November 4, 2020 • 24 mins
The people and ideas that we are exposed to day in and day out can influence our emotions, our decision-making, and ultimately how we approach success. Taking the time to cultivate good relationships, removing negative influences, and carefully filtering how we stimulate our brains is an investment in creating positive energy in our lives. Today we talk about the importance of a positive sphere of influence, and ways to improve our circle if changing it completely is not an option.
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LTP (00:10):
Level the Pursuit is a podcast for people ready to make
the most of every opportunity Inthe race for success, we're not
all starting from the sameplace. Level the Pursuit seeks
to fill in the gaps and provideaccessible bite sized leadership
lessons for anyone looking toimprove their skills and prepare
for the next step, whatever thatmight be.
Last week, we talked aboutgetting ahead during COVID.
(00:32):
Finding a job figuring out howto stay in your current
situation, or making the most ofthe virtual work environment can
be really hard, especially sincethere's not an instruction
manual for the craziness that'shappened this year. If you're
not sure what to do next, oryou're looking for a new
situation, there are resources,there are tricks, and tons of
opportunities to improve ifyou're willing to go after them.
(00:54):
So peeps, today is my 20thepisode and it's the last
episode of this first season ofLevel the Pursuit. For all of
you guys who are regularlisteners, thank you for hanging
with me as I figure this out. Asyou know, the whole point of
this was to take pieces of my 25years of trial and error, and
hopefully put some informationout there so maybe some of you
might avoid some of the mistakesI made. There are topics you'd
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like me to cover, or guestsyou'd like me to include so that
we can have some newperspectives, please send me an
email atinfo@levelthepursuit.com or go
to the website and drop acomment. Well, I have learned a
ton over the last few months,but this was really supposed to
be for you. So if I can give yousomething better, please let me
know. And as always, if youthink I'm off base, or just full
(01:38):
of it, tell me that too. I can'tget better if I don't know what
I'm doing wrong.
So I mentioned guests. And as wego into the second season, I'm
hoping to include perspectivesfrom leaders across the
spectrum. There are so many ofus that we can't even begin to
understand from our singlevantage point. So I'd like to
bring in some people who can addto all of our understanding and
make us all better. So alongthese lines, today, we're going
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to talk about people with whomwe surround ourselves and what
that means for our success. Inour personal and professional
lives. The people around usinfluence our actions our
decision making, and the way wefeel. So it's no surprise our
ability to rise or fall canabsolutely be tied to the people
in our world, as much as ourtalent or our drive. Over the
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next week. Think about thepeople in your sphere of
influence. What energy are youinviting or tolerating in your
life? making a change can becomplicated, and emotionally
earthshaking. But if yoursuccess and well being are at
risk, you might want to give itsome thought.
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So today's topic came about whenI was chatting with a friend
recently about her job. Weworked together several years
ago, and this woman wasseriously one of the sharpest
people I've ever had thepleasure to work with. She was
telling me about having a recentperformance appraisal with her
boss, and how much sheappreciated her boss's feedback.
As we discussed it, she shetalks about how she respected
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the way her boss led. And shementioned that looking back, she
felt really lucky that she'dbeen able to work with so many
great female leaders. But I hadto stop her because that's not
an accident. She invited peopleto be their best around her. She
was smart, and articulate andfun and good natured and willing
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to help. And when you behavethat way, it's really hard for
people around you not to behavethat way in return. And so it
was a pleasure to be around her,it was a pleasure to work with
her. And it was a pleasure totry to push her forward and
encourage her to excel. And so Ihave no doubt that her current
boss feels the same way. But sheinvites that into her life. So
by that what I mean is, our ownbehavior encourages people
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around us to behave in a certainway. That is not to say that if
you're a good person, everyonearound you is always going to be
a good person. And if the peoplein your life are bad people,
it's because you're a badperson. That's not what I'm
saying at all. But the people wechoose to surround ourselves
with, and the people that wechoose to associate with do
influence our behavior and howwe think about things. And we
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influence them then in turn, sohow we're interacting with our
environment, with the peoplearound us, with our friends, of
friends, with our communities,all of that influences what we
get back and how we feel aboutour day to day activities. You
may have heard that you're thesum of the five people you spend
the most time with. And this isattributed mostly to
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motivational speaker Jim Rohn.
But other people have hadsimilar kind of takes on that
situation. And the idea behindit is the five people who take
up the most of your time are areflection of who you are in
what you choose to do withyourself. And you thought you
may have also seen "Show me yourfriends, and I'll show you your
future" or something like that.
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So there's some truth to that,right. Because the people that
you spend the most time with aregoing to have the most
opportunity to influence yourbehavior and you think, but
they're also going to influencethe circumstances that you find
yourself in. So one of the waysyou see this is by your your
stimulation and your ambition.
If you're in a job where no onehas a college degree, then that
is the acceptable level ofeducation. So your motivation to
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get a college degree may not beas much because no one else
around you has them. Now, if youget hired for a job where
everyone has a master's degree,and you just have a bachelor's
degree, then you may feelpressure to get a master's
degree. Now, obviously, internalmotivations and personal goals
affect this. But the way thatpeople around you view education
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can absolutely affect your viewson education. The same thing as
the conversations you have, ifeveryone around you spends all
day talking about football, atsome point, you're either going
to learn about football, oryou're going to find different
friends, right? So you're goingto figure out how to work with
that environment or you're goingto remove yourself from it. If
your friends only want to talkabout what's happening with the
Kardashians, then your intereston the merits of fracking may
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not go over that well. But onthe flip side, if your friends
only talk about, you know, worldpolitics from 1942 to 1947,
well, at some point, you'regoing to learn about that.
So the people around you aregoing to affect what you think
about and the information thatyou choose to consume, and kind
of your views on politics, onhistory on pop culture, any of
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those things. Additionally, ifthe people around you had
experience in the field that youwant to go into, then your
chances of having morementorship and guidance are
going to go up. I mean, that'spretty straightforward. If no
one around you has interestssimilar to yours, then your
chances of having my guidanceamong your friends is going to
go down. When I applied tocollege-- I'm from Texas, and
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not a lot of people leave thestate. And so I didn't have a
lot of friends, I actually didhave some friends that applied
out of state. But for the mostpart, the vast majority went to
college in state. And so Ididn't have a lot of people that
were saying, hey, that's a greatidea. And most of my friends
were like, That's stupid. Whywould you not just go to UT or
A&M. But that was not my mygoal. And so I had to have that
inside myself. Because thepeople around me we're not
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necessarily encouraging all thetime about that. Additionally,
your relationships with thepeople around you can really
affect your ability to givefeedback and to respond to
feedback. If you have very openrelationships where you can joke
around, you can give negativefeedback, you can correct one
another, well, that's going tomake it a lot more comfortable
for you to do that. You're goingto be more comfortable telling
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people when they've messed up,you're going to be feel less
judged when they have to tellyou that you've messed up. But
you have if you haverelationships where everyone is
superficial, they don't talk,they won't have a hard
discussion, they're not willingto be corrected or willing to
put themselves out there tocorrect someone else, well, then
you're not going to get a wholelot better as far as feedback
from the people who see you themost because no one's giving
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that feedback and letting youpractice what it feels like to
recover from hearing thosethings. And then finally,
there's the engagement withsociety and the world around
you. If the people that you'rearound are all activists, and
they care about politics, andthey care about the environment,
and they care about, you know,helping the homeless, and they
care about, you know, endingchild sex trafficking, then
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you're likely to be engaged inthose two. But if they care
about sitting on the couch andplaying Fortnite, then that's
probably what you're going to doas well. So the more time that
you spend with people who areengaged outside, the more likely
you are to be as well. Anotherthing that that people around
you can influence are yourhabits and how you spend your
time and energy. And the firstway is your nutrition and
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movement. If the people aroundyou, your spouse, your friends,
your co workers are really intofitness, well, you're likely to
do that as well. If your spouseblocks time after work, to go to
the gym, then you can feel goodabout blocking time at the same
time. Or, you know, if you haveto juggle the kids, maybe you do
it at a different time. But thatis relevant, and it is fair and
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equitable to do that. However,if they don't, it's going to be
harder for you to carve out thattime. You know, if your co
workers like to eat out everysingle lunch, well then you're
more likely to do that it's alittle bit harder to feel
included and bring your lunchand sit at the office while
everyone's gone each day. So howthose people view food and
exercise can really influencehow you do as well.
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Another way is in activitieslike drinking partying, using
drugs, things like that any kindof criminal activities. If
you're if the people closest toyou, if the people in your
sphere think that those thingsare good to do then you're
likely to do them. You know alot of people's friends it's not
really fun to go out unlessthey're drinking. Well if that's
the case, then unless you getroped into being the designated
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driver every time, which ifyou're willing to do that then
you're awesome and hopefullythey appreciate you. But if you
don't then you can feel pressureto drink you can feel pressure
to smoke or use drugs orwhatever it is that they're
into. And as far as criminalactivities you know if the
people around you feel its okay,then your threshold for thinking
things okay can be affected bythat. That's not to say that it
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necessarily compromises yourvalues. But it can be harder to
stand up for it, especiallyeveryone you know, is doing
something that you disagreewith. And as you look at the
people around you, it can reallyaffect how you view yourself. If
you think the people around youare not good people, it's very
easy to extrapolate that ontoyourself and view yourself as
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not being as good of a person asyou could be. It the respect
that you have for these peopleis going to influence how much
respect you have for yourself,how you take care of yourself,
your self talk, if you allowyourself to be surrounded by
people who say things to youthat are negative, that are
denigrating, that are bad foryour self esteem, then your self
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talk is likely to be influencedby that as well. And it can just
generally affect your outlook,and your mood and your attitude.
So if you're surrounded bypeople who want to make the
world a better place, my currentjob everyone I work with is so
positive, and so excited aboutdoing the right thing and
teaching people and helping themto learn. I mean, it's hard not
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to feel that way just becauseit's so contagious. But a
negative attitude is alsocontagious. If you have that one
person that complains constantlyin your office, and you sit next
to them, that is very likely tobring you down. There's been
studies that show if you putsomeone next to the most
productive person in the office,their productivity will go up.
And if you put them next, theleast productive, or the most
complaining person office, theirproductivity will go down, even
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if they're not friends, just theproximity can affect that.
Now, if you think in terms ofthis, it kind of apply implies
that you're influenced by thepeople that you choose to spend
your time with. But it alsoincludes the people that you
don't choose that they can stillinfluence you, your co workers,
even the ones you don't hang outwith, your family members, even
the ones that are not in yourhome, you know, your boss,
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there's a lot of people in yourlife, that can also influence
you, even if you don't havedirect contact with them. And
there's a recent study thatshowed that friends of friends
can influence how your how youbehave, including obesity. The
study actually looked at yourchances of becoming obese, were
higher if a friend of a friendwas also obese, which is crazy
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just to think about. But if youthink of the tolerance, if you
think of the attitudes aroundfood and exercise, just for
that particular issue, you know,those things tend to translate.
And so if I have a friend whodoes a lot of bad things, and I
choose to be friends with them,then I'm more likely to be
tolerant of bad things. And soif I become friends with you,
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and you want to do bad things,well, I'm less likely to keep
you from doing them. BecauseI've already become tolerant for
that. So you can see how thatwill influence you. People's
positions and the circumstancescan absolutely affect their
ability to influence you. Buteven people that are not in
close proximity that are farremoved from you can have
influence over your life. And soyou really need to take a close
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look at what is influencing youday to day. If you have times in
your life in your day where youfeel incredibly negative or
down, we're having a hard time,you need to look at what was
influencing you in that moment.
Who were you around? Whatmeeting did you go to? And who
talked to you in it? Were youlooking at social media? Were
you watching television, likewhat were the circumstances
around those moments, becausethose influences really do
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affect how you move forward. Andso when you look at this, again,
if you have a lot of negativeinfluences in your life, that
does not mean you're a badperson, there are a lot of
circumstances beyond our choicethat affect who is in our life.
But it could mean that you aretolerating negative influences
in your life. And so there aretimes that we don't make an
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effort to remove theseinfluences from our life, even
if we could. And so you need tolook at that a little bit more
closely. But there aredefinitely times where your
boss, a co worker, maybe someonein your family that you don't
have control over the proximity.
I mean, that can be really,really hard for people. But if
you have even one person in yourlife that respects and admires
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you the way you respect andadmire them, that can be a
really positive thing, becausehaving even one positive
influence is a great place tostart.
So I recognize though, as we'retalking about this, some of you
may be thinking, Okay, cool, butI can't do anything about the
people in my life or thiscertain person who is the
overriding negative influence.
And I got to ask you first, areyou sure that you can't change
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it? I will tell you I had areally, really negative
influence in my life for a longtime. And I really didn't
believe that I had the power tochange that and I could not
stand who I was around thisperson. Just every interaction
brought out the absolute worstin me, I would see myself
behaving in a way that made mefeel so bad about myself. And
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this isn't to say that personwas a bad person, someone that
brings out the worst in you oras a negative influence on you
does not have to be a bad personand they don't even have to be
doing the wrong thing. But Iftheir behavior causes you to
behave in a negative way, thenthat's not good for you, it
doesn't necessarily meananything about them, it just
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means that that relationship isnot pushing you in a positive
direction. So it took me a longtime to realize that I did in
fact, have the power to changethat dynamic and to remove that
influence from my life. And itwas one of the hardest, but the
most rewarding decisions I'vemade. Because it really opened
me up to seeing so many otherthings in my life and being able
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to improve so many things, Ilearned a ton about myself,
because I was behaving in a waythat I thought was wrong. And so
enable in being able to embracethat and being able to remove
that influence from my life, Iwas able to look, take a harder,
look at myself and improvemyself. So it wasn't about that
person's behavior. It was aboutmy behavior around them. And so
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that was really powerful for meto find a way to get past that.
But if you really can't removethis person from your life, for
whatever reason, you need to putthings in perspective, how much
influence do they actually haveover you? How much weight do you
give to their words? How much doyou actually control your
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behavior around them? How muchdo you actually live up to your
goals, and your values and whatyou believe in for yourself when
you're around them? Because ifyou're not doing that, that's
not on them that's on you. Soyou need to put that in
perspective and do a better jobof being who you want to be.
Additionally, you can dilutetheir influence. So especially
if it's a coworker or a friend,that you're not particularly
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close to bring other peoplearound, have more people so that
you don't feel that influence asmuch See if you can kind of load
the boat with people, lots ofdifferent perspectives, lots of
different ideas, so you don'tfeel that influence as acutely
when you're around them. And youcan also find an alternate
focus. So if this person isprominent in your life, if you
can find someone else tocounterbalance them. So this
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could be a role model, a personthat you know, and you want to
be like it can be a mentor whoguides you.
But it could also be a hero, itcan be a famous person, it could
be someone that just takes yourmind off of whatever it is that
stresses you out, I will tellyou, since we've been in COVID,
I have started watching BaileySarian, who is this makeup
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artist who also likes murdermysteries. And I will tell you,
it's one of the mostentertaining things ever. And it
also makes me play with makeupbecause I didn't really wear
makeup until I was like 35. Andso I absolutely love it. And
it's something to focus on. Andit always brightens my day,
especially when I'm in a badmood. So thank you, Bailey. So
it really doesn't matter. Butyou have to find something that
counterbalances that influencein your life. And then, you
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know, most of this is I've beentalking about people, but it
applies to all of the stimuli inour lives. There are so many
things that take up our time andenergy. And everything that you
feed into your brain isproviding stimuli. And it is
eliciting chemical reactions.
And it is causing your moods andyour ways of thinking and all of
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your connections. It'sinfluencing all of that stuff.
So if you're looking at a ton ofsocial media, if you follow news
outlets, if you want someonelike me, who gets their news
from social media, if you readbooks, if you listen to podcasts
like this one, because you'reawesome, if you watch movies,
whatever it is, all of thosepictures and words and ideas and
feelings, all that stuff isaffecting how you think, and
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ultimately how you think aboutyourself. So if you find that
you spend some time on Facebook,and the political debates, get
you so riled up that your heartis pounding, dude, stop doing
that. It's not good for you findsomething else. You know, if you
find that watching televisionrelaxes you, do that instead, if
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you find that you need to go fora run, do that. But you should
spend your time doing thingsthat make you feel better after
doing them not worse. Now,that's not to say that negative
things don't have a place in ourlives. And obviously, having you
know, a disagreement in ahealthy relationship. getting
that negative feedback, justhaving a rough day-- those
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things happen. I'm not sayingthat you have to not have
negative things happen in yourlife. Unfortunately, that's just
not a thing. But if you have anyperson, item, thing in your
life, that is consistentlyproviding negative energy and
affecting how your mood, whichin turn affects how you interact
with people, which in turnaffects your potential for
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success. Well, man, you got tolook at that and you got to
figure out a better way aroundthat.
So think of all the informationwe take in each day, the
feelings, the words, ourinteractions, the data, think of
it as food, to fuel ourintellect in our outlook as we
move towards success. As much aswe can, good wholesome positive
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fuel will keep us movingforward. And I'm not saying
watch Disney movies all daylong. I'm just saying, use a
concerted mind to filter throughthese things, balance them out.
And don't let yourself get allturned up, rather than this junk
that just slows us down andmakes us feel crappy. As you
look at the people around you,if you're happy with what you
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see, that is awesome. If youhave strong family ties, a
supportive network, and goodfriends who are there when you
need them, that is really great.
And more than likely, it'sbecause you're also a good
friend who takes care of peopleand respects them. So continue
to do what you can to make thoserelationships strong. If you're
not happy with what you see,then you need to take some time
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thinking about why that mightbe. There are times that it is
easier, it is more comfortable.
And it's less scary, to juststay with what we know, rather
than trying to change it. Andeven if we're not happy, you
know, there's a saying about theknown evil is a little bit more
tolerable than the unknown. Soif you have people that are just
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almost unbearable, it's thatalmost that keeps you tolerating
it, and the fear of going to asituation that is truly
unbearable, that might hold youin place. There's also the ties
of family, there's legalities,there's shared history, there
are children, there are friendsin common, there are workplace
requirements, and there's thefear of being alone. All those
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things can really influencewhether or not we're able to end
a relationship. So if you choosenot to end a relationship that
you don't feel is great for you.
If you can find ways to make itbetter, if you can address them
with the person themself andactually improve that
relationship, that would beawesome. And if you're willing
to do that, and they're willingto do that, then that is half
the battle right there. But ifthey're not, or if you're not
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honestly, then using the otherways to try to minimize the
influence of something you cando. And if you don't currently
have someone in your life thatmakes you feel positive, you
need to find someone, whetherit's online or a real person,
someone you work with, you needto expand your circle and meet
somebody that makes you feelpositive in your life. Now,
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don't go outside your vows don'tdo something stupid that
jeopardizes your career. Butcultivate a friendship, a
mentorship, or just a networkcontact that makes you feel
positive about things that aregoing on in your life. It is
worth the time to cultivate arelationship like that.
This week, spend a momentthinking about how you spend
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your time. Are the people inyour life concerned about your
well being encouraging you tofollow your dreams, and
instilling positive habits thatwill help you succeed. Is your
time reading or onlineconstructive and positive? Or is
it causing you stress andkilling your outlook? Do the
people and activities that takeyour time leave you feeling
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upbeat and encouraged, ordepressed and cynical? I realize
it's not reasonable simply tocut negative people from our
lives not at least not all ofthem. Unfortunately, they're
often our spouses, our parents,our co workers. And so they're
there all the time. And that'swhy their influence is so
powerful. But if you can removethese people from your life, you
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should do it. Believe me as hardas it is, you'll be so grateful
that you have the strength to doit. But if you can't find some
ways to dilute their influence,minimize your exposure to them.
If you can find other people oroutlets to balance those
feelings that they elicit inyou. Focus on good habits that
are important to you. And don'tlet them break you down.
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Remember, you are a good person,and you have the potential to do
great things. And if I'm theonly person in your life that
tells you that, well, everystreak has to start with one.
That's our discussion of howwe're influenced by the people
in our lives. If you liketoday's episode, please give it
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a LIKE, SUBSCRIBE or share. Ifnot, please drop me a note of
what I can do better. Since thisis the end of the season, I'm
going to take a couple weeks toget stuff ready for season two.
I'll have some mini episodesjust to say hi to all you
rockstars and I'll be back fullspeed around Thanksgiving. Thank
you all for your support so far.
Your comments and feedbacktotally made my day. Don't
forget to think about who andwhat are influencing your
(24:09):
success. If you have ideas tomake it better. Head over to
www.levelthepursuit.com to sharethe great things you're going to
accomplish. I can't wait tolearn from your thoughts. Thanks
again for joining level thepursuit. While, we can't choose
where we start, we can chooseour dreams and how we pursue
them. Remember, success is ateam sport and there's room for
all of us to achieve our goals.
(24:32):
So be a good leader. Be a goodfollower. And do something
great.
Level the Pursuit is a podcast for people ready to make
the most of every opportunity Inthe race for success, we're not
all starting from the sameplace. Level the Pursuit seeks
to fill in the gaps and provideaccessible bite sized leadership
lessons for anyone looking toimprove their skills and prepare
for the next step, whatever thatmight be.
Last week, we talked aboutgetting ahead during COVID.
(00:32):
Finding a job figuring out howto stay in your current
situation, or making the most ofthe virtual work environment can
be really hard, especially sincethere's not an instruction
manual for the craziness that'shappened this year. If you're
not sure what to do next, oryou're looking for a new
situation, there are resources,there are tricks, and tons of
opportunities to improve ifyou're willing to go after them.
(00:54):
So peeps, today is my 20thepisode and it's the last
episode of this first season ofLevel the Pursuit. For all of
you guys who are regularlisteners, thank you for hanging
with me as I figure this out. Asyou know, the whole point of
this was to take pieces of my 25years of trial and error, and
hopefully put some informationout there so maybe some of you
might avoid some of the mistakesI made. There are topics you'd
(01:17):
like me to cover, or guestsyou'd like me to include so that
we can have some newperspectives, please send me an
email atinfo@levelthepursuit.com or go
to the website and drop acomment. Well, I have learned a
ton over the last few months,but this was really supposed to
be for you. So if I can give yousomething better, please let me
know. And as always, if youthink I'm off base, or just full
(01:38):
of it, tell me that too. I can'tget better if I don't know what
I'm doing wrong.
So I mentioned guests. And as wego into the second season, I'm
hoping to include perspectivesfrom leaders across the
spectrum. There are so many ofus that we can't even begin to
understand from our singlevantage point. So I'd like to
bring in some people who can addto all of our understanding and
make us all better. So alongthese lines, today, we're going
(02:02):
to talk about people with whomwe surround ourselves and what
that means for our success. Inour personal and professional
lives. The people around usinfluence our actions our
decision making, and the way wefeel. So it's no surprise our
ability to rise or fall canabsolutely be tied to the people
in our world, as much as ourtalent or our drive. Over the
(02:22):
next week. Think about thepeople in your sphere of
influence. What energy are youinviting or tolerating in your
life? making a change can becomplicated, and emotionally
earthshaking. But if yoursuccess and well being are at
risk, you might want to give itsome thought.
(02:44):
So today's topic came about whenI was chatting with a friend
recently about her job. Weworked together several years
ago, and this woman wasseriously one of the sharpest
people I've ever had thepleasure to work with. She was
telling me about having a recentperformance appraisal with her
boss, and how much sheappreciated her boss's feedback.
As we discussed it, she shetalks about how she respected
(03:06):
the way her boss led. And shementioned that looking back, she
felt really lucky that she'dbeen able to work with so many
great female leaders. But I hadto stop her because that's not
an accident. She invited peopleto be their best around her. She
was smart, and articulate andfun and good natured and willing
(03:28):
to help. And when you behavethat way, it's really hard for
people around you not to behavethat way in return. And so it
was a pleasure to be around her,it was a pleasure to work with
her. And it was a pleasure totry to push her forward and
encourage her to excel. And so Ihave no doubt that her current
boss feels the same way. But sheinvites that into her life. So
by that what I mean is, our ownbehavior encourages people
(03:49):
around us to behave in a certainway. That is not to say that if
you're a good person, everyonearound you is always going to be
a good person. And if the peoplein your life are bad people,
it's because you're a badperson. That's not what I'm
saying at all. But the people wechoose to surround ourselves
with, and the people that wechoose to associate with do
influence our behavior and howwe think about things. And we
(04:10):
influence them then in turn, sohow we're interacting with our
environment, with the peoplearound us, with our friends, of
friends, with our communities,all of that influences what we
get back and how we feel aboutour day to day activities. You
may have heard that you're thesum of the five people you spend
the most time with. And this isattributed mostly to
(04:31):
motivational speaker Jim Rohn.
But other people have hadsimilar kind of takes on that
situation. And the idea behindit is the five people who take
up the most of your time are areflection of who you are in
what you choose to do withyourself. And you thought you
may have also seen "Show me yourfriends, and I'll show you your
future" or something like that.
(04:52):
So there's some truth to that,right. Because the people that
you spend the most time with aregoing to have the most
opportunity to influence yourbehavior and you think, but
they're also going to influencethe circumstances that you find
yourself in. So one of the waysyou see this is by your your
stimulation and your ambition.
If you're in a job where no onehas a college degree, then that
is the acceptable level ofeducation. So your motivation to
(05:16):
get a college degree may not beas much because no one else
around you has them. Now, if youget hired for a job where
everyone has a master's degree,and you just have a bachelor's
degree, then you may feelpressure to get a master's
degree. Now, obviously, internalmotivations and personal goals
affect this. But the way thatpeople around you view education
(05:38):
can absolutely affect your viewson education. The same thing as
the conversations you have, ifeveryone around you spends all
day talking about football, atsome point, you're either going
to learn about football, oryou're going to find different
friends, right? So you're goingto figure out how to work with
that environment or you're goingto remove yourself from it. If
your friends only want to talkabout what's happening with the
Kardashians, then your intereston the merits of fracking may
(06:00):
not go over that well. But onthe flip side, if your friends
only talk about, you know, worldpolitics from 1942 to 1947,
well, at some point, you'regoing to learn about that.
So the people around you aregoing to affect what you think
about and the information thatyou choose to consume, and kind
of your views on politics, onhistory on pop culture, any of
(06:23):
those things. Additionally, ifthe people around you had
experience in the field that youwant to go into, then your
chances of having morementorship and guidance are
going to go up. I mean, that'spretty straightforward. If no
one around you has interestssimilar to yours, then your
chances of having my guidanceamong your friends is going to
go down. When I applied tocollege-- I'm from Texas, and
(06:45):
not a lot of people leave thestate. And so I didn't have a
lot of friends, I actually didhave some friends that applied
out of state. But for the mostpart, the vast majority went to
college in state. And so Ididn't have a lot of people that
were saying, hey, that's a greatidea. And most of my friends
were like, That's stupid. Whywould you not just go to UT or
A&M. But that was not my mygoal. And so I had to have that
inside myself. Because thepeople around me we're not
(07:07):
necessarily encouraging all thetime about that. Additionally,
your relationships with thepeople around you can really
affect your ability to givefeedback and to respond to
feedback. If you have very openrelationships where you can joke
around, you can give negativefeedback, you can correct one
another, well, that's going tomake it a lot more comfortable
for you to do that. You're goingto be more comfortable telling
(07:28):
people when they've messed up,you're going to be feel less
judged when they have to tellyou that you've messed up. But
you have if you haverelationships where everyone is
superficial, they don't talk,they won't have a hard
discussion, they're not willingto be corrected or willing to
put themselves out there tocorrect someone else, well, then
you're not going to get a wholelot better as far as feedback
from the people who see you themost because no one's giving
(07:51):
that feedback and letting youpractice what it feels like to
recover from hearing thosethings. And then finally,
there's the engagement withsociety and the world around
you. If the people that you'rearound are all activists, and
they care about politics, andthey care about the environment,
and they care about, you know,helping the homeless, and they
care about, you know, endingchild sex trafficking, then
(08:12):
you're likely to be engaged inthose two. But if they care
about sitting on the couch andplaying Fortnite, then that's
probably what you're going to doas well. So the more time that
you spend with people who areengaged outside, the more likely
you are to be as well. Anotherthing that that people around
you can influence are yourhabits and how you spend your
time and energy. And the firstway is your nutrition and
(08:33):
movement. If the people aroundyou, your spouse, your friends,
your co workers are really intofitness, well, you're likely to
do that as well. If your spouseblocks time after work, to go to
the gym, then you can feel goodabout blocking time at the same
time. Or, you know, if you haveto juggle the kids, maybe you do
it at a different time. But thatis relevant, and it is fair and
(08:54):
equitable to do that. However,if they don't, it's going to be
harder for you to carve out thattime. You know, if your co
workers like to eat out everysingle lunch, well then you're
more likely to do that it's alittle bit harder to feel
included and bring your lunchand sit at the office while
everyone's gone each day. So howthose people view food and
exercise can really influencehow you do as well.
(09:16):
Another way is in activitieslike drinking partying, using
drugs, things like that any kindof criminal activities. If
you're if the people closest toyou, if the people in your
sphere think that those thingsare good to do then you're
likely to do them. You know alot of people's friends it's not
really fun to go out unlessthey're drinking. Well if that's
the case, then unless you getroped into being the designated
(09:38):
driver every time, which ifyou're willing to do that then
you're awesome and hopefullythey appreciate you. But if you
don't then you can feel pressureto drink you can feel pressure
to smoke or use drugs orwhatever it is that they're
into. And as far as criminalactivities you know if the
people around you feel its okay,then your threshold for thinking
things okay can be affected bythat. That's not to say that it
(10:00):
necessarily compromises yourvalues. But it can be harder to
stand up for it, especiallyeveryone you know, is doing
something that you disagreewith. And as you look at the
people around you, it can reallyaffect how you view yourself. If
you think the people around youare not good people, it's very
easy to extrapolate that ontoyourself and view yourself as
(10:22):
not being as good of a person asyou could be. It the respect
that you have for these peopleis going to influence how much
respect you have for yourself,how you take care of yourself,
your self talk, if you allowyourself to be surrounded by
people who say things to youthat are negative, that are
denigrating, that are bad foryour self esteem, then your self
(10:44):
talk is likely to be influencedby that as well. And it can just
generally affect your outlook,and your mood and your attitude.
So if you're surrounded bypeople who want to make the
world a better place, my currentjob everyone I work with is so
positive, and so excited aboutdoing the right thing and
teaching people and helping themto learn. I mean, it's hard not
(11:04):
to feel that way just becauseit's so contagious. But a
negative attitude is alsocontagious. If you have that one
person that complains constantlyin your office, and you sit next
to them, that is very likely tobring you down. There's been
studies that show if you putsomeone next to the most
productive person in the office,their productivity will go up.
And if you put them next, theleast productive, or the most
complaining person office, theirproductivity will go down, even
(11:27):
if they're not friends, just theproximity can affect that.
Now, if you think in terms ofthis, it kind of apply implies
that you're influenced by thepeople that you choose to spend
your time with. But it alsoincludes the people that you
don't choose that they can stillinfluence you, your co workers,
even the ones you don't hang outwith, your family members, even
the ones that are not in yourhome, you know, your boss,
(11:50):
there's a lot of people in yourlife, that can also influence
you, even if you don't havedirect contact with them. And
there's a recent study thatshowed that friends of friends
can influence how your how youbehave, including obesity. The
study actually looked at yourchances of becoming obese, were
higher if a friend of a friendwas also obese, which is crazy
(12:10):
just to think about. But if youthink of the tolerance, if you
think of the attitudes aroundfood and exercise, just for
that particular issue, you know,those things tend to translate.
And so if I have a friend whodoes a lot of bad things, and I
choose to be friends with them,then I'm more likely to be
tolerant of bad things. And soif I become friends with you,
(12:31):
and you want to do bad things,well, I'm less likely to keep
you from doing them. BecauseI've already become tolerant for
that. So you can see how thatwill influence you. People's
positions and the circumstancescan absolutely affect their
ability to influence you. Buteven people that are not in
close proximity that are farremoved from you can have
influence over your life. And soyou really need to take a close
(12:52):
look at what is influencing youday to day. If you have times in
your life in your day where youfeel incredibly negative or
down, we're having a hard time,you need to look at what was
influencing you in that moment.
Who were you around? Whatmeeting did you go to? And who
talked to you in it? Were youlooking at social media? Were
you watching television, likewhat were the circumstances
around those moments, becausethose influences really do
(13:15):
affect how you move forward. Andso when you look at this, again,
if you have a lot of negativeinfluences in your life, that
does not mean you're a badperson, there are a lot of
circumstances beyond our choicethat affect who is in our life.
But it could mean that you aretolerating negative influences
in your life. And so there aretimes that we don't make an
(13:37):
effort to remove theseinfluences from our life, even
if we could. And so you need tolook at that a little bit more
closely. But there aredefinitely times where your
boss, a co worker, maybe someonein your family that you don't
have control over the proximity.
I mean, that can be really,really hard for people. But if
you have even one person in yourlife that respects and admires
(14:00):
you the way you respect andadmire them, that can be a
really positive thing, becausehaving even one positive
influence is a great place tostart.
So I recognize though, as we'retalking about this, some of you
may be thinking, Okay, cool, butI can't do anything about the
people in my life or thiscertain person who is the
overriding negative influence.
And I got to ask you first, areyou sure that you can't change
(14:23):
it? I will tell you I had areally, really negative
influence in my life for a longtime. And I really didn't
believe that I had the power tochange that and I could not
stand who I was around thisperson. Just every interaction
brought out the absolute worstin me, I would see myself
behaving in a way that made mefeel so bad about myself. And
(14:45):
this isn't to say that personwas a bad person, someone that
brings out the worst in you oras a negative influence on you
does not have to be a bad personand they don't even have to be
doing the wrong thing. But Iftheir behavior causes you to
behave in a negative way, thenthat's not good for you, it
doesn't necessarily meananything about them, it just
(15:06):
means that that relationship isnot pushing you in a positive
direction. So it took me a longtime to realize that I did in
fact, have the power to changethat dynamic and to remove that
influence from my life. And itwas one of the hardest, but the
most rewarding decisions I'vemade. Because it really opened
me up to seeing so many otherthings in my life and being able
(15:29):
to improve so many things, Ilearned a ton about myself,
because I was behaving in a waythat I thought was wrong. And so
enable in being able to embracethat and being able to remove
that influence from my life, Iwas able to look, take a harder,
look at myself and improvemyself. So it wasn't about that
person's behavior. It was aboutmy behavior around them. And so
(15:51):
that was really powerful for meto find a way to get past that.
But if you really can't removethis person from your life, for
whatever reason, you need to putthings in perspective, how much
influence do they actually haveover you? How much weight do you
give to their words? How much doyou actually control your
(16:11):
behavior around them? How muchdo you actually live up to your
goals, and your values and whatyou believe in for yourself when
you're around them? Because ifyou're not doing that, that's
not on them that's on you. Soyou need to put that in
perspective and do a better jobof being who you want to be.
Additionally, you can dilutetheir influence. So especially
if it's a coworker or a friend,that you're not particularly
(16:34):
close to bring other peoplearound, have more people so that
you don't feel that influence asmuch See if you can kind of load
the boat with people, lots ofdifferent perspectives, lots of
different ideas, so you don'tfeel that influence as acutely
when you're around them. And youcan also find an alternate
focus. So if this person isprominent in your life, if you
can find someone else tocounterbalance them. So this
(16:57):
could be a role model, a personthat you know, and you want to
be like it can be a mentor whoguides you.
But it could also be a hero, itcan be a famous person, it could
be someone that just takes yourmind off of whatever it is that
stresses you out, I will tellyou, since we've been in COVID,
I have started watching BaileySarian, who is this makeup
(17:18):
artist who also likes murdermysteries. And I will tell you,
it's one of the mostentertaining things ever. And it
also makes me play with makeupbecause I didn't really wear
makeup until I was like 35. Andso I absolutely love it. And
it's something to focus on. Andit always brightens my day,
especially when I'm in a badmood. So thank you, Bailey. So
it really doesn't matter. Butyou have to find something that
counterbalances that influencein your life. And then, you
(17:41):
know, most of this is I've beentalking about people, but it
applies to all of the stimuli inour lives. There are so many
things that take up our time andenergy. And everything that you
feed into your brain isproviding stimuli. And it is
eliciting chemical reactions.
And it is causing your moods andyour ways of thinking and all of
(18:01):
your connections. It'sinfluencing all of that stuff.
So if you're looking at a ton ofsocial media, if you follow news
outlets, if you want someonelike me, who gets their news
from social media, if you readbooks, if you listen to podcasts
like this one, because you'reawesome, if you watch movies,
whatever it is, all of thosepictures and words and ideas and
feelings, all that stuff isaffecting how you think, and
(18:24):
ultimately how you think aboutyourself. So if you find that
you spend some time on Facebook,and the political debates, get
you so riled up that your heartis pounding, dude, stop doing
that. It's not good for you findsomething else. You know, if you
find that watching televisionrelaxes you, do that instead, if
(18:47):
you find that you need to go fora run, do that. But you should
spend your time doing thingsthat make you feel better after
doing them not worse. Now,that's not to say that negative
things don't have a place in ourlives. And obviously, having you
know, a disagreement in ahealthy relationship. getting
that negative feedback, justhaving a rough day-- those
(19:09):
things happen. I'm not sayingthat you have to not have
negative things happen in yourlife. Unfortunately, that's just
not a thing. But if you have anyperson, item, thing in your
life, that is consistentlyproviding negative energy and
affecting how your mood, whichin turn affects how you interact
with people, which in turnaffects your potential for
(19:29):
success. Well, man, you got tolook at that and you got to
figure out a better way aroundthat.
So think of all the informationwe take in each day, the
feelings, the words, ourinteractions, the data, think of
it as food, to fuel ourintellect in our outlook as we
move towards success. As much aswe can, good wholesome positive
(19:51):
fuel will keep us movingforward. And I'm not saying
watch Disney movies all daylong. I'm just saying, use a
concerted mind to filter throughthese things, balance them out.
And don't let yourself get allturned up, rather than this junk
that just slows us down andmakes us feel crappy. As you
look at the people around you,if you're happy with what you
(20:11):
see, that is awesome. If youhave strong family ties, a
supportive network, and goodfriends who are there when you
need them, that is really great.
And more than likely, it'sbecause you're also a good
friend who takes care of peopleand respects them. So continue
to do what you can to make thoserelationships strong. If you're
not happy with what you see,then you need to take some time
(20:33):
thinking about why that mightbe. There are times that it is
easier, it is more comfortable.
And it's less scary, to juststay with what we know, rather
than trying to change it. Andeven if we're not happy, you
know, there's a saying about theknown evil is a little bit more
tolerable than the unknown. Soif you have people that are just
(20:56):
almost unbearable, it's thatalmost that keeps you tolerating
it, and the fear of going to asituation that is truly
unbearable, that might hold youin place. There's also the ties
of family, there's legalities,there's shared history, there
are children, there are friendsin common, there are workplace
requirements, and there's thefear of being alone. All those
(21:19):
things can really influencewhether or not we're able to end
a relationship. So if you choosenot to end a relationship that
you don't feel is great for you.
If you can find ways to make itbetter, if you can address them
with the person themself andactually improve that
relationship, that would beawesome. And if you're willing
to do that, and they're willingto do that, then that is half
the battle right there. But ifthey're not, or if you're not
(21:42):
honestly, then using the otherways to try to minimize the
influence of something you cando. And if you don't currently
have someone in your life thatmakes you feel positive, you
need to find someone, whetherit's online or a real person,
someone you work with, you needto expand your circle and meet
somebody that makes you feelpositive in your life. Now,
(22:03):
don't go outside your vows don'tdo something stupid that
jeopardizes your career. Butcultivate a friendship, a
mentorship, or just a networkcontact that makes you feel
positive about things that aregoing on in your life. It is
worth the time to cultivate arelationship like that.
This week, spend a momentthinking about how you spend
(22:25):
your time. Are the people inyour life concerned about your
well being encouraging you tofollow your dreams, and
instilling positive habits thatwill help you succeed. Is your
time reading or onlineconstructive and positive? Or is
it causing you stress andkilling your outlook? Do the
people and activities that takeyour time leave you feeling
(22:46):
upbeat and encouraged, ordepressed and cynical? I realize
it's not reasonable simply tocut negative people from our
lives not at least not all ofthem. Unfortunately, they're
often our spouses, our parents,our co workers. And so they're
there all the time. And that'swhy their influence is so
powerful. But if you can removethese people from your life, you
(23:07):
should do it. Believe me as hardas it is, you'll be so grateful
that you have the strength to doit. But if you can't find some
ways to dilute their influence,minimize your exposure to them.
If you can find other people oroutlets to balance those
feelings that they elicit inyou. Focus on good habits that
are important to you. And don'tlet them break you down.
(23:28):
Remember, you are a good person,and you have the potential to do
great things. And if I'm theonly person in your life that
tells you that, well, everystreak has to start with one.
That's our discussion of howwe're influenced by the people
in our lives. If you liketoday's episode, please give it
(23:48):
a LIKE, SUBSCRIBE or share. Ifnot, please drop me a note of
what I can do better. Since thisis the end of the season, I'm
going to take a couple weeks toget stuff ready for season two.
I'll have some mini episodesjust to say hi to all you
rockstars and I'll be back fullspeed around Thanksgiving. Thank
you all for your support so far.
Your comments and feedbacktotally made my day. Don't
forget to think about who andwhat are influencing your
(24:09):
success. If you have ideas tomake it better. Head over to
www.levelthepursuit.com to sharethe great things you're going to
accomplish. I can't wait tolearn from your thoughts. Thanks
again for joining level thepursuit. While, we can't choose
where we start, we can chooseour dreams and how we pursue
them. Remember, success is ateam sport and there's room for
all of us to achieve our goals.
(24:32):
So be a good leader. Be a goodfollower. And do something
great.
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