Nervous System Co-Regulation for Pets and Their People

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome back to let's Talk to Animals, the podcast
all species can enjoy together.
My name is Shannon Cutts.
I am an animal sensitive andintuitive, a Reiki master
practitioner and an animalcommunication teacher with
animallovelanguagescom and forour purposes here today, I am
also your friendly neighborhoodhostess and guide through the

(00:25):
wild, wise and wonderful worldof interspecies communication.
Call me crazy, but I trulybelieve that animal
communication has the power tosave, heal and restore our
planet for all species to enjoyand share.
When we learn to communicatewith one another, we begin to
realize we are so much morealike than different.

(00:46):
We care about each other.
We become friends.
On this podcast we talk aboutwhat the animals have to say and
share and why our pets trulyare our partners, empathic
friends and teachers.
I am so glad you have joined ushere for this fresh new episode
of let's Talk to Animals, solet's dive in.

(01:08):
Hi, shannon.
Here.
And in today's episode of let'sTalk to Animals, we're going to
be taking a look at a topic thatI have become increasingly
fascinated by and focused onover the last several months,
which is none other than nervoussystem regulation.

(01:30):
Not only has this become a hugecore component of how I teach
animal communication insideAnimal Communication.
Adventure to Mastery, my newstudent program, adventure to
Mastery my new student program.
How I guide my students when weare working in practice circle

(01:50):
each week.
And also how I live my personallife.
It's how I keep moving forwardin my entrepreneurship, learning
and growth journey and buildingmy life around that.
It's how I've overcome so manyyears of anxiety, depression,
struggling with an eatingdisorder, et cetera life lifing

(02:12):
and me coping.
But it's also becoming a vitalarea of focus when we're taking
a look at pets that are havingissues, when life life's with
pets, so to speak, and how we astheir human parents, guardians,

(02:32):
carers, owners whatever termyou prefer how we are able, or
if we are able, to help themthrough those struggles.
I'll give you a particularlypoignant example from my recent
private practice as an animalcommunicator.
I've been working on an ongoingbasis with a particular client

(02:55):
who has a hugely reactive.
There is a bite history andthere have been some internal
family systems issues,relationships ending, new
relationships forming changes inwork structure and travel plans
and not the ideal environmentfrom which to regulate or

(03:21):
re-regulate, or even reset, ifyou will, a dysregulated dog's
nervous system, and so it'sgiven me an interesting lens
through which to view theinterplay that it's easy to
sense.
You've probably sensed ityourself, even if not with your

(03:43):
pets, then definitely with otherhumans.
Maybe you're taking a look atgoing to work and hoping your
boss won't be in one of his orher moods that day, because you
know how it affects you.
Or maybe you are guarded withinyourself because you don't

(04:03):
always feel like you are wellable to regulate your own
internal state, your own moods.
I know this state well from myyears battling cyclical anxiety
and depression, and so maybeyou're in a place where you
guard yourself or even feel likeyou're protecting others from
you because you don't know whatto expect from yourself.

(04:26):
And if you've ever experiencedthis, this is a wonderful way to
take a walk in a dysregulatedpet's paws or claws or wings or
scales or fins or shells,because that is exactly how it
feels for all of us, regardlessof species, when our nervous

(04:48):
system is dysregulated.
Dysregulation at its core meansthere's something out of whack.
There's something that isn'tworking as it was specifically
designed to work.
There is an imbalance in thesystem, somewhere kind of like
trying to take a bike ride whenone tire is slightly or a lot
flat.

(05:08):
You wobble, you don't feel likeyou can predict what is going
to happen the next time you turnthe pedals, and I don't know
about you, but I often find thatmy weeks as an animal
communicator have themes, andsometimes my months, and this is
where I find the inspiration torecord these new podcast

(05:34):
episodes for you is.
I take a look at what's beengoing on in my private practice
lately and when I see somethingcoming up again and again and
again and again, and over thepast few weeks the theme has
been reactive animals,aggressive animals, animals with

(05:56):
bite history, animals with veryunpredictable behavior patterns
, either very, very timid, veryfearful, very withdrawn or very
overtly aggressive oroverreactive.
And I've been seeing so much ofthis over the last few weeks

(06:18):
that this is one of my innersigns that this is something the
animals want me to talk aboutwith you here, and so just know
that that is why I'm bringingthis up and why I'm bringing it
up at this particular moment.
Call it a hunch, but it justmay prove to be the case that
this might be something that youare dealing with in your own

(06:40):
life, whether it is with yourcurrent pets, or perhaps it's
even a lingering issue going onbetween you and you and that's
that wonderful mirroring aspectthat we so often share with our
soul pets, where there is areason that we are with the
specific animal or animals thatare in our current interspecies

(07:02):
family and there is a reasonthey are with us.
In other words, we have chosenone another, and if you want to
learn more about that and someof the specific reasons for that
, I highly recommend my podcastepisode on eight of the most
common types of pet soulagreements that we share with
our animals, and you can take alisten to that one as well when

(07:24):
you have time and see what kindof insights you can pick up
about maybe the particular typeof soul agreement or agreements
because they can come in manyflavors as we learn and grow
together over the years.
But even post a comment, let meknow which one describes you
and your pet best.
But today we are really goingto focus in on the nervous

(07:49):
system and specifically onestablishing coherence and
co-regulation between ourselvesand our animal family members.
You know I still think about thevery first time I heard the
words nervous system regulation,and it wasn't that long ago and

(08:13):
those of you who have been apart of the let's Talk to
Animals listing community for awhile.
You know that I'm in my mid-50sand so I've been around long
enough to have noticed if thiswas a topic that was being
broadly talked about, I probablywould have noticed before now,
because this has been a lifelonginterest of mine is learning to
regulate whatever it is that'sgoing on within me, and I was

(08:37):
actually.
I even remember where I was.
I was at an entrepreneurshipconference, and it would be
almost three years ago now Ifirst heard someone say out loud
the specific words nervoussystem regulation and everything
in me lit up.
I remember who it was.

(08:58):
I remember exactly where I wasin the room.
We were seated on chairs.
I was talking with a fellowconference participant and she
said nervous system regulationin context with her work, and I
said that is it.
That is the thing, that iswhat's been missing from my life

(09:18):
, that is what I need.
That is what I've been workingon for years and didn't have a
formal name or term for, andmore and more over the last few
years, of course, we have thisgroovy little reticular
activating system.
That kind of acts as agatekeeper for the types of
information that we becomeconsciously aware of, and ever

(09:39):
since I heard those words, I'vebeen hearing them more and more
and I actually can't tell ifthat is because it's just now
rising to the surface or it'sbecause now I am aware of it.
I was just in the right placeat the right time to recognize
that thing that I have beensearching for.
And ever since I feel like Ihave been obsessed with nervous

(09:59):
system regulation, and not justfor myself but, as I mentioned
as we started today, with myanimals and with the animals
that I work with and they'rehumans there's something kind of
internal recognition going onthat you and your pet share,

(10:31):
some kind of a state in common.
Often it's some kind of adysregulated state and for me,
as a communicator trained in thepsychic arts, I have learned I
have my own inner what I calllexicon of tells, and this is
something that I teach insideAnimal Communication Adventures

(10:51):
to Mastery.
We each have an inner lexiconor vocabulary that is unique to
us, that says when I see or hear, or smell or taste or sense or
just know this particular thing.
It always means that, and forme, nervous system regulation
has always come through in theform of what I call a feedback

(11:13):
loop and I see this kind ofinfinity symbol that is going
back and forth and back andforth and back and forth and it
refers to we're tradingsomething back and forth.
Now that can be something good,something beneficial, something
that feels great and works well, but more often than not, when
I am involved in the pet andhuman mix, it refers to

(11:37):
something that is notnecessarily beneficial or
desired or desirable.
That's going on, for instance,looking at, perhaps, an anxious
human and either a reactiveaggressively or reactive,
timidly or shyly pet.
So maybe we would see, forinstance, an anxious human and a

(12:01):
pet that is highly reactive insome way, either through
aggression or through retreatingthe cat that hides under the
bed and never comes out unlessit's just the human and them
alone in the house, or the dogthat can't tolerate having
anyone in the house.
That often is kind of like thetip of the iceberg, letting us

(12:23):
know that there's a deeper issuethat needs to be worked out
underneath.
And so there are two thingsgoing on.
Whenever I see this kind of afeedback loop and I see it a lot
and I've been seeing it moreand more lately in my pet parent
clients and their animals thereis often either a lack of

(12:45):
internal what we call coherence,and there is always a lack of
co-regulation between that petparent and their animal.
So let's talk first aboutnervous system coherence.
Coherence as a word refers to acreation of a unified whole or

(13:09):
a state of internal balance, anideal set point.
If we had to put it intolayman's terms, layperson's
terms, we would say it's anideal relationship between you
and you on a physical, emotionaland a mental level, and even a
social level.
Of course.
Physical, emotional and mentalall lead towards social as well.

(13:30):
And even at the soul level.
How well are you carrying outand pursuing and unfolding your
soul path?
But it can be coherent.
A lack of internal coherence,so the unified whole here is you
with you, me with me.
It can be at the physical level.
So maybe your gut microbiome isdisturbed in some way, maybe

(13:56):
you have something going on withyour heart, maybe you have
allergies, maybe there are acouple of organs fighting with
one another within you.
It can be all kinds ofdifferent things.
Maybe there needs to be anadjustment in your eating habits
, in your hydration, and all ofthis.
We can look at our animals andit's the same.
We all have the same basicworking parts and we are, at our

(14:19):
core, so much more alike thandifferent, and so when you
notice a lack of internalcoherence within you, it can be
smart to take a look around andsee how that might be mirrored
back to you and or affectingthose around you.

(14:40):
It can be wise to take a lookaround and notice.
It can be wise to take a lookaround and notice.
Is this being mirrored back toyou in any way through?
Maybe issues that your pet isgoing through and you can take a
look as well to see is yourlack of internal coherence or
balance or unity withinaffecting your animal in some

(15:02):
way?
Now it can also be emotional.
That example of the anxioushuman and the reactive animal is
a good example of a way inwhich a lack of internal
coherence on our part might beaffecting or altering our pet's
behavior without us evenrealizing it.

(15:24):
And the same thing at themental level, and there's
something really interesting tonote about coherence at the
mental level, which is for us ashumans and I've talked a lot
about this here on.
Let's Talk to Animals we have atendency to go up into our heads
.
We start there, and this issomething else very interesting

(15:45):
that I teach inside my animalcommunication program is that we
default to our left brain mind,to this very intensely
analytical, logical, rationaland highly individualistic.
So very much me against theworld, me as an island and
everyone else around me as anisland too.

(16:07):
And so we default to that.
Thinking, words, thoughts thatthen generate emotions, that
then tend to make us sit up andnotice, oh my tummy, maybe it's
a physical thing, maybe it's anemotional thing that happens
next we were like, oh, my tummyhurts, or oh, I'm feeling heart
palpitations.

(16:27):
Hemisphere to live from, and sotheir tendency is to overfeel.

(16:52):
That can then generate thoughtsand typically just goes
straight to behavior either aphysical dysregulation or an
emotional dysregulation.
Thought, in the form in which werelate to it, it's very, very
secondary within our animals andthat is very important.

(17:12):
We're going to get to that in aminute, but I want to that now.
Move on and just defineco-regulation, which basically
we can take a look at it,meaning at it.
We can take a look at it asmeaning the influence we have on
each other.
So where, with coherence we'relooking for an internal unity or

(17:34):
optimal balance, withco-regulation we're looking for
the happy, healthy family.
We are having a positiveinfluence on others.
They are having a positiveinfluence on others.
They are having a positiveinfluence on us.
And what I find so interesting,as I work with pet parents and
their animals day in and day out, is how often I see that over

(17:57):
time we tend to kind of findwhat I call a set point.
We get into our groove or, insome cases, our rut.
And when we get into thatgroove or that rut, typically it
points back to at some point wejust kind of learn to tolerate
dysregulation at some levelwithin ourselves and with the

(18:21):
dynamic between ourselves andour animals and the dynamic
between our animals and thegreater world.
An example of this would bewell, my dog doesn't like men
and is scared of bicycles, andso I just don't take her out
anymore.
That's a rut or a set point orjust kind of a groove that we

(18:43):
get into, and that too comesfrom a recent pet parent client
I was working with and heranimal.
And so we can just kind of getinto this state where we just
tolerate something that doesn'twork optimally it doesn't work
as well as we were hoping itwould or want it to because we
don't know what to do about it,and so that is really what this

(19:05):
podcast episode today is about.
So what's so interesting is thatall of this coherence and
co-regulation it actually stemsfrom how we evolved as social
species, and this blew my mindwhen I learned this.

(19:27):
There's a researcher, there's apsychologist and a researcher
named Dr Steven.
There is a psychologist and aresearcher named Dr Steven
Porges, and he came up withsomething called polyvagal
theory.
Now PS.
It's still quite controversial,but something about it lands so

(19:48):
strongly with me and I havelearned to trust my gut about
these things and not get tooinvolved in the pros and the
cons.
His working theory is that, as asocial species, we have evolved
over millennia to use ourshared nervous system to
automatically sync and sharemessages back and forth, and in

(20:13):
the beginning these were simplemessages of there's a threat or
all clear, it's safe.
And we can still see this in somany social wild species
populations today, like theadorable little prairie voles
and the meerkats that stand upand look around and they're

(20:34):
always on alert, or the doves inmy backyard that send out the
alarm whenever the blue jays orthe crows come in, and the elk
at the watering hole, or theflamingos that notice that the
cougars are coming to drink andeverybody starts moving their
heads or twitching their cutelittle tails and they're sharing

(20:58):
messages back and forth betweentheir nervous systems.
Why?
Because we all have the samebasic nervous system.
Whether we happen to be avianor feline or reptilian or canine
or equine or some other species, our basic wiring is pretty

(21:18):
much the same.
Sure, some models have gotten alittle or a lot of upgrades, a
little bit fancier systems alongthe way, but at their core they
work basically the same way andthey certainly all share the
ability to tell safety apartfrom danger.
And so polyvagal theorybasically says we have evolved

(21:40):
as social species to trade thesemessages of all clear or run
for your life back and forthautonomically not just
automatically, but autonomicallywith one another.
Ie it's the same part of ournervous system that keeps our
heart beating, keeps our breathflowing.

(22:03):
So we literally cannot adjustthis setting.
So it's so important to getthis to recognize.
There is nothing we can do toturn off what I'm calling this
sinking.
And it's interesting because ashumans, as a creative species

(22:24):
that's naturally curious andalways seeking to evolve and try
out new ideas and see if we canmake this or make that work.
We have created these smartdevices, and what do they do
with each other?
Once they're set up properly,they sync back and forth with
one another.
I often look around the room.
If you're anything like me, youprobably look around sometimes

(22:46):
and realize that your printerand your modem and your phone
and your laptop and your tabletand all your Bluetooth devices,
and probably your television andyour home security system and
even your refrigerator, they'reall talking to one another all
the time and they're syncing.
They're sharing messages backand forth.
Even the most brilliant humaninventors still take their

(23:10):
inspiration from nature and frombiology and how we are wired to
work together to survive and,ideally, thrive.
And so what is important for usas pet parents to understand is
that when we are going about ourday in our interspecies family

(23:31):
let's say at home, you have adog and you have a cat and you
have a bird and you have aturtle and you have a horse
guess what's happening all daylong between everyone in your
interspecies family?
You're sinking, you're sendingmessages back and forth, all
clear.
It's safe, danger, danger,cower run, fight, freeze,

(23:52):
whatever, and we can't turn itoff.
And they can't turn it off.
It is part of what I call yourintuitive operating system.
It's just as your deep core,survival-based wiring.
Now there is some good news.
Well, there's two bits of goodnews.
The first bit of good news isthat we absolutely can influence
the type of messages that wesend out.

(24:16):
We can change the defaultsetting from sending out
constant danger, danger warning,warning alerts to sending out
quite a bit more.
All clear, all as well, it'ssafe messages.
But to do that we need adifferent part of our nervous

(24:36):
system, called the somaticnervous system.
The somatic is the voluntaryyou can think of it anyway like
the voluntary portion of thenervous system.
It's, in other words, the partwe can control, and the somatic
nervous system that's.
If I want to move my hand rightnow, that's not autonomic, that

(24:56):
doesn't happen all the time.
I don't just sit here all daylong doing this and I can't turn
it off.
This is the somatic.
This is the part where I decideand a whole bunch of really
complex, interesting thingshappen to make it happen.
I want to move my arm.
In the same way, if we want tomove our mental state or we want
to move our emotional state, weuse the somatic nervous system

(25:20):
to do that.
But I am getting ahead of myselfhere because back in the day I
don't know 16,000 years, 20,000years, 200,000 years ago never
been good at keeping history anddates straight when we were
evolving.
And then, when we beganpartnering with other species

(25:41):
horses, dogs or wolves, at thetime canines and then felines
and our working farm animals andwe began sinking back and forth
, the messages were genuinelyabout danger or safety.
That's what we were dealingwith.
We weren't dealing with thisculture of first world problems

(26:04):
today, where our central vagusnerve, which is the main network
of nerves that connects all ofour major organs.
It connects our three brainsthe brain in our gut, the brain
in our heart and the brain inour head and it's constantly
passing messages back and forthand it's connected both to the
autonomic and the somaticnervous system, so it's got all

(26:25):
the weight of the world on itsshoulders.
The buck really does stop withthe vagus nerve nerve and the
vagus nerve cannot tell thedifference.
It has not yet evolved to beable to tell the difference
between your grumpy boss, youranxious dog, your tummy ache and
a genuine saber-toothed tigerattack.
Your dog's vagus nerve has notlearned yet to tell the

(26:49):
difference between grumpy you,the anxious cat next door, a
stiff and hurting hip and asaber-toothed tiger attack.
So our entire nervous systemoperating system is still kind
of stuck in the early iterationof us.
And this is really reallyimportant to know, because all

(27:13):
of what I am calling and itdoesn't mean they're not big
problems, but they are notsaber-toothed tiger attacks and
that is why I call them firstworld problems, like our
generator dying in the middle ofa power outage a few days ago.
That was super stressful, thatmade it feel unsafe to live in
this house, with it being a 100degrees outside but nobody was
trying to eat me for dinner.

(27:33):
That's kind of where I'mgetting at.
So I don't want you listeningto this and thinking she's
saying that my problems are notimportant or worth getting
emotional over.
That is not what I am saying.
I am right there with you andalways having to monitor my
nervous system responses andalways having to monitor my
nervous system responses, butknowing what we talked about
earlier, which is how humanstypically default to interfacing

(27:58):
with our worlds through whatwe're thinking oh God, it's a
hundred degrees out, we're gonnaroast in here.
How long is the power gonna beout.
Last time it was out for fourdays.
That's why we got the generator.
Why didn't the generator work?
They're trying to rip us offBefore I know it.
I am a hot mess emotionally.
Well, when I sync with ourfamily dog, he's not going to

(28:19):
get all the benefit of thosethoughts, he's just going to get
danger, danger, warning,warning.
And he's probably going to geta bellyache, because that tends
to be the way that he manifestsand deals with and gets stress
out of his body.
So when we understand how theSH blank, blank, rolls downhill
in our world and then rolls outinto the world around us and

(28:40):
affects others what we'recalling a lack of internal
coherence that then becomesshared co-dysregulation, if you
will, and we'll get to that morein a minute.
When we take a look at that, werealize we can roll back the
camera, roll back the footage,rewind the video and we go.
Wait a minute.
That all started up in my leftbrain, which is not intuitive.

(29:02):
It does not have a biggerpicture, it is highly
individualistic.
It is me against the world.
I am an I.
Everything happening to me, notfor me.
There is no help coming.
Then we realized that we have somuch power here to change this
entire dynamic and how it playsout.

(29:22):
I want to give you an exampleof that, because the generator
thing actually did happenseveral days ago.
We had spent a huge amount ofmoney on this high-level
generator because we aresurvivors of Hurricane Harvey
and the giant whiteout that wehad for a week and then the
giant brownout, and we finallyinvested in a generator and we

(29:44):
had a power outage the othernight and the generator went out
during the power outage.
In fact it's still not fixedand this was very hair-raising
for us because the impact is 101or 105 on any given day right
now in summer in Houston, texas,in the deep South.
But when it happened this lasttime, I was able to stay calm

(30:07):
and be the one to make the phonecalls and be kind to the
customer service and of courseit happened on a weekend and it
happened after hours, et cetera,et cetera, because I am
learning about the control I dohave over my internal state and
I promise you we're going to getback around to pets here in a
minute.
But I just want to share thisone story with you, kind of as a

(30:31):
little mini case study of thepower of what I'm talking about
here, dealing with this innercoherence or this inner unity or
this inner optimal balance, Iwas able to remember.
Oh, that's right, depending onwhere I allow my thoughts to go.
Part of the somatic nervoussystem.
Our thoughts are part of thesomatic nervous system.
The primitive sensing of dangerversus safety to go part of the

(30:51):
somatic nervous system.
Our thoughts are part of thesomatic nervous system.
The primitive sensing of dangerversus safety, that is part of
the autonomic nervous system.
But that's the sympatheticnervous system side.
But the parasympathetic is partof the autonomic nervous system
side.
Oh, excuse me, theparasympathetic is part of the
somatic nervous system side.
And so what I did this is goingto be really fun.

(31:13):
What I did is I remembered,first and foremost, I have two
brain hemispheres, not just one,so I can move into my right
brain hemisphere and rememberthat over the course of 54 years
to date, so far.
Sure, there have been timeswhen it's been a little hot in
here, a little uncomfortable,but I have never yet died from
heat exhaustion, no matter whathappened, even surviving

(31:36):
hurricanes, living in this housewatching the water come up the
front lawn.
I haven't died yet.
So I kind of got a biggerpicture.
And then I realized this iswhat life has handed me today.
This is life-lifing today.
How do I want to feel as I movethrough it?
And that shifted my thoughts Iforgot.
I remembered that I am not anisland.

(31:58):
I have numbers that I can pickup the phone and call.
I have a cell phone that works.
There are things that areworking in my life, even if the
generator's not.
And it shifted my whole trainof thought so that I was able to
stay eerily calm throughsomething that would have really
deregulated me just a handfulof months prior.
This is something that not onlyworks, but it works really,

(32:20):
really fast.
And I also noticed that our dogdidn't get a tummy ache and
vomit.
She often does when my mom or Iget dysregulated.
So it was very interesting tonotice how the whole family was
able to sync to a more positiveseries of broadcasts emergency
broadcasts.

(32:40):
It wasn't like we're all aboutto die.
It was like there's been adisruption in the system.
Nothing to worry about, it'sokay, just chill, we'll get
through it.
We're on it, don't worry, gotthe memo.
You see how that's a very, verydifferent dynamic than, oh my
God, we're all going to roast todeath in a matter of minutes
and it's so easy for our mindsto go there.

(33:02):
So this is our part.
We are kind of the mastercontroller, not because we want
to be, but because we're sothought dominant in our inner
species, families, that we justkind of take over the emotional
landscape and our pets reallycarry the heavy load.
The buck stops with them tryingto work us out of this

(33:25):
dysregulated state by being cute, by giving us kisses, by
snuggling, by playing, bychirping, by seeking out our
company.
Whatever they do that lifts ourmood and makes us crave their
company.
They're constantly kind ofplaying defense, defending
themselves against our innerdysregulation and defending

(33:47):
themselves against being overlyinfluenced by the same, and so
this is often why we get sodependent on our animals for
comfort, for companionship, forempathy, for friendship, for
tolerating us.
There have been times in my lifewhen I couldn't barely tolerate

(34:08):
myself and I would literallysit there and think I don't
understand.
At that time it was just me andmy tortoise, malti and my soul
bird Pearl, and I would actuallysit there on the couch and
think I don't know how Pearl andMalti still love me and still
tolerate me because I don't evenlike myself, I can't even talk
about love.
I don't even like myself andthey still love me.

(34:30):
Well, that was causing a lot ofdysregulation for them to stay
strong emotionally and try toregulate our family life
together.
So now I want to talk a littlebit more closely about
co-regulation, because whattypically happens not always,
but what typically happens whensomeone schedules an animal
communication session with me,or when someone comes and wants

(34:53):
to learn animal communicationbecause they've got an animal
who really needs a lot ofsupport and assistance and is
too fragile to take on thatheavy lifting that I just
described then what we're aimingfor is a positive co-regulation
between ourselves and ouranimals.
So we're both internallymonitoring our own state,

(35:17):
checking our internal coherencewhat is the state of our
thoughts, our emotions, ourphysical health or lack thereof,
and what can we do to course,correct and adjust as needed to
maintain that optimal and themost positive and the best
feeling, the most pleasantinternal coherence or internal

(35:39):
state.
And we are also maintaining thesame level of awareness of how
our internal state, how our vibe, if you will, our vibration,
what we're putting out therethrough our auric field, how is
it affecting those around us?
And maybe we don't care so muchwhen the beings around us are

(36:00):
strangers or people we don'tlike, et cetera, et cetera.
But when it's our family andit's our pets whom we love so
unconditionally, we care and itcan feel like being truly
powerless.
When you're me sitting on thecouch going, I'm depressed and
anxious again and I don't knowhow my pets stand this and I
can't do anything about it.
So this is where we realize,yes, we can, we can, you can, I

(36:25):
can do something about this.
And for many of my pet parentclients they come to me because
they've rescued an animal andthat animal is frayed around the
edges.
That animal has past trauma,often trauma that we don't even
know what happened.
We have to have a conversationand see if the animal's even

(36:46):
willing to share it with us.
Or they've got physical healthissues.
Animals even willing to shareit with us.
Or they've got physical healthissues.
They've got age-related decline, possible cognitive issues.
They have high sensitivity fordogs and cats and horses and
birds and turtles, who arehighly sensitive, where
everything is already at avolume 10 and then we try to
turn it up again.

(37:08):
Or we have animals that havebeen bred with such specific
traits in mind that they becomesituationally problematic, like
dogs that have a high prey drive, or racehorses that have been
bred to racehorses, or racingdogs who have come from this

(37:30):
high intensity, high stress,high rehoming type of lifestyle.
They just can't relax.
Well, that's a recipe fordisaster if we ask to help us
manage our internal coherence bybeing the dominant or the
master co-regular in our family,because they don't have it in
them, they can't do it.

(37:50):
So in those cases we get whatI'm seeing with this pet parent
client that I was sharing withyou about earlier, where we have
got a bite history on our handand we have a high degree of
anxiety around certain people,certain situations, and we have
a highly anxious human who'sgoing through a lot herself.
We have two individuals in thefamily that both need to pull

(38:12):
their own weight, becauseneither one has enough inner
reserves to take on the heavylifting of being the master
co-regulator for that familyunit.
And so this is where you mightbe wondering at this point oh my
gosh, this is a lot.
Well, the nervous system is abig deal.
So, yes, it is a lot.
Well, the nervous system is abig deal.
So, yes, it is a lot.
Learning about our nervoussystem is something that should

(38:34):
be like 101.
And I don't know why it isn'tthe first course that we get in
school, as soon as we're oldenough, as soon as we have
enough existing neuralconnections in our brain to
understand this stuff.
This is the kind of stuff thatshould be taught first, like
where's the owner's manual forthis and how all of this is
supposed to work.
What does it do?

(38:55):
How do I work with it?
If something is buggy or notdoing what I was hoping or
wanted it to do or what I toldit's supposed to do, well, how
do I troubleshoot?
Where do I go?
Who do I call?
What can I do to fix it?

(39:16):
That's what we need to knowfirst, not waiting until we're
in our fifth decade of lifebefore we hear the words nervous
system regulation.
So we work with our internalcoherence and the co-regulation
role that we're playing withinour family unit, by tapping into
the power of our thinking andthe voluntary nature of our
somatic nervous system, whichgives us a lot of choices,

(39:37):
everything from who we'respending time with and what
we're talking about, what we'reeating, how much water we're
drinking and how much sleepwe're getting, whether we like
the work that we do, or ourhuman partner, how we spend our
free time, how we talk toourselves.
There are so many ways that wecan use our somatic nervous

(40:02):
system to shift our internalcoherence to a higher, lighter
vibrational frequency so thatthe dominant or the master
controller for the familyco-regulation is emitting a
joyful, loving, positive,healing vibration for everyone

(40:23):
else.
It doesn't mean that we're notstill going to have an off day
Of course we are and so thestronger that we each get
individually, the stronger thosearound us will be able to get
and the more we will be able toshare the load of keeping our
family unit co-regulated.
Keeping a cohesive, positive,loving, healthy family unit

(40:50):
ticking along, thriving, growing, evolving healing from the past
, embracing new opportunitiesthat's what co-regulation is for
.
Too often we either see we'restuck in that rut or we've kind
of just gotten into a groove.
It's not awful, but it's notperfect and we're just kind of
tolerating it where there's somuch more here for us.

(41:12):
And what?
When we really see that come toa head is when we bring a new
animal in the family or one ofour existing animals goes
through something.
A change of life, an accident,an illness, an injury, a health
challenge gets into some kind ofa behavioral spat, gets lost
and then comes home to us andthey're like oh, what happened?

(41:35):
Well, we have to step up.
At that point we need to be ableto take on the job of
co-regulating the family unit,sending out the most positive
it's safe, it's safe, it's safesignals for our animal to sync
with.
So this isn't necessarily goingto solve underlying trauma.

(41:55):
There are lots of protocolsthat we can use.
For that I have a whole toolkit, from Reiki and emotional
freedom technique tonon-mechanical scalar wave and
chakra balancing and colortherapy, crystal therapy.
There are so many differentmodalities and I work with a

(42:16):
whole complement of holistichealth practitioners and varying
disciplines who can offer allkinds of body work and
supplements and all kinds ofwonderful things that the tools
that we can use.
But if the animal that we'reworking with is chronically
syncing with our owndysregulated internal nervous

(42:38):
system state, so we're internalcoherence, where is it Then?
All of that work is like tryingto carry a boulder uphill.
It's really really hard to doit.
It's a lot harder than it needsto be and it really wears very
quickly on that animal who'sjust trying to heal.
And if so, if we learn, if westart to learn which is really.

(42:59):
I guess this podcast is a littlebit more person focused than I
realized when I started out.
I never know for sure exactlywhere I'm headed.
I have an outline when I startor an idea in my head when I
start recording, and I neverknow exactly where I'm headed.
I have an outline when I startor an idea in my head when I
start recording and I never knowexactly where I'm going to wind
up.
But what's so interesting aboutthis is that where I end up

(43:21):
being in the unique position ofmeeting incredible, caring,
incredible caring, kind, loving,empathetic, compassionate pet
parents week in and week out.
And if you've worked with me,yes, I'm talking to you these
are humans who you're the goodones.

(43:42):
You want to help your pet.
You want to help your dog oryour cat or your horse or your
turtle or your bird live theirbest life.
If they're struggling throughsomething, you want to know what
it is and to help them throughit and to help them heal and
thrive.
And often, so often, themissing link winds up being how

(44:04):
well are we doing that forourselves?
And this tends to be themessage that no one is expecting
.
I know I spent years and yearsand years on the pet parent
client side before I learnedthat I could talk to animals too
and pursued my studies and didmy practicum and hung out a

(44:25):
shingle and went pro and look atme now.
And so many times it wasn'tmentioned to me by the
communicators I worked with thatI was a big part of what my
animals were going through.
Occasionally it would come up,but it comes up a lot in my pet
parent client sessions wherewe're talking about their animal
and there is this feedback loopthat comes up.

(44:47):
And so what often ends uphappening is we uncover a soul
agreement where, of course and Ijust want to back up for a
moment before I say this so thatit will make sense the animals
have taught me that nobody comesinto a physical incarnation,
into a physical body, no soulwillingly enters a physical body

(45:08):
for a stretch of time here inearth school without having two
reasons one, something to teachand two, something to learn.
And that goes for our animals aswell as for ourselves.
They're here to learn and growtoo Sure they're.
They vibrate naturally at alighter, higher frequency.
They're always going to bedominant in the unconditionally

(45:32):
loving department.
They just default to that.
Their wiring is a littledifferent.
That way it actually makes iteasier for them as well.
But they're still here to learnand grow and so often when we
take a look in my private petparent client sessions and we
take a look at the soulagreement, we find there is a
feedback loop because they'reshared learning.

(45:52):
We've signed up for a sharedlearning experience, so there's
all kinds of great wonderfulbenefits to this.
It's not as lonely.
Even the bad stuff is more funwhen it's shared.
We have somebody really cute toenjoy our days with.
We have unconditional love.
It's not a bad thing.
But we just have to recognizeour animals are here to learn

(46:14):
and grow too and they go throughstuff, often at our hands, and
then we need to help themthrough that.
And so I often find myself inthe intriguing position of
prescribing I shouldn't use theword prescribing of recommending
certain activities, mindsetshifts, holistic modalities,

(46:35):
shared enrichment activities,and so I often find myself in
the unique position ofrecommending certain things
based on what the animal hastold me that they need or that
they want to help them feelbetter.
And then I end up recommendingto their person to do the same
basic thing, and I call thismassage for you, massage for me,

(46:58):
crystal for you, crystal for me, essential oil for you,
essential oil for me.
So we're basically doing thesame thing More playdates for
you, more playdates for me,because so often the nature of
our shared soul contract is thatwe do need to get better at
self-care so that we can offer ahigher, lighter vibration

(47:22):
frequency for our pets to syncto.
That will then help them heal,help them resolve any internal
lack of coherence, anydysregulation that they've
picked up along the way.
This can be especially vitalfor pets that are rescued with a
history of past traumas.
They come into our world, intoour life, into our family and

(47:46):
right off the bat they need ourhelp and they need a lot of it.
And when we're in a place whereour bucket is empty, we haven't
been caring well for ourself orat all.
We have been burning our candleat both ends, we've been saying
mean things to ourselves, we'vebeen working ourselves into a
state where we are frayed aroundall the edges Well, we need to

(48:09):
fill back up.
Then we help and we offer outof that inner coherence, that
inner fullness, we offer thekind of loving, healing
environment that our animals cantruly thrive in.
That is a truly, truly safeplace.
You can imagine if you've gottrauma and then you are sharing
24 seven with someone else who'salso either externally

(48:33):
traumatized or they'reinternally traumatizing
themselves through the way thatthey live and the thoughts that
they think and the way they talkto themselves.
You're not going to get betterat all, and certainly not very
fast, in that kind ofenvironment.
So if we want to see realgrowth and real healing in our
pets, we need to commit to realhealing and real growth within

(48:54):
ourselves.
And at this point you might bewondering well, how can I tell
if I'm contributing to myanimal's problems?
And so I'd like to share acouple of stories from my pet
client practice, from my animalcommunication practice, that are
just I just think they're suchgreat examples of how to tell if

(49:19):
your lack of internal coherenceis dysregulating your
relationship with your dog andcausing a lack of internal
coherence within your dog oryour pet.
This is so a couple of years ago.
So a couple of years ago I wasworking with a pet parent who
had an adorable weenie dog, asenior dog named Ori, and Ori

(49:43):
had been diagnosed with diabetesand he needed insulin shots
twice a day.
Unfortunately, mom worked outof the home at that time but
luckily her sister lived downthe street and they had a pet
sitter that came in.
So the daytime shot, usuallythe sister was administering it
or the pet sitter wasadministering it, and Ori being

(50:04):
this cute, wiggly little weeniedog who loved people, he would
hold perfectly still when mom'ssister or the pet sitter would
give him his insulin.
He didn't move a muscle.
And when mom would take Ori tothe vet for checkups he would
stand stock still on the table.
He would let them give him theshots, do all the things.

(50:24):
He would not move.
But when mom would give theshots this typically would
happen in the evening Ori wouldstart wriggling and wiggling and
moving and he would not holdstill.
And this was driving mom insaneand she was starting to wonder
if euthanasia was a betterchoice because it was so

(50:46):
dangerous for Ori and she wasnever sure that she really got
the insulin into him.
So she booked a session with meand when I talked to Ori it took
five seconds I'm not kiddingyou, five seconds to clear up
the issue.
He said well, mom is so upsetand so anxious that I'm trying
to make it fun for her.
I try to turn it into the shots.

(51:07):
I try to turn it into a game.
Make it fun for her.
I tried to turn it into theshots.
I tried to turn it into a game.
Adorable, right, if only we hadtalked to him weeks earlier.
So I guided mom to learn how toturn up her internal coherence,
turn down the volume of heranxiety and her upset, worried
that she was going to hurt Ori,worried she was going to miss,

(51:28):
worried he wasn't going to gethis full injection.
And once she was able toapproach him calmly, he held
perfectly.
Still, if there is a clearerexample of how our own internal
coherence can dysregulate ouranimals, which often, as we
talked about earlier, comes outin the form of emotional

(51:48):
responses and behavior, I havenever found a clearer example
than this one.
So here's just an overall guide.
If you notice that your pet'semotional dysregulation or
behavior issues change whenyou're not there, then this is a

(52:12):
huge it's like a blare, blare,warning, light, fireworks, red
flag that your internal state ispart of the dysregulated
dynamic and, of course, in orderto explore that on a more
individual level.
So I'm not trying to apply acookie cutter to all animals.
It's just to give you a littlebit of initial guidance or maybe

(52:34):
give you kind of a heads upabout where to look next, to
find some insights, some answers, some next steps.
Of course we would want to talkwith your animal and find out
their why and what's going onand what they need.
But typically I find that whenI'm working with a pet and their

(52:56):
person, we need to approachbehavior or problem solving or
whatever's going on on twolevels.
We help you to learn how tobetter manage your own internal
coherence, so kind ofre-regulate your autonomic
message generating system, yourinner coherence, to emit

(53:19):
messages of safety morefrequently and more reliably.
And then we need to work toestablish this optimal, positive
, high vibration co-regulationor nervous system syncing
between you and your animal.
And so that's where I'm oftensaying massage for you, massage
for your dog, aromatherapy foryou, aromatherapy for your horse

(53:43):
, playdates for your bird,playdate for you, whatever it is
, so that you have not only asynchronicity in your daily
shared routine, hopefully morefun in both of your lives, but
I'm also adding tools, we'readding tools to both of your
personal self-regulationtoolkits and it helps you grow

(54:05):
and evolve by becoming moreaware of the impact you're
having on those around you andthose you care about the most,
and the happy side effect ofthat is when you realize you're
having an unwanted impact, animpact you don't want to have on
others.
This gives you additional toolsto change that and you start to
feel happier.

(54:25):
You detox from the excesscortisol, you feel filled up
from the inside out and then youbecome the master co-regulator
in your dynamic with your petand you become uniquely
fine-tuned to pick up earlywarning signs that your pet
might need a little help fromyou to regulate through a

(54:49):
stressful situation, through atrigger that reminds them of
past trauma, through a newexperience they don't have the
social skills to handle yet,whatever it is.
So hopefully this podcastepisode today has been helpful
for you.
It is so important to highlightthat this is a process.

(55:12):
There was a time in my lifejust speaking honestly which I
always strive to do here onlet's Talk to Animals, and I
mentioned it earlier where I wassitting on the couch, depressed
and anxious again, thinking Idon't even know how my animals
tolerate me, let alone love me,and the truth is is I was very,
very codependent on my animalsat the time.
I relied on them to be my rockall the time, and so when

(55:35):
anything happened to them theirhealth, their behavior, anything
I was destroyed, because mywhole world was built on my
relationship with them.
And it's wonderful for us tohave that deep level of bond
with our animal companionsbecause they are, at their core,
unconditional love, and theycome here to be our pets, our

(55:57):
partners, empathic friends andteachers.
But life happens to them too,as we started out saying when I
opened this episode, and theycan go through fragile moments
too.
And so this understanding thatwe're talking about today, and
this understanding that we'retalking about today, and these
tools that we're talking abouttoday to help you and I, start
to do a better job, a moreconscious job of regulating

(56:20):
ourselves and becomingresponsible for the
co-regulation messages thatwe're sending out for our
animals to sync to.
This also dissolves thatcodependence that can feel a lot
like love, until we realizethat we're so empty that when
our animals need us most, wedon't have enough to give.

(56:40):
And so that's from my heart,why I'm sharing this episode
today, and it's also, from myheart, something that I have had
to work through at a very, very, very deep level.
So, before we close today, Ithought I would just leave you
with a few questions that youcan work through.
When you start to notice thatyou're feeling heavy, you're

(57:03):
feeling dense, you're feelingstressed, you're feeling anxious
and that kind of snowballrolling downhill effect is
starting to happen.
And then suddenly you rememberthis episode and it occurs to
you that your pet is going tosync with you and pick up on
that and you forget that youknow what to do to change that.

(57:24):
I want you to either just takea few notes or you can speak it
into a voice recorder on yourphone.
However, you'd like to takenotes about things to remember.
But here's an easy, easy way tohelp you reestablish internal
coherence.
Just a set of five questions.
Number one ask yourself whatare the dominant thoughts that

(57:46):
I'm thinking?
You could just jot that down,just write down.
What are the dominant thoughtsthat I'm thinking?
You could just jot that down,Just write down.
What are the dominant thoughts.
Chances are good.
Once you get them down on paper, you're going to be like well,
no wonder I feel so crappy.
Anybody thinking those thoughtswould feel crappy.
Then next, once you've got thethoughts, ask yourself okay,
crappy, what specific feelingsare these thoughts producing
within me.
How do these thoughts make mefeel?

(58:08):
Okay, crappy thoughts producingwithin me.
How do these thoughts make mefeel, okay, crappy, anxious,
angry, nervous, sad, whatever itis.
Then you ask yourself theelephant in the room question
are you enjoying those feelings?
Probably not.
So okay, if you're enjoyingthem, great, keep going.

(58:31):
But if you're not enjoying them,you ask yourself what can I do
right now to change my thoughts,so I can upgrade my feelings,
so I can begin emitting messagesof safety for my animals to
sync to, for instance?
If you're thinking nothing everworks out for me and that's
making you feel anxious andyou're not enjoying yourself,
and you've just realized thatyou can think to yourself well,
that's not true.
Things do work out for me.
Well, just yesterday I was inline at Starbucks and the person

(58:55):
in front of me paid for mycoffee.
What a beautiful gift.
So you can just look forsomething to be grateful for
right now.
And just that little tiny chinkin the armor of that rut of
unwelcome thought patternsleading to undesirable feelings.
You just get that little tinychink in the armor and then you
can go on and find another one.

(59:15):
Well, they had a tsunami in XYZcountry.
It seems like they're happeningeverywhere lately and we're
perfectly safe here.
Wow, I am so lucky I'm in atemperature-controlled house.
I mean, it doesn't have to beanything nature, just something
that gives your feelings,changes your thoughts.
It gives your feelings a littleupgrade.
So that's the first tool I wantto leave you with.

(59:36):
The second tool is take a lookat the company you keep and yes,
I do mean with other humans,and I recognize that not all
company feels optional.
But if you can do anything atall to shift into a routine or
you can do anything to and Irecognize that not, and I

(59:58):
recognize that not all companyis optional you know we have to
go to work.
Maybe our office is next tothat grumpy coworker, okay, but
we can still choose to becheerful, we can still choose to
be positive, we can stillchoose to find something to
compliment them about.
And when we have free agencyover who to hang out with, just

(01:00:19):
strive to surround yourself withpeople that inspire you and
with nature.
Nature is the great healer withthe earth's energy.
I go out every day, usuallybefore and after.
I do an animal communicationsession or I lead practice
circle or I'm teaching online.
I will go out and I will take abarefoot walk on our lawn and I
ground on the earth's magneticfrequency, the Schumann

(01:00:42):
resonance, and I'm also standingon a grounding mat right now as
I talk to you.
So I'm grounding on the eartheven as I speak to you right now
.
So, just putting yourself inpositive relationships and
positive environments, think ofpeople who inspire you.
I have a whole circle ofmentors, many of whom I've never
met, some of whom are not inbodies right now, and they're

(01:01:04):
still Einstein.
He's so inspirational to me,his story lifts me up every time
I think of it, and he's noteven in a body right now, at
least as far as I know.
So the more you can coursecorrect to put yourself in the
path of other humans who areinternally coherent and doing
their part to co-regulate ourwhole, our society, our shared

(01:01:28):
life together, well, you bringthat home to your animal as well
, and it helps them in every way, even the ways that I cannot
articulate.
So if your pets are carryingany kind of trauma or dis-ease,
or they're healing fromsomething, they're recovering
for something, they're goingthrough their end of life
process, they're coping withunavoidable change in some way,

(01:01:51):
then you're creating the safestand most beneficial possible
space for them to work throughthat.
And if your pets are alreadyhealthy, well, science is all
about expecting a longer,healthier lifespan when we live
in a positive environmentsurrounded by positive,
uplifting relationships and, asfar as I can tell, either way

(01:02:12):
it's a clear win-win for youboth.
So, my dear friend, I hope this.
So, my dear one, I hope so.
I hope this has been helpful,supportive for you.
This is actually the first timeI've tried to record a whole
podcast on nervous systemcoherence and co-regulation, so

(01:02:33):
I hope it made sense to you.
Obviously, there's a lot moreto talk about.
If you have questions orrequests for follow-up episodes,
please do post those when youleave a review.
It really helps me and guidesme in terms of what I'm focusing
on in each new episode, and italso gives me a chance to

(01:02:56):
connect with you, which I deeplyappreciate.
So I know, every time I step infront of the mic here in my
little office studio, eventhough it feels like I'm alone,
I know that I'm not alonebecause I know that you are
listening along with me and thatyou are walking this path with
me, and that fills my heart withenthusiasm to continue and with

(01:03:17):
gratitude for our connection.
So thank you again forlistening and I look forward to
welcoming you back very soon fora fresh new episode of let's
Talk to Animals.
Okay, all my love.
Bye for now.
I have so enjoyed sharing thisepisode with you.
If you're new to the let's Talkto Animals community and you've

(01:03:40):
enjoyed this episode, please doleave us a review on your
favorite streaming service ordrop a comment wherever you'd
like to listen.
I love to hear from you andyour feedback truly helps me
shape future episodes based onyour interests and needs.
If you're not already in myweekly love letters community,
head over toanimallovelanguagescom to opt in

(01:04:00):
.
Your welcome email will include$25 off your first pet session
with me and you'll be the firstto know when a new podcast
episode drops.
If you're interested inlearning more about the work I
do communicating with animals,offering pet Reiki and teaching
animal communication, pleasevisit me at
animallovelanguagescom.
Click on schedule for petsessions and programs for all

(01:04:23):
the information about my newanimal communication adventure
to mastery student program andthe live animal communication
practice circle.
I run for student practitionersand I look forward to welcoming
you back here very soon for afresh new episode of let's Talk
to Animals.
Okay, all my love.
Bye for now.

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Nervous System Co-Regulation for Pets and Their People

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