February 18, 2025 • 46 mins
This episode explores the concept of soul ties, discussing their formation, implications, and the distinction between healthy and unhealthy ties. The hosts share personal experiences and provide actionable insights for listeners to help them evaluate and, if necessary, break free from negative soul connections, emphasizing a journey toward greater spiritual health and well-being.
• Definition and understanding of soul ties
• Differences between healthy and unhealthy soul ties
• Personal stories that illustrate soul ties
• Role of introspection in recognizing unhealthy ties
• Biblical grounding for understanding soul ties
• Steps to break unhealthy soul ties: renounce, replace, seek accountability
• Encouragement to nurture healthy relationships
• Importance of surrounding oneself with supportive relationships
• Call to evaluate personal connections for spiritual growth
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone.
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
Y'all already know why we arehere.
We're here to help you grow adeeper relationship with God,
others and yourself.
Today we're going to talk aboutsoul ties and what it really is
, and if you have it, should youkeep it or should you break it?
Is it healthy or is itunhealthy?
I was just telling Dany theother day that I didn't realize
that I had a soul tie with myex-girlfriend deep into our
(00:23):
marriage.
After I had a soul tie with myex-girlfriend deep into our
marriage, after we were marriedfor two or three years, I found
myself often thinking of myex-girlfriend, quite a bit like
just wondering how she was doing.
And then I would excuse it bysaying, like you know, I still
care for her and still love her.
I think about her all the time,I wonder how she's doing, and I
started realizing I'm like man,this probably isn't right.
But several years later it justhit me this past week that that
(00:47):
broke off of me.
But I'm really curious on like,when did that break?
Because I realized that wassome type of soul tie or soul
tie.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And I always thought, man, you care for your past
girlfriend more than most peoplewould.
Most people are angry or bitteror hold resentment towards
their past relationships.
You never did, and so I waslike man, he's just a really
good guy.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
And that's what I thought too, but I ain't that
good.
So we're going to break it down, but we're going to talk about
soul ties.
We're going to talk about soulties.
So if you're excited for thisconversation, y'all already know
what to do.
Hit that like button.
I want to take a moment and sayshout out to all of our new
let's Dig crew members.
I want to take a moment rightnow to give a shout out to one
of our faithful LDC members,wayne.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Shout out to you man, he's always faithful man, he's
solid, he's faithful, he'sconsistent man.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It blesses my heart to know that these conversations
has been a blessing to you, man, and so we hold you close and
dearly to our heart.
Everyone else that's part ofour crew go ahead and write us
back Like if these conversationshas been a blessing to you.
If you feel like you aregrowing in these conversations,
like, let us know, because ourgoal is to make sure that
everybody that's on this journeywith us is getting closer to
(01:57):
God, is building healthyrelationships with those that
are around them and then havinga healthy relationship with
themselves as well.
And we've been working.
We've been digging here in ourhousehold every single day,
early morning, late nights, wedo some crazy digging sessions.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yeah, I'm actually really excited about this
conversation because this hasactually been a topic that's
been on our what'd you call it?
A board.
Like we kind of have thesetopics that we know we want to
approach at some point, butwe're always very prayerful,
we're always very led by thespirit of what do we want to
talk about this week, what feelsheavy on our hearts this week,
what do we feel like we need tochat about this week?
(02:30):
And oftentimes it is theconversations that are already
happening in our home.
That's the whole idea of thisis to let you guys in on those
conversations.
And so this has been a topic ofsoul ties that's been on our
rotation for a long time and ithas just never felt like, no,
this is the week.
And then when I brought it uptoday, I was like, oh, we've
(02:52):
already been talking about this,this is the week we're gonna
hit soul ties.
So I'm really, really excitedto dig into this.
I feel like it's reallyimportant.
I feel like, um, people havelots of questions about it and
maybe not enough information, soI'm excited to really dig into
this.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you guys are ready, let'sdig.
I think we need to break downwhat even makes up your soul
before we talk about soul ties,because we were always taught a
soul tie is bad.
If there's a soul tie, get ridof it.
I've had people, I've heardpeople say stuff like the moment
they realized someone had arelationship with someone, they
said that's a soul tie.
And I'm like, oh man, oh mygosh.
(03:32):
It needs to be broken it needsto be broken and a soul tie.
Necessarily it's not even inthe Bible like that phrase right
there, but we know that theprinciple, the mindset, the
perspective, it derives fromscripture, and so I think we
should talk about it.
But like, let's, let's look itup right now.
Let's, let's, let's talk aboutwhat makes up.
My mic is falling.
I'm going to set up.
I feel like my mic is falling.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Go ahead, I don't think so, okay, go ahead and
take it from here.
So if we're going to talk aboutsoul ties, we're going to
define that in a second, butfirst let's define our soul and
what makes up our soul.
So I've heard in church all mylife your soul is your mind,
will and emotions.
Right, but I'm going to breakit down a little bit more.
The soul contains your emotions, your intellect and your
(04:15):
personality.
It is essentially what makesyou.
You makes you uniquely, youdifferent than anybody else in
this world.
Right, it carries our thoughts,our desires and our affections.
Therefore, those thingsinfluence our actions.
I'm going to say that again.
(04:35):
It carries our thoughts, ourdesires and our affections, and
all of those three thingsinfluence our actions yeah, and
soul ties when I think about it.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
There's, it's twofold right there.
There it's.
So it's your soul, like yousaid.
It's who you are, makes you whoyou are, it's your personality,
it's your taste yeah, it's your, your preferences, those things
.
That's just specifically you,but a tie, a soul tie together.
It talks about these twoindividuals, these two items,
these two nouns that areconnected, yeah, by the soul.
(05:12):
We have a soul tie.
We sure do.
You and I have a soul tie, yeah, and for so long we never
considered this a soul tie yeah,I don't think it's shared
enough or spoken enough thatthere are healthy soul ties.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
There are godly soul ties.
We are a godly, healthy soultie.
We are knit together by who weare and by God connecting us
together, and we're knittogether emotionally, physically
, spiritually, and so therefore,we have a healthy, godly soul
tie.
And so I'm'm gonna clear mythroat my throat.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yo I caught the flu I caught the flu like what two
weeks ago yeah, and there's aeverybody's catching everybody's
everywhere and I can't believeI caught it that is, and I was I
was down for a few days too itwas.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
It was definitely a way of never seeing you in very
many years like I've not seenyou that sick in so long so he's
still recovering, y'all.
He sprayed his little throatspray before we started.
It's the mucus clearing out andthings like that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
But we have a.
We have a soul tie, yeah, butlet's go back to what I said
earlier when I was saying how Ihad a connection with my
ex-girlfriend.
We were intimate, we crossedboundaries, we went too far.
While dating, we did thingsthat married people should be
doing.
We connected physically, weconnected emotionally, we
(06:38):
connected mentally, even afterwe broke up their dysfunction.
Now I'm talking about somethingfrom 17 years ago, 18 years ago
, more than that yeah.
Before, before we got married.
But we we dealt with itslightly Like when.
I remember when I was going tomarry you I wasn't with my
ex-girlfriend anymore but shewas still around, she was still
going to the church, stuff likethat.
We're all.
(06:58):
Everybody was nice and polite.
But I remember telling her hey,I'm marrying Danny Lee, right,
I'm moving on, like so, whateveris between us, like there's no
hope.
There's no hope, nothing's like, nothing's going to happen.
Yeah, we get married and in myhead I'm thinking like I'm good.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But after being married for a while a year or so
I always say like, yeah, man, Istill care for my ex-girlfriend
Like I, I love her, I stillhope the best for her, I think
about her quite often, all thosetype of things.
They ever thought nothing aboutit.
I thought that was good.
Right, you thought that washealthy.
Yeah, I thought that was good,even entire marriage.
Like she reached out, like andshe was even curious like hey,
(07:36):
should I still keep waiting?
Like should there be somethinghere?
Like should I be?
And the fact that I evenentertained that question, I
just thought I was still being agood guy.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Right, and while I'm sitting over here still
squirming a little bit of likeladies, hold me back.
Like, like I'm a fight.
Somebody Like should I wait foryou?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Like me, and the girls can talk about this later,
but I'm just saying like yeeshbut it's true, that's a
conversation for another day,because you shouldn't be
fighting her, you should befighting me that's fair, but I
think so oftentimes soul tiesare literally created when two
people most often not always,but most often they're
committing sin together.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, that's why most of the time it is intimacy
thing outside of marriage thatcreates that bond.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, and that's.
I think that's the most commonsoul tie that we know of, the
most common soul tie that istalked about and the most common
thing that the word soul tie isattached to Right, it's about
sexual immorality.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, because you're opening yourself up to the other
person that you're beingintimate with.
It is the most vulnerable placethat you are in with another
person.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It is, but I don't really want to talk about that
right now.
I mean, we can talk about that,but I think we need to take a
moment and really identify, youknow, the healthy soul ties and
triggers or indicators thatmaybe, like yo, this might be a
soul tie.
I wish somebody would have toldme, or I wish we were educated
enough early on in marriage.
(09:08):
Right to know that that was alittle bit more than just being
nice, yeah there you go, likefor you to have been or someone
to have been, like yo P, likeyou think of your ex-girlfriend
too much or you consider her toomuch, or you like you wonder
how she's doing too much, orlike you keep saying how much
you care for her and you stillhave love for her, things like
that.
And I'm like now I'm lookingback and of course, that soul
(09:30):
tie was broken.
It has been broken for many,many years.
Why?
Because it's been replaced witha healthy soul tie.
Yeah, and I think that's what alot of people struggle to
understand that when you'retrying to break a soul tie, what
a lot of people struggle tounderstand that when you're
trying to break a soul tie, whenyou're trying to break some
type of negative connection thatyou have with a person, an
(09:52):
individual, it could be someonethat you were intimate with, it
could be a coworker, it could bea best friend.
It could literally be a Mr andMrs Smith situation, a Bonnie
and Clyde situation.
Very true, it could be like yo,my ride or die.
Very true, it could be like yo,my ride or die, I'm like your
ride or die.
Y'all go about to ride or dieto jail right now.
Right, it's a soul tie and soone of the things that really
(10:13):
helps with breaking soul tieswhich we'll talk like later on
on all the steps- yeah but itwas replaced with a healthy soul
tie, right, or a godly soul tie, our soul type.
Yes, the bond that we had, whichis first of all.
It's weird even saying that wehave a soul tie, or a godly soul
tie, our soul tie, the bondthat we had, which is first of
all.
It's weird even saying that wehave a soul tie, because we've
always been taught in this worldthat the word soul tie is
negative but there are healthysoul ties.
(10:33):
we see in the Bible right ittalks about how David and
Jonathan they were knit togetherlike by the soul, with the soul
, because of their mutual lovefor each other and their loyalty
for each other.
That was a friendly, afriendship soul tie which was
healthy.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah.
So let's talk about somehealthy soul ties.
Yeah.
Or characteristics that woulddetermine it's a healthy soul
tie.
So one of them off the top isthat does that friendship
relationship bring you closer toGod If?
It is a healthy soul tie orfriendship does it should bring
(11:10):
you closer to God?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Or another way to even say if you are connected to
somebody emotionally, mentally,spiritually, creatively, like
whatever it is, does thisrelationship cause you or compel
you to do good, to live abetter life, to walk in
righteousness?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
The other thing I was going to add to that is you
should see fruits of the spiritthat come from that relationship
.
So I should have love, I shouldhave patience, I should have
kindness, I should haveself-control when it comes to
that relationship.
If I'm building a relationshipwith a guy, a boyfriend, and I
(11:50):
have I'm building a soul tie.
I feel it coming Especially forus, like when we were dating
and I we were going to know wewere going to get engaged, we
knew we were headed for marriage.
Like we know consciously we'reboth going to build that
connection of a soul tie.
That's what we're going for.
And knowing like, am Iexperiencing self-control?
Do I have extreme anger towardsyou?
(12:12):
Like all those different thingslike fruits of the spirit
should be characteristics ofthat relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
That's big.
This actually made me thinkright now, as you're talking
about it, all the differenttypes of soul ties, godly soul
ties.
I have it like written downhere, noted, like if you formed
it should be formed throughhealthy biblical relationships.
So marriage, that's a biblicalrelationship, friendship, family
(12:39):
, discipleship.
So, as you're talking aboutthese healthy or godly soul tie.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
So I'm a pastor.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
We're pastoring people.
There's people that we areconnected with and they are
connected to us.
So there's been times in thepast where I'm walking with
somebody and I would getfrustrated because of their
connectivity towards me, or theywould always want to call me
and-.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Wait their connectivity?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Ain't that a word?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I don't really know you mean their connection to you
.
Yeah, I just wanted to sayconnectivity right.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Relax man, I'm trying to be brand new Guys.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Pierre, be throwing some words sometimes and I'm
like wait, huh.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yo, I'm trying to be brand new.
I'm trying to be brand new.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Okay, but their connection to you I I've been
reading my encyclopedia andstuff.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
You know what I mean.
You got words for days.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
You got words for days.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
What's the word of the day?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Connectivity, connectivity yeah.
Okay so their connectiontowards you.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
But I realized there was a soul tie there because we
had a bond, there was aconnection, there was a
memorable moment that connectedus together.
So therefore, as their disciple, someone that's been leading
them right, we realized likewhoa, there's a connection there
.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Even if you watched our last episode, like we talked
about this a little bit and itactually gives a little bit
better verbiage for what I spokeabout of the connection with me
and some girls like, as we walkthrough things with them and
they feel very connected to me.
It's actually a soul tie becausewe're walking through something
so intimate of getting them outof a situation and into a
(14:15):
healthier situation.
They kind of form a healthysoul tie, because as we pastor
them we get them to that.
So that makes a lot of senseactually.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Soul ties are often associated with the joining of
souls through deep affection,covenant or intimacy, and so we
have to determine I thinkeverybody really needs to
determine all the relationshipsthat you are in right now Is it
healthy or is it unhealthy?
Is it godly or is it ungodly?
Does it force you to hold on tosin?
(14:43):
Does it force you to hold on tosin?
Does it force you to take onsomeone else's offense?
I had someone, we had someonein our life that started turning
on us, and then we came to findout that they were spending
time with someone else that wasoffended by us.
They created a soul tie withthat person, and they started,
they took on their offense.
(15:04):
Those are soul ties when youfind yourself in a relationship,
a coworker, someone, that allof a sudden you I remember a
point in time when, danley, youstart coming home and she
started cussing all the time.
Every time she'd come homeshe'd start cussing that she
started building a bond with,started growing fond of her
(15:24):
affection towards her and youguys became connected through
the soul.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah, and that's why it said like the characteristics
of your soul will start toreflect that.
So, are you reflecting thefruit of the spirit, you're
reflecting godly characteristics, or are you reflecting what
that person does, which is dropbombs, cuss words, like trying
to maneuver the system, tryingto like be a little dishonest
(15:50):
just here and there, like whatare you reflecting what's coming
out of that relationship?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's why I get concerned, as like as a church
leader, as a pastor, when I hearstories of other pastors who
have fell, other pastors whohave fell into sin, made poor
decisions and come to find outthat they were doing it.
For years They've beenmeditating on these thoughts.
They were living those type oflives.
I think about who were theyconnected to?
(16:16):
Who did they have soul ties?
Who was their mentor?
Because whoever was theirmentor, whoever they looked up
to, whoever they admired,probably lived that type of life
.
You know, the only time in mylife where I considered divorce
the most was when I was aroundpeople who's getting ready to do
it, or had just done it, or hadjust done it, yep, and I was
(16:36):
getting spending time with them.
I started building bonds withthem.
We started having momentstogether.
I started getting connected.
The moment I started to detachmyself from them, then I had a
clear mind.
I'm like yo, this is not a wayto live.
You know what I'm saying.
We have a healthy soul tie andit's through our intimacy, it's
through emotional connection,it's physical connection.
(16:59):
For example, I have a soul tiewith my mom, or I guess I can
say I had a soul tie with my mombecause she just passed.
This year We'll make it threeyears since she's passed, but I
thought about her all the time.
Every time I was around her Iwanted to do good, I wanted to
make her proud.
Like she challenged me all thetime.
Some of my biggest quotes thatI hold onto right now in my life
(17:19):
it's stuff that she's told meever since I was a child.
Some of the way that I pray ishow my mom taught me how to pray
when I was five and six.
I still remember the prayersthat she would give to me, lead
me in at bedtime at the age ofsix.
At the age of five, I had aconnection with her.
I have a sibling right now Idon't have a connection with at
all.
I don't think about them.
(17:40):
Like you know, the relationshipis not there.
We fell off many years ago.
Like there's no hate there, butthere's no connection there,
right, and so I think peoplejust need to really process
everything that's in your life,like even when it comes to
intimate emotional, sexual soulties, right, whether you've been
in a relationship with someone,you've gone too far.
Like you start.
(18:00):
You find yourself thinkingabout them all the time.
You know, even if it's someonethat's in your life, where you
wake up in the morning, you findyourself thinking about them
all the time.
If, if you're wondering ifthey're watching you, if they're
with you.
If you go on social media andyou're looking through your
likes and you're looking throughyour views and you're wondering
to see if they're in there andyou get upset if they're not,
you get sad.
(18:20):
If they're not, you get sad.
If they're not.
You may have a soul tie.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
So let's talk about some of those other
characteristics of a soul tie.
Um, I think that anothercharacteristic of is that you're
unable to set boundaries withthem.
Like if you have a friendshipor relationship or working
friend, whatever it is, and youhave a very hard time setting
that boundary with them, itcould be a soul tie.
(18:46):
I had a client the other day.
I set a boundary real quick.
I was like, nope, I'm notavailable, and like it didn't
hurt me and I'm a people pleaser, Like I'm still working through
that.
So most of the time that wouldbe very hard for me to do With
this person.
There's no tie there.
There's no, I don't feel.
I don't feel, um, indebted tothem and loyal to them and all
(19:07):
these things.
Like Nope, I'm not available,I'm so sorry, it was fine.
But if it was someone that Ihad much more of a deeper
connection with, or I was afraidto let down, or I didn't want
to hurt their feelings, or I'mtiptoeing around what I know I
need to do, but I'm so worriedabout their response that could
be a soul tie.
Um, so I think that's reallyimportant to consider.
(19:28):
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat the bad soul ties look like
the unhealthy.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
There's a lot of unhealthy.
You know I had a soul tie withpornography for a while.
I think a lot of people don'trealize that's a soul tie.
You build these virtualrelationships with people.
That's wild you find yourselfseeing them.
We brought porn into ourmarriage for a season and there
are times when we were beingintimate and I was having sex.
(19:53):
We were having sex with eachother, but my mind was somewhere
else.
My mind was wandering anddrifting and thinking about
other people.
Those were soul ties that I hadto break.
That's a soul tie that needs tobe broken.
Now, when we have sex, my mindis on you.
I'm thinking about you becausethere's a healthy soul tie and
there's no conviction Like anindicator is.
(20:14):
If you feel bad about it, ifyou feel like it's a dirty
little secret, if you feel likeif somebody was reading your
thoughts right now you'd be soembarrassed, it's an indicator
that you may have a soul tie.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Another part of we talked about.
The healthy soul tie pushes youtowards God, so obviously we
can clarify that an unhealthyone pushes you towards sin.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah, and it takes you away from God, and it pulls
you away from God.
Yeah, you would feel shame, youwould feel disgust.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Shame is a huge one.
Yeah, Shame will literallyisolate you.
It will cause you to like coveryour own self keep yourself from
everybody Like it literally,and it most of the time that
shame actually keeps you fromthe people that are able to pull
you out of it.
Most of the time that shame isa tactic of the enemy to put
(21:08):
that over your mind.
To put that over your head andfor you to feel so shameful you
can't go to the one person whocould actually say this is what
you need to do to get out ofthat, that's what you need to do
, and then you have to cut thisoff, and then you have to do
that Like shame literallyfreezes you into isolation, so
that you cannot even get someoneto help you get out of it.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
That just made me realize right now I pulled up my
thoughts of what you're sayingthe soul represents the essence
of a living being.
It encompasses the whole person, integrating both physical and
non-physical aspects.
So there's it's exterior andit's internal too as well.
There may be things that youfeel on the outside when you're
(21:49):
in these moments, like right now.
You, before we started thisrecording, you were reading
something on your phone and Icame and put my body against
your body.
I felt love, I felt connection.
You did.
I didn't feel, yeah, and I got.
I got felt some heat runthrough my body too.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Take it easy, sir.
The crew's not here for thisconversation.
Take it easy.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
LDC.
Come on, we digging, right, wedigging.
But I felt like, I felt joy, Ididn't feel shame, yeah.
And there's been other timeswhere if another woman were to
come to me and touch me or hugme or did something, if I felt
the same type of heat or warmth,I felt shame, right, because
(22:30):
there's these non-physicals andphysicals.
The soul is often associatedwith life, consciousness,
intellect, will, emotions andmoral awareness.
Moral awareness so anotherwoman comes to me, hugs me in a
certain way or touching me, andsomething doesn't feel right.
I'm aware of it and I my goalis to acknowledge it, renounce
(22:54):
it and do something about it.
Accountability.
So I confess to you all thetime, like just today, before
this recording, I was tellingyou that there was there, there
was, is a woman in our life thatthere's some boundaries that I
think or sense or feel that somelines and boundaries may be
getting crossed, but I'm notsure, right.
But there's this moralawareness, totally that I'm like
(23:17):
there's no soul tie here, butI'm aware that this type of
behavior can cause a soul tie,right, that this type of
behavior can cause a soul tieRight, Whether it's intentional
from the other side or not.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Because it may be intentional, it may be
completely unintentional fromthe other side.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, man.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
But it's your job because we have a healthy soul
tie.
It's your job to guard thatline.
It's your job to make sure thatit doesn't get crossed.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
What are some other things that you feel like are
more like unhealthy, ungodlysoul ties that that should be
identified and broken?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I you mean like a characteristic, like another,
like what it looks like.
I think another one that comesinto play with these situations
is that the person can losetheir identity in that
relationship male, female,whatever like and even it's kind
of goes back to what you talkedabout of even when I'm around a
different coworker.
So think of the girl to girlconverse like relationship the
(24:10):
coworker like you actually losewho you are because you start to
reflect that other person'sidentity.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Okay, so yes, let me rephrase my question.
Well, no, because I actuallylike your answer right now, and
let me give a better question todial in on that.
What are more behaviors orindicators that you are
partaking in an unhealthy soultype?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
So that would be you're losing your identity If
you are questioning the choicesthat you're making.
Or maybe you're not questioningthe choices you're making.
You're just making choices thatnormally you would not make.
I talked about it earlier.
Like when you're ready to liketrying to cheat the system, but
maybe you're normally a rulefollower, but when you hang out
(24:54):
with that coworker you're finewith cheating the system with
them because they do it all thetime.
Like when you are changing whothe core of you are.
That is when you know you're inan unhealthy soul time.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It's almost like your moral compass is off.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yes, what?
You should be right, what usedto be right.
You're okay with it being wrong.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
And what you know was wrong, you're justifying it to
be right.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Totally and in the same breath of that identity.
It is also that you forget whatyou actually want out of life
or what you're supposed to do.
Like you start questioning,like maybe you always said I'm
going to be a doctor, but all ofa sudden, with this soul tie,
you're like actually I don'treally know if I want to do that
?
Like, how many times have we hadconversations with people where
(25:39):
we talked to them one year andthey're like no, I'm going to
school, I'm going to go do this,and then I'm going to do this
and I'm going to do this.
They get in a relationship witha bum.
Forget all of it.
It all goes out the window.
You've literally lost youridentity because you're in an
unhealthy soul tie and it iscausing you to forget who you
are yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
So another characteristic or behavior trait
.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Talk about it more, because I don't understand what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Basically, somebody becomes your god oh, got it.
Somebody becomes your genie inthe bottle.
Yes, you find them to be theone that answers all your
questions.
You run to their feet.
Yeah, you run to their callsLike you bow down at their
thoughts.
And some people say, come on,pierre, that's a little extreme
(26:31):
Bowing down.
Run to their feet.
Okay, let's just say it inpractical ways.
Like you run all your thoughtsby them, like you ask them to
answer all your questions, youfind yourself being stuck in
life if you haven't heard fromthem.
You find yourself wanting to beapproved by them.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You want them to confirm and affirm you and you
take everything personal fromthem, everything personal.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
You and you take everything personal from them,
everything personal.
So this may be an idolatrousattachment, which is a soul tie,
because jesus said it, god saidit, that you should have no
other gods above me.
So true.
So when you find yourself likeattached to someone and they
become your god, or a geniebottle or your person, that
affirms you right.
This may be someone that youhave an unhealthy or ungodly
(27:19):
soul tie.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I'm just literally trying to wrap my head around
what you said, because a lot oftimes we do not see people in
our lives of like, oh, theybecame a God, oh, they're my God
.
You don't see it like that.
What would it naturally feellike if I'm just going about my
life and I just can't wait untilthat time of day when I run
into that person and I'mthinking about them all the way
(27:41):
up to that moment and then I'mthinking about them all the way
after that moment until thenight, like cause you're?
Like nobody really says, ohyeah, you're my God.
Nobody says that.
It is so subliminal.
So, I'm like what would thatfeel like?
What would that look like in aday-to-day relationship?
So yeah, you're right.
Or like, I'm wearing a certainoutfit just so I can get this
(28:02):
person's attention.
I am waiting for them to saythey like my outfit and if they
don't, I'll prompt them.
Hey, don't you like my outfit?
Yeah exactly.
It's all of those little thingsof being, and it becomes.
They become an idol to you,where they you are like,
yearning for their attention,their affirmation and, honestly,
(28:23):
as believers, that should notcome from anyone but the Lord
but the Lord.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And let me, let me, and let me pause right now and
say this too as well, for allpeople, for all the people that
are listening, that areextremists and you're taking
every single word that we'reseeing like it's Bible.
No, we're just mentioning andidentifying indicators that may
state that you may be on trackto building a soul tie or you
(28:48):
may have one it's.
I want to encourage everybodyto take an inventory of your
heart, of yourself, of your mind, your spirit, and really ask
yourself these questions Am Iattached to this person?
If this person were to walk outof my life, if I didn't have
this person in my life, whatwould that do to my moral
(29:09):
compass?
What would that do to me as anindividual?
If you have a coworker that youwork with, that you find
yourself you only go to workbecause you enjoy that person's
time.
It's okay to have a friendly,godly soul tie.
We see it in the Bible.
It happens all the time.
If I'm discipling somebody,that's a soul tie, it's a godly,
it's a healthy soul tie becauseit pushes that person to do
(29:32):
well.
But I cannot.
I have to set boundaries sothat I don't become this
person's idol, I don't becomethis person's God.
So this is a conversation thatwe really want to encourage
everyone to really take a momentand have an inventory moment of
yourself, look at your heartand really process and think all
the relationships that are inmy life.
Like, are they just healthy,are they unhealthy?
Are they core relationships,are they close relationships or
(29:56):
are they just casualrelationships?
Because if you just have a goodtime with someone, you love
having fun with them, thingslike that, this may not be a
soul tie.
So relax.
Like this is not us saying thatthat's a soul tie because you
like being with them, there'snothing wrong with that.
They're a close friend.
Like so I just want to say thisso that everybody really knows.
Like this is not us saying that, hey yo, if you feel this, boom
(30:16):
, it's a soul tie.
No, we have to just take aninventory and really look at
ourselves and really think andprocess the state of all of our
relationships that we're in.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
It's so true, cause there are characteristics of it
and we want to be really clearthat we're not here to say you
have a soul tie, get rid of it.
Like that's not our job.
Our job is to bring awareness,to bring the Bible and say, hey,
here's the guidelines.
Now you decide is this healthyor unhealthy for you?
Um, and then even if you saylike, okay, this is a healthy
(30:50):
relationship, it's a healthyfriendship, but there are
characteristics that couldbecome unhealthy, I need to
guide it, I need to make sure Idon't let that cross the line, I
need to set boundaries, andthen if you can't set those
boundaries, then we're back tothe circle of it looks like an
unhealthy bond.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yep.
So if you're in anyrelationships and it's a deep
connection whether it's a familymember, whether it's a
friendship, it's a partnership,it's discipleship, it's an
intimate relationship I want toencourage everyone to really
evaluate and see what level ofconnection is this relationship
at.
Does it honor God?
(31:29):
Would God be pleased with thisfriendship?
Would God be pleased with thispartnership that I have with
somebody?
Does it honor God?
Would God be pleased with thisfriendship?
Would God be pleased with thispartnership that I have with
somebody?
Does it honor God?
And if it does not honor God,when it does, when, when there's
a soul tie that is unhealthy,it's contrary to God's will.
Like I want to encourageeveryone to really seek freedom
through repentance and prayer.
(31:50):
So, repentance, what is that?
It's as easy as just.
Well, it's not easy.
There is steps to it.
But what I'm saying is, like,the first step is repentance.
It's acknowledging andconfessing that, okay, this is
wrong, this is ungodly, thisdoesn't please God.
I feel shame, whether it'ssexual immorality or idolatry.
(32:11):
Acknowledging that this iswrong, that's the very first
step.
Don't be in denial.
Honestly use your mouth andconfess it.
Right?
You know what I'm saying, right?
That's the first thing.
Second thing is forgiveness,like forgive that person even if
they don't know what they weredoing, that they caused this
bond with you.
Or the second one part of thatis forgive yourself.
(32:34):
Yeah, forgive yourself Like I'mnot trying to put you on the
spot right now, but you've beensexually abused, yeah, and I
don't know what that was like.
Like, did you feel like therewas some type of you were
indebted to these people?
Did you feel like you still hadto stay connected?
Did you find yourself thinkingof them, like, were you still
(32:55):
connected to them, likeemotionally or mentally?
Like what was that?
I don't know?
Like I'm not trying to put youon the spot, but I do think,
like sexual abuse is one of thebiggest ones.
It's the biggest category.
So many people go through itand so many people do not deal
with it.
Not deal with it.
They don't acknowledge it.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
They don't forgive the other person and they don't
forgive themselves.
I think it took a long time toeven acknowledge it for me.
Like I really, because I caredabout that person as a friend, I
really did not want to attachthat phrase sexual assault.
I didn't want to put that onthat person.
No, because they're so much funand they're my friend and I
love them, and so that took areally really long time to even
(33:36):
decipher that.
So I didn't have anger.
I I did have shame for sureDidn't want anyone to know that.
That was even hard for me totell you once.
I told you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah.
So as someone who's beensexually abused, do you feel
like you formed some type ofsoul tie with your offender?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I would.
Yeah, I mean, the point of itis that it was, it was
unwillingly, because the assaultwas not.
You know, it's always like onesided when it's a sexual assault
.
So, yeah, I would say yes, andI never wanted that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
And that's an indicator that it's a soul tie
that doesn't please God For sure, because marriage is a
willingly.
It's a willing soul tie.
Right Friendship, family,partnership, discipleship these
are relationships that pleaseGod.
Yeah, and if there's a soul tie, a connection, a bond of the
(34:36):
souls between the twoindividuals, and it pleases God,
it pushes the two to live inrighteousness, even if you are a
couple and you are dating andyou're not married and you are
already having sexual activitieswith each other, I'm going to
tell you right now first of all,stop referring from it, because
you need to reserve this foryour spouse, you need to reserve
(34:56):
this for the one that you aremarried to, because that is a
covenant that God honors.
What you're doing right now,god does not honor it.
But what I'm saying is, if thetwo you feel shame, if the two
you feel like man, this doesn'tplease God, this is ungodly,
then you may be forming a soultie, but you guys are on track
to having a healthy soul tie.
I would say pause and stop whatyou're doing, repent,
(35:19):
acknowledge it.
But both of you guys are ontrack to having a healthy soul
tie.
If you pause, refrain, yourepent, you get married and you
start a healthy bond thatpleases God.
But if it's a soul tie that wasunintentional, we didn't try it
we feel shame, we feelembarrassment, we don't want to
talk about it.
If someone was in our thoughtsright now, we would just crawl
(35:40):
to a little cave and die.
Those are indicators it's anunhealthy soul tie.
Yeah, absolutely yeah, that'scrazy.
Another thing that I want to saysteps to breaking a soul tie,
it's renouncing the tie.
It's renouncing the tie likerenouncing the tie, like
verbally, using your mouth torenounce it.
Say and this like renounce itthrough the connection that you
(36:02):
have in jesus christ, becausehe's the only one that can break
any soul ties, any, um, likebondage that you may have.
Yeah to any attachment tosomebody else.
Jesus is the only one.
You can't do it in your ownstrength, you can't do it in
your own willpower.
You might be able to do it forsix days, seven days, maybe a
month or two, a little bit Right, you know, that's the cool
(36:24):
thing.
Like you actually like when youdo it in Jesus, you don't
actually don't even have to keepcount of days because it's
broken.
Yeah, when, because it's brokenwhen you do it in your own
power.
Because I'm seven days strong,I'm like, oh wow, look at you.
I'm not saying don't count days,like I know people that are
counting days because they'reproud of it and they use it as a
testimony to encourage otherpeople.
So again, for those extremistsout there, I'm not saying well,
pierre said, if I'm sober, don'tcount days, count your days,
(36:53):
all right.
What I'm telling you is likeyou can't do this in your own
strength.
So renouncing those ties like,for example, saying like I break
every ungodly soul tie with theperson, say the name of the
person and release and say likeI release myself from any
spiritual, emotional, physicalbond that is not from God,
release them, release yourselfthat's one of the steps to
renouncing the tie.
(37:14):
Another one is another step tobreaking ungodly soul tie or
unhealthy soul tie is spiritualrenewal.
So like replace unhealthyattachments with deeper
relationships with God In prayerscriptures, replace them with
healthy attachments.
You know, I think like one ofthe tough things that we see in
church all the time is whensomebody breaks a soul tie, or
(37:36):
we teach people to break a soultie, or sometimes we push
legalism or we push laws Don'tdo this, don't do this, don't do
this, don't do this, don't dothis.
So, basically, you told meeverything I can't do, right,
what should I do?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I think we need to do a better job, even for me as a
leader, as a pastor, as adisciple maker, is helping
people replace the unhealthywith the healthy.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah, I was talking to someone last night a girl
that I'm walking with and shesaid I don't know, I think I'm
going to go do like a run orsomething.
And I was like yes, go do it.
I was like I'm not coming.
I'm not running.
She was like no, my friend, shehas a foul coming through and I
just need to get out.
And I was like, yes, you needto get out more.
You need to go do fun, healthythings with healthy
(38:20):
relationships and healthy people.
Like, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's one of the reasons why we say here at let's
Dig, our purpose, our missionstatement, is that everybody
grows deep relationship with God, others and themselves.
And so if you used to be ondrugs, you used to be on this,
you used to be on that, and inthe morning you don't do it
anymore.
What else should you do to yourbody?
Go work out, yes, like there'sother things that you can do.
(38:44):
Replace the unhealthy Habitsdon't really ever go away.
You replace habits, so true,you replace habits.
So true, you replace habits sospiritual, like renewal, like
replacing the unhealthyattachments with healthy ones.
And one of the last things, too, to breaking ungodly, unhealthy
soul ties is accountability.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Oh, I'm going to add another one, so go ahead
Surround yourself with godlycounsel, so true.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
And the people that can support you as you walk in
freedom.
If somebody is in your liferight now and they do not
promote righteousness, if theydo not promote healthy living,
if they are toxic, if they makeyou compromise your moral
(39:29):
awareness, your moral compass,where north, east, west, south,
left and right keeps changingevery single day, remove them
from your life.
If that relationship does notpoint you to please God, release
that person from your lifeAbsolutely.
That's all I got to say as faras breaking ungodly soul ties,
(39:50):
okay.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I wanted to add one thing.
I wasn't sure if it was on yourlist, but one of the other
things that I think is 100%necessary to break that soul tie
is to get rid of the stuffthat's attached to that person,
and most of these are oldrelationships.
But you cannot hold on to theperfume he gave you, the clothes
that he gave you, his sweaterthat smells like him, the notes
(40:15):
that he sent you from a toxicrelationship, a negative soul
tie.
Those things, those attachments, those are only attachments
that are sitting there in thenew season.
You cannot go to that newseason because this is holding
you back.
This is just got a little, alittle hook inside of your heart
and you have to get that out.
So I, for often like most ofthe time it's girls right we
(40:35):
hold onto those little treasures, those little trinkets, those
little things that make us feelfond of a former time.
But until you realize thatseason is over, you have closed
that door and you have torn thatsoul tie and broken it.
Those things have no place inyour life and they will keep you
attached as long as you allowthem to.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah, man, that's exactly it.
I remember when we first gotmarried and I realized that my
ex-girlfriend was runningthrough my head more than I
would like for it to happen.
Anytime I heard any songs thatreminded me of her, I changed
the channel.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I turned it off.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
I deleted it from my playlist Of course songs would
do that, man, because music isone of the only things that can
get into your soul without youeven letting it.
It just happens, like you knowwhat I'm saying.
So I hope this conversation isreally blessing everybody.
I hope everybody's really beingchallenged to really take
inventory of their soul, to takeinventory of their minds, their
heart and really evaluate allthe relationships that are in
(41:37):
your life.
If there's somebody in yourlife right now and you know that
God is pleased with thatrelationship God is pleased with
your attachment that you haveto this person I want to
encourage you to nurture it.
Reach out to that person andgive them a shout out, have them
, hold you accountable.
If there are people in your liferight now that it's an ungodly
(41:58):
soul tie, it's an unhealthy soultie, like it's an attachment
that you have that God is notpleased with it.
It pulls you from God, itcauses you to sin, it causes you
to walk in unrighteousness, itcauses you to compromise your
moral compass, then doeverything that you can to
release it.
Renounce them, forgive them,forgive yourself, have
(42:20):
accountability, replace thoseunhealthy relationships with
healthy relationships and Iguarantee you, man, you will see
so much good fruit in your life.
You will see love start to comeout.
You will see joy.
You'll see pace you saidearlier, you will see
self-control, because all therelationships around you are
causing you to walk inrighteousness.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, I wanted to end with these two scriptures.
The first one is 2 Corinthians6, 14, and it says stay away
from people who are notfollowers of the Lord.
Can someone who is good getalong with someone who is evil?
Are light and darkness the same?
And so, as we are evaluatingall of our relationships and
these soul ties in our life, itis so important to know like,
(43:03):
hey, is this light and darkness,or is this light and light and
we're reflecting, we're being amirror and we're dispersing
light and the love of Jesusthrough this relationship?
Or is there darkness and lightand the darkness is getting on
the light?
But really, I'm saying I'mtrying to make you light, like
which one is influencing whichand which isn't pulling the
(43:24):
other way.
And then the last one isColossians 2.2.
I want them to be encouraged andknit together by strong ties of
love.
I want them to have completeconfidence that they understand
God's mysterious plan, which isChrist himself.
And that is the number one soultie that matters above
(43:46):
everything else.
That's why we're here today,and that is because the most
important bond that you can haveis with the creator, the one
who designed you, the one whogave you purpose and life and
sent his son to die for you.
And so I just want to encourageeveryone when we're talking
about soul ties, if you seek theLord, he will open your eyes to
see whether those are healthyor unhealthy, and when you have
(44:08):
an unhealthy one, you replace itwith the healthiest soul tie
you can ever have, and that isto the creator.
So I just want to encourageeveryone, like as we're walking
these through and we'reevaluating all of it, just know
that the Lord is here, he isclose and near to you and he
wants to walk with you and hewants to heal those soul ties.
Once we break them, he is theonly one who can heal and
(44:31):
restore.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
That's right.
So if you've enjoyed thisconversation today, if you are
new to the channel, if you are anew viewer, I want to ask you
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(44:53):
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Send us a little message.
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If you are in the SouthernCalifornia area and you're
(45:13):
looking for a church, youalready know where to find us.
You can find us at SanctuaryChurch right here in Orange
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We're in there, we're leadingworship, we're preaching, we're
walking with people but, moreimportantly, man, we are growing
with the kingdom of God, and sowe love you, guys, and we will.
Welcome everyone.
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
Y'all already know why we arehere.
We're here to help you grow adeeper relationship with God,
others and yourself.
Today we're going to talk aboutsoul ties and what it really is
, and if you have it, should youkeep it or should you break it?
Is it healthy or is itunhealthy?
I was just telling Dany theother day that I didn't realize
that I had a soul tie with myex-girlfriend deep into our
(00:23):
marriage.
After I had a soul tie with myex-girlfriend deep into our
marriage, after we were marriedfor two or three years, I found
myself often thinking of myex-girlfriend, quite a bit like
just wondering how she was doing.
And then I would excuse it bysaying, like you know, I still
care for her and still love her.
I think about her all the time,I wonder how she's doing, and I
started realizing I'm like man,this probably isn't right.
But several years later it justhit me this past week that that
(00:47):
broke off of me.
But I'm really curious on like,when did that break?
Because I realized that wassome type of soul tie or soul
tie.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And I always thought, man, you care for your past
girlfriend more than most peoplewould.
Most people are angry or bitteror hold resentment towards
their past relationships.
You never did, and so I waslike man, he's just a really
good guy.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
And that's what I thought too, but I ain't that
good.
So we're going to break it down, but we're going to talk about
soul ties.
We're going to talk about soulties.
So if you're excited for thisconversation, y'all already know
what to do.
Hit that like button.
I want to take a moment and sayshout out to all of our new
let's Dig crew members.
I want to take a moment rightnow to give a shout out to one
of our faithful LDC members,wayne.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Shout out to you man, he's always faithful man, he's
solid, he's faithful, he'sconsistent man.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
It blesses my heart to know that these conversations
has been a blessing to you, man, and so we hold you close and
dearly to our heart.
Everyone else that's part ofour crew go ahead and write us
back Like if these conversationshas been a blessing to you.
If you feel like you aregrowing in these conversations,
like, let us know, because ourgoal is to make sure that
everybody that's on this journeywith us is getting closer to
(01:57):
God, is building healthyrelationships with those that
are around them and then havinga healthy relationship with
themselves as well.
And we've been working.
We've been digging here in ourhousehold every single day,
early morning, late nights, wedo some crazy digging sessions.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Yeah, I'm actually really excited about this
conversation because this hasactually been a topic that's
been on our what'd you call it?
A board.
Like we kind of have thesetopics that we know we want to
approach at some point, butwe're always very prayerful,
we're always very led by thespirit of what do we want to
talk about this week, what feelsheavy on our hearts this week,
what do we feel like we need tochat about this week?
(02:30):
And oftentimes it is theconversations that are already
happening in our home.
That's the whole idea of thisis to let you guys in on those
conversations.
And so this has been a topic ofsoul ties that's been on our
rotation for a long time and ithas just never felt like, no,
this is the week.
And then when I brought it uptoday, I was like, oh, we've
(02:52):
already been talking about this,this is the week we're gonna
hit soul ties.
So I'm really, really excitedto dig into this.
I feel like it's reallyimportant.
I feel like, um, people havelots of questions about it and
maybe not enough information, soI'm excited to really dig into
this.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you guys are ready, let'sdig.
I think we need to break downwhat even makes up your soul
before we talk about soul ties,because we were always taught a
soul tie is bad.
If there's a soul tie, get ridof it.
I've had people, I've heardpeople say stuff like the moment
they realized someone had arelationship with someone, they
said that's a soul tie.
And I'm like, oh man, oh mygosh.
(03:32):
It needs to be broken it needsto be broken and a soul tie.
Necessarily it's not even inthe Bible like that phrase right
there, but we know that theprinciple, the mindset, the
perspective, it derives fromscripture, and so I think we
should talk about it.
But like, let's, let's look itup right now.
Let's, let's, let's talk aboutwhat makes up.
My mic is falling.
I'm going to set up.
I feel like my mic is falling.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Go ahead, I don't think so, okay, go ahead and
take it from here.
So if we're going to talk aboutsoul ties, we're going to
define that in a second, butfirst let's define our soul and
what makes up our soul.
So I've heard in church all mylife your soul is your mind,
will and emotions.
Right, but I'm going to breakit down a little bit more.
The soul contains your emotions, your intellect and your
(04:15):
personality.
It is essentially what makesyou.
You makes you uniquely, youdifferent than anybody else in
this world.
Right, it carries our thoughts,our desires and our affections.
Therefore, those thingsinfluence our actions.
I'm going to say that again.
(04:35):
It carries our thoughts, ourdesires and our affections, and
all of those three thingsinfluence our actions yeah, and
soul ties when I think about it.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
There's, it's twofold right there.
There it's.
So it's your soul, like yousaid.
It's who you are, makes you whoyou are, it's your personality,
it's your taste yeah, it's your, your preferences, those things
.
That's just specifically you,but a tie, a soul tie together.
It talks about these twoindividuals, these two items,
these two nouns that areconnected, yeah, by the soul.
(05:12):
We have a soul tie.
We sure do.
You and I have a soul tie, yeah, and for so long we never
considered this a soul tie yeah,I don't think it's shared
enough or spoken enough thatthere are healthy soul ties.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
There are godly soul ties.
We are a godly, healthy soultie.
We are knit together by who weare and by God connecting us
together, and we're knittogether emotionally, physically
, spiritually, and so therefore,we have a healthy, godly soul
tie.
And so I'm'm gonna clear mythroat my throat.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yo I caught the flu I caught the flu like what two
weeks ago yeah, and there's aeverybody's catching everybody's
everywhere and I can't believeI caught it that is, and I was I
was down for a few days too itwas.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
It was definitely a way of never seeing you in very
many years like I've not seenyou that sick in so long so he's
still recovering, y'all.
He sprayed his little throatspray before we started.
It's the mucus clearing out andthings like that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
But we have a.
We have a soul tie, yeah, butlet's go back to what I said
earlier when I was saying how Ihad a connection with my
ex-girlfriend.
We were intimate, we crossedboundaries, we went too far.
While dating, we did thingsthat married people should be
doing.
We connected physically, weconnected emotionally, we
(06:38):
connected mentally, even afterwe broke up their dysfunction.
Now I'm talking about somethingfrom 17 years ago, 18 years ago
, more than that yeah.
Before, before we got married.
But we we dealt with itslightly Like when.
I remember when I was going tomarry you I wasn't with my
ex-girlfriend anymore but shewas still around, she was still
going to the church, stuff likethat.
We're all.
(06:58):
Everybody was nice and polite.
But I remember telling her hey,I'm marrying Danny Lee, right,
I'm moving on, like so, whateveris between us, like there's no
hope.
There's no hope, nothing's like, nothing's going to happen.
Yeah, we get married and in myhead I'm thinking like I'm good.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But after being married for a while a year or so
I always say like, yeah, man, Istill care for my ex-girlfriend
Like I, I love her, I stillhope the best for her, I think
about her quite often, all thosetype of things.
They ever thought nothing aboutit.
I thought that was good.
Right, you thought that washealthy.
Yeah, I thought that was good,even entire marriage.
Like she reached out, like andshe was even curious like hey,
(07:36):
should I still keep waiting?
Like should there be somethinghere?
Like should I be?
And the fact that I evenentertained that question, I
just thought I was still being agood guy.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Right, and while I'm sitting over here still
squirming a little bit of likeladies, hold me back.
Like, like I'm a fight.
Somebody Like should I wait foryou?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Like me, and the girls can talk about this later,
but I'm just saying like yeeshbut it's true, that's a
conversation for another day,because you shouldn't be
fighting her, you should befighting me that's fair, but I
think so oftentimes soul tiesare literally created when two
people most often not always,but most often they're
committing sin together.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, that's why most of the time it is intimacy
thing outside of marriage thatcreates that bond.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah, and that's.
I think that's the most commonsoul tie that we know of, the
most common soul tie that istalked about and the most common
thing that the word soul tie isattached to Right, it's about
sexual immorality.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, because you're opening yourself up to the other
person that you're beingintimate with.
It is the most vulnerable placethat you are in with another
person.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It is, but I don't really want to talk about that
right now.
I mean, we can talk about that,but I think we need to take a
moment and really identify, youknow, the healthy soul ties and
triggers or indicators thatmaybe, like yo, this might be a
soul tie.
I wish somebody would have toldme, or I wish we were educated
enough early on in marriage.
(09:08):
Right to know that that was alittle bit more than just being
nice, yeah there you go, likefor you to have been or someone
to have been, like yo P, likeyou think of your ex-girlfriend
too much or you consider her toomuch, or you like you wonder
how she's doing too much, orlike you keep saying how much
you care for her and you stillhave love for her, things like
that.
And I'm like now I'm lookingback and of course, that soul
(09:30):
tie was broken.
It has been broken for many,many years.
Why?
Because it's been replaced witha healthy soul tie.
Yeah, and I think that's what alot of people struggle to
understand that when you'retrying to break a soul tie, what
a lot of people struggle tounderstand that when you're
trying to break a soul tie, whenyou're trying to break some
type of negative connection thatyou have with a person, an
(09:52):
individual, it could be someonethat you were intimate with, it
could be a coworker, it could bea best friend.
It could literally be a Mr andMrs Smith situation, a Bonnie
and Clyde situation.
Very true, it could be like yo,my ride or die.
Very true, it could be like yo,my ride or die, I'm like your
ride or die.
Y'all go about to ride or dieto jail right now.
Right, it's a soul tie and soone of the things that really
(10:13):
helps with breaking soul tieswhich we'll talk like later on
on all the steps- yeah but itwas replaced with a healthy soul
tie, right, or a godly soul tie, our soul type.
Yes, the bond that we had, whichis first of all.
It's weird even saying that wehave a soul tie, or a godly soul
tie, our soul tie, the bondthat we had, which is first of
all.
It's weird even saying that wehave a soul tie, because we've
always been taught in this worldthat the word soul tie is
negative but there are healthysoul ties.
(10:33):
we see in the Bible right ittalks about how David and
Jonathan they were knit togetherlike by the soul, with the soul
, because of their mutual lovefor each other and their loyalty
for each other.
That was a friendly, afriendship soul tie which was
healthy.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah.
So let's talk about somehealthy soul ties.
Yeah.
Or characteristics that woulddetermine it's a healthy soul
tie.
So one of them off the top isthat does that friendship
relationship bring you closer toGod If?
It is a healthy soul tie orfriendship does it should bring
(11:10):
you closer to God?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Or another way to even say if you are connected to
somebody emotionally, mentally,spiritually, creatively, like
whatever it is, does thisrelationship cause you or compel
you to do good, to live abetter life, to walk in
righteousness?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
The other thing I was going to add to that is you
should see fruits of the spiritthat come from that relationship
.
So I should have love, I shouldhave patience, I should have
kindness, I should haveself-control when it comes to
that relationship.
If I'm building a relationshipwith a guy, a boyfriend, and I
(11:50):
have I'm building a soul tie.
I feel it coming Especially forus, like when we were dating
and I we were going to know wewere going to get engaged, we
knew we were headed for marriage.
Like we know consciously we'reboth going to build that
connection of a soul tie.
That's what we're going for.
And knowing like, am Iexperiencing self-control?
Do I have extreme anger towardsyou?
(12:12):
Like all those different thingslike fruits of the spirit
should be characteristics ofthat relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
That's big.
This actually made me thinkright now, as you're talking
about it, all the differenttypes of soul ties, godly soul
ties.
I have it like written downhere, noted, like if you formed
it should be formed throughhealthy biblical relationships.
So marriage, that's a biblicalrelationship, friendship, family
(12:39):
, discipleship.
So, as you're talking aboutthese healthy or godly soul tie.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
So I'm a pastor.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
We're pastoring people.
There's people that we areconnected with and they are
connected to us.
So there's been times in thepast where I'm walking with
somebody and I would getfrustrated because of their
connectivity towards me, or theywould always want to call me
and-.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Wait their connectivity?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Ain't that a word?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I don't really know you mean their connection to you
.
Yeah, I just wanted to sayconnectivity right.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Relax man, I'm trying to be brand new Guys.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Pierre, be throwing some words sometimes and I'm
like wait, huh.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yo, I'm trying to be brand new.
I'm trying to be brand new.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Okay, but their connection to you I I've been
reading my encyclopedia andstuff.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
You know what I mean.
You got words for days.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
You got words for days.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
What's the word of the day?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Connectivity, connectivity yeah.
Okay so their connectiontowards you.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
But I realized there was a soul tie there because we
had a bond, there was aconnection, there was a
memorable moment that connectedus together.
So therefore, as their disciple, someone that's been leading
them right, we realized likewhoa, there's a connection there
.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Even if you watched our last episode, like we talked
about this a little bit and itactually gives a little bit
better verbiage for what I spokeabout of the connection with me
and some girls like, as we walkthrough things with them and
they feel very connected to me.
It's actually a soul tie becausewe're walking through something
so intimate of getting them outof a situation and into a
(14:15):
healthier situation.
They kind of form a healthysoul tie, because as we pastor
them we get them to that.
So that makes a lot of senseactually.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Soul ties are often associated with the joining of
souls through deep affection,covenant or intimacy, and so we
have to determine I thinkeverybody really needs to
determine all the relationshipsthat you are in right now Is it
healthy or is it unhealthy?
Is it godly or is it ungodly?
Does it force you to hold on tosin?
(14:43):
Does it force you to hold on tosin?
Does it force you to take onsomeone else's offense?
I had someone, we had someonein our life that started turning
on us, and then we came to findout that they were spending
time with someone else that wasoffended by us.
They created a soul tie withthat person, and they started,
they took on their offense.
(15:04):
Those are soul ties when youfind yourself in a relationship,
a coworker, someone, that allof a sudden you I remember a
point in time when, danley, youstart coming home and she
started cussing all the time.
Every time she'd come homeshe'd start cussing that she
started building a bond with,started growing fond of her
(15:24):
affection towards her and youguys became connected through
the soul.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah, and that's why it said like the characteristics
of your soul will start toreflect that.
So, are you reflecting thefruit of the spirit, you're
reflecting godly characteristics, or are you reflecting what
that person does, which is dropbombs, cuss words, like trying
to maneuver the system, tryingto like be a little dishonest
(15:50):
just here and there, like whatare you reflecting what's coming
out of that relationship?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's why I get concerned, as like as a church
leader, as a pastor, when I hearstories of other pastors who
have fell, other pastors whohave fell into sin, made poor
decisions and come to find outthat they were doing it.
For years They've beenmeditating on these thoughts.
They were living those type oflives.
I think about who were theyconnected to?
(16:16):
Who did they have soul ties?
Who was their mentor?
Because whoever was theirmentor, whoever they looked up
to, whoever they admired,probably lived that type of life
.
You know, the only time in mylife where I considered divorce
the most was when I was aroundpeople who's getting ready to do
it, or had just done it, or hadjust done it, yep, and I was
(16:36):
getting spending time with them.
I started building bonds withthem.
We started having momentstogether.
I started getting connected.
The moment I started to detachmyself from them, then I had a
clear mind.
I'm like yo, this is not a wayto live.
You know what I'm saying.
We have a healthy soul tie andit's through our intimacy, it's
through emotional connection,it's physical connection.
(16:59):
For example, I have a soul tiewith my mom, or I guess I can
say I had a soul tie with my mombecause she just passed.
This year We'll make it threeyears since she's passed, but I
thought about her all the time.
Every time I was around her Iwanted to do good, I wanted to
make her proud.
Like she challenged me all thetime.
Some of my biggest quotes thatI hold onto right now in my life
(17:19):
it's stuff that she's told meever since I was a child.
Some of the way that I pray ishow my mom taught me how to pray
when I was five and six.
I still remember the prayersthat she would give to me, lead
me in at bedtime at the age ofsix.
At the age of five, I had aconnection with her.
I have a sibling right now Idon't have a connection with at
all.
I don't think about them.
(17:40):
Like you know, the relationshipis not there.
We fell off many years ago.
Like there's no hate there, butthere's no connection there,
right, and so I think peoplejust need to really process
everything that's in your life,like even when it comes to
intimate emotional, sexual soulties, right, whether you've been
in a relationship with someone,you've gone too far.
Like you start.
(18:00):
You find yourself thinkingabout them all the time.
You know, even if it's someonethat's in your life, where you
wake up in the morning, you findyourself thinking about them
all the time.
If, if you're wondering ifthey're watching you, if they're
with you.
If you go on social media andyou're looking through your
likes and you're looking throughyour views and you're wondering
to see if they're in there andyou get upset if they're not,
you get sad.
(18:20):
If they're not, you get sad.
If they're not.
You may have a soul tie.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
So let's talk about some of those other
characteristics of a soul tie.
Um, I think that anothercharacteristic of is that you're
unable to set boundaries withthem.
Like if you have a friendshipor relationship or working
friend, whatever it is, and youhave a very hard time setting
that boundary with them, itcould be a soul tie.
(18:46):
I had a client the other day.
I set a boundary real quick.
I was like, nope, I'm notavailable, and like it didn't
hurt me and I'm a people pleaser, Like I'm still working through
that.
So most of the time that wouldbe very hard for me to do With
this person.
There's no tie there.
There's no, I don't feel.
I don't feel, um, indebted tothem and loyal to them and all
(19:07):
these things.
Like Nope, I'm not available,I'm so sorry, it was fine.
But if it was someone that Ihad much more of a deeper
connection with, or I was afraidto let down, or I didn't want
to hurt their feelings, or I'mtiptoeing around what I know I
need to do, but I'm so worriedabout their response that could
be a soul tie.
Um, so I think that's reallyimportant to consider.
(19:28):
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat the bad soul ties look like
the unhealthy.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
There's a lot of unhealthy.
You know I had a soul tie withpornography for a while.
I think a lot of people don'trealize that's a soul tie.
You build these virtualrelationships with people.
That's wild you find yourselfseeing them.
We brought porn into ourmarriage for a season and there
are times when we were beingintimate and I was having sex.
(19:53):
We were having sex with eachother, but my mind was somewhere
else.
My mind was wandering anddrifting and thinking about
other people.
Those were soul ties that I hadto break.
That's a soul tie that needs tobe broken.
Now, when we have sex, my mindis on you.
I'm thinking about you becausethere's a healthy soul tie and
there's no conviction Like anindicator is.
(20:14):
If you feel bad about it, ifyou feel like it's a dirty
little secret, if you feel likeif somebody was reading your
thoughts right now you'd be soembarrassed, it's an indicator
that you may have a soul tie.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Another part of we talked about.
The healthy soul tie pushes youtowards God, so obviously we
can clarify that an unhealthyone pushes you towards sin.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah, and it takes you away from God, and it pulls
you away from God.
Yeah, you would feel shame, youwould feel disgust.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Shame is a huge one.
Yeah, Shame will literallyisolate you.
It will cause you to like coveryour own self keep yourself from
everybody Like it literally,and it most of the time that
shame actually keeps you fromthe people that are able to pull
you out of it.
Most of the time that shame isa tactic of the enemy to put
(21:08):
that over your mind.
To put that over your head andfor you to feel so shameful you
can't go to the one person whocould actually say this is what
you need to do to get out ofthat, that's what you need to do
, and then you have to cut thisoff, and then you have to do
that Like shame literallyfreezes you into isolation, so
that you cannot even get someoneto help you get out of it.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
That just made me realize right now I pulled up my
thoughts of what you're sayingthe soul represents the essence
of a living being.
It encompasses the whole person, integrating both physical and
non-physical aspects.
So there's it's exterior andit's internal too as well.
There may be things that youfeel on the outside when you're
(21:49):
in these moments, like right now.
You, before we started thisrecording, you were reading
something on your phone and Icame and put my body against
your body.
I felt love, I felt connection.
You did.
I didn't feel, yeah, and I got.
I got felt some heat runthrough my body too.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Take it easy, sir.
The crew's not here for thisconversation.
Take it easy.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
LDC.
Come on, we digging, right, wedigging.
But I felt like, I felt joy, Ididn't feel shame, yeah.
And there's been other timeswhere if another woman were to
come to me and touch me or hugme or did something, if I felt
the same type of heat or warmth,I felt shame, right, because
(22:30):
there's these non-physicals andphysicals.
The soul is often associatedwith life, consciousness,
intellect, will, emotions andmoral awareness.
Moral awareness so anotherwoman comes to me, hugs me in a
certain way or touching me, andsomething doesn't feel right.
I'm aware of it and I my goalis to acknowledge it, renounce
(22:54):
it and do something about it.
Accountability.
So I confess to you all thetime, like just today, before
this recording, I was tellingyou that there was there, there
was, is a woman in our life thatthere's some boundaries that I
think or sense or feel that somelines and boundaries may be
getting crossed, but I'm notsure, right.
But there's this moralawareness, totally that I'm like
(23:17):
there's no soul tie here, butI'm aware that this type of
behavior can cause a soul tie,right, that this type of
behavior can cause a soul tieRight, Whether it's intentional
from the other side or not.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Because it may be intentional, it may be
completely unintentional fromthe other side.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, man.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
But it's your job because we have a healthy soul
tie.
It's your job to guard thatline.
It's your job to make sure thatit doesn't get crossed.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
What are some other things that you feel like are
more like unhealthy, ungodlysoul ties that that should be
identified and broken?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I you mean like a characteristic, like another,
like what it looks like.
I think another one that comesinto play with these situations
is that the person can losetheir identity in that
relationship male, female,whatever like and even it's kind
of goes back to what you talkedabout of even when I'm around a
different coworker.
So think of the girl to girlconverse like relationship the
(24:10):
coworker like you actually losewho you are because you start to
reflect that other person'sidentity.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Okay, so yes, let me rephrase my question.
Well, no, because I actuallylike your answer right now, and
let me give a better question todial in on that.
What are more behaviors orindicators that you are
partaking in an unhealthy soultype?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
So that would be you're losing your identity If
you are questioning the choicesthat you're making.
Or maybe you're not questioningthe choices you're making.
You're just making choices thatnormally you would not make.
I talked about it earlier.
Like when you're ready to liketrying to cheat the system, but
maybe you're normally a rulefollower, but when you hang out
(24:54):
with that coworker you're finewith cheating the system with
them because they do it all thetime.
Like when you are changing whothe core of you are.
That is when you know you're inan unhealthy soul time.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It's almost like your moral compass is off.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yes, what?
You should be right, what usedto be right.
You're okay with it being wrong.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
And what you know was wrong, you're justifying it to
be right.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Totally and in the same breath of that identity.
It is also that you forget whatyou actually want out of life
or what you're supposed to do.
Like you start questioning,like maybe you always said I'm
going to be a doctor, but all ofa sudden, with this soul tie,
you're like actually I don'treally know if I want to do that
?
Like, how many times have we hadconversations with people where
(25:39):
we talked to them one year andthey're like no, I'm going to
school, I'm going to go do this,and then I'm going to do this
and I'm going to do this.
They get in a relationship witha bum.
Forget all of it.
It all goes out the window.
You've literally lost youridentity because you're in an
unhealthy soul tie and it iscausing you to forget who you
are yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
So another characteristic or behavior trait
.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Talk about it more, because I don't understand what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Basically, somebody becomes your god oh, got it.
Somebody becomes your genie inthe bottle.
Yes, you find them to be theone that answers all your
questions.
You run to their feet.
Yeah, you run to their callsLike you bow down at their
thoughts.
And some people say, come on,pierre, that's a little extreme
(26:31):
Bowing down.
Run to their feet.
Okay, let's just say it inpractical ways.
Like you run all your thoughtsby them, like you ask them to
answer all your questions, youfind yourself being stuck in
life if you haven't heard fromthem.
You find yourself wanting to beapproved by them.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
You want them to confirm and affirm you and you
take everything personal fromthem, everything personal.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
You and you take everything personal from them,
everything personal.
So this may be an idolatrousattachment, which is a soul tie,
because jesus said it, god saidit, that you should have no
other gods above me.
So true.
So when you find yourself likeattached to someone and they
become your god, or a geniebottle or your person, that
affirms you right.
This may be someone that youhave an unhealthy or ungodly
(27:19):
soul tie.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I'm just literally trying to wrap my head around
what you said, because a lot oftimes we do not see people in
our lives of like, oh, theybecame a God, oh, they're my God
.
You don't see it like that.
What would it naturally feellike if I'm just going about my
life and I just can't wait untilthat time of day when I run
into that person and I'mthinking about them all the way
(27:41):
up to that moment and then I'mthinking about them all the way
after that moment until thenight, like cause you're?
Like nobody really says, ohyeah, you're my God.
Nobody says that.
It is so subliminal.
So, I'm like what would thatfeel like?
What would that look like in aday-to-day relationship?
So yeah, you're right.
Or like, I'm wearing a certainoutfit just so I can get this
(28:02):
person's attention.
I am waiting for them to saythey like my outfit and if they
don't, I'll prompt them.
Hey, don't you like my outfit?
Yeah exactly.
It's all of those little thingsof being, and it becomes.
They become an idol to you,where they you are like,
yearning for their attention,their affirmation and, honestly,
(28:23):
as believers, that should notcome from anyone but the Lord
but the Lord.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And let me, let me, and let me pause right now and
say this too as well, for allpeople, for all the people that
are listening, that areextremists and you're taking
every single word that we'reseeing like it's Bible.
No, we're just mentioning andidentifying indicators that may
state that you may be on trackto building a soul tie or you
(28:48):
may have one it's.
I want to encourage everybodyto take an inventory of your
heart, of yourself, of your mind, your spirit, and really ask
yourself these questions Am Iattached to this person?
If this person were to walk outof my life, if I didn't have
this person in my life, whatwould that do to my moral
(29:09):
compass?
What would that do to me as anindividual?
If you have a coworker that youwork with, that you find
yourself you only go to workbecause you enjoy that person's
time.
It's okay to have a friendly,godly soul tie.
We see it in the Bible.
It happens all the time.
If I'm discipling somebody,that's a soul tie, it's a godly,
it's a healthy soul tie becauseit pushes that person to do
(29:32):
well.
But I cannot.
I have to set boundaries sothat I don't become this
person's idol, I don't becomethis person's God.
So this is a conversation thatwe really want to encourage
everyone to really take a momentand have an inventory moment of
yourself, look at your heartand really process and think all
the relationships that are inmy life.
Like, are they just healthy,are they unhealthy?
Are they core relationships,are they close relationships or
(29:56):
are they just casualrelationships?
Because if you just have a goodtime with someone, you love
having fun with them, thingslike that, this may not be a
soul tie.
So relax.
Like this is not us saying thatthat's a soul tie because you
like being with them, there'snothing wrong with that.
They're a close friend.
Like so I just want to say thisso that everybody really knows.
Like this is not us saying that, hey yo, if you feel this, boom
(30:16):
, it's a soul tie.
No, we have to just take aninventory and really look at
ourselves and really think andprocess the state of all of our
relationships that we're in.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
It's so true, cause there are characteristics of it
and we want to be really clearthat we're not here to say you
have a soul tie, get rid of it.
Like that's not our job.
Our job is to bring awareness,to bring the Bible and say, hey,
here's the guidelines.
Now you decide is this healthyor unhealthy for you?
Um, and then even if you saylike, okay, this is a healthy
(30:50):
relationship, it's a healthyfriendship, but there are
characteristics that couldbecome unhealthy, I need to
guide it, I need to make sure Idon't let that cross the line, I
need to set boundaries, andthen if you can't set those
boundaries, then we're back tothe circle of it looks like an
unhealthy bond.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Yep.
So if you're in anyrelationships and it's a deep
connection whether it's a familymember, whether it's a
friendship, it's a partnership,it's discipleship, it's an
intimate relationship I want toencourage everyone to really
evaluate and see what level ofconnection is this relationship
at.
Does it honor God?
(31:29):
Would God be pleased with thisfriendship?
Would God be pleased with thispartnership that I have with
somebody?
Does it honor God?
Would God be pleased with thisfriendship?
Would God be pleased with thispartnership that I have with
somebody?
Does it honor God?
And if it does not honor God,when it does, when, when there's
a soul tie that is unhealthy,it's contrary to God's will.
Like I want to encourageeveryone to really seek freedom
through repentance and prayer.
(31:50):
So, repentance, what is that?
It's as easy as just.
Well, it's not easy.
There is steps to it.
But what I'm saying is, like,the first step is repentance.
It's acknowledging andconfessing that, okay, this is
wrong, this is ungodly, thisdoesn't please God.
I feel shame, whether it'ssexual immorality or idolatry.
(32:11):
Acknowledging that this iswrong, that's the very first
step.
Don't be in denial.
Honestly use your mouth andconfess it.
Right?
You know what I'm saying, right?
That's the first thing.
Second thing is forgiveness,like forgive that person even if
they don't know what they weredoing, that they caused this
bond with you.
Or the second one part of thatis forgive yourself.
(32:34):
Yeah, forgive yourself Like I'mnot trying to put you on the
spot right now, but you've beensexually abused, yeah, and I
don't know what that was like.
Like, did you feel like therewas some type of you were
indebted to these people?
Did you feel like you still hadto stay connected?
Did you find yourself thinkingof them, like, were you still
(32:55):
connected to them, likeemotionally or mentally?
Like what was that?
I don't know?
Like I'm not trying to put youon the spot, but I do think,
like sexual abuse is one of thebiggest ones.
It's the biggest category.
So many people go through itand so many people do not deal
with it.
Not deal with it.
They don't acknowledge it.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
They don't forgive the other person and they don't
forgive themselves.
I think it took a long time toeven acknowledge it for me.
Like I really, because I caredabout that person as a friend, I
really did not want to attachthat phrase sexual assault.
I didn't want to put that onthat person.
No, because they're so much funand they're my friend and I
love them, and so that took areally really long time to even
(33:36):
decipher that.
So I didn't have anger.
I I did have shame for sureDidn't want anyone to know that.
That was even hard for me totell you once.
I told you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah.
So as someone who's beensexually abused, do you feel
like you formed some type ofsoul tie with your offender?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I would.
Yeah, I mean, the point of itis that it was, it was
unwillingly, because the assaultwas not.
You know, it's always like onesided when it's a sexual assault
.
So, yeah, I would say yes, andI never wanted that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
And that's an indicator that it's a soul tie
that doesn't please God For sure, because marriage is a
willingly.
It's a willing soul tie.
Right Friendship, family,partnership, discipleship these
are relationships that pleaseGod.
Yeah, and if there's a soul tie, a connection, a bond of the
(34:36):
souls between the twoindividuals, and it pleases God,
it pushes the two to live inrighteousness, even if you are a
couple and you are dating andyou're not married and you are
already having sexual activitieswith each other, I'm going to
tell you right now first of all,stop referring from it, because
you need to reserve this foryour spouse, you need to reserve
(34:56):
this for the one that you aremarried to, because that is a
covenant that God honors.
What you're doing right now,god does not honor it.
But what I'm saying is, if thetwo you feel shame, if the two
you feel like man, this doesn'tplease God, this is ungodly,
then you may be forming a soultie, but you guys are on track
to having a healthy soul tie.
I would say pause and stop whatyou're doing, repent,
(35:19):
acknowledge it.
But both of you guys are ontrack to having a healthy soul
tie.
If you pause, refrain, yourepent, you get married and you
start a healthy bond thatpleases God.
But if it's a soul tie that wasunintentional, we didn't try it
we feel shame, we feelembarrassment, we don't want to
talk about it.
If someone was in our thoughtsright now, we would just crawl
(35:40):
to a little cave and die.
Those are indicators it's anunhealthy soul tie.
Yeah, absolutely yeah, that'scrazy.
Another thing that I want to saysteps to breaking a soul tie,
it's renouncing the tie.
It's renouncing the tie likerenouncing the tie, like
verbally, using your mouth torenounce it.
Say and this like renounce itthrough the connection that you
(36:02):
have in jesus christ, becausehe's the only one that can break
any soul ties, any, um, likebondage that you may have.
Yeah to any attachment tosomebody else.
Jesus is the only one.
You can't do it in your ownstrength, you can't do it in
your own willpower.
You might be able to do it forsix days, seven days, maybe a
month or two, a little bit Right, you know, that's the cool
(36:24):
thing.
Like you actually like when youdo it in Jesus, you don't
actually don't even have to keepcount of days because it's
broken.
Yeah, when, because it's brokenwhen you do it in your own
power.
Because I'm seven days strong,I'm like, oh wow, look at you.
I'm not saying don't count days,like I know people that are
counting days because they'reproud of it and they use it as a
testimony to encourage otherpeople.
So again, for those extremistsout there, I'm not saying well,
pierre said, if I'm sober, don'tcount days, count your days,
(36:53):
all right.
What I'm telling you is likeyou can't do this in your own
strength.
So renouncing those ties like,for example, saying like I break
every ungodly soul tie with theperson, say the name of the
person and release and say likeI release myself from any
spiritual, emotional, physicalbond that is not from God,
release them, release yourselfthat's one of the steps to
renouncing the tie.
(37:14):
Another one is another step tobreaking ungodly soul tie or
unhealthy soul tie is spiritualrenewal.
So like replace unhealthyattachments with deeper
relationships with God In prayerscriptures, replace them with
healthy attachments.
You know, I think like one ofthe tough things that we see in
church all the time is whensomebody breaks a soul tie, or
(37:36):
we teach people to break a soultie, or sometimes we push
legalism or we push laws Don'tdo this, don't do this, don't do
this, don't do this, don't dothis.
So, basically, you told meeverything I can't do, right,
what should I do?
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I think we need to do a better job, even for me as a
leader, as a pastor, as adisciple maker, is helping
people replace the unhealthywith the healthy.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah, I was talking to someone last night a girl
that I'm walking with and shesaid I don't know, I think I'm
going to go do like a run orsomething.
And I was like yes, go do it.
I was like I'm not coming.
I'm not running.
She was like no, my friend, shehas a foul coming through and I
just need to get out.
And I was like, yes, you needto get out more.
You need to go do fun, healthythings with healthy
(38:20):
relationships and healthy people.
Like, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
That's one of the reasons why we say here at let's
Dig, our purpose, our missionstatement, is that everybody
grows deep relationship with God, others and themselves.
And so if you used to be ondrugs, you used to be on this,
you used to be on that, and inthe morning you don't do it
anymore.
What else should you do to yourbody?
Go work out, yes, like there'sother things that you can do.
(38:44):
Replace the unhealthy Habitsdon't really ever go away.
You replace habits, so true,you replace habits.
So true, you replace habits sospiritual, like renewal, like
replacing the unhealthyattachments with healthy ones.
And one of the last things, too, to breaking ungodly, unhealthy
soul ties is accountability.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Oh, I'm going to add another one, so go ahead
Surround yourself with godlycounsel, so true.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
And the people that can support you as you walk in
freedom.
If somebody is in your liferight now and they do not
promote righteousness, if theydo not promote healthy living,
if they are toxic, if they makeyou compromise your moral
(39:29):
awareness, your moral compass,where north, east, west, south,
left and right keeps changingevery single day, remove them
from your life.
If that relationship does notpoint you to please God, release
that person from your lifeAbsolutely.
That's all I got to say as faras breaking ungodly soul ties,
(39:50):
okay.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I wanted to add one thing.
I wasn't sure if it was on yourlist, but one of the other
things that I think is 100%necessary to break that soul tie
is to get rid of the stuffthat's attached to that person,
and most of these are oldrelationships.
But you cannot hold on to theperfume he gave you, the clothes
that he gave you, his sweaterthat smells like him, the notes
(40:15):
that he sent you from a toxicrelationship, a negative soul
tie.
Those things, those attachments, those are only attachments
that are sitting there in thenew season.
You cannot go to that newseason because this is holding
you back.
This is just got a little, alittle hook inside of your heart
and you have to get that out.
So I, for often like most ofthe time it's girls right we
(40:35):
hold onto those little treasures, those little trinkets, those
little things that make us feelfond of a former time.
But until you realize thatseason is over, you have closed
that door and you have torn thatsoul tie and broken it.
Those things have no place inyour life and they will keep you
attached as long as you allowthem to.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah, man, that's exactly it.
I remember when we first gotmarried and I realized that my
ex-girlfriend was runningthrough my head more than I
would like for it to happen.
Anytime I heard any songs thatreminded me of her, I changed
the channel.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I turned it off.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
I deleted it from my playlist Of course songs would
do that, man, because music isone of the only things that can
get into your soul without youeven letting it.
It just happens, like you knowwhat I'm saying.
So I hope this conversation isreally blessing everybody.
I hope everybody's really beingchallenged to really take
inventory of their soul, to takeinventory of their minds, their
heart and really evaluate allthe relationships that are in
(41:37):
your life.
If there's somebody in yourlife right now and you know that
God is pleased with thatrelationship God is pleased with
your attachment that you haveto this person I want to
encourage you to nurture it.
Reach out to that person andgive them a shout out, have them
, hold you accountable.
If there are people in your liferight now that it's an ungodly
(41:58):
soul tie, it's an unhealthy soultie, like it's an attachment
that you have that God is notpleased with it.
It pulls you from God, itcauses you to sin, it causes you
to walk in unrighteousness, itcauses you to compromise your
moral compass, then doeverything that you can to
release it.
Renounce them, forgive them,forgive yourself, have
(42:20):
accountability, replace thoseunhealthy relationships with
healthy relationships and Iguarantee you, man, you will see
so much good fruit in your life.
You will see love start to comeout.
You will see joy.
You'll see pace you saidearlier, you will see
self-control, because all therelationships around you are
causing you to walk inrighteousness.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, I wanted to end with these two scriptures.
The first one is 2 Corinthians6, 14, and it says stay away
from people who are notfollowers of the Lord.
Can someone who is good getalong with someone who is evil?
Are light and darkness the same?
And so, as we are evaluatingall of our relationships and
these soul ties in our life, itis so important to know like,
(43:03):
hey, is this light and darkness,or is this light and light and
we're reflecting, we're being amirror and we're dispersing
light and the love of Jesusthrough this relationship?
Or is there darkness and lightand the darkness is getting on
the light?
But really, I'm saying I'mtrying to make you light, like
which one is influencing whichand which isn't pulling the
(43:24):
other way.
And then the last one isColossians 2.2.
I want them to be encouraged andknit together by strong ties of
love.
I want them to have completeconfidence that they understand
God's mysterious plan, which isChrist himself.
And that is the number one soultie that matters above
(43:46):
everything else.
That's why we're here today,and that is because the most
important bond that you can haveis with the creator, the one
who designed you, the one whogave you purpose and life and
sent his son to die for you.
And so I just want to encourageeveryone when we're talking
about soul ties, if you seek theLord, he will open your eyes to
see whether those are healthyor unhealthy, and when you have
(44:08):
an unhealthy one, you replace itwith the healthiest soul tie
you can ever have, and that isto the creator.
So I just want to encourageeveryone, like as we're walking
these through and we'reevaluating all of it, just know
that the Lord is here, he isclose and near to you and he
wants to walk with you and hewants to heal those soul ties.
Once we break them, he is theonly one who can heal and
(44:31):
restore.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
That's right.
So if you've enjoyed thisconversation today, if you are
new to the channel, if you are anew viewer, I want to ask you
and encourage you to hitsubscribe Like.
Our heart is that theseconversations will bless your
life, that you can be a blessingto community, to the society
and to the kingdom.
If you are a returning viewer,you are a returning subscriber.
Don't forget to just hit thatlike button.
(44:53):
Hit that little heart too, aswell.
You can send some love.
Send us a comment, send us areview on Apple, spotify, all
the platforms.
We would love to hear from you.
If you need prayer for anything, if you need help walking
through anything, do not be shy,do not be afraid.
Send us a little message.
We'd love to pray with you.
We'd love to connect with you.
If you are in the SouthernCalifornia area and you're
(45:13):
looking for a church, youalready know where to find us.
You can find us at SanctuaryChurch right here in Orange
County, 930-1115.
We're in there, we're leadingworship, we're preaching, we're
walking with people but, moreimportantly, man, we are growing
with the kingdom of God, and sowe love you, guys, and we will.
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