November 26, 2024 • 33 mins
Have you ever found yourself haunted by past regrets that linger in the corners of your mind, affecting your relationships and personal growth? Today on Let's Dig the Podcast, we're tackling the heavy burden of regret and learning how to move forward with grace and intention. Through a tapestry of personal stories, including heartbreaking yet enlightening experiences, we explore how regrets, if confronted and understood, can transform our connections with ourselves and others. From the seemingly trivial to the profoundly impactful, our anecdotes reveal how moments of reflection can lead to healing and stronger relationships.
Discover the profound effects of self-awareness and forgiveness in nurturing enduring relationships. We delve into the complexities of past mistakes, like abruptly ending a friendship or the careless words that linger in long-term marriages, and how acknowledging these moments can pave the way to amends. In our conversations, we stress the necessity of understanding one's core values and identity to prevent future regrets, offering insights drawn from spiritual guidance and faith. This episode is a heartfelt call to act on convictions, seek wisdom, and foster deeper relationships formed through shared adversity.
Join us as we embrace the journey of navigating life's regrets and maturity. By reflecting on personal experiences and learning from trusted advisors, we can eliminate the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies regret. Engaging with our community, we aim to create a space where experiences are shared and wisdom is abundant. Your engagement is appreciated as we collectively strive towards a future unburdened by past mistakes, fostering growth and encouragement along the way.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's up everybody?
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
Today we're going to talk abouthow to have a thriving
relationship through eliminatingregrets, regrets.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
That was really good.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I do know that regrets is a big part of life.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It is.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I think so many people are so hard on themselves
, they beat themselves up,they're always looking back.
They're never looking ahead.
They're always looking backabout how they could have done
things differently.
So today we're going to talkabout regrets.
I do know that if we canactually eliminate regrets from
our relationships, life can be alot better.
True Right, we can focus ongoing forward.
We could focus on healingversus going back to trying to
(00:37):
repair.
I heard a statement the otherday Actually, I posted it too,
but I heard like someone elsesay say every day, you are
either repairing yesterday orpreparing tomorrow.
That's crazy.
Repairing yesterday has to dowith regrets.
We're going to talk about that,but let's tell them why we're
here first.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We're here to help you grow a relationship with God
, others and yourself.
That's why, we call y'all thecrew, the let's stay crew.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
So if you're looking forward to this conversation
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(01:21):
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Also, if you're watching thison YouTube, you can hit that
little heart button too and sendus a little bit of love.
If this conversation has beenblessing you our last
conversation has been blessingyou.
Do not hesitate.
Show some love, as we've beenshowing you guys some love.
You already see this hoodiethat I'm rocking to right now.
So good, this is the new lifecollection hoodie.
(01:43):
Go ahead and hit that link.
It's right there on YouTube.
It's everywhere.
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It's 45 bucks right now.
It's 45 bucks right now, sodon't delay.
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The price may go up based offof demand.
So this right here.
That's what it says.
The second Corinthians, chapterfive, verse 17.
This means that anyone whobelongs to Christ is a new
(02:07):
person.
The old life is gone and thenew life is here.
You really want to see the back.
You want to see the back.
The back is actually the the,the hottest part it is of the
hoodie, and it's dope too.
It feels really good.
It's heavy weight.
It's heavy weight.
It's oversized too for all thepeople that are.
You know, this is a seasonwhere you're getting a little
chunky, um chunky, you're to saylike chili, chili.
If you are getting chili oryou're getting chunky this
(02:28):
hoodie that's wild.
But I'm ready to talk.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
All right, let's dig, let's dig, all right.
So we're talking about regretstoday and I I regret has so much
weight to it Like they're heavyweight to it Like they're heavy
and I know so many people havethings that they've regretted,
like for me, and since we talkedabout it a long time ago,
there's episodes back we canlink it.
(02:57):
But one of the biggest regretsthat I had in friendship was
that I had a friend who her thefather of her children.
Her fiance was abusiveemotionally.
Her children, her fiance wasabusive emotionally, but I never
asked more than that I neverpushed in.
I never.
I never kept asking questionsand I've told you like she
might've lied, she might've nottold me the truth, but the fact
that I have to live with theregret that I never asked and
(03:18):
then that I ended up losing herto a murder, suicide.
It has been a heavy weight forme to carry for two years and I
know January will make it twoyears since she's been gone and
I I know that it has changed myway of relationships with people
.
It has changed.
It took away a lot of the fearof, like, being afraid to get
(03:41):
too close in questions or gettoo much in somebody's business.
It took that fear away.
So now I literally have friendsand I'm like, hey, this can be
uncomfortable but are you doingthis?
Are you doing that?
Is this happening?
Are you safe?
It completely changed how Ifunction in friendships because
I've been carrying that regretand I've had to let it go.
(04:02):
Of course, but I know, I knowregret affects so many people in
different ways.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It does.
Um, regret is funny too,because, you know, most people
don't realize in a moment thatthey're creating a memory of
regret.
You know, I say this when itcomes to us, even as parents um,
that every moment is a memory.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Every moment is a memory, memory which is a
terrifying concept to thinkabout.
Yeah, because think about heavy.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, because you're in a moment and it's happening
right now.
It's the present.
You don't think it's nothing?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
yeah right.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
a couple gets into a fight in the moment.
Whatever, they just go for therest of the day.
Later on there's something thathappens, something that's
tragic, and they get a callright.
Somebody passes or someone's inaccident or someone's been hurt
, and right now their mind goesback to the last moment that
they were with and regret startsto fill their heart, regret
(04:58):
starts to fill their mind and Ithink moments are really big for
us to really stop, learn andponder and think, and that's
what causes regrets, I know.
For me, man, there's that onemoment I was really hungry.
I went to Taco Bell one night.
That boy the next morning I was.
You want to talk about regret.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Regret.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
That moment went to Taco Bell and I got too much.
I got that Chalupa Supreme, Igot three of them.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Every time we say the word regret.
By the way, the meme likeflashes in my head.
Remember it went viral yearsago and it was a person who had
a tattoo that said no regertsbecause the person the tattoo
artist, misspelled regrets, Ilike.
Literally stays in my head allthe time.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
You know what, man, I was thinking um, um, thinking
about even parenting, right we,thinking about regrets.
Um, I remember growing up,right, there were moments, uh,
my parents, we had moments wheremy dad was working a lot or he
was on a phone call, right, orthere were moments where my mom
wasn't giving us the attentionthat we wanted that moment,
(06:04):
cause it was too many.
Yeah, Right or there weremoments where I shared with my
mom wasn't giving us theattention that we wanted that
moment because it was too many,yeah Right.
Or there were moments where Ishared with my mom a story, a
big fight that happened betweenme and my siblings growing up,
and my mom, you know, telling uslike I don't remember that and
a small moment that was for herwas a big moment for me, even
her even telling us stories oflike man I, I regret, or it
(06:24):
hurts my heart that I whoopedy'all so much.
She used to go in.
I told you that story that onetime of the tennis rackets, she
was wild.
She was wild and the toughestthing she'd make you go get the
thing she's going to give you awhooping whip.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Go get the switch.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I know nowadays all the people are really nervous.
They're like, oh my gosh,they're talking about whooping
their kids Nowadays.
Kids be like I'll sue you mom.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
They're like you can't whoop me, I'll sue you.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
It's like remember I told you that story, touch me
and I'll sue.
It's like what?
That's how you talk to your mom.
That's wild.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Okay, so let's talk about some practicality things.
What?
Let's talk about somepracticality things.
What are some things that youdo in your relationships, either
with mine, with our kids, withfriendships.
What are some of the actual,like practical things that you
implement in your relationshipsso that you don't have regret?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Say that again.
I wasn't listening to you.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Bro, but all the crew is listening, just you are not.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Everybody's straight listening.
I regret eating that cheese andjalapeno, the tamales we just
had right now Tamales.
We did have tamales that thingis hot and I don't have no water
.
And what are you drinking rightnow?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, like seltzer water.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, see, nah I'm good man, you don't like the
bubbles.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Anyways, okay, I'm going to ask the question again
you, what are some practicalthings that you implement in
your relationships whether it'swith me, with the kids, with
your friendships that help youwith not having regret?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, I think it's what I just said.
It's really just learning tounderstand the moment.
It's.
If I had to take a moment tohave a outer body experience and
actually stop and look at thismoment five years from now,
would I be satisfied with themoments that we created?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, I love that tool of just putting things in
perspective.
Like, does this matter in fiveyears?
Yeah, like, if we're going tohave a knockdown drag out fight,
are we having it aboutsomething that doesn't matter in
six months, two years, or isthis something that will really,
really impact us five yearsdown the road?
(08:32):
Okay, so then it's worth thebig fight.
But if it's not, then what arewe doing?
So, I love that perspective ofit.
I think it's really helpful.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, I wrote down some thoughts even in this topic
right here.
I think one of the biggestthings that we as people make a
mistake is we always have thiswhat if?
Mindset.
It's like what if?
What if?
Remember how much that drivesme crazy of just like the
pretentious or the superficialor the fantasizing sometimes
(09:06):
drives me crazy.
Or the superficial or thefantasizing sometimes drives me
crazy.
It's like what if we and Ithink there is a fine line
sometimes between likefantasizing and dreaming Right,
like, if that makes sense.
I think fantasizing sometimescould be like you're thinking of
something that might beimpossible or something that's
not realistic or something thatwould never happen, right Right.
Or it cannot even happen, it'snot even possible.
(09:27):
What if we were in space and wecan just not have to have a
space mask on and just be ableto breathe the air out there?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Nobody talks like that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
But that's what I'm saying, like sometimes people,
people spend their time RightThinking about things that will
not happen, thinking about stuffthat doesn't matter, and losing
out on the actual moment rightthere in front of you, and
you're creating memories rightthere, like being very
optimistic in this moment, rightnow.
So even for us, there was timeswhere we had holidays, where we
didn't have money, right, andit's like man, what if we had
(09:57):
bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop,bop.
Yeah, what if we had this?
And I'm like yo, we don't havethat right now.
So we need to be optimistic anduse what we have right now
versus and use what we haveright now versus being paralyzed
by dreaming and fantasizing ofstuff that will never happen and
you look back and regret thatwe didn't make the most out of
the moment that we had.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I think the biggest thing of what we're saying about
regret is that it is actuallywhat you choose with doing in
the present that will affect youin the future.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Like, so literally taking that moment of cause.
There's no way to fix regretyou have in the past.
It's done, it is what it is.
The only way that I can lessenmy experience with regret is
that I take every moment to beintentional so that in six
months I don't have regret.
You literally just have topause everything.
It's like what we said does itmatter in five years?
(10:50):
What is happening right now?
Stop thinking of the what ifswhat is happening, not what if
and then by making thosedecisions it can lessen how
often I run into regret.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, I don't know if I told you this story, which I
may have told you this story soback when we were pursuing each
other, liking each other,crushing on each other and we
weren't officially dating.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Right, I think you know right.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
There was like two, three other girls, People are
tripping out right now that youkeep saying that.
They're like what does she notknow after being married for 15
years?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, I think you know, I think we just you know
everything.
So I'm like I'm sure you knowall this.
We've actually.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yes, you do know this because we've talked about this
in previous episodes, but youkeep saying that, so people are
nervous about what you're aboutto drop on me, right?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
now, Is it people or is it you?
I feel like you projecting Nah.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Okay, so I know.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I know what you're about to say.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, okay, which one of these girls that I like?
Right, and I remember when Iknew, okay, you were the one
that I wanted to pursue, likeone of the girls, cause it was
kind of like contender head tohead, like you guys were toe to
toe, I was like man, which one?
Which one?
I don't know pros and cons.
You know, anyways, when I knewthat you were the one that I
want to pursue, I justcompletely stopped calling that
(12:12):
girl.
Straight up went cold turkey,and in that moment it meant
nothing, in that moment it waseasy, in that moment it was just
like okay, whatever.
Fast forward years later,regret started to fill my heart,
regret started to fill my mindand my emotions.
I actually started feelingsympathy.
I felt bad for that girl ofjust like, oh my, gosh what have
(12:34):
I done?
That's regret and I remember fora long season just always
feeling and dealing with it Likeyo.
How do I fix this?
How do I mend this?
Every once in a while I'll goon her social media and I'm like
man, I don't know, it doesn'tlook like she's doing it, I
can't tell.
But I remember one time finallycalling her and saying like hey
(12:54):
, if I ever done anything like,I want to say I'm sorry.
I'm aware that that time we weretalking like we were talking to
each other and I just wentstraight cold turkey on you
other and I just went straightcold turkey on you and it's been
hurting me and crushing me thiswhole time with regret, cause
I'm like yo, I would never wantsomeone to do this to my kids
and I didn't have kids at thattime.
(13:16):
But thinking about fastforwarding, like yo, a couple of
years from now will I look backsaying, like man, I wish I'd
never did that, cause in thatmoment it felt like it was
nothing and I think people needto learn how to stop and slow
down and really think abouttheir decisions that they're
making of like years down theroad.
Will this affect thisrelationship?
Am I scarring this person?
(13:37):
Am I, in this moment, creatinga deep memory that will scar
them and in the moment you findout, a moment, it comes back to
you as resurfaces back in yourmind.
Now you, you start dealing withlike regret, like yo, I can't
believe I did that, I can'tbelieve I said that, I can't
believe I treated someone likethis.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I think a lot of it too is just making sure that we
know our values in our like Idon't want to say the word
truths, because that's so taboobut our values, our core values,
our beliefs and like who we are, and not, um, lowering those,
not losing those.
A lot of times we get inrelationships.
(14:16):
Sometimes we will lose thosethings about us, um, and those
come with a lot of regrets.
You get into a relationship andyou start letting those things
kind of waver a little bit andthen all of a sudden, you've
been in a relationship for twoyears and you're like wait, I
never wanted to be here.
It's because you lost yourvalues at the beginning of this
relationship.
You thought it was so worth it.
(14:37):
You thought you were going todate this person and it was
going to be worth everything.
And two years down the road,you're like, man, these aren't
my values, this isn't who I am,this isn't who I was raised to
be.
And now I'm sitting here withregret.
But as you walk through lifeand you meet new people and you
get into new circles, you starta new job, you go to a new
church, like.
(14:57):
Whatever that may look like,don't forget who you are and who
your identity is in and whatyour values are and what matter
to you, like.
As soon as we lose them, welose ourself, and I think that
is a huge way to keep fromhaving regret in relationships
and in life.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, that's big man, even for us in our relationship
, um us being married for 14,going on 15 years, um knowing
each other for what.
I think 18 years ago we mighthave met 17, 17 or 18, 17 years
we might have met January wouldmake it 18, I believe, so weird.
Um, yeah, I'm like yo.
Why do we?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
we're not that old, we're not even.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
We're not even that old, we're not how did what?
it's wild, um, but I know therewere times where we've had
conversations and even wasarguing or fighting and there
was regretful words that cameout of our mouth.
I remember there were timeswhere we've had conversations
and just in that moment, rightpride kicks in to where you can
(16:00):
just talk to your partnerhowever you feel like you want
to talk to them, and later onyou have to figure out man, I
have to go back and repair thator I have to go back and
actually say sorry.
And I think people really needto learn how to slow down.
Like, really really think about, okay, my interactions with the
people that I'm in relationshipwith, whether it's a coworker,
whether it's my boss, whetherit's my partner, whether it's my
(16:23):
kids, siblings, like whateverit is.
Like like man, like really slowdown all the words that you
saying right now.
Do you feel like it's it'sbuilding this relationship?
Do you feel like it'scultivating something that's
strong, or do you feel like downthe road you're gonna have to
go back and repair?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I mean I've said some stupid stuff in the last couple
of years to people that I'vehad relationships with, where
I've actually had to apologize.
Yeah, Especially even growingup, bro, Like I was just that
type of person that just like ifI thought it, I said it.
Yeah, and being immature, youkind of think like yeah, man,
that's real man, People likethat.
But then you start realizinglike yo, no, it's actually
immature and you're ruining allof your relationships by just
(17:07):
saying everything that you'rethinking.
Oof Lord, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
It can get you in so much trouble it can.
And honestly, I feel like thatcan get you in trouble.
What can get you out of trouble?
A lot is asking questions.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Like if you would just stop and ask a question, if
you would stop and just say,actually I don't know, uh, what
is that?
Or why did that make you feelthat way?
Or how did that make you feel,uh, what did I do wrong?
Um, how can I do that betternext time?
Like, if you just ask afreaking question, it'll get you
(17:41):
really far in life.
That's true, especiallyhusbands.
Just ask a question, y'all, butdon't ask the one that you
always ask.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
What's the one I always ask?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Pierre asks what do you need from me?
But he asks it like so quicklythat I'm like I'm still mad at
you, I'm not ready to like.
It drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
It's a great question for relationships, but Well,
yeah, I just I feel like youneed something.
I feel like you neededsomething.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Sometimes usually I do, but I'm just not ready to
resolve yet.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Oh, you'd like to sit in it.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I just have frustration.
I feel like you say it tooquickly, where I'm like wait, no
, we're still fighting, I'm notready to move on yet.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Because to me I'm like I'm ready to move on.
I'm ready, literally, to keepgoing ahead.
And you know what happens to?
What you do is you'll get madat me and you'll stay mad at me,
but I'm good, I alreadyapologized and I moved on, and
the next day we'd be in bed andyou're trying to slide your
little crusted feet under thesheets to kind of cuddle my feet
, because you're like.
My feet are not crusty, I knowthey're not crusty.
(18:42):
He'd be sliding your littlescary crusty feet under the
sheet to try to tell me you'resorry.
And then that's when I playhard to get, because I'm like
nope, we're supposed to do this.
Now you're trying to repairyesterday Now you're trying to
repair.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You're out of control .
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Bro, I'm reading another note.
So another note, really, whenit comes to eliminating regrets,
is acting on your convictions.
Acting on your convictionsmeaning like, if you know deep
down inside that something's notright, if you know there's
something that is happening thatyou know you should stand up
for that, you should actuallysay something about it.
(19:22):
And you don't, you're going tohave regret, especially in your
relationships.
There's been times me and you,babe, I've had to like babe, I'm
just going to have regret,especially in your relationships
.
There's been times me and you,babe, I've had to like babe, I'm
just going to say this as yourhusband, like I'm, I'm, I'm I'm
saying it in the most gentle,loving way.
But if I don't say, I'm goingto regret this and for me, I
think, yo, if we're we're, ifwe're in a good relationship,
(19:43):
you should honor and respectthat.
That I I'm like.
I have a conviction right nowin my heart that if, if I don't
say something, I'm gonna be in aregretful state of mind, yeah,
and I don't want to be that.
I think procrastinating like so,like delaying your decisions,
can sometimes lead to regret formissed opportunities say that
(20:04):
again so delaying your decisionscan sometimes lead to regret
for missed opportunities,meaning you know what you're
supposed to be doing.
Yeah, you know what you shouldhave said.
You see it happening, themoment is right there in front
of you and you delayed it, youpushed it off yeah and the
opportunity is now gone yeah andwhat do you have that tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
regret, regret.
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Don't miss that window that window closes so
fast and the whole day like man,it's like yo, it's like you get
into a big fight like withsomebody, and the next day, like
man, like you're replaying thewhole fight.
You got all these punch linesall the things to say that dude
is on the airplane, he's gone.
He's in a whole, a whole nothercountry.
He don't remember who you areanymore.
You so mad at that person thathonked at you and gave you a
(20:50):
certain finger at the red lightand you got.
Man, I would have done thisNext time.
I'm going to roll down mywindow, I'm going to wait.
I'm like, bro, it's gone, it'sgone.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
The moment is gone.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I'm making light of it.
This is silly, right, it's asilly example, but I really do
think in a lot of relationshipsthere's a lot of people that
miss opportunities to actuallysay something that they should
be standing up for.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And it causes regret.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I agree.
I found this scripture,Proverbs 17, 17.
A friend loves at all times anda brother is born for a time of
adversity and I love that.
It's like man, friends arefriends and they're cool.
But, like when you've gonethrough adversity with someone,
(21:38):
it's a deeper relationship thanjust a friendship.
It becomes family.
It becomes like man.
You know, you saw me, myweakness, you were there for me
when I had a rough season or youwalked with me through some
dark stuff.
And I mean those people.
They're priceless in our life,especially because we don't live
around any family.
When I have friends that feellike family, I will do anything
(22:02):
for them.
I will be so thankful andsentimental and cry because I'm
just so grateful that God hassent friends our way that have
walked through so much with usthat they actually became family
.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah, that's cool.
What are some things that youguys really deal with in your
life where you're reallystruggling with regret?
What are some things that youhave that you have not let go of
yet, because I really do thinkthat regret and I say it all the
time it's a big cancer yeahlike sometimes there's no cure
for it.
You know, like cancer right,allegedly there's no cure for it
(22:35):
.
I'm sorry you guys know me, I'ma conspiracy theorist and I'm
like there's a lot of money thatgoing to they can't find a cure
for this thing.
Um, it hurts me when I when weknow people that are dealing
with cancer, but this is notwhat this is about.
This is about regret.
Regret can be a cancer wherethere's no cure for it, and I do
know that the biggest cure forit is Jesus.
(22:56):
It's the Holy Spirit.
It's God looking down on you,breathing on you, calling you
daughter, calling you son, andhe's not beating you up.
I think people beat themselvesup so hard, like our son.
He's been dealing with thatright now, like where he gets so
mad at something that he's likeoh I'm so stupid, or I can't
never get it right, or I hatemyself.
(23:17):
I'm just like bro, stop talkingto yourself like that.
Because he regrets somethingthat he did, or he's so hard on
himself because he's like Ishould have known, or what if?
Like daddy, how come?
Like the other day, big oldbreakout in the car because he
forgot something, and he'sliterally like hitting himself,
beating himself up.
And I'm having a son, it's okay, it's not a big deal, let it go
(23:40):
, it's in the past, move forward.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Focus on tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You do not want to fart on the rest of the day.
Fart on the rest of the day,poop on the rest of the day,
right Meaning.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Meaning you had one bad mistake Right.
Screw the whole rest of the day.
Yeah, screw my life, screw thefuture.
I'm like no, you can stillactually prepare for tomorrow
and do better.
Yeah, just if you're living onregret the whole time, time
you're thinking about how youcould have, should have and
would have.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
A lot of that is layered in forgiveness too
Forgiveness to the person,forgiveness to myself,
forgiveness that yeah, I messedup, but I won't mess that up
again and that's how I feel alot about my friend.
Like I messed up, I didn't getin her mess enough, I didn't ask
the hard questions enough, butI will not do that again.
(24:33):
I've had women come to me andshare things with me and I do
not hold back those answersbecause I will not lose another
friend and have regret that Ididn't ask enough questions or
that.
I didn't get in their businessor I didn't want to imply that
they were being hurt by theirspouse.
Nope, don't care.
I do not care about that spouse, I care about my friend and
(24:55):
I'll ask the hard questions.
And so, like forgiving myselffor and forgiving yourself for
what you do have regret about,but just knowing like sometimes
the last time has to be the lasttime, that's going to be the
last time.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yeah, man, let's get the last note that I want to
share.
When it comes to you, how tohave thriving relationships by
eliminating regrets is seekwisdom.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Like consult in trusted advisors, like discuss
your decisions with your mentors, with your families, like with
your friends who share your samevalue.
Trusted advisors like discussyour decisions with your mentors
, with your families, like withyour friends who share your same
value.
Trusted advisors like peoplethat you look to, people that
you're like hey, I made adecision.
Or hey, what do you think aboutthis?
I hey, what's your thoughts,what's your thought process?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Only people that are ahead of you and where you want
to be Like we've talked aboutthat Like single people do not
get to speak into my marriage.
I do not ask them questionsabout what I should do or what I
should Nope you don't get tospeak.
I'm only going to ask that ofsomeone, even if it's another
married person.
If I don't like their marriage,I'm not asking them either.
(26:00):
It's only someone that I lookto, that they have something I
would want or would want tobuild.
Those are the people that I canask those questions to.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's like getting advice from the people who have
successfully made it or thrivedin the area you want to thrive
in.
Everyone's not an expert inevery category.
Now I will say for us that arebelievers that are filled with
the Holy Spirit, that Spirit ofGod does give us spiritual
wisdom right and knowledge andunderstanding.
(26:31):
Wisdom that passes, humanlyunderstanding, and there's times
that I know that god has putwisdom in me in a topic that I
know nothing of.
But it's like yo, how do I knowthis stuff?
Right, because I know it'ssupernatural wisdom.
So there's that right.
The the the spiritual world hasdifferent type of laws, like if
that makes sense, right here inthe world we're like you'll
find that person that has won inthat category and learn from
(26:55):
them, right?
But in the spiritual world,right, the spirit of God can
give us wisdom and understandinginstantly, right away, that no
man can teach.
So there's that right.
So there's using discernmentwhen it comes to seeking wisdom,
but in a practical, natural way.
Like you said, if somebody issingle, don't ask them what they
think about your marriage,right.
(27:16):
If someone is broke, don't askthem what you should do with
your money, right.
If someone don't have kids,don't ask them what you should
do with your kids, right?
If someone ain't got a job,don't ask them if you should
quit your job or not.
Of course they're going to sayyes.
Don't ask them Of course they'regoing to say, yes, they ain't
got no job.
It's probably the same personthat ain't got no money, ain't
(27:36):
married, ain't got no like allthe above, totally you Like.
So that's what I'm saying.
So be intentional about thepeople that you seek wisdom in,
so that you're not living aregretful life.
Lastly, in this whole categoryof seeking wisdom, pray, learn
to pray, and the second half ofthat is learn to reflect, or I
(28:00):
call it meditate.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But what does that mean?
Because there's a lot ofdefinitions for meditating.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
So also, I'm not talking about yoga and all this
other weird stuff and seekingthe stars and breathing the air
and grounding yourself with thefloor.
Ain't talking about groundingyourself with the floor.
I'm talking about seeking Godand meditating on his word day
and night.
That's what the Bible says.
So for us, when it comes timeto making a decision, even our
relationship, there's times'stimes.
(28:26):
Yo, I see you panicking oryou're anxious about something
and I'm literally praying to god.
God, give me wisdom right nowon how to talk to my wife,
because I don't know what timeof the month it is right now.
I don't know she's gonna betripping, she's gonna flip on me
right now listen listen what'sfall.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
It's eve's fault, yall.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Don't they have stuff for that?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
No, if they did, every marriage would be healthy
and fine All right.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
All I'm saying is there has been times that I have
regretted the way I approachedyou.
Yeah, me too I approached you.
All right, slow down, call offyour dogs.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I'm just joking.
I have the same.
I have done wrong as well.
I the same.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I have done wrong as well.
I regret how I've approachedyou with lack of sensitivity and
now that I've maturedspiritually, whenever there's
times where I see you acting upor flipping out or I see your
eyes start twitching and she'sabout to come, for me.
I'm not acting out and flippingout.
I start praying.
I said, Lord, I need you,Father, to be a hedge of
protection around me right now.
(29:25):
I command an army of angels tocome and push back this woman
Darkness.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I am so done with you .
Speaker 1 (29:33):
What I'm saying is like people need to learn how to
pray.
If you learn how to pray, youlearn how to seek God.
There'll be times where youwill not have to deal with
regret.
And then, lastly, learn how tomeditate, learn how to reflect,
learn how to stop and ponder andthink about how you've made
your decisions, think about theripple effect of decisions that
you've made.
(29:54):
If people can learn how tomeditate and literally stop we
say it all the time bro, stop,just think about it.
To our kids we say think, think, think, think about the
decisions that you're making.
It's a domino effect.
Every time you get emotional,now you make emotional decisions
and you can ruin the rest ofyour day because you're just out
of your mind right now.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So true, you know what I'm saying and you can poop
on the rest of your day.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Poop on the rest of your day.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Also, loki.
That was a really great tip ofsaying that you pray when you
see me emotional, you pray thatthe Lord helps.
You know how to respond to me.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
All the time I did last night Good.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
When last night.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And this morning at the table.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
What are you?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
talking about this morning, right now, at the table
, you was uh-huh.
Yes, he's like Father God, helpme.
Help me, tame these lips rightnow.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Good, I'm glad, I'm thankful.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
And we're both a work in progress and look at us.
We good right now.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
We happy y'all.
It was good.
No, but it's true.
It's growth on both sides.
It's growth on me learning howto control my emotions.
It's growth on you learning howto approach my emotions.
And no, if there was a pillthat could fix all of that like
the world would be an easierplace.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
If you guys know medication that they have for
this, go ahead and drop in thischat, drop in this YouTube link.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
There's no pills.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You guys are crazy, anyways.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So we hope that this has been a healthy conversation,
a thought provokingconversation, and that you
really learn to thinkdifferently as you approach your
relationships, as you approachlife, and that you really learn
to think differently as youapproach your relationships as
you approach life, and that youwould slow down in those moments
.
Don't go so fast.
Slow down and think about thosethings that we told you Does it
(31:38):
matter in five years?
Don't think about the what ifs,think about what is and all the
other things that we said pray,we said meditate on God's word.
All of these things will helpalleviate regret in your life.
Will regret still creep in?
Of course, because that's partof maturity, right?
There's some things that, evenif we prayed, even if we did all
(32:00):
of these things, as we mature,10 years later, we're like man.
We didn't know nothing and wecould say that a lot about our
marriage.
So that is a part of life.
But if we take these steps,regret can be less often, regret
can be not as painful and if weforgive ourselves, we won't
have to carry that weightlong-term.
So we love y'all.
(32:21):
We hope you found thisconversation helpful.
Write us in our comments.
We love hearing from you guys.
So many people tell us oh, Ilove this episode.
I love that.
That really helped me.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
I'm just going through that.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
So write it underneath so that other people
know that this conversationhelped you and helped you grow.
We love y'all.
Thank you for being part of thecrew.
We'll see you next time, peace.
Hey, what's up everybody?
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
Today we're going to talk abouthow to have a thriving
relationship through eliminatingregrets, regrets.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
That was really good.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I do know that regrets is a big part of life.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
It is.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I think so many people are so hard on themselves
, they beat themselves up,they're always looking back.
They're never looking ahead.
They're always looking backabout how they could have done
things differently.
So today we're going to talkabout regrets.
I do know that if we canactually eliminate regrets from
our relationships, life can be alot better.
True Right, we can focus ongoing forward.
We could focus on healingversus going back to trying to
(00:37):
repair.
I heard a statement the otherday Actually, I posted it too,
but I heard like someone elsesay say every day, you are
either repairing yesterday orpreparing tomorrow.
That's crazy.
Repairing yesterday has to dowith regrets.
We're going to talk about that,but let's tell them why we're
here first.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We're here to help you grow a relationship with God
, others and yourself.
That's why, we call y'all thecrew, the let's stay crew.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
So if you're looking forward to this conversation
right now, you're watching rightnow on YouTube go ahead and hit
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Why?
Because it tells other peoplethat this podcast is really good
(01:21):
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That this podcast is reallygood and the algorithm is like
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Also, if you're watching thison YouTube, you can hit that
little heart button too and sendus a little bit of love.
If this conversation has beenblessing you our last
conversation has been blessingyou.
Do not hesitate.
Show some love, as we've beenshowing you guys some love.
You already see this hoodiethat I'm rocking to right now.
So good, this is the new lifecollection hoodie.
(01:43):
Go ahead and hit that link.
It's right there on YouTube.
It's everywhere.
It's on our Shopify.
It's 45 bucks right now.
It's 45 bucks right now, sodon't delay.
Don't delay.
The price may go up based offof demand.
So this right here.
That's what it says.
The second Corinthians, chapterfive, verse 17.
This means that anyone whobelongs to Christ is a new
(02:07):
person.
The old life is gone and thenew life is here.
You really want to see the back.
You want to see the back.
The back is actually the the,the hottest part it is of the
hoodie, and it's dope too.
It feels really good.
It's heavy weight.
It's heavy weight.
It's oversized too for all thepeople that are.
You know, this is a seasonwhere you're getting a little
chunky, um chunky, you're to saylike chili, chili.
If you are getting chili oryou're getting chunky this
(02:28):
hoodie that's wild.
But I'm ready to talk.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
All right, let's dig, let's dig, all right.
So we're talking about regretstoday and I I regret has so much
weight to it Like they're heavyweight to it Like they're heavy
and I know so many people havethings that they've regretted,
like for me, and since we talkedabout it a long time ago,
there's episodes back we canlink it.
(02:57):
But one of the biggest regretsthat I had in friendship was
that I had a friend who her thefather of her children.
Her fiance was abusiveemotionally.
Her children, her fiance wasabusive emotionally, but I never
asked more than that I neverpushed in.
I never.
I never kept asking questionsand I've told you like she
might've lied, she might've nottold me the truth, but the fact
that I have to live with theregret that I never asked and
(03:18):
then that I ended up losing herto a murder, suicide.
It has been a heavy weight forme to carry for two years and I
know January will make it twoyears since she's been gone and
I I know that it has changed myway of relationships with people
.
It has changed.
It took away a lot of the fearof, like, being afraid to get
(03:41):
too close in questions or gettoo much in somebody's business.
It took that fear away.
So now I literally have friendsand I'm like, hey, this can be
uncomfortable but are you doingthis?
Are you doing that?
Is this happening?
Are you safe?
It completely changed how Ifunction in friendships because
I've been carrying that regretand I've had to let it go.
(04:02):
Of course, but I know, I knowregret affects so many people in
different ways.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It does.
Um, regret is funny too,because, you know, most people
don't realize in a moment thatthey're creating a memory of
regret.
You know, I say this when itcomes to us, even as parents um,
that every moment is a memory.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Every moment is a memory, memory which is a
terrifying concept to thinkabout.
Yeah, because think about heavy.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, because you're in a moment and it's happening
right now.
It's the present.
You don't think it's nothing?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
yeah right.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
a couple gets into a fight in the moment.
Whatever, they just go for therest of the day.
Later on there's something thathappens, something that's
tragic, and they get a callright.
Somebody passes or someone's inaccident or someone's been hurt
, and right now their mind goesback to the last moment that
they were with and regret startsto fill their heart, regret
(04:58):
starts to fill their mind and Ithink moments are really big for
us to really stop, learn andponder and think, and that's
what causes regrets, I know.
For me, man, there's that onemoment I was really hungry.
I went to Taco Bell one night.
That boy the next morning I was.
You want to talk about regret.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Regret.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
That moment went to Taco Bell and I got too much.
I got that Chalupa Supreme, Igot three of them.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Every time we say the word regret.
By the way, the meme likeflashes in my head.
Remember it went viral yearsago and it was a person who had
a tattoo that said no regertsbecause the person the tattoo
artist, misspelled regrets, Ilike.
Literally stays in my head allthe time.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
You know what, man, I was thinking um, um, thinking
about even parenting, right we,thinking about regrets.
Um, I remember growing up,right, there were moments, uh,
my parents, we had moments wheremy dad was working a lot or he
was on a phone call, right, orthere were moments where my mom
wasn't giving us the attentionthat we wanted that moment,
(06:04):
cause it was too many.
Yeah, Right or there weremoments where I shared with my
mom wasn't giving us theattention that we wanted that
moment because it was too many,yeah Right.
Or there were moments where Ishared with my mom a story, a
big fight that happened betweenme and my siblings growing up,
and my mom, you know, telling uslike I don't remember that and
a small moment that was for herwas a big moment for me, even
her even telling us stories oflike man I, I regret, or it
(06:24):
hurts my heart that I whoopedy'all so much.
She used to go in.
I told you that story that onetime of the tennis rackets, she
was wild.
She was wild and the toughestthing she'd make you go get the
thing she's going to give you awhooping whip.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Go get the switch.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I know nowadays all the people are really nervous.
They're like, oh my gosh,they're talking about whooping
their kids Nowadays.
Kids be like I'll sue you mom.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
They're like you can't whoop me, I'll sue you.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
It's like remember I told you that story, touch me
and I'll sue.
It's like what?
That's how you talk to your mom.
That's wild.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Okay, so let's talk about some practicality things.
What?
Let's talk about somepracticality things.
What are some things that youdo in your relationships, either
with mine, with our kids, withfriendships.
What are some of the actual,like practical things that you
implement in your relationshipsso that you don't have regret?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Say that again.
I wasn't listening to you.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Bro, but all the crew is listening, just you are not.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Everybody's straight listening.
I regret eating that cheese andjalapeno, the tamales we just
had right now Tamales.
We did have tamales that thingis hot and I don't have no water
.
And what are you drinking rightnow?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, like seltzer water.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, see, nah I'm good man, you don't like the
bubbles.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Anyways, okay, I'm going to ask the question again
you, what are some practicalthings that you implement in
your relationships whether it'swith me, with the kids, with
your friendships that help youwith not having regret?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah, I think it's what I just said.
It's really just learning tounderstand the moment.
It's.
If I had to take a moment tohave a outer body experience and
actually stop and look at thismoment five years from now,
would I be satisfied with themoments that we created?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, I love that tool of just putting things in
perspective.
Like, does this matter in fiveyears?
Yeah, like, if we're going tohave a knockdown drag out fight,
are we having it aboutsomething that doesn't matter in
six months, two years, or isthis something that will really,
really impact us five yearsdown the road?
(08:32):
Okay, so then it's worth thebig fight.
But if it's not, then what arewe doing?
So, I love that perspective ofit.
I think it's really helpful.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, I wrote down some thoughts even in this topic
right here.
I think one of the biggestthings that we as people make a
mistake is we always have thiswhat if?
Mindset.
It's like what if?
What if?
Remember how much that drivesme crazy of just like the
pretentious or the superficialor the fantasizing sometimes
(09:06):
drives me crazy.
Or the superficial or thefantasizing sometimes drives me
crazy.
It's like what if we and Ithink there is a fine line
sometimes between likefantasizing and dreaming Right,
like, if that makes sense.
I think fantasizing sometimescould be like you're thinking of
something that might beimpossible or something that's
not realistic or something thatwould never happen, right Right.
Or it cannot even happen, it'snot even possible.
(09:27):
What if we were in space and wecan just not have to have a
space mask on and just be ableto breathe the air out there?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Nobody talks like that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
But that's what I'm saying, like sometimes people,
people spend their time RightThinking about things that will
not happen, thinking about stuffthat doesn't matter, and losing
out on the actual moment rightthere in front of you, and
you're creating memories rightthere, like being very
optimistic in this moment, rightnow.
So even for us, there was timeswhere we had holidays, where we
didn't have money, right, andit's like man, what if we had
(09:57):
bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop,bop.
Yeah, what if we had this?
And I'm like yo, we don't havethat right now.
So we need to be optimistic anduse what we have right now
versus and use what we haveright now versus being paralyzed
by dreaming and fantasizing ofstuff that will never happen and
you look back and regret thatwe didn't make the most out of
the moment that we had.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I think the biggest thing of what we're saying about
regret is that it is actuallywhat you choose with doing in
the present that will affect youin the future.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Like, so literally taking that moment of cause.
There's no way to fix regretyou have in the past.
It's done, it is what it is.
The only way that I can lessenmy experience with regret is
that I take every moment to beintentional so that in six
months I don't have regret.
You literally just have topause everything.
It's like what we said does itmatter in five years?
(10:50):
What is happening right now?
Stop thinking of the what ifswhat is happening, not what if
and then by making thosedecisions it can lessen how
often I run into regret.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Yeah, I don't know if I told you this story, which I
may have told you this story soback when we were pursuing each
other, liking each other,crushing on each other and we
weren't officially dating.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Right, I think you know right.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
There was like two, three other girls, People are
tripping out right now that youkeep saying that.
They're like what does she notknow after being married for 15
years?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, I think you know, I think we just you know
everything.
So I'm like I'm sure you knowall this.
We've actually.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yes, you do know this because we've talked about this
in previous episodes, but youkeep saying that, so people are
nervous about what you're aboutto drop on me, right?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
now, Is it people or is it you?
I feel like you projecting Nah.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Okay, so I know.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I know what you're about to say.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, okay, which one of these girls that I like?
Right, and I remember when Iknew, okay, you were the one
that I wanted to pursue, likeone of the girls, cause it was
kind of like contender head tohead, like you guys were toe to
toe, I was like man, which one?
Which one?
I don't know pros and cons.
You know, anyways, when I knewthat you were the one that I
want to pursue, I justcompletely stopped calling that
(12:12):
girl.
Straight up went cold turkey,and in that moment it meant
nothing, in that moment it waseasy, in that moment it was just
like okay, whatever.
Fast forward years later,regret started to fill my heart,
regret started to fill my mindand my emotions.
I actually started feelingsympathy.
I felt bad for that girl ofjust like, oh my, gosh what have
(12:34):
I done?
That's regret and I remember fora long season just always
feeling and dealing with it Likeyo.
How do I fix this?
How do I mend this?
Every once in a while I'll goon her social media and I'm like
man, I don't know, it doesn'tlook like she's doing it, I
can't tell.
But I remember one time finallycalling her and saying like hey
(12:54):
, if I ever done anything like,I want to say I'm sorry.
I'm aware that that time we weretalking like we were talking to
each other and I just wentstraight cold turkey on you
other and I just went straightcold turkey on you and it's been
hurting me and crushing me thiswhole time with regret, cause
I'm like yo, I would never wantsomeone to do this to my kids
and I didn't have kids at thattime.
(13:16):
But thinking about fastforwarding, like yo, a couple of
years from now will I look backsaying, like man, I wish I'd
never did that, cause in thatmoment it felt like it was
nothing and I think people needto learn how to stop and slow
down and really think abouttheir decisions that they're
making of like years down theroad.
Will this affect thisrelationship?
Am I scarring this person?
(13:37):
Am I, in this moment, creatinga deep memory that will scar
them and in the moment you findout, a moment, it comes back to
you as resurfaces back in yourmind.
Now you, you start dealing withlike regret, like yo, I can't
believe I did that, I can'tbelieve I said that, I can't
believe I treated someone likethis.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I think a lot of it too is just making sure that we
know our values in our like Idon't want to say the word
truths, because that's so taboobut our values, our core values,
our beliefs and like who we are, and not, um, lowering those,
not losing those.
A lot of times we get inrelationships.
(14:16):
Sometimes we will lose thosethings about us, um, and those
come with a lot of regrets.
You get into a relationship andyou start letting those things
kind of waver a little bit andthen all of a sudden, you've
been in a relationship for twoyears and you're like wait, I
never wanted to be here.
It's because you lost yourvalues at the beginning of this
relationship.
You thought it was so worth it.
(14:37):
You thought you were going todate this person and it was
going to be worth everything.
And two years down the road,you're like, man, these aren't
my values, this isn't who I am,this isn't who I was raised to
be.
And now I'm sitting here withregret.
But as you walk through lifeand you meet new people and you
get into new circles, you starta new job, you go to a new
church, like.
(14:57):
Whatever that may look like,don't forget who you are and who
your identity is in and whatyour values are and what matter
to you, like.
As soon as we lose them, welose ourself, and I think that
is a huge way to keep fromhaving regret in relationships
and in life.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Yeah, that's big man, even for us in our relationship
, um us being married for 14,going on 15 years, um knowing
each other for what.
I think 18 years ago we mighthave met 17, 17 or 18, 17 years
we might have met January wouldmake it 18, I believe, so weird.
Um, yeah, I'm like yo.
Why do we?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
we're not that old, we're not even.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
We're not even that old, we're not how did what?
it's wild, um, but I know therewere times where we've had
conversations and even wasarguing or fighting and there
was regretful words that cameout of our mouth.
I remember there were timeswhere we've had conversations
and just in that moment, rightpride kicks in to where you can
(16:00):
just talk to your partnerhowever you feel like you want
to talk to them, and later onyou have to figure out man, I
have to go back and repair thator I have to go back and
actually say sorry.
And I think people really needto learn how to slow down.
Like, really really think about, okay, my interactions with the
people that I'm in relationshipwith, whether it's a coworker,
whether it's my boss, whetherit's my partner, whether it's my
(16:23):
kids, siblings, like whateverit is.
Like like man, like really slowdown all the words that you
saying right now.
Do you feel like it's it'sbuilding this relationship?
Do you feel like it'scultivating something that's
strong, or do you feel like downthe road you're gonna have to
go back and repair?
Speaker 2 (16:41):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I mean I've said some stupid stuff in the last couple
of years to people that I'vehad relationships with, where
I've actually had to apologize.
Yeah, Especially even growingup, bro, Like I was just that
type of person that just like ifI thought it, I said it.
Yeah, and being immature, youkind of think like yeah, man,
that's real man, People likethat.
But then you start realizinglike yo, no, it's actually
immature and you're ruining allof your relationships by just
(17:07):
saying everything that you'rethinking.
Oof Lord, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
It can get you in so much trouble it can.
And honestly, I feel like thatcan get you in trouble.
What can get you out of trouble?
A lot is asking questions.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Like if you would just stop and ask a question, if
you would stop and just say,actually I don't know, uh, what
is that?
Or why did that make you feelthat way?
Or how did that make you feel,uh, what did I do wrong?
Um, how can I do that betternext time?
Like, if you just ask afreaking question, it'll get you
(17:41):
really far in life.
That's true, especiallyhusbands.
Just ask a question, y'all, butdon't ask the one that you
always ask.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
What's the one I always ask?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Pierre asks what do you need from me?
But he asks it like so quicklythat I'm like I'm still mad at
you, I'm not ready to like.
It drives me crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
It's a great question for relationships, but Well,
yeah, I just I feel like youneed something.
I feel like you neededsomething.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Sometimes usually I do, but I'm just not ready to
resolve yet.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Oh, you'd like to sit in it.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I just have frustration.
I feel like you say it tooquickly, where I'm like wait, no
, we're still fighting, I'm notready to move on yet.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Because to me I'm like I'm ready to move on.
I'm ready, literally, to keepgoing ahead.
And you know what happens to?
What you do is you'll get madat me and you'll stay mad at me,
but I'm good, I alreadyapologized and I moved on, and
the next day we'd be in bed andyou're trying to slide your
little crusted feet under thesheets to kind of cuddle my feet
, because you're like.
My feet are not crusty, I knowthey're not crusty.
(18:42):
He'd be sliding your littlescary crusty feet under the
sheet to try to tell me you'resorry.
And then that's when I playhard to get, because I'm like
nope, we're supposed to do this.
Now you're trying to repairyesterday Now you're trying to
repair.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You're out of control .
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Bro, I'm reading another note.
So another note, really, whenit comes to eliminating regrets,
is acting on your convictions.
Acting on your convictionsmeaning like, if you know deep
down inside that something's notright, if you know there's
something that is happening thatyou know you should stand up
for that, you should actuallysay something about it.
(19:22):
And you don't, you're going tohave regret, especially in your
relationships.
There's been times me and you,babe, I've had to like babe, I'm
just going to have regret,especially in your relationships
.
There's been times me and you,babe, I've had to like babe, I'm
just going to say this as yourhusband, like I'm, I'm, I'm I'm
saying it in the most gentle,loving way.
But if I don't say, I'm goingto regret this and for me, I
think, yo, if we're we're, ifwe're in a good relationship,
(19:43):
you should honor and respectthat.
That I I'm like.
I have a conviction right nowin my heart that if, if I don't
say something, I'm gonna be in aregretful state of mind, yeah,
and I don't want to be that.
I think procrastinating like so,like delaying your decisions,
can sometimes lead to regret formissed opportunities say that
(20:04):
again so delaying your decisionscan sometimes lead to regret
for missed opportunities,meaning you know what you're
supposed to be doing.
Yeah, you know what you shouldhave said.
You see it happening, themoment is right there in front
of you and you delayed it, youpushed it off yeah and the
opportunity is now gone yeah andwhat do you have that tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
regret, regret.
That's so true.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Don't miss that window that window closes so
fast and the whole day like man,it's like yo, it's like you get
into a big fight like withsomebody, and the next day, like
man, like you're replaying thewhole fight.
You got all these punch linesall the things to say that dude
is on the airplane, he's gone.
He's in a whole, a whole nothercountry.
He don't remember who you areanymore.
You so mad at that person thathonked at you and gave you a
(20:50):
certain finger at the red lightand you got.
Man, I would have done thisNext time.
I'm going to roll down mywindow, I'm going to wait.
I'm like, bro, it's gone, it'sgone.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
The moment is gone.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I'm making light of it.
This is silly, right, it's asilly example, but I really do
think in a lot of relationshipsthere's a lot of people that
miss opportunities to actuallysay something that they should
be standing up for.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And it causes regret.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I agree.
I found this scripture,Proverbs 17, 17.
A friend loves at all times anda brother is born for a time of
adversity and I love that.
It's like man, friends arefriends and they're cool.
But, like when you've gonethrough adversity with someone,
(21:38):
it's a deeper relationship thanjust a friendship.
It becomes family.
It becomes like man.
You know, you saw me, myweakness, you were there for me
when I had a rough season or youwalked with me through some
dark stuff.
And I mean those people.
They're priceless in our life,especially because we don't live
around any family.
When I have friends that feellike family, I will do anything
(22:02):
for them.
I will be so thankful andsentimental and cry because I'm
just so grateful that God hassent friends our way that have
walked through so much with usthat they actually became family
.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah, that's cool.
What are some things that youguys really deal with in your
life where you're reallystruggling with regret?
What are some things that youhave that you have not let go of
yet, because I really do thinkthat regret and I say it all the
time it's a big cancer yeahlike sometimes there's no cure
for it.
You know, like cancer right,allegedly there's no cure for it
(22:35):
.
I'm sorry you guys know me, I'ma conspiracy theorist and I'm
like there's a lot of money thatgoing to they can't find a cure
for this thing.
Um, it hurts me when I when weknow people that are dealing
with cancer, but this is notwhat this is about.
This is about regret.
Regret can be a cancer wherethere's no cure for it, and I do
know that the biggest cure forit is Jesus.
(22:56):
It's the Holy Spirit.
It's God looking down on you,breathing on you, calling you
daughter, calling you son, andhe's not beating you up.
I think people beat themselvesup so hard, like our son.
He's been dealing with thatright now, like where he gets so
mad at something that he's likeoh I'm so stupid, or I can't
never get it right, or I hatemyself.
(23:17):
I'm just like bro, stop talkingto yourself like that.
Because he regrets somethingthat he did, or he's so hard on
himself because he's like Ishould have known, or what if?
Like daddy, how come?
Like the other day, big oldbreakout in the car because he
forgot something, and he'sliterally like hitting himself,
beating himself up.
And I'm having a son, it's okay, it's not a big deal, let it go
(23:40):
, it's in the past, move forward.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Focus on tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You do not want to fart on the rest of the day.
Fart on the rest of the day,poop on the rest of the day,
right Meaning.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Meaning you had one bad mistake Right.
Screw the whole rest of the day.
Yeah, screw my life, screw thefuture.
I'm like no, you can stillactually prepare for tomorrow
and do better.
Yeah, just if you're living onregret the whole time, time
you're thinking about how youcould have, should have and
would have.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
A lot of that is layered in forgiveness too
Forgiveness to the person,forgiveness to myself,
forgiveness that yeah, I messedup, but I won't mess that up
again and that's how I feel alot about my friend.
Like I messed up, I didn't getin her mess enough, I didn't ask
the hard questions enough, butI will not do that again.
(24:33):
I've had women come to me andshare things with me and I do
not hold back those answersbecause I will not lose another
friend and have regret that Ididn't ask enough questions or
that.
I didn't get in their businessor I didn't want to imply that
they were being hurt by theirspouse.
Nope, don't care.
I do not care about that spouse, I care about my friend and
(24:55):
I'll ask the hard questions.
And so, like forgiving myselffor and forgiving yourself for
what you do have regret about,but just knowing like sometimes
the last time has to be the lasttime, that's going to be the
last time.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yeah, man, let's get the last note that I want to
share.
When it comes to you, how tohave thriving relationships by
eliminating regrets is seekwisdom.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Like consult in trusted advisors, like discuss
your decisions with your mentors, with your families, like with
your friends who share your samevalue.
Trusted advisors like discussyour decisions with your mentors
, with your families, like withyour friends who share your same
value.
Trusted advisors like peoplethat you look to, people that
you're like hey, I made adecision.
Or hey, what do you think aboutthis?
I hey, what's your thoughts,what's your thought process?
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Only people that are ahead of you and where you want
to be Like we've talked aboutthat Like single people do not
get to speak into my marriage.
I do not ask them questionsabout what I should do or what I
should Nope you don't get tospeak.
I'm only going to ask that ofsomeone, even if it's another
married person.
If I don't like their marriage,I'm not asking them either.
(26:00):
It's only someone that I lookto, that they have something I
would want or would want tobuild.
Those are the people that I canask those questions to.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's like getting advice from the people who have
successfully made it or thrivedin the area you want to thrive
in.
Everyone's not an expert inevery category.
Now I will say for us that arebelievers that are filled with
the Holy Spirit, that Spirit ofGod does give us spiritual
wisdom right and knowledge andunderstanding.
(26:31):
Wisdom that passes, humanlyunderstanding, and there's times
that I know that god has putwisdom in me in a topic that I
know nothing of.
But it's like yo, how do I knowthis stuff?
Right, because I know it'ssupernatural wisdom.
So there's that right.
The the the spiritual world hasdifferent type of laws, like if
that makes sense, right here inthe world we're like you'll
find that person that has won inthat category and learn from
(26:55):
them, right?
But in the spiritual world,right, the spirit of God can
give us wisdom and understandinginstantly, right away, that no
man can teach.
So there's that right.
So there's using discernmentwhen it comes to seeking wisdom,
but in a practical, natural way.
Like you said, if somebody issingle, don't ask them what they
think about your marriage,right.
(27:16):
If someone is broke, don't askthem what you should do with
your money, right.
If someone don't have kids,don't ask them what you should
do with your kids, right?
If someone ain't got a job,don't ask them if you should
quit your job or not.
Of course they're going to sayyes.
Don't ask them Of course they'regoing to say, yes, they ain't
got no job.
It's probably the same personthat ain't got no money, ain't
(27:36):
married, ain't got no like allthe above, totally you Like.
So that's what I'm saying.
So be intentional about thepeople that you seek wisdom in,
so that you're not living aregretful life.
Lastly, in this whole categoryof seeking wisdom, pray, learn
to pray, and the second half ofthat is learn to reflect, or I
(28:00):
call it meditate.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
But what does that mean?
Because there's a lot ofdefinitions for meditating.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
So also, I'm not talking about yoga and all this
other weird stuff and seekingthe stars and breathing the air
and grounding yourself with thefloor.
Ain't talking about groundingyourself with the floor.
I'm talking about seeking Godand meditating on his word day
and night.
That's what the Bible says.
So for us, when it comes timeto making a decision, even our
relationship, there's times'stimes.
(28:26):
Yo, I see you panicking oryou're anxious about something
and I'm literally praying to god.
God, give me wisdom right nowon how to talk to my wife,
because I don't know what timeof the month it is right now.
I don't know she's gonna betripping, she's gonna flip on me
right now listen listen what'sfall.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
It's eve's fault, yall.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Don't they have stuff for that?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
No, if they did, every marriage would be healthy
and fine All right.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
All I'm saying is there has been times that I have
regretted the way I approachedyou.
Yeah, me too I approached you.
All right, slow down, call offyour dogs.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I'm just joking.
I have the same.
I have done wrong as well.
I the same.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I have done wrong as well.
I regret how I've approachedyou with lack of sensitivity and
now that I've maturedspiritually, whenever there's
times where I see you acting upor flipping out or I see your
eyes start twitching and she'sabout to come, for me.
I'm not acting out and flippingout.
I start praying.
I said, Lord, I need you,Father, to be a hedge of
protection around me right now.
(29:25):
I command an army of angels tocome and push back this woman
Darkness.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I am so done with you .
Speaker 1 (29:33):
What I'm saying is like people need to learn how to
pray.
If you learn how to pray, youlearn how to seek God.
There'll be times where youwill not have to deal with
regret.
And then, lastly, learn how tomeditate, learn how to reflect,
learn how to stop and ponder andthink about how you've made
your decisions, think about theripple effect of decisions that
you've made.
(29:54):
If people can learn how tomeditate and literally stop we
say it all the time bro, stop,just think about it.
To our kids we say think, think, think, think about the
decisions that you're making.
It's a domino effect.
Every time you get emotional,now you make emotional decisions
and you can ruin the rest ofyour day because you're just out
of your mind right now.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So true, you know what I'm saying and you can poop
on the rest of your day.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Poop on the rest of your day.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Also, loki.
That was a really great tip ofsaying that you pray when you
see me emotional, you pray thatthe Lord helps.
You know how to respond to me.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
All the time I did last night Good.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
When last night.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And this morning at the table.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
What are you?
Speaker 1 (30:36):
talking about this morning, right now, at the table
, you was uh-huh.
Yes, he's like Father God, helpme.
Help me, tame these lips rightnow.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Good, I'm glad, I'm thankful.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
And we're both a work in progress and look at us.
We good right now.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
We happy y'all.
It was good.
No, but it's true.
It's growth on both sides.
It's growth on me learning howto control my emotions.
It's growth on you learning howto approach my emotions.
And no, if there was a pillthat could fix all of that like
the world would be an easierplace.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
If you guys know medication that they have for
this, go ahead and drop in thischat, drop in this YouTube link.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
There's no pills.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You guys are crazy, anyways.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
So we hope that this has been a healthy conversation,
a thought provokingconversation, and that you
really learn to thinkdifferently as you approach your
relationships, as you approachlife, and that you really learn
to think differently as youapproach your relationships as
you approach life, and that youwould slow down in those moments
.
Don't go so fast.
Slow down and think about thosethings that we told you Does it
(31:38):
matter in five years?
Don't think about the what ifs,think about what is and all the
other things that we said pray,we said meditate on God's word.
All of these things will helpalleviate regret in your life.
Will regret still creep in?
Of course, because that's partof maturity, right?
There's some things that, evenif we prayed, even if we did all
(32:00):
of these things, as we mature,10 years later, we're like man.
We didn't know nothing and wecould say that a lot about our
marriage.
So that is a part of life.
But if we take these steps,regret can be less often, regret
can be not as painful and if weforgive ourselves, we won't
have to carry that weightlong-term.
So we love y'all.
(32:21):
We hope you found thisconversation helpful.
Write us in our comments.
We love hearing from you guys.
So many people tell us oh, Ilove this episode.
I love that.
That really helped me.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
I'm just going through that.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
So write it underneath so that other people
know that this conversationhelped you and helped you grow.
We love y'all.
Thank you for being part of thecrew.
We'll see you next time, peace.
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