Q&A: How to Guide Leaders Without Telling Them How to Do Their Jobs

Lisa D. asks how to guide leaders to their next step without telling them how to do their job. Emily suggests agreeing on the project’s end goal, asking questions like “what’s a fair and reasonable way to start?” and having departments explain their preferred starting points. She shares tips for using data and prompts like discussing pros and cons, so all voices are heard.

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If we haven’t yet before - Hi👋 I’m Emily, Chief of Staff turned Executive Leadership Coach. After a thrilling ride up the corporate ladder, I’m focusing on what I love - working with people to realize their professional and personal goals. Through my videos here on this channel, books, podcast guest spots, and newsletter, I share new ideas and practical and tactical tools to help you be more productive and build the career and life you want. 

 

Time Stamps:

00:54 Setting the Project Goal
01:24 Fair and Reasonable Approaches
02:40 Measuring Progress
03:23 Addressing Department Preferences
04:58 Conclusion and Call to Action

Episode Transcript

emily-sander_2_11-17-2025_12 (00:25):
We have a listener question from
Lisa d out of Denver, and shesays, can you discuss how to
guide your leaders to the nextstep without telling them how to
do their job?
I work with differentdepartments, and one example is
how we want to start a project.
One department is picking astarting point based on their
preference, and I was picking astarting point based on data.
Okay, Lisa, thank you so muchfor this question.

(00:47):
This, uh, this one made me laughwhen I first read it, so
appreciate that and I'm sure awhole bunch of other listeners
will appreciate this as well.
The first thing I would say is,let's agree on the goal.
So what are we trying to get to?
Why are we doing this project inthe first place?
One way to ask that is, what dowe want to be different by the
end of the project than at thebeginning of the project?

(01:09):
So once you can get an agreementor consensus on, okay, here's
the objective, here's the endgoal, here's the result we want
for.
Ourselves for our team, for ourcustomers.
That can be the stake in theground that you drive everything
toward, that you pointeverything toward.
So getting that agreement on theend goal, um, then asking
questions around, okay, giventhe end goal, we all agree on

(01:30):
this, what would be a fair andreasonable way to get there?
What are some fair andreasonable options for us all to
get there?
To get us to that end point.
Most people want to be perceivedas fair and reasonable.
Like people don't go outta theirway to like, I'm being unfair.
I'm being unreasonable.
So couching it with what's the,what are some fair and
reasonable ways we can get tothat, or what's a fair and

(01:52):
reasonable way we can start toapproach this Gets people most
of the time to calm down andkind of settle into like, okay,
okay, we have a definedobjective.
We're all working together onthis.
You can even say things likethis in the prompter in your
question, or just how you.
Talk about this.
So, okay.
So, you know, it sounds likewe're all clear and we all want
this, this end goal, right?

(02:13):
Um, okay.
So as we think about thistogether, and we know that all
the departments are gonna needto be involved and it's gonna
have to positively impact alldepartments at the end, what is
a fair and reasonable way for usto start thinking about this?
Something like that where youjust kind of bring it back to
where you want it to be To yourpoint about the, the data, I

(02:33):
think having a decision based ondata and being informed and
looking at all the relevant datais spot on.
So two thumbs up there.
Um, what is a fair andreasonable way to measure
progress?
So, hey, we're gonna talk aboutthis project that might be
long-term and we're gonna haveto make sure we're headed in the
right direction as we go along.

(02:54):
What's a fair and reasonable wayto measure progress toward our
end goal?
And just that question can, can.
Reverse engineer you into like,okay, we, we can't just do it by
this one department's way.
'cause that's not a fair andreasonable way to measure the
entire progress for this wholeproject.
That's, that doesn't make sense.
So you, without, without evensaying like, Hey buddy, we're

(03:14):
not gonna do it your way justbecause that's your department.
what's the most accurate way tomeasure progress toward this
overall goal?
Something like that would be agood way to start that out.
Now if this one department isreally hell bent on like this,
this, this is the startingpoint, this is how we have to
start, you might ask them like,why is that a starting point?
Or why would that be yourpreferred starting point?
Um, it could also be what'simportant about that as a

(03:36):
starting point or what, whatmakes you.
Choose that as a starting point.
The reason I switch from why towhat is sometimes why questions
can make people a little bitdefensive.
Like, why are you doing that?
Whereas, what could be just, youknow, tell me a little bit more
about what has you thinkingabout that or what makes that
the best starting point in youropinion.
Something like that.
It could also be, um, if you'retrying to like shake loose the,

(03:59):
this one starting point based onthis one department, it could
be.
Okay.
I hear that you wanna startthere.
What are some pros and cons tothat starting point?
it could be something like.
What do we get from startingthere?
Like what do we get fromstarting at that starting point
type of thing where just youjust make them articulate their
reasoning behind it.

(04:20):
Now in that process you couldhear like, oh, like actually I
assume this, but they'reactually talking about it this
way, which kind of does makesense.
Maybe not all the way, but if wetake a portion of what they said
and marry that with the data Ihave, I think we can get to a
really good answer.
So just kind of jostling looseand getting, um, peeling the
onion behind the, the reason whythey're wanting to start.

(04:41):
At that starting point.
So hopefully those are some goodprompts and some tactical and
practical pieces you can use to,um, guide leaders to their next
step without telling them how todo their job.
When sometimes it's supertempting to just say, do it this
way, do it this way now, it willbe better.
But Lisa, thank you so much forsending in your question and I

(05:01):
hope this helps.
I know a whole bunch of otherpeople have scenarios like this,
so, um, super helpful to have onthe episode.
Really appreciate that.
And feel free to send me a noteon how this goes.
'cause now I'm interested If youare listening to this and have a
question you want answered on anepisode, then feel free to find
me on LinkedIn and DM me to dropsomething in the comments.
Then I'll pick that up or toemail me directly at

(05:23):
[e-mail].
Otherwise, I will catch you nextweek.
I'll leveraging leadership.