March 31, 2025 • 30 mins
What if your greatest struggles aren't character flaws, but simply responses to fear? In this transformative episode, I sit down with Rhonda Britton, the world's first television life coach and author of the bestselling book "Fearless Living," who shares her extraordinary journey from unimaginable tragedy to becoming a pioneer in fear mastery.
Rhonda's story begins at age 14 when she witnessed her father murder her mother before taking his own life. This devastating experience led her through alcoholism, multiple DUIs, and three suicide attempts before she discovered a path forward through an unexpectedly simple practice: giving herself gold stars on a calendar for even the smallest positive actions.
You'll discover Rhonda's groundbreaking "Wheel of Fear" and "Wheel of Freedom" frameworks that have helped countless people identify hidden fear patterns and break free from them. Rather than viewing behaviors like procrastination, perfectionism, and people-pleasing as character flaws, Rhonda reveals how they're actually signals that fear is operating in your life.
The conversation dives deep into how fear manifests differently for each person, why habitual negative behaviors are so hard to break, and practical approaches to recognize and transform your relationship with fear. Rhonda explains how accessing your "essential nature" – parts of yourself you may have hidden away long ago – is key to moving beyond limitation.
Whether you're struggling with self-doubt, feeling stuck in harmful patterns, or simply curious about how fear might be operating behind the scenes in your life, this conversation offers profound insights and practical tools to help you live with greater authenticity and purpose.
Subscribe now to join us on this journey of self-discovery and transformation. Together, we'll uncover the courage to face our fears and embrace our essential nature.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the let's Think About it podcast, where we
embark on a journey ofthoughtfulness and personal
growth.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, andI'm here to guide you through
thought-promoting discussionsthat will inspire you to unlock
your full potential.
In each episode, we'll explorea wide range of topics, from
self-discovery and mindfulnessto goal-setting and achieving
(00:33):
success.
Together, we'll challengeconventional thinking and dive
deep into the realms ofpossibility.
Whether you're looking to findclarity in your personal or
professional life, or seekingstrategies to overcome obstacles
, this podcast is your go-tosource for insightful
conversations and practicaladvice.
So find a comfortable spot,chill and let's embark on this
(00:57):
journey of self-improvementtogether.
Remember, the power oftransformation lies within you,
and together we'll uncover thetools and insights you need to
make it happen.
So let's dive in.
Welcome to another episode ofthe let's Think About it podcast
(01:20):
.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, andI'm here with another amazing
guest.
Her name is Rhonda Britton.
Rhonda, what's up?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Hey, coach Mo, I'm here, I'm fully ready.
I want to get the worldfearless.
I want to make everybodyrealize their true potential and
live the life they're soleintended.
So let's do this.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
That's what I want to hear.
What part of the country areyou in?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I live in Los Angeles , california.
We've just been through fires,we had mudslides, and I pray to
Lord Jesus we don't have anearthquake.
But all these predictions, likeall these people are going,
you're supposed to be a bigearthquake and I'm like, please,
lord, no, not today, not today.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
How's the family doing?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yep, some people.
I know people that have losttheir home, that lost everything
, and I actually was out withthem the other night and they're
renting a house in another areaof town and I said, well, are
you going to go back?
Are you going to build?
They're like no, we're going tonot go there ever again.
I think a lot of people aregoing to be leaving.
I think there's going to be asubstantial amount of people
that will leave LA because ofthis, because it's too much to
(02:25):
rebuild, it's too exhausting,it's too heartbreaking.
But then other people will comein and take their place and in
20 years it'll be back.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It'll take two decades probably.
That's unfortunate, but on apositive note, I have you here,
ready to rock and roll.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's right, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
So tell us who you are, what you do and the type of
value you bring.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Oh, come on.
Do you not know my valuealready?
I don't have to tell you that.
Come on now, all right.
So who am I?
Let's see, okay.
So I'm going to tell you mycredentials, because I know
that's what most people want tohear that I was the first life
coach on TV in the world.
I have 600 episodes under mybelt.
I won bestselling books.
My number one bestseller wasFearless Living sold over
150,000 copies translated into16 languages.
(03:06):
And I founded the FearlessLiving Institute, which
certifies coaches and, of course, also trains people on how to
master their own fear.
So I have a class calledFearless Living Transformation
Program and other programs.
So my number one goal is tosupport people in understanding
how fear works so they can thenmaster it.
Underneath that, I've got asecret mission going on that if
(03:30):
you really listen closely,you'll hear.
But the secret mission ishelping people understand how
they respond to the world, totheir human reality, and how do
they access their spiritualtruth.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Wow.
So I want to take a step back.
You help people overcome fear.
Look at it from that mind'sgrave.
How did you get there?
To develop that for yourselffirst.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh, let me tell you about the worst day of my life,
because that's where it allstarted, right?
I believe that the worst daysof our lives have the seed of
our destiny in it.
So I was 14 years old.
I grew up in a little tiny townin upper Michigan.
365 inches of snow a year andwe had two restaurants the fancy
Douglas house buffet and thebig boy no, mcdonald's that was
an hour and a half away.
We didn't have any fast food,any fancy things like that, and
(04:10):
my parents had recentlyseparated.
It was father's day and myfather was coming to take us out
to Sunday brunch.
So my mom's in her bedroom,she's putting on her blue
eyeshadow, puffing up herbeehive hairdo, and my sisters
are in the the bathroom fightingit out.
I have two sisters, onebathroom and my father walks in
the back door Come on, becausethat's what dads do and me and
my mom start walking out.
It starts raining.
My dad realizes he needs to gethis coat from the car.
(04:32):
He opens the trunk to grab hiscoat tan Naugahyde leisure suit
coat and as he opens the trunk Isee out of the corner of my eye
that he has not grabbed a coat,but he has grabbed a gun and he
starts yelling at my mother youmade me do this, you made me do
this.
And he fires.
And now I start screaming stop,dad.
What are you doing, dad?
Stop.
And he turns the gun, cocks itagain, points it at me and I
(04:53):
absolutely believe I'm next.
He blinks and then my mother,with her literal last breath,
screams out no, don't.
And my father, realizing mymother is still alive, takes
that bullet intended for me andshoots my mother a second time.
And that second bullet goesthrough my mother's abdomen, out
her back, lands in the car hornand all I hear for the next 20
minutes is and then my fatherpucks the gun one more time,
(05:16):
puts the gun to his head andfires.
So in a matter of two minutes, Iwas a sole witness of watching
my father murder my mother andcommit suicide in front of me.
I blamed myself because Ididn't do anything to stop him.
I didn't kick him in the shins,I didn't grab the gun, I didn't
jump in front of my mother, Idid nothing.
I just screamed stop, dad, stop.
That's all I did.
When you watch your mother dieand you don't save her, you
don't get to be happy ever again.
(05:36):
That's just off the table.
And that day I split into twothe outside, rhonda and the
inside, rhonda.
The outside, rhonda, I'm fine,no, I'm fine.
No, I'm good, I'm fine, I'mfine, I'm fine, I'm fine, fine,
fine.
And I don't think I'm the onlyperson alive that split into two
when they were growing up.
So I split into two and theinside of me that felt guilty,
ashamed, blamed myself, justtons of self-betrayal, beating
(05:57):
myself up to the hundredthdegree.
And so I went to college,started drinking, became an
alcoholic, got three DUIs, threesuicide attempts.
And it was that third suicideattempt that I realized
something, coach Mo, that I'mnot very good at killing myself.
I'm not skilled at it because Iwanted to die.
When I didn't die, I said tomyself what am I alive for and
why am I here Now?
During those years of alcoholism, duis and suicide attempts, I
(06:19):
was going to therapy, I wasgoing to workshops, I read books
, I did everything you'resupposed to do to help you heal,
and I had a lot of informationin my head.
Right, we all got thatinformation, a lot of tools and
information, but I still felt inthe middle of the night that
there was somethingfundamentally wrong with me.
Now, when you try to killyourself three times, they do
put you in a psychiatric wardfor evaluation.
I went, got evaluated theydeemed me not crazy Went back to
(06:42):
my home little tiny apartmentlived by myself and I said to
myself I've tried all thesethings to help me and none of it
got me over this feeling of notbeing good enough, like there's
something broken about me.
I'll never be able to recover.
So I said I have to start overbecause I'm not dying.
So I got to figure this out.
So I said what dokindergartners do?
(07:05):
They get gold stars and acalendar.
So I actually went to the store, bought gold stars, got a
calendar and for the next 30days I put a gold star on that
calendar for anything that I didat all good, anything that I
had hoped for, that I couldthink that I had worth to stay
alive.
And this was things like I gotmad and didn't break anything.
That's the level I was at.
And at the end of 30 days I hada calendar filled with gold
stars and that gave me the hope.
I didn't know what it was yet.
I didn't know what was going totranspire in the next few years
(07:25):
, but I just knew that there wasa purpose for me.
I didn't know what it was, butI knew that I had to keep going
and keep growing and keepfiguring this out, because I had
to be ready when it appeared.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's amazing.
You are an amazing person.
You said the gold stars rightwhen you went through that
process and let's just say, yougot to day 30, the end of the
month, and you see this calendarof gold stars that you've
created.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah, what did?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
that do for your mindset.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
I was so proud of myself and it also let me know
that I could change.
I could change because I onlygave myself gold stars for
anything that I did good,anything that I made an effort
at, anything that anywillingness to change right.
So at the end of those 30 days,it was like a proof to myself,
cause that's one of the thingsthat I know, coach Mo, is people
(08:13):
do not keep track of the thingsthat they do well, the changes
they make.
They don't really keep a goodtrack of that.
What they do keep track of isall the ways they don't, all the
ways they fail.
They have those at an instantright, but ask me, the last time
you took a risk, tell me, thelast time you actually made an
effort.
You weren't successful, but youmade the effort Because in
fearless living, I don't care ifyou have a new thought that
(08:35):
lasts one second.
Wow, yay, you had a new thoughtfor one second.
Okay, it disappeared, butthat's okay, you'll get it back.
You'll get a better one backand that will last for five
seconds and pretty soon it'sgoing to be three minutes and
pretty soon it's going to be theway you say.
I'm a big believer in movementforward.
I don't care if it's a second,I don't care if it's a minute, I
don't care if you do it onceand you give up, that's okay.
(08:56):
You did it once because that ishow we build up our momentum
and how we build up our beliefin ourselves that, yes, I am
capable of change, I am capableof making different choices.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
But let me go here with you because those are all
very great points.
Let's look at the habit of thespace that you were in when you
were drinking, trying to killyourself and things like that.
Those are not the killing part,but let's just say the
alcoholism.
That's an easy habit to adoptbecause in your mindset, in our
mindset, drinking helps cure thepain that you might be feeling.
(09:29):
Right, that's right.
And it easily becomes a habitand just becomes autopilot the
thing to do.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Right, that's right.
I drink, to drink.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, and then you had, like you said, the last
suicide attempt and then youwent through the star process
right that actually created ahabit process right that
actually created a habit.
Too right Of tracking that.
So, now you had this old habitof the way you've been and now
you're trying to adapt this newhabit.
Did you have the urge to goback to the old habits or how
(10:02):
did you propel forward to avoidgoing back to the old habit?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
You're asking really great questions.
I love these questions.
You bring up something so vitalbecause when we do start a new
habit, a new way of behaving, itis seductive to go backwards.
Right, it is seductive.
And it's seductive because manyof your friends and family,
even though they might not haveliked that habit, they knew you
in that habit and now you'redoing this other habit I don't
know if they like you too muchbecause now you're talking up
(10:29):
and now you're saying things andnow you're changing your mind
and now you're making choice andnow you feel empowered.
That's not exactly easy to dealwith, because now I can't
control you, I can't manipulateyou, I can't get you to people,
please, so that they want tochange.
But they don't have thecommunication skills, they don't
(10:49):
have the skill, they don't havethe courage, they don't have
the words, they don't have theability yet to know wait, what's
mine and what's theirs.
They're too enmeshed so theycan't escape that.
And I, a friend of mine Godbless him I was at work and it
was cocktail waitressing in arestaurant cocktail waitressing,
and he said to me Rhonda,you're going to be really
successful one day, but you'regoing to lose it all.
And I'm like what he goes.
(11:09):
Yeah, because when you drink,it only gets worse, it only the
habit gets worse.
And I was like that's not goingto happen to me because we're
all in denial.
Right, that's not going tohappen to me.
So I made a bet with him.
I said I'm going to prove toyou I'm not an alcoholic, right,
because I'm so arrogant.
Right, I only going to have onedrink a day.
Right, now, again, that alsotells you I'm an alcoholic,
(11:30):
because I don't say no drinks aday, I say one drink a day.
Right, I will have one drink aday and I will prove.
Because if I can have one drinka day, then I don't have a
drinking problem.
Right, well, and he's like okay, so I start the one drink a day
, the alcohol.
Having one drink a day was easy.
I could do that because Iwasn't physically addicted to
the alcohol in any big way.
(11:51):
But what made me finally quitwas the realization that my
whole day was occupied with whenI was going to have this one
drink.
Was it going to be at lunch,brunch, was it going to be at
happy hour?
Was it going to be at dinner?
Was it going to be after dinner?
Was it going to be.
When I went to bed, literallymy whole day was spent trying to
(12:11):
come up with the optimal time,and you and I both know that
when you are so obsessed withtrying to keep something in play
, you know you have a problem.
So that's what made me realizethat I had to quit drinking.
So, about 30 days, I told himI'd do it for 30 days.
30 days I went oh, I am analcoholic, because I can't quit
thinking about it.
So that gave me the courage toquit.
Now I'm the type of person thatI go, like most people, you make
(12:35):
a new habit and you go back andforth.
Right, you do it, you don't doit, you do it, you don't do it,
you do it, you don't do it.
You can kind of go back andforth.
Well, there has to be a momentand this is true for me that
there has to be You're going todecide on your identity.
You're going to decide at howyou want to talk about yourself
now and in the future.
And I remember saying to myselfI am never going to drink again
(12:56):
, even though I wanted to drink.
Every part of me wanted todrink.
I knew that every bad choice Iever made was based on drinking
and I knew every time I got introuble with a man one of my
boyfriends it was because ofdrinking.
So that gave me the courage toquit.
And when I quit, there were onlya few times in the first three
months that I thought about itin any real way.
My same friend who keptpointing out that I might have a
(13:16):
drinking problem.
I was at work again with himand the manager wouldn't give me
a day off that I wanted.
And so I go to the bar nextdoor and I am really mad.
She, how did she?
And my friend Bill, this guy,he'd made me promise that before
I have a drink I'll call him.
So I already was at the bar inorder to be 52 shot, because I
was gonna have that be 52because I was so upset.
(13:38):
And so I call him and I say gotb52 here.
I said I'd call you.
So here I'm calling you, okay,and he goes.
Okay, ronda, I'm gonna tell youone thing.
Can I ask you one thing?
If you have that drink, if youhave that drink, that means our
boss is in charge of your life.
And I went, excuse me, what'dyou say?
He goes.
If you have that drink.
She's controlling you.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh, that's powerful.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
That just pissed me off some more, but I did not
have that drink.
And I think about that forbecause now I don't think about
it at all, but the first yearyou're thinking about it,
obviously, and every time Ithought about drinking I thought
if I have that drink, thatsituation, that person, that
mood, whatever it was, that mademe think about drinking, I said
(14:19):
then that's running my life andI decided I'm never, ever going
to let anything else run mylife.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, so that concept of you're not going to let
anything control me how did thatplay into your fears moving
forward?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
that's a really good question, because back then I
didn't even know I had fear.
I was in complete denial, andthis is where I come up with my
list.
Even then I was giving up, whenI was giving up drinking, even
when I was 14, 15, 16, after myparents said I would have never
said I'm scared, not one time.
Those words don't come out ofmy mouth I am not afraid.
If you would have asked me ifI'm afraid, I would have looked
at you like what are you talkingabout?
(14:51):
I'm not afraid.
So I had no concept of howafraid I was, because I had no
relationship to the words I'mafraid or I'm scared, none.
So I walked around the worldthinking I had no fear.
I really did.
And I think a lot of people arelike me.
People say to me me out, I'mnot afraid.
(15:13):
I'm like, yeah, you are, yeah,you are here, let me give you a
quiz.
And so then I pull out my goodold fearless living book.
Read this lovely list to them.
And I'm going to read it to youright now.
And if whoever's listening tous right now, if you can close
your eyes, please do and nodyour head.
You can't close your eyesbecause you're driving, please
don't.
And then, as I read this listof words, nod your head if you
do any of these things or feelany of these things.
So do you ever deny yourself?
Do you ever pretendeverything's okay when it's not?
(15:33):
Do you ever hide out?
Do you ever whine?
Do you ever settle?
Do you ever compare?
Do you ever manipulate secretly?
Do you ever get defensive?
Do you ever judge?
Do you ever complain?
Do you ever procrastinate?
Do you ever worry?
What about struggle and blame?
Do you ever wait and call itpatient?
What about deflecting or tryingto control?
Do you ever feel bitter?
What about powerless?
What about dissatisfied orresentful or entitled?
(15:54):
What about guilty ordisappointment?
Are you ever a perfectionist,people pleaser?
Do you feel indifferent?
Do you get irritated, like nowI'm reading this list of words?
Do you ever feel ignored,betrayed, overwhelmed, annoyed,
victimized?
Yeah, pretty much so.
When I talk to a room, whetherit's a thousand or 10 people,
most people, I would say 99% ofthe room pretty much has almost
(16:16):
all of them.
And these words people think aretheir character flaws.
Oh, I wish I wasn't a peopleplayer.
Oh my God, I have to quitcomparing.
Oh my God, I have to quitjudging.
I'm so horrible.
Oh, my God, I got to quit doingthat.
We judge ourself based on thesebehaviors, these feelings we
have, these actions and reallywhat they are, coach Mo, is
their fear responses.
They're just signals that fearis on patrol, right?
So when you try to control,you're afraid.
(16:37):
When you're procrastinating,there's a fear.
When you're people-pleasing,there's a fear, right.
So people do characterassassinations.
They say, oh, I wish I couldnot quit doing these things.
What's wrong with me?
Instead of there's nothingwrong with you, there's nothing
wrong with you at all, it's fear.
But you can see it, yeah that'sright.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
They're on autopilot that they don't even realize it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That's right and that's why I created the wheel
of fear and the wheel of freedom, coach Mo.
That's why I created the toolsto help suss that baby out, get
it out of hiding, so you couldsee it plain as day, so you can
see your fear.
You know what it looks like,you know what it sounds like,
you know the label on it.
Because we all have a specificfear and we go through the wheel
(17:20):
of fear.
We map your fear, basicallychart your fear, and then, from
now on, when you're seeing thosefear responses, you go oh okay,
wait a minute, I'm not a badperson, I'm not weak, I'm not
stupid, I'm not selfish.
Right, wait a minute, my fearis on patrol.
Okay, why does fear go onpatrol?
Because you're doing differentFear doesn't bug you when you're
(17:41):
on the couch eating Doritos,exactly, and I try to walk the
talk and because I carry fearstoo.
Fear is part of ourneurobiology.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Exactly Getting rid of it.
But here's how I learned tonavigate that Acknowledge it, I
embrace it.
I'm afraid I'm not feelingreally comfortable about going
into this meeting or I'm aboutto go speak on this engagement.
I'm feeling like crazy nervous.
I acknowledge, yeah, I'mnervous right now, but I'm going
to kick some ass.
Yeah, that's right, you juststep in it and then it just
(18:11):
disappears and then you back toyour normal self.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
That's a hard leap for many people not
understanding how fear works andseeing the process to do what
you're saying.
You're spot on.
It's too big of a leap.
It's I can't.
I don't got that in me.
I don't got it in me.
So when you see your wheel offear and the four components,
and that it's a mechanism andyou see how it operates, then
that gives you the courage andthe fortitude to then do what
you're talking about, becausenow you see how it operates and,
(18:36):
more importantly, you knowwhat's coming.
If you don't because there is apath If you don't get off that
wheel of fear, you're going tosee what's coming.
See what's coming.
You're like holy crapola, Idon't want that to come.
So then that gives you thecourage and the fortitude and
the understanding to actuallytake the risks that you're dying
to take in your life.
And then, more importantly, notonly the wheel of fear, but you
also have a wheel of freedom.
(18:57):
So the wheel of freedom is whatyou're gonna access in order to
help you get off the wheel offear.
Now you've come up with yourown way of doing it, which is
awesome, and then for manypeople, they just aren't able to
do that because they need morecontext, they need more
understanding, they need morehard data, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Let me ask you this how do you help people
incorporate more gratitude tohelp offset everything that you
were talking about around fear?
How is gratitude incorporated?
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Gratitude is a proactive behavior.
So on the wheel of freedom.
So we have the wheel of fearand there's fear responses,
which are what I read to you,and we each have a core fear
that gets ignited and causes us,gives us permission to do these
fear responses.
Because those fear responsesare being done to avoid this
core negative feeling over here,because we don't want to feel
this feeling, we don't want tofeel bad, we don't want to feel
worthless, we don't want to feelthat feeling.
(19:43):
So we think, oh, if I justpeople please, if I just
procrastinate, I won't have tofeel that feeling.
But now we know, oh crap, I'mgoing to feel the feeling If I
do any of these fear responses.
Now you're going to go to yourwheel of freedom.
Now the wheel of freedom has,just like the core fear, it has
what I call essential nature,that part of you that got cut
off a long time ago because itwasn't safe.
(20:05):
Now you have that.
In the areas where you're orderto access your essential nature
, you have things calledproactive behaviors, and those
proactive behaviors arebasically the wind beneath our
wings, right, they're the thingsthat help us trust ourselves,
believe in ourselves, keep usmoving forward on our wheel of
freedom, and one of those isgratitude, another one is
acknowledgments, right.
Another one is intentionstatements, another one is deep
(20:25):
breathing, and we all have.
Many of us have five or ten thesame, but then many of us have
other things that are veryunique to us.
So that's why the wheels arevery different and you might
have a different essentialnature than I would, and then
you might have a different corefear than I do that's great, and
so I like that, because it'sspecific to the individual right
.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
that's right and personalized, and they're
attaching their meaning to thewheel and from there that's
where the growth happens.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's unique, it's personal, it's about you and you
fill out the, you fill in thewheel.
Now we work together, whetherit's in class or through my book
or however, to come up withyour core fear and to come up
with your essential nature,because those things are very
well hidden, Like you saidearlier.
Right, those things are justautomatic hidden.
We want to bring them out tothe light so they no longer
(21:13):
trick us.
So I've created a series ofexercises to put people through
so that they can discover whatthat fear is, uncover it right
through a series of exercises.
And the same thing withessential nature this thing you
hid away a long time ago becauseit wasn't safe to express that.
And when you start feeling thewholeness of who you are, things
that used to be hard becomevery easy because you have all
of you.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
What was the click for you when you decided that I
need to help people in the worldlearn what I've learned for
myself?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Are you ready for a woo-woo story, coach Mo, yeah,
do you like woo-woo stories?
Because this is woo Okay,because I would have never done
this, never in a million years.
I owned a little PR company,worked with solo entrepreneurs,
way of the day, and one of myclients was one of the very
first life coaches and he wouldalways say to me Rhonda, you're
going to be a better coach thanme.
And I'd be like don't think so,because remember the three
suicide attempts, the three DUIsand the alcoholism?
(22:02):
I don't think so.
I'm not no role model and Iwould say that to him all the
time you are nutso, nobody's gotto listen to me.
But he would always say thatand I was in school at the time,
going through a four-yearspiritual practitioner training
program, basically becoming aspiritual counselor.
But I never wanted to haveclients, I just was doing it for
myself.
And so I'm at his office oneday.
I'm sitting on the couch, he'sstanding up on the board and
(22:33):
we're brainstorm and we're likeand we're creating things.
And this is the woo woo part.
To the corner on my right to,ceiling opens up, a cloud comes
out, a book is on it and thebook goes like this I'm not
kidding.
It goes down on the cloud andthe cloud goes back in the
ceiling and, mo, I'm like this,what just happened?
And then I literally did notthink it was me.
You know how you're in front ofa puddle and it splashes you.
I just thought I got somesplash on me that wasn't for me.
So I turn around to see whocame in, like it must be for
that person, and there's nobodyback there, and so I'm like what
the heck?
So I look at Paul over there,my client, and he's writing on
(22:56):
the board doing his stuff.
He has no clue what justhappened.
And, thank God, the very nextday I had an appointment with my
mentor of my spiritualcounseling program and I ran in
there and I'm like, uh, okay,this thing happened.
The sky opened up, the ceilingopened up, a book came out in a
cloud, right, right Like it'slike what just happened?
(23:18):
The download I got.
So I got a download.
Download was I got the answersto every question I'd ever asked
.
I knew everything abouteverything and I was told now
you must go teach.
And so I'm telling this to myspiritual, my minister,
(23:54):
no-transcript.
So it started swirling aroundand six months later, seven
months later, whatever one of myfriends I was trying to enroll
her in Paul's class.
I was like, oh, we created thisreally cool class.
Paul's a genius, you really gotto take his class.
And she goes why don't youcoach me?
Yeah, I want you to coach me.
(24:14):
So I was like what the hay, Ican't coach you.
And she's like, yeah, I wantyou to be my coach.
And I'm like, oh my God.
So at that moment I knew it wasan intervention from God himself
to get me to do it.
So I started coaching her.
Trust me, I would run to Paulafter every session and go.
She said this.
I said this.
She said this.
I said this.
She said this.
I said that what do I do now?
What do I do now?
And then, after about six,eight months, I was like what to
(24:35):
do?
Nevermind, I know what to do.
And I started trusting thatvoice within me.
I tried and started trustingthe knowledge I gained.
I started trusting that and theminute was really like
immediate.
And then I was fully in.
Then I was fully in and Istarted coaching.
And then, after I startedcoaching, that same client, that
(24:55):
evil person, that same client ayear later or two years later
was like hey, will you come andteach this to my work people?
And I'm like, no, I'll teachyou how to do it.
I do one-on-one coaching.
I don't teach.
And so of course I tried toteach her how to do it and she
couldn't get it.
So then I said, okay, I'mcoming in one time and then
that's it.
Don't ever ask me again.
(25:15):
And then I went up, I went andfour people so it's four little
people, a little whiteboard andI started, and about 15 minutes
in, I was like this is the bestthing ever.
And then, so when I teach, thenit's like I like a couple
months later I'm like, well, I'mgoing to teach, I've got to
teach workshops, I've got tostart speaking because I've got
to get people to come to myworkshops.
So then I start speaking.
And then of course and the bookcame later after that but I
(25:38):
didn't want to do any of thesethings.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's amazing 30 years.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It's going to be 30 years this year.
Can you believe it?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Wow, what's next?
What's next for you?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Well, I'm really excited because I'm actually so
this whole 30 years.
I've been training coaches,since 2000.
So for the last 25 years I'vebeen training coaches and I've
never figured out a way how Ican teach what I do to coaches
that are already certified ortherapists that are already have
their degrees.
But I want to give them my tool.
So this year I'm launching notone, but two certifications.
The first one is going to be atool certification and I have
(26:10):
created 40 tools and conceptsthat you can personalize with
your own stuff.
Right, and I'm giving youdo-it-yourself packages.
I'm going to show you exactlyhow to do these at workshops or
as speaking events, likewhatever you need to do, and you
can use my material and learnthe tools and concepts I use
with my coaches and my clients.
So that's going to be launching, coming up in early summer,
(26:31):
probably sometime in the summer,and I'm super excited about
that because now I can.
I'm creating something calledthe fearless coaching alliance,
so any coach, any therapist,anyone that does any of my work
can now join that alliance.
I love coaching coaches, so Ilove when a coach brings me a
problem with a client.
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited, sowe'll be doing some of that
coaching for the FearlessCoaching Alliance.
(26:51):
And then the next thing I'mgoing to be launching probably
more in the fall will be theFearless Skills Certification.
So I created eight skills thatI've been teaching my coaches
for 25 years, but I startedteaching other coaches at just a
little bit, and every time Iteach it to coaches they always
go this is a game changer.
So now I have surrendered andbeen like you know what I got to
get that out?
(27:11):
I got to get that out.
So there's going to be a skillcertification too, so you don't
have to become a certifiedfearless living coach.
You could just become skillcertified or tool certified,
depending on what your anxiousis and what your interest is.
And then the last thing which isgoing to be launched sooner in
the next couple of months isgoing to be a podcast just for
coaches.
It is a secret podcast and I'mgoing to basically share every
(27:33):
single thing I know aboutcoaching coaching technique,
coaching tools, coaching skills,coaching wisdom, coaching
secrets, give you examples ofhow I coach.
You are going to get it all,and it's going to be a podcast
to help people become bettercoaches.
Awesome, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I'm excited for you.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Thank you, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
As we get ready to close out, how can my listeners
find?
Speaker 2 (27:54):
you Go to fearlesslivingorg and I'd love
to give your listeners a freegift.
It is one of my favorite toolsthat my clients and students
love.
It helps cure procrastination.
It will totally cureprocrastination.
It'll give you so much timeback you won't believe it.
So go over to fearlesslivingorg, forward, slash risk, r-i-s-k.
And you're going to put yourname and your email in and
(28:15):
you're going to get access tothe platform with this class in
it, and the class is only three15-minute videos.
It's got a workbook, it's gotexamples, so you know how to do
it and and what's stopping youfrom making those dreams happen,
and so I'm going to show youhow to do that.
(28:37):
And then, at the end of videothree, I share the wheel of fear
in more detail, so you'llactually see the wheel of fear
in motion, so you'll be able tosee that as well.
So go over to fearlesslivingorg, forward, slash risk and grab
that course and do it in thenext 24 hours.
It's only 45 minutes.
Come on now.
You can do it Great.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
That's great.
I love that.
I'm going to tap into it, bythe way.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Good skill to have for your toolkit.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Lastly, any final thoughts for the audience.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
And I want them to soak this into their bones.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just fear.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just fear.
Beating yourself up is thenumber one tool uses.
It spins that wheel around.
It's just like oil on the wheel.
So every time you beat yourselfup, put yourself down and
believe you are at fault oryou're the one that's wrong or
(29:18):
bad or whatever you say.
There's nothing wrong with you,it's just fear.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
There it is, Ms Rhonda Britton.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for droppinghuge nuggets.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Thank you.
It's been a pleasure, coach Mo.
I love it, and let's help theworld get fearless.
I'm going to have to bring youback, back, baby, let's do it,
bring me back.
Part two.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Thank you for joining me in this episode of let's
Think About it.
Your time and attention aregreatly appreciated.
If you found value in today'sdiscussion, I encourage you to
subscribe on your favoritepodcast platform.
Remember, the journey ofself-improvement is ongoing and
I'm here to support you everystep of the way.
Connect with me on social mediafor updates and insights.
(30:06):
You can find me on Instagramand Facebook, at Coach Mo,
coaching or LinkedIn, at MauriceMabry, or visit my website at
mauricemabrycom for exclusivecontent.
Until next time, keepreflecting, keep growing and,
most importantly, keep believingin yourself.
(30:27):
Remember, the most effectiveway to do it is to do it
Together.
We're making incredible stridestoward a better and more
empowered you, so thank you, andI'll see you in our next
episode.
Welcome to the let's Think About it podcast, where we
embark on a journey ofthoughtfulness and personal
growth.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, andI'm here to guide you through
thought-promoting discussionsthat will inspire you to unlock
your full potential.
In each episode, we'll explorea wide range of topics, from
self-discovery and mindfulnessto goal-setting and achieving
(00:33):
success.
Together, we'll challengeconventional thinking and dive
deep into the realms ofpossibility.
Whether you're looking to findclarity in your personal or
professional life, or seekingstrategies to overcome obstacles
, this podcast is your go-tosource for insightful
conversations and practicaladvice.
So find a comfortable spot,chill and let's embark on this
(00:57):
journey of self-improvementtogether.
Remember, the power oftransformation lies within you,
and together we'll uncover thetools and insights you need to
make it happen.
So let's dive in.
Welcome to another episode ofthe let's Think About it podcast
(01:20):
.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, andI'm here with another amazing
guest.
Her name is Rhonda Britton.
Rhonda, what's up?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Hey, coach Mo, I'm here, I'm fully ready.
I want to get the worldfearless.
I want to make everybodyrealize their true potential and
live the life they're soleintended.
So let's do this.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
That's what I want to hear.
What part of the country areyou in?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I live in Los Angeles , california.
We've just been through fires,we had mudslides, and I pray to
Lord Jesus we don't have anearthquake.
But all these predictions, likeall these people are going,
you're supposed to be a bigearthquake and I'm like, please,
lord, no, not today, not today.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
How's the family doing?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yep, some people.
I know people that have losttheir home, that lost everything
, and I actually was out withthem the other night and they're
renting a house in another areaof town and I said, well, are
you going to go back?
Are you going to build?
They're like no, we're going tonot go there ever again.
I think a lot of people aregoing to be leaving.
I think there's going to be asubstantial amount of people
that will leave LA because ofthis, because it's too much to
(02:25):
rebuild, it's too exhausting,it's too heartbreaking.
But then other people will comein and take their place and in
20 years it'll be back.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It'll take two decades probably.
That's unfortunate, but on apositive note, I have you here,
ready to rock and roll.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
That's right, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
So tell us who you are, what you do and the type of
value you bring.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Oh, come on.
Do you not know my valuealready?
I don't have to tell you that.
Come on now, all right.
So who am I?
Let's see, okay.
So I'm going to tell you mycredentials, because I know
that's what most people want tohear that I was the first life
coach on TV in the world.
I have 600 episodes under mybelt.
I won bestselling books.
My number one bestseller wasFearless Living sold over
150,000 copies translated into16 languages.
(03:06):
And I founded the FearlessLiving Institute, which
certifies coaches and, of course, also trains people on how to
master their own fear.
So I have a class calledFearless Living Transformation
Program and other programs.
So my number one goal is tosupport people in understanding
how fear works so they can thenmaster it.
Underneath that, I've got asecret mission going on that if
(03:30):
you really listen closely,you'll hear.
But the secret mission ishelping people understand how
they respond to the world, totheir human reality, and how do
they access their spiritualtruth.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Wow.
So I want to take a step back.
You help people overcome fear.
Look at it from that mind'sgrave.
How did you get there?
To develop that for yourselffirst.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh, let me tell you about the worst day of my life,
because that's where it allstarted, right?
I believe that the worst daysof our lives have the seed of
our destiny in it.
So I was 14 years old.
I grew up in a little tiny townin upper Michigan.
365 inches of snow a year andwe had two restaurants the fancy
Douglas house buffet and thebig boy no, mcdonald's that was
an hour and a half away.
We didn't have any fast food,any fancy things like that, and
(04:10):
my parents had recentlyseparated.
It was father's day and myfather was coming to take us out
to Sunday brunch.
So my mom's in her bedroom,she's putting on her blue
eyeshadow, puffing up herbeehive hairdo, and my sisters
are in the the bathroom fightingit out.
I have two sisters, onebathroom and my father walks in
the back door Come on, becausethat's what dads do and me and
my mom start walking out.
It starts raining.
My dad realizes he needs to gethis coat from the car.
(04:32):
He opens the trunk to grab hiscoat tan Naugahyde leisure suit
coat and as he opens the trunk Isee out of the corner of my eye
that he has not grabbed a coat,but he has grabbed a gun and he
starts yelling at my mother youmade me do this, you made me do
this.
And he fires.
And now I start screaming stop,dad.
What are you doing, dad?
Stop.
And he turns the gun, cocks itagain, points it at me and I
(04:53):
absolutely believe I'm next.
He blinks and then my mother,with her literal last breath,
screams out no, don't.
And my father, realizing mymother is still alive, takes
that bullet intended for me andshoots my mother a second time.
And that second bullet goesthrough my mother's abdomen, out
her back, lands in the car hornand all I hear for the next 20
minutes is and then my fatherpucks the gun one more time,
(05:16):
puts the gun to his head andfires.
So in a matter of two minutes, Iwas a sole witness of watching
my father murder my mother andcommit suicide in front of me.
I blamed myself because Ididn't do anything to stop him.
I didn't kick him in the shins,I didn't grab the gun, I didn't
jump in front of my mother, Idid nothing.
I just screamed stop, dad, stop.
That's all I did.
When you watch your mother dieand you don't save her, you
don't get to be happy ever again.
(05:36):
That's just off the table.
And that day I split into twothe outside, rhonda and the
inside, rhonda.
The outside, rhonda, I'm fine,no, I'm fine.
No, I'm good, I'm fine, I'mfine, I'm fine, I'm fine, fine,
fine.
And I don't think I'm the onlyperson alive that split into two
when they were growing up.
So I split into two and theinside of me that felt guilty,
ashamed, blamed myself, justtons of self-betrayal, beating
(05:57):
myself up to the hundredthdegree.
And so I went to college,started drinking, became an
alcoholic, got three DUIs, threesuicide attempts.
And it was that third suicideattempt that I realized
something, coach Mo, that I'mnot very good at killing myself.
I'm not skilled at it because Iwanted to die.
When I didn't die, I said tomyself what am I alive for and
why am I here Now?
During those years of alcoholism, duis and suicide attempts, I
(06:19):
was going to therapy, I wasgoing to workshops, I read books
, I did everything you'resupposed to do to help you heal,
and I had a lot of informationin my head.
Right, we all got thatinformation, a lot of tools and
information, but I still felt inthe middle of the night that
there was somethingfundamentally wrong with me.
Now, when you try to killyourself three times, they do
put you in a psychiatric wardfor evaluation.
I went, got evaluated theydeemed me not crazy Went back to
(06:42):
my home little tiny apartmentlived by myself and I said to
myself I've tried all thesethings to help me and none of it
got me over this feeling of notbeing good enough, like there's
something broken about me.
I'll never be able to recover.
So I said I have to start overbecause I'm not dying.
So I got to figure this out.
So I said what dokindergartners do?
(07:05):
They get gold stars and acalendar.
So I actually went to the store, bought gold stars, got a
calendar and for the next 30days I put a gold star on that
calendar for anything that I didat all good, anything that I
had hoped for, that I couldthink that I had worth to stay
alive.
And this was things like I gotmad and didn't break anything.
That's the level I was at.
And at the end of 30 days I hada calendar filled with gold
stars and that gave me the hope.
I didn't know what it was yet.
I didn't know what was going totranspire in the next few years
(07:25):
, but I just knew that there wasa purpose for me.
I didn't know what it was, butI knew that I had to keep going
and keep growing and keepfiguring this out, because I had
to be ready when it appeared.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's amazing.
You are an amazing person.
You said the gold stars rightwhen you went through that
process and let's just say, yougot to day 30, the end of the
month, and you see this calendarof gold stars that you've
created.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah, what did?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
that do for your mindset.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
I was so proud of myself and it also let me know
that I could change.
I could change because I onlygave myself gold stars for
anything that I did good,anything that I made an effort
at, anything that anywillingness to change right.
So at the end of those 30 days,it was like a proof to myself,
cause that's one of the thingsthat I know, coach Mo, is people
(08:13):
do not keep track of the thingsthat they do well, the changes
they make.
They don't really keep a goodtrack of that.
What they do keep track of isall the ways they don't, all the
ways they fail.
They have those at an instantright, but ask me, the last time
you took a risk, tell me, thelast time you actually made an
effort.
You weren't successful, but youmade the effort Because in
fearless living, I don't care ifyou have a new thought that
(08:35):
lasts one second.
Wow, yay, you had a new thoughtfor one second.
Okay, it disappeared, butthat's okay, you'll get it back.
You'll get a better one backand that will last for five
seconds and pretty soon it'sgoing to be three minutes and
pretty soon it's going to be theway you say.
I'm a big believer in movementforward.
I don't care if it's a second,I don't care if it's a minute, I
don't care if you do it onceand you give up, that's okay.
(08:56):
You did it once because that ishow we build up our momentum
and how we build up our beliefin ourselves that, yes, I am
capable of change, I am capableof making different choices.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
But let me go here with you because those are all
very great points.
Let's look at the habit of thespace that you were in when you
were drinking, trying to killyourself and things like that.
Those are not the killing part,but let's just say the
alcoholism.
That's an easy habit to adoptbecause in your mindset, in our
mindset, drinking helps cure thepain that you might be feeling.
(09:29):
Right, that's right.
And it easily becomes a habitand just becomes autopilot the
thing to do.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Right, that's right.
I drink, to drink.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, and then you had, like you said, the last
suicide attempt and then youwent through the star process
right that actually created ahabit process right that
actually created a habit.
Too right Of tracking that.
So, now you had this old habitof the way you've been and now
you're trying to adapt this newhabit.
Did you have the urge to goback to the old habits or how
(10:02):
did you propel forward to avoidgoing back to the old habit?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
You're asking really great questions.
I love these questions.
You bring up something so vitalbecause when we do start a new
habit, a new way of behaving, itis seductive to go backwards.
Right, it is seductive.
And it's seductive because manyof your friends and family,
even though they might not haveliked that habit, they knew you
in that habit and now you'redoing this other habit I don't
know if they like you too muchbecause now you're talking up
(10:29):
and now you're saying things andnow you're changing your mind
and now you're making choice andnow you feel empowered.
That's not exactly easy to dealwith, because now I can't
control you, I can't manipulateyou, I can't get you to people,
please, so that they want tochange.
But they don't have thecommunication skills, they don't
(10:49):
have the skill, they don't havethe courage, they don't have
the words, they don't have theability yet to know wait, what's
mine and what's theirs.
They're too enmeshed so theycan't escape that.
And I, a friend of mine Godbless him I was at work and it
was cocktail waitressing in arestaurant cocktail waitressing,
and he said to me Rhonda,you're going to be really
successful one day, but you'regoing to lose it all.
And I'm like what he goes.
(11:09):
Yeah, because when you drink,it only gets worse, it only the
habit gets worse.
And I was like that's not goingto happen to me because we're
all in denial.
Right, that's not going tohappen to me.
So I made a bet with him.
I said I'm going to prove toyou I'm not an alcoholic, right,
because I'm so arrogant.
Right, I only going to have onedrink a day.
Right, now, again, that alsotells you I'm an alcoholic,
(11:30):
because I don't say no drinks aday, I say one drink a day.
Right, I will have one drink aday and I will prove.
Because if I can have one drinka day, then I don't have a
drinking problem.
Right, well, and he's like okay, so I start the one drink a day
, the alcohol.
Having one drink a day was easy.
I could do that because Iwasn't physically addicted to
the alcohol in any big way.
(11:51):
But what made me finally quitwas the realization that my
whole day was occupied with whenI was going to have this one
drink.
Was it going to be at lunch,brunch, was it going to be at
happy hour?
Was it going to be at dinner?
Was it going to be after dinner?
Was it going to be.
When I went to bed, literallymy whole day was spent trying to
(12:11):
come up with the optimal time,and you and I both know that
when you are so obsessed withtrying to keep something in play
, you know you have a problem.
So that's what made me realizethat I had to quit drinking.
So, about 30 days, I told himI'd do it for 30 days.
30 days I went oh, I am analcoholic, because I can't quit
thinking about it.
So that gave me the courage toquit.
Now I'm the type of person thatI go, like most people, you make
(12:35):
a new habit and you go back andforth.
Right, you do it, you don't doit, you do it, you don't do it,
you do it, you don't do it.
You can kind of go back andforth.
Well, there has to be a momentand this is true for me that
there has to be You're going todecide on your identity.
You're going to decide at howyou want to talk about yourself
now and in the future.
And I remember saying to myselfI am never going to drink again
(12:56):
, even though I wanted to drink.
Every part of me wanted todrink.
I knew that every bad choice Iever made was based on drinking
and I knew every time I got introuble with a man one of my
boyfriends it was because ofdrinking.
So that gave me the courage toquit.
And when I quit, there were onlya few times in the first three
months that I thought about itin any real way.
My same friend who keptpointing out that I might have a
(13:16):
drinking problem.
I was at work again with himand the manager wouldn't give me
a day off that I wanted.
And so I go to the bar nextdoor and I am really mad.
She, how did she?
And my friend Bill, this guy,he'd made me promise that before
I have a drink I'll call him.
So I already was at the bar inorder to be 52 shot, because I
was gonna have that be 52because I was so upset.
(13:38):
And so I call him and I say gotb52 here.
I said I'd call you.
So here I'm calling you, okay,and he goes.
Okay, ronda, I'm gonna tell youone thing.
Can I ask you one thing?
If you have that drink, if youhave that drink, that means our
boss is in charge of your life.
And I went, excuse me, what'dyou say?
He goes.
If you have that drink.
She's controlling you.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Oh, that's powerful.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
That just pissed me off some more, but I did not
have that drink.
And I think about that forbecause now I don't think about
it at all, but the first yearyou're thinking about it,
obviously, and every time Ithought about drinking I thought
if I have that drink, thatsituation, that person, that
mood, whatever it was, that mademe think about drinking, I said
(14:19):
then that's running my life andI decided I'm never, ever going
to let anything else run mylife.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Okay, so that concept of you're not going to let
anything control me how did thatplay into your fears moving
forward?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
that's a really good question, because back then I
didn't even know I had fear.
I was in complete denial, andthis is where I come up with my
list.
Even then I was giving up, whenI was giving up drinking, even
when I was 14, 15, 16, after myparents said I would have never
said I'm scared, not one time.
Those words don't come out ofmy mouth I am not afraid.
If you would have asked me ifI'm afraid, I would have looked
at you like what are you talkingabout?
(14:51):
I'm not afraid.
So I had no concept of howafraid I was, because I had no
relationship to the words I'mafraid or I'm scared, none.
So I walked around the worldthinking I had no fear.
I really did.
And I think a lot of people arelike me.
People say to me me out, I'mnot afraid.
(15:13):
I'm like, yeah, you are, yeah,you are here, let me give you a
quiz.
And so then I pull out my goodold fearless living book.
Read this lovely list to them.
And I'm going to read it to youright now.
And if whoever's listening tous right now, if you can close
your eyes, please do and nodyour head.
You can't close your eyesbecause you're driving, please
don't.
And then, as I read this listof words, nod your head if you
do any of these things or feelany of these things.
So do you ever deny yourself?
Do you ever pretendeverything's okay when it's not?
(15:33):
Do you ever hide out?
Do you ever whine?
Do you ever settle?
Do you ever compare?
Do you ever manipulate secretly?
Do you ever get defensive?
Do you ever judge?
Do you ever complain?
Do you ever procrastinate?
Do you ever worry?
What about struggle and blame?
Do you ever wait and call itpatient?
What about deflecting or tryingto control?
Do you ever feel bitter?
What about powerless?
What about dissatisfied orresentful or entitled?
(15:54):
What about guilty ordisappointment?
Are you ever a perfectionist,people pleaser?
Do you feel indifferent?
Do you get irritated, like nowI'm reading this list of words?
Do you ever feel ignored,betrayed, overwhelmed, annoyed,
victimized?
Yeah, pretty much so.
When I talk to a room, whetherit's a thousand or 10 people,
most people, I would say 99% ofthe room pretty much has almost
(16:16):
all of them.
And these words people think aretheir character flaws.
Oh, I wish I wasn't a peopleplayer.
Oh my God, I have to quitcomparing.
Oh my God, I have to quitjudging.
I'm so horrible.
Oh, my God, I got to quit doingthat.
We judge ourself based on thesebehaviors, these feelings we
have, these actions and reallywhat they are, coach Mo, is
their fear responses.
They're just signals that fearis on patrol, right?
So when you try to control,you're afraid.
(16:37):
When you're procrastinating,there's a fear.
When you're people-pleasing,there's a fear, right.
So people do characterassassinations.
They say, oh, I wish I couldnot quit doing these things.
What's wrong with me?
Instead of there's nothingwrong with you, there's nothing
wrong with you at all, it's fear.
But you can see it, yeah that'sright.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
They're on autopilot that they don't even realize it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
That's right and that's why I created the wheel
of fear and the wheel of freedom, coach Mo.
That's why I created the toolsto help suss that baby out, get
it out of hiding, so you couldsee it plain as day, so you can
see your fear.
You know what it looks like,you know what it sounds like,
you know the label on it.
Because we all have a specificfear and we go through the wheel
(17:20):
of fear.
We map your fear, basicallychart your fear, and then, from
now on, when you're seeing thosefear responses, you go oh okay,
wait a minute, I'm not a badperson, I'm not weak, I'm not
stupid, I'm not selfish.
Right, wait a minute, my fearis on patrol.
Okay, why does fear go onpatrol?
Because you're doing differentFear doesn't bug you when you're
(17:41):
on the couch eating Doritos,exactly, and I try to walk the
talk and because I carry fearstoo.
Fear is part of ourneurobiology.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Exactly Getting rid of it.
But here's how I learned tonavigate that Acknowledge it, I
embrace it.
I'm afraid I'm not feelingreally comfortable about going
into this meeting or I'm aboutto go speak on this engagement.
I'm feeling like crazy nervous.
I acknowledge, yeah, I'mnervous right now, but I'm going
to kick some ass.
Yeah, that's right, you juststep in it and then it just
(18:11):
disappears and then you back toyour normal self.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
That's a hard leap for many people not
understanding how fear works andseeing the process to do what
you're saying.
You're spot on.
It's too big of a leap.
It's I can't.
I don't got that in me.
I don't got it in me.
So when you see your wheel offear and the four components,
and that it's a mechanism andyou see how it operates, then
that gives you the courage andthe fortitude to then do what
you're talking about, becausenow you see how it operates and,
(18:36):
more importantly, you knowwhat's coming.
If you don't because there is apath If you don't get off that
wheel of fear, you're going tosee what's coming.
See what's coming.
You're like holy crapola, Idon't want that to come.
So then that gives you thecourage and the fortitude and
the understanding to actuallytake the risks that you're dying
to take in your life.
And then, more importantly, notonly the wheel of fear, but you
also have a wheel of freedom.
(18:57):
So the wheel of freedom is whatyou're gonna access in order to
help you get off the wheel offear.
Now you've come up with yourown way of doing it, which is
awesome, and then for manypeople, they just aren't able to
do that because they need morecontext, they need more
understanding, they need morehard data, so to speak.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Let me ask you this how do you help people
incorporate more gratitude tohelp offset everything that you
were talking about around fear?
How is gratitude incorporated?
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Gratitude is a proactive behavior.
So on the wheel of freedom.
So we have the wheel of fearand there's fear responses,
which are what I read to you,and we each have a core fear
that gets ignited and causes us,gives us permission to do these
fear responses.
Because those fear responsesare being done to avoid this
core negative feeling over here,because we don't want to feel
this feeling, we don't want tofeel bad, we don't want to feel
worthless, we don't want to feelthat feeling.
(19:43):
So we think, oh, if I justpeople please, if I just
procrastinate, I won't have tofeel that feeling.
But now we know, oh crap, I'mgoing to feel the feeling If I
do any of these fear responses.
Now you're going to go to yourwheel of freedom.
Now the wheel of freedom has,just like the core fear, it has
what I call essential nature,that part of you that got cut
off a long time ago because itwasn't safe.
(20:05):
Now you have that.
In the areas where you're orderto access your essential nature
, you have things calledproactive behaviors, and those
proactive behaviors arebasically the wind beneath our
wings, right, they're the thingsthat help us trust ourselves,
believe in ourselves, keep usmoving forward on our wheel of
freedom, and one of those isgratitude, another one is
acknowledgments, right.
Another one is intentionstatements, another one is deep
(20:25):
breathing, and we all have.
Many of us have five or ten thesame, but then many of us have
other things that are veryunique to us.
So that's why the wheels arevery different and you might
have a different essentialnature than I would, and then
you might have a different corefear than I do that's great, and
so I like that, because it'sspecific to the individual right
.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
that's right and personalized, and they're
attaching their meaning to thewheel and from there that's
where the growth happens.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's unique, it's personal, it's about you and you
fill out the, you fill in thewheel.
Now we work together, whetherit's in class or through my book
or however, to come up withyour core fear and to come up
with your essential nature,because those things are very
well hidden, Like you saidearlier.
Right, those things are justautomatic hidden.
We want to bring them out tothe light so they no longer
(21:13):
trick us.
So I've created a series ofexercises to put people through
so that they can discover whatthat fear is, uncover it right
through a series of exercises.
And the same thing withessential nature this thing you
hid away a long time ago becauseit wasn't safe to express that.
And when you start feeling thewholeness of who you are, things
that used to be hard becomevery easy because you have all
of you.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
What was the click for you when you decided that I
need to help people in the worldlearn what I've learned for
myself?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Are you ready for a woo-woo story, coach Mo, yeah,
do you like woo-woo stories?
Because this is woo Okay,because I would have never done
this, never in a million years.
I owned a little PR company,worked with solo entrepreneurs,
way of the day, and one of myclients was one of the very
first life coaches and he wouldalways say to me Rhonda, you're
going to be a better coach thanme.
And I'd be like don't think so,because remember the three
suicide attempts, the three DUIsand the alcoholism?
(22:02):
I don't think so.
I'm not no role model and Iwould say that to him all the
time you are nutso, nobody's gotto listen to me.
But he would always say thatand I was in school at the time,
going through a four-yearspiritual practitioner training
program, basically becoming aspiritual counselor.
But I never wanted to haveclients, I just was doing it for
myself.
And so I'm at his office oneday.
I'm sitting on the couch, he'sstanding up on the board and
(22:33):
we're brainstorm and we're likeand we're creating things.
And this is the woo woo part.
To the corner on my right to,ceiling opens up, a cloud comes
out, a book is on it and thebook goes like this I'm not
kidding.
It goes down on the cloud andthe cloud goes back in the
ceiling and, mo, I'm like this,what just happened?
And then I literally did notthink it was me.
You know how you're in front ofa puddle and it splashes you.
I just thought I got somesplash on me that wasn't for me.
So I turn around to see whocame in, like it must be for
that person, and there's nobodyback there, and so I'm like what
the heck?
So I look at Paul over there,my client, and he's writing on
(22:56):
the board doing his stuff.
He has no clue what justhappened.
And, thank God, the very nextday I had an appointment with my
mentor of my spiritualcounseling program and I ran in
there and I'm like, uh, okay,this thing happened.
The sky opened up, the ceilingopened up, a book came out in a
cloud, right, right Like it'slike what just happened?
(23:18):
The download I got.
So I got a download.
Download was I got the answersto every question I'd ever asked
.
I knew everything abouteverything and I was told now
you must go teach.
And so I'm telling this to myspiritual, my minister,
(23:54):
no-transcript.
So it started swirling aroundand six months later, seven
months later, whatever one of myfriends I was trying to enroll
her in Paul's class.
I was like, oh, we created thisreally cool class.
Paul's a genius, you really gotto take his class.
And she goes why don't youcoach me?
Yeah, I want you to coach me.
(24:14):
So I was like what the hay, Ican't coach you.
And she's like, yeah, I wantyou to be my coach.
And I'm like, oh my God.
So at that moment I knew it wasan intervention from God himself
to get me to do it.
So I started coaching her.
Trust me, I would run to Paulafter every session and go.
She said this.
I said this.
She said this.
I said this.
She said this.
I said that what do I do now?
What do I do now?
And then, after about six,eight months, I was like what to
(24:35):
do?
Nevermind, I know what to do.
And I started trusting thatvoice within me.
I tried and started trustingthe knowledge I gained.
I started trusting that and theminute was really like
immediate.
And then I was fully in.
Then I was fully in and Istarted coaching.
And then, after I startedcoaching, that same client, that
(24:55):
evil person, that same client ayear later or two years later
was like hey, will you come andteach this to my work people?
And I'm like, no, I'll teachyou how to do it.
I do one-on-one coaching.
I don't teach.
And so of course I tried toteach her how to do it and she
couldn't get it.
So then I said, okay, I'mcoming in one time and then
that's it.
Don't ever ask me again.
(25:15):
And then I went up, I went andfour people so it's four little
people, a little whiteboard andI started, and about 15 minutes
in, I was like this is the bestthing ever.
And then, so when I teach, thenit's like I like a couple
months later I'm like, well, I'mgoing to teach, I've got to
teach workshops, I've got tostart speaking because I've got
to get people to come to myworkshops.
So then I start speaking.
And then of course and the bookcame later after that but I
(25:38):
didn't want to do any of thesethings.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's amazing 30 years.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It's going to be 30 years this year.
Can you believe it?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Wow, what's next?
What's next for you?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Well, I'm really excited because I'm actually so
this whole 30 years.
I've been training coaches,since 2000.
So for the last 25 years I'vebeen training coaches and I've
never figured out a way how Ican teach what I do to coaches
that are already certified ortherapists that are already have
their degrees.
But I want to give them my tool.
So this year I'm launching notone, but two certifications.
The first one is going to be atool certification and I have
(26:10):
created 40 tools and conceptsthat you can personalize with
your own stuff.
Right, and I'm giving youdo-it-yourself packages.
I'm going to show you exactlyhow to do these at workshops or
as speaking events, likewhatever you need to do, and you
can use my material and learnthe tools and concepts I use
with my coaches and my clients.
So that's going to be launching, coming up in early summer,
(26:31):
probably sometime in the summer,and I'm super excited about
that because now I can.
I'm creating something calledthe fearless coaching alliance,
so any coach, any therapist,anyone that does any of my work
can now join that alliance.
I love coaching coaches, so Ilove when a coach brings me a
problem with a client.
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited, sowe'll be doing some of that
coaching for the FearlessCoaching Alliance.
(26:51):
And then the next thing I'mgoing to be launching probably
more in the fall will be theFearless Skills Certification.
So I created eight skills thatI've been teaching my coaches
for 25 years, but I startedteaching other coaches at just a
little bit, and every time Iteach it to coaches they always
go this is a game changer.
So now I have surrendered andbeen like you know what I got to
get that out?
(27:11):
I got to get that out.
So there's going to be a skillcertification too, so you don't
have to become a certifiedfearless living coach.
You could just become skillcertified or tool certified,
depending on what your anxiousis and what your interest is.
And then the last thing which isgoing to be launched sooner in
the next couple of months isgoing to be a podcast just for
coaches.
It is a secret podcast and I'mgoing to basically share every
(27:33):
single thing I know aboutcoaching coaching technique,
coaching tools, coaching skills,coaching wisdom, coaching
secrets, give you examples ofhow I coach.
You are going to get it all,and it's going to be a podcast
to help people become bettercoaches.
Awesome, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I'm excited for you.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Thank you, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
As we get ready to close out, how can my listeners
find?
Speaker 2 (27:54):
you Go to fearlesslivingorg and I'd love
to give your listeners a freegift.
It is one of my favorite toolsthat my clients and students
love.
It helps cure procrastination.
It will totally cureprocrastination.
It'll give you so much timeback you won't believe it.
So go over to fearlesslivingorg, forward, slash risk, r-i-s-k.
And you're going to put yourname and your email in and
(28:15):
you're going to get access tothe platform with this class in
it, and the class is only three15-minute videos.
It's got a workbook, it's gotexamples, so you know how to do
it and and what's stopping youfrom making those dreams happen,
and so I'm going to show youhow to do that.
(28:37):
And then, at the end of videothree, I share the wheel of fear
in more detail, so you'llactually see the wheel of fear
in motion, so you'll be able tosee that as well.
So go over to fearlesslivingorg, forward, slash risk and grab
that course and do it in thenext 24 hours.
It's only 45 minutes.
Come on now.
You can do it Great.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
That's great.
I love that.
I'm going to tap into it, bythe way.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Good skill to have for your toolkit.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Lastly, any final thoughts for the audience.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
And I want them to soak this into their bones.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just fear.
There is nothing wrong with you, it's just fear.
Beating yourself up is thenumber one tool uses.
It spins that wheel around.
It's just like oil on the wheel.
So every time you beat yourselfup, put yourself down and
believe you are at fault oryou're the one that's wrong or
(29:18):
bad or whatever you say.
There's nothing wrong with you,it's just fear.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
There it is, Ms Rhonda Britton.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for droppinghuge nuggets.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Thank you.
It's been a pleasure, coach Mo.
I love it, and let's help theworld get fearless.
I'm going to have to bring youback, back, baby, let's do it,
bring me back.
Part two.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Thank you for joining me in this episode of let's
Think About it.
Your time and attention aregreatly appreciated.
If you found value in today'sdiscussion, I encourage you to
subscribe on your favoritepodcast platform.
Remember, the journey ofself-improvement is ongoing and
I'm here to support you everystep of the way.
Connect with me on social mediafor updates and insights.
(30:06):
You can find me on Instagramand Facebook, at Coach Mo,
coaching or LinkedIn, at MauriceMabry, or visit my website at
mauricemabrycom for exclusivecontent.
Until next time, keepreflecting, keep growing and,
most importantly, keep believingin yourself.
(30:27):
Remember, the most effectiveway to do it is to do it
Together.
We're making incredible stridestoward a better and more
empowered you, so thank you, andI'll see you in our next
episode.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!