Divorcing The Good Guy

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Fact is that there's so many people out there that
don't even know who they are,yeah, entering marriage.
So now you're entering into asituation where you you need to
learn another person all thewhile not knowing who you are.

SPEAKER_03 (00:12):
Yeah, and but uh to add on to that, I think that for
me, that takes me into all thetransitions of marriage that you
go through, right?
So entering into your marriageat 20, the the person that you
are constantly becoming isconstantly changing.
Constantly changing, right?
Right, we're changing, we'rechanging now.
Big bro.

(00:32):
And it's like relationships,especially marriages, long term
are going to go through that ebband that flow, that ebb and that
flow, that ebb and that flow,right?

(01:00):
Hey everybody, and welcome backto another episode of the laid
podcast.
A life after I do.
I'm just gonna start referringto it as the laid podcast.

SPEAKER_01 (01:10):
So why not laid why laid?
Because it's because I'm tryingto get laid.

SPEAKER_00 (01:14):
Hey, Buskies.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17):
Hi.
Hi guys, welcome back to theLife After I Do podcast.

SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
I remember I remember when we were like
coming up with names uh for thepod, and you're like, what about
life after I do?
And I was like, Oh, that'sperfect.
Because in my mind, I personallywent late.
Come on now.
You know I like to be late.
You know I like to be late.
I said that that most men do.
I said that worked perfectly.
Most men do.

(01:43):
Right, who don't?
Who don't?
What crazy person don't?

SPEAKER_03 (01:47):
I mean, there's and there's also quite a lot of
people who don't.
They don't want to be laid, laiddown to sleep, sure.

SPEAKER_01 (01:54):
Now why'd you eat booskies?

SPEAKER_03 (01:57):
My week was good.

SPEAKER_01 (01:58):
Good.
What was good about it, besidesme being your husband?

SPEAKER_03 (02:01):
I okay.

SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
Um okay, all right.
I see how this is going.
I see how this is going.

SPEAKER_03 (02:09):
Uh it was it was good.
Um, I survived another week.
I feel like I'm saying um a lot.
Sorry guys.
I survived the week.
I am, I am, I feel like I amgoing through the the the
parental transitioning of, youknow, like I feel like I'm in

(02:29):
the trenches again.
Remember how you was in thetrenches in the toddler stage?
I feel like now I'm in the uhtrenches of like like the solid
kid stage where we're we'reslowly but surely like starting
to separate from some of the,you know, six, seven, eight, you
know, type of behaviors.

(02:49):
And now we're on the we're onthe cusp of between the between
the eight and ten, where wewe're still a kid, but we're
also trying to be interested inthings that are more than just
barbies, you know what I'msaying?

SPEAKER_01 (03:00):
So it sounds like she finding a new way to piss
you off.

SPEAKER_03 (03:04):
She finding a new way to piss me the hell off.
She is really, she is really,really testing me.
And I feel like I am beingtested, like my patience is
being tested, my myunderstanding is being tested.
I am really trying to do thebest that I can of um trying to

(03:27):
support her emotionally, youknow, when she does not know
like what she's feeling, howshe's feeling, why she's feeling
the way she is, when she getsupset, her little outbursts.
You know, I'm trying to help herto self-regulate emotionally,
but I'm also understanding thatthat takes me having to, you
know, showcase that to her.

(03:49):
Right.
Right.
So for a prime example, theother morning, she was basically
trying to throw a fit about umbrushing her teeth.
So we were having some work doneon her bathroom.
So she's been using our vanity,our bathroom.
And she's basically just been inour space for like a week
straight.
And um, she already still doesthis thing where she'll get up

(04:11):
in the middle of the night andcome and get in the bed with us
and like try to sleep with usand stuff, you know?
So, you know, she's still verymuch a kid in that way.
She's only eight, but she'sreally been in our space.
And so the plumber came out, hedid the work um on her, you
know, her bathroom andeverything.
And we still have a part for hersink to get done.
So her sink still has like alittle bit of a drip.

(04:31):
So it's time for us to get up inthe morning.
Mind you, I don't know what'sgoing on.
We are like having a regressionwith the morning routine.
And I'm like, girl, you've beendoing the same thing for like
four years, and I just don'tunderstand why we still have to
go through every morning takingan extra 30 minutes before you
get out of bed, an extra 10minutes before you wash your
face and brush your teeth.
But that's neither here northere.
So she goes on this whole rantabout how she can't brush her

(04:53):
teeth in her bathroom becauseher sink has a drip.
So you had told her, don't worryabout the drip.
Like it's fine.
Like daddy's taking care of it.
If there's some water underneaththere, you it's not your
concern.
All you need to be concernedwith is getting your ready
yourself ready for school.
Brush your teeth like you'resupposed to, you know.
She it like literally wasbasically throwing a whole fit

(05:15):
about how she can't use thatsink because she knows that the
sink has a drip.
And how is she supposed tocorrectly brush her teeth when
she knows the sink has a drip?
And I'm like, in my mind, I'mthinking, are she is she fucking
for real?

SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Right.
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (05:30):
I'm I'm thinking, are you okay?
Are we really gonna start themorning off like this?
Like you are throwing a fitabout brushing your teeth in
your own bathroom that you don'thave to share with anybody else,
with your own sink that youdon't have to share with anybody
else.
And because we're telling youyou cannot use our sink, because
you have a sink, but because ithas a little bit of a drip that
we told you not to be concernedwith, your father will take care

(05:52):
of it.
And so then she storms off, shestumps her feet, and she's like,
This is why I be having such atough morning.
I was like, okay.
And that's when I was like,literally, these are the
conversations I have in my head.
I'm like, okay, let me breathefirst because I can't allow her

(06:12):
temper tantrum and the the likethe mental state that she's in
right now to get me off myblock.
Because then if I give her thatsame energy, it's just gonna
keep going back and forth.
Bye, Maurice.
It's just gonna keep going backand forth, and it's really not
gonna help the situation.
And you know my rules about themorning time.

SPEAKER_01 (06:29):
You want her to leave at a good moment because
you want to have a good day.

SPEAKER_03 (06:32):
Exactly.
So Transparence.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
So she's, you know, she's in amoment, she's in a tizzy, and
um, you know, I I come to herand I'm like trying to be calm,
I'm trying to be reserved, butalso like stern in how I'm
speaking to her.
So she also understands.
Like, I'm not gonna raise myvoice, but I'm gonna explain to,
you know, I'm trying to explainto her.

(06:52):
And I was like, your father toldyou not to worry about it.
All you need to be concernedwith is brushing your teeth,
washing your face.
You choose your attitude, do younot?
And she's like, yes.
And I said, so you are you'remaking a conscious decision to
have a bad morning if you feellike you're having a bad
morning, because nothing hashappened to cause you to have a
bad morning.

(07:13):
I told her, I said, I'm gonnahave a great morning because
it's my upper day.
I'm excited.
I woke up, dad made breakfast.
Like, I'm trying to like let herknow this is where my headspace
is, you know?
And I was like, and I'm excitedto go to the gym.
Dad made breakfast.
I was like, I'm gonna go to mybathroom and I'm gonna brush my
teeth and I'm gonna choose tohave a good day because I want
to have a good day.
I was like, but if you want tohave a bad day and you get to

(07:35):
choose your attitude, I say, yougo ahead and have the day that
you choose.
And she literally stood there inthe hallway, like not saying
nothing, holding her toothbrush.
And then she just like took adeep breath and then she went
on, she brushed her teeth, shewashed her face, she got
dressed, she came back in theroom and she was like, Mom, can
I have a hug and a kiss?

SPEAKER_01 (07:53):
She processed.

SPEAKER_03 (07:54):
She did.
But that but it it and that'swhat I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, as a parent, that's wherethe testing and like me really
having to step back and take abreath and knowing when to like
spit hot fire and when to takeuh, you know, the the road less

(08:16):
traveled, I guess you could say.
Because easily in that moment, Iwould have like the way my head
was, I was like, if you don'tget your ass in that bathroom
and brush your damn teeth, yougot two minutes or I'm coming in
there and I'm brushing them foryou, and you're not gonna like
how I brush them.

SPEAKER_01 (08:29):
You was gonna talk like you had the role bone and
you had them clutched.

SPEAKER_03 (08:32):
But but I know that speaking to her, like in that
demeanor in that moment, itwouldn't have helped the
situation because she would havegiven me more pushback, right?
Or she just would have stillbeen in a bad mood.
Then I would have been in a badmood.
And I'm mostly in a bad moodbecause she's not doing what I
wanted to do.
So then now she's feeling morecontrolled.

(08:53):
I'm feeling less controlled.
Like it's it's a whole I feellike the psychological portion
of parenting, aside from theemotional part, like the
psychological part of parentingwhen you're trying to like
parent intentionally can be alot.
And sometimes I'm a parent andI'm a human.
And sometimes I just be like,girl, it's just cause I said so.

SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
Say it again.

SPEAKER_03 (09:16):
Like it's quick a week.
It's just cause I said so.
Right now, it's just cause Isaid so.
But yeah, so that's that's whatmy week has been consisting of
is really trying to, you know,create an environment for this
child to grow up and and raiseher.
Cause she she's amazing.
Don't get me wrong.
I wouldn't trade her for Iwouldn't trade her for anything.

(09:38):
Like I love her personality.
I love her.

SPEAKER_01 (09:42):
Bye Maurice.
Like if I said anything.

SPEAKER_03 (09:44):
Oh, bye Maurice.
Like, like nothing.
I I choose her.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (09:50):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (09:50):
Um, but she's like, you know, she's a kid.
And kids are gonna do a child.
Yeah, kids are gonna do kidshit.

SPEAKER_01 (09:57):
See the child that it won't stay in the child's
place.

SPEAKER_03 (09:59):
So yeah, she does.
But we're gonna be okay.
I'm you know, I'm gonna be like,I feel like my eyes were looking
a little older.
And I said, I don't know, youcan't stress me out into like
appearing old girl, becausethat's where I draw the line.
Right.
But other than that, it's whatit was a great week.
Like I said, I got through theweek.
All right, gym has been good.

(10:21):
Um all right, big bro.
You know, that's talk to younicely, huh?
What are you talking about?
Talk to you nicely, yeah.
Talk to me nicely, I guess.
All right, all right, big bro.
Yeah, okay.
So I can't really complain.

SPEAKER_01 (10:35):
Well, you know, now that you have emotionally dumped
on the people.

SPEAKER_03 (10:38):
I listen, that's why the pod is called Life After I
Do, because it's every it's allthe things that encompass our
life after the vows, and being aparent is part of that, you
know.
Like majority of our of ourbooskies out there are also
parents, and everybody is at adifferent level of parenting
depending on you know the age ofyour children and everything.

(10:59):
So I'm sure there are quite afew out there who will
understand exactly what I'msaying.
Right.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
I will say my week was cool.
Um, I had to be on, you know,why had to walk on eggshells a
little bit.
Why?
Because your temperament thisweek.
Because I've been you werefragile.

SPEAKER_04 (11:16):
Trying.

SPEAKER_03 (11:17):
Y'all don't know.
You don't get it.

SPEAKER_04 (11:19):
I thought that was my turn.

SPEAKER_03 (11:20):
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 (11:21):
You you've been fragile this week.
You anything, any little thingwill make you snap.
And the thing is, okay.

SPEAKER_03 (11:26):
Don't put too much on it.

SPEAKER_01 (11:27):
No, I'm not.
I'm putting the right amount.

SPEAKER_03 (11:30):
Okay.
It's your experience.

SPEAKER_01 (11:31):
And the thing is that I know that this ain't even
about me.

SPEAKER_03 (11:36):
Like I told you, don't take it personal.

SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
I said, This ain't even about me.
I'm just the one in front of herright now.
Some of the things you shouldtake it.

SPEAKER_03 (11:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (11:43):
Which was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (11:44):
Some of the things you should take personal, but
some of them no.

SPEAKER_01 (11:46):
Oh, I don't take nothing.
I don't take nothing you saypersonal until you get serious.
When your face changed, whatdoes it do?
Oh, you you know what you do.
You know, you know when yourface changed.
Your whole body languagechanged.
I said, Oh, she's serious.
When y'all getting on my damnnerves, it's funny though,
because like when you get mad,I'll be wanting to take you

(12:08):
serious, but you be so damncute.

SPEAKER_03 (12:10):
And then that just pisses me the hell off.

SPEAKER_00 (12:13):
Because you little, and the madder you get, the
cuter you get.
I'll be like, she looked tiny.
So tiny.

SPEAKER_04 (12:18):
Wow.
So you enjoy pissing me off.

SPEAKER_01 (12:22):
I'll be trying to find new ways to piss you off.

SPEAKER_03 (12:25):
I see now you try to find new ways to piss me the
hell off.

SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
Hopefully, I had a good week.
Hopefully.
Oh.
Life is life, and just beinghopeful.
Just trying, you know, trying tocontrol what I can control.
That's it.
And going forward.

SPEAKER_04 (12:36):
That's it.
What was the highlight of yourweek?
All the new Booskies.
Yeah.
The family is growing.

SPEAKER_01 (12:42):
And I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_03 (12:43):
Yeah, the Booski fam, the Booski tried.

SPEAKER_01 (12:46):
You know, it was one, it was one person tried me
this week, and I said, I'm notgonna do it because you know You
asking for it.
Because you had to talk to meabout being nice to people.
So somebody has said somethingunsavory about you.

SPEAKER_03 (12:58):
And my initial um on Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 (13:01):
And my initial response was to get under there
under my under my personal pageto let them know where he could
meet me at.

SPEAKER_03 (13:06):
But he was he was dead on though.
Like when he what he was tryingto he thought he was insulting
me.
But I was like, oh, but at leasthe's spot on.
But I think he thought like Iwould be offended by that.
And it's like, no, because it'sit's by it's by choice.

SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
But that's cool, though.

SPEAKER_03 (13:20):
That's that's crazy word.

SPEAKER_01 (13:21):
But what we got today, Boosky?

SPEAKER_03 (13:23):
Um, okay, so I don't know if you've been seeing it on
your timeline, but it's comingup again.

SPEAKER_01 (13:27):
You know, our timelines are different.

SPEAKER_03 (13:28):
I know.
But it's kind of Oh no, Iforgot.

SPEAKER_01 (13:32):
I'm sorry, guys.
I forgot to say go birds.
Oh my god.
Go birds.
Oh my god.
Okay, that just reminds meof-Hold on, I'm not done.
Go Birds.
We are eight and two.
We are number one.
We got the we have the numberone seed right now.
Okay.
Okay.
And as of right now, it isTuesday, guys, and them sorry
ass cowboys beat the Raiders andthey're celebrating like they
were.
They're so happy.
And they they act like they wonthe Super Bowl.

(13:53):
Calm down.
You beat you beat the Cardinals.

SPEAKER_03 (13:55):
But according to our friend, they're now five and
four instead of they're three,five, and one.
Oh.

SPEAKER_01 (14:01):
They so the Cowboys so bad they had to tie a game.
They couldn't even loseproperly.
That's how bad they are.
Bye, Maurice.
Shh.
Go Birds.

SPEAKER_03 (14:11):
They had to tie a game.
That's right.

SPEAKER_01 (14:13):
They couldn't even lose properly.
That's not it.

SPEAKER_00 (14:15):
Okay.
They couldn't take a properloss.

SPEAKER_03 (14:18):
That just reminds me, I wore my Go Birds uh
sweater to the gym today.
And literally, four people, likeevery the four people that
commented on my sweater, are youfrom Philadelphia?
As soon as I walked into thegym, very first person, are you
are you from Philadelphia?
I am not from Philadelphia.
Then she asked me, Is yourhusband from Philly?

(14:38):
And I was like, he is not.
And she was like, Why are youguys Philadelphia fans?
And I was like, I'm aPhiladelphia fan by default
because I married into it.

SPEAKER_01 (14:46):
But what did I say?
They said, Are you fromPhiladelphia?
I said, What's I said, Russell?
Was Philadelphia born andraised?

SPEAKER_03 (14:51):
And I was like, no, he's not.
On the playground, is where Ispent most of my days chilling
out, maxing, relaxing, all cooland all, shooting some b ball
outside of the school.
When a couple of guys, they wereup to no good, started making
trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight, andmy mom got scared.
She said, You're moving withyour auntie and uncle in Bel
Air.
I whistled for a cab, and whenit came near, the lice and plate
refreshing had dice in themirror.

(15:12):
It was Oh, I was on a roll.

SPEAKER_01 (15:13):
Rest in peace, Uncle Phil.

SPEAKER_03 (15:15):
Oh, yeah.
Damn, why you gotta bring itdown like that?
It wasn't a flow.

SPEAKER_01 (15:20):
Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03 (15:20):
Y'all didn't know I could rap, huh?
Learn something new about meevery day.

SPEAKER_01 (15:24):
You can't either.

SPEAKER_03 (15:25):
Um First of all, yes, he can.
I'm not even gonna let you, I'mnot even gonna let you talk
about it.
Yes, he did.
Anyway.
Yes, he did.
I'm a Will Smith.

SPEAKER_01 (15:32):
Uh I I am an Eagles fan.
I have been since the 90s.
Uh-huh.
Because I wanted to be RandallCunningham.

SPEAKER_03 (15:40):
You were just a child.

SPEAKER_01 (15:41):
I wanted to be Randall Cunningham.

SPEAKER_03 (15:42):
Okay.
Oh, that's his name.
I can never remember the guy'sname.

SPEAKER_01 (15:46):
Number 12.

SPEAKER_03 (15:47):
Okay.
That's his name.
Why everybody was like, uh,Michael Irving.

SPEAKER_01 (15:51):
Man, fuck them cowboys.

SPEAKER_03 (15:53):
Yeah, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
Go birds.

SPEAKER_03 (15:55):
All that goes right over my head.
But I'm happy you're passionateabout it.

SPEAKER_01 (15:57):
What we got today?

SPEAKER_03 (15:58):
Happy you're passionate about it.
Um, like I was saying, um thedivorcing the good guy.
Topic is coming back round.
Are you divorcing me?
Not yet.
You haven't baked long enough.

SPEAKER_01 (16:12):
Um, haven't baked long enough is wild.

SPEAKER_00 (16:18):
What you got me on simma?
Is this a slow smoke smoke?

SPEAKER_03 (16:24):
Wild.
Your monetary value is not whereI need it to be for me to go to
retirement yet.

SPEAKER_01 (16:30):
So crazy.
Okay.
I see the energy we're goingtoday.
I see the energy.
No, don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
I love you.
No, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 (16:42):
I do.
Um, so yes.
So there's like videos goingaround of women talking about um
how they divorced the good guy.
Okay.
Um was he boring?
That that's actually one of thetop reasons is that um a lot of
women felt like they were boredin the relationship.

(17:04):
Um but asking what the term goodguy like is, like what
quantifies a good guy.
I think, and like from myperspective, and based on things
that I've seen and that I'veheard, I think we've talked
about this before where we talkabout the bar for men and what
the expectations are for men.

(17:25):
Like, as long as he has a goodjob, as long as he pays bills,
as long as as long as he doeslike all of the the the day in,
day out types of things, it'slike he's he's a great guy.
Okay.
But what if he neglects youemotionally?
What if he's not like what?

SPEAKER_00 (17:41):
Emotion.

SPEAKER_03 (17:42):
Oh gosh, here we go.
We know that's your favoriteword.

unknown (17:45):
Emotion.

SPEAKER_03 (17:45):
That's your favorite word.
Because you you you try to makeit seem like it's really not a
big deal, but it is a bit itplays a very huge part.
Emotion.
Okay.
I'm not doing this with youtoday.
I don't, I'm not doing, I'm notdoing this with you.

SPEAKER_01 (18:02):
It's a uh, you know, being a good being a the good
guy is not about being perfect,but about being dependable.

SPEAKER_03 (18:08):
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (18:08):
And nice versus hostility are now.

SPEAKER_03 (18:11):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (18:12):
No, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 (18:13):
I'm not gonna say it.

SPEAKER_03 (18:14):
So, like, there's one video that has caught some
traction, and um, one of thereasons she was giving like
five, but one of the mainreasons that she gave um about
divorcing her husband, who shedeemed as a good guy, like he
was a she's like overall, he wasa good guy, and I always told
him that I think you would bethe perfect husband for someone
else.

SPEAKER_01 (18:33):
Crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (18:34):
And they were married for like seven years.
Okay, and one of the things, hernumber one, her number one thing
of reason why she had divorcedhim is in the whole time that
they were married, apparently henever said, I loved you.
Okay.
Like that's one thing that wasnever a regular thing in their
marriage, him ever telling herthat like she's loved or that he
loves her.

(18:55):
Why are you grinning like that?

SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Because that irritates me.

SPEAKER_03 (18:57):
Why?

SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
Because I mean that to me, my first my initial
thought is that she didn'tunderstand who she married.
Maybe he was married, he maybehe grew up in an environment
where emotions and and displaysof emotion were not done
verbally, but he showed herevery day in and out by his
actions that she well, she wentinto that too.

SPEAKER_03 (19:15):
So we'll get into that.
Um, but yes, okay, I canunderstand.
Here's the thing.
I can understand that.
I can see where you're comingfrom with that, but as like
we've discussed before, how youwere raised, the environment in
which you know you grew up in,whether you grew up in a
household where mom and daddidn't say I love you, or mom

(19:36):
and dad weren't affectionate, ormom and dad didn't show
emotional connection or physicaltouch or anything like that.
Because you know that, and thenif you get with a partner who
tells you that portion of arelationship is important to
them, and because you know how Ifeel, especially when it comes
to marriage, usually, I'ma justgo out and say it without like

(19:56):
any data supporting it, 90% ofthe time, it is a man asking a
woman to marry him.
Okay, right?
You do not get to use that as anexcuse as to why that's not
getting done in yourrelationship.
Because we have like when youknow better, you do better.
So if you keep coming to me andsaying, I wasn't raised in a

(20:17):
household where emotion wasshown.
I wasn't raised in a householdwhere I saw my father love on my
mother or kiss my mother or tellmy mother that she that she was
loved and that she was caredfor.
But you know what?
I grew up in a house where mydad paid all the bills.
I grew up in the house where mymom, when she went, you know, to
the store and she had to swipeher card, her her card never
declined.
Okay.
Yeah.

(20:37):
You know what I mean.
Cash, whatever.
Um, and so then that's how Igrew up to show love.
That's fine.
I get, I can, I can get that.
I can get that because we allhave like we all have baggage,
right?
We all have things coming fromour childhood.
But as an adult, right?
With reason and consciousness,and especially for the male

(21:00):
side, when you are asking awoman to join you in life,
you're taking on theresponsibility of also the
emotional aspect of thatrelationship and how that is
like how you're gonna serviceyour wife in that area.
Because you're gonna expect alot of things from her.
Okay.
You're gonna expect a lot ofthings from her.
And I guarantee you, you're notgonna use the ex, like you're

(21:23):
not gonna accept the excuse thather saying, oh, well, you know,
I didn't grow up in a householdwhere my mother showcased this,
or I, because his rebuttal isgonna be, okay, but I'm telling
you this is what I need.
So it's the same thing.
She's telling you it will makeme feel loved, like even when
you just say it every once in awhile.
Even if you don't tell me youlove me every day, but saying to

(21:43):
me like you love me when youleave for work, or sending me a
text message if you're notcomfortable saying it in front
of my face, like, let's work onsteps to getting to where we
need to be.
Because the thing about it is, Ican tell you how to love me.
If you choose, okay now.

SPEAKER_00 (22:00):
If you choose, don't use my word, use my word.

SPEAKER_03 (22:03):
If you are choosing not to listen to me and how I'm
explaining to you at this pointin my life how I'm going to
receive love and how I feel likeI need you to show up for me
with your emotions and yourcommunication and the love that
I'm telling you I need, okay,that's fine.

(22:25):
But I just don't know how longyou think I'm gonna hang around
to wait for you to come aroundto be like, you know what I'm
saying?
And I think when it comes tolike the whole good guy concept,
um, and I feel like women are tofault for this too, where we
expect or like we have set thisminimum, like the minimum for
men.
Like he just has to have a goodjob, he has to make, you know,

(22:45):
at least$150,000 a year, or hehas to you know what I mean?
It's like I can't stand you.
Um, or you know, the provideraspect, right?
As long as he's a provider, hedoesn't hit me, he doesn't like

(23:05):
verbally abuse me, which is allwhat we we would like, you know.
But there's more, there's moreto that.
I know, stop it.
There's more to that.
And I think with some men, it'slike you can't say that I'm not
doing what I'm supposed to bedoing.
Why aren't you happy?
You don't have to work.
Why aren't you happy?
Like, you know, the kids aretaken care of.
Why aren't you?
You know what I'm saying?

(23:26):
Because there's so many othernuances that are involved.
That's that's all I'm saying.
I agree.
Okay, but most of it.

SPEAKER_01 (23:33):
I but I hear it, but um my thing is I'm big on the
communication part.
Okay.
Because I have to becommunicated, and as even if I I
I personally feel even if a mandoes ask you for your hand in
marriage, if he's not meetingyour standards before marriage,
right?
Don't go through with themarriage.

(23:53):
Right?

SPEAKER_03 (23:54):
Say it again for the people in the back.
Because it's a preview.

SPEAKER_01 (23:57):
As I always say, you know, responsibility and
accountability is to be had onboth sides.
It doesn't one side's uh roledoesn't necessarily have is way
heavier as far as as asaccountability than the than the
other side.
So my first thing would saydon't enter into legal marriage

(24:19):
with someone who is not givingyou at least 80% of the things
that you need.

SPEAKER_04 (24:23):
Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 (24:26):
And and only 20, and that that that 20% you can live
without, live without it.
Yeah, and pray that you get it,yeah, but you've already
accepted that you can livewithout it.
And a lot of times I think of uma lot of I do feel like a lot of
men, a lot of fellas, we we areso hardwired to always be hard,
to always be stern, to to wherefrom from from from an early

(24:53):
age, we are taught that ourvalue comes from what we do.

SPEAKER_03 (24:56):
Yes, I can agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 (24:57):
Not what we say, but what we do.

SPEAKER_03 (25:00):
Yeah, well, your word and following through with
it, and then yeah, and what youcan provide.

SPEAKER_01 (25:04):
So along along this path, it becomes so innate in us
and and so ingrained in us thatas long as I am a man of my word
and I take care of myresponsibilities, I am showing
my love through my work.

SPEAKER_03 (25:18):
Through your actions, right?

SPEAKER_01 (25:19):
Yeah.
So a lot of times when we whenwe run into a partner that needs
the more verbal or physical oraffirmations or yeah, a lot of
times or excitement.
Right, a lot of times thatthat's hard for us to do because
it we have it, that's notsomething we're used to.
Yeah.
Now, like I always say, if thisis your person and you this is

(25:41):
the person you have chosen to bewith be with, and this is the
person you have decided is foryou, you should be able to
slowly make these changes.
Right.
Because the person that is foryou should be, you should be
allowed to be out of yourcomfort zone with the person
that is for you.
Right.
Right?
I think the whole point and thewhole process of a marriage
working and then actually beingable to be sustained long term

(26:02):
is the give and take and thelearning from each other.
The take, the taking over thetug and the the pull and the
taking over hearts of eachother's personalities.
God, God knows.
I'm a lot more social be becauseof you.
Right?
You got you got a little morethug in you.
What?

(26:23):
Yeah, you definitely got a lotmore petty.
So it's like when you're withsomeone that you have
established a serious connectionwith, you're gonna learn and
you're gonna feed off oneanother.

SPEAKER_03 (26:34):
Yeah, I feel like I think you want to be better for
that person.

SPEAKER_01 (26:37):
And I feel like a lot of times people join into
unions without a fullunderstanding of who they're
dealing with.
And part of this, in fact, isthat there's so many people out
there that don't even know whothey are, yeah, entering
marriage.
So now you're entering into asituation where you you need to
learn another person all thewhile not knowing who you are.

SPEAKER_03 (26:56):
Yeah, and but uh to add on to that, I think that for
me, that takes me into all thetransitions of marriage that you
go through, right?
So entering into your marriageat 20, the the person that you
are constantly becoming isconstantly changing.
Constantly changing, right?
We're changing now.
Right, we're changing, we'rechanging now.
Big bro, and it's likerelationships, especially

(27:19):
marriages, long term are goingto go through that ebb and that
flow, that ebb and that flow,that ebb and that flow, right?
And sometimes when you're inlike that low point and it keeps
going on for an extended periodof time, I can see how some
women would be like, oh yeah,it's been it's been two years,
and I'm just not sure when thispart of the relationship is

(27:43):
going to do an upswing, and I'mnot willing to sacrifice another
two years of being severelyunhappy.

SPEAKER_01 (27:51):
I've I've I've always felt like it's in those
low moments where where lovenecessarily can't be the driving
force.

SPEAKER_03 (28:00):
Correct.
It's not enough to sustain, it'swhere the loyalty comes in.

SPEAKER_01 (28:03):
Yeah, it's where the loyalty and the sense of dude.
The commitment, the sense ofduty, and for a man, and for a
man to not cheat, where moralscome in.

SPEAKER_04 (28:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (28:11):
Right?
So because as a man, Iunderstand that every day is not
gonna be the best.
Yeah, every year of my marriageis not gonna be the best, right?
Best year.
I understand that we're gonnahave our ups, we're gonna have
our downs, we're gonna have ourdisagreements.

SPEAKER_06 (28:23):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (28:24):
But in my heart to heart, I believe that at the end
of the day, we will come to aresolution.
And I feel as if any man with mymindset on marriage will
understand that hey, justbecause we don't see eye to eye
doesn't mean that I I get toneglect things because I feel I

(28:45):
feel neglected.
Right.
Right?
Because um a leader has to leadeven when he doesn't feel
appreciated, even when the teamis failing.

unknown (28:56):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (28:56):
When the when the team ain't performing at its
capacity, right, you still gottamanage, you still gotta
delegate, you still gottacommunicate.

SPEAKER_01 (29:04):
To put it in football terms, you you it it
don't matter whether it's thequarterback's fault or not.
If you are the captain, you takethe blame.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 (29:11):
That is like the coach, right?
The coach will always take theblame.

SPEAKER_01 (29:14):
That is that is part of being a provider and being
the head of the household isthat you have to be willing to
fall on fall on the sword evenwhen you didn't put it there.

SPEAKER_06 (29:25):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (29:25):
And I feel like a lot of people avoid that part of
responsibility.
Yeah, and that's why I alwayssay, when I always say that
regardless of the state of therelationship, it's it's if
you're the man, yeah, you'reyou're in the ship.

SPEAKER_03 (29:39):
Yeah.
So And that's why, that's why Ialways go back to the I get a
lot of flack for that.
No, I get it though.
I get a lot of flack for that.
But that's why I always saygoing back to when you ask a
woman to marry you, like like Ialways tell you, right?
I always tell you, you asked meto be here.
And I agree.
Yeah, right?
But we're not, but you asked me,you said when Would you mind

(30:01):
coming to be with me and followme for the rest of your life?
Does that seem like somethingthat would be feasible for you
to do?

SPEAKER_01 (30:08):
And it's like it I don't understand why it's so
hard to comprehend that.
As the leader, your job is tomotivate those with you to move
the way you need them to movefor everyone to be successful.
So a lot of times to be a goodleader, you have to be out your
comfort zone because the wayyou're used to communicating may
not resonate with the personyou're trying to communicate to.

(30:31):
Right.
So now I have to approach thisdifferently.

SPEAKER_03 (30:33):
So that I can get what I need out of you.
Just because there's something Ineed out of you too, just like
you need something out of me.

SPEAKER_01 (30:38):
Just because I understand two plus two is four.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (30:41):
The way I also understand that one plus one
plus one plus one is four.

SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
Exactly.
We may be looking at the samepage with two different
equations.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (30:50):
I may, I may have one theory, one theory, you have
another theory.

SPEAKER_01 (30:54):
Yeah.
And that is, I think that's onething that couples don't
necessarily understand.
That your what you see may notnecessarily be what you uh be
what your partner sees.

SPEAKER_06 (31:05):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (31:05):
So you have to be empathetic in the fact that,
hey, especially as a man, hey,maybe I need to approach this
from a different angle to gether to see what I see and to get
her to move the way I move.
And I understand that some mensay, well, no, she needs to just
do what I say.

SPEAKER_06 (31:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (31:20):
But as a man, if I come to you and say, hey, if you
do this, this, this, and this,you'll get this with no proof.

SPEAKER_00 (31:29):
Right.
You're gonna be skeptical.
No track record.
You're gonna be skeptical.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (31:32):
So if you if you don't have a proven history of
making good decisions andleadership, yeah, of course she
might be a little hesitant tojust follow your every word.

SPEAKER_03 (31:43):
Right.
And then not only that, she willlike if it it can lead to
resentment.
Right.
That can lead to resentment.
Right.
Right on both sides.
On both sides.
Yes.
On both sides.

SPEAKER_01 (31:54):
She's gonna feel like if you would just do what I
say, we wouldn't be here.
Right.
And she's like, well, if youwould show me.

SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
Yeah.
Or if you if you could, if youcan supply me with what I'm
telling you I need to stay thecourse, okay, then you know, we
can get there.
So women often file for divorcebecause of emotional disconnect.
Okay, your favorite word is inthere.
Okay.
That's your favorite word.
Emotional disconnect, um, unmetneeds, and oftentimes feeling

(32:20):
being taken for granted.

SPEAKER_01 (32:22):
You know, I mean a lot of men feel like they're
being taken for granted too.

SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
I I can understand that.

SPEAKER_01 (32:27):
A lot.

SPEAKER_03 (32:28):
And that's why I'm not saying I'm one of them.
I mean, well, I you know, okay,don't really.
Did you just wink?
You're such an asshole.
Um Casey might want to come say.
Okay.
Yes, both men and women can bothfeel like that.
Like it's not when we talk, whenwe talk about like divorcing the
whole good guy thing, it's notto say that men are probably not

(32:51):
feeling some of the things andthe reasons that women are
feeling that is causing them towant to file for the divorce,
right?
So, but when we talk about likeunmet needs or emotional
disconnect or being taken forgranted, like we talked last
week on last week's episodeabout the mental load with, you
know, wives and how westatistically take on more

(33:12):
mentally and emotionally of therelationship and how that can
really weigh us down sometimes,right?
And so there was an instancewhere a woman was talking about
how she had really, like she hadreally put divorce like on the
table to cons to considerbecause she was letting her
husband know we have four kidsand we both work full time, but
I'm still the one that's doingbathtime.

(33:32):
I'm still the one that's gettingthem ready in the morning.
I'm still the one that's doingall the homework, I'm still the
one, and four kids.
One, you know, two of them arelike uh uh babies and then
toddlers, you know?
And so she, you know, he waslike, How can I help?

SPEAKER_01 (33:46):
You shouldn't trigger me.

SPEAKER_03 (33:47):
He said, How can he came to her and she was like,
you know, what all the men say,which we had talked about too
last week, what do you need forme?
Yeah, what do I need to do?
One of the things one of thethings is is I and I and I don't
expect you to read like our mindor anything like that, but it
would be helpful if I didn'thave to ask for you to empty the

(34:09):
dishwasher.
Right.
If I didn't have to ask for youto put a load of laundry in the
wash machine, if I didn't haveto ask those things, but on the
same token, I also want to givecredit where credit's due when
some husbands do say, okay, whatdo you need from me?
Tell me what you need so that Ican help you and make your life
easier.

SPEAKER_01 (34:24):
You know, and she was like, I saw, sorry, I saw a
lot of people say weapon,weaponizing incompetence.

SPEAKER_04 (34:30):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (34:31):
But my thing is that it's not that I don't see what
you need to be done.
Yeah, is right, is because wehave such defined roles in what
we do, what who's responsiblefor.
Once I pick up on the fact thatyou're falling behind, I will
offer to help.

SPEAKER_03 (34:44):
Yeah, you you have offered to help, yeah.
And I will or you get out of myway when I don't need your help,
but I just need you not tobother me.
Right.
Like I just like this pastweekend.
Like this week.
Yes, like this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 (34:56):
Like I told, I told, I told our daughter this week, I
said, look here, leave your mamaalone.

SPEAKER_03 (35:01):
Yeah, and I told him, I was like, like, you guys,
leave me alone.
Just leave her alone.

SPEAKER_01 (35:05):
I said, Don't ask her no questions.

SPEAKER_03 (35:07):
I'm not cooking nothing.
I'm not don't ask her fornothing.
Nothing.
I just want to clean in my ownspace.

SPEAKER_01 (35:13):
I can understand that.
But going back to like, we'regoing back to the same feeling
off often feeling feelingneglected and all that, the lack
of cons I that is again, what wealways talk about, that is just
strictly communication.
You have to be willing to havethe hard, harsh conversations
with your partner.

SPEAKER_03 (35:30):
Okay, now you say that, and I agree.
I 100% agree.
But when she uh back to thestory, because I was gonna say,
because we had we've had similarinstances where she had told
him, the wife, she said, if youcould just make sure the
dishwasher is emptied by themorning because when I'm getting
the kids ready, when I'm gettingthe kids ready in the morning

(35:53):
and I'm trying to feed a babyand chase toddlers and put
school clothes on and I'mpacking lunches, I need to be
able to go straight to the waterbottles.
I need to be able to go straightto the lunch.
You know, so but I can't besearching for things and where's
the lid to this?
She was like, so you can makesure, like I'm putting them in
at night before bed, if you canget up before me and empty them
and put everything back where itgoes, then I know that when I'm

(36:16):
packing lunches, I can just go,you know, to the cabinets and
grab everything.
He does it, right?
And she's like, like most of thetime, if I express this is what
I need, it gets done for acertain amount of time.
Then eventually it startsdrifting off again and starts
drifting off.
So then it becomes one of thosethings like she's constantly
reminding.
I'm constantly, and at thispoint, if I have to keep

(36:39):
constantly reminding you ofthings, then that now still
builds on the aspect of my brainthat you don't listen to me,
that you don't value me, thatyou don't care about what I'm
telling you how I feel.
Because if I have to constantlyremind you that this is the help
that you said you would offer meto make my life easier, to make

(37:01):
my life more manageable, so thatI can be a better wife to you, a
better mother to our kids.
And then it only happened threeweeks in a row, but I have to
keep every three weeks I have tokeep reminding you.
Okay, well, now you're notlistening to me.
You don't care about how I feel.
You just did it to soothe me inthe moment.

SPEAKER_01 (37:17):
I gave you what you needed in the moment.

SPEAKER_03 (37:18):
You gave me what I needed in the moment, but I'm
telling you this is a long-termthing.

SPEAKER_01 (37:21):
Okay, so and then my response to that would be again,
communication.
This, this in my mind, what theconversation that we would need
to have to say that was us inour scenario, is to say, hey,
babe, going forward, this iswhat I need.

SPEAKER_04 (37:36):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (37:37):
Don't say I need this, this is what I need for
you in the morning.

SPEAKER_03 (37:39):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (37:40):
I need you to say going forward this morning.
Every morning.
This is what I need.
This is what I need.

SPEAKER_03 (37:44):
This needs to become your habit.
Right, right.
This needs to become your habit.

SPEAKER_01 (37:51):
So I gotta get up early.

SPEAKER_03 (37:53):
And what I need from you to make it easier for me to
help you.

SPEAKER_01 (37:58):
But like I but like I said, we have we sat down and
we had a conversation and setvery defined roles of who's
responsible for what.
Yeah.
So there is no arguing aboutwhat needs to be done because
when when we see something, weunderstand whose job it is to
do.

SPEAKER_06 (38:13):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:14):
Right.
And I also understand that I canpick up when you're overwhelmed.
And and like you said, sometimesI need to just get out your way.
Yeah.
So that you can turn yourpodcast on and have Miss Annie
Elise in your ear.

SPEAKER_03 (38:24):
Shout out to Annie Elise girl.
I would love to be on anepisode, by the way.
I'm a fan.
Okay, Annie.

SPEAKER_01 (38:29):
Just have you know, just have her in your ear while
you while you doing your deepcleaning.

SPEAKER_03 (38:33):
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (38:34):
And sometimes you just need to, hey, I need you to
cook dinner and clean thekitchen afterwards and pick your
daughter up and take.
I get it.

SPEAKER_03 (38:40):
Or like the like the other day, I was like, I would
really just love to eat outtonight and go to the bookstore.
Right.
So would you call it Barney's?
Barnays and noble's.

SPEAKER_01 (38:48):
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (38:50):
If you could take me for a trip to Barnays and
Noblaze and maybe a dinner, likethat would be that would be
nice.

SPEAKER_01 (39:00):
And mind you guys, we went out to eat without the
child.
So it was great.
Um yeah, but that that thatagain, it's communication.
Yeah.
And I I do understand that Ifeel I do feel like a lot of
couples don't want tocommunicate because maybe the
communication process processisn't always pleasant.

SPEAKER_03 (39:18):
Or they're not great at getting their what they're
trying to say across.
Because, you know, that'swithout hurting feelings.

SPEAKER_01 (39:24):
Or someone feeling defensive.

SPEAKER_03 (39:25):
Right.
Or someone feeling defensive, orlike, yeah, it could be that
too, but it could also literallybe them not knowing how to put
it into words.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like you physically not knowinghow to put into words.
Right.
I agree.
So when we say like the goodguy, like, yes, he does all
these things, like he's greatwith the kids, or like he's a
provider, or he tries to createa space for you.

(39:48):
Like, all of that is is great.
And that's what we would deemlike a good guy.
Okay.
But do we still have funtogether?
Do we go out?
Can you make me laugh?
Am I emotionally connected toyou?
Am I emotionally connected toyou?
Get get your iPad standtogether, dude.
You broke it, bro.
No, I didn't.
Um, like those, those are, thoseare things that are still just

(40:10):
as equally important.
And I can understand from themale perspective about how some
men could think, um, you know,we're damned if we do, we're
damned if we don't.
Girl?
If we if we don't have a job,we're a piece of crap.
But then if we work all the timeand you don't get to spend time
with us, we're a piece of crap.
Like we can't win for losing.
What did Bobby say?

SPEAKER_01 (40:28):
What did Bobby say?
What she always complained aboutme never being home.
But when I'm there, I'm broke.

SPEAKER_03 (40:37):
But when I'm there, I'm broke.

SPEAKER_01 (40:38):
She's always complaining about what a
girlfriend's got and what sheain't got.
And she wants me to go out thereand get it for her.
But I can't be at two places atone time.

SPEAKER_03 (40:47):
And I can understand how that can be a tough position
to be in.
Like, I'm I'm not gonna sit hereand act like I'm not gonna sit
here and act like you, like mendon't have their own struggles.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, because you absolutely do.
Like, and it is a lot of we havea lot of responsibility as women
and especially as mothers, butyou guys have a great
responsibility too.

(41:07):
Cause like I always tell you,I'm I'm so grateful that I was
born female.

SPEAKER_01 (41:12):
It has really at least three weeks, at least
three weeks off the month.

SPEAKER_03 (41:16):
Bye, Maurice.
You know, like I would the thepressures that are put on men,
like we I have my own pressuresto deal with.
I'm you know, I'm black, I'mfemale, like I have my own
pressures.
I'm not doing this with you.
I'm not doing this with you.
But to be a like to be a man andthis the pressures that society

(41:37):
has put on you guys, I mean thepressures y'all put on yourself
too.
I'm not gonna let's let's notlet's not go there.
It's a different company topic.
Let's move it on.
Um, but it's it can it can be alot.

SPEAKER_01 (41:47):
It no, it is a lot.
It's a constant battle, it's aconstant battle to straddle the
line of being around just enoughso that your family knows that
you care and love and thatyou're present and gone and
hands on and gone just enough tomake sure they can do all the
things they want to do.
It's a it's a fine line.

SPEAKER_03 (42:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (42:05):
And it is hard.
I'm sure.
Because when your daughter asksyou every day, can she go on a
Disney cruise?
As a play date, but she don'twant you to go to work.
How are we gonna make thishappen?

SPEAKER_03 (42:16):
Baby, that's not how that works.

SPEAKER_01 (42:18):
Daddy gotta go to work to get the money for the
Disney cruise.

unknown (42:22):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (42:24):
Oh, she's funny.
But okay, so some of the liketop reasons that women will
divorce the good guy.

SPEAKER_01 (42:31):
Let's go through these quick.

SPEAKER_03 (42:32):
Um, we talked a little bit about the emotional
disconnect, emotional, um, thecommunication breakdown.

SPEAKER_01 (42:38):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (42:38):
Another one is lack of intimacy or sexual
fulfillment.

SPEAKER_01 (42:42):
Now look here, like we talked about last week.
Dissatisfactory.
You gotta make sure she'sgetting it good.

SPEAKER_03 (42:50):
Okay.
There was, oh, what was thearticle?
It was there was an article thatwas published, and it was saying
that um like 40 or like 40 or45% of women over the age of 40
have never experienced anorgasm.

SPEAKER_01 (43:03):
That's crazy.
I had my first one before I wasa teenager.
That's that's TMI.

SPEAKER_03 (43:09):
Um I we we probably should discuss that later
because it it also goes backinto like with the conversations
about how women also willdivorce the good guy, about how
unfulfilled women are sexuallyin in marriages.

(43:30):
Because I think sometimes, youknow, and and we've we've spoken
about this personally too, whereit wasn't until I feel like I
started to mature, like in life,where I was just like, oh no, if
that if that didn't work thefirst time.

SPEAKER_01 (43:45):
Let's do it again.
Let's run it back.

SPEAKER_03 (43:47):
We're gonna have to run that back.
But I can also see, like, had Inot got to that level of
comfortability with you, it itit's it's easy for women to just
be like, like, that's just I canI just have to accept it is what
it is, and like maybe this partof our relationship isn't for me
and it's really it's really forhim.

SPEAKER_01 (44:04):
But you also had a partner that's was willing to
learn.

SPEAKER_03 (44:07):
Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 (44:08):
But and now I have a good idea of what gets you
there.

SPEAKER_03 (44:11):
Yeah, you do, you do, because I wasn't accepting
anything less.
But well, now I have the beef.
Okay, bye.
But I say that because like Isaid, I could understand if that
was something that likecontinued, I'm I could have
understood like women who gothrough that where they're just
in a marriage where they feelsexually unfulfilled by their

(44:32):
partner.
You can take on the attitude oflike, if he if it's if he's
someone who is not willing totake the criticism or listen to
the feedback, or you know, is aparticipate part participating
partner in the sense of makingyour pleasure a priority, and
you just kind of shut down inthat way, and you're just like,
you know, this is this is thispart of the life is for him

(44:53):
anyway.
Like, that's what men try toprioritize the most is like sex,
not all men.
But that's you know, that's ahigh priority, and it's a high
priority in relationship ingeneral.
But when we speak about here,yeah, but when we speak about um
by Maurice, put your hand down.
But when we speak about sexualsatisfaction, in in your in your

(45:17):
marriage, people tend to reallyfocus that around men.
It's not primarily focusedaround women, it's focused
around men.
Do you agree?
Disagree?

SPEAKER_00 (45:32):
I agree.

SPEAKER_03 (45:33):
Okay.
Um, let's see, taking her forgranted, mental load.
We talked about that growingapart, um, unmet, oh, unmet
growth and ambition.
Okay.
So some women have expressedthat they feel limited or
unsupported in their goals,especially if their husband
doesn't grow with them.

SPEAKER_01 (45:54):
I've seen that both ways.
Yes, I've seen I've seen thatwhere he's grown and she's not,
and she's growing and he's not.
And I think that comes with lifetoo.

SPEAKER_03 (46:02):
That comes with life too, because as we're getting
older, we're evolving.
Yeah.
Right?
And the new used to be on thefifth floor.
Right.
By Maurice.
Um, we're evolving.
Okay.
So I had saw a video that hadtalked about, excuse me, about
how um they said that it takessix years, up to six years, um,

(46:24):
postpartum for a woman to reallystart to get back some of the
characteristics that she hadprior to childbirth.
Like brain chemical-wise, right?
It's taking you so long.
I'm going to sock you in theface.
Cut it out.
And it just made me think aboutkind of like where I am now in

(46:46):
my life, right?
Getting back into exploring myinterests, being like excited
about things that are new, likegetting back into my hobbies and
stuff.
And you remember when after Ihad Phoenix for the longest
time, I kept saying, I justdon't feel like myself.
Like me.
Like I it literally is like youcan't, you really can't like put

(47:06):
it into words.
There is just, it's almost likean identity crisis.
Where, and I remember posting iton Facebook, and like all my
friends were responding, andthey were like, girl, like it's
perfectly normal.
This is part of the postpartum.
It's the chemicals in yourbrain, like it might be a little
bit of depression.

SPEAKER_01 (47:20):
It was crazy because you're like, Where did me?
And I was like, You're inMacy's, you're in Old Navy.
Bye, Maurice.
You're in Sephora.
Goodbye.
Do you see the bags you bringhome every day?
Goodbye.

SPEAKER_03 (47:30):
You're you're out there.
It looks like you found her.
So you definitely out there.
No, but it's it, it is, it'strue.
It's like it's an it's like anidentity crisis, basically, like
I like I want to say.
But I say all that to say as weas we're growing and we're going
into a different phase of ourlife where I'm starting to

(47:53):
explore, re-explore thoseaspects about myself, right?
I could see how if you have apartner who is not on that same
level, like being interested intheir hobbies or exploring a new
part of their life that you knowthey're just stagnant in that
way, I could see how you wouldfeel like you guys are growing
apart.
Okay.
Because you feel as though I'mtrying to do things new or I'm

(48:14):
trying to like stay in shape,I'm trying to like hit new
goals, I'm trying to beproactive, I'm trying to be
intentional.
And every time I look at you,you're like stale peanuts.

SPEAKER_01 (48:24):
Damn, stale peanuts is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (48:27):
But it made me think about five guys, huh?
It made me think about um ourdrip, our gym friend.
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 (48:34):
Which one?

SPEAKER_03 (48:34):
Uh, Marlena.
Okay.
When she was saying about howher her mom and dad are like at
odds right now, right?
And they've been married forlike 30 plus years.
But she's like, in the beginningof my parents' marriage, my dad
stayed gone so much because heworked like around the clock.
He was working, he was working.
My mom was home, she was doingher thing.
And now he's retired.

(48:55):
And so he does what retiredpeople do.
He teeed up.
He that's exactly it.
He rests, he has his lazy boy,he kicks it at home.
And her mom went back to school.
And she's becoming anaccountant.
And he's supportive of it.
She's outside.
And so now she's like, but everytime she comes home and she sees
my dad not doing anything, itlike pisses her off.

(49:18):
And he's like, You don't forget,I've been working for I'm
retired.
I'm retired.
And I that's why I said, butthey're like I told her, they're
in two different stages of theirlater life now.
Yeah, they're gonna figure itout.
That's just and that's just howthe relationship is.
It you know what I mean?
Like they're going to figure itout.
But right now, she's exploring,she's learning things new.

(49:40):
Her brain is being stimulated,she's going back out into the
world.
The kids are adults, she doesn'thave to worry about you guys.
She gets to focus on herself.
And then he's done all of theall of the work.
He's, you know, he's paid theway.
You can do all these things.
And when you come home, it'slike you're probably excited and
up here.
And he's like, here.

SPEAKER_01 (49:59):
We could have talked about that 20 years ago.
We should have had that.

SPEAKER_03 (50:04):
Sorry, babe.
I'm just really not that excitedfor you.

SPEAKER_01 (50:07):
We should have talked about this 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 (50:09):
Yeah, you know, so I could see how I could see how
people feel like they would begrowing apart in that way.
But it's just a moment in time.
You know?
Um, lack of commitment tolong-term vision.
Okay.
Okay.
Sometimes um he is good, but notfully aligned with her long-term

(50:30):
vision for the relationship whenit pertains to finances or
family or values.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, emotional or verbal neglect.
We've talked about that.
Okay.
Or the power imbalance orresentment in the roles.
Despite being the good guy, hemay not engage equally in the
household or familyresponsibilities, and the mental

(50:51):
and emotional burdens mostlyfall on the wife.
Okay.
Your your favorite words inthere, emotion.
What?
Nothing.
Oh, okay.
Um, so from the maleperspective, some of the things
that men here we go.

SPEAKER_01 (51:11):
This this episode is really about the girls.
It's we it's about.
You know, I'm just here to forthe girls.
Just I'm here to just try tohelp us poor men alone.

SPEAKER_03 (51:22):
Oh gosh.
Okay.
Um don't act like a victim.

SPEAKER_01 (51:24):
It says here are some common things from men's
perspectives based oncommentary, personal stories,
and uh men's media analysis,right?
So when they when guys hear, oh,she left a good guy or she
divorced a good guy, they thinkof confusion and hurt.
Many men can report that theydon't see what they did wrong.

SPEAKER_04 (51:42):
Yeah, I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 (51:44):
Uh they were kind, helpful, respectful.
So they feel a lot of times theyfeel blindsided.
Like they feel like everythingwas going good, and now my
baby's gone.

SPEAKER_03 (51:51):
Yeah, I don't understand where this is coming
from.
Like Luther said, it's comingfrom the 50 times I asked you to
empty the goddamn dishwasher.

SPEAKER_01 (51:58):
Uh, they also they reported feeling unappreciated.
Like I was good to her.
I did everything she asked meto.

SPEAKER_03 (52:04):
No, I did what I what I was supposed to do.

SPEAKER_01 (52:07):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (52:08):
But you didn't do nothing I asked you to do.

SPEAKER_01 (52:10):
They feel frustrated with expectations.
Like, assuming that it says goodmen sometimes are stressed that
the expectations placed on themare vague, are uh are constantly
shifting.
Now that now that I understand Ican understand and agree with
because depending on the day andthe mood, what is is what is

(52:32):
required or expected of mechanges change, right?
A sense of inj uh injustice, youknow, simply being left for not
being flashy or dominant.
You know, some some guys are notthe bravado, they're not gonna
puff their chest out.

SPEAKER_03 (52:48):
Yeah, I don't need you to puff your chest out, but
I need to like like I need tofeel like that's my man.
I need you to be in here and belike, I'm the man.
Oh, right.
I'm happy and I want to feelthat way.

SPEAKER_01 (52:58):
I'm happy you they said that because it's also they
also mentioned about resentmentover nice equaling weak.
I'm not weak because I'm nice.
Over what?
Over nice equaling weak.
Like nice.

SPEAKER_03 (53:10):
Oh, like you're weak because you're nice, right?

SPEAKER_01 (53:12):
Some nice guys believe their kindness is
misinterpreted as a lack ofbackbone and that their
emotional generosity is aliability rather than a
strength.
So I was too kind.
See, this is this is by I wastoo kind.
This is what happens when uh thenice guy he gets done wrong and
then he turns to a ho.

SPEAKER_03 (53:29):
He turns savage.

SPEAKER_01 (53:30):
Savage.
I know a couple.

SPEAKER_03 (53:32):
No, right?

SPEAKER_01 (53:34):
Desire for mutual for mutual growth.
Many say that uh they would stayin the marriage.
Uh I'm sorry, many say theywould they would say if the
marriage involved mutual growth,let's grow together, not I
provide, you receive.
And that's the from the men thatfelt like their relationships
were one-sided.

SPEAKER_06 (53:50):
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 (53:51):
Like I'm out here doing everything, and while
you're living the cushy life.
You're living what you deem yoursoftware.
Right.
So so soft as Charmin.

SPEAKER_03 (53:59):
Okay.
Bye.

SPEAKER_01 (54:01):
And finally, that's what you promised me.

SPEAKER_03 (54:03):
No.

SPEAKER_01 (54:03):
Okay.
And finally, we're good overmiss over miss signals.
A number of men admit theymisread or miss relations, uh,
relational relational signals.
A woman's dissatisfaction.
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 (54:16):
Hey, I'm struggling with that.
You need some hooked on phonics?

SPEAKER_01 (54:18):
I might.
A woman's dissatisfaction wasexpressed through emotional cues
that they did not pick up on.
And this I understand because Iam not really good at picking up
on emotional cues.
I more so pick up on your bodylanguage, and when you when your
actions towards me start tochange, and I'll be like, okay,
what the hell did I do?
Then I then get snappy.
Right.
Then now I gotta do a replay inmy head and try to figure it

(54:41):
out.
And then it's like a wholeanother equation.
But I get them around to it.
You know?

SPEAKER_03 (54:48):
Just don't ask me like I think what did you ask me
this morning?
You asked me something, but itreally like it internally, like
it irritated the shit out of me.
I found a new way to piss it up.
Because yes, oh, it was it wasmy greens.
You were asking um if I wantedmy greens.
Yeah.
And you were like, um, do I doone scoop or two?
And it was a valid questionbecause you don't know if I do

(55:10):
one scoop or two.
Because I don't make them.
But immediately in my head, youknow what I said?
Read the bottle, nigga.
That's exactly what I said.
That is exactly what I said.
Oh my gosh.
Like when you were like, do onescoop, one scoop or two.
And in my head, I was like, readthe fucking thing.
But it would get quicker for meto ask you because I was doing
it so all it burned, it burnedmy little person inside.

(55:33):
That's why I said it was a legitquestion.

SPEAKER_01 (55:35):
In that moment, not only was I trying to get our
drinks together, I was I waspacking a lunch and making
breakfast and making all at thesame time.

SPEAKER_03 (55:44):
And then you still found a way to piss me off in
the process.

SPEAKER_01 (55:46):
Crazy work.
So you see that, fellas, evenwhen you try to do right, no,
you do wrong.
So just do wrong.
No, even when you do right, youdo wrong.

SPEAKER_03 (55:56):
No, that wasn't that wasn't like against you, but in
my mind, I was just thinking,because if it wasn't that just
it wasn't just that singularinstance, it's just like an
overall, it can be like anoverall theme.
And that was just one more likedrop in the bucket where you ask
things that you can eitherfigure out for yourself, but I

(56:17):
know the reason you're asking mefor it is because it's a
shortcut.
Okay.
You know what I'm saying?
And it's like sometimesshortcuts are okay, but take the
long route.
Come on, let's um so some of thekey takeaways, so we can wrap
this up, okay?
So some concrete takeaways andreflective questioning, okay?

(56:38):
Ask yourself am I emotionallypresent, not just materially
present?
Because that's a big one.
We we love a good providership,financial providership.
We love we the girls love a goodfinancial providership.
It makes us warm and cozy.
I know.
Um but we my man, my man, myman.

SPEAKER_01 (57:00):
Can't stand y'all.

SPEAKER_03 (57:01):
Goodbye.
Um, but we also need someemotional presence.
We also need some hugs, somekisses, some conference some
affirmations.
Oh, I'm gonna do that.
Okay.
Um, have I stopped quote unquotehoarding my spouse after
marriage?
And I think that's a questionthat men should really ask
because date nights don't stopjust because you got me to say

(57:23):
yes to you.

SPEAKER_01 (57:24):
I get freakier.

SPEAKER_03 (57:25):
Okay.
That's not what happens.
Do we um have shared goals andare those being revisited?
This I was telling you, what wasI telling you today?
I was like, we're gonna startdoing the um the weekly recap or
like the weekly check-in of howwe felt, like rating our
marriage on a scale of one tofive.
It was a one this week forsnippet.

(57:49):
You're so lucky there's not afork near me.
Um violence is our answer.
Violence is our answer, people.
Um, just to do a check-in,because I think check-ins are
really like really important,you know.
Like if you scale it on a scaleof one, on a scale of one to
five, how much did you likebeing married this week?
Okay, you know, like revisitingthings, goals, but setting
goals, couple goals.

(58:09):
Um, let's see.
What needs am I not naming ornot feel that are being met?

SPEAKER_01 (58:15):
How much time you got?

SPEAKER_03 (58:18):
Send it to me in an email.
Um, and how much of myfrustration is about unmet
emotional connection versuslogistics?
Okay, we talked a lot aboutlogistics last week.
That's an important one.
What?
Nothing.
Because I put my pen in yourhand.

SPEAKER_01 (58:34):
Nothing, ma'am.
Come save me.
I'm blinking slow.

SPEAKER_03 (58:38):
Okay, goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 (58:40):
Have I communicated these needs clearly or assume
they should just know?
And see, a lot of women justassume we should know.

SPEAKER_03 (58:48):
No, now we should know.
If he read letters, okay, butthen you vote.
Your own words, if you know yourpartner, right?
I know the one I married.
If you know your partner, yourown words.
I know the one I married.
I don't know what she involvedinto.
Some things should go withoutsaying.

SPEAKER_01 (59:06):
When I met her, she was still in the cocoon.
Now she's a butterfly.

SPEAKER_03 (59:09):
Some things should go without saying.

SPEAKER_01 (59:10):
She was a now she's a butterfly.

SPEAKER_03 (59:11):
She was in a cocoon when I met it.
By Maurice.
By Maurice, I'm not doing it.
Anyway, so the the basis comesdown to communicate your unmet
needs, guys.
Okay, communication is key, likewe always say, you're gonna keep
hearing it because relationshiptopics, hello.
Communication is always key.

(59:32):
Um, if he can be a good guy forsomebody else, maybe you can
make it work and he can be agood guy for you.
And if not, and if divorce iswhat needs to happen, everybody
has to do what they gotta do tomake life fit for themselves.
This is it's all a journey.
Nothing is um pre written outfor us.
So make it do what it do.

SPEAKER_01 (59:53):
Make it do what it do.

SPEAKER_03 (59:54):
Uh do.
Uh do.
All right, guys, let's hop righton into the comment of the week.
I was gonna say the commentary.
No, you wasn't.
Yes, it was.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:02):
The comment of the week comes from Candy Girl 1908.
Now, this comment is on the clipabout the mom who said that the
um the girlfriend was temporary.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:15):
Oh.
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:17):
Yeah.
That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:18):
Candy girl said that was hilarious.
She said, Mama did the most andthat man did the least.
Oh well.
What's for dinner?
Everybody.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:30):
Mama did the most and that man did the least.
Oh well.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:34):
And I said, right.
Why are we arguing about this?
I can't.
Why are we arguing about this?
Because she know um mama knowdamn well she was wrong.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:44):
You think she cares?

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:45):
She don't care.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:46):
She's a very ass beaten.
You think mama cares?

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:49):
And the second comedy week comes from the video
of where the husband came backearly and his wife was cheating
and he stole he took the he tookthe clothes.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:57):
Oh, yes, I remember.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:59):
Um uh uh this person says that he didn't rob anybody,
anyone.
He just cleaned his living room,fairly, which is true.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:12):
He didn't rob anyone, he just cleaned his
living room.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:14):
He just walked in the house and say, you know,
this stuff don't belong here.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:16):
Yeah, let me just pick this up because my wife
does not like mess.
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:19):
I'm trying to make sure I'm trying to keep it tidy.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:23):
Because I know that woman does not like mess.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:25):
I'm trying to keep it tidy.
Okay, but we appreciate y'all.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:28):
I can't.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:29):
Them comments have me.
Uh I'll be done.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:31):
The comments are hilarious.
You guys are hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:35):
I'll be in tears.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:36):
Um, okay, let's hop right on into RT cents.
RT cents.
Um, let's see.
Am I the jerk for refusing topay my boyfriend back for a trip
that I didn't go on?
Okay, come on.
Okay.
My boyfriend Alex, who's 30,planned a weekend ski trip with
me, female who's 28, and two ofhis friends.

(01:01:58):
He told me the cost would bearound$300 for lodging, food,
and lift passes.
I said, okay.
Two weeks before the trip, Isprained my ankle badly and was
put in a brace.
I told Alex that I couldn't skiand probably shouldn't travel,
and he agreed.
Fast forward, the weekend comesand goes.
When he gets home, he hands mean itemized spreadsheet and

(01:02:19):
says, Well, I got in here.
You can just transfer it to mewhen you get a chance.
I stared at him like, What?
I didn't go.
I didn't benefit from anything.
He said they quote unquotedidn't want to lose the
reservation, so they kept thebigger cabin instead of

(01:02:39):
downgrading.
But here's the kicker.
His friend's girlfriend ended upgoing in my place.
So the cabin wasn't missing aperson.
I told him that I'm not payingfor a vacation that I didn't
attend.
And he said, but I budgetedexpecting your share.
You're screwing me financially.
I said his decision to keep anexpensive cabin and invite

(01:03:01):
someone else has nothing to dowith me.
Now he's sulking and telling hisfriends that I bailed and stuck
him with the bill.
Am I the jerk?

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:10):
Broke boys don't deserve no.
I know that's right.
This is crazy.
I didn't go.
I didn't go.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:18):
But wait, how did my end?
But even though I didn't go, youtold me that my cost would be
300.
I don't go.
And then it somehow doubled.
And then and then and then andthen somebody else went in my
place.
Is she paying?
Did she pay?
Right.
No, she didn't because if youreplaced her with me accounting
for my money, that means shedidn't pay anything.

(01:03:39):
So I think you need to send hera request for$680.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:44):
You gave this bill to the wrong person.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:45):
Yeah, I did.
I'm gonna go ahead and you knowwhat?
Don't even worry about it.
I'm gonna send her the request.
I'm gonna send her the requestand I'm gonna tell her just to
go ahead and forward it to you.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:53):
This can't be real.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:54):
That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:55):
This can't be real.
Who knows?
This cannot be real.
She didn't even go on the trip.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:00):
Maurice, but he budgeted for that space with
that body.
But didn't he didn't he want totake her on the trip?
Wasn't he taking her on a trip?
Yeah, but she sprained herankle, so she said she couldn't
go.
So his mind, his way of thinkingit.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:12):
So what I'm hearing is that he couldn't go on the
trip unless she contributedanyway.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:15):
But here's the thing
lose the reservation.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:18):
Do better.
Do better.
Do better.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:21):
So you could have done a reservation.
You could have done anotherreservation minus her.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:25):
Why did why didn't you stay home and help take care
of her so she couldn't getaround?
Bye.
That wasn't gonna happen to Missthe Ski Trip.
Crazy.
Crazy word.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:31):
Um, here we go.
My bridesmaid wore a bright reddress to my all-black wedding as
a prank.
Okay.
Absolutely not.
Um, my 25-year-old female uhwedding was just under two weeks
ago.
And honestly, it was thehappiest day of my entire life.
But of course, every wedding hasthat one person who decides the

(01:04:53):
day isn't about the couple atall.
For us, that person was one ofmy bridesmaids, and we'll just
call her Olga.
Our theme was all black, notmostly black, not black with a
pop of color, black, andeveryone knew this, wedding
party included.
On the wedding morning, all mybridesmaids looked gorgeous,

(01:05:15):
elegant, matchy, classy.
We were supposed to leave theroom together and head to the
chapel, but right as we walkedout, Olga suddenly claimed she
needed to fix her makeup andwould meet us there.
Fine.
No drama yet.
We waited in a cute littlelounge before the ceremony.
Then, five minutes before theentrance, Olga arrives in a

(01:05:40):
bright, tight red dress and nota subtle red.
I mean stop sign red.
She told the choreographer thatI had approved it, which I
obviously haven't.
When the doors opened and Istarted walking down the aisle,
I was totally locked in on myhusband until that flash of red
burned into my peripheralvision.

(01:06:02):
There she was, front row,standing out like a fire alarm
at a funeral.
I held it together for theceremony because I wasn't, I
wasn't gonna let her ruinanything.
But the second it ended, I wentto her.
Before I could even speak, sheburst out laughing, laughing so
hard she couldn't breathe.
Then she said, You should haveseen your face.

(01:06:25):
I was so furious.
I couldn't get words out.
My hands were literally shaking.
I quietly told the photographerto keep her out of every single
photo and ignore her the rest ofthe night.
Since that day after thewedding, she has been nonstop
messaging me paragraphs abouthow it was just a prank, how I'm
taking things too seriously, andhow I should relax because it

(01:06:49):
was all in good fun.
It's been almost two weeks, andI still have not replied to her.
Do I comfort her?
Do I block her in therelationship?
How do you come back fromsomeone humiliating you on your
wedding day and then laughingabout it in your face?

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:02):
There's only one way she comes back from this.
She sends you a check for theexact amount of everything that
day cost you.
That's the only way she comesback.

SPEAKER_00 (01:07:13):
If she can't send you the check, cut her ass off.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:17):
That's hate disguise.
Yeah.
That is hate disguised as aprank.
You don't do no shit like thaton my wedding day.
I don't find that funny.
And if you thought that that wasappropriate to do, then clearly,
you don't know me as yourfriend.
Here's the thing you don't knowme as your friend.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:33):
As the groom standing up there, I would have
asked her ass to leave.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:37):
But he didn't, he probably didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:39):
Babe.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:40):
He no she was a prize maid, wasn't she?
Yeah, but she probably she couldhave been a maid of honor or
something.
He probably thought, like, oh,she wants her to stand out
because that's her best friend.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:48):
Oh, no.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:49):
He babe, he chances are he did not know.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:57):
I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:58):
I would have asked.
I'm trying to give him an out.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:00):
No.
I would have asked him, I wouldhave asked her to leave.
And ma'am, fuck her.
I would but hold on.
The line about the fire uh alarmand in and at a funeral.

SPEAKER_03 (01:08:12):
Uh a red stop red uh clock it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:15):
Bye.
That was good.
Bye.
But no, like I said, the onlyway I would allow her back in my
life if she would refund meevery it's not a joke because
what you're not gonna do is takea moment that is supposed to
mean something greatly to me andthen make fun of it.

SPEAKER_04 (01:08:30):
Yeah, because you're lonely because you're lonely,
single ass.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:37):
Oh, we don't know if she's eating TV dinners, we
don't know she's and matchingwith people on Tinder and not
being and they not matching backwith your ugly ass.

SPEAKER_03 (01:08:45):
We don't know.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:46):
I don't know.
I'm just I'm just being petty.
Okay, I can't fuck her.

SPEAKER_03 (01:08:50):
Yeah, that's no, that's hate disguised as a
prank.
She she that was like jealousy.
I'm gonna go as far as to saythat was jealousy.
That's jealousy because you noone in their right mind is going
to take something that's soimportant to a friend, such as
their wedding day.
That's not a friend, and andthink it's okay.
That of all days, that's the daythat you want to plan a prank.

(01:09:12):
Of all days, my wedding day isgonna be the day you want to
plan a prank.
Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:16):
I keep telling people social media is not a
real place.
Come do that prank shit to me inpublic, you will get hit.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:23):
I can't.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:24):
Okay, well, let's hit one more.
This one is from a fellowBooski.
Booskies.
Shout out, Booski.
Um, it says, Am I the assholefor still wanting to leave?
I met my husband 18 years ago.
We've been together for 17 yearsand married for 14 years.
From the beginning, mymother-in-law made it clear that
she never wanted me, even toldher son that it would be over

(01:09:45):
her dead body.
When I got pregnant, his parentsinsisted we got married before I
started showing.
I agreed against my parents'wishes and they didn't attend
the wedding.
His parents planned everything,but we paid for it.
Life was hard, but we managed.
Before marriage, I had my ownapartment while he still lived
with his parents.
And after the wedding, he movedin with me.

(01:10:06):
He had no job, so I worked andsupported us.
And I even gave him my creditcard so he wouldn't have to ask
me for money.
Ten years later, he was arrestedand jailed for three years after
becoming physically aggressivewith someone.
And to be honest, he had beenphysically aggressive with me
many times too.
I waited for him to get out,hoping he would change, but
nothing did.
It started affecting our fourboys.

(01:10:29):
He stopped hitting me, but therewas no intimacy.
Our sex life was almostnon-existent, and he spent no
time with us at all.
He just slept whenever he wasn'tworking.
I got tired and started lookingfor a way out.
I confined in a friend that thesteps I was taking.
He went through my phone, hefound the messages and got upset
and saying that he was gonnaleave.

(01:10:50):
A week later, he told me that hehad been sick for three years
with a neurological illness thatwill get worse, and that only
him and his mother knew.
He said that he needs me becausehe can't survive on his own at
all.
So am I the asshole for stillwanting to leave?
Not at all.
No.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:09):
Fuck him and his mama.
Let his mama take care of him.

SPEAKER_03 (01:11:11):
No, since she since she knows him so well.
Not since she knows him so well.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:17):
Let his ass be a burden to his mama.
Look, there's so many red flagshere.
And I don't want to piss heroff, but she wrote in, I'ma just
take, I'm gonna give you thereal.
I don't want to piss her off.
First of all, the first red flagis he was sleeping with his mama
when you got pregnant by him andthen let and married him.
That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:32):
Yeah.
He's he's things happen.
He's not even stable.
Things happen.
Then you proceed to have fourmore children by him.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:41):
Three more.
Yeah, three, three more.
And he goes to jail for and thenhe was putting a hand.
First, look here.
I don't know him personally.
I don't agree with men puttingtheir hands on women.
I feel like if you have the headof woman that feels like you
somebody, you just a bitch.

SPEAKER_03 (01:11:54):
Yeah, but he has a neurological disorder.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:55):
Yeah, okay.
Probably from getting his headbeat in at the jail for hitting
women.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:00):
Maybe, but that happened probably right now.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:02):
Okay, whatever.
You're not an asshole, leave hisass.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:06):
Yeah, the anytime that there is like abuse, like,
you know, I'm all for trying tostick out.
I'm all for trying to make yourrelationship work.
I am.
I really am.

SPEAKER_00 (01:12:14):
Crazy coming from you.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:16):
Um, but when there is uh physical stuff happening,
violence, and you have children,yeah, and you have children and
stuff, um, you have to think,you have to think about your own
safety and the safety of yourkids.
So from that alone, whether it'sin the past or whatever, from
that alone, I'm gonna say,you're not the asshole for

(01:12:37):
wanting to leave.
You gotta do what you got to do.
And then what what exactly isthis neurological disorder that
he has that is the name of it?
That's supposed to getprogressively.
What is it, right?
And then also, and then also Iwant to see the medical records
because have you been going tothe doctor?
It's only been three years.
So have you been going to thedoctor about this?
Like, do you have an actualmedical diagnosis or is this
like a self-diagnosis?
And even if we're no longertogether, I can still support

(01:12:59):
you from afar just so that youdon't feel like you're being
completely dumped off.
I'm not gonna financially carryyou anymore, but I can maybe go
to a doctor's appointment withyou, maybe help look over your
prescriptions for you.
I can make sure I can't, I can'tservice your life anymore
because we can't be together inthat capacity anymore.
That doesn't work for me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:13:17):
I can make sure your boys know who you are.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:19):
Yeah, yeah.
You and you can, yeah, you aslong as they're safe, you can
definitely see your children forsure.
I can support you, but I don'thave to like be with you to do
so.
But I'm not going to like nolonger financially support you
either, and you're not gonna getthe chance to use it as a like
an excuse, you know, or tug onmy heart strings.
We're not doing that.
Nope.
So no, you're not the asshole.

(01:13:41):
So do what you gotta do.
Do what you gotta do.
All right, guys.
This has been another episode ofthe Life After I Do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,you already know the routine.
You can like, follow, share,comment, do all of the fun
things on all of our socialmedia platforms.
Follow us at Life After I DoPodcast on Instagram, YouTube,
TikTok, Facebook.

(01:14:02):
We appreciate all the newBooskies that have joined the
family.
You guys are awesome.
We love you down bad.
We love you down bad.
So continue letting everybodyknow about your friends, your
friend Booskies over here.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:19):
And Phoenix wants to say thank you, everybody, for
all the love for her vibe checklast week.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:23):
She she wants to say thank you because she said make
sure you follow her.
Yeah.
Crazy work.
She's hilarious.
But it's Phoenix Rain2035 onInstagram.
You can go ahead and follow her.
Crazy.
You guys can go ahead and followmy baby.
Um, but yes, you get a newepisode every Wednesday, guys.
And until then, peace, Booskies.

(01:14:43):
Peace Booskies.

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