10 Year Check Up

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After more than a decade together, we asked each other: what’s actually keeping this marriage working?

In this episode, we talk about growing through conflict, redefining intimacy, and finding compatibility through both shared space and personal freedom. We’re honest about disagreements (including the future kid debate) and laugh through the ways we’re still learning.

We also weigh in on two complicated listener stories—one about a messy break during separation, and another about hiding a partner from status-obsessed parents.

This one’s full of honesty, humor, and practical takeaways for any couple looking to make love last long-term.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Honestly, I do think it's 50-50 because there is
sometimes where I genuinely donot understand your thought
process on something or howyou're trying to express
yourself.
And I really wholeheartedly wantto understand what you're
feeling and how that's comingoff or what you're going

(00:21):
through.
Like I I really want to just belike stick me in the mud so I
don't move, so I can reallyunderstand what you're what
you're saying and how you'refeeling.
And then there's other timeswhere I can feel I I really
don't because hey everybody andwelcome back to another episode

(00:56):
of the Lady Podcast.
I hope you all are having awonderful uh week, week, month,
day, evening, boy, it was a newmonth.
Um thanks for joining us today.
We're gonna be kicking it withus, yeah, Nisha G, Mo Lethal.

SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
I'm just I'm just I'm just her husband.
I'm nobody in particular.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20):
That man.

SPEAKER_00 (01:20):
I'm nobody in particular.

SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
That man.

SPEAKER_00 (01:24):
In her own words, during labor, him.
I'm just him.
She told the nurse him, him, himwill be here.

SPEAKER_01 (01:31):
I said, him over there.

SPEAKER_00 (01:33):
Him, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 (01:34):
That sucker that put me here.

SPEAKER_00 (01:36):
Wow.

SPEAKER_01 (01:37):
Him.
That sucker.

SPEAKER_00 (01:38):
That's crazy work because you were.

SPEAKER_01 (01:44):
Wow.
Just gonna blame it all on thewoman, huh?

SPEAKER_00 (01:47):
I mean, I was having a good time.
Wow.
And you were like, to came indrunk one night, took advantage
of it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:53):
Okay, okay.
I hope everyone's enjoyingcharges.
I should have pressed charges.
I hope everyone's enjoying theirtime, whether you're driving in
the car, cleaning the house, youknow, just walking in the park.
Apparently, that's a real thing.

SPEAKER_00 (02:07):
Yeah, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 (02:08):
What is it?
What was it?

SPEAKER_00 (02:09):
He said it was like a where you cook meals for
people.
Ohly pants.

SPEAKER_01 (02:16):
Only pants.
I didn't know that was a realsight.

SPEAKER_00 (02:18):
It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 (02:19):
Oh.
You learn something new.
Learn something new every day.

SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 (02:23):
How was your week, babe?

SPEAKER_00 (02:25):
It was um it was tiring.
It was tiring, you know.
It's hard being a man.

SPEAKER_01 (02:31):
Oh, is it?

SPEAKER_00 (02:32):
Let me let me let me recreate that.

SPEAKER_01 (02:36):
Okay.
It's hard being a good man.

SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
It's hard to be a good man.

SPEAKER_01 (02:40):
Because if I was a deadbeat, life would be on easy
street.

SPEAKER_00 (02:45):
Easy street.
Wow, I'm easy.
Oh, wow.
Well, I guess easy like Sundaymorning.

SPEAKER_01 (02:52):
I guess we should be appreciative that you're not a
deadbeat.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (02:56):
But you know, most importantly, Go Birds.
I don't even know.
We're recording on Sunday.
I don't even know if we're gonnawin yet.
But it's still Go Birds.

SPEAKER_01 (03:04):
Because aren't they four and zero?
Four though?
Four and no.
Are they playing?
Who are they playing?
The Buccaneers?

SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
We beat the Buccaneers last week.

SPEAKER_01 (03:11):
Oh, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 (03:12):
Today was Sunday, so by the time they hear that,
we're playing the bum assBroncos.
So we should win.
Okay.
But you know, this team has beenup and down.

SPEAKER_01 (03:20):
Broncos, is that Denver?

SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
That's Denver.

SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
Look at you.
I know.
I know.
What can I say?
Look at you.
I'm a natural sportscaster.
I'm like a natural sportscasternow.

SPEAKER_00 (03:31):
Okay, first of all, that's that's not.

SPEAKER_01 (03:35):
I feel like I could probably apply for a sports
journalist job.

SPEAKER_00 (03:40):
Apparently, Big Tities is my only rep uh never
mind.

SPEAKER_01 (03:43):
Because I feel like I know enough about the game.

SPEAKER_00 (03:45):
My week was exhausting.
You know, changes at work, whichirritate me.
You know, change irritates me.

SPEAKER_01 (03:50):
Yeah, it's crazy work at your big old age.
You should be used to it by now.
No.

SPEAKER_00 (03:55):
I've I'm I have I have very much been an old man
my whole life.
I don't like changes.
You're not an old man to myconsistency.
I like I like to show up andthings wild! I like to show up
to show up to things go the wayI expect them to go every day.
That's what I but you know, sowhen they change, it just
irritates me.

SPEAKER_01 (04:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (04:11):
So, you know, but you know, hey, I said this week
I said long as my check clear.

SPEAKER_01 (04:15):
How was it?
How was your week justpersonally outside of work?
Outside of your identity as anemployee.

SPEAKER_00 (04:24):
How was your week?
It was rough being a husband anda father, too.
Oh gosh, because my daughtertold me every day I ain't shit.

SPEAKER_01 (04:31):
Oh my gosh, you always say that.

SPEAKER_00 (04:32):
I wish you stopped saying that.

SPEAKER_01 (04:34):
But mommy, mommy's like yeah, mommy's like the
cream of the crop.
I said, Oh, okay.
What did she say last night?
I was like, uh, what did I say?
Uh you had said something like,oh, like you're sexy or
beautiful or something.
And I was like, no, I'm feelingfat right now.
She was like, don't say that.
Right.
She was like, you're not fat,mommy.
You're cute.

(04:55):
And I was like, oh, thank you.
And then he was like, Am I cute?

SPEAKER_00 (05:00):
She didn't say nothing.
This ain't nothing.

SPEAKER_01 (05:02):
Silence.
She was like, he was like, Oh,so I guess I'm not cute.
And she was like, um Yeah.
I said, I said, um, I said, uh,daddy is handsome.
Uh if you say so.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
You're handsome, Dad.

SPEAKER_00 (05:18):
You know what?
It it don't matter.
Because they show me every day Iain't shit.

SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
She was like, uh, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 (05:24):
I'm gonna talk about this in therapy too.

SPEAKER_01 (05:26):
That's right.
You're handsome, dad.

SPEAKER_00 (05:27):
Y'all don't know what it feels like that um she
loves you.
Stop acting like she needs youlike uh y'all don't know what it
feels like to feel like you'reneeded, not wanted.
That's how I feel over here.

SPEAKER_01 (05:37):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (05:37):
A lot of times I feel like I'm needed, I'm not
wanted.
Like they need me for thefinancial support I suffer.
Okay, good.
But I'm not wanting.
Like really, but like if I couldjust stay at work all day,
they'd be happy.

SPEAKER_01 (05:46):
So, like, we literally just had like family
day, family game night.
We all enjoyed each other'scompany.
We always tell you how much welove you.

SPEAKER_00 (05:56):
Y'all love spending my money.

SPEAKER_01 (05:57):
Okay, first of all.
That's what y'all love.
First of all, it's not yours.
Um You're right, because it'sher.
I'm leaving everything to her.

SPEAKER_00 (06:04):
It's not yours.
That's crazy work.
I took you off the wheel, youknow.

SPEAKER_01 (06:07):
Boy, please.
I would bring you back alive.
And then you're not on thewheel.

SPEAKER_00 (06:12):
Everything goes to her.
And then so you better bebetter.

SPEAKER_01 (06:15):
I guess I guess it's a good thing that I was at that
meeting with the lawyer and Isaw exactly where everything is
going.
And who's the beneficiary of thefreaking uh estate?
Like crazy word.

SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
I made a call and make some changes.

SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
I guess it's a really great thing that you
can't make any changes beforefour years.
I was at the meeting too.
You sure about that?

SPEAKER_00 (06:35):
You sure about that?

SPEAKER_01 (06:36):
You sure about that?
I'm positive.

SPEAKER_00 (06:37):
You sure about that?
I'm positive.
How was your week, Booskies?

SPEAKER_01 (06:40):
It was fine.

SPEAKER_00 (06:44):
We I know this is your best favorite time of the
week.
Best favors.

SPEAKER_01 (06:48):
Okay, that's not a word.

SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
Is it today?
It is best favorite time of theweek.
It's not a word.

SPEAKER_01 (06:53):
It is favorist, favorite.

SPEAKER_00 (06:57):
It's like favorite with it on the end.
Favorists.
I can't with you.

SPEAKER_01 (07:01):
My week was okay.

SPEAKER_00 (07:03):
That's it.
Yeah, it was good.
No, you was going through it.

SPEAKER_01 (07:07):
It was what do you mean I was going through?
I can't say it.
Um, you gave me a likeemotionally?

SPEAKER_00 (07:12):
You give me a list of things I'm not allowed to
talk about.

SPEAKER_01 (07:14):
Oh my gosh.
I do.
Why do you persist on tellingnon-truths?

SPEAKER_00 (07:19):
I can't say what you were going through.
I just didn't say you were goingthrough it.

SPEAKER_01 (07:23):
Um, no, but uh overall it was a pretty decent
week.
Really?
Yeah.
I can't.
I mean, I can't.
There's no real complaint that Ihave.
Oh, okay.
You know, I was feeling a littleblue.
Blue?
A little down.
Oh.
But it wasn't nothing the gymreally couldn't take care of.
No, that was because you werearound.

SPEAKER_00 (07:38):
See?
See?
And I keep telling y'all, I'mnot needed.
I'm not wanted.

SPEAKER_01 (07:43):
They literally said that because of what you said,
Demand.
Oh my gosh, you can't even takea joke.
You can't even take a joke.
Not goodness.
I'm not wanted.
I don't need it.
Don't let this man convincey'all that don't nobody want him
here.
Because if he wasn't wantedhere, he would not be here.

SPEAKER_00 (08:00):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (08:00):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
And like I say, anybody want to take that shot
at her, shoot your shot.
Because if you can afford her,if you can afford her, you can
have her.

SPEAKER_01 (08:11):
That's funny because I'm not expensive.
I'm not as expensive as I couldbe.

unknown (08:17):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (08:17):
That's what that's what I like to say.
But anyway, my week was fine.
I did have a couple of dayswhere I was a little down.
I was a little blue, not greenor orange, but I was a little
blue.
If you press that button, I'mgonna pull your what's left of
your facial hair, Mr.
Moon.
Okay.
I've been calling him Mr.
Moon ever since he cut off hishis hair.

(08:40):
Like he's uh he still obviouslyhas facial hair, but it's like
short.
And now he looks like Mr.
Moon.
Okay.
But anywho, yeah, so I had a Ihad a good week.
Week was fine.

SPEAKER_00 (08:51):
You know what if I had to have your hair get caught
under the goddamn bar?

SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Get caught under the bar?
Yeah, when you when I'm lifting.
Oh, the like when you're doinglike a um pull-up?

SPEAKER_00 (09:03):
Uh no, like a bench press, or like when I was uh
when I was front squatting andthe hair got under the bar and I
went and it hurt when I went toreract because I literally
pulled my hair.

SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
Why don't you put a hair clip on it?

SPEAKER_00 (09:16):
Okay, I'm not doing that.
I'm not wild.
That isn't wild.

SPEAKER_01 (09:23):
Why don't you just get a black Bobby pin and just
do you a little curl and thenpin it and then be I just I I
cut it off?

SPEAKER_00 (09:32):
I just cut it off because I said October's almost
here.
And every October I I I I I cuteverything even and I and I let
it, I don't shave again.
I don't shave again to January.

SPEAKER_01 (09:42):
So oh, I mean, I thought that was a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 (09:45):
I mean I'm not gonna be in there with a man bun on my
channel.

SPEAKER_01 (09:49):
Babe, it doesn't have to be something as dramatic
as a man bun.
All you have to do is give itone of those little twirls and
then flip it up and put thelittle bobby pin in.
And then once your stop lookingat me like that.
Once your workout is done, takeyour bobby pin in.
And then you might have a cutelittle cute little one-to twist
that you could like try to calmout and bring like a little

(10:12):
style or something.
You could, you know.

SPEAKER_00 (10:15):
What do we have today?
Because you're about to make memad already.
Come on, girl.

SPEAKER_01 (10:20):
You're just trying to get to your game.

SPEAKER_00 (10:22):
I am.

SPEAKER_01 (10:22):
What do we have today?
I'm not done talking about myweed.

SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
Okay, that's fine.
All my answers will be shirts,all of my answers will be go
birds.

SPEAKER_01 (10:30):
I'm just teasing.
So, um, you know, we'reapproaching our 10 year.

SPEAKER_00 (10:36):
Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 (10:37):
Oh.
Really?
I've been you can leave, nigga.
Oh, wow.
That we talked aboutunfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 (10:46):
I've been abused for nine of them years.

SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
Really?

SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
That first year you were loving and caring and
that's before I knew better.

SPEAKER_01 (10:53):
Then you got pregnant and that's before
that's before I knew better.
That's when my that's when thereal hormones had set in, and
they was like, look, girl,you've been you've been living
in the shadows.
And I was like, oh my gosh, Ihave.
I'm teasing.

SPEAKER_00 (11:07):
I'm just teasing you, baby.
I love you.
This is gonna be a shortepisode, y'all.
Go ahead.
Tell them what we got today.
We're approaching 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 (11:13):
Um uh yeah, so are we still compatible?

SPEAKER_00 (11:16):
I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 (11:17):
Oh, wow.
I think we are.

SPEAKER_00 (11:19):
I think I'll stay for the yams.

SPEAKER_01 (11:20):
Okay, here, no, I think this is what I think I'll
stay for the yams.
I think that we I can't standthe yam.
I think that we are stillcompatible in the areas that
matter most.

SPEAKER_00 (11:32):
Oh okay, like what?

SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
The yams?
Like core values.
Yams.
I am going to bite your ear off.

SPEAKER_00 (11:40):
You know, I like it when you get rough.
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 (11:44):
Okay.
I I don't know.
I don't I don't know what totell you.
Um, so yeah, so we're we'regonna be approaching our 10
year, which is really crazybecause I feel like I feel like
that went by really, really it'sit don't it doesn't feel like
it.

SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
The thing to me is like we've been together, we've
only been married for 10 years.
Yeah, we've been together solong.
It's like honestly, had I had myway, we'd be celebrating 20
years of marriage.

SPEAKER_01 (12:09):
Yes, I understand that.

SPEAKER_00 (12:10):
But you know, you okay.

SPEAKER_01 (12:12):
We're not talking about the past.

SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
You were tearing up my heart.

SPEAKER_01 (12:16):
Tearing up my heart when I'm with you.
But when we are apart, I feel ittoo.

SPEAKER_00 (12:25):
I'm happy you got the reference.
You have to play the song.

SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
Now I know what I'm gonna listen to.
I'm gonna make a playlist of allmy junior high school favorites
for the gym.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, yeah.
So I want to go through like 10questions um to just kind of
test our compatibility.
But it's like, you know, just beopen and honest.

SPEAKER_00 (12:48):
I'm gonna be open and honest.
I'll say go verge.
I think every single time.
Okay.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (12:51):
All right.
So, okay, the first one.

SPEAKER_00 (12:53):
Were we both answering these questions?
Okay.
Do I gotta go first?
Because I feel like my answeralways dictates yours.
That's not true.
Okay, good.

SPEAKER_01 (13:02):
And sometimes it's sometimes that's true, sometimes
it's not true.
Okay, yeah, I know.
Um would you say that our corevalues still align?
So when I talk about corevalues, I mean as far as like um
family, our like like money,spirituality, that kind of
thing.
Do you think that still aligns?
Okay, let's break it line likethis.

(13:23):
Do you think we still align asit pertains to family?

SPEAKER_00 (13:28):
Somewhat.

SPEAKER_01 (13:29):
Okay.
Tell me yes and tell me theno's.

SPEAKER_00 (13:31):
I think I oh, you know.

SPEAKER_01 (13:33):
How do we still align as far as family?

SPEAKER_00 (13:36):
I think we still feel like we both feel like
family is important and we wantto have that structure and give
her a good example of whatfamily is as far as us and
extend the family.
Agreed.
Um and I feel like we don'talign because sometimes I feel
like I want more family, andyou're like, I'm dead.

SPEAKER_01 (13:52):
I think our family's good.

SPEAKER_00 (13:54):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
So I think we have family.
So I've just accepted the factthat so that's where that's
where we agree and disagree onfamily.
I mean, it's not that I'm notnecessarily open to extending
family.

SPEAKER_00 (14:08):
I thought about it.
I said I don't want to be a45-year-old with a kindergarten.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not going to be 45 with akindergartner.

SPEAKER_01 (14:15):
I mean, never say never.

SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
No, never.
I'm making an appointment.

SPEAKER_01 (14:18):
Never say never.

SPEAKER_00 (14:19):
I'm making an appointment.

SPEAKER_01 (14:20):
I mean, it can still happen.
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (14:22):
And if it do, it ain't mine.

SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
Really?
Wow.
You're just gonna throw me outthere, huh?

SPEAKER_00 (14:28):
Yeah.
I mean, this is not now.
Granted, you know, I I sawmyself with at least five
children.

SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
You couldn't, you couldn't have seen yourself with
five kids.
We never even discussed havingthat many kids.
So there's that that must havechanged like 48 hours ago.

SPEAKER_00 (14:42):
I should just follow my first mind and trap too
early.

SPEAKER_01 (14:45):
Oh.
Do you really think that wouldhappen with me?
Yeah, it wouldn't have.
Yeah, you wouldn't know.
I would have.

SPEAKER_00 (14:50):
You wouldn't know.

SPEAKER_01 (14:51):
I would have.
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (14:52):
How do you wait?
Do you think that they uh whatdo you say?
Have they shifted or no?

SPEAKER_01 (14:57):
I would say I agree with how you said it.
Like, I think we both agree thatfamily structure and family
closeness is really stillimportant.
I think where we differ is Ithink that that's also important
for me.
You not so much.
Um, but for her, we both agreeand align that it's extremely

(15:17):
important for her.
Um, and then like how you saidwith adding more to the family,
I'm not a hundred percent onboard with you all the time.
It ain't happening.
But I'm not not 100% on boardwith you, if that makes sense.
I kind of, I kind of when peopleask me that question.
I'm not trying to be agrandfather.
When people ask me thatquestion, like, do you want more

(15:38):
kids?
My my response is always um I'mnot preventing it.
Um exactly.
Like, so if you're notpreventing it, you're kind of
expecting it to, maybe.
I don't know.
But it's like if if it were tohappen, of course, I would be
overjoyed.
If it doesn't happen, I feellike I'm also very much okay.
So I'm very in the middle whenit comes to that.

SPEAKER_00 (15:59):
Okay.
Um do you uh when disagreementshappen, do they resolve faster
or slower than they did when wefirst got together?

SPEAKER_01 (16:07):
Generally, I feel as though they resolve a little
faster than they did before.
Um I'm just trying to think likeI'm trying to think was the last
time we had like a disagreementthat lasted, like lasted a
while.
Um, really, I can't stand you.

(16:30):
Um but I would say overall theyhave gotten a bit faster.
Okay.
They've gotten a bit faster.

SPEAKER_00 (16:38):
I would agree.

SPEAKER_01 (16:39):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (16:39):
And mainly because we both have that mindset, we
ain't got the time for this.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (16:42):
Like it's just not worth the energy.

SPEAKER_00 (16:44):
We're gonna make a decision.
Yeah.
And whether we agree with thedecision or not, we're gonna
just go with what was decidedand we would we'll adjust
accordingly if necessary.

SPEAKER_01 (16:51):
Right, right, right.
I agree.

SPEAKER_00 (16:53):
I think at our big age, we we don't we at our big
age, at our big age, we don'thave time to be squaw women
because we got shit to do.

SPEAKER_01 (17:04):
And I don't, I think, I think it's just
experience too, like experienceof each other.

SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
And I think we would prefer just to be somewhat happy
or at least neutral.
Yeah, but I have noticed thatwhen I make you mad, you do live
heavier.
Okay, that's not so I might haveto start making you mad before
the gym.

SPEAKER_01 (17:20):
That's not that's not a thing.
I just think too, it's it comesfrom experience of each other
and knowing where to just likedrop it.
You know what I mean?
Like, because I know your habitsand you know my habits,
sometimes when we get into adisagreement.
No, you better than you knowyourself.
Um, when we get intodisagreements, and because I

(17:43):
know you, I'm just like, I knowhow this is gonna play out.
So I can either just like let itgo, or we can just hash it out
real quick and then be done withit, or like, you know, whatever
my next step is.

SPEAKER_00 (17:55):
All I know is that when we have a disagreement, I
said let her go get her cheatmail and sit behind Michael's.
She'll be back here about acouple hours and we'd be all
right.
Let her go process.

SPEAKER_01 (18:05):
First of all, I don't, it's not behind
Michael's.
Whenever, wherever you sit, it'sbehind Jerome's.

SPEAKER_00 (18:12):
Whatever, whatever, wherever you go sit.
I just hope she locked the door,she's safe.

SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
I do.
I keep the car running, I lockthe door, and I turn on a show.
And enjoy my sushi to myself.
Um, let's see.
Um, do you think our definitionof intimacy has changed?
And what makes us feel closernow than it did before?

SPEAKER_00 (18:37):
Yes and no.

SPEAKER_01 (18:42):
I know my definition of intimacy has changed.

SPEAKER_00 (18:44):
Um because I see I see it all as intimacy is all
all encompassing.
So uh obviously the Anita Howardtime matters.
The what?
Anita Howard.
Okay.
I couldn't think of anybodyfreakier than I need Anita
Howard.

SPEAKER_01 (19:00):
Um Adina Howard, by the way.
Adina.

SPEAKER_00 (19:02):
Yeah, that's right.
Um because I do love when youcome to bed with your t-shirt
and panties on.

SPEAKER_01 (19:07):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (19:08):
Um, but I do there are times where I do just want
to kind of just lay there and bewith you.
Like we just just us being like,like us just going to get
breakfast together or going tobrunch together or doing
something without the child.

SPEAKER_01 (19:21):
Going to get our fruit.

SPEAKER_00 (19:22):
Right.
Oh my god, I miss it.
Miss it.
We're gonna be there this weekfor sure.
But it's like little things likethat.
Like, I do look forward to thosethings.
Like, like I was telling you,um, was it last Friday?
Last Friday, when you um, whenour niece was here and you're
watching our niece, I was like,man, this uh this really
irritates me.
I said, and it has nothing to dowith her, it's just that I know

(19:43):
that Friday's my time with you.
Yeah, and it's like you'reimpeding on my time.

SPEAKER_02 (19:47):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (19:48):
I said, now I'm over here beefing with a with a
four-year-old.
She's impeding on my time withmy wife.
Goodbye.
I said, I love you.
But you couldn't come tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 (19:57):
After I had my time.
You could have had to be today?

SPEAKER_00 (19:59):
Yeah.
Like or at least get here aftersix, be respectful.
Give me halfway.

SPEAKER_01 (20:03):
Goodbye, be here after six as well.

SPEAKER_00 (20:06):
So I think that that I think that for that for for
me, that part has kind ofchanged because I think early on
it was just like, let's get it.
As long as we're doing it.
Freak me, man.

SPEAKER_01 (20:16):
As long as we're doing it, we are in twine.

SPEAKER_00 (20:18):
As long as my Johnson wet.

SPEAKER_01 (20:19):
Okay.
I can't.
I really can't stay.
As long as it wet.
Um so yes, I agree.
I feel like for me now, justlike the other morning when we
were cuddling, um, cuddling inthe bed, and you're like holding
me, and we were just talking.
Like for me, that's that's whatthat's what fills me up a lot.

(20:42):
Like, I love those moments.
Bye.
Bye.
That's what fills me up.
Like us laying down, havingconversation, or us laughing,
having conversation, the the carrides to go get our fruit and or
having um like in-depthconversations about what's going

(21:03):
on in the world, like thosekinds of things.

SPEAKER_00 (21:05):
Side note.
Oh gosh.
Side note.
We're gonna have to stop pickingher up early on Friday.
Because I feel like everybodyalways knows me by name.
Bye.
Because I walked in, I didn't Ididn't get to the paper yet.
I I was third in line.
She said, Phoenix, I said, yeah.
She's like, I'm gonna call herright now.
She's like, I'm gonna call herFear right now.
I said, damn.
I said, Do we do this all thetime?

SPEAKER_01 (21:22):
Well, you've been doing it for like the past
month.
So yeah, but I'm not sure whattriggered that thought, but
okay.
Um uh yeah, so uh for me, theintimacy is more of the
closeness, the conversation, theuh non-sexual, physical like

(21:42):
touch.
Okay, so you decided to touch mythigh right now.
I can't with you.
Um, yeah, so the the non-sexual.
I know you do the non-sexual,physical touching, like the
hugs, the small kisses thatdon't like necessarily lead to
anything, but it's just like thelittle long, the little uh short

(22:03):
pauses of looking at each otherand the kisses, you know, like
that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
I can't stare at you because you'd be like, What's
your problem, nigga?

SPEAKER_01 (22:10):
I said short.
I said short pauses.

SPEAKER_00 (22:13):
Like what?

SPEAKER_01 (22:14):
Like, calm down, what I said short pauses.
Like those things are reallyintimate for me.
Like, that's the things that Ienjoy.
Okay.
And I just feel like it makesAdina Howard time a little
better, a little more enjoyable.
Like where when we locked in.

SPEAKER_00 (22:28):
And that's what you're not that mouth noise.
Come on, you're about to piss meoff.
Um so shared interest, do we dowe still enjoy doing things
together or or have our hobbiesgrown apart?

SPEAKER_01 (22:42):
We still enjoy doing things together, like but we do
have hobbies everywhere.
Well, our hobby but I don'tthink our hobbies ever really
like we're together.
We're together.
Yeah, it wasn't.
You're not gonna sit down andcrochet or read a book or like
sit in silence.

SPEAKER_00 (22:56):
I'll read a book.
Now look, I'm not gonna crochet.

SPEAKER_01 (23:01):
You will read.
We had family reading night,what was it, like a few weeks
ago.

SPEAKER_00 (23:05):
I will read.

SPEAKER_01 (23:05):
Um, but like as far as hobbies, like genuine hobbies
and stuff, our hobbies neverreally that much aligned.
I do think that the older thatwe have gotten, um, we have
tried to partake in each other'shobbies, like as a form of like,
hey, I'm supporting you, butthis shit is boring.

(23:26):
Wow.
Wow.
Hey girl, hey, you know?
But um, but as far as spendingtime together, like when we do,
when we're able to get likegenuine bubble time together, I
know for me, I think we're stillvery much aligned.
Like we still can have a goodtime together, we can still
laugh, we can still joke, andthat's when I'm reminded, like,

(23:49):
that's my friend.
Like, that's I love him.

SPEAKER_00 (23:54):
What?
Um, it's a it's a me and my wifeare hearing other married
couples complaining about theirrelationship, but we can't
relate.
We can't relate because we can'twe literally best friends.

SPEAKER_01 (24:03):
I can't can't can't relate.
That's not that's not whathappens.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (24:07):
Um we got problems.
I mean, I wouldn't say problems.
They're not big problems.

SPEAKER_01 (24:10):
Yeah, I was gonna say nothing like nothing like we
got span.
Yeah, where I'm ready to likeI'm sorry, what?
Be gone longer than my Michael'strip.

SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
I enjoy that time.
Reset.
Yeah, the person who can'thandle it is your daughter.

SPEAKER_01 (24:26):
The person who texts me.
Where are you?

SPEAKER_00 (24:28):
Okay, first of all, I don't have to text you where
you are because I have yourlocation, but you never check
it.

SPEAKER_01 (24:31):
You claim I mean sometimes I do.
Uh so what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 (24:36):
Um, I think uh I agree with you.
We we never really had hobbiesthat aligned.
We kind of um we I think that'sone reason why we've been so
successful in in ourrelationship and in our marriage
is because we've always had ourown thing.
Like like you with yourcrocheting, me with like my
video games and my computer techstuff.
Yeah.
So like and like my anime andstuff.

(24:58):
So we always had our own, likewe would talk about it, but like
we never really intertwined themtogether.
Yeah.
Um, recently I would say theonly hobby we have together is
the gym.

SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 (25:07):
So like the gym is like the one, like and pop the
balloon.
That's it.
Because single lady.

SPEAKER_01 (25:13):
Single lady.

SPEAKER_00 (25:16):
So like we just like to mess.

SPEAKER_01 (25:19):
No, you just like to mess.
And I like watching you getexcited for the drama.
I like two different purposes.

SPEAKER_00 (25:27):
When you hear if you want to answer questions, like
that don't even make no damnsense.

SPEAKER_01 (25:30):
I saw you see like how he was an independent man.
I don't even want to talk aboutit.
Him being an independent man.

SPEAKER_00 (25:36):
You can't even answer a damn question.

SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
I said it's independent, we're gonna have to
do a topic on that.
Independent, the independentman.

SPEAKER_00 (25:41):
Independent, right?
Yeah, so I feel like uh that'spart of the reason.
Like, and I feel like the theour like we in the gym together,
but we're not like together.

SPEAKER_01 (25:50):
Right.
Because we don't even like workout together.

SPEAKER_00 (25:53):
You got different workouts, yeah.
You over there doing your thing,I'm doing my thing.

SPEAKER_01 (25:56):
Right.
But just knowing that we'rethere and then we together.

SPEAKER_00 (25:59):
Then we meet up and get up, get up some coffee, come
on home.

SPEAKER_01 (26:02):
Yeah, yeah.
But it's still quality time forus, it is still quality time,
and I think I think the whole umnot having like similar hobbies,
that also gives us time to belike ourselves.
Like we love being together.
Like, I love spending time withmy husband, especially when I

(26:22):
can spend time with him.
When I can spend time with him,I'm like, okay, like I love
that.
But I also enjoy doing thingsthat are fulfilling for me,
which I know he's not, you know,he's not gonna sit there and be
as excited about it.
He'll just be like, okay, whencan I get out of this?
So and I think so, I think ushaving our separate hobbies.

(26:45):
How much longer?
Bye.
I think us having our separatehobbies allows us to also have
that individual time.
Yeah.
That I still think is importantbecause I can be excited about
something, you can be excitedabout something.
And even though you don't sharemy same interests, when I come
to you and I'm talking to youand I'm excited about something,
it's like you want to tune inbecause you like that I'm

(27:05):
excited.

SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
I put my front all the way up.
Right.
Girl, you know, tell me aboutit.

SPEAKER_01 (27:09):
Bye.

SPEAKER_00 (27:10):
I can't.
I can't say it.
I can't say it.

SPEAKER_01 (27:13):
What?
Michael said, What on sale?

SPEAKER_00 (27:14):
Oh, you know, then why don't you give it a hair?

SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
First of all, I don't even shop at Michael's
like that because they pricesare ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 (27:19):
And that's all you've been to complain about is
the price on their fabric.
And I've been listening.

SPEAKER_01 (27:23):
Well, it's not their fabric, they got it from
Joann's.
And listen, that's a wholenother story.
Try to charge me$8 a yard.
Um, let me see.
Okay.
Can we still read each other'smoods without words, or do you
feel like it takes more effortnow?

SPEAKER_00 (27:42):
I feel like we can.
Yeah.
We definitely can.
Yeah, I agree.
It's just sometimes I don'tcare.
I still go in there.

SPEAKER_01 (27:48):
Yeah, I know.
We've had this discussion beforewhere I tell you he just doubles
down and he just likes to makeit worse.

SPEAKER_00 (27:55):
I feel like I know she don't feel like this, but it
gotta be said.
So we're gonna have to, youknow, I have to listen to things
I don't want to lose.

SPEAKER_01 (28:02):
It is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 (28:03):
It is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 (28:04):
Yeah, I definitely do think that we're uh quicker
at reading each other's moves.
Yeah.
Um, but again, that comes withexperience of each other, right?
So when I know if it's somethingI want to bring up to you or
something I want to ask you, I'mreading the room.
Unlike some people in thisrelationship.
Uh are you done?

(28:26):
No, I'll read the room andthat'll determine.

SPEAKER_00 (28:28):
I'll read the room, but if it gotta be said, it
gotta be said.

SPEAKER_01 (28:31):
You mean said or done?
Done.
Like if I'm not in the mood toplay, done.

SPEAKER_00 (28:36):
Both.

SPEAKER_01 (28:36):
You're you're gonna double down.

SPEAKER_00 (28:38):
Both because sometimes I gotta feed myself.

SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
Okay.
I gotta take care of me, Lucius.

SPEAKER_00 (28:46):
I gotta take care of me.
I gotta put myself first.
Oh, I love you.
Do we uh do we fight to win ordo or do we fight to understand?

SPEAKER_01 (28:57):
Okay, so literally, I honestly from from I honestly
I do think it's 50-50 becausethere is some times where I
genuinely do not understand yourthought process on something or
how you're trying to expressyourself.

(29:17):
And I really wholeheartedly wantto understand what you're
feeling and how that's comingoff, or what you're going
through.
Like I I really want to just belike stick me in the mud so I
don't move, so I can reallyunderstand what you're what
you're saying and how you'refeeling.
And then there's other timeswhere I can feel I I really

(29:38):
don't because there's there'sthe other side to that is when I
know you in my mind, I can'tjust say like for certainty, but
in my mind, it's just likeyou're it, it it ain't like two
two plus two ain't adding up.
And I'm just like, there's noway you're gonna convince me.

(29:59):
Yeah, there's there's Timeswhere I'm like, there's no way
you're going to convince me thatthat what you're saying is is
true.
Like what you're saying, or howyou're trying to portray
something, or how you're tryingto explain something to me, my
mind is already set that you'reyou're feeding me BS right now,
and I refuse to let you tell mesomething that I don't believe

(30:20):
to be true.
And then that's when I'm like,now I have to double down and
like why what's with the pencil?
Oh, sorry, it was just there.
Um, yes, but I do, I do feellike it's 50-50.
I don't feel like we've outgrownthe um like disagreement to
argument to to just try tounderstand, even though I was,

(30:40):
you know what, I'm I'm gonnatake that back.
I wouldn't say 50-50.
I would say like 60-40, 60-40that I try to understand.
But there is still some of thatwhere it's like, in my mind,
it's not a trying to win, butit's just trying to make you
see, like, why are you lookingat the camera like that?

(31:00):
Bye.
Just trying to make you see, Iguess, like my point of view.
And so I'm not really not in it.
Yeah, I'm just I'm just tryingto give you my perspective, but
I would say it's like 60-40.
Okay.
I don't feel like we've fullyoutgrown that yet.
Okay.
Maybe in the next 10 or 15years.

SPEAKER_00 (31:17):
I'm gonna stick to my ass with 50-50.

SPEAKER_01 (31:18):
You go, okay, that's fine.
Care to elaborate?

SPEAKER_00 (31:22):
Yeah, I just don't give a fuck sometime.
Sometimes it's like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 (31:25):
Sometimes it's like what?

SPEAKER_00 (31:27):
I know I'm right.
I don't care what you say.

SPEAKER_01 (31:28):
Yeah, that's that's my 40.

SPEAKER_00 (31:30):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
50.

SPEAKER_01 (31:32):
Okay.
I know that I'm right.
50.
Um, okay, uh, let's see.
So do you still think that wegenuinely like each other's
company outside of ourresponsibility?

(31:52):
Hold on, before you answer, Iwant us to answer yes or no at
the same time.
Okay.
So do you still genuinely thinkthat we enjoy each other's
companies outside of like beingmom and dad, being, you know,
like husband and wife?
One, two, three.

SPEAKER_00 (32:07):
Yes.

unknown (32:08):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (32:08):
I would say we enjoy on four more outside of
responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 (32:12):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (32:13):
Because when we when I if I had the responsibility,
sometimes I'd be like, shefucking up.

SPEAKER_01 (32:20):
We don't want to talk about scorecards with
responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 (32:24):
I'm like, I'm like, I don't even ask her that much.
She oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 (32:29):
You don't ask her that much?
Here we go.
Hold on.
This is for the person whodoesn't ask for much, okay?
Let me tell you about this man.
He comes texting me at 4 16 p.m.
Yeah.
Say, I want some uh chicken patThai.
In my mind, I'm like, okay,cool.
Like, we can go out and getchicken pat thai.
I want you to make it.

SPEAKER_00 (32:50):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (32:50):
From scratch.

SPEAKER_00 (32:51):
That shit was fire.

SPEAKER_01 (32:52):
And I was like, it's four, like 4 16.
I was like, well, the Asianmarket closes at 5.
We better get to it.
Well, it seems like you shouldbe coming upstairs to get
dressed so you can make itbefore they close.
What'd you do?
Yeah, what did I do?
You made chicken pat high.
Yeah, I went, I got up and Iwent and made chicken pat thai.

SPEAKER_00 (33:10):
And what I tell you last night, I said, you was a
good wife today.
I said, I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 (33:14):
But this is coming from the person who don't ask
much because I had a completelydifferent menu for dinner.
I had meat thawing out, I hadeverything ready to go.
And be and like literally on thedrop of a dime, he's like, I
want chicken pat thai.
And I want you to make it fromscratch.
And I want you to get up andstop doing what you're doing now
to go get it.
And what did I do?
I got up, I got dressed, and Iwent down to the market.

(33:37):
I got everything I needed tomake my husband what he
requested.
But he don't be asking for much.
I'm not saying that was askingfor much, but he could have been
like, hey, tomorrow.
Nah.
Tomorrow, I would really love ifyou could make.
But no, he's like, I want itnow.

SPEAKER_00 (33:51):
I needed that that day.
I was just strolling and thatcame across my feed.
I said, I said, let me send thisto her right now.
And then I called her.
Look what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 (33:58):
She needs to get on this now.

SPEAKER_00 (34:00):
I said, this should look fire.
I need this right now.
I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_01 (34:05):
But he's not, but he but no one cares about him
though, guys.
No one cares because I couldhave easily told him, I'll make
that tomorrow because I alreadyhave something else going for
dinner.
But because I wanted my husbandto relax yesterday, which I did.
He did, uninterrupted.

SPEAKER_00 (34:22):
I didn't do nothing yesterday.
He didn't do anything.
I needed it any time.
Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 (34:25):
I made it a point to not bother him, to not ask him
to do anything.

SPEAKER_00 (34:29):
But now I woke up today and she had a list.

SPEAKER_01 (34:31):
Listen.

SPEAKER_00 (34:32):
Lord Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 (34:33):
We all we all can't you can't get like which what
you expect?
A week off?
That's crazy work.
That's crazy.
I mean, we could do it together,take a week together.

SPEAKER_00 (34:41):
Nah.
It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 (34:42):
But anywho, yeah.
Okay, so um, you want me toanswer?
Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 (34:47):
I did answer.
Go ahead.
Uh I'm gonna just ask the nextquestion.
No.
I said I do enjoy your outsideresponsibility.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you know why?

SPEAKER_01 (34:57):
Don't say the yams.

SPEAKER_00 (34:59):
The yams.
Uh number one, uh, we get tojust be ourselves, be be and
like be carefree.

SPEAKER_01 (35:05):
Like we get to be Maurice and Kynisha.
Yeah, not Maurice and Kinesha,mommy daddy.

SPEAKER_00 (35:09):
Outside of responsibility means that also
entails vacation bay.
And we know how I feel aboutvacation bay.
Vacation bay is who I married.

SPEAKER_01 (35:18):
That's crazy work because she only comes around
like twice a year.

SPEAKER_00 (35:22):
It's crazy work.
I don't I don't know how she wasthere for the wedding and left.
Because vacation bait was there.
I don't know where she went.
She got them paperwork anddipped off.

SPEAKER_01 (35:33):
She did.
She signed them papers.

SPEAKER_00 (35:35):
That's it.
Um, do your visions for the next10 to 20 years still align?
Like retirement, travel,lifestyle, or personal growth?
I think they do.
We talk about it.
What is your vision forretirement?

SPEAKER_01 (35:49):
To be comfortable with my husband.

SPEAKER_00 (35:51):
What are you putting on retiring?

SPEAKER_01 (35:53):
Oh, you're trying to be funny.
You're trying, I see what you'redoing here.
You're trying to be funny.
I retire when you retire.

SPEAKER_00 (36:00):
When am I gonna retire?

SPEAKER_01 (36:01):
You're gonna retire at well, you're eligible to
retire when you're 49, I think.
But you're not 44.
Yeah, but you're not gonna dothat.

SPEAKER_00 (36:09):
Why?
Life's expensive.

SPEAKER_01 (36:14):
I mean, technically, technically, like as far as like
career-wise, I'm gonna retirewhen you retire.

SPEAKER_00 (36:20):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 (36:21):
So whenever you retire, that's when I that's
when I retire.

SPEAKER_00 (36:24):
And do you want to travel?

SPEAKER_01 (36:25):
I do want to do a little bit of traveling.
Nothing, nothing major.
Like, I honestly And that'swhere we disagree.

SPEAKER_00 (36:32):
I'm trying to be out the country.

SPEAKER_01 (36:33):
No, you're not.
I'm gonna be on these.
He's not.
No, he didn't don't let him foolyou because he don't even like
traveling like that.
Don't even, don't even let himfool you.
Don't even let him fool you.
I'm gonna have a house inCalifornia.
No, you listen, guys.

SPEAKER_00 (36:45):
Look here.
I know this man.
I'm gonna have a house inCalifornia so I can go to my
Dodger games, my Lakers games.
But I'm also have a house in anapartment in Philly so I can go
out there for my Philly games.
And then we're gonna spend mostof our time abroad.

SPEAKER_01 (37:00):
No, we're not.

SPEAKER_00 (37:01):
We're not.
No, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 (37:03):
Okay, that's what I'm like.
I don't think so.
I mean, we may end up in Parisbecause that's where she says
she wants to be.
So she told she told she told usthat uh we don't have to be sad
that she will come home and shewill visit, but she for sure
feels like she's gonna have tojust move to Paris.

SPEAKER_00 (37:20):
Um, what about lifestyle?
Um I just I think we both don'twant to do much.

SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
Yeah, I just want to be able to have like my time.
I just I think I think you wantto be in the casino.
I don't want to be in thecasino.

SPEAKER_00 (37:33):
Not every day.

SPEAKER_01 (37:34):
Not every day.

SPEAKER_00 (37:34):
Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 (37:35):
But I I think we both align in the sense that we
just want our time.
Yeah.
Like that's how I envisionretirement.
I envision retirement where wecan just have our time.
If we do want to schedule atrip, we schedule a trip and we
go.

SPEAKER_00 (37:49):
You know, like I thought about I saw a thing
about retirement the other day,and I said, I I I'm most likely
gonna be like Mario when Iretire.
I'm gonna get up and do a littlesomething every day.
Just so you don't wither away?
Just so I can say I didsomething and I'm gonna go come
back right now inside, sit down,watch my sports, watch my shows,
and eat my food.

SPEAKER_01 (38:07):
But he also says that like he does that, he he's
intentional.
It's our neighbor.
He's intentional about gettingup and doing something every
day.
Yes, because he said that hefeels like the moment he doesn't
do that, that's when everythingis gonna go down.

SPEAKER_00 (38:18):
I'm gonna still be in the gym.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be the old guy in thegym just in there for no reason.

SPEAKER_01 (38:22):
Trying to give all unwarranted advice?

SPEAKER_00 (38:24):
I'm gonna be in there for the papas.

SPEAKER_01 (38:26):
For the papas?
Yeah, the fries.
Bye.
Bye.
I count with you.
Um do you think we are bothstill invested in becoming
better partners for each other,or do you sometimes feel like we
get stuck in our routine?

SPEAKER_00 (38:40):
I feel like we're both trying to be better.

SPEAKER_01 (38:43):
I agree.

SPEAKER_00 (38:43):
The routine gets heavy sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 (38:46):
The routine is reliable, but the routine can
become in mundane.

SPEAKER_00 (38:50):
Incomplacent.

SPEAKER_01 (38:51):
Yeah.
So, and I think that's where theindividuality, like really
trying to stay.

SPEAKER_00 (38:58):
Do another set, one more rep.

SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
That's where, that is where go ahead, talk about
it.
That is where I think stillhaving your independent identity
in some things, like yourhobbies, uh, really come into
play so that you can break up alittle bit of the everyday, the
mundane, the responsibilities,the things that you know that

(39:21):
can make us complacent.
Um, but getting back to like whoyou are and allowing your your
person to see that fun, joyousperson that they that they
married, you know.
Like you don't want toconstantly look at your partner
and be like, dang.
Why do I marry you?
Like, yeah, like you're not funno more.
You don't even smile.
I mean, I kind of feel likethat'd be your fault, but um

(39:44):
it's fucking Tyler Perry movieall over again.
Um, but yeah, so I think that'swhere still having a little bit
of individuality is is healthy,not to the extent where you're
just living at as an independentperson in a relationship.
That's not what I mean.
What I mean is not losingyourself to the point where when

(40:05):
your partner looks at you, it'sjust like, okay, like, yeah,
you're following the routine.
We know what ourresponsibilities are, but
where's you?
Because I genuinely like you.
Like when I look at you, Igenuinely like you.
I like seeing you get excitedwhen you uh learn something new
with your computer.
Why are you looking at me likethat?
Why are you looking at me likethat?

SPEAKER_00 (40:25):
Because it sounds like a calf, but I'm gonna let
you cook.

SPEAKER_01 (40:29):
That I'm not excited for you?

SPEAKER_00 (40:32):
Here you go, crazy old Maurice.

SPEAKER_01 (40:34):
You don't think I get excited for you when you're
excited about something?

SPEAKER_00 (40:36):
It's like beauty and beast all over again.
I'm just crazy old Maurice.

SPEAKER_01 (40:39):
Okay, anyways, I genuinely get excited for you
when you're excited aboutsomething new, or when you've
learned something new, or whenyou tried something new, and
like now you feel like it's yourfavorite thing, and now you need
to overconsume yourself with it.

SPEAKER_00 (40:54):
Um, I can agree with that.
I do that for you, but I alsoget worried because most of the
things you get over excitedbefore, now you send me a
shopping list of stuff you needto keep continue down that path
of excitement.

SPEAKER_01 (41:06):
To continue down the path?

SPEAKER_00 (41:07):
Yeah, this is crazy.
Crazy work.
That's how we ended up withseven printers.

SPEAKER_01 (41:12):
First of all, I don't have seven printers.

SPEAKER_00 (41:14):
How many printers do you have?

SPEAKER_01 (41:15):
Five.
I don't have seven.
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (41:16):
Um it's my turn to read the question.

SPEAKER_01 (41:18):
Go ahead.
Sorry.
See people?

SPEAKER_00 (41:21):
Do we still make each other laugh the way we used
to, or have lives gotten tooserious?

SPEAKER_01 (41:25):
I still I still think we make each other laugh.

SPEAKER_00 (41:28):
I'm hilarious.
I'm you're semi-funny.
I'm hilarious.
Okay.
I make you laugh right at them,I'll laugh right.
I get you laughing, I fall rightto them draws.

SPEAKER_01 (41:39):
Okay.
That's that's I I don't evenknow what to say.

SPEAKER_00 (41:43):
What you don't like that?

SPEAKER_01 (41:44):
I don't even know what to say.

SPEAKER_00 (41:45):
But it's true, though.

SPEAKER_01 (41:46):
Sure.

SPEAKER_00 (41:48):
You basically start laughing, you get right into
them draws.

SPEAKER_01 (41:51):
I'm trying to see why it's like telling me there's
an account added to it.
Um but yeah, I think I think westill make each other laugh.
I mean, I laugh with you.
You laugh with me.
You laugh at me.
I do.
Wow.
That's messed up.

(42:11):
You laugh at me?
I don't laugh at you.
You do.
I don't even make fun of you.

SPEAKER_00 (42:17):
You my biggest op.

SPEAKER_01 (42:19):
No, I only make I only retaliate.
Okay.
You start it, I finish it, okay,and you can't handle it.

SPEAKER_00 (42:28):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (42:29):
There's a difference.
There's a difference.
So after 10 years, do you stillthink we're compatible, baby?

SPEAKER_00 (42:35):
Barely.
It's a struggle.

SPEAKER_01 (42:37):
Really?
Barely.

SPEAKER_00 (42:39):
We holding on by a thread.
I have to contact uh RebelStimson every week.

SPEAKER_01 (42:45):
Okay.
And what you what do you discusswith Rebel Stilskin?

SPEAKER_00 (42:49):
And what I'm giving up in return, these years off my
life to make this work.
It's rough.

SPEAKER_01 (42:54):
It's rough.
It's rough.
I'm gonna tell you, like I toldyou earlier, you can leave,
nigga.

SPEAKER_00 (43:00):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (43:01):
Deuces.
What you gonna do?
Deuce it.

SPEAKER_00 (43:03):
What you gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 (43:04):
What you mean what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna live my life.

SPEAKER_00 (43:06):
Oh, so you got somebody lined up.

unknown (43:09):
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 (43:10):
That's what I hear.

SPEAKER_01 (43:11):
No, you shouldn't have heard that.
I don't know why you heard that.

SPEAKER_00 (43:15):
I don't know why you heard that.
I do think that this is healthy.
I think you should have theseconversations ever so often with
your partner just to make surethat, you know.
Like a temperature check?
Yeah, you know, make sure y'allgoing down the same path.
Because sometimes you could begoing left, he's going right.

SPEAKER_01 (43:32):
You know, like, hey, hey, you're why are you so far
down the street?
Bye to mail.
Okay, let's see.
Let's go ahead and hop on intothe comment of the week.
Oh, you want to do that onefirst?

SPEAKER_00 (43:45):
Yes, we're gonna do the comment of the week first.

SPEAKER_01 (43:46):
Let's do the comment of the week.
And what which video is this inresponse to?

SPEAKER_00 (43:50):
This is in response to the tattoo removal.

SPEAKER_01 (43:52):
That's oh, okay.
You have to update some becausesome people don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 (43:56):
Okay, so I'll update him.
Okay, okay.
Pretty much her fiance had atattoo of his ex wife wife
across somewhere on her body.
On his chest.
On his chest.
And she wanted him to get itremoved now that they're getting
married.

SPEAKER_01 (44:08):
Before the wedding.

SPEAKER_00 (44:09):
Before the wedding.
And he said, nah, I'm not doingthat.
That's part of my past, butwhatever.
So the comment was this is shethis person is telling her to go
get a temporary tattoo of yourex's name somewhere obvious and
see how that goes.
What's good for the goose?
Dot dot dot.
It's good for the gander.
And I like the petty.
Oh my gosh.

(44:30):
As a board member of the pettycommittee.
Oh my gosh.
I like the petty.

SPEAKER_01 (44:34):
That wouldn't, that wouldn't.
Oh, you said temporary tattoo.
Okay, yeah, temporary tattoo.
What's good for the goose?
Okay, but it would have to beIt's good for the gander.
Okay, yeah, you can do atemporary tattoo, but maybe in a
spot where he, I guess he nevernoticed, or are you just gonna
do it literally just out ofspite?

SPEAKER_00 (44:52):
No.
She said do it somewhere wherehe was somewhere obvious.
Oh I think you should get hisname tattooed on your inner
thigh.

SPEAKER_01 (45:00):
Okay, that's silly.

SPEAKER_00 (45:01):
Like right across or right above uh, you know, that
area.

SPEAKER_01 (45:07):
Bye.
I think that's ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
I can't.
Oh the service just dropped.
Internet just dropped.
Sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_00 (45:17):
No, no, mine's fine.

SPEAKER_01 (45:19):
No, mine isn't.
Look, you can see that mineisn't.

SPEAKER_00 (45:22):
Oh wow.
Look.
Crazy work, people.
It wasn't.
Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 (45:27):
Okay, so we're gonna go ahead and hop uh right on
into our two cents.
Our two cents.
Okay.
So here we go.
Okay, let's get it.
Am I the asshole for thinkingsex during a break doesn't count
as cheating?
And now my wife is divorcing meand I'm losing everything.

(45:49):
I destroyed my entire lifebecause I couldn't keep it in my
pants for three months.
My wife asked for a break backin April.
We have four kids and she wasdrowning.
I work 60 hours a week buildingmy landscaping business and she
homeschools all four of ourchildren.
She told me that she neededspace to figure out if she still
wanted to be in this marriage.

(46:10):
I said, fine, and I moved intomy brother's place.
Two weeks later, I met a girl ata bar.
The other woman, she was fun.
She laughed at my jokes.
She didn't take me, oh, shedidn't look at me like I was a
chore or another responsibilityon a to-do list.
We started hooking up, and Itold myself it didn't count
because my wife and I were on abreak.

(46:30):
My wife called me in June, saidshe wanted to work things out
and that she missed me and thatthe kids needed their dad back
home.
I ended things with the otherwoman that same day and told her
that it was fun, but I was goingback to my family.
She cried, she screamed, and shecalled me every name in the
book, but I still left.

(46:52):
Things were good for a while.
My wife and I went tocounseling, we had date nights,
the kids were happy, and Ithought that I had dodged a
bullet.
Then last month, a card showedup in our mailbox, a bright red
envelope.
My wife opened it because shealways opens the mail.
Inside was a card with ahalf-naked photo of the other

(47:14):
woman and a note that said,missing what we had.
Call me when you're ready forround two.
My wife's face went white.
She looked at me and said, Whatis this?
I tried to explain.
I told her that we were on abreak and that the woman didn't
mean anything to me, and that Ichose her.

(47:35):
She just stood there in silence.
And she said, You slept withsomeone else while I was home
with our four kids, trying tokeep my head above water.
Her voice was so quiet.
I asked for space to breathe,not for permission to cheat.
We were separated, I said.

(47:56):
You said you didn't know if youwanted to be married to me
anymore.
She said, a break means youdon't date other people.
It means you give each otherspace.
Not for you to go screw thefirst woman who smiles at you.
She filed for divorce the nextweek, took the kids to her
sister's house, won't let me seethem without a lawyer present.

(48:16):
My business partner is my wife'sbrother, and he just informed me
that he's buying me out of themarket value, which means I'm
now losing half of everything Ibuilt.
The divorce lawyer says, becauseI committed adultery during our
marriage, regardless of a break,I'm now looking at paying 55% of
my income in child support andalimony.
My family thinks that I'm trash.
My mom won't return any of mycalls.

(48:38):
My dad told me that I made mybed and need to lay in it.
My brother kicked me out of hisplace because his wife is best
friends with my wife.
I'm living in a motel and eatingfast food every night because I
don't know how to cook formyself.
The other woman keeps texting mesaying she, uh saying if it
just, if I had just picked herinstead, that none of this would
be happening, that my wifeoverreacted, that we could still

(49:01):
be together, but I don't wanther, and I never did.
And she was just there when Iwas angry and lonely.
I threw away 16 years ofmarriage for three months of
feeling wanted by someone new.
My kids won't talk to me.
My youngest asked her mom whydaddy doesn't love us anymore.
I'm about to lose my business.
I'll be working just to pay myex-wife for the next decade.
And the worst part is I can'teven say it wasn't my fault

(49:24):
because everyone keeps remindingme that I did have a choice.

SPEAKER_00 (49:29):
I'm on both sides.

unknown (49:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (49:34):
It took a break.
It took a break.
But you're still legallymarried.
Yeah, that don't matter.
No, actually, it does matter.
It matters okay.
Well, I'm happy I know where youstand.
To me, it doesn't matter.
I'm happy I know where you standbecause you're still married.
And as long as you are married,do you want my answer or not?
You seem like you have verystrong feelings.
That's why.
Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 (49:55):
Here's why.
Here's why.

SPEAKER_01 (49:56):
Okay, tell me.

SPEAKER_00 (49:57):
Damn it.
Um this is only a bad thingbecause the wife came back
around and said she wanted him.
Had she decided not to go backto him, this wouldn't be an
issue.
So, in other words, while he wasout there, while he wanted to be
with his wife, she wanted thebreak.
So he wanted to break.
So while he was drowning in hissorrows, I'm pretty sure he felt

(50:18):
some type of way about itbecause he probably clearly
loved the woman.
While he was drowning in hissorrows and found something new,
he was supposed to avoid alltemptation until she figured out
what she wanted.
So he was supposed to be inlimbo.
This is what you're saying.
He is supposed to be in limbowhile she figured out what she
wants.
I don't see me personally.

(50:39):
Now I felt bad for the guybecause he did ruin his whole
life.
But this is you should have hadan understanding.
You should have had anunderstanding with your wife
what this break was supposed toentail.
But again, I always say yougotta communicate.
Because if you came to me andsaid, hey, we need a break, I
was I'm gonna say from what?

unknown (50:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (50:55):
What do we need a break from?
What do you mean?
Like if you need space, like arewe together?
You just need some space?
Because if my thing is that ifyou remove me from my home, I
feel like I'm free to dowhatever I want.

SPEAKER_01 (51:14):
My thoughts is I can agree where you talk about um
asking for more uh specificityas far as like how as far as
like how long the space is, um,but her needing space, she
probably he probably asked.
And she was probably like, Idon't know, like what, you know,

(51:35):
like we're we're gonna workthrough it or whatever.
I can I can get on board withthat.
The thing that I can't get onboard with is although I can
understand, right?
I can understand, like, okay,I'm just supposed to be out here
just like lonely or whatever,you're still married.
Okay.
Okay.
And part of marriage, like whenwe talk about going through the

(51:57):
ebbs and flow of marriages,okay, of being married, right?
Go ahead, shooter, there therecan be times where you want like
space, okay?
She hold on, she asked for it.
The point that you're missing isthat whatever we're trying to
work out, we are still married.
We are married, we are stillmarried, okay?

(52:18):
So you still listen, they werestill married, and he still had
an obligation and responsibilityto his household, which I'm sure
he still upheld.
She had an obligation andresponsibility to their
household, which she stillupheld.
But they just weren't physicallyin the same space.
They weren't physicallytogether.
But that didn't negate theresponsibilities that they had
that came from that marriage,right?

(52:39):
And they still both stuck to it.
We still have an obligation anda commitment to each other until
we both can say we no longerwant to be committed to each
other in the space of beingmarried.
Okay.
Okay.
So if we say, okay, yeah, we'retaking some time apart, then
yes, both parties need to makethat make that know.
Okay, if we're taking timeapart, does this mean yes?

(53:02):
What does that mean?
Does this mean that I canpossibly entertain someone else?
Does this mean that I want toget to know someone?
Like, what does that mean,right?
If that's not discussed, it is,in my opinion, safe to say and
safe to assume I am stilllegally married, therefore I'm
not gonna entertain another man.
Even if there is another manthat I'm interested in, that's

(53:24):
gonna be off limits for me rightnow until I can close this door.
When I can definitively say,like, hey, I no longer want to
make this commitment to you, Ino longer want to make this
commitment to this marriage.
I'm I'm like, I'm not in itanymore.
Then once we go through that,then I can also be free of heart
to go pursue whatever it is thatI'm doing, right?

(53:44):
Because I don't think he wouldhave been okay if she had been
seeing somebody else and stillhad the kids.
Because then he would probablymost likely, I'm just
speculating here.
Oh, but I'm just saying, but itit would have what?
It would have hurt off a job.
It would why they wereseparated.
Yeah.
What?
But they were separated by yourlogic.

SPEAKER_00 (54:03):
I never I I never said how she felt wasn't valid.
I said, I see where I see I seehis mind.

SPEAKER_01 (54:10):
Okay, but you but you're saying that he had, but
you also are saying he had everyright to sleep with someone
else.
He is still a married man.

SPEAKER_00 (54:19):
He was a temporary single man.

SPEAKER_01 (54:21):
How was he a Boris?
No, if you're if you're married,you're you're married until
you're divorced.
So you're telling me thesepeople You're married until
you're divorced.
So you're telling me you'remarried until you're divorced.
So you that's my stance.
So you want to.
I don't know if that stance willchange later in life.
I don't know.
But it does not matter.
As long as you are married.
As long as you are married.

SPEAKER_00 (54:40):
Hold on, let me.
Okay.
Hold on, so you so you'retelling me these people that be
out here separated for years,you don't think they got
partners?

SPEAKER_01 (54:48):
Listen, I'm I'm not negating that yes, they people
do these things.

SPEAKER_00 (54:53):
What I'm saying is the issue to hurt is not what
he's done.
The issue is what he's done inthe amount of time they were
married.

SPEAKER_01 (54:58):
The issue is that they were still married and he
technically went outside hismarriage, even if even if we
were separated.
I think the part that you'remissing is just that's the only
part that I'm putting right inthere.
Is is is that marriage block.
That's the only part.
If we decided to liveseparately, that doesn't mean
that people wouldn't, youwouldn't have a girlfriend, or

(55:19):
if I wouldn't have a boyfriend,does that mean it's right?
No, because we are stillmarried.
That's the whole point.

SPEAKER_00 (55:27):
And again, I say the rules should have been laid out.

SPEAKER_01 (55:30):
The rules, and I agree with that.
There should have been moredialogue, there should have been
more conversation.
I do not disagree with that.
I mean, I'm just saying, I'mjust I'm just trying to strip,
if I strip it down like the waymy brain will do it, if I just
strip it down, in my mind, withit just stripped down, not
taking into consideration thatwhat it maybe he had a point and

(55:50):
maybe he wasn't in the wrong,I'm just stripping it down.
The point of the matter is theywere still married.
Okay, all right.
And just like, hold on, per hiswords, what the lawyer said, it
does not matter if you guys wereseparated, you were still gonna
pay her alimony, even though youguys were separated.

(56:11):
Hold on, even though you guyswere separated because you were
still what?
You were still married.
Hot dog, hot dog, you were stillmarried, so it doesn't matter.
You're assuming she wasn'tworking because she
homeschooled?

SPEAKER_00 (56:29):
Because she homeschooled four.

SPEAKER_01 (56:30):
She wasn't working, she probably has great
scheduling.
He was working six hours away.
Okay, girl.
What's the next schedulingskills might be on point?
What's the next one?
I don't know because theinternet's down for my phone, so
it won't give me.
Wow.
Sorry, guys.
I know we normally give you two.
Um, oh wait.
I think okay.
Um, am I the asshole forrefusing to introduce my fiance

(56:53):
to my parents because they'lljudge his career?
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (56:56):
What do you do?

SPEAKER_01 (56:57):
I'm a 27-year-old female and I've been with my
fiance, who's 29 for threeyears.
He's amazing, kind, supportive,and the most hardworking person
that I know.
He works as a bartender andgenuinely loves it.
And he's good at it too.
And he has plans to eventuallyown his own bar.
The problem is my parents.
They're extremely statusobsessed and judgmental.

(57:21):
They've always, they've alwayshad a doctor, lawyer, engineer,
or a failure mentality.
They've made comments in thepast about my friends'
boyfriends having dead-end jobsand even criticized me for not
dating someone more ambitious.
Because of that, I've avoidedintroducing my fiance to them.
They keep asking to meet him,but I always make excuses

(57:43):
because I know they'll judge himunfairly.
I don't want him to feeldisrespected or looked down
upon, but I also know it's weirdthat I'm engaged and my parents
haven't even met my futurehusband.
My fiance says he doesn't mindand that he's proud of what he
does, but I can tell deep downhe feels hurt and that I'm
hiding him from my family.
He told me that if I'm seriousabout marrying him, I need to

(58:03):
stop being ashamed of hiscareer.
So now I feel stuck.
I love him, but I dread how myparents will react.
Am I the asshole for refusing tointroduce my fiance to my
parents because I know they'lljudge his career?

SPEAKER_00 (58:15):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (58:16):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (58:16):
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 (58:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (58:18):
Because in my mind, you refusing to introduce me
based off how they react meansthat you also have some
apprehension by what I do.

SPEAKER_01 (58:27):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you're prioritizing theirfellowship.

SPEAKER_00 (58:32):
I I I I wouldn't want to hear that shit either.

SPEAKER_01 (58:34):
What do you mean?
A bartender?

SPEAKER_00 (58:36):
Get the fuck out of my house.

SPEAKER_01 (58:39):
Bye.

SPEAKER_00 (58:39):
Well, okay, but what a-cause I know, Bart, you ain't
got no 401k.
You ain't got no pension.
But here you ain't got nohealth.
Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 (58:49):
Here's the thing, too.
I feel like when people havecareers like that, um,
bartenders, they host, um,makeup artists, DJs, stuff like
that, people don't really peopledon't well because that's why I
say people don't really respectit until they feel like you have
reached some level likesocially, where like if he was a

(59:09):
bartender, but he was acelebrity bartender, it wouldn't
matter.
It would it wouldn't matter.
It wouldn't matter to me.
It wouldn't, no, but what I'msaying, it wouldn't matter
because if he if he got sometype of societal, uh, some type
of societal success, like let'ssay, for instance, he was doing
parties for celebrities, or likehe was making seven figures.
And like if he was, if he was atthat level, hold on, if he was

(59:31):
at that level of bartendingwhere you're like, oh yeah, he's
my my boyfriend, he's abartender, but he's a bartender
to those celebrities, or like,you know, he's gonna afford me
this type of lifestyle, hisparents wouldn't feel, I don't
think they would feel as bad ofsaying, like, oh, my son-in-law
is a bartender.
They'd be like, oh no, you know,such and such.
He's a bartender to thecelebrities.

(59:51):
Like for me, the saving grace.
The status to me, like she said.

SPEAKER_00 (59:55):
To me, the saving race is that he has the the
drive or the ambition to own.
Bar.

SPEAKER_02 (01:00:00):
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:00):
So now he because he wants to be, he wants to be a
business owner.
Right.
And trust me, I know people getdrunk all the time.
So I mean it's a business.
It's gonna be hard to as long ashe keeps them doors keep it
packed, he's gonna be well off.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:12):
But like she said, her her parents are like status
obsessed.
Yeah, right.
I get it.
So it's like, yes, he's abartender, but that's not the
end, that's not the end goal.
But I do I do agree with him byyou not wanting to introduce him
to your parents.
Some level of you is is likemaybe not ashamed, but kind of
agree with your parents on somelevel because that's also been

(01:00:35):
indoctrinated into your head.
You know what I'm saying?
Like part of that plays on youbecause here's the other thing.
If he doesn't ever become abusiness owner and he just
becomes a bartender, and now youmarry him, and then we're like
10, 15 years or something downthe road, and you don't have the
life that you thought he wasgonna uh be able to afford for
you, it's gonna come back to himnot being ambitious enough, him

(01:00:58):
not actually going for you'regonna be like, why don't you
have you considered going backto school?

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:02):
But if he but if it gets to that far, just get the
separation and and that in thatseparation period, find you
somebody who You know what?

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:09):
Don't don't make me punch you.
Don't make me punch you.
Get off of me.
I can't stand it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:01:20):
That's for that separation, and then that in
that separation period, find youone that can take that your
parents will agree.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:26):
Because it wouldn't be cheating, just lie, you'll be
separated, but married, married,yeah.
This has been another episode ofthe Life After I Do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,go ahead and join us on all of
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Facebook, at Life After I DoPodcast.

(01:01:47):
Don't forget you can also writeinto the podcast at LifeAfter I
Do Podcast at gmail.com.
You get a new episode everyWednesday, guys.
And we love and thank you allfor your continued support.
And until next week.
Go birds.
Go birds and peace booskies.
Peace booskies.