Breaking Free from Alcohol's Social Norms

Imagine visualizing your personal energy reserves as a colorful pot of Skittles. Intrigued? With Justine and Belinda by our side, we uncover this unique analogy to help you manage your mental, emotional, and physical activities. Throughout our conversation, we bring to light the importance of awareness and intentionality in preserving energy for life's most meaningful moments. The journey doesn’t stop there; we dig into the complex layers of how alcohol affects family dynamics, sharing our own vulnerable stories to inspire open dialogue and understanding.

Growing up with an alcoholic parent comes with its own set of challenges, often marked by a lingering sense of uncertainty and fear. Reflecting on childhood experiences, we share how these memories shaped our parenting journeys and led us to make significant life changes. It’s an intimate look at the pivotal moments that motivated us to quit drinking, seeking to provide a stable environment for our children. Alongside Justine and Belinda, we explore the societal norms that glamorize alcohol, questioning whether our habits truly serve us or simply perpetuate a cycle of disengagement.

We close by celebrating the liberation and clarity that come from self-reflection and intentional living. We challenge the pervasive influence of alcohol in social settings and unpack the pressures to conform. This episode is a heartfelt call to evaluate the choices that define our lives, encouraging a shift toward healthier habits that uplift our families and ourselves. Through shared experiences and introspective practices, we invite you to reconsider the role of alcohol and embrace a path of personal growth and emotional intelligence.

This podcast dives deep into real, raw topics—think vulnerability, triggers, and childhood trauma. But just so we're super clear: I’m not a licensed therapist, mental health professional, or anything close. I’m just a human sharing stories, lessons, and life hacks based on personal experience and a whole lot of curiosity.

So, while you might find some golden nuggets here, this is not therapy and should never replace professional mental health care. If you or someone you love is going through it, please—seriously—reach out to a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. You deserve the real deal.

Need Help Now?
Here are a few amazing resources:

· 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Call or text 988
· NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or nami.org/help
· Therapy Directory: psychologytoday.com
· Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

The opinions expressed on this show are ours and ours alone—no official organizations are responsible for what we say (or how much we overshare).

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.
Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
Welcome to the let's Get Nakedpodcast, where we dive deep into
vulnerability.
In this space, we'll explorewhat triggers us, uncover the
patterns holding us back anddiscover how to take charge of
our own growth.
If you're ready to dig in, bevulnerable and face the tough

(00:28):
stuff, then buckle up.
It's time to get naked.
Today.
I'm going to start by sharing alittle bit of something that
will lay the groundwork for ourconversation, and I wanted to
explain my Skittles analogy foranyone who hasn't heard it
previously, because it fits invery well with the intention of
how we use our energy.

(00:49):
So I believe in energy, alwayshave.
A couple years ago, I startedvisualizing energy as Skittles.
It helped me kind of quantifymy energy and how I spend it.
I believe that energy is usedmentally, emotionally,
physically, and I believe thatthose energy draws come from the

(01:10):
same pot.
So I started visualizingSkittles because I'm giving,
when I have an obligation, tosomeone that takes energy.
I'm giving Skittles to them IfI have something that I've been
noodling around in my brain,having a hard time processing it
and you feel exhausted at theend of the day.
Skittles If you have anemotionally rough day or you're

(01:33):
crying and you ever felt likeyou got your ass kicked after
you're done doing that, it'sbecause that was a huge energy
draw and that takes Skittles.
So the awareness of being ableto visualize that as energy has
given me the opportunity toreally be intentional with how I
use my Skittles.
He talks about low-hanging fruitin that traffic weather,
getting pissed off about thatkind of stuff is a giant waste

(02:12):
and that you should start thereas far as letting those things
go and letting those things notbother you.
In listening to that or readingthat book, I thought, thinking
about being in traffic gettingpissed off, having road rage,
you're mad that somebody cut youoff.
Well, I started visualizingthat I might as well just throw
Skittles out the window as I'mmad at somebody that had no idea

(02:35):
that they even cut me off orany of that.
So that intentional awarenessof my Skittles for that, or if
I'm processing something and I'mchewing on something that
doesn't need me to be chewing onit all the time I've had a lot
of junk that's happened in thelast couple of years that have
really taken a lot of energymentally, realizing that the

(02:58):
more that I put towards thosethings that just rattle around
upstairs in your head.
You're spending Skittles, you'respending energy, and,
understanding that we all have alimited quantity of whatever
our energy is, I visualize thatas okay, that's, that's in a cup
and and what do I have?
So the topic that we're goingto talk about today goes into

(03:20):
kind of getting to the end ofyour day and not really having
any, any energy left for thepeople that are most important.
I say that all the time that wespend our energy and our focus
on work and on obligations thatwe don't want to do or, you know
, we have poor boundaries or noboundaries, and so we're very
people pleaser and using ourenergy and our skittles towards

(03:40):
things that shouldn't be there.
Then, at the end of the day,your kiddo wants you to read a
book or go throw the ball.
You don't have the Skittlesthere, left the energy to do
that.
You're exhausted and all youcan think about doing is just
numbing out and unplugging fromstuff.
So when I use the Skittlesanalogy, for me it's extremely
helpful and I've had feedbackfrom other people who, as

(04:01):
they've started implementingthat into their every days, that
that's been really helpful tothem as well for just being able
to again have an awareness anda visualization.
If you're not aware that it'seven happening, you're not going
to change it because you don'teven know that it's a thing that
needs to be changed.
But once you can really startvisualizing that and

(04:22):
understanding that, if you'regetting pissed off at somebody
in the grocery store or you'regetting upset about you know
somebody at work, or you'respending time with somebody,
that really is negative energyfor you, those things are all
ways that you're spending yourenergy, and so being able to
really be intentional about howyou're doing that is a game
changer.
I think it's just the awarenessand the intentionality of

(04:44):
things is a game changer.
So I reference that.
Just the awareness and theintentionality of things is a
game changer.
So I referenced that because Iwant to lead into our
conversation today where we'regoing to talk about alcohol, how
that affects kiddos andfamilies when parents are
plugged into alcohol more than Ithink is probably healthy.
I will say that this podcast, asI've always said, doesn't come

(05:08):
from a place of judgment.
The women that are sittingacross from me on the couch have
been in the trenches, as have I, with that situation, with our
families and drinking, and I'mproud to have the conversation
and to have them be willing toembrace vulnerability and tell
some pretty difficult stories ofhow that has affected their

(05:30):
lives.
So with that, today we arestripping it off with Justine
and Belinda.
Justine is my sister-in-law andsomeone that I have known for
decades, and Belinda, for thoseof you who may know, is my ride
or die and has been around forlonger than that.
So welcome to the show, ladies,thank you.
Yeah, I'm glad to have you guyshere.

(05:52):
So I'd like to start Justinewith you.
Justine had reached out after Istarted doing the podcast and
had listened to a couple ofepisodes and had made the
suggestion of really having thisconversation and thought that
it was really important to dothat.
So I appreciate you beingvulnerable enough to come on and

(06:12):
to talk about that and also theconversation suggestion because
I think that's what thisplatform is for is for our
community to say here'ssomething that I think is really
vulnerable and that theconversation would be important
to share with other people sothat listeners can have
awareness or have you knowsomeone to relate to that says
yeah, I'm doing that too, andhow do I?
How do I get out of thathamster wheel or or whatever.

(06:35):
So maybe you can start, justine, by sharing with us kind of
your history with alcohol Ithink that's probably a really
great place to start and thenalso kind of your family dynamic
with your husband and kiddos,so that we can kind of set the
stage for that as well.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Sure, absolutely so.
As you know, I grew up with analcoholic father.
My mom drank also, but shestopped at some point.
I think I was probably aroundeight or nine when she realized
that that wasn't for her anymore.
But my dad continued to drinkand, you know, do other things

(07:12):
until I was a senior in highschool.
So my entire childhood wasfilled with some kind of rough
stuff.
So I'm the youngest of fourkids, blended family.
Anne is, of course, married tomy brother, who's a year and a
half older than me, so he waskind of with me along this

(07:36):
journey.
We experienced the same things,I think I'll start by telling a
little story about a dream thatI had when I was little.
It was one of those recurringdreams.
We lived in a two-story houseand there was a loft that
overlooked the back door, andoften on the weekends my dad

(08:01):
wouldn't come home.
Work would be over at five andwe might not see him till one,
two in the morning, or Saturdayor Sunday, or you know who knew
when he was going to come homeand we didn't know what he was
going to be like when he camehome.
Right, Because he was, you know, he was off drinking and

(08:24):
sometimes, you know, weekendlongdrug binges or whatever it was.
But when I was very little Iwould stay in my mom's room.
I liked to sleep in my mom anddad's room.
They had a little space on thefloor for me and in my dream I
would wake up from the floor inmy mom and dad's room and I
would walk over and I would lookover the balcony out onto the

(08:44):
back door and I would see afigure coming in through the
back door and the figure wouldlift his head up, and sometimes
it was my dad and sometimes itwas a monster and I can't
describe what that monsterlooked like.
I mean, this is, you know, 40years ago at this point, but the

(09:05):
scene is vivid, like I have thedream every night.
But that was telling of what itwas like growing up with an
alcoholic father.
I never knew what I was goingto get.
I didn't know who was going toturn around and I didn't know
how he was going to act.
I didn't know if I should stayin my room or you know, I never

(09:27):
knew.
So, yeah, that was what it waslike growing up.
We went through some toughstuff with that.
Like I said, my mom stoppeddrinking when I was around eight
and I think I know why, andthat kind of relates to what

(09:49):
happened with me.
So I've been married for 18years, 19 years now, something
like that.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
You do.
I don't even know what age I am.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
People ask me how old are you?
I'm like I don't know,somewhere up there in the upper
40s, maybe.
My husband and I have beentogether for over 20 years and
we used to drink a lot, we had alot of fun, and then we started
having kids and we wereresponsible for the most part.
But then as they startedgetting older and sleeping all

(10:23):
night and, you know, found goodbabysitters and stuff, we would,
you know, go out a little bitmore, drink a little bit more,
have a glass of wine with dinner, maybe two, maybe dinner was
the whole bottle of wine.
And let's see lots of vacationsthat we went on, that it was

(10:50):
fun to just, you know, startdrinking in the morning, mimosas
and wine all day.
My kids laughed because I had ahat that I would put on when we
would go on vacation and it wasmy vacation hat.
And they knew that if mom hadher vacation hat on, the answer
was yes, it's always yes.
Cream absolutely.
Can I buy that bracelet fromthe beach vendor?

(11:10):
Absolutely.
We stay up late.
Absolutely.
Mom's got her yes hat on um andso after I don't know, I, I
think my kids were 12, 11, 9,and 7.

(11:32):
We were on vacation in San Diegoand day started like any
vacation would.
I started off with a kombuchathat had booze in it, switched
to wine and then my husband andI went out to the bar down the
street, left the kids in theAirbnb and went to the bar down

(11:52):
the street, got plastered, camehome and got in the hugest
argument that we had ever beenin, screaming and yelling never
physical or anything like that.
But the kids were like hidingunder their beds.
They were terrified.
Um, eventually it simmered downand we went to bed.

(12:13):
Um, the next morning we woke upoh god, where we hung over the
worst, calling the people thatwe had plans with that day to
cancel our plans because therewas no way we were getting out
of bed that day.
We looked at each other and wesaid let's never do this again.
And we said done, and that wasit Never drank again.

(12:34):
That's excellent, it's a choice.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah, it is a choice that's excellent, yeah, yeah,
yeah, it is a choice that'sexcellent, yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah.
So when I said what I think mymom was feeling, it ended up
being what I was feeling as well.
I mean, there's way more thatgoes into that story than just
waking up one day and saying I'mnever drinking again.
Sure Is, I felt like my kidsdidn't know who they were going

(13:06):
to get.
I had my vacation hat on.
It was always yes.
My daughter told me the otherday when we were talking about
she's 18 now and we were talkingabout me coming on the podcast,
and she's like well, what areyou going to talk about?
And I told her, and she's likeI didn't like the vacation hat.
She said it was scary becausewe knew that you were going to
be drinking and we didn't knowwhat was going to happen.

(13:27):
And so I thought, okay, well,my parents weren't the best
parents.
They did the best that theycould.
My mom did the best that theycould.
I'm not going to speak for mydad, but my mom did the best
that she could, and what sherecognized was that, in light of
my father being unpredictable,she needed to be a rock.

(13:49):
She needed to be the rock forus, who we could go to her and
know exactly what we were goingto get, no matter what it was.
If we brought home a bad grade,we wrecked the car, we got in
trouble at school, whatever itwas, we would always get the
same response from her becauseshe was, she had her shit

(14:12):
together, she was under control,and that's what I saw for my
kids.
I'm like this is it's ridiculous.
Like they are they.
Am I going to scream at them?
Am I going to congratulate them?
Who am I going to be for themwhen they come to me?
And if they don't know whothey're going to get, they're
not going to come to me.
So I see, this world is crazy.

(14:32):
There's so much stuff that goeson and I want my kids to be
able to talk to me.
I want my kids to be able totrust in me.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
And, if I'm out of my mind, they're not going to be
able to do that.
Well, it's interesting too,because something that is unique
with unique not uniqueinteresting about our stories is
that all of our kids aregetting older, right?
Belinda's all three ofBelinda's kids are adults as of
Friday.
All three of my kids are adults.
You know, your oldest is 18,and so, as we're getting to be
where our kids have more of avoice and can also kind of give

(15:07):
you some feedback, you know, onhow their childhood was for them
, my children are very vocalwith me about what my drinking,
how my drinking, affected them,and I look back at it and I
think I wish I would have known,I wish I would have been more
plugged into that, instead ofvery much being plugged into me

(15:30):
and just trying to fill theholes of my cup in whatever way
that I could.
You know.
So I use the cup analogy, right, because if you have a cup
that's hemorrhaging from thebottom, you're not able to take
care of anybody else.
You're barely able to take careof you, which is where all of
the you come home at the end ofthe day and you just want to
numb out with booze.

(15:50):
You know, for me, I was a dailydrinker and that's what I did.
You come home and have a coupleof drinks and by a couple I
don't mean just a few, and andthat's what that looks like.
And I don't.
I was always the fun, happydrunk, which is just a
descriptive word.
It has nothing to do withanything other than that was
just how I was, so it wasn'tyelling or mean or any of that

(16:13):
stuff, but I was not plugged in.
I was not present for them inthe way that they deserved me to
be, and so being able to hearthem say that after the fact
it's humbling, it's eye-openingand it's something that I want
to share with other people,because I think a lot of parents
don't realize how much theirdrinking affects their kids.
You know, if you talk toparents they say that, oh, I

(16:34):
would do anything for my kids.
Well, if you realized what yourdrinking does to your kiddos
for setting them up for successin life and for who they're
going to be, like you weresaying, your dad was
unpredictable and you weren'table to be certain how that was
going to look, and sometimeshe's a monster and sometimes
he's the fun guy or you knowsame thing with you to your kids
.
Sometimes you just never knowwhat you're going to get.

(16:55):
That's not how you would wantto be raised.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
Sure, and not just what the drinking or the
unpredictability does to yourkids, but how much our kids need
us, even though they're 10, 11,12, 13, 14 years old and
they're starting to be able todo things on their own and they
have their relationships thatwe're not always involved in,

(17:22):
their friendships that they havewith their friends.
They need us.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
I mean, I'm a lady of a certain age and I still call
my mom because I need her Forsure, for sure.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
And I think that sometimes we get so focused on
ourselves that we just don'trealize that they, that they
need us, like that.
You know, you realize until godforbid it might be too late or
you catch something just in inthe nick of time.
You know, we've both beenthrough some stuff like that.

(17:55):
It's, it's scary yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
I look back and I think what a different mom I
would have been had I not beendrinking or if I had understood
at that point the intentionalityof how to use your Skittles.
You know, because I use themnow and it's okay.
I'm not going to waste them onshit, that doesn't matter.
I'm not going to be a peoplepleaser in a way that I'm doing
things out of obligation, thatbasically just takes Skittles
out of my kids's hands and givesthem to somebody else, which is

(18:21):
what you're doing.
If you really visualize it thatway, you know, if you're giving
to things that aren't importantbecause you don't want to say no
, or you don't put boundaries inplace, or you're doing this
people-pleasing thing.
Well, at the end of the day, ifyou don't have anything left
over for your family, which issupposed to be your most
important thing, which is whatwe say verbally they're my most
important thing I would doanything for them.
But would you Right and and andand again.

(18:46):
No judging, because we all havebeen sitting there.
So it's not.
It's not what the place thatI'm coming from at all, but if
we know better, we can do better, and so my mission is literally
let's open our eyes, let's wakeup.
Let's wake up to what theeffects of all of this stuff
have you know.
In our society, we've gotten tothe point where we have
normalized alcohol to it.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
It an unhealthy, I mean it's outrageous, it's crazy
, it's and I bought into it.
Yeah, you know when, when mykids were little, everything was
coming out with the littleslogans it's wine, o'clock, or
you know, mommy needs her wine.
The socks that say on thebottom of them, if you can read
this bring me more wine.

(19:23):
And it, and it's just like,like glamorized in the in the
mommy of them.
If you can read this bring memore wine.
And it's just like glamorized.
And the mommy happy hours.
You know, the kids, moms of thekids at my kids' school would
get together for these mom happyhours.
And I'm looking at this, seeingthe pictures on Facebook or
Instagram, because I'm not goingto them, and they're not
because I wasn't drinking, butbecause I wasn't invited.

(19:45):
Because, again, no judging,we're just, we're just telling,
because, like you say, I'm notfor everybody exactly although I
think I flipped that a littlebit and say everybody's not for
me, absolutely and and we shouldall recognize that absolutely
and so I would.
I would watch and I'm like,who's driving home?
Like these ladies are allsitting out here at happy hour

(20:07):
and they've got their kids athome.
They're probably, you know,eating junk food or whatever.
And how are you going to gethome?
Sure, sure, you know.
Or at soccer practice, andthey've got their Yetis.
And that's not water in theYeti, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's, it's, it's pretty,it's pretty pervasive.
Well, it makes it so that it's.
It makes it so that it'ssocially acceptable and that it
normalizes that.
And I think we really need totake a big look at that because,
you know, if somebody asks you,you know if you're out and
about and you're not drinking,people make a big deal about it
and it's like why don't youdrink?
Why do you drink?
Right, go ahead and take a lookat how horrible alcohol is for

(20:47):
you.
Again, not judging, I drank myfull share.
I drank my full dose.
I ran right through that, youknow.
But look at how horrible it isfor you and the negative stuff
that comes from it.
I don't know anyone who's likehere's the value that drinking
alcohol brings to my life.
Someone, reach out to me, sendus an email, tell me where the
value comes in, because evenafter all of the stuff that I

(21:07):
went through I look back,there's no value added from that
.
Yeah, we had a good time.
I still have a good time now.
I haven't had a drink in eightyears.
I have more fun now than I everdid drinking.
Isn't that amazing?

Speaker 2 (21:17):
It is, and everybody's so afraid, afraid
they're not going to be able tohave a good time yeah and, yeah,
this my 40s has been.
I was 41 when I stoppeddrinking and my 40s has been
absolutely the best decade of mylife agreed, I quit drinking at
39 and literally same thing.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
It's like this is incredible.
Someone, someone who says well,you know what am I going to
drink?

Speaker 2 (21:39):
then I don't know water club soda with lemon and
lime.
It's almost there.
You're an adult.

Speaker 1 (21:46):
We're not in high school anymore.
This is not peer pressure.
If you have someone that'sgiven you a hard time about not
drinking, tell them to fuck offand find different friends.
Those are not your people.
I mean that should be someonethat supports you in that
situation.
After I quit drinking, I hadsomeone who's like, come on,
just have a drink.
And I'm thinking are you out ofyour mind?
I've just told you that I don'tdrink and that I you know that

(22:08):
I'm in recovery and blah, blah,blah, blah.
What are you trying toaccomplish by doing that?
And do you want to be morecomfortable If I'm drinking?
Will that make you morecomfortable?
I mean, that's outrageous.
Maybe you need to take a lookat why that is.
Absolutely that's outrageous,you know.
But if you look at the liquorcompanies and the people that

(22:28):
push the booze and you know, wewere looking at some statistics
this morning.
Belinda and I were about theincrease in booze consumption
amid COVID and everything thatwas happening there.
Right, everyone was justnumbing and again, no judgment.
Covid was bullshit.
So, however, you got through it.
Get through it, but let's getback to a little bit of normal
instead of.
Everything is surrounded withbooze.
You can buy ice cream now thathas booze in it.

(22:50):
You have your coffee that hasbooze in it.
You have all of the things thathave booze in it and we
normalize being able to drinkAgain.
I used to be very excited whendaylight savings would happen,
because on Sundays I could startdrinking at 10 like a lady
instead of having to wait till11.
So I totally understand all ofeverything that goes into that.
But in looking back and talkingwith our adult children about

(23:13):
what the effects were on them,they knew I wasn't plugged in.
They knew that all of thedifferent things and they have
to heal themselves now from that.
Which I always say you get tofuck up your kids however you
want to.
I'll fuck up my kids how I wantto.
You get to do your kids how youwant to.
But I look back and I think,had I known, I absolutely would

(23:34):
have.
Hopefully, god, I hope, I meanI don't, I don't know they're
not dumb you know our kids

Speaker 2 (23:40):
aren't dumb my my, my daughter and my son.
They tell me, um, tell me abouttheir friends whose parents
drink a lot.
Um, one, one of my son'sfriends, parents um, stopped
drinking and they made it amonth and I was so proud of them
and and and that was it.
It was a month.
But hey, you know, you can go amonth, you can go a month and a

(24:01):
day, sure you, you know justtry again, yeah, Try again.
And then my daughter's friend'smom uses her daughter as her
sounding board and she drinksand then uses her for her
psychiatrist, you know, andtells her everything that's

(24:23):
wrong with her, her love lifeand her work life, and dumping
all of this on her teenagedaughter, who doesn't need to be
carrying that burden.
It's just they don't like it,the kids.
They don't like it.
They tell my kids that theydon't like it.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
It's about awareness, though she, for whatever reason
, isn't aware yet, and you can'tforce someone.
Right, you can talk to themuntil you're blue in the face
and you can't make that thingclick.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
Until you're ready, you're not ready, you know so.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
And is anybody telling them?
Is anyone telling that womanthat it's inappropriate?
No, of course not.
I don't think so.
No, because you can't.
Like, if you're dealing withsomebody who's an alcoholic, you
can't tell them shit.
No, no, I've been there.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
You can't tell me shit.
I've been there as well.
But it's funny because as youstart to peel back the layers a
little bit and look underneaththere, you start to get curious.
And that's part of just likeBelinda said the awareness of
things, of saying let's have theconversation and get curious
about why you're doing things inlife, if you're listening and
you're thinking what value isadded by my drinking.

(25:41):
Go ahead and just make a listof the pros and cons.
Sure Right.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
I encourage you to do that.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
I encourage you to do that because that's an
awareness piece of it and youcan't do anything if you're not
aware of it.
Right, and then you get tochoose.
But go ahead and make a listpros and cons and I will
guarantee you 100% of the peoplethat do that.
You will have a very small prolist and you will have a giant
con list.
And if that doesn't tell youeverything you need to know

(26:06):
about what alcohol is bringingto your life and I don't know-
what else will any decision thatyou make in your life?

Speaker 2 (26:11):
think about it, think about how these decisions are
affecting you, not just withalcohol.
But you know, am I going tostay in this?
Am I going to keep my job?
Am I going to go to work today?
Sure, you know that's the samekind of a decision.
It's a you know.
Am I going to go to work today?
Sure, you know that's the samekind of a decision.
It's a you know.
Am I going to go to work today?
Oh, I might lose my job.
You know, are you better offwith a job?
Are you better off without ajob?
Like, make that list and thinkabout those decisions that

(26:33):
you're making.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Well, and alcohol is a is a huge way to numb.
You know people use that as ahuge number To me.
I reference the big three,which I think are big things
that we do to numb out, which isfood, booze and TV.
And if you look at that, thosethings really lend into just
having your life on autopilotand letting it run you instead

(26:55):
of you running it, and I'll tellyou, I've been on both sides of
that.
You can't pay me to go back.
You can't pay me to go back.
I have I make decisions withintention and with awareness,
things that improve my life andthat, you know, advance me and
level me up instead of, oh shit,what did I do last night while
I was out drinking?
What mistakes did I make?

(27:15):
Or what bad choices did I make?
Or how did I set myself up forruining my entire weekend
because I drank too much onFriday night or whatever it is
that that looks like and youthink, oh, I'm having so much
fun.
Try it without booze.
You know you can still be sillyand fun and laugh and all of
those things and still feelgreat at your Saturday morning
workout because you're not stuckin bed the rest of the weekend.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Sure, or you're creative and your art comes out,
or, whatever it is, your gardenis thriving.
Whatever it is that you putthat energy into, um, because
those are the things that giveyou more skittles absolutely
absolutely you work on thecultivating those things that
increase the amount of skittlesthat you have, and you get home
at the end of the day.
You don't need to numb you,don't you?

Speaker 1 (28:00):
and that's the point with the whole intentional use
of the skittles if peopleactually just try, try that,
incorporate that into your week,into your couple of days, and
just see what a difference thatmakes, if you say I'm not going
to waste them on this, I'm notgoing to waste them on this, and
just see at the end of the daywhat you have left over.
Because what you'll find, basedon everyone that I've used this
analogy with, is they'll cometo me and they'll say holy shit,

(28:22):
when my son came and asked meto read him a story the other
night, I still had Skittles leftto be able to do that, and that
means way more than I had fourglasses of wine or three glasses
of wine.
Maybe people drink like ladies.
I didn't drink like a lady atall it was more than just two.
I'm like who would stop at two,Two bottles Exactly.
I'm like who would stop at two.

(28:43):
That's, you know so.
So that was the way that Idrank.
But if you, if you look at thatand you say, oh my God, I do
have the energy to be able to dothat, or I?
Not just for your kids, foryourself too, you know, for me
it's.
I don't want to just go sit infront of the TV and numb out,
you can do that, that's fine.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Well, you're just avoiding things.
Well yeah, you know it'savoidance.
Numbing is avoiding, right.
So we have to be mindful ofwhat we're spending our,
especially our mental Skittles.
I feel like the mental Skittlesare the biggest suck.
I mean exercising uses Skittles, but it replaces them.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Right, exactly.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
You get more energy when you expend energy
exercising, but when you'reobsessing in your mind over
whatever it is my dad was analcoholic, or my car is broken,
or you know my kid flunked math,whatever it is you know the
world is out to get me.
My boyfriend's an asshole.
Think about what are thosethings that you're spending that

(29:49):
time on.
Just be aware, just think aboutit, figure it out.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Where's that?

Speaker 2 (29:54):
stuff coming from, Then start to figure out how to
deal yeah no doubt, belinda.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
what is some of your feedback that you've gotten from
your kiddos, or what was yourexperience in drinking when they
were younger and what thatlooked like for you?

Speaker 3 (30:09):
Well, so I can't really say that I have any
feedback from my kids, becausewhere my life is at right now is
in the healing process of mydivorce and so I think it's too

(30:37):
new, too soon.
They haven't approached me withanything.
Well, I take that back.
My son did Just a little.
It wasn't very detailed in theway he does say, Mom, you're
doing so great because he'swatching, and, as I'm sure the

(31:00):
other ones are too.
But my middle child said rightaway, nope, it's just not for
her to talk about it or anything, I guess.
And my younger one, she's alittle vocal, but not to the
point of anything that I canreally work with.

(31:20):
So there are casualties of mydrinking.
My whole marriage is a of of mydrinking Um, my whole marriage
is a casualty drinking, um, andI'm taking my side of the street
, um, because it, it is a, a, awhole package.
It's not just me being that.
Uh, I grew up in a householdand a family, extended family,

(31:45):
full of drinkers.
You know, I don't think that Icould ever say I was an
alcoholic, but alcoholicsusually say they're not
alcoholics.
I had a and smokers right, Iwasn't a smoker, but I smoked
and smokers right, I wasn't asmoker, but I smoked.

(32:05):
I did do.
I did cause damage like a ton,shit ton of damage.
I don't feel like I need itcurrently to have to numb, to
not feel, because I want to feelwhat I'm going through right
now so that I can fix what'staking my energy inside me.

(32:29):
You know, I want to be able tokeep my schedules and when the
kids do feel like it's time forthem to ask me anything like I'm
ready now If they want to talkto me, I should say I'm open to
talking to them.
Now it could be really messy.

(32:49):
I feel like I'm okay.
I would be okay inaccomplishing something very
healthy out of having aconversation with them but still
being working on myself andfiguring out things.
You know, who knows how thatcould go?
I don't really know.

(33:11):
I was one of the moms that hadtheir foam cups, not Yeti.
Back then I had a foam cup fromone of the convenience stores
and, uh, I was at softball gamesand I was at volleyball games
took it into schools and notjust outside of the property.
You know, I was, I was one ofthose and just thinking about it

(33:32):
, where you're talking about it,I pictured myself.
Um, this instance I do, sittingin a lawn chair, pouring beer
into a foam cup and drinking itout of a straw.
That should have been my firstclue right there.
I know that's awful.
How did?

Speaker 1 (33:53):
we put our heads so far in the sand.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
It's so awful.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
I tell some of the stories and I think back and it
literally makes my soul cringeat some of the stories and I
think back and it literallymakes my soul cringe at some of
the behavior that I did.
And again, it's so acceptablethat you don't even realize how
outrageous it is until you'rehearing the stories back or
we're telling stories.
You know, brittany came on thepodcast a couple weeks ago and

(34:20):
listening to her talk about herbiological father who had a
drinking problem, I don't knowwhat his story is, but when they
were younger she said we wouldgo places like to Glamis or to
you know fun weekends orwhatever, and she would just
hope that she would be sleepingby the time he would get drunk,
because it was really bad forher.

(34:42):
And that kind of shit breaks myheart because those children
don't have a voice.
How is that five-year-old orseven-year-old or eight-year-old
or whatever age it is, in aposition to tell their parent to
stop drinking?
Because their parent will tellthem get out of here.
You're doing your own thing,mind your own business.
But it's so funny because thenwhen you talk to an adult they

(35:02):
say I would do anything for mykid, would you?
Because the drinking iscompletely out of control.
You know, I asked Brittany whendid you know I was an alcoholic
?
She goes not until after I wasalready out of the house because
everyone drank, everyone drank.
I just thought that that's whatyou did when you were an adult
and to me that hurts my heartbecause alcohol doesn't play a
role in my life at all anymore.
I mean, cameron drinks, but it'snot.

(35:23):
You know, he's a differentanimal.
Then you know he's not like hey, where am I going to get my
next drink If he doesn't drinkfor a week or a month or
whatever?
It doesn't matter, it's not athing.
So really being able to hearthose stories from her and
realize the impact that had, andalso realize the therapy and
the work that she's having to doto heal that little girl in

(35:44):
there who could not protectherself, so maybe you think, oh,
I'm not, I'm not abusive, I'mnot an angry drunk, I'm not a
mean drunk, doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
It doesn't matter it.
The unpredictability iseverything it's.
It hurts just as much, yes, itdamages you just as much.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
It does when you don't know it does so, to have
know, to have us be in aposition where we have kiddos
that are older, that are able totell the stories.
You know, listening to thekiddos talk about stuff, and
this journey of the podcast forme and asking the question,
everything has really beenunraveling for me in a way where
there's things that I have notrealized previously.

(36:20):
When you hear other people'sperspectives stories that you
were at, but from theirperspective instead of your own,
it's very eye-opening, andespecially from your children,
because for me, I have reallyembraced allowing my children to
be teachers for me in life,which is an honor, which is an
honor to be able to do that.

(36:41):
But to listen to them as theytalk about really painful,
hurtful stuff that I did.
You know they're healing fromtrauma that I caused and I can't
have that be something that Iget defensive about or make it
about me.
It's my job to hold space forthem while they do heal those
parts, take accountability forthat, regardless of if that's

(37:02):
how I remembered it or didn'tremember it, because that's not
my story.
I was on my side of that Forsure, and I think that a lot of
parents don't allow their kiddosto do that.
But put yourself in thatsituation.
If you're the parent that isout there that's drinking now
and you think, oh, it's not thatbig of a deal, put the shoe on
the other foot.
Think about the version of youat that age.

(37:24):
And would that be okay if yourparents were completely
unplugged and out to lunch anddrinking all of the time and
whatever?
And again, as adults now, we'renot doing it for any value
added.
We're doing it to numb out orbecause we think we can't have
fun without it, or we don't knowhow to navigate our lives
without it, because we'vecompletely made it.
It's ingrained in everythingthat we do.

(37:44):
Brunch is around.
You know.
You go to a brunch and theyhave more booze on the menu than
they do food right, which ofcourse they're going to do.
That Booze is big business.
There's a lot of dollars behindthat.
You know they're going to putit in everything and make it so
that it's everywhere.
People do not drink responsiblyanymore.
I literally know very fewpeople that drink responsibly.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, and if you want an eye opener, just um, just
write down how much you spend onit in a month times 12.
Yeah, for real For real, that'swhat.
I did.
Well, that's what I did when Iquit smoking.
I quit a lot of things, yeah.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
I'm a big quitter, I quit smoking weed.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
when I got pregnant, I quit smoking cigarettes after
a while and then quit drinking.
But when I stopped smokingcigarettes, that was the thing I
was like okay, so how much doesa pack of cigarettes cost?
I think at that time it waslike I think it got up to like
about $7 a pack, maybe $6, $7 apack in 2010, and one of those a
day.
And how much of that was goingto the tobacco company and how

(38:50):
much of that was going to thegovernment and that was what got
me.
It was like I'm what.
Actually, what really got mewas my kids again my child.
We had gone to my uncle'sfuneral and he died of smoking

(39:11):
related illnesses emphysema,pneumonia, whatever.
He smoked camel non-filters, hewas around the race cars and
this stuff, and his kids, myadult cousins, were devastated.
He wasn't a young man you know,but he died before it was time,

(39:33):
you know, and it was because ofsomething that he did to himself
, to his own body, and I saidwhy am I going to do that?
Why am I going to do this tomyself, kill myself and pay the
government right two or threedollars a pack to do that, to

(39:55):
leave my family devastated oversomething that I had control of?
Yeah, like that.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah, no absolutely well and you look at that, the,
the health effects that that has, and again, again.
When you're young, you don'tthink about things.
When you get to be a woman of acertain age, as we, are thank
you, ladies.
You realize this is terrible.
I mean, go ahead and justGoogle the adverse health
effects of drinking alcohol.
Oh yeah, right.
I mean, you're literallypoisoning yourself.

(40:20):
Oh sure, and we're doing itbecause it's socially accepted.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
But don't they say it's good for your heart.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Oh my, God, imagine like what.
The biggest lie ever.
Just in preparation for thispodcast this morning, I'm
looking at the whole list andI'm thinking, oh my God.
And that's not just for ragingalcoholics, that's just the
stuff that, if you're a regulardrinker which a lot of people
are that's what that looks like.

(40:46):
So again, go ahead and makethat pro and con list and then
make big kid decisions becauseyou're not.
Don't.
Don't be as, don't be a slaveto that.
Don't be chained to a substance.
Yes, for some of us it takesdifferent things.
I'm so happy that you were ableto wake up and say I'm not
doing this anymore.
For me, it was Belinda plantingseeds of go to this lovely
place and they're going to hidethe booze from you for 30 days

(41:08):
so that we can get you right,you know.
And then realizing howimportant that step was.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
It's not easy, no, and I I recognize wholeheartedly
that that I'm an exception andI I got my mom's genes in that
and I think Cameron did too,where it didn't consume us.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
We were not so dependent on it, even though we
loved it, which is what blew mymind, because Cameron's like I'm
just not going to drink for 30days and I'm thinking you,
mother, because I couldn't notdrink for one day.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
Other people, and I feel for them, spend their
entire life trying to stopdrinking.
Well my dad.
You know he's been in and outof rehab who knows how many
times I can't even count howmany times and it just, you know
, goes back to that.
But you know you have to havewhere's your rock bottom.
You know what is the thingthat's going to keep you from

(42:08):
doing that?
And for me it was my kids,because I would do anything for
them and also what are younumbing?

Speaker 1 (42:14):
you know for me, I didn't realize the shit that I
was carrying around, that I wasnumbing.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Oh, I was so out of touch with all of that stuff and
just had no idea.
You talk about EQ.
You know your emotionalintelligence.
It's not easy to know what'sgoing on here and what's going
on here.
It's hard to discern that whenyou've got so much trauma, so

(42:43):
much hurt, so many things youknow have happened to you in
your life, that how do you startto pick those things apart?
It's really difficult.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
It is.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
And most people need help with that, for sure.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Well, and I always think it's kind of like the ball
of yarn and you're pulling thestring out.
It's kind of like the ball ofyarn and you're pulling the
string out Because once youstart so again, be real careful
what you wish for before youmake that pros and cons list All
of us would say that wewouldn't go back, but once you
start pulling that, string yourealize all of the things that
you were doing just to cope withshit that you hadn't dealt with

(43:19):
.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Suddenly you're on the floor on a mat in Costa Rica
, right.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Suddenly, shit just got real and You're trying to
get to your room before you shityour pants.
That's, that's no joke.
That's no joke.
But you know, if you're willingto do that, if you're willing
to get curious about yourself, Ithink so many people put so
much energy and effort into allof these other things that
aren't nearly as rewarding asgetting curious about who you
are, what makes you up why youdo the things that you do.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
Know that that's a thing.
A lot of people that I knowdon't even know that
introspection is a thing, likeget curious about myself, like
why, why would I want to do that?

Speaker 1 (44:00):
Once you look at those two lives one that's rinse
, lather, repeat, and you'rejust doing the same shit over
and over and over again everyday.
You're in a groundhog's day,just so you realize what that
looks like.
And every day gets worse.
Every day gets worse, right, ifyou want to come to the other
side, which to me is what I callwaking up, or this planet is
Disneyland.
Everything's amazing.
I don't need drugs and alcoholto be able to realize that.

(44:23):
Right, I've just cleaned outenough shit out of my garage
that I realize I don't have tocarry all that stuff around
anymore, where I can actuallynot have shit noodling around or
stuff that's heavy or thingsthat I didn't even realize I
needed to release.
But you got to get some of thenumbing components out of the
way so that you even can openyour eyes and feel the things.
Like Belinda said, a lot ofpeople aren't willing to touch
the feelings.

(44:43):
Right, they're not willing totouch their feelings.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
I'm willing to touch all my feelings I'm, I'm
chuckling to myself with theimagery of the garage when you,
when you've, when you'vegraduated, past a couple of bags
right entire storage unit ofcrap.
and how do you?
It's well, it's.
It's like um, like a literalstorage room of crap.
You walk into it and you'relike, okay, I've got to get this

(45:07):
stuff cleaned up, I've got toorganize, I've got to sort it
out.
And you walk in and you look atit and you're like holy crap.
And you just shut the door andwalk away.
That's easy to do, it is.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
You have to want it, you have to want it, you've got
to start in one corner and juststart picking through.
Yeah, and it's interestingbecause, as I've done the work
over the years, I have hadpeople who say they come to me,
people that know me in life, andsay what are you doing?
And this isn't just quittingdrinking, right, I quit drinking
eight years ago.
It's more like really gettinginto the work than the last

(45:38):
several years.
What is it that you're doing?
Because your demeanor haschanged, your energy has changed
and I've always been a positiveperson, even when I drank, even
when I whatever I didn'trealize all of the work and
stuff that I needed to do.
But as I've done it.
People say tell me what you'redoing.
I want to know, I want what youhave, that that energy, that

(45:59):
lightness, that awe and beinginspired by what's happening
around us, instead of beingmucked up in the weeds for stuff
.
But it's so easy for us to getmucked up in things.
We have all of these triggersbecause we haven't fixed
anything.
That garage full of shit,that's all your triggers, that's
all the stuff that you didn'tclean out, and so you just keep
putting it in and putting it inand then numbing on top of that

(46:21):
because you're not willing tofeel the things, you're not
willing to touch your feelings.
Well, that's okay, you can liveyour whole life that way and
there's no problems with that.
But if you realized that thingscould be infinitely better by
doing the work, by by beingaware, by not just numbing with
the, either the big three orother things as well, right, we
can numb with all sorts of stuff, but when you're doing that,

(46:44):
realize you're not, yeah, you'renot getting the lows, you're
not feeling the, the horriblelows, but you're not getting the
highs either.
Sure, you know, and the morework that I do, the more that
I'm inspired by doing it, themore that I want to scream from
the rooftops.
I feel like I found the cheatcode.
I really feel like I found thecheat code to life, you know,
and I just want to share itisn't it it?

Speaker 2 (47:03):
is like just um, working on those those things
that that use your energy,clearing out the bad energy and
letting your your life energyflow in your body.
When you, when you start youknow if you do acupuncture or
yoga or you know any of thatenergy kind of work even just
exercise starts to unbuckle, allof those things and those

(47:28):
blockages start to release andyou feel like a different person
.
I told my um, my yogainstructor, the other day.
I texted her after my sessionand I said I feel 10 pounds
lighter and three inches tallerafter today's session.
I did, and I felt like I wasjust emitting all this light
because it cleared out all thejunk.
You know, yeah, it's amazing,yeah, and I'm the same person

(47:49):
and I'm saying the same wordsand I'm doing the same things.
I'm wearing the same clothes,I'm driving the same car, I'm
taking the same steps, I'm inthe same place, but I'm
different.
Yeah, you know, you'redifferent In the most beautiful
way.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Oh for sure, people you're able to let that you know
bleed out into your family andso then, they're kind of going
like what's happening, Mom's?

Speaker 2 (48:08):
pretty happy all the time and either she's drinking
again or you know right, whoknows but?

Speaker 1 (48:13):
no, I think being willing to do that stuff is
really important and a lot ofpeople don't know like okay,
where do I start with this?
Because there's not for anyspecific person.
There's never going to be likeokay, step one, but it is really
the awareness is get curious,like you always say.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Get curious, start.
Just take stock of what's inyour mind.
What are you thinking about?
Yeah, what?

Speaker 1 (48:33):
consumes your thoughts.
Yeah, and what choices are youmaking?
Right, and if you're not doinganything, know that that's a
choice.
Right, like, definitelyinaction is still a choice,
doing nothing still a choice.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
And that usually doesn't go well.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
Yeah, it doesn't go well.
And realizing also, you knowthere's lots of different little
things that you do that add upto really big things.
And as you gain momentum withdoing that, if you say I want to
be the best version of myself,I'm going to use my yesterday
version as my competition and Iwant to level up, I want to go
all in on me, do those things,those little, whatever it is.

(49:07):
And if you're not sure where tostart, send me an email.
I'll give you a couple ofpointers.
You know it's as simple aschecking out a book or listening
to a podcast or whatever andthen just getting curious
Journaling.
You know, I always say startingwith a gratitude journal is
excellent.
I have a separate gratitudejournal that's like 10 things
that I like to write in everyday and sometimes it's really
big things and sometimes it'slittle things.
But it changes your mind framecompletely of okay, where am I

(49:29):
coming from?
A place of gratitude, butreally being able to do those
things so that you can be thebest mom that you can be, you
can be the best wife that youcan be, you can have Skittles
left over at the end of the day.
You know the, the concept of ayou know your cup being full was
always something that I didn'tunderstand.
I I really got twisted up inthat in my life because I always
thought I was supposed to besurrounding myself with people

(49:50):
that made me happy, had no ideathat's an inside job it is and
so once I realized that, I waslike oh, it's just on me to make
me happy, like I can do that.
And yeah, that was a hard shift,to switch from being choices.
It is choices right and beingsomebody that always like wants
to take care of other peopleinstead of, like I have to take
care of myself first.
But I visualize that whole cupnot having holes in the bottom

(50:14):
of it anymore and realizing thatit's my job to do that, and
then being intentional aboutskittles and the things that I
do that boost my skittles, orthe things that reproduce my
skittles, or going and beingaround people that make me feel
good about stuff and limitingthe waste of Skittles.
Right, Then my cup is full andthen I'm able to just it gets my
Skittles, get on everybody andthat's part of why I'm doing
this podcast, because theuniverse tastes the rainbow.

(50:37):
Oh my god, I think we'rebuilding something as we speak.
Yes, skittles, I would love asponsorship, but yeah, I mean,
that's a big deal.
For sure, it makes people wantto be around you it makes people
want to do better forthemselves.
It does.
As you're leveling up and asyou're elevating, you will watch
the other people that haveearned a spot at your table of
life, who want to do the workfor themselves as well, and

(51:00):
those are the people that cometo me and say, all right, ann,
what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Because I like what I see.
You're more calm, you're morerelaxed, you're not.
I just don't get worked upabout a lot of stuff.
Still the dogs in the mall,belinda, still the dogs in the
mall going to get me everysingle time.
But I don't get worked up aboutstuff very much anymore because
I realize it's a waste ofSkittles.
Right, I try not to be gettwisted up in the in the garbage

(51:23):
that happens in my life and tohave better boundaries and to
understand again.
I didn't know all of thosethings when I was younger and by
younger I mean less than 40.
You know, I was a little slowto the dance because I had I was
got pregnant when I was 18years old.
I didn't realize all of thesethings.
You know, my mom was a mom tofive kids and not in a situation

(51:44):
where there was emotionalintelligence that was being
taught.
It was, you know, the emotionalintelligence is a big component
of the skittles.
If you're, if you don't have ahandle on things, to the point
where someone pushes into atrigger of yours and you lose
your shit, or you know, I alwayssay like defensiveness is just
like a blanket trigger overeverything, you can just count
that as this goes over yourentire life.

(52:05):
But if you don't react well tostuff, you're just throwing
Skittles around.
I look at dudes that get angryand I'm like, oh my God, what a
waste of Skittles.
They're just flying everywhere,which is hilarious.
I can visualize that now.
But it's because we haven'traised our men specifically to
have emotional intelligenceabout anything they don't have,
that we're going to turn all ofthe emotions that come up into
anger and rage because we don'tknow how to actually process

(52:28):
whatever those feelings are.
So getting curious about whatdoes that make me feel like?
You know, when somebody bumpsinto a trigger, don't react,
turn inwards.
Where does that come from?
What does that make me feellike?
Does that resonate with me?
You know we were dealt with acertain recipe based on where
our environment growing up andwho our parents are and what
trauma they brought.
You know, again, our parentswere just doing the best that

(52:49):
they could, but they all did ahorrible job.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
No offense parents.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
But you know we know better now, so let's do better.
And as generation, eachgeneration goes, we continue to
know better and we continue tobe able to do better.
So hopefully this podcast willbring a platform of no judgment.
We're all sitting here talkingabout gross stuff and being
accountable to stories of I wasnot the best parent that I could

(53:14):
have been when I was drinking,and having my eyes open to that
didn't serve me well.

Speaker 3 (53:19):
I want to do better you know.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
So in every area, not just in alcohol, in all of the
areas.
Look at how much your growthhas happened recently, or over
whatever period of time you wantto look at it, and how that
affects your husband, yourkiddos, your friends, your
coworkers, like all of thethings I mean.
You get to be a light for allof those people.
Just based on you going all inon you, you getting curious

(53:43):
about you and fixing your shit.
Belinda, when, when, belinda,when?
Do you feel like that was a bigthing for you as far as just
going all in on you or realizinghow important that was to just
do the work for yourself and theimpact that that has on other
people?
Or maybe you haven't realizedthe impact that that has on
other people, maybe I don't know.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
Oh yeah, no, so back in 2018,.
Oh yeah, no, so back in 2018,.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
I just stumbled in it .

Speaker 3 (54:11):
I in 2014.
Definitely I was on medication.
I knew I was depressed, so itthere was a seed there and then
probably numbed out for fouryears, blacked out, didn't know
what was happening, because Iwas really, really.
It is when my sister passedaway and my two kids went to the

(54:34):
Navy at the same time.
So that was the trilogy of thatwas very like, very hard on me,
and I was vocal about that tomy husband at the time and I
took action on that.
So then, a year after that, I,with my doctor, weaned off of it
Because I was like, oh, I'mgoing to try to do something on

(54:57):
my own right, didn't want totake medication.
And then 2018, I slipped intochurch just by a visitor, I
joined someone and then juststarted from there.
There was one thing after theother.
So one big component of thatwas I went to a yoga one day

(55:23):
yoga retreat and this I willtake this with me every time
because she had us do thisactivity.
Um, and there was a hundred, ahundred of us there outside on
this huge lawn, a hundred of usand she gave us all a mirror,
she gave us all an expo marker,um, and she said write something

(55:45):
to yourself, whatever it was,something positive.
Right, that's going to help you.
And so I wrote something, andthen she asked us to share it
with someone.
So talk about being vulnerable.
First you've got to saysomething nice to yourself.
For the past years up untilthen then, I had never said

(56:06):
anything nice to myself.
I was my biggest critic, right.
So I wrote something on therethat I had heard in a church, a
session that I went to, whichwas be be better, uh, tomorrow
than you were today, and so thatwas just my thing, that I stuck
you, you know sticky note onthe mirror and um, and I just

(56:28):
took it from there.
So other things obviouslyhappened after that.
Um, I got a DUI, you know stillwas drinking.
It was just a slow venture forme and, and since my divorce a
year ago, um, to answer yourquestion, I don't think that I
really had a choice.
I didn't really just decide, Ijust had to do it.

(56:52):
I had to.
I had to clean up, yeah, I hadto fix it.
I didn't want to be the personI was already, I just didn't
know how to do it.
I didn't want to be the personI was already, yeah, I just
didn't know how to do it.
Yeah, and because I wanted to,so badly, it's more like I tell

(57:14):
myself how I'm, so I get to thispoint where I just go.
I got to figure it out.
Like I have to have closure andI don't know if I'm the only
weird one like this, but like ifI don't have an answer to solve
the problem, then I feelincomplete.
So I said I have to figure outwhat the heck right?

(57:39):
Why did this happen?
How did I contribute to that?
How did I contribute to that?
How can I do better?
And then, ultimately in the end, yes, there is casualties.
Yes, our children have to,unfortunately, heal themselves
and help Like I would love tohelp them.

(58:00):
Yes, I will answer anyquestions but at the end of the
day, my biggest contributor tothem healing is me healing and
them seeing me as an example,and that's my goal.
Yeah, I think that that's huge.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Yeah, that's huge.
Ladies, we're coming to the endof our time.
I really want to tell you Iappreciate you guys spending the
hour with me and being willingto get naked.
We'll give you your clothesback at the door when we wrap.
You know, I think yourunderstanding, belinda, and your
awareness of it's time to cleanup upstairs, I think, for those

(58:40):
that are listening if you're ata place where you realize
whatever it is that I'm doing inlife is not working, I'm tired
of this.
Think about that.
Think about, okay, let's getshit cleaned up because you're
the most important person.
That's kind of where I foundmyself of.
I'm doing all these things forother people, just trying to

(59:02):
hold the wheels on.
And when I really realized if Ijust take care of what's in my
house and by that I just mean meindividually if I just take
care of that, it bleeds out intoeverybody else.
So really understanding that, Ithink, is a huge thing.
So for our listeners, anyonethat has a suggestion for a
topic that you're willing to getvulnerable about and you want

(59:24):
to be a guest on the podcast,please send us an email.
We are open to that.
The intent with this podcast isliterally just to hold space for
important conversations thatwill help each other.
I think that connects us, to beable to be relatable and be
willing to be naked in front ofone another, to share the messy
stuff, to share what we'velearned and what we know.

(59:44):
I think that's a huge way ofreally being able to connect
with one another, and so Iencourage you if you have a
suggestion or something thatyou're willing to talk about,
shoot us an email.
We will get you on the podcast.
So that's our time for today.
If you have questions orsuggestions, send us an email.
Our email address is ladies atlet's get naked podcastcom, and

(01:00:08):
then please do all the things tosupport the pod follow, share
rate review and that's a wrap.
Catch you next time.
I'd love to help you getvulnerable.
Let's get naked.