Fact or Fiction

Send us a text

This episode starts with 90-year-olds dancing and ends with real talk about love, growth, and the small decisions that build a lasting relationship.

We play a round of Fact or Fiction to bust myths about marriage, then share real lessons about money, chores, sex, and emotional repair. From the difference between fairness and equality to the power of touch and real apologies, this one’s full of game you can actually use.

We also weigh in on two listener-submitted AITA stories—one about step-parenting pressure, the other about showing up during an emergency. Both open the door to deeper convos around grief, partnership, and defining what support really looks like.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Well, what does that mean weakens your position?
What you trying to you're tryingto say you right.
Like what are you trying to say?

SPEAKER_03 (00:06):
You should be secure yours unless Maya calls.

SPEAKER_02 (00:09):
I'm still secure even if Maya calls.

SPEAKER_03 (00:11):
If Maya if Maya call if Coco calls, maybe not Coco,
Coco little.
She she she interferes.
Well, no, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
You're so dumb.

SPEAKER_02 (00:39):
Hey everyone, and welcome back to your weekly dose
of Life After I Do Podcast.
Sit back, relax, enjoy the nextfew minutes with us, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 (00:52):
Party on down to the escape beat is kicking.
Jess kicking.
Jess kicking.
Jess kicking.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00):
I'll tell them to escape was like always like they
were like top five, but theywere always like four or five.
They were never top three.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11):
They were top five, but they were four or five.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13):
They were never like top three.

SPEAKER_02 (01:14):
For you.
Because for some, that's nottrue.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17):
That's crazy work.
Well, I mean, if you're talkinggirl groups, SWV gotta be number
one.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23):
Okay.
That's your number one.
That's your opinion.

SPEAKER_03 (01:26):
We're talking just 90s.
We ain't talking about theDestiny Child Beyond.
We knew SWVE is number one.

SPEAKER_02 (01:32):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (01:33):
Can't nobody sing better than Coco.

SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
Now we know where he stands.
How was your week?
It was cool.

SPEAKER_01 (01:41):
Care to elaborate?
It was cool.
It was fun.

SPEAKER_03 (01:43):
I had family.
My mom was down.
Lord knows that's stressful.
Lord Jesus.
But it was still a good visit.
I love my mama.
But she stressed me out.
She be stressing me out.

SPEAKER_02 (01:52):
Whose mom doesn't stress them out?
I feel like it's a rite ofpassage.

SPEAKER_03 (01:55):
You know, my sister's here.
So my mom, my sister was here,and my my Izzy Busy was here.

SPEAKER_02 (02:01):
Yeah.
His niece.

SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
Izzy Busy.

SPEAKER_02 (02:03):
She's so damn cute.

SPEAKER_03 (02:05):
She's adorable.

SPEAKER_02 (02:06):
But but it's it's her her mannerisms and her
attitude for me.
Like she, if she don't mess withyou, she don't mess with you
like the hard way.
And she will give you like thestank eye.
Like she be, she'll look at youand you will know that she don't
like you, or she's not messingwith you.
But that's the same.
And then when she warms up toyou, she'll be like, okay, girl,
we can be friends.

SPEAKER_03 (02:27):
But at the same time, she'll be like.

SPEAKER_02 (02:29):
She's also one, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 (02:31):
At the same time, she shares everything with you.

SPEAKER_02 (02:33):
Right, she does.
She will.
She'll show everything.
But I like when she says, clockit.
Clock it.
Clock it.
Clock it.

SPEAKER_01 (02:40):
She's too cute.

SPEAKER_02 (02:41):
She's too cute.
Yeah, so this week, this was agood, this was a good past
weekend.
Like he said, we had familydown.
I loved having my sister-in-lawdown, my mother-in-law.
It was fun.
We went to Uncle Frank's 90th.

SPEAKER_03 (02:54):
90th birthday.

SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
90th birthday.

SPEAKER_03 (02:57):
Mom turned 90.

SPEAKER_02 (02:58):
His uncle turned 90 years old.
And I'm talking like, I'm nottalking like 90 and frail.
I'm talking 90, full capacity,holding conversations with
everybody, walking around,giving hugs.
Like he's 90 in the good way.
Uncle look good.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (03:14):
He led a stress-free life.

SPEAKER_02 (03:15):
He does.

SPEAKER_03 (03:16):
Because he has to deal with LaShawn.

SPEAKER_02 (03:17):
Bye.
That's his mother, by the way.
But yeah, he's he's he's 90 inthe way that you would strive to
be 90.
Like legit.
And he what did he say?
He said, I'll see y'all nextyear.
Like with confidence.
He was like, I'll I'll see younext year.
Don't worry about it.
But it was a really beautifulcelebration.

(03:39):
Um, I think one of my favoriteparts was how uh his daughter
Gigi had some of his uh oldestclassmates, like that are
they're all still in there,yeah.
And they were all like Was aclass of 50.
Class of six four or somethinglike that.
I said, I wouldn't even thoughtof.
But to um like to see all ofthem up there, and they were all

(04:03):
like living in the 80s like the80 and 90s in the good way.
Like no, they were all 90.
Well, 90, but they were all likeI'm talking if you had you not
known that these people were 90years old.
You would thought they were inlike their 70s, like maybe their
late 70s.
They all look good, crackingjokes on each other still.

(04:23):
Like you can tell it's thatreal, genuine old high school
friendship.

SPEAKER_03 (04:26):
Although I caught it though.
The one lady I was like She waslike, he always messing with me.
I said, she wanted my uncle backin the day.

SPEAKER_02 (04:34):
She was like, he was always messing with me and
pranking jokes on me.
I said, not y'all was teenagersonce upon a time.
That's crazy words.
I said, look here, ma'am.
He's his lady is right there.
She's sitting in that queenchair that's next to the king
chair.
So relax.
Calm down.
Look, not y'all trying to getmessy and y'all.
Right, you 90.

(04:56):
Y'all gotta be over this lady.

SPEAKER_01 (04:58):
Starting mess at 90 is wild.

SPEAKER_02 (05:00):
Starting Mess at 90.
Shut up.
Wait a minute.
That just made me think aboutlike, you think, you do you
think like older people likethat still get jealous and stuff
with relationships?

SPEAKER_03 (05:12):
I don't think older people, I think.
Do you think they get liketerritorial?
I think once you hit 70, what'sgonna be gonna be?
It might hurt him a little bit,but they're gonna keep pushing.
Look at my grandma.

SPEAKER_02 (05:21):
Because I literally don't have that much time to.

SPEAKER_03 (05:23):
Look at my like my grandma, like yeah, my grandma's
not 89, y'all.
So last year.

SPEAKER_02 (05:27):
Her boyfriend died last year.

SPEAKER_03 (05:28):
Her boyfriend died last year when she was 88.
And she was like, Well, I mean,he he won the first one.
I said, damn, granny.

SPEAKER_02 (05:35):
I think it's because, I think it's because,
and that's his grandmother onhis dad's side.
So his dad's grandmother, who isshe's 89.
She's 89, and her boyfriend diedlast year.
I think it was last year.
Last year or the year beforelast.
You know, she was hurt,obviously, but it was like, I
feel like when you get to thatpoint in age, it's well, we know

(05:55):
that it's coming.
You know what I mean?
Like if for us to even be herethis long is already a blessing.
So, you know, when it doeshappen, it's almost like Yeah,
we here.
We here, and you know Bless hisheart.

SPEAKER_03 (06:07):
Shut up.

SPEAKER_02 (06:09):
Shut up.

SPEAKER_03 (06:10):
Quiet as a mouse pissing on cotton.

SPEAKER_02 (06:12):
Oh my gosh.
Okay, so they had uh FrankFrankisms on the back of his
birthday, like his birthdaycelebration card, and it's like
all his little sayings.
And he was like, What did hesay?
She was as quiet as a mousepissing on cotton.
That's the one that took me out.

SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
No, no, they tried to charge me extra.

SPEAKER_02 (06:33):
You know, they tried to charge me extra.
Well, I couldn't tell becausethe apron looked like she'd been
playing in uh powder.
She'd been making noise.

SPEAKER_03 (06:44):
I'm like the uh I like that.
I'm gonna have to go ahead andterminate this call.

SPEAKER_02 (06:47):
Oh, yeah.
When he gets tired of talking toyou on the phone, I'm gonna have
to go ahead and terminate thiscall.
But yeah, it was a beautifulweekend.
Uh like I said, you know, on thelast episode.

SPEAKER_03 (06:58):
Wait a minute.
What?
The party was great, but the theperson who had the most fun at
the party was Phoenix Rain.
Look here.

SPEAKER_02 (07:06):
My daughter.
Our child.
My daughter hit that dancefloor.
And she didn't step off of it.

SPEAKER_03 (07:10):
She didn't step off of it.

SPEAKER_02 (07:12):
I mean, and I'm talking dancing, turning tricks.
She was doing cartwheels, shedid the split.

SPEAKER_03 (07:18):
She did a gymnastics routine.
Hold on, front split, sidesplit, dance band split.
Just showing out.
Just showing out.

SPEAKER_02 (07:26):
She was in the middle of the dance floor, just
having a good time.
She had about six cups oflemonade.
Oh.
I said, between you gettingthirsty and getting the lemonade
and the sugar in the lemonade,fueling the energy for the
dance.
She wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 (07:38):
Only time she left the floor was to get a drink.

SPEAKER_02 (07:40):
Right.
And what did she do?
She came and gave you her purse.

SPEAKER_03 (07:42):
Yeah, she hold my purse, Dad.

SPEAKER_02 (07:43):
She's to hold my purse, Dad.

SPEAKER_03 (07:45):
I said, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 (07:46):
I am not your man.
I said, yes, you are her.
You are her man.
Why am I holding your purse?
I said, go ahead and hold thatpurse with confidence.
But she inspired the other kidsto get out there on the dance
floor, did she?
When the other kids saw howPhoenix was out there, like
cutting the rug.
Hold on.
They was like, oh no, we can cuta rug too, baby.

SPEAKER_03 (08:06):
The funniest part was Phoenix was a breakdancing,
so then my niece, Izzy Bidzy.

SPEAKER_02 (08:10):
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 (08:11):
That was hilarious.
She did the whole spin and shelaid down on stroke and pose.
So Izzy was like, I can do thattoo.
So she laid down on her.
She laid down a set.

SPEAKER_02 (08:20):
She put her, she put her hands under her face and she
laid on the floor and she waslooking like, see y'all, I can
do a trick too.
It was the it was the funniestthing ever.
Oh my gosh.
It was a really good time.
Yeah, we had a really goodweekend.
Um, like I said, even lastepisode, as we get older, I
think the like having familyaround and being around family
is becoming one of those thingsthat's just like, shut up.

(08:43):
Is like um that that's what youkind of like live for.
Like even at the birthday partywhen um he was sitting there,
Uncle Frank, and looking out tosee how many people showed up,
right?
And he was talking about, andhow Gigi was talking about like
that's a testament to the typeof life that you live and the
riches that you want to have inlife, right?

(09:04):
Because he was saying, Oh, Idon't think that many people
will show up.
And then when he saw how manypeople showed up for him, and
they were talking about like howyou know his life and stuff and
the bonds that he created andthe friendships that he created,
and to be 90 and to look out tosee a ballroom full of people.
I'm not talking a saw a smallspace, you know, it was a
ballroom full of people.

SPEAKER_03 (09:22):
And I thought about that and I said, ooh, I'll
probably have about 10 people inmine.

SPEAKER_02 (09:25):
You might want to rethink that.

SPEAKER_03 (09:27):
I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 (09:28):
Bye.
I don't like you.

SPEAKER_03 (09:32):
Bye.
What we got today, Booskies?

SPEAKER_02 (09:34):
So Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_03 (09:36):
Here we go.

SPEAKER_02 (09:37):
Ah, what?
It's nothing bad.
It's nothing bad.
Okay, what we got today?
Um, no, we just want to havesome fun today.
So we're gonna play.
Wait, hold on.
We got the camera off havingsome fun?
Okay, now why you gotta be sogross all the time?
Y'all know I met her in theclub.
Okay.
You did not meet me in the club.
Anyway, we're gonna play fact orwe're gonna play fact or

(10:00):
fiction.
Couple of things.
She too.

SPEAKER_03 (10:04):
Married edition.
Fact or fiction.

SPEAKER_02 (10:06):
Fact or fiction.
So it's basically like um, youknow, true myths about
relationships or long-termrelationships and marriages that
people have, and then we'regonna say I have very strong
opinions.
You're gonna say it's fact orit's fiction, and you can also
elaborate if you like.

SPEAKER_03 (10:20):
Okay, I could I have very strong opinions about this.
Okay, bye.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (10:24):
So let's start in like the love and attraction
area.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, fact or fiction.
People in healthy relationshipsgain more weight over time.

SPEAKER_03 (10:35):
Fact.
Fact.
Y'all just want to have me overhere almost 300 pounds.

SPEAKER_02 (10:40):
Well, first of all, you were never 300 pounds.

SPEAKER_03 (10:43):
I said almost.

SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (10:44):
It was close.

SPEAKER_02 (10:45):
You wasn't close.

SPEAKER_03 (10:46):
I was 298.

SPEAKER_02 (10:48):
Maurice, you were ne Maurice, stop it.
You were not 298.

SPEAKER_03 (10:52):
I will show you.
I will show you.

SPEAKER_02 (10:54):
Maurice, I will show you.
You've you've literally, I don'teven think you've ever weighed
more than me.

SPEAKER_03 (11:00):
I was 298.
I don't think you've everweighed more than that.
I weighed more than you when wegot together.

SPEAKER_02 (11:04):
Okay, maybe that.
But since pregnancy, no.
Since uh fuck you, becausepregnancy was eight years ago.

SPEAKER_03 (11:14):
I said what I said.
I said what I said, but that's afact.
I think I think because whenyou're happy, you in love, you
don't notice stuff like that.
You she gotta that's why I toldher, I said, she over here tell
me I'm looking good.
I can barely tie my shoe.

SPEAKER_02 (11:31):
I told you you were a B cup.

SPEAKER_03 (11:34):
You didn't.
Okay, y'all.
This has been another episode.

SPEAKER_02 (11:38):
I did.
Okay.
Wait a minute, because uh Ihaven't we told the story
before.
I was sitting on the bed and Iwas looking at myself and I was
like, damn, babe.
I was like, you didn't tell methat um I'm as big as a damn
house.
And he was like, um a tent,maybe, but not a house.
Yeah.
He was like, you're maybe atent, but not a house.
And I was like, okay, thanks forthat B cup.
And then he got mad and got andwalked off and got an attitude.

(12:01):
You just told me I was the sizeof a tent.

SPEAKER_03 (12:03):
I didn't say what size tent?
A tent is a lot smaller than ahouse.

SPEAKER_02 (12:06):
It is a lot smaller than a house.

SPEAKER_03 (12:08):
That's like that's like a walnut and like a peanut.

SPEAKER_02 (12:10):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (12:11):
It's different.
I think you I called you thepeanut, not the walnut.

SPEAKER_02 (12:14):
Okay, well, I guess what matters is that we we've
tried we've gotten it undercontrol sometimes.
Some of us have.
Yes.
Really?
Yeah, babe.
Don't come for me because youknow, you know how sensitive you
are.
You know how sensitive you are.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (12:28):
True.
Uh uh uh factor fishing thehunt, the honeymoon phases only
uh last about two years.

SPEAKER_02 (12:36):
Fiction.

SPEAKER_03 (12:37):
Oh, you think okay, you think it lasts?

SPEAKER_02 (12:40):
I was saying it could last.
I feel like I was still in alittle bit of a haze.

SPEAKER_03 (12:44):
I've been in a honeymoon phase for 23 years.

SPEAKER_02 (12:46):
Okay.
What it's not a competition.
And you have not been in ahoneymoon phase.
Because I definitely wasn't in ahoneymoon phase last week.

SPEAKER_03 (12:54):
That's fine.
I don't care about I said youwasn't.
I said I was.
I always loved you.
I'm obsessed.
I'm obsessed.
Okay.
Go ahead, read another one.

SPEAKER_02 (13:04):
Uh read another one.
Fact or fiction, sharing thesame sense of humor is one of
the biggest pre uh predictors ofrelationship success.

SPEAKER_03 (13:15):
I'm gonna say fiction.

SPEAKER_02 (13:16):
Really?

SPEAKER_03 (13:17):
Yes.
Okay, because we have verydifferent uh uh sense of humors.
We do, and we've been together along time.
Yeah, we do.
Now you we do every now andagain, our sense of humor.
We line up a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 (13:30):
Yeah, but I feel like in our in in the area of us
um like cracking jokes on eachother sometimes, I feel like
we've lined up a little bitbetter.
Okay.
Go ahead.
You choose one.

SPEAKER_03 (13:44):
Oh uh factor fission couples who live together before
marriage have a higher divorcerate.
I wouldn't know.

SPEAKER_02 (13:50):
I was gonna say, I think there was this, I think
that was like a statisticalthing though.
Because there was also somethingI had read years ago that said
that couples who wait too longto get married, like who date
for a longer, a long period oftime and then get married also.

SPEAKER_03 (14:05):
But that's saying couples who live together before
marriage, they can live togetherlike a month, two months, three
years.

SPEAKER_02 (14:11):
I'm gonna say fiction.
Okay, yeah, I would have to sayfiction on that one.

SPEAKER_03 (14:16):
I'm gonna just say, like we said at the top, my
uncle and his girlfriend, theynot married.
They've been together a longtime.

SPEAKER_02 (14:24):
They've been together a long time.

SPEAKER_03 (14:27):
He's 90.

SPEAKER_02 (14:28):
I mean, like, but where are they gonna go now?
They're 90.
Right, to bed.
They're gonna watch some TV andgo to bed.
Um, fact or fiction.
I think this goes withoutsaying.
Happy couples never fight.

SPEAKER_03 (14:42):
Shh fiction.

SPEAKER_02 (14:43):
Fiction, agreed.

SPEAKER_03 (14:45):
Because I want to hit you right now.

SPEAKER_02 (14:46):
You do?
That's abusive.
Are you?
Oh my gosh, you're so EFL for Ican't.

SPEAKER_03 (14:56):
Fact or fiction.
Never uh it's better to uh it'sbetter to go to bed angry than
to argue all night.

SPEAKER_02 (15:02):
No fiction.
It is not best for that.
You want to argue all night?
If we have to, but we're notgonna go to bed angry.
And like I I think with us, wedon't necessarily argue all
night.

SPEAKER_00 (15:13):
I feel like I'm not gonna argue.

SPEAKER_02 (15:16):
Because even when we don't resolve the issue, there
is still a good night.
We get understanding and there'sa yeah, there's still a good
night, there's still an I loveyou because I mean we go to bed
understanding that you believeA, I believe B.

SPEAKER_03 (15:29):
And I still love you.
And we love each other.

SPEAKER_02 (15:31):
And we still love each other, yeah.
Because we I don't think weever, I mean, I'm sure we
probably have before, I justcan't remember, but it's very
rare that we go to bed withoutsaying goodnight, I love you.

SPEAKER_03 (15:41):
That happens every night.

SPEAKER_02 (15:43):
It does not because I come home and you sleep, babe,
but you still always give me akiss, and you still always say.

SPEAKER_03 (15:50):
Because I do because I do, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 (15:51):
Okay, it's it happened.
It happened.
That's the point I'm trying tomake.

SPEAKER_03 (15:56):
She can't oh she called her.

SPEAKER_02 (15:58):
Um my nose, I feel like my nose is starting to run.
Um, let's see.

SPEAKER_03 (16:01):
I can afford to get it.

SPEAKER_02 (16:03):
You and me both.
Fact or fiction.
Saying I'm sorry too muchweakens your position in a
relationship.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna say fiction.
Fiction, absolutely fiction.
Because first of all, what doesthat mean?
Weakens your position.
What are you trying to sayyou're spot?
Right, like what are you tryingto say?

SPEAKER_03 (16:24):
You should be secure of yours unless Maya calls.

SPEAKER_02 (16:26):
Okay, I'm still secure even if Maya calls.

SPEAKER_03 (16:29):
If Maya, if Maya calls, if Coco calls, maybe not
Coco, Coco a little.
She she interferes.
Oh, no, I'll be back.

SPEAKER_00 (16:37):
You're so dumb.

SPEAKER_02 (16:39):
I'll be back, but bye.
Bye.
Go ahead, boy.

SPEAKER_03 (16:47):
Fact or fiction, emotional cheating is worse than
physical cheating.

SPEAKER_02 (16:52):
Uh, because I would say it differs because I feel
like for women the physical iswhat's worse, and for men, the
emotional is what's worse.
So I guess, like, but I mean,either I wouldn't be down with
either.

SPEAKER_03 (17:09):
I would care more if you uh cheated physically.
I don't really yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (17:13):
Oh, yeah, that's right, because you didn't you
didn't care.
Um, wait, no, you didn't no, youdidn't care if I kissed my
coworker.
It just couldn't be, it justcouldn't be with tug.

SPEAKER_03 (17:22):
You just can't kiss back.

SPEAKER_02 (17:23):
It just couldn't be with tug.
Because you said once the tonguewas introduced, that was
considered.
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 (17:29):
Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
Do you remember?
Yeah, I remember.
That's what you told me.
Next.
That's what you told me.

SPEAKER_03 (17:35):
I'm tired today.
I don't have time for my wifeand her shenanigans.

SPEAKER_02 (17:38):
Fact or fiction.
Men shut down emotionally duringconflict more often than women.
Fact.
Fact.
I don't know what experiencehe's speaking from, but okay.

SPEAKER_03 (17:52):
I shut down a lot.

SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
Okay.
Not more than I do.
Okay.
I'm teasing.
All right.
I'm teasing.
Um, let's see.
Oh, you go ahead.
Oh, no, I was gonna just let Iwas let you cook.
I can't.
I don't like you.

SPEAKER_03 (18:06):
Fact or fiction.
Most relationship problems comefrom poor communication, not
compatibility.

SPEAKER_02 (18:12):
I'm gonna have to say fact.

SPEAKER_03 (18:13):
I'm gonna say fact on that.

SPEAKER_02 (18:14):
I'm gonna say fact on that.

SPEAKER_03 (18:15):
Now elaborate, D May.

SPEAKER_02 (18:17):
That's not even how you say it.

SPEAKER_03 (18:18):
D-me.

SPEAKER_02 (18:19):
Um, I think communication is the basis for
all relationships.

SPEAKER_03 (18:23):
I say that.
I said it last week.

SPEAKER_02 (18:25):
Yeah, all relationships, whether it's
about the break.
Whether it's a workingrelationship, whether it's an uh
intimate relationship, whetherit's a friendship, communication
is the foundation for all of it.
Communication is gonna be a gooduh predictor of success.
Um, fact or fiction.

(18:45):
It's okay to keep small secretsfrom your spouse if it avoids
conflict.
I think he's gonna read thisone.

SPEAKER_03 (18:51):
I'm gonna say fact.

SPEAKER_02 (18:53):
Okay.
I'm not, I don't disagree.

SPEAKER_03 (18:55):
I mean, I'm when I say I mean small, small, small
secrets.

SPEAKER_02 (18:59):
Okay, what do you mean by small, small?
Because you're because your ideaof small, and my idea of small,
maybe didn't.

SPEAKER_03 (19:04):
Like the fact that I'm the one that'd been eating
your candy, not your daughter.

SPEAKER_02 (19:07):
Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_03 (19:09):
That's crazy work.
I just don't.
You'd be like, Finished eat mycandy.
She's like, no, but you neverasked me, so I didn't say
nothing.

SPEAKER_02 (19:14):
Do you consider small like if I lied and said I
didn't win at the casino when Idid?
That's small, right?

SPEAKER_03 (19:21):
I know you won.

SPEAKER_02 (19:22):
That's that would be I know you won because you kept
spending cash.

SPEAKER_03 (19:26):
I said she lied to me.
She lied to me.
I said, I'm gonna let I'm gonnalet you have your lie.
I'm gonna let you have your lie.

SPEAKER_02 (19:33):
That would be considered.
That would be considered a smallsecret, right?

SPEAKER_03 (19:38):
You think it's I don't think it's I don't
necessarily think secrets arebad.
I think it's the nature of thesecret.
Now, now if the secret issomething that could potentially
be detrimental to yourrelationship, that would uh and
you know it like hurt them orhave make them feel yeah, then
that's bad.

SPEAKER_02 (19:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (19:56):
But like if it's a surprise or something, that's
not right, or yeah, or likemoney, or yeah, or but if if
like if I've been if I've beensneaking Oreos on the side, that
ain't none of your business.
Right, right.
That's between me and God.
Me and God.

SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
So I think it all depends on what you're you're on
you're in a diet, you're on adiet in the house, not in my
car, but not in your car, not atwork.
That's how it was when I atethat Klondike yesterday.
I ate it in my car.

SPEAKER_03 (20:22):
I came home, I said, what if there are Klondike bars
in my freezer?
I said, I told her not to getthem things.
I know not I know.

SPEAKER_02 (20:34):
Not I know, I know.
And wait, and then he lit thisthis is how I try to justify the
the calories I wasn't supposedto eat.
I was like, Phoenix, I calledher down.
She was like, Yeah, and I waslike, You want some ice cream?

SPEAKER_03 (20:46):
Just diabolical.
You know she's gonna say yes.

SPEAKER_02 (20:49):
She was like, yes, and I was like, okay, but you
gotta eat this ice cream becauseI want one, but I can't eat a
whole one, so I'm gonna cut itin half.
And so then I ate the one halfand I was like, try it, it's
good.
And she tasted it and she waslike, it's okay, but I would
rather have my ice cream.
And I was like looking at theother half, and I was like,
Well, I can't let it go towaste.
See, so ate the whole damnthing.

SPEAKER_03 (21:12):
Is uh criticism and sarcasm are signs of deep seated
resentment in marriage.

SPEAKER_02 (21:17):
What is it again?

SPEAKER_03 (21:18):
Criticism, criticism, criticism, right?
Criticism and sarcasm are signsof deep seated resentment in
marriage.

SPEAKER_02 (21:27):
I'ma say 50-50, but if I had to lean towards one, I
would say more fact thanfiction.

SPEAKER_03 (21:32):
I'm gonna say in this marriage, fiction.
Yeah, yeah, but because we werag on each other all the time.
How old are you?

SPEAKER_01 (21:40):
We rag on each other?
What are you, 90?

SPEAKER_02 (21:45):
What is going on here?
What people still say rag oneach other?
Okay, really?
Listen here, sucker.
Bye.
Let me tell you something, Jack.
Listen, listen.
Um you finna put your fingerwaves back in?
No.
Listen, the sarcasm.

SPEAKER_03 (22:04):
We say everything sarcastically.
Yeah, sarcastically.
Your daughter would I told yourwife.

SPEAKER_02 (22:10):
No, she told me this Monday she was like, girl.
I said, Who are you talking to?
Nobody.

unknown (22:15):
You?

SPEAKER_02 (22:15):
You nobody because that's what I tell her.
Girl.
Like, what are you doing?
She likes critical.
Um, but yeah, so criticism andsarcasm, I do think that it
could be uh deep-seatedresentment um in some
relationships because that's howit shows up when you're like
resenting your partner.
I think it depends, especiallywhen you're trying to be
low-key, like low-key about it.

SPEAKER_03 (22:36):
It depends on the motive.

SPEAKER_02 (22:37):
Yeah, it depends.
That's what I'm saying.
Depends on the motive about it.
It depends on the motive, theintention and stuff behind it.
Because there has been timeswhere I have been sarcastic and
I wanted you to feel like I'mgiving you this attitude and you
need to catch it.

SPEAKER_03 (22:48):
I don't care about that at all.

SPEAKER_02 (22:49):
Uh I don't care about that at all.

SPEAKER_03 (22:51):
I mean, we do criticize each other, especially
in the gym.

SPEAKER_02 (22:54):
I mean, and I mean we it's your easy target.
Um This has been who are yousaying?

SPEAKER_03 (23:07):
I'm done.
Good.
Go ahead, go ahead and reach youone.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 (23:09):
Do you see?
He does it all the time.

SPEAKER_03 (23:13):
My girl likes to party all the time.

SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
Um let's see.

SPEAKER_02 (23:21):
Um fact or fiction.
Okay.
A couple should alwayscompromise, even if one person
disagrees strongly.
We're gonna we're gonna answerat the same time.
One, two, three, facts.
Because you have to compromise.
How are you gonna get throughthe relationship?

SPEAKER_03 (23:37):
That's the thing.
Like I always say, we we wecompromise, we make a decision,
and we roll with it.

SPEAKER_02 (23:42):
You got an eyelash.

SPEAKER_03 (23:43):
Let it be.
Okay.
We we make a decision and rollwith it.
And I always tell her, hey,look, if we go, if whether we go
with what you say or we go withwhat I say, I'm still
responsible for the outcome.
Yeah.
Because I'm the one thatapproved the eventually, I you
know, I have veto power, but soI have to take the blame.

SPEAKER_02 (24:01):
Eventually I have veto power, but that's why I
have to take the blame.
Okay.
Um fact or fiction.
Okay.
Couples who share a bank accountare more likely to stay
together.
I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
I had to see a date about that.
I think that depends.

SPEAKER_02 (24:16):
I mean Okay, so speak from your own experience.
Do you when we when we didn'tshare a bank account in the
beginning of our relationship?
It was fine to me.
Do you think that was fine?
It was fine.
It bothered me.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (24:25):
And then when we transitioned- I actually think
it was better when we didn'tshare a bank account because I
didn't I didn't I didn't seeyour spending habits.

SPEAKER_02 (24:31):
Correct.
And I felt the same way becauseI was like, what you're not
gonna do is judge the shit thatI buy when I have the money to
buy it.
I don't want it, I don't want tohear it.

SPEAKER_03 (24:40):
It was better.
Yeah, um, now I I don'thonestly, I don't, I feel like
if you can't agree on finances,you're gonna have a rough road
ahead anyway.
Yeah, but I should, but I mean,I actually I think I I think it
was Steve Harvey that said that.
I actually agree with what SteveHarvey said.
I think every couple should havethree accounts.

SPEAKER_02 (24:57):
Yeah, and they should sorry, four accounts.

SPEAKER_03 (24:58):
They should have their own.
Each person should have theirown checking account, then you
should have a joint check and ajoint savings.

SPEAKER_02 (25:03):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (25:04):
And as long as you're you you're paying, you're
following the money in therecover that your uh day-to-day
expenses, yeah, and you and yourmonthly expenses, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (25:11):
That's fine.
I do agree with that.
And like I had I had a coworkerwho um her and I had a
conversation like this uh yearsago, but she was telling me how
her and her husband haveseparate bank accounts and their
money is like it's separate buttogether.
So they just made they just madea decision on we can do that.
We can do that.

SPEAKER_03 (25:29):
You you just take your name of an account.

SPEAKER_02 (25:32):
We can do that.
That's fine.
That's fine if you like to dothat.
I don't think much will changefor you, but uh um, but she said
that like they just decided howthey would split things
according to what each personlike makes or bring home.
So he would take care ofobviously like mortgage cars and

(25:53):
stuff like that, and then shewould take care of food and
everything, but she also takescare of their vacations and they
vacation like three to fourtimes a year.

SPEAKER_03 (26:00):
I mean, well, she ain't paying no rent, so she
should she should have themoney.

SPEAKER_02 (26:03):
Right.
So she takes care of like stufflike that.
So I mean that makes sense, butI just say to each his own.
I I believe, me personally, um,as someone who has experience
having joint accounts andseparate accounts, um, and I do
believe that it is financiallylike financial advice from
financial advisors is forcouples to still have some type

(26:26):
of separation when it comes totheir finances.
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 (26:28):
And I think it just That's crazy because I don't
which is you can tap intoeverything I got.

SPEAKER_02 (26:32):
I mean, you you don't have access to my bank
account.

SPEAKER_03 (26:35):
See, go ahead.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (26:36):
You don't have access to my bank account.
I know.
But I mean if you wanted it.

SPEAKER_03 (26:40):
Your secret whole stash.

SPEAKER_02 (26:41):
It's not a stash, you know about the account.

SPEAKER_03 (26:43):
Your whole stash.

SPEAKER_02 (26:44):
Anyways, like I said, I do think that it is uh
financially sound for couples toat least have an account like to
themselves.
Okay.
You know, like I don't see anyproblems with that.

SPEAKER_03 (26:55):
Okay, factor fiction, dividing chores evenly,
50-50 guarantees a happierrelationship.

SPEAKER_02 (27:01):
Fat uh fiction, it doesn't guarantee exactly, it
doesn't guarantee a happierrelationship.

SPEAKER_03 (27:06):
Because you can divide them on 50-50, but if you
if one if if I'm not doing thedoing the cleaning up to your
standard, you're gonna just gobehind me and clean again
anyway.

SPEAKER_02 (27:14):
So that means having a it's like having a
housekeeper.
You still gonna clean before thehousekeeper.
Which is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (27:19):
I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 (27:21):
I know you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 (27:22):
I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 (27:23):
I know you wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 (27:24):
I'm getting all my money's worth.

SPEAKER_02 (27:27):
All limits.

SPEAKER_03 (27:28):
I can't.
Every dime.

SPEAKER_02 (27:29):
Um, fact or fiction.
Men who earn less than theirwives are more likely to feel
unhappy in marriage.

SPEAKER_03 (27:38):
I'm gonna say fact, but not fiction for me.
Because I don't give a damn.

SPEAKER_02 (27:41):
I feel like it's fiction now the older you've
gotten.

SPEAKER_03 (27:44):
It bothered me a little bit when I was younger.

SPEAKER_02 (27:46):
I was gonna say when you were younger, you didn't
bring that up.
You missed those days when Imade more than you.

SPEAKER_01 (27:52):
I said, my girl, my wife got it.
Bye.

SPEAKER_02 (27:57):
That's because you didn't have any children.
But now that you're now thatyou're a mature man.

SPEAKER_03 (28:03):
Right.
I'm like, hey, we're gonna getthat over time so I can buy
another video game.
Bye.
You're doing a good job.
You're doing a good job.

SPEAKER_02 (28:15):
Um go ahead.
Let's see.
Uh fact or fiction, sexualsatisfaction naturally declines
with marriage length.

SPEAKER_03 (28:29):
I'm gonna say fiction.

SPEAKER_02 (28:30):
I'm gonna say fiction, too.

SPEAKER_03 (28:31):
That depends on again, it depends on the couple.

SPEAKER_02 (28:33):
It does.

SPEAKER_03 (28:33):
In the situation, because you have sometimes, you
know, uh, I always say, like,you maybe have you might have a
partner with health issues, sothat may decline sexual effect.
Yeah, you um, you know, women,your homeowners change, you go
through you go through the youryour third or fourth chain to
your body.
Y'all women gonna go through somuch.
Lord Jesus.
I'm happy you recognize that.

(28:55):
Puberty.
Premenopausal, menopausal,post-menopausal,
post-menopausal.
Said, good God.
Y'all just said, y'all justy'all, I would.

SPEAKER_02 (29:04):
We spend our lives in fluctuation.

SPEAKER_03 (29:06):
They women love cycles.
Really?

SPEAKER_02 (29:10):
Really?
You're such an asshole.
Women love cycles.
Okay, because they stayed inone, whatever.
They stay in one stay in one.

SPEAKER_03 (29:20):
They love cycles.
Because my mom is uh uhmenopausal.
She's post-menopausal.
Post menopausal, and it's stillit's been look here.
I've experienced all stages ofmy mom going through this part
of her life, and she's beenterrible at all stages.
All stages her mom is the same.
One minute she's hot, then twoseconds later, it's cold.
I said, the temperature ain'tchanged.

SPEAKER_00 (29:42):
It's your internal service back.

SPEAKER_03 (29:44):
What are you talking about?
It's freezing here.
You were just saying it was toohot.
That was freezing.
That's why.
I said, Y'all gonna do a lot.
Yeah.
So, I mean, again, it could be alot of things.
Yeah.
So I mean, I think that again,that's something you need to
communicate as it happens.
I think But you also got to haveempathy about what your partner
is going through.

SPEAKER_02 (30:00):
Right, right.
And I think there needs to belike a level of understanding.

SPEAKER_03 (30:02):
I think a lot of people don't have empathy.
They're like, oh, I'm gonna justgo get this home right.

SPEAKER_02 (30:05):
Well, because I think some people, when you're
in a relationship, some peoplewhen it comes to sex, some
people think like your partnershould just get you.
Like you should just like itshould just feel right.
Like it should just be right.
But that's not that's not howthat works.

SPEAKER_03 (30:18):
Because you gotta learn each other.

SPEAKER_02 (30:19):
You you have to learn each other.
You gotta get you gotta givefeedback.
Right.
Okay?
Put your leg.
That's my that's my biggestthing.
You got to give feedback.
Put your leg over there.
But you got to give feedback.
I feel like for me, especiallyfor me, because like you're the
only person I've ever been within my entire life.

SPEAKER_03 (30:34):
One person you will be.
So even when even once Maya comecalling.

SPEAKER_02 (30:37):
So for me, I know like in the beginning of our
relationship, I was a littlehesitant to like say things.
But then as like I gotten older,I was like, oh no, babe, we're
not gonna do this for the restof our life.
Let me tell you what mama needs.
Let me tell you, let me tell youwhat needs to look what order.
Go ahead and tell me.
Look, what order does it need todo?
I've already told you, andyou've done a good job of

(30:57):
responding.

SPEAKER_03 (30:58):
So um, I'm married.
Factor fishing, couple whoschedule intimacy are less
passionate.

SPEAKER_02 (31:04):
I'm gonna say fiction.

SPEAKER_03 (31:05):
Look here.
I say fiction.
Whoever wrote this questiondon't have kids.
They don't have a schedule.
Sometimes you gotta look here.
The kid is going from this timeto this time.
This is the only one that wegot.
We gotta take advantage.
Whether we in the mood that lookhere.

SPEAKER_02 (31:21):
Wait, how many times have we said, babe, I got you
tomorrow?

SPEAKER_03 (31:23):
I got right.

SPEAKER_02 (31:25):
I got I got you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 (31:26):
I said that last night.
I said, look, I gotta get Igotta get up early.
I'm I look here.

SPEAKER_02 (31:32):
That's what I was telling you.
I was like, no, she was in herroom and she was sleeping.
You're like, absolutely nothappening tonight, but I got you
tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 (31:38):
If this happens tonight, I'm sleeping until
noon.
And I'm gonna miss everything.
Everything I'm supposed to dotomorrow ain't gonna get done.

SPEAKER_02 (31:45):
He was like, I got I got you tomorrow, though.
Okay.
But that's but that's life.
That's life.
And I don't, and I don't think II think when people talk about
like scheduling it, they thinkit has to be some big grand
thing where you're justliterally penciling it in for
Thursday at three o'clock.
Or I mean, if you have to do itthat way, then yes.

SPEAKER_03 (32:05):
But it doesn't have to be at 327.

SPEAKER_02 (32:07):
At 327.
But it doesn't, it doesn't haveto be stale, it doesn't have to
be non-romantic.
I feel like when I know it'scoming, it gives me something to
look forward to.
You know what I mean?
Like, like I'm like, okay, onSaturday morning, I got
something to look forward to.
You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 (32:24):
Saturday morning, Saturday nine, bye.

SPEAKER_02 (32:28):
Um, fact or fiction, physical touch reduces stress
and boosts relationshiplongevity.
Longevity.
Fact.

SPEAKER_03 (32:36):
I don't know about longevity, but it do reduce
stress.
Yeah, I'm gonna say facts.

SPEAKER_02 (32:40):
That's why I say facts because the the way you be
acting like a boob can justhelps.

SPEAKER_03 (32:47):
Sometimes you need a little boob action to get you
to, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 (32:51):
I ain't never seen just see a little boob action.

SPEAKER_03 (32:54):
I ain't never seen a man be mad staring at a pair of
boobs.

SPEAKER_02 (32:57):
Or or touching them or holding them.

SPEAKER_03 (32:59):
You you just you just enjoy them.

SPEAKER_02 (33:01):
Like when I was taking a picture of my
brother-in-law and his family,and he was just like grabbing on
his wife's boobs.
I was like, You and your brotherare one and the same.
And she was like, he justdoesn't keep his hands off of
them.
I was like, his brother doesn'teither.
It just helps them.

SPEAKER_03 (33:13):
And if we didn't touch y'all, y'all be mad.

SPEAKER_02 (33:16):
I guess.

SPEAKER_03 (33:17):
Yeah, so shut up.
Fact or fiction.
Most people cheat becausethey're unhappy with their
partner.

SPEAKER_02 (33:24):
I'ma say they think that.
So yes, fact.

SPEAKER_03 (33:29):
So you say fact?

SPEAKER_02 (33:30):
Yeah, because they they they think that, but I
think people just cheat becausethey want to.
I mean, that two things can betrue once.

SPEAKER_03 (33:37):
Because I I know people that say they were happy
and still cheated.

SPEAKER_02 (33:40):
Yep.
Two things.

SPEAKER_03 (33:41):
Some people just lack self-control.

SPEAKER_02 (33:43):
I mean, I don't disagree with you.
Um, fact or fiction.
Saying I love you daily keepsemotional connections strong.

SPEAKER_03 (33:52):
Fiction.
Fiction, very much fiction.
Because you can say whatever.

SPEAKER_02 (33:55):
Yeah, like just being like, all right, I love
you.

SPEAKER_03 (33:57):
I can't trust what you say because I've seen what
you've done.

SPEAKER_02 (34:00):
Yeah.
Look at you.

SPEAKER_03 (34:04):
Facts.

SPEAKER_02 (34:06):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (34:07):
So you can say whatever you want.

SPEAKER_02 (34:09):
Yeah, you can.

SPEAKER_03 (34:10):
But I've seen what you've done.
Yeah.
So you can say it.
You can you can tell me you loveme until you blew in the face.

SPEAKER_02 (34:15):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (34:16):
What it works at.

SPEAKER_02 (34:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (34:18):
The Bible says faith without works.

SPEAKER_02 (34:20):
Okay.
Bye.

SPEAKER_03 (34:22):
Bye.

SPEAKER_02 (34:22):
I'm just saying, that's what it's saying.
Um, okay, one more.
Fact or fiction.
How a couple fights is moreimportant than how often they
fight.
Facts.
Facts.
Fact.

SPEAKER_04 (34:35):
Facts.

SPEAKER_02 (34:36):
Because there are still rules of engagement,
there's still rules to fighting.
And having a disagreement orhaving an argument, it can be
perfectly healthy in arelationship.
And especially if you guys knowhow to do it in a somewhat
healthy way to try to get yourpoints across.
Now, when we get into the namecalling or physical touch and

(34:56):
all that stuff, that's nothealthy, y'all.
And I think that goes withoutsaying.
But there should not be any likeuh you bitch, ho, fuck you, any
of that.
There should not be any of thatwhen you're arguing.
Why not?
You can try it.
Well, she likes it.
You can try it.
She might like it.
See how that works out for you.

SPEAKER_03 (35:13):
She might like it.

SPEAKER_02 (35:14):
Oh, you talking about Maya?

SPEAKER_03 (35:17):
She might not even think of it as four-play.

SPEAKER_02 (35:20):
Bye boy.
Um, but yeah, so I I I thinkthat one.
Um you do?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (35:27):
Do you think do you believe that money is the number
one reason for divorce?

SPEAKER_02 (35:31):
I don't think I don't think it is now.
I think there was somestatistical data to that, but it
is up there.
I know.
I think it was like in the topthree or five or something like
that.

SPEAKER_03 (35:38):
I know the number one reason why we stayed
together.
It's the yams.

SPEAKER_02 (35:42):
Okay.

unknown (35:42):
All right.

SPEAKER_03 (35:43):
I'm trying to get to the yams.

SPEAKER_02 (35:44):
I'm gonna go ahead and we're gonna go into the
comment of the week.

SPEAKER_01 (35:47):
Don't stop trying to cut me off.
Oh, sorry.
Okay.
Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 (35:50):
I got two comments for y'all today, okay?
And both of these are from thebreak.
The what?
I call it the break.
Oh gosh.
The wife wanted the break, theyhave four kids, and he went out
there and found them somethingexciting.
Whatever.
So this person says, only carscome with brakes.
If you need three months todecide if you still want to be

(36:10):
married, why get married?
For better or worse.
I guess you forgot that part ofthe vowels.
And the part that took me outwas only cars come with brakes.
Because that's not true.

SPEAKER_02 (36:21):
Bikes and brakes too.

SPEAKER_03 (36:23):
Bikes have brakes, trains have brakes, planes,
planes have brakes.

SPEAKER_02 (36:27):
Bolts have brakes.

SPEAKER_03 (36:28):
No, technically.
Bolts do have brakes.
You kind of reverse the okay.
Whatever.
It's a brake to make.
God damn, what is it called?
What is that thing called?
Throttle.
Not throttle.
Well, you reverse throttle, butthe propellers.
Yeah, but it's not called that.
But that's the first one, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 (36:45):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (36:46):
The second one is uh let me find it.
This uh this is from the sameclip.
Uh and uh he uh this he said uhfirst of all, his name is the
whole face expert.

SPEAKER_02 (37:04):
I can't.
I can't, not the whole phaseexpert.

SPEAKER_03 (37:07):
I love it.
He said you never leave yourhouse for a hotel, and I'm not
talking about property.
And I say that's a fact.

SPEAKER_02 (37:15):
That's a fact.
That's a fact, that is notfiction, that is a fact.

SPEAKER_03 (37:19):
You never leave what you build to go spend time and
play in something you can rent.

SPEAKER_02 (37:25):
I agree.
I can't with you in thesecomments, you know.
It's his it's his favorite,really.
He literally goes through thecomments and he's like, people
just make me laugh.

SPEAKER_03 (37:36):
And also, a lot of comments people be talking shit
about me.
And I laugh at them.
I'm like, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 (37:41):
Bye.
We're gonna hop right on intoour two seats.
Okay, so let's get your feedbackfrom this one.
Okay.
Okay.
Am I the asshole for refusing tobe a stepfather to my fiance's
children?
Okay.
I'm a 47-year-old man with twochildren, a son, Jack, who's 20,
and a daughter, Ella, who's 13,from my late wife.

(38:03):
My wife died while giving birthto our daughter due to some
complications during theprocess.
Jack was seven when my daughterwas born, and I immediately had
him in therapy to help with thegrief of losing his mother
because I didn't want himblaming his sister.
And it worked out very wellbecause my son loves his baby
sister to bits and would never,uh, and has never even had an
argument with her over my wife'sdeath.

(38:23):
And I love that.
Before I started dating, I askedmy children if they were okay
with it.
I gave them as much time aspossible and as much time as
they needed and wanted to talkthings about, talk things over
with no pressure.
They said they were okay withafter having secret meetings in
their rooms and making plans andstuff, which I thought was very
cute.
Now on to the current issue.

(38:44):
I've been with my fiance forthree years total, engaged for
six months.
She moved into my house after Iproposed with her two children:
a boy who's 17 and a girl who's14, because it was much bigger
and I had more rooms.
As the relationship got serious,I suggested that we sit down
with all the kids and asked ifthey wanted a stepparent or just

(39:05):
a parents-spouse typerelationship going forward.
Both set of children emphasizedon the parents-spouse
relationship, which me and myfiance respected.
Me and my fiance also decidedthat we were going to be taking
care of our respective childrenfinancially, socially, and
everything else.
This did not mean helping eachother out occasionally, but we

(39:28):
were each responsible for ourown children.
We both didn't want morechildren, and I got a vasectomy
to prevent any accidentalpregnancies.
This worked okay for the firstfew months of us living
together.
My fiance was responsible forthe food, laundry, school, etc.,
of her children, while I wasresponsible for the same for my
children.
My fiance has a nine-to-five jobwhile I run my own business.

(39:51):
So I do often have more freetime as compared to her.
The main issue started on Jack's20th birthday, which was a month
ago.
I got him a brand new car of hischoice with modifications that
he wanted.
He was stuck having to drive hissister to ballet practice, but
he said that he was sucking upto have his dream car.

(40:12):
Everything was okay at thebirthday dinner, but after, when
it was just me and my fiance inour bedroom, she said that we
needed to talk.
Apparently, her children nowwant me to be their stepfather
because they've seen how much Ilove my own children.
They want to join me and mychildren on our trips that we
take around the world, and theywant to get cool gifts too.
Now, I wouldn't be okay withthis, but the way she worked,

(40:35):
the way she worked it justrubbed me the wrong way.
She was only talking about thetrips and the gifts and nothing
more.
She didn't say anything aboutgetting to know each other
better or anything, just tripsand gifts.
Now, the trips that I take withmy kids are to visit their
maternal family around theworld.
They live in three differentcountries, and I've always made
sure that my children had aclose relationship with all of

(40:57):
them.
As for the gifts that mychildren get, they mostly get
gifts on their birthdays,Christmas, or if they had a
special goal that they achieved.
Um, like when my daughter won aballet competition last year, I
got her a brand new phone, stufflike that.
I told my fiance flat out thatit looked like her children only
wanted me as a stepfather to getgifts and to be invited on
trips.

(41:17):
I said while I understood thatthey were children, it was her
job to correct them and to tellthem that forming relationships
just to use people isn't a nicething to do.
I would have been happy to forma relationship with them, but
the fact that their motives wasonly expensive gifts and trips
is absolutely disgusting,especially since she is also
encouraging it.

(41:38):
She tried backtracking by sayingthat they're just children and
that they're young and how theydidn't know any better.
She also tried using how shedoesn't make as much as me, and
she can't spoil them like I canspoil my kids and try to guilt
me.
But I wouldn't budge because, inmy opinion, she's the one that's
supposed to tell them better.
She's supposed to teach them howwrong this mindset is.

(41:59):
Besides, we had a prioragreement that everyone agreed
to.
My fiance has tried bringingthis up again, but I refuse to
change my mind.
I've also talked to my childrenwho have said that they would
not be happy if her childrencalled me dad.
So that's only made me a littlemore firm in my decision.
My children have always comefirst to me and they always
will.
However, with how pushy myfiance is being, I've started to

(42:23):
doubt if maybe I'm the onethat's in the wrong and being
stubborn for no reason.
So, random people on theinternet, am I the asshole for
refusing to be a stepfather tomy fiance's children?

SPEAKER_03 (42:32):
Absolutely not.
First of all, that motherfuckeris 20.

SPEAKER_02 (42:36):
No, his son is 20.
Her son is 17.

SPEAKER_03 (42:39):
No, no, he said her.

SPEAKER_02 (42:40):
His son Jack.
That was his son's he bought hisson Jack a brand new car.
Okay.
He bought him the car of hisdreams with everything he wanted
on there.
So now her son, who's 17, sawthat, like, oh damn, like he
treats them good.
It's good over there.
It's good over there.

SPEAKER_03 (42:56):
Okay, I had that backwards.
So here anyway, anyway, I'mgonna still say no, you're not.
And I wouldn't, I wouldn't, thethe agreement was made.
But at the same time, it's wildto me that you guys blend
families and decide that.

SPEAKER_02 (43:08):
They're separate.
You're we're not gonna be we'renot gonna be all the way
together.

SPEAKER_03 (43:11):
Oh my god, they separate but equal.
Oh my god, they separate butequal.
Oh lord, this is what they weretalking about.
Because my thing is that theyprobably had, I'm gonna I'm
talking about her children.
They probably had someapprehensions or they didn't
they didn't really care for him.

(43:32):
Right.
And then now that they'vethey've seen got to know him and
seen how he treats his children,yep, they want that.
Because my because my nextquestion is where's your daddy
at?
We know that we know that hischildren's mother is no longer
there, and that's right.
And that's the only reason whyyour mama is there, right?
Because his wife has given birthto his daughter.
Right.
So where your daddy at?
Right.
Right?
Yeah.

(43:52):
So don't, don't, don't, lookhere.
You have to teach children thatsome decisions are forever.

SPEAKER_02 (43:59):
And choose them wisely.

SPEAKER_03 (44:00):
Choose wisely.

SPEAKER_02 (44:01):
Yeah.
Like, and here's the thing.
In the beginning, I kept sayingI think it was really great that
they really involved the kidsin, you know, like giving the
kids some some say in how thisis gonna happen.
Like he gave his kids some say.
Let me know when you're readyand feel comfortable for me to
date again.
And let me know when you'reready.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I understand that part.

(44:22):
But if we're coming together asa family, I kind of do feel like
that's where the parents need totake a little bit more control
and be like, okay, you don'thave to call me mom, you don't
have to call me dad, because Icompletely understand that.
However, when your father and Imarry, we are we are one.
And our family comes together.

SPEAKER_03 (44:39):
I think a lot of that, I think a lot of their
decision was based off of like,I don't want this other person
who's not my biological parenttelling me what to do.

SPEAKER_02 (44:45):
Oh, yeah, of course.
That's what that's and they'reteenagers, so yes, of course,
you're not finna come in here.

SPEAKER_03 (44:50):
And then they said, they said, hold on.
Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 (44:52):
He buying, he he buying dream cars.
This might be my stepdaddy.
This might be my stepdaddy.

SPEAKER_03 (45:01):
Trips trips and new selfies.

SPEAKER_02 (45:03):
Wait a minute.
He got my bad.
And my daddy not even showingfor my birthday.
Right.
Crazy way.
Stepdaddy got mugged.

SPEAKER_03 (45:10):
Look like your mom found a good one.
Yeah, but you screwed it up.
Yeah.
I don't know, sir.
I don't think you're asshole.
I wouldn't get them niggasnothing.

SPEAKER_02 (45:19):
All right, here we go.
Um, am I the asshole for notvisiting my girlfriend in the
hospital?

SPEAKER_03 (45:24):
Nope.

SPEAKER_02 (45:25):
Bye.
I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 32,and we'll call her Hannah.
Hannah works afternoon andevenings at a convenience store.
By the time she gets off, I'malready asleep.
I have to go to bed earlybecause I have to get up at 3
a.m.
uh to have breakfast, shower,make my lunch all before I start
work at 5.
The other night I was sleepingand I got a text from Hannah

(45:47):
around 10:30.
I thought I'll lock the Deadboltto the front door again, a
common mistake around here.
Instead, she tells me that she'sgoing to the emergency room.
Immediately, I start to worry.
She tells me that she's beenfeeling torso pain at work for
the past hour and needs to see adoctor right away.
Hannah has always been stubbornand never sees a doctor unless

(46:08):
it is an actual emergency.
She tells me that she's going tokeep me posted.
Instead of getting up and goingto the emergency room, I went
back to bed.
I got up a few hours later forthe bathroom and Hannah is still
not home.
She didn't come home till around2 a.m.
The diagnosis was kidney stones.
I hugged her tight and cuddledwith her as soon as she got into

(46:28):
bed with me.
But the relief was gone when sheuh called up her parents to tell
them that she was home and whatwas going on.
Her dad was extremely upset withme.
He was asking why I didn't getup and go to the emergency room
to comfort her.
Why didn't I offer to drive herhome?
She tried to defend me by sayingthat I was sleeping and had to
get up early for work.

(46:49):
Her dad said none of that was anexcuse.
It was a if I was a goodboyfriend, I would have been up
there to comfort her and takecare of her.
I did pick her up her uhprescriptions after I came home
from work, but he's still reallymad.
So am I the asshole?
No.

SPEAKER_03 (47:07):
He said girlfriend.
He didn't say wife.
I knew you were gonna say that.
Girlfriend, right?
And she said that she would keephim in the loop.
So she was being accommodatingto him because she's she knows
he has to get up early, yeah.
So and she didn't know what waswrong yet.
Yeah, you're not an assholebecause apparently if she wanted
you there, she would have saidthat.

(47:27):
Yeah, right?
So since she didn't say that,you that you were keeping the
loop, I don't think you're anasshole at all.
Now, if she would have said,hey, babe, I would like for you
to come up here and be with me,that's different.
But she said, you know, I and II don't know what y'all live in
situation to find because you Idon't I don't know if you cover
most of the deals or whatever itcould be, but it may be a
situation where you couldn'tleave work.

SPEAKER_02 (47:49):
You couldn't miss work.
Um, so you said, girlfriend, ifthey were married, would it go
without saying that you get upand get out the bed?
Okay, but usually you usuallyusually you become a girlfriend
before you become a wife.
So the the love, affection, andattention don't just turn on
when you become a wife.

SPEAKER_03 (48:09):
It ain't that serious though.
You know, you know me.
I leave work at the top of thehead.
You you call me.

SPEAKER_02 (48:15):
I mean, but you did that when we were dating.

SPEAKER_03 (48:18):
So you're different?
Look here, I'm different.

SPEAKER_02 (48:19):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (48:20):
Look here.

SPEAKER_02 (48:20):
Ah, I'm different.
That's not the advice that Iwould give to the young'ins
these days.
Don't be like me.
I was dating.
Don't be like me.
You were dating with theintention to marry?
Because I wanted to.
So you so how who's to say thathe's not dating with the
intention to marry?
Okay.
So why would you say that he'snot an asshole for not getting
up to go childhood?

SPEAKER_03 (48:38):
Because she didn't ask him to.
Okay.
That's why.

SPEAKER_02 (48:42):
I can I guess I can partly agree with that.
I don't care if you partly agreewith it or not.
I can partly agree with it.
But I do think, I think for me,I would have told her that I
would have been a little bit, Iwould have been a little bit
more inquisitive as to theseverity of the emergency.
Like I would have still checkedin.

SPEAKER_03 (49:01):
Okay, she's not.
I know it was painful.
I know they're painful.

SPEAKER_02 (49:06):
That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 (49:07):
But I'm not gonna miss work for kidney stones.
Okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 (49:10):
Anywho, this has been another episode of the Life
After I Do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,uh don't forget to like, follow,
do all of the things.
Follow us on social media atLife After I Do Podcast.
You can follow us on Instagram,TikTok, Facebook, uh, YouTube,
um, all OnlyPans, like you liketo say, but no, because that's
actually a real site, and youcannot follow us there.

(49:34):
Um, you can also write into thepodcast at lifeafterdupodcast at
gmail.com.
You get a new episode everyWednesday, guys.
And thank you for um we hit 1.2million views for overall for
the podcast.
So that was really great.
So thanks for the support, guys.
We love all the support you'reshowing us on TikTok and
Instagram.

(49:54):
Um, new episodes everyWednesday, and we will see you
next Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 (49:59):
Peace booskies.
Peace booskies.