Be His Peace, Not Chaos

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_04 (00:00):
We've had many conversations about um how uh
strongly I speak sometimes.

SPEAKER_09 (00:06):
It's communication without the sass, without the uh
pretend bass.

SPEAKER_02 (00:13):
The pretend you call it my bass preteen.

SPEAKER_09 (00:15):
Yes.
I'm like, go ahead and turn yourtrouble back up because the bass
ain't moving me.
I don't know what you thoughtthat was.

SPEAKER_03 (00:24):
But the bass ain't moving me.
I be trying to get my pointacross.

SPEAKER_08 (00:28):
Yeah, but it don't work.

SPEAKER_03 (00:30):
Okay.

SPEAKER_08 (00:31):
It don't work, big bro.

SPEAKER_04 (00:33):
Because we I do I be having to dial it back
sometimes.
Like, I've apologized manytimes, have I not?
Yes.
About the way, like, there'ssometimes there have been
instances where we have haddisagreements, and I know that I
have come out of pocket and Ihave gone back to apologize to
my husband.
Not not necessarily apologizingfor like how I was feeling and

(00:54):
the words that I said, it washow I said it.

SPEAKER_09 (00:56):
Because I'll tell you all the time memory, when
you put boy, when you put bassin your voice, as a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02):
Well, apparently I don't have bass.

SPEAKER_09 (01:03):
You don't.
But when you attempt to put bassin your voice, that's a threat.

SPEAKER_04 (01:33):
Let's start it over.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_09 (01:34):
We can go late.

SPEAKER_04 (01:35):
Kick it back again.
Run it back.

SPEAKER_09 (01:37):
Well, no, we're not.

SPEAKER_04 (01:39):
Can you run it back?

SPEAKER_09 (01:40):
Oh my God.

SPEAKER_04 (01:40):
Go ahead, run it back.

SPEAKER_09 (01:41):
Okay, here we go, people.

SPEAKER_04 (01:43):
Hey everybody, and welcome back to your weekly dose
of the life after I do podcast.

SPEAKER_09 (01:51):
Laid.
Bye, Maurice.
I'm gonna keep all that too.
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (01:56):
I know you are.
Hey, Foskies.
Hi.
How's your week?
Good.
I feel like I have Doritos in mymouth still in my teeth.
Do you have any Doritos in myteeth?

SPEAKER_09 (02:03):
No, you want something else?

SPEAKER_04 (02:05):
I definitely have Dorito breath, though.
So sorry.

SPEAKER_09 (02:08):
I'm gonna apologize to you in advance if I uh No,
I'm gonna just send this to yourtrainer and let them know that
you were eating off course.

SPEAKER_04 (02:14):
Um I ate 28 grams.
Thank you very much.
Okay.
Who measures Doritos?
That's wild.
I measured my Doritos 28 gramsfor 150 calories.
Okay.
Put it under my snack.

SPEAKER_05 (02:27):
Under what?

SPEAKER_09 (02:28):
My snack.
You are a snack.

SPEAKER_04 (02:29):
Now I'm on snack number three for the day, but
that's neither here nor there.

SPEAKER_09 (02:33):
You are a snack.
Looking like a whole snack.

SPEAKER_04 (02:36):
We all ain't able.

SPEAKER_09 (02:37):
Got my sugar up.
I'm gonna need some insulin.

SPEAKER_04 (02:41):
Okay.
You're doing too much.

SPEAKER_06 (02:42):
You always doing too much, and I don't know why.
Why am I doing too much?
People always say you do toomuch.
You know what?
You be doing too much.
I love it.
I can't help the way I love you.
I can't either.

SPEAKER_04 (02:54):
I can't either.
I love you though.
Bye, Maurice.
How's your week?

SPEAKER_09 (03:00):
It's it hasn't been a struggle this week.

SPEAKER_04 (03:01):
Oh my gosh, tell me about it.
I want to hear.

SPEAKER_09 (03:04):
We lost to them bum ass cowboys.

SPEAKER_04 (03:06):
You talked all that shit last week.

SPEAKER_09 (03:08):
They let me down.

SPEAKER_04 (03:08):
And it came back to bite you in the ass.

SPEAKER_09 (03:10):
Gibson, you mother, you fumbled that ball.
I could have threw my TV out thewindow.
I was so mad at you.

SPEAKER_04 (03:17):
What's crazy is I was getting on board with you.
Like I was genuinely upset and Ididn't even know why.

SPEAKER_09 (03:21):
And I said, if I see this nigga in public, I got
word.

SPEAKER_04 (03:25):
You're not.

SPEAKER_09 (03:26):
I'm not.
You're not gonna see it.
But I got word from.
And then I got sick.
Yeah.
I'm getting over getting over acold.
Yeah.
So I ain't been to the gym ornothing.
Crazy work.
And this morning your daughterwas like, Dad, are you still
sick?
I was like, I feel a littlebetter.
Okay, I'll give you a hug today.

SPEAKER_04 (03:41):
Crazy.
You've been trying to get hugsand kisses all week.
And we've been like, that'scrazy work.
Because you over there coughingand sneezing.
What makes you think we want todo it?

SPEAKER_09 (03:48):
Crazy because when y'all are sick, y'all be all
over me.

SPEAKER_04 (03:50):
That first of all, if I'm sick, everyone tries to
avoid, well, not everyone.
You.
You try to avoid me like that.

SPEAKER_09 (03:56):
I'll try to avoid both of y'all when y'all get
sick.

SPEAKER_04 (03:58):
When she or I are sick.
If you be a runner, I'll be atrack star.
When she's sick or I sick, wejust we just deal with the
consequences.
We be cuddled up.
Yeah.
We don't really care.

SPEAKER_09 (04:08):
I will sleep on the couch.
I will sleep in my room.
I will hand y'all food throughthe door.

SPEAKER_04 (04:14):
We be over there sharing spoons.

SPEAKER_09 (04:15):
Crazy work.
Crazy.
Let me know when you have twodays, no symptoms.
I'll come back sleep in the bed.

SPEAKER_04 (04:23):
Two days, no symptoms.

SPEAKER_09 (04:24):
Yeah, so I it was, it's it's been it's been a uh
it's been a whatever kind ofweek.
But I am excited because I'mabout to be fat as hell.

SPEAKER_06 (04:33):
Oh, birthday.
Tomorrow.

SPEAKER_09 (04:35):
Y'all hearing this.
We're recording on Tuesday.
Y'all hearing this on Wednesday.
I'm gonna be eat eating onThursday because I'm I don't
give a f about no goddamn mealplan, no, no, no uh calorie
restriction.

SPEAKER_04 (04:46):
I'm going in fall out the door.

SPEAKER_09 (04:48):
And it's going out the door uh the second I pick up
that uh it's actually going offthe door through the weekend
because of the leftovers.
Right.
It's going out the door thesecond I pick up that the sweet
potato pie cheesecake.

SPEAKER_04 (04:59):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (04:59):
When I look here.

SPEAKER_04 (05:01):
I just I just look forward to the uh dressing touch
in my mac and cheese with alittle bit of cranberry on side.

SPEAKER_09 (05:06):
Follow the one of the best things I've gotten
being.

SPEAKER_04 (05:11):
Okay, you're finna be disrespectful and I'm finna
hit you.

SPEAKER_09 (05:14):
Is our is our joint cousin Chelsea?

SPEAKER_04 (05:16):
Our joint cousin?
Don't hold my hand, get awayfrom me.

SPEAKER_09 (05:20):
Our joint cousin Chelsea.
She's my cousin with with ourbeautiful little cousin um Kaya.

SPEAKER_04 (05:26):
Goodbye.
Our joint cousin.
Goodbye.
Your cousin in love.

SPEAKER_09 (05:32):
Okay, your cousin.
When she makes that that sweettell the pie cheesecake for me.

SPEAKER_00 (05:38):
Beautiful.

SPEAKER_09 (05:39):
Beautiful.
I believe Chelsea.

SPEAKER_04 (05:41):
And I don't have to, I don't think I'm gonna have to
worry about there beingleftovers because there's gonna
be so many people in the house.

SPEAKER_09 (05:46):
Uh that's the one part that's stressing me out.
You know I don't like being alot of people.

SPEAKER_04 (05:49):
So you bet, but you better be able to get your
channel.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no.
And then you can before you evenbefore you even talk about it's
yours, it is not yours.
I'm not buying, I didn't buythis.
It is not yours.
You didn't.

SPEAKER_09 (05:59):
I did not buy this for the master season.
This is my pop.

SPEAKER_04 (06:01):
Yes, you did.
Yes, you did.
You're not gonna sit here andeat a whole cheesecake.
I'm not even gonna let you.

SPEAKER_09 (06:06):
I'm not gonna argue with you about this.
How's your week, Booskies?

SPEAKER_04 (06:08):
Uh, my my week was delightful.
It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_09 (06:10):
Let's keep it on.

SPEAKER_04 (06:12):
And this is exactly why the Eagles lost.
Because your attitude.
Wow.
Wow.
Just when you thought you justwhen you thought you had a
friend, huh?

SPEAKER_09 (06:19):
Just when I was coming around to women's
basketball.

SPEAKER_04 (06:22):
Okay.

unknown (06:23):
Get the fucking microphone.

SPEAKER_09 (06:25):
Just when I was coming.

SPEAKER_04 (06:26):
Just when I was coming around to women's
basketball.
Is that supposed to hurt me?
That's crazy work.
Is that supposed to hurt me?

SPEAKER_09 (06:34):
It was a joke.
It was a joke, people.

SPEAKER_04 (06:36):
Goodness gracious.
You might enjoy women'sbasketball.

SPEAKER_09 (06:39):
Yeah, for other reasons.
Okay.
You're just you're just rude.
It's a lot of it is a lot ofbeautiful women that you're just
rude.

SPEAKER_04 (06:47):
Why I can't I can't find a woman.
You're rude.
I can't find a woman attracted.
Anyways, my week was delightful.
Skylar.
It was good.
Do you want to hear about myweek or not?
Or are you fake caring today?
Let me know.
Are you fake caring today?

SPEAKER_09 (07:02):
Um, let me see.
Start talking, I'll tell you.
How are you gonna start off withit?

SPEAKER_04 (07:08):
Can't stand you.

SPEAKER_09 (07:10):
How are you gonna start off with it?

SPEAKER_04 (07:13):
My week started with the bang bang bang.
Okay.
No, it actually didn't.
But it was a good week.
I can't complain.
Um, I had a pretty decent week.
That's good.
Um, you know, the kid is off ofis out of school, so stressing
me out.
I don't know why it's stressingyou out.

SPEAKER_09 (07:30):
Because she is, she literally has eaten seven pounds
of roast beef in two days.

SPEAKER_04 (07:36):
Which is crazy because when I pick her up from
school all the time, she alwaysgets in the car with a
half-eaten lunch.
But then when you at home, youthink you're supposed to eat
every 10 minutes.
Eat her whole.
I was like, boo, no, we doactivities around here.

SPEAKER_09 (07:50):
No, from last week?
I'm gonna show you.

SPEAKER_04 (07:52):
Why?
What was in there?

SPEAKER_09 (07:53):
I'm gonna show you what's in there.

SPEAKER_04 (07:54):
I saw the one from the day the day before.
I didn't show you what's inthere when we should.
She left all the all the fruitin there, and I don't know where
she got like a uh a peach, um,like ice cream popsicle.
And that's what I'd be askingher too.
I'll be like, girl, how you becoming home with stuff that I
did not put in?
And then she'd be like, oh,because I got it from the snack
bin.
We have had conversations aboutyou going in the snack bin.

(08:15):
Stop eating from the snack bin.
At this point, I'm gonna have toprotest.
Like, I know the snack bin isfor is good purposes, you know,
for all the children, but I'mgonna be like, I think my kid is
eating way too many snacks outthe snack bin.
Y'all gonna have to close thesnack bin down or y'all gonna
have to regulate it.
Because obviously the snack binain't regulated.
According to Michelle, they'renot.
Yeah, they're not, it's notregulated, so the kids can just

(08:36):
go up there and grab snacks atany given way.

SPEAKER_09 (08:37):
I'm gonna just I'm gonna just show you um
everything that's in her uhthing.
I don't want to see it.
I'm gonna show it.
When you see it, you're gonna bemad.
Then I don't want to see it.
Oh no, you're gonna see it.

SPEAKER_04 (08:47):
Oh no, you're gonna see it.

SPEAKER_09 (08:48):
Because if I had to see it, I gotta see it.
Because we have T-set.

SPEAKER_04 (08:52):
You refuse to be upset alone, huh?

SPEAKER_06 (08:54):
We a T-set.
That's crazy.
You know?
You shouldn't want your upset.
What is the handle without thesprout?
You you shouldn't want your wifeupset.
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_09 (09:03):
On the contrary, I like when you're upset because
it turns me on.
That's crazy.
What we got today, Booskies.

SPEAKER_04 (09:08):
It's funny that you said that, that you like to see
me upset.

SPEAKER_09 (09:11):
Okay.
Okay.
Not like upset.
Like upset.
I like I like when you get alittle sassy.
Uh-huh.
So a little too my way.
Okay.
Like I said, you look so cutewhen you get mad.
I'm like, look at her.
Just mad.
Wow.

SPEAKER_04 (09:26):
I didn't even finish my week, but if you don't care,
I'm sorry.
Um I don't really have anythingto report though, honestly,
because you know, my week waspretty basic, pretty routine.

SPEAKER_09 (09:35):
Well, I figured your weeks were starting getting less
and less, you know, fullactivity because you gotta go
back to the workshop soon.

SPEAKER_04 (09:42):
The workshop, Marisa, I'm not a goddamn elf.
Shut the hell up.
I'm not a goddamn elf.

SPEAKER_09 (09:49):
They say everybody fired too, and I don't gotta
report.
Santa's gonna need you.

SPEAKER_04 (09:54):
I really don't like you.

SPEAKER_09 (09:55):
Santa's gonna need you, and then you know right
before um Valentine's Day,Willie's gonna start calling for
you too.

SPEAKER_04 (10:00):
Who the hell is Willie?
Willie Walker?
Yeah, Mr.
Walker.
I'm so over you right now.
Mr.
Walker's.

SPEAKER_06 (10:06):
I'm so over you.
I'm so over you.

SPEAKER_04 (10:10):
Anyways, I had a great week.
Thanks for asking and notcaring.
I did care.
Yeah, I had a good week.
It was consistent.
Nothing to report, nothing toreport out of the ordinary.
Um you didn't tell people howyour quads are bigger.
My quads are bigger, guys.
They are.
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_09 (10:28):
Getting them gains in.
Imagine how big they'd be if youactually ate your potion
everything.

SPEAKER_04 (10:31):
I feel like my calves might be suffering a
little bit.
They're not suffering.
I don't know if it's just bodydysmorphia.

SPEAKER_09 (10:37):
Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_04 (10:37):
Because I didn't think I suffered from such a
thing.

SPEAKER_09 (10:40):
You know what?
You're not gonna get into that.
What do we got today?
I see where this is going, butwe're not gonna get into that.

SPEAKER_04 (10:46):
Okay, so we have a lot of new uh booskies to the
family.
Welcome, booskies.
Appreciate it.
Um, and thank you guys forutilizing the email as much as
you do with your questions andyour like submissions.
We really appreciate it.
So it's a lot, hold on.

SPEAKER_09 (11:02):
It's a lot easier to track them in the email than it
is on Instagram.
Yes.
So we can't, it's too much.
Yeah.
So if you have submittedsomething on Instagram, we
haven't read it, we probablycan't find it.

SPEAKER_04 (11:11):
Bye.
Sorry.
We probably can't find it.
Goodbye.
But that's what the email isfor.
Um, but some of the things thatare coming up again is things
that we've touched on, you know,previous and in the past.

SPEAKER_09 (11:23):
You ever evolve in circles?

SPEAKER_04 (11:24):
Right.
And so with uh the new booskiesand the questions, and I
understand that some episodesare a little bit down further,
you know, than some of thereasons.
Okay, bye Maurice.
Um, but anyway, we we've beengetting questions about this one
particular topic, which we'vebriefly touched on before.
Okay, but coming back around isabout being your man's peace.

(11:50):
What does that mean in arelationship?

SPEAKER_09 (11:53):
I know you don't know about it.

SPEAKER_04 (11:54):
What does I'm going to harm you?
I'm going to harm you.
See?
I'm gonna harm you with love.
Yeah, love and violence.
I'm gonna harm you with love.

SPEAKER_09 (12:07):
Why is it always the marriage?

SPEAKER_04 (12:09):
Um, but what does that mean from like the male
perspective?
And what does that mean from thefemale perspective?
Oh Lord.
So what does what does what doesa man mean when he says he wants
peace?

SPEAKER_09 (12:24):
Are you asking me that question?

SPEAKER_04 (12:25):
I'm gonna ask you first.
I feel like what does that meanto you?

SPEAKER_09 (12:28):
That depends on the man.

SPEAKER_04 (12:29):
Okay, but okay, but overall.
For me in particular, but let'sspeak in generals for a little
bit, okay?

SPEAKER_09 (12:34):
I don't like speaking in general.
I like to talk about me.
Listen.
Because I'm not, I'm I'm not thesame as everybody else.

SPEAKER_04 (12:40):
I understand that.
But if you're having theconversation amongst like your
friends, your married friends,or whatever, you're you know,
you and your man group, when youall speak about you want peace,
like you want peace in yourhome, you want peace, I don't
know, like as the generalunderstanding, what does a man
saying he wants peace indicate?

(13:03):
Like is that what does thatmean?

SPEAKER_09 (13:04):
I feel like they if they want to be in an in a uh
environment where they feelloved and respected, okay, but
but above all appreciate it.

SPEAKER_05 (13:13):
Okay, right?

SPEAKER_09 (13:15):
And they want to be around someone that doesn't just
necessarily just bring problems,but also helps take the problems
off the board.

SPEAKER_04 (13:23):
You mean like helping with solutions?

SPEAKER_09 (13:25):
Solutions, right?
Like, so like don't just addressme with a problem.
Address me with a problem.
And if you have a possiblesolution, if you can make one,
that's also great.

SPEAKER_05 (13:34):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (13:34):
I'm not saying I'm not that mean me personally, I
don't think that's necessarilyneeded because I think part of
my job as a leader is to solvethe goddamn problems.

SPEAKER_04 (13:40):
I mean, it's the crown.
You said it, not me.

SPEAKER_09 (13:43):
Um, but at the same time, I do feel like um in
general, they want and they wantthey want an environment in in
which there's a a sense of easeas far as even during like the
difficult conversations,generally, general speaking.
Now, I know that there areextremes to this because you got
some dudes that are justwilding, and their definition of

(14:05):
peace is service certain as a asdamn near slavery.

SPEAKER_04 (14:09):
Um talk about it.

SPEAKER_09 (14:12):
Okay, you wild.

SPEAKER_04 (14:13):
Ah, talk about it.

SPEAKER_09 (14:15):
Um, and you have the other side of that where, you
know, opposite.

SPEAKER_04 (14:18):
Uh the other side of that is opposite.

SPEAKER_09 (14:21):
But I do, I feel like, I feel like I I lean more
towards I'm not, I don't I wouldsay I would lean towards more
towards the other opposite sideof that, but not too uh out
there on the uh scale.

SPEAKER_04 (14:34):
Okay.
So do you think that it is aman's responsibility to create
the peace that he seeks?
Yes.
Okay, I do.
And especially like in what inthe in the relationship, in the
household, I do, like in everyaspect of life, right?

SPEAKER_09 (14:54):
I do because like I always say, as the leader, I am
hereby in control andresponsible for the dynamic of
every relationship and everyoutcome and every activity that
goes on under my leadership.
So I cannot say I'm in chargeand then take no accountability

(15:18):
for the things that are notgoing.
And like I always said before,and my understanding is if there
is something happening that thatI don't want to happen or not
happening in the fashion or thespeed in which I need it to
happen, my initial response isthat I have not communicated
properly to my family.

SPEAKER_05 (15:35):
Or led by example.

SPEAKER_09 (15:37):
Or led by example, what needs to be done.

SPEAKER_05 (15:40):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (15:40):
So I can't just bar that's the thing about a
leadership.
There's there's there's there'smultiple types of leader.

SPEAKER_05 (15:45):
Right, right.

SPEAKER_09 (15:46):
But I feel like the leadership that works,
especially in a relationship, islike you said, is a leadership
that leads by example.
I cannot expect something fromyou that I am not willing to
give myself.
Correct.
Or showcase.
Right.
Right.
So if I want you to beaccountable, you have to hold
yourself down.
Ding, ding, ding.

SPEAKER_04 (16:02):
So what do you accountable?
So what do you what do you thinkabout the statements or phrases
that some men make saying, Iwant a woman to bring peace to
my life.
I don't want a woman to bring Iwant her to bring I don't I want
her to bring peace.
See, I don't know.
Because I can tell you what thatsounds like to me.

SPEAKER_09 (16:20):
Okay, I don't, I don't, I don't necessarily, I
don't necessarily believe awoman can bring can or cannot
bring peace.
Right?
I believe that that woman bringswith her the dynamics of of the
of the experience of the lifethat she has had to that moment,
right?
And this goes back to theconversation we had.
You have to instruct her as asas well as she instructs you on

(16:44):
how each other needs to be lovedand how each other communicates,
and how the how you want thestructure of the relationship to
be.
So because if she's used totoxicity, right, and you
confront her, that's that's whyI'm saying you have to confront
her about these things when theyhappen in the moment.

SPEAKER_04 (16:57):
Hey, hey, we're not doing that over here.

SPEAKER_09 (16:59):
Like, like, like on Black Panther, we don't do that
here.

SPEAKER_04 (17:01):
Bye.
We don't we don't we don't dothat here, we don't do that
here.

SPEAKER_09 (17:06):
We don't do that here.
So we get we gotta that's soit's again I say this, and a lot
of guys don't agree with me, andthey always say I'm pandering or
I'm gonna pick me, whatever, butyou set the tone.
Right.
So I if if if you um do not setthe tone and you don't lay the
ground rules and then back upwhat you say with intention,
yeah, then you are to blame.

(17:28):
And if you are uh let me saythis way, you should not be
entertaining a woman that cannotmeet your standards.
Standards go both ways.
As men, you are you should havestandards, as women, you should
have standards.
Right.
And you should not involveyourself with anyone that
doesn't meet your standards.

unknown (17:45):
Huh.

SPEAKER_04 (17:45):
Okay.
I mean, I I guess I can kind ofwrap my head around.

SPEAKER_09 (17:50):
Some of these people's standards, you out
here, as they say, you out hereshopping for champagne with beer
money.

SPEAKER_04 (17:55):
Hey, listen.

unknown (17:57):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (17:58):
You looking for crystal when you sometimes for
crystall when you can barely uhafford Mikelos.
Some sometimes you out here withwith still reserve money.

SPEAKER_06 (18:07):
Okay, bye, Maurice.
Goodbye.

SPEAKER_04 (18:10):
Goodbye.
Um, okay, so still like whenwhen I hear when I hear the
phrase I want a woman to bringpeace to my life, from my
perspective is what I'm hearingis that you don't know how to
create peace for yourself.

SPEAKER_09 (18:25):
Here's my thing on that, right?
I hear what you're saying, yeah.
But when I hear that, I don'tsee my thing is this I don't
think it's a woman's job tobring peace.
Okay.
I think as a man, if you bringstability, the peace will come.

SPEAKER_04 (18:40):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_09 (18:41):
Right so you have to show up with your package and
put together.
Okay, and then the peace willcome through the stability.
Because if she's not if she'snot stressing over the basic
necessities of life, yeah.
If she's not or in a chaoticsituation, if she's not
stressing about what you'redoing or what you could be
doing, or who you could bethrough.
Yeah, if you're doing everythingyou can, you have the structure

(19:02):
where she feels safe, she feelslove and she feels respect and
she feels needed, naturallypeace will come.

SPEAKER_00 (19:08):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (19:08):
So you are the driving force.
Usually, look, usually.
But you are the driving forcebehind the peace you see.
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (19:15):
So, okay.
So that goes back to like whenyou said earlier about being the
leader.
My biggest thing is is like Itell you, when I hear a man say,
I want to, I want a woman whobrings peace to my life, the
first thing that goes off for meis do you not know how to create
peace for yourself?
Right.
Because if you're looking for meto come in and just magically

(19:38):
just, you know, solve yourproblem, just solve everything,
you know, which here's thething.
I can do that for you, right?
I can come in and assist you andassist, not solve that part.
Say it again.
Assist.
I can come in and assist you inyour life that could make that
could be.

SPEAKER_09 (19:55):
We all need a helpmate.

SPEAKER_04 (19:56):
Right.
That could help your life to bea bit easier, right?
Or a bit man more manageable orwhatever.
But like how you said being theleader, right?
You leading by example is gonnabe really the big key.
So you can't be coming into thehouse and creating chaos and
creating uproar, not knowing howto control your emotions,

(20:19):
yelling and screaming all thetime, getting down on everybody,
but then you want me to bepeaceful and create a calming
home for you.
A person and create a calmingenvironment.
Right.
That's not how that works atall.
So if you can't create that foryourself, if you can't be in a
state of mind where you cancreate structure, which also

(20:40):
because usually for me, when Ifeel like there's no peace, it's
because there's no structure,there's no foundation.
When things feel like it's allover the place, you it's hard to
feel calm.
It's hard to feel peaceful inthat, right?
Okay, I was gonna say so.
So when you say, like, oh, Iwant a woman to bring peace to
my life, what aspect of yourlife are you creating that for

(21:01):
yourself first?
Right.
So that I can come in andfurther assist you in possibly
the other areas or assist you inin making what you already know
how to do better.

SPEAKER_09 (21:12):
See, here's my thing.
When I think about this more, Ialways also feel like the men,
the majority of men that ask forpeace are the ones who have not
done the work and healingthemselves to understand who
they are, or don't recognizetheir own faults, their own
faults, yeah, and how theycontribute to the chaos in their
life.
Or even more, don't recognizetheir own needs.

(21:35):
Because I had my therapist askme, what do you need?

SPEAKER_05 (21:38):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (21:38):
And I literally I was dumbfounded because I
couldn't answer the question.

SPEAKER_04 (21:42):
Right.
Like when like when you wereasked how how do you feel
supported?
Yeah, and you got stumped,right?

SPEAKER_09 (21:47):
Because, but again, as men, these are not questions
or things that we ponder upon.
Yeah, but but these are thingsthat we should ponder on.
Yeah, because we as men, we wehave to take the mental health
journey upon ourselves todiscover ourselves and and stand
on our morals to understand whatwhat we need.
So now here, Maurice at 20 had adifferent set of had a whole

(22:12):
different outlook on life asthan Maurice at 39.

SPEAKER_04 (22:15):
Right.
And your needs were differenttoo.

SPEAKER_09 (22:16):
I can tell you definitely now what my needs
are, what I expect from you.

SPEAKER_05 (22:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (22:20):
At 20, I'm like, You're cool.
As long as you as long as I'mhappy and you busting it open, I
guess we can work it out.
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 (22:29):
But I guess everything can work out from
there.

SPEAKER_09 (22:32):
But at 39, that list is a lot longer than two.
There's there's more than twoitems on the list of what I
need.
Yeah.
Right.
But also at 39, I alsounderstand that what I have to
be for you.
Right.
Because, like I was gonna say,is I cannot expect you to pick
up on my needs and wants withoutone, communicating them, and

(22:53):
without two, creating anenvironment to where you're
peaceful enough within yourselfto see me.

SPEAKER_05 (22:58):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (22:58):
And not only see your problems.

SPEAKER_05 (23:00):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (23:00):
Because if you're in an environment where you both
are dealing with internalproblems or you're dealing with
problems each other in therelationship, how can you expect
her to see your point of view ifshe is still fighting her own
internal, her own internal fightabout the relationship?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (23:13):
You know what I mean?
Or walking on eggshells becauseuh afraid of how you're gonna
react to something.

SPEAKER_09 (23:17):
So it's like everything, in my opinion,
starts with the leader.
And as a man, if you have deemedyourself the leader, you have to
learn how to navigate the rolesin the relationship.
Because just because you're aleader, I mean that's your only
role.
Right.
You know, I'm I'm a leader, butI'm also a husband.
Right.
I'm also a father.
And so I have to learn how to bea tailgate, uh, a care a

(23:40):
caretaker.
I have to learn how to step inand learn our are learn how to
do things that I'm not maybefamiliar with, right?
Or embrace concepts that Iwouldn't even think about.

SPEAKER_05 (23:49):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (23:50):
Right?
It's about expanding who I whoor what I uh originally thought
I could or possibly do or or whoI uh was.
I have to expand that in orderto see the brighter picture
because, like I say all thetime, there comes times where I
don't see things the way you seethem because your your
background is different, yourthought process is different.

(24:11):
My thought process is different.

SPEAKER_04 (24:12):
And what I bring to how we solve problems is
different.

SPEAKER_09 (24:16):
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (24:16):
So like when the angle is different.
And when you have I don't know,listen.
Okay, hold on.
Wait a minute.
I feel as though, and and andI've seen, you know, the video,
social media, it is a lot ofresponsibility to be like the
leader, right?

(24:36):
Most definitely, right?
Because there is there's theother side of that that I have
seen where men complain abouthow it's unfair that, you know,
basically I have to put myfeelings on the back burner just
to ensure that she that she, youknow, that she feels good or
that she has things or don't.
She doesn't have to bringanything to the table.
Hold on, she doesn't have tobring anything to the table, but

(24:58):
I'm expected to do X, Y, and Z.
But not understanding that youtaking the leadership role means
you taking on probably a lotmore to create to create what it
is that you are seeking.
And instead of just looking atit from the perspective of
you're like putting yourselfdown on the sword and you get

(25:18):
nothing out of the deal.
And the only thing is justmaking sure she's comfortable,
just making sure she's happy,just making sure.
If you are making sure she'shappy, she's comfortable, she's
calm, she's stable.
If she is a team player, she isfor you, you're gonna get that
back tenfold because that isnaturally what's what's inside
of us to do.

(25:38):
You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_09 (25:39):
Like unless she's just a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_04 (25:41):
Unless she, unless she yo ah.

SPEAKER_09 (25:43):
Right.
Is she your right?

SPEAKER_04 (25:46):
Unless she yo ah.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Because as you're saying all ofthat, and when you know my view
about like the whole leadershipthing, and it's like, yes, you
are the leader.
So even when you're having a badday, that doesn't give you the
right to come in and shit on theteam because you're having a bad
day and talking to the teamcrazy, but then you expect the
team to be there for youemotionally.

(26:07):
You expect the team to make youa dinner plate, um, you know,
with with a happy face.
You expect the team to stillwant to make you feel good
physically at night.
That is not how that works.
That is not how that works.
But if you come in and you canexpress, like, hey, it's been a
rough day.

SPEAKER_00 (26:22):
Rough.

SPEAKER_04 (26:23):
It hasn't been the greatest.
You know what?
Let me make sure you getsomething to eat.
Let me calm you down for asecond.
Let's talk about it.
You don't feel like talkingabout it.
Okay, let's watch a movie orsomething.
Like, I know what my babe likes.
Let me give him a little massageor something.
But do you see how thedifference like you didn't have
you didn't have to sacrifice howyou were feeling and just say,

(26:44):
you know what, I'm I'm feelingthis way and there's nothing
there for me.
There's no outlet for me becauseI'm the leader, so I just have
to hold it all in.
You can still have all that andexpress how you're feeling and
what you need.
And in a way that's going tomake your partner, your wife,
your girlfriend be like, youknow what?
This is where I can step in.
Right.
This is where I need to be theother half.

(27:04):
This is where I need to meethim.
This is what he needs right herein this.
And that's gonna come naturallyif she's not your op.

SPEAKER_09 (27:12):
Right.
I agree.
I would agree with everything.
I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 (27:14):
And that's the piece.

SPEAKER_09 (27:15):
I would I agree with everything you just said, but I
also say this there you can havean understanding and not agree.

SPEAKER_04 (27:23):
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_09 (27:24):
Absolutely.
That is probably one of thebiggest things that we uh have
achieved in in our marriage, isthat we don't agree on a lot of
things.
Most of the things.
But we have an understanding.

SPEAKER_05 (27:36):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (27:36):
And it we don't downplay each other's feelings
on whatever sad topic is.
Right.
But we understand, okay, this ishow she feels, right?
This is how I feel.
Right.
This is the understanding thatwe have, this is what we're
going with.
Yeah.
I may not agree with theunderstanding, you may not agree
with the understanding.

SPEAKER_04 (27:52):
And I'm not gonna agree with the decision that's
made, but I'm gonna roll with itbecause I also have to trust my
team captain.
Right.
And if shit goes to shalou, it'smy fault.
We're gonna talk about it, butit's gonna be your fault.

SPEAKER_09 (28:02):
Right?
And it it and even if I made thedecision, it went with the route
you wanted to.

SPEAKER_04 (28:06):
Right, and it and it was a shitty decision.

SPEAKER_09 (28:09):
It's still whose fault?
My fault.
But you know, but we workedthrough it because part of being
the leader is takingaccountability for everything
that goes on.
Yeah, you can't just takeaccountability for the good,
right?
Right?
Right?
You can't say, Oh, well, I paidthe mortgage.
Okay, good congratulations.
Okay, you you went to work andyou you provided shelter for
your family.

SPEAKER_04 (28:28):
You did what you would do even if you didn't have
a family, right?
Congratulations.

SPEAKER_09 (28:32):
But but you paid the mortgage, but have you noticed
the change in your child thisweek?

SPEAKER_05 (28:37):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (28:37):
Have you noticed the change in your wife's demeanor
this week?

SPEAKER_05 (28:39):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (28:40):
Have you noticed that your child is quick to
anger anger this week?
Have you noticed your wife yourchild is struggling here?
Right.
Have you noticed that your wifehasn't been has had hasn't had
the same spunk that she normallyhas, right?
Right.
So like it leadership is moreabout just making sure things
get done.
Yeah, it's about constantly uhuh uh uh looking out at the
climate of your household andyour relationship and making the

(29:04):
necessary adjust uh adjustmentsto make sure that everyone is
functioning at the level theyneed to function.

SPEAKER_04 (29:10):
And like I said, that's that's a lot.
Oh that's like I'm I'm not goingto, I don't want to undermine or
take away the amount of weightthat that places on you know the
leader, the man, whatever.
But that's not to say that it'sstill not pressure for the other
half, too.
And that's why it's it's workit's working together.

(29:33):
That's where the partnershipcomes in at.
But when you when you ask to bethe leader, because like I
always tell you, you asked me.
You asked me to be here.
I mean, now today, in today'sage.

SPEAKER_09 (29:45):
All right.
Well, I didn't necessarily askyou.

SPEAKER_04 (29:49):
Oh, you didn't?
What did you do?

SPEAKER_09 (29:51):
I was bewitched by that ass.
You know what you did.
You know what you did.
Okay.
I was just living my life.

SPEAKER_04 (30:00):
Women peace equals mental rest, emotional safety,
soft communication.
Talk to me nicely.
What's talk to me about softcommunication?
Because we this has come up inour relationship quite a bit.
I mean, we have we have issues.
I don't want to say issues, butwe've had many conversations
about um how uh strongly I speaksometimes.

SPEAKER_09 (30:23):
It's communication without the sass, without the uh
pretend bass.

SPEAKER_02 (30:30):
The pretend you call it my bass pretend.

SPEAKER_09 (30:32):
Yes.
I'm like, go ahead and turn yourtrouble back up because the bass
ain't moving me.
I don't know what you thoughtthat was.

SPEAKER_03 (30:40):
But the bass ain't moving me.
You know?
I be trying to get my pointacross.

SPEAKER_08 (30:45):
Yeah, but it don't work.

SPEAKER_03 (30:47):
Okay.

SPEAKER_08 (30:48):
It don't work, big bro.

SPEAKER_04 (30:50):
Because what we I do, I be having to dial it back
sometimes.
Like, I've apologized manytimes, have I not?
Yes.
About the way, like, there'ssometimes there have been
instances where we have haddisagreements, and I know that I
have come out of pocket and Ihave gone back to apologize to
my husband.
Not not necessarily apologizingfor like how I was feeling and

(31:10):
the words that I said, it washow I said it.

SPEAKER_09 (31:13):
Because I tell you all the time, memory when you
put boy, when you put bass inyour voice, as a as a big boy.

SPEAKER_01 (31:19):
Well, apparently I don't have bass.

SPEAKER_09 (31:20):
You don't.
But when you attempt to put bassin your voice, that's a threat.
That's a threat tone.

SPEAKER_01 (31:24):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (31:25):
But so now I'm not listening to you at all.
It's like, are we squaring up?

SPEAKER_04 (31:28):
Okay, because I'm gonna beat your.

SPEAKER_09 (31:29):
Because if you want the smoke, I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_04 (31:34):
You ain't said nothing but a word.

SPEAKER_09 (31:36):
I didn't start it, but I can finish it.
I know.
Don't, don't, don't let thatthat uh was it, 385 deadlift
fool you.
Goodbye.
I'm gonna toss your ass to theground because it's different.
Like we say, functional strengthis different.
Yeah, I know.
Because when I get up, when Ihop on your ass.

SPEAKER_06 (31:49):
You ain't gonna hop up on me.

SPEAKER_09 (31:51):
Unless you ask for it.

SPEAKER_06 (31:52):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (31:52):
Bye.

SPEAKER_04 (31:53):
Um, peace also equals partnership without
warfare.

SPEAKER_09 (31:58):
And I think that's the that's the key one.

SPEAKER_04 (32:00):
That's the key one.

SPEAKER_09 (32:01):
They don't we don't want warfare.

SPEAKER_04 (32:02):
Yeah.
No, I don't think nobody doesthat.

SPEAKER_09 (32:04):
We don't want to walk into a constant uh uh war
where we're constantly fightingand trying to position our
foothold to have an upper hand.
See, if you gotta constantly tryto have an upper hand with
somebody, right?
That's your op.
You should be with it.

SPEAKER_04 (32:16):
Look, that's your op.
That's your opinion.
That's your op.
Because I also I also am a firmbeliever that you create the
energy and the vibe in yourhousehold.
Well, you do a bad job.
You know what?
I'm talking about you.

unknown (32:26):
Oop.

SPEAKER_04 (32:27):
Look at you.
Look at you.
And that oop.
And I oop.
Okay, because you you you theleader, you the team captain.

SPEAKER_09 (32:35):
They know that's captain how much you love you
here.

SPEAKER_04 (32:37):
Bye.
You the leader, you the teamcaptain, right?
When you come, when you comeinto the home, when you come
into the space, uh-huh, justlike if if I'm here and it's
like it's just me, or if it'sjust me here, like it's my
energy.
Whatever energy I'm feeding off,giving off, that's the energy
the house is gonna pick up.
Same rules apply for you.

(32:57):
Okay.
When you come in off of a 12,14-hour shift, whatever energy
you're dishing out.

SPEAKER_09 (33:03):
I'm dishing out sleepy energy.
I'm dishing out words of thepillow.
That's what I'm dishing out.

SPEAKER_04 (33:09):
That that's the energy you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_09 (33:11):
No night will need it.

SPEAKER_04 (33:12):
That's the energy you're gonna get back.
When you're in the when you'rein the space, that's the energy
you're gonna get back.
But you know what that just mademe think about.

SPEAKER_09 (33:20):
Okay, but don't point at me.

SPEAKER_04 (33:21):
Sorry.
You know what that just made methink about?
Remember how we were justtalking about uh there was that
video that I had saw, but thenyou showed it to me about when
she was saying she don't knowwhat it is about when her
husband is home.
Yeah, nothing, she can't donothing.
But when he's gone, she canclean the house, the kids are
settled.
And I was telling you, have Inot always said that to you?
Like when you're home, allstructure goes out the door.

SPEAKER_09 (33:44):
I don't know why, because I don't be in the way.

SPEAKER_04 (33:46):
You know what it is?
Because I'm here, because you'rehere.
And when you're you when you arelike here, if you're not
working, you're like relaxing.
Oh, when you're relaxing, sowhen I'm relaxing, you gotta
relax, huh?
Is that what it is?
Subconsciously, my mind is like,well, you don't have to do
anything either.
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (34:02):
So I don't.

SPEAKER_09 (34:03):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (34:04):
And that is why it just dawns on me.
So from the case.
Because that's the energy you'regiving up.

SPEAKER_09 (34:09):
So what I'm so what I'm hearing is I just need to
leave once a day.

SPEAKER_04 (34:12):
You can either leave or you can move around in the
house doing things.
Okay.
And it can inspire everybodyelse to do things.
I wasn't here though.

SPEAKER_09 (34:24):
Oh, see, see, see, so what are 10 points of what
women think about.

SPEAKER_04 (34:32):
So, okay, some of some of the main points of how
women, when women hear a mansaying he wants peace for them,
right?
Okay, come on.
Um, this one is is what I'vesaid before.
It means you just don't want meto disagree.
That's not true at all.
I know, but I'm not sayingwhether it's true or whether
it's not true.
That's how you feel.
I'm saying that from a female'sperspective, when you say, Oh, I

(34:54):
just want you to be my peace,because we've had this
discussion before about when thewhole nagging issue, right?
Lord Jesus.
When I come to you with aproblem or something, or if I
come to you and I need todiscuss my feelings or
something, if you're not in theright headspace, you take it as
me nagging.
So there was getting listen,listen.
All right, Linda.
Right, stop it.

(35:15):
Um, but that's how I felt.
When if I would come because ifyou're feeling so overwhelmed
and I come to you with somethingelse, now it's like another,
another, you know, course on theon the dinner plate that you
don't necessarily feel likedealing with right now.
So now it's just me nagging.
Or if it's something that youcan't fix or something you can't
take care of right now, it'sjust, it's just me, like it's

(35:38):
just me nagging, right?
So when we talk about being yourpiece, it's like, okay, you
don't want me to come to youwith any issues.
You don't want me to disagreewith you when you when you have,
babe, whether it's true or not,um the perspective.
Um, you don't want me to comewith you, come to you with
issues or new problems to solve.
You don't want me to disagreewith you because we've talked

(36:00):
about, we've had this discussiontoo about the pushback, where
sometimes you will tell me onething, but then when I start
questioning it, you know, likeyou've said before, sometimes I
don't need you to question it.
Sometimes I just need you tomove.
Right.
Right, exactly.
But not wanting me to disagree.
Sometimes it ain't time todisagree.

SPEAKER_09 (36:18):
We can talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 (36:19):
Listen, sometimes it ain't time to disagree.
But like I say, but that's whatI'm saying.
But when but when women do that,some men view that as her being
combative.
Some women, some men view thatas her not listening, her not
being a good partner, and that'snot peace.
And I want a woman who brings mepeace.

SPEAKER_09 (36:37):
Let me ask you this to clear this up for the people.
How often do I just say, hey,this is what it is?
I'm not gonna talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 (36:42):
It's not very often, but it's happened before.

SPEAKER_09 (36:45):
That's it.
It's not what?

unknown (36:47):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (36:47):
I don't want people out here thinking I'm just
forcing you around.

SPEAKER_04 (36:50):
You and your ego.
You've got to check it out thedoor.
Your ego.
Um, you want emotional laborwithout emotional return.
Okay.
That's not true.
So why do you keep sayinganything?
It's not true.
Why good?
I'm talking about for me.
Um women fear that asking himfor comfort uh while he stays

(37:11):
emotionally unavailable is likenot a thing.

SPEAKER_09 (37:15):
So you should be able to ask him for comfort.
I try to be available to you atall.

SPEAKER_04 (37:19):
You should.
Um him saying like the wholepiece thing, him wanting a
relationship to be drama free,but only on his terms.

SPEAKER_09 (37:29):
That's wild.

SPEAKER_04 (37:30):
That's wild, but that is that is absolutely true.
You can't I bring drama to you?
Not you, I'm not.
Oh my gosh, everything is notdirected at you.
You're not telling me that'swhat I tell you.
Men and their egos.

SPEAKER_09 (37:43):
Um because if your woman is all in an uproar, okay,
which is she most of the timewoman and art ego, but I don't
there's no fork near me, so I'mnot gonna um if she's all in an
uproar, right?

SPEAKER_04 (38:03):
She's chaotic, she's um emotionally unstable, she's
all this and that.
Being a woman, that's notbringing peace to his life.
Okay, being a woman.
But he comes in and he's hootingand hollering, talking about how
the world is against him.
He's ranting and raving.
You just want me to just let youdo your thing.

(38:24):
Not me personally.
I know, but I'm just saying, hejust wants to be able to do his
thing.

SPEAKER_09 (38:27):
He wants to be able to trauma dump and walk away.

SPEAKER_04 (38:29):
He yeah, he wants to be able to do his thing, and
then I'm just supposed to bestone faced, but supportive and
strong and shut it up and saynothing with no like no base,
with no base, no nothing.
Just be there to coddle yousquare, just to be there and
coddle you and just like that'sit.
That's all you want.

(38:49):
But when it's the other wayaround, you can't deal with that
because you're doing too much.
All right.
Um, let's see.
Uh you want uh you want me toregulate my emotions without you
having to regulate regulateyours.

SPEAKER_08 (39:04):
That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_04 (39:05):
Okay, it's it's true though.
Um, you want a caretaker morethan a partner.

SPEAKER_09 (39:13):
Is that about me or are you speaking in general
stuff?
In general.
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (39:16):
I'm just asking.
That for for for me, when I hearthat, that's that's one that
really sticks out.
Oh, you want to do it?
You want you want a caretaker,not a partner.
You want somebody who's going toalmost we've we've said this
before.
You almost want your mother inyour woman.
I know you don't.

SPEAKER_09 (39:36):
I do not.

SPEAKER_04 (39:37):
But I'm saying, even if it's subconsciously.
Okay.
Right?
Even if it's subconsciously,that isn't the way that most men
would probably like view it ortry to describe it, what it is
they're asking for.
Uh-huh.
But that's essentially like whatit is.
You want me to take you in,like, cuddle you a little bit, a

(39:58):
little more cabinet.
You know, but not like not likea partner, not like us trying to
tackle an issue together, and wegot to have some back and forth.
Or, you know, no, you know whatI'm saying?
Because there is a time and aplace to- I hear what you're
saying.

SPEAKER_09 (40:09):
I don't know what you're saying.
I'm done with you.
I'm done.

SPEAKER_04 (40:14):
Um, you want positivity 24-7.
Okay.
Women here, no venting, noprocessing, no stress allowed.
Lord.
Again.
I wish you would hear this.
Again, coming to coming to aman.
Nagging.
Everything is chucked up tonagging.
Not everything.
Everything, majority of it,because there's there's there's

(40:37):
men out there who, like we saidlast week, if you are doing what
society has deemed your yourbare minimums, which is quote
unquote providing, there thereshould be nothing, like you
should be available to me in anycapacity that I need you to be
if your bills are paid.
And I don't understand whyyou're crazy work.

(40:58):
And I don't understand why youwould be unhappy with anything
else.

SPEAKER_09 (41:00):
I don't agree with that, but okay.

SPEAKER_04 (41:01):
I don't agree with that either.
I'm just saying.
Um, you want your needs metfirst.

SPEAKER_09 (41:09):
I don't.

SPEAKER_04 (41:10):
Some women think that the request prioritizes
male comfort over emotionalreciprocity.
Um, you want a soft place toland without being one yourself.

SPEAKER_09 (41:23):
Oh, that's a good one.
That's good.
Hold on.
Hold on.

SPEAKER_04 (41:30):
Read it again.
Read it again.
You want a soft place to landwithout being one yourself.

SPEAKER_09 (41:37):
That's good.
That's T.

SPEAKER_04 (41:39):
I like that one.
Tell me about the tell me yourthoughts about that.
What do you what do you hearwhen I read that?

SPEAKER_09 (41:45):
You want somewhere where you can feel emotionally
safe and get your thoughts offand feel heard, but in return,
you don't become that firm.
That's what I hear.

SPEAKER_04 (41:56):
You don't showcase that for her.
You don't lead by example.

SPEAKER_09 (42:00):
Okay, we're talking about you're talking in general,
because I do this for you.

SPEAKER_04 (42:03):
My God.

SPEAKER_09 (42:04):
You're not gonna have these people out here
coming for me.

SPEAKER_04 (42:05):
Um, you don't lead by example in that way for you
to get it in return.
So if you feel like it'ssomething that you're not
getting, is it something thatyou're giving?
Right.

unknown (42:20):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (42:20):
I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 (42:21):
Inquiring my own.

SPEAKER_09 (42:22):
This made me think about today.
This is off topic.

SPEAKER_04 (42:25):
This is off topic.

SPEAKER_09 (42:26):
When when our daughter came to me and she
opened up, and she and she waslike, I she was like, Dad, I
wanted to tell the truth becauseI didn't want to be in trouble.
And then we had we had a littleconversation.
I said, My baby's open up to me.
She feels comfortable, and theymade me feel good.

SPEAKER_04 (42:37):
That's good.
You knew you didn't bite herhead off when she did it.
Okay, good.

SPEAKER_09 (42:40):
I didn't succeed.
I said, I'm gonna talk to mommyabout it, and we'll let you know
what's going on what's goingdown.

SPEAKER_04 (42:45):
Very nice, which is why she came downstairs all calm
and told me again.
And she was like, mommy, Ididn't get better.

SPEAKER_09 (42:52):
She looked at me like, you finna take my head
off.
I was like, I'm not gonna takeyour head off.
I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 (42:57):
Take your head off.
I'm not.

SPEAKER_09 (42:58):
I said because I this is a safe place, and you
you did the right thing.
And you you told the truth.
You told the truth and did theright thing.

SPEAKER_04 (43:04):
But you're still gonna get a consequence.

SPEAKER_09 (43:05):
I'm still in trouble.

SPEAKER_04 (43:06):
Yeah, you're still in trouble.

SPEAKER_09 (43:08):
Still in trouble.
Okay, now that we got that,women uh notch it out the way.
Oh, wow.
Crazy.
These are 10 points crazy workof what men actually mean.
This is based off research whenthey say be my peace.
Okay, I don't I look here, guys.
Uh, this is what she gave me thelist.
I can't verify this what mensay.
Uh wow, crazy work.

(43:28):
Number one says, I want a homethat feels like rest, not a
battleground.
Men want emotional decompressionafter stressful days.
Who doesn't want emotionaldecompression after a stressful
day?
Right.
Who don't?
Right.
No one wants to walk intosomewhere where they feel like
they're constantly at war.

SPEAKER_06 (43:43):
I mean, because I'll just sit in the car for an hour.

SPEAKER_09 (43:45):
You do every time.
Oh.
Even when we're happy here.
You sit in the car for an hour.
Like you did today.

SPEAKER_02 (43:50):
I said, I was gonna say, I'd sit in the car for an
hour after the gym.
I'll I just like my alone time.

SPEAKER_09 (43:57):
I I said, I said, where is she at?
And I looked, I looked at myphone, I said, Oh, she's
outside.
Because people was like, Where'smommy?
I said, She's outside.

SPEAKER_04 (44:04):
I was finishing my coffee.

SPEAKER_09 (44:06):
I said, mommy's outside.
Just let her be.
Let her be.
Let her have her moment,Phoenix.
Let her be, don't bother her.
Just let her be.

SPEAKER_06 (44:11):
After we're done with this, I'm gonna run an
errand.
I know.

SPEAKER_09 (44:14):
Number number two is I want kindness when you speak
to me.
The tone matters more to menthan people.
And this is true.

SPEAKER_04 (44:21):
Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to agree.

SPEAKER_09 (44:23):
I always tell my wife, how you speak to me, yeah,
is more important than what yousay.
Because you could tell me someof the most truthful things
about myself.

SPEAKER_04 (44:32):
But you're not gonna hear it if I got Big Barry
going.

SPEAKER_09 (44:35):
But if you got your base, my Big Berry base.
You got your base on negativethree because you can't even get
the zero.

SPEAKER_06 (44:43):
You're gonna stop talking about uh I'm coming, I'm
coming with the smoke.

SPEAKER_09 (44:46):
All right, you're gonna stop talking about number
three says I want my partner toassume good intentions.
Men will shut down whenconstantly accused or
criticized.
Now, this is true.
It is no one likes to becriticized, especially when
there's no history ofwrongdoing.

SPEAKER_04 (45:00):
What?
What?

SPEAKER_09 (45:02):
When there's no history.

SPEAKER_04 (45:08):
Oh, I can't wait to make that one a clip.
Some women do the comments.
They absolutely do.

SPEAKER_09 (45:15):
And it's not necessarily something that I've
done.
I've seen it where the trauma ofpast relationships bleed over
into new relationships, and nowhe's taking the pain from the
last relationship.
What pain is she taking?
The pain in the lastrelationship that he that the
new man got nothing to do with,right?

(45:36):
Number four says, I want a safeplace opening up without
judgment.
Okay, now this is true.
Because I know that's I feellike it's already hard for men
to be vulnerable.

SPEAKER_05 (45:49):
Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_09 (45:50):
So if a man opens up to you and he feels like you're
judging him, yeah, it ain'tgonna happen.
Close the door.
It ain't gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 (45:56):
Close the door.

SPEAKER_09 (45:57):
It's not happening again.
Yeah, it's over.
Um I want support, notcorrection.
Men want to be encouraged, notconstantly uh improving uh
improvement critiques.
Now, I don't agree with this.
I think it's how you try tocritique that matters.
Right.
Because again, like I saidearlier, you see things

(46:17):
differently than I do.
So you may be bringing to myattention an angle I haven't
possibly thought of.
Right.
It makes sense.
And a lot of times I give youcredit.

SPEAKER_04 (46:23):
I was like, okay, you smart.
But remember, like, because evenwith our own communication, I
had started asking you when youwould have a vulnerable moment
with me.
Is this a situation where youwant to playbook?
Where you want goodbye.
Is this a situation where youwant me to like listen and
support you in that way?
Or are we gonna have dialogue?

(46:43):
Like, do you want me to do youwant me to give you the preview
just go from the outside lookingin and how I can help you?
In the moment I do you want meto shut up?

SPEAKER_09 (46:52):
And the if I'm venting in the moment, I want
you to go along whatever madnessI say.
So if I say we're going toPhilly tonight and we whooping
Gibson's ass, I want you gonnasay, babe, we want to first
fight out.

SPEAKER_04 (47:00):
Oh, I don't think I would do well in jail, is what
I'm saying, though.
So I don't I mean, I'm gonnaprobably look out for you, but
if the popo show up, I'm I'mprobably so you ain't got my
back.

SPEAKER_09 (47:12):
I'm probably gonna drive.
Number six is I wantdisagreements without
disrespect.

SPEAKER_05 (47:15):
Yes.

SPEAKER_09 (47:16):
Man can handle conflict, they cannot handle
contempt.

SPEAKER_05 (47:18):
Now 100%.
Yeah, I agree with you.
Once I feel disrespected, glovesare off.

SPEAKER_09 (47:25):
I'm talking about everybody.

SPEAKER_04 (47:28):
Even your favorite cousin, huh?

SPEAKER_09 (47:30):
Not my favorite cousin.

SPEAKER_04 (47:31):
Bye.
Not my favorite cousin.

SPEAKER_09 (47:32):
Only person to say safe in your family is your
cousin and granny.
Okay, bye.
Everybody else is on the table.
Oh, in my in my favorite systemlaw.

SPEAKER_04 (47:38):
Okay, bye, mercy.

SPEAKER_09 (47:39):
Everybody else on the table.
Goodbye.
All can get it.
Okay.
Move on, boy.
No, no, I said it.
Move on.
Number seven says, I wantsomeone who regulates her tone,
just like I try to regulate myactions.

SPEAKER_06 (47:52):
Key word in that.

SPEAKER_09 (47:53):
Try.

SPEAKER_04 (47:54):
Try.

SPEAKER_09 (47:55):
Try.

SPEAKER_04 (47:55):
As you're trying to regulate action, I will try to
regulate tone.
And hopefully we'll meetsomewhere in the middle.
I feel like that goes both ways.
It does.

SPEAKER_09 (48:04):
Absolutely does.
As a man, how you speak to yourwoman matters.

SPEAKER_04 (48:07):
Cool.
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_09 (48:08):
Because I can't talk to you like I'm talking to some
random person outside.
You can't.
I can't talk to you like I talkto the boys.

SPEAKER_04 (48:14):
I mean you can.

SPEAKER_09 (48:14):
No, okay.

SPEAKER_04 (48:15):
You said ass over there.
Well, obviously, we haveactually have conversations like
that.

SPEAKER_09 (48:22):
Um, you see Butterface?
Um.

SPEAKER_02 (48:25):
Shut up, babe.

SPEAKER_09 (48:26):
Emotional tone equals safety signal for men.
And I will say that is true.
When I feel like when I when Iwhen I perceive your tone as a
safe tone where you're not beingaggressive towards me, I am more
willing to continue theconversation.
But when the aggression startsto show up, when big bro, big
berry, in the base that's notbasing.

(48:48):
My negative three.
Yeah, I'll be like, yeah, sityour ass down.
Don't let me put these hands onyou.
Oh my gosh.
In a good way.
Hey.
I knew it.
Number eight says, I want apartner who brings balance, not
chaos.
Men associate structure andstability with love.
Now, this is true.

SPEAKER_06 (49:06):
But I will say it with love too.

SPEAKER_09 (49:08):
I will say, as a man, you bring the show the
structure and the stability.
So again, that's on you, player.
That ain't on her.

SPEAKER_04 (49:14):
Big pimp.

SPEAKER_09 (49:15):
Um, number nine says, I want love that feels
gentle, welcoming, andinforming.
Masculinity often lacks spacesof softness, except home.
And this is true.
I mentioned this last week.
Yeah.
As a man, I have to be on guardand hard.
Right.
Pause.
Everywhere else.

SPEAKER_00 (49:33):
I hope you're not hard everywhere you go.
That would be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_09 (49:42):
What do you see?
Boy, what do you see?

SPEAKER_00 (49:44):
Really?
Stupid.

SPEAKER_09 (49:46):
So I have to have my defenses at a hundred percent
outside of home.

SPEAKER_00 (49:51):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (49:52):
So when I come home, I want to let them down.
I want the shield to be down.

SPEAKER_00 (49:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 (49:55):
I want to be able to just be and be myself, be
relaxed, not have to walk oneggshells, be think about every
little thing I said.
Because if I say, if I joke thisway or say something too
aggressive this way, it's takenout of proportion.
Now we're gonna start a fight.
Nobody wants that.

SPEAKER_04 (50:11):
Nobody wants that.
Usually I'll just leave and gorun an errand.

SPEAKER_09 (50:14):
Yeah, okay.
Please do.
Number nine says, oh no, I'msorry, number 10, the last one.
I want a woman who protects mymental health, not drains it.
Now amen.
Hold on, clock that.
Clock that.
Um, men rarely verbalize thisbut feel it strongly.
This is true.
Okay, I believe that is true.

(50:34):
When men say be my peace, it'sless about control and more
about emotional refuge.
And again, I will say if youwant an emotional refuge, you
have to be that refuge forsomeone else.
So if you want a safe place, youhave to be that safe place for
someone else.
And I do feel like it's eachother's responsibility to

(50:56):
protect each other's mentalhealth and not drain it.
Because if you're constantlyfighting and all that, you will
you will drain um each other'smental health mentally and I'm
trying to drain you physically.

SPEAKER_04 (51:12):
So I mean, you know, like I'm not going there.
I'm not going there.
I'm trying to drain youphysically.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch you where.

unknown (51:21):
My gosh.

SPEAKER_04 (51:23):
Um don't touch you where.
So no one cares.
Conclusion.
No one cares.
Your mama.

SPEAKER_09 (51:29):
Um, finna be here.
I'm gonna follow the tour to herFacebook, I think.

SPEAKER_04 (51:34):
Bye.
I think being your man's peace,I think the whole peace topic
goes both ways.
If you both can bring a sense, asense of peace to each other,
then you can have a bit morebalance, right?

(51:54):
Because what you bring, youknow, what you bring into the
relationship with your, youknow, your your structure, like
all the things to do life,right?
And the opposite of that is mebasically creating space,
creating a home, creating safespace for you.

(52:18):
What you do brings me peace.
Right.
And in return, what you dobrings you peace.

SPEAKER_09 (52:24):
Affirms my peace.
Right.
Because I'm already bringing thepeace.

SPEAKER_05 (52:26):
Yeah.
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (52:27):
For you, right.
And you're now affirming mypeace.
Right.
So again, it starts with me.

SPEAKER_04 (52:30):
Yeah, so it's start at the job.

SPEAKER_09 (52:33):
Start at the job.

SPEAKER_06 (52:34):
Start at the job.

SPEAKER_09 (52:35):
I'm gonna just read these quick research datas.
Um, from very it says multiplesources.
We'll see.
This first one is from thejourney of marriage and family
um studies.
Um study in the in the journalof marriage and family shows
that men report emotional safetyand low conflict communication
as top predictors of of maritalhappiness.

(52:56):
So men experience higherrelationship satisfaction when
they feel emotionally supported.
Over 70 over 70% of men say theyfeel, I'm sorry, over 70% of men
say they experience moreemotional stress at work than
women.
This increases their desire forrelational peace at home.
Now, this is true because it issometimes at work you want to

(53:18):
cuss out everybody.
Okay.
So when I come home, I just wantto lay in your titties.

SPEAKER_06 (53:24):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (53:25):
We're not.
We're not.
We're not.
It says men are morepsychologically sensitive to
conflict.
According to research from Dr.
John uh Gottman shows men havestronger stress responses during
arguments and shut down faster.
Now, this is true.

SPEAKER_04 (53:39):
I that's only with women.

SPEAKER_09 (53:41):
I haven't been known to shut down, I shut down quick
periods.
I'm not gonna argue with people.
At my big age, I don't argue nomore.
It is you you take it how youtake it.

SPEAKER_06 (53:48):
That's your big age.

SPEAKER_09 (53:49):
At my big age.
Number four, it says men reportbeing criticized too much as one
of the top three reasons forfeeling unhappy in marriage.
Communication style.

SPEAKER_04 (53:57):
Just because it's a woman saying it.

SPEAKER_09 (53:59):
Okay, calm down.
Communication style impacts menemotional safety deeply.
You need to calm down.

unknown (54:04):
What?

SPEAKER_09 (54:05):
You need to calm down.
Being his peace doesn't meanbeing silent, never expressing
emotion, carrying all theemotion work, or agreeing with
everything.
What it means is being a safeplace, not a stressful place.
Communicating with warmthinstead of harshness, balancing
accountability with kindness,being a partner and not an

(54:25):
adversary.
Yeah.
And at the same and the same istrue in reverse.
Men must also give peace, createselfie, create.
I know, create safety andregulate their own emotional
impact.

SPEAKER_06 (54:36):
Yes.
So I'm not gonna say it becausepeople are gonna be mad at me.

SPEAKER_09 (54:41):
Go ahead and say it.

SPEAKER_02 (54:42):
No, I'm okay.

SPEAKER_06 (54:42):
Say it.

SPEAKER_02 (54:43):
I'm not gonna say it.
Don't be scared.
I'm not scared.
What is that?
You scared?
No.
Yep.

SPEAKER_09 (54:48):
Don't be come on, big bro, with the bass.

SPEAKER_02 (54:50):
Say what the have a negative three bass.

SPEAKER_09 (54:53):
Say what see, look at that.
You tried.
No, no base.
All trouble.

SPEAKER_00 (55:00):
Trouble.

SPEAKER_09 (55:00):
All trouble.
Trouble.
Not treble.
Trouble.
I said it purposely.

SPEAKER_04 (55:05):
All right, let's hop right on into the comment of the
week.
You thought I forgot because Ididn't.
No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_09 (55:12):
The comment of the week comes from I'ma just uh TMN
5725.
And this is um from the postwhere I was talking about how I
asked you about your drink whenI was in the chaos of packing
lunch and making breakfast.

SPEAKER_04 (55:29):
Oh, when I said you pissed me off?

SPEAKER_09 (55:31):
Yeah, when I pissed you off because I asked you if
you do one or two scoops,because there's two different
doses on the canned people forpeople in the comments.
I didn't know what doses shewanted.

SPEAKER_04 (55:40):
But you also felt that you also failed to let the
day before.

SPEAKER_09 (55:44):
She said, I think if you have a found a man who was
willing to ask questions whilejuggling breakfast and prepping
lunches, he's a keeper, and MissNisha is wrong.
Now that now I picked thispersonally because she took my
side.
Because she picked my side andshe called you Miss Nisha.
Ma'am, how old do you think mywife is?

SPEAKER_03 (56:03):
I appreciate it though.
Thank you.
And her big age.
My big age, whatever.
Miss Nisha is crazy.
Whatever.
Hey, Miss Nisha.

SPEAKER_04 (56:11):
Whatever.
What's wrong, Miss Nisha?
Don't hate me because you ain'tme, girl.
I mean, boy.

SPEAKER_09 (56:15):
Oh, okay.
Because you ain't me?

SPEAKER_04 (56:17):
Yep.

SPEAKER_09 (56:17):
Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_04 (56:18):
And you didn't get a Mr.
Maurice.

SPEAKER_09 (56:20):
Wow.
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (56:21):
I got a Miss Nisha.
Thank you.
Um, all right.
Let's right hop on into Aren'tyou say?
I'm actually getting sleepy,guys.
Oh, wow.
I need a snack.

SPEAKER_09 (56:31):
Snacky snack.
Ah, I'm right here, baby.
I think I'm gonna go toChipotle.
Oh, crazy work.

SPEAKER_04 (56:37):
Y'all didn't y'all know this is this is a black
household.
Ain't no cooking getting donethis week because all the
cooking that's happening is forThursday.
Um, all right, here we go.
This is from a Booski.
Hey, Booski.
So she says, Am I a jerk forkeeping my daughter away from
her biological father when hisbehavior has been so

(56:59):
inconsistent, unsafe, anddestabilizing?
Okay.
Or am I just trying to protecther and myself from chaos?
All right, let's get into it.
I'm writing because I'mstruggling with whether I'm
doing the right thing.
From the outside, it probablylooks like I'm keeping my
daughter away from herbiological father, but I want to
explain what led me here.

(57:20):
I was married for 10 yearsbefore separating from my
ex-husband.
Although the marriage wasextremely difficult and our
divorce was high conflict, hehas always been a present,
attentive, and engaged father toour son.
We talk daily, we coordinateschedules, we always manage to
co-parent even when it wasn'teasy.
So I know what functional, evenif I'm perfect, co-parenting

(57:43):
looks like.
Fast forward, about a year and ahalf after leaving that
marriage, I met someone on adating app.
We went months talking on thephone for about four or five
hours a day.
I felt heard and understood.
I hoped this was the person Icould build a future with and
maybe even have a second childwith as well.

(58:03):
When we finally met on a lunchdate, the chemistry was instant.
After the first date started, westarted spending time together
at my apartment.
I have partial paralysis from aspinal cord injury about 20
years ago, so staying in feltcomfortable at first.
But after two months, I told himthat I wanted to go out on
actual dates.
He acted like I was changing thescript on him.

(58:27):
He kept promising me he wouldplan things, but he never
followed through.
Still, we said, I love you, andtalked about marriage and
eventually decided together thatwe wanted to have a baby.
Once I was pregnant, hisbehavior changed.
He stood me up at doctor'sappointments, including
contributing to any co-pays andother hospital costs.

(58:48):
He forgot to pick up prenatalvitamins.
Whenever I confronted him aboutnot following through, he'd
insist it was all amisunderstanding.
I planned and paid for everyouting.
When we went on a weekendgetaway, he didn't pay for a
single thing.
The only time we went outbecause of him was when he was
invited to a function and hebrought me with him.

(59:09):
Even then, he never brought abottle of wine or contributed
anything in any way except forshowing up.
There were more red flags.
At my baby shower, he wassupposed to bring the food.
He showed up four hours latewith excuses.
I had already boughtdecorations, appetizers, and
party favors.
Two months before the birth ofour child, he moved in with me

(59:31):
and my son.
He promised he would help pickup, drop off once the baby had
arrived.
But when the time came, hebacked out of everything.
I ended up scrambling forchildcare instead.
He also claimed he couldn'tcontribute to rent because of
quote unquote banking issues,even though his half was only
$700.
Three weeks postpartum, I toldhim that he had to pay what he

(59:54):
owed or he would have to moveout.
He moved out and immediatelybegan accusing me.
Of things that I didn't do.
I was exhausted, recovering, andcaring for a newborn.
And now I was constantly beingblamed and gaslit.
Despite all this, I stillallowed him to take our daughter
a few times a week, but hedidn't respect any boundaries.

(01:00:15):
He threw out my pumped breastmilk and fed her formula without
asking.
He lied about where he wastaking her.
He refused to send pictures orupdates when she was with him,
and he regularly showed up latefor pickup and drop off.
The breaking point wasChristmas.
I let him take her overnight.
He completely disappeared.
No texts, no calls, no updates,and he didn't bring her back to

(01:00:38):
the next day.
I ended up filing a policereport and going to his
grandmother's house to retrievemy baby.
For context, he lives with hisgrandmother rent-free, despite
claiming to be a softwareengineer making six figures.
After that, I told him that hecould pursue visitations through
the courts or he could visit ourdaughter while she was with me.
I also found a free co-parentingcounseling program, which he

(01:01:02):
refused every option.
He has never contributedfinancially, not during the
pregnancy, not after the birth,and throughout all of this, he
has insulted me, calling me ababy mama, and accused me of
trying to keep him from hischild, even though he was the
one disappearing, lying, andbreaking commitments.

(01:01:23):
All I want is stability for mydaughter and peace for myself.
But now I keep questioningwhether I'm the bad guy for
finally limiting contact.
Thank you for reading.

SPEAKER_09 (01:01:33):
I don't know.
That's the mouth.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:36):
Okay.

SPEAKER_09 (01:01:37):
That's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:37):
I think first things first.

SPEAKER_09 (01:01:39):
I don't think you're wrong.
Um for keeping the baby.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:43):
I don't I don't think I don't think you're wrong
either.

SPEAKER_09 (01:01:45):
Because he has already shown that he's not
trustworthy, right?
But my thing is that there wereso many red flags.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:51):
Okay, and that's what I was gonna say.
In the beginning before thepregnancy, before the pregnancy.

SPEAKER_09 (01:01:55):
During the pregnancy, yeah, when definitely
the baby shower should have beenthe last straw.
Like I get it, you wanted towork out because this is he's
the the the father.
Yeah.
But like he he showed youconstant, constant
inconsistency.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:10):
I mean, the the the the first red flag for me was
the going out was him keptpromising to do things and make
plans and he never followedthrough.
But yet, and still we still hadconversations about marriage and
conversations about procreation.
But why are we having theseconversations?

(01:02:30):
And move forward with saidprocreation.
That's what that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_09 (01:02:35):
Ain't nobody making six figures can't cover$700.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:39):
Especially if that's all you're covering.
Especially, so I mean, longstory short, he planned in your
face.
Let me start there.
He's playing in your face andhe's doing it on purpose.
And he never and he ne he on thedating app.
He never had any real intentionsfrom the beginning.

SPEAKER_08 (01:02:56):
I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:57):
He never had any real, I'm gonna say it again, he
never had any real intentionsfrom the beginning.
And we know that from notwanting to take you out, or even
when he did take you out, isbecause he was invited
somewhere, never contributingthere, right?
Um, never like not contributingor uh following through with the
plans like how you saidyourself.

(01:03:17):
That was the biggest indicatorthere.
You can't even make a plan andfollow through with it or
something as simple as a datenight.
You can't schedule a date nightand plan the date night, follow
through with said date night,but we talking about marriage
and we talking about having ababy.
Why?
Why are we talking about that?
Yeah, we shouldn't have weshouldn't have been having those

(01:03:37):
types of conversations.
I'm gonna just set those.

SPEAKER_09 (01:03:39):
I ain't gonna say this is for you.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:40):
Yeah, we should have been having those types of
conversations.
So in a nutshell, I don't thinkthat you're wrong for limiting
the interactions that your childis having with him.
Now, granted, he he, I mean, ifhe wants to be a part of the
child's life, we can createstructures for him to be a part
of the child's life.
But if you feel like that thereat any given point that your

(01:04:03):
child's life could potentiallybe in danger because he doesn't
communicate, he, you know, itdisappears with her, takes her
without your knowledge.
You don't know where you don'tknow where he's at, you don't
know what he's doing, you can'tbelieve anything that he's
saying.
Therefore, you have every rightto try to get some type of legal
structure to protect your childfrom her.

(01:04:24):
It doesn't matter whether it'sher biological father or not, we
have to protect the child.
But if you also want him to be apart of the child's life and
he's willing to be a part of thechild's life, you can do so, but
we're gonna have to do that withsafety, safety measures, right?
So, like how you said, if ifit's that important to him, he
knows how to go down to thecourt and try to fight for
visitations or supervisedvisitations or whatever the case

(01:04:47):
may be.
Like I'm all for making surechildren know their parents and
have a relationship with theirparents, but not at the expense
of their safety.
And what it sounds like to me isthat he is just downright
playing in your face and seeinghow far he can go and seeing how
how bad he can piss you the helloff because he don't really
care.
He didn't care in the beginning,he didn't care during, and he

(01:05:08):
definitely doesn't care now.
He had no real intention tostart.
And he showed that to you.
He showed you who he was, heshowed you what he could, what
he could offer, what he couldprovide, and it it it was it
wasn't anything.
So at this point, I don't knowif it was just like like the
feel goods, you know.

(01:05:29):
That's what it was.
It was the feel goods, it wasthe I'm just gonna say this.

SPEAKER_09 (01:05:32):
If he went, if he wasn't gonna plan dates, he
ain't gonna no courthouse.
Because he's not gonna pay forthem fees for one.

SPEAKER_04 (01:05:39):
Well, he got he ain't gonna be on the schedule.

SPEAKER_09 (01:05:41):
He he he not he's not he's not gonna pay for them
fees.

SPEAKER_04 (01:05:44):
He's not gonna be on the be on the schedule.
I can't.
Okay.
Uh this one is it from anotherBooskies.
Okay.
So just wants your once youropinion.
Hello, wonderful people.
Hello, Booski.
Am I the asshole?
I've been married for 20 years.

(01:06:04):
My husband uh and I don't spenda lot of time together because
he works seven days a week.
He is self-employed.
We got a show together, a rareoccasion, so they were going to
see a show or a movie.
Um, we got seated in our seats,and right before the show
starts, he asked me if I hadever seen the production before.
I said yes, many years ago.

(01:06:24):
He has seen it many timesbecause of his line of work.
He gets up, he doesn't say wherehe's going or what he's gonna be
doing, but I assume he was goingto the restroom, even though we
even though we went to therestroom before we sat down to
see the show.
40 minutes later, he still hadit returned.
Now at this time, I get up andleave the theater.

(01:06:45):
I thought about texting orcalling him, but why would I
have to do that?
He's the one that left mesitting there alone.
So I go next door to get acoffee.
15 minutes later, he texts meand asks me where I am.
I text him back, you left me anhour ago, and I ask him, where
are you?
He texts me back that he went tothe restroom and then he started

(01:07:06):
making some phone calls.
I text him back, I canunderstand that part.
However, communication andcommunicating that to me would
have been nice.
I'm not the type of person thatgoes places with people and
leave them.
At this point, he calls andstates that he didn't think that
he needed my permission to go tothe bathroom.
I stated that he was right, butwhy not tell me what was going

(01:07:27):
on, especially once he decidedto start making phone calls?
At this point, we just startedgoing back and forth.
And at some point, heapologizes.
However, I'm done.
I thought it was rude.
I thought that maybe this onetime I could have been
important.
All that being said, I didn't goback into the show.
Now he's in his feelings.
Once again, am I the asshole?

(01:07:49):
I need someone else'sperspective.

SPEAKER_09 (01:07:52):
Hell no.
Fuck him.

SPEAKER_04 (01:07:54):
Uh, that's her husband.
Cut it out.
I don't give a fuck who it is.
That's her husband.
That's rude.
It's very rude.
It's very rude.
But see, here's the thing.
He was taking on the assumptionof, you know, I work seven days
a week.

SPEAKER_09 (01:08:06):
Yeah, but here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
You can work as you can work foras long as you want.
You're gonna wake up one day,and all you're gonna have is
what you work for and what youlove not gonna be around.

SPEAKER_05 (01:08:15):
Right.

SPEAKER_09 (01:08:15):
Because you're dedicating your time to what
you're working for, and you'renot investing in what's gonna
hold you up when you can't liveno more.

SPEAKER_04 (01:08:21):
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_09 (01:08:22):
So, like I said, fuck him.

SPEAKER_04 (01:08:23):
And not only that, you invited me out like because
we don't get a lot of timetogether, right?
You know we don't get a lot oftime together.
25 minutes is wild.
So me, me thinking like, okay,we're gonna go see a show
together, even though, eventhough it's a show that we've
seen, you know, we're gonna gosee a show together, at least it
gives us time together.
Now I'm thinking, oh, you justbrought me here to make it seem

(01:08:44):
like you wanted to spend timewith me, but then you still
ended up choosing work.
We could have done that at home.

SPEAKER_09 (01:08:50):
I think the whole question of have you seen the
show before was the precursor.
I kind of know what's going on,so they ain't really.

SPEAKER_04 (01:08:56):
Yeah, so I don't, yeah, I don't really need to see
it.
No, it's still rude as hell.

SPEAKER_09 (01:09:00):
It is.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:00):
It's rude as hell.
Yeah, I I yeah, that's that'srude.

SPEAKER_09 (01:09:04):
That's rude.
I said what I said.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:06):
Alrighty, Booskies.
This has been another episode ofthe Life After I Do podcast.
If you are not doing so already,you already know the drill.
And if you don't, go ahead andfollow us on all of our social
media platforms at Life After IDo Podcast, at Gmail.
Oh, sorry, that's the email.
You can email us as email us atlifeafter I do podcast at

(01:09:27):
gmail.com and follow us on allof our social media pod uh
platforms at life after I dopodcasts.
I'm hungry, y'all.

SPEAKER_09 (01:09:34):
Okay, so get me some for you.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:36):
Um, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok,
Life After I Do Podcast.
Don't forget to like and shareand subscribe to the channel on
YouTube and comment.
We love your comments.
Keep the emails flowing.
We love connecting with youguys.
And thank you to all of our newBooskies.
Welcome to the family.
And until we meet again, youguys have a happy Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_09 (01:10:00):
Happy Thanksgiving.
Peace, Booskies.
Peace, Booskies.

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