Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the let's
Think About it podcast, where we
embark on a journey ofthoughtfulness and personal
growth.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, and I'mhere to guide you through
thought-promoting discussionsthat will inspire you to unlock
your full potential.
In each episode, we'll explorea wide range of topics, from
self-discovery and mindfulnessto goal-setting and achieving
(00:33):
success.
Together, we'll challengeconventional thinking and dive
deep into the realms ofpossibility.
Whether you're looking to findclarity in your personal or
professional life, or seekingstrategies to overcome obstacles
, this podcast is your go-tosource for insightful
conversations and practicaladvice.
So find a comfortable spot,chill and let's embark on this
(00:57):
journey of self-improvementtogether.
Remember, the power oftransformation lies within you,
and together we'll uncover thetools and insights you need to
make it happen.
So let's dive in.
Welcome to another episode ofthe let's Think About it podcast
(01:23):
.
I'm your host, Coach Mo, andI'm here with another amazing
guest.
It's my man, Ted Whetstone.
What's up, T?
Hey, Big Mo, good to see you.
How you doing, Doing great.
So the first question I ask iswhere are you checking in from?
Is where are you checking infrom?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I live in Los Angeles
, now in Santa Monica and it's a
hard place to be.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Yeah, you guys just
came out of a terrible situation
with the fires, but I'massuming family and all of that
was safe during that time.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I appreciate it
, I'm good, but I was literally
two miles from the fires and itis one of those things I think
in life it's when it's farenough away it's hard to relate
to.
It's not till it gets two milesfrom you that you start to
think, wow, that's close.
And then, of course you.
I consistently keep meeting newpeople that have been affected
by it in different ways.
(02:23):
So it's probably a metaphor forus for our conversation today
when things seem far away, wedon't want to deal with them.
Yeah, so in a way,confrontation is a gift to
remind us what it is we want.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
And the recovery
process is going good.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
For me, for the area,
for the economy, all that sort
of has, but for thoseindividuals that are just, it's
wonderful that the communitytries to absorb and support
those individuals.
It's just unfathomable buttells us in life nothing's
permanent and so we have to bein the flow, whether we like it
or not.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Tell my audience who
you are, what you do and the
type of value you bring.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I, like you, am a
coach committed to helping
others achieve their dreams andgoals, whether it be in life or
business.
And it's funny, of coursethat's what I'm doing, because
that's what I wanted.
Didn't know it, but, boy, if Ihad someone like me, it would
have been a great thing.
So I stepped into coachingafter years of consulting work
(03:25):
to large corporations, which wasvery left brain, very problem
solving and fulfilled me for along time of my career, until it
didn't.
And I was asking thesecompanies like okay, I see,
we're changing process and allthis kind of stuff to make
things better, more efficient.
And I was like what about thepeople?
(03:46):
Right, and one of the things Idid learn in my consulting
career that I, of course,brought to coaching is too often
leaders try to figure it outthemselves.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I know it all yeah,
it's me.
I have to fix it for everybody,because I'm the leader, I'm
making all the big bucks.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Yeah, and it's either
, to your point, either out of
ego which we have those and orthose that feel like I have to
look, like I know what I'm doingand so I can't let them see me
sweat.
Both are a mistake, because Ilike to say we have two ears and
one mouth.
Use them in that proportion,and I think our best leaders do.
When you go out and ask people,get their input, two things
(04:33):
happen.
One, you get better ideas andtwo, the people feel like they
were part of the creation ofwhatever solution you come up
with.
They're involved and supportiveand they're part of the idea.
And the same with coachingleaders and organizations.
I always say leaders don't justlead others.
Leaders cause leaders, and thathappens to the questioning
(04:54):
dialogue that, of course, youalso are proficient in.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Let's take a step
back.
How did you enter the scope ofconsulting in the first place?
What brought you down that path?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I appreciate it.
I'd love to ask you the samebecause I think we eventually
I'm almost 60, we become who weare and so I could say, through
a lot of stumbling and errorsand discoveries, I got to where
I was and I almost think it wasbeing called to become who I am.
I've always been, didn't knowthat it looked like coaching and
(05:28):
other things that I'm up to,but technically I started a
career in sales, business,marketing, selling, and that was
fun until I burned out incorporate.
Then it was luckily I'd madesome money so I had some time to
be able to think what do Ireally want to do?
So I ended up being consultingto small businesses because I
found the leader like when I wasa young leader they don't have
(05:50):
anyone to talk to and the samefear thing whether we are a
solopreneur, a small businessleader or a large business, it's
the same thing.
Because maybe my technicalbackground I have an engineering
background I would like to gointo problem solving mode and to
help ameliorate pain.
Right, I just feel that and Iwant to jump in there to help.
So I started consulting with acouple organizations, helping
(06:12):
them grow their business.
That provided some, obviously,feedback and revenue.
But then it wasn't until Iplugged into large organizations
.
Toyota was a big client that Istarted doing what I call change
management.
Toyota was a big client that Istarted doing what I call change
management, and now we hadorganizations that had been
doing something for 10, 15, 20years.
They know they need to change,but there's so much inertia and
(06:34):
so they just know they don'twant to be where they are.
They didn't want to besomewhere else.
But often we just spend a littletime on what we call the as is
right, where are you, just toget clear, and then we help them
get clear where they want to be.
But then when we talk aboutgetting there, that's where the
consultant's job comes in.
So it was 10% inspiration, 90%perspiration, whereas in
(06:56):
coaching now it really is abouthelping the customer get clear
again where are you, where doyou want to be?
Through questioning, helpingthem come to the best pathway to
getting there and then movingalong.
So it all looks consistent inthe rear view mirror, but when
you're going forward it lookslike career changes.
(07:19):
It's all been a progressiontowards helping others get and
become who they are and whatthey want to achieve.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
So when did that
shift happen for you though?
So there's a couple of thingsI've heard right.
The first thing, it was thisphysics engineering guru total
tactic, approach to solvingproblems and everything.
Approach to solving problemsand everything.
(07:50):
You jump to the consulting sideand then you shift it to the
coaching side.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Connect all of that
for us we only have 30 minutes.
I think for me it was justcoming up against.
This isn't working for me.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
You push, you justify
something because you're making
money and maybe there's somestimulation and I'm learning.
We like to think we're making adifference.
All kinds of these things giveus feedback that I'm adding
value in some way.
Until you start doing thingsfor everyone else and they for
me, it wasn't providing me asense of purpose, fulfillment
(08:28):
beyond getting a paycheck,getting something checked in a
box, and it really was thatsense of watching especially
large organizations, notintentionally but by out of
habit, seeing people asresources, things, functions,
roles, and no longer reallyseeking to leverage the human in
(08:54):
the resource.
And I think that's what Irelated to seeing that I'm sure
that that's why I responded thatway, coaching is so funny.
I thought at one point, peoplehave told me, oh, you'd be a
great coach.
That way, coaching is so funny.
I thought at one point, peoplehave told me, oh, you'd be a
great coach and, of course,relevant to your sort of topic
area.
I thought, oh gosh, if I gotpaid to be a coach, then I'd
have to really be good.
(09:14):
You have to start with caring,and I do so.
Often we don't see ourselves,we don't allow ourselves to see
ourselves as others do.
So for me it wasn't until Ispoke to some coaches that I
realized the big difference.
And this was it.
Consultants get paid for theirrecommendations, what comes out
of their mouth, and they're busybeing experts and know-it-alls
(09:39):
and not really naturally beingcollaborative, because when I'm
the important person in the room, it's about me.
When I spoke to coaches, theywere incredibly generous in the
first place and I was just as acommunity.
It was like these are my peopleand then it is a natural giving
(09:59):
sense.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yep, that's awesome,
man.
That's awesome.
I think I remember when I wasfirst exposed to coaching and I
was going through some hardshipin my life.
I just got back fromcelebrating my first year
anniversary with my wife and Igot the pink slip.
(10:22):
I got the pink slip coming backfrom vacation.
I was working for a nonprofitorganization and the excuse was
we can't afford the executiveteam, no more.
So we got to.
We don't have the funding tofund your position anymore.
Pink slip through my life.
I'm a former athlete.
(10:43):
I work hard, I'm dedicated, Ihave integrity, I'm professional
.
How dare you say I'm not goodenough?
It wasn't personal them sayingI'm not good enough, it's just
we don't have the funding tofund your position.
But, as any human being, youtake that personal.
(11:04):
You take I took that verypersonal, yes.
And I was down in the dumps.
I carried a lot of self-pity.
I carried why?
Why is this happening to me?
This isn't fair.
I don't even remember how I metthis coach, but she gets
introduced to me, she's tryingto coach me and this goes back
(11:26):
to your point because at thatmoment in my life I wasn't
willing to invest in myself.
And so she says you know what?
I'll coach you for free.
I need to build up my coachingpractice anyway.
This is how giving coaches are.
And so she just started workingwith me and I'm like, oh my
(11:47):
goodness, she revived me.
I got back into the swing ofthings.
The whole nine right Long storyshort.
I told her I'm going to do whatyou're doing because it's
powerful and you changed me andthat's the power of what we do
for organizations and people andhelping the organization move
(12:10):
forward and focusing more on thepeople, because there's so much
value in igniting light bulbsin people and they have a reason
and understanding of what's init for me, as they're thinking
(12:31):
what's in it for me and theyunderstand that and they have a
clear picture of that man.
They're unstoppable.
And us as coaches, we help themfind.
That's why we're impactful.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yeah, man, that's
such a beautiful thing.
Connected to you.
She helped you connect to you.
Exactly that's where ithappened.
So she didn't do.
You know what I mean.
Like we tend to think, oh, Ican't do it without a coach.
The coach helps us figure outagain who we are, so that, when
we know ourselves, look out andgive you something from the
(13:08):
outside that you know you can'tget from the inside.
And standing for that.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Help us understand
this.
What specifically is Ted'sapproach and how do you help
your clients?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I think we're all at
work on ourselves, ultimately,
and not on myself, but at beingmyself.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
And what I'm
interested and intrigued about
one I think humans are waysmarter than we allow ourselves
to be right Cause we wanted tofit in.
As kids, we just want to get,and we at some point, we forgot
to think for ourselves.
Right, how do you think aboutthings?
What's important to you?
So, when we help peopleunderstand their values, it's
(13:53):
not that we have the five wordson a piece of paper, it's that
we reconnect to that part of usthat evolved through all of our
life experiences.
That not only tells us aboutwho we are and, to your point,
about integrity and disciplineand those things that A you may
or may not have had, naturally,but you certainly developed
through your work, throughtraining and through sports.
(14:14):
But also I like to ask peoplethis sounds corny, but what's
the change in the world you wantto see as a result of you
having been and usually makesthem turn their head what?
But if you ask someone what'syour passion, we can answer and
forgive my language, but I'llask someone what pisses you off,
(14:35):
what's not okay in the worldthat you want to see corrected?
Now people get real clear, andso what I like to do is help
them.
Look at what's the ill, thatreally gets them fired up and
that actually helps inform youwhat you are actually for, that
(14:55):
passion comes out of.
And so, whatever the issues andI think when people find that
sense of again the word soundslike purpose but it really is
that thing that you are for Thenwe have a context to talk about
your management and all therest.
We don't have that ultimatesense of self and kind of the
(15:17):
change we want to be and see.
It's stuff, it's tactics.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
So that's where
because that's the way I am- I'm
listening to you talk and itmakes 1000% sense.
I'm listening to, like leaders,that that I help and I help
them put on their armor, andthey wear this armor and what
(15:41):
that armor is to protect themfrom the chaos outside.
And how do we build up thatarmor?
My approach is let's zoom in onthose values, your core values,
because when the chaos hits us,typically our armor is off,
(16:05):
because what I mean by that iswe're not zoomed in on our
values and we're distracted awayfrom them.
And when you're distracted awayfrom your values, you're
vulnerable and susceptible tothe chaos around us.
And the chaos comes in so manydifferent forms Burnout, fear,
different forms, burnout, fear,right, mistrust all of this
(16:31):
stuff right.
But when you have your armor onand you're grounded and know
what your non-negotiable valuesare, it's hard to sway away from
that.
And in those pivotal momentswhen the chaos is coming, you're
(16:51):
standing strong and tall andconfident, with power of choice
and helping people have theself-awareness of when the chaos
comes, man, put your armor onand when you have the awareness
to be able to do that, youdiminish some of the chaos
(17:17):
that's trying to come into yourbeing.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
And that's the power
that us, you and I, bring to our
clients.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
A big hell.
Yes.
The part that just frustratesme about human beings, and me as
one of them, is that today Ican have my armor on.
I can be clear as hell who I am, what I'm about.
Let's go Tomorrow.
I might forget who the hellthat person was.
You lose a little sleep,something happens here and
(17:52):
suddenly.
So I think it's the yes, andwhat you said is that we have to
recognize when there's atrigger.
We feel fear, we feel whatever.
It is then to be trained, totrain ourselves that, ah, I'm
feeling that trigger.
Let me put on my armor.
So I have a total yes to yoursituation.
The other is also to bepreventative, to continually,
(18:15):
every day, remind ourselves,before the stuff hits, who we
are Intentions.
That doesn't seem to be the way.
So there's no magic bullet.
It's just the same disciplineyou talked about to be an
athlete.
It's not like you work out andthen you're done.
You got to keep working out and, rather than make it sound like
(18:35):
work, it really is just a gift.
Just to just relish.
How much do we give ourselvestime?
We are always giving self.
We give time to everyone else.
Everything else is the gift tosit down with yourself, and I
don't want to be corny, but loveyourself, celebrate yourself,
know yourself and lead yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
What's that?
Lead yourself.
Yes, that's so powerful.
I'm teaching my daughter thatOne of the questions that I ask
her all the time.
I say and we have this littleroutine she's 11.
But up until this point, I'vebeen asking her this question
ever since she was five.
What's a leader?
And she'll say somebody wholeads somebody.
(19:21):
I said who do you lead?
Myself, I said why?
To make better decisions andchoices.
And then I'll say what'saccountability To do what you
say you're going to do.
And then I'll say what you'regoing to be accountable for
today.
And then she'll rattle off myschoolwork, play with my friends
(19:46):
, just some random stuff thatshe's going to be accountable to
.
But I drilled that in her headand so we would go maybe a
couple of months without me evenasking the question.
Then I ask her Momo, I call herMomo, her name's Mariah, she's
a little Mo.
What's a leader?
(20:07):
And she spits it out.
It spits it out and then whencertain things happen at school
right then get a higher score,things like that, whatever.
I tie it back to leadership.
So I don't know how I got onthis subject and bringing this
example up.
Got on this subject andbringing this example up, but
(20:31):
it's powerful in helping peopleunderstand leading self.
Yeah, the most important thingthat you can do in life is how
you navigate yourself, and thatincludes the inner critic, the
noise.
How do we hone that in so youcan effectively lead ourselves?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, and I love that
man Again.
Either one of two worlds couldexist in each, it would be great
One everybody has a coach andI'm not just saying because
we're coaches, maybe everyoneshould have a therapist, because
it's hard to do to yourselfsometimes, because we can cut
ourselves out or a world wherewe've gotten so good at becoming
(21:12):
aware and managing ourselvesthat you have agency and
competency and you're committedto growing, which is why it
sometimes helps to work withsomeone that's not you, right,
because they can help youstretch.
There's something about whatyou said I wanted to comment,
and let me see if I can pull itback.
I'm not going to get it.
Leadership oh yes, it is.
(21:32):
I think of this.
I'm a little bit of aphilosopher, but it's like
nothing happens without thinkingin advance, and this is what I
mean.
You're probably familiar withthe typical belief cycle.
We believe things it's going tobe sunny tomorrow, so I'm going
to get to bed by nine so I canget up early and go for a run
but our beliefs give us ourthoughts.
(21:53):
Typically, those thoughts giveus our feelings, which gives us
our behaviors, gives us ouractions, support beliefs.
But the point is it all startswith the one thing that humans
do that a lot of other creaturesprobably don't is forward
project.
We create the future in ourminds.
And, to your point aboutleadership in the moment, all
(22:15):
those leadership principlesbeing authentic, being present,
being true to your values right,there's that and there's that
creating the space for you tolive into and for others to live
into.
So part of leadership is thatself-management and management
of others.
And then it's causing andcreating the future, the
(22:36):
envelope that people are goingto expand into, pausing and
creating the future, theenvelope that people are going
to expand into, and I thinkthat's what leaders are also to
set a vision, to inspire peopleto make things better.
So it's a yes, and inleadership, it's the is and the
to be.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
What demographics of
clients you work with, since
you've transitioned fromconsulting to coaching.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
It's more that, and
it's not just right versus left,
it's that whole brain thinkingand so much of our and of course
, my engineering training andall the rest this goes back to I
think it was Descartes thiswhole idea of reductionist
thinking, and it's the samething we see in the organ silos
(23:25):
and seeing things in these.
It's great for making progressin a narrow domain.
We've just done amazing thingsbecause of that.
And unfortunately, the masculinebusiness model has been one
where, you know, men tend tohave that very linear approach
and I think that is what'smissing in leadership today.
It's, too, not male, masculinein the sense of that
reductionist, logical, rationalsort of thinking.
(23:45):
That's great, but without theintuitive behavior, relational
thinking, it gets us in a lot ofthe trouble we have today.
So my answer is it's more men,it is older men 40, 50, 60,
because I tend to work withhigher leaders and bigger
organizations and I really wantto work with more.
(24:05):
I like to work with changeagents and I think you get that
from people who might be alittle younger, maybe 30, 40s
who want to make the worlddifferent, and I don't care if
it's male, female, white, black,you name it.
It's the psychographic of theheart of someone who wants to
make the world a better place,and I call them world leaders.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Because it's not just
about their community or even
their company.
We need to think about thewhole and at some point, if we
don't think about the wholeplanet, we'll have a win in one
place and a loss in another, andthat's a net loss.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
And, through your
experience, what's been the
common theme since you switchedover to coaching.
It's been that common theme ofhelping your clients with
problems, so to speak, versuswhat was the common theme and
what you was dealing with on theconsulting side.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
I think it's where we
started our conversation.
There was a mindset that usedto work 20 years ago.
It's a very different world now, where leaders could have been
managers.
Right, it was getting thingsdone, get to the goalposts,
tasks, strategy, leadership.
Today, I think, in a worldthat's highly dynamic, complex,
(25:22):
interconnected, moving fast,it's got to be leadership of
hearts as much as minds, and byempowering leadership throughout
the organization, people nowknow how to think almost like a
herd mentality or a hivementality than individualistic,
(25:43):
which again has, I think, beentaught in Western culture, I
think maybe in Eastern culturesthey're like yeah, we've been
talking about this for some time.
So I guess what I would say whatclients are looking for is
looking to be more effective, tohave their teams perform better
.
What we end up working on istheir idea about how to leverage
(26:05):
effectiveness.
And when they realize they'vebeen ignoring that human part
and they talk to their peopleand act at a heart level and
they're vulnerable, it's acompletely different experience.
It's almost working less andachieving more.
It takes a little longer toactually engage people, invite
(26:28):
them into the leadership processright, so they can be, but it
pays off five tenfold over themid and long term and that's the
big shift.
I think organizations are stillresisting because we ultimately
come from a quarterlyperformance perspective and it
keeps pushing us back in thatshort term thinking and that's
(26:50):
the big meta problem I see.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, I'm listening
to you and what's coming up for
me is with clients.
Let's just say who's you know50s, 60s who has a lot of
experience in the game, rigid onchange.
How do you typically help themovercome that fear of change, or
(27:16):
that fear of I'm losing a step,or that fear of what?
Are people thinking about me asa manager or as their boss?
Or the fear of what if I'm notsuccessful?
What's your approach in that?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Well, to take it back
to what you're about with your
clients and what we'rediscussing one, values that you
talked knowing who you are andthe second is courageous
conversations.
Courage doesn't mean not havingfear.
It means having the fear andacting anyway.
Except that when you're clearon your values and what you
(27:52):
truly want, it then just becomesthe thing to do.
And that's amazing.
I was working with a maleclient probably 50, 60-ish has a
number two in his department, awoman, and he keeps talking
about relationship challengesand whatnot.
And I can see it's becauseshe's frustrated that he won't
(28:14):
show who he is right, and notonly that he knows that or not.
And the encouragement was tohave a conversation with her and
not be over here with him, tobe over there with the other
person.
What are they experiencing,what are they seeing, what are
they thinking and feeling?
And when he did that, he says Idon't know what words I was
(28:39):
saying, but we came out of thatconversation completely
different than anything we'vedone in the last 15, 20 years.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
You helped him be
curious.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Good word.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
You helped him be
more curious about what the
other person's dynamics were.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yeah, get out of your
head and you won't have fear.
You have curiosity.
It's not about youics.
Yeah, get out of your head andyou won't have fear.
You have curiosity.
It's not about you anymore.
Exactly Good Thanks, mo.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
I'm just
demonstrating the value of what
we do.
This is what we do and thatgarbage, that punk ass inner
critic, gets in our way yeahgets in the way, and when we
show up to help you be morecurious, you're actually
(29:34):
distracted away from the innercritic, because being curious is
opening your mind to allpossibilities in that moment.
Yeah, I'm sorry, we had to.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
How's that going?
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Man, I really do
appreciate this conversation
today.
I just love talking to otherprofessional coaches because we
get it and we understand it andwe love it.
More importantly, how canpeople find you?
Speaker 2 (30:06):
My name
tedwhetstonecom.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Okay, and then, what
final thoughts would you like to
leave our audience with?
Speaker 2 (30:15):
So let's have that
conversation.
If anyone just heard this,there's someone that you want to
reach out to.
You want to tell them how greatyou see them, because they may
not see them themselves.
Someone who is on their path,who has the potential.
But be in community andconversation, because me
speaking to you today helps meright.
(30:37):
Keep the conversation alive.
What you want, what you're for,what you want for others, and
work with those people.
Make sure they are core to yourcommunity, because that's going
to support you all the way.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
There it is my man,
Ted Whetstone.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Thank you for who you
are and what you're up to.
I just commend you and I reallyappreciate being here with you
and your audience what you're upto.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I just commend you
and I really appreciate being
here with you and your audienceAbsolutely.
Thank you for joining me inthis episode of let's Think
About it.
Your time and attention aregreatly appreciated.
If you found value in today'sdiscussion, I encourage you to
subscribe on your favoritepodcast platform.
Remember, the journey ofself-improvement is ongoing and
I'm here to support you everystep of the way.
(31:21):
Connect with me on social mediafor updates and insights.
You can find me on Instagramand Facebook at Coach Mo
Coaching, or LinkedIn at MauriceMabry, or visit my website at
mauricemabrycom for exclusivecontent.
At mauricemabrycom forexclusive content.
Until next time, keepreflecting, keep growing and,
(31:43):
most importantly, keep believingin yourself.
Remember, the most effectiveway to do it is to do it
Together.
We're making incredible stridestoward a better and more
empowered you.
So thank you and I'll see youin our next episode.