Body Whispers: Hearing What Your Armor Is Hiding

Hitting Rock Bottom and Rising: Tracy on Sobriety, Healing, and the Enneagram

What happens when everything falls apart—and you're forced to finally feel? Tracy opens up about the moment her life crumbled, and how it became the beginning of a powerful transformation. From battling addiction to nearly dying from late-stage Lyme disease and breast implant illness, she shares how vulnerability, the Enneagram, and deep inner work helped her rebuild from the inside out.

If you’re ready to stop performing and start healing, this episode is for you.

Listen now and share with someone who needs a reminder: the comeback is always bigger than the setback.

This podcast dives deep into real, raw topics—think vulnerability, triggers, and childhood trauma. But just so we're super clear: I’m not a licensed therapist, mental health professional, or anything close. I’m just a human sharing stories, lessons, and life hacks based on personal experience and a whole lot of curiosity.

So, while you might find some golden nuggets here, this is not therapy and should never replace professional mental health care. If you or someone you love is going through it, please—seriously—reach out to a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. You deserve the real deal.

Need Help Now?
Here are a few amazing resources:

· 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Call or text 988
· NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or nami.org/help
· Therapy Directory: psychologytoday.com
· Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

The opinions expressed on this show are ours and ours alone—no official organizations are responsible for what we say (or how much we overshare).

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.
Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
Welcome to the let's Get Nakedpodcast, where we dive deep into
vulnerability.
In this space, we'll explorewhat triggers us, uncover the
patterns holding us back anddiscover how to take charge of
our own growth.
If you're ready to dig in, bevulnerable and face the tough

(00:29):
stuff, then buckle up.
It's time to get naked.
Make no mistake about it.
Rock bottom is not the end.
It's the beginning.
It's the moment life punchesyou in the gut, knocks the wind
out of you and dares you tostand back up.
Yeah, addiction can wreck you.
It can steal your voice, yourclarity, your power, family

(00:49):
falling apart.
That'll rip your heart in two.
Financial ruin that'll shakeyour sense of worth to the core.
But here's the truth no onetalks about when everything
falls apart, you finally get tosee what was never solid to
begin with falls apart.
You finally get to see what wasnever solid to begin with.
Rock bottom isn't just pain,it's clarity.

(01:12):
It's the moment the noise stopsand you hear that whisper
inside saying this isn't who youare.
This isn't the end of yourstory, because when you've lost
it all, when you're standing inthe wreckage of your life.
You realize something has tochange, not the surface level
fix.
Realize something has to change, not the surface level fix, not
the pretend I'm okay kind ofchange.
Real change, soul, deep boneshaking, uncomfortable as hell.
Transformation.

(01:33):
And doing that work.
It takes grace to forgiveyourself, even when you're the
one who dropped the match.
It takes grit to wake up everyday and choose to keep digging,
keep showing up, keep fightingfor something better.
And it takes guts to face yourtruth, to stand in the mirror

(01:54):
and say I'm not staying here,I'm coming back.
But here's the beautiful partthe comeback is always bigger
than the setback, because thecomeback is built on intention,
it's built on awareness, it'sbuilt on truth, on healing, on
doing the damn work even whennobody claps for you.
So if you're in the middle ofthe mess right now, if life

(02:15):
feels shattered beyond repair,good, that means the real work
can begin.
That means the foundation iscleared, that means you're not
stuck, you're being set up.
And what's coming next?
It's not just a recovery, it'snot just survival, it's a
comeback.
So powerful people will swearit was impossible until they

(02:35):
hear your story.
Today I'm stripping it all offwith Tracy O'Malley.
Tracy is an Enneagram Masterand Leadership Authority.
She is a best-selling author,keynote speaker and top-ranked
podcast host.
Tracy has clawed her waythrough hell and is on the other
side to share her story and tobe a light to others.
Her energy is magnetic andintoxicating and I cannot wait

(02:58):
to dive in to learn more aboutthis badass.
Welcome to the show, tracy.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Jeez, that intro had me in tears.
Like it's just everything.
Yeah, what you just said aboutlike the comeback, yeah, you
know, and it's hard to see whenyou're in it, like in the thick
of it, and like, oh, how's thisworking for me, bullshit.
Like when you're in it, it'slike don't say that to me.
Like this feels like death,yeah it does.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
You're absolutely right, and it's really just
where it all begins.
It is well, and I don't know ifyou've had an opportunity to
kind of look back and see, do alittle bit of inventory about
all of the things that you'vegone through and looked from
different perspectives and allof the things that you've
learned.
For me that's the mostfascinating to look and say,
holy shit, like you are badassright.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, we all are.
We all are when we take theopportunity and we grieve the
stuff.
That's really hard.
We have to feel the stuff whichfor the longest time I was just
neck down dead.
I was understanding everythingsince I was a little girl, but I
never allowed myself to feel it.
And it's when we can feel itthat we accelerate that
transformation, when we allowourselves, through the full

(04:04):
scope of the, the humanemotional process, that real
transformation happens when didyou?

Speaker 1 (04:11):
it strikes me, when you say the neck down emotional
dead yeah, neck down dead.
Because we always said in mybetween my two brothers that
we're dead inside and and Ididn't open up emotion stuff
until I was 40.
Same, same, yeah, isn't thatfunny.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Well, we had to.
It was protective, like we hadto understand, like if you grew
up how probably we both grew up,you know, in a very
dysfunctional, neglectful,abusive, alcoholic home, we
didn't have time for feelings,like we had to understand why
this was happening in order tosurvive it or to like be okay,

(04:49):
like this is, this is what I gotto work with, so I have to like
cognitively understand this.
And so I've understood a lot ofshit since I was nine years old
.
I understood why my mom was theway she was.
I understood why my dad likelike on paper it makes perfect
fucking sense why they are theway they are and they're
beautiful people were beautifulpeople.
And also I got the short end ofthe fucking stick and if I let

(05:12):
myself feel that that early,like I would assume that I'm the
problem.
And for a long time I did likeI'm not worthy enough, like dad
can't get clean because of me,mom can't even get out of
fucking bed for me, like all ofthat, you know, is about me, me,
me, me.
So being neck down deadactually protected me for the
long, long, long, long time itdid, and then it was the very

(05:36):
thing being neck down dead.
That was going to destroyeverything I cared about.
You know, going into 40 andabove.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
And so I had to start to feel, and that is really
hard, it's the worst.
It's the worst, best ever it isthe worst, best ever and the
greatest gift I've given mychildren is showing them what
that actually looks like,instead of just being stoic,
strong as fuck mom all the time,even though that was really
important, really good, throughso much uncertainty of our life.
But they also started to thinksomething was wrong with them,

(06:05):
because they were feeling allthe feelings, and all they saw
was strong, stoic mom, you know,bulletproof, and I was robbing
them of their process until Istarted showing them what, neck
down, alive, really looked likeRight.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
It's.
It's a powerful transformationand being able to do it in front
of your children so that theycan see the mess I think a lot
of people would instinctually Idon't want to burden them
Exactly, not show them, but myson was eight when I got sober
and I was very open in my houseabout dealing with all of the
things and have been for thelast eight years because it's
been a journey.
You know the first 40 years ofgarbage.

(06:37):
You know of unpacking all ofthat and doing it in full view
so that they can understand whatemotional intelligence looks
like.
They can understand and havethe tools to be able to navigate
their things.
They can have an everydayapology Because for my middle
daughter I taught her emotionsaren't that weakness?
vulnerability is weakness.
You just push it down, push itdown, push it down.
So now she's having to unpackall of that shit.

(06:59):
Luckily she gets to start thatprocess earlier than 40.
But I ruined all of my kids ina different way.
Thank God they're still aroundto be able to.
You know.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
And you know, I know you already know this, but for
the one that's sitting out therethinking they've completely
fucked up their kids or it's toolate, I promise you it's never
too late.
That living amends thing, youknow, being constantly in a
living amends, my kids, both aregrateful, you know, and they're
in their late twenties now.
They're both super grateful.
They've had the, the experienceof the polarity, you know, and

(07:31):
I wasn't like an everydaydrinker or any meat, but I was
Jekyll and Hyde.
You never knew what you weregoing to get.
But they have so much gratitudeand compassion for others
because they've lived both sidesof it, and they have so much
gratitude and respect and trustfor me because, you know, I
didn't burden them with it but Iinvited them into the journey.

(07:52):
Like this is fucking hard.
I have no instruction manual.
You see, what was taught, toldand modeled for me, that's the
only roadmap I have had.
Not making that as an excuse,but I'm taking the reins and
going down a path I don't knowanything about, but I know why I
want to go down a path I don'tknow anything about, but I know
why I want to go down this pathand it has everything to do with
you, and so here we are.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
And I'm going to do it with courage, right Courage
and bravery, and I will, I and Idid.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I lost everything.
I was willing to lose anythingand everyone but them.
Um, they were the only thingthat I would fight for.
Everything else, the strongholdwas off.
Yeah, Everything, yeah.
How long have you been sober?
It'll be 13 years in September.
So they were, you know, juniorhigh and freshman, or eighth

(08:36):
grade and freshman year, when Igot sober and it was, you know,
it was interesting I got soberin the fall and that fall season
was rough for them and it wascool to even see their
transformation from fall tospring in their academics,
athletics, their leadership,their emotional intelligence,
their joy.
Just proof that you knowwalking my talk.

(08:56):
At that level we acceleratedtransformation pretty quick in
my household.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, just by doing that.
I can only imagine in yourhousehold everything is on the
table and open for always, yeah,which I love.
Always.
I talk to people who say, oh,we don't really talk about that
or we don't, and it's just liketalk about everything, say
everything at full volume, likepeople should know that we who
are we hiding stuff from?
If you're doing it from yourfamily, like you know, there's
this quote I've seen and it'sgreat.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Like I don't want to be the call they're afraid to
make.
I want them to be the callthey're excited, even in crisis,
to make and I am always notbecause I have all the answers,
but because I am the safe place.
I'm the truth teller, I am the,the constant like no, what,
I've got your back, even whenyou fuck up.

(09:45):
Yeah, like I will be there andI am always their first call for
everything.
And every Mother's Day theyboth get a little emotional
because they know I didn't havethat, like I didn't have that in
a mother and they're like howare you such a good mom when you
didn't have that, you know?
And like that was my life'swork, my, my only fear ever in

(10:05):
my life, long before they wereeven on the radar, was fucking
up my kids.
I, I never wanted to bringpeople in this world and then
just fuck them up.
And you know I fucked them upgood, you know what?
I mean I did in a lot of ways Imean we're human after all.
And you know that's part oftheir journey and, like the
fucked upness that I come from,it's why I am the way I am.

(10:26):
So like I'm not upset about anyof it today because I've done my
accountable work to do that.
But you know there's there'snot a day that goes by that I'm
not grateful for my willingnessand my openness and the courage
it took to break everygenerational shit I was ever
taught um, and I was taught somereally good shit too, but to be

(10:47):
the mom that I am today, it'sthe greatest success story of my
life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
It's incredible because you're able to look back
at your parents and really givethem credit for that.
They did the best that theycould, right yeah?
With what they had.
Or maybe you're not at thatplace.
I'm at that place.
No, I'm totally at that place.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
But I hear that a lot .
It's a spiritual bypass for alot of people, like yes, 100%,
they did the best they could andthey fucking dropped the ball
Right.
Where I struggle with that isnot for me, but I hear that a
lot Because people feel bad,saying like they did the best
they could and oh, 100%.
And I was neglected, I wasabused, I wasn't protected, I

(11:25):
wasn't cared for, I wasn't likeit's good to say that and yes,
we all do, and and is like rightthere with it absolutely my
parents did.
my mom was a child bride forfuck's sake, yeah, and she
basically married my dad becausethat was the only way out.
You know, of course, she had noidea what the fuck she was
doing.
Yeah, and bless her heart, andshe did give me some things

(11:46):
today that I really see and I'mreally thankful for, even though
I don't have a relationshipwith her.
Um, she's a beautiful soul andshe's like a childlike wonder
and she really shit the bed whenit came to, but I can imagine
being the mother to me from theget go being the mother to me
from the get-go.

(12:08):
I mean, my earliest memory ofher was her feeling intimidated
by me and not feeling like shecould measure up or like compare
herself to me.
And I don't say that from anego place, no, I understand.
I'm a big, fucking strongenergy and I came out into this
world strong as fuck.
And my mom isn't necessarilythat energy.
She's beautiful energy indifferent way, but I understand

(12:28):
it, you know, I understand it.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
When you speak.
It's so funny because I'venever had someone where I'm like
same.
Yeah, you know I've never hadthat, but same I.
I have always been this big,everything, energy, personality,
like all of the things, and soit was it caused problems for me
.
You know, what did your teenageyears look like?

Speaker 2 (12:49):
You know I was the golden child.
So I was raised with my sister,who's two years younger than me
, and she came out just likefull of piss and vinegar.
She didn't care how she gotattention, as long as she got it
.
I was the opposite.
I'm like, I'm going to do allthe right things.
I'm going to be the perfectchild, because my dad wanted a
boy and you know, my earliestmemory of my father was hearing

(13:12):
the story being told.
I was four years old.
He wanted a boy so bad my namewas picked out.
My room was blue.
Till I was six, all my clotheswere boy clothes.
I knew the entire sports lineupof every Chicago team by the
time I was three.
I could open a beer by the timeI was three.
And so the story that was told,and if you knew my dad, you
knew this was very grandiose andwe're Irish, so you know we're

(13:35):
great storytellers anyway.
And also, you know he's kind oflike Archie Bunker for those of
you that are over 45, you knowwho that is and he looked like
him.
So he would tell the story.
And it was for the first time Iheard the story being told that
the day that Tracy was born.
I sat in the waiting roombecause it was 1972.

(13:56):
You weren't in the room whenthe kid's born.
There's no gender revealbullshit no ultrasounds.
You get what you get and youdon't throw a fit.
Take this one home, whether youwant it or not well, my dad
threw a fit.
Oh, because the doctor comesout of the room where my dad is
smoking cigarettes.
Like this is dating me realthing, real thing.
And says congratulations, mro'malley, you have a daughter.

(14:17):
And he takes a cigarette andputs it out and he says keep
them both, meaning me and my mom.
Yeah, I don't want her.
And like knowing my dad, that'sfucking hilarious, yeah.
But when I really was again neckdown dead I had to be to in in
order to absorb that.
But a four-year-old heard thatand the immediate trans

(14:39):
translation to me was I have tobe as close to masculine, boy,
boy-like, and so I fit that role.
So I was the golden child to mydad.
My mom obviously had her stuff,and so teenage years like you
think about, you know, theInstapot or a pressure cooker
Maintaining that level of like.
I have to be this, I have to bethis Like the pressure's

(15:03):
intense and I'm intense anyway.
Aries, enneagram 8, likeintense is like my middle name.
And eventually you have to likeflip the release valve.
And the only way I knew how wasalcohol and food.
Those were my two things thatwere safe, that wouldn't betray
me, right, and the first time Itook a sip of alcohol I was 15,

(15:25):
and I didn't drink like otherpeople.
This is the 80s, so everybody'sdrinking Zima and wine coolers
Disgusting.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
That's so weird.
I was thinking about Zima theother day.
I was like I can still tastethat taste in my mouth.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
It's so gross.
And of course this girl goesfor the SoCo.
And that was my first drinkingexperience and I will never
forget the first time it hit mylips, the pressure release, that
first sip, and I was chasingthat feeling forever.
The same thing with like food Ialways like, or even diet coke,

(15:58):
even like.
That first sip is like thatpressure release valve.
And because I live in so muchintensity all the time, I
started chasing that.
Well, as a teenager that got alittle reckless, got myself into
some situations that weredefinitely not okay.
I drove myself definitely bythe grace of God I didn't hurt
anyone or myself, you know gotmyself into situations where you

(16:22):
know there was sexual assaultsand of course, blamed myself,
you know.
But it was like this constantchase of how do I release this
intensity a little bit withoutbeing so destructive.
And I really had a hard timefinding that balance and that
harmony for many, many years andI was still the golden child,
you know, good athlete, goodstudent.
I was the guy's girl, you knowI could talk about sports center

(16:44):
and sports and cars and money,and I don't want to talk about
lipstick and shopping, eventhough I look that part yes you
know what I mean?
yes, so it was, and that was amessage from my dad as well as
like you be as independent.
You don't rely on anyone likethank god, he taught me this
stuff.
Um, you make your own money,you let nobody control it, and
you better look fucking good andkeep yourself in shape and be

(17:07):
pretty.
I was like I understood theassignment, and that's the
problem.
I have the receipts to showthat that worked really fucking
great for me for a long, longtime.
But I still was like, okay, howdo I release this intensity in
a way that's not destructive?
And I didn't find that till Iwas 40.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, I feel like same with the masculine energy
and really like I was inconstruction the whole time.
I was the third girl and my daddid want a boy and so it was
the same shit, right, it's likenobody wants a third girl.
And then, being one of five andI'm smack dab in the middle,
you know, I was that one thatjust so much intensity, so much
all of the things, and so Istruggled.
I was very rebellious.
I was, you know, the first timeI had a drink.

(17:48):
It felt like home to me.
Like the way that you describedthat the pressure relief it
literally just felt like I dotoo.
It just it felt like it washedover me and that was home, you
know.
And looking back at it, I samething putting yourself in sexual
situations, that Same thing.
Putting yourself in sexualsituations that you know were
traumatic, with older way, olderboys, all sorts of shit, it's
just like.
And then blaming yourself,right, not feeling worthy, not

(18:08):
feeling like you were enoughbecause of all of these other
things, and then it's fine, I'mfine, everything's fine.
And doing the first 40 years ofyour life like that, yeah, fine
, as feelings inside notexpressed Exactly, exactly.
Until you're not fucking fine,and then it's like holy shit, my
life is on fire it's built on ahouse of cards it is.
It's a, it's a dumpster fire,right.
So, like in the intro, andyou're talking about really

(18:29):
figuring out what's at thefoundation, when people are
telling me like, oh my god, mylife's falling apart and I get
excited for them.
I'm like yes, because you haveto fucking have that.
You have to be able to likereally get to the bottom, where
you're really willing to look atyourself in the mirror, look at
all of the gross shit thatyou've brought to the table and
take accountability for that.
The living amends is everything.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Everything I mean.
You think about it, like,especially here in Arizona, like
these houses pop up in fiveminutes, right, it's like I
wonder what that foundationlooks like.
You know you got the prettybacksplash and the pretty.
You know all the shit thatmakes it look real pretty from
the curb.
But I know what that house is onsand Right and and think about
it like for us too, when youhave built this life of pretty

(19:12):
shit and I did yeah, I did too,but I knew the foundation was.
It was just a matter of timeand, of course, if you don't
address it soon, it's going tocome along at a time that's not
convenient, fun, cheap, withoutsome humble pie.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, the humble pie is always served in bulk.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
You know public, even sometimes, yeah, of course.
And you know if you are tryingso hard to maintain the
aesthetics but you aren'taddressing the foundation, just
know it's just going to happen,it is.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Well, and for me?
I didn't realize it was on thehouse of sand.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Me either.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
None of us do it was just like I'm waking up with my
life crumbling around me, goingwhat the fuck is happening and I
would say like I'm not as badas that, or people around me
were saying you're not bad,You're great.
Like you, stop.
I had my ego on a steady dietyou know of just right, but you

(20:09):
did all the things I had theresults.
I ate the same I had all of thethings like amazing car, fancy
house, big business, successful,all the things.
Everyone same your goals, right?
And it's like how is this?

Speaker 2 (20:20):
That's the first sign .
Is this?
And that's the first sign.
Like I was surrounded by peoplewho are okay with me, with low
standards, and I remember when Isaid I was going to check
myself into rehab, um, everybodyin my life except my kids were
like what?
Like you don't?
You don't I have a more of aproblem than you do?
I'm like well, I have higherstandards than you do and I want

(20:43):
to teach and model somethingthat I haven't been modeled and
I can't know the way.
Go the way and show the way formy kids with this atlas that
I've been handed my whole life.
I have to know how to read anew map and then show them the
way.
They'll do what I do, not whatI say to do.
And up until this point,although I've done really well
in certain areas, I've beengiving them lip service, and

(21:06):
they deserve way better thanthat, and so do I.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
It's so funny that you say that about modeling that
for your kids and how you'rewilling to do anything, anything
for them, because I hear peopleand they say I would die for my
kids, I would this for my kids,and it's like that's a bunch of
pussy talk as far as I'mconcerned, right, it's like it
is.
It's like do the work for yourkids, model that behavior for
them so that they can see whatthat looks like, so that they
don't live some Self-abandoningis not doing anything for your

(21:29):
kids.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
No.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
And you're modeling to them.
Be on this hamster wheel ofrinse, lather, repeat.
What good does?

Speaker 2 (21:35):
that do them Zero Right.
They'll be in therapy in 40years, talking about you
Absolutely and blaming you Ifthey're lucky right If they make
it that far right.
Exactly, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
No, it's a pretty savage thing.
I want to read something thatyou had on your questionnaire
Last time.
You felt truly exposed Everydamn day, and I'm here for it.
This is where the energeticboner comes in.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
All right, it's true though.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
I know For our listeners.
I told Tracy when she came in,I gave her the compliment that
I've never given anyone else andI said you give me an energetic
boner.
Jackie's over here crawlinginto the floor because she's
like please fucking stop talkingand saying shit like that and I
don't fucking care.
Exactly Like an energetic boner.
Fuck.
Yes, that made my 2025.
I am literally here for it.

(22:21):
I am literally here for it, butthis kind of shit, where you
put on here what lights yourunderlying fire, blazing a trail
for those here to honor theircalling, despite the odds they
face, I believe what you thinkdisqualifies you is actually
what qualifies you for abundance, love, greatness and freedom.
I mean, fucking, preach, woman,preach it is, though, but it's
like this stuff is whatresonates with me.
I see so many people that talk.

(22:43):
The talk right, and to me Idon't we talked about the girl
gang earlier.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, me and Melissa were also.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
It's a whole thing right and it's like yeah, and
teach their own, like, do yourown thing.
But for me, I don't want peoplethat are at my table of life
it's word salad.
That aren't fucking gritty it'sword salad.
I want in the trenches and comefrom the trenches and speak
that, and so, as I'm readingyour stuff, I'm like this is my
fucking girl.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
This is the shit that I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
So no, it's, let's get naked.
Let's get naked.
Um hard decision made recentlyletting go of people, places and
things that grosslymisunderstand and misjudge me.
I no longer fight or defend it.
I know what I am here to do.
That's fucking powerful.
It gives me chills just sayingit right now Because it's really
hard and painful.
It is, it is, but I think youknow I got to this place where

(23:28):
the discomfort lives and wherethe shit triggers me.
I run at it, I run at it,fucking.
I love it.
I love the work, I love beingbetter, I love being my best
self.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Like show me where I have a of myself that I can
right.
Well, and the beauty of being53 years old is also knowing
anytime I have released and notdefended or all the things, even
people I never anticipatedmisjudging me and
misunderstanding me and there'sbeen many, especially the last
few years, which is ironicbecause I'm softer in a lot of
ways.
I mean I'm edgy as fuck and willkill you if I have to Like I'm
realistically way morevulnerable and soft than I've

(24:11):
ever been and that's made peoplemore radically uncomfortable.
And I also recognize that anytime I don't try to hold on to
something that has lived pastits expiration date.
And they don't have to be badpeople.
It doesn't have to be thiswhole dramatic story about like
their piece of shit and you knowI've had a few of those that
didn't be dirty but whatever, um, anytime that I have

(24:31):
surrendered that full like yeah,everything, something better
comes along, or a friendship oran opportunity or anything Like
the elite doesn't wait in line.
You know, I used to have afriend in high school who always
had a boyfriend and I would say, like this guy's a piece of
shit.
She goes.
Well, you know, I know he's notthe one, but I'm like waiting

(24:53):
for the right one.
I'm like, well, if you'reentertaining bullshit in your
life, whether it's a boyfriend,friendships, whatever that looks
like like you're going to misswhat is for you because there's
no space for it to come in.
And when I was in rehab, nancy,my therapist used to say, you
know, I've I've seen her for thefull decade after I got sober.
And you know, after I got sober.

(25:15):
I, after I left therelationship I was in like seven
years.
I didn't date in the prime ofmy forties, mind you, like women
that is our prime and from 40to 47, I did not go on one date,
no hookups, nothing.
And Nancy used to tell me,trace, you should probably
practice date.
I'm like Nance, no offense,like I appreciate that I don't

(25:39):
need practice.
I don't know what the fuck todo when it shows up, but I don't
want to be so distracted bywhat isn't for me and that
nonsense so that when it doesshow up I don't see it coming
and thank God I didn't.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah, ladies, that's a public service announcement.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
That is a public service announcement, it was
worth every minute of wait,because when he showed up I was
like energetically, I felt himbefore I saw him.
And that's how powerful this isis when you honor the calling
and you honor yourself.
And it's still scary, likeseriously.
It's like holy fuck.
I just felt him come in theroom and then he's in front of

(26:17):
me and he's like everything thatI would want and it's got shit.
But thank God I wasn'tdistracted Practice dating.
You would have missed it.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
I would have missed it On all of the Mr Wrongs and
all the people that are justbringing bullshit and
distraction to your life.
Nobody fucking needs that and Ihave very, very strong.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
It's, you know, even though I've had addiction with
food, alcohol, anger, sex, likeeverything but drugs, basically,
codependency is my strongestaddiction and I can't fuck
around and find out inespecially romantic partnerships
because I could go down therabbit hole of being so utterly
distracted, not just by withthat person.
But you know, disregard my ownshit that I was like.
I need to understand mycodependent patterns in all
these relationships, startingwith my father, right, like it's

(27:05):
where it all started, andreally have a grip on that.
Now again, understanding thatfrom the neck up is one thing,
right, but understanding thatfrom the neck down, the only way
you can earn those spiritualand emotional muscles is
actually in the arena, whichmeans in relationship.
So that first year I was in therelationship with with my
person when he showed up, like Ihad to fight every bit of my

(27:28):
codependent patterns and I spokeit out loud to him and it was
beautiful because I'd never donethat in my life.
But again, a true testament tolike you, you have to be willing
to let go of anything thatdoesn't honor where you are
going and what the calling is onyour life, because things are
waiting to show up for you, butyou have to make room for it,

(27:48):
yeah.
And that's scary as fuck youknow it's lonely too, like
seriously, and I think thatthat's why people are so
hesitant about doing that.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
That's why we distract and numb and try to
avoid all of that.
But it's like that's where thegood shit lives, that's where
the awesome sauce is Like if youknew that, if you knew how
fucking good it was on this sideof it, you'd run towards it.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
It's worth it.
I mean, there were moments likeI'm a very physical person, so
the fact that I gave up theprime of my 40s is hilarious.
And I promise you I didn't needpractice because I knew what I
was doing.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
It's like riding a bike you just jump right back.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
It was great and I as there were moments it was
lonely, there were moments likeI'd be at in San Diego with my
kids and I'd see all the couplesI'm like I want that, like I do
want that, and I remember afriend of mine said to me she's
like okay, o'malley, like you'veshown the world and and anybody
who knows you that you've gotthis and you don't need anyone
and all the things.

(28:41):
She's like is that really whatyou want?
I'm like no, I want to be apartner with somebody.
I'm a great partner and I Iknow that I do better when I
have healthy partnership.
And it was in that moment Ikind of declared it to the world
and literally two weeks later Ireally had to be vulnerable.
It's like I don't need it, butI do want it and I do deserve

(29:03):
that.
I do deserve that and I knowthat I bring a lot to the table
and I know that having the rightpartner, friend, partners in my
life will only enhance what I'mhere to do.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
The vulnerability piece of that.
It's so raw like gritty.
I'd rather chop off a foot.
I know that you would, becauseI feel the same way.
But what I tell you is I've nowused it as my superpower,
because it's it's in the lastyear my person and I have really
gotten vulnerable about a lotof stuff and it is the coolest

(29:38):
thing on the planet.
You know, when you're able toget that with, with friendships,
with uh, you know people atyour table of life.
That's everything.
I don't want surface levelanything with anyone anymore and
that's where okay, maybe thishas come to an end.
This is.
This season is over withdifferent friendships or
different people, and that'sokay.
That's okay to do that.
I don't want anyone that's notwilling to do the work and get

(30:01):
on the floor and be gritty withme, and I'm not judging them for
that, of course not.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
You, do you?
I seriously like, if I sawsomebody like me coming 15 years
ago, I get that bitch away fromme exactly.
No, thank you well, you're,you're.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
People would say, you're intimidating, and that's
what they say to me too.
But I say I'm not intimidating,you're intimidated, and that's
a different thing.
That's on you.
But you, you spark stuff forpeople.
I'm an opportunity right For me, it's an energetic boner for
other people it's probably notthat it's more.
You know being intimidatedbecause you are you're, you have
presence, you don't fuck around, you understand what your worth
is and and you know where, whatyou've done to get to this

(30:35):
place.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
You're comfortable and confident and I have a fuck
ton of compassion too, which Ithink also makes people feel
really uncomfortable, because Idon't judge, not even for a
moment.
And some people like I am aforce and I always have, but I
didn't always have compassionright, like I had judgment for
sure.
I'd be like well, if you'rejust stronger, maybe it wouldn't
be like this same same, whereasnow I'm like I get it.
Even people that aren't maybe asintense as me.
I I'm raising an empath.
My son is the most sensitivehuman being I have ever known
and, of course, he was gifted tome to teach me empathy and

(31:06):
compassion and sensitivity as astrength, you know.
But I think people really areuncomfortable with a mirror in
front of them and it's anopportunity.
I don't expect everybody towant it, and that's okay, and I
don't take it personal.
I don't expect everybody towant it, and that's okay, and I
don't take it personal.
It's not personal.
It doesn't mean it doesn'talways sting a little bit,
because I'm still human and sure.
But I also understand theassignment on my life very

(31:28):
clearly.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
When did the compassion component come in?
Because for me that was withinthe last couple of years, where
I was like I didn't realize thatmy judgy for other people was a
judgy to me first, and then Ihad to fix that first, and as
soon as I did that theneverything else just kind of
started unraveling with thecompassion component and the
other things.
And so I'm the same way, likedo whatever you want, get
twisted up in your own, I don'tgive a shit right, but you don't

(31:50):
have to be at my table, you canbe at your own table doing
those things, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
Well, like I do give a shit about people.
I don't necessarily give a shitwhat you think about me, right?
Um, the real compassion came in.
Obviously, sobriety helped that, but I still lacked it.
Yeah, and it was about nineyears ago that I had, like I was
44 years old and, um, I was onmy deathbed, quite honestly, and
I was like really sad about it.
I was like, seriously, god,like I finally get my life
together, I'm living like themost authentic, true version of
who you designed me to be.
And now you're going to take meout.
And I was on this constantquest to seek and understand why

(32:30):
a healthy, strong, fit, sober,44 year old woman was like
literally dying before people'seyes.
And again, of course, I didn'ttell anybody.
I was like I got this.
Um went to 14 differentspecialists to try and figure it
out and of course everybodywanted to treat a symptom and my
savage ass walks in.
I'm like I know I got 15minutes.
We're not here to treat afucking symptom under to help me

(32:52):
understand what's at the rootof this, because slapping
something on a symptom is notgoing to help me.
And it took number 14 to spendtwo hours with me to kind of go
through my timeline.
And I had breast implants atthe time.
That wasn't helping things.
I had late stage Lyme disease,chronic Lyme that was eating

(33:13):
away at me, and you know he took50 vials of blood and at the
same time I started doing my ownsleuthing.
This is before breast implantillness was like even mainstream
, like nobody was talking aboutit nine years ago and I just
figured it out and he took the50 vials of blood.
I said I don't know what that'sgoing to say, but I know that
in order to do whatever I needto do about what those 50 vials

(33:35):
of blood are going to say, Ihave to remove this.
And I loved those things.
They were beautiful and theywere also armor, you know, very
physically an armor to my heart,and you know I'd had them for a
long, long time and making thatradical, very quick decision to
remove them was emotional, butalso like I'm here.

(33:57):
I am here to do mighty work andI can't hide behind anything,
including these big, beautifulboobs, and they weren't even
that big, but they werebeautiful and um.
So of course I go back to theoffice and he, I walk in and he
goes and he looks at me.
He's like I don't even know howyou're still alive.
He's like, and I think you'reonto something he goes your

(34:18):
immune system's completely shutdown.
I'm like well, good, becausethey're coming out tomorrow.
He's like okay, and then heproceeded to show me, like, my
lab work.
He's like you have a long roadahead of you.
I said, well, I'm getting theseout tomorrow.
He goes great.
A few days later we're puttinga port in your like and I've got
, of course, my calendar.
I'm like, but I've got this andyou know, I was in the height

(34:44):
of a business.
I mean, I was I don't have timefor this.
I was crushing the businessthat I went.
I mean.
I went from a full maledominated industry to a full
female and was crushing it.
And I was really and I wasdoing good work, like helping
people, and I was like, yeah,but I got this, I get this.
And he looked me straight inthe eyes and he took my planner
and he goes you're not going tosee 2018 if you don't do
something.

(35:04):
And I remember getting rolledinto the operating room of
course, by myself, I wouldn'tlet anybody help me and I
remember the tear rolling downmy face and I promised God like
I will never abuse this bodythat I've been given again.
It's a gift.
And on the outside I lookedfine Again, feelings inside not

(35:24):
expressed and, of course, Iwanted it that way.
I didn't want anybody, but Iknew I was dying.
I knew like I was dying andthis invisible thing that nobody
could see.
That is where my compassioncame, because I realized how
radically I mean I was a pillarof health, I was doing
everything right.
Granted, I did put you knowthose in my body which no
judgment like whatever I have,like this gene mutation that

(35:48):
makes that not so great.
Um, but that's when my realcompassion came, because I was
my most vulnerable and I had Iwas about to lose my entire life
, at my very best Like that'llhumble you like nobody's
business.
And, um, I was about to lose myentire life, at my very best
Like that'll humble you likenobody's business.
And that's where my compassionreally started, especially
around, you know, the emotionalaspect of trauma in our body

(36:12):
Because, although I had theforeign thing in my body and
Lyme disease, there was also alot of stored emotional trauma
in my life that I had, you know,from the neck down, shoved down
, shoved down.
And I didn't believe in somaticwork Like, if you, even nine
years ago I was like somaticwork, just be headstrong and
smart and tough and all thethings.

(36:32):
And it was in that experiencethat I sat in those chairs.
Like you know, I was lined upwith end stage cancer people for
six months like the cancerpeople that no oncologist would
take.
That was me and them.
You know it was pretty, prettysevere and I saw very clearly
the next mission on on thedocket.
When I got out of this I wasvery clear I was going to

(36:54):
survive this and all the things.
And so, after I got unhookedfrom the chair six months later,
I started beta testing some ofthis deeper work.
I knew I wanted to do withpeople and I took five women in
an RV.
I'm like, I took five verydifferent women that I had known
, different parts of life,stages of life.
I said, hey, would you guyswant to go camping with me up in

(37:15):
Prescott?
I got the RV, you just have toshow up.
I got everything.
They're like yeah, and this ishow I knew the body keeps the
score and the body never lies.
And for so long I was ignoringmy body.
Since I was a little girl, Ihad to disassociate from it as
it was being abused.

(37:35):
You know, as a 10 year old, asa 17 year old like I, it was not
safe to be in my body.
And so we're setting upcampground.
It's the first night we'rethere, we haven't even dove into
anything deep yet and all of asudden, you know we've got like
the five of them and me aroundthe campfire and all of a sudden
my body starts doing somethinglike my heart starts racing, I

(37:56):
get really hot, my ears areburning and I'm like and in the
past, that's just my household.
Basically I lived with that.
So that wasn't anything thatwas too out of the ordinary.
But because of my experienceand being more in tune with my
body, especially since removingmy implants and everything that
I'd been through, I was likecurious what the fuck is going

(38:17):
on.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
And I even said out loud.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
I was looking around, I'm like guys, what's going on?
And they're like what are youtalking about?
I'm like something's happeninghere and they're like I don't
know.
And 15 seconds later, twocampgrounds over a drunken brawl
breaks out.
And that's what I grew up withand my body felt that energy
before my conscious mind everdid.

(38:41):
That was a life-changing momentfor me to know that the body is
always here to serve us andprotect us.
But we have to pay attention toit and listen to it and honor
it.
And that's where my compassioncame from.
From that experience, likenever again will I abandon this
beautiful.
From that experience, likenever again will I abandon this
beautiful.
I mean I can't do what I'mcalled here to do and understand

(39:02):
the assignment if I'mdishonoring the vessel that's
carrying it.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
It's powerful shit.
It's a big realization.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Life-changing yeah, Life-changing after.
I mean, I've been indysfunctional relationship with
food and flip-flopping betweenanorexic tendencies and bulimic
tendencies since I was afive-year-old.
Like that was my first healthy,at least my first drug of
choice that I could get accessto as a five-year-old, in the

(39:29):
middle of the fuckingdysfunction you know, other than
codependency, you know it wasmy first like tangible thing and
all of that really helped meget the reins on all of that and
honor the vessel first always.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
It's hugely important .
It's everything and I thinkpeople don't listen to their
body because we do the wholelike.
We're so focused ondistractions and numbing that
you can't even pay attention,yeah, of course, and you can't
even pay attention to what thatis.
And when you realize your gutand your body, and if you can
get quiet enough and stillenough to listen to the whispers
, fuck, anything's possible.
All the answers are there,that's literally where all the
answers are.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
It's an excavation process, but we have piled on
stuff or we've restricted stuffto honor the vessel, or we have
polished it.
And trust me, I'm vain as fuck,yeah, and I like to look good
and take care of itaesthetically, and also never at

(40:23):
the expense of the honor thatthe vessel needs to do what it's
here to do.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Yeah, I had the exact same situation with the
implants I had them out.
I had them out two years ago.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
They were fucking beautiful same, so gorgeous I
had them for a long time.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
But when you describe the whole like yes, they were
also this armor like I'm gettingfull body chills because that's
exactly what I felt like and Ifeel like I wouldn't be here to
do this work and be of serviceto everybody else without having
done that, because it was thatarmor.
I needed to have them.
Not I'm getting powerful.
Listening to you speak.
I feel like I could belistening to myself say those

(40:53):
same words of just this is not.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
I remember the first time I hugged my daughter
because I'd never hugged herwithout them.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
You know, she was baby.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Sure, sure, sure, they were one and two when I got
them.
Sure, and it was in a yogaclass and I remember doing where
you fold in half I don't knowwhat that's called yogis.
I apologize, but I folded inhalf and it was the first, you
know, and my chest was againstmy thighs and I felt my
heartbeat for the first time andthen I hugged my daughter and
sobbed and the other thing thathappened, um, you know, she only

(41:24):
knew me with them and she usedto judge herself Like we both
have booty, right, and she waslike, yeah, but you got the
whole package and she didn'tknow, until she was a teenager,
really, that I had them.
She asked, I would have toldher, but she didn't.
Sure, and I'll never forget theday that I got home and she was
standing in the kitchen.
I saw her looking at me in aweird way, in a beautiful way.

(41:45):
She goes I do look just likeyou.
She goes, and it's the mostbeautiful thing I've ever seen.
And the relationship with herown body changed that day, like
me being courageous enough to dothat, and you know they were
beautiful.
Yes, me being courageous enoughto do that, and you know they
were beautiful.
Yes, I understand.
I told my boyfriend I show himpictures.
I'm like I'm sorry you nevergot those.
All the time I mourn them, allthe time I'm like this is what

(42:07):
I'm left with love muffin and my.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
You know, my, my person is happy one way or the
other, but it is same but it isfunny, it's like they were
lovely you know great armor?

Speaker 2 (42:16):
yeah, and they were great armor for the time that
they were.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
yeah, that I had them , but it is a great way to
describe that is that they werearmor.
I could talk to you forever.
Will you please tell me what itis that you do?

Speaker 2 (42:26):
with this, with the Enneagram?
Yes, please, just because Idon't want to like.
I announce that that's what itis and then we don't even tell
anyone what it talked about.
Yes, please so you know I checkmyself into rehab right against
everybody in my life.
They're like you're crazy.
I'm like, yeah, well, whatever,so I'm crazy.
So I check into rehab and daytwo I'm introduced to Nancy and

(42:52):
she's tough.
She's an Enneagram 8 like me,and you don't have to know the
Enneagram to know that's theenergy.
Nancy's that, and she's fromTexas and she's 20 years older
than me, so she's got someexperience, so I respect that.
And she's like on day two, youknow, um, only two percent of
you are gonna make it.
You know, in recovery, and I'mlike I'm doing the math and the

(43:15):
first words I spoke to anybodywas like sorry, guys, you're
gonna fail right, I'm making it,I'm the two percent.
And on day two she's like, hey,I want you to do this Enneagram.
I was like, sorry guys, you'regoing to fail.
I'm making it, I'm the 2%.
And on day two she's like, hey,I want you to do this Enneagram
thing.
I'm like, respectfully, nancy,go fuck yourself.
I don't need another label.
I'm coming here with so manyLike you've seen the house of
cards here.
You know I've dealt them allout to you.

(43:38):
You know I don't need anotherlabel.
And she's like my dear, yourbest thinking has gotten you
here and this might actuallyhelp you get out of the box that
the world has put you in, yourenvironment, has put you in and
you've put yourself in.
So how about you open up yourmind a little bit and just
entertain this for a moment?
Ok, nancy, touche, you're right, and I was super confronted by

(44:01):
it.
Nine-year-old, remember when Isaid I knew I understood a lot
of things as a nine-year-oldgirl and I also used to read the
Atlas as a kid.
Like I was fascinated with mapsand I got made fun of for it.
They're like my dad's like whyare you reading?
Like Iowa?
I'm like I don't know.
I'm just fascinated with how weget from here to there, like,

(44:24):
how does this all work?
How the fuck do I get out ofhere?
You know, I was in Illinois I'msure there were better places
in Iowa but at the time, like I,was fascinated with a mapping
system and growing up in thehousehold I grew up in and and
my spiritual gifts.
I definitely have a channel,for sure, no question about it.

(44:44):
But I didn't always have thelanguage to put with what I was
feeling, seeing and knowing.
And I did pretty well.
You know, most of that camefrom protection and survival
because of the environment Igrew up in.
But as I got older I was stillable to kind of know, see and
feel things, but I didn'tnecessarily know what to do with

(45:05):
that.
And when the Enneagram droppedin my lap, when I put the armor
down and received it, it waslike the divine, whatever that
means to you.
It was like I've been waitingfor the right time to give you
this map, because now you havenot only language for yourself
but you're going to teach thislanguage, because it's a

(45:26):
language people need tounderstand why they're here,
their home base, how to get fromhere to there, how to do it
effectively, efficiently andhonoring themselves in the
process.
And so the Enneagram droppedinto my life in rehab.
I came into it kicking andscreaming and for five years I
used it and mastered it masteredmy understanding and

(45:47):
integration of it, because Istarted using my own intuition
and channel, plus my experienceof growing up, the way that I
grew up using this language inthe closet and I was able to
effectively lead a sales team tomulti-million dollars on my own
, with no social network.
I built a sales organization ofover a hundred thousand people

(46:09):
with the tool of the Enneagram,telling no one, and people were
fascinated Like I was able tolead anyone, not just spicy
girls like me and you.
Like I could lead the empath.
I could lead somebody who ismore meek and quiet and people
were fascinated how people wereso receptive to my leadership if
they weren't, you know, type amasculine energy.

(46:30):
girls like me and I was usingthis tool behind the scenes not
to keep it a secret.
Well, maybe a little bit.
It was like my secret weapon,but I was becoming masterful of
like.
Okay, I have known this allalong.
I just am plugging in thelanguage that I know in this
atlas called the Enneagram,which is what I call it, and it
was at the same time that I hadmy health scare that the

(46:54):
Enneagram became trendy and itpissed me off.
Like it pissed me off, I didn'twant to jump on the train
because it was trendy.
I came out of the Enneagramcloset because I was pissed,
because it wasn't being used asbeautiful as it needed to be.
And so I came out of theEnneagram closet, I started
talking about it and all of asudden, everybody's like so this

(47:15):
is how you read people's souls.
I'm like well, I read people'ssouls, but now I have language
to put to it and now I can giveit to you.
And so that's what I, how.
I started becoming theEnneagram expert that you know.
Teams like Google and Amazon andFacebook and John Deere and
major Fortune 100 companiesbring me in to understand their
people.
I'm like I'm just giving youthe atlas and guiding you how to

(47:37):
read it and how to read eachother, but only in integrity and
with beautiful intent, becauseany tool in the wrong hands,
with the wrong intent, is aweapon, whether it be the book
of AA, whether it be the Bible,whether it be astrology, whether
it be a chainsaw, whether it bethe Enneagram Like.
I am only here to teach thistool with beautiful intent and

(47:58):
integrity, and if that's not you, then I'm not going to be here
to teach this for you.
And that's also why I know itwasn't given to me, by the grace
of God until it was, because Iabsolutely would have used it to
control, manipulate and protect.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
I know exactly what you're talking about.
There's certain things thathave come to me where it's like
there's no way I would have beenready for this two years ago.
I wouldn't you know I was so inmy ego, so in all of these
other places where I would nothave been able to use this.
So for me, having my implantsout was a big part of like being
ready for stuff.
So it's it's fascinating itmade room.
It's fascinating that that.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
So that's how I got into it and that's like, and the
way that I talk about it andteach it now, like even
Enneagram people like I mean,it's an ancient thing.
If you want to know history ofit, just Google that shit.
I don't care about any of that.
I'm like what's in this forfucking me?

Speaker 1 (48:44):
and you.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
That's how I teach it right Like why do I need to
understand this?
And the way that I teach it andthe way that I integrate and
explain it.
A lot of the people that talkabout it and teach it are great
information teachers and thankgoodness for them.
But if you want to actually usethe tool like, I'm the person,
like business, personal, I meanI do family interventions with

(49:05):
this, I do team interventions, Ido a lot of marriage
interventions, you know I willalways you know, because it
worked in my home team first andin fact, when I came out of
rehab, you know I recognizedvery early that I only spoke my
language and no matter how wellintended I was and no matter how
much I love my kids, the waythat I was communicating

(49:27):
sometime wouldn't land and youknow I didn't intend that right
Well then you need to learn alanguage and the good thing
about the Enneagram is not thatcomplicated.
It's complex but it canstreamline a language that you
need to speak.
So when I was sitting in rehaband I was understanding some of
this, I knew mine right away,even though I was mistyped on

(49:47):
the Enneagram.
That's a whole thing.
But I knew that I was raisingtwo kids that were different
from me and very different fromeach other.
And I took this home, literallyin rehab.
I had my iPod with Eric Churchand Mumford Sons, I had the
Enneagram and I had my DexterDVDs Of course, serial killer,
shit, you know.
And I came home and startedimplementing what I understood

(50:09):
about the Enneagram, withouttelling my kids.
But I knew I was raising a 2and I knew I was raising a 7.
And I just started speaking asthough I knew and I did, and the
culture in my home changedovernight.
Granted sobriety helped, but mespeaking the language and
understanding they're motivateddifferently from me and
differently from each other, andI'm not better and they're not
better.
We're all here to differentlyfrom each other and I'm not

(50:31):
better and they're not better.
We're all here to learn fromeach other and the more that I'm
open to speaking to that forthem, I can empower them, and
that changed everything for me,yeah, everything.
So, yeah, I'm very passionateabout the Enneagram yeah um, it
brought me back to who I wasdesigned to be, before life
kicked me in the teeth a littlebit and before the environment
told me I had to be somethingdifferent than I I was.
So it brought me back home, um,but with the wisdom of who I am

(50:54):
today, and it's such an honorto be able to give that to other
people you know, with this workmuch fun it's.
I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Yeah, I could talk about it 24 7 when you find what
your, what your purpose is, whyyou're here, it makes all the
rest of that shit fall away.
You know, when I'm reading yourstuff and it's like I don't
have to explain myself toanybody, don't give a fuck, like
all of the things.
I've always come from thatplace, but also now I come from
a place where I don't have todefend anything that I'm doing
or done, because I know who I am, I know what my intentions are.

(51:24):
Like all of the bullshit iscleaned out so that I'm very I'm
crystal clear, crystal, crystalclear and I and I don't have to
wonder about things.
You know when, when, when Ihear the whisper, I just fucking
go Like I don't, I don'tquestion, I don't care, I don't.
Run it through this stupidfucked up mind that doesn't have
any good data points anywaysand is wrong most of the time.
With the, you know you're notgood enough and all the shit

(51:45):
that it tells you.
It's like no, I'm good, I'mgoing to go off of my gut.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
But if you had told me in rehab almost 13 years ago
that this thing I resisted andcame into kicking and screaming
would be the thing that I'm nowknown for my ego me and my ego
battle a little bit over thatbecause I'm more than the
Enneagram.
The Enneagram is just thelanguage in which my gifts
actually can be received andit's a language I can give all

(52:10):
of you.
So I do battle that from timeto time because I have this
depth of experience, wisdom,strength, strategies like I'm
smart as fuck but and like ifthis is the tool that gets you
in front of me to open the door,it's the gateway drug, so to
speak, to you really beingwilling and open to take the

(52:31):
courageous, bold steps to honorwho you are and who you're here
to be and the calling and that'son your life.
Then fucking call me theEnneagram girl yeah.
I'm the Enneagram godmother orwhatever.
I'm the master, whatever I am,I will go toe-to-toe with
anybody on this.
Yeah, and I love it and I lovebeing able to teach it to people
.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
I, I love the passion you know when you have.
When you have that, there isthis obsession about getting the
knowledge, figuring things out,honing, honing how you do it.
I mean it's, it's savage iswhat it feels like.
Yeah, in like the mostbeautiful way.
And people don't understandthat when they're on this rinse
lather repeat cycle, they lookat me and they think I'm fucking
nuts because I'm so excited andpassionate about what it is

(53:10):
that I'm doing?
And it's like no, no, you don'tunderstand, like I've.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
I've figured out what I'm meant to be doing and I
just go with whatever that isbut it takes me back to the
little girl laying on the floorreading the Rand McNally atlas.
Even as a nine-year-old, I wastrying to understand the mapping
system on how we got here andhow do we get out of here and
how do we move through this life.
And the Enneagram is just amapping system.
Fast forward, you know.

(53:34):
30 years later, yeah, um, it'sbeautiful.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
It's a beautiful homecoming it is beautiful and
you said something in your thingabout off-roading for a couple
of decades and that reallylanded for me because when you
realize, get back to thatnine-year-old, you know that's
that's how I encourage otherpeople when it's like, get all
of this other shit, yes, it'sgarbage and it's painful and
it's, you know, gut-wrenchingwork that you're going to do.
But once it is gut-wrenching,but when you can get back to

(54:00):
that nine-year-old- and love herthe way that she always
deserved.
Oh my god, she's amazing and theawe and the wonder that she
comes at life with right and notall the bullshit that gets in
the way of stuff.
That's fabulous to me.
I look at that and I have that.
I want to share that with otherpeople, you know, and my
problem is I get super fuckingexcited where I'm like let me
help everyone, and it's likethat's actually not what I'm

(54:22):
supposed to be doing.

Speaker 2 (54:30):
I'll wait here patiently until the universe or
the creator or whatever bringswhoever I'm supposed to be doing
, and so I just hold space, youknow, yeah, it's funny because I
used to enter a room and belike bold with words and bold
like I'm bold with energy, asyou know.
Yes, I do but it's, it almost ismore magnetizing because people
can feel that I know, and thenI can, I, and they're like you
see things, don't you?
I'm like, I see everything sogood, I'm like, and I don't

(54:52):
judge a bit of it.
And there are some people thatare really ready for that and,
like I said, there are somepeople that they go running and
I would have been that person.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
So I get it.
Yeah, I think that.
I think that your energy isdefinitely something that would
make people go running the otherway, and if they're not ready
to tackle that right, because itdoes it's when you realize
we're all mirrors, you know, towhat that person is supposed to
be learning about themselves.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
There's a lot of people out in the
entrepreneurial world which I ampart of and I love and I'm
obsessed with and you know I'msurrounded by a network of
really incredible, successful,powerful people and also I see
the lip service.
Again, no judging Like I get it, like they're white knuckling
life they are maintaining,maintaining an image, and I

(55:43):
think what can feel so I don'teven like the word threatening
but uncomfortable being in mypresence is is I walk into a
room and there is absolutelynothing fake, nothing white
knuckling about my life andpeople really want that and
they're afraid of what they haveto disrupt in their life in
order to get it.
It's a great way to say it,because you do have to disrupt a

(56:05):
lot of life in order to have it.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
You have to be willing to sacrifice everything.
Everything yeah, everythingyeah.
How do you stay humble, how doyou keep your ego in check?
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
I just never forget, like what I've been through,
what I've come from, the peopleI'm raising.
Yeah, you know, like every dayis a gift, quite honestly, and
I've had everything.
I've made lots of money, I'velost lots of money, I've had
great health, I lost greathealth.

(56:38):
Like I take nothing for granted.
I really honor the little girlsinside of me.
I think there's like threeversions of our little people
inside of us.
I call them the little legendsand it's like the first one that
took the hit, you know, is myfour-year-old.
The one who heard my dad tellthat story was the one who took
the first hit, like being me isnot okay, right.

(57:01):
And then there's thenine-year-old, who experienced a
lot of the coping mechanisms,the thoughts and beliefs built
around that hit.
And then my rebellious one,which we've talked about, who
was trying to quiet the noise ofall of it.
And I think really honoring thethree little legends that have
lived this experience with mereally keeps me humble and like

(57:22):
the, the most importantparenting I'm ever going to do
is the.
The ones that live inside of me, like even though I'm a great
fucking mother and it's such anhonor to be the mother to my
kids, like the best motheringever I've ever done is to myself
, and that keeps me humble,because that job never ends, you
know, and for me to do what Ido like that has to come first,
yeah, has to.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
It's incredible to me .
I look at my life and say Iwant to make the eight-year-old
Ann proud and I want the80-year-old Ann to look back and
be proud, and so if I live mylife in that way, it, for me,
keeps things in check where it'slike.
It's not about me, right, it'sabout the difference that you
can make and the people that youhave an impact on, and, and
that's what I'm addicted to, andso that's why it's hard for me

(58:05):
to like.
Okay, get back in my own lane.
Big guy will bring me whoeverI'm supposed to when it's time
for that.
Um, yeah, I think that's sopowerful to be able to really
realize that eight year old ornine year old focus on her.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
Well, they're running the show anyway, like all your
little legends inside of you arerunning the show, and if they
haven't been nurtured, protectedand guided in a way that's
healthy, they're going todisrupt your life Any.
I mean.
Think about it.
If you've ever raised a toddlerthat's throwing a tantrum in
Target, it's disruptive, right.
And you have one inside of youthat wants to be seen, heard,
understood and valued and,depending on the environment or

(58:41):
the conditioning and what wastaught, told and modeled for you
, they're seeking outdysfunctional ways to get that.
So you have to honor them inorder for them to not be running
a dysfunctional show that isjust ready to go off-roading and
off a cliff.
But it's beautiful.
It's really a beautiful journey, like I've said this before,

(59:03):
and like this was the mostimpactful, important work I've
ever done for myself, for thepeople that I love, for the
people that I lead, and it's thework that trust me, if there
was another way.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
I would have found it .
We would have found it.
I'm with you.

Speaker 2 (59:17):
I would have found it because I know, when I'm
talking to even men and women,I'm like I know it's going to
sound a little wackadoodle, butI promise you I'm like a CSI,
investigative kind of person andif there was another way I
would have found it and done it.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
We've turned over the rocks, we've looked to see.
Yeah, trust that that hashappened.
We've done the research.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
And I've got you and to your point.
I know I could help a lot ofpeople, and I also know it's not
my job here to play God.
Yes, and some people don't getit till they get it, and
sometimes that means fallingflat on their face and not
preventing them from hitting arock bottom, even though I could
help prevent it.
They're not going to get thelesson, they're not going to get
the humility, they're not goingto get the full-blown surrender

(01:00:03):
to actually have this work beeffective.
And so I'm on standby and I'm asafe gentle, nonjudgmental,
loving.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
I'll fuck you up place and you know when you're
ready you know where to find me,you know where to find her.
I love it.
Well, that's our time for today.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Love it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
Thank you so much for coming and spending this hour.
This has really been lovely, myhonor.
So if you have questions,suggestions or think you have a
story you'd like to add and wantto be on the podcast, send us
an email.
Our email address is ladies atletsgetnakedpodcastcom.
And then please do all thethings to support the pod so
that we can continue to do thisimportant work.
Follow, share rate and review.
Catch you next time.

(01:00:38):
That's a wrap.
I'd love to help you getvulnerable.
Let's get naked.