You’re Not for Everyone—And That’s a Good Thing

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Have you ever left a donor meeting wondering, “Why did I say it like that?”
Or felt that quiet pressure to be more agreeable, more polished, more… perfect?

In this episode, Keith shares a story fresh from the road—an alumni reception that turned into a powerful reminder: you don’t have to be everyone’s favorite to be an exceptional fundraiser.

If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, felt the weight of performance, or questioned your unique style in this work, this episode is your permission slip to stop contorting and start connecting.

Because people give to support the work… but they give through people.
And the only way your people can find you—is if they can see you.

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Episode Transcript

Keith Greer, CFRE (00:05):
Hey, there, hi and welcome back.
I'm still traveling this week,so I'm recording this episode
from another hotel room usingthe Voice Memo app on my phone
and I know it isn't as good aswhen I'm recording back home.
But I hope that you'll bearwith me because I'll be back
home soon and we'll be back inour recording studio, which is
actually a closet, and I'll havemy microphones.
And we'll be back in ourrecording studio, which is

(00:25):
actually a closet, and I'll havemy microphones and we'll be
back to having it sound reallygreat.
But tell me, have you everwalked out of a donor meeting
and thought, why did I say itlike that?
Or I didn't sound like myselfat all in there.
Maybe you adjusted your tone oryou tiptoed around like what
you were really thinking.
Maybe you smiled throughsomething that just didn't sit

(00:48):
right, just to keep the peace,just to make it work, just to be
liked.
And if that's ever been you, Iwant you to hear this loud and
clear.
You're not the only one.
So many of us in fundraisingcarry this quiet pressure to
show up the way that we thinkthat we should Polished,

(01:08):
agreeable, flexible, never toomuch and never too little.
We have to be like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every
way.
But here's the thing when westart molding ourselves to match
what we think a donor wants,when we start molding ourselves
to match what we think a donorwants, we lose the real magic of
this work Connection.
And today I want to tell youyou're not for everyone and

(01:34):
that's not actually just okay.
It's the best thing that youcan do for your donors, for your
mission and for yourself.
So let's talk fundraising.
There's a sneaky little liethat a lot of us pick up early
in our fundraising journey andit sounds something like if I

(01:55):
can just make everyone happy,the money's going to come.
If I can be easy to work with,if I can avoid conflict, if I
can be the perfect mix ofwhatever they want, the donors
will say yes, boards, they'regoing to approve, and my boss,
they're going to be impressed.

(02:15):
And listen, I get it.
When you're trying to keep yourbudget afloat, when your
program needs that grant tosurvive, when payroll is looming
and the pressure is high, it'sreally tempting to think that
fundraising is just one bigperformance review, like we're
being evaluated 24-7 on howlikable, agreeable and strategic

(02:37):
we are.
And when we fall into thatmindset, we start adjusting
ourselves Just a little at first.
We water ourselves down, wesecond guess our instincts.
We say yes, but we shouldprobably say let me think about
that.
We keep smiling when somethingstings us.
We make it work even when itdoesn't.

(03:00):
But here's the cost when youspend your energy trying to be
everyone's ideal, you lose touchwith your own, you stop
bringing your full self into thework.
You lose that fire, that edge,that voice that makes you you
and the people who would bedrawn to the real you.

(03:20):
They never get the chance tomeet you.
You, they never get the chanceto meet you.
I'm actually writing the script,having just gotten back to my
hotel room from an alumnireception tonight and honestly
it was lovely.
We started with a private tourof the Institute of Contemporary
Art here in Boston Stunningspace, amazing conversations,

(03:40):
and then we moved to a nearbyrestaurant for the reception.
It was one of those rare eventswhere you actually get to mix
and mingle with everyone Notrushed, no awkward seating chart
, just warm, intentionalconnection.
And yes, the bites were tiny,but there was so much food and
that's one of the things I loveabout my Dean when food's

(04:01):
involved, there's always abudget Like he really gets it.
Anyway, I'm standing therechatting with folks and I
finally get to connect with twodifferent alumni that I've been
trying to meet with for threeyears Emails, event invites,
calls, nothing and both of themsaid something that really
stopped me.

(04:21):
We've been avoiding you Nowthey didn't tell me this
together.
These were one-on-oneconversations that I heard from
two different people and I couldhave taken that personally, and
I did for a minute, but Iwaited and I let them talk and
they went on to say that theyhad interacted with my
predecessor a few times and itreally hadn't gone well.

(04:43):
They didn't vibe with theirattitude, their energy and it
just didn't click, and becauseof that they assumed that I
would be the same.
So they steered clear.
But tonight, after seeing how Ishowed up, just being me
talking with everyone connectingwith the group, they came over
and said we think we misjudgedyou.
We'd actually love to meet andtalk about giving and, honestly,

(05:07):
that moment said everythingBecause of my predecessor.
They were really successful.
They raised millions of dollarsevery year, they ran a tight
operation and they got results,and I've never met them, but
from the stories I've heard,they were a dealmaker, a
negotiator and a closer, butthat's not who I am.

(05:27):
And there are plenty of donorswho connected with my
predecessor and they don'tconnect with me at all, just
like these two who couldn'tstand the idea of talking with
my predecessor.
Now they want to sit down withme and we're completely
different people with completelydifferent styles and we've both
been incredibly effective.
And we've both been incrediblyeffective.

(05:48):
And it reminded me of somethingI heard years ago at a
conference the speakers hadfundraisers are like mages, like
Gandalf, you know the wizardfrom the Lord of the Rings, and
we walk with people, we cast avision, we help them dream big
dreams and believe that they canactually make them happen.
And that's the kind offundraiser I am.
That's what I bring to thetable and I know I'm good at it

(06:10):
because I see the results.
But those results come not fromtrying to be someone else.
They come from leaning all theway into who I actually am.
And I think sometimes we getthis idea that there's just one
version of a really greatfundraiser you know, the
charismatic closer, the one whoalways knows exactly what to say
.
The one who always knowsexactly what to say, the one who

(06:31):
can walk into any room and comeout with a major gift.
And if that's not you, if you'remore reflective or intuitive or
vision-oriented, you start towonder am I doing this wrong?
But let me tell you somethingthat I've learned over and over
and over again, both in my ownjourney and in mentoring others

(06:54):
there are as many ways to begreat at this job as there are
people doing it.
You can be someone who getsfired up by the negotiation.
You can be someone who takeslong walks with donors and
builds deep, meaningfulrelationships over time.
You can be the storyteller, thestrategist, the visionary, the
quiet guy, the thoughtfulplanner or maybe the passionate

(07:17):
connector.
It doesn't matter what box youcheck.
What matters is that you'rereal, that you're consistent,
that you're bringing your wholeself into the work.
Because when you do that, whenyou stop trying to match someone
else's style or energy or vibe,you start making real

(07:38):
connections, and realconnections are what lead to
real giving.
So don't let the fundraisingarchetype fool you.
You don't have to be the closerto be the one who gets the gift
, you just have to be you.
And you know what happened whenI stopped trying to be what I
thought donors wanted.
My anxiety started to fade.

(07:59):
Now I'm not saying the pressuredisappeared.
Fundraising is still real,goals still exist.
But the constant secondguessing, the overthinking of
every word, the mentalgymnastics of how do I come
across?
That all started to loosen itsgrip.
Because when I showed up as mefully honestly, no performance

(08:21):
something really unexpectedhappened.
People liked me and not theversion of me.
I'd rehearsed not the versionof me.
I thought that they needed justme.
It was like that old SallyField moment at the Oscars you
like me, you really like me.
And it sounds silly, but Ireally get it Like when you've
spent years trying to beacceptable and digestible and

(08:45):
marketable and then someoneresponds to who you really are.
That's powerful and it's sovalidating and I think people
can feel it.
When you're holding somethingback, when you're presenting a
version of yourself instead ofthe real thing, you're holding
something back.
When you're presenting aversion of yourself instead of
the real thing, people can sensethat, even if they can't name
it.
But when you're fully present,when you trust your instincts

(09:09):
and speak from your actual voice, that's when people start to
lean in and that's when theconnection gets real.
And, ironically, that's whengiving becomes easier.
And, ironically, that's whengiving becomes easier, not
because you're better at asking,but because you're finally
bringing your true self into theroom, and that's the person
your right.

(09:29):
Donors have been waiting to meet, and here's what I want you to
take with you.
People give to organizations tosupport the work, but they give
through people, and if theydon't trust the person they're
giving through, if somethingfeels off or inauthentic,
they'll hesitate, they'll holdback, they'll walk away.

(09:50):
And that's why showing up asyourself isn't just good for
your well-being, it's good foryour mission, because when
donors trust you, your voice,your presence, your vision,
they're far more likely toinvest in the work you're asking
them to support.
So if you've beenpeople-pleasing, if you've been
adjusting your style to matchsomeone else's success formula,

(10:13):
if you've been carrying theweight of being liked by
everyone, I want to invite youto gently but clearly set it
down.
You don't need everyone toresonate with you, you just need
your people to find you, andthey can only do that if they
can see the real you.

(10:34):
So you are not for everyone,and that's not a problem to fix
for everyone, and that's not aproblem to fix, it's a gift to
protect.
So keep showing up, keep doingthe work in your own voice and
trust that when you do the right, people will come closer.

(10:54):
They always do.
So stay well, my friend, andI'll see you in the next episode
.