June 11, 2025 • 27 mins
You prepared for the baby, but did anyone prepare you for what would happen to you?
In this episode of Let’s Thrive Postpartum, Kelly Siebold is joined by Nicole Kumi, founder of The Whole Mom, to talk about what it truly means to “birth the mother.” From grief and identity shifts to mental health challenges and societal pressure, we talk about the emotional transformation that happens after childbirth, and what moms really need in the fourth trimester.
You’ll hear:
- Why postpartum grief is common—and not a sign of failure.
- How to track emotional triggers and feel more grounded.
- What to expect from your evolving identity as a mom.
- How to support yourself (or a friend) through this major transition.
Nicole also shares her story of navigating postpartum depression and how she now empowers other moms through coaching, courses, and real community.
If you’re in the thick of new motherhood, or want to support someone who is, this episode is for you. You are not alone in this transformation. And with the right support, you can feel like yourself again.
The Whole Mom Resources: Birthing Her and Fourth Trimester Blueprint
Support is just one click away - check out these additional resources designed to support your postpartum mental health:
- Download our free Postpartum Mental Health Plan https://wethrivepostpartum.com/postpartum-plan/
- Learn more about Thrive Postpartum’s virtual support for pregnant and postpartum moms, including virtual support groups, education, expert-led events, and a supportive community of moms who understand your journey https://wethrivepostpartum.com/join
- Email us with a question or postpartum topic you want us to discuss at podcast@wethrivepostpartum.com
- Hit subscribe to never miss an episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Welcome to Let's ThrivePostpartum, where we tackle
postpartum depression andanxiety.
Head on, guiding you back toyourself.
Join Kelly Seabold, founder ofThrive Postpartum and Ashley
Moore, a maternal mental healththerapist.
Through honesty and laughter, weshare expert advice and real
stories.
(00:25):
While not therapy or medicaladvice, you'll find education,
support and hope.
Welcome to the village.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (00:37):
Hi, and welcome back to Let's Thrive Postpartum.
This is Kelly, and week I'mreally excited to talk to you
about a topic that moms, we'veprobably all felt, whether
you're pregnant and you'replanning to have your baby, or
like a lot of us, you're.
In that phase afterwards, andmaybe you're struggling with
overwhelm or depression oranxiety.
(00:58):
We spent so many months growinga baby and planning a baby and
all the doctor visits butsometimes after that, once we
birth a child.
tend to fall by the wayside, youhave that one checkup at six
weeks.
guest today is Dr.
Nicole Kuy, and I cannot waitfor her to talk with us because
she's gonna talk about what itmeans to birth the mother.
(01:22):
You've just birthed the child,but what does that mean for you?
And this is one of those.
Topics that we don't say enoughout loud that you're becoming a
mom and what does that mean?
And so today we're gonna diveinto what it means to birth the
mother and what we can do tosupport that mother if you're a
friend listening, how to supportyour friends who just became
(01:43):
moms.
So let me introduce to you Dr.
Nicole Kumi She's the CEO andfounder of the whole mom, a
maternal wellness organizationspecializing in perinatal
transitional coaching, assistingmothers with preparing their
mental health as they transitionfrom pregnancy.
Into their fourth trimester in2018, Nicole found herself on
(02:05):
the other side of the behavioralhealthcare system needing
services after being diagnosedwith postpartum depression.
And it was during this time thatshe realized how little
discussion there was aroundperinatal mood and anxiety
disorders.
As well as all the challenges infinding the right type of
services for what she wasexperiencing.
once she was able to improve herown mental and emotional health,
(02:28):
she shifted into the maternalmental health space, providing
education support, andinformation to moms about the
mental health aspects ofpostpartum in order to reduce
the stigma of PMAS.
Raise awareness and reallyempower moms to seek help.
So Nicole services range fromone-on-one coaching on-demand
courses in a virtual momscommunity to meet other moms
(02:52):
where she is in her journey,allowing her to effectively
transition into her new role andredefine herself as a mom.
Nicole has also written andpublished two books about
motherhood and maternal health.
One is postpartum My Language,my True Account of the fourth
trimester, and the other one isButterfly.
Mama Nicole, thank you so muchfor being here today and talking
(03:16):
about such an important topic.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (03:18):
Thank you for having me, Kelly.
I'm really excited to dive intothis with you today.
Kelly Siebold (03:22):
Of course.
So let's talk about what weactually mean by birthing the
mob.
Can you tell us a little about,that and also what your
experience was with it?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (03:32):
Yes, absolutely.
So I think it's really importantto let listeners know that we.
Prep for the birth of the baby.
We get all of the gadgets, weget the goodies, we prep the
room.
We're prepping our bodiesphysically, right?
And maybe even mentally.
We're preparing for that space.
Birthing classes, meditation,yoga, all of the things, because
(03:53):
we know what our babies aregonna need when they come into
this world.
They're gonna need safety,stability, and love.
And we also need that too.
And I think so often we get sopreoccupied with bringing the
baby into this environment thatwe don't recognize that
alongside of the baby, a versionof us as being birthed to.
(04:13):
I'm not the same woman that Iwas in 2017.
Right.
And even having two childrenhaving 20 18, 20 20.
I became a different mom bothtimes, and that's something we
hear a lot about later in lifewhere kids are raised by the
same parents, but they haddifferent versions of those
parents and so as a first timemom, there's a lot of anxiety
(04:34):
around things.
There's a lot of not knowing,there's a lot of Googling and
you know, checking all thesethings out.
So you may be presenting as ananxious parent that first time
around.
Second child, third subsequentchildren will say, you know, mom
wasn't that stressed with me.
She wasn't that anxious with me.
And it's because you weren't thesame person.
(04:54):
And while each child's birth isdifferent, each version of the
mother being birthed alongsideof that baby is different.
And I think that we do ourselvesa disservice by not
acknowledging this event.
Right.
The essence of motherhood isreally the birth of the mother.
That is who we become.
This is our opportunity tobecome a brand new version of
(05:18):
ourselves.
Not leaving those old versionsbehind, but bringing pieces of
ourselves along for the journey.
And the more that we resist thisprocess, the challenges that
arise with that, and a lot ofthat is implications on our
mental health.
And we see this with the onsetof perinatal mood and anxiety
(05:39):
disorders.
When we resist the naturalprocess of us to evolve into the
space of motherhood, become anew version of ourselves, we're
met with that tension, we're metwith that anxiety.
There's depression that goesalong with that.
I liked my old life.
I liked the old me, and now Idon't even recognize this person
physically, emotionally, andmentally.
(06:01):
And when we don't provide anyeducation around that and we
give moms a new baby, a newbody, a new emotional state, and
one checkup, we are settingourselves up for failure as it
relates to transitioning healthyand whole into the fourth
trimester.
Kelly Siebold (06:20):
And it is so true,'cause I know I've said
this before.
I was a type A parent bef goinginto it.
I had four different type ofpacifiers.
I had three different type ofswaddles.
I had everything that I hadGoogle that I could buy.
My child once thought aboutmyself.
And afterwards I felt like I washit by a train'cause I had no
idea how to care for me'cause Ididn't think I would need that.
(06:40):
I didn't think I needed to thinkabout my mental health.
I was a very healthy, happyperson going into delivery.
I didn't expect the train wreckthat came the year after.
And so knowing that thesetransitions are gonna happen and
your identity's gonna shift.
Such a great tool to have asmoms'cause it normalizes a lot
(07:01):
of this.
What, is going on that so manyof us can feel?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:06):
Yes.
Kelly Siebold (07:07):
when you're talking about kind of this birth
of the new mom and thistransition, what does a mom
expect to feel kind of duringthis process?
you mentioned obviously she'snot sleeping'cause she just
brought home a baby
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:18):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (07:18):
a new body.
But what does it feel like?
In your words to kind of gothrough this transformation and
is there an end?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:26):
Yeah.
Great questions.
So as.
The feelings are subjective.
I think that there's a lot ofgrief.
I think that might be the numberone emotion that the moms I'm
working with, myself included,experience in this process
because it's grieving that lifethat we once had.
Now, not everybody's life wasgood before they had a baby,
(07:48):
right?
But there's components of ourlives that are good.
So while you may not have beenin the best situation, and this
baby has given you a, a new lifeand a new opportunity, there
were still things happeningduring that time.
And we grieve that.
We grieve that sense of,autonomy too.
I could just run to the grocerystore on my way home from work.
No, I can't.
(08:08):
I have a screaming six month oldin the backseat, or I can't go
to happy hour with everybodyafter work now, or bowling or
wherever it is, because I haveto pick my kids up from daycare.
So there's that sense of lossand because we don't talk about
it, we assume that it makes usungrateful.
And that is not true.
those two things do not coexist.
(08:31):
You can grieve that period oftime and feel sad without it
making you ungrateful.
And I think that's where momsget held up.
Right, and, and like you said.
You did everything for the baby.
You prepped everything for thebaby, but you didn't get
anything for yourself.
And part of that is because wedon't encourage our moms to do
that.
We are a society of don't beselfish.
Kelly Siebold (08:56):
Yes.
don't be unhappy when you had ababy.
'cause this
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:00):
Of course,
Kelly Siebold (09:01):
point of your life.
And so
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:02):
I
Kelly Siebold (09:02):
suddenly feel grieving because you can't walk
to the bathroom by yourself
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:06):
mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (09:07):
the things that you mentioned, there is this
internal conflict of, I'msupposed to be happy.
This is what society has told meto do.
I don't feel happy in thismoment.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:18):
And then what happens, right?
Kelly Siebold (09:20):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:20):
I don't feel happy, but if I tell people I'm
not happy, they're gonna shameme for that.
So you know what I'll do?
I'll just stay quiet and I'llisolate in this little corner
and maybe I won't leave thehouse.
Yeah, there's the stigmaassociated with this.
There's the judgment fromgenerations past, even from
people within your own circle,right?
(09:41):
Shaming you for the emotionsyou're feeling.
Every emotion that comes withbecoming a new mom is valid.
Now, whether they're common ornot is yet to be determined,
based on the frequency andintensity of things you'll
experience.
But we've demeaned moms fromspeaking out safely about how
they're feeling.
Kelly Siebold (10:01):
Nicole, that makes a lot of sense about
having that grieving feeling.
If there's a mom who's listeningwho feels like, wow, I feel like
I'm grieving myself, do you haveany recommendations for what she
could do to start processingthis or feeling it in a better
way?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (10:18):
Absolutely.
I think it's always best toacknowledge that the feeling is
present, right?
What
Kelly Siebold (10:23):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (10:24):
feeling and what is happening around me
right now?
And I think I.
Tied to situations andenvironmental factors,
especially in those earlypostpartum months where we
really start to resonate andcome out of that newborn love
and recognize like, this is mylife now.
And for me, it was reallyimportant to identify moments
(10:46):
where I was feeling grief sointensely.
And that was typically when thebaby was crying a lot, was kind
of just very difficult when thebaby was having a hard time.
And I thought to myself This isgonna be so hard.
Why did we do this?
And you start getting thosesecond guessing, those thoughts
creeping into your mind.
Stop yourself.
Acknowledge I'm experiencingthis grief right now.
(11:07):
I'm, I'm stressed out.
I'm trying to manage the baby.
I haven't had a good night'ssleep.
I haven't eaten today.
pause.
Let's pause this and pivot.
Get something in your belly.
Lay the baby down safely if youcan, or wear the baby, whatever
it is that is gonna work foryou, and sit down and relax for
(11:27):
a few minutes.
I understand that you may not beable to sleep.
You may not even be able torest, but if you can remove
yourself from that currentenvironment, sit down and see if
you're still having thatfeeling, and if you are,
acknowledge that it's okay.
It's
Kelly Siebold (11:41):
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (11:41):
be experiencing this.
Lots of things are happening.
Lots of things are changingemotionally, cognitively, you're
going through a lot right now.
And I think that the more awarewe become and the more we give
ourselves permission to feelthese things, the better we are
at managing them.
So even keep a tracker sheet ora little journal for yourself
(12:03):
and say.
Today I felt that grief and itwas at 1:10 PM while the baby
was crying and this is what Idid.
And then that's something youcan use to measure the
frequency, the duration, theintensity of what's happening
for you, and also look back onsome progress.
Kelly Siebold (12:19):
I end up having to do that for myself for
anxiety.
I couldn't manage my anxiety andstarted tracking and I realized
on nights I didn't sleep or gotless than two hours, were the
nights, the days, which madecomplete sense that my anxiety
was through the roof.
And I could look back, Nicolefrom two months.
See the improvements I made,even though I still didn't feel
(12:40):
great, you could see thatimprovement and it was very
motivational to keep going.
So I love this idea to track,see what you can do different,
what really brings it, and alsoto use it just to say these
changes are happening.
I'm making progress.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (12:57):
Absolutely.
And look at how we track ourbaby's development, right?
In most babies, when they comehome.
We're tracking how much we'refeeding them.
both of my kids were jaundice.
I didn't even know that that wasa thing.
I immediately thought I didsomething wrong.
Turns out lots of babies arejaundice, right?
And they give you a protocol wehad to feed the babies every two
hours and this many milliliters.
(13:17):
it was exhausting, but it helpedus show the progress and it
helped us also show like wherewere we struggling?
Was it middle of the night?
We weren't feeding well, was itmorning?
Was it days after baby wasn'tsleeping?
It's the same systems justapplicable to the mom.
We don't have to reinvent thewheel.
We just need to take the metricsand apply them in a different
(13:39):
situation.
Kelly Siebold (13:41):
Love that, and it's just one of those little
tiny things that you can do foryou that doesn't take a lot of
effort, right?
You could do it on your phone.
A piece of paper, whatever worksbest, but start tracking your
symptoms and what is bringingthose on Anything.
So we talked about birth motherchanging that are part of this
(14:08):
birthing the mother experiencethat we should know about?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (14:12):
Yes.
I think probably the mostsignificant, one of the ones I
see alongside of the grief isresistance.
Resistance to changing yourways, to changing your outlook
on things.
Right.
of this time.
I'd say probably 20 years ago,the experience was different
because we didn't have socialmedia in our faces.
we're measuring our progress,our success, you know, against
(14:38):
the mom on Instagram that wedon't know and we don't
understand.
We don't know her levels ofsupport.
We don't know her challenges,but somehow we have to be just
like her.
When we try to align ourjourneys with somebody else
without the same status,environmental factors, setting
(15:00):
ourselves up for failure, andthat is where we really impact
our mental health.
I'm not achieving the success ofKelly.
Well, I don't know Kelly'ssituation.
I don't know what's going onhere.
Also when we are resistant tothis transformation, right?
Because we don't know about it.
We don't talk about it.
So I'm now, I'm trying to workout, I'm going for walks, and
(15:20):
walks.
Used to be great cardio for me,but I can't seem to lose this
weight.
Or you know what?
I used to have anxiety and thisis what I did to manage it.
It's not working.
And instead of taking a stepback and saying, okay, it's not
working because I'm not thesame, everything has changed
about me.
So that also means myinterventions.
Need to change, right.
Kelly Siebold (15:42):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (15:43):
Just like they do with our baby, right?
Babies, very early on, theysleep and eat a lot, Then all of
a sudden, boom, their eyes areopen and they're looking at the
world and they're a little morestimulated.
So now you might not just beable to bounce them twice and
put them down.
It's gonna take a little moreeffort.
You have to change yourinterventions to meet that stage
of your child.
(16:03):
It's the same thing we have todo with our moms.
We have to change theinterventions.
So the resistance is a sign thatsomething isn't working.
And I think the more aware weare to our values, what brings
us joy, the easier it is toidentify like, I'm making this
(16:24):
harder on myself and we do itunintentionally.
Right?
And I think about it with the,the weight loss and, and getting
back to like, feeling likemyself again.
don't even know who we are.
how can we feel like ourselves?
Again, we need to lay a newfoundation of how do I want to
feel?
Making the choice of what youwanna feel and then creating
(16:45):
appropriate interventions tobring you that outcome.
Kelly Siebold (16:49):
I love this.
I mean, I think every bit of itis spot on and from my lived
experience with it would havebeen great to come in prepared.
Along those lines, I expected tobe me with a baby.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (16:59):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (17:00):
I didn't expect to be a totally different
person.
And Nicole, I'm sure you had theexact same experience of just
every bit of this can bedifferent now.
How do you kind of build a newfoundation of you versus I just
now have a baby in my arms?
Right.
Two very different experiences.
knowing this now and having gonethrough it, being able to
(17:21):
prepare for this upfrontwould've been a game changer.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (17:24):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (17:24):
Do you have any advice for moms who are pregnant
and are listening to startthinking through some of this
profound shifts we're tellingthem it's gonna happen, but till
you go through it, you don'tactually know what it's gonna
feel like.
How can they set themselves upfor success in this birthing of
them phase?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (17:42):
I think it really comes down to education
and awareness.
Get educated, take a couple ofclasses, related to the fourth
trimester and what to reallyexpect.
And I know I say that in jestand then people are like, that's
great, but these classes don'texist.
And you're right, they don't.
And that was part of whatpropelled me into the space is
after my experience thinking tomyself, there was no way for me
(18:04):
to prepare.
simply
Kelly Siebold (18:06):
wasn't.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (18:07):
go through it order to survive it, I made it
my mission to not have to thaton other moms, whether my
sister, cousins friends, my owndaughter at some point in her
life.
So I've created these coursesthat talk about the mental
health aspect.
I have a free guide on birthingher, how to set up your home,
(18:29):
your social supports.
How to do personal developmentduring pregnancy that aligns
with the evolution of the mom.
like the books that we'rereading for personal development
when we're single or you know,married and no children are very
different in the postpartumperiod.
I want moms to recognize thatpostpartum, just like
(18:50):
perimenopause, right?
These are in our life that aredefining for us the less
Kelly Siebold (18:58):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (18:59):
The, greater the impact and the negative
impact on our mental health.
But if you go into somethingprepared.
You feel confident, you feelempowered.
You recognize, yes, this isnormal.
This is to be expected.
I just gave birth to a baby.
It's going to take me 12 to 18months to fully mentally recover
from this.
Then I can start to build thisbeautiful version of me.
(19:22):
So right now we're just kind ofin a, building season, right?
They use that term in athleticsall the time, This is a building
year for us, a rebuilding year.
That's what postpartum really isfor us.
It's a rebuilding.
It's a flushing out of thethings that will no longer work
while recreating spaces,supports, and places that we
wanna put our energy that'sgonna be supportive for us to
(19:42):
sustain this growth.
Kelly Siebold (19:44):
And I love that you said, expect 12 to 18 months
to feel like yourself, becauseso many of us, we go to our six
week follow-up appointment andyou are cleared and that's it.
You have six weeks in your headto figure it out, and then
you're just good.
You're back to yourself.
And so even having thatexpectations, there's a gigantic
difference between six weeks and18 months.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:06):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (20:06):
a lot of that time, I think some of that
expectation we talked about, youexpect to be better at six weeks
'cause that's what we're taught,right?
Versus it really is this longtransformation.
And I do wanna mention thematerials Nicole just mentioned
will be in the show notes.
So just scroll down and you canget access to her free online
stuff right there as well.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:26):
It's perfect.
Kelly Siebold (20:28):
Nicole, let me ask you this.
So as a mom, we have a couplenew tools to expect.
What's happening to startpreparing if you are a friend or
a family member or a spouse?
Is there anything that we can doin that role to help a mom?
Right?
A lot of us show up for thebaby.
'cause that's what we'd know andthat's what I did for my
friends.
I did not show up for them asmothers.
(20:49):
Do you have any recommendationsto help her
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:52):
Great question, and I think that it differs
between moms, You know your
Kelly Siebold (20:56):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:57):
know their temperaments.
I think one thing that we don'tdo well is asking a mom, how can
I help you?
I.
Now, there's a couple schools ofthought on that, Because one
would say, well, she doesn'twanna think of another way.
It's very hard for a mom todelegate in chaos, So if she's
pregnant, talk to her about someof the responsibilities that
she's gonna want nothing to dowith in that postpartum period.
(21:19):
Is it gonna be grocery shopping?
Is it gonna be cleaning?
Is it gonna be picking up thekids?
Is it walking the dog?
What responsibilities will bringher stress in the postpartum
period and then offload those?
So can you be the friend thatcomes and walks the dog after
work?
you be the friend that picks upgroceries on the way over?
Can you be the friend thatdelivers pizza on a Thursday
(21:40):
night?
Right.
And I know we're in a worldwhere we can just call and have
the delivery, but that's onemore thing mom has to think
about.
I remember a time I was nursingmy son and it was hard and it
was during COVID and it wasearly COVID where people were
not coming around I heardsomebody on my front porch and
the doorbell rang and I thoughtlike, I can't even get up.
(22:01):
and I heard a car pull away andI just thought.
I'll deal with this when I dealwith it.
And I forgot.
I ended up laying down and myhusband came home and he walked
in with these two big, likegiant Tupperware things and he
said, these were on the frontporch.
And I was like, of course theywere four hours ago, you know,
when I was dealing with this.
And inside was a note from afriend who was not a mom and
(22:23):
said, I know things are hardright now, trying to make it a
little easier.
And it was a couple freezermeals.
And that to this day still sitswith me.
Right.
And I think to myself, like, shewasn't a mom, so it's not even
like, oh, she knew better butshe thought like, what do we
hate doing the most?
Most of us hate cooking and orplanning the meal.
I like the act of cooking, butit's like planning the meal,
(22:45):
getting the ingredients, andhaving the time.
can you offload some of thoseresponsibilities and don't make
the assumption that mom is tiredand doesn't wanna be around the
baby.
I had a friend and she taught mevery well.
She said, you go into that houseafter my sister had her baby.
Give the baby to the mom and doeverything else in the house.
(23:06):
Put the dishes away,
Kelly Siebold (23:07):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:08):
clean it, fold the laundry, do a load of
laundry.
Do those things that give herstress, that are just one more
thing for her to think about tryas best as possible to
anticipate needs.
I laugh often.
I have said to my mom, the onlywoman on this planet that can
anticipate a woman's needs isher own mom.
Kelly Siebold (23:28):
It is true.
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:29):
It is true.
So if you have a solid mom,bring her in'cause she's gonna
know what you need before youeven need it.
But think about those things,right?
And even in the early postpartumdays.
you are clearheaded, try tothink to yourself like, what is
bringing me the most stress inthis house right now?
It's the sticky kitchen floor.
Hubby.
I need you to clean that.
(23:49):
Mom, can you come?
Friends, can you come?
Can we bring a housekeeper in?
Kelly Siebold (23:54):
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:54):
those responsibilities.
Be helpful in that way.
Kelly Siebold (23:58):
I love that.
Nicole, any last things that youwould want moms to know that I
haven't asked you about thistransition period into the
fourth trimester?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (24:10):
I think to know that it's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard work becoming a mom,not in the physical sense of
giving birth, nursing a baby orfeeding a baby.
The sleep deprivation.
There's an entire othercomponent related to your mental
health.
And for me, that really embracesthe whole mom strategy.
There's the physical concern andcare, there's the mental health
(24:31):
care and concern, and when youfeel like you are alone.
You're not.
Find resources such as you,Kelly, your podcast.
Find people, find a community ofsupports.
Lean into the people thatprovide you with education and
awareness, as well asvalidation.
Moms know what they're doing andyou're going to second guess
(24:53):
yourself an awful lot, andthat's okay.
We just wanna make sure thatwe're in a position where we're
getting the support, we'regetting encouraged, and we're
getting validated along ourjourney, and to keep going and
focus on less, right?
Rather than trying to
Kelly Siebold (25:06):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (25:07):
more focus on being less sad.
I.
Less anxious.
Track that.
Try to go backwards.
If it's every day, can we takeit down to six days?
overwhelm yourself with tryingto do everything in a six week,
six month period of time.
That is going to take you aneternity to evolve
Kelly Siebold (25:26):
Yeah, I love that because instead of saying I'm
depressed tomorrow, I need to behappy.
It is one baby step.
I'm just trying to be a littlebit less depressed.
One day this week I.
What can I do to make thathappen?
Right?
Like the baby steps into thistransition of who you are as a
new mom, because like you said,12 to 18 months at minimum, and
(25:47):
it's just a lifetime transition.
Give yourself that grace toreally process and grieve and
prepare for being a brand newperson, and you should know that
you're gonna be a new person.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (25:59):
Yeah.
Kelly Siebold (26:00):
Nicole, this has been absolutely lovely.
Tell all of our listeners wherethey can reach you if they're
interested in more informationor support.
How can they reach out to you?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (26:10):
Sure.
So I'm on Instagram at NicoleKumi.
You can find me on LinkedIn atNicole Kumi and most people
connect with me on the websitewww.thewholemom.com.
I have lots of features there,free guides, resources, a form
to connect, and I don't everhesitate to connect one-on-one
with a mom.
If she's really struggling andneeds alternative supports.
(26:32):
We can also provide some helpthat way, triaging and setting
her up with more intensiveservices.
Kelly Siebold (26:38):
Wonderful.
Nicole, thank you so much, momsthat were listening.
as you're making thistransition, we hope that you
walked away with a couple ofgood pointers of things that.
Can be happening are likely tobe happening and also that it's
normal and you are doing anamazing job and that we just
want you to know that we're herefor you and you don't have to do
(26:58):
this alone, and we will see younext week.
Thanks.
If you enjoyed this episode andfound it helpful, please be sure
to hit subscribe.
Leave us your feedback and giveus a five star review.
For even more support, visitus@wethrivepostpartum.com.
(27:22):
Slash podcast to sign up for ournewsletter and learn more about
our community.
Remember, you are not alone withsupport.
You can feel better together.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Welcome to Let's ThrivePostpartum, where we tackle
postpartum depression andanxiety.
Head on, guiding you back toyourself.
Join Kelly Seabold, founder ofThrive Postpartum and Ashley
Moore, a maternal mental healththerapist.
Through honesty and laughter, weshare expert advice and real
stories.
(00:25):
While not therapy or medicaladvice, you'll find education,
support and hope.
Welcome to the village.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (00:37):
Hi, and welcome back to Let's Thrive Postpartum.
This is Kelly, and week I'mreally excited to talk to you
about a topic that moms, we'veprobably all felt, whether
you're pregnant and you'replanning to have your baby, or
like a lot of us, you're.
In that phase afterwards, andmaybe you're struggling with
overwhelm or depression oranxiety.
(00:58):
We spent so many months growinga baby and planning a baby and
all the doctor visits butsometimes after that, once we
birth a child.
tend to fall by the wayside, youhave that one checkup at six
weeks.
guest today is Dr.
Nicole Kuy, and I cannot waitfor her to talk with us because
she's gonna talk about what itmeans to birth the mother.
(01:22):
You've just birthed the child,but what does that mean for you?
And this is one of those.
Topics that we don't say enoughout loud that you're becoming a
mom and what does that mean?
And so today we're gonna diveinto what it means to birth the
mother and what we can do tosupport that mother if you're a
friend listening, how to supportyour friends who just became
(01:43):
moms.
So let me introduce to you Dr.
Nicole Kumi She's the CEO andfounder of the whole mom, a
maternal wellness organizationspecializing in perinatal
transitional coaching, assistingmothers with preparing their
mental health as they transitionfrom pregnancy.
Into their fourth trimester in2018, Nicole found herself on
(02:05):
the other side of the behavioralhealthcare system needing
services after being diagnosedwith postpartum depression.
And it was during this time thatshe realized how little
discussion there was aroundperinatal mood and anxiety
disorders.
As well as all the challenges infinding the right type of
services for what she wasexperiencing.
once she was able to improve herown mental and emotional health,
(02:28):
she shifted into the maternalmental health space, providing
education support, andinformation to moms about the
mental health aspects ofpostpartum in order to reduce
the stigma of PMAS.
Raise awareness and reallyempower moms to seek help.
So Nicole services range fromone-on-one coaching on-demand
courses in a virtual momscommunity to meet other moms
(02:52):
where she is in her journey,allowing her to effectively
transition into her new role andredefine herself as a mom.
Nicole has also written andpublished two books about
motherhood and maternal health.
One is postpartum My Language,my True Account of the fourth
trimester, and the other one isButterfly.
Mama Nicole, thank you so muchfor being here today and talking
(03:16):
about such an important topic.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (03:18):
Thank you for having me, Kelly.
I'm really excited to dive intothis with you today.
Kelly Siebold (03:22):
Of course.
So let's talk about what weactually mean by birthing the
mob.
Can you tell us a little about,that and also what your
experience was with it?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (03:32):
Yes, absolutely.
So I think it's really importantto let listeners know that we.
Prep for the birth of the baby.
We get all of the gadgets, weget the goodies, we prep the
room.
We're prepping our bodiesphysically, right?
And maybe even mentally.
We're preparing for that space.
Birthing classes, meditation,yoga, all of the things, because
(03:53):
we know what our babies aregonna need when they come into
this world.
They're gonna need safety,stability, and love.
And we also need that too.
And I think so often we get sopreoccupied with bringing the
baby into this environment thatwe don't recognize that
alongside of the baby, a versionof us as being birthed to.
(04:13):
I'm not the same woman that Iwas in 2017.
Right.
And even having two childrenhaving 20 18, 20 20.
I became a different mom bothtimes, and that's something we
hear a lot about later in lifewhere kids are raised by the
same parents, but they haddifferent versions of those
parents and so as a first timemom, there's a lot of anxiety
(04:34):
around things.
There's a lot of not knowing,there's a lot of Googling and
you know, checking all thesethings out.
So you may be presenting as ananxious parent that first time
around.
Second child, third subsequentchildren will say, you know, mom
wasn't that stressed with me.
She wasn't that anxious with me.
And it's because you weren't thesame person.
(04:54):
And while each child's birth isdifferent, each version of the
mother being birthed alongsideof that baby is different.
And I think that we do ourselvesa disservice by not
acknowledging this event.
Right.
The essence of motherhood isreally the birth of the mother.
That is who we become.
This is our opportunity tobecome a brand new version of
(05:18):
ourselves.
Not leaving those old versionsbehind, but bringing pieces of
ourselves along for the journey.
And the more that we resist thisprocess, the challenges that
arise with that, and a lot ofthat is implications on our
mental health.
And we see this with the onsetof perinatal mood and anxiety
(05:39):
disorders.
When we resist the naturalprocess of us to evolve into the
space of motherhood, become anew version of ourselves, we're
met with that tension, we're metwith that anxiety.
There's depression that goesalong with that.
I liked my old life.
I liked the old me, and now Idon't even recognize this person
physically, emotionally, andmentally.
(06:01):
And when we don't provide anyeducation around that and we
give moms a new baby, a newbody, a new emotional state, and
one checkup, we are settingourselves up for failure as it
relates to transitioning healthyand whole into the fourth
trimester.
Kelly Siebold (06:20):
And it is so true,'cause I know I've said
this before.
I was a type A parent bef goinginto it.
I had four different type ofpacifiers.
I had three different type ofswaddles.
I had everything that I hadGoogle that I could buy.
My child once thought aboutmyself.
And afterwards I felt like I washit by a train'cause I had no
idea how to care for me'cause Ididn't think I would need that.
(06:40):
I didn't think I needed to thinkabout my mental health.
I was a very healthy, happyperson going into delivery.
I didn't expect the train wreckthat came the year after.
And so knowing that thesetransitions are gonna happen and
your identity's gonna shift.
Such a great tool to have asmoms'cause it normalizes a lot
(07:01):
of this.
What, is going on that so manyof us can feel?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:06):
Yes.
Kelly Siebold (07:07):
when you're talking about kind of this birth
of the new mom and thistransition, what does a mom
expect to feel kind of duringthis process?
you mentioned obviously she'snot sleeping'cause she just
brought home a baby
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:18):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (07:18):
a new body.
But what does it feel like?
In your words to kind of gothrough this transformation and
is there an end?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (07:26):
Yeah.
Great questions.
So as.
The feelings are subjective.
I think that there's a lot ofgrief.
I think that might be the numberone emotion that the moms I'm
working with, myself included,experience in this process
because it's grieving that lifethat we once had.
Now, not everybody's life wasgood before they had a baby,
(07:48):
right?
But there's components of ourlives that are good.
So while you may not have beenin the best situation, and this
baby has given you a, a new lifeand a new opportunity, there
were still things happeningduring that time.
And we grieve that.
We grieve that sense of,autonomy too.
I could just run to the grocerystore on my way home from work.
No, I can't.
(08:08):
I have a screaming six month oldin the backseat, or I can't go
to happy hour with everybodyafter work now, or bowling or
wherever it is, because I haveto pick my kids up from daycare.
So there's that sense of lossand because we don't talk about
it, we assume that it makes usungrateful.
And that is not true.
those two things do not coexist.
(08:31):
You can grieve that period oftime and feel sad without it
making you ungrateful.
And I think that's where momsget held up.
Right, and, and like you said.
You did everything for the baby.
You prepped everything for thebaby, but you didn't get
anything for yourself.
And part of that is because wedon't encourage our moms to do
that.
We are a society of don't beselfish.
Kelly Siebold (08:56):
Yes.
don't be unhappy when you had ababy.
'cause this
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:00):
Of course,
Kelly Siebold (09:01):
point of your life.
And so
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:02):
I
Kelly Siebold (09:02):
suddenly feel grieving because you can't walk
to the bathroom by yourself
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:06):
mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (09:07):
the things that you mentioned, there is this
internal conflict of, I'msupposed to be happy.
This is what society has told meto do.
I don't feel happy in thismoment.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:18):
And then what happens, right?
Kelly Siebold (09:20):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (09:20):
I don't feel happy, but if I tell people I'm
not happy, they're gonna shameme for that.
So you know what I'll do?
I'll just stay quiet and I'llisolate in this little corner
and maybe I won't leave thehouse.
Yeah, there's the stigmaassociated with this.
There's the judgment fromgenerations past, even from
people within your own circle,right?
(09:41):
Shaming you for the emotionsyou're feeling.
Every emotion that comes withbecoming a new mom is valid.
Now, whether they're common ornot is yet to be determined,
based on the frequency andintensity of things you'll
experience.
But we've demeaned moms fromspeaking out safely about how
they're feeling.
Kelly Siebold (10:01):
Nicole, that makes a lot of sense about
having that grieving feeling.
If there's a mom who's listeningwho feels like, wow, I feel like
I'm grieving myself, do you haveany recommendations for what she
could do to start processingthis or feeling it in a better
way?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (10:18):
Absolutely.
I think it's always best toacknowledge that the feeling is
present, right?
What
Kelly Siebold (10:23):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (10:24):
feeling and what is happening around me
right now?
And I think I.
Tied to situations andenvironmental factors,
especially in those earlypostpartum months where we
really start to resonate andcome out of that newborn love
and recognize like, this is mylife now.
And for me, it was reallyimportant to identify moments
(10:46):
where I was feeling grief sointensely.
And that was typically when thebaby was crying a lot, was kind
of just very difficult when thebaby was having a hard time.
And I thought to myself This isgonna be so hard.
Why did we do this?
And you start getting thosesecond guessing, those thoughts
creeping into your mind.
Stop yourself.
Acknowledge I'm experiencingthis grief right now.
(11:07):
I'm, I'm stressed out.
I'm trying to manage the baby.
I haven't had a good night'ssleep.
I haven't eaten today.
pause.
Let's pause this and pivot.
Get something in your belly.
Lay the baby down safely if youcan, or wear the baby, whatever
it is that is gonna work foryou, and sit down and relax for
(11:27):
a few minutes.
I understand that you may not beable to sleep.
You may not even be able torest, but if you can remove
yourself from that currentenvironment, sit down and see if
you're still having thatfeeling, and if you are,
acknowledge that it's okay.
It's
Kelly Siebold (11:41):
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (11:41):
be experiencing this.
Lots of things are happening.
Lots of things are changingemotionally, cognitively, you're
going through a lot right now.
And I think that the more awarewe become and the more we give
ourselves permission to feelthese things, the better we are
at managing them.
So even keep a tracker sheet ora little journal for yourself
(12:03):
and say.
Today I felt that grief and itwas at 1:10 PM while the baby
was crying and this is what Idid.
And then that's something youcan use to measure the
frequency, the duration, theintensity of what's happening
for you, and also look back onsome progress.
Kelly Siebold (12:19):
I end up having to do that for myself for
anxiety.
I couldn't manage my anxiety andstarted tracking and I realized
on nights I didn't sleep or gotless than two hours, were the
nights, the days, which madecomplete sense that my anxiety
was through the roof.
And I could look back, Nicolefrom two months.
See the improvements I made,even though I still didn't feel
(12:40):
great, you could see thatimprovement and it was very
motivational to keep going.
So I love this idea to track,see what you can do different,
what really brings it, and alsoto use it just to say these
changes are happening.
I'm making progress.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (12:57):
Absolutely.
And look at how we track ourbaby's development, right?
In most babies, when they comehome.
We're tracking how much we'refeeding them.
both of my kids were jaundice.
I didn't even know that that wasa thing.
I immediately thought I didsomething wrong.
Turns out lots of babies arejaundice, right?
And they give you a protocol wehad to feed the babies every two
hours and this many milliliters.
(13:17):
it was exhausting, but it helpedus show the progress and it
helped us also show like wherewere we struggling?
Was it middle of the night?
We weren't feeding well, was itmorning?
Was it days after baby wasn'tsleeping?
It's the same systems justapplicable to the mom.
We don't have to reinvent thewheel.
We just need to take the metricsand apply them in a different
(13:39):
situation.
Kelly Siebold (13:41):
Love that, and it's just one of those little
tiny things that you can do foryou that doesn't take a lot of
effort, right?
You could do it on your phone.
A piece of paper, whatever worksbest, but start tracking your
symptoms and what is bringingthose on Anything.
So we talked about birth motherchanging that are part of this
(14:08):
birthing the mother experiencethat we should know about?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (14:12):
Yes.
I think probably the mostsignificant, one of the ones I
see alongside of the grief isresistance.
Resistance to changing yourways, to changing your outlook
on things.
Right.
of this time.
I'd say probably 20 years ago,the experience was different
because we didn't have socialmedia in our faces.
we're measuring our progress,our success, you know, against
(14:38):
the mom on Instagram that wedon't know and we don't
understand.
We don't know her levels ofsupport.
We don't know her challenges,but somehow we have to be just
like her.
When we try to align ourjourneys with somebody else
without the same status,environmental factors, setting
(15:00):
ourselves up for failure, andthat is where we really impact
our mental health.
I'm not achieving the success ofKelly.
Well, I don't know Kelly'ssituation.
I don't know what's going onhere.
Also when we are resistant tothis transformation, right?
Because we don't know about it.
We don't talk about it.
So I'm now, I'm trying to workout, I'm going for walks, and
(15:20):
walks.
Used to be great cardio for me,but I can't seem to lose this
weight.
Or you know what?
I used to have anxiety and thisis what I did to manage it.
It's not working.
And instead of taking a stepback and saying, okay, it's not
working because I'm not thesame, everything has changed
about me.
So that also means myinterventions.
Need to change, right.
Kelly Siebold (15:42):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (15:43):
Just like they do with our baby, right?
Babies, very early on, theysleep and eat a lot, Then all of
a sudden, boom, their eyes areopen and they're looking at the
world and they're a little morestimulated.
So now you might not just beable to bounce them twice and
put them down.
It's gonna take a little moreeffort.
You have to change yourinterventions to meet that stage
of your child.
(16:03):
It's the same thing we have todo with our moms.
We have to change theinterventions.
So the resistance is a sign thatsomething isn't working.
And I think the more aware weare to our values, what brings
us joy, the easier it is toidentify like, I'm making this
(16:24):
harder on myself and we do itunintentionally.
Right?
And I think about it with the,the weight loss and, and getting
back to like, feeling likemyself again.
don't even know who we are.
how can we feel like ourselves?
Again, we need to lay a newfoundation of how do I want to
feel?
Making the choice of what youwanna feel and then creating
(16:45):
appropriate interventions tobring you that outcome.
Kelly Siebold (16:49):
I love this.
I mean, I think every bit of itis spot on and from my lived
experience with it would havebeen great to come in prepared.
Along those lines, I expected tobe me with a baby.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (16:59):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (17:00):
I didn't expect to be a totally different
person.
And Nicole, I'm sure you had theexact same experience of just
every bit of this can bedifferent now.
How do you kind of build a newfoundation of you versus I just
now have a baby in my arms?
Right.
Two very different experiences.
knowing this now and having gonethrough it, being able to
(17:21):
prepare for this upfrontwould've been a game changer.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (17:24):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (17:24):
Do you have any advice for moms who are pregnant
and are listening to startthinking through some of this
profound shifts we're tellingthem it's gonna happen, but till
you go through it, you don'tactually know what it's gonna
feel like.
How can they set themselves upfor success in this birthing of
them phase?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (17:42):
I think it really comes down to education
and awareness.
Get educated, take a couple ofclasses, related to the fourth
trimester and what to reallyexpect.
And I know I say that in jestand then people are like, that's
great, but these classes don'texist.
And you're right, they don't.
And that was part of whatpropelled me into the space is
after my experience thinking tomyself, there was no way for me
(18:04):
to prepare.
simply
Kelly Siebold (18:06):
wasn't.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (18:07):
go through it order to survive it, I made it
my mission to not have to thaton other moms, whether my
sister, cousins friends, my owndaughter at some point in her
life.
So I've created these coursesthat talk about the mental
health aspect.
I have a free guide on birthingher, how to set up your home,
(18:29):
your social supports.
How to do personal developmentduring pregnancy that aligns
with the evolution of the mom.
like the books that we'rereading for personal development
when we're single or you know,married and no children are very
different in the postpartumperiod.
I want moms to recognize thatpostpartum, just like
(18:50):
perimenopause, right?
These are in our life that aredefining for us the less
Kelly Siebold (18:58):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (18:59):
The, greater the impact and the negative
impact on our mental health.
But if you go into somethingprepared.
You feel confident, you feelempowered.
You recognize, yes, this isnormal.
This is to be expected.
I just gave birth to a baby.
It's going to take me 12 to 18months to fully mentally recover
from this.
Then I can start to build thisbeautiful version of me.
(19:22):
So right now we're just kind ofin a, building season, right?
They use that term in athleticsall the time, This is a building
year for us, a rebuilding year.
That's what postpartum really isfor us.
It's a rebuilding.
It's a flushing out of thethings that will no longer work
while recreating spaces,supports, and places that we
wanna put our energy that'sgonna be supportive for us to
(19:42):
sustain this growth.
Kelly Siebold (19:44):
And I love that you said, expect 12 to 18 months
to feel like yourself, becauseso many of us, we go to our six
week follow-up appointment andyou are cleared and that's it.
You have six weeks in your headto figure it out, and then
you're just good.
You're back to yourself.
And so even having thatexpectations, there's a gigantic
difference between six weeks and18 months.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:06):
Mm-hmm.
Kelly Siebold (20:06):
a lot of that time, I think some of that
expectation we talked about, youexpect to be better at six weeks
'cause that's what we're taught,right?
Versus it really is this longtransformation.
And I do wanna mention thematerials Nicole just mentioned
will be in the show notes.
So just scroll down and you canget access to her free online
stuff right there as well.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:26):
It's perfect.
Kelly Siebold (20:28):
Nicole, let me ask you this.
So as a mom, we have a couplenew tools to expect.
What's happening to startpreparing if you are a friend or
a family member or a spouse?
Is there anything that we can doin that role to help a mom?
Right?
A lot of us show up for thebaby.
'cause that's what we'd know andthat's what I did for my
friends.
I did not show up for them asmothers.
(20:49):
Do you have any recommendationsto help her
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:52):
Great question, and I think that it differs
between moms, You know your
Kelly Siebold (20:56):
Okay.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (20:57):
know their temperaments.
I think one thing that we don'tdo well is asking a mom, how can
I help you?
I.
Now, there's a couple schools ofthought on that, Because one
would say, well, she doesn'twanna think of another way.
It's very hard for a mom todelegate in chaos, So if she's
pregnant, talk to her about someof the responsibilities that
she's gonna want nothing to dowith in that postpartum period.
(21:19):
Is it gonna be grocery shopping?
Is it gonna be cleaning?
Is it gonna be picking up thekids?
Is it walking the dog?
What responsibilities will bringher stress in the postpartum
period and then offload those?
So can you be the friend thatcomes and walks the dog after
work?
you be the friend that picks upgroceries on the way over?
Can you be the friend thatdelivers pizza on a Thursday
(21:40):
night?
Right.
And I know we're in a worldwhere we can just call and have
the delivery, but that's onemore thing mom has to think
about.
I remember a time I was nursingmy son and it was hard and it
was during COVID and it wasearly COVID where people were
not coming around I heardsomebody on my front porch and
the doorbell rang and I thoughtlike, I can't even get up.
(22:01):
and I heard a car pull away andI just thought.
I'll deal with this when I dealwith it.
And I forgot.
I ended up laying down and myhusband came home and he walked
in with these two big, likegiant Tupperware things and he
said, these were on the frontporch.
And I was like, of course theywere four hours ago, you know,
when I was dealing with this.
And inside was a note from afriend who was not a mom and
(22:23):
said, I know things are hardright now, trying to make it a
little easier.
And it was a couple freezermeals.
And that to this day still sitswith me.
Right.
And I think to myself, like, shewasn't a mom, so it's not even
like, oh, she knew better butshe thought like, what do we
hate doing the most?
Most of us hate cooking and orplanning the meal.
I like the act of cooking, butit's like planning the meal,
(22:45):
getting the ingredients, andhaving the time.
can you offload some of thoseresponsibilities and don't make
the assumption that mom is tiredand doesn't wanna be around the
baby.
I had a friend and she taught mevery well.
She said, you go into that houseafter my sister had her baby.
Give the baby to the mom and doeverything else in the house.
(23:06):
Put the dishes away,
Kelly Siebold (23:07):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:08):
clean it, fold the laundry, do a load of
laundry.
Do those things that give herstress, that are just one more
thing for her to think about tryas best as possible to
anticipate needs.
I laugh often.
I have said to my mom, the onlywoman on this planet that can
anticipate a woman's needs isher own mom.
Kelly Siebold (23:28):
It is true.
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:29):
It is true.
So if you have a solid mom,bring her in'cause she's gonna
know what you need before youeven need it.
But think about those things,right?
And even in the early postpartumdays.
you are clearheaded, try tothink to yourself like, what is
bringing me the most stress inthis house right now?
It's the sticky kitchen floor.
Hubby.
I need you to clean that.
(23:49):
Mom, can you come?
Friends, can you come?
Can we bring a housekeeper in?
Kelly Siebold (23:54):
Yeah.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (23:54):
those responsibilities.
Be helpful in that way.
Kelly Siebold (23:58):
I love that.
Nicole, any last things that youwould want moms to know that I
haven't asked you about thistransition period into the
fourth trimester?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (24:10):
I think to know that it's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard work becoming a mom,not in the physical sense of
giving birth, nursing a baby orfeeding a baby.
The sleep deprivation.
There's an entire othercomponent related to your mental
health.
And for me, that really embracesthe whole mom strategy.
There's the physical concern andcare, there's the mental health
(24:31):
care and concern, and when youfeel like you are alone.
You're not.
Find resources such as you,Kelly, your podcast.
Find people, find a community ofsupports.
Lean into the people thatprovide you with education and
awareness, as well asvalidation.
Moms know what they're doing andyou're going to second guess
(24:53):
yourself an awful lot, andthat's okay.
We just wanna make sure thatwe're in a position where we're
getting the support, we'regetting encouraged, and we're
getting validated along ourjourney, and to keep going and
focus on less, right?
Rather than trying to
Kelly Siebold (25:06):
Yes.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (25:07):
more focus on being less sad.
I.
Less anxious.
Track that.
Try to go backwards.
If it's every day, can we takeit down to six days?
overwhelm yourself with tryingto do everything in a six week,
six month period of time.
That is going to take you aneternity to evolve
Kelly Siebold (25:26):
Yeah, I love that because instead of saying I'm
depressed tomorrow, I need to behappy.
It is one baby step.
I'm just trying to be a littlebit less depressed.
One day this week I.
What can I do to make thathappen?
Right?
Like the baby steps into thistransition of who you are as a
new mom, because like you said,12 to 18 months at minimum, and
(25:47):
it's just a lifetime transition.
Give yourself that grace toreally process and grieve and
prepare for being a brand newperson, and you should know that
you're gonna be a new person.
Dr. Nicole Kumi (25:59):
Yeah.
Kelly Siebold (26:00):
Nicole, this has been absolutely lovely.
Tell all of our listeners wherethey can reach you if they're
interested in more informationor support.
How can they reach out to you?
Dr. Nicole Kumi (26:10):
Sure.
So I'm on Instagram at NicoleKumi.
You can find me on LinkedIn atNicole Kumi and most people
connect with me on the websitewww.thewholemom.com.
I have lots of features there,free guides, resources, a form
to connect, and I don't everhesitate to connect one-on-one
with a mom.
If she's really struggling andneeds alternative supports.
(26:32):
We can also provide some helpthat way, triaging and setting
her up with more intensiveservices.
Kelly Siebold (26:38):
Wonderful.
Nicole, thank you so much, momsthat were listening.
as you're making thistransition, we hope that you
walked away with a couple ofgood pointers of things that.
Can be happening are likely tobe happening and also that it's
normal and you are doing anamazing job and that we just
want you to know that we're herefor you and you don't have to do
(26:58):
this alone, and we will see younext week.
Thanks.
If you enjoyed this episode andfound it helpful, please be sure
to hit subscribe.
Leave us your feedback and giveus a five star review.
For even more support, visitus@wethrivepostpartum.com.
(27:22):
Slash podcast to sign up for ournewsletter and learn more about
our community.
Remember, you are not alone withsupport.
You can feel better together.
Let's thrive postpartum.
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