintenance,like that you maintain your body
, that you maintain your nails,that you maintain your hair.
Those, those aren't reallyself-care.
He was like and those are alsoall things that you do by
yourself.
And I was like yeah, he waslike but are you an introvert or
an extrovert?
And I was like, oh, I'm anextrovert.
(08:02):
He was like Danny Lee, you justlisted things that you have to
do by yourself at the gym nails,all that stuff.
He's like those are all soloactivities.
He was like but you know thatyou actually get filled up when
you're around other people.
And I was like, oh, I never putthe connection together that I
was looking for what the worldsays of like, oh, do self-care,
(08:23):
take time by yourself.
But actually what feeds me isbeing around someone, that we
laugh together, we have funtogether, we're being silly,
like I was working with a friendthe other day for a church
project.
We were together for seven oreight hours and we laughed the
entire time.
That filled my tank.
But in that season I waspulling away from people, I was
(08:46):
not going out to eat as much, Iwasn't going to do those things
because I was drained.
So it was like I was lookingfor something to fill my tank
and fill me with joy indifferent ways than what
actually works for mypersonality type.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I know those things.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
But, again.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It goes to like someone sitting on the outside.
He was able to see that so muchmore easily than I could when
I'm in the middle of it.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, I almost feel like we need to list off some
indicators that may help someoneknow whether they're unaware of
their health level for like,like, their, like, their mental
state meaning.
So, for example, we all, we'reall mind, body, we're soul,
(09:30):
right right, there's the thingsthat happen in our mind.
There are the mental wars thathappen.
Yeah right, there are the stuffthat we do that we talk
ourselves into.
There's stuff that we do thatwe talk ourselves out of doing.
Right, I think I say this allthe time in leadership, the
hardest person to lead inleadership, the hardest person
to lead is yourself.
The hardest person to lead isyourself.
Why?
Because you're lying toyourself in your head, like that
(09:52):
.
That's mental health awareness.
I think people are, and even us,like, as all of us, right, we
struggle with like, like,recalibratingating, like the
meters in our head on, like it'slike a dashboard, if there's
any lights, indicators that like, what are we ignoring?
Like, for example, passiveaggressiveness?
(10:13):
Yeah right, passiveaggressiveness is an indicator
that like, like, like, yourmental state isn't strong,
because you're basically sayingthe thing about passive,
aggressive type of communicatorsis basically saying screw you,
screw me, right, I'm a lot ofyou, I'm a lot of myself.
Great, we're doing great.
Right, you know it's passive,aggressive, so you're really
(10:33):
bearing what's on the inside andyou're demonstrating or
displaying to other people thatyou're one way, and it's like
both party loses.
And I think I think some peoplearen't even aware, right, as
we're talking about mentalhealth, right, some people
aren't even aware that by theend of the day, they're drained
or by the end of the day, theyfeel like they hate themselves
or life sucks.
(10:54):
But it's actually things youwere doing in your head,
internally, like what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's making youunhealthy.
Yeah, like what I'm saying.
Yeah, like what are some thingsthat you would say is an
indicator that you're actuallynot healthy mentally?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean, one of them was like me, literally saying I
didn't want to go out withpeople and hang out with people
because that is something that Iwould naturally love fill my
tank.
I'm down for hanging out withpeople, it's so much fun, but in
that season I was so drained.
I was like dude.
I just want to go home and bein my pajamas.
I just want to go at home andhide out in my house with my
(11:31):
family and realizing, lookingback of like, yeah, that's not
my personality at all and thatwas a sign that I was unhealthy
for sure yeah I think crazy Ithink, um, in these seasons when
you don't know whether you'rehealthy or not, um, having
(11:51):
people it's what we always talkabout, of relationships, having
people in your life that youcould trust to help you see them
differently, Even if it's justa person to say yeah, that's not
like you were, are you okay?
That's not how you normallywould do it or behave or respond
even like hey, you respondedkind of crazy.
Are you kind of popped off Likeare you okay?
(12:14):
Um, yeah, so having those peoplein your life to help show those
moments and make you it's whatyou're saying of like on the
meter.
It's not making sense whensomeone on the outside that you
trust and that is good andhealthy can be like hey, that
was a little different, it canhelp you see those signs a
little bit more quickly.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, so gaining more awareness of where we are
mentally speaking is if you haveno one in your life that you
trust, like you don't trustanybody.
You're skeptic of everybody.
You think everybody's out toget you.
Like you think no one's likefor your best interests.
You don't trust anybody.
That's an indicator that youmay not be healthy mentally.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Right, because it's like you can't sleep at night or
um, or you're always on edge,right, or you think everybody's
lying to you, like.
You know what I'm saying and Iwould, I would suggest anybody
that's feeling those type ofthings go see a therapist.
Right, have somebody walk withyou, obviously, always pray
about it, especially if you're aChristian and you're a believer
.
For all those that are outthere that are Christians and
(13:15):
believers that are strugglingwith the thought of just saying,
like, I don't need to speakwith a psychologist, I don't
need to speak with a shrink, Idon't need to speak with a
therapist, I'm just going tospeak to the Lord.
I'm need to speak with likewith a therapist.
I'm just going to speak to theLord, I'm going to speak with
like, like with the Holy Spirit.
Yes, that is so true.
But the Bible also says insecond Corinthians, to take
captive all your thoughts,negative thoughts, and make it
(13:38):
obey to Christ.
Yeah, right, so to take thosethoughts captive.
Sometimes you need help.
Yeah, sometimes you needguidance, sometimes you need
counsel.
Right, you need like.
For example, for like for me, Ihave a group of leaders, people
that I go to when I have ideasand thoughts.
Right, you know, I was readingthis book the other day and it's
called Re-Leader.
Basically, it's like how to fixsomething that you didn't make
(14:00):
or you didn't break, and it wassaying like so one of the first
indicators you do is you createa quote, unquote let's say a
board of directors.
Right, so you know, in acorporate world you'd say board
of directors, let's say in yourlife, like you would say, some
trusted friends, right, somepeople, like some people that
are seasoned, right, some peoplethat might be young, fresh Gen
Z, fresh eyes, people that youtrust, like, like what I'm
(14:22):
saying.
So get the right people.
So you need to have all theright people around you.
And I'm going to say this youneed to have all the right
people around you.
And I'm going to say this Allof us we have, like this
ecosystem.
It's like or ecosystem, or likean orbit system, like people
that are surrounding us.
Right, you should have a pastor.
Right, you should have a mentor.
Right, is that orbit around you?
(14:42):
You should have a therapist.
Right, you should have atrusted close friend.
Right, like you should havebusiness partners, like what I'm
saying.
And I think people strugglebecause their lives are only
filled with one side or theydon't have all the other things.
If you look at an athlete,right, athlete has a therapist,
(15:03):
a personal trainer, a doctor, acoach, an offensive coach, a
defensive coach.
They have a chaplain.
Right, they have a friend.
They have all these thingsaround them to keep them
centered, like what I'm saying.
So I really do think thatseeking counseling or therapy is
healthy for anybody.
(15:24):
It's someone else, a thirdparty, someone that can look at
you and help you break down yourisms, the things that are in
your mind or how you see thingsor how you think of things, or
even sometimes could even helpyou with verbiage.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah for sure.
I mean it really helped me geta better grasp on what I was
feeling, what I was strugglingwith.
He helped me put words tothings that I was feeling.
So when I would say like I justfeel like our lives never stop,
he was like okay, so that makesit sound like maybe you're not
(15:58):
feeling relief at all.
You're carrying a weight allthe time, you're feeling
stressed all the time.
I'm like, yeah, kind of likeall I want to do is go on
vacation, and he's like aha,kind of like all I want to do is
go on vacation, and he's likeaha, because you're constantly
feeling that weight and thatburden.
So let's look at that.
What do you really?
And he would help me pinpoint,like, what are you actually
feeling?
(16:19):
Because you know we do thisthing as humans, we, when we
carry stress, we just have alist of like seven things you do
this to me a lot actually whereyou're like well, you don't
have to worry about number threeand number two and seven are
actually the same thing.
So let's, now you're down tofive, but like when we're
feeling that anxiety and stress,it's just all of the above,
(16:39):
it's all these things.
So he would be really helpful.
My therapist would be reallyhelpful in saying like, hey,
let's, let's go down to groundzero on that, literally like
let's dig down to that and findthe root of what you're actually
feeling, which was super, superhelpful.
I I really learned so much aboutmy self-awareness, um, in that
(17:02):
what are my personality typesand what are they, um, like
projecting out into my otherrelationships.
Like, for instance, he gave methe book Jesus plus nothing
equals everything, and he gavethat actually during our
marriage therapy it was beforethat, but it really really
helped me be more self-aware ofhow I perceive my relationship
(17:24):
with Jesus Christ and how Iactually am a rule follower to
the core and sometimes in mywalk with the Lord, I've become
just a rule follower andthinking that if I follow his
rules, he will love me, if Ifollow his rules, he will bless
me, if I follow his rules hewill do all the things he said
(17:46):
he would.
And it was really so helpful andhonestly freeing to realize,
like I don't have to earnanything from Jesus.
Like I have asked forforgiveness, I have welcomed him
into my life.
Do I strive for those things,of course, but if I fall short,
that does not mean he loves meless If I fall short.
(18:08):
It does not mean he takes hisgrace from me.
Um, if I don't read and prayand spend five hours of alone
time with the Lord every singleday, uh, that doesn't mean I
don't love him or he loves meless.
So that was like so enlighteningand very freeing Again it was
very freeing of like thatrestraint I was feeling or that
(18:34):
unhealthy earning from him.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It sounds like I mean most of us and what you're
dealing with, but most of us wedeal with security in our
identity.
Yeah for sure in our identity?
Yeah, for sure.
We all deal with havingconfidence in who we are, and
who we are versus who we'rebecoming.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I want to clarify the difference.
I think a lot of us deal withthat.
It's who we are and who we'rebecoming, and some of us we want
to jump the gun and live thelife of who we want to be and or
who we're working towards beingbeing neglecting of who we are
right now yeah it's very true,and so, just sitting in what you
are right now, versus, like,you just want to be there, you
(19:16):
just want to be on the otherside and he would really always
tell us, like it's okay to notbe okay right now yeah, we don't
want to stay there, but like iftoday you're not okay, that is
okay yeah, that's real we won'tstay there.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
We We'll do something .
Whether it's praying, whetherit's that self-care stuff that
actually fills your tank,whether it is reading a
different book, like whateverthat looks like, we're going to
find a solution to start theprocess to being okay.
But, if you're not okay today,that is okay.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah, I think that's big too, man.
So people ask me, so I'll welllet me say it like this when I
meet new people or I come acrosssomeone that I haven't seen in
a while, I'm very intentional ifI want to ask if they're good,
versus like hey, how are youRight, because you see what I
(20:07):
mean.
Like, when you say somethinglike if you're good, it almost
has to force them into answeringit yes, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
So, like even when we pick up our Like a suggested
question?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yes, yes, we're not really wanting to know if
they're bad, right, so weautomatically ask questions like
hey, you good?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Hey, all good, everything good Right.
Good, everything good right.
And then we just say, yeah, wejust say it.
So it's actually the same thing, like psychologically speaking.
It's the same thing withparenting.
So when you pick up your kidsfrom school, so I typically
don't ask our kids did you havea good day?
They want to, they don't wantever, like, let us down.
So by nature you can say, yeah,it was good right.
But then we ask, well, what wasgood about it, right?
(20:44):
So I always ask that.
So if I accidentally ask, didyou have a good day?
And they say it was good, I'llsay what was good about it,
right?
So I always ask that.
So if I accidentally asked, didyou have a good day?
And they say it was good, I'llsay what was good about it, and
they'll have a hard timethinking of what was actually
good.
They could only think of whatwas bad.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
But we do that as adults.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
So if you ask someone , hey, you good to say you're
good, stop and say what was good, or like what you're like, what
are you actually doing good in.
Some people say, well, Iactually don't know, it's just
something that we say.
That to me is a lack ofawareness in your mental state.
That's what I'm saying of likebeing able to stop and actually
(21:20):
say why are things good.
And so even now, like if I asksomeone, say, hey, how are you?
I genuinely I'm asking how areyou?
But I think in this world thatwe live in, like we've been just
conditioned to just bury it, tojust not talk about it, Almost
like people don't really care.
And I'll be honest, I'll be thefirst like to admit, there's
times if I feel like in a momentI don't care.
(21:42):
I'm being specific, in themoment I don't care because my
mind is somewhere else.
I do care, but it's like Igenerally want to ask later.
So even like I'm not a smalltalker.
So if somebody texts me andthey're trying to small talk, it
drives me crazy.
I'm like what do you want?
Just go straight to it and then, once you get what you need,
(22:03):
then on the back end ask likeeverything good.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Or like, how are things going?
I'm the entire opposite of that.
Like when I reach out tosomeone like, hey, how are you?
You doing good Like I.
I would always tell you like Idon't understand how people
start conversation withoutsaying, hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah.
So now I've I've been veryintentional of, like, if
somebody said, hey, things good,everything All right,
everything good, like I'm.
First of all, I'm not going tolie.
And some people I think most ofus don't intentionally want to
lie.
We're not trying to lie and sayeverything's good.
We just actually bury ourproblems or we're in denial of
our situations, or how aboutthis?
We're unaware.
We're unaware, like we'reunaware that we're actually not
(22:43):
even telling the truth.
So I want to encourage peoplelike get to that point.
Like if someone say, hey, howare things going, you can say
like things are all right, ormaybe they're going, or like, oh
, I'm still trying to figure itout.
Or like some things are,because I don't ever want to
bury my issues to where I can'teven really acknowledge them.
It's true, like what I'm saying.
And then the second thing is Ithink people really need to, we
(23:04):
need to work harder at stoppingat the end of the day and
debriefing, like processing your, your situations throughout the
day, meaning right.
(23:27):
People go to bed slammed fromthe day you got hit.
By the day You're done, You'rejust crashed.
You crash.
You go into the next day 'restill feeling heavy, You're
still feeling burdened becauseeverything from yesterday rolled
over into the next day.
You didn't stop to actually putthought into how that person
disrespected you.
That day you had a situationthat we're currently talking
about of just like I've alwaysbeen taught.
You teach people how to treatyou.
So if someone does something tome and I can't handle it, in
that day, before the day ends,I'm going to gather all my
(23:47):
thoughts together and thinkabout why did that bother me?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
What did it do to me?
Why am I so hurt by it?
Right Versus being like forgetthem, that's not healthy, like
what I'm saying.
Most of us do that.
And then we wake up the nextday grumpy, trying to figure out
why am I grumpy?
Yeah, because that and then wewake up the next day grumpy,
trying to figure out.
Why am I grumpy?
Yeah, because, like somebodydisrespect you, or someone did
(24:12):
something or something happenedlike I'm saying, yeah, that's,
that's in my opinion.
This is, in my opinion, likethis is raising more awareness
for someone to really look intotheir mental state.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, and I think people need to go to therapy
more yeah, I I will say, havingwhich we've talked about how we
found him, which is very random.
Somebody sent us this therapistlink.
He is a Christian therapist wealways want to emphasize if you
are a believer and you arelooking into therapy, please do
not allow anyone to speak intoyour life that does not hold
(24:42):
your same values and follows theword of God.
If you choose to live your lifethat way, please don't allow
other people to speak into it.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
And let me say that, on top of that, I would suggest
Christian therapists to everyone, like even if you're not a
Christian.
I'm going to tell you thisright now.
This is just our story, this isour, this is, I mean, our
situation, man, we believe inGod, we believe in Jesus and
there's only one spirit that wewant speaking into our lives and
it's the Holy Spirit.
And if someone is a Christian,like there's a lot of dark
(25:10):
things out there, man, there area lot of people that are going
to palm readers and all theseother magicians and medians and
all these other people that areout there that are tapping into
demonic realms and like someonecan tell you about your past but
they can't tell you about yourfuture.
Like you know what I'm saying,that's the difference from a
(25:33):
demon and the spirit of God.
Like you know, if you ever goto, you know like someone goes
to a palm reader or someonethat's doing these cards right,
and they're telling you aboutyour past.
You had a, you had a, you had ayeah, because there's a demon
behind that right that is,reading into your past and
seeing things that happenalready, and that's a difference
(25:54):
from from those that areactually led by the holy spirit.
Yeah, because the holy spiritis prophetic and talks about the
future and what's to come.
Yeah, that's a clear difference.
But I would suggest anybody,like, if you're going to therapy
, like you know, really vet themout and figure out, like, first
of all, are they educated, arethey a believer, like?
And if they're believing, whatare they believing?
(26:14):
Because people say they're abeliever and you realize that
other religions say that I'm abeliever too, like wait, hold on
.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
And I said or maybe they said that she's a therapist
.
I think she believes.
And I was like, okay, if youfeel safe with her, that's fine,
but watch her words, Make sureshe doesn't try to direct you in
a different way, make sure shedoesn't try to lean you one way
or another.
And eventually that person waslike, yeah, I don't think this
is the person they're kind ofgoing off this way and I was
(26:45):
like, aha, so at least you'remature enough to catch it.
But knowing, um, that thatperson, you're giving them so
much right and space in yourlife that you want to be wise
with that decision.
And if you make a wrong choiceand you go to someone who
doesn't have the same values,you could disrail your whole
entire life for a long time andtake a long time to get back to
(27:09):
that.
So we just always encouragepeople.
If you're doing that, please,please, make sure they are
Bible-based and that they are abeliever in Jesus and that they
will give you wise counsel.
Another thing that I wanted toshare, too, was like therapy
never replaced my faith.
It really really onlystrengthened it in the sense of
(27:34):
learning about myself and howGod created me learning parts of
my personality.
I remember one of the thingsthat was really hard in that
season was I was getting reallyfrustrated with my pastor, who
was my boss, because he wouldsay things that would hurt my
feelings about my work.
And in therapy is actuallywhere I learned that I'm so
(27:57):
sensitive I didn't know how toseparate the two things of he
was my boss.
My pastor was giving mefeedback on my work, but to me
it felt like you were giving mefeedback about me.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
My personal life.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
My personal work ethic and I would just be so
frustrated and so upset, likehow could you say that I put
everything into it?
And my therapist is actuallythe one who helped me filter
those thoughts of like wait, buthe didn't say anything about
you, he just said that that workwasn't as up to par as it
needed to be, but you could dobetter.
(28:30):
And like that was a person whoreally helped me hear feedback
differently, and that issomething that every human being
and adult needs to learn how todo, which has been hard for me,
to be honest with you, to hearfeedback, but I've gotten much
better because of my therapysessions.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yeah, therapy also.
I'm going to say I noticed whatit did to you.
Therapy taught you to keep yourmouth shut until you have your
words together.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
True, yes, like there were times where I would
explode.
Therapy taught me that Iexploded because I was feeling
embarrassed.
Therapy taught me that Iexploded because I was feeling
embarrassed.
Embarrassed, therapy taught methat when I'm frustrated I walk
away, like when I'm angry orirritated or I don't have words
that I actually try to avoid andI walk away.
(29:17):
And therapy has taught me toverbalize.
Hey, I actually need a fewminutes to put my thoughts
together, because I know whatI'm feeling but I don't know how
to describe it or how toclarify it.
Um so and that has been huge innot just our marriage, in other
relationships, in my workrelationships, in my friendships
, in my family relationships.
(29:38):
It's helped me so much and soI'm really, really grateful for,
uh, the gift of therapy,honestly, the fact that we can
find therapists that arebelievers, that are Bible-based,
that know how to give us wisecounsel.
I found this scripture that Iloved so much.
It is let me make sure I getthe right one.
(30:00):
Proverbs 20, verse five thepurposes of a person's heart are
deep waters, but one who hasinsight draws them out.
First of all, I'd never heardthat scripture before.
I've probably read it in adifferent version, but the way
that that was phrased of, likeman, but the one who has wisdom
can draw them out.
That is what our therapist, mytherapist, did for me.
(30:23):
He had wisdom that I didn'thave.
He had a seat to see things ina different point of view and he
drew out those things andhelped me.
And helped me grow deeperrelationship with my father and
to like God not my father, notmy earthly father, your dad.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
You call your your like your dad, father.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
No, with my heavenly father, but I should have said
heavenly father first.
But he caused me and helped meto grow a deeper relationship
with my heavenly father.
And I'll say it again Likeself-awareness is not selfish,
yeah, it's maturity.
It is literally the key tohelping you grow healthy
(31:06):
relationships all around you.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, man, ultimately I said it earlier If you can't
lead yourself, you can't leadothers.
So, whether you are a parent,if you're a spouse, if you're
dating, if you're a leader,doesn't matter what it is like.
Really tap into just where youare mentally.
Figure that out.
Figure that out.
Figure out why you explosive.
Figure out why you are um, youhave a hard time collaborating.
(31:30):
Figure out why you know how youcommunicate, you are, or why
you communicate the way you do.
Figure out why you may bepassive, aggressive, um, those
type of things really affectsall relationships, and sometimes
you can't get to the conclusionby yourself.
You just can't.
You need help.
You may need counseling, youmay need therapy.
You may need somebody else thatis trained in the study of the
(31:52):
brain, of the mind, and that cantell you, psychologically
speaking, these isms.
Here's why you do that andhere's what happens to cause and
effect if you do these type ofthings.
And so, for me, I'm grateful Igot a chance to see you go
through therapy, which is coolto see.
I haven't gone through it yet.
I plan on it.
Actually, I've been talkingabout it in this new season that
(32:13):
I actually do need a therapist,because there's a lot of things
that I need to unpack mentally,that are happening, that I
can't talk about it with you yet, or sometimes I don't have
words to explain it and I'msitting on some thoughts for too
long.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
I need someone that is psychologically strong and
mature and educated, that canhelp me, that can point me in
the right directions, to help meunderstand why my brain is
wired the way it's wired,because our brain is like a
processor right, it's aprocessor.
It's like when you buy a newcomputer, like you buy a new
phone, there's certain thingsabout it you don't understand,
(32:47):
and so when you pull out themanual or you figure out, okay,
this is how it operates, this ishow it processes information.
And so, for me, I'm in a seasonwhere I'm being stretched and
I'm growing right now, andthere's a lot of thoughts in my
head about a lot of things,about here and now or in the
future and where we're going,and so I need help, like you
(33:07):
know, psychologically speaking,to help me unpack my thoughts,
and so I suggest counseling foreverybody.
Man, I hope, I hope thisconversation really blessed you
guys.
I want to say this right now Ifthis conversation really
blessed you, yeah, if youwouldn't mind, hit that like
button, share this with somebody, but we want to connect with
y'all, like if there's a waythat we can pray for you guys,
if you're unaware of where youare, like mentally, like we're
(33:30):
not professionals.
This is not professionalopinion.
This is just personal opinion,just where we are in our lives
and we're just sharing about thefruits.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
But it's really helped us grow our relationship
with God, with ourselves andwith all the people around us,
and therapy has been a gamechanger and we'll forever be
grateful for different peoplebecause of it, and really
quickly, you said something thatI don't want to miss, and that
is that all of what we'retalking about goes together with
prayer and that it's not justprayer that can only change, you
(34:02):
know, depression, anxiety.
It can, it will, it makes adifference.
But these two things, prayerand therapy, are gifts from God
that can help us heal.
And, you know, even in theBible, some people got their
miracle immediately and somepeople got their miracle over
time.
(34:22):
And so for those of us who donot receive the miracle of
healing spiritually, emotionally, immediately, there are
therapists that walk us throughthat and while that's happening,
we are in prayer about it.
So I just wanted to likereiterate the power of prayer
and the power of therapytogether, because we don't put
our hope in therapy, we put ourhope in Jesus and through those
(34:44):
things he's given us, thesegifts that help us be better
people.
That's good All right, that'sall we got for today.
We hope this encouraged you.
We hope this causes you to putin perspective and look kind of
self-aware, and where you areand what you need.
And if you need help or if youneed prayer, please drop it in
those comments.
We want to pray with you.
We can also send you referrals.
(35:05):
If you need some of that, wecan send you our therapist as
well.
He's always taking new clientsand we're super grateful for him
.
So if you'd like hisinformation, drop us a comment.
We'll send it to you as well.
But y'all keep digging we loveyou.
What's up let's Dig crew.
Thank you for joining thisconversation.
It is going to be a little deep, but we are talking about
mental health today.
We're talking about how it hasimpacted my life, how it's
changed my life and it'sactually helped me draw a closer
relationship with the Lord.
So we're going to get into allthat how I knew to get into
therapy, how I found the personand what it did for my life.
(00:23):
It's going to be a goodconversation today.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, yeah.
And also, before we jump intoit, I want to say welcome to all
of the new viewers, newsubscribers, welcome to let's
Dig Crew.
We are here to help you grow adeep relationship with God,
others and yourself, and so ifyou're looking forward to this
conversation, go ahead and hitthat little thumbs up button
right now, matter of fact, ifyou even mind, and hit that
subscribe.
If you're new to the channeland we haven't heard from you,
(00:47):
send us a little comment, alittle message.
We'd love to hear from you Ifyou're listening to this on
Apple or on Spotify, all theother fun places like write us a
little review if you wouldn'tmind, and we'd love to hear from
you.
But the reason why we do thatright, because the algorithm
right, it pushes it through andit lets other people know that
they want to talk about thisconversation too.
So mental health is really big.
Mental health awareness is veryimportant too.
(01:08):
I think people most oftenneglect their mental health
because it's something that's onthe inside and you think you
can deal with it just byyourself.
So true, but I want to talkabout how it affected you, how
it affected me, how it affectedeven your relationship with God,
your relationship with thechildren, with your coworkers,
with your leaders, things likethat.
But I'm ready, man, let's talkabout it.
All right, let's dig.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
So some of you may know our story.
We went to therapy at year 10of our marriage and we did about
a year with this therapist andafter that happened I had taken
on a role at our church.
I was a children's director fora year and a half and I think
it was a lot of the aftereffects of what we had gone
(01:51):
through in our marriage and thengetting put into a completely
new career.
Everything was new for me.
I'd never worked at a churchlike that, Never been a
children's director.
I was a hairstylist for 10years, so this was a completely
new career change and I thinkall of that um really made me
(02:11):
question a lot of things,including after doing some of
our digging in our marriage.
It really made me question myidentity, um, my personality
type.
I felt like I didn't knowmyself because a lot of our
marriage I had found my identityin you.
So take that away.
Now we're getting to ahealthier place.
(02:31):
But I didn't have answers for alot of the questions I had about
myself and that was one of thethings that really made me feel
like, okay, wait, maybe I shoulddo this, Like now that we've
done it for our marriage andwe're in a better place.
Maybe I should actually just dothis for myself.
I didn't have, um, any of thosepeople in my life like as a
(02:52):
mentor, someone in closeproximity where they could kind
of walk me along, that Sometimesthere are those people in your
life, uh, that are justblessings from God.
Maybe it's a church leader,Maybe it's an older person in
your life that feels like amother or a father figure, and
sometimes they have enoughwisdom where they can walk you
through those things.
But sometimes it's literally atherapist who has a skillset,
(03:16):
who has an education, who hasall these resources that we
don't have, naturally, that youcan benefit from if you sit in
their seat.
But I think a lot of people getstuck on the part of like
getting to that seat.
They cannot make that decisionto say, okay, I actually do need
outside help.
I do need to pay for someone tohelp me.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Did you feel like you cause?
It's a big misconception, Ithink, for a lot of people who
are looking into gettinghealthier Mentally speaking.
Did you feel like you werebroken in order to go to like
therapy?
Or was it a place as like youwere proud to go to therapy?
Or were you embarrassed to go,because I think there's people
(04:00):
like people that are likeembarrassed to go because they
feel like they're broken Right,they hit rock bottom in order to
go to therapy?
Or were you in a place whereyou're like no, I just need a
few little you know verbiage,like things like that.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, there was definitely more brokenness to it
Feeling a little lost, feelinglike I don't know much about
myself, feeling like I couldn'tget myself over the hump.
I didn't feel depression,anxiety, like those things that
I feel like often are attributedto like, oh, I need therapy
because my depression is out ofcontrol.
(04:34):
I didn't have those bigsymptoms or things and some
people do and that's like theirflags.
Right To know I need to go totherapy.
For me, it was just this like Ihave to figure some things out
about myself, about mypersonality, about how to
process information, how to dobetter for myself as a grown
woman and as an adult.
(04:55):
Um, I won't always have someoneholding my hand, so I needed to
learn some skills.
I needed someone to help thinkthrough processes with me.
I'm an outward processor, so Iknew the model of talking to
someone about what I was likestruggling with would be really
helpful for me.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, I can't remember.
But like, were you open aboutbeing in therapy, like while you
were in it, like with yourfriends, your peers, your family
, like I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I don't think I really hit it.
I think I was.
I was.
I felt free to finally say Imade that decision of like, yeah
, I'm getting therapy and it'snot for me and him, we're good,
it's now, it's for me.
Help me figure these things out.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, I think people get scared too because, like our
brains, did not come with, youknow, user manuals.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yeah, we didn't come with like a little pamphlet on
how to understand your brain?
Yeah, and like, I think peopleeven grab a gravitate towards
like what the world might put onthem.
Right, you like you watch a TikTOK video that says you might
be autistic if you do this.
Or you might be, or you mayhave ADHD if you say this.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
There's so many of those that are mine.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, or the inside of your car looks like this,
it's like, and people say, oh mygosh, I have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It's so true.
I found videos where they tellme I'm on the spectrum because
of, just like the texture thingsthat I have, or um, isms that I
have, like and, and yes, thosecan be qualifying, those can be
characteristics of people whohave those things.
But just because you relate toa video on Tik TOK does not mean
(06:35):
that you are automatically inthat category.
Um, but I do think that therapyreally helped me see certain
blind spots that maybe Icouldn't filter or I couldn't
see.
It's so much harder to seesomething when you're in it, as
opposed to someone sitting onthe outside prospectively
looking at you and saying, well,that kind of looks like this
(06:57):
and that kind of looks like that.
For instance, one of the thingsthat my therapist helped me
realize, there was that season Iwas in a role.
This was later towards the endof the things that my therapist
helped me realize.
Um, there was that season I wasin a role.
This was later, towards the endof the role.
I was really struggling and Iwasn't really happy, but I knew
I was supposed to be in that, inthat position, and I kept
telling him like I just feellike our lives never stop, feel
(07:20):
like nothing ever slows down.
And I told him.
I was like but I do self-care.
I go to the gym, I get my nailsdone, I get my hair done, I
take care of myself every day.
And I was like but I still justfeel so emptied out, like
drained.
And he was like well, thosedon't really sound like
(07:40):
self-care, danny Lee.
Those sound like maintenance,like that you maintain your body
, that you maintain your nails,that you maintain your hair.
Those, those aren't reallyself-care.
He was like and those are alsoall things that you do by
yourself.
And I was like yeah, he waslike but are you an introvert or
an extrovert?
And I was like, oh, I'm anextrovert.
(08:02):
He was like Danny Lee, you justlisted things that you have to
do by yourself at the gym nails,all that stuff.
He's like those are all soloactivities.
He was like but you know thatyou actually get filled up when
you're around other people.
And I was like, oh, I never putthe connection together that I
was looking for what the worldsays of like, oh, do self-care,
(08:23):
take time by yourself.
But actually what feeds me isbeing around someone, that we
laugh together, we have funtogether, we're being silly,
like I was working with a friendthe other day for a church
project.
We were together for seven oreight hours and we laughed the
entire time.
That filled my tank.
But in that season I waspulling away from people, I was
(08:46):
not going out to eat as much, Iwasn't going to do those things
because I was drained.
So it was like I was lookingfor something to fill my tank
and fill me with joy indifferent ways than what
actually works for mypersonality type.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
And.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I know those things.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
But, again.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It goes to like someone sitting on the outside.
He was able to see that so muchmore easily than I could when
I'm in the middle of it.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, I almost feel like we need to list off some
indicators that may help someoneknow whether they're unaware of
their health level for like,like, their, like, their mental
state meaning.
So, for example, we all, we'reall mind, body, we're soul,
(09:30):
right right, there's the thingsthat happen in our mind.
There are the mental wars thathappen.
Yeah right, there are the stuffthat we do that we talk
ourselves into.
There's stuff that we do thatwe talk ourselves out of doing.
Right, I think I say this allthe time in leadership, the
hardest person to lead inleadership, the hardest person
to lead is yourself.
The hardest person to lead isyourself.
Why?
Because you're lying toyourself in your head, like that
(09:52):
.
That's mental health awareness.
I think people are, and even us,like, as all of us, right, we
struggle with like, like,recalibratingating, like the
meters in our head on, like it'slike a dashboard, if there's
any lights, indicators that like, what are we ignoring?
Like, for example, passiveaggressiveness?
(10:13):
Yeah right, passiveaggressiveness is an indicator
that like, like, like, yourmental state isn't strong,
because you're basically sayingthe thing about passive,
aggressive type of communicatorsis basically saying screw you,
screw me, right, I'm a lot ofyou, I'm a lot of myself.
Great, we're doing great.
Right, you know it's passive,aggressive, so you're really
(10:33):
bearing what's on the inside andyou're demonstrating or
displaying to other people thatyou're one way, and it's like
both party loses.
And I think I think some peoplearen't even aware, right, as
we're talking about mentalhealth, right, some people
aren't even aware that by theend of the day, they're drained
or by the end of the day, theyfeel like they hate themselves
or life sucks.
(10:54):
But it's actually things youwere doing in your head,
internally, like what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's making youunhealthy.
Yeah, like what I'm saying.
Yeah, like what are some thingsthat you would say is an
indicator that you're actuallynot healthy mentally?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean, one of them was like me, literally saying I
didn't want to go out withpeople and hang out with people
because that is something that Iwould naturally love fill my
tank.
I'm down for hanging out withpeople, it's so much fun, but in
that season I was so drained.
I was like dude.
I just want to go home and bein my pajamas.
I just want to go at home andhide out in my house with my
(11:31):
family and realizing, lookingback of like, yeah, that's not
my personality at all and thatwas a sign that I was unhealthy
for sure yeah I think crazy Ithink, um, in these seasons when
you don't know whether you'rehealthy or not, um, having
(11:51):
people it's what we always talkabout, of relationships, having
people in your life that youcould trust to help you see them
differently, Even if it's justa person to say yeah, that's not
like you were, are you okay?
That's not how you normallywould do it or behave or respond
even like hey, you respondedkind of crazy.
Are you kind of popped off Likeare you okay?
(12:14):
Um, yeah, so having those peoplein your life to help show those
moments and make you it's whatyou're saying of like on the
meter.
It's not making sense whensomeone on the outside that you
trust and that is good andhealthy can be like hey, that
was a little different, it canhelp you see those signs a
little bit more quickly.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, so gaining more awareness of where we are
mentally speaking is if you haveno one in your life that you
trust, like you don't trustanybody.
You're skeptic of everybody.
You think everybody's out toget you.
Like you think no one's likefor your best interests.
You don't trust anybody.
That's an indicator that youmay not be healthy mentally.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Right, because it's like you can't sleep at night or
um, or you're always on edge,right, or you think everybody's
lying to you, like.
You know what I'm saying and Iwould, I would suggest anybody
that's feeling those type ofthings go see a therapist.
Right, have somebody walk withyou, obviously, always pray
about it, especially if you're aChristian and you're a believer
.
For all those that are outthere that are Christians and
(13:15):
believers that are strugglingwith the thought of just saying,
like, I don't need to speakwith a psychologist, I don't
need to speak with a shrink, Idon't need to speak with a
therapist, I'm just going tospeak to the Lord.
I'm need to speak with likewith a therapist.
I'm just going to speak to theLord, I'm going to speak with
like, like with the Holy Spirit.
Yes, that is so true.
But the Bible also says insecond Corinthians, to take
captive all your thoughts,negative thoughts, and make it
(13:38):
obey to Christ.
Yeah, right, so to take thosethoughts captive.
Sometimes you need help.
Yeah, sometimes you needguidance, sometimes you need
counsel.
Right, you need like.
For example, for like for me, Ihave a group of leaders, people
that I go to when I have ideasand thoughts.
Right, you know, I was readingthis book the other day and it's
called Re-Leader.
Basically, it's like how to fixsomething that you didn't make
(14:00):
or you didn't break, and it wassaying like so one of the first
indicators you do is you createa quote, unquote let's say a
board of directors.
Right, so you know, in acorporate world you'd say board
of directors, let's say in yourlife, like you would say, some
trusted friends, right, somepeople, like some people that
are seasoned, right, some peoplethat might be young, fresh Gen
Z, fresh eyes, people that youtrust, like, like what I'm
(14:22):
saying.
So get the right people.
So you need to have all theright people around you.
And I'm going to say this youneed to have all the right
people around you.
And I'm going to say this Allof us we have, like this
ecosystem.
It's like or ecosystem, or likean orbit system, like people
that are surrounding us.
Right, you should have a pastor.
Right, you should have a mentor.
Right, is that orbit around you?
(14:42):
You should have a therapist.
Right, you should have atrusted close friend.
Right, like you should havebusiness partners, like what I'm
saying.
And I think people strugglebecause their lives are only
filled with one side or theydon't have all the other things.
If you look at an athlete,right, athlete has a therapist,
(15:03):
a personal trainer, a doctor, acoach, an offensive coach, a
defensive coach.
They have a chaplain.
Right, they have a friend.
They have all these thingsaround them to keep them
centered, like what I'm saying.
So I really do think thatseeking counseling or therapy is
healthy for anybody.
(15:24):
It's someone else, a thirdparty, someone that can look at
you and help you break down yourisms, the things that are in
your mind or how you see thingsor how you think of things, or
even sometimes could even helpyou with verbiage.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah for sure.
I mean it really helped me geta better grasp on what I was
feeling, what I was strugglingwith.
He helped me put words tothings that I was feeling.
So when I would say like I justfeel like our lives never stop,
he was like okay, so that makesit sound like maybe you're not
(15:58):
feeling relief at all.
You're carrying a weight allthe time, you're feeling
stressed all the time.
I'm like, yeah, kind of likeall I want to do is go on
vacation, and he's like aha,kind of like all I want to do is
go on vacation, and he's likeaha, because you're constantly
feeling that weight and thatburden.
So let's look at that.
What do you really?
And he would help me pinpoint,like, what are you actually
feeling?
(16:19):
Because you know we do thisthing as humans, we, when we
carry stress, we just have alist of like seven things you do
this to me a lot actually whereyou're like well, you don't
have to worry about number threeand number two and seven are
actually the same thing.
So let's, now you're down tofive, but like when we're
feeling that anxiety and stress,it's just all of the above,
(16:39):
it's all these things.
So he would be really helpful.
My therapist would be reallyhelpful in saying like, hey,
let's, let's go down to groundzero on that, literally like
let's dig down to that and findthe root of what you're actually
feeling, which was super, superhelpful.
I I really learned so much aboutmy self-awareness, um, in that
(17:02):
what are my personality typesand what are they, um, like
projecting out into my otherrelationships.
Like, for instance, he gave methe book Jesus plus nothing
equals everything, and he gavethat actually during our
marriage therapy it was beforethat, but it really really
helped me be more self-aware ofhow I perceive my relationship
(17:24):
with Jesus Christ and how Iactually am a rule follower to
the core and sometimes in mywalk with the Lord, I've become
just a rule follower andthinking that if I follow his
rules, he will love me, if Ifollow his rules, he will bless
me, if I follow his rules hewill do all the things he said
(17:46):
he would.
And it was really so helpful andhonestly freeing to realize,
like I don't have to earnanything from Jesus.
Like I have asked forforgiveness, I have welcomed him
into my life.
Do I strive for those things,of course, but if I fall short,
that does not mean he loves meless If I fall short.
(18:08):
It does not mean he takes hisgrace from me.
Um, if I don't read and prayand spend five hours of alone
time with the Lord every singleday, uh, that doesn't mean I
don't love him or he loves meless.
So that was like so enlighteningand very freeing Again it was
very freeing of like thatrestraint I was feeling or that
(18:34):
unhealthy earning from him.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It sounds like I mean most of us and what you're
dealing with, but most of us wedeal with security in our
identity.
Yeah for sure in our identity?
Yeah, for sure.
We all deal with havingconfidence in who we are, and
who we are versus who we'rebecoming.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I want to clarify the difference.
I think a lot of us deal withthat.
It's who we are and who we'rebecoming, and some of us we want
to jump the gun and live thelife of who we want to be and or
who we're working towards beingbeing neglecting of who we are
right now yeah it's very true,and so, just sitting in what you
are right now, versus, like,you just want to be there, you
(19:16):
just want to be on the otherside and he would really always
tell us, like it's okay to notbe okay right now yeah, we don't
want to stay there, but like iftoday you're not okay, that is
okay yeah, that's real we won'tstay there.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
We We'll do something .
Whether it's praying, whetherit's that self-care stuff that
actually fills your tank,whether it is reading a
different book, like whateverthat looks like, we're going to
find a solution to start theprocess to being okay.
But, if you're not okay today,that is okay.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yeah, I think that's big too, man.
So people ask me, so I'll welllet me say it like this when I
meet new people or I come acrosssomeone that I haven't seen in
a while, I'm very intentional ifI want to ask if they're good,
versus like hey, how are youRight, because you see what I
(20:07):
mean.
Like, when you say somethinglike if you're good, it almost
has to force them into answeringit yes, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
So, like even when we pick up our Like a suggested
question?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yes, yes, we're not really wanting to know if
they're bad, right, so weautomatically ask questions like
hey, you good?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Hey, all good, everything good Right.
Good, everything good right.
And then we just say, yeah, wejust say it.
So it's actually the same thing, like psychologically speaking.
It's the same thing withparenting.
So when you pick up your kidsfrom school, so I typically
don't ask our kids did you havea good day?
They want to, they don't wantever, like, let us down.
So by nature you can say, yeah,it was good right.
But then we ask, well, what wasgood about it, right?
(20:44):
So I always ask that.
So if I accidentally ask, didyou have a good day?
And they say it was good, I'llsay what was good about it,
right?
So I always ask that.
So if I accidentally asked, didyou have a good day?
And they say it was good, I'llsay what was good about it, and
they'll have a hard timethinking of what was actually
good.
They could only think of whatwas bad.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
But we do that as adults.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
So if you ask someone , hey, you good to say you're
good, stop and say what was good, or like what you're like, what
are you actually doing good in.
Some people say, well, Iactually don't know, it's just
something that we say.
That to me is a lack ofawareness in your mental state.
That's what I'm saying of likebeing able to stop and actually
(21:20):
say why are things good.
And so even now, like if I asksomeone, say, hey, how are you?
I genuinely I'm asking how areyou?
But I think in this world thatwe live in, like we've been just
conditioned to just bury it, tojust not talk about it, Almost
like people don't really care.
And I'll be honest, I'll be thefirst like to admit, there's
times if I feel like in a momentI don't care.
(21:42):
I'm being specific, in themoment I don't care because my
mind is somewhere else.
I do care, but it's like Igenerally want to ask later.
So even like I'm not a smalltalker.
So if somebody texts me andthey're trying to small talk, it
drives me crazy.
I'm like what do you want?
Just go straight to it and then, once you get what you need,
(22:03):
then on the back end ask likeeverything good.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Or like, how are things going?
I'm the entire opposite of that.
Like when I reach out tosomeone like, hey, how are you?
You doing good Like I.
I would always tell you like Idon't understand how people
start conversation withoutsaying, hi, how are you?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah.
So now I've I've been veryintentional of, like, if
somebody said, hey, things good,everything All right,
everything good, like I'm.
First of all, I'm not going tolie.
And some people I think most ofus don't intentionally want to
lie.
We're not trying to lie and sayeverything's good.
We just actually bury ourproblems or we're in denial of
our situations, or how aboutthis?
We're unaware.
We're unaware, like we'reunaware that we're actually not
(22:43):
even telling the truth.
So I want to encourage peoplelike get to that point.
Like if someone say, hey, howare things going, you can say
like things are all right, ormaybe they're going, or like, oh
, I'm still trying to figure itout.
Or like some things are,because I don't ever want to
bury my issues to where I can'teven really acknowledge them.
It's true, like what I'm saying.
And then the second thing is Ithink people really need to, we
(23:04):
need to work harder at stoppingat the end of the day and
debriefing, like processing your, your situations throughout the
day, meaning right.
(23:27):
People go to bed slammed fromthe day you got hit.
By the day You're done, You'rejust crashed.
You crash.
You go into the next day 'restill feeling heavy, You're
still feeling burdened becauseeverything from yesterday rolled
over into the next day.
You didn't stop to actually putthought into how that person
disrespected you.
That day you had a situationthat we're currently talking
about of just like I've alwaysbeen taught.
You teach people how to treatyou.
So if someone does something tome and I can't handle it, in
that day, before the day ends,I'm going to gather all my
(23:47):
thoughts together and thinkabout why did that bother me?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
What did it do to me?
Why am I so hurt by it?
Right Versus being like forgetthem, that's not healthy, like
what I'm saying.
Most of us do that.
And then we wake up the nextday grumpy, trying to figure out
why am I grumpy?
Yeah, because that and then wewake up the next day grumpy,
trying to figure out.
Why am I grumpy?
Yeah, because, like somebodydisrespect you, or someone did
(24:12):
something or something happenedlike I'm saying, yeah, that's,
that's in my opinion.
This is, in my opinion, likethis is raising more awareness
for someone to really look intotheir mental state.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, and I think people need to go to therapy
more yeah, I I will say, havingwhich we've talked about how we
found him, which is very random.
Somebody sent us this therapistlink.
He is a Christian therapist wealways want to emphasize if you
are a believer and you arelooking into therapy, please do
not allow anyone to speak intoyour life that does not hold
(24:42):
your same values and follows theword of God.
If you choose to live your lifethat way, please don't allow
other people to speak into it.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
And let me say that, on top of that, I would suggest
Christian therapists to everyone, like even if you're not a
Christian.
I'm going to tell you thisright now.
This is just our story, this isour, this is, I mean, our
situation, man, we believe inGod, we believe in Jesus and
there's only one spirit that wewant speaking into our lives and
it's the Holy Spirit.
And if someone is a Christian,like there's a lot of dark
(25:10):
things out there, man, there area lot of people that are going
to palm readers and all theseother magicians and medians and
all these other people that areout there that are tapping into
demonic realms and like someonecan tell you about your past but
they can't tell you about yourfuture.
Like you know what I'm saying,that's the difference from a
(25:33):
demon and the spirit of God.
Like you know, if you ever goto, you know like someone goes
to a palm reader or someonethat's doing these cards right,
and they're telling you aboutyour past.
You had a, you had a, you had ayeah, because there's a demon
behind that right that is,reading into your past and
seeing things that happenalready, and that's a difference
(25:54):
from from those that areactually led by the holy spirit.
Yeah, because the holy spiritis prophetic and talks about the
future and what's to come.
Yeah, that's a clear difference.
But I would suggest anybody,like, if you're going to therapy
, like you know, really vet themout and figure out, like, first
of all, are they educated, arethey a believer, like?
And if they're believing, whatare they believing?
(26:14):
Because people say they're abeliever and you realize that
other religions say that I'm abeliever too, like wait, hold on
.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
And I said or maybe they said that she's a therapist
.
I think she believes.
And I was like, okay, if youfeel safe with her, that's fine,
but watch her words, Make sureshe doesn't try to direct you in
a different way, make sure shedoesn't try to lean you one way
or another.
And eventually that person waslike, yeah, I don't think this
is the person they're kind ofgoing off this way and I was
(26:45):
like, aha, so at least you'remature enough to catch it.
But knowing, um, that thatperson, you're giving them so
much right and space in yourlife that you want to be wise
with that decision.
And if you make a wrong choiceand you go to someone who
doesn't have the same values,you could disrail your whole
entire life for a long time andtake a long time to get back to
(27:09):
that.
So we just always encouragepeople.
If you're doing that, please,please, make sure they are
Bible-based and that they are abeliever in Jesus and that they
will give you wise counsel.
Another thing that I wanted toshare, too, was like therapy
never replaced my faith.
It really really onlystrengthened it in the sense of
(27:34):
learning about myself and howGod created me learning parts of
my personality.
I remember one of the thingsthat was really hard in that
season was I was getting reallyfrustrated with my pastor, who
was my boss, because he wouldsay things that would hurt my
feelings about my work.
And in therapy is actuallywhere I learned that I'm so
(27:57):
sensitive I didn't know how toseparate the two things of he
was my boss.
My pastor was giving mefeedback on my work, but to me
it felt like you were giving mefeedback about me.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
My personal life.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
My personal work ethic and I would just be so
frustrated and so upset, likehow could you say that I put
everything into it?
And my therapist is actuallythe one who helped me filter
those thoughts of like wait, buthe didn't say anything about
you, he just said that that workwasn't as up to par as it
needed to be, but you could dobetter.
(28:30):
And like that was a person whoreally helped me hear feedback
differently, and that issomething that every human being
and adult needs to learn how todo, which has been hard for me,
to be honest with you, to hearfeedback, but I've gotten much
better because of my therapysessions.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yeah, therapy also.
I'm going to say I noticed whatit did to you.
Therapy taught you to keep yourmouth shut until you have your
words together.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
True, yes, like there were times where I would
explode.
Therapy taught me that Iexploded because I was feeling
embarrassed.
Therapy taught me that Iexploded because I was feeling
embarrassed.
Embarrassed, therapy taught methat when I'm frustrated I walk
away, like when I'm angry orirritated or I don't have words
that I actually try to avoid andI walk away.
(29:17):
And therapy has taught me toverbalize.
Hey, I actually need a fewminutes to put my thoughts
together, because I know whatI'm feeling but I don't know how
to describe it or how toclarify it.
Um so and that has been huge innot just our marriage, in other
relationships, in my workrelationships, in my friendships
, in my family relationships.
(29:38):
It's helped me so much and soI'm really, really grateful for,
uh, the gift of therapy,honestly, the fact that we can
find therapists that arebelievers, that are Bible-based,
that know how to give us wisecounsel.
I found this scripture that Iloved so much.
It is let me make sure I getthe right one.
(30:00):
Proverbs 20, verse five thepurposes of a person's heart are
deep waters, but one who hasinsight draws them out.
First of all, I'd never heardthat scripture before.
I've probably read it in adifferent version, but the way
that that was phrased of, likeman, but the one who has wisdom
can draw them out.
That is what our therapist, mytherapist, did for me.
(30:23):
He had wisdom that I didn'thave.
He had a seat to see things ina different point of view and he
drew out those things andhelped me.
And helped me grow deeperrelationship with my father and
to like God not my father, notmy earthly father, your dad.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
You call your your like your dad, father.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
No, with my heavenly father, but I should have said
heavenly father first.
But he caused me and helped meto grow a deeper relationship
with my heavenly father.
And I'll say it again Likeself-awareness is not selfish,
yeah, it's maturity.
It is literally the key tohelping you grow healthy
(31:06):
relationships all around you.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, man, ultimately I said it earlier If you can't
lead yourself, you can't leadothers.
So, whether you are a parent,if you're a spouse, if you're
dating, if you're a leader,doesn't matter what it is like.
Really tap into just where youare mentally.
Figure that out.
Figure that out.
Figure out why you explosive.
Figure out why you are um, youhave a hard time collaborating.
(31:30):
Figure out why you know how youcommunicate, you are, or why
you communicate the way you do.
Figure out why you may bepassive, aggressive, um, those
type of things really affectsall relationships, and sometimes
you can't get to the conclusionby yourself.
You just can't.
You need help.
You may need counseling, youmay need therapy.
You may need somebody else thatis trained in the study of the
(31:52):
brain, of the mind, and that cantell you, psychologically
speaking, these isms.
Here's why you do that andhere's what happens to cause and
effect if you do these type ofthings.
And so, for me, I'm grateful Igot a chance to see you go
through therapy, which is coolto see.
I haven't gone through it yet.
I plan on it.
Actually, I've been talkingabout it in this new season that
(32:13):
I actually do need a therapist,because there's a lot of things
that I need to unpack mentally,that are happening, that I
can't talk about it with you yet, or sometimes I don't have
words to explain it and I'msitting on some thoughts for too
long.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
I need someone that is psychologically strong and
mature and educated, that canhelp me, that can point me in
the right directions, to help meunderstand why my brain is
wired the way it's wired,because our brain is like a
processor right, it's aprocessor.
It's like when you buy a newcomputer, like you buy a new
phone, there's certain thingsabout it you don't understand,
(32:47):
and so when you pull out themanual or you figure out, okay,
this is how it operates, this ishow it processes information.
And so, for me, I'm in a seasonwhere I'm being stretched and
I'm growing right now, andthere's a lot of thoughts in my
head about a lot of things,about here and now or in the
future and where we're going,and so I need help, like you
(33:07):
know, psychologically speaking,to help me unpack my thoughts,
and so I suggest counseling foreverybody.
Man, I hope, I hope thisconversation really blessed you
guys.
I want to say this right now Ifthis conversation really
blessed you, yeah, if youwouldn't mind, hit that like
button, share this with somebody, but we want to connect with
y'all, like if there's a waythat we can pray for you guys,
if you're unaware of where youare, like mentally, like we're
(33:30):
not professionals.
This is not professionalopinion.
This is just personal opinion,just where we are in our lives
and we're just sharing about thefruits.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
But it's really helped us grow our relationship
with God, with ourselves andwith all the people around us,
and therapy has been a gamechanger and we'll forever be
grateful for different peoplebecause of it, and really
quickly, you said something thatI don't want to miss, and that
is that all of what we'retalking about goes together with
prayer and that it's not justprayer that can only change, you
(34:02):
know, depression, anxiety.
It can, it will, it makes adifference.
But these two things, prayerand therapy, are gifts from God
that can help us heal.
And, you know, even in theBible, some people got their
miracle immediately and somepeople got their miracle over
time.
(34:22):
And so for those of us who donot receive the miracle of
healing spiritually, emotionally, immediately, there are
therapists that walk us throughthat and while that's happening,
we are in prayer about it.
So I just wanted to likereiterate the power of prayer
and the power of therapytogether, because we don't put
our hope in therapy, we put ourhope in Jesus and through those
(34:44):
things he's given us, thesegifts that help us be better
people.
That's good All right, that'sall we got for today.
We hope this encouraged you.
We hope this causes you to putin perspective and look kind of
self-aware, and where you areand what you need.
And if you need help or if youneed prayer, please drop it in
those comments.
We want to pray with you.
We can also send you referrals.
(35:05):
If you need some of that, wecan send you our therapist as
well.
He's always taking new clientsand we're super grateful for him
.
So if you'd like hisinformation, drop us a comment.
We'll send it to you as well.
But y'all keep digging we loveyou.
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