June 12, 2025 • 52 mins
Trauma, survival, and healing — Tricia gets real about the night that changed everything.
At 22, Tricia woke up in a car with strangers, fought to escape, and was hit by a truck. In this raw conversation, she opens up about the physical and emotional recovery that followed, how faith became her anchor, and what healing looks like years later. A story about surviving the unimaginable—and choosing to grow from it.
Listen now and share with someone who needs a reminder that healing is possible.
This podcast dives deep into real, raw topics—think vulnerability, triggers, and childhood trauma. But just so we're super clear: I’m not a licensed therapist, mental health professional, or anything close. I’m just a human sharing stories, lessons, and life hacks based on personal experience and a whole lot of curiosity.
So, while you might find some golden nuggets here, this is not therapy and should never replace professional mental health care. If you or someone you love is going through it, please—seriously—reach out to a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. You deserve the real deal.
Need Help Now?
Here are a few amazing resources:
· 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Call or text 988
· NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or nami.org/help
· Therapy Directory: psychologytoday.com
· Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
The opinions expressed on this show are ours and ours alone—no official organizations are responsible for what we say (or how much we overshare).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.
Hey everyone, I'm Ann.
Welcome to the let's Get Nakedpodcast, where we dive deep into
vulnerability.
In this space, we'll explorewhat triggers us, uncover the
patterns holding us back anddiscover how to take charge of
our own growth.
If you're ready to dig in, bevulnerable and face the tough
(00:29):
stuff, then buckle up.
It's time to get naked.
Let's talk about being honestwith ourselves, truly, brutally,
humbly honest.
Not the performative kind wherewe say I'm working on myself
while still lying to ourreflection every morning.
I mean the kind of honesty thatguts you first and rebuilds you
later.
The kind that doesn't careabout your social feed, your
(00:52):
curated identity or whateversanitized version of your story
you've been selling to yourselfand the world.
The kind of honesty thatwhispers hey, maybe you're not
the victim or the hero in everysituation.
Maybe you're just figuring itout like everyone else.
But here's the problem.
We've let our egos drive thebus.
We've handed over the keys, themap, the snacks, and now we're
(01:15):
wondering why the trip feelshollow, why we're lost, why
nothing ever quite feels likeenough.
Ego doesn't care about truth,it cares about comfort.
It's a control freak with a Godcomplex.
It wants to protect you fromshame, from vulnerability, from
failure, but it also traps youin a box where you can't grow.
(01:36):
Your ego is the one telling youthat admitting you're wrong
will ruin you.
That changing course isweakness.
That if people saw the real you, the insecure, uncertain, messy
version, they'd walk that voice.
That's not your gut, that'syour ego, talking through a
megaphone, dressed like yourbest friend.
And we believe it because it'seasier, because owning up to our
(01:59):
blind spots feels like death,to the false self we've
constructed.
Hotspots feels like death tothe false self we've constructed
.
But here's the deal thatversion of you built on pride,
performance, image, reputation.
It's not the real you.
It's a hologram that needsconstant upkeep.
You're not your ego, you're notyour job title, you're not your
trauma.
You're not the mask you've beenfine-tuning since high school.
(02:21):
You are what's left when all ofthat burns off.
And the faster we get honestabout that, the freer we get.
Now here's where it gets weirdand beautiful.
If you can cut through thenoise and face yourself without
flinching, without running backinto ego's arms, you start to
tap into something deeper,something unshakable.
Call it flow, call it peace.
(02:44):
Call it faith.
Not religious dogma or borrowedbeliefs.
Faith like a knowing, asurrender, a trust that
something beyond your ego issteering this whole thing, that
if you show up real and let goof the outcome, life starts to
meet you where you are.
Synchronicity kicks in doors,open, open Connections.
Feel real, time movesdifferently because you're
(03:08):
finally in alignment not withthe world's expectations but
with your truth.
Faith in that sense is theanecdote to ego.
Where ego says control, faithsays trust.
Where ego says prove, faithsays be.
Where ego says never let themsee you sweat, faith says sweat,
cry, laugh, just show up.
(03:29):
And yeah, it's hard.
It's hard to be honest in aworld addicted to pretending.
It's hard to trust in somethinginvisible when we're trained to
worship only what we canmeasure, monetize and post about
.
But the truth is all thatposturing and striving.
It's exhausting and underneathit we're all starving for
something real.
So here it is Stop letting yourego do the talking.
(03:51):
Call yourself out lovingly butfirmly.
Get off the hamster wheel ofvalidation.
Let yourself be wrong, letyourself grow, find your flow
and, for the love of whateveryou believe in, get honest,
because nothing else workswithout it.
Today I'm getting real andvulnerable with Tricia Thomas.
(04:11):
Tricia is a wife, mother,teacher, assistant and teller of
truth.
Let's get curious about herexperience.
Welcome to the show, tricia.
Hi, thank you, absolutely sofor our listeners.
Tricia is coming to me almostas a surprise because I don't
have a lot of background toTricia's story, which is
excellent, because I feel like akid on Christmas Eve, you know
(04:34):
right now.
But I do know that you have animpactful story that kind of
happened to you sounds likeseveral years ago that I would
love to maybe just start with,if you don't mind, and then
we'll kind of back into theother things that kind of, you
know, either led up to that orhow you've healed afterwards or
some of the things that goaround that.
So, if you don't mind, justwe're just going to dive right
in okay.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Well, yeah, the big elephant in the room that I
don't always have a lot of spaceto talk about was um, in 2002 I
was a graduate of a college andI just had my first job and was
living on my own and I decidedto go out with some friends.
(05:18):
Uh, and it just turned intolike a mother's worst nightmare,
like my mom got the phone callin the middle of the night, come
to the hospital and what hadhappened was I just had had
probably too much to drink, waspossibly drugged, and then woke
(05:42):
up in the car with three strangemen and then just fought for my
life to get out of that car andjust kind of came to and knew I
was going in the wrongdirection because I saw a sign
on the highway that was towardsa city that was opposite.
I was living in North Carolinaat the time.
(06:03):
That's my home state and that'swhere I picked up a little bit
of a Southern accent, but I wasnot born in the.
South, believe it or not, butanyway, yeah.
So in the vehicle with thethree strangers, I was just like
woke up and started saying,like who are you?
(06:26):
Where are we going?
With like all my might and likeyou just have, I just had a
voice inside me that was justlike I didn't even recognize,
like just like, get me out ofhere.
And um, so I, when they saidthey were going to either rape
(06:49):
me or you know just were usingvulgar language and.
I was like no, I never said that, I don't know what you're
talking about.
I knew I had to get out ofthere, yeah, and it was just
like an instinct to get out.
Knew I had to get out of there,yeah, and it was just like an
(07:09):
instinct to get out, um, and soI tried to crash the vehicle by
jumping to the front seat andtrying to steer the wheel so
maybe I could get the attentionon the highway.
I me hit me and my two frontteeth were knocked out when my
(07:32):
face hit the window.
And, um, I knew thatimmediately because the way your
tongue hits your teeth, it'sjust that's immediate.
So that was very um traumaticin itself how old were you when
this happened?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
uh 22 yeah, that's scary.
Do you remember the men whenyou were at the bar, or is that?
You don't remember any of thatand then, all of a sudden, you
just come to in a car withpeople?
Yeah, driving you the wrong way, correct.
Were you at the bar withfriends?
Yes, okay, that is a mother'sworst nightmare.
(08:11):
Just by the way, the, the ideaof like being out and being, you
know, drugged or otherwise.
That and it happens all thetime you know, I look at these.
I look at our young girlsnowadays and I just don't feel
like when, when you know, youknow I'm, I'm older.
So I just don't remember thatever being kind of a
consideration for stuff.
And now I think it just happensso often that it's like very
(08:33):
scary.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Very scary.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, it was not on my radar, right, you didn't even
think, right?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
You're like going out with friends celebrating.
We're having drinks, we'redoing the thing, and then this
whole thing happens.
Yes, so how did?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
you get away from from that, yeah, uh.
So after my teeth were knockedout, I'm like bleeding and kind
of panicking.
I just immediately startedsaying the Lord's Prayer.
It was my go-to and I hadmemorized it in college and it
was from a bookmark that my momhad given me and she thought it
(09:11):
was important to memorize and soI did.
And I just started saying theLord's Prayer out loud and the
men in the front were like don'tbring the Lord into this, and
it got kind of quiet.
And then the driver said to thepassenger in the front seat
(09:31):
should we let her out?
I was asking to get out.
Yeah, like, let me out and Iwas trying to open the door.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I mean all the scenarios Right Now.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's scary and so they, after I said the Lord's
Prayer, they pulled over and letme out and I was on a like a
major highway so you were ableto flag somebody else down.
Uh, unfortunately, no.
Um, it was in the middle of thenight and I was.
(10:01):
I knew I had to get back, go inthe opposite direction, and I
saw a light on the opposite sideof the highway and so I wanted
to go towards the street lightand so I crossed through the
highway and through the.
There was a huge constructionzone.
I jumped, I went over a median,a cement median barrier, and
(10:27):
then I'm like in mud.
I I remember that.
I remember trudging throughthat and then climbing over
another cement barrier.
And I was on the highway goingback eastbound, where I needed
to go, and I I heard a vehiclecoming and my idea was to flag
someone down, sure, and so Ithrew my hands in the air and
(10:50):
just cried out with all my beingGod help me.
And at that moment I was hit bya truck that was going like 60,
whatever the speed limit is 65miles per hour, and it was a
delivery truck and he stoppedand, yeah, the whole highway was
(11:12):
stopped at that point.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
That's terrible.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yeah, so I was struck by a truck as a pedestrian and
I don't remember.
I just remember throwing myarms in the air and crying out
to the Lord to help me.
I had no idea that that truckwas going to hit me.
I thought in my mind, because Iwas so disoriented, that
they're like on the highway andI'm on the median.
(11:38):
But in fact I was like in theroad because the cement barrier
was right up to the medianbecause of the construction.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So you think you're on the side of the road and
you're actually right in themiddle of the road.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I'm right in the middle of the road.
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So I'm assuming they send an ambulance and come pick
you up and then your mom getsthe absolute worst phone call
ever yes.
What happened to you from the?
Obviously the teeth knocked out, which sounds terrible.
What happened to you from thetruck too, I mean, what did that
look like?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So I've been thinking about this and it's just like
so many people were just likeorchestrated and like getting me
from there to the hospitalbecause I was basically bleeding
to death at that point.
So they just had to scoop me upand put me in the ambulance and
(12:37):
take me to the nearest hospital, which happened to be Duke
University Hospital, to be DukeUniversity Hospital and that was
a huge blessing because theyhave a huge trauma unit and so I
was broken from head to toe.
(12:58):
I had a skull fracture, scalplaceration, broken ribs, my
right ulna was broken, my pelviswas shattered and my sacrum.
That was the main issue.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
The mark.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that was the main issue that they needed to.
Like, my lungs had a scratchand my liver.
So I woke up in the ICU and mydad was like, hey, you were hit
by a truck truck and I uh justimmediately asked if I could
(13:46):
walk again and if I could uhbear children, because those
were the two most importantthings to me, my 22 year old
mind, at the moment.
So, um, yeah, that was a lot ofhealing from that point on,
like it was.
I remember ICU was rough, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
There's just a lot.
There's a lot that goes intothat.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah, and like they were still like, I had a huge
clump of hair, just like mattedfrom the blood and they that?
because I guess that wasn't aconcern.
They were more concerned aboutputting my pelvis back together
and I couldn't move out of thebed or anything Like.
I had a pelvic fixator on andI'm like, what is all this?
(14:28):
And just a lot of wounds frombeing on the highway and being
struck.
So, um, but yeah, this clump ofhair I'll never forget.
My hair protected my head andfrom the scalp laceration.
(14:51):
They didn't, um, I don't know,probably in all the chaos, chaos
, they did not put stitches inright away and so they just kept
seeing blood on my pillow and Ijust remember it was like very,
it's kind of spotty and Iremember them trying to comb my
(15:11):
hair and it was just soexcruciatingly painful and I was
screaming and crying and I amon like heavy duty, like
painkillers and it is hurting,sure, and, um, they and then a
surgeon, or a surgeon or I don'tknow someone who could sew me
(15:33):
up right, someone in a doctorcostume.
Yeah, yeah, and it was crazybecause, like my aunt's there,
my dad's there, everybody's inthe room and he's like turn your
head and they go with theclippers.
And you know you're just likeokay, all.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It almost feels surreal, like while you're
dealing with that.
Didn't you feel like that whenyou?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
were you know waking up in the hospital and going
like trying to piece things backtogether a little bit of what
the hell just happened yes, andI don't recommend talking to
anyone in ICU when they're underthat much anesthesia or uh,
painkillers and stuff, becauseit was just like so real and so
raw in the moment that anytimesomebody would bring it up to me
(16:17):
, like when they had an officer,because my parents were trying
to get to the bottom of it.
Sure my mom knew I was thereagainst my will.
She's like she's not justwalking around on the highway in
the middle of the night.
So when the police officers cameto talk to me, I just remember
being really distraught andreally upset and just not really
(16:39):
being able to piece togetherwhat happened, and so I don't
think I was really helpingmyself in that moment and it
just was.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
That's wild.
How many friends did you haveout with you at the bar when you
were there?
What does that look like?
Because, as a parent of youngdaughters for me I'm like, okay,
let's talk about.
What are we?
What do we tell our daughtersso that they know what to look
for or what to be careful of orwhat to avoid?
Or you know, when we went outto the bar when I was younger,
(17:11):
like if you came with me, you'recoming home with me, and so I
don't like what does that looklike in your friend group?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I would definitely reiterate that, yeah, came with
me, go home with me, um with afriend and just say, hey, we're
in it, do or die like right,right, you're not going with
somebody else, but is that what,like what?
Speaker 1 (17:29):
when you circled back with your friends afterwards,
were they like you were justgone one minute or the next
minute, or was it like you say,like no, no, I'm going with them
, because obviously when someonedrugs, you're not with it, but
you're still, yeah, doing all ofthe things right, like still
walking, talking, um, you know,we know that it isn't like you
just fall over on the ground,which is even scarier because
you could be telling yourfriends like no, I'm gonna go
(17:50):
have fun, or whatever.
That looks like right oh yes.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So, um, well, we had planned on watching a football
game and we did, and it was funand games, and the football game
was over, they won, everybody'shaving a good time, and my
friend was ready to go home andsome friends of hers offered to
(18:16):
give me a ride home because wewere still ready to have fun.
Yeah, because our team just won, yeah and uh.
So her friends said that theywould give me a ride home, and I
, I remember that, and then weweren't going home at the first
bar, and then I started asking.
(18:36):
I remember asking other friends.
I knew who were there.
It's a small town, it's not?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
it's not uber friendly.
Probably back in 2002 either, Ididn't.
I don't know if it was even athing back then yeah it.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Well, in North Carolina I don't know how it is
in college towns here but youjust kind of run into everyone
that you know and I was askinganyone and everyone that I knew,
because the people who I, whowere acquaintances, um, were not
going home and I was ready togo home.
And then I just started askinganyone that I knew okay, I'm
(19:10):
ready to go home, I would liketo go, are you going home?
You know, and they're like, no,sorry, yeah, no.
And uh, I was like okay.
So I ended up going with thetwo acquaintances and we got in
the car and we're leaving andthey're like, oh, we want to go
to one more bar, we'll check itout.
And I was like, oh, no, I don'twant to.
I knew I was, I was ready to gohome, right, and um, yeah, I
(19:35):
mean I was definitelyintoxicated at that point.
There's just no way I wasgetting myself home Right, and
it wasn't the day and age of letme call an Uber.
I think I had a cell phone, butit wasn't like.
It is now Right.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Were you attached at the hip Right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I don't remember that being on my radar of who I was
going to call to come get me andI think that's kind of weird to
think about now because that'snot really the situation Like
now.
I think young women would havethat outlet to call the 100
people on their list I don'tknow Instant message someone Put
(20:17):
it out there on any of thethings, the platforms.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
All of the ways that we communicate now, mayday, yeah
.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So, yeah, I would hope that they would do that and
don't be ashamed.
If you need to do that, yeah,just do it.
Yeah, but yeah.
So we ended up going to anotherbar and I continued to drink
and it was too much and I don'treally remember much other than
walking in the door and thentrying to get back in the door
(20:48):
to get my things when I left.
I remember trying to get backin like, hey, I left my things,
I need to go.
And the man with the broomsaying no, no, sorry, your
things aren't in here, andthat's all.
I mean that's waking up in avehicle with three strange men.
So so I think the time framefrom the last bar and then where
(21:13):
I was on the highway wasprobably about um 20, 30 minutes
, okay, I would think the night.
So maybe I passed.
I fell asleep because I woke upright in the car with this.
Three strange men was like whoare you?
Where are we going, what are wedoing?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
and they threatened me there's something so
vulnerable about being young andnot, I mean, think about what
you know now as as compared towhat you knew then, just about
how the world works and howpeople are and all of that.
Like it feels very scary to meto have daughters that are in
their early 20s, navigating life, because, yes, there's all of
(21:52):
this stuff that happens, thatthat, oh, yes, yeah, I mean they
also need to be careful withtheir uber drivers now, yeah,
with lift riders and witheverything, everything.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
So it is important, I think, to have a plan.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah did in north carolina, when you were younger,
was obviously in college, I'massuming alcohol was kind of
glamorized right.
I find that with young peoplethat it's like it was for me for
sure, right Of just we're goingto party, we're going to have a
good time, and you just don'teven kind of consider some of
those, the big bad wolf that'sout there, right, and tell you
her stories like this where it'slike, holy shit, that happens,
(22:35):
right.
I mean, this is a pivotal pointfor you in your life, I'm
guessing.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, oh yeah, I mean I almost died from a night of
partying.
Yeah, I definitely would not behere if I had not.
Like, I don't even know.
I'm sure the Lord had a planand all that, because I did cry
(23:04):
out to him with all my being, soall my faith is like in him.
When I woke up, even, it waslike Lord, you helped me, like I
literally cried out with you,because that was the last thing
that I remembered was justcrying out with all my being for
God to save me, and I knew hehad.
(23:26):
When I woke up and I'm like,surrounded by loved ones and
even though I didn't really knowwhat had happened, all I wanted
was the truth, know what hadhappened.
All I wanted was the truth and,of course, I wanted to be able
to know everything and anythingthat happened and who these men
were and who was I with and whatyou know I wanted to know all
(23:49):
that and it wasn't happening anduh, so I had to seek the truth
in God's word and going tochurch and just kind of, yeah,
it was pivotal in my life, Iwasn't searching for the next
(24:09):
party anymore, right?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, I mean that kind of is a big wake-up call
right at the Were you raisedwith faith and religion or
whatever your background in thatis.
Or was that more of a kind of acome to jesus a little bit
event where you're like, oh shit, I you know, yeah, I did ask
for help and here he is kind ofthing.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
It was definitely a come to jesus moment, like
personally for me.
Um, growing up, great family,mom and dad loved me.
It was not regular.
We didn't attend churchregularly or really talk about
faith.
I attended a Methodist church,I think, when I was a baby and
(24:53):
it was like I was christened.
So they like did that, I think,when my parents were younger
and that was part of thecommunity we were in then when I
was born.
But we moved around a lot andit was my mom worked nights as a
third shift nurse and so youknow I think the weekends were
(25:17):
taken up, so church wasn't apriority.
So now, as like a mother,church is a priority for my
family because it just gives meso much more purpose in knowing
who the Lord is and not justaimlessly living my life like
(25:37):
checking off one box to the nextof yeah, get my degree, get a
job, move into an apartment, yes, those are all wonderful.
Like I was so independent and soproud of myself and then, yeah,
so it's kind of I went througha lot of guilt and still do in a
way because my life did change,like I didn't have the whole uh
(26:02):
era of my career andindependence.
It was more like recovery rightfrom the accident and getting
stronger and my health andwhat's next for me and what's
really important.
I wanted to go back so bad tolike where I was, like maybe go
(26:25):
back and get that last job I had, but it just didn't seem right.
I don't know.
I was in a different place.
I had to move to a differentcity, live with my parents
temporarily.
They had to basically piece meback together.
I was in physical therapy for along time.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
How long was the physical recovery from this
incident?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
I'd say it took at least a year to get to where I
could get back out and work.
And I did work as an interiordesigner for a little bit then
and then I was just attendingchurch and so, like I felt
normal, felt good, but a lot hadchanged.
(27:11):
My body had changed because Iwas struck by a truck.
I had a lot of injuries anddifferent body composition I had
to deal with.
Yeah, and as a young womanthat's really hard, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, I know you think back to.
I think back to being 22, and Ithink, God, that's a lot on
your plate to be able to dealwith.
What does the emotional andmental kind of healing look like
for you?
Do you feel like that'ssomething that you kind of
addressed right away, or is thatsomething that has kind of drug
around you behind you like awrecking ball a little bit, and
(27:54):
not even kind?
of realize the impact of thatstuff.
I find that that kind of endsup being typical for lots of
different big events that peoplehappen.
They think, okay, I'm fine andyou get the physical part of it
healed, but then it's like, okay, well, what does that look like
for the emotional and themental aspects of just how scary
that whole situation is?
And being in a situation Ican't even imagine waking up in
(28:14):
a car with you know three dudesthat are there to do harm.
imagine waking up in a car withyou know three dudes that are
there to do harm, right, um, andthen obviously that doesn't
even factor in the hit by atruck yeah, so you know, did you
feel like you were able to kindof start healing from that on
the mental and emotional sideright away, or no, I you drug
that around behind you for awhile it was, yeah, definitely
(28:35):
have um PTSD from it.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Um, and right away I went into therapy and had to
process just the uh, shame andguilt that came with it.
Um of man, if I would have justmade a few different choices
there, I wouldn't be in thissituation.
(28:59):
And so just getting past thatand just realizing that, okay, I
can't change what has happened,I need to move forward.
And so I processed it and a lotof it was with my faith and
just reading God's word and likethere's so much in the Bible
(29:23):
that was helpful to me andcomforting, knowing that the
Lord was with me that night,even though it was a horrible
situation.
He was with me that night andhe always is with me and just
kind of always returning to theLord.
And yes, I was young still,yeah, just a baby.
(29:44):
So I was still going off thebeaten path a little bit.
Sure, I was trying to go backto my old ways a little bit, a
few times, and then nope that'snot still not working.
Yeah, and so I just decided it'sjust like a decision to follow
(30:07):
what's right and really stick tothat.
And so I started meeting newfriends.
I was in a new city, meetingnew friends at church and also
keeping old friends, and youknow they were such a huge
(30:28):
support system for me.
Um, oh man, I don't want to.
They're a really huge supportsystem for me while I was in the
hospital, and so it's um, so itwas like combining the old with
the new.
(30:49):
It wasn't completely out withthe old, and I couldn't forget
what happened, like some peoplewanted me to just forget what
happened and just move on.
And it's not, it's kind of justlike embedded in my body, and
even now going to therapy it's.
I love learning more about thatand how it's just it's
(31:13):
basically in my nervous system.
I never really realized, like,how your body holds on to these
things, and I don't know if it'sbecause I'm getting older or
what.
You're getting wiser, that'swhat I guess I'm getting wiser,
but it's true, though you learnall of those things I'm still
processing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And it's interesting because when you said people
telling you like just get overit right At any stage in any of
that, they maybe don'tunderstand that your body does
hold on to that kind of at amolecular level and that it is
really important to kind ofunearth that stuff.
You know, you mentionedsomething about having guilt and
it feels like maybe that'sstill something that needs to be
(31:47):
addressed right because youstill feel like you're carrying
the weight of that around.
No judgment that's.
I mean, we all do that from thedifferent stuff that we deal
with.
But if you didn't know that, oh, I do see where I'm carrying
that around or I do see wherethat's still affecting me, um,
and there's work to be done withit.
You know that's powerful.
That's powerful work.
You know, I look at that stuffand it's like I want to be the
(32:07):
best, lightest possible, youknow freest version of myself
that I can and that takes dirty,gross work of getting in and
seeing like, why do I feelguilty about this?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
you know unpacking, all of getting in and seeing
like why do I feel guilty aboutthis?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know, unpacking, all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And seeing, like, where does this stem from?
You know, because you would.
I look back at different thingsthat I got myself into when I
was a younger you know youngergirl, and it was like what was
my part in that?
Right, because I drank a lotwhen I was younger Not saying
you drank a lot, but in that inthat evening you drank a lot,
but in that in that evening youdrank a lot, right, like I drank
a lot, right.
And then it was like I don'tfeel like I have the right to
(32:41):
kind of be hurt for situations Iput myself in because I did
that and it's like no, that'sactually not true.
Like, yes, both of those thingscan be true.
Yes, I drank too much and I putmyself in situations that kept
me at risk, but also it doesn'tnegate the fact that somebody
took advantage of you in thatmoment those, you know, those
men.
It doesn't change that fact.
(33:03):
And so really being able tokind of like set down the guilt
for that or any any of that,that just kind of still holds
you.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's important to be able to release that, so that it
doesn't weigh on you and thatyou're not carrying it around
and then passing it down to yourkiddos, right, right you have
kiddos, I do okay, tell me agesand I have a 16 year old son and
a 15 year old daughter, okay,and uh, yeah, so maybe it's just
like stirring up in me all ofthese, like whoa when I was that
(33:32):
young yeah, yeah me.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Did you talk with your parents about stuff?
Were you open with them whenyou were young?
Do you feel like, or was itnearly as open as my kids are
with me and I love stuff?
Were you open with them whenyou were young?
Do you feel like, or was it Notnearly as open as my kids are
with?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
me and I love that they're so open with me and that
we can have all of theseconversations and it's like a
it's all.
There's always a teachingmoment in there For both sides,
probably right, like I find thatmy kiddos are like my biggest
teachers, right, so I'm teachingthem, they're teaching me.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
That's just who I'm doing life with and that feels
fun.
So I'm assuming your kiddosknow about this incident that
happened, or do you not have youtalked to them about that?
Like, how do you prepare themfor being in a position where
they could potentially bevulnerable to somebody taking
advantage?
Speaker 2 (34:13):
So when I was on the last podcast, I told them I was
going on a podcast, I was goingto be sharing my story and if
they want to know my story I'mhappy to tell them.
I know they knew a little bitabout it.
They knew just like, oh, andit's not light, it's like mom
was hit by a truck.
It's not real light and fuzzyand happy.
(34:37):
And I was like, if you want toknow more about that, I'm happy
to share with you.
If you want to hear it from medirectly, or if you want to
listen to the podcast, it'stotally up to you.
And they're just, they're like,oh, we'd love to hear it.
And so I told them and I justkind of gave them the
(34:58):
abbreviated version.
I didn't say like I was fallingdown drunk, you know.
Yeah, I don't know, I don'teven.
It's just for their age.
I just wanted them to know thatif it wasn't't for god, I
(35:21):
probably wouldn't be here.
There's just no way I couldhave survived being struck by a
truck going that fast.
I really don't.
I don't know many people who Idon't know anyone else who has
been through that experience,right it's truly pretty savage
so my son, as sweet as he, he'slike whoa mom, you have lure and
(35:42):
I'm like what is?
what are you talking about?
What lure?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I think that's like a term no, I have an 18 year old
too.
He uses words all the time Ihave no idea.
I was like.
So that that means like good,right, he's like yeah, it's like
, because I'm thinking likefishing sure sure.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And so, yeah, and I was like, oh, that's so, like
just so comforting that he wasjust like so positive and wanted
to hear more.
And my daughter's like I'mnever going to a bar, ever, yeah
.
And my husband's like that'sperfect, right uh love that to
be a thing, I know I'm like no,you just, you know, you, you
(36:18):
know, you just got to planaccordingly.
And with alcohol, it's just youknow, inhibitions are lowered
once you pass a threshold.
You know it's.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
You just have to drink responsibly, yeah Well,
and being able to talk aboutthat with them so that you're
able to have those conversationsof here's what that looks like.
You know, I think being openwith your kiddos is the most
valuable thing that you canbring to it without hiding
anything, including the emotionsthat kind of went into that.
You know if you're able toshare with your kids about.
(36:53):
You know what that brought upfor you, whether it was guilt or
shame or the you know thefeelings of any of the stuff
that kind of came out as you'reprocessing that, even as you're
processing things now that maybeyou didn't realize were even
under the rug, that needed to beprocessed.
I think, doing that in front ofthem, especially at 15 and 16,
they're smart, those 15,.
I mean they have a computerthat they carry in their pockets
(37:16):
, that can tell yes.
That can tell them anything,anything, right, so you know
they don't need us to coddlethem at that age and not say the
thing.
So it's pretty interesting.
I have kiddos that we just wetalk about literally everything.
Nothing is off the table.
At my house I was talking toMel before we started the
podcast and she was tellingabout her kiddos and having this
safety zone.
I hope you don't mind me sayingthat.
(37:36):
Having this safety zone whereit's like her kiddos can say
like request safety zone, whichmeans mom doesn't get to say
anything, she just gets tolisten with no expression on her
face oh, that's so good Iwanted to share that because I
think what an amazing tool to beable to implement with your
kids, so that theyfeel safe to be able to say any
of the things right, becausethat, really, when you are able
(37:57):
to hold space for them in a waywhere they're not in trouble for
anything, you're not going tojudge them for anything, you're
just going to be supportive,it's really powerful to be able
to do that with your kids it is,and nine times out of ten we've
either experienced it, whateverit is they're going through, or
(38:18):
we know someone who hasexperienced, whatever it may be.
Yeah, and then they can handleit and navigate anything.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, we can handle it.
You can tell us we're not gonnafreak out.
But yeah, we have to keep astraight face.
I yeah my daughter like if Imake too many faces she does not
like it.
So I really have to zone in andjust listen.
I'm just listening like astraight face.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
A lot of times in my head I'm thinking is this really
my life right now?
Because my kids say outrageousthings to me, especially my
middle daughter.
I think she does it just to tryto see if she can get a
reaction out of me.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yes, oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I'm just sitting there with a straight face while
she's vomiting all over wordvomiting everywhere.
I'm just like it's fine,everything's fine is fine, just
don't make a face.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
It's like okay, then what are we going to do about
that?
Whatever it is, yeah, give itsome time to process and I don't
I try not to like give too muchadvice.
Yeah, right off.
Yes, which is great.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Sometimes they just need you to listen and hold
space oh for sure I thinkparents think so much that they
need to.
We don't know anything.
Stop talking right like letthem.
Let them talk and talk throughtheir feelings and encourage
them, be curious with them, themabout the things that come up
for them, instead of giving ourold, shitty advice that's from
however long ago that was justhanded down to us.
I don't know that I had muchadvice.
Well, exactly Right, so we'rejust making it up from this
(39:30):
stupid places that we got fromwherever that was, you know, and
then a lot of parents think,okay, well, we know everything,
so we're kind of coming fromthis authority place and you
know I'm the parent, so I'm notgoing to be the one that learns
from my kids and I think you'remissing the boat.
You know, if you're coming at itfrom that place where you're
the authority figure and you'rethe one that's giving the advice
or telling the stuff, it's likecome from a place of curiosity
(39:50):
so that you can help them unpackhow those things make them feel
.
You know, and when you arewilling to talk with your kids
about experiences that you hador you know, for me, I'm very
vocal with my kiddos about, youknow, my drinking career, which
ended eight years ago, luckily.
But being able to really sharethat with them is something
where it's like I don'tsugarcoat that stuff.
(40:10):
It was not a pretty look, youknow.
For me, specifically, I hadlots of, lots of challenges with
alcohol and so being able to bevulnerable enough in front of
your kids to speak about that,so that they can see we're not
perfect, I'm just, I'm just asteward of getting you to where
you can feed yourself and, andyou know, get out there and do
your own human experience, Idon't know any better than
(40:33):
anybody else does right so it'sfun to do that.
So do you talk with yourdaughter about kind of being
careful in situations where youknow, like the getting roofied,
I mean I see certain things thatjust make me sick to my stomach
of how easy that is and it'slike these girls go out and it's
like, oh, we're gonna have sucha good time, very similar to
what you did, right.
It's like, oh, we're celebrating, we're gonna have such a good
(40:54):
time, not a care in the world,and then it just really um
changes the whole course of yourlife yeah, I think I have her
whole life kind of.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Uh, hopefully I didn't put her too much on edge,
but just always looking over myshoulder like thinking I'm
going to be kidnapped.
I don't want her to bekidnapped and it just it wasn't
like, yeah, I just we are an AirForce family, my husband's
retired, so we would move intonew situations every like 10
(41:28):
months to two years, two tothree years, and so I don't know
.
It was always like stay rightby me, stay right, so like that
safety net.
I was always like stay right byme, stay right, so like that
safety net.
I was always her safety net.
And now, yeah, the conversationhas kind of turned to like who
are your friends?
What are they doing?
(41:50):
You know, put yourself in asituation where you can get out,
you can call me, you can alwayscall me and anything, or your
dad or someone another trustedadult Just being able to
navigate.
Yeah, when they do my son, it'sdifferent, like I feel like he
(42:14):
has already shown me that he isso responsible and will not go
with whatever the crowd's doing.
I mean, is he still a child?
Yes, he's a young man, but youknow he's still.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
You can read that.
You can read that on kiddos.
I think you know and I thinkit's awesome when you have kids
that don't want to just get inwith the herd you know, and
really kind of march to the beatof their own drummer.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
That's what I want for my kids.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
You know they now and really kind of march to the the
beat of their own drummer.
That's all I want for my kids,right, you know they stand up
for what they believe and Ithink, uh, young women have
maybe a little bit moreinfluence from their friends,
more than um males, in a waythat you know they want to um,
whether it comes from how theywant to look or dress to.
You know it really needs to beabout how what's who is helping
(43:04):
them to be their best self andwho makes them feel most like
themselves, or that they can behonest and open and feel good
and not feel like they need haveanything to prove yeah to
someone else.
Um, so I mean, she's 15, she'llbe 16 and she is ready to get
(43:28):
her license.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
I mean she's counting down the days she's ready to
get out there and startterrorizing the?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
roads.
Yes, yes, and yeah, she's notreally intimidated by life and I
love her.
She has a much strongerconfidence than me, probably at
that age, and I don't know.
I'm happy about that.
I'm happy that her confidenceis probably due to her faith and
(44:00):
her upbringing, and I alwaystried to have that backbone in
them that they, um, can turn tothe Lord for anything, for a
relationship, for, uh,encouragement, love.
You know're going to get waymore love from Jesus than anyone
(44:22):
in the world, yeah, other thanme.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Well, having a, having a strong belief in your
higher power and really beingcomfortable in who you are as a
person, without outsideinfluences, is so important,
right, because your friends willchatter and all of that stuff
will come and go, but reallybeing steadfast in who you are
and, you know, having a supportsystem in you, it's extremely
important for them.
I look at raising kids now andI'm so happy my son is
(44:47):
graduating high school tomorrowand I'm so happy to not have
little kids anymore, becausewhat is happening around us to
me with, like, social media andtrying to keep your kids
grounded and not, you know, likebeing able to be their
authentic selves and comfortablewith who they are and, you know
, have an understanding of youknow, their higher power or
(45:09):
whatever that looks like foreach individual, that's so
important to me, but I thinkit's just there's so much noise,
there's so much noise that itmakes it so hard for them to
just get quiet and and reallyhave an understanding of who
they are, you know, which, Ithink, is what brings in all of
this kind of outside BS that alot of us, you know, struggle
with over the years.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
I could not imagine, I mean now, even like us as moms
, now trying to navigate thatwith our children.
Like's the research, like yougot to put the phone down, like
you got to have someself-control here and and then
you, we have so much more toworry about as far as like
(45:51):
teaching them, like, yeah,you've got to set boundaries for
yourself and, you know, withyour relationships with others.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Sure, and yeah, it's just there's so much, there's so
much numbing that happens.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
So much numbing.
Yeah, it's savage when you lookaround at it, it is Once you see
it, you can't unsee it you knowno, so you look around and you
watch as people numb with thingsand it's like everyone's so
afraid to just be quiet and bewith themselves, right, like I
talk about emotionalintelligence a lot on this
podcast because I think thatthat's hugely important with
(46:30):
everything right, I think thatcontributes to the problems the
way that we have them nowadays,because people don't understand
their emotions or how to workwith them, you know, and then we
just numb, right, we get intothis hamster wheel of life where
we're just rinse, lather,repeating stuff and not really
connecting, not really havingthat, where we set our phones
(46:51):
down or our technology down orwhatever it is that we're
numbing with alcohol or whateverit is.
So I think that's reallyimportant in families to to have
those conversations and to talkabout how that makes you feel.
How does it make you feel whenthis happens or that happens,
you know, and they're stillgoing to have their phones,
they're still going to do allthe stuff that they do, but
knowing that you're that safespace and and being able to talk
(47:12):
with you about anything andmodeling emotional intelligence
to them too.
You know I work on myself sothat I can be a better version
of myself for them Right.
Like, yes, for me too, butthey're watching, my
eight-year-old self is watching,my 80-year-old self is watching
, you know?
So being able to have emotionalintelligence and really say,
(47:33):
okay, I don't want to carry thatguilt or shame around or I'm
not going to like, like whateverit looks like, right, like your
story is is unique to you, buteveryone has their, their things
.
That then, if they don't healall the way from, or if they
don't process all the way from,you know when you're talking
about you're, you're lookingover your shoulder and you're
worried you're passing that downto your daughter you know, and
we wouldn't want to do that, butwe do it all the time we, we do
right, we have these, theseexperiences that happen and then
(48:04):
it's like we don't fully healfrom that, you know.
So really doing the work yousaid that you were had tried
EMDR.
Was that effective in kind ofhelping with your stuff?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Is that something that you'll continue with or I
oh, Is that something thatyou'll continue with?
Oh yeah, I will definitelycontinue with it.
And after the first sessionyeah, I mean, it was heavy.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
It was really heavy.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
I didn't really realize how much my body had
just held on to so much, and soI was really tired the next day.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Well, you just ran an emotional marathon you know,
that's what they say with thatkind of work yeah, I think that
kind of work is way morepowerful than just doing like
talk therapy, and nothingagainst talk therapy, but it's
like that is powerful to me andthere wasn't.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
that wasn't really available at the time, or maybe
my therapist didn't know or allthe different therapists it
hadn't really been brought upuntil recently.
Yeah, and so I I'm excited tolike unpack that, yeah for sure.
And um, yeah, I, I love beingintentional with my kids and
really trying to um, just, yeah,we need, we need to just be
(49:15):
intentional with ourrelationships with our children
and, like said, have thatconnection and teach them how to
have a connection with othersand community.
Because, yeah, I think when Iwas younger it was more about
numbing the pain or, yeah, juststill pretending like they are.
(49:36):
I loved your intro, you know,just about pretending to be
someone else.
And now it's just like it's noton TV but it's on social media.
But when we were younger, likemaybe that was on TV, it was
like Oprah with her talk, sureUh with her talk show and that's
how people were sharing, butthey were being authentic for
(49:57):
the most, I think.
But now it's like trying to besomething you're not, but on
social media.
But instead, you know we reallystill need that community and
to be our vulnerable and open up, yeah about anything.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
You isolate yourself by doing that.
You know everyone that's tryingto pretend to be something that
they're not.
You're isolating yourself,right.
You're not dealing with yourauthentic self and really being
able to to express yourself inthose ways and have connection
with other people, then you feeldisconnected.
Then we numb, right.
I mean it's just, we don't dealwith our shit.
We numb, we deal don't dealwith our shit.
(50:36):
We numb.
We don't deal with our shit.
We just keep pushing it downthat whole I'm fine, it's fine,
everything's fine.
It's like open your eyes,people.
You know it's.
It's not, it's not fun.
We need to be able to like talkabout the things and there's
not an award that you get at theend if, like you, were the
least messy because I'mdefinitely not in the running
for that, just FYI to everyonemessiest messiest, exactly messy
(50:58):
exactly Messy AF, you know, andthat's okay, right, like I know
who I am.
I'm not trying to be somebodythat I'm not, and I encourage
other people to do the samething.
I think the more that we dothat in front of other people,
it gives them permission to dothe same right.
Like my family is a group ofmisfits in the best possible way
, because everyone just marchesto the beat of their own drummer
and doesn't give a fuck.
It's so lovely, right Likewe're kind, we're good people,
(51:20):
we're all the things, but we'renot trying to put on you know,
masks.
We're done with that you knowand I encourage other people to
really be able to set that downtoo, for sure.
Well, thank you so much, tricia, for coming and spending time
with me today and sharing yourstory.
I really appreciate it.
So, yeah, that's our time fortoday.
If you would do all of thethings to support the podcast,
(51:43):
follow share rate review andthen if you have questions or
suggestions, please send us anemail.
Ladies atletsgetnakedpodcastcom.
Catch you next time.
That's a wrap.
I'd love to help you getvulnerable.
Let's get naked.
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.
Hey everyone, I'm Ann.
Welcome to the let's Get Nakedpodcast, where we dive deep into
vulnerability.
In this space, we'll explorewhat triggers us, uncover the
patterns holding us back anddiscover how to take charge of
our own growth.
If you're ready to dig in, bevulnerable and face the tough
(00:29):
stuff, then buckle up.
It's time to get naked.
Let's talk about being honestwith ourselves, truly, brutally,
humbly honest.
Not the performative kind wherewe say I'm working on myself
while still lying to ourreflection every morning.
I mean the kind of honesty thatguts you first and rebuilds you
later.
The kind that doesn't careabout your social feed, your
(00:52):
curated identity or whateversanitized version of your story
you've been selling to yourselfand the world.
The kind of honesty thatwhispers hey, maybe you're not
the victim or the hero in everysituation.
Maybe you're just figuring itout like everyone else.
But here's the problem.
We've let our egos drive thebus.
We've handed over the keys, themap, the snacks, and now we're
(01:15):
wondering why the trip feelshollow, why we're lost, why
nothing ever quite feels likeenough.
Ego doesn't care about truth,it cares about comfort.
It's a control freak with a Godcomplex.
It wants to protect you fromshame, from vulnerability, from
failure, but it also traps youin a box where you can't grow.
(01:36):
Your ego is the one telling youthat admitting you're wrong
will ruin you.
That changing course isweakness.
That if people saw the real you, the insecure, uncertain, messy
version, they'd walk that voice.
That's not your gut, that'syour ego, talking through a
megaphone, dressed like yourbest friend.
And we believe it because it'seasier, because owning up to our
(01:59):
blind spots feels like death,to the false self we've
constructed.
Hotspots feels like death tothe false self we've constructed
.
But here's the deal thatversion of you built on pride,
performance, image, reputation.
It's not the real you.
It's a hologram that needsconstant upkeep.
You're not your ego, you're notyour job title, you're not your
trauma.
You're not the mask you've beenfine-tuning since high school.
(02:21):
You are what's left when all ofthat burns off.
And the faster we get honestabout that, the freer we get.
Now here's where it gets weirdand beautiful.
If you can cut through thenoise and face yourself without
flinching, without running backinto ego's arms, you start to
tap into something deeper,something unshakable.
Call it flow, call it peace.
(02:44):
Call it faith.
Not religious dogma or borrowedbeliefs.
Faith like a knowing, asurrender, a trust that
something beyond your ego issteering this whole thing, that
if you show up real and let goof the outcome, life starts to
meet you where you are.
Synchronicity kicks in doors,open, open Connections.
Feel real, time movesdifferently because you're
(03:08):
finally in alignment not withthe world's expectations but
with your truth.
Faith in that sense is theanecdote to ego.
Where ego says control, faithsays trust.
Where ego says prove, faithsays be.
Where ego says never let themsee you sweat, faith says sweat,
cry, laugh, just show up.
(03:29):
And yeah, it's hard.
It's hard to be honest in aworld addicted to pretending.
It's hard to trust in somethinginvisible when we're trained to
worship only what we canmeasure, monetize and post about
.
But the truth is all thatposturing and striving.
It's exhausting and underneathit we're all starving for
something real.
So here it is Stop letting yourego do the talking.
(03:51):
Call yourself out lovingly butfirmly.
Get off the hamster wheel ofvalidation.
Let yourself be wrong, letyourself grow, find your flow
and, for the love of whateveryou believe in, get honest,
because nothing else workswithout it.
Today I'm getting real andvulnerable with Tricia Thomas.
(04:11):
Tricia is a wife, mother,teacher, assistant and teller of
truth.
Let's get curious about herexperience.
Welcome to the show, tricia.
Hi, thank you, absolutely sofor our listeners.
Tricia is coming to me almostas a surprise because I don't
have a lot of background toTricia's story, which is
excellent, because I feel like akid on Christmas Eve, you know
(04:34):
right now.
But I do know that you have animpactful story that kind of
happened to you sounds likeseveral years ago that I would
love to maybe just start with,if you don't mind, and then
we'll kind of back into theother things that kind of, you
know, either led up to that orhow you've healed afterwards or
some of the things that goaround that.
So, if you don't mind, justwe're just going to dive right
in okay.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Well, yeah, the big elephant in the room that I
don't always have a lot of spaceto talk about was um, in 2002 I
was a graduate of a college andI just had my first job and was
living on my own and I decidedto go out with some friends.
(05:18):
Uh, and it just turned intolike a mother's worst nightmare,
like my mom got the phone callin the middle of the night, come
to the hospital and what hadhappened was I just had had
probably too much to drink, waspossibly drugged, and then woke
(05:42):
up in the car with three strangemen and then just fought for my
life to get out of that car andjust kind of came to and knew I
was going in the wrongdirection because I saw a sign
on the highway that was towardsa city that was opposite.
I was living in North Carolinaat the time.
(06:03):
That's my home state and that'swhere I picked up a little bit
of a Southern accent, but I wasnot born in the.
South, believe it or not, butanyway, yeah.
So in the vehicle with thethree strangers, I was just like
woke up and started saying,like who are you?
(06:26):
Where are we going?
With like all my might and likeyou just have, I just had a
voice inside me that was justlike I didn't even recognize,
like just like, get me out ofhere.
And um, so I, when they saidthey were going to either rape
(06:49):
me or you know just were usingvulgar language and.
I was like no, I never said that, I don't know what you're
talking about.
I knew I had to get out ofthere, yeah, and it was just
like an instinct to get out.
Knew I had to get out of there,yeah, and it was just like an
(07:09):
instinct to get out, um, and soI tried to crash the vehicle by
jumping to the front seat andtrying to steer the wheel so
maybe I could get the attentionon the highway.
I me hit me and my two frontteeth were knocked out when my
(07:32):
face hit the window.
And, um, I knew thatimmediately because the way your
tongue hits your teeth, it'sjust that's immediate.
So that was very um traumaticin itself how old were you when
this happened?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
uh 22 yeah, that's scary.
Do you remember the men whenyou were at the bar, or is that?
You don't remember any of thatand then, all of a sudden, you
just come to in a car withpeople?
Yeah, driving you the wrong way, correct.
Were you at the bar withfriends?
Yes, okay, that is a mother'sworst nightmare.
(08:11):
Just by the way, the, the ideaof like being out and being, you
know, drugged or otherwise.
That and it happens all thetime you know, I look at these.
I look at our young girlsnowadays and I just don't feel
like when, when you know, youknow I'm, I'm older.
So I just don't remember thatever being kind of a
consideration for stuff.
And now I think it just happensso often that it's like very
(08:33):
scary.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Very scary.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, it was not on my radar, right, you didn't even
think, right?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
You're like going out with friends celebrating.
We're having drinks, we'redoing the thing, and then this
whole thing happens.
Yes, so how did?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
you get away from from that, yeah, uh.
So after my teeth were knockedout, I'm like bleeding and kind
of panicking.
I just immediately startedsaying the Lord's Prayer.
It was my go-to and I hadmemorized it in college and it
was from a bookmark that my momhad given me and she thought it
(09:11):
was important to memorize and soI did.
And I just started saying theLord's Prayer out loud and the
men in the front were like don'tbring the Lord into this, and
it got kind of quiet.
And then the driver said to thepassenger in the front seat
(09:31):
should we let her out?
I was asking to get out.
Yeah, like, let me out and Iwas trying to open the door.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I mean all the scenarios Right Now.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's scary and so they, after I said the Lord's
Prayer, they pulled over and letme out and I was on a like a
major highway so you were ableto flag somebody else down.
Uh, unfortunately, no.
Um, it was in the middle of thenight and I was.
(10:01):
I knew I had to get back, go inthe opposite direction, and I
saw a light on the opposite sideof the highway and so I wanted
to go towards the street lightand so I crossed through the
highway and through the.
There was a huge constructionzone.
I jumped, I went over a median,a cement median barrier, and
(10:27):
then I'm like in mud.
I I remember that.
I remember trudging throughthat and then climbing over
another cement barrier.
And I was on the highway goingback eastbound, where I needed
to go, and I I heard a vehiclecoming and my idea was to flag
someone down, sure, and so Ithrew my hands in the air and
(10:50):
just cried out with all my beingGod help me.
And at that moment I was hit bya truck that was going like 60,
whatever the speed limit is 65miles per hour, and it was a
delivery truck and he stoppedand, yeah, the whole highway was
(11:12):
stopped at that point.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
That's terrible.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yeah, so I was struck by a truck as a pedestrian and
I don't remember.
I just remember throwing myarms in the air and crying out
to the Lord to help me.
I had no idea that that truckwas going to hit me.
I thought in my mind, because Iwas so disoriented, that
they're like on the highway andI'm on the median.
(11:38):
But in fact I was like in theroad because the cement barrier
was right up to the medianbecause of the construction.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So you think you're on the side of the road and
you're actually right in themiddle of the road.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I'm right in the middle of the road.
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So I'm assuming they send an ambulance and come pick
you up and then your mom getsthe absolute worst phone call
ever yes.
What happened to you from the?
Obviously the teeth knocked out, which sounds terrible.
What happened to you from thetruck too, I mean, what did that
look like?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
So I've been thinking about this and it's just like
so many people were just likeorchestrated and like getting me
from there to the hospitalbecause I was basically bleeding
to death at that point.
So they just had to scoop me upand put me in the ambulance and
(12:37):
take me to the nearest hospital, which happened to be Duke
University Hospital, to be DukeUniversity Hospital and that was
a huge blessing because theyhave a huge trauma unit and so I
was broken from head to toe.
(12:58):
I had a skull fracture, scalplaceration, broken ribs, my
right ulna was broken, my pelviswas shattered and my sacrum.
That was the main issue.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
The mark.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that was the main issue that they needed to.
Like, my lungs had a scratchand my liver.
So I woke up in the ICU and mydad was like, hey, you were hit
by a truck truck and I uh justimmediately asked if I could
(13:46):
walk again and if I could uhbear children, because those
were the two most importantthings to me, my 22 year old
mind, at the moment.
So, um, yeah, that was a lot ofhealing from that point on,
like it was.
I remember ICU was rough, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
There's just a lot.
There's a lot that goes intothat.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah, and like they were still like, I had a huge
clump of hair, just like mattedfrom the blood and they that?
because I guess that wasn't aconcern.
They were more concerned aboutputting my pelvis back together
and I couldn't move out of thebed or anything Like.
I had a pelvic fixator on andI'm like, what is all this?
(14:28):
And just a lot of wounds frombeing on the highway and being
struck.
So, um, but yeah, this clump ofhair I'll never forget.
My hair protected my head andfrom the scalp laceration.
(14:51):
They didn't, um, I don't know,probably in all the chaos, chaos
, they did not put stitches inright away and so they just kept
seeing blood on my pillow and Ijust remember it was like very,
it's kind of spotty and Iremember them trying to comb my
(15:11):
hair and it was just soexcruciatingly painful and I was
screaming and crying and I amon like heavy duty, like
painkillers and it is hurting,sure, and, um, they and then a
surgeon, or a surgeon or I don'tknow someone who could sew me
(15:33):
up right, someone in a doctorcostume.
Yeah, yeah, and it was crazybecause, like my aunt's there,
my dad's there, everybody's inthe room and he's like turn your
head and they go with theclippers.
And you know you're just likeokay, all.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It almost feels surreal, like while you're
dealing with that.
Didn't you feel like that whenyou?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
were you know waking up in the hospital and going
like trying to piece things backtogether a little bit of what
the hell just happened yes, andI don't recommend talking to
anyone in ICU when they're underthat much anesthesia or uh,
painkillers and stuff, becauseit was just like so real and so
raw in the moment that anytimesomebody would bring it up to me
(16:17):
, like when they had an officer,because my parents were trying
to get to the bottom of it.
Sure my mom knew I was thereagainst my will.
She's like she's not justwalking around on the highway in
the middle of the night.
So when the police officers cameto talk to me, I just remember
being really distraught andreally upset and just not really
(16:39):
being able to piece togetherwhat happened, and so I don't
think I was really helpingmyself in that moment and it
just was.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
That's wild.
How many friends did you haveout with you at the bar when you
were there?
What does that look like?
Because, as a parent of youngdaughters for me I'm like, okay,
let's talk about.
What are we?
What do we tell our daughtersso that they know what to look
for or what to be careful of orwhat to avoid?
Or you know, when we went outto the bar when I was younger,
(17:11):
like if you came with me, you'recoming home with me, and so I
don't like what does that looklike in your friend group?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
I would definitely reiterate that, yeah, came with
me, go home with me, um with afriend and just say, hey, we're
in it, do or die like right,right, you're not going with
somebody else, but is that what,like what?
Speaker 1 (17:29):
when you circled back with your friends afterwards,
were they like you were justgone one minute or the next
minute, or was it like you say,like no, no, I'm going with them
, because obviously when someonedrugs, you're not with it, but
you're still, yeah, doing all ofthe things right, like still
walking, talking, um, you know,we know that it isn't like you
just fall over on the ground,which is even scarier because
you could be telling yourfriends like no, I'm gonna go
(17:50):
have fun, or whatever.
That looks like right oh yes.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So, um, well, we had planned on watching a football
game and we did, and it was funand games, and the football game
was over, they won, everybody'shaving a good time, and my
friend was ready to go home andsome friends of hers offered to
(18:16):
give me a ride home because wewere still ready to have fun.
Yeah, because our team just won, yeah and uh.
So her friends said that theywould give me a ride home, and I
, I remember that, and then weweren't going home at the first
bar, and then I started asking.
(18:36):
I remember asking other friends.
I knew who were there.
It's a small town, it's not?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
it's not uber friendly.
Probably back in 2002 either, Ididn't.
I don't know if it was even athing back then yeah it.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Well, in North Carolina I don't know how it is
in college towns here but youjust kind of run into everyone
that you know and I was askinganyone and everyone that I knew,
because the people who I, whowere acquaintances, um, were not
going home and I was ready togo home.
And then I just started askinganyone that I knew okay, I'm
(19:10):
ready to go home, I would liketo go, are you going home?
You know, and they're like, no,sorry, yeah, no.
And uh, I was like okay.
So I ended up going with thetwo acquaintances and we got in
the car and we're leaving andthey're like, oh, we want to go
to one more bar, we'll check itout.
And I was like, oh, no, I don'twant to.
I knew I was, I was ready to gohome, right, and um, yeah, I
(19:35):
mean I was definitelyintoxicated at that point.
There's just no way I wasgetting myself home Right, and
it wasn't the day and age of letme call an Uber.
I think I had a cell phone, butit wasn't like.
It is now Right.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Were you attached at the hip Right.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I don't remember that being on my radar of who I was
going to call to come get me andI think that's kind of weird to
think about now because that'snot really the situation Like
now.
I think young women would havethat outlet to call the 100
people on their list I don'tknow Instant message someone Put
(20:17):
it out there on any of thethings, the platforms.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
All of the ways that we communicate now, mayday, yeah
.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So, yeah, I would hope that they would do that and
don't be ashamed.
If you need to do that, yeah,just do it.
Yeah, but yeah.
So we ended up going to anotherbar and I continued to drink
and it was too much and I don'treally remember much other than
walking in the door and thentrying to get back in the door
(20:48):
to get my things when I left.
I remember trying to get backin like, hey, I left my things,
I need to go.
And the man with the broomsaying no, no, sorry, your
things aren't in here, andthat's all.
I mean that's waking up in avehicle with three strange men.
So so I think the time framefrom the last bar and then where
(21:13):
I was on the highway wasprobably about um 20, 30 minutes
, okay, I would think the night.
So maybe I passed.
I fell asleep because I woke upright in the car with this.
Three strange men was like whoare you?
Where are we going, what are wedoing?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
and they threatened me there's something so
vulnerable about being young andnot, I mean, think about what
you know now as as compared towhat you knew then, just about
how the world works and howpeople are and all of that.
Like it feels very scary to meto have daughters that are in
their early 20s, navigating life, because, yes, there's all of
(21:52):
this stuff that happens, thatthat, oh, yes, yeah, I mean they
also need to be careful withtheir uber drivers now, yeah,
with lift riders and witheverything, everything.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
So it is important, I think, to have a plan.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yeah did in north carolina, when you were younger,
was obviously in college, I'massuming alcohol was kind of
glamorized right.
I find that with young peoplethat it's like it was for me for
sure, right Of just we're goingto party, we're going to have a
good time, and you just don'teven kind of consider some of
those, the big bad wolf that'sout there, right, and tell you
her stories like this where it'slike, holy shit, that happens,
(22:35):
right.
I mean, this is a pivotal pointfor you in your life, I'm
guessing.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yes, oh yeah, I mean I almost died from a night of
partying.
Yeah, I definitely would not behere if I had not.
Like, I don't even know.
I'm sure the Lord had a planand all that, because I did cry
(23:04):
out to him with all my being, soall my faith is like in him.
When I woke up, even, it waslike Lord, you helped me, like I
literally cried out with you,because that was the last thing
that I remembered was justcrying out with all my being for
God to save me, and I knew hehad.
(23:26):
When I woke up and I'm like,surrounded by loved ones and
even though I didn't really knowwhat had happened, all I wanted
was the truth, know what hadhappened.
All I wanted was the truth and,of course, I wanted to be able
to know everything and anythingthat happened and who these men
were and who was I with and whatyou know I wanted to know all
(23:49):
that and it wasn't happening anduh, so I had to seek the truth
in God's word and going tochurch and just kind of, yeah,
it was pivotal in my life, Iwasn't searching for the next
(24:09):
party anymore, right?
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, I mean that kind of is a big wake-up call
right at the Were you raisedwith faith and religion or
whatever your background in thatis.
Or was that more of a kind of acome to jesus a little bit
event where you're like, oh shit, I you know, yeah, I did ask
for help and here he is kind ofthing.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
It was definitely a come to jesus moment, like
personally for me.
Um, growing up, great family,mom and dad loved me.
It was not regular.
We didn't attend churchregularly or really talk about
faith.
I attended a Methodist church,I think, when I was a baby and
(24:53):
it was like I was christened.
So they like did that, I think,when my parents were younger
and that was part of thecommunity we were in then when I
was born.
But we moved around a lot andit was my mom worked nights as a
third shift nurse and so youknow I think the weekends were
(25:17):
taken up, so church wasn't apriority.
So now, as like a mother,church is a priority for my
family because it just gives meso much more purpose in knowing
who the Lord is and not justaimlessly living my life like
(25:37):
checking off one box to the nextof yeah, get my degree, get a
job, move into an apartment, yes, those are all wonderful.
Like I was so independent and soproud of myself and then, yeah,
so it's kind of I went througha lot of guilt and still do in a
way because my life did change,like I didn't have the whole uh
(26:02):
era of my career andindependence.
It was more like recovery rightfrom the accident and getting
stronger and my health andwhat's next for me and what's
really important.
I wanted to go back so bad tolike where I was, like maybe go
(26:25):
back and get that last job I had, but it just didn't seem right.
I don't know.
I was in a different place.
I had to move to a differentcity, live with my parents
temporarily.
They had to basically piece meback together.
I was in physical therapy for along time.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
How long was the physical recovery from this
incident?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
I'd say it took at least a year to get to where I
could get back out and work.
And I did work as an interiordesigner for a little bit then
and then I was just attendingchurch and so, like I felt
normal, felt good, but a lot hadchanged.
(27:11):
My body had changed because Iwas struck by a truck.
I had a lot of injuries anddifferent body composition I had
to deal with.
Yeah, and as a young womanthat's really hard, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, I know you think back to.
I think back to being 22, and Ithink, God, that's a lot on
your plate to be able to dealwith.
What does the emotional andmental kind of healing look like
for you?
Do you feel like that'ssomething that you kind of
addressed right away, or is thatsomething that has kind of drug
around you behind you like awrecking ball a little bit, and
(27:54):
not even kind?
of realize the impact of thatstuff.
I find that that kind of endsup being typical for lots of
different big events that peoplehappen.
They think, okay, I'm fine andyou get the physical part of it
healed, but then it's like, okay, well, what does that look like
for the emotional and themental aspects of just how scary
that whole situation is?
And being in a situation Ican't even imagine waking up in
(28:14):
a car with you know three dudesthat are there to do harm.
imagine waking up in a car withyou know three dudes that are
there to do harm, right, um, andthen obviously that doesn't
even factor in the hit by atruck yeah, so you know, did you
feel like you were able to kindof start healing from that on
the mental and emotional sideright away, or no, I you drug
that around behind you for awhile it was, yeah, definitely
(28:35):
have um PTSD from it.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Um, and right away I went into therapy and had to
process just the uh, shame andguilt that came with it.
Um of man, if I would have justmade a few different choices
there, I wouldn't be in thissituation.
(28:59):
And so just getting past thatand just realizing that, okay, I
can't change what has happened,I need to move forward.
And so I processed it and a lotof it was with my faith and
just reading God's word and likethere's so much in the Bible
(29:23):
that was helpful to me andcomforting, knowing that the
Lord was with me that night,even though it was a horrible
situation.
He was with me that night andhe always is with me and just
kind of always returning to theLord.
And yes, I was young still,yeah, just a baby.
(29:44):
So I was still going off thebeaten path a little bit.
Sure, I was trying to go backto my old ways a little bit, a
few times, and then nope that'snot still not working.
Yeah, and so I just decided it'sjust like a decision to follow
(30:07):
what's right and really stick tothat.
And so I started meeting newfriends.
I was in a new city, meetingnew friends at church and also
keeping old friends, and youknow they were such a huge
(30:28):
support system for me.
Um, oh man, I don't want to.
They're a really huge supportsystem for me while I was in the
hospital, and so it's um, so itwas like combining the old with
the new.
(30:49):
It wasn't completely out withthe old, and I couldn't forget
what happened, like some peoplewanted me to just forget what
happened and just move on.
And it's not, it's kind of justlike embedded in my body, and
even now going to therapy it's.
I love learning more about thatand how it's just it's
(31:13):
basically in my nervous system.
I never really realized, like,how your body holds on to these
things, and I don't know if it'sbecause I'm getting older or
what.
You're getting wiser, that'swhat I guess I'm getting wiser,
but it's true, though you learnall of those things I'm still
processing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And it's interesting because when you said people
telling you like just get overit right At any stage in any of
that, they maybe don'tunderstand that your body does
hold on to that kind of at amolecular level and that it is
really important to kind ofunearth that stuff.
You know, you mentionedsomething about having guilt and
it feels like maybe that'sstill something that needs to be
(31:47):
addressed right because youstill feel like you're carrying
the weight of that around.
No judgment that's.
I mean, we all do that from thedifferent stuff that we deal
with.
But if you didn't know that, oh, I do see where I'm carrying
that around or I do see wherethat's still affecting me, um,
and there's work to be done withit.
You know that's powerful.
That's powerful work.
You know, I look at that stuffand it's like I want to be the
(32:07):
best, lightest possible, youknow freest version of myself
that I can and that takes dirty,gross work of getting in and
seeing like, why do I feelguilty about this?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
you know unpacking, all of getting in and seeing
like why do I feel guilty aboutthis?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know, unpacking, all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And seeing, like, where does this stem from?
You know, because you would.
I look back at different thingsthat I got myself into when I
was a younger you know youngergirl, and it was like what was
my part in that?
Right, because I drank a lotwhen I was younger Not saying
you drank a lot, but in that inthat evening you drank a lot,
but in that in that evening youdrank a lot, right, like I drank
a lot, right.
And then it was like I don'tfeel like I have the right to
(32:41):
kind of be hurt for situations Iput myself in because I did
that and it's like no, that'sactually not true.
Like, yes, both of those thingscan be true.
Yes, I drank too much and I putmyself in situations that kept
me at risk, but also it doesn'tnegate the fact that somebody
took advantage of you in thatmoment those, you know, those
men.
It doesn't change that fact.
(33:03):
And so really being able tokind of like set down the guilt
for that or any any of that,that just kind of still holds
you.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
It's important to be able to release that, so that it
doesn't weigh on you and thatyou're not carrying it around
and then passing it down to yourkiddos, right, right you have
kiddos, I do okay, tell me agesand I have a 16 year old son and
a 15 year old daughter, okay,and uh, yeah, so maybe it's just
like stirring up in me all ofthese, like whoa when I was that
(33:32):
young yeah, yeah me.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Did you talk with your parents about stuff?
Were you open with them whenyou were young?
Do you feel like, or was itnearly as open as my kids are
with me and I love stuff?
Were you open with them whenyou were young?
Do you feel like, or was it Notnearly as open as my kids are
with?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
me and I love that they're so open with me and that
we can have all of theseconversations and it's like a
it's all.
There's always a teachingmoment in there For both sides,
probably right, like I find thatmy kiddos are like my biggest
teachers, right, so I'm teachingthem, they're teaching me.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
That's just who I'm doing life with and that feels
fun.
So I'm assuming your kiddosknow about this incident that
happened, or do you not have youtalked to them about that?
Like, how do you prepare themfor being in a position where
they could potentially bevulnerable to somebody taking
advantage?
Speaker 2 (34:13):
So when I was on the last podcast, I told them I was
going on a podcast, I was goingto be sharing my story and if
they want to know my story I'mhappy to tell them.
I know they knew a little bitabout it.
They knew just like, oh, andit's not light, it's like mom
was hit by a truck.
It's not real light and fuzzyand happy.
(34:37):
And I was like, if you want toknow more about that, I'm happy
to share with you.
If you want to hear it from medirectly, or if you want to
listen to the podcast, it'stotally up to you.
And they're just, they're like,oh, we'd love to hear it.
And so I told them and I justkind of gave them the
(34:58):
abbreviated version.
I didn't say like I was fallingdown drunk, you know.
Yeah, I don't know, I don'teven.
It's just for their age.
I just wanted them to know thatif it wasn't't for god, I
(35:21):
probably wouldn't be here.
There's just no way I couldhave survived being struck by a
truck going that fast.
I really don't.
I don't know many people who Idon't know anyone else who has
been through that experience,right it's truly pretty savage
so my son, as sweet as he, he'slike whoa mom, you have lure and
(35:42):
I'm like what is?
what are you talking about?
What lure?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I think that's like a term no, I have an 18 year old
too.
He uses words all the time Ihave no idea.
I was like.
So that that means like good,right, he's like yeah, it's like
, because I'm thinking likefishing sure sure.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And so, yeah, and I was like, oh, that's so, like
just so comforting that he wasjust like so positive and wanted
to hear more.
And my daughter's like I'mnever going to a bar, ever, yeah
.
And my husband's like that'sperfect, right uh love that to
be a thing, I know I'm like no,you just, you know, you, you
(36:18):
know, you just got to planaccordingly.
And with alcohol, it's just youknow, inhibitions are lowered
once you pass a threshold.
You know it's.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
You just have to drink responsibly, yeah Well,
and being able to talk aboutthat with them so that you're
able to have those conversationsof here's what that looks like.
You know, I think being openwith your kiddos is the most
valuable thing that you canbring to it without hiding
anything, including the emotionsthat kind of went into that.
You know if you're able toshare with your kids about.
(36:53):
You know what that brought upfor you, whether it was guilt or
shame or the you know thefeelings of any of the stuff
that kind of came out as you'reprocessing that, even as you're
processing things now that maybeyou didn't realize were even
under the rug, that needed to beprocessed.
I think, doing that in front ofthem, especially at 15 and 16,
they're smart, those 15,.
I mean they have a computerthat they carry in their pockets
(37:16):
, that can tell yes.
That can tell them anything,anything, right, so you know
they don't need us to coddlethem at that age and not say the
thing.
So it's pretty interesting.
I have kiddos that we just wetalk about literally everything.
Nothing is off the table.
At my house I was talking toMel before we started the
podcast and she was tellingabout her kiddos and having this
safety zone.
I hope you don't mind me sayingthat.
(37:36):
Having this safety zone whereit's like her kiddos can say
like request safety zone, whichmeans mom doesn't get to say
anything, she just gets tolisten with no expression on her
face oh, that's so good Iwanted to share that because I
think what an amazing tool to beable to implement with your
kids, so that theyfeel safe to be able to say any
of the things right, becausethat, really, when you are able
(37:57):
to hold space for them in a waywhere they're not in trouble for
anything, you're not going tojudge them for anything, you're
just going to be supportive,it's really powerful to be able
to do that with your kids it is,and nine times out of ten we've
either experienced it, whateverit is they're going through, or
(38:18):
we know someone who hasexperienced, whatever it may be.
Yeah, and then they can handleit and navigate anything.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, we can handle it.
You can tell us we're not gonnafreak out.
But yeah, we have to keep astraight face.
I yeah my daughter like if Imake too many faces she does not
like it.
So I really have to zone in andjust listen.
I'm just listening like astraight face.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
A lot of times in my head I'm thinking is this really
my life right now?
Because my kids say outrageousthings to me, especially my
middle daughter.
I think she does it just to tryto see if she can get a
reaction out of me.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yes, oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I'm just sitting there with a straight face while
she's vomiting all over wordvomiting everywhere.
I'm just like it's fine,everything's fine is fine, just
don't make a face.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
It's like okay, then what are we going to do about
that?
Whatever it is, yeah, give itsome time to process and I don't
I try not to like give too muchadvice.
Yeah, right off.
Yes, which is great.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Sometimes they just need you to listen and hold
space oh for sure I thinkparents think so much that they
need to.
We don't know anything.
Stop talking right like letthem.
Let them talk and talk throughtheir feelings and encourage
them, be curious with them, themabout the things that come up
for them, instead of giving ourold, shitty advice that's from
however long ago that was justhanded down to us.
I don't know that I had muchadvice.
Well, exactly Right, so we'rejust making it up from this
(39:30):
stupid places that we got fromwherever that was, you know, and
then a lot of parents think,okay, well, we know everything,
so we're kind of coming fromthis authority place and you
know I'm the parent, so I'm notgoing to be the one that learns
from my kids and I think you'remissing the boat.
You know, if you're coming at itfrom that place where you're
the authority figure and you'rethe one that's giving the advice
or telling the stuff, it's likecome from a place of curiosity
(39:50):
so that you can help them unpackhow those things make them feel
.
You know, and when you arewilling to talk with your kids
about experiences that you hador you know, for me, I'm very
vocal with my kiddos about, youknow, my drinking career, which
ended eight years ago, luckily.
But being able to really sharethat with them is something
where it's like I don'tsugarcoat that stuff.
(40:10):
It was not a pretty look, youknow.
For me, specifically, I hadlots of, lots of challenges with
alcohol and so being able to bevulnerable enough in front of
your kids to speak about that,so that they can see we're not
perfect, I'm just, I'm just asteward of getting you to where
you can feed yourself and, andyou know, get out there and do
your own human experience, Idon't know any better than
(40:33):
anybody else does right so it'sfun to do that.
So do you talk with yourdaughter about kind of being
careful in situations where youknow, like the getting roofied,
I mean I see certain things thatjust make me sick to my stomach
of how easy that is and it'slike these girls go out and it's
like, oh, we're gonna have sucha good time, very similar to
what you did, right.
It's like, oh, we're celebrating, we're gonna have such a good
(40:54):
time, not a care in the world,and then it just really um
changes the whole course of yourlife yeah, I think I have her
whole life kind of.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Uh, hopefully I didn't put her too much on edge,
but just always looking over myshoulder like thinking I'm
going to be kidnapped.
I don't want her to bekidnapped and it just it wasn't
like, yeah, I just we are an AirForce family, my husband's
retired, so we would move intonew situations every like 10
(41:28):
months to two years, two tothree years, and so I don't know
.
It was always like stay rightby me, stay right, so like that
safety net.
I was always like stay right byme, stay right, so like that
safety net.
I was always her safety net.
And now, yeah, the conversationhas kind of turned to like who
are your friends?
What are they doing?
(41:50):
You know, put yourself in asituation where you can get out,
you can call me, you can alwayscall me and anything, or your
dad or someone another trustedadult Just being able to
navigate.
Yeah, when they do my son, it'sdifferent, like I feel like he
(42:14):
has already shown me that he isso responsible and will not go
with whatever the crowd's doing.
I mean, is he still a child?
Yes, he's a young man, but youknow he's still.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
You can read that.
You can read that on kiddos.
I think you know and I thinkit's awesome when you have kids
that don't want to just get inwith the herd you know, and
really kind of march to the beatof their own drummer.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
That's what I want for my kids.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
You know they now and really kind of march to the the
beat of their own drummer.
That's all I want for my kids,right, you know they stand up
for what they believe and Ithink, uh, young women have
maybe a little bit moreinfluence from their friends,
more than um males, in a waythat you know they want to um,
whether it comes from how theywant to look or dress to.
You know it really needs to beabout how what's who is helping
(43:04):
them to be their best self andwho makes them feel most like
themselves, or that they can behonest and open and feel good
and not feel like they need haveanything to prove yeah to
someone else.
Um, so I mean, she's 15, she'llbe 16 and she is ready to get
(43:28):
her license.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
I mean she's counting down the days she's ready to
get out there and startterrorizing the?
Speaker 2 (43:34):
roads.
Yes, yes, and yeah, she's notreally intimidated by life and I
love her.
She has a much strongerconfidence than me, probably at
that age, and I don't know.
I'm happy about that.
I'm happy that her confidenceis probably due to her faith and
(44:00):
her upbringing, and I alwaystried to have that backbone in
them that they, um, can turn tothe Lord for anything, for a
relationship, for, uh,encouragement, love.
You know're going to get waymore love from Jesus than anyone
(44:22):
in the world, yeah, other thanme.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Well, having a, having a strong belief in your
higher power and really beingcomfortable in who you are as a
person, without outsideinfluences, is so important,
right, because your friends willchatter and all of that stuff
will come and go, but reallybeing steadfast in who you are
and, you know, having a supportsystem in you, it's extremely
important for them.
I look at raising kids now andI'm so happy my son is
(44:47):
graduating high school tomorrowand I'm so happy to not have
little kids anymore, becausewhat is happening around us to
me with, like, social media andtrying to keep your kids
grounded and not, you know, likebeing able to be their
authentic selves and comfortablewith who they are and, you know
, have an understanding of youknow, their higher power or
(45:09):
whatever that looks like foreach individual, that's so
important to me, but I thinkit's just there's so much noise,
there's so much noise that itmakes it so hard for them to
just get quiet and and reallyhave an understanding of who
they are, you know, which, Ithink, is what brings in all of
this kind of outside BS that alot of us, you know, struggle
with over the years.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
I could not imagine, I mean now, even like us as moms
, now trying to navigate thatwith our children.
Like's the research, like yougot to put the phone down, like
you got to have someself-control here and and then
you, we have so much more toworry about as far as like
(45:51):
teaching them, like, yeah,you've got to set boundaries for
yourself and, you know, withyour relationships with others.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Sure, and yeah, it's just there's so much, there's so
much numbing that happens.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
So much numbing.
Yeah, it's savage when you lookaround at it, it is Once you see
it, you can't unsee it you knowno, so you look around and you
watch as people numb with thingsand it's like everyone's so
afraid to just be quiet and bewith themselves, right, like I
talk about emotionalintelligence a lot on this
podcast because I think thatthat's hugely important with
(46:30):
everything right, I think thatcontributes to the problems the
way that we have them nowadays,because people don't understand
their emotions or how to workwith them, you know, and then we
just numb, right, we get intothis hamster wheel of life where
we're just rinse, lather,repeating stuff and not really
connecting, not really havingthat, where we set our phones
(46:51):
down or our technology down orwhatever it is that we're
numbing with alcohol or whateverit is.
So I think that's reallyimportant in families to to have
those conversations and to talkabout how that makes you feel.
How does it make you feel whenthis happens or that happens,
you know, and they're stillgoing to have their phones,
they're still going to do allthe stuff that they do, but
knowing that you're that safespace and and being able to talk
(47:12):
with you about anything andmodeling emotional intelligence
to them too.
You know I work on myself sothat I can be a better version
of myself for them Right.
Like, yes, for me too, butthey're watching, my
eight-year-old self is watching,my 80-year-old self is watching
, you know?
So being able to have emotionalintelligence and really say,
(47:33):
okay, I don't want to carry thatguilt or shame around or I'm
not going to like, like whateverit looks like, right, like your
story is is unique to you, buteveryone has their, their things
.
That then, if they don't healall the way from, or if they
don't process all the way from,you know when you're talking
about you're, you're lookingover your shoulder and you're
worried you're passing that downto your daughter you know, and
we wouldn't want to do that, butwe do it all the time we, we do
right, we have these, theseexperiences that happen and then
(48:04):
it's like we don't fully healfrom that, you know.
So really doing the work yousaid that you were had tried
EMDR.
Was that effective in kind ofhelping with your stuff?
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Is that something that you'll continue with or I
oh, Is that something thatyou'll continue with?
Oh yeah, I will definitelycontinue with it.
And after the first sessionyeah, I mean, it was heavy.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
It was really heavy.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
I didn't really realize how much my body had
just held on to so much, and soI was really tired the next day.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Well, you just ran an emotional marathon you know,
that's what they say with thatkind of work yeah, I think that
kind of work is way morepowerful than just doing like
talk therapy, and nothingagainst talk therapy, but it's
like that is powerful to me andthere wasn't.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
that wasn't really available at the time, or maybe
my therapist didn't know or allthe different therapists it
hadn't really been brought upuntil recently.
Yeah, and so I I'm excited tolike unpack that, yeah for sure.
And um, yeah, I, I love beingintentional with my kids and
really trying to um, just, yeah,we need, we need to just be
(49:15):
intentional with ourrelationships with our children
and, like said, have thatconnection and teach them how to
have a connection with othersand community.
Because, yeah, I think when Iwas younger it was more about
numbing the pain or, yeah, juststill pretending like they are.
(49:36):
I loved your intro, you know,just about pretending to be
someone else.
And now it's just like it's noton TV but it's on social media.
But when we were younger, likemaybe that was on TV, it was
like Oprah with her talk, sureUh with her talk show and that's
how people were sharing, butthey were being authentic for
(49:57):
the most, I think.
But now it's like trying to besomething you're not, but on
social media.
But instead, you know we reallystill need that community and
to be our vulnerable and open up, yeah about anything.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
You isolate yourself by doing that.
You know everyone that's tryingto pretend to be something that
they're not.
You're isolating yourself,right.
You're not dealing with yourauthentic self and really being
able to to express yourself inthose ways and have connection
with other people, then you feeldisconnected.
Then we numb, right.
I mean it's just, we don't dealwith our shit.
We numb, we deal don't dealwith our shit.
(50:36):
We numb.
We don't deal with our shit.
We just keep pushing it downthat whole I'm fine, it's fine,
everything's fine.
It's like open your eyes,people.
You know it's.
It's not, it's not fun.
We need to be able to like talkabout the things and there's
not an award that you get at theend if, like you, were the
least messy because I'mdefinitely not in the running
for that, just FYI to everyonemessiest messiest, exactly messy
(50:58):
exactly Messy AF, you know, andthat's okay, right, like I know
who I am.
I'm not trying to be somebodythat I'm not, and I encourage
other people to do the samething.
I think the more that we dothat in front of other people,
it gives them permission to dothe same right.
Like my family is a group ofmisfits in the best possible way
, because everyone just marchesto the beat of their own drummer
and doesn't give a fuck.
It's so lovely, right Likewe're kind, we're good people,
(51:20):
we're all the things, but we'renot trying to put on you know,
masks.
We're done with that you knowand I encourage other people to
really be able to set that downtoo, for sure.
Well, thank you so much, tricia, for coming and spending time
with me today and sharing yourstory.
I really appreciate it.
So, yeah, that's our time fortoday.
If you would do all of thethings to support the podcast,
(51:43):
follow share rate review andthen if you have questions or
suggestions, please send us anemail.
Ladies atletsgetnakedpodcastcom.
Catch you next time.
That's a wrap.
I'd love to help you getvulnerable.
Let's get naked.
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