Ep.109 From Tragedy To Triumph with Guest Charonta Pegram

Episode Transcript

Chuck (00:10):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast.
I'm your host, chuck, and ifyou're here for the first time,
this platform was created togive genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, Ihave therapist Charonta Pegram
on with me today to share herexperience with how she had to
navigate through life with theback to back loss of her father,

(00:33):
her grandmother, her baby andher mother, and on this episode,
you'll hear how she went fromtragedy to triumph in the midst
of it all.
So you don't want to miss thisamazing conversation today.
As a matter of fact, do me afavor go and grab your husband,
your wife, your children, oreven call a friend and gather
around to listen to thisconversation with me and
Charonta on let's Just TalkAbout it podcast.

(00:55):
Hey, let's jump right in.
All, right, welcome back toanother episode of let's Just
Talk About it podcast Today.
I have Sharanthe Pegram on withme today.
How are you doing today?

Charonta (01:07):
I'm doing well.
How are you?

Chuck (01:08):
Doing good.
Good to have you.

Charonta (01:11):
Thanks for having me.
I'm excited.

Chuck (01:13):
Absolutely.
I appreciate you here on let'sJust Talk About it podcast.
I love to have those genuineconversations with genuine
people like yourself, Sharonte,and I usually jump right in with
this question when are you from?

Charonta (01:27):
I am from Sussex, Virginia, a little small town in
Virginia that a lot of peopledon't even know about.

Chuck (01:34):
Where is that near?

Charonta (01:36):
It's near Emporia.
Have you heard of that before?

Chuck (01:39):
Yes.

Charonta (01:40):
Yes, so it's near Emporia.
It falls on 460 and also on the95 side, but I'm on the 95 side
understood, okay, like goingtowards Petersburg yeah, so it's
a small little town in.
Sussex called Jarrett.
Yes, and if you go through,there is one stoplight and the

(02:01):
police will get you if you'respeeding.

Chuck (02:03):
Wow, wow, how was it for you growing up out there?

Charonta (02:07):
um, it was cool because, um, my mom is one of 12
well, was one of 12.
So, um, I always, even thoughI'm the only child always was
raised with my cousins.
We all kind of lived on thesame road, so we walked from
house to house.

Chuck (02:25):
I had a very, very good upbringing like tight-knit
tight-knit, yes, tight-knit soduring those times y'all spent a
lot of time outside, versus now, like people always inside, on
the phone so what I will tellyou is I'm not your traditional
country girl like I do not likeoutside, I do not like.

Charonta (02:43):
I don tell you is I'm not your traditional country
girl Like I do not like outside,I don't like buzz, I don't like
the heat.
But you know, when I was a kidI was never athletic, I always
been very prissy.
So my cousins were playing likesports and I would sit on the
porch and just watch them,because I'm not athletically
inclined at all.
But yeah, you're right,cookouts in the summer, riding

(03:06):
bikes, you know, just havinggood times.
Yeah, definitely, it'sdefinitely.
The trajectory is verydifferent now with kids.
I'm a therapist so I see that alot of my kids are tablet
babies.
They love tablets, they loveelectronics and that's why a lot
of children are sociallyawkward now because know they
communicate via screen time.
So, wow, interesting, butdefinitely different times.

Chuck (03:28):
Definitely different times so so being you said that
you are a therapist, right, andso you deal with a lot of kids
that are tablet babies.
That's the first time I'veheard that tablet babies so
right.
Do you see a lot of likedepression coming from that?

Charonta (03:45):
Absolutely, because again yeah, again, I'm not to
cut you off again because mostchildren now think about it Kids
at one year old.
They may still have a pacifier,but they know how to work a
phone.
So what we're finding is kidsdon't socialize anymore.
When you look at the dinnertable at restaurants, I can
guarantee you that parents andchildren both have phones or

(04:07):
some type of device in theirhands.
So we don't communicate.
I've even had people tell methat they text from room to room
Like.
That's not how I was raised asa child.
You know I get up andcommunicate with my mom.
So, I do see that a lot ofchildren, because they don't
know how to socially interactwhen they go to school, they get
bullied or they just choose notto talk at all to their peers

(04:28):
because they don't know how tocommunicate past screen time.
So I can talk to you while I'mplaying a game, because we're
texting back and forth, but toactually have a communicative
dialogue with you in person ispretty much, you know,
diabolical to kids now.
So, yes, we do see a lot ofanxiety, we see a lot of
depression, we see a lot ofbullying because children have

(04:49):
become so dependent on socialmedia internet, tablets, phones
you know, so yeah.
I see that a lot, I do.

Chuck (04:59):
Wow, that's deep Tablet babies.

Charonta (05:02):
Tablet babies is what I call them.
Tablet babies is what I callthem Tablet babies.
You see, the kids can barelywalk, but they got a big iPad.
And there's nothing wrong withthat, because we also have to
think about the culture.
During COVID, parents had towork from home and their
children were at home, so I'mgoing to give you this tablet to
keep you busy, so I'm notknocking them.
That's what I want to be clearabout.
But I do believe that thereshould be a certain time for

(05:27):
screen time and I do encouragemy patients, parents, to make
sure that they're monitoringscreen time and that their
children are also getting thatverbal dialogue, that they need
to be socially, not socialbutterflies, but to be able to
have conversations with othersoutside of you know.
You know, tablet time.
There has to be a balance.
There has to be a balance therehas to be a balance absolutely
yeah, wow, so miss keishaintroduced us to each other,

(05:52):
right?

Chuck (05:53):
yeah, and you are like I said earlier, you're a
therapist and we talked earlierabout you.
Lost your immediate family.
Yes, back to back.
Talk about that when you talkabout your mom what happened?
Yes, back to back, talk aboutthat when you talk about your
mom, what happened?
Take us back to that moment.

Charonta (06:11):
Okay, so my mom was the final family member of mine
to pass away.
I lost my dad at age 55 in 2017from what they deemed as an
accidental um, fentanyl andcocaine overdose.
Um, he was 55.

(06:31):
I was 29.
Um, I was always a daddy's girl,so that was definitely
something catastrophic for me,because I'm literally driving
home from work and I get a phonecall and that particular day, I
had just finished my firstmaster's program the day before,
so I had applied to PhD schoolsthat day.

(06:53):
So I'm riding home, it's Julyand it's July 6th.
I'm having the time of my life,riding home on 9 and 5, singing
my R&B songs to the top of mylungs, and I get a phone call.
So I'm thinking it's one of theschools that I, you know,
graduated, that I had appliedfor, and I remember answering

(07:14):
the phone and the lady said I'mlooking for Sharonte Pegram and
I'm like this is her.
And she told me.
She said I'm such and such andsuch from such and such and such
.
I never paid it any mindbecause, again, I'm thinking
this is one of the colleges Iapplied to.
And she said, ma'am, are youdriving?
So once she said that to me, Ikind of honed in to the
conversation and I'm like, yes,she said, ma'am, I need you to

(07:37):
pull over and I said for what?
So then I pick up the phone andI look and I see it says um,
coatesville, pennsylvania.
No, pittsburgh, pennsylvania.
And so I know my dad is at theVA in Pittsburgh, pennsylvania.
So I'm like, is something wrongwith my father?
I scream at her and she saidma'am, I really need you to pull

(07:57):
over.
I said it's something wrongwith my dad and she said, yes,
we found him this morning assuch and such and such, and I
just remember swerving and thena car blowing a horn.
And she said ma'am, call meback when you're stationary.
And I just remember thinking tomyself like what is going on?
Because my dad and I were veryclose and in April I had a

(08:23):
conversation with him and I saidto him I said, daddy, I have
moved you up the East Coast andI said if you do not stop, I
said they're going to call totell me one or two things.
You're dead or you're in jail.
And he said to me I neverwanted to disappoint you.
And my dad cut communicationwith me after that but he got
close with my grandmotherbecause their relationship was

(08:46):
kind of rocky.
But the last thing we said toeach other is that we loved each
other that day that my dadpassed away.
He was supposed to call me thatmorning and he never called.
And I often think to myself youknow my daddy died and I hope
he knew how much I loved him andI know that he did.

(09:08):
But that haunted me for a verylong time because of the last
conversation that we had,because I knew, I felt it in my
heart, that they were going tocall and tell me one or two
things and subsequently that'swhat happened.
So after my dad passed away, Iwent through the real hard parts
of grief because I felt guilty,because he and I went from

(09:30):
talking every day to not talkingat all.
But in my mind I believe thatmy father was getting himself
together and he had been in theVA for a very long time, but he
was actually in transit toArizona to another VA.
He had been sober for about 60days but he had to get that last
hit and ultimately what Ibelieve happened was his dealer

(09:52):
felt like this man is 100percent disabled.
He's giving me four thousanddollars a month into cocaine, so
I'm going to take him outbecause nobody else going to get
my money, because my dad madetwo calls after he got out of
the VA.
One was to his dealer and onewas to a taxi cab.
I called the dealer's phoneevery day for 30 days.
He never turned his phone backon, which lets me know that my

(10:15):
dad's death was not accidentaland nobody advocated for him,
because to them they felt like,yes, he was a veteran, but he's
another junkie off the street.
My daddy was not a junkie.
My daddy was an amazing father,a great son, was a veteran, but
he's another junkie off thestreet.
My daddy was not a junkie.
My daddy was an amazing father,a great son and a great friend
to everybody, and he was loved.
So I went through that.
So 2018.
I get pregnant.

(10:36):
I always wanted to be a mom andliterally three days before
Mother's Day, I lost my baby.
And I remember driving homesaying God, why would you give
me this baby and then take itfrom me?
And I'm like, ok, I lost my dadand now I lost my baby.

(10:56):
So I went into a depression, butI didn't know I was depressed
because I'm going to tell youwhy.
I've always been a strongperson.
So I'm the type of person thatwhen I'm feeling depressed or
anything like that, I burymyself in work and that's what I
did.
I went right back to work aftermy dad and right back to work
after my miscarriage andeverybody was like, why are you
going back?
I buried myself in work.

(11:17):
That's how I coped.
I buried myself in work, I wentand got another degree, and so
I'm still dealing with thisemotional trauma from losing my
father and losing my baby.
Back to back.
And then you know, life waslife.
And so then, fast forward, mygrandmother's health started to

(11:39):
decline, which is my dad's mom,and I knew that.
You know, with her healthdeclining, that you know it
wasn't going to end well.
She was 95.
My grandmother lived awonderful life and so, right
before my grandmother went intohospice, grandmother went into

(12:05):
hospice.
My mom, 65 years old, neverdrank, never smoked, never did,
never even cursed, always agiver.
I mean, my mom would giveanybody this shirt off her back.
Everybody that encountered mymom said they absolutely loved
her.
And, um, my grandmother goesinto hospice.
And then my mom is diagnosedwith cancer.
A little backstory with that.
My mom was perfectly fine.
We went to church one Sunday.
Afterwards we went to dinnerthe next day.

(12:27):
She wakes up in excruciatingpain.
She was vomiting and I said oh,mom, you just got a stomach bug
.
We take her to the emergencyroom.
They come out and tell methey're like hey, your mom is
really sick.
Her liver levels are extremelyhigh.
We're thinking it's in thegallbladder.
We have to transport her toanother hospital.
We have to admit her.
So, okay, we transport her tothe hospital.

(12:48):
They run a million tests.
She ended up having like threesurgeries.
The last surgery was to removeher gallbladder.
The surgeon comes out, tells methat the gallbladder spilled
out into her stomach and theyhad to fish gallstones out.
But she was going to be fine.
They put a stent in and theytold us we had to get the stent
removed.
Two weeks later, what wethought was going to be a stent

(13:10):
removal turned into hey, youhave stage one gallbladder
cancer.
I can remember sitting in theroom bawling.
My mom never cried.
She turned and looked at me andsaid don't you worry, boo,
because that's what her and mydad called me, I'm not leaving
you.
So I asked that she betransported, or transferred

(13:31):
rather, to St Mary's.
We go there.
We meet with the oncologist, wemeet with the surgeon.
They both said the same thingit's stage one, your mom is
healthy, she never drank, shenever smoked.
They said what we're going todo is we're going to give her a
surgery that's going to take theperimeter from around where the
gallbladder was to make sure itdidn't spread anywhere, and
from there we'll probably giveher a chemo pill at home.

(13:53):
She'll be fine, full recovery.
So we asked them that day OK,let's do the surgery as soon as
possible.
Oh, you don't have nothing toworry about.
We're going to wait about amonth to do it because you know
you just had your gallbladderremoved.
We want to give that scartissue time to heal.
Yeah, so so we go in for thesurgery and they tell us the
surgery is going to be sevenhours.

(14:14):
About an hour and a half into,well, about an hour into the
surgery, they me hey, your mom'sdoing great, everything's going
well.
Um, I'm outside in the gardenat saint mary's and I get
another call from them about 30minutes later and they said to
me the surgeon wants to talk toyou.
I, that was the longest walkthat I ever had and I just

(14:37):
remember thinking my mom hasdied on the table because no
surgeon in their right mind isgoing to come out of a six hour
surgery to talk to me and riskthe chances of, you know,
getting catching something andtaking it back to their patient.
So I had a couple of my familymembers there and I'm walking
past them because I was in thegarden and they were sitting in
the waiting area and I said thesurgeon wants to talk to me and

(15:00):
they're like, oh good, thesurgery is over.
And I said something's notright.
But again, they're kind ofoblivious to what's going on.
So the surgeon comes in, hetakes his hat off and he looks
at me and he says I'm so sorry,the hospital didn't tell us that
they spilled the gallbladderinto her stomach.
The report they sent over saidthe gallbladder was whole.

(15:20):
This week they sent us acorrected report letting us know
that the gallbladderdecelerated and that's why we
called her to do the MRI.
The MRI showed that the cancerhad spread, but we wanted to
make sure.
So we opened her up to makesure.
And it has spread and it is nowstage four, peritoneal
carcinomatosis.

(15:41):
Um, there's no cure.
The average, um, the average oflife is six months and um,
we're going to give her chemo tokeep her alive a little longer.
But the prognosis is not good.
And I looked and I just startedthrowing things and I looked at
the surgeon and I remember and Iwalked out I remember him
looking at me with like tears inhis ass and I walked out and

(16:02):
and so my aunt I could hear herapologizing to him and I walked
past my family and they werelike thank God, it's over, you
know, they were happy andclapping and I said no, no, and
I broke down and I told them andI remember the look on their
face as we sat there and thenpeople were walking by us and
they were just looking like, whyare these people crying like

(16:22):
this?
And I even saw some other peoplestart to cry and I got myself
together, I went back in thereand I listened to what he had to
say.
Now, mind you, my mom was underanesthesia because she thought
she was going to be in asix-hour surgery.
So they said we haven't toldher yet, we're going to let you
tell her.
So they take me down to therecovery room and I look at her

(16:46):
and I said, mommy, we're goinghome.

Chuck (16:48):
And she said well, why are we going?

Charonta (16:49):
home.
I said, well, we're going home.
So I put her in the car, I takeher home.
She's under anesthesia thatwhole night.
The next day she wakes up andshe said why am I here, why
didn't they do the surgery?
And I did not want to tell her.
And I told her.
I said so.
Then she said tell me now, boo.
So I told her.
I said, mom, you know they'resaying you got stage four

(17:11):
peritoneal carcinomatosis.
She said I won't receive that.
I trust God.
And that's what we did.
We started chemo.
She went through six months ofchemo.
My mom had not one symptom.
The oncologist couldn't believeit.
The oncologist, it was so crazy.
Because we continued to trustGod.
We started to pray, we startedto fast, we started to do

(17:34):
holistic things and peoplethought we were totally insane.
Even down to the I'm seriouseven down to the oncologist she
was like you know.
I know people have faith, butthe science doesn't lie, but
every two weeks we were at StMary's and my mom was going
through chemo and they weresaying you don't have this

(17:54):
symptom.
No, you don't have this symptom.
No, no, no, no.
So the day before Thanksgiving2023, my mom had her scans and
they said they could not findany cancer.
She rang the bell.
We were so happy and then, atthat point, my mom rang the bell
.
The day before Thanksgiving.
Two weeks later, my grandmotherpassed away, peacefully.

(18:15):
She passed away and my prayerwas in the beginning of January
2023, lord, heal my mom, but goahead and take my granny,
because my granny was 95.
She was ready to go, she hadlived her life and the crazy
thing about it was mygrandmother was so strong
because my father passed away onJuly 6, 2017.
And not even 15 days later, shelost another son.

(18:39):
So literally, she buried twokids the same month.
So she was strong, you know.
So, when the Lord took her, Isaid you know what God?
You honor my request.
You healed my mom and my grannyis with you and at peace.
And not even two weeks later,my mom developed excruciating
pain.

(18:59):
We went back to the emergencyroom.
They said the cancer had comeback and it had tripled in size.
Um, from there we started a newchemo in january and, literally
how I knew, my mom was sostrong because the chemo that
she was on it was called Folfox.
Most people that are youngerthan her and healthier than her

(19:20):
can only do two rounds of Folfox.
My mom literally almostfinished the entire cycle, but I
saw her body just go down.
My mom started losing weightrapidly.
She could not eat.
She was, she developed, shebecame septic several times.
So at this point we're in thehospital.
I'm literally staying with mymom in the hospital, sometimes

(19:42):
for 30, like 15 days at a time,and I mean I'm not leaving, so
I'm taking enough clothes.
I moved in the hospital becauseI need to be there because,
think about it, I moved in thehospital because I need to be
there because, think about it, Itrusted you all with my mom one
time and look what you did.
So now I'm going to be.
I don't care if it wasn't thesame hospital, every hospital,
I'm going to be there.

(20:02):
So I was there around the clock.
Nobody stayed with my mom butme.
I was there around the clockand I saw my mom fighting and I
knew she was tired.
But one thing I can say is mymom never complained.
She never complained.
She was sick as a dog sometimes.
And I would look at her and shewas like I'm okay, I trust God.
And we had this thing where wewould say it is well.

(20:23):
And I told her from thebeginning my prayer was simple
Lord, if you're not going toheal her on earth, don't let her
suffer.
And I also told her, I said,mommy, I said if you ever get to
the point where you don't wantto fight anymore, don't hold on
for me, because I'll be allright.
And when she finally decidedthat she was tired, she wasn't
doing any more chemo, I saidthen we go home.

(20:45):
And so ironically now remember,I told you about the oncologist
who said basically was in somany words, she didn't have
faith.
The day she walked in and shesaw that my mom had basically

(21:07):
depleted and my mom told her nomore.
The oncologist cried.
She cried and she said I wantedyou to be the one because your
faith through this has made mebelieve.
She said I wanted you to be theone and see, that's the thing.
I couldn't understand why,initially, god would do
something like this to my mom,and I questioned him.
I was mad at God.

(21:27):
I'm outside in the country inSussex County, yelling that day
when she got diagnosed.
I'm outside yelling to the topof my lungs.
Why would you do this to her?
She serves you.
We in church, we're faithful.
Why would you do this to her?
You got some explaining to do.
Because we trust you, I saidGod, I trust you, but I'm mad as
hell at you right now.
I had to repent after thatbecause I was like you know what

(21:53):
, I'm going to cuss that guy.

Chuck (21:54):
But I needed him to understand because I got a
relationship with the Lord.

Charonta (21:57):
So I need you to come down and talk to me and explain
to me why you're doing this.
And so it was in that momentwhen that oncologist said what
she said.
I mean, my family was fastingand my friends were fasting.
We were praying.
My mom changed the world.
My church family was fastingand my friends were fasting.
We were praying.
My mom changed the world.
My church family was fastingand praying.
People were looking at us likehow are they going through hell

(22:20):
and her daughter's still in thechoir singing every Sunday?
They're going through hellLiterally, I kid you not.
Our church sends us our youknow, know, statements of our
contributions and I just got itat the beginning of this year.
My mom still tied up.
Until two weeks before she died, I had no idea that she was

(22:42):
cash app in the church.
My mom was still giving back tothe lord and she knew what was
going on you know what I'msaying.
We, we were just faith driven.
So so I'm looking at my mom'sstory.
I'm looking at and we were, wewere.
We were hush hush at first,like we didn't want anybody to
know what was going on.
And then I told my mom.
I said we have to tell thestory because people have to see

(23:03):
the glory.
So we started to tell, likethis is what she's going through
, um, and people saw us stillserving, still trusted.
My mom was to the point whereshe was still going to church
until she just didn't have thestrength.
My mom was still serving.
My mom was at chemo planning awhole trip for our women's
ministry, literally planning theentire trip at chemo, like we

(23:23):
served.
And so when the oncologist saidwhat she said, I said Lord, you
had to pick my mom.
You had to pick my mom becausepeople probably looked at her
and said she done everythingright by the Lord and he doing
this to her, she going to cursehim.
My mom never did, even down tothe fact.
Something I said we would sayevery night and I do weekly

(23:46):
Wellness Wednesday post videosand something I would say to her
every night is you are healthy,you are whole and you are
healed, even if it's on theother side, because I knew that
my mom was gonna be healthy,whole to heal, whether it was on
earth or was on the other side.
Yeah, the week that shetransitioned, my mom was so weak
all she could say was and Iknew that he was healing her on

(24:09):
the other side.
So you know, my mom's story wasto bring other people closer to
.

Chuck (24:16):
God.

Charonta (24:17):
Because they're looking at us like these people
are insane.
How are they trusting this man?
How are you serving this manand he letting this happen to
this woman?
That's been good as gold toeverybody.

Chuck (24:26):
That is so deep.

Charonta (24:27):
And so you know, I sit back and I think about it.
The night my mom transitioned,I posted, I said and I'm going
to get to the to the night thatshe transitioned because I'm
going to tell you how faithfulGod is.
But the night she transitionedI post on Facebook and I said
you were there for my firstbreath and I was there for your
last.
Take your rest, buttercup.
And a young lady inboxed me andsaid I have been mad with God

(24:51):
for a while because he took mymom, but I saw your faith.

Chuck (24:54):
Yeah.

Charonta (24:55):
And I want to trust him again.
And I said then that is what itwas for.
People saw us go through helland my mom's funeral.
You didn't see me crying anddoing all that stuff.
I was praising the Lord andpeople probably said that girl
is crazy, but I knew it was well.
I understood that my mom wasfree and he answered my prayer.

(25:17):
I had to learn with my dad thatGod answers prayers, but not
always the way we see fit.
My prayer was simple Let mydaddy be safe.
Listen, we gotta, we gotta thinkabout it, Cause we ask God for
things and we don't be specificabout that.
So I said to him I want you toheal my daddy and I want to know

(25:37):
where he's at.

Chuck (25:38):
So when my daddy died, I said God, you didn't do what I
asked you to do but he did.

Charonta (25:41):
I can go to Blanford Cemetery whenever I want to see
my daddy.
I know where he's at and he'shealed.
He's no longer addicted todrugs, so God answers my prayer.

Chuck (25:49):
He just didn't answer it like I wanted him to.

Charonta (25:52):
So I've learned in that, you know, regardless of
his grief or whatever it is,I've learned to be OK with God
answering the prayer not the wayI want to, because his will is
best.
Let me tell you, my mom wentout on her own terms.
She decided when she no longerwanted treatment, we brought her

(26:14):
here, and I mean when I say shehad the most beautiful
transition.
It was so crazy because she,about five or six days before
she um transitioned, she got upone morning and she yelled at me
shirante, I'm ready to go,let's go.
And I said, mommy, I can't gowith you.
Right?
And I remember her telling meum a few days prior.

(26:35):
She said I just hear doorsclosing.
I could sleep if I could.
Those doors wouldn't stopclosing.
And I told my aunts and mycousins I said those are the
chapters of her life closing.
I said she's hearing thechapters of her life closed.
And so then she told me onemorning I was um getting her, I
was giving her a bath and shesaid Chirante, I think I'm
getting ready to die.
She said but I don't want to.

(26:55):
She said I don't want to go.
Yet I said well, mommy, why?
I said because you know I'mgonna be all right.
She say yes.
And I had a cousin, um, my, mymom's niece, evelyn.
She, the two of them were thickas thieves, like my.
I was, my mom was everything,but after me probably was Evelyn
, and Evelyn could not come toterms with letting my mommy go.

(27:18):
And I said Mommy, I got Evelyn.
She said she has to accept it.
I said I got her.
I got her and I got them.
I said don't worry about that.
She said well, I've beenwalking around looking for mama
and daddy.
That's her parents.
She said well, I've beenwalking around looking for mama
and daddy.
That's her parents.
She said, but I haven't seenthem yet.
I said well, when you see them?
I said it's okay to go.
So the next morning I wassitting at her bedside singing

(27:39):
to her and she just said it'stime to go.
And I said did you see grandmaand grandpa?
She said yes.
So I was curious.
I said what did they say?
She said it's time to go.
I said well, you go, girl.
And from there my mom just wentinto transition mode.
She stopped talking, she wasjust laying there peacefully and
my mom had the most beautifulglow.

(28:00):
Everybody that came because Iallowed my family and friends
and people that were close toher, her coworkers, because my
mom had retired, literallyretired, and only was out of
work a year before she wasdiagnosed.
So her two last two years ofretirement she spent fighting
cancer.
And um, everybody that camehere said she looks so peaceful,
she looks so beautiful.

(28:20):
And um, I had told them back in, maybe may.
I said my mom isn't gonna makeit through the end of summer.
I knew it, god had alreadyprepared me for it.
And one thing I will say is Ifeel like I did not grieve
because I had mourned my mombefore she even died, because
when you're dealing with someoneyou love with cancer and you

(28:43):
see them not able to eat, yousee them not able to sleep, you
see them in excruciating pain,and I can just remember my mom
weeping, saying God, please helpme, please help me.
And one time my mommy looked atme and she said I haven't done
anything wrong.
I've never done anything wrong.
Why did this happen to me?
And I said, mommy?

(29:03):
I said some babies have cancerand you know they haven't done
anything wrong.
I said you didn't do anythingwrong.
I said you just got to gothrough your process.
And so September 21st well, itwas actually September 20th, but
September 20th, approximatelyaround 1130 PM, I was sitting at

(29:25):
my mom's bedside with my bestfriend and she started to have
the death rattle.
And so from that point my aunt,my two cousins, were in the
living room.
I told my best friend, I saidgo get them.
One of my cousins is a nurse.
So when she came in the roomshe said you know what that is?
I say yes, I shed some tearsand then I immediately I started
playing Yeshua, my belovedworship music, because for the

(29:48):
last two days I had been justplaying worship music for my mom
.
When my mom was very, very sickwith chemo, we would always play
Yeshua, my beloved soakingmusic.
It's a 20-minute instrumental,just deep worship, and so that
was what we were familiar with.
So I played that and I noticedshe got to the point where she
was trying to fight it and soshe would take a breath and then

(30:12):
she would say mm-mm.
So I'm a prayer, I'm aworshiper.
So I told my best friend go getmy oil.
So my best friend got my oil, Istarted anointing her and you
know I've never told this storypublicly because initially I was
going to tell it on my WellnessWednesday and the Lord said
it's not time.

(30:32):
So I'm guessing that this timewas appropriate for me to tell,
because I'm telling you.
Um, so it had to be told inthis season because I literally
posted on my wellness Wednesday.
I said I was going to tell youmy mom's transition story, but
the Lord said not yet.
So, um, I started just prayingfor her.
And I started to pray in thespirit, because sometimes you

(30:53):
don't know what to say to God,so I had to start praying in the
spirit to get the guidance onwhat to say.
And I remember saying to himshow me what she's seeing.
And it was almost like I sawthe brightest light, to the
point that I had to like shieldmy eyes just hovering over her.
And I just saw in the spiritand, mind you, my cousins, my

(31:17):
aunt and my best friend are inthere with me and I saw this big
wooden door.
Now, remember, I told you daysbefore my mom kept saying I keep
hearing these doors closing.
So there's this big wooden doorand there's this most beautiful
floating kind of like light andI knew it was God and I could

(31:39):
just see him taking his arms,motioning her to come and his
arms were like light, as afeather, and behind him I could
see this beautiful blue sky andthe greenest grass you ever
wanted to see.
And he's saying come.
And what I saw was my mom.
My mom looked like an antcompared to this to God, because

(32:01):
I knew it was God, and behindher was nothing but a black wall
and she was looking back at theblack wall and kept looking
back at him, saying now we heardher here saying, and I asked
him to show me what she wassaying because she was
struggling.
So I said okay, she's saying nobecause she doesn't want to

(32:23):
leave us.
So as I'm sitting here, I tellmy cousins and my aunts and they
can vouch for me because I'msure somebody listening to this
probably thinks I'm nuts.
But if you know the Lord like Ido, god is intentional about
everything.
So I say to my cousins and myaunts I said I have to show
y'all what I'm seeing in thespirit, because I know you guys
can't see it.

(32:44):
So I tell them and I said so.
As I'm telling them what I see,I see a picture of my cousin
Evelyn's face in the blackness.
So I said to her sister becauseher sister was there.
I said we need to call Evelyn.
Evelyn needs to tell her thatit's OK to go, because that's
why she's struggling.
I said is she by herself?

(33:04):
She said yes.
I said so we cannot call her.
Because, again, my mom andEvelyn were closer than close.
So I said to them, I said I gotto pray her in.
So I started to rub my mom'schest and her stomach and I said
just go through the door, mommy.
I said it's OK, just go throughthe door.
And in the spirit I could seemy mom walking to the door.

(33:27):
The more I prayed and the moreI rubbed her, she walked closer
and closer, like a little child.
And when she got into thedoorpost she looked back at me
in the spirit, her eyes opened.
Now, mind you, I'm hoveringover her hospital bed in my back
bedroom.
We're face to face.
And I said, mommy.
I said I didn't at the time, Ididn't know.

(33:47):
When she yelled at me a few daysbefore saying let's go, I'm
ready to go, then I would reallygo with her.
But I think God has shown herthat I was going to be the one
to usher her in.
So I said to her, I leaned inand I said Mommy.
I said I went as far as I cango with you, just like you
wanted.
I said, but I cannot go acrossthe door, I said.
I said to her, I said I'llalways be on the other side of

(34:12):
the door.
I said love knows no distance.
And I said forever me and you.
And as I said forever me andyou, I pointed to myself and I
pointed to her.
She shed two tears and took herlast breath and I closed her
eyes and I said job well done.
And I prayed in that moment andI thanked God for loving me

(34:34):
enough to not only give me themost amazing mom, but I also
thanked him for allowing me theopportunity to usher her and go
all the way with her, because heloved me so much that he
allowed my face to be the lastface that she saw and he allowed

(34:55):
me to see that she, I knewwhere my mom was going, but he
allowed me to see where she wasgoing.
And so you know, and not to getsuper emotional, but you know,
that's just the goodness of God,because me and my mom were so
close, because when she wasdiagnosed, my prayer was God,

(35:15):
you got to take me because Ican't live without her.
And instead of him giving hersix months, like the doctors say
it, they gave, he gave her 17months to give me the to the
place where I was okay withushering her into him, and I
told him thank you for loaningher to me.
And so, at the age of 37,february, at the age of 36,

(35:39):
september 21st, I became anorphan.
I became an orphan, so I haveno immediate family.
I have no husband, no children,no parents, no grandparents, no
siblings.
I became an orphan.
And so life after that has beendifficult, because I spent my

(36:01):
whole life taking care of people, and now I have to take care of
me, and I don't know what thatlooks like.
You know, being a clinician, Ihelp people, I take care of
people.
I took care of my grandma, Itook care of my dad, I took care
of my mom, and my mom told me.
She said to me a few daysbefore she passed away.

(36:22):
She said you live your life.
She said because you havehonored me.
She said I wouldn't have madeit this far without you.
She said, so you live with noregrets, and so I know that I
did everything I was supposed todo.
So I don't really grievebecause I honored them, I
honored them all.

(36:42):
But does it hurt?
Absolutely, absolutely.
But that's my story.
So I do have a nonprofit nowthat's called Sharon Cares and
it's in honor of my mom Her namewas Sharon and we donate snacks

(37:04):
and crossword puzzles to thepatients at St Mary's Chemo
Infusion Center, because my momwent there and a lot of times
you know, we run out of snacksbecause, believe it or not, the
infusion center is packed.
So we donate monthly in herhonor.
We're also going to be doingour first cancer walk in her

(37:26):
honor, hopefully in May,prayerfully.
In May.
We have a scholarship at mychurch in her name that I plan
to award a scholarship tostudents that are studying
medicine, and we're also goingto be picking a caregiver of the
quarter to do something nicefor, because being a caregiver
is tough and a lot of times wedon't get, you know, the support

(37:48):
we need.
So I want to honor those peoplewho are caring for people with
cancer.
So I guess you could say thatthis is a gift that keeps on
giving.
I tell my patients all the timewhen adversity comes, trauma
comes, when the hurt comes, yougot one or two choices.
You can let it break you or youcan let it make you.

(38:10):
I teach essay groups threetimes a week because I want to
be able to save somebody'sparent, because I couldn't save
my dad.
So I've used the trauma and thehurt and the loss and the grief
to motivate me to do what Ineed to do in the community for
other people.
That's where I find myfulfillment from, because as

(38:33):
long as I do that, maurice andSharon's legacy will live
forever.
Um, because I'm giving back intheir honor.
So, um, it is well, it is well.
You know you're an amazingperson.

Chuck (38:43):
Um, wow, 37 with so many losses, and uh want to say
you're an amazing person.
Wow, Thirty seven with so manylosses, and you keep going.
What advice would you give tosomeone who is struggling with
multiple losses, like you justwent through?
What advice would you give them?

Charonta (39:01):
You can't die with them.
So many times when we losepeople, we want to die with them
and to a certain degree we do.
A piece of us dies with ourfamily members, but we can't die
with them.
Choose to live and, as hard asit is, give yourself grace.

(39:21):
Some days I don't feel likegetting out of bed and guess
what If I don't?
I don't, but I don't stay therelong.
We cannot stay in grief andwhat I will say is I chose not
to grieve, I chose to mourn.
There's no ending to grief.

Chuck (39:35):
Hold on what's the difference, but mourning.

Charonta (39:37):
So you got to think about it.
Mourning doesn't last, mourningdoesn't last.
No-transcript, and that's how Iused to call my mom tore me up,

(40:15):
so it's always the littlethings.
I can walk through my houseright now and it's almost like I
can smell my mom and I evenhave one of her jackets the last
jacket I bought her hanging upin her closet in my house, back
in the bedroom that shetransitioned in, and I go back

(40:35):
there every now and then andsmell it because her scent is
still there.
So there's always going to bemoments where you're going to
miss them, but you cannot diewith them.
You have to live your life andhonor them the best way you can.
On the days that you just don'thave the energy or you don't
feel like doing it, don't, butdon't allow yourself to stay

(40:58):
there too far or too long.
Get a therapist if you need one.
I did not do therapy, which wasshame on me, but I felt as
though, because I'm a clinician,because I do therapy, I would
all be psychoanalyzing themwhile they're analyzing me.
So I felt like it wouldn't befair.
But what I would say is talk tosomeone, figure out what you

(41:22):
want to do with your life, butyou can't die with them.
I saw a picture one time of acasket being lowered and then
you know they started to settleand it showed the loved one
trying to stick their head inthe grave with their families.
We can't die with them becausethe reality of it is, even if
you want to, you're not goingnowhere until the Lord is ready

(41:45):
for you.
So you have to be able to kindof put the pieces of your life
back together, lean on yourfaith, if you believe in
whatever your higher power is,and just remember that it won't
always be like this and it iswell.
Even when we don't like it.
It is well.

(42:05):
It's hard, it is well, evenwhen you know we feel like god
left us.
It is still well, because Iknow without a shadow of a doubt
that if my mama could come backhere, she wouldn't want to.
She would not want to.
Now, my mama love me down.
Okay, right, she wouldn't,she'll be like boo.

(42:25):
I'll see you when you get here.
Yeah, she wouldn't, she wouldbe like boo.
I see you when you get here.
Yes, she wouldn't want to comeback here, especially not with
Donald Trump in office.
No, no, but all jokes aside,but no, seriously, she would not
want to come back here, and soyou know, I just choose to live.
One thing I learned from my momis my mom worked hard, cause,

(42:47):
basically, she raised me like asingle parent.
I never wanted for anything,and my mom would always say,
when I retire, I'm a live, I'm alive, I'm a live.
And she retired and then gotcancer.
So one thing I learned from heris to live now.
Now.
Don't put off what you can dotomorrow.
Live now.

(43:07):
So every day I wake up, how canI make today count?
My mom changed the world.
Even to now, people still seeme and they talk about
encounters they had with my momand how amazing she was and how
nice she was.
And when I leave here, I wantmy legacy to be that I gave it
the best that I had and that Imade my mark in the world.

(43:31):
Because my mom made her markand I never believed that God
truly picks the prettiest andthe best flowers until he took
my mom, because I know without ashadow of a doubt that he got a
good one when he got her 65, agood one.
So that would be my advice togive to them to keep living, to

(43:53):
get kanda with them, acknowledgehow they're feeling, have those
days that they need to have.
And another thing that I wouldsay is to never feel bad for
laughing again.
You deserve to laugh again.
You deserve to love again.
If you lose your spouse, youdeserve to love again.

(44:16):
You deserve to be a mom again.
I can't wait till I meet theperson that I'm supposed to be
with and I can have a baby and Ican tell that sweet little baby
about my mama.
I can't wait to share herstories and the love she gave me
.
And the best thing about it allis that I have witnessed and

(44:39):
lived in the light of true lovethrough my parents and my
grandparents.
I, even if I never get married,I know what unconditional love
feels like, because God loved meso much to give me the most
amazing parents and grandparentsever.
So I want to give that toanother child.
So any other questions?

Chuck (45:01):
yes, no, no, that's powerful.
That was meant to be.
Yes, because I'm telling you Iwas not telling this story.
No, no, that's powerful.
That was meant to be.
That was meant to be.

Charonta (45:08):
Yes, because I'm telling you I was not telling
this story.
I said the Lord did not tell meit was time, so the Lord must
have nudged on Keisha to link ustogether, and it's just so
organic how it happened.

Chuck (45:21):
Absolutely, absolutely.
As we close, if you could sayone more thing to each of them,
what would it be?
Starting with your dad?

Charonta (45:34):
To my dad.
It would be you will always bemy hero.
I was never disappointed in youand I'm thankful that I got my
strength from you.
I'm thankful that I don't takeit and mess up of anybody.
I got that from you and I'mthankful that you laid the

(45:59):
blueprint for me to besuccessful.
My dad was military, so he waslike get those degrees, get your
money, don't let nobody walkover you.
And my dad always told me neverbe afraid to dream big.
That's what I would say to him.
To my granny, I would say to herum, thank you for a making it

(46:24):
mandatory that I go to theVirginia State University.
I had to go on her footsteps.
I would tell her thank you foryour wisdom, thank you for
showing me what the importanceof education, the importance of

(46:45):
being self-sufficient.
And I would tell her thank youfor always, always, always,
letting me know how proud shewas of me.
I would tell my sweet baby thatmommy wanted you so, so much,
but God needed you more.
I would tell my mom thank youfor the sacrifices, thank you

(47:08):
for fighting so hard to stayhere with me, thank you for
every tear you wiped, thank youfor every fear you calmed.
I would tell her thank you forbeing the example of a strong
black woman.
I would tell her thank you foralways putting me first and

(47:31):
putting herself second.
And I would tell her thank youfor loving me enough to simply
hold on until she knew I wasready to truly let her go.
And I would tell her cancer didnot win.
Cancer did not win.
Cancer did not win.
That's what I would tell hercancer did not win.

Chuck (47:51):
Cancer did not win, absolutely cancer did not win.
That's what I would tell themwow, you're an amazing person.
I really thank you.
You're welcome.
I really appreciate you beingon Chirante yes, yes, yes, um,
thank you so much for sharingyour story on let's Just Talk
About it podcast.
Yes, shout out to Keisha forconnecting us together to make

(48:12):
this happen.
Yeah, any last things you wantto say Absolutely Anything else
you want to say.

Charonta (48:18):
Thank you for this platform to allow people to tell
their stories.
You know, we have to be as aculture.
We have to be as as a cultureum, we have to be more open and
if you're listening to this, youhave to be more open to
transparency.
A lot of times we'reconditioned to keep what happens

(48:39):
in the house in the house,sweep it under the rug, not talk
about our business.
But transparency is importantbecause a lot of times, the
things that you're going throughyou're not going through for
yourself.
Pretty much 100% of the time,the things that you're going
through are not for you, they'refor somebody else.
So if you never tell yourtestimony, there are so many

(49:00):
people connected to yourtestimony that could be saved.
So be okay with beingtransparent and remember this is
the last thing I got to sayit's okay to show your scars
because that proves that yousurvived something.
So y'all saw my scars today, butI survived it.

(49:21):
Yes, you did.

Chuck (49:22):
Incredible.
Thank you so much, you're verywelcome.

Charonta (49:26):
Let's just talk about the podcast Appreciate you,
you're very welcome, let's justtalk about it.
Podcast Appreciate you.

Chuck (49:38):
You too.
Wow, what an amazingconversation.
Shout out to you, Charonta, forhaving this dialogue with me,
and thank you for having thecourage to share your journey of
healing, to help us realizethat we are not alone and that
we, too, can go from tragedy totriumph.
So we really appreciate you,and I also want to thank
everyone for always tuning in tolet's Just Talk About it

(49:58):
podcast.
So until next time, don't holdit in, but let's just talk about
it.
Talk to you soon.