Running on Caffeine, Cortisol, and Vibes: A Therapist's Guide to Recognizing Burnout

Dragging yourself out of bed, crying at commercials, and fantasizing about escape while still managing to text people back? You're not lazy—you're burned out. You're compassion-fatigued. You're a full-grown adult running on caffeine, cortisol, and pure determination.

This raw, honest conversation dives deep into what burnout and compassion fatigue really look and feel like, beyond the clinical definitions. We explore the subtle signs your body sends when you're running on empty: becoming resentful when people need you, doom-scrolling instead of decompressing, mentally checking out during meaningful moments, and dreaming about quitting everything to open that bakery in Vermont. Burnout isn't always dramatic; sometimes it's just quiet depletion—the slow fade of joy and engagement that happens when you've been saying "I just need to make it through this week" for 42 weeks straight.

Through the lens of polyvagal theory, we break down how your nervous system operates when overwhelmed. When burned out, you slide down the ladder from "safe and social" into fight-or-flight or freeze modes, leaving your window of tolerance—that space where you feel grounded and regulated—practically nonexistent. Your body isn't broken; it's responding exactly as it should to chronic stress. And contrary to popular wellness culture, you can't bubble-bath your way out of burnout or manifest your way through compassion fatigue.

Real self-care isn't jade rollers and expensive candles—it's boundaries, rest, and the courage to say "I'm not okay" when you're not. It's choosing sleep over people-pleasing and speaking to yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend. Because healing doesn't happen when you're waging war on yourself. You don't need to be falling apart before you're allowed to rest. Rest isn't a reward—it's a right.

Listen in, take a breath, and remember: burnout doesn't mean you're broken. It means you're human. Cancel something today, say no without a spreadsheet of reasons why, and be gentle with yourself. You're doing so much better than you think.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
let's get one thing straight if you're dragging
yourself out of bed, crying atdog food commercials,
daydreaming about faking yourown death just to take a break,
and still managing to textpeople back, you're not lazy,
you're burned out, you'recompassionigued, you're a

(00:25):
full-grown adult running oncaffeine, cortisol and vibes.
And in today's episode, we'regoing to call it what it is the
emotional exhaustion you keepignoring, the self-care you keep
postponing, and the very realmoment when you realize a bubble
bath isn't going to fix 13years of people-pleasing and

(00:45):
perfectionism.
I'm Lina, and this is Licensedand Unfiltered.
I'm the therapist in your backpocket, the one who will
lovingly call you out foranswering work emails on the
toilet and then remind you youdeserve rest without earning it.
This episode is for theoverachievers, the caretakers,

(01:06):
the therapists, the I'm finegirls and anyone who's ever said
I just need to make it throughthis week for 42 weeks straight.
Let's get into it.
Burnout versus compassion.
Fatigue versus just tired withstats.
Fatigue versus just tired withstats.
Let's start with the basics.

(01:26):
Burnout is emotional, mentaland often physical exhaustion
caused by prolonged stress,especially in caregiving or
performance-driven roles.
Compassion fatigue is when yourempathy starts to run dry.
When your empathy starts to rundry.
You care so much for so longthat you start to feel numb,

(01:47):
cynical, checked out, just tired.
That's when sleep fixes it.
If a nap doesn't touch theedges of your exhaustion, that's
burnout baby.
Some stats to back it up Nearly50% of healthcare professionals

(02:08):
report regular burnout.
38% of caregivers say theirrole is highly stressful, one in
three therapists report feelingemotionally overextended, and
burnout rates are rising fasterin women than men.
You're not imagining it, you'reabsorbing it, all of it.

(02:32):
You're in the red zone.
Let's get honest about whatthis actually looks like.
You become resentful whenpeople need you.
You find yourselfdoom-scrolling.
Instead of decompressing,you're mentally checked out.

(02:54):
During meaningful moments,you're crying more or not crying
at all, and both feelconcerning.
You're fantasizing aboutquitting everything and opening
a bakery in Vermont.
Burnout isn't always dramatic.
Sometimes it's just quietdepletion.
The slow fade Therapy talkPolyvagal theory and the window

(03:20):
of tolerance.
Polyvagal theory and the windowof tolerance.
So let's nerd out for a second.
When you're in burnout orcompassion fatigue, your nervous
system is shocked.
You're either in fight orflight mode or in freeze or
shutdown mode.
Your window of tolerance, akathe space where you feel safe,

(03:45):
grounded and regulated, isbasically gone.
You're reacting instead ofresponding.
Polyvagal theory teaches usthat your body keeps score and
if you never let yourself feelsafe, your body will start
living like it's under attack,even if you're just answering

(04:06):
emails.
So if you're snappy, shut downor disconnected from joy, you're
not broken, you're dysregulated.
Let me just take it a littledeeper, because polyvagal theory
isn't just therapist jargon.
It's literally the user manualfor your body.

(04:26):
Think of your nervous systemlike a ladder.
You have the top of the ladder,which equals safe and social.
You're regulated, connected andgrounded.
You can make eye contact, jokearound and think clearly.
Joke around and think clearlythis is your window of tolerance

(04:47):
.
Then you have the middle of theladder, which is fight or
flight tolerance.
You're anxious, reactive,snappy and restless.
Everything feels like a firedrill, even choosing what to eat
.
Then you have the bottom of theladder, which is freeze.
You shut down, go numb and feeldetached.

(05:11):
You're not even stressed.
You're like why does nothingmatter and why am I binge
watching a show I don't evenlike?
The trick is we slide up anddown this ladder all day long,
but when you're burned out oroverwhelmed, you get stuck in
the middle or bottom and youstart thinking that's just who

(05:33):
you are now, just who you arenow.
Spoiler alert it's not.
You're just dysregulated andregulation is learnable.
So when I say take a breath,I'm literally saying let's get
you back up the ladder.

(06:02):
Self-care versus self-soothingversus avoidance.
So let's clear something upself-care is the stuff that
actually restores you sleep.
Setting boundaries movement canend connection.
Sleep is one of the mostproductive things that we do.
Self-soothing is the short-termfeel-goods, the scrolling, the
snacks, the shows and the wine.

(06:24):
Avoidance is the numbing thatslowly disconnects you from your
needs, saying I'm fine whenyou're clearly not fine.
Self-care is not a face mask.
It's not buying another crystalor planner.
It's boundaries.
It's saying no.

(06:45):
It's going to therapy.
It's eating real food andlogging off Micro-recovery Tiny
practices that actually work.
So here's the deal.
You don't need a three-dayweekend at a spa.

(07:06):
You need consistent nervoussystem repair in tiny doses.
So try this One hand on yourchest, one on your belly,
breathe for 90 seconds.
Put your phone in another roomfor 20 minutes.
Say no to one thing this weekthat drains you or drink water,

(07:36):
eat protein and go outside forfive minutes.
Not glamorous, but it works.
A quiet, grounding moment.
Close your eyes if you can Dropyour shoulders, unclench your
jaw, breathe in Hold, breatheout slowly.

(08:08):
Again One more time, bring tomind a version of you that's
allowed to rest no guilt, nobadge of exhaustion, just
stillness.
Can you let her exist?
Can you give her permission?
You are allowed to stopperforming wellness and actually
be well.
Now ask yourself how are youdoing right now?

(08:32):
Not fine, not autopilot, justreally.
What does your body feel?
What's one thing it might beasking for, and are you willing
to give it that?
The radical act of being kind toyourself.
Let's talk about somethingwildly underrated being kind to

(08:58):
yourself, not just thinking kindthoughts, not just saying I
deserve love whilesimultaneously pushing through a
stress migraine.
I mean the real kind ofkindness, the kind that's active
, embodied and sometimes messy,because here's the truth you
can't bully yourself into beingokay, you can't shame yourself

(09:22):
into motivation and you sure ashell can't heal by treating
yourself like a machine.
So what does being kind toyourself actually look like?
It looks like saying I've doneenough today and actually
stopping.
It looks like choosing sleepover people pleasing.
It looks like speaking toyourself like you would a friend

(09:45):
on the verge of tears.
It looks like making space foryour limits instead of resenting
them.
It looks like letting thelaundry wait and watching a
comfort show without guilt, andit can also look like
unfollowing people who make youfeel like you're behind in life.
It's not weakness, it's nervoussystem repair, it's inner

(10:08):
reparenting, it's calling offthe war you've been quietly
waging on yourself.
Being kind to yourself mightmean canceling something,
softening your inner dialogue orallowing yourself to feel what
you feel without rushing to fixit.
It's not always pretty.
Sometimes kindness looks likecrying in your car and then

(10:30):
texting someone.
I'm not okay, and that countstoo.
Now let's talk aboutself-compassion, and if that
word feels foreign, awkward oreven a little uncomfortable, let
me say this If you think backto your childhood, were your
parents compassionate with youwhen you needed it?

(10:52):
If not, you may be sitting herethinking I don't even know what
that looks like.
And how could you?
If no one modeled compassionfor you, if you were met with
criticism, dismissal or silenceinstead, how on earth would you
know how to offer kindness toyourself?
Now, that's not your fault, butit is something you can gently,

(11:15):
lovingly unle, unlearn, and,for those of you interested in
an inner child moment, think ofit this way you were never too
sensitive.
You just needed more gentlenessthan you were given.
So what does self-compassionactually look like?
Self-compassion isn't pretendingyou're perfect or number making

(11:36):
mistakes.
It's about creating a softplace to land while you learn
and grow.
Self-compassion isn'tpretending you're perfect or
number-making mistakes.
It's about creating a softplace to land while you learn
and grow.
It looks like talking toyourself the way you'd talk to
someone you love, or offeringgrace instead of judgment when
you mess up, or allowing yourfeelings to be valid without
rushing to fix them, or sayingthis is hard instead of why am I

(11:59):
like this?
Because here's the truth youcannot heal in a war zone,
especially not when you'vecreated inside yourself.
So how do you love yourselfbetter?
Loving yourself isn't alwaysloud.
Sometimes it looks like makingyourself a sandwich before you

(12:20):
spiral, or crying withoutapology, or choosing sleep over
productivity, or asking what doI need right now and actually
responding.
Self-love isn't self-indulgence, it's survival, and it's not
your job to be perfect.
Just present and kind andtrying.

(12:41):
You don't have to earn thatkind of care because you already
deserve it.
Being kind to yourself isn't areward for healing.
It's how you get there.
The top 10 internet approvedself-care practices and what

(13:02):
they miss.
So I thought it would be fun totake a quick scroll through the
top 10 self-care practiceswomen are told to try online.
One buy a jade roller becauseapparently lymphatic drainage
equals emotional stability.
Not bad, but maybe pair it withactual rest and water too.

(13:27):
Number two light a $40 candle.
Smells like vanilla, serenityand bankruptcy.
Sensory grounding is real, butscent alone won't heal your
nervous system.
Number three take a bubble bath.
Um so, still a fave, but let'sstop acting like this is therapy

(13:50):
.
Number four do a 12-stepskincare routine, because your
pores clearly hold your trauma.
This can be meditative, but ifit takes longer than your meals
it's not balanced.
Number five journal for fiveminutes a day, unless your

(14:11):
thoughts are chaotic and nowyou're spiraling on paper.
So this is actually a greattool if you're honest, not
performative.
Number six drink matcha,because coffee is toxic, even
though you're on your third cupof it.
Hydration matters.
Pretending matcha fixes yourmother wound does not.

(14:33):
Number seven manifest in yourgratitude journal.
Just ignore your burnout andmanifest restful energy.
Gratitude is powerful, but it'snot a substitute for actual
recovery.
Number eight buy a cute Stanleycup.
Yes to water, but, girl, don'tconfuse hydration with healing.

(14:56):
Number nine repeat affirmationsin the mirror such as I am
abundant, I am aligned, I amrunning late and dissociating.
If affirmations feel forced,it's okay.
Try self-compassion instead.
Number 10, go on a hot girl.

(15:16):
Walk Step one, walk Step two.
Cry to a podcast.
Movement helps.
Just don't skip the emotionalpart in favor of vibes.
Real talk what self-careactually looks like.
So, yes, light the candle, takethe walk, stack your journals.

(15:37):
But let's not confuse curatedvibes with actual care, because
real self-care it's not alwayspretty, it's not always
instagrammable and it definitelydoesn't come with a promo code.
So these are the top three realself-care moves that won't go

(16:00):
viral but might save you.
Regulate before you ruminate.
So, before you spiral aboutwhat's wrong with you, pause,
breathe, shake your hands, stepoutside.
Let your body know its seat.
Nervous system first, thoughts.
Second Say no without aPowerPoint presentation.
No is a full sentence.

(16:22):
You don't need to explain,justify or soften it with emojis
.
Protecting your peace is not aPR crisis.
Three let someone in Self-careisn't just so low.
Sometimes the bravest thing youcan do is say I'm not okay.
Healing happens in connection,not isolation.

(16:42):
Self-care is less about whatyou buy and more about what
you're willing to feel face andrelease.
Sometimes it's journaling,sometimes it's canceling therapy
and taking a nap instead, giveyourself what you actually need,
not what looks good from theoutside.
The shame spiral You're tired,so you can't focus, so you make

(17:06):
mistakes, so you feel like afailure, so you try harder,
which makes you more tired.
That's not weakness, that's ashame spiral with a punch card.
Let's rewrite the script.
I'm not failing, I'm exhausted.
I'm not unmotivated, I'mdysregulated.
I'm not too much, I've justbeen holding too much alone.

(17:37):
Journal prompt and action step.
Here's the prompt that I'd likeyou to write in your journals.
What would it look like to givemyself permission to rest
without earning it?
First, the action step to takeTake one thing off your plate
this week.
Cancel something, ask for helpor unplug.

(17:59):
You deserve peace, not justproductivity what I wish someone
had told me.
You don't need to be fallingapart before you're allowed to
rest.
Rest is not a reward, it's aright.
You're not failing.
You're carrying too muchwithout enough support.

(18:20):
If your body is tired, if yourheart feels heavy, if your brain
has 17 tabs open and not one ofthem is loading, please know
this You're not alone and you'renot doing it wrong.

(18:40):
Burnout doesn't mean you'rebroken.
Compassion fatigue doesn't meanyou failed.
And needing rest doesn't makeyou weak.
It makes you human.
We are not meant to carryeverything, fix everyone and
smile through it all.
You deserve tenderness,slowness and support, not
because you've earned it, butbecause you exist.

(19:01):
So tonight, or wherever youfinally get a moment to yourself
, choose one small thing thatbrings you back to you Drink
some water, put your hand onyour chest, whisper something
kind to yourself.
You don't have to do everything, Just something.

(19:23):
This has been Licensed andUnfiltered.
I'm Lina, your therapist, inyour back pocket, reminding you
that healing doesn't have to beloud or perfect.
It just has to be honest.
Until next time, cancelsomething, say no without a
spreadsheet of reasons.
Be gentle with yourself.

(19:47):
You're doing so much betterthan you think and I'm really,
really glad you're here.