October 28, 2024 • 35 mins
What happens when grief feels like an insurmountable weight on your shoulders? On this episode of the Let's Just Talk About It podcast, we are joined by the courageous Keycia Cobb, who shares her poignant journey through the darkest valleys of loss. After enduring the heartbreaking deaths of her mother, father, and daughter, Keycia offers a raw and honest perspective on grappling with grief, the emotional masks we wear, and the complexities of domestic violence. Her story begins in Dinwiddie County, Virginia, where Keycia's life was forever altered at 22 by the tragic murder of her mother—a painful consequence of domestic abuse. Together, we peel back the layers of anger and confusion, ultimately arriving at a deeper understanding of the difficult choices victims face.
Keycia's narrative doesn't shy away from the harsh realities of dealing with profound loss. We share experiences of feeling isolated, battling with the expectations of appearing strong, and the internal struggle of masking true emotions. Keycia recounts the hidden despair that lingered behind her smiles, revealing how easy it is for pain to go unnoticed by even the closest friends. Our conversation highlights the necessity of embracing one's emotions in their entirety and the courage it takes to say it's okay not to be okay. We explore how bottling up emotions can lead to further harm and stress the importance of authentic emotional expression.
As we round out this powerful session, Keycia's insights into personal growth and resilience shine through. The discussion navigates the transformative power of therapy and the liberation that comes from removing emotional armor. We talk about the role of empathy and genuine support in healing, and Keycia reflects on the newfound sense of purpose that comes with sharing her story. Her words remind us of the importance of acknowledging our hurt without letting it define us, and the strength found in living as one's true self. This episode is a testament to the healing journey, emphasizing that sometimes the most empowering path forward is simply to talk about it.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chuck (00:10):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast.
I'm your host, Chuck, and ifyou're here for the first time,
this platform was created togive genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, onthis episode, I have Kec Cobb on
with me today here to talkabout the reality of grief and
how it felt to lose a mother, afather and a daughter, and how
(00:33):
the process of healing has beensince then.
So if you're going through anygrief right now, you don't want
to miss this conversation.
As a matter of fact, do me afavor go and grab your husband,
your wife, your children, oreven call a friend and gather
around to listen to myconversation with Keisha on
let's Just Talk About it podcast.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Thank you so much for tuning into let's Just Talk About it
(01:04):
podcast, a podcast geared towardgiving people the opportunity
to share their life's journey,and today we have Miss Keisha
Cobb on with us today to talkabout her life's journey.
So how you doing, Keisha?
Keycia Cobb (01:16):
I'm doing great.
Thank you for having me.
Chuck (01:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Thank you so much.
I love to jump right into myinterviews, Keycia, to have
those genuine conversations withgenuine people just like
yourself, and I generally startoff with this question when are
you from?
Keycia Cobb (01:32):
I'm from Dinwiddie County.
Chuck (01:34):
Wow, Dinwiddie, Dinwiddie .
Where is that located, sopeople can know?
Keycia Cobb (01:38):
Right here in Virginia.
It's in the south, south ofPetersburg.
Chuck (01:45):
Oh, south of Petersburg.
Oh, south of Petersburg.
Okay, wow, how was that for yougrowing up in Dinwiddie?
Keycia Cobb (01:51):
Oh, I loved it.
Learn how to cook.
Chuck (01:54):
Okay.
Keycia Cobb (01:56):
That good old southern cooking.
Grandma and mom taught me, mymom taught me how to cook as a
young girl.
That was you know.
That was what you wanted to do.
Yes, you wanted to cook sweetpotatoes.
Chuck (02:12):
Oh my god don't start stream beans homemade biscuits,
let's go potato salad so it'slike that real, real soul food
cooking.
Keycia Cobb (02:26):
Yes.
Wow.
That good soul food?
Yes, and you always had to cooktoo much because, as Grandma
used to say, you never knowwho's going to stop that yeah.
Chuck (02:36):
Where are those days now, gracious?
Keycia Cobb (02:39):
Yes, we didn't know that those days were the best
days Absolutely.
Chuck (02:44):
Absolutely, absolutely, wow.
So then, woody, so how was that?
You know, as you got older, howwas that for you, you know,
growing up as a teenager.
Keycia Cobb (02:54):
Um, I mean, my mom wasn't strict.
I wouldn't say she was strict,but we did have rules and of
course it was different comparedto now right, you know, we
didn't have access to a lot ofstuff you used to fight with
your siblings.
(03:14):
Okay, it's my turn to use thephone before the call waiting
and all that, yeah.
Or or your mom telling you yougot 20 minutes and then it's
your sister's turn.
Then, when you got a callwaiting, you better answer that
phone, if it's decent, oh man.
So yeah again.
(03:37):
They truly were the good olddays.
Chuck (03:38):
Good days, yeah, rotary phones.
Nobody remembers that.
No more Rotary.
Exactly yeah yeah, so you wantedto come on.
Ms Scharnelle Hamlin introducedboth of us to each other and
she talked about your situationwith losing your mom.
(03:59):
I know you just mentioned yourmom, growing up with her, but
there was a situation that youran into where your mother
passed away, you know, and Iwanted to bring you on to share
that journey, because you neverknow who's listening and going
through the same thing.
So could you talk about thatmoment?
I believe you said at the ageof 22 22.
Keycia Cobb (04:19):
Yes, sir absolutely talk about it yes, um, 22 years
old, a Saturday afternoon,packed the kids up, going to see
my mom.
I had no idea that going tovisit her would, you know,
definitely be my first traumaticexperience and my first
(04:42):
experience with grief traumaticexperience and my first
experience with, uh, grief andum walking into her house and
there she was laying in herkitchen.
She had been murdered by herboyfriend and and he was there
too he had killed himself.
So, 22 years old, needless tosay, that was traumatic.
(05:03):
Yeah, um, she had been, uh,abused by him for a number of
years and and she had finallyhad the courage to leave him.
And, you know, unfortunately,her meeting up with him, you
know, turned out to be uh, herlast meeting wow, it had to be
(05:28):
very traumatic.
Chuck (05:28):
You talk about domestic violence and she had went
through abuse.
People see those warning signs,those red flags, and often
ignore those red flags, like aperson being angry or so forth
or controlling you know, youthink that was the situation
with your mom.
Keycia Cobb (05:51):
My mom.
She from what I learned lateron from my dad.
My mom had went through anexperience and the reason you
know I think that kind of shapedher to kind of accept certain
things, um, for men or whatever.
(06:11):
So that wasn't her firstrelationship got you that she
was abused but, it was her lastum watching it.
You know I went through a periodof being angry with her because
I was like you know you let himdo this to you.
You know, after she passed, butyou know, then I started
(06:31):
understanding that everybodyisn't as strong as the next
person.
Some people accept it for anumber of reasons.
It could be because they haveno other choice, they have
nowhere to go, they don't havethe financial means to support
themselves.
Some people stay because, youknow they were taught to stay
(06:55):
and stay with your husband.
You know, until death do youpart or whatever, and sometimes
it ends up that you know it does.
Death is your only option out.
Chuck (07:06):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (07:06):
But with my mom I just feel like she had finally
fought back after it was almost13 years and she finally they
had a fight two weeks prior andmy mom actually fought back and
so I think he knew that she wasdone that it was no turning back
(07:28):
yeah, I think he knew that itwas no, no, coming back from it,
that she finally had had enoughand she was done, and I think
he couldn't accept that.
Wow, so after that moment, youfind your mom, you find him.
Chuck (07:41):
How was that moment going forward after that day.
You know, find your mom, youfind him.
How was that moment goingforward after that day.
You know what I mean.
Like I know you say you wasangry after she passed, but how
was that moment from day to day?
Keycia Cobb (07:57):
How did you navigate through that?
It was hard.
It was hard.
I went through a small timewhere I drink a lot Like I would
.
I would literally get um, getmy kids off the school or
whatever, and I would go and getme something to drink and yes,
and then I would you know Iwould drink and then I would
take a nap and get my kids.
So I guess I was almost like afunctioning alcoholic for a
(08:18):
little bit.
It didn't last a very long time, but it was how I felt I had to
cope with her death.
I never really got thecounseling I needed.
I went, but looking back, Iwent because it was expected for
me to go.
But I wasn't open, I wasn'thonest, I didn't.
(08:40):
You know, I didn't do anythingthat they suggested I do, except
for I took some medication tohelp me sleep because I would
have the nightmares of you knowseeing that.
Yeah, and for years it wouldplay like a movie in my head
Like.
I would just be sitting thereand all of a sudden I could see
(09:01):
them and I would, you know, justclose my eyes and open my eyes,
thinking it was stopping.
You know, but I had three smallchildren at the time, so I
pretty much had to keep going.
But I had it.
Yeah, I could not stop.
So over 20 years I was grievingand didn't really know it.
Chuck (09:20):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (09:21):
I didn't know it, it actually September 24th made
30 years that she has been gonewow, let me ask you this you say
you were grieving and didn'teven know it.
Chuck (09:34):
What does that look like?
No, you just explained it, butyou said you were grieving, I
guess by seeing things in yourhead, or how did that look?
Keycia Cobb (09:43):
so I didn't even realize I was grieving.
Um to understand how I realizedthat I was grieving, I have to
take you back nine years agookay, so nine years ago I'm at
work and my oldest daughtercomes to my job to visit me and
um, we chat for a little bit andthen she was on her motorcycle
(10:07):
and, um, we chat for a littlebit and I remember she gave me,
handed me something and I turnedaway from her and I'm like she
had like this really big glowaround her and I looked at her
you look extra beautiful tonight, or something.
I couldn't explain it.
So she, she got on hermotorcycle and and myself and
several of my coworkers watchedher drive off on her motorcycle.
(10:31):
A couple of hours later I get acall to come to the hospital
that my daughter had been in anaccident.
So get to the hospital, youknow, and they take you in the
room and you know they explainedthat she had been hit by a car
and you know that she sustainedinjuries, um, that she probably
(10:53):
wouldn't, you know, recover from, and so that, right, there was
like the edge for me that pushedyou over, yeah, to the edge yes
so I'm like, you know, I kindof lost it after losing her,
because losing my mom was hardbut losing my child was a
thousand times worse.
(11:13):
And so here I am, my secondtraumatic well, really my third,
because my dad had a massiveheart attack two years after my
mom.
But you know, my dad and Iweren't very, very close but he
was my dad.
Yeah, so you know I loved him.
But my daughter is like here Igo again.
Like god, why why do I not getto say goodbye?
(11:38):
Why why do you take everybodyfrom me instantly?
That was my thinking.
I became an angry person.
But during all this timeeverybody, they thought I was
the hostess with the mostest.
I was.
You know, I was Keycia.
I was happy.
Right.
And always had to have peoplearound me.
(11:58):
Yeah, so after my daughterpassed, I started noticing.
You know that those people thatwere with me every week at my
house for girls night and myhouse you know having I'm
hosting everybody whoseverbirthday it is.
I'm hosting their birthday at myhouse, because I love to cook
and at this point I had startedbartending.
(12:20):
So I'm looking around and it'slike I'm finding myself in here
by myself, you know, lost, lostin, you know, my thoughts, like
nobody cares.
You know, I'm thinking thisstuff to myself like nobody
really cares about me.
Look, you know, friends havebecome strangers and strangers
(12:41):
had become friends because itwas the people in the group that
, the groups that I was in.
They understood me.
They understood that some daysI was happy and some minutes I
was sad, or you know.
But my friends thought I hadjust became this witch, like
she's just so mean.
(13:01):
She's snapping, you know, ateverybody she's doing, you know,
and all the good I had doneover the years, it just seemed
like it meant nothing to thesepeople they, they forgot how,
you know, keisha has paid bills.
Or keisha looked out for me whenI didn't have.
Or keisha came running to myside when xyz, it was just, it
(13:23):
was just.
They were looking at how I hadbecome so combative and so angry
and so mean.
Chuck (13:30):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (13:32):
Not realizing.
These same people that I calledfriends didn't even realize
that I had written a 15 pageletter and that I had planned my
suicide.
Wow and that I had planned mysuicide.
Wow, and these people eithertalk to me every day on the
phone or we video chatted everyday and they still did not know.
Chuck (13:53):
Wow, but you were functioning.
Though, you was functioning.
Keycia Cobb (13:57):
I was functioning to a certain degree yeah.
I functioned.
I had that mask on because Ifelt like I had to put on a mask
for everybody else.
Talk about that mask on becauseI did.
I feel like I had.
I felt like I had to put on amask.
Chuck (14:07):
Talk about everybody else .
Talk about that mask.
Keycia Cobb (14:11):
Man.
That mask will have peoplethinking that you are okay, and
then you will.
You will turn around the samenight and you will kill yourself
.
You will turn around the samenight and you will kill yourself
.
That mask will have the worldthinking that you are the
happiest person in the world andthe whole time behind that mask
(14:33):
you're crying.
Chuck (14:34):
Good gracious, that's deep, that's deep Wow.
Keycia Cobb (14:39):
And it's the people closest to you.
Chuck (14:40):
Right, right, let me say this what would you say to a
person that's wearing a maskright now?
What would you tell them?
Keycia Cobb (14:47):
Take that mask off.
It's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to cry.
Chuck (14:56):
That's good.
Keycia Cobb (14:56):
This is your journey.
Nobody can walk your path ofgrief but you.
Nobody grieves the same.
Everybody grieves differently.
Chuck (15:07):
Yeah, why do we feel like we have to put on a mask to
prove ourselves to people?
What is that?
You know what I mean?
Keycia Cobb (15:15):
I think, because we are our own worst enemy.
We think it's expected of uswhen it's really not.
It's really not expected.
We just feel that it is andtherefore we are so hard on
ourselves that you know.
Chuck (15:33):
We push ourselves to be somewhere that we are not
emotionally.
Keycia Cobb (15:37):
That we are not and you don't have to be.
You don't have to.
I always say it's okay to havea moment.
It's okay to have a moment,just don't stay there.
Chuck (15:47):
Just don't stay there, that's good.
Keycia Cobb (15:50):
Have your moment.
You can have 20 moments, butlet the moment pass and I feel
like it's best to have it.
Whatever you're feeling and Ilearned that whatever you're
feeling, feel it.
If you want to cry, cry.
If you want to laugh, laugh.
If you want to uh, jump, jump,whatever you want to do, go
(16:10):
through it, because if you don'tgo through it, then you want to
do go through it, because ifyou don't go through it, then
you are eventually going to gothrough it later.
Chuck (16:17):
Right, right, wow.
You mentioned, you mentionedthat you were I believe it was
off off air that you were.
You got mad at God.
You know what I'm saying and Iwant to say that I believe God
is big enough to take on ouremotions.
He knows how we feel.
You know what I mean, so it'sall right to express that to him
(16:39):
.
Right, wow.
Keycia Cobb (16:41):
And I didn't know that.
My cousin who's a pastor mydaughter, lost her twins back in
April and my cousin saidsomething at the funeral and it
just was confirmation to me.
He said God wants you to askquestions.
People say don't question God.
He said, but he believes thatGod wants you to ask questions
(17:05):
and I've always believed thatGod wants us to ask questions.
If you don't understand, howwill you ever get to understand
if you don't ask the question?
Chuck (17:14):
Right, yeah, and he understands we hurt.
You know that's painful.
Your mom, your dad and yourdaughter back to back, that's
painful.
I don't care what nobody'ssaying.
You know, if a person has notexperienced what you've
experienced, they shouldn't sayanything.
Keycia Cobb (17:30):
Just listen.
Yeah, exactly, you know, theyshouldn't say anything.
Chuck (17:34):
Just listen, exactly you know.
Just listen because you mightlearn something absolutely.
That's why I wanted to have youon, because, yeah, we can learn
from your voice.
And I told you, I believeyesterday, when we talked, I
believe you, you were like asacrifice, you went through
those things.
So you can have that voice totalk to somebody, so they could
say somebody understands whatI'm going through, because
you've been through that, youknow exactly yeah and, and
(17:57):
that's why, when I'm on Facebookand I see a mother lose her
child, I
Keycia Cobb (18:01):
immediately inbox them because I want to help
somebody, because I feel like Ididn't have.
None of my friends had beenthrough what I had been through
losing a child or even losingtheir mom so they didn't
understand.
So I felt like I didn't haveanybody that understood.
I had an aunt that lost twochildren years ago, but her son
(18:25):
was 17 and her daughter was like20 something.
Her son was stabbed and herdaughter died in a car accident.
So she understood, but she wasmy aunt.
She still wasn't a person thatyou know was my age or somebody
I considered a friend orsomebody that I saw on a regular
basis.
They didn't understand.
(18:46):
So I try to be that person thatunderstands and I always say if
you need me, I'm here.
You just need somebody.
Sometimes you just want someoneto listen to you cry.
Sometimes you want to be ableto talk about your child without
being judged or somebody.
Not again, you know.
(19:06):
Or well, you're gonna have toget over it.
Tell me how that's?
That was one of my questions,because I did have someone tell
me uh, god has spoken, you'regonna have to uh like move on.
That's what she said to me and Iwas so hurt because I'm like,
how, explain to me how?
Because I don't know how I wantto, but I don't know how.
(19:30):
I tried I had a stroke.
In the meantime I stressedmyself out.
I had a stroke.
I didn't walk for almost sevenmonths.
I had another episode where, um, I was having migraines and I
they thought I had anotherstroke, but I didn't.
But I'm stressing so much thatI had complex migraine and a
(19:52):
mimica stroke, so I didn't walkfor another five months.
Chuck (19:56):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (19:56):
And I'll never forget when I had went, and I
also have a monitor implantedfor my heart.
I have a fear.
Chuck (20:04):
You have that now.
Keycia Cobb (20:05):
Yes, right now.
And so I'll never forget, inApril of 2021, when another
doctor's appointment because Iwas spending so many, so many
days a week going to doctor'sappointments it seemed like and
my doctor, she, she came in andshe sat down and she talked to
me and she said you know, I'mAlicia, you're Keisha right now.
(20:27):
This is not a doctor patientthing, this is two people
talking and she said, and shesaid I'm gonna ask you a
question.
She said do you want to live?
And I just kind of looked ather and she was like you don't
have to answer.
I know the answer and she toldme.
She said keisha, if I could goin and fix something, I would
fix it.
Wow, she said, but you aredying from a broken heart you're
(20:50):
the only person that can fixthat.
She said broken heart syndromeis real.
People die from a broken heart.
You're the only person that canfix that.
She said broken heart syndromeis real.
Chuck (20:55):
People die from a broken heart that is so deep, man, and
when you said that I had neverheard that before.
Keycia Cobb (21:03):
Broken heart syndrome I had never heard of it
before until she said it andand I was just like you know,
and I'm sitting there like okay,because I used to go to sleep
every night and pray to god thatI didn't wake up and when I
woke up I would be pissed offlike again you woke me up again.
I actually not.
(21:23):
I mean, I'm praying I'm praying.
I'm asking you not to let mewake up I'm tired.
Chuck (21:28):
You was dead serious I, I was serious.
Keycia Cobb (21:31):
Every night before I went to sleep, that was my
prayer.
Because your heart was broken.
Every night it was broken.
Losing my child was like thelast thing that could happen to
me.
Okay, you've broken me.
Now you?
Know I'm broken.
I have nothing left.
I have nothing left, and I dohave four other children but, I
(21:51):
couldn't even be there for them.
I forgot.
They lost a sibling, the oldestone, the one that truly kept
all of us together.
She was the one that kept us alltogether.
So, yeah, it was so I had.
When I went home that night,because even in the process a
lot of my family and friendsdon't know I I separated from my
(22:12):
husband.
I bought a house and and Iseparated from him because I was
, I was blaming him for stuffand and it really it was nothing
that's deep.
Chuck (22:23):
So it's like in that moment of emotion you can like
literally push people away ifyou're not and that's what I was
doing, because I never wantedto even my children.
Keycia Cobb (22:33):
I pushed them away because I never want, I never
wanted to love anybody like Ilove my daughter again, because
I never want to hurt my dedicate.
So I don't want to love nobodylike that.
So everybody pretty much gotpushed away.
The people I loved more thananything and would do anything
for.
I pushed everybody away.
Chuck (22:53):
Wow.
What would you say On purpose,on purpose, wow.
What would you say to somebodyright now who may be listening,
going through the exact samething?
They like having theseemotional rollercoaster moments.
What would you say to them thatare pushing people away right
now?
Keycia Cobb (23:12):
Find a therapy.
Therapy works.
Therapy works and I wish I hadsomeone to show me that and tell
me that all those years ago,because a lot of things I went
through I feel like I wouldn'thave.
I've been in therapy now.
(23:32):
The day after the doctor hadthat conversation with me, I
called the therapist because shegave me a list of therapists,
and that night I went home andmy grandkids were playing in the
floor and I was crying watchingthem and I made the decision OK
, you need you got to callsomeone.
And it's been three and a halfyears and my therapist was like
(23:55):
he's eventually, you know you'regonna have to stop, and I'm
like he'll act every everycouple months.
You want to stop and I'm likenot yet, you know, but it, the
therapy has changed me.
It's amazing back then, allthose people that I had around
me that loved me and adored me,and now I really don't.
(24:17):
I don't talk to anybody everyday other than my co-workers and
my husband, and it's crazy howpeople love the unhealed version
of me, but the healed versionof me I think it scares them or
they don't like the healedversion.
It's crazy to me.
Chuck (24:36):
They don't like the healed version.
They like the unhealed version.
Keycia Cobb (24:40):
Yes, and the unhealed version of me had
people around me because Ididn't have to concentrate on
what was wrong with me or thefact that I wasn't happy.
But the healing version, I lovebeing by myself.
I don't mind.
I don't mind.
Chuck (25:00):
Yeah, I like what you say .
The healing version is ongoing.
Keycia Cobb (25:04):
Yes, because I'm healing every day.
Chuck (25:06):
Yeah.
Keycia Cobb (25:07):
I'm healing every day.
Yes, it is a process.
Don't think you're going to goin therapy and within whatever
is going to be good.
It's going to be bad, it's goingto be pretty, it's going to be
ugly, but you've got to bewilling to go through it all.
And I mean, every week we gothrough cycles, we go through
phases and therapy and a certainthing that sometimes is about
(25:30):
my friends, sometimes it's aboutmy friends, sometimes it's
about my kids, sometimes it'sabout my marriage.
You know, I feel like we havewent through every aspect of my
life and I deal with things sodifferently, but I know that God
has turned my pain into purposenow, and that's the difference.
Chuck (25:54):
Wow, when you say turn your pain into purpose, talk
about that yeah, so my purposeis to help people.
Keycia Cobb (26:00):
It's to share the things that that's happened to
me the traumas, the tragedies,um to share them with people, if
they want to listen, if theywant to to hear about it.
You can really learn something.
Chuck (26:14):
Right, you definitely have a voice.
You definitely have a voice.
Keycia Cobb (26:17):
Yep.
Chuck (26:18):
That, I believe, is going to help a lot of people.
Keycia Cobb (26:20):
That's what I want to do.
Chuck (26:21):
Yeah, I like the heel version.
I like the heel version ofKeisha.
Keycia Cobb (26:27):
And so do I.
I love this Keisha too.
Chuck (26:30):
Yeah, authentic.
Yeah do I.
Keycia Cobb (26:32):
I love this yeah, yeah, authentic, yeah, yes, yes,
because that other personwasn't really me, it was, it was
who I was choosing, it waswhoever I was choosing to be.
This is authentic,authentically me.
Um, and what amazes me, acouple of weeks ago I was at a
funeral and um shout out topastor crystal jordan um, she's
(26:53):
actually my ex-sister-in-law,but we've been knowing each
other since I was in secondgrade, so we kind of grew up
together.
But for her to walk up to meand she hugged me and she told
me she was proud of me and proudof the person that I've become,
that meant so much to me.
Chuck (27:11):
People can see it, you can see it.
Keycia Cobb (27:14):
You can see it.
You can see it in my Facebookpost what I say.
I used to not care what I said.
I've always been an outspokenperson and back then I would say
whatever and didn't care how itcame out.
Now I approach things a lotdifferently.
You know, my mom told me onetime.
She said you know, it's notwhat you say, it's how you say
(27:37):
it yeah you can, you can offer,she said.
You can tell a person yourbreath stink.
Or you can say would you like apiece of gum?
She said.
Ultimately, it means the samething, it's just you.
You presented it differently.
So I am now.
I'm a lot more careful, um, andgod has been blessing me and
and the lessons I'm learning isthat god definitely gives us
(27:59):
double for our trouble yeah,talk about that he keeps his
promises.
He keeps them I like that your,your, your later is is your.
Your ending is better than yourbeginning, and that's what I'm
so grateful for now, because Iknow that now I'm I'm
understanding how god's promiseswork and that he keeps them,
(28:23):
and he's kept them with me.
I am happier now than I've beenin in almost 30 years.
Wow.
My marriage is so strong nowthat's my best friend.
Shout out to him I love myhusband.
Shout out to Jonathan.
Shout out to you.
Jonathan, yeah, yes, because hemakes sure that I'm happy.
(28:47):
My husband once told me.
He said nobody would never knowwhen something's really wrong
with you because you never say,you never tell anybody what's
really going on with you.
And he's right.
I go to my appointment, stuffthat was going on.
I didn't tell him, I didn'ttell my kids.
I went through stuff by myselfgoing on.
(29:09):
I didn't tell him, I didn'ttell my kids.
I went through stuff by myselfand, um, just two nights ago I
had.
I told my husband.
I said you know, I've been sad.
I don't know why I've beenfeeling a little sad.
Um, nothing's really wrong.
I'm just having my littlemoments where I feel like I need
a hug.
And that was big for me becausewhen my daughter passed and my
(29:30):
husband would be in the housewith me, I would go in a
separate room and cry.
Chuck (29:35):
I never cried in front of him I don't know why I just
didn't just didn't wow, butyou've grown from that.
You know what I'm saying.
Keycia Cobb (29:46):
Oh, you're growing from that I'm growing from that
and and now I don't know, Ialways had this thing about
showing weakness and I think itcame from, you know, watching my
mom go through things with youknow things, and and I think you
know, and that's the thing I'mworking on in therapy now is
like you know why, why am I likethat?
(30:09):
Why was I like that?
Why do I feel like I have to gothrough things by myself, or I,
you know, can't let anybodythink that I'm weak that's deep.
Chuck (30:19):
That's deep because you feel, do you feel like like
sometimes people will takeadvantage if you show them the
authentic you, so it's like youprotect yourself from that.
Keycia Cobb (30:29):
You know what I mean yes, absolutely, and I
think that's what it is.
But now it's like.
You know, the mask is off, youknow the guard is coming down.
You know, don't mess with methough, yes, but don't mess with
me though, and I do.
I am loving this person andwhat God is and whoever you know
(30:55):
you apologize to a person.
You know people.
It's people that I feel like Isaid some things to that I need
to talk to, and you know, andlike my therapist said, once you
apologize, it's up to them,it's all up to them after that,
and I'm at the point where Ihonestly just don't have the
(31:18):
energy and I just honestly don'tcare what anybody, what you
think of me is not my problem,that's yours.
Chuck (31:28):
I love this conversation.
Is there anything you want toleave with the listening
audience that would encouragethem, you know, with where they
are?
I like what you said.
You know.
You said you're growing.
You know you're healing.
It's a continuation.
I like that.
Keycia Cobb (31:44):
Every day that you wake up, you grow and you heal,
bend, but you don't break andall I can say is just believe
and trust in god, pray and findyou a therapist that you can
trust, that you can go to andthat you are ready to be open
(32:09):
and honest with, because ifyou're not open and honest, it's
not going to work.
Wow.
And you have to be ready.
When you're ready, it will workfor you.
Chuck (32:20):
When you're ready to go to a therapist, it will work for
you.
Keycia Cobb (32:23):
It will work for you and you have to put in work
I mean I've had homework and youknow stuff like that but it's,
it's helped me.
I can go back and look at somethings and say, I mean, just to
go back and look at things Iwrote two months ago or three
months ago journaling is a bigthing Just to go back and look
(32:46):
at what's the difference in thenand now, what has happened in
this month, or start off, littleSee.
Look at what happened.
This in a week's time.
Chuck (32:58):
I appreciate that.
Like I said, you have a voiceand I believe that this won't be
the last time Keisha Cobbs willbe up here.
This won't be the last, so Iappreciate you.
You got many things to share.
Keycia Cobb (33:11):
I appreciate you and thank you for allowing me to
speak absolutely.
Chuck (33:15):
How can people reach out to you if they want to, you know
, find you and have?
Keycia Cobb (33:19):
a conversation.
I'm on Facebook, keisha Cobb,k-e-y-c-i-a-c-o-b-b, that's
probably the best way.
Inbox me if you know anyonethat needs help.
That's the other thing.
Christmas I try to adopt achild or children that has lost
(33:39):
their parents to domesticviolence, so if you have anybody
you would like to send me theinformation that would accept
help, please do.
If they can get in touch withyou, that's fine and you can
send it to me.
Whatever, but I am working onlooking for my, my kids, for
christmas wow wow, wow.
Chuck (34:02):
Thank you so much for being on.
Let's just talk about it.
Podcast keisha.
I really appreciate you.
Keycia Cobb (34:07):
Thank you.
Chuck (34:09):
Wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to Keisha for havingthis dialogue with me.
You know Keisha shared so manythings as it relates to grief,
but one of the things thatreally stuck out to me was when
she talked about how the healingis a process that is ongoing
and that we don't have to wear amask to cover up how we really
feel that it's all right to hurt, but just don't stay there.
So again, thank you, keisha,for your encouragement, and I
(34:34):
want to thank everyone foralways tuning in to let's Just
Talk About it podcast, and ifyou have any media needs, such
as videography or photography,you can reach out to me and my
partner Low Mills at M&B Mediaon Facebook.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon, you.
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast.
I'm your host, Chuck, and ifyou're here for the first time,
this platform was created togive genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, onthis episode, I have Kec Cobb on
with me today here to talkabout the reality of grief and
how it felt to lose a mother, afather and a daughter, and how
(00:33):
the process of healing has beensince then.
So if you're going through anygrief right now, you don't want
to miss this conversation.
As a matter of fact, do me afavor go and grab your husband,
your wife, your children, oreven call a friend and gather
around to listen to myconversation with Keisha on
let's Just Talk About it podcast.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Thank you so much for tuning into let's Just Talk About it
(01:04):
podcast, a podcast geared towardgiving people the opportunity
to share their life's journey,and today we have Miss Keisha
Cobb on with us today to talkabout her life's journey.
So how you doing, Keisha?
Keycia Cobb (01:16):
I'm doing great.
Thank you for having me.
Chuck (01:19):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Thank you so much.
I love to jump right into myinterviews, Keycia, to have
those genuine conversations withgenuine people just like
yourself, and I generally startoff with this question when are
you from?
Keycia Cobb (01:32):
I'm from Dinwiddie County.
Chuck (01:34):
Wow, Dinwiddie, Dinwiddie .
Where is that located, sopeople can know?
Keycia Cobb (01:38):
Right here in Virginia.
It's in the south, south ofPetersburg.
Chuck (01:45):
Oh, south of Petersburg.
Oh, south of Petersburg.
Okay, wow, how was that for yougrowing up in Dinwiddie?
Keycia Cobb (01:51):
Oh, I loved it.
Learn how to cook.
Chuck (01:54):
Okay.
Keycia Cobb (01:56):
That good old southern cooking.
Grandma and mom taught me, mymom taught me how to cook as a
young girl.
That was you know.
That was what you wanted to do.
Yes, you wanted to cook sweetpotatoes.
Chuck (02:12):
Oh my god don't start stream beans homemade biscuits,
let's go potato salad so it'slike that real, real soul food
cooking.
Keycia Cobb (02:26):
Yes.
Wow.
That good soul food?
Yes, and you always had to cooktoo much because, as Grandma
used to say, you never knowwho's going to stop that yeah.
Chuck (02:36):
Where are those days now, gracious?
Keycia Cobb (02:39):
Yes, we didn't know that those days were the best
days Absolutely.
Chuck (02:44):
Absolutely, absolutely, wow.
So then, woody, so how was that?
You know, as you got older, howwas that for you, you know,
growing up as a teenager.
Keycia Cobb (02:54):
Um, I mean, my mom wasn't strict.
I wouldn't say she was strict,but we did have rules and of
course it was different comparedto now right, you know, we
didn't have access to a lot ofstuff you used to fight with
your siblings.
(03:14):
Okay, it's my turn to use thephone before the call waiting
and all that, yeah.
Or or your mom telling you yougot 20 minutes and then it's
your sister's turn.
Then, when you got a callwaiting, you better answer that
phone, if it's decent, oh man.
So yeah again.
(03:37):
They truly were the good olddays.
Chuck (03:38):
Good days, yeah, rotary phones.
Nobody remembers that.
No more Rotary.
Exactly yeah yeah, so you wantedto come on.
Ms Scharnelle Hamlin introducedboth of us to each other and
she talked about your situationwith losing your mom.
(03:59):
I know you just mentioned yourmom, growing up with her, but
there was a situation that youran into where your mother
passed away, you know, and Iwanted to bring you on to share
that journey, because you neverknow who's listening and going
through the same thing.
So could you talk about thatmoment?
I believe you said at the ageof 22 22.
Keycia Cobb (04:19):
Yes, sir absolutely talk about it yes, um, 22 years
old, a Saturday afternoon,packed the kids up, going to see
my mom.
I had no idea that going tovisit her would, you know,
definitely be my first traumaticexperience and my first
(04:42):
experience with grief traumaticexperience and my first
experience with, uh, grief andum walking into her house and
there she was laying in herkitchen.
She had been murdered by herboyfriend and and he was there
too he had killed himself.
So, 22 years old, needless tosay, that was traumatic.
(05:03):
Yeah, um, she had been, uh,abused by him for a number of
years and and she had finallyhad the courage to leave him.
And, you know, unfortunately,her meeting up with him, you
know, turned out to be uh, herlast meeting wow, it had to be
(05:28):
very traumatic.
Chuck (05:28):
You talk about domestic violence and she had went
through abuse.
People see those warning signs,those red flags, and often
ignore those red flags, like aperson being angry or so forth
or controlling you know, youthink that was the situation
with your mom.
Keycia Cobb (05:51):
My mom.
She from what I learned lateron from my dad.
My mom had went through anexperience and the reason you
know I think that kind of shapedher to kind of accept certain
things, um, for men or whatever.
(06:11):
So that wasn't her firstrelationship got you that she
was abused but, it was her lastum watching it.
You know I went through a periodof being angry with her because
I was like you know you let himdo this to you.
You know, after she passed, butyou know, then I started
(06:31):
understanding that everybodyisn't as strong as the next
person.
Some people accept it for anumber of reasons.
It could be because they haveno other choice, they have
nowhere to go, they don't havethe financial means to support
themselves.
Some people stay because, youknow they were taught to stay
(06:55):
and stay with your husband.
You know, until death do youpart or whatever, and sometimes
it ends up that you know it does.
Death is your only option out.
Chuck (07:06):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (07:06):
But with my mom I just feel like she had finally
fought back after it was almost13 years and she finally they
had a fight two weeks prior andmy mom actually fought back and
so I think he knew that she wasdone that it was no turning back
(07:28):
yeah, I think he knew that itwas no, no, coming back from it,
that she finally had had enoughand she was done, and I think
he couldn't accept that.
Wow, so after that moment, youfind your mom, you find him.
Chuck (07:41):
How was that moment going forward after that day.
You know, find your mom, youfind him.
How was that moment goingforward after that day.
You know what I mean.
Like I know you say you wasangry after she passed, but how
was that moment from day to day?
Keycia Cobb (07:57):
How did you navigate through that?
It was hard.
It was hard.
I went through a small timewhere I drink a lot Like I would
.
I would literally get um, getmy kids off the school or
whatever, and I would go and getme something to drink and yes,
and then I would you know Iwould drink and then I would
take a nap and get my kids.
So I guess I was almost like afunctioning alcoholic for a
(08:18):
little bit.
It didn't last a very long time, but it was how I felt I had to
cope with her death.
I never really got thecounseling I needed.
I went, but looking back, Iwent because it was expected for
me to go.
But I wasn't open, I wasn'thonest, I didn't.
(08:40):
You know, I didn't do anythingthat they suggested I do, except
for I took some medication tohelp me sleep because I would
have the nightmares of you knowseeing that.
Yeah, and for years it wouldplay like a movie in my head
Like.
I would just be sitting thereand all of a sudden I could see
(09:01):
them and I would, you know, justclose my eyes and open my eyes,
thinking it was stopping.
You know, but I had three smallchildren at the time, so I
pretty much had to keep going.
But I had it.
Yeah, I could not stop.
So over 20 years I was grievingand didn't really know it.
Chuck (09:20):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (09:21):
I didn't know it, it actually September 24th made
30 years that she has been gonewow, let me ask you this you say
you were grieving and didn'teven know it.
Chuck (09:34):
What does that look like?
No, you just explained it, butyou said you were grieving, I
guess by seeing things in yourhead, or how did that look?
Keycia Cobb (09:43):
so I didn't even realize I was grieving.
Um to understand how I realizedthat I was grieving, I have to
take you back nine years agookay, so nine years ago I'm at
work and my oldest daughtercomes to my job to visit me and
um, we chat for a little bit andthen she was on her motorcycle
(10:07):
and, um, we chat for a littlebit and I remember she gave me,
handed me something and I turnedaway from her and I'm like she
had like this really big glowaround her and I looked at her
you look extra beautiful tonight, or something.
I couldn't explain it.
So she, she got on hermotorcycle and and myself and
several of my coworkers watchedher drive off on her motorcycle.
(10:31):
A couple of hours later I get acall to come to the hospital
that my daughter had been in anaccident.
So get to the hospital, youknow, and they take you in the
room and you know they explainedthat she had been hit by a car
and you know that she sustainedinjuries, um, that she probably
(10:53):
wouldn't, you know, recover from, and so that, right, there was
like the edge for me that pushedyou over, yeah, to the edge yes
so I'm like, you know, I kindof lost it after losing her,
because losing my mom was hardbut losing my child was a
thousand times worse.
(11:13):
And so here I am, my secondtraumatic well, really my third,
because my dad had a massiveheart attack two years after my
mom.
But you know, my dad and Iweren't very, very close but he
was my dad.
Yeah, so you know I loved him.
But my daughter is like here Igo again.
Like god, why why do I not getto say goodbye?
(11:38):
Why why do you take everybodyfrom me instantly?
That was my thinking.
I became an angry person.
But during all this timeeverybody, they thought I was
the hostess with the mostest.
I was.
You know, I was Keycia.
I was happy.
Right.
And always had to have peoplearound me.
(11:58):
Yeah, so after my daughterpassed, I started noticing.
You know that those people thatwere with me every week at my
house for girls night and myhouse you know having I'm
hosting everybody whoseverbirthday it is.
I'm hosting their birthday at myhouse, because I love to cook
and at this point I had startedbartending.
(12:20):
So I'm looking around and it'slike I'm finding myself in here
by myself, you know, lost, lostin, you know, my thoughts, like
nobody cares.
You know, I'm thinking thisstuff to myself like nobody
really cares about me.
Look, you know, friends havebecome strangers and strangers
(12:41):
had become friends because itwas the people in the group that
, the groups that I was in.
They understood me.
They understood that some daysI was happy and some minutes I
was sad, or you know.
But my friends thought I hadjust became this witch, like
she's just so mean.
(13:01):
She's snapping, you know, ateverybody she's doing, you know,
and all the good I had doneover the years, it just seemed
like it meant nothing to thesepeople they, they forgot how,
you know, keisha has paid bills.
Or keisha looked out for me whenI didn't have.
Or keisha came running to myside when xyz, it was just, it
(13:23):
was just.
They were looking at how I hadbecome so combative and so angry
and so mean.
Chuck (13:30):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (13:32):
Not realizing.
These same people that I calledfriends didn't even realize
that I had written a 15 pageletter and that I had planned my
suicide.
Wow and that I had planned mysuicide.
Wow, and these people eithertalk to me every day on the
phone or we video chatted everyday and they still did not know.
Chuck (13:53):
Wow, but you were functioning.
Though, you was functioning.
Keycia Cobb (13:57):
I was functioning to a certain degree yeah.
I functioned.
I had that mask on because Ifelt like I had to put on a mask
for everybody else.
Talk about that mask on becauseI did.
I feel like I had.
I felt like I had to put on amask.
Chuck (14:07):
Talk about everybody else .
Talk about that mask.
Keycia Cobb (14:11):
Man.
That mask will have peoplethinking that you are okay, and
then you will.
You will turn around the samenight and you will kill yourself
.
You will turn around the samenight and you will kill yourself
.
That mask will have the worldthinking that you are the
happiest person in the world andthe whole time behind that mask
(14:33):
you're crying.
Chuck (14:34):
Good gracious, that's deep, that's deep Wow.
Keycia Cobb (14:39):
And it's the people closest to you.
Chuck (14:40):
Right, right, let me say this what would you say to a
person that's wearing a maskright now?
What would you tell them?
Keycia Cobb (14:47):
Take that mask off.
It's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to cry.
Chuck (14:56):
That's good.
Keycia Cobb (14:56):
This is your journey.
Nobody can walk your path ofgrief but you.
Nobody grieves the same.
Everybody grieves differently.
Chuck (15:07):
Yeah, why do we feel like we have to put on a mask to
prove ourselves to people?
What is that?
You know what I mean?
Keycia Cobb (15:15):
I think, because we are our own worst enemy.
We think it's expected of uswhen it's really not.
It's really not expected.
We just feel that it is andtherefore we are so hard on
ourselves that you know.
Chuck (15:33):
We push ourselves to be somewhere that we are not
emotionally.
Keycia Cobb (15:37):
That we are not and you don't have to be.
You don't have to.
I always say it's okay to havea moment.
It's okay to have a moment,just don't stay there.
Chuck (15:47):
Just don't stay there, that's good.
Keycia Cobb (15:50):
Have your moment.
You can have 20 moments, butlet the moment pass and I feel
like it's best to have it.
Whatever you're feeling and Ilearned that whatever you're
feeling, feel it.
If you want to cry, cry.
If you want to laugh, laugh.
If you want to uh, jump, jump,whatever you want to do, go
(16:10):
through it, because if you don'tgo through it, then you want to
do go through it, because ifyou don't go through it, then
you are eventually going to gothrough it later.
Chuck (16:17):
Right, right, wow.
You mentioned, you mentionedthat you were I believe it was
off off air that you were.
You got mad at God.
You know what I'm saying and Iwant to say that I believe God
is big enough to take on ouremotions.
He knows how we feel.
You know what I mean, so it'sall right to express that to him
(16:39):
.
Right, wow.
Keycia Cobb (16:41):
And I didn't know that.
My cousin who's a pastor mydaughter, lost her twins back in
April and my cousin saidsomething at the funeral and it
just was confirmation to me.
He said God wants you to askquestions.
People say don't question God.
He said, but he believes thatGod wants you to ask questions
(17:05):
and I've always believed thatGod wants us to ask questions.
If you don't understand, howwill you ever get to understand
if you don't ask the question?
Chuck (17:14):
Right, yeah, and he understands we hurt.
You know that's painful.
Your mom, your dad and yourdaughter back to back, that's
painful.
I don't care what nobody'ssaying.
You know, if a person has notexperienced what you've
experienced, they shouldn't sayanything.
Keycia Cobb (17:30):
Just listen.
Yeah, exactly, you know, theyshouldn't say anything.
Chuck (17:34):
Just listen, exactly you know.
Just listen because you mightlearn something absolutely.
That's why I wanted to have youon, because, yeah, we can learn
from your voice.
And I told you, I believeyesterday, when we talked, I
believe you, you were like asacrifice, you went through
those things.
So you can have that voice totalk to somebody, so they could
say somebody understands whatI'm going through, because
you've been through that, youknow exactly yeah and, and
(17:57):
that's why, when I'm on Facebookand I see a mother lose her
child, I
Keycia Cobb (18:01):
immediately inbox them because I want to help
somebody, because I feel like Ididn't have.
None of my friends had beenthrough what I had been through
losing a child or even losingtheir mom so they didn't
understand.
So I felt like I didn't haveanybody that understood.
I had an aunt that lost twochildren years ago, but her son
(18:25):
was 17 and her daughter was like20 something.
Her son was stabbed and herdaughter died in a car accident.
So she understood, but she wasmy aunt.
She still wasn't a person thatyou know was my age or somebody
I considered a friend orsomebody that I saw on a regular
basis.
They didn't understand.
(18:46):
So I try to be that person thatunderstands and I always say if
you need me, I'm here.
You just need somebody.
Sometimes you just want someoneto listen to you cry.
Sometimes you want to be ableto talk about your child without
being judged or somebody.
Not again, you know.
(19:06):
Or well, you're gonna have toget over it.
Tell me how that's?
That was one of my questions,because I did have someone tell
me uh, god has spoken, you'regonna have to uh like move on.
That's what she said to me and Iwas so hurt because I'm like,
how, explain to me how?
Because I don't know how I wantto, but I don't know how.
(19:30):
I tried I had a stroke.
In the meantime I stressedmyself out.
I had a stroke.
I didn't walk for almost sevenmonths.
I had another episode where, um, I was having migraines and I
they thought I had anotherstroke, but I didn't.
But I'm stressing so much thatI had complex migraine and a
(19:52):
mimica stroke, so I didn't walkfor another five months.
Chuck (19:56):
Wow.
Keycia Cobb (19:56):
And I'll never forget when I had went, and I
also have a monitor implantedfor my heart.
I have a fear.
Chuck (20:04):
You have that now.
Keycia Cobb (20:05):
Yes, right now.
And so I'll never forget, inApril of 2021, when another
doctor's appointment because Iwas spending so many, so many
days a week going to doctor'sappointments it seemed like and
my doctor, she, she came in andshe sat down and she talked to
me and she said you know, I'mAlicia, you're Keisha right now.
(20:27):
This is not a doctor patientthing, this is two people
talking and she said, and shesaid I'm gonna ask you a
question.
She said do you want to live?
And I just kind of looked ather and she was like you don't
have to answer.
I know the answer and she toldme.
She said keisha, if I could goin and fix something, I would
fix it.
Wow, she said, but you aredying from a broken heart you're
(20:50):
the only person that can fixthat.
She said broken heart syndromeis real.
People die from a broken heart.
You're the only person that canfix that.
She said broken heart syndromeis real.
Chuck (20:55):
People die from a broken heart that is so deep, man, and
when you said that I had neverheard that before.
Keycia Cobb (21:03):
Broken heart syndrome I had never heard of it
before until she said it andand I was just like you know,
and I'm sitting there like okay,because I used to go to sleep
every night and pray to god thatI didn't wake up and when I
woke up I would be pissed offlike again you woke me up again.
I actually not.
(21:23):
I mean, I'm praying I'm praying.
I'm asking you not to let mewake up I'm tired.
Chuck (21:28):
You was dead serious I, I was serious.
Keycia Cobb (21:31):
Every night before I went to sleep, that was my
prayer.
Because your heart was broken.
Every night it was broken.
Losing my child was like thelast thing that could happen to
me.
Okay, you've broken me.
Now you?
Know I'm broken.
I have nothing left.
I have nothing left, and I dohave four other children but, I
(21:51):
couldn't even be there for them.
I forgot.
They lost a sibling, the oldestone, the one that truly kept
all of us together.
She was the one that kept us alltogether.
So, yeah, it was so I had.
When I went home that night,because even in the process a
lot of my family and friendsdon't know I I separated from my
(22:12):
husband.
I bought a house and and Iseparated from him because I was
, I was blaming him for stuffand and it really it was nothing
that's deep.
Chuck (22:23):
So it's like in that moment of emotion you can like
literally push people away ifyou're not and that's what I was
doing, because I never wantedto even my children.
Keycia Cobb (22:33):
I pushed them away because I never want, I never
wanted to love anybody like Ilove my daughter again, because
I never want to hurt my dedicate.
So I don't want to love nobodylike that.
So everybody pretty much gotpushed away.
The people I loved more thananything and would do anything
for.
I pushed everybody away.
Chuck (22:53):
Wow.
What would you say On purpose,on purpose, wow.
What would you say to somebodyright now who may be listening,
going through the exact samething?
They like having theseemotional rollercoaster moments.
What would you say to them thatare pushing people away right
now?
Keycia Cobb (23:12):
Find a therapy.
Therapy works.
Therapy works and I wish I hadsomeone to show me that and tell
me that all those years ago,because a lot of things I went
through I feel like I wouldn'thave.
I've been in therapy now.
(23:32):
The day after the doctor hadthat conversation with me, I
called the therapist because shegave me a list of therapists,
and that night I went home andmy grandkids were playing in the
floor and I was crying watchingthem and I made the decision OK
, you need you got to callsomeone.
And it's been three and a halfyears and my therapist was like
(23:55):
he's eventually, you know you'regonna have to stop, and I'm
like he'll act every everycouple months.
You want to stop and I'm likenot yet, you know, but it, the
therapy has changed me.
It's amazing back then, allthose people that I had around
me that loved me and adored me,and now I really don't.
(24:17):
I don't talk to anybody everyday other than my co-workers and
my husband, and it's crazy howpeople love the unhealed version
of me, but the healed versionof me I think it scares them or
they don't like the healedversion.
It's crazy to me.
Chuck (24:36):
They don't like the healed version.
They like the unhealed version.
Keycia Cobb (24:40):
Yes, and the unhealed version of me had
people around me because Ididn't have to concentrate on
what was wrong with me or thefact that I wasn't happy.
But the healing version, I lovebeing by myself.
I don't mind.
I don't mind.
Chuck (25:00):
Yeah, I like what you say .
The healing version is ongoing.
Keycia Cobb (25:04):
Yes, because I'm healing every day.
Chuck (25:06):
Yeah.
Keycia Cobb (25:07):
I'm healing every day.
Yes, it is a process.
Don't think you're going to goin therapy and within whatever
is going to be good.
It's going to be bad, it's goingto be pretty, it's going to be
ugly, but you've got to bewilling to go through it all.
And I mean, every week we gothrough cycles, we go through
phases and therapy and a certainthing that sometimes is about
(25:30):
my friends, sometimes it's aboutmy friends, sometimes it's
about my kids, sometimes it'sabout my marriage.
You know, I feel like we havewent through every aspect of my
life and I deal with things sodifferently, but I know that God
has turned my pain into purposenow, and that's the difference.
Chuck (25:54):
Wow, when you say turn your pain into purpose, talk
about that yeah, so my purposeis to help people.
Keycia Cobb (26:00):
It's to share the things that that's happened to
me the traumas, the tragedies,um to share them with people, if
they want to listen, if theywant to to hear about it.
You can really learn something.
Chuck (26:14):
Right, you definitely have a voice.
You definitely have a voice.
Keycia Cobb (26:17):
Yep.
Chuck (26:18):
That, I believe, is going to help a lot of people.
Keycia Cobb (26:20):
That's what I want to do.
Chuck (26:21):
Yeah, I like the heel version.
I like the heel version ofKeisha.
Keycia Cobb (26:27):
And so do I.
I love this Keisha too.
Chuck (26:30):
Yeah, authentic.
Yeah do I.
Keycia Cobb (26:32):
I love this yeah, yeah, authentic, yeah, yes, yes,
because that other personwasn't really me, it was, it was
who I was choosing, it waswhoever I was choosing to be.
This is authentic,authentically me.
Um, and what amazes me, acouple of weeks ago I was at a
funeral and um shout out topastor crystal jordan um, she's
(26:53):
actually my ex-sister-in-law,but we've been knowing each
other since I was in secondgrade, so we kind of grew up
together.
But for her to walk up to meand she hugged me and she told
me she was proud of me and proudof the person that I've become,
that meant so much to me.
Chuck (27:11):
People can see it, you can see it.
Keycia Cobb (27:14):
You can see it.
You can see it in my Facebookpost what I say.
I used to not care what I said.
I've always been an outspokenperson and back then I would say
whatever and didn't care how itcame out.
Now I approach things a lotdifferently.
You know, my mom told me onetime.
She said you know, it's notwhat you say, it's how you say
(27:37):
it yeah you can, you can offer,she said.
You can tell a person yourbreath stink.
Or you can say would you like apiece of gum?
She said.
Ultimately, it means the samething, it's just you.
You presented it differently.
So I am now.
I'm a lot more careful, um, andgod has been blessing me and
and the lessons I'm learning isthat god definitely gives us
(27:59):
double for our trouble yeah,talk about that he keeps his
promises.
He keeps them I like that your,your, your later is is your.
Your ending is better than yourbeginning, and that's what I'm
so grateful for now, because Iknow that now I'm I'm
understanding how god's promiseswork and that he keeps them,
(28:23):
and he's kept them with me.
I am happier now than I've beenin in almost 30 years.
Wow.
My marriage is so strong nowthat's my best friend.
Shout out to him I love myhusband.
Shout out to Jonathan.
Shout out to you.
Jonathan, yeah, yes, because hemakes sure that I'm happy.
(28:47):
My husband once told me.
He said nobody would never knowwhen something's really wrong
with you because you never say,you never tell anybody what's
really going on with you.
And he's right.
I go to my appointment, stuffthat was going on.
I didn't tell him, I didn'ttell my kids.
I went through stuff by myselfgoing on.
(29:09):
I didn't tell him, I didn'ttell my kids.
I went through stuff by myselfand, um, just two nights ago I
had.
I told my husband.
I said you know, I've been sad.
I don't know why I've beenfeeling a little sad.
Um, nothing's really wrong.
I'm just having my littlemoments where I feel like I need
a hug.
And that was big for me becausewhen my daughter passed and my
(29:30):
husband would be in the housewith me, I would go in a
separate room and cry.
Chuck (29:35):
I never cried in front of him I don't know why I just
didn't just didn't wow, butyou've grown from that.
You know what I'm saying.
Keycia Cobb (29:46):
Oh, you're growing from that I'm growing from that
and and now I don't know, Ialways had this thing about
showing weakness and I think itcame from, you know, watching my
mom go through things with youknow things, and and I think you
know, and that's the thing I'mworking on in therapy now is
like you know why, why am I likethat?
(30:09):
Why was I like that?
Why do I feel like I have to gothrough things by myself, or I,
you know, can't let anybodythink that I'm weak that's deep.
Chuck (30:19):
That's deep because you feel, do you feel like like
sometimes people will takeadvantage if you show them the
authentic you, so it's like youprotect yourself from that.
Keycia Cobb (30:29):
You know what I mean yes, absolutely, and I
think that's what it is.
But now it's like.
You know, the mask is off, youknow the guard is coming down.
You know, don't mess with methough, yes, but don't mess with
me though, and I do.
I am loving this person andwhat God is and whoever you know
(30:55):
you apologize to a person.
You know people.
It's people that I feel like Isaid some things to that I need
to talk to, and you know, andlike my therapist said, once you
apologize, it's up to them,it's all up to them after that,
and I'm at the point where Ihonestly just don't have the
(31:18):
energy and I just honestly don'tcare what anybody, what you
think of me is not my problem,that's yours.
Chuck (31:28):
I love this conversation.
Is there anything you want toleave with the listening
audience that would encouragethem, you know, with where they
are?
I like what you said.
You know.
You said you're growing.
You know you're healing.
It's a continuation.
I like that.
Keycia Cobb (31:44):
Every day that you wake up, you grow and you heal,
bend, but you don't break andall I can say is just believe
and trust in god, pray and findyou a therapist that you can
trust, that you can go to andthat you are ready to be open
(32:09):
and honest with, because ifyou're not open and honest, it's
not going to work.
Wow.
And you have to be ready.
When you're ready, it will workfor you.
Chuck (32:20):
When you're ready to go to a therapist, it will work for
you.
Keycia Cobb (32:23):
It will work for you and you have to put in work
I mean I've had homework and youknow stuff like that but it's,
it's helped me.
I can go back and look at somethings and say, I mean, just to
go back and look at things Iwrote two months ago or three
months ago journaling is a bigthing Just to go back and look
(32:46):
at what's the difference in thenand now, what has happened in
this month, or start off, littleSee.
Look at what happened.
This in a week's time.
Chuck (32:58):
I appreciate that.
Like I said, you have a voiceand I believe that this won't be
the last time Keisha Cobbs willbe up here.
This won't be the last, so Iappreciate you.
You got many things to share.
Keycia Cobb (33:11):
I appreciate you and thank you for allowing me to
speak absolutely.
Chuck (33:15):
How can people reach out to you if they want to, you know
, find you and have?
Keycia Cobb (33:19):
a conversation.
I'm on Facebook, keisha Cobb,k-e-y-c-i-a-c-o-b-b, that's
probably the best way.
Inbox me if you know anyonethat needs help.
That's the other thing.
Christmas I try to adopt achild or children that has lost
(33:39):
their parents to domesticviolence, so if you have anybody
you would like to send me theinformation that would accept
help, please do.
If they can get in touch withyou, that's fine and you can
send it to me.
Whatever, but I am working onlooking for my, my kids, for
christmas wow wow, wow.
Chuck (34:02):
Thank you so much for being on.
Let's just talk about it.
Podcast keisha.
I really appreciate you.
Keycia Cobb (34:07):
Thank you.
Chuck (34:09):
Wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to Keisha for havingthis dialogue with me.
You know Keisha shared so manythings as it relates to grief,
but one of the things thatreally stuck out to me was when
she talked about how the healingis a process that is ongoing
and that we don't have to wear amask to cover up how we really
feel that it's all right to hurt, but just don't stay there.
So again, thank you, keisha,for your encouragement, and I
(34:34):
want to thank everyone foralways tuning in to let's Just
Talk About it podcast, and ifyou have any media needs, such
as videography or photography,you can reach out to me and my
partner Low Mills at M&B Mediaon Facebook.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon, you.
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