July 11, 2024 • 28 mins
Can trauma be a catalyst for profound personal transformation? Join us on this compelling episode of Let's Just Talk About It as we sit down with Victoria Hardy, the author of "The Love Correction: 12 Tools to Overcoming Trauma." Victoria opens up about her challenging upbringing in Norfolk, Virginia, and shares the deeply personal story of being molested. Through her journey, she reveals how these early traumatic experiences inspired her to break generational curses and pursue a path of healing and empowerment through faith and self-awareness. Together, we explore the various forms of trauma and how they shape our perceptions and lives.
Discover how to heal from trauma and renew your mind to create a healthier, more fulfilling reality. Victoria discusses the critical role of community support, especially when addressing trauma's impact on self-worth in children. Reflecting on her personal experiences, she emphasizes the importance of believing and addressing children's concerns and the invaluable support of spiritual and professional counseling. We also delve into how the pandemic has brought hidden issues to the surface, Victoria's future aspirations, and the profound power of sharing one's story to inspire and aid others on their healing journey. This episode promises to offer insightful perspectives on overcoming trauma and the transformative power of support and self-awareness.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chuck (00:09):
hey listeners, thank you so much for tuning in to let's
just talk about it podcast andfor making this platform a part
of your weekly listeningpleasure.
I'm your host, chuck, and ifthis is your very first time
here, this platform was createdto give genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, Ihave a very special guest on
(00:29):
with me today Miss VictoriaHardy, the author of the book
the Love Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma, and on this
episode, she talks about her owntraumatic experience growing up
in Norfolk, virginia, and alsohow she's using those 12 tools
written in her book to overcomethat trauma so that she could be
the person that she was createdto be.
So, without further delay, dome a favor go and grab your
(00:52):
husband, your wife, yourchildren, or even call your
friend and listen in together tomy conversation with Miss
Victoria Hardy on let's JustTalk About it.
Hey, let's jump right in onlet's Just Talk About it.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Today I have Victoria Hardy onwith me today, the author of the
(01:17):
book the Love Correction.
So, first of all, victoria,thank you so much for being a
part of this episode on.
Let's Just Talk About it.
I really appreciate it.
Victoria Hardy (01:21):
Thank you so much for the invitation, Chuck.
I appreciate you as well.
Chuck (01:25):
Absolutely so.
How are you doing today?
Victoria Hardy (01:27):
I'm doing amazing.
It's a beautiful day.
You know miracles and wondersare happening, so I am excited,
Okay.
Chuck (01:35):
Absolutely, absolutely.
As always, I love to jump rightinto my interviews, victoria,
to have those genuineconversations with genuine
people just like yourself, toshare a portion of your life's
journey.
So, with that being said, whereare you from?
Victoria Hardy (01:49):
born and raised in hampton roads, norfolk,
virginia, graduated from matthewfontaine maury high school wow,
what part of norfolk you fromvalentine okay, valentine, all
right, shout out to valentineshout out to val, shout out to
Valentine.
Shoot Paul Valentine, yeah, orVista Avenue, yeah.
Chuck (02:06):
Wow, wow.
Victoria, I believe thateverybody you know has their own
unique experience about growingup.
So what was yours like growingup in Norfolk?
Victoria Hardy (02:16):
Well, in Norfolk , I was raised by my parents,
who are still married to thisday, have been together for
maybe about 40 years.
I have three siblings all olderthan me.
I'm the baby of four.
So, um yeah, growing up I wassurrounded by family.
I was surrounded by church.
(02:37):
I was raised in a veryreligious home a faith-based
home.
Yes, both my parents and mymother still attends the same
church I was born and raised inliterally so being in that
household, having that religiousbackground, going to church.
Chuck (02:51):
How was that like for you ?
Because I know some people theygrew up restricted, they
couldn't do a lot of things, sohow was that for you?
Victoria Hardy (02:58):
Well, for me it was unique in that I did
experience a lot, Like my momshe did a lot for the church and
my dad he worked a lot.
So, but we were very active inthe church and in ministry and a
lot of people think thatbecause you go to church and
that you have faith in God, orthat you were raised with
(03:18):
spiritual and biblicalprinciples, that you don't have
experiences that are not likeunto that Right, I hear you.
Chuck (03:25):
So you have this book out right now, called the Love
Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma.
Victoria Hardy (03:31):
Amazing book.
So what happened in your?
Chuck (03:33):
life that brought you to that place where, Victoria, you
decided I wanted to write a book.
Victoria Hardy (03:38):
Well, to start it off, like I said, being
raised by parents who love Jesus, who love the Lord, my mom, she
was very helpful to thecommunity and to her siblings,
and trauma for me started at agesix.
So At age six I was molested bymy cousin.
You know, always going over tomy auntie's house and things
(04:02):
like that and not knowing thatgenerational curses number one
are very, very real.
So ancestry and, you know,molestation was something that I
didn't know up until I was anadult.
That was a generational curseon my mother's side and
bloodline adult, that was agenerational curse on my
(04:24):
mother's side and bloodline.
And so, yeah, that is whatinspired me to write the book,
because I got tired of thecycles of my life and seeing the
same patterns.
I was a very inquisitive child.
I always, even though we werein church, I was that one child
that always wanted to know why.
And it was to my benefit,because now I am a generational
curse breaker for my bloodlineand for many others.
(04:45):
That's what inspired me to betransparent about my traumas,
about, um, the differentexperiences that I had, even
with God, in my life.
Chuck (04:56):
So, yeah, wow, so it brought you to that place to
write the book the LoveCorrection.
So when you talk about trauma,share with me what is that for
you, Because so many people talkabout trauma today.
What is trauma to you?
Victoria Hardy (05:11):
Okay.
So I'm so glad you asked thatquestion and that was something
that I was like man.
You know I recently had aninterview on the news and they
asked that question.
And you know I recently had aninterview on the news and they
asked that question.
Trauma can be spiritual, it canbe emotional, it can be
physical, it can bepsychological.
You know, just like any form ofabuse, there is not just one
(05:32):
way of how it may look and it'sdifferent for each person.
So experiencing trauma altersyour central nervous system and
how you respond to socialencounters and life in general.
You know.
So, like um, people suffer withsocial and relational anxiety,
and you know acknowledging yourtriggers from trauma.
(05:53):
After the fact, you know traumalooks different for everybody,
but for me, that's my simpledefinition of what trauma is
Anything that's happenedthroughout your life that
completely alters the way youperceive life.
Chuck (06:07):
Wow, so you talked about emotional abuse, psychological
abuse.
How does that look to you?
Victoria Hardy (06:12):
Yeah, emotional abuse, psychological abuse.
So not only did my cousin molestme at six, but probably up
until the age of in my teenageor close to teenage years, I
started to experience that sameeffect, being brought into my
brother's room at night wheneveryone was asleep.
And these are things that,literally, they are patterns in
(06:35):
our lives and in our communities, in our households, that nobody
is willing to share about,because it's first of all
embarrassing and it may behumiliating.
However, covered wounds don'theal.
And that's a factor in my bookwhere you know, even if you cut
your hands, that wound, you gotto expose it to the air for it
to close.
Yeah, you want to put a bandaidon it to keep it safe from
(06:58):
getting dirty or from anythinggetting inside of it to be
infected, but in order for it tofully heal, you have to allow
the air and the natural it'snatural um to take its natural
course to get to that place ofclosing up.
Yeah, so that ripping off theband-aid it this book literally
is like exposing so that thehealing can begin and take
(07:23):
course, um, so yeah, that's itwow.
Chuck (07:26):
So that's a great segue into this next question.
So in a person dealing withthat type of trauma.
Do they?
Do they ever get to a placewhere you say I'm better or I'm
healed right now, becausethere's a such thing as
post-traumatic stress right whenyou have those triggers?
So talk to me about that.
Do you ever like?
(07:47):
Can you ever get to that placewhere you say I'm good, or is it
an ongoing thing?
Victoria Hardy (07:54):
So that is actually the title of my book is
the Love Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma, because I
literally, from chapter tochapter, share different tools
and tactics that you can use,practical things, practical
applications that you can usethroughout your daily life.
Because, no, it is notsomething you know that is easy
(08:17):
to do.
You know it's a process, justlike any other thing.
It's a process to overcome yourtrauma.
So I'll just share a few vitalthings that are necessary in
overcoming your trauma and yousaid it triggers.
You have to that's a chapter inmy book.
You have to know how torecognize those triggers and
(08:39):
after you recognize them, youhave to set healthy boundaries,
like, uh, one of the greatestways or the most important thing
in overcoming trauma isforgiveness and you have to
learn how to forgive quickly.
You have to forgive quicklybecause if not, it settles in
and then you begin to harborbitterness and bitterness then
(09:01):
exposes so many other negativeemotions in your psyche, in your
body.
You know it begins to manifestin your body, after it's in your
psychological.
So that is very importantrecognizing your triggers and
then giving yourself a way out.
You have to know OK, forexample, example, if someone
gets within 10 feet of me orwithin five feet of me, and
(09:24):
their hands are raised.
That triggers me to be ondefense if you are aware of that
you can then combat that.
You can say, okay, I see someonecoming toward me, let me turn a
certain way or let me speak outloud, so that I'm acknowledging
the fact, I'm being triggered,and then making that person also
aware.
(09:44):
And we, you know, alternate,create an alternative,
especially if it's someone youlove.
Um, I've had to set healthyboundaries.
I'm I'm really extreme when itcomes to boundaries.
I've had to learn that because,um, you know that saying that
givers, givers don't have limits, neither do takers.
You know that saying thatgivers don't have limits,
neither do takers.
You know a person who justgives and gives and gives Never
(10:05):
has a limit.
Yeah, and a person that takeswill continue taking.
So you kind of just have to behonest and transparent about
your needs.
When you've experienced trauma,you have to be honest.
Chuck (10:18):
So yeah, Wow, you talked about forgiveness.
That's big yes, because you saywhen you don't forgive, you
hold it in, you harbor it, andit can become bitterness that
you could, you could possiblywalk around in anger all the
time if you hold yeah, if youhold something in like that.
So how, how is that?
How does that look for you whenyou talk about forgiveness?
(10:40):
Because you can say I forgiveyou, but you still, you still
remember that, that pain.
So it's like, how does thatlook for you in terms of that?
You know, is that hard for youto say OK, I forgive you and it
is just gone, or does it likekeep coming up in your mind like
you're mad again?
Victoria Hardy (10:58):
Well see, that's the thing with forgiveness,
it's, it's.
They say, forgive and forget,but you never really forget, you
really never forget but that'sknowing that you're not
desensitized, you know.
That's the reminder that youstill have a heart.
For me it's all aboutperspective, right?
So if I know that someone'sdone something to me in these
(11:20):
boundaries, I put in place sothat I'm so serious when I tell
you boundaries are like one ofthe most important things in
overcoming trauma and forgivingpeople, because someone who's
wronged me, if I set boundarieswith them, the next time that I
see them my heart is not stillimpacted in the same way it was
when they left me.
You know so, when the way weleft things, they're not the
(11:44):
same anymore because I'veestablished those boundaries
that have kept me safe andthey've also kept you in a place
that your integrity with me isgood, you know.
So that's the major and numberone in maintaining a pure heart,
and a pure and a genuine heart.
Trauma also makes you sometimesvery vulnerable.
So for me it can do one or theother.
(12:05):
Either you can be that personwho harbors it, harbors it and
harbors it, or you can beempathetic with people who cause
you trauma, and that was me.
So that's how forgiveness looksfor me, because I'm an
empathetic person and I alwayslook at it like this person may
have done this to me, but why?
Why did they do what they did?
Chuck (12:25):
to cause me trauma.
Victoria Hardy (12:27):
Yeah, so obviously there was something
that happened in their life thatmade them do or behave in such
a way that caused me the trauma.
So I should empathize with themand then forgive, because that
may be the thing that they needin order to change their whole
entire mind.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, wow.
Chuck (12:47):
So what was that defining moment for you where you
decided that's enough.
It ends right here.
Victoria Hardy (12:52):
Well, I think it started after my divorce
because, like I said, thepatterns and the cycles.
So I was an infidel in mymarriage, not because I desired
to, but because, like I said, itwas a generational curse.
The infidelity was agenerational curse on my
father's side.
So, because of my faith and mylove for God, I confessed to my
(13:13):
husband that I had cheated onhim and that these things had
occurred.
There was no way I was goingback to that bondage again,
right, there's nothing worsethan having to lie and having to
cover up and be someone thatyou really are not, um, in order
to maintain this image ofyourself, right?
(13:33):
So I got tired of it and I saidno more, never again, I'll ever
, I'll never be that personagain.
So I changed, I did, I meanliterally, I fought tooth and
nail but to get to the woman Iam today, I did not go back to
my vomit, in which the word ofGod speaks of how, like a dog
returns to his vomit.
I did not return to those samethings again.
(13:55):
Now, I made some new mistakesand I had to overcome some new
things.
But going back to the liar thatI was and you know the insecure
person that I was, I saidenough is enough.
Now, once I became an adult, Irealized that I did not know my
worth and my value as a womanand as a person.
Right, so probably my I'm 36now.
(14:17):
So once I got to my later 20sand my early 30s, I said enough
is enough.
There is no validation that Ineed from anyone other than God.
So, realizing that myvalidations can't even come from
my parents, they have to comefrom a place inside of me that
knows that I'm enough.
And once I realized that can'tnobody stop me now, can't nobody
(14:41):
stop you.
I have my D, you know, I'm ahuman for real, I'm a human
being Right.
But as far as me, being honestand transparent about what I
need and what I demand andexpect at this place in my life,
there is nothing I won't do toprotect who I am in God and who
he's created me to be.
Chuck (14:59):
Wow, amazing.
So if you were to run intosomebody today, right, and they
remind you of yourself, whatwould you share with them to
help them out in terms ofdealing with trauma?
Victoria Hardy (15:10):
Well, one of the main things that I would tell
them is you have to renew yourmind.
Like your subconscious mind is,is is what manifests your
realities.
Okay, so the word of god saysbe transformed by the renewing
of your mind, and it's a realthing that's a real thing.
You have to renew your mind.
The foundation of your thoughtsis where your realities reside.
(15:33):
Okay, so you must renew yourmind like anybody.
I would encourage them to feedthemselves positivity and be
desperate, desperate about theirrecovery.
Be desperate like by any meansnecessary.
Do whatever it takes to seeyour life in a different place
than you've ever seen it beforeright.
Chuck (15:52):
Wow, wow.
A lot of people deal with withrejection today because of
trauma, like they feel likethey're not good enough, but you
said you have to change yourmind.
And not good enough, but yousaid you have to change your
mind.
And not only that.
I believe you have to surroundyourself, victoria, with the
right people, because sometimesyou just don't have the energy
because we're human to seeourselves as better.
So it's good to have peoplearound you that have your best
(16:14):
interests at heart, that whenyou have those bad days, you
have somebody in your cornerthat can lift you up.
Victoria Hardy (16:19):
I definitely agree.
I definitely agree.
And having those right peoplereally begins with you, because
you know that saying that youattract who you are, yeah, yeah.
So if you, if you're in thisplace of low thinking and low
being and low living, you'llcontinue to attract people who
feed that part of you, feed yourinsecurities, feed all those
(16:43):
negative emotions.
I know throughout my life I'venot even had the emotional
capacity to maintain healthyrelationships because of the
trauma that I experienced.
Every single healthyrelationship ended up repeating
the cycle of the last situation.
So, yeah, like embracing andremaining open to having those
(17:04):
true, genuinely healthyrelationships.
Chuck (17:07):
Amazing.
So, victoria, if you could goback right now to talk to the
younger version, thatsix-year-old version of Victoria
, what would you say to her toinspire her?
Victoria Hardy (17:16):
Wow, that's a good question.
There's so many things come tomind.
I would say never stop tryingto tell what happened to you and
know that your value doesn'tdepreciate because someone else
doesn't see your worth.
Because, to be honest, if mymother would have believed me or
if I would have felt confidentenough to tell someone else, I
(17:40):
probably could have stopped thiscycle way before now.
You know, even with thathappening to me, still telling
myself, you don't have to let itkeep happening, because you're
valuable, wow.
Chuck (17:52):
So many people going I'm learning that are going through
abuse right now physical oremotional, psychological, even
as a young child, and you justthink about it.
They have to go to school andhold all of this in.
You know what?
I mean In a classroom and sitthere and think about what they
went through last night, andthen they have to go home to the
(18:13):
same thing.
That has to be hard.
So do you remember what was inyour mind at six years old?
Hard?
So do you remember what was inyour mind at six years old?
that's a lot to hold, you know,and nobody believes you, and uh,
you have to go back to thatsame environment.
Do you remember, like thingsthat will go through your mind,
that you have to go back home ordeal with the same thing over
again?
Victoria Hardy (18:32):
to be honest, at that age I think it was fight
or flight.
You, you know, I was.
That was the seed of rejectionthat was planted in my heart and
in my mind, Because then, ofcourse, after that happening,
you feel compromised, you know.
So all of my development beganto be altered at that point
(18:54):
because my perception of loveand of relationship and how I
should feel, or you know when it, when it relates, when it comes
to relationship or connection,it was altered from that
experience.
So there's really, I would youknow, any child, any adult or
parent, first of all, I wouldsay, if your child has ever said
(19:17):
anything to you, even thatsomeone looked at them in the
wrong way, immediately addressit.
Even if they are a child withthe most vivid imagination in
the world, there is somethingthat they are crying out for and
they need, Even if it'ssomething that they made up in
their minds.
It's something that they need,and sometimes we need Jesus and
counseling.
(19:37):
We need Jesus and counselingand that's something that people
who are religious, veryreligious, and they just go to
church and put the Bible oneverything, God gave us a mind
for a reason.
And these people who are doctors, they went to school to study
(19:57):
why we do what we do and why wefeel what we feel after this and
before that.
So you know, seek counsel foryour children and, as adults,
when you have to seek counselingfor your child, you yourself
need counseling.
Yeah, you know.
So that is, seeking medicalattention is not something
especially in our Blackcommunity, especially since
COVID Right that we are.
A lot of us are realizing nowthat we need, but it was not
(20:20):
something that's been mostpopular in our throughout
generations.
You know to seek counselingRight.
Chuck (20:28):
I think the pandemic kind of pulled the lid off the can
when it comes down to thingswe've hidden in the past.
The pandemic kind of exposed it, because we were in the house
together, we didn't get out, sowe had to deal with our personal
issues.
Absolutely, wow, that'scertainly true.
So what are you up to now?
(20:50):
What do you have going on?
Victoria Hardy (20:52):
So I'm currently looking forward to touring,
relocating, many new doorsopening.
I'm looking forward to my bookgoing across the nations and
helping people and opening uptheir perspective as it relates
to trauma.
(21:12):
Yes and just, I'm just reallyhoping that by this obedient
step of me taking this, thislaunch into transparency, that
it provokes other people to dothe same.
So that's what I'm lookingforward to Just all things new,
all things Wow.
Yes, and I'm also in theprocess of completing my second
(21:34):
book.
So, excited about that.
Chuck (21:36):
Wow, Second book, Okay, Okay.
So do you have any social mediathat people can get in contact
with?
So if they want this book abouttrauma you know the love
correction how could they get incontact with you to get your
book?
Victoria Hardy (21:51):
Okay, so my Facebook is Victoria Hardy.
Just like it sounds, h A R D Y.
Victoria is spelled like queenVictoria.
My Instagram is at one, thenumber Victoria's I O U S love
so V?
I C T O R I O U S L O V.
That's on Instagram, and mywebsite, where you can purchase
(22:20):
anything that I sell from LoveSolid Foundation, is
lovesolidfoundationcom.
Chuck (22:23):
Victoria.
One last question, Well, maybetwo more.
Yes, sir, Before we go how areyour children affected by your
trauma, by what you've dealtwith in your past?
Victoria Hardy (22:35):
Well, so I only have one son, and he's 14 years
old.
Chuck (22:38):
Okay.
Victoria Hardy (22:39):
But honestly, my son was super affected because
when you experience trauma,especially as an adolescent, you
fear it, for your own child Gotyou and you know how that
saying that says sometimes yourgreatest fears become your
realities.
So my son had to experiencethat same cycle of trauma as a
(23:00):
child.
Of course, not to the degreethat I did, because from from
the time he was able to talk andrecognize this is your private
area I would share with him.
I don't care if mommy or daddytouches you in the wrong way.
You tell the other mommy or youknow, you tell the opposite
parent.
So, um, but yeah, my son hasalso had to see me go through
(23:24):
the cycles and the challengesthat I speak about in my book
and from that you know we've hadto.
I'm grateful to have a very openrelationship and communication
with my son.
So I'm grateful for thatbecause he's able to share with
me, um, things that do affecthim and that have bothered him
(23:49):
or whatever the case may be.
So it's affected him sociallyin that you know he he's very
protective, he's very um, andit's affected him in a positive
way because, also because my sonis very loving and he's very
concerned about others.
He's very empathetic as itrelates to other people who are
(24:09):
who are being mistreatedreatedlike my son is just an amazing
kid.
Yes, I love him.
I'm so grateful for him.
So, yeah, trauma trauma can canaffect you and your children in
a negative and a positive way.
So I'm just grateful that myson can share with other
teenagers his age.
You know that they'll be okayand that they can overcome and
(24:32):
that they can do these differentthings to if they're having
trouble in their homes andthings like that.
So, yeah, it's amazing toexperience that with my son.
Wow.
Chuck (24:42):
We're having this conversation, as you said before
, you're sitting outside, right.
So do you see things better now?
The sun better now?
Absolutely yeah.
It's a brighter sun better now?
Absolutely yeah.
It's a brighter day for you?
Absolutely yeah, because Ibelieve people go through that
type of trauma and just seedarkness.
But you're sitting outsideenjoying yourself now, and
(25:03):
that's encouragement to somebodywho's in that situation right
now that there is a brighter daythat you can see the sunshine
again, so shout out to youvictoria absolutely.
Victoria Hardy (25:15):
There is life after trauma and you people want
to absolutely, absolutely.
Chuck (25:22):
Yeah.
Thank you so much for thisconversation.
I really appreciate it.
Victoria, is there anythingthat you would want to share
before we sign off that youwould want to share with
somebody who may be listening toour conversation right now, who
are saying that's me she'stalking about, I'm dealing with
trauma.
What would you say to themright now?
Who's listening?
Victoria Hardy (25:40):
I would say never give up.
Never, ever, ever give up onyourself.
Never give up on your dreams,your hopes, your desires and
your aspirations.
Never, ever stop fighting foryour freedom.
Validation is for parking Wow,but only validation that you
need is from God within yourself.
(26:01):
That is it, and just continueto love, quickly forgive and
show love.
There are so many things that Iwould share with you, but get
the book.
Get the book and any questionsyou have, yes, on my website,
you can ask any question thatyou might have.
You can ask on my website there.
And, yeah, just enjoy thejourney to renewing your mind
(26:23):
and creating the amazing lifethat you know that you can have.
Chuck (26:27):
Wow Again.
She's the author of the bookthe Love Correction.
So go get the book and learnthose 12 steps to recovery from
trauma, correct.
Victoria Hardy (26:36):
Absolutely 12 steps to overcoming trauma.
Chuck (26:40):
Absolutely.
I appreciate you so much.
Shout out to you.
Shout out to you, reallyappreciate you being on my
podcast and thank you so much,victoria, for being on.
Victoria Hardy (26:49):
Thank you, chuck , for having me.
This has been the most amazingexperience.
Thank you, and I can't wait tocome back again.
Chuck (26:56):
Wow, you will definitely be back.
Appreciate you so much.
Victoria Hardy (26:59):
Have a good day you too.
Chuck (27:01):
All right, wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to Victoria for doingthis interview with me.
You know she shared somepainful experiences that someone
listening may be going throughright now and you're suffering
in silence.
But in listening to Victoria'sstory you now realize that
(27:23):
you're not alone, that you'renot the only one who's had to
deal with a traumatic experiencelike that.
And, although you may neverforget, her story has encouraged
you to forgive, which is big,and also to realize that the
dark place that you may be inmentally right now won't last
forever, that the sun will soonshine in your life again.
Again, thank you so much fortuning in to let's Just Talk
(27:44):
About it podcast and for makingthis platform a part of your
weekly listening pleasure.
And if you're here for thefirst time, please check out my
website.
Just Google let's Just TalkAbout it podcastcom.
And also you can find me onFacebook.
Just type in Chuck L-J-T-A-I.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
(28:05):
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon you.
hey listeners, thank you so much for tuning in to let's
just talk about it podcast andfor making this platform a part
of your weekly listeningpleasure.
I'm your host, chuck, and ifthis is your very first time
here, this platform was createdto give genuine people just like
you an opportunity to share aportion of your life's journey.
So, with that being said, Ihave a very special guest on
(00:29):
with me today Miss VictoriaHardy, the author of the book
the Love Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma, and on this
episode, she talks about her owntraumatic experience growing up
in Norfolk, virginia, and alsohow she's using those 12 tools
written in her book to overcomethat trauma so that she could be
the person that she was createdto be.
So, without further delay, dome a favor go and grab your
(00:52):
husband, your wife, yourchildren, or even call your
friend and listen in together tomy conversation with Miss
Victoria Hardy on let's JustTalk About it.
Hey, let's jump right in onlet's Just Talk About it.
Hey, let's jump right in.
Today I have Victoria Hardy onwith me today, the author of the
(01:17):
book the Love Correction.
So, first of all, victoria,thank you so much for being a
part of this episode on.
Let's Just Talk About it.
I really appreciate it.
Victoria Hardy (01:21):
Thank you so much for the invitation, Chuck.
I appreciate you as well.
Chuck (01:25):
Absolutely so.
How are you doing today?
Victoria Hardy (01:27):
I'm doing amazing.
It's a beautiful day.
You know miracles and wondersare happening, so I am excited,
Okay.
Chuck (01:35):
Absolutely, absolutely.
As always, I love to jump rightinto my interviews, victoria,
to have those genuineconversations with genuine
people just like yourself, toshare a portion of your life's
journey.
So, with that being said, whereare you from?
Victoria Hardy (01:49):
born and raised in hampton roads, norfolk,
virginia, graduated from matthewfontaine maury high school wow,
what part of norfolk you fromvalentine okay, valentine, all
right, shout out to valentineshout out to val, shout out to
Valentine.
Shoot Paul Valentine, yeah, orVista Avenue, yeah.
Chuck (02:06):
Wow, wow.
Victoria, I believe thateverybody you know has their own
unique experience about growingup.
So what was yours like growingup in Norfolk?
Victoria Hardy (02:16):
Well, in Norfolk , I was raised by my parents,
who are still married to thisday, have been together for
maybe about 40 years.
I have three siblings all olderthan me.
I'm the baby of four.
So, um yeah, growing up I wassurrounded by family.
I was surrounded by church.
(02:37):
I was raised in a veryreligious home a faith-based
home.
Yes, both my parents and mymother still attends the same
church I was born and raised inliterally so being in that
household, having that religiousbackground, going to church.
Chuck (02:51):
How was that like for you ?
Because I know some people theygrew up restricted, they
couldn't do a lot of things, sohow was that for you?
Victoria Hardy (02:58):
Well, for me it was unique in that I did
experience a lot, Like my momshe did a lot for the church and
my dad he worked a lot.
So, but we were very active inthe church and in ministry and a
lot of people think thatbecause you go to church and
that you have faith in God, orthat you were raised with
(03:18):
spiritual and biblicalprinciples, that you don't have
experiences that are not likeunto that Right, I hear you.
Chuck (03:25):
So you have this book out right now, called the Love
Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma.
Victoria Hardy (03:31):
Amazing book.
So what happened in your?
Chuck (03:33):
life that brought you to that place where, Victoria, you
decided I wanted to write a book.
Victoria Hardy (03:38):
Well, to start it off, like I said, being
raised by parents who love Jesus, who love the Lord, my mom, she
was very helpful to thecommunity and to her siblings,
and trauma for me started at agesix.
So At age six I was molested bymy cousin.
You know, always going over tomy auntie's house and things
(04:02):
like that and not knowing thatgenerational curses number one
are very, very real.
So ancestry and, you know,molestation was something that I
didn't know up until I was anadult.
That was a generational curseon my mother's side and
bloodline adult, that was agenerational curse on my
(04:24):
mother's side and bloodline.
And so, yeah, that is whatinspired me to write the book,
because I got tired of thecycles of my life and seeing the
same patterns.
I was a very inquisitive child.
I always, even though we werein church, I was that one child
that always wanted to know why.
And it was to my benefit,because now I am a generational
curse breaker for my bloodlineand for many others.
(04:45):
That's what inspired me to betransparent about my traumas,
about, um, the differentexperiences that I had, even
with God, in my life.
Chuck (04:56):
So, yeah, wow, so it brought you to that place to
write the book the LoveCorrection.
So when you talk about trauma,share with me what is that for
you, Because so many people talkabout trauma today.
What is trauma to you?
Victoria Hardy (05:11):
Okay.
So I'm so glad you asked thatquestion and that was something
that I was like man.
You know I recently had aninterview on the news and they
asked that question.
And you know I recently had aninterview on the news and they
asked that question.
Trauma can be spiritual, it canbe emotional, it can be
physical, it can bepsychological.
You know, just like any form ofabuse, there is not just one
(05:32):
way of how it may look and it'sdifferent for each person.
So experiencing trauma altersyour central nervous system and
how you respond to socialencounters and life in general.
You know.
So, like um, people suffer withsocial and relational anxiety,
and you know acknowledging yourtriggers from trauma.
(05:53):
After the fact, you know traumalooks different for everybody,
but for me, that's my simpledefinition of what trauma is
Anything that's happenedthroughout your life that
completely alters the way youperceive life.
Chuck (06:07):
Wow, so you talked about emotional abuse, psychological
abuse.
How does that look to you?
Victoria Hardy (06:12):
Yeah, emotional abuse, psychological abuse.
So not only did my cousin molestme at six, but probably up
until the age of in my teenageor close to teenage years, I
started to experience that sameeffect, being brought into my
brother's room at night wheneveryone was asleep.
And these are things that,literally, they are patterns in
(06:35):
our lives and in our communities, in our households, that nobody
is willing to share about,because it's first of all
embarrassing and it may behumiliating.
However, covered wounds don'theal.
And that's a factor in my bookwhere you know, even if you cut
your hands, that wound, you gotto expose it to the air for it
to close.
Yeah, you want to put a bandaidon it to keep it safe from
(06:58):
getting dirty or from anythinggetting inside of it to be
infected, but in order for it tofully heal, you have to allow
the air and the natural it'snatural um to take its natural
course to get to that place ofclosing up.
Yeah, so that ripping off theband-aid it this book literally
is like exposing so that thehealing can begin and take
(07:23):
course, um, so yeah, that's itwow.
Chuck (07:26):
So that's a great segue into this next question.
So in a person dealing withthat type of trauma.
Do they?
Do they ever get to a placewhere you say I'm better or I'm
healed right now, becausethere's a such thing as
post-traumatic stress right whenyou have those triggers?
So talk to me about that.
Do you ever like?
(07:47):
Can you ever get to that placewhere you say I'm good, or is it
an ongoing thing?
Victoria Hardy (07:54):
So that is actually the title of my book is
the Love Correction 12 Tools toOvercoming Trauma, because I
literally, from chapter tochapter, share different tools
and tactics that you can use,practical things, practical
applications that you can usethroughout your daily life.
Because, no, it is notsomething you know that is easy
(08:17):
to do.
You know it's a process, justlike any other thing.
It's a process to overcome yourtrauma.
So I'll just share a few vitalthings that are necessary in
overcoming your trauma and yousaid it triggers.
You have to that's a chapter inmy book.
You have to know how torecognize those triggers and
(08:39):
after you recognize them, youhave to set healthy boundaries,
like, uh, one of the greatestways or the most important thing
in overcoming trauma isforgiveness and you have to
learn how to forgive quickly.
You have to forgive quicklybecause if not, it settles in
and then you begin to harborbitterness and bitterness then
(09:01):
exposes so many other negativeemotions in your psyche, in your
body.
You know it begins to manifestin your body, after it's in your
psychological.
So that is very importantrecognizing your triggers and
then giving yourself a way out.
You have to know OK, forexample, example, if someone
gets within 10 feet of me orwithin five feet of me, and
(09:24):
their hands are raised.
That triggers me to be ondefense if you are aware of that
you can then combat that.
You can say, okay, I see someonecoming toward me, let me turn a
certain way or let me speak outloud, so that I'm acknowledging
the fact, I'm being triggered,and then making that person also
aware.
(09:44):
And we, you know, alternate,create an alternative,
especially if it's someone youlove.
Um, I've had to set healthyboundaries.
I'm I'm really extreme when itcomes to boundaries.
I've had to learn that because,um, you know that saying that
givers, givers don't have limits, neither do takers.
You know that saying thatgivers don't have limits,
neither do takers.
You know a person who justgives and gives and gives Never
(10:05):
has a limit.
Yeah, and a person that takeswill continue taking.
So you kind of just have to behonest and transparent about
your needs.
When you've experienced trauma,you have to be honest.
Chuck (10:18):
So yeah, Wow, you talked about forgiveness.
That's big yes, because you saywhen you don't forgive, you
hold it in, you harbor it, andit can become bitterness that
you could, you could possiblywalk around in anger all the
time if you hold yeah, if youhold something in like that.
So how, how is that?
How does that look for you whenyou talk about forgiveness?
(10:40):
Because you can say I forgiveyou, but you still, you still
remember that, that pain.
So it's like, how does thatlook for you in terms of that?
You know, is that hard for youto say OK, I forgive you and it
is just gone, or does it likekeep coming up in your mind like
you're mad again?
Victoria Hardy (10:58):
Well see, that's the thing with forgiveness,
it's, it's.
They say, forgive and forget,but you never really forget, you
really never forget but that'sknowing that you're not
desensitized, you know.
That's the reminder that youstill have a heart.
For me it's all aboutperspective, right?
So if I know that someone'sdone something to me in these
(11:20):
boundaries, I put in place sothat I'm so serious when I tell
you boundaries are like one ofthe most important things in
overcoming trauma and forgivingpeople, because someone who's
wronged me, if I set boundarieswith them, the next time that I
see them my heart is not stillimpacted in the same way it was
when they left me.
You know so, when the way weleft things, they're not the
(11:44):
same anymore because I'veestablished those boundaries
that have kept me safe andthey've also kept you in a place
that your integrity with me isgood, you know.
So that's the major and numberone in maintaining a pure heart,
and a pure and a genuine heart.
Trauma also makes you sometimesvery vulnerable.
So for me it can do one or theother.
(12:05):
Either you can be that personwho harbors it, harbors it and
harbors it, or you can beempathetic with people who cause
you trauma, and that was me.
So that's how forgiveness looksfor me, because I'm an
empathetic person and I alwayslook at it like this person may
have done this to me, but why?
Why did they do what they did?
Chuck (12:25):
to cause me trauma.
Victoria Hardy (12:27):
Yeah, so obviously there was something
that happened in their life thatmade them do or behave in such
a way that caused me the trauma.
So I should empathize with themand then forgive, because that
may be the thing that they needin order to change their whole
entire mind.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, wow.
Chuck (12:47):
So what was that defining moment for you where you
decided that's enough.
It ends right here.
Victoria Hardy (12:52):
Well, I think it started after my divorce
because, like I said, thepatterns and the cycles.
So I was an infidel in mymarriage, not because I desired
to, but because, like I said, itwas a generational curse.
The infidelity was agenerational curse on my
father's side.
So, because of my faith and mylove for God, I confessed to my
(13:13):
husband that I had cheated onhim and that these things had
occurred.
There was no way I was goingback to that bondage again,
right, there's nothing worsethan having to lie and having to
cover up and be someone thatyou really are not, um, in order
to maintain this image ofyourself, right?
(13:33):
So I got tired of it and I saidno more, never again, I'll ever
, I'll never be that personagain.
So I changed, I did, I meanliterally, I fought tooth and
nail but to get to the woman Iam today, I did not go back to
my vomit, in which the word ofGod speaks of how, like a dog
returns to his vomit.
I did not return to those samethings again.
(13:55):
Now, I made some new mistakesand I had to overcome some new
things.
But going back to the liar thatI was and you know the insecure
person that I was, I saidenough is enough.
Now, once I became an adult, Irealized that I did not know my
worth and my value as a womanand as a person.
Right, so probably my I'm 36now.
(14:17):
So once I got to my later 20sand my early 30s, I said enough
is enough.
There is no validation that Ineed from anyone other than God.
So, realizing that myvalidations can't even come from
my parents, they have to comefrom a place inside of me that
knows that I'm enough.
And once I realized that can'tnobody stop me now, can't nobody
(14:41):
stop you.
I have my D, you know, I'm ahuman for real, I'm a human
being Right.
But as far as me, being honestand transparent about what I
need and what I demand andexpect at this place in my life,
there is nothing I won't do toprotect who I am in God and who
he's created me to be.
Chuck (14:59):
Wow, amazing.
So if you were to run intosomebody today, right, and they
remind you of yourself, whatwould you share with them to
help them out in terms ofdealing with trauma?
Victoria Hardy (15:10):
Well, one of the main things that I would tell
them is you have to renew yourmind.
Like your subconscious mind is,is is what manifests your
realities.
Okay, so the word of god saysbe transformed by the renewing
of your mind, and it's a realthing that's a real thing.
You have to renew your mind.
The foundation of your thoughtsis where your realities reside.
(15:33):
Okay, so you must renew yourmind like anybody.
I would encourage them to feedthemselves positivity and be
desperate, desperate about theirrecovery.
Be desperate like by any meansnecessary.
Do whatever it takes to seeyour life in a different place
than you've ever seen it beforeright.
Chuck (15:52):
Wow, wow.
A lot of people deal with withrejection today because of
trauma, like they feel likethey're not good enough, but you
said you have to change yourmind.
And not good enough, but yousaid you have to change your
mind.
And not only that.
I believe you have to surroundyourself, victoria, with the
right people, because sometimesyou just don't have the energy
because we're human to seeourselves as better.
So it's good to have peoplearound you that have your best
(16:14):
interests at heart, that whenyou have those bad days, you
have somebody in your cornerthat can lift you up.
Victoria Hardy (16:19):
I definitely agree.
I definitely agree.
And having those right peoplereally begins with you, because
you know that saying that youattract who you are, yeah, yeah.
So if you, if you're in thisplace of low thinking and low
being and low living, you'llcontinue to attract people who
feed that part of you, feed yourinsecurities, feed all those
(16:43):
negative emotions.
I know throughout my life I'venot even had the emotional
capacity to maintain healthyrelationships because of the
trauma that I experienced.
Every single healthyrelationship ended up repeating
the cycle of the last situation.
So, yeah, like embracing andremaining open to having those
(17:04):
true, genuinely healthyrelationships.
Chuck (17:07):
Amazing.
So, victoria, if you could goback right now to talk to the
younger version, thatsix-year-old version of Victoria
, what would you say to her toinspire her?
Victoria Hardy (17:16):
Wow, that's a good question.
There's so many things come tomind.
I would say never stop tryingto tell what happened to you and
know that your value doesn'tdepreciate because someone else
doesn't see your worth.
Because, to be honest, if mymother would have believed me or
if I would have felt confidentenough to tell someone else, I
(17:40):
probably could have stopped thiscycle way before now.
You know, even with thathappening to me, still telling
myself, you don't have to let itkeep happening, because you're
valuable, wow.
Chuck (17:52):
So many people going I'm learning that are going through
abuse right now physical oremotional, psychological, even
as a young child, and you justthink about it.
They have to go to school andhold all of this in.
You know what?
I mean In a classroom and sitthere and think about what they
went through last night, andthen they have to go home to the
(18:13):
same thing.
That has to be hard.
So do you remember what was inyour mind at six years old?
Hard?
So do you remember what was inyour mind at six years old?
that's a lot to hold, you know,and nobody believes you, and uh,
you have to go back to thatsame environment.
Do you remember, like thingsthat will go through your mind,
that you have to go back home ordeal with the same thing over
again?
Victoria Hardy (18:32):
to be honest, at that age I think it was fight
or flight.
You, you know, I was.
That was the seed of rejectionthat was planted in my heart and
in my mind, Because then, ofcourse, after that happening,
you feel compromised, you know.
So all of my development beganto be altered at that point
(18:54):
because my perception of loveand of relationship and how I
should feel, or you know when it, when it relates, when it comes
to relationship or connection,it was altered from that
experience.
So there's really, I would youknow, any child, any adult or
parent, first of all, I wouldsay, if your child has ever said
(19:17):
anything to you, even thatsomeone looked at them in the
wrong way, immediately addressit.
Even if they are a child withthe most vivid imagination in
the world, there is somethingthat they are crying out for and
they need, Even if it'ssomething that they made up in
their minds.
It's something that they need,and sometimes we need Jesus and
counseling.
(19:37):
We need Jesus and counselingand that's something that people
who are religious, veryreligious, and they just go to
church and put the Bible oneverything, God gave us a mind
for a reason.
And these people who are doctors, they went to school to study
(19:57):
why we do what we do and why wefeel what we feel after this and
before that.
So you know, seek counsel foryour children and, as adults,
when you have to seek counselingfor your child, you yourself
need counseling.
Yeah, you know.
So that is, seeking medicalattention is not something
especially in our Blackcommunity, especially since
COVID Right that we are.
A lot of us are realizing nowthat we need, but it was not
(20:20):
something that's been mostpopular in our throughout
generations.
You know to seek counselingRight.
Chuck (20:28):
I think the pandemic kind of pulled the lid off the can
when it comes down to thingswe've hidden in the past.
The pandemic kind of exposed it, because we were in the house
together, we didn't get out, sowe had to deal with our personal
issues.
Absolutely, wow, that'scertainly true.
So what are you up to now?
(20:50):
What do you have going on?
Victoria Hardy (20:52):
So I'm currently looking forward to touring,
relocating, many new doorsopening.
I'm looking forward to my bookgoing across the nations and
helping people and opening uptheir perspective as it relates
to trauma.
(21:12):
Yes and just, I'm just reallyhoping that by this obedient
step of me taking this, thislaunch into transparency, that
it provokes other people to dothe same.
So that's what I'm lookingforward to Just all things new,
all things Wow.
Yes, and I'm also in theprocess of completing my second
(21:34):
book.
So, excited about that.
Chuck (21:36):
Wow, Second book, Okay, Okay.
So do you have any social mediathat people can get in contact
with?
So if they want this book abouttrauma you know the love
correction how could they get incontact with you to get your
book?
Victoria Hardy (21:51):
Okay, so my Facebook is Victoria Hardy.
Just like it sounds, h A R D Y.
Victoria is spelled like queenVictoria.
My Instagram is at one, thenumber Victoria's I O U S love
so V?
I C T O R I O U S L O V.
That's on Instagram, and mywebsite, where you can purchase
(22:20):
anything that I sell from LoveSolid Foundation, is
lovesolidfoundationcom.
Chuck (22:23):
Victoria.
One last question, Well, maybetwo more.
Yes, sir, Before we go how areyour children affected by your
trauma, by what you've dealtwith in your past?
Victoria Hardy (22:35):
Well, so I only have one son, and he's 14 years
old.
Chuck (22:38):
Okay.
Victoria Hardy (22:39):
But honestly, my son was super affected because
when you experience trauma,especially as an adolescent, you
fear it, for your own child Gotyou and you know how that
saying that says sometimes yourgreatest fears become your
realities.
So my son had to experiencethat same cycle of trauma as a
(23:00):
child.
Of course, not to the degreethat I did, because from from
the time he was able to talk andrecognize this is your private
area I would share with him.
I don't care if mommy or daddytouches you in the wrong way.
You tell the other mommy or youknow, you tell the opposite
parent.
So, um, but yeah, my son hasalso had to see me go through
(23:24):
the cycles and the challengesthat I speak about in my book
and from that you know we've hadto.
I'm grateful to have a very openrelationship and communication
with my son.
So I'm grateful for thatbecause he's able to share with
me, um, things that do affecthim and that have bothered him
(23:49):
or whatever the case may be.
So it's affected him sociallyin that you know he he's very
protective, he's very um, andit's affected him in a positive
way because, also because my sonis very loving and he's very
concerned about others.
He's very empathetic as itrelates to other people who are
(24:09):
who are being mistreatedreatedlike my son is just an amazing
kid.
Yes, I love him.
I'm so grateful for him.
So, yeah, trauma trauma can canaffect you and your children in
a negative and a positive way.
So I'm just grateful that myson can share with other
teenagers his age.
You know that they'll be okayand that they can overcome and
(24:32):
that they can do these differentthings to if they're having
trouble in their homes andthings like that.
So, yeah, it's amazing toexperience that with my son.
Wow.
Chuck (24:42):
We're having this conversation, as you said before
, you're sitting outside, right.
So do you see things better now?
The sun better now?
Absolutely yeah.
It's a brighter sun better now?
Absolutely yeah.
It's a brighter day for you?
Absolutely yeah, because Ibelieve people go through that
type of trauma and just seedarkness.
But you're sitting outsideenjoying yourself now, and
(25:03):
that's encouragement to somebodywho's in that situation right
now that there is a brighter daythat you can see the sunshine
again, so shout out to youvictoria absolutely.
Victoria Hardy (25:15):
There is life after trauma and you people want
to absolutely, absolutely.
Chuck (25:22):
Yeah.
Thank you so much for thisconversation.
I really appreciate it.
Victoria, is there anythingthat you would want to share
before we sign off that youwould want to share with
somebody who may be listening toour conversation right now, who
are saying that's me she'stalking about, I'm dealing with
trauma.
What would you say to themright now?
Who's listening?
Victoria Hardy (25:40):
I would say never give up.
Never, ever, ever give up onyourself.
Never give up on your dreams,your hopes, your desires and
your aspirations.
Never, ever stop fighting foryour freedom.
Validation is for parking Wow,but only validation that you
need is from God within yourself.
(26:01):
That is it, and just continueto love, quickly forgive and
show love.
There are so many things that Iwould share with you, but get
the book.
Get the book and any questionsyou have, yes, on my website,
you can ask any question thatyou might have.
You can ask on my website there.
And, yeah, just enjoy thejourney to renewing your mind
(26:23):
and creating the amazing lifethat you know that you can have.
Chuck (26:27):
Wow Again.
She's the author of the bookthe Love Correction.
So go get the book and learnthose 12 steps to recovery from
trauma, correct.
Victoria Hardy (26:36):
Absolutely 12 steps to overcoming trauma.
Chuck (26:40):
Absolutely.
I appreciate you so much.
Shout out to you.
Shout out to you, reallyappreciate you being on my
podcast and thank you so much,victoria, for being on.
Victoria Hardy (26:49):
Thank you, chuck , for having me.
This has been the most amazingexperience.
Thank you, and I can't wait tocome back again.
Chuck (26:56):
Wow, you will definitely be back.
Appreciate you so much.
Victoria Hardy (26:59):
Have a good day you too.
Chuck (27:01):
All right, wow, what an amazing conversation.
Shout out to Victoria for doingthis interview with me.
You know she shared somepainful experiences that someone
listening may be going throughright now and you're suffering
in silence.
But in listening to Victoria'sstory you now realize that
(27:23):
you're not alone, that you'renot the only one who's had to
deal with a traumatic experiencelike that.
And, although you may neverforget, her story has encouraged
you to forgive, which is big,and also to realize that the
dark place that you may be inmentally right now won't last
forever, that the sun will soonshine in your life again.
Again, thank you so much fortuning in to let's Just Talk
(27:44):
About it podcast and for makingthis platform a part of your
weekly listening pleasure.
And if you're here for thefirst time, please check out my
website.
Just Google let's Just TalkAbout it podcastcom.
And also you can find me onFacebook.
Just type in Chuck L-J-T-A-I.
So, as always, until next time,don't hold it in, but let's
(28:05):
just talk about it.
Talk to you soon you.
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