June 25, 2025 • 36 mins
What if the anxiety, sadness, or overwhelm you're feeling in postpartum isn’t all of you but just a part of you? And what if that part, whether it's tied to postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, is actually trying to help?
In this episode of Let’s Thrive Postpartum, we explore how to meet postpartum mental health challenges with curiosity instead of shame. Annalise Lind, LPCA and new mom, walks us through the Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach and how it can help you bring more compassion to the messy, emotional experience of early motherhood.
You'll learn:
- What IFS is and how to use it when you're feeling anxious or depressed.
- How to respond differently to intrusive thoughts.
- Why your hard emotions are trying to protect you.
- A guided exercise you can use again and again to feel more grounded.
Whether you're struggling with postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, or simply feeling like you've lost yourself, this episode offers a powerful reframe and practical tools to help you move forward with more kindness toward yourself.
Tap play and save this one to revisit anytime you need it.
To connect with Annalise Lind:
Instagram: @steadfastchristiancounseling
Website: steadfastchristiancounseling.com
Annalise’s site: annaliselindcounseling.com
Support is just one click away - check out these additional resources designed to support your postpartum mental health:
- Download our free Postpartum Mental Health Plan https://wethrivepostpartum.com/postpartum-plan/
- Learn more about Thrive Postpartum’s virtual support for pregnant and postpartum moms, including virtual support groups, education, expert-led events, and a supportive community of moms who understand your journey https://wethrivepostpartum.com/join
- Email us with a question or postpartum topic you want us to discuss at podcast@wethrivepostpartum.com
- Hit subscribe to never miss an episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Welcome to Let's ThrivePostpartum, where we tackle
postpartum depression andanxiety.
Head on, guiding you back toyourself.
Join Kelly Seabold, founder ofThrive Postpartum and Ashley
Moore, a maternal mental healththerapist.
Through honesty and laughter, weshare expert advice and real
stories.
(00:25):
While not therapy or medicaladvice, you'll find education,
support and hope.
Welcome to the village.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (00:39):
Hi moms and welcome back to Let's Thrive
Postpartum.
I'm Kelly, and today we aregonna talk about something that
I think all of us need in ourlives, especially on those dark
days.
When you're struggling, thingsfeel overwhelming.
It is how to look at where youare in this moment with
compassion and empathy.
(01:01):
Which seems really hard to do atsome points.
So we are gonna talk today toAnnaly Lynn, and I'm so excited
for you to meet her.
She's gonna talk to us aboutinternal family systems and how
you can use that concept toreally bring this compassion to
your life and that hopefully youcan walk away today with some
(01:22):
things that you can do or adifferent way to think about
what you're going through.
So let me first off introduceyou to Annise.
We have known each other for avery long time, and I'm a huge
fan of what she does.
And the conversations her and Ihave had about life.
So Annalise Lin is a licensedprofessional counselor associate
(01:42):
with a deep passion for creatinga welcoming space where clients
can really explore growth andhealing.
She specializes in working withadults, young adults, and
couples integrating internalfamily systems.
Or you'll hear us call it IFSperson-centered therapy and
Attachment Theory to fosterMeaningful Change.
Originally, Annalise came fromMississippi where she developed
(02:04):
a heart for mental health whileworking with children during
college, and then she laterspent several years in college
ministry in Texas before earningher master's in counseling from
Dallas Theological Seminary.
Her clinical work is deeplyinformed by her faith, and she
values the integration ofemotional and spiritual
wellbeing in therapy.
She's been in clinical practicefor four years and has worked
(02:27):
with young adults inrelationship capacity for 10.
She's currently in DC where shebalances life along with her
husband and new baby girl.
Annalise, thank you so much forbeing our guest today and
talking about something that isso needed to all of us moms.
Annalise Lind (02:45):
Thank you for having me, Kelly.
I'm so excited to be here and Iam also a huge fan of you and
the podcast and all the worky'all are doing.
Kelly Siebold (02:54):
Thank you.
So Annalise, before we jump intoIFS and kind of thinking through
the parts of you in postpartumor while you're pregnant, I know
you're a new mom.
Tell us a little bit about yourjourney and what that's been
like.
I,
Annalise Lind (03:10):
Yeah, thanks for asking Kelly.
So I have an almost 1-year-old.
She will be one next week, whichis
Kelly Siebold (03:17):
congratulations.
Annalise Lind (03:19):
Thank you.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I feel like it is a, it's amilestone for baby and mom.
Kelly Siebold (03:24):
It's, there's something about that first
birthday like I did it and wemade it this far.
It's a huge accomplishment.
Mom.
Good job.
Annalise Lind (03:31):
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Yeah, so this is super fresh forme.
usually when I do teaching orpodcasts, it's things that I've
had time to kind of process andwork through.
And this is, you know, I'm.
Not yet a full year in.
And so I have kind of had my ownjourney of struggling with
postpartum anxiety anddepression.
(03:52):
And I think something that hasbeen so helpful for me is to
have other moms say, you're notalone.
So I'm excited to be here todaybecause even though this feels
vulnerable and fresh for me, Ithink it's so important to help
other moms feel like they're notthe only ones.
And that's why I love what y'alldo here too.
Kelly Siebold (04:13):
And thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for being role grown,saying that you went through it
too, because that is one of thethings I think the more we talk
about it, the more moms don'tfeel like they're failing or
it's just them when everybodyelse is okay.
It's a hard moment in life andyou're not alone.
And I'm glad you're doing okay.
(04:33):
So Annise, based on yourexperience going through this
postpartum, also your experienceas a therapist, how do you look
at and recommend moms bringempathy and compassion into
where they are right now?
Annalise Lind (04:51):
Yes.
That's a great question, Kelly,and I think it's so important
and often difficult, hard to,and, and hard to do when we're
in a place of stress already togive ourselves grace and
compassion.
But one way that I like to, goabout this in my work.
Is using something calledInternal Family Systems and that
(05:15):
is a type of therapy that wasdeveloped, by Dr.
Richard Schwartz and he wasworking with a lot of families
and basically realized, okay.
It seems that my clients haveparts within them are just like,
what would make up an externalfamily system.
they have parts within them thatmay be like the angry father or,
(05:39):
you know, the quiet brother,that all of these emotions kind
of make up what looks like aninternal family.
if you've ever seen the movieInside Out, they used, internal
family systems therapists.
They worked with them on themovie.
So you have joy and anger andsadness.
And so that is how this therapyworks, that we are labeling our
(06:03):
emotions as different parts ofus.
So it's like a part of me mightfeel really excited to have a
newborn and another part of memight feel.
Really anxious that I have thischild I have to take care of and
I don't know what to do with.
And both can be true at the sametime.
And so what that does is thathelps, bring compassion that you
(06:27):
are not defined by.
This one emotion that you'rehaving, you're actually made up
of a lot of different emotionsthat are there to help and
protect you, to help you be thebest mother that you can be.
And being able to have somecuriosity and some compassion
towards those parts of us allowsus to give that compassion to
(06:48):
ourselves as a whole.
Kelly Siebold (06:51):
I love that.
So let me say this back to you.
So looking at each differentemotion as kind of its own
little entity, like youmentioned the father, the
mother, whatever it could be,how you're feeling, and then
realizing I.
That you aren't just one thing,that you are multiple.
So you could be sad and happy.
You can be all those things.
(07:11):
'cause I don't know if youexperienced this, but an Elise,
when you're in, or when I was inkind of the depths of depression
and anxiety, I felt like that'swho 100% I was.
It wasn't this part of me orthis feeling.
It was an all-encompassing,here's where I'm at.
And so getting to have therealization that that's one
(07:32):
part.
I think would really be helpfulto feel more valid, maybe for
myself, not feel a little crazy,but really be able to say, this
is just a piece of me.
Is that right?
Annalise Lind (07:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah, because you kind of dofeel crazy.
You
Kelly Siebold (07:51):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (07:51):
like you are going.
Insane that your emotions aregoing haywire.
And you know, there's this part,my boss, Jesse said this to me
the other day.
We were talking about it.
There's this part of the InsideOut movie, the second one where
she becomes a teenager and thewhole control room of her
(08:12):
emotions.
Is taken over, because yourbrain's exploding as a teenager
and that the same thing happenswhen you're a new mom.
You have all of these hormones,all of these new emotions, you
feel like you're going crazy.
But to know that a, that's.
normal.
That's what's happening in yourbrain.
(08:32):
But be like, just like you said,that's not all of who you are.
There might be an anxious partof you that is there to try to
care for your child, but that'snot all of who you are.
You also are a loving mother.
You're a kind friend.
You're all of these other thingsat the same time.
Kelly Siebold (08:53):
Do you have any suggestions when a mom is
feeling this and she says, okay,I do feel the depression or the
anxiety, it's not all of me.
What else she could do to reallyhelp?
A fire manage or even lessensome of those symptoms
Annalise Lind (09:07):
Yes, that's a great question.
So, IFS has a few different waysthat we kind of talk about,
working with these parts.
And one way is to focus on thepart and get to know it and
spend some time with it, whichcan sometimes feel
counterintuitive when.
(09:28):
tend to want the anxiety or thedepression or whatever it may be
to just go away.
but giving ourselves some spaceto actually get to know it and
bring some compassion to it is away to start.
and sometimes I'll have clients.
Draw or write or notice wherethey feel things in their
(09:49):
bodies.
And sometimes we might haveanother part of us that comes up
that feels resistant to this,and that's okay too.
But oftentimes I'll ask clients,can the part of you that feels
resistant.
us a little bit of space so thatwe can get to know this anxiety
or depression and how it mightbe trying to help you, what it
(10:12):
might need.
And then after we get thatspace, we can work with it.
we can learn to sort of befriendit and we can learn what some of
its fears might be, what burdensit might be carrying, and get to
know it a little bit better.
so for example.
There might be an anxiety part,that is really fearing, your
(10:37):
safety for your child.
And I know y'all have talkedabout this on the podcast
before, how normal it is to havethese intrusive thoughts.
so being able to almost look atthis framework of, oh, this part
of me is trying to protect mychild, and there's actually
parts in my body that are tryingto nurture it.
(10:57):
I'm not going crazy.
It's just a little overactiveright now, and maybe what it
needs is to know that my childis breathing, my child is safe,
and I can go back to bed.
Rather than sort of beatingyourself up or shaming yourself
for having these thoughts.
Kelly Siebold (11:13):
Can we stop right there, anise because.
I wish you and I would've hadthese conversations years ago
when I was going through thisbecause I think that is a very
different response to anintrusive thought.
And I've been very open all thetimes that I've had them.
And my vision was throwing mychild over a balcony or down the
steps, or I constantlyunintentionally was hurting her.
And so when that happened, Ididn't know to expect it.
(11:36):
It was a very scary feeling ifyou're mom having it.
It's very unsettling and I wasafraid to talk about it.
'cause what if that meant theywould take my child?
What if I was a bad mom and Iwas really a danger?
But instead you're saying you'redoing that for a reason and
you're doing it because you loveyour child and you protect your
child.
Let's look at that is a verydifferent response than any
(11:58):
internal response I had, and soI just wanna stop and say if
your mom listening, who's gotthose?
This is just a really impactful.
Viewpoint that I think couldchange a lot of people's
perceptions.
So thank you for that Annise.
Annalise Lind (12:17):
Yeah.
Thank you Kelly, and, and thanksfor sharing that.
I think it is so helpful formoms to hear that you're not
alone and having some of thesethoughts.
even if you've never.
had a, intrusive thought beforeand that it comes up for the
first time in this period.
Knowing that that is a thing andknowing that that is your
(12:38):
brain's way of trying to protectyou, I think can remove so much
shame.
because otherwise if we think,okay, well we can't tell anybody
about this because they're gonnatake my child away because it
feels crazy, then you live inthat.
Isolation and you live in thatshame and it doesn't help.
(12:59):
It doesn't get better.
And you know, I think y'all mayhave said this before on the
podcast, but the fact that it isdistressing to you that you
would have those thoughts meansthat.
not gonna act on those.
You know, that
Kelly Siebold (13:13):
Yes.
Annalise Lind (13:13):
way of trying to protect you.
And so I think being able toremove that shame allows for
that compassion towards yourselfand to live a little bit softer
rather than trying to just whiteknuckle your way through
postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (13:30):
Yes.
'cause that will be no fun foranybody.
We've done it.
Annalise Lind (13:33):
Okay.
Kelly Siebold (13:33):
So Annise, I kind of interrupted you, so let me go
back and ask what you weretalking about, about getting to
know I.
This part of you, thatdepression part or the anxiety,
what the mom's listening and shefeels that, what are some
recommendations that she canreally start thinking through
(13:53):
with curiosity.
Know that part of her.
Annalise Lind (13:58):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So there are a lot of differentexercises that you can do using
internal family systems.
There are some great resourcesout there.
an app called Insight Timer, andthey have.
a bunch of different meditationsthat you can just put on.
I was listening to one the otherday, called IFS for depression
(14:21):
as a protector, I thought thatone was so good because she
talks about, the way thatdepression will kind of come in
as a protector when you'refeeling overwhelmed and when are
we feeling overwhelmed in thepostpartum period?
For sure.
Kelly Siebold (14:38):
Yes.
Annalise Lind (14:40):
That will come in and it'll kind of cause you to
shut down because it's too much.
And so being able to listen tosome of these meditations or
work with an IFS therapist oreven to do some journaling, some
prompts that you can find.
online or different worksheetsto help you separate out, these
(15:03):
emotions that you're having asparts and even just to begin to
have the idea that you can givesome compassion towards these
parts.
And so I.
In internal family systems,there is this idea of your core
self.
that is when you feel the mostlike you, that's when you're
(15:23):
feeling, um, they use the eightCs, but you're feeling
compassion, creativity,curiosity, calm, courage,
confidence.
Clarity and connectedness.
is when you are Kelly, you areannise.
And anything that's not, that isa part.
(15:44):
So depression would be a part,and so being able to use your
core self kind of get to knowthis part and how it might be
trying to help you.
Is a way to actually lessen theintensity of what you're feeling
and to do so in a way that feelsreally gentle and kind and
(16:04):
compassionate.
Kelly Siebold (16:07):
I love that and I've never thought of myself in
the eight, was it the eight Cs?
But you're right, anything outoutside of those does feel
different.
And that anxiety or OCD partthat comes in postpartum looking
at it that way could be very,very helpful.
Annalise Lind (16:24):
Yeah, and sometimes I like to think of it
like a toddler,
Kelly Siebold (16:28):
Okay.
Annalise Lind (16:29):
I know this is probably relatable for a lot of.
Of, you know, when a toddler hasthese really big feelings,
right?
These feelings are taking over.
maybe it's a temper tantrum oranger or whatever.
You as the whole brained parent,are helping to regulate that
child.
So you're helping them figureout what they need because when
(16:49):
they are.
Two, three, however years old,they don't have those tools.
But you do at your age.
And so it's the same thing withthese parts.
It's my core self has the toolsto help regulate.
and this other part of me justneeds.
Some extra help doing that.
(17:10):
So it's really kind of likehaving this conversation with
yourself and getting somedistance from that intense
feeling and having someboundaries with it the same way
you would with a toddler ifthey're having really big
feelings.
Kelly Siebold (17:25):
Yes.
So let me ask you this, becauseI love that idea of.
You kind of helping yourselfregulate.
And also I can see how thatcould be hard in the moment if
that's not a skill you've had todo.
What are ways, let's just pickanxiety for a minute.
If an anxiety moment is comingup postpartum and that attack is
coming on, or you feel atheightening, how do you
(17:48):
recommend that a mom regulatethis.
Annalise Lind (17:50):
Yeah, I think you bring up such a good point too,
that in the moment, you know,we're not always, being our poor
self, and so sometimes you mightneed to do some grounding to
even to that point, to be ableto help regulate yourself.
You might need to do, Tapping ordeep breathing.
(18:13):
or I know you've said this onthe podcast before, Kelly, that
you like to do math.
You know, something that likedistracts your brain and often
it does have to be a physicalthing because when I ask,
clients, where are you feelingthis in your body?
It's oh, I feel anxiety.
chest or in my shoulders, it isvery visceral.
(18:35):
And so being able to do some ofthose grounding techniques, and
then move into spending some ofthat time with your parts, to
ask those questions and to getto know, okay, this part is
coming up and I wonder.
Why it's here right now, why I'mfeeling this anxiety so
(18:57):
intensely.
if you're feeling reallyanxious, you might need to go
take a walk or something likethat.
And then when you come back andsit down, oh, I wonder why I
felt so anxious about, my childtrying to climb the stairs.
well, when I was little I felldown the stairs.
Maybe that's my brain trying to.
Protect me because it thinksthat there is a threat there.
(19:20):
And then that brings so muchcompassion because it says, oh
yeah, like that makes so muchsense.
And what does this part of meneed?
Okay, maybe this part of me,needs to stand right behind her
while she's climbing up thestairs.
You know, I'm just using that as
Kelly Siebold (19:35):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (19:36):
but such a different way than just saying.
I shouldn't have this anxiety.
What's wrong with me and whichis what we often do in times of
stress, is we try to shameourselves out of it, and it's
not very effective.
Shame is a very, ineffectivetool.
It might work for a short time,but for the long time it's not
(19:56):
helpful.
Kelly Siebold (19:58):
Elise, I love the questions that you just walked
through and the fact that youare bringing that curiosity,
like what does my anxiety need?
What does this look like versusthe shame part.
And at least by doing it thatway.
Does that have impacts on howyou react?
Because I would think if I'mgoing through your questions and
(20:19):
I'm like, oh, I'm anxious abouther climbing the stairs, let me
go.
Maybe just stand behind her toreduce my anxiety versus, oh
Kelly, you're terrible.
Quit thinking about it.
I would feel like the impacts onyour reactions after would
probably be a lot easier for youto understand, but also a lot
more helpful to you physically.
(20:40):
Am I right on that?
Completely off base?
Annalise Lind (20:43):
Yes.
No, absolutely.
That's right.
I think that's a great point toobecause know your body is trying
to tell you something.
When you're anxious, you'reperceiving some sort of threat,
some something that you shouldfear, which you know, if you're
running from a dinosaur.
That's really helpful.
(21:04):
Right?
Kelly Siebold (21:04):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (21:05):
you're perceiving this threat that is maybe not as
intense as, you're perceivingit, there's not a dinosaur
there.
It's your child climbing thestairs.
You know, being able torecognize where it's coming from
and to be able to.
Not just reason your way out ofit, but calm your body and give
(21:26):
yourself that compassion.
It does affect how you respond.
And then you're also able toshow up differently for the
people that you're interactingwith.
So you're able to show updifferently for your child
because.
You're of guiding her in adifferent way, him or her, than
(21:46):
if you're just sitting overthere shaming yourself and, and
you're able to navigate withyour child or a friend or
whoever you're interacting with.
In a more open way becauseyou're giving yourself that
grace as well.
And I mean, let me be the firstto say this is very hard to do.
It takes a lot of practice.
(22:08):
And I'm a therapist and I can bevery terrible at this because
it's hard.
It's hard to give ourselvesgrace, especially when we've
learned.
For so long to be in survivalmode where anxiety maybe had to
be a protector for a lot of ourlife because that's how we had
to survive.
(22:29):
I would say even just being ableto be gentle with yourself, that
this is a learned practice ofbeing able to recognize and
befriend your parts and giveyourself compassion too.
Kelly Siebold (22:42):
And I think knowing that this is hard also
makes it easier, right?
Because it can be a very hardprocess.
I thinking through how to dothat, but realizing this is
hard.
if I can't do it, I'm notfailing.
Kinda like giving yourself graceto give yourself grace.
I.
In a weird way.
Anise, can I go back to avisual?
You shared kind of in the middleof the conversation when we were
(23:04):
talking about inside out too andher becoming a teenager and in
the control room, everythingjust kind of on fire and she's
learning how to manage this andhow that is very similar.
To the postpartum period.
Outside of naming your parts andkind of giving yourself grace,
is there anything else new momscan do to help put out this
(23:24):
control room fire or to learnhow to really start dealing with
some of these emotions that theyhaven't dealt with before?
Annalise Lind (23:33):
Yeah, I think about in, the Inside Out two
movie.
my husband and I watched itagain last night, so I have a
refresh memory and if y'allhaven't seen it, go watch it.
Hopefully.
This is not too big of aspoiler, but anxiety, is a part
of her that's really present andoveractive.
Kelly Siebold (23:52):
Okay.
Annalise Lind (23:52):
And so towards the end of the movie, they don't
say, Hey, anxiety, get outtahere.
We don't want you.
That's not what they say.
That's kind of what we wouldexpect.
Right?
But what they do instead is theysay.
you for working so hard.
You can rest and why don't yousit in this chair and have a cup
of tea and you can kind of chillout for a little bit because
(24:15):
you're helpful and you're reallyhelpful for the Spanish test
that's coming up.
But we don't need you to be hereall the time and freaking out.
so I love that because I thinkthat gives us freedom as moms to
say, oh yeah, actually I needthis part because.
It is really important for me tobe planning how much my kid is
(24:39):
eating, or if they're safe, orwhat baby proofing I need to do,
whatever it is, but realizingthat I can let that part of me
rest whenever we're going andhaving a play date or, you know,
whatever it is, when there's atime, that it needs to be
resting and so.
(25:00):
Kind of abstract, how do I dothat?
But I think, one way is beingable to talk to somebody about
it.
And I know that y'all havetalked a lot about that on the
podcast, whether that's atherapist or a friend, social
supports.
I loved when you talked aboutthe different types of social
that you can have.
(25:22):
I wanted to say too, you know,one note on, on this, as far as
using IFS to kind of workthrough this, there is a part of
me that struggles to ask forhelp especially in times of
stress.
And so for me to know that andto be able to honor, okay.
There's a reason this part isthere, but it's actually gonna
(25:45):
be really kind for this part, ifI let someone help me in this
scenario.
So even as you're working with,like, what do the parts of you
need, recognizing that whenthere's resistance that comes
up, asking some questions aboutit.
So being able to get that help.
Recognizing where that might behard for you, and then spending
(26:07):
some time to care for yourselfand your parts and recognizing
that that might look differentthan it did for you before you
had a baby.
Right?
Like the things that you enjoy.
the season that you're in mightbe different.
And it's, it's like y'all talkedabout in the Birthing the Mother
(26:28):
podcast, there are differentways to care for yourself, than
maybe before.
And getting to know these newparts of you and what you might
need, maybe different.
Kelly Siebold (26:42):
Such great advice.
Just really thinking throughwhat do you need, how to care
for yourself.
All of this is so helpful and Ihope moms that you are.
Listening and kind of feelingsome of those, oh, I might have
this part or that part, andbringing that curiosity to look
at it.
Just like Annise said.
(27:03):
Annise, could you walk usthrough kind of like an exercise
or remind us of the questions ifa mom's listening, that she can
go through to kind of startlearning and building this
skillset of having, you know,look at it with curiosity and
how do you really pay attentionand get to know this part?
Annalise Lind (27:22):
Yes.
So hopefully this will be reallypractical, but if you're
listening and you want to kindof think through this right now,
or you wanna come back to itlater.
I'll go through some of thesequestions.
So this exercise specifically,is from a book called Boundaries
for Your Soul, by Allison Cookand Kimberly Miller.
(27:42):
I'm just gonna do a shortoverview of a longer version
that they have in the book.
But as you just settle in, startto notice your breath.
And just kind of relax a littlebit as much as you can.
before I ask these questions andjust think about an emotion that
(28:05):
you're experiencing right now,just focusing on that emotion.
And I'm moving through thesequestions pretty quickly, but
you can always pause it and takelonger.
You can always draw or write ifyou wanted to.
Just noticing where you sensethis feeling physically, and if
(28:29):
there's a thought or image thatcomes to mind when you focus on
it.
How far away it might be fromyou, if it feels really close,
or if it feels kind of hard toconnect to.
And then noticing what might bean early memory of this feeling.
(28:50):
Have you felt it before?
And then moving into thebefriending part, noticing how
you feel towards this part ofyour soul.
I.
If you feel anything other thanthat curiosity or compassion
that we talked about, justnotice that part of you too and
(29:11):
see if it can take a step backand if it will allow you to
return to the original emotionand see if you can extend some
compassion to this part and seeif there's more that might want
you to know.
(29:35):
And then moving into, theinviting part.
So would this part like toinvite either your core self or,
um, sometimes it will be helpfulto invite God or Jesus to be
near and if not, what fears orconcerns are coming up and if it
(29:58):
could share those things withyour core self.
And then just kind of asking,your core self, if there's
anything it needs to hear,anything it would like to say
do.
sometimes it can be helpful formoms to hear this season's hard.
(30:22):
I can be gentle with the partsthat are scared, sad, or tired.
Or you're not alone.
It's okay to have parts that arestruggling.
I see you now.
These are all things I found onchat GPT, to be honest with you,
so you could find any of these.
Being a good mom doesn't meanbeing a perfect one.
(30:44):
I'm allowed to feel all thethings.
And then moving into theunburdening part, what burden
has this part been hearing?
Does it have any fears aboutgiving up that burden?
And if it could release it, howwould it want to?
(31:08):
Sometimes it could bevisualizing ing it into a
treasure chest in the bottom ofthe ocean.
Or sending it away on a ship.
Does this part want anything inexchange such as peace,
security, or assurance of love?
(31:28):
Or maybe it's some of thosethings I mentioned earlier,
knowing that it is a goodparent, a good mom, and then
finally integrating, checking inwith any part of you that didn't
like your original emotion.
Seeing if it can come back in,if those roles, um, these two
(31:52):
parts would like to worktogether or play any new roles
in your internal family, ifthey'd be willing to be on the
same team.
And then just thanking them forshowing up for you today,
wherever you are, even if youdon't feel like you have it all
figured out.
but just for showing up and forbeing there.
(32:13):
And that's the list ofquestions.
I did it really quickly, but.
Kelly Siebold (32:18):
But Annise, just you doing that quickly.
I'm sure if other moms weregoing through that same process
with you, I feel a lot calmerand I.
More at peace, then you'reright, I do have more compassion
for the two emotions in myselfthat I was working through as
you were walking through it.
So moms, this is one of thoseepisodes you can bookmark.
(32:40):
Come back to this.
As Annalee said, it's a skilland it's even hard as a
therapist for her to workthrough this and do it.
And so please come back to this.
Do it again.
You could always hit the slowdown button and walk through
some of these ideas.
And Elise, that was so powerful.
Thank you for doing thatexercise with us.
Annalise Lind (33:00):
Thanks Kelly.
Kelly Siebold (33:02):
So moms, that was a lot of great information.
I hope that I.
You are walking away with alittle bit more compassion or
even the ability to identifywhat some of those emotions are
in you.
And I love the analogy whereanxiety is just gonna sit and
rest and she's not gonna leave.
Right?
(33:22):
That all of these are part of usand hopefully this exercise as
well with something that canguide you through the day or
give you some new skills to workon Anise.
As we are wrapping up today, isthere anything else you would
want our moms to know?
Annalise Lind (33:40):
I think I just would say be gentle with
yourself, it can be really hardto do that in times of stress.
Knowing that you're not alonethere's nothing wrong with you
because you're going throughthis, your body is changing and
it's new and it's different.
(34:00):
And the biggest thing I wouldwant you to know is that you are
the best mom for your child thatyour child needs, you as a.
I really hope that momslistening feel more encouraged,
more compassion towardsthemselves today, and to know
that this is such a hard journeyand they're not alone in it.
Kelly Siebold (34:24):
I agree, and we are always here for you as well
if you need us.
I'm such a huge fan of Annalise.
So Annalise, thank you so muchfor coming on and talking with
us today.
How can our moms, if they'reinterested get in touch with
you?
Annalise Lind (34:39):
Yeah, thanks Kelly.
So I work at Steadfast ChristianCounseling, so you can find us
on Instagram at steadfast.
Christian Counseling or on ourwebsite, steadfast christian
counseling.com or my website isannise lend counseling com.
And please feel free to shoot mea message or reach out.
I love talking to new moms andlike I said, this is very dear
(35:02):
to my heart right now.
Uh, so I'm happy to be there inany way I can.
Kelly Siebold (35:08):
Wonderful.
So we will include all the linksthat Annalise just mentioned in
the show notes.
So scroll right down.
You can click on those there.
Annalise happy almost first yearof being a mom next week, and
thank you again so much forcoming on and chatting with us
today.
Annalise Lind (35:26):
thank you so much Kelly, and just thank you for
the work that you are doing, uh,for moms and to help us feel
seen and not.
Kelly Siebold (35:34):
Thank you, AISE, and thank you Moms.
We'll see you next week.
If you enjoyed this episode andfound it helpful, please be sure
to hit subscribe.
Leave us your feedback and giveus a five star review.
For even more support, visitus@wethrivepostpartum.com.
(35:56):
Slash podcast to sign up for ournewsletter and learn more about
our community.
Remember, you are not alone withsupport.
You can feel better together.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Welcome to Let's ThrivePostpartum, where we tackle
postpartum depression andanxiety.
Head on, guiding you back toyourself.
Join Kelly Seabold, founder ofThrive Postpartum and Ashley
Moore, a maternal mental healththerapist.
Through honesty and laughter, weshare expert advice and real
stories.
(00:25):
While not therapy or medicaladvice, you'll find education,
support and hope.
Welcome to the village.
Let's thrive postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (00:39):
Hi moms and welcome back to Let's Thrive
Postpartum.
I'm Kelly, and today we aregonna talk about something that
I think all of us need in ourlives, especially on those dark
days.
When you're struggling, thingsfeel overwhelming.
It is how to look at where youare in this moment with
compassion and empathy.
(01:01):
Which seems really hard to do atsome points.
So we are gonna talk today toAnnaly Lynn, and I'm so excited
for you to meet her.
She's gonna talk to us aboutinternal family systems and how
you can use that concept toreally bring this compassion to
your life and that hopefully youcan walk away today with some
(01:22):
things that you can do or adifferent way to think about
what you're going through.
So let me first off introduceyou to Annise.
We have known each other for avery long time, and I'm a huge
fan of what she does.
And the conversations her and Ihave had about life.
So Annalise Lin is a licensedprofessional counselor associate
(01:42):
with a deep passion for creatinga welcoming space where clients
can really explore growth andhealing.
She specializes in working withadults, young adults, and
couples integrating internalfamily systems.
Or you'll hear us call it IFSperson-centered therapy and
Attachment Theory to fosterMeaningful Change.
Originally, Annalise came fromMississippi where she developed
(02:04):
a heart for mental health whileworking with children during
college, and then she laterspent several years in college
ministry in Texas before earningher master's in counseling from
Dallas Theological Seminary.
Her clinical work is deeplyinformed by her faith, and she
values the integration ofemotional and spiritual
wellbeing in therapy.
She's been in clinical practicefor four years and has worked
(02:27):
with young adults inrelationship capacity for 10.
She's currently in DC where shebalances life along with her
husband and new baby girl.
Annalise, thank you so much forbeing our guest today and
talking about something that isso needed to all of us moms.
Annalise Lind (02:45):
Thank you for having me, Kelly.
I'm so excited to be here and Iam also a huge fan of you and
the podcast and all the worky'all are doing.
Kelly Siebold (02:54):
Thank you.
So Annalise, before we jump intoIFS and kind of thinking through
the parts of you in postpartumor while you're pregnant, I know
you're a new mom.
Tell us a little bit about yourjourney and what that's been
like.
I,
Annalise Lind (03:10):
Yeah, thanks for asking Kelly.
So I have an almost 1-year-old.
She will be one next week, whichis
Kelly Siebold (03:17):
congratulations.
Annalise Lind (03:19):
Thank you.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I feel like it is a, it's amilestone for baby and mom.
Kelly Siebold (03:24):
It's, there's something about that first
birthday like I did it and wemade it this far.
It's a huge accomplishment.
Mom.
Good job.
Annalise Lind (03:31):
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Yeah, so this is super fresh forme.
usually when I do teaching orpodcasts, it's things that I've
had time to kind of process andwork through.
And this is, you know, I'm.
Not yet a full year in.
And so I have kind of had my ownjourney of struggling with
postpartum anxiety anddepression.
(03:52):
And I think something that hasbeen so helpful for me is to
have other moms say, you're notalone.
So I'm excited to be here todaybecause even though this feels
vulnerable and fresh for me, Ithink it's so important to help
other moms feel like they're notthe only ones.
And that's why I love what y'alldo here too.
Kelly Siebold (04:13):
And thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for being role grown,saying that you went through it
too, because that is one of thethings I think the more we talk
about it, the more moms don'tfeel like they're failing or
it's just them when everybodyelse is okay.
It's a hard moment in life andyou're not alone.
And I'm glad you're doing okay.
(04:33):
So Annise, based on yourexperience going through this
postpartum, also your experienceas a therapist, how do you look
at and recommend moms bringempathy and compassion into
where they are right now?
Annalise Lind (04:51):
Yes.
That's a great question, Kelly,and I think it's so important
and often difficult, hard to,and, and hard to do when we're
in a place of stress already togive ourselves grace and
compassion.
But one way that I like to, goabout this in my work.
Is using something calledInternal Family Systems and that
(05:15):
is a type of therapy that wasdeveloped, by Dr.
Richard Schwartz and he wasworking with a lot of families
and basically realized, okay.
It seems that my clients haveparts within them are just like,
what would make up an externalfamily system.
they have parts within them thatmay be like the angry father or,
(05:39):
you know, the quiet brother,that all of these emotions kind
of make up what looks like aninternal family.
if you've ever seen the movieInside Out, they used, internal
family systems therapists.
They worked with them on themovie.
So you have joy and anger andsadness.
And so that is how this therapyworks, that we are labeling our
(06:03):
emotions as different parts ofus.
So it's like a part of me mightfeel really excited to have a
newborn and another part of memight feel.
Really anxious that I have thischild I have to take care of and
I don't know what to do with.
And both can be true at the sametime.
And so what that does is thathelps, bring compassion that you
(06:27):
are not defined by.
This one emotion that you'rehaving, you're actually made up
of a lot of different emotionsthat are there to help and
protect you, to help you be thebest mother that you can be.
And being able to have somecuriosity and some compassion
towards those parts of us allowsus to give that compassion to
(06:48):
ourselves as a whole.
Kelly Siebold (06:51):
I love that.
So let me say this back to you.
So looking at each differentemotion as kind of its own
little entity, like youmentioned the father, the
mother, whatever it could be,how you're feeling, and then
realizing I.
That you aren't just one thing,that you are multiple.
So you could be sad and happy.
You can be all those things.
(07:11):
'cause I don't know if youexperienced this, but an Elise,
when you're in, or when I was inkind of the depths of depression
and anxiety, I felt like that'swho 100% I was.
It wasn't this part of me orthis feeling.
It was an all-encompassing,here's where I'm at.
And so getting to have therealization that that's one
(07:32):
part.
I think would really be helpfulto feel more valid, maybe for
myself, not feel a little crazy,but really be able to say, this
is just a piece of me.
Is that right?
Annalise Lind (07:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah, because you kind of dofeel crazy.
You
Kelly Siebold (07:51):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (07:51):
like you are going.
Insane that your emotions aregoing haywire.
And you know, there's this part,my boss, Jesse said this to me
the other day.
We were talking about it.
There's this part of the InsideOut movie, the second one where
she becomes a teenager and thewhole control room of her
(08:12):
emotions.
Is taken over, because yourbrain's exploding as a teenager
and that the same thing happenswhen you're a new mom.
You have all of these hormones,all of these new emotions, you
feel like you're going crazy.
But to know that a, that's.
normal.
That's what's happening in yourbrain.
(08:32):
But be like, just like you said,that's not all of who you are.
There might be an anxious partof you that is there to try to
care for your child, but that'snot all of who you are.
You also are a loving mother.
You're a kind friend.
You're all of these other thingsat the same time.
Kelly Siebold (08:53):
Do you have any suggestions when a mom is
feeling this and she says, okay,I do feel the depression or the
anxiety, it's not all of me.
What else she could do to reallyhelp?
A fire manage or even lessensome of those symptoms
Annalise Lind (09:07):
Yes, that's a great question.
So, IFS has a few different waysthat we kind of talk about,
working with these parts.
And one way is to focus on thepart and get to know it and
spend some time with it, whichcan sometimes feel
counterintuitive when.
(09:28):
tend to want the anxiety or thedepression or whatever it may be
to just go away.
but giving ourselves some spaceto actually get to know it and
bring some compassion to it is away to start.
and sometimes I'll have clients.
Draw or write or notice wherethey feel things in their
(09:49):
bodies.
And sometimes we might haveanother part of us that comes up
that feels resistant to this,and that's okay too.
But oftentimes I'll ask clients,can the part of you that feels
resistant.
us a little bit of space so thatwe can get to know this anxiety
or depression and how it mightbe trying to help you, what it
(10:12):
might need.
And then after we get thatspace, we can work with it.
we can learn to sort of befriendit and we can learn what some of
its fears might be, what burdensit might be carrying, and get to
know it a little bit better.
so for example.
There might be an anxiety part,that is really fearing, your
(10:37):
safety for your child.
And I know y'all have talkedabout this on the podcast
before, how normal it is to havethese intrusive thoughts.
so being able to almost look atthis framework of, oh, this part
of me is trying to protect mychild, and there's actually
parts in my body that are tryingto nurture it.
(10:57):
I'm not going crazy.
It's just a little overactiveright now, and maybe what it
needs is to know that my childis breathing, my child is safe,
and I can go back to bed.
Rather than sort of beatingyourself up or shaming yourself
for having these thoughts.
Kelly Siebold (11:13):
Can we stop right there, anise because.
I wish you and I would've hadthese conversations years ago
when I was going through thisbecause I think that is a very
different response to anintrusive thought.
And I've been very open all thetimes that I've had them.
And my vision was throwing mychild over a balcony or down the
steps, or I constantlyunintentionally was hurting her.
And so when that happened, Ididn't know to expect it.
(11:36):
It was a very scary feeling ifyou're mom having it.
It's very unsettling and I wasafraid to talk about it.
'cause what if that meant theywould take my child?
What if I was a bad mom and Iwas really a danger?
But instead you're saying you'redoing that for a reason and
you're doing it because you loveyour child and you protect your
child.
Let's look at that is a verydifferent response than any
(11:58):
internal response I had, and soI just wanna stop and say if
your mom listening, who's gotthose?
This is just a really impactful.
Viewpoint that I think couldchange a lot of people's
perceptions.
So thank you for that Annise.
Annalise Lind (12:17):
Yeah.
Thank you Kelly, and, and thanksfor sharing that.
I think it is so helpful formoms to hear that you're not
alone and having some of thesethoughts.
even if you've never.
had a, intrusive thought beforeand that it comes up for the
first time in this period.
Knowing that that is a thing andknowing that that is your
(12:38):
brain's way of trying to protectyou, I think can remove so much
shame.
because otherwise if we think,okay, well we can't tell anybody
about this because they're gonnatake my child away because it
feels crazy, then you live inthat.
Isolation and you live in thatshame and it doesn't help.
(12:59):
It doesn't get better.
And you know, I think y'all mayhave said this before on the
podcast, but the fact that it isdistressing to you that you
would have those thoughts meansthat.
not gonna act on those.
You know, that
Kelly Siebold (13:13):
Yes.
Annalise Lind (13:13):
way of trying to protect you.
And so I think being able toremove that shame allows for
that compassion towards yourselfand to live a little bit softer
rather than trying to just whiteknuckle your way through
postpartum.
Kelly Siebold (13:30):
Yes.
'cause that will be no fun foranybody.
We've done it.
Annalise Lind (13:33):
Okay.
Kelly Siebold (13:33):
So Annise, I kind of interrupted you, so let me go
back and ask what you weretalking about, about getting to
know I.
This part of you, thatdepression part or the anxiety,
what the mom's listening and shefeels that, what are some
recommendations that she canreally start thinking through
(13:53):
with curiosity.
Know that part of her.
Annalise Lind (13:58):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So there are a lot of differentexercises that you can do using
internal family systems.
There are some great resourcesout there.
an app called Insight Timer, andthey have.
a bunch of different meditationsthat you can just put on.
I was listening to one the otherday, called IFS for depression
(14:21):
as a protector, I thought thatone was so good because she
talks about, the way thatdepression will kind of come in
as a protector when you'refeeling overwhelmed and when are
we feeling overwhelmed in thepostpartum period?
For sure.
Kelly Siebold (14:38):
Yes.
Annalise Lind (14:40):
That will come in and it'll kind of cause you to
shut down because it's too much.
And so being able to listen tosome of these meditations or
work with an IFS therapist oreven to do some journaling, some
prompts that you can find.
online or different worksheetsto help you separate out, these
(15:03):
emotions that you're having asparts and even just to begin to
have the idea that you can givesome compassion towards these
parts.
And so I.
In internal family systems,there is this idea of your core
self.
that is when you feel the mostlike you, that's when you're
(15:23):
feeling, um, they use the eightCs, but you're feeling
compassion, creativity,curiosity, calm, courage,
confidence.
Clarity and connectedness.
is when you are Kelly, you areannise.
And anything that's not, that isa part.
(15:44):
So depression would be a part,and so being able to use your
core self kind of get to knowthis part and how it might be
trying to help you.
Is a way to actually lessen theintensity of what you're feeling
and to do so in a way that feelsreally gentle and kind and
(16:04):
compassionate.
Kelly Siebold (16:07):
I love that and I've never thought of myself in
the eight, was it the eight Cs?
But you're right, anything outoutside of those does feel
different.
And that anxiety or OCD partthat comes in postpartum looking
at it that way could be very,very helpful.
Annalise Lind (16:24):
Yeah, and sometimes I like to think of it
like a toddler,
Kelly Siebold (16:28):
Okay.
Annalise Lind (16:29):
I know this is probably relatable for a lot of.
Of, you know, when a toddler hasthese really big feelings,
right?
These feelings are taking over.
maybe it's a temper tantrum oranger or whatever.
You as the whole brained parent,are helping to regulate that
child.
So you're helping them figureout what they need because when
(16:49):
they are.
Two, three, however years old,they don't have those tools.
But you do at your age.
And so it's the same thing withthese parts.
It's my core self has the toolsto help regulate.
and this other part of me justneeds.
Some extra help doing that.
(17:10):
So it's really kind of likehaving this conversation with
yourself and getting somedistance from that intense
feeling and having someboundaries with it the same way
you would with a toddler ifthey're having really big
feelings.
Kelly Siebold (17:25):
Yes.
So let me ask you this, becauseI love that idea of.
You kind of helping yourselfregulate.
And also I can see how thatcould be hard in the moment if
that's not a skill you've had todo.
What are ways, let's just pickanxiety for a minute.
If an anxiety moment is comingup postpartum and that attack is
coming on, or you feel atheightening, how do you
(17:48):
recommend that a mom regulatethis.
Annalise Lind (17:50):
Yeah, I think you bring up such a good point too,
that in the moment, you know,we're not always, being our poor
self, and so sometimes you mightneed to do some grounding to
even to that point, to be ableto help regulate yourself.
You might need to do, Tapping ordeep breathing.
(18:13):
or I know you've said this onthe podcast before, Kelly, that
you like to do math.
You know, something that likedistracts your brain and often
it does have to be a physicalthing because when I ask,
clients, where are you feelingthis in your body?
It's oh, I feel anxiety.
chest or in my shoulders, it isvery visceral.
(18:35):
And so being able to do some ofthose grounding techniques, and
then move into spending some ofthat time with your parts, to
ask those questions and to getto know, okay, this part is
coming up and I wonder.
Why it's here right now, why I'mfeeling this anxiety so
(18:57):
intensely.
if you're feeling reallyanxious, you might need to go
take a walk or something likethat.
And then when you come back andsit down, oh, I wonder why I
felt so anxious about, my childtrying to climb the stairs.
well, when I was little I felldown the stairs.
Maybe that's my brain trying to.
Protect me because it thinksthat there is a threat there.
(19:20):
And then that brings so muchcompassion because it says, oh
yeah, like that makes so muchsense.
And what does this part of meneed?
Okay, maybe this part of me,needs to stand right behind her
while she's climbing up thestairs.
You know, I'm just using that as
Kelly Siebold (19:35):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (19:36):
but such a different way than just saying.
I shouldn't have this anxiety.
What's wrong with me and whichis what we often do in times of
stress, is we try to shameourselves out of it, and it's
not very effective.
Shame is a very, ineffectivetool.
It might work for a short time,but for the long time it's not
(19:56):
helpful.
Kelly Siebold (19:58):
Elise, I love the questions that you just walked
through and the fact that youare bringing that curiosity,
like what does my anxiety need?
What does this look like versusthe shame part.
And at least by doing it thatway.
Does that have impacts on howyou react?
Because I would think if I'mgoing through your questions and
(20:19):
I'm like, oh, I'm anxious abouther climbing the stairs, let me
go.
Maybe just stand behind her toreduce my anxiety versus, oh
Kelly, you're terrible.
Quit thinking about it.
I would feel like the impacts onyour reactions after would
probably be a lot easier for youto understand, but also a lot
more helpful to you physically.
(20:40):
Am I right on that?
Completely off base?
Annalise Lind (20:43):
Yes.
No, absolutely.
That's right.
I think that's a great point toobecause know your body is trying
to tell you something.
When you're anxious, you'reperceiving some sort of threat,
some something that you shouldfear, which you know, if you're
running from a dinosaur.
That's really helpful.
(21:04):
Right?
Kelly Siebold (21:04):
Yeah.
Annalise Lind (21:05):
you're perceiving this threat that is maybe not as
intense as, you're perceivingit, there's not a dinosaur
there.
It's your child climbing thestairs.
You know, being able torecognize where it's coming from
and to be able to.
Not just reason your way out ofit, but calm your body and give
(21:26):
yourself that compassion.
It does affect how you respond.
And then you're also able toshow up differently for the
people that you're interactingwith.
So you're able to show updifferently for your child
because.
You're of guiding her in adifferent way, him or her, than
(21:46):
if you're just sitting overthere shaming yourself and, and
you're able to navigate withyour child or a friend or
whoever you're interacting with.
In a more open way becauseyou're giving yourself that
grace as well.
And I mean, let me be the firstto say this is very hard to do.
It takes a lot of practice.
(22:08):
And I'm a therapist and I can bevery terrible at this because
it's hard.
It's hard to give ourselvesgrace, especially when we've
learned.
For so long to be in survivalmode where anxiety maybe had to
be a protector for a lot of ourlife because that's how we had
to survive.
(22:29):
I would say even just being ableto be gentle with yourself, that
this is a learned practice ofbeing able to recognize and
befriend your parts and giveyourself compassion too.
Kelly Siebold (22:42):
And I think knowing that this is hard also
makes it easier, right?
Because it can be a very hardprocess.
I thinking through how to dothat, but realizing this is
hard.
if I can't do it, I'm notfailing.
Kinda like giving yourself graceto give yourself grace.
I.
In a weird way.
Anise, can I go back to avisual?
You shared kind of in the middleof the conversation when we were
(23:04):
talking about inside out too andher becoming a teenager and in
the control room, everythingjust kind of on fire and she's
learning how to manage this andhow that is very similar.
To the postpartum period.
Outside of naming your parts andkind of giving yourself grace,
is there anything else new momscan do to help put out this
(23:24):
control room fire or to learnhow to really start dealing with
some of these emotions that theyhaven't dealt with before?
Annalise Lind (23:33):
Yeah, I think about in, the Inside Out two
movie.
my husband and I watched itagain last night, so I have a
refresh memory and if y'allhaven't seen it, go watch it.
Hopefully.
This is not too big of aspoiler, but anxiety, is a part
of her that's really present andoveractive.
Kelly Siebold (23:52):
Okay.
Annalise Lind (23:52):
And so towards the end of the movie, they don't
say, Hey, anxiety, get outtahere.
We don't want you.
That's not what they say.
That's kind of what we wouldexpect.
Right?
But what they do instead is theysay.
you for working so hard.
You can rest and why don't yousit in this chair and have a cup
of tea and you can kind of chillout for a little bit because
(24:15):
you're helpful and you're reallyhelpful for the Spanish test
that's coming up.
But we don't need you to be hereall the time and freaking out.
so I love that because I thinkthat gives us freedom as moms to
say, oh yeah, actually I needthis part because.
It is really important for me tobe planning how much my kid is
(24:39):
eating, or if they're safe, orwhat baby proofing I need to do,
whatever it is, but realizingthat I can let that part of me
rest whenever we're going andhaving a play date or, you know,
whatever it is, when there's atime, that it needs to be
resting and so.
(25:00):
Kind of abstract, how do I dothat?
But I think, one way is beingable to talk to somebody about
it.
And I know that y'all havetalked a lot about that on the
podcast, whether that's atherapist or a friend, social
supports.
I loved when you talked aboutthe different types of social
that you can have.
(25:22):
I wanted to say too, you know,one note on, on this, as far as
using IFS to kind of workthrough this, there is a part of
me that struggles to ask forhelp especially in times of
stress.
And so for me to know that andto be able to honor, okay.
There's a reason this part isthere, but it's actually gonna
(25:45):
be really kind for this part, ifI let someone help me in this
scenario.
So even as you're working with,like, what do the parts of you
need, recognizing that whenthere's resistance that comes
up, asking some questions aboutit.
So being able to get that help.
Recognizing where that might behard for you, and then spending
(26:07):
some time to care for yourselfand your parts and recognizing
that that might look differentthan it did for you before you
had a baby.
Right?
Like the things that you enjoy.
the season that you're in mightbe different.
And it's, it's like y'all talkedabout in the Birthing the Mother
(26:28):
podcast, there are differentways to care for yourself, than
maybe before.
And getting to know these newparts of you and what you might
need, maybe different.
Kelly Siebold (26:42):
Such great advice.
Just really thinking throughwhat do you need, how to care
for yourself.
All of this is so helpful and Ihope moms that you are.
Listening and kind of feelingsome of those, oh, I might have
this part or that part, andbringing that curiosity to look
at it.
Just like Annise said.
(27:03):
Annise, could you walk usthrough kind of like an exercise
or remind us of the questions ifa mom's listening, that she can
go through to kind of startlearning and building this
skillset of having, you know,look at it with curiosity and
how do you really pay attentionand get to know this part?
Annalise Lind (27:22):
Yes.
So hopefully this will be reallypractical, but if you're
listening and you want to kindof think through this right now,
or you wanna come back to itlater.
I'll go through some of thesequestions.
So this exercise specifically,is from a book called Boundaries
for Your Soul, by Allison Cookand Kimberly Miller.
(27:42):
I'm just gonna do a shortoverview of a longer version
that they have in the book.
But as you just settle in, startto notice your breath.
And just kind of relax a littlebit as much as you can.
before I ask these questions andjust think about an emotion that
(28:05):
you're experiencing right now,just focusing on that emotion.
And I'm moving through thesequestions pretty quickly, but
you can always pause it and takelonger.
You can always draw or write ifyou wanted to.
Just noticing where you sensethis feeling physically, and if
(28:29):
there's a thought or image thatcomes to mind when you focus on
it.
How far away it might be fromyou, if it feels really close,
or if it feels kind of hard toconnect to.
And then noticing what might bean early memory of this feeling.
(28:50):
Have you felt it before?
And then moving into thebefriending part, noticing how
you feel towards this part ofyour soul.
I.
If you feel anything other thanthat curiosity or compassion
that we talked about, justnotice that part of you too and
(29:11):
see if it can take a step backand if it will allow you to
return to the original emotionand see if you can extend some
compassion to this part and seeif there's more that might want
you to know.
(29:35):
And then moving into, theinviting part.
So would this part like toinvite either your core self or,
um, sometimes it will be helpfulto invite God or Jesus to be
near and if not, what fears orconcerns are coming up and if it
(29:58):
could share those things withyour core self.
And then just kind of asking,your core self, if there's
anything it needs to hear,anything it would like to say
do.
sometimes it can be helpful formoms to hear this season's hard.
(30:22):
I can be gentle with the partsthat are scared, sad, or tired.
Or you're not alone.
It's okay to have parts that arestruggling.
I see you now.
These are all things I found onchat GPT, to be honest with you,
so you could find any of these.
Being a good mom doesn't meanbeing a perfect one.
(30:44):
I'm allowed to feel all thethings.
And then moving into theunburdening part, what burden
has this part been hearing?
Does it have any fears aboutgiving up that burden?
And if it could release it, howwould it want to?
(31:08):
Sometimes it could bevisualizing ing it into a
treasure chest in the bottom ofthe ocean.
Or sending it away on a ship.
Does this part want anything inexchange such as peace,
security, or assurance of love?
(31:28):
Or maybe it's some of thosethings I mentioned earlier,
knowing that it is a goodparent, a good mom, and then
finally integrating, checking inwith any part of you that didn't
like your original emotion.
Seeing if it can come back in,if those roles, um, these two
(31:52):
parts would like to worktogether or play any new roles
in your internal family, ifthey'd be willing to be on the
same team.
And then just thanking them forshowing up for you today,
wherever you are, even if youdon't feel like you have it all
figured out.
but just for showing up and forbeing there.
(32:13):
And that's the list ofquestions.
I did it really quickly, but.
Kelly Siebold (32:18):
But Annise, just you doing that quickly.
I'm sure if other moms weregoing through that same process
with you, I feel a lot calmerand I.
More at peace, then you'reright, I do have more compassion
for the two emotions in myselfthat I was working through as
you were walking through it.
So moms, this is one of thoseepisodes you can bookmark.
(32:40):
Come back to this.
As Annalee said, it's a skilland it's even hard as a
therapist for her to workthrough this and do it.
And so please come back to this.
Do it again.
You could always hit the slowdown button and walk through
some of these ideas.
And Elise, that was so powerful.
Thank you for doing thatexercise with us.
Annalise Lind (33:00):
Thanks Kelly.
Kelly Siebold (33:02):
So moms, that was a lot of great information.
I hope that I.
You are walking away with alittle bit more compassion or
even the ability to identifywhat some of those emotions are
in you.
And I love the analogy whereanxiety is just gonna sit and
rest and she's not gonna leave.
Right?
(33:22):
That all of these are part of usand hopefully this exercise as
well with something that canguide you through the day or
give you some new skills to workon Anise.
As we are wrapping up today, isthere anything else you would
want our moms to know?
Annalise Lind (33:40):
I think I just would say be gentle with
yourself, it can be really hardto do that in times of stress.
Knowing that you're not alonethere's nothing wrong with you
because you're going throughthis, your body is changing and
it's new and it's different.
(34:00):
And the biggest thing I wouldwant you to know is that you are
the best mom for your child thatyour child needs, you as a.
I really hope that momslistening feel more encouraged,
more compassion towardsthemselves today, and to know
that this is such a hard journeyand they're not alone in it.
Kelly Siebold (34:24):
I agree, and we are always here for you as well
if you need us.
I'm such a huge fan of Annalise.
So Annalise, thank you so muchfor coming on and talking with
us today.
How can our moms, if they'reinterested get in touch with
you?
Annalise Lind (34:39):
Yeah, thanks Kelly.
So I work at Steadfast ChristianCounseling, so you can find us
on Instagram at steadfast.
Christian Counseling or on ourwebsite, steadfast christian
counseling.com or my website isannise lend counseling com.
And please feel free to shoot mea message or reach out.
I love talking to new moms andlike I said, this is very dear
(35:02):
to my heart right now.
Uh, so I'm happy to be there inany way I can.
Kelly Siebold (35:08):
Wonderful.
So we will include all the linksthat Annalise just mentioned in
the show notes.
So scroll right down.
You can click on those there.
Annalise happy almost first yearof being a mom next week, and
thank you again so much forcoming on and chatting with us
today.
Annalise Lind (35:26):
thank you so much Kelly, and just thank you for
the work that you are doing, uh,for moms and to help us feel
seen and not.
Kelly Siebold (35:34):
Thank you, AISE, and thank you Moms.
We'll see you next week.
If you enjoyed this episode andfound it helpful, please be sure
to hit subscribe.
Leave us your feedback and giveus a five star review.
For even more support, visitus@wethrivepostpartum.com.
(35:56):
Slash podcast to sign up for ournewsletter and learn more about
our community.
Remember, you are not alone withsupport.
You can feel better together.
Let's thrive postpartum.
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