December 5, 2024 • 36 mins
What if the path to redemption began with a single, courageous story? Meet Kelly Dara, a formidable advocate for incarcerated women, whose journey from rebellious teen to lifer in a Virginia correctional facility is as heart-wrenching as it is inspiring. Having spent three decades behind bars for a crime committed in her youth, Kelly opens up about the chain of misguided decisions that led to her imprisonment and her subsequent transformation. Through her candid reflections, Kelly challenges us to rethink our perceptions of those who have served time and to recognize the untapped potential within prison walls.
Kelly’s tale is not just one of incarceration, but also of survival and resilience. Diagnosed with stage one breast cancer at 41, Kelly's fight against the disease is a testament to her indomitable spirit. Despite the inadequate medical resources available at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women, she emerged victorious, buoyed by the unwavering support of family, friends, and advocacy groups. Released thanks to juvenile parole law reforms, Kelly's story highlights the critical importance of community support and personal determination in overcoming life's toughest challenges.
In an eye-opening discussion, Kelly sheds light on the systemic hurdles that individuals with past convictions face when re-entering society, particularly women. Her advocacy work with the Humanization Project spotlights the urgent need for systemic change, offering second chances and amplifying voices often left unheard. Through transparent dialogue and powerful storytelling, Kelly’s journey underscores the transformative power of advocacy and community support, and we extend our heartfelt gratitude to listeners who champion these important conversations.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chuck (00:10):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast.
I'm your host, chuck, and ifyou're here for the first time,
this platform was created togive genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, Ihave Kelly Darro on with me
today, who's a part of theHumanization Project, and on
this episode, she shares herstory of how she spent 30 years
(00:32):
of her life incarcerated, butnow, since her release, she's
been a voice for women who arestill in prison to bring
awareness to the fact that womenwho are incarcerated still have
value.
So you don't want to miss thisconversation.
As a matter of fact, do me afavor go and grab your husband,
your wife, your children, oreven call a friend and gather
around to listen to myconversation with Kelly on let's
(00:54):
Just Talk About it podcast.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Welcome back to another episodeof let's Just Talk About it
podcast Today.
I have Miss Kelly Darrow onwith us today.
How's it going today, Kelly?
Kelly Dara (01:08):
It's going great, chuck, thanks for having me.
Chuck (01:10):
Absolutely.
I really appreciate you beingon today.
Kelly Dara (01:12):
Thank you, I appreciate you talking to me.
Chuck (01:15):
As always, I love to jump right into my interviews to
have those genuineconversations with genuine
people just like yourself, Kelly, to share a portion of your
life's journey.
And I love to jump right in byasking this question when did
you grow up?
Kelly Dara (01:28):
I grew up right here in Virginia Beach.
Chuck (01:30):
What part of Virginia Beach.
Kelly Dara (01:32):
I'm out in the Kempsville area where I am.
Chuck (01:35):
Gotcha Shout out to Kempsville.
Kelly Dara (01:37):
Yeah, shout out to Kempsville, my home away from
home.
Chuck (01:42):
How was that out there, Kempsville?
Kelly Dara (01:47):
It's been my stomping ground since I was just
a little kid.
So, yeah, we moved down here.
We moved down here from NewYork when I was like six and
yeah, yeah, yep.
So I don't even consider myselfa New Yorker for real.
Chuck (01:58):
but my family does so got you, wow, okay, so, so let's
go back being being.
You said you've been inKinsville for six, since you
were six years old.
Yeah pretty much, so how wasthat at six growing up?
Kelly Dara (02:13):
Oh, it was fabulous.
But, I come from a differentgeneration so, like you know,
the streetlights come on and yougo home, type of thing.
Right, exactly.
So this area wasn't asdeveloped as it is now.
So, there was like a lot ofwoods and a lot of construction
sites and we would go out withall of our friends and bike ride
and, you know, explore and playon basketball courts and the
(02:37):
whole nine yards.
It was just a really, reallyyeah, and it was a really
family-friendly area.
Chuck (02:43):
Yeah, wow, okay, okay.
When you finally got old enoughto go out on your own, what was
that like for you?
Kelly Dara (02:51):
oh, it was great um yeah yeah, I had good times,
like when I hit.
I mean I did the the usualrebelling things right, okay,
you know like teenagers, do youknow?
And so I would lie and say Iwas going somewhere, that I
wasn't going.
But you know, I always gotcaught and I always got in
trouble.
Chuck (03:11):
You always did right, always did With no cell phones,
still got caught no cell phonesand still got in trouble.
Kelly Dara (03:17):
I snuck out of the house one night and came home
and my mother was up waiting forme and I said how did you know
I was gone?
And she said there was no noisecoming from your bedroom and
they had no cell phones, butstill somehow we all they knew
that court yeah yeah, wow, yeahwow, amazing.
Chuck (03:36):
So I met you through Taj Mayenhaf.
He's a part of the humanizationproject and he introduced us to
each other.
And the reason why heintroduced me to you because he
felt like your story would begreat on the podcast.
And so let's talk about yourstory, your journey in being
(03:59):
incarcerated, what led up tothat place of incarceration.
Kelly Dara (04:03):
Oh, so many things.
The easiest way to say it isthat I took my rebellion too far
.
Ok the more detailed and morein-depth and real answer is that
I was looking, I was lookingfor love, I was looking for
someone to love me and I gotinvolved with the wrong guy, you
(04:25):
know, and it led me down thewrong path and I went to prison
at the age of 17 for firstdegree murder.
Chuck (04:34):
Let me pause right there .
Taj Mahon-Haft is a part of theHumanization Project, and he
advocates for those who areincarcerated, so that's why I
asked you that question.
Let's talk about yourincarceration, you know, let's
go back to that.
So I just wanted to listen tothe audience to know where I was
going with that yeah, that'sfine, that's fine yeah.
(04:55):
So you were looking for love inthe wrong place.
Kelly Dara (05:00):
Yes.
Chuck (05:01):
Got you, yes Wow.
Kelly Dara (05:03):
And um, by my parents were completely against
it.
His parents were completelyagainst it, and it just made it
all the more exciting for us tobe together.
So we formulated a plan to runaway and who okay?
Set one of our classmates upand to steal his car and killed
(05:28):
him.
Chuck (05:29):
Wow, Mm, hmm.
Kelly Dara (05:30):
Yeah, steal the car and run away together.
That was the plan.
Chuck (05:34):
Wow.
So what was that moment like?
At that time, you just feltlike you was going to get away
and just that's it.
Nobody's going to come after me.
Kelly Dara (05:42):
Yes, that's exactly what we thought.
Chuck (05:44):
That's it.
Nobody's going to come after me.
Yes that's exactly what wethought.
Kelly Dara (05:46):
Wow, yes, yes.
Chuck (05:48):
I believe the reason why kids do so much crazy stuff is
that we have that mentality thatwe're not going to get caught.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, we're going to get awaywith it.
Kelly Dara (05:57):
Yeah, that we're all invincible.
Chuck (05:58):
Untouchable.
Kelly Dara (05:59):
Yes, yes, that we can lie our way out of any
situation, because that's whatwe do, that's what kids do.
They try to lie their way outof every situation and yeah, wow
.
So, you think, even if you doget caught, say, stealing a bag
of chips from the grocery store,you think that you can just lie
(06:20):
your way out of it by saying ohman, I forgot that it was in my
pocket and go home.
Chuck (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow.
So when the police came and gotyou, so what was?
Kelly Dara (06:33):
that like how did you feel?
If you could remember?
Oh, I remember like it wasyesterday.
I was scared to death becausewe had actually taken off to
North Carolina, and that's who.
That's where we got arrestedand brought back to Virginia.
Chuck (06:47):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, scared to death.
Chuck (06:51):
Wow, did you get out on bond, or did you just stay in
there the whole time?
Kelly Dara (06:55):
No, stayed in the whole time.
Chuck (06:57):
Never saw the streets again.
Kelly Dara (06:58):
Never saw the streets again.
Chuck (06:59):
Wow, so talk about that moment where you went to court.
Kelly Dara (07:03):
The thing about going to court when you're 17,
18 years old is that you watchway too much TV Like you watch
too many episodes of Matlock orLaw and Order, or you know, and
you think that some miracle isgoing to happen and that you're
going to you're, you're going togo home and you don't.
And it was heartbreaking, youknow like the whole and not just
(07:26):
, and I don't want to just talkabout my situation you know,
like for everybody that wasinvolved.
You know that one momentdestroyed lives and going
through court was just aconstant reminder of the lives
that I destroyed.
Mm, hmm, mm hmm.
Chuck (07:42):
Wow.
So as a 17 year old, you had togo in front of the judge and
and and hit a case, and so forth.
So sentencing comes.
Kelly Dara (07:51):
Talk about that day, because I remember mine oh man,
I my legs went out from underme when I got sent because, like
I mean, I mean, can I go aheadand say how much I got sentenced
?
Talk about it.
Yeah, yes, yes, I got sentencedto life under Virginia's no
parole law.
What year was that?
1995.
Chuck (08:11):
Wow, so you just missed it, then Just missed it, yep,
because they stopped parole.
What 94?
Kelly Dara (08:21):
95.
January of 95.
Chuck (08:23):
Yes, so at the moment you're in court, your family is
there Judge tells you to standup and he says, Miss Kelly Dyer,
I now send you to life inprison as a 17 year old.
Kelly Dara (08:44):
That had to be like devastating to everybody in the
courtroom at the time.
It was yeah, it was.
I clearly remember my mothersaying can I hug her one more
time?
Before you take her from me.
Yeah, but again, again, we haveto.
Yes, yes, it's.
It's heartbreaking to gothrough this as a 17 year old,
(09:04):
and I'm not trying to minimizemy actions.
Chuck (09:08):
I hurt somebody and their entire family.
Kelly Dara (09:20):
Yes, yes, yes.
But with that being said, youknow the other aspect is is that
my actions not just destroyedthe victim's family, my actions
destroyed my own family, youknow, and the ripple effects of
every action that you make.
It just goes on for so long andso deep and that one moment,
like changed the trajectory ofso many people's lives and
having to put my parents throughthat is it weighs so heavily on
(09:43):
me still to this day that I putthem through that for all those
years.
Chuck (09:46):
Wow.
So that whole situation stillweighs on you mentally sometimes
.
Kelly Dara (09:50):
Yes, it does, it does.
That's deep man.
Chuck (09:53):
Mm-hmm.
So, but, that being said, youget sentenced.
So what happens after that?
I want to have thisconversation so young people can
hear what goes on with ourchoices that we make.
You know what I mean, yeahabsolutely yeah absolutely, um,
nine months.
Kelly Dara (10:11):
I was in the jail for nine months and then I went
to prison and settled in for thelong haul.
Really, it's the only other wayto put it is that, you know, at
18, 17, 18 years old, hittingthe penitentiary is, you know,
it's a whole another world onits own.
It's a whole nother world inthere like it's, like being
(10:34):
inside of a community that isstuck in their mentality.
You know, and your choices areto either settle in and ride it
out and, you know, join the club, or to rise above it.
Chuck (10:51):
Wow, you chose to rise above it.
Kelly Dara (10:53):
Eventually, yes, but at first, no.
I settled in, and settled infor the long haul.
I was like, well, this is whereI'm going to be and this is
where I'm going to be forever.
So I might as well, you know,join the club, yeah, plus plus
the on.
The other aspect of that isthat I was still very, very
young and it was basically myfirst time on my own.
(11:14):
So I had to make decisions andchoices.
I had to grow up and I had togrow up quick and I had to
figure out who I was as an adult.
At 18 years, 17, 18 years old,you know like you don't have
your parents there to shelteryou.
You don't have your big brotherthere to be like you're going
(11:35):
the wrong way.
You might not want to hang outwith those people.
You know you have to do you'reon your own.
Yeah, you had to make thosechoices, yep yeah, yeah, and
it's survival of the fittest,like either you're gonna survive
in there or you're gonna let itconsume you, and I chose to
survive yeah.
Chuck (11:53):
So what would you tell a young lady right now who you
see yourself in back then headedin the wrong direction?
What would you say to her?
Kelly Dara (12:01):
well, I think the first question is would they
even listen If?
Chuck (12:03):
I could get them to listen.
Kelly Dara (12:06):
I think what I would say to them is, if somebody
that's in the same position thatI was in, I would have to tell
them your parents really do knowwhat's best for you.
They really do.
As much as you think they holdyou back, as much as you think
that they're making decisionsand handing out punishments
(12:28):
because they don't understandyou, they do.
They do More so than anybodyelse in the world, because
parents have been there and donethat and they got the T-shirt
you know, they know what's bestfor you.
They do know what's best for you, because they've made the same
mistakes that you've alreadymade.
(12:49):
Right, yeah, and I would.
I would hope, I would reallyhope that somebody would really
think about that If they were,if they are out there listening
and they're heading down thesame path I was heading down.
Just stop, take a breath andjust see if it's really worth it
.
Right Think about whether ornot it's really worth it.
Chuck (13:09):
Wow, good answer.
Thank you, absolutely Goodanswer.
Yeah, if they, if they wouldlisten.
Yeah, yeah, so being in there,how long did you do?
Kelly Dara (13:21):
I did 28 years 11 months to the day.
Chuck (13:26):
Wow, 28 years from 17.
Wow, 28 years.
Kelly, you mentioned that youbeat cancer.
Talk about that.
Kelly Dara (13:37):
I was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer in 2018
and was only because I had mysecond mammogram of my life, and
so everybody that's listening,go get your mammograms.
I was 41 years old when I wasdiagnosed with breast cancer.
(13:58):
No history of cancer in myfamily, nothing like it.
It was just a fluke.
So I went.
I underwent a lumpectomy, fourrounds of chemo, lost all of my
hair, every drop of it, andanybody that knows me knows that
my hair is my pride.
I have long natural red curlyhair and yeah, and it was gone
(14:20):
completely bald and 20 rounds ofradiation and as of what's
today's date, december 3rd,mm-hmm 3rd.
Okay, two days from now is mysix-year survival.
Chuck (14:33):
Wow, ring the bell, Shout out to you, yeah.
Kelly Dara (14:35):
Yes, ring it, wow, Ring it loud.
Chuck (14:38):
Let me ask you this so how did you get that attention?
Were you feeling bad orsomething that you know made you
go get checked out, or justroutine checkup?
Kelly Dara (14:49):
It was just a routine checkup.
They had started.
There was a bunch of andanybody can you know Google
Fluvanna Correctional Center forWomen and see the list of
newspaper articles and storiesthat have been written about the
horrible medical care there.
So through lawsuits, fluvannastarted being held accountable
(15:16):
for their medical care, yeah,and so they started trying to
get us all in for like ourroutine checkups.
And I turned 40 and had my firstmammogram and everything was
clear.
I turned 41 and they were likewe found something We've got to
send you to UVA.
So shout out to UVA becausethey are one of the greatest
cancer centers in America.
They were.
They treated me like a humanbeing.
I never felt like I wasincarcerated when I was there,
(15:39):
um, and they were the kindest,most gentlest people in in I've
ever met while I wasincarcerated.
They were just amazing.
So thank you for UVA and thankyou.
I feel bad for the people thathad to go through what they went
through in order to get themedical care a little bit better
in Fluvanna.
But thank you, ladies for yourfight, because without them I
(16:03):
wouldn't be having thisconversation with you.
Chuck (16:05):
Wow, so you was at where now I was in Fluvanna, okay.
Kelly Dara (16:10):
It's in Troy, Virginia.
It's right outside ofCharlottesville.
Chuck (16:13):
Well, I tell you, boy, they got prisons in them little
spots, they everywhere.
People just don't know, justdon't know.
Yeah, just don't know.
Glad you're a cancer survivor.
You beat it and you also camehome, yep, and you got another
victory, so yeah.
Yes, more to come, more to come.
Kelly Dara (16:31):
Absolutely.
And this isn't the end.
You guys are going to hear alot more from me, yeah.
Chuck (16:34):
So in that time frame, what did you do?
Did you go to school?
Kelly Dara (16:39):
Oh yeah, when I was not being a knucklehead, I went
to school.
I got a college scholarship andcame home with an associate's
degree.
I studied electrical, I studiedplumbing, I studied digital
imaging and printing.
I did all of the like thinkingfor a change classes, all of the
(17:04):
accountability classes.
I did building and maintenancefor a long time, where I would
repair things within theinstitution.
I did that for like 10 years.
I did train dogs.
I did everything.
I did everything that theyoffered and that they offered to
me and allowed me to do with mytype of sentence.
(17:27):
I did it.
I did it.
Chuck (17:30):
That's deep.
Kelly Dara (17:31):
And my reason for doing all of that, even without
any like end of the road sitelike this sentence is never
going to end for me, but I stillwant to take advantage of all
this stuff.
My main reason was because,regardless of where I was, I
wanted my parents to be able tobe proud of me got you wow now
(17:54):
you know yeah, amazing so.
Chuck (17:57):
I know people had listening, heard you say you had
a life sentence.
So the next question is yousaid you came home.
Let's talk about how you gothome okay.
Kelly Dara (18:07):
well, um, thanks to the effort of organizations like
the humanization project, um,who, I think and you don't want
to quote me on this because Idon't know for sure Humanization
Project helped pass a law forjuveniles to be able to apply
(18:29):
for parole in Virginia afterserving 20 years.
So this law applied to mebecause I was 17 when everything
happened and it passed in 2020.
I went up for parole threetimes and on the third time I
made it.
I came home in February.
Chuck (18:49):
Wow this year.
Kelly Dara (18:51):
This year 2024.
2024.
Chuck (18:54):
Haven't even been home a year, yet you said 28 years, 11
months 28 years, 11 months.
Kelly Dara (18:59):
I just rounded up to 30.
Chuck (19:00):
Yeah, round it off.
Yeah, exactly 30 years.
That's deep, man.
You never hear about a womandoing that amount of time.
Kelly Dara (19:08):
Never hear a lot about women doing any kind of
time.
Chuck (19:10):
Absolutely so.
How has it been since you'vebeen home?
How does it feel after allthose years being home?
It feels like I never left.
Kelly Dara (19:21):
And it feels that way because of my support system
, because of the friendshipsthat I formed in there, that
went home before me and held medown for nine, 10 years, stayed
by my side, answered the phonemy parents you know I'm blessed
enough that my parents are stillalive.
(19:42):
Yeah, I prayed every day that Icould make it home before
something happened to them.
And I'm telling you, godanswers prayers, not on your
time, not when you want him to.
That's good, but he does, andI'm living proof of that.
My brother has been absolutelyamazing.
Through this entire ordeal hehas been like my biggest
(20:05):
supporter.
Since I've been home, he tookme in, he's letting me live with
him.
It's, it's just, it's great,it's just like I.
I mean, there's moments whereI'll be like um, I don't know
how to do such and such, or Idon't know how to act in such
and such a situation, and likesomebody is always right there
to be like Kelly.
(20:26):
This is the way, Kelly, you'redoing fine, you know.
Just to kind of boost me up alittle bit.
Chuck (20:32):
Yeah.
What's your brother's name?
Brian, shout out to Brian.
Yeah, yeah, and your mom anddad Shout out to them for
sticking by your side.
It's very important to havethat support system.
You know, while you're thereand when you come out.
(20:52):
Yes, absolutely, wow,absolutely.
Kelly Dara (20:53):
So so what are some of the challenges that you have?
Do you have any challengesbeing home?
Yes, um, the biggest thing thataffected me when I got home was
, you know, when you first comehome, it's like everybody's so
excited and everybody wants tosee you, and then eventually,
everybody just goes back totheir regular life To normal.
Yes, when people went back totheir regular lives and I was
(21:15):
alone for the first time, it wasso quiet, chuck.
It was like I could not, Icouldn't, I couldn't handle it.
Like I had a whole breakdownbecause, like it's never quiet
inside, it's never quiet, neverCount time.
Chuck (21:32):
Yes, ciao.
Kelly Dara (21:34):
It's doors closing all night long, toilets flushing
all night long.
You know, people talking allnight long and all day long,
it's never quiet.
People talking all night longand all day long, it's never
quiet.
So that first night that it wasjust me and my brother in the
house and I was in my roomputting my stuff away, I just
started crying because it was soquiet.
(21:56):
I could finally hear my ownthoughts.
Chuck (21:58):
Wow, after all that time you could finally hear peace
and quiet.
Kelly Dara (22:02):
Yeah, yeah, I don't have to sleep with earplugs, I
can turn the light off.
Like these little things thatthat people take for granted
every single day are likemomentous.
Yeah to people that have donetime that's right.
Chuck (22:16):
So was it a challenge for you to get a job coming out,
as you know, with yourconviction?
Kelly Dara (22:22):
yes, with that giant scarlet m on my chest.
Yes, yes, yes.
I listened to one of yourpodcasts a couple of days ago
where, um, you were talking tosome of your friends and they
mentioned a badge it's like abadge.
It's like the badge yep yes,it's like a badge, and you know
what they don't tell you inside,or they?
(22:43):
They say which is not true, ormaybe it's just virginia that
when they run a background check, they only go back 10 years
that's not true.
Chuck (22:51):
No, not at all, it's not true it's not true.
Kelly Dara (22:54):
Every job I applied for shot me down because of my
background and so I ended upgoing to a staffing agency and
they have put me to work in awarehouse, which I'm not sitting
here trying to say that I'mbetter than working in a
warehouse, because work is workand a paycheck is a paycheck.
(23:15):
You know, but I never imaginedmyself standing on my feet for
eight hours a day putting partstogether for some lawnmower, you
know, but it's just a testamentto it doesn't matter what I
learned when I was inside, itdoesn't matter out here.
Chuck (23:34):
That's what I wanted to ask you All those trades you
took.
Kelly Dara (23:38):
Yeah.
Chuck (23:39):
It doesn't mean anything out here for real.
Kelly Dara (23:41):
No, no, because of that giant scarlet M that I wear
on my chest.
Chuck (23:46):
Wow, mm, hmm, mm, hmm, that's that's another thing that
needs to be.
You know, taking a look at to.
You know how we view people andhow we hire in terms of people
coming out.
You know what do peoplesupposed to do.
You know what I mean.
Kelly Dara (24:02):
Yeah, yeah, Because I had some fantastic job offers
you know, and I'd go to theinterview.
I knocked the interview out ofthe park.
You know they're like, oh myGod, I'd love to have you on my
team, I can't wait to get youstarted.
We just have to run abackground check and I'm like,
okay, well, here's what you'regoing to find.
Chuck (24:20):
Yeah, what you're going to find.
Yeah, so you just go ahead andtell them.
Kelly Dara (24:22):
Just tell them.
Just tell them.
Just be honest and tell them.
And they all said like everyone of them said well, it was so
long ago, it shouldn't matter,but it does.
It didn't matter to the personthat interviewed me, it didn't
matter to, you know, the personthat owned the store or the
place that I was interviewing at, but it mattered to HR.
Chuck (24:43):
Wow you know.
Kelly Dara (24:44):
So then when they run the background check and
they come across this convictionfrom 1995, they're like I'm
sorry, we have to rescind ourjob offer.
Chuck (24:52):
Hmm.
Kelly Dara (24:54):
Yeah.
Chuck (24:55):
So they go all the way back to 95.
Kelly Dara (24:59):
They did on me.
Chuck (25:00):
Yeah, that's deep I didn't think they, like you said
, I didn't think they weresupposed to do that.
Kelly Dara (25:04):
Go all the way back that I didn't think so either,
but they did yeah wow, so that'sbeen, that's been a challenge
yeah, it has been yeah, findingthat work but, um, that, that's
gonna, that's gonna change soon.
Chuck (25:18):
You know, somebody's gonna open the door for you.
Kelly Dara (25:21):
Yep Absolutely, absolutely.
Chuck (25:24):
Yep, somebody's going to .
So, being out now, we can'tforget the people that we left
behind.
You know what I mean.
I know your heart is still withyour friends because there's
some valuable people Peopledon't understand, some valuable
people behind bars that justmade a mistake, you know.
Kelly Dara (25:39):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, some people want theirsecond chance.
Yeah, some people want a secondchance.
Chuck (25:43):
Yeah, yeah, there's one.
Kelly Dara (25:44):
there's one girl in particular.
I feel like you were gettingready to ask me this anyway, so
I'm just going to jump to theanswer.
There's sure, there's one girlin particular that I met when I
was 18 and she was 19 and shehas been locked up since 92.
And she are, she's my bestfriend and we talk on the phone
(26:06):
every single day.
We talk because I never thoughtin a million years, number one,
that I would leave her behindand number two, that I would
make parole before her.
There's just I just it doesn'tmake any sense to me because
she's done everything that I didand more, and she, she, but
(26:27):
it's.
It was so hard to leave herbehind that I just I can't, I
can't just walk away from thatsituation and act like those 30
years didn't happen.
Chuck (26:36):
It's not just her.
Kelly Dara (26:37):
There's.
There's so many people that Ileft behind, people that I left
behind, so many amazing womenthat are still behind bars that
deserve to sit in the middleyeah, second chance deserves to
sit in the middle of their floorand cry because it's quiet.
Or, you know, experience theirfirst Christmas.
You know, decorate the houselike, like, like it's nobody's
(27:00):
business, like.
I spent so much money onChristmas decorations because I
just didn't feel like my brotherhad enough and he was like, do
whatever you want, it's yourfirst Christmas home.
So, you know, and, and theydeserve, they deserve that
opportunity and I just which iswhy I'm part of the humanization
project in the first place isbecause something has to,
(27:21):
something has to give inVirginia, do you know how many
women have made parole since Imade parole in 2023?
Chuck (27:28):
How many?
Kelly Dara (27:29):
Zero.
Chuck (27:30):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (27:31):
Not a single woman has come home since I come home
on parole.
Chuck (27:38):
So what do you think the issue is with that?
Kelly Dara (27:41):
I think it's a this is going to sound horrible.
I think it's a this is gonnasound horrible.
I think it's a numbers game.
I think it's because I thinkthat there's like an unspoken
percentage of people in virginiathat need to be released on
parole to make it look like thatthe parole board is doing their
job.
Yes, and unfortunately it'smore men that are incarcerated
(28:06):
than women, so the odds are notin women's favor to make parole.
You know, and I think that Ijust I think.
I think I have a guardian angel.
I think I'm extremely blessed.
And you know, I think I'mextremely blessed and you know,
yeah, and when the parole boardhad Chadwick Dodson on it, he
(28:29):
interviewed all of us women andhe was like I'm going to fight
for you, I'm going to fight foryou, I'm going to fight for you.
And he got me and one othergirl released on parole and then
he left and now he's the headof DOC.
And so we're back to square onewith a parole board where it's
like Nobody to fight, nobody tofight Nobody on the inside to
fight for us.
Chuck (28:52):
So what role do you play in the humanization project?
Kelly Dara (28:55):
I'm the advocate for women behind bars.
Chuck (28:57):
Got you.
So how does that look?
What do you have to do?
What do you do in terms of haveto do, or what do you do in
terms of?
Kelly Dara (29:03):
so what it is is that I bring a side of
incarceration that is vastlyunderrepresented, because when
you hear about post release, oryou hear about the numbers, or
you hear about what's going oninside, it's always men, men,
men, men, men, and, and even onthe inside the numbers, or you
(29:24):
hear about what's going oninside, it's always men, men,
men, men, men and, and even onthe inside as well, as when
we're released, women are stillgrouped in with men.
So I bring a voice to thevoiceless by saying this is
what's happening for women, it'sdifferent for men.
So this is what's happening forwomen.
This is how women are beingneglected, this is how women are
(29:46):
being overlooked, this is howwomen are losing their sense of
femininity.
You know, and yeah, and it's alot, and it goes very, very deep
.
And I'm just scratching thesurface by trying to bring
awareness to women's medicalcare in there, because when you
(30:07):
think of women and you think oftheir medical care, the first
thing you think of is probablypregnancy or being a mother.
But the vast majority of womenthat are incarcerated are over
the age of, say, they're intheir 40s, so they're going
through a different kind ofphysical change.
(30:29):
Right right and they don't getthe treatment that they need
Treatment.
Chuck (30:33):
I understand.
Kelly Dara (30:34):
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck (30:35):
Yeah, the physicals.
Kelly Dara (30:37):
The physicals, the like you know.
I'm just going to put it outthere.
When you go through menopause,you lose, you know, bone density
, you lose hormones and you'resupposed to have supplements
provided for you to help thatyou don't get anything to deal
with, like the mood swings orthe hot flashes or anything else
that comes with going throughmenopause.
(30:57):
Like they just.
They're basically just likewell, deal with it, Tough it out
, It'll stop eventually.
Chuck (31:05):
Wow, so that's the mentality Wow.
Kelly Dara (31:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck (31:11):
So it's like y'all just thrown aside.
Kelly Dara (31:14):
We're just thrown inside and we're like left to
fend for ourselves.
So I mean and as much as I hateto admit this like you do
things to survive in there, likeif somebody else was lucky
enough to go to medical whohappens to be pregnant and gets
a prenatal vitamin, thensomebody whose hair has started
(31:35):
thinning out really, really bad,will share their prenatal
vitamins so that you know you'renot walking around with ball
patches in your hair.
Your hair is not thinning, youknow?
Which again goes back towomen's femininity.
Chuck (31:49):
Right.
You know, again goes back towomen's femininity, right, you
know.
So the same thing goes on witha woman out here, goes on in
there, but the thing is, y'alldon't get the attention inside,
exactly wow yeah wow, so you'rethe voice for the voiceless.
Kelly Dara (32:04):
I'm the voice for the voiceless.
Chuck (32:05):
I like that.
Kelly Dara (32:06):
Yep.
Chuck (32:07):
Wow, you're amazing.
Thank you Absolutely, and Ilook at it as if God brought you
out for a reason so you canmake a change that you will be
that person who does that changeyou know what I'm saying?
Kelly Dara (32:21):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Chuck (32:23):
And I believe you would do it.
Kelly Dara (32:24):
He provided me with a platform.
He introduced me to Taj so.
Chuck (32:28):
Shout out to Taj.
Kelly Dara (32:31):
Shout out to Taj, shout out to Taj and the rest of
the Humanization Project.
They are amazing.
Chuck (32:35):
What does he mean to you , Taj he's?
Kelly Dara (32:38):
my hero.
Chuck (32:39):
Wow, he's my hero.
Kelly Dara (32:42):
He means he's great.
He's just so amazing with whatit is that he does and he's so
passionate about it and he's sohe's.
He's going to change the worldand he's gonna allow the
humanization project to changeit with him.
Chuck (32:59):
And yeah, yeah, man, I'm glad to know both of y'all oh
well, we're very lucky to knowyou.
Kelly Dara (33:06):
Thank you so much absolutely so.
Chuck (33:08):
Um, man, I appreciate this conversation, any anything
else you want to, you want tosay to the listening audience in
terms of the humanizationproject or anything else um,
yeah, first I would like to say,if you are interested in
following the humanizationproject, we're on facebook.
Kelly Dara (33:26):
Um, also, if there's any women formerly incarcerated
women out there that havestories that want to share or
have issues that they wantaddressed, you can reach me at
kelly atthehumanizationprojectorg that's
my email address.
And also, if there is anybodylistening that's heading down
(33:47):
the path that I was heading.
Just take a breath and justthink is it worth it?
Chuck (33:56):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (33:58):
And I want to wish everybody a happy holiday season
Wow.
Chuck (34:02):
That's what I wanted to ask you how was your first
Thanksgiving?
Kelly Dara (34:05):
Oh man, it was uneventful, no.
My family doesn't dotraditional Thanksgiving.
Oh okay, it was uneventful.
No, my family doesn't dotraditional.
Chuck (34:12):
Thanksgiving.
Kelly Dara (34:14):
So we had an untraditional meal.
We had well, we had freshlobster.
So, yeah, so I did eat.
I didn't eat a traditional mealyeah.
But my brother knows that Ihave a soft spot in my stomach
for pumpkin pie and he's nevermade pumpkin pie before.
He's a fabulous cook, by theway.
(34:34):
Shout out to Brian and hismeals.
I love them.
So he made pumpkin pie for thefirst time ever in life and it
was delicious.
Chuck (34:45):
Shout out to Brian.
Kelly Dara (34:47):
Yeah.
Chuck (34:48):
Wow, amazing, amazing, glad you're home, glad you got a
second chance, thank you.
So your friends that are insideyou are allowing them to feel
the freedom through you.
Yes, wow.
Kelly Dara (35:02):
Yes.
Chuck (35:03):
Yep, wow, amazing.
Kelly Dara (35:05):
Yep Mm-hmm.
Chuck (35:06):
Thank you, kelly, for being a part of let's Just Talk
About it podcast.
This definitely won't be thelast time, because I know you're
going to do great things and Iwant to hear about them, if you
don't mind.
Kelly Dara (35:16):
I do not mind at all .
Thank you so much for having meon here and shout out to you
for what you're doing.
I love your podcast.
Chuck (35:24):
Appreciate you.
That means a lot, that means alot, thank you.
Kelly Dara (35:32):
That means a lot.
That means a lot, thank you,thank you All right, appreciate
you, no problem.
Chuck (35:36):
Wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to you, kelly, forhaving this dialogue with me.
I also want to say thank youfor your transparency and
sharing your story and also forhelping to make a difference by
becoming a voice for thevoiceless with the Humanization
Project, and I also want tothank everyone for always tuning
in to let's Just Talk About itpodcast, and if you have any
media needs, such as videographyand photography, you can reach
(35:59):
out to me and my businesspartner Low Mills at MMB Media
on Facebook.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon, thank you.
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast.
I'm your host, chuck, and ifyou're here for the first time,
this platform was created togive genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, Ihave Kelly Darro on with me
today, who's a part of theHumanization Project, and on
this episode, she shares herstory of how she spent 30 years
(00:32):
of her life incarcerated, butnow, since her release, she's
been a voice for women who arestill in prison to bring
awareness to the fact that womenwho are incarcerated still have
value.
So you don't want to miss thisconversation.
As a matter of fact, do me afavor go and grab your husband,
your wife, your children, oreven call a friend and gather
around to listen to myconversation with Kelly on let's
(00:54):
Just Talk About it podcast.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Welcome back to another episodeof let's Just Talk About it
podcast Today.
I have Miss Kelly Darrow onwith us today.
How's it going today, Kelly?
Kelly Dara (01:08):
It's going great, chuck, thanks for having me.
Chuck (01:10):
Absolutely.
I really appreciate you beingon today.
Kelly Dara (01:12):
Thank you, I appreciate you talking to me.
Chuck (01:15):
As always, I love to jump right into my interviews to
have those genuineconversations with genuine
people just like yourself, Kelly, to share a portion of your
life's journey.
And I love to jump right in byasking this question when did
you grow up?
Kelly Dara (01:28):
I grew up right here in Virginia Beach.
Chuck (01:30):
What part of Virginia Beach.
Kelly Dara (01:32):
I'm out in the Kempsville area where I am.
Chuck (01:35):
Gotcha Shout out to Kempsville.
Kelly Dara (01:37):
Yeah, shout out to Kempsville, my home away from
home.
Chuck (01:42):
How was that out there, Kempsville?
Kelly Dara (01:47):
It's been my stomping ground since I was just
a little kid.
So, yeah, we moved down here.
We moved down here from NewYork when I was like six and
yeah, yeah, yep.
So I don't even consider myselfa New Yorker for real.
Chuck (01:58):
but my family does so got you, wow, okay, so, so let's
go back being being.
You said you've been inKinsville for six, since you
were six years old.
Yeah pretty much, so how wasthat at six growing up?
Kelly Dara (02:13):
Oh, it was fabulous.
But, I come from a differentgeneration so, like you know,
the streetlights come on and yougo home, type of thing.
Right, exactly.
So this area wasn't asdeveloped as it is now.
So, there was like a lot ofwoods and a lot of construction
sites and we would go out withall of our friends and bike ride
and, you know, explore and playon basketball courts and the
(02:37):
whole nine yards.
It was just a really, reallyyeah, and it was a really
family-friendly area.
Chuck (02:43):
Yeah, wow, okay, okay.
When you finally got old enoughto go out on your own, what was
that like for you?
Kelly Dara (02:51):
oh, it was great um yeah yeah, I had good times,
like when I hit.
I mean I did the the usualrebelling things right, okay,
you know like teenagers, do youknow?
And so I would lie and say Iwas going somewhere, that I
wasn't going.
But you know, I always gotcaught and I always got in
trouble.
Chuck (03:11):
You always did right, always did With no cell phones,
still got caught no cell phonesand still got in trouble.
Kelly Dara (03:17):
I snuck out of the house one night and came home
and my mother was up waiting forme and I said how did you know
I was gone?
And she said there was no noisecoming from your bedroom and
they had no cell phones, butstill somehow we all they knew
that court yeah yeah, wow, yeahwow, amazing.
Chuck (03:36):
So I met you through Taj Mayenhaf.
He's a part of the humanizationproject and he introduced us to
each other.
And the reason why heintroduced me to you because he
felt like your story would begreat on the podcast.
And so let's talk about yourstory, your journey in being
(03:59):
incarcerated, what led up tothat place of incarceration.
Kelly Dara (04:03):
Oh, so many things.
The easiest way to say it isthat I took my rebellion too far
.
Ok the more detailed and morein-depth and real answer is that
I was looking, I was lookingfor love, I was looking for
someone to love me and I gotinvolved with the wrong guy, you
(04:25):
know, and it led me down thewrong path and I went to prison
at the age of 17 for firstdegree murder.
Chuck (04:34):
Let me pause right there .
Taj Mahon-Haft is a part of theHumanization Project, and he
advocates for those who areincarcerated, so that's why I
asked you that question.
Let's talk about yourincarceration, you know, let's
go back to that.
So I just wanted to listen tothe audience to know where I was
going with that yeah, that'sfine, that's fine yeah.
(04:55):
So you were looking for love inthe wrong place.
Kelly Dara (05:00):
Yes.
Chuck (05:01):
Got you, yes Wow.
Kelly Dara (05:03):
And um, by my parents were completely against
it.
His parents were completelyagainst it, and it just made it
all the more exciting for us tobe together.
So we formulated a plan to runaway and who okay?
Set one of our classmates upand to steal his car and killed
(05:28):
him.
Chuck (05:29):
Wow, Mm, hmm.
Kelly Dara (05:30):
Yeah, steal the car and run away together.
That was the plan.
Chuck (05:34):
Wow.
So what was that moment like?
At that time, you just feltlike you was going to get away
and just that's it.
Nobody's going to come after me.
Kelly Dara (05:42):
Yes, that's exactly what we thought.
Chuck (05:44):
That's it.
Nobody's going to come after me.
Yes that's exactly what wethought.
Kelly Dara (05:46):
Wow, yes, yes.
Chuck (05:48):
I believe the reason why kids do so much crazy stuff is
that we have that mentality thatwe're not going to get caught.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, we're going to get awaywith it.
Kelly Dara (05:57):
Yeah, that we're all invincible.
Chuck (05:58):
Untouchable.
Kelly Dara (05:59):
Yes, yes, that we can lie our way out of any
situation, because that's whatwe do, that's what kids do.
They try to lie their way outof every situation and yeah, wow
.
So, you think, even if you doget caught, say, stealing a bag
of chips from the grocery store,you think that you can just lie
(06:20):
your way out of it by saying ohman, I forgot that it was in my
pocket and go home.
Chuck (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow.
So when the police came and gotyou, so what was?
Kelly Dara (06:33):
that like how did you feel?
If you could remember?
Oh, I remember like it wasyesterday.
I was scared to death becausewe had actually taken off to
North Carolina, and that's who.
That's where we got arrestedand brought back to Virginia.
Chuck (06:47):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, scared to death.
Chuck (06:51):
Wow, did you get out on bond, or did you just stay in
there the whole time?
Kelly Dara (06:55):
No, stayed in the whole time.
Chuck (06:57):
Never saw the streets again.
Kelly Dara (06:58):
Never saw the streets again.
Chuck (06:59):
Wow, so talk about that moment where you went to court.
Kelly Dara (07:03):
The thing about going to court when you're 17,
18 years old is that you watchway too much TV Like you watch
too many episodes of Matlock orLaw and Order, or you know, and
you think that some miracle isgoing to happen and that you're
going to you're, you're going togo home and you don't.
And it was heartbreaking, youknow like the whole and not just
(07:26):
, and I don't want to just talkabout my situation you know,
like for everybody that wasinvolved.
You know that one momentdestroyed lives and going
through court was just aconstant reminder of the lives
that I destroyed.
Mm, hmm, mm hmm.
Chuck (07:42):
Wow.
So as a 17 year old, you had togo in front of the judge and
and and hit a case, and so forth.
So sentencing comes.
Kelly Dara (07:51):
Talk about that day, because I remember mine oh man,
I my legs went out from underme when I got sent because, like
I mean, I mean, can I go aheadand say how much I got sentenced
?
Talk about it.
Yeah, yes, yes, I got sentencedto life under Virginia's no
parole law.
What year was that?
1995.
Chuck (08:11):
Wow, so you just missed it, then Just missed it, yep,
because they stopped parole.
What 94?
Kelly Dara (08:21):
95.
January of 95.
Chuck (08:23):
Yes, so at the moment you're in court, your family is
there Judge tells you to standup and he says, Miss Kelly Dyer,
I now send you to life inprison as a 17 year old.
Kelly Dara (08:44):
That had to be like devastating to everybody in the
courtroom at the time.
It was yeah, it was.
I clearly remember my mothersaying can I hug her one more
time?
Before you take her from me.
Yeah, but again, again, we haveto.
Yes, yes, it's.
It's heartbreaking to gothrough this as a 17 year old,
(09:04):
and I'm not trying to minimizemy actions.
Chuck (09:08):
I hurt somebody and their entire family.
Kelly Dara (09:20):
Yes, yes, yes.
But with that being said, youknow the other aspect is is that
my actions not just destroyedthe victim's family, my actions
destroyed my own family, youknow, and the ripple effects of
every action that you make.
It just goes on for so long andso deep and that one moment,
like changed the trajectory ofso many people's lives and
having to put my parents throughthat is it weighs so heavily on
(09:43):
me still to this day that I putthem through that for all those
years.
Chuck (09:46):
Wow.
So that whole situation stillweighs on you mentally sometimes
.
Kelly Dara (09:50):
Yes, it does, it does.
That's deep man.
Chuck (09:53):
Mm-hmm.
So, but, that being said, youget sentenced.
So what happens after that?
I want to have thisconversation so young people can
hear what goes on with ourchoices that we make.
You know what I mean, yeahabsolutely yeah absolutely, um,
nine months.
Kelly Dara (10:11):
I was in the jail for nine months and then I went
to prison and settled in for thelong haul.
Really, it's the only other wayto put it is that, you know, at
18, 17, 18 years old, hittingthe penitentiary is, you know,
it's a whole another world onits own.
It's a whole nother world inthere like it's, like being
(10:34):
inside of a community that isstuck in their mentality.
You know, and your choices areto either settle in and ride it
out and, you know, join the club, or to rise above it.
Chuck (10:51):
Wow, you chose to rise above it.
Kelly Dara (10:53):
Eventually, yes, but at first, no.
I settled in, and settled infor the long haul.
I was like, well, this is whereI'm going to be and this is
where I'm going to be forever.
So I might as well, you know,join the club, yeah, plus plus
the on.
The other aspect of that isthat I was still very, very
young and it was basically myfirst time on my own.
(11:14):
So I had to make decisions andchoices.
I had to grow up and I had togrow up quick and I had to
figure out who I was as an adult.
At 18 years, 17, 18 years old,you know like you don't have
your parents there to shelteryou.
You don't have your big brotherthere to be like you're going
(11:35):
the wrong way.
You might not want to hang outwith those people.
You know you have to do you'reon your own.
Yeah, you had to make thosechoices, yep yeah, yeah, and
it's survival of the fittest,like either you're gonna survive
in there or you're gonna let itconsume you, and I chose to
survive yeah.
Chuck (11:53):
So what would you tell a young lady right now who you
see yourself in back then headedin the wrong direction?
What would you say to her?
Kelly Dara (12:01):
well, I think the first question is would they
even listen If?
Chuck (12:03):
I could get them to listen.
Kelly Dara (12:06):
I think what I would say to them is, if somebody
that's in the same position thatI was in, I would have to tell
them your parents really do knowwhat's best for you.
They really do.
As much as you think they holdyou back, as much as you think
that they're making decisionsand handing out punishments
(12:28):
because they don't understandyou, they do.
They do More so than anybodyelse in the world, because
parents have been there and donethat and they got the T-shirt
you know, they know what's bestfor you.
They do know what's best for you, because they've made the same
mistakes that you've alreadymade.
(12:49):
Right, yeah, and I would.
I would hope, I would reallyhope that somebody would really
think about that If they were,if they are out there listening
and they're heading down thesame path I was heading down.
Just stop, take a breath andjust see if it's really worth it
.
Right Think about whether ornot it's really worth it.
Chuck (13:09):
Wow, good answer.
Thank you, absolutely Goodanswer.
Yeah, if they, if they wouldlisten.
Yeah, yeah, so being in there,how long did you do?
Kelly Dara (13:21):
I did 28 years 11 months to the day.
Chuck (13:26):
Wow, 28 years from 17.
Wow, 28 years.
Kelly, you mentioned that youbeat cancer.
Talk about that.
Kelly Dara (13:37):
I was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer in 2018
and was only because I had mysecond mammogram of my life, and
so everybody that's listening,go get your mammograms.
I was 41 years old when I wasdiagnosed with breast cancer.
(13:58):
No history of cancer in myfamily, nothing like it.
It was just a fluke.
So I went.
I underwent a lumpectomy, fourrounds of chemo, lost all of my
hair, every drop of it, andanybody that knows me knows that
my hair is my pride.
I have long natural red curlyhair and yeah, and it was gone
(14:20):
completely bald and 20 rounds ofradiation and as of what's
today's date, december 3rd,mm-hmm 3rd.
Okay, two days from now is mysix-year survival.
Chuck (14:33):
Wow, ring the bell, Shout out to you, yeah.
Kelly Dara (14:35):
Yes, ring it, wow, Ring it loud.
Chuck (14:38):
Let me ask you this so how did you get that attention?
Were you feeling bad orsomething that you know made you
go get checked out, or justroutine checkup?
Kelly Dara (14:49):
It was just a routine checkup.
They had started.
There was a bunch of andanybody can you know Google
Fluvanna Correctional Center forWomen and see the list of
newspaper articles and storiesthat have been written about the
horrible medical care there.
So through lawsuits, fluvannastarted being held accountable
(15:16):
for their medical care, yeah,and so they started trying to
get us all in for like ourroutine checkups.
And I turned 40 and had my firstmammogram and everything was
clear.
I turned 41 and they were likewe found something We've got to
send you to UVA.
So shout out to UVA becausethey are one of the greatest
cancer centers in America.
They were.
They treated me like a humanbeing.
I never felt like I wasincarcerated when I was there,
(15:39):
um, and they were the kindest,most gentlest people in in I've
ever met while I wasincarcerated.
They were just amazing.
So thank you for UVA and thankyou.
I feel bad for the people thathad to go through what they went
through in order to get themedical care a little bit better
in Fluvanna.
But thank you, ladies for yourfight, because without them I
(16:03):
wouldn't be having thisconversation with you.
Chuck (16:05):
Wow, so you was at where now I was in Fluvanna, okay.
Kelly Dara (16:10):
It's in Troy, Virginia.
It's right outside ofCharlottesville.
Chuck (16:13):
Well, I tell you, boy, they got prisons in them little
spots, they everywhere.
People just don't know, justdon't know.
Yeah, just don't know.
Glad you're a cancer survivor.
You beat it and you also camehome, yep, and you got another
victory, so yeah.
Yes, more to come, more to come.
Kelly Dara (16:31):
Absolutely.
And this isn't the end.
You guys are going to hear alot more from me, yeah.
Chuck (16:34):
So in that time frame, what did you do?
Did you go to school?
Kelly Dara (16:39):
Oh yeah, when I was not being a knucklehead, I went
to school.
I got a college scholarship andcame home with an associate's
degree.
I studied electrical, I studiedplumbing, I studied digital
imaging and printing.
I did all of the like thinkingfor a change classes, all of the
(17:04):
accountability classes.
I did building and maintenancefor a long time, where I would
repair things within theinstitution.
I did that for like 10 years.
I did train dogs.
I did everything.
I did everything that theyoffered and that they offered to
me and allowed me to do with mytype of sentence.
(17:27):
I did it.
I did it.
Chuck (17:30):
That's deep.
Kelly Dara (17:31):
And my reason for doing all of that, even without
any like end of the road sitelike this sentence is never
going to end for me, but I stillwant to take advantage of all
this stuff.
My main reason was because,regardless of where I was, I
wanted my parents to be able tobe proud of me got you wow now
(17:54):
you know yeah, amazing so.
Chuck (17:57):
I know people had listening, heard you say you had
a life sentence.
So the next question is yousaid you came home.
Let's talk about how you gothome okay.
Kelly Dara (18:07):
well, um, thanks to the effort of organizations like
the humanization project, um,who, I think and you don't want
to quote me on this because Idon't know for sure Humanization
Project helped pass a law forjuveniles to be able to apply
(18:29):
for parole in Virginia afterserving 20 years.
So this law applied to mebecause I was 17 when everything
happened and it passed in 2020.
I went up for parole threetimes and on the third time I
made it.
I came home in February.
Chuck (18:49):
Wow this year.
Kelly Dara (18:51):
This year 2024.
2024.
Chuck (18:54):
Haven't even been home a year, yet you said 28 years, 11
months 28 years, 11 months.
Kelly Dara (18:59):
I just rounded up to 30.
Chuck (19:00):
Yeah, round it off.
Yeah, exactly 30 years.
That's deep, man.
You never hear about a womandoing that amount of time.
Kelly Dara (19:08):
Never hear a lot about women doing any kind of
time.
Chuck (19:10):
Absolutely so.
How has it been since you'vebeen home?
How does it feel after allthose years being home?
It feels like I never left.
Kelly Dara (19:21):
And it feels that way because of my support system
, because of the friendshipsthat I formed in there, that
went home before me and held medown for nine, 10 years, stayed
by my side, answered the phonemy parents you know I'm blessed
enough that my parents are stillalive.
(19:42):
Yeah, I prayed every day that Icould make it home before
something happened to them.
And I'm telling you, godanswers prayers, not on your
time, not when you want him to.
That's good, but he does, andI'm living proof of that.
My brother has been absolutelyamazing.
Through this entire ordeal hehas been like my biggest
(20:05):
supporter.
Since I've been home, he tookme in, he's letting me live with
him.
It's, it's just, it's great,it's just like I.
I mean, there's moments whereI'll be like um, I don't know
how to do such and such, or Idon't know how to act in such
and such a situation, and likesomebody is always right there
to be like Kelly.
(20:26):
This is the way, Kelly, you'redoing fine, you know.
Just to kind of boost me up alittle bit.
Chuck (20:32):
Yeah.
What's your brother's name?
Brian, shout out to Brian.
Yeah, yeah, and your mom anddad Shout out to them for
sticking by your side.
It's very important to havethat support system.
You know, while you're thereand when you come out.
(20:52):
Yes, absolutely, wow,absolutely.
Kelly Dara (20:53):
So so what are some of the challenges that you have?
Do you have any challengesbeing home?
Yes, um, the biggest thing thataffected me when I got home was
, you know, when you first comehome, it's like everybody's so
excited and everybody wants tosee you, and then eventually,
everybody just goes back totheir regular life To normal.
Yes, when people went back totheir regular lives and I was
(21:15):
alone for the first time, it wasso quiet, chuck.
It was like I could not, Icouldn't, I couldn't handle it.
Like I had a whole breakdownbecause, like it's never quiet
inside, it's never quiet, neverCount time.
Chuck (21:32):
Yes, ciao.
Kelly Dara (21:34):
It's doors closing all night long, toilets flushing
all night long.
You know, people talking allnight long and all day long,
it's never quiet.
People talking all night longand all day long, it's never
quiet.
So that first night that it wasjust me and my brother in the
house and I was in my roomputting my stuff away, I just
started crying because it was soquiet.
(21:56):
I could finally hear my ownthoughts.
Chuck (21:58):
Wow, after all that time you could finally hear peace
and quiet.
Kelly Dara (22:02):
Yeah, yeah, I don't have to sleep with earplugs, I
can turn the light off.
Like these little things thatthat people take for granted
every single day are likemomentous.
Yeah to people that have donetime that's right.
Chuck (22:16):
So was it a challenge for you to get a job coming out,
as you know, with yourconviction?
Kelly Dara (22:22):
yes, with that giant scarlet m on my chest.
Yes, yes, yes.
I listened to one of yourpodcasts a couple of days ago
where, um, you were talking tosome of your friends and they
mentioned a badge it's like abadge.
It's like the badge yep yes,it's like a badge, and you know
what they don't tell you inside,or they?
(22:43):
They say which is not true, ormaybe it's just virginia that
when they run a background check, they only go back 10 years
that's not true.
Chuck (22:51):
No, not at all, it's not true it's not true.
Kelly Dara (22:54):
Every job I applied for shot me down because of my
background and so I ended upgoing to a staffing agency and
they have put me to work in awarehouse, which I'm not sitting
here trying to say that I'mbetter than working in a
warehouse, because work is workand a paycheck is a paycheck.
(23:15):
You know, but I never imaginedmyself standing on my feet for
eight hours a day putting partstogether for some lawnmower, you
know, but it's just a testamentto it doesn't matter what I
learned when I was inside, itdoesn't matter out here.
Chuck (23:34):
That's what I wanted to ask you All those trades you
took.
Kelly Dara (23:38):
Yeah.
Chuck (23:39):
It doesn't mean anything out here for real.
Kelly Dara (23:41):
No, no, because of that giant scarlet M that I wear
on my chest.
Chuck (23:46):
Wow, mm, hmm, mm, hmm, that's that's another thing that
needs to be.
You know, taking a look at to.
You know how we view people andhow we hire in terms of people
coming out.
You know what do peoplesupposed to do.
You know what I mean.
Kelly Dara (24:02):
Yeah, yeah, Because I had some fantastic job offers
you know, and I'd go to theinterview.
I knocked the interview out ofthe park.
You know they're like, oh myGod, I'd love to have you on my
team, I can't wait to get youstarted.
We just have to run abackground check and I'm like,
okay, well, here's what you'regoing to find.
Chuck (24:20):
Yeah, what you're going to find.
Yeah, so you just go ahead andtell them.
Kelly Dara (24:22):
Just tell them.
Just tell them.
Just be honest and tell them.
And they all said like everyone of them said well, it was so
long ago, it shouldn't matter,but it does.
It didn't matter to the personthat interviewed me, it didn't
matter to, you know, the personthat owned the store or the
place that I was interviewing at, but it mattered to HR.
Chuck (24:43):
Wow you know.
Kelly Dara (24:44):
So then when they run the background check and
they come across this convictionfrom 1995, they're like I'm
sorry, we have to rescind ourjob offer.
Chuck (24:52):
Hmm.
Kelly Dara (24:54):
Yeah.
Chuck (24:55):
So they go all the way back to 95.
Kelly Dara (24:59):
They did on me.
Chuck (25:00):
Yeah, that's deep I didn't think they, like you said
, I didn't think they weresupposed to do that.
Kelly Dara (25:04):
Go all the way back that I didn't think so either,
but they did yeah wow, so that'sbeen, that's been a challenge
yeah, it has been yeah, findingthat work but, um, that, that's
gonna, that's gonna change soon.
Chuck (25:18):
You know, somebody's gonna open the door for you.
Kelly Dara (25:21):
Yep Absolutely, absolutely.
Chuck (25:24):
Yep, somebody's going to .
So, being out now, we can'tforget the people that we left
behind.
You know what I mean.
I know your heart is still withyour friends because there's
some valuable people Peopledon't understand, some valuable
people behind bars that justmade a mistake, you know.
Kelly Dara (25:39):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, some people want theirsecond chance.
Yeah, some people want a secondchance.
Chuck (25:43):
Yeah, yeah, there's one.
Kelly Dara (25:44):
there's one girl in particular.
I feel like you were gettingready to ask me this anyway, so
I'm just going to jump to theanswer.
There's sure, there's one girlin particular that I met when I
was 18 and she was 19 and shehas been locked up since 92.
And she are, she's my bestfriend and we talk on the phone
(26:06):
every single day.
We talk because I never thoughtin a million years, number one,
that I would leave her behindand number two, that I would
make parole before her.
There's just I just it doesn'tmake any sense to me because
she's done everything that I didand more, and she, she, but
(26:27):
it's.
It was so hard to leave herbehind that I just I can't, I
can't just walk away from thatsituation and act like those 30
years didn't happen.
Chuck (26:36):
It's not just her.
Kelly Dara (26:37):
There's.
There's so many people that Ileft behind, people that I left
behind, so many amazing womenthat are still behind bars that
deserve to sit in the middleyeah, second chance deserves to
sit in the middle of their floorand cry because it's quiet.
Or, you know, experience theirfirst Christmas.
You know, decorate the houselike, like, like it's nobody's
(27:00):
business, like.
I spent so much money onChristmas decorations because I
just didn't feel like my brotherhad enough and he was like, do
whatever you want, it's yourfirst Christmas home.
So, you know, and, and theydeserve, they deserve that
opportunity and I just which iswhy I'm part of the humanization
project in the first place isbecause something has to,
(27:21):
something has to give inVirginia, do you know how many
women have made parole since Imade parole in 2023?
Chuck (27:28):
How many?
Kelly Dara (27:29):
Zero.
Chuck (27:30):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (27:31):
Not a single woman has come home since I come home
on parole.
Chuck (27:38):
So what do you think the issue is with that?
Kelly Dara (27:41):
I think it's a this is going to sound horrible.
I think it's a this is gonnasound horrible.
I think it's a numbers game.
I think it's because I thinkthat there's like an unspoken
percentage of people in virginiathat need to be released on
parole to make it look like thatthe parole board is doing their
job.
Yes, and unfortunately it'smore men that are incarcerated
(28:06):
than women, so the odds are notin women's favor to make parole.
You know, and I think that Ijust I think.
I think I have a guardian angel.
I think I'm extremely blessed.
And you know, I think I'mextremely blessed and you know,
yeah, and when the parole boardhad Chadwick Dodson on it, he
(28:29):
interviewed all of us women andhe was like I'm going to fight
for you, I'm going to fight foryou, I'm going to fight for you.
And he got me and one othergirl released on parole and then
he left and now he's the headof DOC.
And so we're back to square onewith a parole board where it's
like Nobody to fight, nobody tofight Nobody on the inside to
fight for us.
Chuck (28:52):
So what role do you play in the humanization project?
Kelly Dara (28:55):
I'm the advocate for women behind bars.
Chuck (28:57):
Got you.
So how does that look?
What do you have to do?
What do you do in terms of haveto do, or what do you do in
terms of?
Kelly Dara (29:03):
so what it is is that I bring a side of
incarceration that is vastlyunderrepresented, because when
you hear about post release, oryou hear about the numbers, or
you hear about what's going oninside, it's always men, men,
men, men, men, and, and even onthe inside the numbers, or you
(29:24):
hear about what's going oninside, it's always men, men,
men, men, men and, and even onthe inside as well, as when
we're released, women are stillgrouped in with men.
So I bring a voice to thevoiceless by saying this is
what's happening for women, it'sdifferent for men.
So this is what's happening forwomen.
This is how women are beingneglected, this is how women are
(29:46):
being overlooked, this is howwomen are losing their sense of
femininity.
You know, and yeah, and it's alot, and it goes very, very deep
.
And I'm just scratching thesurface by trying to bring
awareness to women's medicalcare in there, because when you
(30:07):
think of women and you think oftheir medical care, the first
thing you think of is probablypregnancy or being a mother.
But the vast majority of womenthat are incarcerated are over
the age of, say, they're intheir 40s, so they're going
through a different kind ofphysical change.
(30:29):
Right right and they don't getthe treatment that they need
Treatment.
Chuck (30:33):
I understand.
Kelly Dara (30:34):
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck (30:35):
Yeah, the physicals.
Kelly Dara (30:37):
The physicals, the like you know.
I'm just going to put it outthere.
When you go through menopause,you lose, you know, bone density
, you lose hormones and you'resupposed to have supplements
provided for you to help thatyou don't get anything to deal
with, like the mood swings orthe hot flashes or anything else
that comes with going throughmenopause.
(30:57):
Like they just.
They're basically just likewell, deal with it, Tough it out
, It'll stop eventually.
Chuck (31:05):
Wow, so that's the mentality Wow.
Kelly Dara (31:08):
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck (31:11):
So it's like y'all just thrown aside.
Kelly Dara (31:14):
We're just thrown inside and we're like left to
fend for ourselves.
So I mean and as much as I hateto admit this like you do
things to survive in there, likeif somebody else was lucky
enough to go to medical whohappens to be pregnant and gets
a prenatal vitamin, thensomebody whose hair has started
(31:35):
thinning out really, really bad,will share their prenatal
vitamins so that you know you'renot walking around with ball
patches in your hair.
Your hair is not thinning, youknow?
Which again goes back towomen's femininity.
Chuck (31:49):
Right.
You know, again goes back towomen's femininity, right, you
know.
So the same thing goes on witha woman out here, goes on in
there, but the thing is, y'alldon't get the attention inside,
exactly wow yeah wow, so you'rethe voice for the voiceless.
Kelly Dara (32:04):
I'm the voice for the voiceless.
Chuck (32:05):
I like that.
Kelly Dara (32:06):
Yep.
Chuck (32:07):
Wow, you're amazing.
Thank you Absolutely, and Ilook at it as if God brought you
out for a reason so you canmake a change that you will be
that person who does that changeyou know what I'm saying?
Kelly Dara (32:21):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Chuck (32:23):
And I believe you would do it.
Kelly Dara (32:24):
He provided me with a platform.
He introduced me to Taj so.
Chuck (32:28):
Shout out to Taj.
Kelly Dara (32:31):
Shout out to Taj, shout out to Taj and the rest of
the Humanization Project.
They are amazing.
Chuck (32:35):
What does he mean to you , Taj he's?
Kelly Dara (32:38):
my hero.
Chuck (32:39):
Wow, he's my hero.
Kelly Dara (32:42):
He means he's great.
He's just so amazing with whatit is that he does and he's so
passionate about it and he's sohe's.
He's going to change the worldand he's gonna allow the
humanization project to changeit with him.
Chuck (32:59):
And yeah, yeah, man, I'm glad to know both of y'all oh
well, we're very lucky to knowyou.
Kelly Dara (33:06):
Thank you so much absolutely so.
Chuck (33:08):
Um, man, I appreciate this conversation, any anything
else you want to, you want tosay to the listening audience in
terms of the humanizationproject or anything else um,
yeah, first I would like to say,if you are interested in
following the humanizationproject, we're on facebook.
Kelly Dara (33:26):
Um, also, if there's any women formerly incarcerated
women out there that havestories that want to share or
have issues that they wantaddressed, you can reach me at
kelly atthehumanizationprojectorg that's
my email address.
And also, if there is anybodylistening that's heading down
(33:47):
the path that I was heading.
Just take a breath and justthink is it worth it?
Chuck (33:56):
Wow.
Kelly Dara (33:58):
And I want to wish everybody a happy holiday season
Wow.
Chuck (34:02):
That's what I wanted to ask you how was your first
Thanksgiving?
Kelly Dara (34:05):
Oh man, it was uneventful, no.
My family doesn't dotraditional Thanksgiving.
Oh okay, it was uneventful.
No, my family doesn't dotraditional.
Chuck (34:12):
Thanksgiving.
Kelly Dara (34:14):
So we had an untraditional meal.
We had well, we had freshlobster.
So, yeah, so I did eat.
I didn't eat a traditional mealyeah.
But my brother knows that Ihave a soft spot in my stomach
for pumpkin pie and he's nevermade pumpkin pie before.
He's a fabulous cook, by theway.
(34:34):
Shout out to Brian and hismeals.
I love them.
So he made pumpkin pie for thefirst time ever in life and it
was delicious.
Chuck (34:45):
Shout out to Brian.
Kelly Dara (34:47):
Yeah.
Chuck (34:48):
Wow, amazing, amazing, glad you're home, glad you got a
second chance, thank you.
So your friends that are insideyou are allowing them to feel
the freedom through you.
Yes, wow.
Kelly Dara (35:02):
Yes.
Chuck (35:03):
Yep, wow, amazing.
Kelly Dara (35:05):
Yep Mm-hmm.
Chuck (35:06):
Thank you, kelly, for being a part of let's Just Talk
About it podcast.
This definitely won't be thelast time, because I know you're
going to do great things and Iwant to hear about them, if you
don't mind.
Kelly Dara (35:16):
I do not mind at all .
Thank you so much for having meon here and shout out to you
for what you're doing.
I love your podcast.
Chuck (35:24):
Appreciate you.
That means a lot, that means alot, thank you.
Kelly Dara (35:32):
That means a lot.
That means a lot, thank you,thank you All right, appreciate
you, no problem.
Chuck (35:36):
Wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to you, kelly, forhaving this dialogue with me.
I also want to say thank youfor your transparency and
sharing your story and also forhelping to make a difference by
becoming a voice for thevoiceless with the Humanization
Project, and I also want tothank everyone for always tuning
in to let's Just Talk About itpodcast, and if you have any
media needs, such as videographyand photography, you can reach
(35:59):
out to me and my businesspartner Low Mills at MMB Media
on Facebook.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon, thank you.
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