Relationship Advice That Should Be Illegal

Ever noticed how the relationship advice we're bombarded with often feels suspiciously shallow? From the well-meaning but misguided "happy wife, happy life" to the downright toxic "if they're jealous, they must really love you," we're swimming in a sea of relationship clichés that deserve a serious reality check.

As a marriage and family therapist, I've witnessed firsthand the damage these seemingly innocent phrases can cause. In this no-holds-barred episode, I'm dismantling ten pieces of relationship advice so bad they should come with warning labels. We'll explore why "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" creates unnecessary barriers to understanding, how "just have a baby" might be the worst possible fix for relationship problems, and why the classic "love means never having to say you're sorry" couldn't be more wrong.

Beyond just identifying these toxic myths, I dig into the psychology behind why they persist and offer healthier alternatives. We'll discuss how authentic relationships require accountability instead of ego, trust instead of jealousy, and realistic expectations instead of holding out for mythical perfection. Whether you've been advised to "never go to bed angry" or told that "once a cheater, always a cheater," this episode challenges the one-size-fits-all approach that ignores human complexity.

The truth is, real relationships aren't built on catchy phrases or oversimplified rules – they thrive on mutual respect, open communication, and the courage to embrace imperfection. Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who needs to hear that their relationships deserve more than recycled rom-com wisdom. Together, let's replace these tired clichés with something more honest, nuanced, and genuinely supportive.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What do rom-coms, reddit threads and your aunt's
Facebook advice have in common?
They've all dished out badrelationship advice.
Welcome back to Licensed andUnfiltered, the podcast where
therapy meets brutal honesty,and sometimes we ask questions
like who keeps letting thesepeople publish relationship

(00:22):
books?
Who keeps letting these peoplepublish relationship books?
I'm Lina marriage and familytherapist, and today we're
diving into relationship adviceso bad it should come with a
warning leap.
Let's be real.
Not all bad advice sounds badat first.
Some of it's packaged withrhymes, best-selling book covers

(00:44):
or emotionally manipulativeTikToks.
Just because something's beenrepeated for decades doesn't
make it true or healthy.
Today we're unpacking some ofthe most popular and
questionable relationship advicefloating around and on the
internet in pop culture andmaybe even your group chat.

(01:04):
We'll look at classics likelove means never having to say
you're sorry, spoiler, it does.
We'll talk about why waitingfor a 10 out of 10 might leave
you single and emotionallyunavailable, and why stay
together for the kids cansometimes cause more harm than
good.
We're also tackling the wholeonce a cheater, always a cheater

(01:28):
mindset and whether it leavesroom for actual growth.
So grab your favorite beveragecoffee, wine, oat milk, latte,
whatever vibe you're in andlet's separate the gems from the
garbage.
Bad advice number one Men arefrom Mars.
Men are from Mars, women arefrom Venus.
Translation You'll neverunderstand each other, so don't

(01:54):
even try.
It feels like a permission slipto stay ignorant about your
partner's needs.
Men and women aren't sofundamentally different that we
need a book to pretend we'refrom different planets.
That idea basically says whybother trying to connect at all?
A Purdue professor oncecritiqued the book and others

(02:15):
like it, saying they tell menthat being masculine means
dismissing feelings anddownplaying problems, which
isn't just unhelpful, it's noteven true for most men.
Bottom line if a relationshipbook makes you feel more
misunderstood than seen, it'snot the guide, it's the red flag

(02:36):
.
And hey, if you want a deeperdive on gender stereotypes in
relationships, let me know.
In the comments I readeverything, especially in these
early episodes.
Bad advice number two ignorethem and they'll want you more
Translation.
Emotional unavailability is hot.

(02:58):
Why it's trash?
Ghosting isn't foreplay.
Trust me, this doesn't work,not even when you look and feel
your best.
Ignoring someone on purposeisn't mysterious, it's just
disrespectful.
It creates communicationbreakdowns, insecurity, anxiety

(03:20):
and, let's be honest, it'smanipulative.
Even if it seems to work shortterm, it doesn't build anything
real or sustainable.
Healthy relationships are builton mutual support, open
communication and actuallyliking each other, not playing
emotional hide and seek.
If I'm being ignored, I assumeyou don't want anything to do

(03:44):
with me.
Bad advice number three Happywife, happy life.
Translation avoid conflict.
Lie if needed.
Why it's trash?
That's not peace, that's quietresentment.

(04:04):
Let's be real.
This phrase sounds cute, but itactually promotes imbalance.
It suggests that one partner'shappiness is the only priority
and the others should just keepthe peace at any cost.
What happens?
You get neglected, needs,superficial fixes, bottled up

(04:26):
tension and a one-way emotionalstreet.
It also reinforces tired genderstereotypes like women are the
emotional ones and men are justthere to placate them.
Healthy relationships don't runon appeasement.
They thrive on mutual support,open communication and the
freedom for both people toexpress what they need, because

(04:50):
no one should have to shrinkthemselves to keep the other
person smiling.
Bad advice number four Just havea baby, it'll bring you closer.
How many of you have heard thisone Translation Fix your leaky
boat with a cannonball.
Why it's trash?

(05:11):
Spoiler alert Babies are stressgrenades.
Yes, we love our kids dearly,but let's not pretend they don't
test every ounce of ourpatience at times.
Here's the truth.
Bringing a child into analready shaky relationship
doesn't fix the cracks.
It often just hides them underdiapers, midnight feedings and

(05:35):
sleep deprivation.
This kind of advice ignores aton of reality the increased
stress, the emotional andphysical toll, the differences
in parenting styles that willsurface, the personal needs that
get sidelined if they're notalready being met.
Having a baby is a huge,beautiful decision, but it's not

(05:59):
a band-aid for dysfunction.
If anything, it magnifies theparts of your relationship that
aren't working.
Kids test your relationship.
So if the goal is closeness,start with open conversations.
Start with open conversations,not conception.
Bad advice number five Lovemeans never having to say you're

(06:26):
sorry.
Translation Accountability isoptional.
Why it's trash?
Say sorry, say it often, say it.
This line comes from the movieLove Story, and sure it's got
its emotional moments If youignore the soul-crushing ending.
But as a relationship mantrait's a hard no.

(06:49):
The idea that real love doesn'trequire apologies that's how we
end up with hurt feelings sweptunder the rug, unresolved
conflict and emotional distance.
Refusing to apologize doesn'tmake you strong.
It makes you hard to connectwith Love without accountability
turns into resentment.

(07:09):
Respect without repair that'sjust silence in a fancy outfit.
Apologizing isn't just aboutadmitting you were wrong.
It's about showing your partnerthey matter more than your ego.
If you mess up, say it.
If you hurt them, own itBecause I'm sorry.

(07:29):
May be two words, but theycarry the weight of everything
you're willing to make right.
Bad advice number six If they'rejealous, it means they love you
.
Translation Possessivenessequals passion.
Why it's trash?

(07:50):
So does a tracking device,apparently.
If you're being followed, guilt, tripped or feel like your
every move needs permission,that's not love, that's control.
Jealousy isn't romantic.
It's not proof of how deeplysomeone cares.
More often than not, it'srooted in insecurity, fear of

(08:10):
abandonment and a need forcontrol, not genuine affection.
When we treat jealousy likeit's cute or passionate, we
normalize red flags, and that'show emotional manipulation
creeps in, with one partnertesting boundaries or even
provoking jealousy just to feelvalidated.
That kind of dynamic erodestrust, ramps up conflict and

(08:33):
keeps both people in a cycle ofanxiety and control.
A strong relationship is builton trust, communication and
mutual respect, not constantsurveillance and paranoia.
So let's stop mistakingclinginess for commitment.
If someone truly loves you,they'll want to protect your
freedom, not take it away.

(08:54):
Bad advice number seven nottake it away.
Bad advice number seven Don'tsettle, wait for a 10 out of 10.
Translation perfection or bustwhy it's trash.

(09:14):
Your dream partner might justbe a human with flaws.
If you keep holding out for amythical 10, you might end up
the 40-year-old who'semotionally unavailable,
endlessly swiping and stillwondering why no one's good
enough.
This mindset leads tounrealistic expectations, fear
of commitment and missedopportunities.
When we obsess over perfection,we forget what actually makes a

(09:37):
relationship work Shared values, emotional connection and
compatibility, not a six-pack, aPinterest aesthetic or flawless
banter.
Real relationships involvecompromise, growth and the
ability to appreciate someonebecause of their uniqueness, not
despite it.
And hey, if you've ever seenLove on the Spectrum on Netflix,

(10:01):
that show is beautiful.
It follows people with autismnavigating love and, honestly,
some of them handle dating withmore maturity, vulnerability and
respect than most neurotypicalfolks out there today.
They're not playing games,they're being and, most of all,

(10:25):
kind, which is way more 10 outof 10 than pretending you're too
good for anyone who doesn'tcheck every single box.
Bad advice number eight never goto bed.
Angry Translation stay up allnight fighting like caffeinated
raccoons.
Why it's trash Sleep process.

(10:52):
Fight better tomorrow.
Sure, open communication isimportant, but staying up till 2
am arguing in circles isn'texactly a relationship flex.
This advice sets up unrealisticexpectations.
Not every conflict needs to beresolved before it lights out.
Some people need space, othersneed time to reflect and, let's

(11:13):
be honest, no one's at theiremotional best when they're
running on fumes.
Forcing resolution in themoment can actually make things
worse.
You get emotional exhaustion,half-hearted apologies and a
brewing pot of resentmentthat'll simmer under the surface
.
Instead of aiming to never goto bed angry, try this Respect

(11:34):
each other's processing styles.
Agree to pause the fight andrevisit it when you're both
rested and clear-headed.
Conflict resolution isn't arace, it's a skill, and
sometimes the most mature thingyou can do is get some sleep and
finish the fight over coffee.

(11:55):
Bad advice number nine staytogether for the kids.
Translation.
Teach your kids that misery islove.
Why it's trash?
Kids deserve peace, not silenttension and side-eye over dinner
.
Here's the truth.
Growing up in a high-conflicthome can be just as damaging, if

(12:18):
not worse, than growing up withseparated parents In kids.
In healthy co-parenting setupsthey can actually thrive.
Healthy co-parenting setupsthey can actually thrive.
Staying together just for thekids can lead to a lot of
unintended fallout, likemodeling unhealthy relationships
, creating emotional confusion,stifling personal growth and

(12:39):
make parenting even harder whenyou're emotionally drained.
Yes, stability is important,but peace and authenticity
matter more.
What kids really need isemotional safety, not two
parents who are miserable underthe same roof pretending
everything's fine.
Sometimes the healthiest choiceisn't staying, it's

(13:00):
restructuring.
Whether that's throughcounseling, better communication
or respectful co-parenting.
There are ways to give yourkids a loving home that doesn't
rely on staying stuck, becausethe real goal isn't a perfect
nuclear family, it's a peacefulone.
Bad advice number 10.
Once a cheater, always acheater.

(13:23):
This one I bet all of youlistening have heard this one
Translation.
People never grow or change whyit's trash.
Some do and some don't.
Blanket statements are itchy.
Cheating is serious, no doubtabout it, and I'm not justifying

(13:44):
cheating as an act either.
But writing someone offentirely because of one mistake
doesn't have a lot of room forgrowth, healing or context.
Sometimes cheating is a symptomof deeper issues in the
relationship or within theperson themselves and, believe
it or not, some couples actuallygrow stronger after facing it

(14:04):
headon with honesty,accountability and therapy.
This always-a-cheater mindsetoversimplifies complex
situations.
It assumes people are static,incapable of change and unworthy
of second chances.
That's not just unfair, it canbe damaging.

(14:25):
Plenty of people who've cheatedtake real steps to understand
their behavior, takeresponsibility and do better,
and yet this phrase keeps themboxed in, stuck with a label
that discourages honesty andmakes it harder to heal.
Relationships thrive whenthere's room for both
accountability and growth.

(14:46):
So, yes, keep your boundaries,but don't confuse patterns with
permanence.
People can surprise you forbetter or worse.
As we wrap up today's dive intothe worst relationship advice
out there, just remember not allwisdom is created equal.
Real love requires more thanclever quotes and catchy cliches

(15:09):
.
It takes trust, communicationand the courage to embrace
imperfection in both yourpartner and yourself, whether
it's saying I'm sorry when itcounts, recognizing that
jealousy isn't romantic orrealizing that people can change
.
Healthy relationships are builton mutual respect, emotional

(15:32):
maturity and a little humor toget through the hard stuff.
So, as you go about your day,challenge the cliches and, most
of all, give yourself permissionto learn and grow too.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday to learn and grow too.
Thanks for hanging out with metoday.
If you found yourself noddingalong, cringing or laughing even

(15:57):
a little, do me a favor,subscribe and share this episode
with someone who's definitelyheard at least one of these
before.
Until next time.
Remember relationships aren't adestination.
They're a messy, beautiful,evolving ride.