Unmasking the Past: From Prison to Purpose

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.
Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
Welcome to the let's Get Nakedpodcast, where we dive deep into
vulnerability.
In this space, we'll explorewhat triggers us, uncover the
patterns holding us back anddiscover how to take charge of
our own growth.
If you're ready to dig in, bevulnerable and face the tough

(00:28):
stuff, then buckle up.
It's time to get naked.
Childhood trauma can leave deep,lasting scars that profoundly
impact a person through theirlife.
Experiences of abuse, neglector growing up in a volatile
environment can hinder emotionaldevelopment and coping skills,
making it difficult to formhealthy relationships or make
positive life choices.

(00:48):
Those who carry this unresolvedpain may turn to unhealthy
coping mechanisms like drug andalcohol abuse, as well as
criminal activity, to numb theiremotional wounds and escape the
past.
The lack of a stable,supportive foundation during
childhood often leads to cyclesof criminal behavior and
incarceration, leavingindividuals to face a lifetime

(01:09):
of obstacles in their journey tohealing and self-empowerment.
However, a life defined byaddiction, crime and
imprisonment is not without hope.
For those who rise from thesestruggles, it becomes a powerful
story of resilience andtransformation.
From these struggles, itbecomes a powerful story of
resilience and transformation.
Overcoming such hardship offersnot just personal healing but
the chance to inspire otherscaught in similar cycles of

(01:31):
despair.
The journey from darkness tolight proves that, no matter how
difficult life may seem,redemption is possible.
When someone who has enduredthe depths of addiction and
incarceration turns their lifearound, their story becomes a
beacon of hope.
It shows others that it's nevertoo late to rewrite their
narrative.
This kind of transformation ismeaningful.

(01:53):
It ignites change, motivatesothers to take control of their
futures and fosters a sense ofcommunity and support for those
still struggling.
Today we're stripping it alloff with Peter Meyerhoff, aka
Chappy.
Peter is the author of the bookAgainst All Odds that tells his
story of his life withaddiction, crime, imprisonment

(02:15):
and ultimate success.
He has a podcast that is on amillion prison tablets
throughout the country, and I'mreally looking forward to
hearing the ingredients that gointo the recipe that makes up
Peter.
So welcome to the show, peter.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Thank you so much for having me yeah absolutely so.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
I'd like to just kind of start with a little bit of
what your childhood looked like.
As the listeners know, we kindof usually start there because a
lot of people who think like,oh, that really doesn't what
shaped me.
I believe that's everythingthat shaped you, I completely
agree.
Yeah, so tell me a little bitabout what your family life
looked like growing up andsiblings parents, if they were.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, so my, my childhood was great in the
beginning.
Like grew up on a cul-de-sacevery kid, every house had kids
except one house.
I never touched a video game myentire life.
I was in the streets playingsports, no matter what it was
basketball, football.
Streets playing sports, nomatter what it was basketball,
football, baseball on thestreets.
My parents split when I was, Ithink, 10, and that's when it
got, you know, went kind ofdownhill and I didn't notice it
before and like I'm serious,I've watched a few of your clips

(03:16):
.
I've been like just like diggingdeep on, like trying to find
out, like why I'm the way I amnow and like I don't have any
memories of my childhood really,though, which is kind of of
weird, so I'm for sure that Iblocked a lot of it out, because
there was a bunch of bad stuff.
Like when my parents split, Iremember there was one big fight
in the kitchen and I told mymom this like a few months ago.
I was like all I remember isthat one big fight, and then,
like two days later, you guyssaid that you were breaking up,

(03:39):
and she was like there's forsure a bunch of bad stuff.
I don't remember, you know.
All I remember is we had avolleyball pool, so my dad and
his brothers would playvolleyball all weekend and
they'd make crushed rice, orangejuice, like vodka drinks, and
just get hammered on theweekends, but like I thought
that was normal, it was justdrinking.
I didn't know, you know.

(04:07):
My dad smoked cigarettes infront of me, so of course I
smoked cigarettes 15 years, domy son mimics, you know, and
that's why I've been likedigging harder to make sure I
don't screw this up for my son.
I've been.
I'm probably cried 10 timestoday.
That's okay, that's what we'rehere for, um, but I went to go
live with my mom when my parentssplit and she was, you know,
single mother.
We had a studio apartment justme, her and my brother.
I shared a bed with my mom, um,she was a flight attendant, so
she was gone four or five nightsa week.
So you know, if I was 12, 13years old, if I wanted to wake
up and go to school, I woke upand went to school, and if I
want to wake up at noon and goto school half the day, that's

(04:28):
what I did right and then 15years old, is when kind of
everything changed in my life.
I, um, my best friend asked meto kind of take one for the team
and I just recently startedtalking about this because I
mean the words I hate likethere's so many people that fell
victim to the same stuff, youknow.
So it is what it is, I need totalk about it.

(04:49):
And so my mom's house turnedinto the party house.
She was a flight attendant.
So instantly, when I was afreshman, I was the cool kid
because I had an open house allweekend.
I was already the popular kidand you know I was in a movie as
a kid.
I had a modeling agent.
Like childhood was pretty easyto me.
And my buddy asked me he wantsto lose his virginity and hook
up with a girl and he asked meto like kind of take one for the

(05:10):
team.
They were two best friends, wewere two best friends.
My mom was out of town allweekend.
I was like, yeah, perfect, sowe weren't driving.
We were 15 years old.
Her brother sneaks them out ofher bedroom window, drops the
two girls off at my mom's house,me and my best friend with a
bottle of jack daniels and thosetwo girls.
That friday night I lose myvirginity.
They come back.

(05:30):
He picks up like 4 30 in themorning.
Some sneak back in the bedroomwindow.
We do the exact same thing.
Saturday night come back, wepolish off now the second bottle
of jack daniels.
To this day.
I don't know how it happened,but she said I had sex while she
was sleeping and that next dayat school I went from being the
most popular kid in school tothey had to lock down the school
and call my parents and kind oftold my parents like we don't

(05:51):
even know what to do, but yourson's not safe here.
Like for sure, find anotherschool, at bare minimum hold on
a second.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
She was sleeping, you were.
I missed something there shesaid I had sex while she was
sleeping okay, so she basicallysaid I, so I just want to make,
I just want to make certain thatwe use all the words.
Okay, yeah, and I know, and Ihate even saying that word, I
know, but that's and Iappreciate that, but it's as a,
as a woman sitting across fromyou on the couch.
We're going to call that rape,and I know and here's the whole

(06:19):
thing I'm going to I'm going tohave a really fun conversation
about this, because there's alot of stuff that happened to me
when I was younger that I madea lot of excuses for because I
drank a lot and it was, oh, I'mpassed out.
So what does that count for?
And whatever, right?
So I don't see you as thevillain in that story or in any
story, just so you know, right,but I do want to like have the
raw conversations about itbecause it's that's powerful

(06:40):
shit.
When you and I can sit on thiscouch and say rape and say like
fuck, I don't even rememberbecause of this and that and
whatever.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Let's, let's have those conversations, because
that, to me, is where we'regoing to change the narrative in
our future.
So, so, okay.
So then the girl said that sheraped you and then now the
school's not safe and all of thethings.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Okay, I'm so sorry, now keep, please, keep going.
And then to this day, I don'tknow how, my parents just let me
drop out of school, like Idon't understand that and it
makes me so mad.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
You know that was their go-to of like.
Okay, this problem happened andnow you just don't go to school
, okay, and we're not going togo find another school for you.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
You just don't go to school and my wife.
What's crazy is like she grewup from a single mother but like
mormon, like all three of theirkids, her mother's a saint man.
Like got kicked out of I'mgonna have a little add, so if I
get off, kill to just bring meback but like her just and I'd
say this to show what's possible, because a lot of single

(07:37):
mothers think they can't dosomething or they don't have a
good right.
Her mom, got, was adopted andraised in a mormon family.
Got at 17 years, in high school, her parents literally kicked
her out and put her on thestreets.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
You're talking about your wife, my wife's mother.
Oh, your wife's mother.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Okay, so they put her on the streets at 18 years old
and she raised three kids.
All three kids had full-ridescholarships academically.
They all got a full-ride toplay sports.
My wife's an All-Americanvolleyball player Right ride to
play sports.
My wife's all-americanvolleyball player.
And not only that, but they allgot a full ride scholarship to
play an instrument.
My wife had a scholarship toplay the flute and they did
their little bible studies at 530 in the morning.

(08:11):
Every morning the mom was brokeand I asked him like because I
see how expensive kids are likehow did you make it like pay
your bills, like like beinglegit, serious?
And she was like I would justpray at the church every week
and then somehow someone,someone would pay my bills, my
bills would get paid.
And I was like man, youliterally did that all by
yourself.
I've never even seen a familythat I'm.
Literally that's my family now.
I grew up in the shittiest drunk, loser, alcoholic family and I

(08:35):
thought about this a lot.
I was going to hold back,saying shit, but I don't care
anymore.
You know what I'm saying Fuckmy family if they're not going
to fix themselves.
And I don't think, becausepeople have the same blood as
you, that they can say thatthey're still your family.
They don't act like familymembers should act, you know.
And um, so yeah, I dropped outof school and started hanging
out with drug addicts.
You know, I never I was anathlete, you know, like I was

(08:55):
the last person to smoke weed,thought I was gonna have my pick
of what sport I want to go proat, like.
And um, I go start hanging outwith this new crowd and the
first weekend I get introducedto crystal meth.
I smoke crack, did ecstasy andI'm not joking, I've never even,
let alone, seen these drugs.
I've never even seen a personon these drugs before.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Right.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
And they told me crystal meth is like a fun party
drug.
Just try it, you'll love it.
And at this point everybody'sdoing it here.
I don't give a shit about theworld right now, like there's no
chance I believe in God oranything.
I'm like, yeah, let's do it.
I don't not do meth until I goin treatment at like 15 or 16
years old and rehab already at15, 16 years old.
Of course I'm a smooth talker,so I talk to my parents and they

(09:34):
take me out early Cause I gotthis shit figured out.
Now do cocaine on my gettingout of rehab party release thing
, you know and just stay, stayon the streets.
My mom was working four or fivedays a week and when she was
home it was a nightmare raisingme after that.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
So I feel the anger when you talk about the
difference between how your wifewas raised and how you were
raised, right.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
I didn't realize it until recently.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Right, but, god, you're making my heart so happy.
I can't tell you.
You saying I'm getting curiousabout myself, right?
Whatever it is that sparks thatin you, that's where the
fucking awesome sauce is.
Do you know what I mean?
The magic lives on the otherside of that, because I was the
same where it was.
Like I couldn't rememberchildhood memories.

Speaker 2 (10:15):
I couldn't remember this.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
I couldn't remember that because our minds are
amazing tools and they willblock that shit out and they
will protect you.
But I can feel that angerbehind your voice of like I had
this same situation, but so didshe, and look how great that
worked out for her.
Why was my experience so muchgarbage?
Right, and, and it is.
But I will say like, getcurious about that too, because
you'll be able to go back andlook and realize you wouldn't be

(10:37):
who you are right now if youdidn't have all of those
experiences.
So for me, I'm able to kind of,after I've done a lot of the
work associated with that, sayI'm grateful for the fucking
garbage that went into making mewho I am because I am scrappy
AF right Like I am gritty.
I am the hardest working person,like all of these things that I
wouldn't have been had I notgone through all this shit Right
.
So, but I understand whereyou're coming from.

(10:59):
It's interesting because I haveolder children and and there's
some of that like when you say,okay, so I did all of that,
because it was like, well, fuckit, I'm here, right.
And then you get down this pathwhere it's like, holy shit, the
train has left the station,there's no way you're going back
, right, you went from all ofthis promise and all of these
things to really one event.
Was the why in your road, wherejust you're going right or it

(11:20):
could have gone left?
How fucking crazy is that?

Speaker 2 (11:24):
right and and it's embarrassing to say that's all I
did from the time I was 15until I was 18 years old was a
petty thief, like just rippingpeople off, stealing shit,
forging checks, just doing dumbdrug addict loser shit whatever
it took to get drugs and drugmoney.
But then it's like you're doingthat, you know you're going to
get locked up and it's just amatter of if and when and
hopefully it's nothing crazy.

(11:44):
And what sent me to prisonactually was my old best friend,
the one that was there thatnight that that happened.
Who, of course afterwards.
And this is why I say, like yourfriends are not your friends
99.9% of the time, like if yougot 20 friends there's probably

(12:08):
one or two that are actuallyreal good friends and you could
fucking count on if you neededsomething.
You know, like this was my bestfriend.
We spent every day togetherafter school, every single day.
He knew what happened.
And what do I say?
When I was like yo, you got tosay, like what happened right,
I'm not getting involved in thatshit is what he told me.
Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god.
So four years later, we endedup robbing his house.
That's what I went to prisonfor did you?

Speaker 1 (12:22):
I want to back up for just a quick second.
So in that instance with thatgirl, did you remember or were
you blackout drunk and you don'teven know what happened?

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Man, this is the first time I'm ever going to say
this publicly.
I'm not even joking.
I didn't even tell the policethat because I didn't know what
sex was like and she had me godown.
I'm not supposed to be toovulgar, but she had like and she
was like and like at one, likeshe was moaning.
At one point she didn't sayanything and I stopped because
we were blacked out, drunk andlike.
I thought like she was asleepor something, and I'm not even

(12:53):
joking.
I stopped and she woke up andtold me to keep going again.
And this was the second timelike we've started having sex.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
Right, right, it was the day before we were both
blocked out drunk 15-year-oldkids.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
That was it, you know , and like so, like that was it,
I don't even know.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
You don't have a big memory.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, I don't have a memory other than that, that's
it.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Has there ever been?
Was there ever a conversationwith her after the fact?
Like or no, this blew up atschool and then it was who do
you think's sober in AA?

Speaker 2 (13:24):
now, her so, and I found out afterwards that she
did the same thing to anotherfriend.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well, she's not the villain in your story, though.
Like, I would encourage you toget curious about why that?
Because you're coming from adefensive place in that
situation, because you think sheruined your life, right?
Yeah, absolutely, and I totallyunderstand that, but I would
encourage you to where that wasand when that happened.
But also, you're not thevillain either.

(13:50):
Do you see what I'm saying?
So like really being able tounderstand that that was an
experience that happened, butdon't like be the victim in her
story.
Right that she fuckedeverything up, because there's
no power in that either.
Right, like so really.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
I was looking for this to be kind of therapy.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
It was kind of therapy.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
I was like I need a therapy session.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, and I want to do it in public because fucking,
why not?
That's the cool thing to donowadays.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
And I want a therapist from a non-licensed
therapist too.
Exactly Right.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Well, it's great because you can actually like I,
we're, we're, we're vibingright now.
Right, Like I'm I'm coming froma great place when I say this,
and I can Like when you'reteenagers and everybody's
fucking drinking and whatever.
This is not a violent rape,right?
This is a totally differentsituation.
So again, I'm not trying tojustify anything and everybody
can have their own story andtheir own everything.

(14:35):
But to me it's a differentsituation of, yes, I still
consider that rape if I'mblacked out drunk, but also I
got myself blacked out drunk, Doyou know what I mean In a
situation and that doesn'tjustify other people's behavior
or whatever.
But also you have to be able tokind of forgive yourself from
that situation and also not holdill will to her not for her,
but for you, right, Because youdon't want to carry that into

(14:57):
your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your
kiddos, right, and that justends up being anger and fuel for
that underneath.
You don't need it.
You're better than that.
You understand the game, biggerthan that.
It doesn't have to be somethingthat you carry around anymore.
You can forgive yourself forthat.
You can forgive her for thatand that just be part of your
story instead of something thatreally is emotionally charged

(15:19):
for you, which it still is and Idon't blame you, right, I mean
that's part of fixing your shit,right Is saying I don't want to
be chained to this memory or tothis thing.
That's like fuck, I can'tbelieve this happened.
Or even my wife had a singlemom and she turned out and she
had all of these loving things.
I had a single mom.
She was MIA.
Look at all this shit.
Even just doing that comparison,it fuels anger for you of like,

(15:40):
why did I have this?
Why did it not turn out wellfor me?
But when you realize your storyhas all of the ingredients in
it, that it does for a reasonand that you're amazing, peter,
who you are sitting right hereon this couch, and that you
wouldn't be here without all ofthose things that went into
making you who you are, and justreally showing gratitude for
everything that went into makingyou who you are, even all the
tough shit, right, you've madeit through 100% of your tough

(16:02):
days.
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
You say that because I'm like that's what I say, I'm
at peace with everything and I'mgrateful for every single thing
in my life except for her and Ijust hate her and so, like you
saying that, I need to do some.
Yeah, I appreciate you sayingthat, because that's one thing
and I've told my wife thatforever and forever I'll hate
her and be angry and like I'mnever going to get over that.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Like it is what it is , but I know you carry it down
to your kiddos.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
it makes the game a little bit different it took a
year to realize that when yousee like my son does every
single thing that I do, it'slike, and then I think how did
my dad do that shit in front ofme?
You know, like it's?
It baffles me, but like theonly thing that gives me kind of
a little bit of like leeway isthe fact that they don't have
the internet.
They don't have your podcastclips that I can come across to
teach them.
You know, like I learned likehow to be an adult and raise my

(16:46):
kids and stuff from I'm seriousinstagram and people like you
and shit like that in my life,like I don't.
My instagram is not bullshitlike other people and it's not
like the fake stuff, like it'sall about like parenting stuff
and like cool, like real stuffthat you can learn and I try and
follow doctors and like realsmart people learn shit because
I didn't you know, I was inprison in my life and like all
the development here's like Ididn't know shit, like
everything I learned out here.
I had to like either learn onthe fly and figure it out or

(17:08):
google shit, right, you know, orcall a friend and ask him what
the hell is this?
Because I have never heardabout this before you know well.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
It's awesome, though, that you're open to that.
It's awesome that you'rewilling to be curious and to
look at that, because I Iguarantee you, when you get to
the point of being able toforgive that girl right, and not
let her be the villain in yourstory anymore right, she was
just a small little blip inthere when you're able to do
that and really be at peace withit, it's a game changer, and
then you realize that you'retaking in to being a parent and
to being a husband somethingthat's clean energy and not

(17:35):
garbage that's fucking from.
I mean, how many?
How many years ago was that?
20?

Speaker 2 (17:38):
years ago.
Right, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
And it still brings emotion just like that, like
zero to ten.
You're fucking pissed off.
I't blame you, I'm just tellingyou it can be different, for
sure you can forgive her, notfor her, for you, right?
So that you're at peace withthat.
Okay, so let me ask you wasyour dad present in any of this?
Like your parents got divorcedwhen you were ten, and was he
around?

Speaker 2 (17:59):
So here's the thing.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
I don't ever like to say, my kind of you wanted to
run the streets when your mom, Iunderstand, I was a teenager
too.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
I wanted to run the streets there and I mean he
would just try to come to mymom's house and find me and
fight me and shit like that.
You know, like we've got, I'vegotten high speed chases running
from my dad with my friends,like it was.
It was like that kind of runningamok and him and my brother
were always like really tight Meand my dad weren't you know
like.
And it's so crazy to this dayLike my brother lives in an
almost a million dollar housewith my dad.
He pays him $1,500 a month rent.

(18:32):
My dad don't fucking lift afinger for me Like I had to buy
all my own shit out here.
I'm not joking.
I bought my first custom housebecause I couldn't even get
approved to rent an apartment.
You know, helps my brother outand my whole life growing up it
was like I had to be the one towake up early and mow the lawn
and do yard work and my brothernever fucking did.
And I remember it's so crazy.
Bring this up you can see itstill haunts me yeah, of course

(18:53):
you're still very because nowthat I see that the treatment is
so still unfair and I'm like,why was it different?
my whole life?
I never even realized that.
You know some, I would tell mydad for years.
I'm like he's I've been mowinglawn for five years Like what
are you even talking about atthis point?
He gets to wake up at noon,come out there and chill and by
that time like I'm like beat,ready to like fight my dad the
fact that I'm having to do yardwork all weekend, you know.
And then now it's the sametreatment and anytime I bring it

(19:16):
up've been out of prison whereit should have been like a
celebration.
You know what I'm saying.
Instead, it's been me fightingwith my family and them trying
to justify how fucked up theyare.
And I'm the only one that, tobe honest, I'm the only one
that's done work on myself.

(19:37):
I'm the only one that's gone totherapy.
I got sober, like I fixed Iwouldn't say I fixed all my shit
, but I, as of now and I'm inthe process of fixing whatever
the course I possibly can- andas it surface surfaces, you
could go.
I'll probably still be doingthis.
I'm 50 years old, yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Like it's like, let me get.
Let me get curious about that.
That's a lifelong journey.
Being willing to fix your shit,being willing to dive into
things.
It literally is a lifelongjourney because I have a whole
fucking mountain of shit that Icarry around behind me and I
don't even know.
I didn't remember that.
But as you start releasingthings, more stuff will come up
and it's important to just feelthe emotion that you should have
felt when that thing happened,Because what ended up happening

(20:14):
is you're just pushing shit down, right, it's fine, everything's
fine, like this whole thinghappens In high school.
I will tell you that I have an18-year-old boy and he's my
world world, right, whathappened to you is not a unique
story.
This happened all the time.
This happens a lot.
This is a whole thing.
You were still a child, right.

(20:35):
You were vilified and fucking,completely shunned from
everything.
Right, you're still a littleboy, like my 18 year old son is
still a boy, right, like hisheart is soft, I want to fucking
love on him right exactly right, and no one fucking protected
you.
No one came in and protected the15 year old peter.
That should have been fuckingprotected, right?
Someone should have done that,because it wasn't something that

(20:55):
you did out of malice.
Could it been a?
Could it have been a mistake?
Sure, of course right.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
But you couldn't even do a mistake.
Right like she wanted it, wedid it exactly, exactly like it
could have begged me to do morelike any of those things, right.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
But looking at that, it's like no one protected Peter
in that situation, right,that's terrible.
So you have to do the work nowto be able to go back and heal
that 15-year-old boy, becauseyou don't want this to be
something that then you handthat down to your boys because
you have unresolved resentmentsand hard feelings and everything
that goes underneath that.

(21:30):
And it's the same thing like I'mnot picking on you for sure,
but I'm just telling you what Isee the resentment towards your
family and stuff.
Again, resentment is likedrinking poison and expecting
the other person to die.
You're the only one thatsuffers in that situation.
So being able to really releasethose resentments about, like
my dad or my mom or whoevertreated my brother, brother
differently okay, yeah, they did.
You're, that's fucked up.
And then what happened?

Speaker 2 (21:49):

Speaker 1 (21:49):
Because if you carry that around, that piss and
vinegar and anger.
I believe that that's the shitthat causes cancer, that causes
disease, that causes fuckingproblems in your life with your
health and all of the thingsright.
You're not able to really focuson being the best version of
Peter that you can be nowbecause of all of the bullshit
that you're dragging around, sogetting curious about that.
I mean, you're on a great pathfor that.

(22:10):
Being willing to do that, thoseare huge, huge steps, because
those things yes, that's part ofyour story, but it shouldn't,
like consume you when you'retalking about it, and I don't
blame you Like I went throughthat for a long time of like
fuck, that was really fucked up,that things happened to me like
that.
And then you look at it.
It's like everybody has afucked up story, do you know?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
what I mean yeah exactly right, everybody has a
bad.
Someone else got it 10 timesworse it totally is right.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
So being grateful and and really appreciating what
the universe brought to yourfront door that you got to learn
from, you know, okay.
So let's get back on track.
So you high school got no morehigh school.
Now we're just drugs stealing,fucking running the streets.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
You rob somebody's house, get arrested for it, and
that's what you ended up goingto prison for yeah, then it was
like I said, my old best friendwe're at, we're at my mom's
house and so it's funny how itturns.
So you remember it was highschool parties, drinking and
stuff.
Now it turns into we're in mybedroom, door locked, doing meth
, just got a room full of allthe shit that we're going with,
that we're stealing every day.
That's like my room.

(23:07):
I didn't have a bed in there, Ijust tools.
It was like you couldn'tbelieve it, and the fact that my
mom let me do this is justbaffling to me.
And I don't even mean to bashon my mom, but like now that I
have kids.
I'm like what the?

Speaker 1 (23:17):
fuck yeah, but she was like even the shit that
we're doing you know, I've saidthis before like our parents
didn't even have the fuckinginternet, so they didn't even
have.
Like can I go look something up?

Speaker 2 (23:30):
what am?

Speaker 1 (23:31):
I doing wrong or how?

Speaker 2 (23:32):
they just knew what their alcoholic parents
absolutely they just the traumathat they got they're just
passing, on, both sides of mythings are alcoholic alcoholics,
alcoholics, that's yeah I meanyou're not set up for success in
that situation.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
But it definitely isn't anyone doing anything out
of malice.
Your parents were literallyjust doing the best that they
could.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah, you know.
So we're in the anyway.
So we're at this in my room nowand my brother's friends come
over and they tell me that theyhad just robbed the Nelsons'
house.
And, just so you know, the kids, they're the most spoiled,
rotten, rich family in all ofAhwatukee.
Like a 15,000-squ the permits.
My friend got a brand newEscalade, like still had the

(24:07):
stickers on it and bitch that itwasn't custom.
So he goes and gets a custompaint job, like 15-year-old kids
, like those kind of kids, right, got it.
So my brother and his friends,they come back and they had just
burglarized the house.
Keep in mind, this alreadybroke out with my five kids.
Me and my friends go back tothe house.

(24:28):
Now I don't even make it out ofthe garage.
I'm tweaked out.
I took a drill, a snowboard,some Jordan basketball shorts
and Jordan sandals.
That wasn't my thing.
I'd always steal shit that,like my mom couldn't buy or I
couldn't afford to buy.
So I wanted Jordan stuff, youknow, and I stole all and I'm in
the garage.
I remember my friends comerunning down and they're like we
got the jewelry, let's go.
And we get to my house and theypull out a freaking bag of

(24:49):
jewelry Like Pat Tech, felipewatches, like it ended up being,
like, I think, $300,000 worthof jewelry and it was so big
like I don't even know where tosell this shit.
200 bucks a night.
You know, I'm saying like I sawsomething like what, the like?
What do we even do with thisshit?
You know, yeah, and we had itfor a day and a half.

(25:10):
Cops come just pretty muchkicking out my door the next day
.
Of course every kid and theirmother talks and out of your 10
friends, every single persontold him it was all me, except
one of my friends who didn't sayanything.
And keep in mind, these kidsall went first and then they
tell the cops it's all me andput it on me and I'm the easy
fall guy.
So it's really believable too.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
There's no honor among thieves.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
So I end up going to jail there at 18 years old and I
sat in jail for almost atwo-year straight fight in this
case because they were trying tojust hang me on a burglary
charge and I end up getting as Iknowdangerous burglary charge
at 18 years old, and I servedalmost the full 12 years.

(25:52):
I didn't get out until a monthafter I turned 30 years old.
Wow, and I was six foot, 144pounds.
I got locked up, didn't evenhave facial hair.
I didn't even have to shave myface until I was like four or
five years into my sentence.
I was like at like late.
I just had armpit hair.
I was like a little pretty boykid with long blonde hair.
Imagine hitting those big yardslike that no I can't.
And then they ask you whereyou're from, and you're like I'm
from awatuki right you knowwhat they say.
Next, you from all white toki.

(26:13):
We never seen some nobody here.
From all white toki, yeah, andluckily I used to box, so that's
what built my story in there, Iknow.
There it's all about how badassyou are kind of.
And then it's when you'rerunning yards.
It's like you got to be anentrepreneur too.
You got to make money on theyards too.
It's not just about being abadass dude and you know, the
dude running the yard or runningthe building tried doing some
little heart check, tried topunk me stuff and beat the

(26:36):
living shit out of this dude.
And that next day sorry, let mebacktrack a little bit.
I remember the first time I hita prisoner, right like I was a
popular kid, even when, Evenwhen I got in drugs, I was like
and this girl was the dude stilllike I was always popular,
Everybody knew me, and like Iremember walking that first
prison yard and I walked backfrom chow that night and I
looked around and I was like thefirst time I left I'm like I'm

(26:56):
literally nobody, Like I couldwalk off and no one even noticed
I'm here.
And I remember thinking you know, I love attention.
I'm finally like open about it.
You know, like and I don't know, but I remember thinking how
the hell am I going to do 12years alone like this, you know?
And then I fight that dude andthen the next day all the OGs
come out.
I'm like, hey, youngster, theywant to shake my hand and say hi
to me, you know.
And I'm like this, like beendown literally two weeks and

(27:30):
they asked me if I want to likestart putting in work and join
the start politicking and stuff.
And at this point I don't evenknow what putting in work is.
Right, you're like sure, yeah,they're like smashing snitches
in sections Like absolutely Signme up, whatever, and I just,
you know, gave up on God, gaveup on everything and just tried
to make.
I always had to overcompensatetoo because I was from Ahwatukee
, so like even the regular dudesthat would do like go to smash

(27:51):
somebody like, I always feltlike I had to do it 10 times
harder because, like I'm fromAhwatukee and I'm like a little,
I'm running my first four yardand I'm in a relationship with a
corrections officer in there.
I pull up the cop on the yardand, lieutenant, and I don't say

(28:15):
this because it was cool, butlike I just to show how screwed
up an individual was, like we'redrinking promethazine with
syrup on a four yard in prison,with corrections officers
smoking blunts, shooting heroin,like with cops right there,
like and that was, and that wasa four yard which is supposed to
be like lockdown security,closed custody movement.
And then I got hemmed up forthat relationship with that cop

(28:36):
and that's when they sent me tomaximum security for my first
time.
And you know what's crazy islike when I went to maximum
security, it's so it's century.
I don't know if you guys everheard about it, but it's like
you can google it in the 70s and, uh, early 80s, was the most
dangerous prison in the unitedstates of america.
That's five by seven cells,like shawshank, redemption type
shit.
So you hear about it, you know,and it's like but then I get,
then I'm in the whole way to gothere.
And instead of being like ohshit, I'm going there now, I'm

(28:57):
like hell yeah, like I can'twait to go.
And now I get to meet even moregangster dudes.
You, when I you know you,sometimes you talk to cops and
they'll say hey, so-and-so'shitting the yard today, and if
it's like a dude with a namelike me, at the end of my
sentence the cops like yoolsen's in the yard, they better
watch out.
You know, and I remember sayingthat about my buddy, craig
olsen I was like I can't fuckingwait till cops talk about me

(29:19):
like that when I hit a yardthey're like they're scared.
My roughs coming to the yard.
So that's what for.
In there, instead of doinganything positive, all I did was
did drugs, shot heroin, gotinto some needles for the first
time in my life but I do that,of course, never did needles
before.
We both do it for our firsttime together.
And then what do you do afterthat?
You use dirty needles if youhave to.
It's like the shittiest ofshittiest of shittiest lives you

(29:39):
could ever possibly imagine,you know.
And I didn't care aboutanything and all I did was hurt
people in politic for years, youknow.
And then the last 11 months Ispent in solitary confinement
under investigation forattempted murder.
Didn't know if I was going togo home or not, and I remember
the SSU cops in there and theSSU is like the gang detectives
in there.
I was in solitary and Iremember telling them like you

(30:02):
can't expect me to do 12 yearsin prison and a year in solitary
and get out and like functionon the streets.
Like you guys got to let me outof here.
And verbatim he told me Myroth,we're done with you in here.
Like we're going to let thestreets have their luck with you
.
Like you're going to sit inthis cell until you go home.
Like we are absolutely donewith you in here.

(30:22):
So I got kicked out of prisonand sent to the the way to my
release cage, and then I go fromthat to freedom and it's like
zero tools on how to do anything.
I've done nothing about work onrecovery.
I don't even know anything,except like I'm angry as shit.
But I know one thing my dad wasalways angry, so I had that in
the back of my head.
I'm entitled to be angry.
My dad raised me my dad's angryknow.

(30:49):
So like I'm just this angryshock caller and I get out of
prison like honestly angry shit,have no idea and scared to
death, but just so happy to befree.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Finally, do you know what's crazy is in in our
generations, right?
I mean, we're not that far offin our generations, uh?
And?
And your dad and his and beforehim, we didn't raise our men to
be able to understand theiremotions and so, no matter what
it is that men feel, you turn itinto rage and anger.
That's it right.

(31:15):
So if you're afraid it's rageand anger Like I'm listening to
you tell your story and it makesme hurt for the young Peter,
right, because you're a hurt,broken boy and all you're trying
to do is fucking like Live,live, right boy, and all you're
trying to do is fucking likelive, live right, and like no
one's on your side in thatsituation.
And then you have to be thestrong one.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
I want to play sports like that's my biggest thing.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
I never got to play high school sports absolutely
like like that that day I don'tthink I'll ever do it I
understand why you're angry atthat, at that gal.
I totally get it right becausethat changed the course of your
entire life, right, the courseof your entire fucking life.
But no one was there to fuckingdefend you and to take care of
you.
And then you're in thissituation with grown-ass men who
are real big offenders atfucked-up stuff, right, and all

(31:56):
you have to do is literally justbe angry and try to be as hard
as you possibly can as aprotection mechanism to
something that you shouldn'thave been on that path in the
first place.
First place or you should haveright, depending on how you look
at things, because, again, Ithink everything happens for a
reason.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
But wow, that's a big burden to carry yeah, and then
what's crazy is I remember whenI got out and right before I got
out, right before I actuallywent to the hole for that, when
we did that stuff, um, one of myfriends and he was like an og
in there I get when you're onthe yard the cops will let you
get away with a lot of stuff,you know, because they want to
go home safely, especially thosehigh-security yards where I did

(32:32):
all my time.
I've never touched them in theyard, I've never been in
anything like that.
I had a 12-year straight inSupermax or four yards like
slammed down, no-transcript know.

(32:56):
And I go back there and and I goback to my little cell right
there and my boy's like damn,chap, he's like I'm worried
about you, bro, and I was likewhat do you mean?
And he's like you're angry bro.
He's like you cannot get outthat angry.
He's like he's like he's likeseriously, chap, he's like
you're going home here.
He's like you cannot get outthat angry.
And instead of thinking likedamn, maybe he's right, maybe I
should work on this anger,something like that.
My thought was I finally fit inwith these guys yeah, oh god,

(33:19):
that hurts my soul for you andthen I went straight to the hole
and got out after that with nolike.
I said no, anything, you know.
And then I get out at I went inas a kid.
So I've never worked, I'venever been on a date, I've never
been to a bar, I've never doneanything.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
God, what does that look like?

Speaker 2 (33:34):
I mean, let's, I'll tell you what it looks like.
You spend every day at Sandbarwhen you get out of prison, and
I'm not joking go home with adifferent chick every day, and
that's all I did.
And then you know you get in abar fight when you're blacked
out drunk.
And then that was my thing.
I just wanted to drink and pullchicks.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
I never like.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
I'm 30 years old and I had sex I think seven times in
my entire life, like literally,and so that's like all I wanted
to do.
And then I didn't do drugs butlike the problem with me is if I
was blacked out drunk, therewas drugs in front of me when I
do drugs.
So that was my fentanyloverdose story.
I was drinking at a bar rightin Chandler at Hobnob, for a

(34:18):
buddy's birthday on a Fridayafternoon on parole.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Nine months out of prison, and the last thing I
remember was doing a shot ofRumpelmintz.
God, you have terrible taste inliquor.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
That's all my buddies drank.
That's what they all drank.
Yeah, I think they like thestrongest shit.
That was a cheaper or somethingyou know anyway, so we.
The last thing I did rememberwas a shot of rum pomace.
I don't even know how to drink,like I don't even know what
drinks are you know exactly sowe do this.
Then I wake up in an ambulanceand I'm like what the fuck am I
doing here?
Literally I had no clue.
I tell him, like what the hellam I doing in here?

(34:46):
He's like you overdose.
I remember telling I was like Idon't even use drugs anymore.
He's like you did today and I'mlike I couldn't remember what
happened.
I was like what the fuck did Ido?
And then I'm like I justremember parts of the ambulance
ride.
All I remember is what I doremember is laying there wishing
I was just dead.
Why can I just end my lifetoday?

(35:08):
You know, if I'm out, if I'mout and I'm still doing this
shit, I'm done with life, likefuck this, I don't want to live
anymore.
And then I'm mad like whycouldn't I just die?
Like why did I have to survivethis, you know?
And and then the next thing Iknow I remember hearing my
little brother in the hallwayand he's on the phone with my
dad, who's Mr AA.
My dad's like it's the biggesthypocrite on earth.
You know, he's sober, 27 years,but the angriest dude on earth.

(35:28):
You can't tell him shit.
Just like bitter as hell, likeone of those guys, right.
So, my brother.
I remember hearing he's on thephone with my dad who lives in
south dakota and I yelled himlike what are you calling dad
for?
Keep in mind, I'm a 31 year oldprison shot caller like yelling
my little brother for tellingon my dad.
You know that I almost diedtoday right and he's like do you
know what happened?
I was like I don't know anythingthat happened.
He's like they won't tell me.
All I said is that I overdosed.

(35:49):
The doctor comes in, said theyfound me no heartbeat, full dead
, got me back to life,resuscitated me like, gave me
seven shots of narcan.
By the time they got me to thehospital my heart was only
beating six beats a minute.
But this is the part of thestory that made me realize God
was willing to change my life.
Like, literally, I found God inthe hospital bed.
My ex-girlfriend's sister isthe one that found me and she

(36:12):
went home after work to gotanning.
She said she pulled up to thetanning salon, parked her car,
got out just like normal, walkedup to the tanning salon door,
said, right, when she put herhand on the door a light went
off in her head and told her togo home.
She takes her hand off the doorhandle, gets right back in the
car and drives home to take anap and finds me dead in the
bathtub, calls the paramedics.
I just I don't know how Ididn't have a heartbeat that

(36:33):
long.
Whatever they were set say tome bring me back to life.
What does my boy do like andthis is my prison year I had to
go back to my phone to find outwhat I did right, and this is
what I'm so open about, becauseyou can get caught up so quick,
like you could be doing.
You could be crushing life foryears out here and then have one
slip up and throw it all awayin the fucking blink of an eye,
which is why I'm so passionateabout this.
Clearly, I was at the bar drunkand got a facebook message from

(36:54):
master from my prison youngsterwho lives in guadalupe and
tells me to come get high.
He has dope.
I drive my truck, blacked out,drunk, never drove drunk in my
life before.
And then what does he do?
When I go fall out, because Iclearly I did the shot and just
went back because they found meupside down in the bathtub and I
was 260 pounds, so she couldn'tmove me, so like she had to
just wait there while, and shesaid I was blue and soaking wet

(37:16):
and um.
What does my little youngsterdo, though?
Instead of calling paramedics,he just takes the money in my
wallet, leaves me to die greatfriends that's.
That's what most people'sfriends are.
I mean, when they, when thetime comes to it, that's what
most of your friends are goingto do to you anyways.
You know what I'm saying?
You just don't think it, youknow.
And they just, most people'sfriends are just friends because
it's convenient for them or itmakes them like.
I realize a lot of my friendsare friends because they hated
their lives.

(37:36):
They like to go drink together,so like they'll have these
things that they align togetherjust to make themselves feel
like they're good friends.
But they're not.
And that dude's not going to doshit for you, he's not going to
help you when it comes time toit you go to prison.
He's not going to visit you orwrite you none of that stuff,
you know.
So I'm sorry, I just lost track.
I thought where was I?

Speaker 1 (37:52):
You're totally fine, I'm going to jump ship on the
next thing anyway.
So this event makes you realizeyou know we're meeting God.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
We're reacqu now, right.
So tell me what that looks likegoing forward from that point.
So from that point and I could,I could show you a video after
this but I I go out to my dad'splace in south dakota and I'm
gonna, literally at this point,I finally thrown him, thrown in
the towel.
I was like, okay, I can't drinkanymore.
I got that figured out of mysystem.
I got all the women out of mysystem.
And even then I remember I wassitting at the bar one day and I
told my brother like yo, thisis all you guys do every weekend
, like, and I'm the one goinghome with the hottest chicks.
They're not.
And I'm like I'm even over thisshit, you know I'm like I'm

(38:28):
seriously.
You guys have been doing thisfor 12 years.
Like this isn't old to you?

Speaker 1 (38:31):
pretty basic baby bitch shit yeah seriously.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
So like I was already like looking for the next thing
.
So then when this happened, Iwas like all right, maybe it's
time to quit drinking and getsober and try and figure this.
I went out to South Dakota totry and get sober from that
overdose to my dad's.
I stayed with him for a coupleof weeks, went to meetings every
day and I came back out herewhen I had like 30 days sober

(38:55):
and luckily my co -defendant, um.
He was the finance director ata big car dealership in
Scottsdale, so he'd got an inwith me to go at least talk to
the gym and he said that he'dhire me possibly.
And you know, I'm 31 years old,never had to work a day in my
life.
And you know what's crazy now,like I rebuilt my life, my dad,
what he did is he bought me fivepairs of khakis and five dress
shirts from Kohl's All like buyone, get one free, or buy one,

(39:17):
get one 50% off and I had to payhim back for those clothes on
my first paycheck and he sent meout to Arizona.
I made 10 grand my first monthever working in my entire life.
And I got that check and I waslike I can't even tell you how

(39:38):
many lights went off in my headBecause, like it's so fun.
It's like getting out of prisonis the coolest thing in the
world.
But like, what's that honeymoonphase Where's over?
It's like what the fuck?

Speaker 1 (39:47):
did I ask?

Speaker 2 (39:48):
for, Like I didn't ask for this, Like I want to go
back to prison, Like I have beenlike so fucking bipolar, Like
that's why I needed this today.
I knew this was a sign I neededto come and do this today

(40:09):
Because, like I'm the happiestguy on earth, like I can't even
tell you how well my kids needto be, like I'd take full pride.
I am the best, I don't know.
I do everything for those kids.
I will never let them seeanything bad like and uh god, I
just lost track of what I wassaying again.
Um, so I told you I was gonnabe emotional today but anyways
oh, here I'm.

(40:29):
Like I always thought that myend goal was, like, no matter
how successful I got, I had amillion dollar house, you know,
like um, and still alwaysthought that in the end I would
end up smoking myself or goingback to prison on purpose.
But this time I was going topick a state like Alaska, where
the, where it's cakewalk, and godo time there and just give up

(40:50):
on life.
That was always my end goal.
Or just make it, you know, makeit to where I want and then
just literally smoke myself inthe end whenever it got too hard
and it's so sad because I'mlike the happiest I've ever been
.
But now that I have kids and Iknow that killing myself is not
an option to terrify, terrifiesme, and like even I have one son
I'm I'm killing like I do great, I'm a great dad, you know, and

(41:11):
I had my second son.
I'm like I went out to the parkjust for a walk and I come back
in my mother's like you, okay,and I was like, damn, I gotta
grow the fuck up like fast, fast, you know.
And I'm just hard on myself,though, too, but because I know
what's possible, you know like Iknow how much I've done in just
this amount of time.
And seeing you like gave me somuch hope that, like what's
possible I'm serious like just acouple of your little Instagram

(41:32):
clips and that's what's socrazy about life.
Like when I quit my job yearsago, I wanted to be Instagram
famous.
I wanted to meet all thesefamous people and every big
person on Instagram.
I know them personally.
I have their cell phone numbers.
I've been on the Bradley Show.
All these guys they're all abunch of scam artists, losers.
Like I'm not even joking, likeI hope this comes out the right
way, but this is the podcastthat has the smallest following

(41:54):
I've ever done and I was ahundred million times more
excited to come here than I'veever been to do another show in
my life.
And what?
You realize that all those guysthat have the big podcast,
they're all bought fakefollowers and all sharing some
bullshit, fake message and noneof them are good people in their
lives.
They have podcasts but they'recheating on their wives when
they get done with all thatstuff.
And I just won't associate withthat stuff anymore.
Don't associate with that stuffanymore.
So like I don't.
You're just like reallyinspiring me, like watching a

(42:15):
couple of those clips and justlike I'm just like real,
authentic people and like onething I told myself in prison is
the shittiest thing besides forjust being away in there
forever, because you just getused to it, you know right.
But it's the fact that you haveto be around scumbags 24 7.
So that's what I told myselfwhen I was like I am not going
to associate with bad people,like if I have a choice to who
I'm going to be around andthat's why I'm so selective.
Even my family, like I am sohard I call all my family
members off, like I don't have asingle Meyerhoff that can text

(42:41):
or call me.
Right now I'm not on socialmedia, not on myself, I'm not on
anything.
And you know what's crazy is mydad has a big family of six
brothers and two sisters.
Every one of them is alcoholics.
None of the kids made shit ofany of themselves, except for my
one family with Sally, theAll-American Duke.
The other daughter was a RhodesScholarship nominee, an

(43:01):
All-American at St John's, andthe other kid raced dirt bikes
and was just a stud at thatright.
You know why he married a goodwife, yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
It's all about the women.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
And our whole life I'm serious, listen and I didn't
realize this until recently.
Our whole lives.
My Meyerhoff family made mehate this her literally, because
she was a guy and we hatedCindy and Cindy was trash and
she wasn't like the Meyerhoffsand she wouldn't drink like them
.
And I grew up hating my AuntCindy Right and even up until a

(43:30):
couple years ago, because whenthey she split, she went back to
a guy, she got rid of theMeyerhoff name, her daughter and
son changed their names backfrom Meyerhoff's and when I
finally had this realization,like a year or two ago, I was
like holy shit, my Aunt Cindyhad it right the whole time.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
Why don't you have a relationship with your family?
Is it because of all the prisonstuff or just them not being
supportive?

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Them not being supportive.
Like my dad will come to townI'm not joking, no-transcript,
I'm like side streets away.
He has kids.
I was always seeing his kidsand then I buy that house.
My dad comes to town, don'teven come over.

(44:08):
He'll be in town for a week and, like he, he texts me one day
to get lunch at my house, justspends all day with my brother.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
I think you get to a place in families that when
there's not any and don't takethis the wrong way, because this
is just in general emotionalintelligence in families is such
a newer thing, right, for mostpeople that it's just so fucking
toxic, right?
Because you have so much hurtand anger and resentment your

(44:36):
dad fuels off of anger based onkind of what you said he's not.
you have to like really go outof your way to try to work on
that and change that, and so noone has any emotional
intelligence and it's literallyjust like powder kegs in a
family.
It's a wonder everybody doesn'tkill each other.
It's a reason why a lot ofpeople do say I have, I want
nothing to do with my family,because you can't even get to
that point.

(44:56):
It takes a lot of work to beable to repair that damage and,
it's true to say, they vilifyyou when you try to get out of
it too, they all look at me likeI'm the.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Instead of being happy for their nephew that made
someone's life after 12 yearsin prison, I would wake up in
the morning and I'd get shittalked to me from Facebook
messages in the middle of thenight.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
But here's the whole thing.
I want to offer you a differentperspective.
You are the villain in theirstory.
Think about that for a second.
Think about your parents, whoare just trying to do the best
that they can with the limitedthat they have, right.
And then you're doing whatyou're dealing with.
I'm assuming you weren't goinghome and saying I'm really
struggling today.
This is really hurting me as ahuman being.
Right, you're protectingyourself and coming from this

(45:35):
place of misbehaving getting in,okay, I'm going to be the
baddest motherfucker, like allof that stuff.
What does that look like tosomebody on the other side?
So I encourage you to look fromthe other perspective, not for
any other reason, because youdon't have to ever talk to your
family again, and I don'tdisagree with that either.
But what I'm saying is, when youlook at it from the other side
of like, what did that look likefor them, especially now that
you have kids, can you imagineif something happened to one of

(45:57):
your sons that did exactly whatyour story looked like, but he
didn't talk to you about it,right, he didn't tell you about
it.
And now he's just out doingstuff and you're left at this
place of like how do I even helpthis kid?
Do you see what I'm saying?
Having kids is so powerfulbecause it literally helps put
up a mirror of like what didthat look like for my parents,
right?
your mom's doing the only thingthat she knows how, which is

(46:17):
going and being a flightattendant and trying to do the
best thing, and she comes homeat the end of her week or her
day or whatever, and all shewants to do is be able to like,
relax for a minute and catch abeat, and it's thrown right into
whatever tornado you've createdshe comes around and find out
what I stole her absolutely,absolutely right at the house
absolutely so.
It's like when you look at allof that anger which in families,
there's plenty of anger to goaround because everyone has

(46:39):
their perspective, but they'reall justified in how they feel
about you, just as you are, andhow you feel about them.
That's why, if you, if there'sever anything that's going to
work, it has to be people beingwilling to just set the weapons
down and say that was our story,I'm not going to you know what
I mean, I'm going to set downthe resentment.
I'm not going to carry thisanger forward, which is a really
hard thing to do, but it's likeyou don't want to raise your

(46:59):
sons to come from a place ofanger.
You want them to have emotionalintelligence and you can't
teach that unless you have that.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Tell me what emotional intelligence means to
you.
I'm curious.
I was going to get along reallywell.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
That's the next thing .
I was literally just going toask you.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
I would say most intelligence would be like just
understanding, like people'sthoughts and feelings, not even
people's, yours, okay, yes, youcan understand other people's
too, but it's like again, weraised our boys in previous
generations that don't cry, thatyou don't be a pussy, like all
of that kind of stuff.
So boys are being raised toturn any emotion that they feel
into anger or rage, right, sothat's learned behavior, that's

(47:35):
how you're taught, that's how itis.
Unlearning that orreprogramming yourself to say
how does that make me feel?
Right, you, being curious aboutyourself is a huge component of
that of like.
Okay, how does that make mefeel and what am I going to do
with that?
Right?
How am I going to communicate?
That makes you a better husband.
It makes you a better father.
It makes you a better friend.
To really be in tune with youremotions.

(47:55):
It sucks because we were notraised that way.
Right?
I was raised where emotionswere very messy and I didn't
want anything to do with them.
Vulnerability to me was thebiggest fucking weakness ever.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
It's not a weakness, it's actually my superpower now,
but I didn't realize that untilI was in my forties, you know.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
So it was like just push stuff down, I'm fine, I'm
fine, everything's fine.
I drank, you know, we all numbin different ways.
My numb of choice was alcohol,and so it was just keep pushing
shit down.
I didn't have to rememberanything, I didn't have to
address anything, I just keptpushing shit down.
What you realize is, yes,you're numbing all of the bad

(48:31):
feelings and the shit that hurts, but in doing so, you don't get
to enjoy the highs either,right?
so the emotional intelligencecomponent of that will help you,
like, navigate where you canfigure things out and go.
Yeah, I'm gonna feel some ofthis shit.
That really felt bad, right,starting with the fucking thing
that happened when you were 15and all of the fucking horrible
you.
I'm guessing that you probablyfelt abandoned in that moment
because no one took your sidelike and imagine your son right

(48:54):
again.
That's the beautiful thing abouthaving kids.
Imagine him ever in his lifefeeling abandoned or not
protected by you.
Can you even fucking imaginethat?
That will bring me to my kneesevery single time just thinking
about it, right, but that's whathappened to you, right?
so thinking about all of thatand unpacking and then feeling
the emotions of that andunderstanding that that's the
processing things.
That's where journaling ortalking to somebody else about

(49:17):
that it doesn't even have to bea therapist, right.
I mean, you and I are having agreat time right now.
But talking about that andsaying like, yeah, that really
felt horrible, I felt abandoned,I felt this and that, or what
did it feel like when you wentto prison?
Yeah, you act hard, right,you're just a little fucking boy
.
I would act harder than that.

(49:39):
I would literally have my headunder my sheets, crying, crying
and exactly and I don't blameyou, that's a totally normal
reaction, right.
But being able to really feelthat for yourself after the fact
and then release it so thatyou're not carrying around the
anger and the resentment thatgoes with it, so emotional
intelligence to me, I get verycurious about that.
Take that away from our timetoday and really get curious
about okay, how does that makeme feel?
Or what does that, what doesthat bring up?
Because then you're raisingyour kids that way, right?

(50:00):
You know, I got sober when myyoungest was nine years old and
I was driving him in and out toschool in Flagstaff, where we
were in the car together for anhour a day.
So when I was learning thingsabout boundaries, or about
myself, or about resentment orabout all of these different
things, we were just talkingabout it.
Well, the good news is I havean 18 year old who is the most
emotionally intelligent man I'veever met.

(50:21):
He's an excellent fuckingcommunicator yeah, excellent
communicator and I look at himand I've never been more proud.
That would not have been thecase had I not gone through what
I did, right, so, being able toteach your, your boys, as
they're growing up, to feeltheir feelings, to express their
stuff.
That doesn't mean anybody's apussy or a fucking crybaby or
any of that shit.
That's somebody that's in touchwith who they are.

(50:41):
That's powerful shit, right?
So you going through that andyou taking the steps to be
better for yourself is justbetter for them, right.
We talk about I would doanything for my kids.
I would encourage you to getreal curious about that in
yourself of how does that makeme feel?
What do I need to release forthis?
Because I don't want to carrythis shit around, right?
We don't realize we carry allthis stuff around and in doing

(51:02):
so it's literally like awrecking ball that you're
dragging behind you and youdon't even fucking realize it.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Someone just made this analysis too.
It's like all that stuff thatyou think you're pushing aside
or coping with, or you'redrinking or something like that
inside, and that's why my angeris so bad, because I have all
this shit inside me, so anythingthat sets me off kilter it's
ready to pop just like that,which is why he was like trying
to convince me to do like somemore severe treatments, like
ayahuasca or like ketamine orsomething like that, to get all
that stuff out, which probablywhat I want to do next.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
But yeah, yeah, no doing.
Doing all of that and then alsojust being brave enough to look
yourself in the mirror and sayhow did that?
Why does that feel like that?
Is that really in my bestinterest?
Is that something I want topass down to my kids?

Speaker 2 (51:36):
Yeah, right, even talking to a therapist, because
it gives me a second point ofview, like all I've known is
what Meyerhaus told me or whatpeople in prison told me, and
neither of those are what worksout here, Would you?

Speaker 1 (51:44):
realize these are all toxic, you know relationships
and toxic people that don't haveit figured out.
So we don't want one part ofyour life.
Why would I take advice fromyou?
Absolutely.
You know what I'm sayingAbsolutely.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
Well, it's smart, you've got the fundamentals
figured out right, so then it'sjust figuring out okay where am

(52:16):
All of the things that you'vealready talked about?

Speaker 1 (52:17):
That's the other part of it.
I think so many people are likeno, no, no, it's fine I was
talking with someone and they'relike no, no, I don't have any
trauma, that's totally fine, I'mover it.
I'm like your dad fucking OD'don heroin at Christmas when you
were a child.
You don't think that's fuckingtrauma.
I mean you can just go back andtalk to people about it's like.
Put your kid in that situation,right.
So if you think I'm tough, Iwas fine at 10 or 7 or 15 or
like whatever the age is.
Put your little fucking kid inthat situation and realize how

(52:40):
young they are right and then go.
Would you want them dealing withthat?
You can look at your two sonswho are young.
They're babies, days old one ofthem.
You can look at them right nowand think I would never want
that for them, for them to haveto put up and go through the
shit that I went through.
Right it makes you sick to yourstomach to even think about.
I do the same thing.
I look at my girls.
I look at my daughters andthink some of the shit that
happened to me when I was 13, 14, 15, the stuff that I was doing

(53:03):
, whatever, and I was doing thesame thing you were.
I'm tough, I can handle this, Idon't even need to.
We just keep pouring alcoholand drugs, the fucking you know,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I look at that for my daughtersand I think I am mortified at
the idea of them having tofucking navigate that on their
own.
And they went through hardstuff too.
Right, like I didn't doeverything perfect, I was too
busy numbing myself because Ididn't want to look myself in

(53:25):
the fucking mirror, which now Ilook at it now and I think,
thank God I woke up, thank Godsomething happened where I was
like holy shit.
Holy shit, because now I findmyself on this path of okay,
I've done eight years of theayahuascas and the fucking, all
of the different healingmodalities.
Yeah, I've done all of thethings right, I've read all of
the books and I know that thisis a lifelong commitment that
I've made to it.
But now I'm at the point whereI'm like, okay, I've got some

(53:48):
tips and tricks and tools andshit that I've learned from all
of that that I can share withother people.
Which is why I have the podcast, because the universe fucking
hit me upside the head.
I call the god, you know god,universe of the big guy,
whatever you can call him, butuniverse hit me upside the head
and said you got to share thatwith other people right.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
I was going to ask how?
Because tyler had told me whereyou come from and I was like
even more fast.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
I was like yeah fucking joke yeah no, seriously,
it was like now you're doing afucking podcast and I'm not the
person who's ever been big onInstagram, big on anything.
I've always been very privatewith my life.
I don't want everyone to knowmy business.
And now I'd like in thispodcast is showing everybody the
inside of my asshole, because Ifucking say all the things and
I fucking am not shy about thisis hold back and I don't hold
back.
This is my story.
I've got a lot of shit in therethat I would have been

(54:29):
previously ashamed of, but Ishame has no business.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
People will at you, are like I would have looked at
you before, like this chick hasit all, like she's never
struggled, like me.
There's no fucking chance, andI'm joking, I wouldn't even
listen to a word that came in,which is why my stuff works so
well when I'm dealing withinmates in prison because, like
you, can't say I haven't walkedyour shoes, I walked that.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
Yeah, no, but it's interesting because it's like
when you surrender to theuniverse, when you get to this
place where you're doing thework and you're saying like,
okay, I do, I want to be thebest version of me that I
possibly can for my kids, for myfamily, for my all of the
things, and you're going down,you just get in tune with
whatever you're supposed to bedoing.

(55:11):
When the universe tells youwhatever it is that you're doing
to fucking help other people,right, because I realized that
when I share stuff with people,when I lead with vulnerability,
it has an impact with peoplewhere they go okay, okay, it's
not so scary to fucking say thescary thing.
Right, it's not so scary to sayI fucking got accused of raping
somebody and this is what maybeit felt like, or it didn't feel
like.
I don't feel like that's howthis was, or whatever Fucking.

(55:34):
Let's have the conversation.
Thank you for being braveenough to come on here and
fucking say that, right, becausenone of this needs to be
shameful.
Right?
You were also just a kid inthat situation, right, whose
life literally got fuckingturned upside down over
something, right?
So let's have thoseconversations.
Let's talk about that.
That, to me, is the powerfulstuff where you have people that
are listening that go okay,right, because it isn't the

(55:56):
pieces of our story that reallytear us up, it's the shame
associated with them, it's.
I don't say that word, I'm notgoing to admit to that, I'm not
going to say that that's whathappened.
That's just part of Peter'sstory.
All of the things that you'retelling me, those are just part
of Peter's story, right?
What do you do now?
To like give back to otherpeople or try to make an impact
with people, or like what fuelsyour fire right now for what you
do?

Speaker 2 (56:16):
my biggest thing has just been working with people
that are either recovery orprison in or out right now.
Like I do a ton of stuff inprisons now so I actually
developed my own curriculum nowthat I teach and sell in prisons
, um, just to switch theirmindset and get out of all the
politics and shit, and like Imean look where I am now.
If I would have done even halfmy time like reading or getting
education, even just havingpositive thoughts of making a

(56:38):
plan to what to do out there,like I I did nothing at all,
like I literally had not oneclue in the world of what I was
doing.
They just let me out.
I was like that and I'm like,holy shit, I better figure this
shit out now.
So it's like my biggest passionis doing that.
So nothing.
I'm the only guy in arizona,like a lot of those people I was
telling her before like they'llgo to like minimum security
yards and they'll do like theselittle classes and stuff.
Like I'm the only guy that cango to maximum security and four
yards.
Out here I'm doing the first oneever in California at Soledad,

(57:02):
april 16th 150 inmates in thegymnasium and these inmates are
the dudes like they're me, likeshot colleagues out of the shoe,
like the real, real deal thatno one's ever had 150 of these
guys in a room together at thesame time and they're going to
let me do an entire workshopwith them.
They bought a copy of my bookfor every inmate there.
He's ordering them pizza andI'm going to eat prison food at
lunch with them and I'm going tolike literally just write plans

(57:26):
for all these guys because,like they don't.
They don't even tell you whatyou can do out here.
You know, and if your mind'sgoing with like that's my
biggest thing when I tell them.
Instead of like thinking like Ijust got to get out but I don't
know what I'm going to do,instead of like have your wheels
going, like I can't wait toattack the streets, you know,
like I have 24 hours a day and Ican do literally whatever I
want, you know, and like peopledon't care about degrees and
shit out here, no more.
Really, like I'm not jokingLike college and school, that

(57:46):
doesn't mean shit If you cantalk is get that interview and
sell yourself to that guy, andthen you got that.
You got to get right there, justlike me, like anytime I was on
a four and I needed to get mydoor open.
I was having to sell the cop onwhatever idea I had to,
whatever excuse I had to makesure that my door got open to go
past drugs or whatever the hellI need to do.
And that's what life is outhere now and it's like find what

(58:09):
you're passionate about withpeople.
I love talking and stuff.
So, yeah, I just want to makeplans for all these guys and, to
be honest, over the next yearsI want to be the biggest prison
speaker and I just want to justchange millions and millions of
lives to my podcast and I mean Iget dms every single day.
Actually I want two days agofrom my son's mom.
He's sitting in pelican baydoing a life sentence and
pelican bay is like super max incalifornia, you know.

(58:31):
And he's listening every singleone of my podcasts, you know,
and she's like it's keeping themthrough the day and it's like
how the fuck did I do that?
You know what I'm saying, likeseriously, and it's like I was
kicked out of prison by the copsand now, like the cops are
listening to my shit.
I got cops that blow me up onsocial media you know what I'm
saying?
like yeah, they're trying tohang out with me now you know,
now they're asking me to gospeak at pro and I speak to cops

(58:52):
.
Like they have me trainingdeputies that are going to go
become corrections officers,know how to deal with inmates
like me and stuff like that, andit's like you can do anything
you want in this world as longas you go get it and just go try
.
Don't take no for an answer.
You know, like if you don'tknow something to figure out,
you got google, you got a phone.
Like when people realize thesmall, simple, basic stuff, they
can go so far in the world.
I want to give one more examplereal quick.
Is this just the kind of stuffthat's so powerful to me?

(59:13):
So when I quit my job, I didn'tknow what I was going to do.
Right, I just one day I wasmaking $300,000 a year out of
prison, like got themillion-dollar house driving a
brand-new 7 Series, like sober,four or five years sober.
Now I got it all you know, andI remember thinking, fuck,
there's no way, this is all thatI'm supposed to do the rest of
my life, you know.

(59:34):
But like I'm making so muchmoney, I'm blind to like I never
thought I was gonna make thatkind of money.
You know I'm freaking, takingscreenshots, my direct deposit.
Everyone like what the fuck?
Yeah, am I doing?
You know, like, make a momentmy dad ever made.
You know he was the onlysuccessful meyerhoff.
Yeah, and um, one day I justwas like you know, I'm done, I'm
gonna quit here and just go tryand figure something out myself
.
I, I had my house.
I had, like you know, over halfa million dollars equity, so my

(59:55):
plan was to sell my house.
I was going to rent anapartment with the Optima, do
the single life for a while andfigure my shit out.
But I knew I just wanted tohelp people.
So I was like I quit my job andhad no idea what I was going to
do.
But that's when I wrote thebook, launched the podcast, I
did the Vice TV show.
So I was a teenage felon theshot caller.
Season 2, episode five, is myepisode and, um, I just did all

(01:00:17):
that.
And then I had a family andeverything changed.
That's what.
That's what's so crazy.
Like I always say, like I'm amaster at pivoting and that's
what I tell people all the time.
Like it's such a goodcharacteristic to have and be
good at because, like your whole, I was going to be the optimist
single.
She hates that.
I tell people the story.
But my wife, now we get it's agod thing.
We got day.
We met, like it was like thecraziest one night stand that

(01:00:39):
worked out perfectly you'll everhave in your life.
And it wasn't a one night standLike we hooked up from the bar,
like we were both sober, like.
But she came over to the houseand like I had told myself like,
no matter what, do not even tryand have sex with this chick
the first night.
It happened, I, I'm not joking.
0.2 seconds later I was like,oh my God, I'm so sorry.
And she was going to take planB after that but forgot to and
that's why we had Quincy.

(01:00:59):
And it just worked outperfectly.
And then she had never even shewas just out of college never
been in a serious relationship,never cooked a meal for a guy,
never did, and that's why we getalong so well.
She's an alpha female and it'sso crazy she can't believe, like
because my ex before her was astripper, of course.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Oh Jesus, Now we're getting into a whole thing.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
I'm going to get into the good stuff right here.
Seriously, because myex-stripper was a stripper
before that and the one beforethat was a bartender and I
cheated on both, you know, andit's like, and she would ask me
because she's still dealt withmy ex for years afterwards, Like
and she could not get over it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
There's a whole other podcast that we're getting into
, oh seriously.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
And she asked me she's like, why the hell would
you be with a chick like that?
And I told her I would havenever in my life tried to even
date a chick like you before.
And she's like, why?
And I'm like you're too perfectfor me, like I'm fucked up.
That's literally what I toldher.
She's like how, look at me likeI'm fucked up, like I'm never

(01:02:00):
in my life I would have tried tohook up with you and that's it.
Never in my life tried to dateyou.
And you know why all that shitI'm talking about now how I'm
feeling bipolar.
I gotta grow up real fast,because the shit that I did with
the other women does not flywith my chick now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Well, and not only that but you need to be setting
an example for your boys of likeboth of those yeah, what's the
right thing you get?

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
you get to rewrite stuff, so all that and, like I
said, she wouldn't put up likethe other women.
I told myself and this was fullon, like you're lucky to be
with me, this is how I am, andthat would last about a half
hour with Jasmine right now, youknow, right, and so that's what
it is.
So that's why I go to therapynow and I really try to work on

(01:02:33):
stuff.
You know, and I've always beenangry, so it makes me so sad and
I cry now and I'm like you'vegot to fix that, fix your shit,
that's what I really work on.
No, seriously, that's why yourpodcast saved me a lot.
That's your gal's name, Jasmine, jasmine, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
Love it.
Shout out to Jasmine Smart gal.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
Thank you that's alright.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
We ended with Jasmine , which is the important part so
yeah, smart girl, telling youto fix your shit.
So, anyways, that's our timefor today.
So thank you for joining us.
I appreciate it.
If you have questions,suggestions or you think you'd
like to come get naked with meas a guest, please send us an
email.
Our email address is ladies atlet's get naked podcast dot com.
Please do all the things tosupport the pod by following,

(01:03:14):
sharing, rating and reviewing,and we'll catch you next time
leave a review.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
If you're a good friend, leave a review seriously
thank you, that's a wrap.

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
I'd love to help you get vulnerable.
Let's get naked.

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