Anthony Hernandez: Firefighting, Trauma, Healing, and Growth

What truly remains in the heart of a first responder after seeing and experiencing all they have done? Join us as our special guest, Anthony Hernandez, a veteran firefighter who unveils the raw truths of a life dedicated to emergency services. From the front lines of wildland blazes to the intense demands of municipal firefighting, Anthony's career is a mosaic of courage, growth, and the relentless pursuit of balance amidst the smoldering challenges of the job.

The weight of the badge carries more than just responsibility—it bears the heavy toll of mental health, a topic often overshadowed by the the stigma of being weak. Anthony's candid account extends into his transformative journey with Frontline Behavioral Wellness, where his personal experiences with PTSD and alcoholism illuminate the path for aiding veterans and first responders. As we share stories of camaraderie and the fortitude found in peer support, we're reminded that the mission of saving others transcends beyond the emergencies—it's also about safeguarding the minds and hearts of those who serve.

In the echoes of the firetruck's departure, we discover tales of faith, family, and friendships that bind and heal. Anthony and Tim explore the nuanced dance between personal trauma and professional valor, where the strength of relationships and the power of faith carve a refuge from the chaos. Every shared experience, from the serenity of silence to the laughter with a friend, manifests as a beacon of hope, guiding us toward a future where first responders can embrace vulnerability as courageously as they face their jobs.

Thanks for taking the time to listen in. Please leave us 5 stars on Spotify & Apple Podcasts with a review. THANK YOU!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Anthony Hernandez.
Welcome to the podcast man.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Tim, thank you for having me.
It's just an honor and apleasure to be here.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, dude, it's great to have you here.
You came all the way from SouthOrange County, so thank you so
much for driving up here.
You're our first podcast backsince the event which you were
at first responders night ofhope, which is great, by the way
.
Nice watch dog, dude.
I mean, yeah, that's what I'mtalking about, dude.
I just got another one in.
Okay, so nice, dude.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yeah, the, you know, the wife was like what's going
on with the watch and the shoes?
And you know you gotta come alittle swag, a little style.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
No, it's all good man , yeah, I dig it, dude.
Okay, so everybody knows youare also a fellow firefighter,
correct?
Yes, okay, and we usually don'tsay kind of who we work for
around here, but how?

Speaker 3 (00:56):
long have you been a firefighter.
Yeah, no, I get that and Igenerally don't like to say
where I'm at because of myposition now as a peer support
outside the departments.
So they could possibly havesome pushback and go like, no,
we've always had a peer supportand you know, you know this
guy's, you know off the charts,which maybe I am.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
So, anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
So what was that?

Speaker 2 (01:20):
again.

Speaker 3 (01:20):
You're good, you're good, how long have you been in
the fire service soprofessionally?
15, and then overall EMS.
I did 20.
Oh yeah, like paramedic stuffyeah so I was on a private
ambulance with well, with aprivate company, so I did that
for a few and then I got pickedup with the United States Forest
Service as a seasonal wildland.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Hey, that's where I started, bro.
Oh, the green wishing dog, dude, that's the hardest work I've
ever done in my entire life.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, the khaki button up.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I was down on the wellSouth region and so, yeah, we
saw quite a bit down there.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Right on.
Yeah, I started on the Angeles.
Okay, all right Up there OakFlat, little Salamos did some
other stuff, so it was a strongbase.
I mean, I was 18 years old, Iknow what I was doing.
Yeah, I was either that orjoined the military.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Dude, that's exactly.
That's exactly what was myroute.
I actually took the ASFAB forthe Marine Corps.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Oh, it is for the Army because my dad's you know,
he's a lifelong Green Bray, soyou know we tend to follow in
our father's footsteps.
So I was thinking, yeah, I'llgo that route.
But I was doing the Explorerthing as a kid, from 15 to like
18 and he's like, eh, you know,I don't know if you want to do
what I did, why don't you trythat fire thing for a little bit
?
So I ended up taking my fireclasses and I went through the

(02:38):
real Honda Wildland Fire Academyand then I got picked up with
the Forest Service and that'skind of how my career started.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, mine was.
Well, the military was given tome by way of, you know, getting
in some early trouble.
So the buddies, a buddy'sfather, came up to me and he's
like, you know, you need to dosomething.
And so go to, you know, fillout the application.
And my mom, who meanseverything to me, raised by a

(03:06):
single mom, was freaking out.
And so we had some family inthe fire department and so they,
they sat me down and theyhanded it at me, you know, the
EMT and what direction to take,and then going into the
department and what that couldlook like, and I was like I
don't think I can do that.
I just didn't have thatconfidence enough.

(03:26):
Yeah, but I took it, baby step,you know, and so made it.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
That's rad dude.
Yeah, okay, so you went fromForest Service and then, when
you got hired at Municipal, wereyou already a paramedic.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
No, Okay, I came in at an earlier stage of the game
when we really didn't have awhole lot of paramedics Okay, so
I was just starting to pay forand send people to the paramedic
program.
So I was like yeah dude, I waslike I can't, but it's free.
So I'm going to.
You know, I just didn't have awhole lot of confidence, but

(04:01):
after everything, step, like Isaid, step by step, I started to
build some of that and ended upgoing and yeah, and yeah, I
came firefighter medic.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Dude.
Yeah, I did the firefightermedic thing for too long.
13 years was a little bit toolong.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yeah, yeah, oh, wow, I got way too comfortable.
I should have promoted wayearlier, oh really.
Okay.
That's how I tell myself I wasso burned out dude.
You kind of lose that, Iremember.
You lose the empathy.
You start seeing things thatshould be shocking and you're
like, whatever, I was for dinner.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
So I was like, man, I need to change here.
So the 15 I had, I remembersitting at the station we had a
rookie and it was aroundChristmas time and he was like
you know, man, I can't wait tocatch a fire.
And I'm like, dude, shut up,sit back.
I do not want to be out in thecold, I do not want somebody's
house catching on fire duringChristmas.

(04:58):
You know, I don't want to becleaning hose, you know, hanging
it, ringing it, whatever, andso, yeah, it kind of starts to
wear on you where you're.
You really don't want to be,you know, yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
And it's.
It's one of those things too,where it's when you're newer
it's kind of like, yeah, let'sfight fire.
But then you startunderstanding when you wish you
had fire.
You're wishing for someone tohave their worst day and lose
all their belongings and maybedie.
You know what I'm saying.
So you're kind of like, oh damn, like maybe I don't want to
fire, you know, because it'ssuch a bummer for those people.
That's, that's, that's terrible.
They're losing their home,their belongings, you know.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
Yeah, I'm being that Ricky rescue and we're all
sitting in the day room in therecliners, you know, and we're
like, every now and then,somebody would, you know,
actually have a really goodthought and go.
There's something wrong withall of us because we're all
waiting for the worst to happen.
Yeah, but the cool thing isthat we're all trained and we're
all ready to go when it does.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
Now you're you're a bigproponent on mental health,
correct?

Speaker 3 (05:58):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
And you have an organization.
Oh, you support one.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Yeah, so I work for one, you work for one.
So the parent company is aSarah health and the first
responder in veterans program isfrontline behavioral wellness.
Excuse me, so frontlinebehavioral wellness is the
veteran and first responderprogram that I'm really psyched

(06:22):
to be working for.
In the aspect that one, theyput me under the clinical team,
which I don't understand.
How a firefighter can be undera clinical department like that
and have and do some of thethings they've allowed me to do
hands on peer support.
And so when I've gone to peersupport trainings, when I've

(06:46):
gone to and spoke at those thosepeer support trainings, whether
they be agencies or departments, and at the trainings
themselves, now it they don'tget a lot of that hands on and
they're kind of waiting, youknow, in a more reactionary
position unfortunately, and Ionly came by way of that because

(07:10):
of me battling things and Imean my checklist is unfortunate
but fortunate.
So you know suicide andalcoholism, PTSD, hyper
vigilance, I mean insomnia, youcan check that list off.
And so when I got a call to gowork for a mental wellness
facility, I hesitated and didn'tknow really what I could offer,

(07:34):
especially under the clinicalend, and I just got to give a
shout out to Dr MaribauContreras, who is actually the
one who picked me up and droppedme into the clinical department
and got some trainings and wasable to do like quite a bit with
I call them our guests, withour guests that come in.
Okay, Where's this placelocated?

(07:55):
So we're located in Costa Mesa,Orange County region, but we
have residences throughoutOrange County.
Okay, so our center is in CostaMesa.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Now, did you feel like you're being pulled, like
doing this.
Did it feel like you're kind ofout of your comfort zone?
I'm sure it felt like that.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah, I didn't know what I had to offer.
I didn't know, you know, if mystory was a same old, same old.
I didn't know who would reallywant to hear a sob story and so
really didn't know what impactit could have.
But just like I had told my mom, going into the department was,

(08:32):
if I can just save one, I canretire.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Oh, I like that.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
And so when I did leave the department, man, I was
battling and again my mom satwith me and she's like you know
what, son, there's more than oneway you can save a life.
And so here I am Go for the mom, I like that.
All right, that's good, that'sreally good.
So, you know, she pulled out alot of gems when I was starting

(08:59):
to lose that identity.
Yeah, like I said, like theconfidence coming up as a kid, I
just didn't have it.
And then being able toaccomplish something like going
into the department was reallyspecial and leaving it was, you
know, just kind of just put myworld upside down and I got lost

(09:24):
.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
I'm sure everyone tells us getting in the fire
service right, we, it's the bestjob in the world.
You know, you get this manydays working, this many days off
when really it's alive people.
Okay, we get forced all thetime.
We don't work just 10 days amonth.
Okay, we're in a lot.
But, yeah, what other job doyou get to start your day with a
coffee break, right, hang outwith your buddies, do your thing

(09:45):
.
So I can see how.
Even for me, if I were to leaveright now, I'd be like whoa,
like this is interesting.
You know, this is this is allI've kind of prepped for my
entire life.
But for me things have kind ofchanged.
Because I'm trying to I want tomake sure I say this the right
way I would say my first fiveday years I kind of bought into

(10:06):
the bravado of the fire servicewhere it's like come to work
every day, work as much as youcan, get back to the fire
department Raw, raw, raw.
We're firefighters.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Which, by the way, I'm going to apologize for being
a little late because, as weknow, in the fire service and
you're talking about the earlystages of it, like if you're 15
minutes early you're late.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
So, in any case, yeah , but I think I kind of bought
into that.
We're in reality now.
I kind of after injuries in thepolitics.
The fire service the fireservice has changed a lot since
I've been on only have 17 yearsbut yeah, it's one of the-.
Thank you for your service.
It's not stopped, dude, theyshould pay your taxes.

(10:44):
But it just you start torealize and I hate to say this,
but you know it comes down tomoney and politics what I've
come to see, at least in certaindepartments, and you know, at
least we try to keep thatcamaraderie station level.
But really at the end of theday, when people go off on
mental health or injuries orcancer or whatever, you get a

(11:06):
thanks for working for us,here's a certificate and a badge
and they replace you with so in, cheaper, younger, and they
move on it and that wheels keepspinning on those fires and they
keep responding to calls and dotheir thing.
And I'll be real, we get emailsabout guys passing away all the
time right, retire guys.
I'm just like, okay, I don'tknow who they are.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
And that's where we kind of fall through the cracks.
I was retired and 10 years out,so I didn't have an HR to go to
, I didn't have EAP, Idefinitely did not have peer
support.
I mean, I didn't even know whatthat was.
And there's some people thatstill ask me, like what is that?
And breaking that down for them.
So, yeah, I feel you on thatand going in thinking that you

(11:51):
know, all right, I'm going tomake a difference and we do.
But, like you said, getting thecerts and then handed, like
once there's trouble, you know,and I think that that's a bigger
message too to bring across isgetting a little bit of relief
as your career goes on tosustain to maintain.

(12:16):
And so it's not bad that you'retaking that time you need and we
all say self care and I say besure that it's self care, not
selfish care, and so making surethat we're not out there, and
you know I deserve this and youknow this is something that I
earned and you know, just beingmindful of how we go about

(12:40):
caring for ourselves.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
Gosh the self-care Come on dude, that deserves a
bell.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm thinking wherethis conversation is going.
Well, self-care is important,right?
Because, gosh, we can getcalled to work overtime or take
all these classes we're tryingto promote, trying to be
involved and all that stuff.
But if you don't watch it, yourjob will take over most of your
time and then you don't realizeyou're suffering, but now your

(13:07):
family's suffering.
This is why the huge fight forbetter contracts, more money,
because what you're trying to dois get paid more, work less,
because what we're fighting foris time, which people don't
understand.
You're trying to make moremoney by working less, with
better contracts, so you can behome more and not have to pick
up extra shifts which, in turn,you're giving of your time so

(13:29):
you can make that money whichsomething's going to suffer
there, right?
The more you work, yourfamily's going to suffer, the
less you work, you might nothave as much money, but now
you're home and you're present,you can relax, you can diffuse,
right.
So it's trying to find that evenbalance of your work, your
private life, but also self, andthat's something I have worked

(13:52):
on very much, so, I would say,in the last two years and trying
to figure out and realizing,like for me.
I mean, you're at the event,you heard me speak, but I came
to this realization and, comingback to my faith, like I'm going
to do well with what I've beengiven and what I've worked hard
for, but I'm not going to makeit my God.
I'm not going to sit there andtry to make all this money and

(14:13):
buy toys and do all this stuffbecause I can't even take it
with me when I die.
None of this has come with us,not our bank accounts, our
certifications at work, whetheryou're a captain, firefighter,
engineer or chief, whatever,when you die it doesn't matter,
none of it.
And so it was like dude, it wasjust like there's a epiphany.
I was like what am I doing withmy time?
Where am I putting my time.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I mean, I just was like so well, I'm going to say
it, I was self-absorbed and justso involved with the department
and what I did was like I'mgoing to do all these over times
not just one to make the money,because it's good, but that
need to be there and feel wanted.

(14:59):
And so, going back to the Godthing, if I can just real quick
do a shout out, yeah, one one.
First and foremost, it's a partof my story, and I even speak
of it when I group facilitate,because it is my story that I'm

(15:21):
telling.
And so in that God, my Lord, mysavior, I'm not religious, it's
spiritual.
There's a relationship therelet's go baby that I need to
consistently have contact with.
Just as we're talking, I talkto him, I do formal prayers, I

(15:43):
just do communication prayers, Ijust do.
You know what today?
It's just worship, it's justbeing in that gratitude state
and while it's, while I do, it'sa form of my meditation, and so
trying to keep realigning withthat throughout the day is
something that man, I'm just soblessed for.

(16:05):
And in that shout out, I haveto give it to my wife, my wife
Claudia.
I love you, claudia.
And she stuck it out with meand she and her foundational
piece was God, and soindividually having that, and
then in our marriage having it,really tells the resiliency.

(16:29):
It is because of him, and soshe's a major reason why I'm
here today, like physically herewith my last attempt.
Got you and not to triggeranybody out there, but reach out
various hotlines if you'refeeling alone in a certain way.
And also, too, I have my peersupport.

(16:55):
Now, you know, I have,amazingly, like I had said, dr
Maribel Contreras.
There's Cassandra Enoch.
She's our clinical manager.
We have a new clinical director, who Mary Lawrence, who I go to
and I'm mindful of who's in mygodly council and I've been able

(17:18):
to express freely if I'm in anarea of discomfort and get
vulnerable, and thankfully, overtime and practice, I've been
able to get to those places andnot necessarily say I don't care
, but I'm in good hands to beable to do it and not fill this

(17:38):
huge weight that we've possiblyhave felt in the department.
And I'm not trying to bash onthe department, but it's like
you had mentioned earlier thebravado of it that if something
of any sort is wrong, I mean redflags are going up with your
station, with the battalion,with your chief, and it's just a

(18:00):
real no-no.
So, just trying to, I just wantto make sure I can get those
props out.
And Maria Rendon is also aspecial woman at work and this
is at work.
So if I can get vulnerable atwork and in a safe space and
have a godly council at work.

(18:21):
I love the fact that we'repromoting our veterans first
responders to get in thoseplaces and that we're actually
doing it Right To actually havedone it with me.
So I just wanted to give thatquick shout out.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
So those people that you just talked about, did I
meet them, some of them at theevent.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
Yes, okay, so you did , and I had a hope.
It was just an amazing thing.
I just want to give you a shoutout for that.
Oh man, it's all good.
Like you know, it really sets aspecial place when you can
start to bring boldly thatbelief in God and have no

(19:07):
reluctance, you know, just goingabandoned, self-abandoned of
who you are, and putting forththe belief so others could.
Oh, I'm getting chills, and sohaving our team there in support
of that, and then just a storyof it behind you know, the night

(19:30):
of hope was just, it's justheart melting.
I don't know if you want to.
Oh, my man, yeah, share on that?
No, I mean actually I was in herhusband, yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
He was unfortunately taken from this earth and he was
an engineer working for CalFire and he was unfortunately
killed on a fire and what shehad gone through, and then just
my own personal life and walkingfrom my faith and being a
prodigal son.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
So my man over here just follows.
God hears him and puts thishuge night up.
For now it's I F no, what'sthat?

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Which one?
So her foundation oh.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
Iverson Foundation.
Yeah, okay, so hears God,follows the direction, puts up
this major service benefit forthe foundation.
And so what he's talking aboutis our company came out and we
had a booth to set for mentalwellness and to be there and
have a presence.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, it was cool man .
It was a lot of work puttingthat together and then also
getting up there and speaking.
That was the first time I'veever.
I guess you can call it asermon.
I don't know, to my, I've neverwritten a sermon.
I was just like whatever, Ifeel like I'm supposed to talk,
so I'm just going to do this.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
You know, just to tell it how it is.
You know, here's a cool thingwith that service.
It was yeah, was that in everyscripture that you had given you
put your experience in it.
It made it so relatable.
Now, like so, I mean, for me, Iwas just, I almost had to sit
down when people wererespectfully standing up.

(21:17):
I was like man, I got to sitdown.
This is a cool wave ofanointing.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Wow, I appreciate that it's good to hear, because
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
You don't know, no one tell you you don't know.
No one tell you you just do theevent and do the stuff, and
everyone leaves you're like.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
I hope it went great.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, how was it?
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to rate it.
I mean, I don't know what torate it, right?
Yeah, going to have humilityhere, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
I think it was interesting in it.
I was pretty nervous to get upthere and speak, although I
typically do well publicspeaking, I'm okay, just from
teaching out of college anddoing fire academies and all
this stuff.
You're always up in front ofpeople and I think even our job
right we're in front of peoplewho don't even know.
But it was amazing when it waslike, all right, here we go and
I got up there and spoke.
It's just this piece that cameover me and how I'd worked on

(22:04):
that for gosh about a week overand over and taking things out,
putting things in.
What scripture am I going touse?
What demonstrations, what aremy life and this and that, and
being so nervous to do it andthen just having this peace and
comfort of it.
Just tell them what I've donefor you.
Tell them like I'm not lookingfor perfection, looking at the
heart, what the person, what arelationship.

(22:25):
Like you said, I want religion.
I'm out of religion, dude,that's not me.
I've been a part of that.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, that legalism, yeah, it's empty.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
There's nothing there , you know.
So to put this night on andkind of feel called to do that
was a lot.
I was scared, I was nervous.
Well, what do we got to lose?
Let's just go for it.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
Yeah, that's those models, dude, you know, I mean
we can go in so many differentdirections and very easy to talk
with.
I think that what I wanted tosay was that when you were
talking about like you know whatdirection can I go and how does
this feel, I think you knowyour first.

(23:04):
You know instinct was correct,right, you just followed God and
then into the service doingthat, and I was given some
advice too and I try to continueto follow it.
So it was a 12-step meeting.
It was a speaker meeting, whichthe speaker goes 45 minutes,

(23:24):
and then you have a shortspeaker who's 15 minutes.
And so, as I was kind of writingsome of my experience out to
give the experience a strengthand hope, this lady tapped me on
the shoulder and she's likeit's not about you.
I was like, well, okay, I meanthat's kind of rude, but all

(23:46):
right, she's like it's not aboutyou.
She's like pull you out of it,put God in it, let's go, and I
go.
You know what you know, Father,god like less ego and pride,
more humility, you know, andHoly Spirit bring those words
and how that goes Well.
One, it takes a lot of pressureoff and two, I believe it's got

(24:12):
that more blessed in anointingthan you can that I could
possibly ever imagine.
You know, and I think that youfor me.
I just looked around you and Isaw people raising their hands.
I saw people, just, you know,in the moment being present,
that's a new high for me to beable to remain here, yeah, Every

(24:34):
moment of the way, and thatmeditation with God is again a
huge component in my daily life.
On my drive up here, it wasnothing but me and him.
I didn't play music and I'm abig music fan and I just started

(24:56):
to think about him and, youknow, seeing me, just come to
him and relax and go.
You know he's got this.
I've come this far that hehasn't taken me this far to only
bring me this far, and so I getto let go.

(25:16):
And it's kind of a paradox, butthe more I surrender and let go
, the more I win.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah, yeah, I feel you on that one man.
And that's kind of how it cameto like.
When, the days leading up tothat event last week, I was
stressed, bro, I was like whatam I doing?
Like I don't talk in front ofpeople.
This is crazy.
And it was for me the firsttime coming at least coming back
to my faith where it's like I'mreally stepping out in faith in

(25:43):
this.
I have no idea how this isgoing to work.
I hope this goes well.
Like even musicians wereprofessional musicians.
They did great.
We never rehearsed.
Like that was the first time weall played together dog, no,
yeah, dude, wow.
And I was like we got there,ran through each song one time.
It's like, well, cool, I thinkhopefully we do OK, you know,

(26:05):
and it went amazing.

Speaker 3 (26:07):
Yeah, they did great, wow they were great Because,
like I said, I'm a music fan andI key in on people.
I'm like I'm going to watch thedrums for a minute yeah, that's
nice, dude, way to go and I waskeying in on people and I was
like sitting here and I'm likehit it, hit the note, but you
guys yeah, you guys did well.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
It was great, dude, I was just getting up there and
even what I was talking about.
I just wanted people to knowthe hope that I have found, that
security, that presence andhaving a future and inheritance.
And it's like my goodness, likepeople need to know this.
People need to understand likethis is so much deeper than they
think, what it's going to dofor your life, the direction
it's going to bring and thepeace.

(26:49):
You know you can't put a prizetag on peace.
I say that all the time.
To have that peace is justamazing.
You know it's gosh.
I wish everyone would believeit's.
It's.
Sometimes I look at people.
Honestly I'm kind of like so,because even now I'll put stuff
up, like I put up video of mespeaking, but it was just my.
You know the word, captions andstuff.

(27:09):
And there were a few people Ithink it was like TikTok people
like, oh nice to believe in afairy tale home.
I'm just like, oh man, come onbro.
But trust me, the more I'vetalked about my faith, the more
messages I get that aren't thenicest.
But I don't care, I'm not doingit for any of them, but like,
sometimes I want to say like sowhy not believe in something

(27:32):
that actually gives you peace?
Why not believe in somethingthat will give you hope,
direction, comfort, redemption,forgiveness?
Cause I've been in a placewhere I didn't have any of that
and it was terrible, it washopeless.
So why not believe in it?
Why not err on the side ofcaution, maybe, and think, if

(27:53):
this is actually true andhappening, I'm not going to
experience this.
I'm going to give this a shotinstead of oh nice, fairy tale.
You know what I'm like, what?
What, dude?
It's a free gift.
You know, I sometimes want tosay that to me, you guys, it's
free, like he loves you.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
I want to tell you this you have made it possible
for me to be bold.
You've made it possible by youspeaking freely, because, as I
was thinking about what I'mgoing to say on the show, what
I'm going to talk about whattopics and which direction we're
going to go, and then I waspraying and like pulling myself

(28:33):
out and putting more of God in,like I was thinking about how
far you put yourself out thereand just cut loose, I mean, from
what I saw.
And so I just want to thank youfor doing that, because even in
the show, like sitting hereright now, I'm like you know

(28:53):
what dude?
That's it.
God show, here we go.
Hashtag God strong.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
I appreciate that, yeah, yeah.
No, it's nerve wracking, but Imean, when you to me, finding
this true faith is in Jesus, itdoes give you a boldness,
because it's true and I knowit's true because he's changed
me.
I've seen the change where I'velived a different lifestyle,

(29:21):
I've messed up huge, and to feelthat forgiveness, to feel that
redemption and then to feel thathope, knowing I have a future
and that, no matter what he'sgoing to guide me, his life's
still going to be harder times,absolutely.
He promises us that, john 1633,baby, you will face trials and
tribulations, like it's comingall day long, but I got you, I
overcame the world.
So it's kind of like whateverhappens is going to be cool,

(29:45):
like it may hurt, maybedifficult, but he's got me and
there's nothing in this worldthat offers that.
There's nothing.
There's no drug, there's norelationship Correct, there's no
job.
There's nothing that offers youthat.
There's nothing.
And I've tried it.
Trust me when I say I've triedeverything, I've tried it all.
Yeah, and there ain't nothingthat gives you that.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
Unfortunately.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, yeah.
So when you actually truly findthat and you man, it's such a
it just hits you so deep in yoursoul that it's something that
touches it Nothing else cantouch.
It's indescribable.
How do you get that to people?
How do you even tell peoplelike you guys, come on, like
this is free, it's, it's and itcomes down to love.

(30:26):
So I got a tough question foryou.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Sure, how do you well , okay, well, it's a trick
question, but how do you givesomeone or tell someone hope
when they're not feeling it,when it's the darkest?
It's really for me to put intowords, because I battled major
depression and this is kind ofwhere I'm going with.

(30:49):
This is is people, you know, weuse depression I for me a
little loosely nowadays like, ohman, I'm so depressed.
Like well, wait a minute.
You know I got a little chip onmy shoulder about it.
Like, wait a minute, are youdepressed or you sad?

Speaker 2 (31:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Because for me there's a difference.
It gets dark, the apathy is sooverwhelming that it puts you in
that scary state.
Yeah, that now how?
How?
Because I wasn't receiving it.
Yeah.
You know, growing up in thechurch and mom had us in
downtown Compton and in LA goingto like eight hour power hours

(31:31):
of church.
Let's go.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
Bro, Backflip.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
I'm on the pew.
Yeah, everybody's sweating andfanning and having that faith or
growing up in it like lost it.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Same yeah, you know.
So how would you how?
Would you do that?
I would say a lot of times forothers, cause I have dealt with
this in the past year with a fewpeople who've been in some
pretty bad situations, and itwasn't anything that I said, it
was just being present andshowing up, and there's a lot of
times I will, I will alwayskind of tell them there's

(32:06):
nothing I'm going to say that'sgoing to help you right now, but
the best thing I can do is justpray for you and there's it's
almost like my for me, my storywhen I was finally in my bed to
curl up in a ball crying like Ijust please help me.
That's all I could say.
Yeah, fetal.
Fetal yeah, if you like youcan't get anything out.
And there comes a point I wouldalmost say, when people are so

(32:28):
broken and so depressed and solost and so hopeless there's
nothing anyone's going to tellthem it straight has to come
from the Lord.
You got to cry out to himBeyond us.
Oh yeah, you have to.
But we can still be thatconduit, we can still be present
and be with somebody and thenbe an intercessor, if that makes
sense, you know.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Yeah, and so many people, even if they don't
believe it, will accept prayer.
Oh yeah, but you nailed it ohyeah, you nailed it with the
with just being present, right?
Because if he's living withinus, I call him my love light,
and so that love light is goingto shine through and just by
being there.
So there, yeah, there was.

(33:07):
You know, no right or wronganswer in that.
I was just tricky, becausethere's so many alleyways and
avenues that you can go about it100%.
I was just thinking like, yeah,man, how would we do that?

Speaker 2 (33:19):
You know, yeah, there's a lot of times I've,
just Because here comes Jesus,freaks, yeah.
Well, yeah, and I think somepeople talk too much, like they
know it all, and I'veexperienced that, going through
hard times.
I want to say, hey, why don'tyou shut your mouth for a second
?
Let me just talk.
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
You don't have all the answers.
I need to vent right now.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
So I want to say this Okay With agreeing with that is
yes, we need to know the word,but it's not how many scriptures
you know, how many are youliving?
Oh, it's gone too, so just bybeing in that action, yeah Right
.
Sometimes I don't need to sayyou know what?
I'm a Christian, I'm a believer.
Maybe I just need to be.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, I would say, dude, honestly, for me too, most
of the time I don't really tellpeople I'm a believer, I just
kind of I befriend people andjust treat them right, and then
it's kind of that's how I wantto show.
I don't want to show it throughwords, but more or less my
actions.
Yes, Am I a perfect person?
No, I still have to show thosepeople.
But Come on, I'm still going no, but I can.

(34:20):
I have noticed a difference justby being there for people and
listening to them.
It's made such a world of adifference.
Where it doesn't, I don't needto sit here and drop scripture
on them and or tell them oh,you've done the wrong thing.
Look, we're human, we know whenwe do wrong, we ain't dumb.
You have trust me, we all knowRight.
Some sort of conviction, somesort of, but it's just showing

(34:40):
up and I've noticed that for myfriends and even my family is,
as long as they just come andthey're here, they don't need to
say a word, that's enough.

Speaker 3 (34:48):
So I did some training and they called that
just sit in the pit.
If you don't know what to say,don't say it, just sit with them
Right, and there's thatpresence.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
I've noticed that that has worked.
I want to say, probably like95% of the time, just come and
hang out, like when I show upit's like, hey, we don't need to
talk about anything, that'stough, let's go do something,
let's go get some lunch, let'sgo watch a movie, let's go down
to the beach.
I love going to the beach,that's my thing.
I surf all the time.
So it's like, hey, let's gosurf.
Do you know where I live, orwhatever?
You know where I live?

(35:18):
Oh yeah, come on man.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
You're in the capital , baby, so that's a serenity for
me, a serenity place.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Oh yeah, you get so grounded there.
So for me it's not likeapproaching people telling them
they're bad or whatever.
It's like, hey, you're in a badspot, let's do something, let's
figure this out.
Let's get you out of the house.
Let's figure it out, let's gofor a drive, let's put some
sunlight on your face.
Let's get those positiveendorphins going and realize
that movement is therapy.

(35:46):
And we're going to go from thereand I let them bring it up.
I don't bring it, I just letthem finally talk.
And it usually happens, yeah,just organically.
Yeah, it just happens Becausethey realize I'm not there to
condemn them.
I'm there to love them.
I'm there to help them throughtheir difficult time and I'm not
going to force anything Besidesjust showing you I'm here and I

(36:08):
love you.
That's it.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
You know I dig that I am talking about the action
portion and not having to statewhat I am.
And just by being it I like tosay I'm a human becoming, not a
human being.
So I'm evolving consistently,thankfully now, and so it's real

(36:33):
easy.
I don't have to understand it,I don't have to agree with it,
all I have to do is pour love onit.
And what's love?
It's the scripture that all sayat weddings 1 Corinthians, 13,
1 through 8.
And at the very bottom right,love never fails.
So, whatever your sexuality,whatever your belief system,

(36:54):
whatever your ethnic, whateverit might be, all I have to do is
pour love on you, and hopefullythat anointing in itself is
enough and bring again that lovelight for me.
Oh, I love it, dude.
Yeah, so I'm stoked that you'vecreated a platform to be able

(37:16):
to discuss freely, like whateverit might be, and say let's go,
yeah.
It's an incredible thing tocontinually pave the way to do
that for whomever comes on.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
So I mean I.
It's to give people voice.
To me.
Everybody has a story.
Everyone is battling something.
It doesn't matter whether youare the richest person out there
or you're the most destituteliving on the street like
everyone is dealing withsomething.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
OK, no lie, no lie.
So the department I worked for,we did 72 direct and four off
unless we got stuck Terrible.
So when I came home, dude, Ilived in a million dollar home.
I had a G500 Benzo, I had a 996Porsche Carrera rally car, dang

(38:08):
it.
I had some trucks.
I was on a half acre.
You were living a life, son.
Ok, so talking about not takingit home, and this is where I
was.
I can save others, but Icouldn't save myself, oh man.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
I've said that on here so many times.
Yeah, I've dealt with that.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
So I'd get home.
I wouldn't even change out ofuniform, I would just dump my
gear, throw it in the locker andI'm off and screaming home to
go drink.
So I would be sure that thehouse was stocked when I left
and when I came home, stop atthe liquor store, just in case.
In all of what I had.

(38:47):
I would come home through theentry gate, if you will, and
park.
I would walk fully dressed inmy class bees and I'd go to the
furthest bush of our very frontcourtyard, sit down and hide and

(39:08):
crack open a tallboy and drinkit.
That is horrible.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
A state of affairs to have what we can't take and
where I should have been thehappiest Right.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
Dude preach, I feel you man.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
And so that started to just become well, it started
long ago, but it was definitelythe solution.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
unfortunately, isn't it amazing how we can sit in all
this success and yet it meansnothing.
Everyone told us this is thetop, this is the crème de la
crème, right?
This is where you need to beand you're going to be happy and
you get there and it's like themost miserable I've ever been
in my entire life.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
It's just like, and I'm telling you who said that,
and you know what?
I know it was multiple.
So everybody step forward,Everyone step forward.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
God, it's like this, is it?
This is what it's like you guys.
You know you're going to workthis.
You're firefighters.
Kids love you, women want to bewith you, men want to be just
like you.
And this, and now you can workovertime and we can own this
house here.
Do that, yeah, the house, thecar, the boat, trophy, white,
yeah, and you're just like so.
This is it.
Not to be ungrateful, but it'sa huge for me.

(40:24):
Was this letdown that happened?
I'm like whoa, wait a minute,I'm not happy.
I still have problems, I stillhave issues and yours is
drinking bro.
I could smoke anyone under thetable when it came to weed bro.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Get competitive.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Huh, oh dude, competitive, ok, no I put dude,
I was putting weed down and Iwas just living in a fog all the
time.
Just to get by Just living in afog, yeah that's I did.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
I'd hallucinate off weed that was.
That was potent.
Some people were like myfriends that smoked, were like
man.
I wish I was you.
I don't think that's kind ofwhat we're trying to do here.
No, no, but yeah that was.
But drinking was.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
There's an, and it did at least a very long time.
But what for you?
What do you think it startedwith?
Your career choice of being inthe fire service.
That leading up to you know howyou felt mentally and suicide
and all that stuff.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
So no, ok, and yes, it's really difficult.
Well, here it is.
It's what came first, thechicken or the egg, but I'm
going to say that it it was apart of my life as a kid.
It when I looked at my so sincehad some healing.
I've looked at my childhood.

(41:40):
We're going to guess we'regoing to go back to childhood
and so is, I believe, why Ibecame a first responder, why I
chose that career.
So as a kid, all I got to see onmom and dad's side was alcohol
and nobody talked about anythingand all they did was drink and
it was in excess.

(42:01):
You know on both sides, and wecan go into multiple stories of
uncles and of their drunkenbehaviors and I'm not alone, I
was a part of that too.
But that's that's all I knew ofhow you dealt with problems.
You know if there's finances,you're drinking.

(42:22):
If there's relational issues,you're drinking.
If there, you know if you'regoing on a trip, there's
drinking.
So it wasn't.
It was always a part of thesolution and never without.
So when you know, high schoolcame around, it was fun, and
then in the early 20s, when Istarted to hit the first

(42:43):
responder career, it just wasreal easy to go to.
That's all I ever learned.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Yeah, because isn't it amazing not like as adults
now and all like going throughtherapy and all these
realizations that we've had inour faith and things we've
learned just through lifelessons the impact parents have
on their children and howimportant it is To raise your

(43:11):
children right and to realize,like your kids see more than you
think.
Yeah, they're watching you,they watch what you say,
husbands, they watch how youtreat the wife, wife, they see
how you treat the husband.
Like they're watchingeverything.
Yeah, and that's their firstlike that's their first
demonstration of how to handlethings.
And when I started usingcounseling team, international
and therapy, that's the firstthing it did.

(43:32):
All right, what we're gonna do,we're gonna go back to your
childhood and I was like there,how's your childhood?
Oh, it's good.
Yeah, no, let's talk aboutchildhood.
I'm like all right, and westart talking.
They're like, yeah, that'smessed up.
Mike, what?
Yeah, that's abnormal.
Yeah, I'm like, oh, it is wait.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like oh, okay,and then you start talking more.
I well, yeah, and then thishappened.

(43:52):
This is what my you knowparents sit here, and this is
not to say that my parents areterrible, it's, they try their
best, you know.
What they had?
yeah, they have their ownchildhood trauma and things like
.
My mom was an African-Americanwoman born in 1951.
She had a way in the south soshe dealt with racism and a lot
of yeah right, that's heavyRight.
And my dad was born in 1941 andthey came out from Missouri and

(44:15):
they were very poor, livinghere in Long Beach.
That was already you know.
So they were just everything'sdifferent.
Now you bring those twotogether.
Right now they're trying toraise their own kids with their
own issues.
So that's why I say like I Istill have empathy with that,
but there's still things that Ihave to work through that they
did that weren't correct well,and it brings it to the to the
point too, with me that so I'mthe youngest of four, and we all

(44:37):
went through it differently.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Yeah it impacted my oldest brother differently.
He had different assignmentsand chores, and then I did as a,
as a, you know, as the baby ofthe family.
You know so and you know what'san incredible thing Is that
I've, like you said, with ourparents, I did the best with
what they had and At that pointin time, could so just want to

(45:04):
say I love you, dad, and I'm soblessed at the relationship that
we have today and I honor everymoment that we have.
When I retired, I gave him mymy soul, I your badge, my my
fire helmet, so I bought it.
Give my cap the badge.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
So I mean, but you know, my siblings, they all had
a, I mean everybody.
For me it took a team to getinto the department and stuff
like that but and all of themwere there by my children,
brothers and my sister.
So you know, my, my dad, himand I had an estranged
relationship and he just, youknow, didn't agree with the way

(45:48):
I lived and drank.
You know, and I can understandit.
So you know, giving everybodythat, that their own time and
their own Way of going abouttrying to handle life, you know,
and so you got to give themthat love and patience of
whatever their perspective isand what they went through.

(46:09):
Because who might have say, asyou were talking about, to how
your parents grew up in twodifferent areas In a time and
then coming together?
And so I believe, generationally, if you don't deal with the
pain and the trauma, theemotions and feelings want out

(46:30):
one way or another, and if yourparents don't deal with it, it's
going to drop into us and it'sgoing to continue that
Generational, as they would sayin our belief system,
generational curses or just thegenerational behaviors.
So if dad doesn't deal, if momdoesn't get that healing and I'm
not saying there's anythingwrong with them in the way they

(46:52):
live.
They did the best they couldwith what they had, yeah, but it
does pass down, yeah.
So the drinking, yeah, passeddown, you know.
But in any case, I'm so blessedto to have that relationship
with him today.
You know, mom passed and here'sanother nugget that she gave me

(47:17):
when I said I was lost, I mean,dude it it was, it was, it was
so bad and I had my, my face inmy hands and I was just kind of
rocking and crying and I'm solost.
I'm just so lost.
And by that time she had movedin to my little apartment with
me.
She was older and she just satdown with me and she's like son,

(47:40):
just because your path looksdifferent doesn't mean you're
lost.
And I was just like so I knowright and you know so many
people, like you know,understandably wrote me off,
yeah, and I just was like, okay,I'm going to understand that

(48:02):
they have a right to do that.
We all have a right Of howwe're doing this thing, life,
and give them that page patienceand peace and love of how they
saw me in that just yeah mess,yeah, you know, and I was like
starting to get angry.
And now that I've gone throughhealing, what's the anger?

(48:23):
For?
You know, others are seeing mejust burned down.
Yeah, what am I asking them tostick around.
Yeah what I, I don't know.
Yeah, and those are dead, mykudos.
Love you, hoff.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Well, I would say that it's your true friends,
yeah the true people that loveyou, because even when I was
going through the toughest pointin my life, there was people
who called themselvesquote-unquote Christians.
That the good time Christiansdo I call them right.
They're around for the happytimes yeah, even the ones that
weren't believers.
But then when you go throughthe tough times, work they're
not answering the phone.
Where are they?
They're gone.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
Well, yeah.
So I said this to my dad.
I said so if you can't handleme at my worst, what makes you
think you should?
Should receive me at my best.
Yeah but he was like, well, whatdid you expect me to do?
Because, by Having you aroundme, my belief was that I was

(49:14):
approving of what you were doing.
And I was like, damn, okay, I'm, as a valid point by dad, right
.
So you know how do you figurethat out?
But, definitely, like, put ahand out.
You know, like man, I'm seeingmy little bro, I'm seeing my
friend, I'm seeing my cousin,brother, sister.
I'm not saying, you know, poorme, pity me, a lot of it, my

(49:36):
decision To not get help andcontinue the burning.
So, but just, you know what doyou need something?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
yeah, it bothers me here's the thing for me, anthony
, is it bothers me when peopleare only around for a good time,
because I'm not that way.
I'm not gonna expect everyoneto be like me and love like I do
, but I've had friends goingthrough some wild things that
will never air out.
That you know, mike.
Okay, let's figure it out.

(50:06):
I'm not going anywhere.
What do you need?
But there's so many people Icall my boomerang friends.
I talked about this and you did, you know they're only there,
familiar.
Yeah, I'm like, they're onlyaround for the good times, are
gone, and then, as soon asthings get better, they're back
and they say what's up?
Yeah, you know, mike, they'renot my good friends.
If you're not with me duringthe tough or during my mistakes,
I don't want you around whenI'm doing great.
I just don't.

(50:27):
That's not me, man.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
I'm gonna get vulnerable for a second, do you
say.
In that, I Wonder, I wonder,now that my went, meant my
mental wellness that's, that'sout there and continually
putting it out there to getvulnerable, to go save that one,
help, assist.
I can't save anybody, I'm sorrymisspoke.

(50:49):
To go help or assist.
I wonder if my friends Look atme like when that guy's like
that crazy and we have to tipyou toe around him because I
feel bad, because you know,growing up with them, we've,
we've been through the thick andthin and they're still here.

(51:09):
Yeah, you know, but I don'twant them, I don't want anybody
around me to feel Fill in a in away.
Yeah, I'm just thinking outloud.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
No, no, I feel you on that one.
But I mean, the reality is,people are judging us anyways,
so do your thing, that's true, Imean that's one way that I
think of it sometimes.
But hey, do they feel that way?
Maybe, maybe some of them dosometimes, but there's still
around.
Says enough, that's.
You know, I mean it's.
Yeah, they may feel that way.
There's some people I'm friends, yeah, I'm like you're pretty

(51:38):
crazy about you, man, like I'mgonna be here.
Yeah, you know, if they feelthat way, I mean does it?

Speaker 3 (51:43):
matter though.
Yeah, you know it's allotted mefor more Patience.
It's like I've seen how much mywife has had.
Yeah and I'm gonna say it's.
I'm not.
She's a Kindergarten, she's akindergarten teacher, which is
probably why she's married to me, because she has the patience
to deal with them.

(52:04):
She can definitely handle me.
God bless her Right.
That's, yeah, I mean, but she'sgot a love for it.
So I mean there's a dude.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
You want to talk about patience.
Can I tell you about whathappened to me at the airport
yesterday?
Okay, we're supposed to talkabout yeah that's right, I'm got
.
So I'm supposed to fly out toTexas to go help out a family
member.
Okay, so I get to LAX and I Ihad relief at work come in early
, so you're physically there.
Yeah, so, like I worked allthis stuff out to have this guy
come in early, get home.

(52:31):
My sister picks me up, takes meto the airport.
I Get there this is on Deltaand a flight of Austin.
Okay, my flight is supposed toleave at 11 or two.
On the way to the airport atabout 8 30 in the morning, I get
a text hey, your flightsdelayed to 1230, mike.
Oh, so my sister's like youwant to go home?

(52:52):
Like, no, it's cool.
Like I, you know, I gotAmerican Express.
Like I can go sit in the loungeit's free food, coffee.
Like I'm cool, I'm gonna chill,I'll read my book, do my thing,
right.
Then the next thing, you know,I'm sitting in the lounge, do my
thing.
It's 12 o'clock.
I'm like, oh, cool, I'm gonnawalk over to do my thing and
check in.
Your flight is now delayed to150.
Like, oh, okay, no, no big deal.

(53:16):
So I stay in the lounge, do mything.
Well, then I go to my terminal,I Get over there and it's packed
, or every Sunday, everyone'strying to go home and do their
thing.
I get it and they, they get uson the plane, they load us on
and and they say everyone, weneed you to the board to plane.
We lost our.
They literally said we lost ourpilots in a flight attendant.

(53:37):
There's no pilots.
How does I?

Speaker 3 (53:43):
Don't even know.
I don't even know where to gowith that I'm kind of like I
listen, bro.
I'm telling you right now Ihave like emergency standby
crews.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
I'm not sure, don't know, but it's in the pages lost
everyone.
Yeah, so then we do board aplane.
People are Upset, they are mad.
I'm talking f-bombs lost thecrew I.
Mean dude, we lost our pilotsin a plane and I'm looking I was
like are they serious?
And they're like we needeveryone to stand up, get your

(54:12):
things and leave.
Okay, so get off the plane.
Everyone's mad like f-bombsbeing dropped.
Yeah, people are, you knowcussing.
They're at the counter hands arebeing way like very emotional,
right, and I'm sitting there.
I'm just like dude.
I've been at this airport sincenine in the morning.
This is crazy.
This is, this is madness, right, then they go over the intercom

(54:32):
.
We don't know when we, whenwe're gonna have pilots, so we
have no idea when your plane isgonna take off.
Okay, so I was just like.
I called my family, I said, hey, I'm gonna take this as a sign.
I'm not supposed to come, soI'm gonna cancel my flights and
I'm gonna go home.
So it's now 210.
I remember it was 210 cancelflight.

(54:54):
Been there since about 845, 9o'clock at the airport, right,
so now I'm ahead.
I'm thinking I just came to theairport to sit in the lounge,
eat a free breakfast, havecoffee and read a book For about
eight hours.
You know, whatever, it is sixhours.
Yeah, I get out.
I go to To, like at LX.
You have to walk to where youlike, this certain part where

(55:14):
the Uber is.
I can't remember what it'scalled, but they can't drive in
the normal terminal.
They got to go to this separateparking lot, right?
So there's a shuttle that takesyou, but there's so much
traffic, the shuttle like itshould take five minutes.
Just quick go around 50 minutes, 50 minutes of terminal three,
oh, dude.
No, it's not your pain, dude.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I mean, I am, you know.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
I'm sorry, I'm laughing at his pain, you're
fine, yeah.
So I was like forget it, I'mjust gonna walk.
So then I walk the mile and ahalf for two mile, whatever it
is, all the way to this parkinglot.
That's just outside, like earlyX, right, and I get there.
I call for an Uber.
It's an hour and a half waitand it was a hundred and thirty
dollars that's a go from LAX.

(55:54):
So long, dude, just just theinjury, the mental stress, and
just the anguish.
Do the anguish, the patience,the anger, and I was just like,
just just be cool you know whatdude you.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
You basically said challenge accepted.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
Well, I mean, and my thought was like what's it gonna
do if I get upset right now?
I'm not gonna treat my Uberdriver like crap.
It's not his fault.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Well, you're definitely not.
Well, even in the midst of it,you're not gonna get a pilot
Right.
But you know what?
Like they say, is there adoctor in the house?
I probably would have screamedthat Is there a pilot in the
house?
I couldn't believe it happened.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
I was at the airport all day.
I didn't get home until 345 oh,no, was it 445?

Speaker 3 (56:33):
I can't remember it's like that's a good amount.
Yeah, I was there for thatmovie with Tom Hanks.
Yeah, you're like where's thebathroom?
Like it's right over there andlike or can we get something?
Do you want a hamburger?
You already know the place.
I've been here for a while.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Dude, I literally I got home, I threw all my stuff
down, put my board shortst-shirt on a jacket, through my
flip-flops on a drill, straightto the beach just to Get my.
I was like I'm in a weirdheadspace right now.
Yeah, and you just go hang outat the beach.
So I'm gonna have the beach forthe evening.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Oh man, I mean wild, that'll take that.
Well, that'll, that's um,that's a record.
You're trying to break records.
Yeah, that was an interestingexperience, very interesting
experience, that's.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
That's.
All I could say is like.
That's the first time I heardwe, we, we lost our pilots.
We don't know what happened tohim.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
That's just such a weird statement.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
Yeah, I don't.
I don't get it, dog, I don'tget it.
Anyways, that's my story onpatience.

Speaker 3 (57:28):
Well, you proved it, you proved it.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Yeah, it was.
It was, uh, I hate going to LAX.
That's all I got to say.
You know, I the airport's theairport.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
So I just I know what I'm getting myself into and I
don't rattle it.
I've actually met it's a littleinteresting side clip Hillary
Swank.
I Meet some celebrities, not inHollywood except for this.
Actually hold that, yeah goahead.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
When I was leaving, I'm gonna go ahead, it's your,
yeah, no, I was leaving myterminal To go to the Uber or
whatever.
I Pass Caitlyn Jenner, I said,hey, caitlyn, hmm, hi, okay,
we're dead each other.
Oh, oh yeah, friggin hug.
Nice, nice person, tall person,yeah, she also has big
shoulders.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Oh well, I mean swimmer right, diver swimmer,
Whatever.
Yeah oh, I mean overachiever.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
Yeah, it's a big woman.

Speaker 3 (58:23):
Yeah, okay, but yeah that's yeah, and you're a tall
guy, so for you to say that it'ssomething, she was tall, okay,
yeah, well, interest, so I meanthat you know, was that that
night, same night, or just a day?

Speaker 2 (58:35):
Wow, same day.
So that was yeah let's say,going along the lines of what?
Yeah like meeting people outthere.
Yeah, famous people.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
Yeah, well, I've met to.
I, it was Hillary Swank.
She was standing in the norm,norm, normal line and a bunch of
people came out and rushed herout of that.
But I talked to her, doing thewhole like I know you from
somewhere.
Yeah you know, like I grew up inSan Clemente, Are you from
around here?
She looked at me, laughed andthen she got, you know, whisked

(59:02):
away.
And then Tom Petty you saw TomPetty at John Wayne.
Oh nice, I know we're going offtopic here, but yeah, I love it
.
I've seen punch up in theMonterey Bay area, eric Estrada
dude.
Yeah, john Cena, when he wasEngaged to the other wrestlers,
the, the twins, the Bella twins.

(59:23):
Yeah, they were in La Jolla,just random super random anyway.
We just went from wellness Tolove.
No, we go back to wellness.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
So if anybody wants to get in contact with your
organization, can you say thename and how they can do that,
and if you have an Instagramhandle?

Speaker 3 (59:41):
Yes, so we have a number that is direct and
specific.
So can I grab I?
Yeah, go for it.
All right, so Our number forfrontline behavioral wellness is
Going to be and, by the way,I'm giving another shout out.

(01:00:07):
So I went to a first respondertreatment center I'm going to
play naive that everyone's in itfor the game to help, because
For me to Accidentally find thatthere was something like that
for us, mm-hmm I, it shatteredmy world to think that we had a

(01:00:32):
place to go Because, like I said, I was years out and Didn't
have any Any idea of what helplook like and I didn't know that
there was a label to it.
I didn't know that there wassuch things as hyper vigilance

(01:00:52):
and insomnia and the alcoholism.
You know, additionally added,as you had said before, what
came first and you know thedepartment or EMS just put
Probably the icing on the cakefor me from the childhood to oh,
everything was a fire service.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
It's wild.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
So I just want to say thank you also to caravan.
She's the one who had the firstresponder treatment center, and
the three other firstresponders I was there with are
my friends to this day.
A few of them came to mywedding.
We all still talk group textand so, because of her holding

(01:01:32):
it, I was there to go get sober.
I was there to realize thatthere was help.
So You're going to contactcaravan and her phone number.
So she is available.
This woman's Dedicated and itis available, so her phone
number should have it on speedno Is bear with me 661-877-7241.

(01:02:03):
Okay, so I appreciate youallowing a lot of the time for
that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Yeah, no, I'm a huge supporter of you know, first
responder mental health even ourveterans, just because I come
from a military home.
But, more importantly, arefirefighters Just because I am
one.
I have many friends that arefirefighters and many that have
gone through some very difficulttimes because of the mental
health struggle, the decisionsthat they've made, because of

(01:02:30):
their struggles that led down todarker paths, and I just know
there's such a huge need thereand I want our fellow
firefighters to know it's okayto say you need help.
There's no shame in that,there's nothing wrong with it.
I've raised my hand and said Ineeded help and I've used
counseling team internationalthat my department gives for us.
So it's important.

(01:02:51):
Just like your physical health,your spiritual health is
important, your mental health isalso important.
There's no mild bravado behindthis.
There's no ego.
All that needs to go out thewindow, because you do matter.
Your life is very important andwhat we do on a day-to-day
basis is very difficult and Idon't think people understand
that.
I don't think even firefightersunderstand that that's a
difficult thing.

(01:03:12):
It's not normal to see peopledie every time you go to work.
It's not normal to be doing CPRand then delivering a baby, and
then you're fighting a fire,you're pulling a burn victim out
there's a lot there and thenyou just keep pushing that down
and then you're expected to gohome and be a father, a husband,
a brother, uncle, cousin,normal life and something's
gonna give.
There will be something thatthat will give one day, whether

(01:03:35):
it's a call or something happensat home in your marriage, and
we don't wanna see any of thathappen, I don't.
I rather us be proactive andunderstand that if we can do it
myself and Anthony and othersthat have reached out for help
you can, and it's totally okay.
There's no shame in that.
There's no names that have tobe involved Just give that
number a call or call somebodyelse for help and seek it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
It's totally okay, and too with you.
Confidentiality is huge, likeas peer support if we don't have
that or a team or a treatmentcenter we have, and make sure
that that confidentiality andprivacy is in check.
Because of everything youexplained, we're not used to

(01:04:17):
this.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
No, no, no, it's not open in the fire service to do
this, but I'm hoping that these,as time goes on, we have more
of these conversations, more ofthe night for that event and
people realize we're all goingthrough something, we all
struggle and what we do and whatwe see on this job is not
normal.
It's not what people think orunderstand.
It's not what they advertisefor this job either.

(01:04:39):
Raise your hand, it's cool.
Talk to somebody.
It's okay.
To not be okay is what I wannasay pretty much.
We're human beings.
We're gonna take so much.

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Yeah, and with all the shout outs that I've done
through your podcast, anotherone who says exactly that is she
doesn't like to be calleddoctor, she has.
So, Heather Williams, Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
I think I better read her, did you ever shut the
event?

Speaker 3 (01:05:04):
She wasn't.
But no, I met two other femaleI can't remember where they were
and she's given me some spaceto come out and tell some of my
story and she's been an amazingforefront as a therapist to
continually help the firstresponder community.
Yeah, so, Heather Williams,thank you for giving space for

(01:05:25):
that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
Dude, it's awesome.
And before we go, you've alsobeen on another podcast Grab
Lives with John right.
Yeah, john Vargas.

Speaker 3 (01:05:32):
Yeah, so, yeah.
So Grab Lives was on that acouple months ago and we talked
mostly about mental wellness andsome of my story and connecting
it from it's.
The title of that episode wasDomino Effect and it was just
talking about and connecting andlinking my childhood to the way

(01:05:55):
I played sports, to how it allfell through, from my upbringing
into the department and howeverything kind of I fell apart
and resurfaced.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
Well, dude, I can tell you this Anthony, I'm proud
of you, man.
Dude, that means a lot To knowwhere you've been and how far
you've come, as a testament toyour grit, to your character, to
your faith, and I think it'sonly going to continue to grow
and you're gonna continue tohelp people.
So just keep going, man.
I know there's days where we'repumped and we're psyched, and
there's other days where you'rejust like what am I doing Like?

(01:06:28):
I'm discouraged.
I had part of that happy today.
I was like, man, I'm sodiscouraged today, like this
isn't working.
Where is this going?
Why am I putting time here?
And then I come and we talk,and you're talking about the
event and what I said and how itspoke to you.
I was like, oh shoot, that wascool.
I got to appreciate that.
So thank you for coming to that.
Honestly, that was our firstone, our first annual one, dude,

(01:06:48):
and we're hoping that it turnsinto something annually.
It just continues to grow.
That's the whole goal, agree.

Speaker 3 (01:06:57):
In prayer, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
Yeah, it's been a wild ride.
But again, thank you so muchand there's a challenge coin for
you there on the table underyour phone.
That's our challenge coin.
We're getting new ones comingback in.
The quote on the back is MarkTwain two most important days of
your life when you're born,when you find out why.
That's my favorite quote.

Speaker 3 (01:07:14):
Right purpose yeah it's purpose.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
I love it, man, but before we go, if you don't mind,
dude, I've never done thisbefore.
Okay, I'm just saying, allright now, I want to pray for
you, dude.
Oh, wow, let's do it.
Heavenly Father, thank you formy friend Anthony that we can do
this podcast, to be on here andhe has the courage to talk
about where he's been, what he'sdone and what he's been through
and how he's trusted you andwhat he's done to get himself
better.

(01:07:35):
Lord, continue to bless his life, continue to bless what he's
doing, the organization he's in.
Lord, please guide both of usto continue and help our fellow
first responders and let themsee that there's hope and that
there's light in you and thatthey can reach out.
And it's okay to not be okay.
And I just pray, lord, youprotect our first responders.
There's some I don't like, andthat's okay, but there's still

(01:07:57):
people that I serve with and Istill love them.
Please protect them.
Please be with them, lord, andlet them see who you are and
that it's okay that they canreach out.
Yes, father, amen.
Amen.

Speaker 3 (01:08:08):
Dude, thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
I've never done that.
That was interesting.
Bless, it's all good, but weused to do a.
Let's Go on three.
You ready?
Okay, let's do it All right.
Two, three, let's go.
Bye everybody.
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(01:08:31):
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