October 8, 2025 • 57 mins
A listener named Alexis shares eight years with a boyfriend now serving time, while repeated prison visits reveal other women and shifting explanations. We weigh loyalty against red flags and offer a practical way to leave a cycle that feeds on hope and isolation.
• eight-year relationship with repeated betrayals
• overlapping prison visits and conflicting stories
• patterns of control, scarcity and manipulation
• difference between promises and behavior
• practical steps to set boundaries and detach
• building a social circle beyond the relationship
• why “first” isn’t the same as “forever”
• using a pros and cons rule to decide
• choosing peace over uncertainty
Feel free to reach out to me, d6empire357@gmail.com
https://www.instagram.com/d6empire357
https://www.instagram.com/thaicon357
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (02:11):
Well, you can make it my tool here.
SPEAKER_03 (03:25):
All right, all right, all right.
How's everybody doing out there?
Just letting us groove a littlebit before we jump into the
show.
Well how's everybody doing outthere?
Everybody doing all right?
It's a good day for me.
It's been a great week.
(03:46):
Wanna welcome y'all to the show.
I am the icon.
The show is let's talk about it.
So got a letter from a younglady who's concerned that I
don't know, maybe the guy she'swith has even though he has a
(04:06):
lot of time on his hand, he'sspending more time with others
than I guess the one he's with,which is kind of hard to do
considering the fact we'll getinto this letter and figure out
how I can give this young ladyadvice.
So without further ado, let usget into it.
(04:27):
Icon, I'd first like to say Ienjoy your show.
I do follow you, but I havenoticed you haven't posted in a
while like you usually do.
Okay, before we get into theletter, I haven't posted in a
while because I've been out ofthe country and I just got back
not too long ago.
So I went to the Philippines andum had a good time in the
Philippines second time around.
(04:48):
So I'm trying to get back intothe swing of things.
So hopefully everything is gonnafall back in its place and I'll
be getting back on my grind.
But in any event, let's get intothe letter, shall we?
I have a question for you.
If the one you're with is inprison, what would you do for
the relationship?
I'm only asking because I feellike my relationship and men
(05:10):
always seem to take a turn forthe worse, leaving me feeling
stressed about my life.
I've been dating this guy forabout eight years, and it's not
been the best.
I'm starting to think that heloves going back rather than
being with me.
Okay.
It's like he's cheating on me,but with someone on the inside,
and I'm so stressed out becauseI don't know who it is.
(05:33):
I'm really concerned, I need thetruth, I must admit, I really
can't be without him.
He is my everything, and I onlywant to be with him, but I focus
my life around him.
We don't have kids, he said he'snot ready to be a father, but he
has other kids with fourdifferent women.
(05:53):
Boy's been busy, I tell youthat.
I was really hurt when I foundout a month ago, and I only
found out when a woman I wastalking to went to the same jail
he was in.
And we started talking, and shetold me about who she was and
who she was there to see.
I left crying the whole wayhome, which is a two-hour drive
from where he is.
(06:16):
He called me collect, of course,and said that she was the past,
and I forgave him, and I put ourrelationship back on the track.
I was excited and I was going toand I was good and happy.
I rescheduled my visitation togo see my man, but I had to wait
two months again to go see him.
So when I got my visitation, Iwas more excited.
(06:40):
I was more excited, but upon myvisit, I encountered another
woman who was there to see thesame damn man I was there to
see.
I only I only knew this becausewhen they called his name for
visitation, we both stood up andwe went to the officer and they
thought we were sisters, but Isaid that but the other woman
(07:02):
said that she was his woman andthat they had a daughter
together, even showed me apicture with him in the in the
damn picture.
What is my life?
I don't do drama.
So I left again, began mytwo-hour drive home, and went
back and watched the thin linebetween love and hate.
I'm not sure what that's got todo with this, but we'll get into
(07:23):
it.
I contemplated murder, but inthe sense that he was lucky
because he was already in jail.
So Javion called me.
I'm sorry, that's his name.
I'm Alexis.
He called me three weeks later,explained that she was there
because he was ending theirrelationship.
God damn, what is this?
(07:45):
So, yes, of course I forgave himagain and reclaim what is mine.
Okay, it's like he said lost andfound or something.
I finally had my man back.
I wouldn't didn't put your horsein front of the cart here.
So again, we're back on theright track.
I don't oh, okay.
I never felt better about ourfuture.
I'm feeling very bleak aboutthis future, but anyways, so I
(08:07):
went back and I knew all waswell and that everything was
going to be alright.
When I went back a third time, Iwas excited to see, I was
excited because I was finallygoing to see my man.
God damn, they say third time isa charm.
I arrived, signed in, and allwas well.
So I thought, it turns outJavion had already had a
(08:27):
visitor, and that the systemeither got screwed up or there
was an error, and someone elsehad taken my appointment.
unknown (08:34):
Jeez.
SPEAKER_03 (08:35):
I argued with the CO.
He said that there was alreadythat I was already there, and I
said, that's impossible.
Who's back there with them?
The CO was not having it.
He told me to leave, or I canget booked in for disorderly
conduct.
Yeah, that's probably a goodidea.
I can find out wait, I can'tfind out who's back there then,
(08:57):
so I waited in the parking lotto see if I knew the girl.
That's that's never good,especially in the Department of
Corrections.
And yes, Icon, she was thefucking girl from work, and I
was like, what the fuck?
I left again.
I began my two-hour journey homelistening to Summon Walker,
Summer Walker song playingfeaturing Bryson Tiller.
(09:19):
I knew I was special because hewas my first, and I knew he
loves me.
So he called me a week later andexplained that she was his
lawyer and that she was tryingto get his case taken care of.
I forgave him and I probablyshould back on track.
So icon, I will return to go seehim again.
I need your help in getting usback on the right path to love.
(09:39):
Thank you so much.
Signed Alexis from the North.
Okay, well, uh, I don't knowwhat I could do to put this
relationship back on trackbecause you are clearly getting
a lot of red flags that youshould um avoid at all costs.
I mean, damn.
(10:00):
I mean, the fact that this issyncing up on the schedule that
you're going to go see this manis just ridiculous.
I don't understand that.
I don't even see how the hellthis even happens.
I mean, Jesus, this guy iseither good at what he does or
Papa is really a rolling stone.
But then again, y'all don't havekids.
He has kids by other women,which, you know, I kind of get
it, but you know, you've beenwith this guy for eight years,
(10:23):
eight damn years, and Jesus,Lord of Mercy.
In any event, I had questionsfor Alexa.
Um I had questions for Alexis,and I asked in my questions, now
she answered some, but not all,but we'll go for it.
I asked, what was he in for?
(10:44):
Her response for car theftbreaking the entering, I think.
Okay.
And I said, How much time was heserving?
She answered, he's serving eightbecause someone was home when he
broke into the damn home andstole the car.
Jesus.
You can't make this shit up.
I'm saying.
In any event, I asked her, wheredoes she work?
She said, Walmart.
(11:04):
She's been at Walmart for threeyears.
Um, I asked her, What is yourlife?
She didn't answer.
Um, I also indicated said, well,you said he was your first in
the letter.
And she said, Yes, he was myfirst.
I lost it at 26.
I masturbated a lot and didn'tknow what sex was.
Jesus.
I don't even know if where tobegin with that part, but you
(11:27):
know, whatever.
It is what it is.
You know, some people don't loseit till they're 30 or 40,
whatever.
I don't, that's not whatever.
I asked if she had siblings.
She said she has five.
And I said, Do you have friends?
Yes, my dog Bosco.
Okay.
I asked her, what does she dofor fun?
She said she works and she walksBosco.
(11:49):
And I said, Do you live alone?
Yes, me and Bosco.
And then I asked her, I said,Why are you so infatuated with
him?
Because he said he loved me andthat we would have our own
family and that he gets when hegets out in five years.
So I will wait for him.
Okay.
Um, yeah.
Oh, give me a second here.
(12:18):
Okay.
So, and I said, when he was out,when he gets out, he lives with
you.
No, he worked from Oh, I saidwhen he was out before he went
in, um, did he live with you?
And she said, No, he worked fromsun up to sundown.
I only came by after 10 p.m.
(12:40):
Jesus, oh no, mercy.
Then I asked, what did he do?
Like, what does he do for aliving?
So he is in auto repair.
That would definitely explainthe petty theft.
Um, but whatever.
Um, okay.
So these are the questions thatI asked, Miss Alexis.
Um, Miss Alexis, I hope thisfive podcast finds you well
because I honestly don't knowwhere to go from here.
(13:02):
Um, everything you had,everything you seen was clearly
a red flag.
Um, you're with this guy foreight years.
Um, before he went in, he didn'tstay with you.
And you only seen him after 10p.m.
If that's not a booty call, Idon't know what is.
And I'm trying to figure out howin the hell well, wait a minute.
(13:26):
Hold on, let me think aboutthis.
Because you said you were avirgin, uh, you lost it at 26.
So clearly, um there's a saying,not sure if it's true or not,
but once Jesus, once you loseyour virginity to someone, you
tend to become clingy to thatperson because that person who
(13:47):
you think that you lost yourvirginity to is the one that
you're ultimately supposed to bewith.
I don't know how true that is.
Um, maybe I can contest to thatbecause I think when I lost
mine, I think I was a little bitclingy, uh, to the point of no
return of a restraining order.
No, just joking.
Oh, but in any event, I didn'teven bother to ask how many
(14:10):
times he had sex because it'sreally none of my business.
I don't really care.
But then again, I guess I threwthat questionnaire because I was
just trying to get a feel ofwhat Miss Alexis is going
through.
So the thing is that it is weirdbecause the crazy thing is his
schedule sinks up with thesewomen coming to see you.
(14:31):
I don't know if he's doing thison purpose.
I don't know if he's trying togive you a clear indication that
maybe he does, maybe he doesn'twant to be with you.
I don't know.
I can't really say.
But clearly, people in jail havea lot of damn time on their
hands.
So I don't know if this is somekind of mix-up or whatever,
which maybe it was, maybe itwasn't, or maybe it's just to
(14:53):
show you that he has otheroptions other than you.
And that's the sad thing aboutit.
You know, sometimes when a womanloses their virginity at such a
well, can't really say young,but you're still young, you're
still 26, but you lost yourvirginity at uh 26.
So clearly, I'm not sure whatyour life was before this man.
It doesn't really sound like youhad a lot of relationships
(15:16):
dealing with relationshipsbecause you indicated that you
masturbated a lot because youdidn't know what the hell sex
was.
Um, if you lost it at 26, I'mtrying to do the math because
what I'm looking at here is youlost it at 26.
So if he's serving, I don't evenknow how old he is.
(15:37):
Now I don't want to eight years.
I don't know.
Any event, I'm gonna take aguess and say that you lost it
at 26.
I think you're probably a littlebit older now, and you've been
with this guy forever.
I there's no there's no honest,honestly, I don't know what I
can give you that's gonna helpthis relationship because the
crazy thing is you're going towait for him and you're gonna
(15:59):
miss so much on waiting for him.
I think clearly what you shoulddo is maybe maybe call this a
loss and move on.
I mean, you don't have friends,that's okay, because I don't
have friends.
Um your friend, your dog Boscois your friend.
Um, clearly, I don't know if youhave much of a social circle you
(16:20):
have.
I don't have a social circle,but I do like to converse with
people, and I do like to talk topeople.
But at the same time, I don'tlike to isolate myself from the
world because I feel I need toknow what's going on.
And if I find out, keep in tuneon what's going on, trying to
keep up with day-to-day.
Um, if you're working atWalmart, there's plenty of a
friend circle there.
(16:40):
I mean, I would probably try todo something different there.
Maybe there's gotta be somebody.
I mean, there's got to besomebody else that you have an
interest in.
It has to be.
I just can't really fathom howyou're putting all your chips
into this uh or your eggs inthis one basket in this one guy.
Jeez Louise.
(17:01):
I don't know where you go fromhere.
Because the guy said it was hiswas his attorney, but you said
they work it's the same.
I think I read that right.
Let me look at that again.
I knew who the girl was, andyes, I can.
She was from the fucking girl atwork.
So you said that he said that itwas his attorney, but how is
(17:23):
unless an attorney is doing aside hustle at Walmart, which I
don't know, maybe our times aredifficult.
Maybe she's a paralegal.
I don't know.
unknown (17:31):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (17:32):
But the shit is weird because I've been through
this before, not with my ownpersonal experience, but I had
sisters that had men that wereincarcerated, and then they were
um going to see their men orwhatever.
And then, you know, here's afunny thing about men in prison.
They have a lot of time on theirhand, they have a lot of time to
reflect, a lot of time to think,a lot of time to basically sit
(17:56):
there and do their time becausethey ain't gonna miss a day.
But in that interest of havingall that time, then some get
lonely.
I mean, he's in there doing aneight-year bid for theft and
larceny, and then you said hegot that time is because he got
he stole the car and whateverthings, but he broke into
somebody's home while they werethere.
(18:16):
Not sure what city and statethat you're in, but I don't
know.
Laws are different everywhereyou go.
In any event, I honestly think,Miss Alexis, you should try to
find someone that's going tobenefit you because you're
putting your age into this onebasket.
There's no guarantees that thisman is going to wait for you.
(18:39):
Men will say any and everythingwhen they are in prison.
Um, they're gonna tell you thatthey love you.
Uh, they're gonna tell you thatwe're gonna be together forever.
And I'm not knocking it.
Some men do honor uh theirrelationships when they're in
prison.
Some do, some don't.
I would probably say most likelythat 50% of relationships that
(19:00):
are prison relationshipssurvive.
50% do, 50% don't.
I don't know you well enough tosay, well, it's gonna work.
I mean, I hope you give me afollow-up on this podcast
because it's it's justridiculous.
I think that what you should dois that you should kind of I
would say talk to him, but y'allhave done all the talking you
(19:20):
do.
I think you're like putting hishands because you say every time
you guys talk, um, you're like,oh, we're back on track and
we're good now.
It's like he can say the mostsimplest things to you and you
guys are good.
I mean, you guys are back oncloud nine.
Honestly, that would be him.
Excuse me.
That would be him takingadvantage of the whole
(19:42):
situation.
And because I think you're hisride or die.
So you're gonna ride with him nomatter what.
So all this information, newinformation that you found out,
he told you he didn't want kids,but he has kids.
Okay, I get that part, butyou're expecting something
totally different when this guywalks out of prison.
I'm gonna tell you right now,when the guy walks out of
(20:04):
prison, this is what men do.
Now, don't hold me to this, butthis is what maybe 95% of the
men do when you get out ofprison when they taste fresh
air.
As soon as them damn gates open,if the women that he's talking
to is there to pick him up,yeah, of course, we're gonna go
home, we're gonna bang one out.
I'm gonna lay there, you know,we're gonna we're gonna cuddle,
we're gonna do some pillowtalking.
(20:24):
And then when reality sets inthat I'm out and that I have
other side pieces that I cantend to, I'm gonna go tend to
them side pieces.
I kid you not, I've seen thisshit happen over and over again.
And it's sad, but like I said,men have a lot of time on their
hands in prison.
I don't even know if women dothis.
I honestly don't know.
(20:46):
Huh?
Kind of makes you wonder.
I don't know if women do this.
You know, well, you know, Igotta get out and give me some
of that dick.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
In any event, um, I think Idon't think it's gonna work out
the way you think it is.
I think it's just gonna be a adisaster.
I think when he gets out, yes,he's gonna come stay with you,
(21:09):
you're probably gonna throw downa bomb ass meal, you're probably
gonna cook, and he's probablygonna feel right at home.
But it's gonna set in andeventually it will set in, and I
don't even know if he's gonnaget what, parole or probation or
whatever.
I don't know.
But it's gonna set in that umI'm out and I have options, and
(21:30):
I don't know if I want to bewith you.
I don't know if I want to staywith you.
Because if he's got not justyou, but he's got the others,
and then again he's he's tellingyou that he's telling you that
he's ending it with these otherwomen.
Well, how do you know that?
I mean, it's not like y'all gettogether for coffee and talk
about this dude.
So y'all be like, yeah, well,you know, I'm ending it with
him, so you don't know her, shedoesn't know you.
(21:51):
Clearly, I don't the the onlymix up in clerical error there
is is him.
The error is him.
Because when I say the error ishim, is because I mean, even in
prison this guy's disorganized.
I'm not even sure how the hellthat's even happened, or that
even works.
Oh my goodness.
(22:14):
Miss Alexis, I would hope thatwhen you listen to this podcast
that you kind uh take somethings into consideration.
Um, you're better than that.
Um, you deserve better, youdeserve more.
You sitting and waiting for thisguy, uh, it's like they say he
left to go get milk and then henever came back or cigarettes
(22:36):
and never came back, and youdon't even smoke.
You sitting and waiting for thisguy is just going to be a bad
thing because so much hasalready passed that you could be
experiencing, but you're puttingall your faith and trust into
this guy.
I'm not saying dude is a baddude.
I'm not.
I don't know, dude, just like Idon't know you.
But you wrote me the letter.
I'm trying to give you myadvice, and the advice is this I
(23:00):
think you should really, really,really, really concentrate on
finding somebody else that'sgoing to benefit you.
Maybe there's somebody that youcame across even that worked.
I mean, you don't really have asocial life, so I don't know.
I would probably say maybe somedating social dating sites, but
then again, those work for someand they don't work for others.
(23:20):
I mean, it's just sad.
I mean, it's sad because I thinkit's sad because you're gonna
spend so much time waiting andwondering and how you can try to
figure out how you can make thisguy happy, but really you're the
one he's already happy becausehe's got options.
And when I say he's happy, he'sgot a lot of options, and you're
(23:42):
not one of those options.
Well, you might be, but you'reprobably the lowest one on the
total ball.
He has kids.
I don't know if he takes care ofhis kids, maybe he does, maybe
he doesn't, but you're notincluded in that equation, and
that equation is therelationship that you want to be
with him, it's not probably notgonna work.
It's not.
I'm not gonna say it's not gonnawork, it probably ain't gonna
(24:03):
work.
And I think that you should dosomething different, you know.
Maybe you indicated you justdon't really have so much of a
social life.
And listen, I understand that.
I understand that good.
(24:26):
As for people who know me andknow my podcast, I talk about I
don't have friends, and thereason why I don't have friends
is because I don't like drama,and I don't like drama, but I do
have a social circle, not a bigcircle, but it's people mostly
that I conversate with or that Iwork with or my family.
(24:47):
Now, that's not to say I'mlonely, because I'm not lonely,
I'm just me.
I just don't do a lot of drama,you know.
Friends come and go, but I knowfamilies forever.
So you grew up with fivesiblings.
I'm trying to figure out how youhow you're fearing your
siblings.
You didn't really say much aboutthem.
I don't know if you guys havelike a close relationship or if
(25:11):
it's good or whatever, but Iwould urge you to probably get
out there, maybe put yourselfout there and don't be so
desperate, you know.
The thing is with women, youdon't have to be desperate, just
be yourself.
Don't try to peace, don't try toplease somebody that's not gonna
please you or that's not workingin the best interest of you.
(25:33):
Because they're not working inthe best, they're only thinking
about themselves.
Now, he's got kids, you don'twant kids.
How's that gonna look like ifyou get out and decide that
where he gets out and you decidethat you want kids, and you say,
Well, I mean, I don't know whathe's gonna do to I'm still
trying to figure out how thehell this is gonna happen
(25:54):
because if he gets out andyou're there, who's to say the
other women won't be there?
It's like he's gonna have hispick of the damn litter, you
know, and then you're gonna beleft heartbroken again,
traveling another two damn hoursgoing back home to go play
whatever movie you're playing.
When you said you played a thinline between love and hate, I
don't know where the hell thatcame from.
(26:15):
That because I don't know, andthen you were contemplating
murdering the guy, but he'salready in prison.
You should not even be thinkinglike that.
Listen, men, not all men aredogs.
There are some good men outthere, and the sad thing is you
have to go through you have togo through a few bad ones to get
(26:38):
a good one.
Now, that's just not to say allmen in general are dogs, because
all men are not dogs.
It's just like you have to gothrough the storm, you know, to
find what you're looking for.
You have to, you know, I don'tknow what the word I'm looking
for is.
You gotta kind of put yourselfout there because again, it
(27:02):
should always be the man workinghard to please the woman, not
the other way around.
That's my opinion.
So that's the way I feel, andthat's the way I've always felt.
When I was married for 26 years,I made sure my wife was happy.
But unfortunately, God had otherplans, took my wife, and I had
to find love someplace else.
(27:23):
But when you cater to a manthat's not catering to you, and
you're doing 95% of the work,what's that leave him with?
It's like he's the king, andyou're like one of his servants.
I mean, who the hell does that?
I mean, I get it.
In a relationship, it's supposedto be 50-50, but sometimes the
(27:46):
male likes to do more to takecare of his female, take care of
his queen, so to speak.
But in this case, we're notseeing that.
And when we don't see that, likeI said, everything that you gave
to me in this letter is clearlya red flag.
Clearly.
And again, I say, when he getsout, are you gonna be one of the
ones standing there in theparking lot waiting to take him
(28:07):
home?
Or are you gonna be matched upwith the other women that were
there and you guys are justgonna hash it out and fight over
them, and then somebody's goingback in jail?
Because let me tell you how thathappens.
I think when okay, any part of arelationship, I think if a woman
fights over a man that she knowsis not worth it, I think it's
(28:29):
bad.
Because when I say this, whenI've seen women fight over men
that are not clearly notworking, well, you're you're
going to jail and he's stillgonna be out.
So ask yourself this is itreally worth it?
Is it worth you going to jail?
Is it worth you seeing the otherwoman?
Because let me tell yousomething, it's not the other
woman's fault that he broughtall this drama around himself.
(28:51):
It's his fault.
And I'm not saying do somethingto him that's gonna make your
pain better because it's not,it's only gonna make you more
miserable, it's only gonna makeyou more angry, more
heartbroken.
My advice to you is to let himthe hell go.
Let him go, find somebody else,find somebody better.
Because when you put this muchtime and effort into a
(29:11):
relationship, that causesstress, that causes like
unfathomable attention uhattention.
I mean, when you put this mucheffort into a relationship, you
start losing sight of the biggerpicture.
And the bigger picture's for youis to be happy.
That's what the bigger pictureis.
Hang on, I know I gotta get asip of my tea.
Love my tea, my red diamond.
(29:39):
But I can't tell you how manyletters I get and women want to
know why the man is the way theyare.
I don't know.
I don't have a clear explanationbecause everybody is different.
But speaking from not reallyexperienced, I I've never been
to jail, so I don't know whatthat's like.
Have I cheated before?
(29:59):
Yes.
I have.
Do I consider myself a good man?
Maybe now, but not then.
And I'm not totally blameless onany of this.
You know, I can honestly saythat I have been bad when I was
married, and I told my wife.
So I'm not trying to make thisman out to be like, or make
myself to be like I'm the betterman than he is.
We are all human.
We are all flawed in some way.
(30:22):
And in order for us to uhsometimes put things back on
track, we got to go through somethings that we don't want to go
through.
Now, we see women that we loveand that we cherish, but then we
also have a temptation on theother side of us, is like, oh my
God, I wonder.
And then we kind of we kind offlirt with that line, and we
(30:43):
say, well, what she won't knowwon't hurt her, but it will,
because then eventually in theend, she will find out.
And that's a sad thing.
And I used to think like that.
So I'm going to talk to you fromexperience.
No, I haven't been in jail.
But yes, I have cheated before.
I have.
And sometimes it does make youfeel good, knowing the fact that
(31:03):
you think you can get away withit, but really you just can't
get away from it.
So I think that when I gotcaught, I was.
Oh, thank you, son.
Um, when I got caught cheating,um, there was nothing I can say.
There was no explanation I couldgive.
There was nothing I could say tojustify my actions.
So here's the thing (31:26):
you have the evidence right in front of
you, and you didn't say if youconfronted any of these women,
and that's probably a goodthing, because you shouldn't be
confronted the women.
It's not the women's fault.
Um, well, hold on, hold on.
It's only their fault if theyknow of you.
If they don't know of you, thenthey kind of get a pass.
(31:46):
Because the person that'sactually doing ultimately doing
the cheating is the one that setall this up.
So if you didn't know aboutthese other women, but you just
met these other women and youtalked to one, then I think the
guy that you're with is clearly,clearly not gonna be honest when
he gets out.
He already knows in his mindwhat he's going to do, he knows
where he's gonna go and how he'sgonna get there.
(32:09):
So, and when he gets there,you're not gonna be in that
equation.
So, but Miss Alexis, I don'tknow what you look like, but you
sound like a very beautiful,very intelligent woman.
I think you are a little bit um,I don't want to say insecure,
but I want to say um that's theword I'm looking for, and I
(32:29):
can't think about it.
Oh crap, I forgot it.
It's not insecure.
I don't know, but you know whatI'm trying to say.
I think that I don't know if youwere sheltered or this is what
your life is or how you chooseto uh do your life.
I don't know that hang on.
(32:50):
I don't know if you were thisway or how you got this way, but
you can change anything,anything you can change for the
better.
I'm not saying what you're doingis bad.
I'm just saying that you'reputting all your faith in the
one man who's not gonna be therefor you, and I think you're
gonna get your heart broken, andI think you're gonna be pissed
off, I think you're gonna beupset, I think you're gonna be
(33:13):
angry about everything that thisguy has done to you, and
eventually it's gonna come backand blow up.
And it's gonna blow up some badthings, you may or may not know
what you need to do because youtold me you lost your virginity
when you were 26.
You masturbate a lot, okay.
Big deal.
How to world masturbates, bigdeal, not a big deal there.
But clearly you don't you didn'twant to let yourself feel
(33:33):
something, or you didn'tunderstand the way this world
works, or maybe you just shutyourself out from it.
I don't know if you've been hurtbefore or if you've had past
relationships, but don't letyour past dictate your future.
When you let your past dictateyour future, then your future
starts to come into a reality,and then you start going
downhill.
And when you start goingdownhill, and there's there's a
(33:55):
way you can come back from it,but it's going to take you
longer to come back from it.
So, meanwhile, I'll give you anexample.
So I had a young lady a whileback who put everything she knew
and loved into thisrelationship.
I mean, the guy in her mindcould do no wrong.
I mean, they were together sincethey were probably in middle
(34:16):
school, and the guy could do nowrong.
I mean, she found out that hewas cheating.
I mean, I think, yeah, they saidthey've been together since
middle school, so that's been along time.
Um, that she found out he wascheating, she she lost it.
She lost it.
Not when I say she lost it, shekind of went to a dark place,
she went to a bad place, she umshe tore up his things, she tore
(34:40):
up things that he had, uh,destroyed a lot of his property,
and even tried at one point notkill him, but just injure him.
But it ended up going bad forher, and I'll tell you how,
because he eventually called thepolice.
To call the police, said shetore up my things, she hit me
with a lamp, and she went tojail.
I don't know how long she wentto jail for, but let's just say
(35:04):
when you do stuff like that,that's what makes them happy
because he ain't got to dealwith you no more.
Because why?
You're in jail, so you can't getto him.
I don't know how much time shehad or what she got that was
served, but it's never good whena female goes down that path.
If you know the man that you'rewith is not gonna be good, or if
(35:24):
you know he's not good, why putyourself through that stress?
Why say that I can change him?
No, sweetheart, he's only gonnachange if he wants to change.
Now, you can probably try tocoach him along and try to say,
well, hey, let's do this adifferent way.
Maybe start out as friends, andI'm not talking about friends
with benefits.
If you see something in somebodythat you think you can probably
(35:45):
help out, not really change, butmaybe try to get them on the
correct path, I would say dothat part.
But never would I thought that Iwould meet a person knowing that
their intentions were bad and Iwould try to change them because
that person has to want tochange for themselves.
(36:06):
If they don't change forthemselves and you still want to
be with them, well, you'reinviting everything, everything
that you know that they do intoyour relationship and into your
life.
That causes stress, that causesanxiety, that causes anything up
under the sun.
So men go through thisparticularly, but I think it's
much more the women that gothrough it than the men because
(36:28):
the women are the backbone ofthe relationship.
They put every single effortinto making their relationship
work, keeping their man happy,and making sure that he's happy.
And they do it at a they do itat a respectable pace.
So it's not like they are likebreaking their backs or
whatever, but they know what ittakes to keep their relationship
(36:49):
happy or keep their man happy.
And that's a good thing.
So Miss Alexis, I think youreally need to just take a a
(37:11):
long, hard look at your life andtry to figure out what is good
for you, what's gonna make youhappy.
I hope you're not sitting athome wondering right now, as we
speak, men, I wish I knew if Icould get in contact with you,
but I may just end that's in thein a a return email or a reply
to your email.
Because it's just sad.
(37:32):
You know, we see so many womengo through so many things.
And you know, I come from afamily with nothing but women.
I used to see it all growing up,and I seen it as I got older.
You know, men in my mind thatuse women that way, and again,
I'm not totally blameless onthis because I take 100% fault
with the things I've done in thepast.
(37:54):
I do, I really do.
So, and I know I was one ofthose men, but the only
difference was I wasn't in jail.
But I think that this is whatyou should do.
After hearing this podcast, umsit down, write down the pros
and cons of your relationship.
If the bad outweighs the good,there's your answer.
(38:17):
I don't care what he can say toyou, he can promise you
everything under the moon.
You still shouldn't fall or caveto that.
Because it's like you're beingputty in his hands, and I know
that you think this man is alove of your life.
I don't think he's a love ofyour life.
I think he's just someone that'sconveniently there when he went
in and that you were his ride ordie.
And I'm not even I don't evenknow if you put money on his
(38:39):
books, you didn't really saythat, which I can only imagine
if you are.
Oh my goodness, oh goodness Youknow loving people is hard work.
(39:02):
Um I'm not gonna try to give youan idea if you are going to Oh
man, I want to say that.
I hope you're not contemplatingmarrying this guy in prison,
because that's definitely gonnabe a disaster.
It's not good, it's just gonnabe horrible.
(39:26):
You work at Walmart, sounds likeyou're doing good.
You and Bosco, how about this?
You and Bosco go out, maybe walkyour dog.
I mean, there's got to besomebody out there if you are an
animal lover.
There's plenty of animal loversthat are single.
Not a bad thing again, butthere's plenty of them that are
single and that are looking forlove.
(39:49):
And yes, you and him may have adog.
Why not try to go that route?
Man, I didn't.
I mean, if you have a dog, Imean I see plenty of people
around here in dog parks andthat are.
I mean, I don't understand howthem relationships don't last as
long as they do.
Some do, some don't.
But I think majority of them do,though, because there's animal
look.
Find something that you have incommon with somebody.
(40:09):
Like, yeah, I have dogs.
I'm not sure what kind of dogyou got, but whatever, make it
work.
Flip it, make it work.
Um, I would challenge you to goout there and just give it your
best.
I would say, cut Mr.
J.
Beon, is it?
Yeah, Javion?
I would cut Mr.
Javion loose.
I would say, JVion, it's been agood run, but I think there's
(40:32):
too many red flags.
Please don't tell them that Isaid, I mean, I'm just nobody.
I'm just here giving you advice.
I mean, if Mr.
J.Vion decides to link up andlisten to my podcast and write
me a letter, I welcome that.
I welcome all kinds ofnegativity because this ain't
gonna be the first and ain'tgonna be the last.
So, but you can't blame anotherperson for giving somebody good
(40:53):
sound advice.
Now, I can't speak too muchabout his situation, but I know
he's in jail.
So you said he's been, it soundslike he's been in more than one
time.
If he's been in there more thanone time, I don't know what this
is.
Maybe some people just love orcan't handle life.
Maybe some people just want togo in and I don't know.
I don't I don't get it.
But my advice to you is to cutthem loose, you know.
(41:23):
You can't make anybody love you,you can't make anybody fall in
love with you.
You can try to make them happy,but if the happiness is not
there, it is not there.
Let him go or let them go.
Get out there.
If you're at work, maybe try todevelop a social circle.
I'm not saying do anythingirrational, I'm not saying um do
(41:49):
anything that you'reuncomfortable with.
I'm saying do something that'sgoing to make you happy, do
something that's going to giveyou peace of mind.
Something that you, when you gohome at night, you'll have
butterflies in your stomachthinking like, oh my gosh, I
can't wait to see them again.
But what you have right now areprobably cramps or a bad
(42:11):
feeling.
And I think that's probablygonna make you more sicker than
the damn butterflies.
I'll take the butterflies anydamn day.
But you know, the crazy thing ishe calls you collect when
something goes wrong.
But what is he doing?
(42:33):
I was gonna say, what is hedoing with the rest of that
time?
But then again, I already know.
So, you know, you know, prisonhas changed, you know, since
back in the day, because now Isee him on Instagram or live,
and I'm like, damn, how doesthat even how did he even do all
that in on live?
So, but you gotta if he doesn'tif he's not writing you letters,
(42:54):
I'm not sure what the hell he'sdoing.
But the fact of the matter isthis, Alexis.
Let this man go.
Do better for yourself.
Because let me tell yousomething.
If you were to get married tothis guy and you had a baby, I
think it's just gonna be all baddownhill.
Because if he has kids anddidn't neglect, no, maybe you
didn't neglect to mention thesekids to you.
Well, he said he did have kids,but he didn't want no more.
(43:16):
I get that part.
So I think you should change itup a little bit.
I wish I knew what you looklike, but then again, that's not
really relevant.
Change it up a little bit.
Do something that's gonna makeyou happy.
Take your dog out, go to a dogpark, maybe go to a movie, maybe
start a social circle with somefriends.
Um, just do something thatyou're comfortable with.
(43:37):
Do something that's gonna makeyou happy.
And when you start doing thingsthat make you happy, you're
going to forget all about Mr.
Javion.
And when you find that personthat's gonna make you happy,
you're gonna forget all aboutMr.
Javion.
And then when you're in lovewith that person and you have
these butterflies of thesefeelings every day, you're going
to forget all about Mr.
Javion.
(43:58):
And when you forget aboutJavion, guess what?
Javion is gonna know why.
He's gonna also say, Well, well,he's gonna be looking like, oh
baby, I thought you I was a onefor you.
No, you weren't.
You weren't, you weren't.
So, yes, yes, everybody, that'smy son in the background change.
I'm not sure why, but whatever.
(44:20):
But when you start thinkingabout somebody else other than
Javion, then life is gonna get alot better.
Shit's gonna go a lot better.
Because I can tell you right nowwhat you're doing right now at
home.
You're sitting there wonderingwhen you're gonna get back up
there and you're gonna see himagain.
Because you haven't seen thisman not one damn time since
you've been in there.
(44:40):
And every damn time that youwent, there's always been a
roadblock.
Take those as signs.
I would.
If you've been up there, what,three?
Say three, three or four, uhmaybe three.
We'll say three or four.
If you've been up there three,three to four times, clearly
that's a sign.
That is an indication of maybeit's time for me to move to hell
on.
Maybe it's time for me to gosomeplace else.
(45:02):
Maybe it's time to let him go soI can be happy because you don't
want to be miserable.
Because if you're miserable,this is gonna be your life
drama.
This is gonna be your lifedealing with the other baby
mamas.
This is gonna be your life,wondering if he's coming home.
This is gonna also be your life.
Will I see him after 10 p.m.?
What the hell?
That's nothing that's kind offreaking me out.
(45:23):
Who the hell comes by after 10p.m.?
That's more like a booty call.
I mean, what can you possibly doafter 10?
Well, I know exactly what youcan do after 10, but and that's
all you're gonna be doing.
It's a booty call, then there'spillow talking.
Is that pillow talking?
SPEAKER_02 (45:40):
Because you can't do nothing else.
I mean, it's not like you'remaking a whole damn meal.
Jesus Lord.
SPEAKER_03 (45:47):
Oh my gosh, where do these people come up with this
shit?
I mean, it's crazy, right?
So it's what it is.
10 o'clock, 10 p.m.
I gotta say, reading this letterwas um kind of different.
It was um, I can't really speakto the effect of having somebody
in prison because I've neverdated anybody in prison.
(46:09):
And I'm not saying all people inprisons are bad.
You know, some people get hitwith some some some life choices
and they gotta, you know, makeup for that.
And then let me say this.
I hope I'm wrong.
I really hope I'm wrong aboutMr.
J Bean because I'm not reallyjudging him.
It sounds like to me he'salready been judged.
I mean, he's in prison, forGod's sake, Jesus.
Um I want to be wrong.
(46:30):
I do, but it would be differentif you start off with this
letter saying it was just you,and then you guys are trying to
talk about maybe I could see theone, the one female, but when
you have three, three, and thenyou went to go see him on
multiple times, but you couldnot get back there to see him
for nothing, and the only wayyou talk to him is through a
(46:51):
collect call from the Departmentof Corrections, and every single
thing he says to you was, oh,she was I was ending it, or
she's my lawyer, or she's tryingto help me get off, or whatever.
Dude, come on, you're already injail.
There's no point of lying.
Just tell the flipping truth.
I mean, be truthful about it.
I mean, there's no point oflying.
(47:12):
You're already in jail, shecan't get to you.
I mean, unless you know people,not just jugging.
Yeah, I want you to go ahead anddo this guy.
Yeah, his name JV.
Yeah, I don't, I don't know.
He done with a bar of soap orsomething.
But don't ever have anybodyfeeling like you want to murder
them because of what they'vedone to you.
Because that only ends bad as wesee time and time again in this
(47:35):
world.
If the relationship ain't there,if it ain't working, let them
people go.
Yes, if you've invested time andenergy into the relationship,
it's gonna hurt.
It's gonna hurt, it's gonnasting, you're gonna be upset.
But you know what the best thingis?
The best thing is there'ssomebody else out there that's
waiting for you, or there'ssomebody out there that you can
be with that's gonna make youhappy.
(47:56):
But putting all your energy andtime into being angry and upset
and wanting to do bodily harm orwhatever, that's only gonna land
you where he's at.
That's basically where it'sgonna land you.
It's gonna put you right wherehe's at.
And when he's sitting there andhe's about to get out, when
you're about to be going in, sohe'll be seeing you on his way
out as you're going in.
How the hell does that evenwork?
(48:16):
Now, ask yourself this is hestill gonna be there for you?
I don't think so.
I don't.
Ooh, Lord, I love my vape.
I love my vape.
Oh, in any event, these arethings you gotta ask yourself.
(48:36):
You know, is it gonna be worthit for you?
I don't think it is.
You have to give yourself somepeace.
You have to think about yourlife and how you want to live
your life.
You don't have to settle foranyone because you think there's
nobody else out there for you.
You can find somebody, orsomebody will find you.
(48:59):
I know it's hard finding peoplein this day and age because we
have the power of social media.
You don't know who's true, youdon't know who's not true, you
don't know who's honest, or youjust don't know.
But like I said, you have to gothrough a few bad ones, a few
bad apples to get a good one.
And that's just the nature oflife.
You know, we want to findsomebody right there to be the
(49:21):
first one to say that this isthe one for me.
We want to do that.
Sometimes it works, sometimesfate says this is it, this is a
guy for you, and sometimes itdoesn't.
So if you can find that personand that person is right then
and there for you, then go forit.
But I would challenge youyourself to maybe go on a few
(49:42):
dates or I mean, geez, datingfor now.
I think dating now was a lotdating now is a lot harder than
what it was back in my day.
Back in my day, we passed notes,we didn't have social media, we
didn't have cell phones.
I mean, we didn't have none ofthat shit.
We had pen and paper and atelephone.
And you better be lucky yourphone was on.
(50:03):
But now there's so much outhere, and I don't know where I
can tell you to turn to besidesjust maybe start doing things
outside.
I'm not saying get on socialmedia and go crazy.
I'm not saying get on socialmedia and just you know, start,
you know, going ham be like, ohmy god, this is the one for me.
No, no, no, no, no.
You know, being on social mediaand it's like you're shopping at
(50:26):
a grocery store.
You know, you're shopping forthe right one, the right
product, the right person, theright brand.
You know, this person's gonna begood to me.
I mean, it's crazy, isn't it?
I mean, back in my day, we usedto like pass notes, and that was
the best thing.
If you liked a girl, you wouldtell the girl you go up, you
liked her, and it would just bethe best feeling ever.
Now, you got a whole damn appthat you can swipe left left and
(50:50):
right.
Jesus, you know, my kids and mynieces and nephews on these damn
sites, and I can't, for the lifeof me, fathom it.
But it's what it is.
You got to do what makes youhappy.
Whatever makes you happy isgonna make you happy.
Now, if you have some angerissues, I would you know suggest
we get those in check because Idon't know how long you've been
alone.
Um, not with this relationship,but before you got into this
(51:12):
relationship.
I don't know if you've had priorrelationships.
But if you're close with yourfamily or if you're close with
somebody, maybe talk to somebodyand say, you know, maybe get
some kind of uh not reallydirection, but some kind of
guidance.
So if you want to email me back,please feel free to email me.
(51:35):
You know, my link is always inthe description of my podcast.
Um, feel free to email me.
I welcome your letters, Iwelcome your feedback, and I
hope you give me a follow-up,you know.
So as we get ready to close thisout, um I want to thank my loyal
listeners.
Um, I want to thank you guys forbeing there with me.
I am going to be back on thegrind as soon as I quickly can.
(52:00):
Actually, not quickly can, I amgonna be back on the grind.
So I am back from thePhilippines.
I had a really good time, and itwas just the best, and I think
I'll I'll probably cover that onmy next podcast or my next show.
So uh yeah, but as I saidbefore, I want to thank you guys
(52:24):
for listening to the show.
I am the icon.
The show is called Let's TalkAbout It.
I will be posting on here andanywhere you can listen to um
podcasts.
I'm on Amazon, Spotify, iTunes,I'm on it all.
The link is always in thedescription.
If you guys want to email me,feel free to reach out.
(52:45):
Um feel free to reach out to me,d6empire at 357 at gmail.com.
Listen, I welcome the hate mail.
I welcome all kind of mail, butdoesn't necessarily mean I have
to read it.
So you can hate me, you can likeme, you can say whatever you
want.
It's completely fine.
(53:06):
Trust me, I've been through itall.
So I don't do drama.
I am me.
If I can try to help somebodyout, I will try to help you out.
If I can't help you out, well,don't blame me.
I'm not a licensed therapist, Ido this shit for fun.
So in closing today, I wouldlike to leave Miss Alexis with a
(53:28):
cloak well with a quote.
Loving someone through barstakes a kind of strength that
the world doesn't understand.
Loving an inmate is not hard,the distance is not hard, the
worry is not hard, the sacrificeis hard, but loving him, that's
the easiest thing.
So take those quotes intoconsideration when you're making
(53:49):
your decision.
Hopefully everything will go theway you want, hopefully
everything will be alright,hopefully thing will be good.
If I'm wrong, please tell me I'mwrong.
I've got no problem being wrong,as you can see.
I can admit my own faults.
So I'm a man first, I'm afather, and I try to instill um
(54:11):
that upon my voice, you know,because we're not all perfect,
and I don't pretend that I amperfect.
Even when I do my show, I don'tpretend that I'm perfect, I'm
just me, but I've been throughsome shit, I've seen some shit,
and if I can try to share thoseexperiences with you, then I
will.
So, as I said before, um, I'm upon all social medias, TikTok,
(54:35):
IG.
Uh, links are also in thedescription.
I will put the links of mypodcast on my page.
Um, thank you guys for tuningin.
And until next time, I hope youtake care of yourself and each
other.
Well, you can make it my tool here.
SPEAKER_03 (03:25):
All right, all right, all right.
How's everybody doing out there?
Just letting us groove a littlebit before we jump into the
show.
Well how's everybody doing outthere?
Everybody doing all right?
It's a good day for me.
It's been a great week.
(03:46):
Wanna welcome y'all to the show.
I am the icon.
The show is let's talk about it.
So got a letter from a younglady who's concerned that I
don't know, maybe the guy she'swith has even though he has a
(04:06):
lot of time on his hand, he'sspending more time with others
than I guess the one he's with,which is kind of hard to do
considering the fact we'll getinto this letter and figure out
how I can give this young ladyadvice.
So without further ado, let usget into it.
(04:27):
Icon, I'd first like to say Ienjoy your show.
I do follow you, but I havenoticed you haven't posted in a
while like you usually do.
Okay, before we get into theletter, I haven't posted in a
while because I've been out ofthe country and I just got back
not too long ago.
So I went to the Philippines andum had a good time in the
Philippines second time around.
(04:48):
So I'm trying to get back intothe swing of things.
So hopefully everything is gonnafall back in its place and I'll
be getting back on my grind.
But in any event, let's get intothe letter, shall we?
I have a question for you.
If the one you're with is inprison, what would you do for
the relationship?
I'm only asking because I feellike my relationship and men
(05:10):
always seem to take a turn forthe worse, leaving me feeling
stressed about my life.
I've been dating this guy forabout eight years, and it's not
been the best.
I'm starting to think that heloves going back rather than
being with me.
Okay.
It's like he's cheating on me,but with someone on the inside,
and I'm so stressed out becauseI don't know who it is.
(05:33):
I'm really concerned, I need thetruth, I must admit, I really
can't be without him.
He is my everything, and I onlywant to be with him, but I focus
my life around him.
We don't have kids, he said he'snot ready to be a father, but he
has other kids with fourdifferent women.
(05:53):
Boy's been busy, I tell youthat.
I was really hurt when I foundout a month ago, and I only
found out when a woman I wastalking to went to the same jail
he was in.
And we started talking, and shetold me about who she was and
who she was there to see.
I left crying the whole wayhome, which is a two-hour drive
from where he is.
(06:16):
He called me collect, of course,and said that she was the past,
and I forgave him, and I put ourrelationship back on the track.
I was excited and I was going toand I was good and happy.
I rescheduled my visitation togo see my man, but I had to wait
two months again to go see him.
So when I got my visitation, Iwas more excited.
(06:40):
I was more excited, but upon myvisit, I encountered another
woman who was there to see thesame damn man I was there to
see.
I only I only knew this becausewhen they called his name for
visitation, we both stood up andwe went to the officer and they
thought we were sisters, but Isaid that but the other woman
(07:02):
said that she was his woman andthat they had a daughter
together, even showed me apicture with him in the in the
damn picture.
What is my life?
I don't do drama.
So I left again, began mytwo-hour drive home, and went
back and watched the thin linebetween love and hate.
I'm not sure what that's got todo with this, but we'll get into
(07:23):
it.
I contemplated murder, but inthe sense that he was lucky
because he was already in jail.
So Javion called me.
I'm sorry, that's his name.
I'm Alexis.
He called me three weeks later,explained that she was there
because he was ending theirrelationship.
God damn, what is this?
(07:45):
So, yes, of course I forgave himagain and reclaim what is mine.
Okay, it's like he said lost andfound or something.
I finally had my man back.
I wouldn't didn't put your horsein front of the cart here.
So again, we're back on theright track.
I don't oh, okay.
I never felt better about ourfuture.
I'm feeling very bleak aboutthis future, but anyways, so I
(08:07):
went back and I knew all waswell and that everything was
going to be alright.
When I went back a third time, Iwas excited to see, I was
excited because I was finallygoing to see my man.
God damn, they say third time isa charm.
I arrived, signed in, and allwas well.
So I thought, it turns outJavion had already had a
(08:27):
visitor, and that the systemeither got screwed up or there
was an error, and someone elsehad taken my appointment.
unknown (08:34):
Jeez.
SPEAKER_03 (08:35):
I argued with the CO.
He said that there was alreadythat I was already there, and I
said, that's impossible.
Who's back there with them?
The CO was not having it.
He told me to leave, or I canget booked in for disorderly
conduct.
Yeah, that's probably a goodidea.
I can find out wait, I can'tfind out who's back there then,
(08:57):
so I waited in the parking lotto see if I knew the girl.
That's that's never good,especially in the Department of
Corrections.
And yes, Icon, she was thefucking girl from work, and I
was like, what the fuck?
I left again.
I began my two-hour journey homelistening to Summon Walker,
Summer Walker song playingfeaturing Bryson Tiller.
(09:19):
I knew I was special because hewas my first, and I knew he
loves me.
So he called me a week later andexplained that she was his
lawyer and that she was tryingto get his case taken care of.
I forgave him and I probablyshould back on track.
So icon, I will return to go seehim again.
I need your help in getting usback on the right path to love.
(09:39):
Thank you so much.
Signed Alexis from the North.
Okay, well, uh, I don't knowwhat I could do to put this
relationship back on trackbecause you are clearly getting
a lot of red flags that youshould um avoid at all costs.
I mean, damn.
(10:00):
I mean, the fact that this issyncing up on the schedule that
you're going to go see this manis just ridiculous.
I don't understand that.
I don't even see how the hellthis even happens.
I mean, Jesus, this guy iseither good at what he does or
Papa is really a rolling stone.
But then again, y'all don't havekids.
He has kids by other women,which, you know, I kind of get
it, but you know, you've beenwith this guy for eight years,
(10:23):
eight damn years, and Jesus,Lord of Mercy.
In any event, I had questionsfor Alexa.
Um I had questions for Alexis,and I asked in my questions, now
she answered some, but not all,but we'll go for it.
I asked, what was he in for?
(10:44):
Her response for car theftbreaking the entering, I think.
Okay.
And I said, How much time was heserving?
She answered, he's serving eightbecause someone was home when he
broke into the damn home andstole the car.
Jesus.
You can't make this shit up.
I'm saying.
In any event, I asked her, wheredoes she work?
She said, Walmart.
(11:04):
She's been at Walmart for threeyears.
Um, I asked her, What is yourlife?
She didn't answer.
Um, I also indicated said, well,you said he was your first in
the letter.
And she said, Yes, he was myfirst.
I lost it at 26.
I masturbated a lot and didn'tknow what sex was.
Jesus.
I don't even know if where tobegin with that part, but you
(11:27):
know, whatever.
It is what it is.
You know, some people don't loseit till they're 30 or 40,
whatever.
I don't, that's not whatever.
I asked if she had siblings.
She said she has five.
And I said, Do you have friends?
Yes, my dog Bosco.
Okay.
I asked her, what does she dofor fun?
She said she works and she walksBosco.
(11:49):
And I said, Do you live alone?
Yes, me and Bosco.
And then I asked her, I said,Why are you so infatuated with
him?
Because he said he loved me andthat we would have our own
family and that he gets when hegets out in five years.
So I will wait for him.
Okay.
Um, yeah.
Oh, give me a second here.
(12:18):
Okay.
So, and I said, when he was out,when he gets out, he lives with
you.
No, he worked from Oh, I saidwhen he was out before he went
in, um, did he live with you?
And she said, No, he worked fromsun up to sundown.
I only came by after 10 p.m.
(12:40):
Jesus, oh no, mercy.
Then I asked, what did he do?
Like, what does he do for aliving?
So he is in auto repair.
That would definitely explainthe petty theft.
Um, but whatever.
Um, okay.
So these are the questions thatI asked, Miss Alexis.
Um, Miss Alexis, I hope thisfive podcast finds you well
because I honestly don't knowwhere to go from here.
(13:02):
Um, everything you had,everything you seen was clearly
a red flag.
Um, you're with this guy foreight years.
Um, before he went in, he didn'tstay with you.
And you only seen him after 10p.m.
If that's not a booty call, Idon't know what is.
And I'm trying to figure out howin the hell well, wait a minute.
(13:26):
Hold on, let me think aboutthis.
Because you said you were avirgin, uh, you lost it at 26.
So clearly, um there's a saying,not sure if it's true or not,
but once Jesus, once you loseyour virginity to someone, you
tend to become clingy to thatperson because that person who
(13:47):
you think that you lost yourvirginity to is the one that
you're ultimately supposed to bewith.
I don't know how true that is.
Um, maybe I can contest to thatbecause I think when I lost
mine, I think I was a little bitclingy, uh, to the point of no
return of a restraining order.
No, just joking.
Oh, but in any event, I didn'teven bother to ask how many
(14:10):
times he had sex because it'sreally none of my business.
I don't really care.
But then again, I guess I threwthat questionnaire because I was
just trying to get a feel ofwhat Miss Alexis is going
through.
So the thing is that it is weirdbecause the crazy thing is his
schedule sinks up with thesewomen coming to see you.
(14:31):
I don't know if he's doing thison purpose.
I don't know if he's trying togive you a clear indication that
maybe he does, maybe he doesn'twant to be with you.
I don't know.
I can't really say.
But clearly, people in jail havea lot of damn time on their
hands.
So I don't know if this is somekind of mix-up or whatever,
which maybe it was, maybe itwasn't, or maybe it's just to
(14:53):
show you that he has otheroptions other than you.
And that's the sad thing aboutit.
You know, sometimes when a womanloses their virginity at such a
well, can't really say young,but you're still young, you're
still 26, but you lost yourvirginity at uh 26.
So clearly, I'm not sure whatyour life was before this man.
It doesn't really sound like youhad a lot of relationships
(15:16):
dealing with relationshipsbecause you indicated that you
masturbated a lot because youdidn't know what the hell sex
was.
Um, if you lost it at 26, I'mtrying to do the math because
what I'm looking at here is youlost it at 26.
So if he's serving, I don't evenknow how old he is.
(15:37):
Now I don't want to eight years.
I don't know.
Any event, I'm gonna take aguess and say that you lost it
at 26.
I think you're probably a littlebit older now, and you've been
with this guy forever.
I there's no there's no honest,honestly, I don't know what I
can give you that's gonna helpthis relationship because the
crazy thing is you're going towait for him and you're gonna
(15:59):
miss so much on waiting for him.
I think clearly what you shoulddo is maybe maybe call this a
loss and move on.
I mean, you don't have friends,that's okay, because I don't
have friends.
Um your friend, your dog Boscois your friend.
Um, clearly, I don't know if youhave much of a social circle you
(16:20):
have.
I don't have a social circle,but I do like to converse with
people, and I do like to talk topeople.
But at the same time, I don'tlike to isolate myself from the
world because I feel I need toknow what's going on.
And if I find out, keep in tuneon what's going on, trying to
keep up with day-to-day.
Um, if you're working atWalmart, there's plenty of a
friend circle there.
(16:40):
I mean, I would probably try todo something different there.
Maybe there's gotta be somebody.
I mean, there's got to besomebody else that you have an
interest in.
It has to be.
I just can't really fathom howyou're putting all your chips
into this uh or your eggs inthis one basket in this one guy.
Jeez Louise.
(17:01):
I don't know where you go fromhere.
Because the guy said it was hiswas his attorney, but you said
they work it's the same.
I think I read that right.
Let me look at that again.
I knew who the girl was, andyes, I can.
She was from the fucking girl atwork.
So you said that he said that itwas his attorney, but how is
(17:23):
unless an attorney is doing aside hustle at Walmart, which I
don't know, maybe our times aredifficult.
Maybe she's a paralegal.
I don't know.
unknown (17:31):
I don't know.
SPEAKER_03 (17:32):
But the shit is weird because I've been through
this before, not with my ownpersonal experience, but I had
sisters that had men that wereincarcerated, and then they were
um going to see their men orwhatever.
And then, you know, here's afunny thing about men in prison.
They have a lot of time on theirhand, they have a lot of time to
reflect, a lot of time to think,a lot of time to basically sit
(17:56):
there and do their time becausethey ain't gonna miss a day.
But in that interest of havingall that time, then some get
lonely.
I mean, he's in there doing aneight-year bid for theft and
larceny, and then you said hegot that time is because he got
he stole the car and whateverthings, but he broke into
somebody's home while they werethere.
(18:16):
Not sure what city and statethat you're in, but I don't
know.
Laws are different everywhereyou go.
In any event, I honestly think,Miss Alexis, you should try to
find someone that's going tobenefit you because you're
putting your age into this onebasket.
There's no guarantees that thisman is going to wait for you.
(18:39):
Men will say any and everythingwhen they are in prison.
Um, they're gonna tell you thatthey love you.
Uh, they're gonna tell you thatwe're gonna be together forever.
And I'm not knocking it.
Some men do honor uh theirrelationships when they're in
prison.
Some do, some don't.
I would probably say most likelythat 50% of relationships that
(19:00):
are prison relationshipssurvive.
50% do, 50% don't.
I don't know you well enough tosay, well, it's gonna work.
I mean, I hope you give me afollow-up on this podcast
because it's it's justridiculous.
I think that what you should dois that you should kind of I
would say talk to him, but y'allhave done all the talking you
(19:20):
do.
I think you're like putting hishands because you say every time
you guys talk, um, you're like,oh, we're back on track and
we're good now.
It's like he can say the mostsimplest things to you and you
guys are good.
I mean, you guys are back oncloud nine.
Honestly, that would be him.
Excuse me.
That would be him takingadvantage of the whole
(19:42):
situation.
And because I think you're hisride or die.
So you're gonna ride with him nomatter what.
So all this information, newinformation that you found out,
he told you he didn't want kids,but he has kids.
Okay, I get that part, butyou're expecting something
totally different when this guywalks out of prison.
I'm gonna tell you right now,when the guy walks out of
(20:04):
prison, this is what men do.
Now, don't hold me to this, butthis is what maybe 95% of the
men do when you get out ofprison when they taste fresh
air.
As soon as them damn gates open,if the women that he's talking
to is there to pick him up,yeah, of course, we're gonna go
home, we're gonna bang one out.
I'm gonna lay there, you know,we're gonna we're gonna cuddle,
we're gonna do some pillowtalking.
(20:24):
And then when reality sets inthat I'm out and that I have
other side pieces that I cantend to, I'm gonna go tend to
them side pieces.
I kid you not, I've seen thisshit happen over and over again.
And it's sad, but like I said,men have a lot of time on their
hands in prison.
I don't even know if women dothis.
I honestly don't know.
(20:46):
Huh?
Kind of makes you wonder.
I don't know if women do this.
You know, well, you know, Igotta get out and give me some
of that dick.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
In any event, um, I think Idon't think it's gonna work out
the way you think it is.
I think it's just gonna be a adisaster.
I think when he gets out, yes,he's gonna come stay with you,
(21:09):
you're probably gonna throw downa bomb ass meal, you're probably
gonna cook, and he's probablygonna feel right at home.
But it's gonna set in andeventually it will set in, and I
don't even know if he's gonnaget what, parole or probation or
whatever.
I don't know.
But it's gonna set in that umI'm out and I have options, and
(21:30):
I don't know if I want to bewith you.
I don't know if I want to staywith you.
Because if he's got not justyou, but he's got the others,
and then again he's he's tellingyou that he's telling you that
he's ending it with these otherwomen.
Well, how do you know that?
I mean, it's not like y'all gettogether for coffee and talk
about this dude.
So y'all be like, yeah, well,you know, I'm ending it with
him, so you don't know her, shedoesn't know you.
(21:51):
Clearly, I don't the the onlymix up in clerical error there
is is him.
The error is him.
Because when I say the error ishim, is because I mean, even in
prison this guy's disorganized.
I'm not even sure how the hellthat's even happened, or that
even works.
Oh my goodness.
(22:14):
Miss Alexis, I would hope thatwhen you listen to this podcast
that you kind uh take somethings into consideration.
Um, you're better than that.
Um, you deserve better, youdeserve more.
You sitting and waiting for thisguy, uh, it's like they say he
left to go get milk and then henever came back or cigarettes
(22:36):
and never came back, and youdon't even smoke.
You sitting and waiting for thisguy is just going to be a bad
thing because so much hasalready passed that you could be
experiencing, but you're puttingall your faith and trust into
this guy.
I'm not saying dude is a baddude.
I'm not.
I don't know, dude, just like Idon't know you.
But you wrote me the letter.
I'm trying to give you myadvice, and the advice is this I
(23:00):
think you should really, really,really, really concentrate on
finding somebody else that'sgoing to benefit you.
Maybe there's somebody that youcame across even that worked.
I mean, you don't really have asocial life, so I don't know.
I would probably say maybe somedating social dating sites, but
then again, those work for someand they don't work for others.
(23:20):
I mean, it's just sad.
I mean, it's sad because I thinkit's sad because you're gonna
spend so much time waiting andwondering and how you can try to
figure out how you can make thisguy happy, but really you're the
one he's already happy becausehe's got options.
And when I say he's happy, he'sgot a lot of options, and you're
(23:42):
not one of those options.
Well, you might be, but you'reprobably the lowest one on the
total ball.
He has kids.
I don't know if he takes care ofhis kids, maybe he does, maybe
he doesn't, but you're notincluded in that equation, and
that equation is therelationship that you want to be
with him, it's not probably notgonna work.
It's not.
I'm not gonna say it's not gonnawork, it probably ain't gonna
(24:03):
work.
And I think that you should dosomething different, you know.
Maybe you indicated you justdon't really have so much of a
social life.
And listen, I understand that.
I understand that good.
(24:26):
As for people who know me andknow my podcast, I talk about I
don't have friends, and thereason why I don't have friends
is because I don't like drama,and I don't like drama, but I do
have a social circle, not a bigcircle, but it's people mostly
that I conversate with or that Iwork with or my family.
(24:47):
Now, that's not to say I'mlonely, because I'm not lonely,
I'm just me.
I just don't do a lot of drama,you know.
Friends come and go, but I knowfamilies forever.
So you grew up with fivesiblings.
I'm trying to figure out how youhow you're fearing your
siblings.
You didn't really say much aboutthem.
I don't know if you guys havelike a close relationship or if
(25:11):
it's good or whatever, but Iwould urge you to probably get
out there, maybe put yourselfout there and don't be so
desperate, you know.
The thing is with women, youdon't have to be desperate, just
be yourself.
Don't try to peace, don't try toplease somebody that's not gonna
please you or that's not workingin the best interest of you.
(25:33):
Because they're not working inthe best, they're only thinking
about themselves.
Now, he's got kids, you don'twant kids.
How's that gonna look like ifyou get out and decide that
where he gets out and you decidethat you want kids, and you say,
Well, I mean, I don't know whathe's gonna do to I'm still
trying to figure out how thehell this is gonna happen
(25:54):
because if he gets out andyou're there, who's to say the
other women won't be there?
It's like he's gonna have hispick of the damn litter, you
know, and then you're gonna beleft heartbroken again,
traveling another two damn hoursgoing back home to go play
whatever movie you're playing.
When you said you played a thinline between love and hate, I
don't know where the hell thatcame from.
(26:15):
That because I don't know, andthen you were contemplating
murdering the guy, but he'salready in prison.
You should not even be thinkinglike that.
Listen, men, not all men aredogs.
There are some good men outthere, and the sad thing is you
have to go through you have togo through a few bad ones to get
(26:38):
a good one.
Now, that's just not to say allmen in general are dogs, because
all men are not dogs.
It's just like you have to gothrough the storm, you know, to
find what you're looking for.
You have to, you know, I don'tknow what the word I'm looking
for is.
You gotta kind of put yourselfout there because again, it
(27:02):
should always be the man workinghard to please the woman, not
the other way around.
That's my opinion.
So that's the way I feel, andthat's the way I've always felt.
When I was married for 26 years,I made sure my wife was happy.
But unfortunately, God had otherplans, took my wife, and I had
to find love someplace else.
(27:23):
But when you cater to a manthat's not catering to you, and
you're doing 95% of the work,what's that leave him with?
It's like he's the king, andyou're like one of his servants.
I mean, who the hell does that?
I mean, I get it.
In a relationship, it's supposedto be 50-50, but sometimes the
(27:46):
male likes to do more to takecare of his female, take care of
his queen, so to speak.
But in this case, we're notseeing that.
And when we don't see that, likeI said, everything that you gave
to me in this letter is clearlya red flag.
Clearly.
And again, I say, when he getsout, are you gonna be one of the
ones standing there in theparking lot waiting to take him
(28:07):
home?
Or are you gonna be matched upwith the other women that were
there and you guys are justgonna hash it out and fight over
them, and then somebody's goingback in jail?
Because let me tell you how thathappens.
I think when okay, any part of arelationship, I think if a woman
fights over a man that she knowsis not worth it, I think it's
(28:29):
bad.
Because when I say this, whenI've seen women fight over men
that are not clearly notworking, well, you're you're
going to jail and he's stillgonna be out.
So ask yourself this is itreally worth it?
Is it worth you going to jail?
Is it worth you seeing the otherwoman?
Because let me tell yousomething, it's not the other
woman's fault that he broughtall this drama around himself.
(28:51):
It's his fault.
And I'm not saying do somethingto him that's gonna make your
pain better because it's not,it's only gonna make you more
miserable, it's only gonna makeyou more angry, more
heartbroken.
My advice to you is to let himthe hell go.
Let him go, find somebody else,find somebody better.
Because when you put this muchtime and effort into a
(29:11):
relationship, that causesstress, that causes like
unfathomable attention uhattention.
I mean, when you put this mucheffort into a relationship, you
start losing sight of the biggerpicture.
And the bigger picture's for youis to be happy.
That's what the bigger pictureis.
Hang on, I know I gotta get asip of my tea.
Love my tea, my red diamond.
(29:39):
But I can't tell you how manyletters I get and women want to
know why the man is the way theyare.
I don't know.
I don't have a clear explanationbecause everybody is different.
But speaking from not reallyexperienced, I I've never been
to jail, so I don't know whatthat's like.
Have I cheated before?
(29:59):
Yes.
I have.
Do I consider myself a good man?
Maybe now, but not then.
And I'm not totally blameless onany of this.
You know, I can honestly saythat I have been bad when I was
married, and I told my wife.
So I'm not trying to make thisman out to be like, or make
myself to be like I'm the betterman than he is.
We are all human.
We are all flawed in some way.
(30:22):
And in order for us to uhsometimes put things back on
track, we got to go through somethings that we don't want to go
through.
Now, we see women that we loveand that we cherish, but then we
also have a temptation on theother side of us, is like, oh my
God, I wonder.
And then we kind of we kind offlirt with that line, and we
(30:43):
say, well, what she won't knowwon't hurt her, but it will,
because then eventually in theend, she will find out.
And that's a sad thing.
And I used to think like that.
So I'm going to talk to you fromexperience.
No, I haven't been in jail.
But yes, I have cheated before.
I have.
And sometimes it does make youfeel good, knowing the fact that
(31:03):
you think you can get away withit, but really you just can't
get away from it.
So I think that when I gotcaught, I was.
Oh, thank you, son.
Um, when I got caught cheating,um, there was nothing I can say.
There was no explanation I couldgive.
There was nothing I could say tojustify my actions.
So here's the thing (31:26):
you have the evidence right in front of
you, and you didn't say if youconfronted any of these women,
and that's probably a goodthing, because you shouldn't be
confronted the women.
It's not the women's fault.
Um, well, hold on, hold on.
It's only their fault if theyknow of you.
If they don't know of you, thenthey kind of get a pass.
(31:46):
Because the person that'sactually doing ultimately doing
the cheating is the one that setall this up.
So if you didn't know aboutthese other women, but you just
met these other women and youtalked to one, then I think the
guy that you're with is clearly,clearly not gonna be honest when
he gets out.
He already knows in his mindwhat he's going to do, he knows
where he's gonna go and how he'sgonna get there.
(32:09):
So, and when he gets there,you're not gonna be in that
equation.
So, but Miss Alexis, I don'tknow what you look like, but you
sound like a very beautiful,very intelligent woman.
I think you are a little bit um,I don't want to say insecure,
but I want to say um that's theword I'm looking for, and I
(32:29):
can't think about it.
Oh crap, I forgot it.
It's not insecure.
I don't know, but you know whatI'm trying to say.
I think that I don't know if youwere sheltered or this is what
your life is or how you chooseto uh do your life.
I don't know that hang on.
(32:50):
I don't know if you were thisway or how you got this way, but
you can change anything,anything you can change for the
better.
I'm not saying what you're doingis bad.
I'm just saying that you'reputting all your faith in the
one man who's not gonna be therefor you, and I think you're
gonna get your heart broken, andI think you're gonna be pissed
off, I think you're gonna beupset, I think you're gonna be
(33:13):
angry about everything that thisguy has done to you, and
eventually it's gonna come backand blow up.
And it's gonna blow up some badthings, you may or may not know
what you need to do because youtold me you lost your virginity
when you were 26.
You masturbate a lot, okay.
Big deal.
How to world masturbates, bigdeal, not a big deal there.
But clearly you don't you didn'twant to let yourself feel
(33:33):
something, or you didn'tunderstand the way this world
works, or maybe you just shutyourself out from it.
I don't know if you've been hurtbefore or if you've had past
relationships, but don't letyour past dictate your future.
When you let your past dictateyour future, then your future
starts to come into a reality,and then you start going
downhill.
And when you start goingdownhill, and there's there's a
(33:55):
way you can come back from it,but it's going to take you
longer to come back from it.
So, meanwhile, I'll give you anexample.
So I had a young lady a whileback who put everything she knew
and loved into thisrelationship.
I mean, the guy in her mindcould do no wrong.
I mean, they were together sincethey were probably in middle
(34:16):
school, and the guy could do nowrong.
I mean, she found out that hewas cheating.
I mean, I think, yeah, they saidthey've been together since
middle school, so that's been along time.
Um, that she found out he wascheating, she she lost it.
She lost it.
Not when I say she lost it, shekind of went to a dark place,
she went to a bad place, she umshe tore up his things, she tore
(34:40):
up things that he had, uh,destroyed a lot of his property,
and even tried at one point notkill him, but just injure him.
But it ended up going bad forher, and I'll tell you how,
because he eventually called thepolice.
To call the police, said shetore up my things, she hit me
with a lamp, and she went tojail.
I don't know how long she wentto jail for, but let's just say
(35:04):
when you do stuff like that,that's what makes them happy
because he ain't got to dealwith you no more.
Because why?
You're in jail, so you can't getto him.
I don't know how much time shehad or what she got that was
served, but it's never good whena female goes down that path.
If you know the man that you'rewith is not gonna be good, or if
(35:24):
you know he's not good, why putyourself through that stress?
Why say that I can change him?
No, sweetheart, he's only gonnachange if he wants to change.
Now, you can probably try tocoach him along and try to say,
well, hey, let's do this adifferent way.
Maybe start out as friends, andI'm not talking about friends
with benefits.
If you see something in somebodythat you think you can probably
(35:45):
help out, not really change, butmaybe try to get them on the
correct path, I would say dothat part.
But never would I thought that Iwould meet a person knowing that
their intentions were bad and Iwould try to change them because
that person has to want tochange for themselves.
(36:06):
If they don't change forthemselves and you still want to
be with them, well, you'reinviting everything, everything
that you know that they do intoyour relationship and into your
life.
That causes stress, that causesanxiety, that causes anything up
under the sun.
So men go through thisparticularly, but I think it's
much more the women that gothrough it than the men because
(36:28):
the women are the backbone ofthe relationship.
They put every single effortinto making their relationship
work, keeping their man happy,and making sure that he's happy.
And they do it at a they do itat a respectable pace.
So it's not like they are likebreaking their backs or
whatever, but they know what ittakes to keep their relationship
(36:49):
happy or keep their man happy.
And that's a good thing.
So Miss Alexis, I think youreally need to just take a a
(37:11):
long, hard look at your life andtry to figure out what is good
for you, what's gonna make youhappy.
I hope you're not sitting athome wondering right now, as we
speak, men, I wish I knew if Icould get in contact with you,
but I may just end that's in thein a a return email or a reply
to your email.
Because it's just sad.
(37:32):
You know, we see so many womengo through so many things.
And you know, I come from afamily with nothing but women.
I used to see it all growing up,and I seen it as I got older.
You know, men in my mind thatuse women that way, and again,
I'm not totally blameless onthis because I take 100% fault
with the things I've done in thepast.
(37:54):
I do, I really do.
So, and I know I was one ofthose men, but the only
difference was I wasn't in jail.
But I think that this is whatyou should do.
After hearing this podcast, umsit down, write down the pros
and cons of your relationship.
If the bad outweighs the good,there's your answer.
(38:17):
I don't care what he can say toyou, he can promise you
everything under the moon.
You still shouldn't fall or caveto that.
Because it's like you're beingputty in his hands, and I know
that you think this man is alove of your life.
I don't think he's a love ofyour life.
I think he's just someone that'sconveniently there when he went
in and that you were his ride ordie.
And I'm not even I don't evenknow if you put money on his
(38:39):
books, you didn't really saythat, which I can only imagine
if you are.
Oh my goodness, oh goodness Youknow loving people is hard work.
(39:02):
Um I'm not gonna try to give youan idea if you are going to Oh
man, I want to say that.
I hope you're not contemplatingmarrying this guy in prison,
because that's definitely gonnabe a disaster.
It's not good, it's just gonnabe horrible.
(39:26):
You work at Walmart, sounds likeyou're doing good.
You and Bosco, how about this?
You and Bosco go out, maybe walkyour dog.
I mean, there's got to besomebody out there if you are an
animal lover.
There's plenty of animal loversthat are single.
Not a bad thing again, butthere's plenty of them that are
single and that are looking forlove.
(39:49):
And yes, you and him may have adog.
Why not try to go that route?
Man, I didn't.
I mean, if you have a dog, Imean I see plenty of people
around here in dog parks andthat are.
I mean, I don't understand howthem relationships don't last as
long as they do.
Some do, some don't.
But I think majority of them do,though, because there's animal
look.
Find something that you have incommon with somebody.
(40:09):
Like, yeah, I have dogs.
I'm not sure what kind of dogyou got, but whatever, make it
work.
Flip it, make it work.
Um, I would challenge you to goout there and just give it your
best.
I would say, cut Mr.
J.
Beon, is it?
Yeah, Javion?
I would cut Mr.
Javion loose.
I would say, JVion, it's been agood run, but I think there's
(40:32):
too many red flags.
Please don't tell them that Isaid, I mean, I'm just nobody.
I'm just here giving you advice.
I mean, if Mr.
J.Vion decides to link up andlisten to my podcast and write
me a letter, I welcome that.
I welcome all kinds ofnegativity because this ain't
gonna be the first and ain'tgonna be the last.
So, but you can't blame anotherperson for giving somebody good
(40:53):
sound advice.
Now, I can't speak too muchabout his situation, but I know
he's in jail.
So you said he's been, it soundslike he's been in more than one
time.
If he's been in there more thanone time, I don't know what this
is.
Maybe some people just love orcan't handle life.
Maybe some people just want togo in and I don't know.
I don't I don't get it.
But my advice to you is to cutthem loose, you know.
(41:23):
You can't make anybody love you,you can't make anybody fall in
love with you.
You can try to make them happy,but if the happiness is not
there, it is not there.
Let him go or let them go.
Get out there.
If you're at work, maybe try todevelop a social circle.
I'm not saying do anythingirrational, I'm not saying um do
(41:49):
anything that you'reuncomfortable with.
I'm saying do something that'sgoing to make you happy, do
something that's going to giveyou peace of mind.
Something that you, when you gohome at night, you'll have
butterflies in your stomachthinking like, oh my gosh, I
can't wait to see them again.
But what you have right now areprobably cramps or a bad
(42:11):
feeling.
And I think that's probablygonna make you more sicker than
the damn butterflies.
I'll take the butterflies anydamn day.
But you know, the crazy thing ishe calls you collect when
something goes wrong.
But what is he doing?
(42:33):
I was gonna say, what is hedoing with the rest of that
time?
But then again, I already know.
So, you know, you know, prisonhas changed, you know, since
back in the day, because now Isee him on Instagram or live,
and I'm like, damn, how doesthat even how did he even do all
that in on live?
So, but you gotta if he doesn'tif he's not writing you letters,
(42:54):
I'm not sure what the hell he'sdoing.
But the fact of the matter isthis, Alexis.
Let this man go.
Do better for yourself.
Because let me tell yousomething.
If you were to get married tothis guy and you had a baby, I
think it's just gonna be all baddownhill.
Because if he has kids anddidn't neglect, no, maybe you
didn't neglect to mention thesekids to you.
Well, he said he did have kids,but he didn't want no more.
(43:16):
I get that part.
So I think you should change itup a little bit.
I wish I knew what you looklike, but then again, that's not
really relevant.
Change it up a little bit.
Do something that's gonna makeyou happy.
Take your dog out, go to a dogpark, maybe go to a movie, maybe
start a social circle with somefriends.
Um, just do something thatyou're comfortable with.
(43:37):
Do something that's gonna makeyou happy.
And when you start doing thingsthat make you happy, you're
going to forget all about Mr.
Javion.
And when you find that personthat's gonna make you happy,
you're gonna forget all aboutMr.
Javion.
And then when you're in lovewith that person and you have
these butterflies of thesefeelings every day, you're going
to forget all about Mr.
Javion.
(43:58):
And when you forget aboutJavion, guess what?
Javion is gonna know why.
He's gonna also say, Well, well,he's gonna be looking like, oh
baby, I thought you I was a onefor you.
No, you weren't.
You weren't, you weren't.
So, yes, yes, everybody, that'smy son in the background change.
I'm not sure why, but whatever.
(44:20):
But when you start thinkingabout somebody else other than
Javion, then life is gonna get alot better.
Shit's gonna go a lot better.
Because I can tell you right nowwhat you're doing right now at
home.
You're sitting there wonderingwhen you're gonna get back up
there and you're gonna see himagain.
Because you haven't seen thisman not one damn time since
you've been in there.
(44:40):
And every damn time that youwent, there's always been a
roadblock.
Take those as signs.
I would.
If you've been up there, what,three?
Say three, three or four, uhmaybe three.
We'll say three or four.
If you've been up there three,three to four times, clearly
that's a sign.
That is an indication of maybeit's time for me to move to hell
on.
Maybe it's time for me to gosomeplace else.
(45:02):
Maybe it's time to let him go soI can be happy because you don't
want to be miserable.
Because if you're miserable,this is gonna be your life
drama.
This is gonna be your lifedealing with the other baby
mamas.
This is gonna be your life,wondering if he's coming home.
This is gonna also be your life.
Will I see him after 10 p.m.?
What the hell?
That's nothing that's kind offreaking me out.
(45:23):
Who the hell comes by after 10p.m.?
That's more like a booty call.
I mean, what can you possibly doafter 10?
Well, I know exactly what youcan do after 10, but and that's
all you're gonna be doing.
It's a booty call, then there'spillow talking.
Is that pillow talking?
SPEAKER_02 (45:40):
Because you can't do nothing else.
I mean, it's not like you'remaking a whole damn meal.
Jesus Lord.
SPEAKER_03 (45:47):
Oh my gosh, where do these people come up with this
shit?
I mean, it's crazy, right?
So it's what it is.
10 o'clock, 10 p.m.
I gotta say, reading this letterwas um kind of different.
It was um, I can't really speakto the effect of having somebody
in prison because I've neverdated anybody in prison.
(46:09):
And I'm not saying all people inprisons are bad.
You know, some people get hitwith some some some life choices
and they gotta, you know, makeup for that.
And then let me say this.
I hope I'm wrong.
I really hope I'm wrong aboutMr.
J Bean because I'm not reallyjudging him.
It sounds like to me he'salready been judged.
I mean, he's in prison, forGod's sake, Jesus.
Um I want to be wrong.
(46:30):
I do, but it would be differentif you start off with this
letter saying it was just you,and then you guys are trying to
talk about maybe I could see theone, the one female, but when
you have three, three, and thenyou went to go see him on
multiple times, but you couldnot get back there to see him
for nothing, and the only wayyou talk to him is through a
(46:51):
collect call from the Departmentof Corrections, and every single
thing he says to you was, oh,she was I was ending it, or
she's my lawyer, or she's tryingto help me get off, or whatever.
Dude, come on, you're already injail.
There's no point of lying.
Just tell the flipping truth.
I mean, be truthful about it.
I mean, there's no point oflying.
(47:12):
You're already in jail, shecan't get to you.
I mean, unless you know people,not just jugging.
Yeah, I want you to go ahead anddo this guy.
Yeah, his name JV.
Yeah, I don't, I don't know.
He done with a bar of soap orsomething.
But don't ever have anybodyfeeling like you want to murder
them because of what they'vedone to you.
Because that only ends bad as wesee time and time again in this
(47:35):
world.
If the relationship ain't there,if it ain't working, let them
people go.
Yes, if you've invested time andenergy into the relationship,
it's gonna hurt.
It's gonna hurt, it's gonnasting, you're gonna be upset.
But you know what the best thingis?
The best thing is there'ssomebody else out there that's
waiting for you, or there'ssomebody out there that you can
be with that's gonna make youhappy.
(47:56):
But putting all your energy andtime into being angry and upset
and wanting to do bodily harm orwhatever, that's only gonna land
you where he's at.
That's basically where it'sgonna land you.
It's gonna put you right wherehe's at.
And when he's sitting there andhe's about to get out, when
you're about to be going in, sohe'll be seeing you on his way
out as you're going in.
How the hell does that evenwork?
(48:16):
Now, ask yourself this is hestill gonna be there for you?
I don't think so.
I don't.
Ooh, Lord, I love my vape.
I love my vape.
Oh, in any event, these arethings you gotta ask yourself.
(48:36):
You know, is it gonna be worthit for you?
I don't think it is.
You have to give yourself somepeace.
You have to think about yourlife and how you want to live
your life.
You don't have to settle foranyone because you think there's
nobody else out there for you.
You can find somebody, orsomebody will find you.
(48:59):
I know it's hard finding peoplein this day and age because we
have the power of social media.
You don't know who's true, youdon't know who's not true, you
don't know who's honest, or youjust don't know.
But like I said, you have to gothrough a few bad ones, a few
bad apples to get a good one.
And that's just the nature oflife.
You know, we want to findsomebody right there to be the
(49:21):
first one to say that this isthe one for me.
We want to do that.
Sometimes it works, sometimesfate says this is it, this is a
guy for you, and sometimes itdoesn't.
So if you can find that personand that person is right then
and there for you, then go forit.
But I would challenge youyourself to maybe go on a few
(49:42):
dates or I mean, geez, datingfor now.
I think dating now was a lotdating now is a lot harder than
what it was back in my day.
Back in my day, we passed notes,we didn't have social media, we
didn't have cell phones.
I mean, we didn't have none ofthat shit.
We had pen and paper and atelephone.
And you better be lucky yourphone was on.
(50:03):
But now there's so much outhere, and I don't know where I
can tell you to turn to besidesjust maybe start doing things
outside.
I'm not saying get on socialmedia and go crazy.
I'm not saying get on socialmedia and just you know, start,
you know, going ham be like, ohmy god, this is the one for me.
No, no, no, no, no.
You know, being on social mediaand it's like you're shopping at
(50:26):
a grocery store.
You know, you're shopping forthe right one, the right
product, the right person, theright brand.
You know, this person's gonna begood to me.
I mean, it's crazy, isn't it?
I mean, back in my day, we usedto like pass notes, and that was
the best thing.
If you liked a girl, you wouldtell the girl you go up, you
liked her, and it would just bethe best feeling ever.
Now, you got a whole damn appthat you can swipe left left and
(50:50):
right.
Jesus, you know, my kids and mynieces and nephews on these damn
sites, and I can't, for the lifeof me, fathom it.
But it's what it is.
You got to do what makes youhappy.
Whatever makes you happy isgonna make you happy.
Now, if you have some angerissues, I would you know suggest
we get those in check because Idon't know how long you've been
alone.
Um, not with this relationship,but before you got into this
(51:12):
relationship.
I don't know if you've had priorrelationships.
But if you're close with yourfamily or if you're close with
somebody, maybe talk to somebodyand say, you know, maybe get
some kind of uh not reallydirection, but some kind of
guidance.
So if you want to email me back,please feel free to email me.
(51:35):
You know, my link is always inthe description of my podcast.
Um, feel free to email me.
I welcome your letters, Iwelcome your feedback, and I
hope you give me a follow-up,you know.
So as we get ready to close thisout, um I want to thank my loyal
listeners.
Um, I want to thank you guys forbeing there with me.
I am going to be back on thegrind as soon as I quickly can.
(52:00):
Actually, not quickly can, I amgonna be back on the grind.
So I am back from thePhilippines.
I had a really good time, and itwas just the best, and I think
I'll I'll probably cover that onmy next podcast or my next show.
So uh yeah, but as I saidbefore, I want to thank you guys
(52:24):
for listening to the show.
I am the icon.
The show is called Let's TalkAbout It.
I will be posting on here andanywhere you can listen to um
podcasts.
I'm on Amazon, Spotify, iTunes,I'm on it all.
The link is always in thedescription.
If you guys want to email me,feel free to reach out.
(52:45):
Um feel free to reach out to me,d6empire at 357 at gmail.com.
Listen, I welcome the hate mail.
I welcome all kind of mail, butdoesn't necessarily mean I have
to read it.
So you can hate me, you can likeme, you can say whatever you
want.
It's completely fine.
(53:06):
Trust me, I've been through itall.
So I don't do drama.
I am me.
If I can try to help somebodyout, I will try to help you out.
If I can't help you out, well,don't blame me.
I'm not a licensed therapist, Ido this shit for fun.
So in closing today, I wouldlike to leave Miss Alexis with a
(53:28):
cloak well with a quote.
Loving someone through barstakes a kind of strength that
the world doesn't understand.
Loving an inmate is not hard,the distance is not hard, the
worry is not hard, the sacrificeis hard, but loving him, that's
the easiest thing.
So take those quotes intoconsideration when you're making
(53:49):
your decision.
Hopefully everything will go theway you want, hopefully
everything will be alright,hopefully thing will be good.
If I'm wrong, please tell me I'mwrong.
I've got no problem being wrong,as you can see.
I can admit my own faults.
So I'm a man first, I'm afather, and I try to instill um
(54:11):
that upon my voice, you know,because we're not all perfect,
and I don't pretend that I amperfect.
Even when I do my show, I don'tpretend that I'm perfect, I'm
just me, but I've been throughsome shit, I've seen some shit,
and if I can try to share thoseexperiences with you, then I
will.
So, as I said before, um, I'm upon all social medias, TikTok,
(54:35):
IG.
Uh, links are also in thedescription.
I will put the links of mypodcast on my page.
Um, thank you guys for tuningin.
And until next time, I hope youtake care of yourself and each
other.
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