Til Stress Do Us Part: The Real Reasons People Divorce

We unpack the top five reasons people get divorced and examine the demographic patterns behind relationship breakdowns. Delving into common causes from infidelity and communication breakdown to financial stress, constant conflict, and growing apart, we discover why "happily ever after" requires actual work.

• Infidelity tops divorce reason lists with 35% of women citing their husband's affairs as the final straw
• Communication breakdown often starts with avoiding conflict and ends with complete disconnection
• Financial stress and power struggles over money rank third in causing relationship dissolution
• Constant conflict transforms couples from fighting for each other to fighting at each other
• "Gray divorce" rates have doubled for ages 55-64 and tripled for those 65+ as people outgrow relationships
• Women initiate 70% of divorces, primarily citing emotional neglect and unequal relationship burdens
• The myth that "real love shouldn't take work" creates unrealistic expectations and encourages abandoning relationships prematurely
• Love is a verb that requires active participation: "You don't find a great relationship. You build one"

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, welcome back to Licensed and Unfiltered
a podcast where we unpack loveloss and why your Aunt Karen
suddenly started dating her yogainstructor.
I'm Lina, your trustyrelationship realist, and today
we're diving into that charminglittle statistic.

(00:20):
Why do people actually getdivorced?
Spoiler alert it's not justabout toilet seats left up or
toothpaste caps on rogue.
Let's break down the top fivereasons people say thanks for
the memory and the legal fees.
Segment one the fab five ofdivorce.

(00:44):
Segment one the fab five ofdivorce.
All right, first up, the big badboss of breakup Cheating tops
the list in nearly every study,for women especially, 35% said

(01:05):
their husband's affairs were thefinal straw in someone else's
DM.
But hey, infidelity isn'talways just physical, it can be
emotional too.
If your partner is textingsomeone more than they talk to
you, houston, we have a problem.
Number two communicationbreakdown.
Number two communicationbreakdown.
Let's talk about the slow decayof daily chats, honest convos

(01:29):
and actual listening.
It starts with I don't want toargue becomes we're not talking
and ends at.
Here's my lawyer's number.
Remember, if you're arguingmore with Siri than your spouse,
it might be time to check in orcheck out.

(01:49):
If you remember, in my veryfirst episode I said that the
biggest reason why people'srelationships break down is not
about what's said, it's aboutwhat isn't said.
Number three money, money,mayhem.

(02:15):
Love may be blind, but debt has20-20 vision.
From secret credit cards topower struggles over who brings
home more bacon, financialstress fuels the fire.
Men without full-time jobs are33% more likely to get divorced,
because nothing says romancelike a joint budget spreadsheet

(02:39):
and a passive-aggressive andVenmo request.
Number four constant conflict.
Some couples just can't stop.
The arguing becomes therelationship.
The issue of the day rotates,dinner in-laws, thermostat wars.

(03:00):
At some point you're not evenfighting for each other, you're
fighting at each other.
Here's a hot tip If your Amazoncart contains both therapy
books and noise-cancelingheadphones, you might be
circling this one.
Lastly, number five growingapart flash incompatibility.

(03:25):
Aka, we were perfect for eachother at 23.
People change, life shifts andsometimes your partner's biggest
passion in life becomespickable and you just can't with
that.
This hits especially in the50-plus crowd, where gray

(03:48):
divorce is skyrocketing.
Divorce rates have doubled forfolks aged 55 to 64 and tripled
for 65-plus.
Who says boomers can't disruptindustries?
Segment two divorce bydemographic.

(04:12):
That's with sass.
Let's spice this up with alittle drama, shall we?
70 of divorces are initiated bywomen, for.
Key triggers include emotionalneglect, infidelity and being
tired of doing literallyeverything.
Men tend to cite lack ofphysical intimacy, feeling

(04:35):
unappreciated and the good old.
She changed Translation.
She got tired of being your momand your wife.
Translation she got tired ofbeing your mom and your wife.
Now, age-wise, 27% of peopleaged 50, 15 to 24 get divorced.

(04:57):
Young love is usually youngtrial and error.
We do so much growing betweenthe ages of 25 and 30.
25 to 39 percent that's the hotzone.

(05:20):
60 percent of divorces livehere.
Over 50, gray divorce is atrend.
Now your parents might besingle again and on Tinder.
Proceed with caution.
Here's a piece of bad advice Ifyou have to work at it.
It's not real love.
Why it sounds romantic?

(05:40):
It implies that true loveshould be effortless, magical
and run on autopilot like arom-com where no one ever argues
about dishes.
You ever notice how fairy talesjust end right after the kiss
Like boom, happily, ever after.
Roll credit.
I mean.

(06:02):
No one tells you what happenssix months later when Cinderella
finds out Prince Charmingleaves his royal socks all over
the palace, or when she's like,hey, maybe you could try ruling
something besides your fantasyfootball league.
And yes, I'm talking about themlike they're still together,
because part of me needs tobelieve that Cinderella didn't

(06:22):
go through all that glassslipper drama just to end up
co-parenting with a guy namedChad.
But let's be real.
Even they probably argued aboutmoney boundaries with a
stepfamily or who forgot to RSVPto the fairy godmother's
retirement party, why it'sactually toxic, because

(06:43):
everything worth having careers,health, friendships and, yes,
relationships takes work.
Love without effort isn'tromance.
It's usually infatuation on acoffee drip.
Real impact Encourages people towalk away the moment things get
hard.

(07:03):
Invalidates the idea of growingtogether or working through
conflict.
Busters unrealisticexpectations which, oh hello, is
another reason people getdivorced.
Unrealistic expectations,better advice.
Love is a verb, not a feeling.

(07:25):
You don't find a greatrelationship.
You build one, because evenBeyonce probably had a talk
through a budget spreadsheet atsome point.
And if clean bathed love lifetakes work, so will yours.
Segment three what can we learnfrom this?

(07:51):
So what's the takeaway?
Marriage is not just about love.
It's about communication,compatibility, trust and
teamwork.
And maybe also having the samenetflix password preferences
whether you're married or still,dodging commitment like it's a
student loan payment.
Remember this the real enemy oflove isn't conflict, it's
neglect.

(08:12):
That's it for today's Dive IntoDivorce Raw Real, a little
ridiculous.
If you loved the episode, don'tforget to subscribe, leave a
review and text this to yourfriend, who's always complaining
about their roommate you knowwho you are.
Until next time, I'm Lena,reminding you that breakups may

(08:35):
suck, but your growth doesn'thave to.
Thank you.