Love & Respect

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
But a lot of times I feel like guys feel like I'm not
going to just validate anything, because that's because, even
if it's wrong, even if youbelieve she's wrong, her
feelings are right.
Because they're her feelings,yeah, right.
And the thing is is like wealways say, feelings versus
facts.
You can feel however you wantTwo plus two is still four, yeah
.
You can say it's six to youblue in the face, yeah, and OK,
babe, you believe two plus twois six.

(00:21):
I respect that.
And OK, babe, you believe twoplus two is six.
I respect that.
That's your feelings.
I don't see it that way.
And now this is one of thosetimes where we're just at an
impasse yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
So we just want to talk about why two plus two
isn't six.
Hey, everybody, and welcomeback to another episode of life
after I do podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
I am here with you today.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
We'll wait.
I'm your host today, Nisha G.
Hosted with the mostest, andI'm here with my sexy.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
We got to change your name to host with the shelf.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Sexy husband with the triceps.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Stop trying to sleep with me.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
My hubby tricep game is coming through, so we're
going to refer to him as hubbytricep.
So I'm joined here today withthe one and the only hubby
tricep.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
How you doing.
My name is Molly.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
How you doing hubby tricep.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Look here people, my wife be creeping on me in the
gym.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
What's wrong with that?
I don't see nothing wrong.
Wife be creeping on me in thegym.
What's wrong with that?
I just know wrong with it.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Just, you just didn't know.
I've been getting footage.
Yeah, apparently people, shehas been secretly recording me
working out for her own pleasure, so she and then she come home
and I don't know what she dowith the footage I had.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I I can imagine what she's doing, because I know what
I was doing pull-ups and I justhad my phone like this, and I
was like, yep, that'll do it,ain't got to worry about me,
ain't got to worry about me,that'll do it.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
Hey Booskies.
Hi I would ask you how yourweek was, but I kind of want to
go first.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, I can only imagine why you want to go first
.
How was your week?
Go birds bird gang bird game.
Bird game, bird game my, myphiladelphia eagles.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
You know rain, sleet arsenal.
The eagles train to go have wonthe 2024, the 2025 no, no, the
game's played in 25, but it'sthe 2024 season.
Okay the 2024 Super Bowl nicewhich is all I want.
See, I'm bad, I'm two for two.
They didn't just win.

(02:53):
Oh, we, let's.
We whooped their ass hold on.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
They did not just win .
That was, that was anembarrassment, that was a
blowout we whooped them.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
We whooped them pretty bad.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
That was like, and.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
I am now two for two in this sports season.
My Dodgers delivered for me.
Okay, my Eagles had deliveredfor me.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
And this message right here is to LeBron James I
have been very hypercritical ofyou in your career, especially
before you were with the Lakers.
I kind of eased up off you onceyou join the Lakers, because
that is my organization.
If you could just let me get mytriple crown, if you could just

(03:32):
pull out a W this one this year.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
LeBron and just win the championship.
For me, that's all you ask.
I will never.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
I will never say another bad word about you ever
in your basketball.
First of all, let me say this Ido say bad things about LeBron,
but I say bad things aboutlebron and and basketball okay
I'm.
I am on record multiple timessaying that I am a.
I am a lebron off the court fan.
I love, I love the images heportrays as a father and as a

(03:56):
husband and as a black man.
I love that lebron.
I'm not a big fan of lebron thebasketball player I.
I mean, it goes without saying,I am a Kobe fan.
Y'all can do with that what youwant, but yeah, but my week is
great.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
I know he's been riding a high.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Especially because the thing is, I never really say
nothing because for two reasons.
One, my team has let me down alot, so I know what it's like to
be there and lose, or almost bethere and lose, or thinking for
sure, you bought the win andthen still lose, and it don't
happen.
Right, so I don't really saynothing until that's why people

(04:35):
were texting me and all I everkept saying was the job's not
done.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
The job's not done.
Even when we were at the SuperBowl party and it was like 24, I
think it was like 24-0 andeverybody was like, oh, this is
what it's going to look like forthe rest of the game, and he's
like it's not over.
Like it's not over, because,yeah, it's 24 points, but we
don't know what that second halfis going to bring.
And that's what, like, theChief fans that were around

(05:04):
there came first of all.
We first got there.
They walked in with suchconfidence.
They had their, their uh, chiefshirts on and they were like
ready, like hair dyed red,everything.
They were like like, yes, we'regonna do this.
And then, as we start to seehow the game was progressing,
one of the one of the ladies atthe house she took her sweater.
She was like it makes me wantto just cover up my shirt.

(05:27):
Go back and go back into hidingchief's kingdom I was like
don't worry, you are in ajudgment-free zone.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Like, don't even worry, I only know one legit
cheese fan and when I say she islegit a cheese fan, she was
Chiefs fan when they was dogshit.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
You talking about Mel ?

Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yes, my friend Mel Big Mel.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
She has been from day one.
She don't care.
That's the only person.
When we lost to the Chiefs twoyears ago, she was the only
person I texted.
I said congratulations becauseyou, the only real Chiefs fan, I
know All these wrestlers.
Chiefs die hard.
I'm not sending nocongratulatory text to no
bandwagoners, right, it's just alot of people say that I'm the
only Eagles fan they know that'sbeen rocking with Eagles for.

(06:12):
And again, I'm not that Eaglesfan that I'm not going to talk
crap about your team.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Unless they're the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
I hate the Cowboys.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I was like that's not true.
You talk crap about the Cowboysall the time.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I do little jabs.
Okay, the Cowboys are the onlyteam that I hate.
Are you strongly disliked?
No, I hate them.
It's not a dislike.
I hate the Cowboys.
And I say at the beginning ofevery football season as long as
we are two and 14, I'm happy,as long as we beat the Cowboys

(06:49):
twice, we can lose to everybodyelse.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Really, babe, we can be two and 14 as long as we
didn't lose to the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
We can lose to everybody else.
Just please don't lose to theCowboys.
That's the only game that I'mlike.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Please, don't, I will , for your sake.
I pray they don't ever lose tothe Cowboys.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Oh, we lost a lot to the Cowboys.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Oh, have you Not recently a lot, but in the past
a lot?
Okay.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Most of the time it still wasn't enough for the
Cowboys though Most of the timewe split the games but, yeah, so
I'm really excited that you gotyour eagles and then so not
only that my baby yeah, that wasmy week my little, I'm gonna
start calling her Simone Jr.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I wouldn't take it that far.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
I wouldn't go that far.
I'm gonna call her now.
She don't say Simone, I'm gonnacall her Simone cause she calls
her Simone Biles.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
She be like mom.
I'm gonna be just like SimoneBiles.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
I was like okay, girl , baby, her'm going to be just
like Simone.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Biles.
I was like okay girl, maybe hername is Simone.
She was like I know Simone.
You'd be like no Phoenix, it'sSimone.
Yeah, I know Simone.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
That is her favorite person in the world.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yes, that's who she looks up to.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
Shout out to Simone Biles yeah, she's probably like
but yeah, my baby she showed out, then my eagle showed out.
I mean I'm having a as a sportsfan, I'm having a good year now
.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
If lebron could just do this oh my gosh, I'm not
gonna ask luca I'm not gonnareally ask luca, but, lebron, I
know you 40.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
If you could just a little more magic for one more
year and just give me thattriple ground, my perfect, if I
could.
Like I said, if the Blakers winthis year, I might retire from
being a sports fan, because Ihave achieved perfection.
All of my teams have won.
In the course of like ninemonths, all of my teams would

(08:43):
have won.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Well, I hope that goes, would have won.
Oh Well, I hope that goes wellfor you.
I really do.
But yeah, so, like my week,like how you said at the end of
your week, the highlight of myweek was watching Baby Girl do
her second competition.
She attended the AGA Long BeachInvitational.
The title was Diamonds AreGirls Best Friend.

(09:04):
Yeah, it was.
Uh, the title was Diamonds AreGirls Best Friend.
I thought that was super cute.
But she did the AGA Long BeachInvitational gymnastics and it's
one of the biggestinvitationals that she'll have
to this year and it went so good.
Like she, to see her light upcompared to her first like
compared to how the seasonstarted, right?

(09:26):
If you guys remember, like wewere, we had the whole meltdown
because she didn't place how shethought she would place.
She only walked away with onemedal for an overall and this
competition she walked away withfour medals she placed in beam.
It should have been honestlyand you know we could just be
those parents, but we are thoseparents.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
We're not wrong in this case.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
He didn't realize he was that parent until this
competition, right, but she, shemeddled in um vault, beam,
floor and all around.
So that was really really goodand it's crazy because she
leveled up as far as score wisein all categories except for
Volt, this competition.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
And then she ends up no, she did better in Volt this
year.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
No, that's the only one.
She did it because that's theone that she placed in, so her
scores have gone up compared toher last performance.
She increased in all her scoresexcept for Volt, and then she
turns around and places in Volt,and then she moved up and
places in.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Volt yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
And then she moved up all around like six spots.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
I think.
But the thing about Volt was Ifelt like the judges were like
hypercritical of everybody.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh, of course, because it was a huge
invitational, Like you saw howmany girls there was.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
But at the same time, what I noticed later on in the
event they got lax no it wasn'tthe same judges.
There wasn't the same judges onevery event.
It was no, it wasn't.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
I watched because I watched, because I know I
watched it till I was therebecause I know, karen, I don't
know her name, but I call hergoodbye and I'm pretty sure it
was her that took points from mybaby.
My baby was vertical now hesounds like his daughter did was
my first competition points forme, my baby was vertical.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
It was flawless.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
I saw the video and I roll it.
And I roll it like herperformances, her meets, I roll
them back in slow motion just sothat I could see her form,
because I'm like, okay, we'regoing to break this down with
coach too, because I need to see, like usually I can see, this
is where you got deducted points.
Like you know you, you weren'tum 45 degree, angle or whatever,
but some of the points.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
It just don't make sense and then don't get me
started on the floor pointsbecause, I do think I do think
she should have scored higher infloor.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
But the thing is too is I also went back and I looked
at the middle part of herroutine, when she does like her
round off to the back handspringand those the baby's legs was
completely bent.
I mean you can't, I couldn'tfight that one.
I said, girl, it looked likeyou didn't know how to point a
toe are you a you a parent?

Speaker 1 (11:57):
are you a judge?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I'm both, because I like to keep it real with her,
because when she comes to me andshe asks me these questions,
that's why I record it and we goover it together and I play it
in slow motion so I can be like,see, okay go birds.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
You know what I'm saying Go birds.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
But yeah, the excitement that she experienced,
the joy that she experienced,my heart was so full.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
No, my thing is not her coach being surprised.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Shut up, not her coach, being surprised in
surprise she go.
I'm not sure.
Shut up that her coach beingsurprised.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
I know that she don't always take things seriously,
but I felt like that day she wasserious about it.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
Well, I think it's now because she knows what to
expect and she knows that whenshe goes into these types of
situations now, and especiallyeach time she goes into them,
she's seeing it on a larger andlarger scale and she knows that.
Okay, I'm up.
I'm up against people who likethey do they do this.
You know what I'm saying,because, like her on the other

(12:50):
half, like she had a teammatewho you know she's, I I still
think she did great, but shedidn't have, like you know, the
the best of outcomes.
And she was talking about, howyou know, because she was a
little nervous.
Like there was a lot of girls,a lot of them older, you know,
and I honestly wasn't expectingto see as many older girls at
that level as well.

(13:11):
It was a lot of older girls atthat level and I was like, okay,
did I miss something?
Did they add a subcategory?
Because I'm like she, she'sabout 14.
My she, she's about 14, my kidis seven.
Why are they?
Why are they in the same box?
But like I just need to knowwhat's going on.
But, um, yeah, but it was fun,it was, it was really good.
I think I was just it.

(13:33):
It was good for me because Iknow she.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
I felt proud, because she was proud of herself she
was proud of herself the onlything I didn't like about that
day is the fact that she knewthat we were like happy for and
we were pouring into her and shetried to take that shit, oh she
milked it.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
She milked it.
Can we get ice cream?
Yes.
Can we go to eat?
Yes.
And then when I do the line,she was like can we?

Speaker 1 (13:54):
go to the mall?
I said no, absolutely not.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
I said girl, you really trying it.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
I said ma'am.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
No, what you need to go to the mall for, and she
don't want to do nothing but goto Claire's, that's it.
That's the only store she wantto go to is Claire's, so she can
pick out more makeup and stuff,that's all she want to do no in
Claire's.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Even when we take her clothes shopping, she'll be
like okay that's nice.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Where's Claire's?

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Can we get to Claire's?

Speaker 2 (14:28):
But you know what I just thought about.
I was like Claire's for her.
Must feel like Sephora for me.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
It must be.
I don't have that store anymore.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
What.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
I can't wait to get there.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
It's not the hat store, no.
It used to be the hat store.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Then it was Best Buy, then it was Home Depot.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, I do like Home Depot.
I can lie, I can't with you,yeah.
So I mean, but those, you know,that was a pretty good week.
I can't complain Now.
We, now we just gotta like keep, you know, get into it.
Now she's going into her, her.
I'm tired now I just need abreak.
I just need a break.
I just need a long break.
And I was like, okay, well,we're gonna get.

(15:12):
No, I just need a long breakfrom school right?

Speaker 1 (15:15):
no you.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
What you need is to go through and they're gonna
have right, um, so yeah, solet's go ahead and hop into
today's topic we got todaybooski ronies excuse me, so
today we're going to be talkingabout love and respect.
We're not going to be talkingabout my shelf.
We're going to be talking aboutlove and respect and about how,
apparently, men view respect aslove and women and women give

(15:41):
respect when they feel loved.
So it's kind of like.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
You better respect me at all times.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
It's kind of like a cycle.

Speaker 1 (15:47):

Speaker 2 (15:48):
When women don't feel love, it's hard to give the
respect, and when men don't getthe respect, they don't feel the
love.
So how do we meet in the middle?

Speaker 1 (15:58):
I don't care if you feel lovedor not.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Oh, I'm pretty sure that's not how that works.
But I'm pretty sure that's not.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
And the words of the great Birdman Put some respect
on my name.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
All right, I don't know if Birdman is great.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
So anyway, yeah.
So I mean I know, like from myperspective typically, more
generally, like I feel love whenI feel like I have my sense of
security.
There is like trust there.
You know what I mean.
Like that's how I perceive love.
What brought this up for me wasour little spat the other night

(16:39):
.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
What spat.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
When I had asked for my lip gloss.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
So let me, just let me paint the background.
You ain't got to tell themeverything.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Lip gloss, oh yeah.
So let me, just let me paintthe background.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
You ain't gotta tell them everything I do.
Listen, real, real, real.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
They think our marriage is perfect.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Real, no, they don't.
Real relationship, realmarriage discussions.
Okay, so we were.
We were laying in bed.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Canoodling.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
And canoodling and he wanted to like cuddle and you
know, be all playful and stuff.
And so I have a nighttime likeroutine.
Ok, like I have my skincareroutine, I have like my hair
routine I have, I have my thingsthat I do.
And I had gotten in the bed andI had forgotten after I did my
skincare routine, I had forgotto do my lip treatment.

(17:19):
And so I was like, oh, I justneed my oil.
The, uh, my vanity is on hisside of the bed.
And I was just like, hey, Ineed my, my oil for my lips,
because you know, I like to goto bed shining like a shining
like a nickel.
And so he was doing something onthe tv.
He was like, I'll do it, justgive me a second.
And I was like, oh, I'll get it.
And so I, you know, I proceededto almost get out the bed.

(17:40):
He was like, babe, I'm gonnaget it for you.
And I was like, okay, so hefinishes finding his channel.
And so I'm thinking, once he'sdone finding his channel, like
he said, I'm gonna get it foryou.
He didn't turn the other way toget the lip oil right.
So he comes back over to me andhe's like trying to be playful
and cuddle and stuff, and I waslike can I?

(18:01):
and I was like I was like, can I, can I, can you give me my, my
lip oil and stuff first, becauseI didn't want to like fall
asleep and not have anything onmy lips before I went to bed,
because I like to make sureeverything's on, because in case
I fall asleep and so he's likeI'm going to get it in a minute,
I'm going to get it in a minute.
And I was like, can you get itnow?

Speaker 1 (18:24):
And he was like'm not like, I'm not like, in a
playful mood.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
I wasn't mad, I was just annoyed because you said
that you would get it after youwere done trying to find the
channel you were looking for,and you did it.
And now you want to come overand you want to do like what you
want to do, which is, you know,be playful and cuddle, and I
get it, I get it.
But I, I was just saying if youwould follow through what you
said you were gonna do first,then I could be in a better mood
to do that.

(18:47):
But like, can I just get my lipoil?
That's all I wanted.
So he, he's like, forget it.
He reaches over, he gets thelip oil, he gives it to me and
then he gives me the coldshoulder, like night was wrong
that he turns over.
He's like I'm going to bed,gives me the remote, gives me my
lip oil.
He was like good night, I'mgoing to bed and turns his back
on me and I was like are youshitting me right now?

(19:10):
First of all, hold on first ofall hold on I sleep with my back
to you every night okay, butyou already listen, I prefer to
lay on that side I know that,but you but you already know
because we've talked, we we'vealready had the discussion,
which is why you know here we gobut so of course that made me

(19:31):
feel some type of way.
So I was like I was quite angry.
To be honest, I was quite angryand I was like, seriously, and
he's like what, I'm going to bed.
And I was like, okay, so likeyou're just gonna act, like like
you're not gonna be all playfuland stuff anymore, like now you
have an attitude because Iasked because I asked you to do
like to do what you said youwere gonna do.

(19:52):
Like you.
You're the one who was likeokay, give me a minute, like let
me finish doing this and thenI'll get it for you.
And then you didn't do what yousaid you were gonna do, and
then now the whole energychanged.
Sowho, that's how.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
I know you didn't listen to what I said.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
So, anywho, the next day, like you know, we come
together, we're kind of talkingit out and I explained to you
that I didn't feel like I hadtold him I felt like abandoned,
I was angry, I felt abandoned, Ididn't feel loved and he was,
like you know, like pretty muchlike what are you talking about,
right?
And so that's how this wholething kind of came up.

(20:25):
You know, like you feeling morerespected when you're having
like those intimate times, thatlove, and you know all your
playfulness and stuff like thatand then me giving that, when I
feel loved, when I feel takencare of, when I feel secured and
stuff like that, and when thosetwo paths don't meet.
It's like a vicious cyclebecause, had we not discussed it

(20:46):
or talked about it the next dayand just went about our
business, it's like more of thatwould have continued or could
have continued.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
I didn't feel disrespected and I told you.
I told you what it was.
I told you it was the look.
The look on your face shuteverything down for me.
I said okay, well, I'm doneLike you.
Like you was cutting through mewith laser eyes.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
I had laser eyes.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
That look of just sheer madness and anger on your
face.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
It was not that deep.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
It was, and your eyes pierced through me.
I said, oh, I'm done Like thisis not the energy I want to uh,
be next to.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
I'm done, I'm going to bed so so that's what, that's
, what kind of like got methinking and I was just like um
it, it in these little instances, like I think that's where the
intentionality comes from,because if we didn't have the
discussion about what youperceived happened in that

(21:49):
moment, what I perceivedhappened in that moment, then we
didn't act like adults.
Well, that's what I'm saying,Like had we not tried to like
talk it out, see where it camefrom, and like making you aware,
because I know for me there'sbeen plenty of times where I
wouldn't even make you aware ofhow something like that made me
feel I just probably will lashout, continue to lash out, like

(22:13):
you don't lash out, you dosubtle little things like what
you're trying to say.
I'm petty patty, yes, I mean, Ihave.
I have tendencies.
You do subtle little things.
I have tendencies, um, but soso like just breaking it down in
categories for like as far aslove with security and
connection, right.
So women perceive love asemotional security, trust and

(22:34):
deep connection, and withoutlove, respect, may feel forced
or insecure or, yeah, orinsincere.
Sorry, and I and I, I thinkabout that and I think about how
that relates to me or how thatcould relate to our relationship
, and that's like as far asrecent events, that was one of

(22:54):
the most recent events where Iwas kind of like you didn't get
what you wanted, because this ishow I was feeling.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
Why are you looking at me like that?

Speaker 2 (23:03):
I'm just looking what , keep going.
Why are you looking at me likethat?
I'm just looking what.
Why are you looking at me likethat?

Speaker 1 (23:08):
I'm just looking.
Oh gosh, apparently looks,don't matter, you just said no,
I just say looks didn't matter.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
I just know, I just didn't know.
That's how you would havedescribed the look that I gave
you.
Because that's not what I wasaiming for.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
That's what you delivered.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Okay, yeah, emotional intimacy over status.
Women value emotionalvulnerability and open
communication over externaldisplays of success and status.
I think that goes withoutsaying.
Respect is earned throughaction.
I think that's a big one.
Women feel respect grows fromconsistent love, consistent

(23:48):
effort and a mutualunderstanding, rather than being
an automatic given Okay, kindof like how you said earlier,
where you're going to respect meregardless.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
You're going to respect me regardless.
Are things going to switch up?
You're going to respect meregardless?
Are we like Kendrick said?
We're going to squabble a lot?
You're not.
Not, kendrick cut it out.
Um, I never said I would never.
I can never be the goat rightI'm teasing uh, fear of being
controlled or money and writers,I could be drink oh my god, why

(24:19):
I'm just saying why, let peopleknow where I stand.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Why Fear of being controlled or dismissed?
If respect is emphasized,without love, women may feel
controlled or unheard ratherthan valued.
I know we've had manydiscussions about that you feel
controlled.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
No, I was going to say I said I know you don't feel
controlled.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
It says respect is emphasized.
If respect is emphasizedwithout love, right?
Because you know we've haddiscussions, many discussions
about when I tell you when Idon't feel heard sometimes.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, so you're just not saying nothing.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Really, really.
Ok, damel, I'm not doing thiswith you today.
I'm not doing this with youtoday.
I'm not doing this with youtoday.
Don't smile at me.
Um, when love is present,respect flows naturally, does it
?

Speaker 1 (25:12):
yeah, it does.
I wasn't respected that nightum women who feel cherished
listened to.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Let me highlight that part because I feel like a lot
of men need to listen to thatpart I listen when women feel
listened to.
How are?

Speaker 1 (25:29):
you not listening to?
I told you no, I'm, I'm justsaying now that now I'm just
speaking like on a generalsurface in general, because you
know, I know that can be hard,not me directly that can be a
hard task for the male speciessometimes.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Okay, um so women who feel cherished, listened to and
emotionally secure often findit easier to show respect to
their partner.
Okay, now, do you believe that?
I?
I absolutely believe that.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
I absolutely believe that it should be true it should
be true, I believe it who feelcherished.
But then again, you know, mencan help how you feel.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
I don't know if I entirely agree with that, but OK
, sometimes you guys areemotionally unstable.
Ok, we're not going to do that,we're not going to.
We're not going to do thatSometimes.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Ok but here's the thing Go ahead.
Sometimes you know they turninto Homelander and they just
want to rip your heart out.
Okay, Because they have alittle unease or displeasure in
the moment, Uh-huh.
And it's worth your soul.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
If you are the most stable of the species between
man and woman and women.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
I never said we were.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
And women are more emotionally unstable.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Okay, I didn't say we're stable, I said we're more
logical.
There's a lot of men, or not,who are unstable.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Okay, so are you doing?
Say Drake oh my gosh, you haveto stop.
You have to stop what he'sunstable.
How is he unstable?
You don't even know that, man.
I know enough.
You don't even know that manContinue.
I know enough, you don't evenknow that.
Continue.
I'm sorry, you don't even knowthat, man.

(27:08):
Um, but yeah, so I just, I justfeel like it is.
It is a cycle and withoutintentionality, without
communication and communicate,you're really getting on my
nerves today the big wordscommunication and intentionality
.
now I can't even sayintentionality, now I can't even
say it.
Intentionality, it can be.
It can be like a cycle that canlead down a really, really dark

(27:29):
road.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Do you agree or disagree?

Speaker 1 (27:33):
I agree because, essentially, you guys are not on
the same page, and when you'renot on the same page, a plethora
of obstacles and challengeswill arise.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Because we're on the same mission, but we're on a
different mission at the sametime.
Yeah, we're not seeing theplaying field the same?

Speaker 2 (27:53):
So yes, I agree with that.
Yeah, so what about from themale's perspective?

Speaker 1 (28:00):
We don't know what y'all be talking about, what I
don't know From the male'sperspective.
You know, males often perceiverespect as a primary expression
of love.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (28:12):
So like.
Your respect is how you show uslove Right, right.
Why is that so important?
Your respect is how you show uslove Right, right.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Why is that so important?

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Um, because respect is affirming.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Okay, you know so it makes?

Speaker 1 (28:23):
it makes, uh, it makes us feel love when we're
respected and pretty much likeyou're confirming um affirming
our decision, our choices andour decisions and our role in
the relationship, like we'redoing what we're supposed to and
we're operating at a level thatis acceptable to the family
unit.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
For the relationship Right yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Right, right, and a lot of men prefer actions over
words.
So, like, yeah, you can onlytell me so much, right.
Like, let's say, let's just begetting personal.
Oh my gosh, you know uh so much, right.
Like, let's say, since wegetting personal, you know, uh,
the love of my life, she told meI don't know what was that five
days ago that she would havethumbnails for me.
And it's five days and she'syet to produce any thumbnails.

(29:07):
Um, so you know and this is notthe first time this has
happened- Right.
You know, the last time, uh,your y'all, y'all girl, nisha g,
was supposed to deliversomething.
She didn't and I went ahead,did to myself, and that's fair
she didn't even thank me.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
That now, that's not true.
You said that's not true.
You said don't do that.
You said good job, babe, forfinishing that and I said thanks
no you just say thanks fordoing my job okay, I didn't
finish it with thanks for doingmy job, but I said thanks, yes,
but also let me thanks for doingmy job, babe also I.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
You know, when men feel disrespected, they feel
like they're unloved yeah, andespecially when the disrespect
is, uh, um, unintentional, right, like, basically like, because
for me, like when it'sunintentional, that means like
she's just, you're just goingaround, uh, subconsciously
disrespecting because you're notintentionally, so it's yeah now

(30:02):
.
It's ingrained in the way youbehave or interact with me and a
lot of times I'd be like, look,I ain't trying to turn up on
you, but you know.
But you're not gonna, you'renot gonna just sit here and be
emotionally withdraw, withdrawfrom my feelings, because you
know we're supposed to be intune with each other.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, you know, same team, same team, so you're not
going to keep rejecting me.
Not me.
Do you know who?
I am Not me.
You know who?

Speaker 1 (30:28):
I am, I'm big dog over here, oh gosh.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
OK.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, I do.
You know, I'm number one.
I get the big piece of chickenalways, baby, you hear what I'm
saying always, you know what I'msaying.
And then also, like men, theyview love, obviously, view
respect as love, and um, theywant that to be um in uh, it's
an in public and private right,but I do believe that public for
men is probably more is more umimportant because, um, we don't

(31:02):
want it to feel like um.
I do think that there is acertain level of um of uh
appearance or expectation, um,when it comes to other people,
right, like, like, if we're outin public and and you, you
yelling at me, you going backand forth for me and people look
at my, oh, now, if she, it'sjust like if she's willing to do

(31:22):
that in front of us.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
I can only imagine what happens behind.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
It's just like when you went it's just like when you
out out, when you see a kidmisbehaving, like, if that kid
feels good, if he comfortabledoing this here now he probably
cussing around at home know whatI'm saying.
So it's kind of like, it's kindof like, um, it's kind of like
that, like that, um, thatbalance of things, right Like.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
So I do feel like the public being respected in
public is, is a lot more, and Ifeel like being respected in
public also leads to it being,you know, respected in private,
because I respected in private,because I'm right, you know, I'm
saying and I agree, I agreewith you on that one too,
because and I say that onlybecause, uh, firsthand watching,

(32:03):
watching people we knowdisrespect their partner
publicly, it is for one it's,it's weird it is.
It's so uncomfortable and it'sso uncomfortable, like we have
been in those situations wherewe have seen our friends and
other associates that we havewho are married and either the
wife is being helladisrespectful and talking out of

(32:25):
pocket or the husband is beinghella disrespectful or talking
out of pocket like about or totheir significant other, and we
just was like, oh, couldn't beme, like under no circumstances.
So I, I do, I do.
I mean, would you say that Idisrespect you in public,
because I I make it a valideffort not to try not to only

(32:48):
when you're really upset okayyou might say something a little
out of pocket.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
Never nothing really major.
Okay, you might get a littleout of pocket and that's why I
might just look at you becauseI'm like if I respond it's gonna
be worse like it'll be likepoking right and like.
And then when people see youget out of pocket and I remain
cool and I get the browniepoints exactly so that's why
yeah, so it's like then when weget in the car, I'll be like
hold up.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
I mean, I didn't listen here.
I, I do my best, I do my best,like, but as far as just
blatantly downright beingdisrespectful, oh my gosh, I
often really don't play with me.
Don't play with me, don't playwith me.

(33:33):
I, um, I really what you, what,what?
No, go ahead.
Oh, I was, I was gonna say thatI do respect you so 92 percent
of the time marie, stop it, stopit.
Shout out to the black womansee what I did there no, I
didn't.
Oh my god no I thought she was.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
I thought she was in tune with the culture.
But I will say that a man thatfeels respected and feels love
is more likely to reciprocatethat to their partner and more
likely to be more emotional,more affectionate and interact
with them in a more loving wayand try to be more like

(34:15):
respectable and more like caringtowards them.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
Right.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Because I do feel like men are for the most part,
most men are very reciprocalwhen it comes to things, and it
makes it a lot easier for me tobe soft, to be loving, to be
caring, when I feel like I'mreceiving that same energy Right
.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
But when I'm not, and that's the part that.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
I look at you.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
That's the part that I really want to kind of touch
on, because I think it becomesone of those things where if
let's say, for instance, if ahusband is feeling like he's not
getting the respect that hedeserves for all that he does,
but then the wife is feelinglike she's not loved and cared
for and she's not secure who,who will be in no one, saying
anything, right, so it justcontinuously perpetuates.

(34:58):
He continues to feeldisrespected, right, right,
because now he's like she don'tfeel.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
She feel unheard and not seen.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
Exactly, and that's her form of not feeling loved
and not feeling secure, right?
So how do we get past that whenthat cycle is happening?
Because it does happen.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
But see, I think in situations like that, a
conversation has to be had andsomeone has to have the be brave
enough to approach the subject,because I, like I, do feel a
lot of times that it's not thatwhatever the problem is can't be
solved, it's, it's it's.
The problem is not beingaddressed.

(35:36):
Right, right and we're lookingat each other as the problem
instead of looking at theproblem because the problem
because I will say this a lot oftimes, we've had, we've had
these conversations a lot oftimes and like I'm feeling a
type of way, you're feeling atype of way, and then when we
talk about what's going on,we're like, well, damn okay
we're actually upset about thesame thing.
We're mad about the same thing,we're just perceiving it, we're
just perceiving it differently,and then that goes on.

(35:56):
But I think that also comesalong to say we've had, we've
done a good job and we've donethe work of having a lot of
non-judgmental conversationswith each other, no matter how
hard it gets.
Yeah, because sometimes you besaying stuff and I'll be like I
gotta take it.
I just gotta take it.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
I be seeing how you be like.
Sometimes you be saying stuffand I think I'm having gentle
gloves on Sometimes you besaying stuff and I can feel the
heat in my body.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
And I have gentle gloves on and I be like, calm
down.
She trying to be cool.
I'm trying, Even though shehitting every nerve she done.
Hit every nerve on your spine,but we and now and now.
Now she up to the neck and youlike if she hit the next one we
don't know.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
But but have we not had the conversation about why
you feel that way when we havecertain discussions?
We've had the that conversation, but we're not talking about
that now, I know.
But I'm just saying like Ithink when you do it more often,
like as far as trying to havethe uncomfortable conversation,
as far as trying to say likelook, this is, you did this and

(37:09):
it made me feel this way.
I feel like you start gettingused to it and then more and
more of the ego starts todiminish.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
When I say used to it , you get used to it in a good
way, because I know that whenwe're having those conversations
, I'm not doing it to beat youdown, even though what you're
saying is upsetting me.
Right, I know that you're notsaying it out of malice.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
I know that you're saying it because that's
generally how you feel.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
And so then I have to ask myself why am I mad at how
she feels?
Yep, right, that's it.
And why is her feelings makingmy feelings feel this way?
And then, a lot of times you betalking and I'll be mad,
because you know who wants to bejudged or feel like they being
talked to or talk at.
But then when I walk away andsay anything about like god damn
, shit, here we go.
Now I gotta go in there, talkto her and tell her she was
right, and that's the one thingI don't like doing is telling
her she's right that's the onething I don't like doing.

(38:02):
I'd rather go buy her a car thantell her she's right that's a
little much no, it's the damntruth.
That's a bit much, but I go inthere be like, well, swallow my
pride.
Yeah, babe, you're right, I'msorry, I apologize, you know,
and I and I appreciate that andI and I tell her, I'll tell you
all the time.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
I'm sorry, I apologize and I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
And I tell her, I tell you all the time I'm going
to try to work on it Now give mesome time because Rome wasn't
built in a day, it was destroyedin a day.
But it wasn't built.
It actually was.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
It actually was destroyed over time, but that's
why I always say too it's likeyou have to do your own work of
bringing yourself aware to itbecause, like when it happens,
there's been times where you'llsay like, oh, I'm not going to
do that anymore.
I'm really going to work on,I'm going to try to be aware of
it and then you do it and I justlook at you, yeah and I'll be
like okay, remember what yousaid about sometimes.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
But but hold on, you do that sometimes too, I'm sure,
but sometimes I catch myselftell something I don't.
And even when I don't catchmyself, and then after the fact,
like I'll say something likefuck, I fucked up, man, but then
I'll apologize in the moment.
I'm sorry I didn't catch itthis time, but I'm going to do
better to try to catch it nexttime.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
But that's progress.
It's progress, it's happening,it still happened but the
response to it is quicker.
So therefore, it's, that'sprogress, you know.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
But yeah, totally agree and a lot of times it's
just, it's not that I'm nottrying to be mindful, it's just
that, like when you're havingconversations or you're going
through moments, especially whenyou're heated, and you feel the
way you feel and you can't.
You haven't got, you haven'treached the level of clarity yet
where you can come outside ofhow you feel, yeah, it's like.
No, I'm gonna say what I feel,right well, because you're still

(39:42):
holding.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
You're still holding your emotions as priority, right
and and I think, what's just anormal human thing to do,
exactly.
But I think that's where, like,one piece of advice I had
received from a therapist oncewas, if you focused on my needs
and I focused on your needs,then we should, we should get
somewhere right, because if youalready know what I'm, if I tell

(40:04):
you what my needs are to helpme to feel loved, secured, to
help me, you know, be in the,the love state, and then I know
all the things that help you tobe in the protection, the giving
, the providing, the love state.
If we focused on that, then Idon't have to focus so much on
my emotional priority, becauseI'm already feeling that it's

(40:26):
being met, because I'm wantingto focus on yours and I'm
wanting to make sure that yoursis taken care of.
Like that becomes my priority,and it only becomes my priority
because mine is being taken careof.
Like that becomes my priorityand it only becomes my priority
because mine is being taken careof.
Like my mind is not settled on.
Well, you don't feel this andyou don't feel that.
Obviously, I'm feeling it andthat's what's making me want to

(40:48):
make your emotions a priority,and I think that's where the
biggest piece of the biggestpiece of all this is.
Is that we have to like who'sgoing to be the first one to say
like okay, this is.
Is that we have to like who'sgoing to be the first one to say
like okay, this is ridiculous.
Let's sit down and have thisconversation.
You know what I mean.
I'm not feeling like I'mgetting what I need.
You don't feel like you'regetting what you need, but we
can't keep going about well,because what ends up happening

(41:10):
is she's what she's saying isI'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna do this for him,because he doesn't even do this
for me, and then you're on theother end saying you know what
she don't?

Speaker 1 (41:20):
even respect me.
Yeah, so I'm not gonna doanything like she expect me to
do this.
She don't even respect me and tothat point I out, to that,
first of all, I want to sayshout out to the lip, because
the lip look good.
Um, to that point I will saythat we I have been.
I'm not gonna say going to saywe because I don't know, I can't
.
I have been in that situation.
I was like man, I feel like,well, she's not doing this for
me, so I ain't doing this, soI'm not going to do this.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
She's not doing that, so I'm not going to do this.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
And then I realized that when I do that, that's
counterproductive, because nowwhat I've done is like he was
supposed to.
Well, I'm not going to do that,I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
So now we're both sitting around here mad at each
other because we're playing titfor tat, trying to one up each
other, when all we're doing iscreating a bigger hole.
And that's what it is.
You create a bigger hole, youconsistently get in the cycle,
and then it's just like keepingscore.
Now, at this point, you'rekeeping score.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
I'm not cooking for his ass right, because he didn't
do x, y and z I'm not buyingher shit for valentine's day.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
She don't deserve it because, but I'm not, but, I'm
not, but I'm not, I'm not, I'mnot that's no, that's fine.
I buy myself something and Isay thanks, babe I know that's.
That's how we do gifts nowadays.
I'd be like babe, oh my goshyou shouldn't have.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
It's just what I wanted.
It's just what I wanted, isn'tshe?

Speaker 2 (42:42):
cute, oh my gosh, so cute.
But yeah, so that's what I'msaying.
The big piece of it is how doyou get out of the cycle Like
where?
Because it has to startsomewhere and it's always,
always, always like this is arelationship and marriage
podcast guys, it's always goingto start with communication.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
And somebody has to be the bigger person.
But, granted, I understand thatbeing the bigger person is not
enough, because if let's say,for instance, you're being a
bigger person and you're comingto me to talk about it so we can
resolve this, you're being thebigger person and you're coming
to me to talk about it so we canresolve this If I'm not being
receptive to the conversation,it's not going to no matter.
It doesn't matter how big aperson you're going to be.
If I'm not receptive, nothing'sgoing to get solved.
So it's like you have to get toa point or find that that area

(43:30):
in your, in your marriage or inyour relationship to where you
guys can have a area or a spaceto where there's no judgment,
right.
Because if you have a historyor you have a culture where you
feel like, oh, they're justtrying to have something to hold
over me, I don't think that'sreally a good thing to have,
because now you're always kindof like questioning motives in

(43:51):
the back of your head.
Or like hold things against themyou know like I'm not saying
like playful things, but I'msaying like serious things
against them, right?
You know like I'm not sayinglike playful things, but I'm
saying like serious things,right?
So it's like you.
You still have to have anenvironment and a culture inside
your marriage or yourrelationship to where you can
have these conversations and andcome and get to a resolution.
And then also you have tounderstand that sometimes you

(44:11):
have to understand that nothaving a resolution is fine,
because sometimes you're notyou're just not going to have
one.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
You're not.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
You're just not going to agree on everything and then
at that point you have tounderstand on both sides that it
is what it is Now.
Is this going to be somethingthat we get hung up on we get
hung.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Are we going?

Speaker 1 (44:28):
to let this define this?
Are we going to just accept itis what it is and move on Right,
move on Right and, but now?
but if you accept that it iswhat, it is from that point on,
we now can't go back andreference how the other person
made you feel in this, becausewe already said that on this
we're in an impasse, yeah, sothis, this can't be a talking
point, um, in any conversationgoing forward, because there was

(44:50):
no resolution, right.
So if there's no resolution,technically we never agreed on
what was right, what was wrong.
You have your view, I have myview, so we can't, this can't be
used in any conversation goingforward, and I think that's.
I think that's something thatpeople have a hard time
processing, because I feel likea people a lot of times just
want to be on the right side ofthe discussion, right, they want

(45:10):
to.
Well, they feel that they'reright.
Again, they want to feelvalidated in their feelings.
Right, and you can be validated.
That'll mean I have to agree,because a lot of times I
validate what you, how you feel.
all the time I don't necessarilyagree, yeah, but I can.
I validate you because, ok, tryto make sure that I can either
convey myself better or possiblysee what you see.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
The perspective that you have on the situation.
Yeah, but that's also takingaccountability, right, because I
think when you're having theseconversations, like you said
before, about how you would getfeel like you're being attacked,
when I'm trying to explain toyou how I'm feeling, but you're
feeling attacked, yeah, it's soeasy to for you to rebuttal and

(46:02):
be like, oh well, I behave thisway because you did this right.
Or you know the, the famous onewhen someone's telling you how
they feel like, oh, you pissedme off, you upset me, or you
made me feel unloved, or youmade me feel you know, and it's
no, no, I did it.
How did, how did I do that?
No, no, I didn't.
No, that's just in your head.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
And that's the thing.
So one thing I've learned and Iwant to say this to all the
guys out there One thing Ilearned is that validation does
not mean you agree or that theywon or that they won.
Validation just means that youaccept how they feel or what
they think in the moment and youhave empathy for it.

(46:39):
It's not you demeaning yourself, it's not you taking the foot
off your stance, it's not youall of a sudden saying, oh she's
right, so I guess I'll justForget about my feelings.
Yeah, it's none of that.
Validation is just saying, oh,I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of
that.
Validation is just saying, oh,I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of
that, I wasn't aware.
That's how you felt.
I wasn't aware that how you seeit, I apologize.

(47:01):
I apologize if you felt like Icontributed to this feeling that
wasn't my intention that wasnot my intention.
I say that to you all the time.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Yeah, that was not my intention.
That was not my intention.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
Right, and what I do at this point I don't try to
explain in certain some cases.
In some cases I just don't sayanything.
I was like, okay, right,depending on what it is.
But most of the times I try to,I say, well, this is what I
meant.
Now, cause what I hear is whenI say something and she feels
some way about it that I thatwasn't intended for me, what I

(47:31):
hear is that I did not conveywhat I needed to say properly.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
You, didn't say it in a way that I could receive it.

Speaker 1 (47:39):
She didn't receive it the way I wanted her to receive
it, so to me, I view it as alesson.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
That approach didn't work.
Right, that didn't work.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
So now I got to take a different angle.
It's not always about her beingcombative with me or me being
combative with her.
It's combative with her.
It's like, okay, how she'sbasically telling me that in
this instance of communication,this is how I was perceived,
right?
So now let me, let me take this, let me dissect this, excuse me
, let me take this, let medissect this, dissect this and

(48:12):
figure out how I can conveymyself to her in a way where I
am perceived in the light I wantto be perceived and with the
meaning I mean, so that there isno doubt about what I mean and
what I'm saying but a lot oftimes I feel like guys feel like
I'm not going to just validateanything, because that's because
, even if it's wrong, even ifyou believe she's wrong, her

(48:33):
feelings are right.
Because they're her feelings,yeah, right.
And the thing is is like wealways say, feelings versus
facts.
You can feel however you wantTwo plus two is still four.
Yeah.
You can say it's six tillyou're blue in the face.
Yeah and okay, babe, youbelieve two plus two is six.
I respect that.
That's your feelings.
I don't see it that way.

(48:53):
And now this is one of thosetimes where we're just at an
impasse.
So we just want to talk aboutwhy two plus two isn't six.
You know what I'm saying.
But I think that is theapproach that I think us, as men
, have to have.
You can validate without takingyour foot off your stance.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Without diminishing how you feel.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
It's not you succumbing to her view or her
reality, it's just youacknowledging that her reality,
that she is in, is there.
And so from that point, maybeyou need to try to communicate
differently.
And it's no different from whenyou're a teacher, right?
You cannot teach the same kidthe same way, yeah, right.

(49:31):
So as a man, you have tounderstand Each kid the same way
.
You can't, right, so as a man,you have to understand.
Ok, maybe my communicationmethods that I have is not
compatible with my partner.
Yeah, so let me try to figureout how I can convey what I mean
without ruffling her feathers,or to a point to where she can
at least comprehend and feelsome of what I'm feeling or what

(49:51):
I'm trying to convey.
And that is where it is likeyou have to be mature enough as
a man to understand that you arenot perfect.
And just because you, justbecause you have, because who
doesn't feel right in theirstance, right, just because you
feel right in the moment doesn'tmean it and again, I'm not
gonna say it doesn't mean thatyou're not right, it just it

(50:12):
just means that you're notconveying it in the right manner
.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Or it doesn't mean that you get to dismiss
everything else that's happeningor anything that she said,
because you feel like you'reright, because her feelings
about it still matter, becausetwo plus two is four.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Right, but she thinks it's six and it's all right.
Some people went to publicschool, some people went to
private school.
Let her feel the way she feels.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
I'm not doing this with him today.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
I with him today.
I'm just not gonna do it.
Some people weren't part ofstem.
Let her feel the way she feels.
Some people weren't in themagnet program, but they wasn't,
so some people don't know whatto stand for, so so so you let
them feel the way they feel andyou validate their feelings.
That does not again, it does notmean you that you agree.
It does not mean that they uhthat that you uh have to
disagree with it.
It just means that you agree.
It does not mean that they uhthat that that you um have to
disagree with it.
It just means that yourecognize and acknowledge her
feelings.
It doesn't mean she can bewrong.

(51:04):
You're not.
We're not saying she's right.
We're just saying that Irecognize how you feel and
there's nothing wrong with that,because just recognizing how
someone feels Sometimes that'sall it is.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
That's a that's enough.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
That's enough to actually have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
Go a little further, yeah, and now you can explain
yourself in detail you know whata good example of that is and
it's not even in relationship.
When you're at um like say, forinstance, you go to like a
restaurant or a coffee shop andthere's like a really long line
and there's only two peopleworking right, and then, and
then you know the, the employees, they will shut down because

(51:41):
they start feeling the energy ofall the people who are getting
annoyed and upset, hurry up, youknow.
But the minute one of them callsthe line and says thank you
everyone for your patience.
We're working as fast as we can.
We got everyone going likewe're going to give you a free
sample, just for, like you know,for waiting and we are so sorry
about the way, just saying likewe are so sorry about the way,
but we do appreciate you guys.
We are moving as fast as we can.

(52:01):
Instantly, instantly.
Customers are like okay,because they were acknowledged.

Speaker 1 (52:08):
They were acknowledged.
You're going to have that oneperson.
Well, you're going to make melate.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
We'll go somewhere else, right, but that's, that's
the thing.
And I, like someone who had aretail background, worked every
single time without fail,because people want to be seen,
people want to be heard.
That's pretty much it, andespecially women in
relationships.
Again, if I'm not seen, if I'mnot heard, if I don't feel

(52:34):
secure, love don't live here, nomore.
Love don't live here, no more,she don't.
She moved down the street.
So it's, it takes a fool tolearn, okay, love, love, love.
And she, just, she moved, shemoved Right.
So that's why, when we talkabout, like the cycle, part of

(52:58):
the cycle, you got to break thecycle.
You got to break the cycleBecause it becomes, it will
become the cycle, that's it,that's it.
Resolving the issue isunderstanding each other's core
needs, right, breaking thenegative cycle.
So that's through thecommunication.
That means takingaccountability, not getting
defensive.
Um, being able to show up foryour partner, show up for

(53:19):
yourself, show up for yourmarriage, uh, having
communication strategies.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
Now I like, now I like that part, I like the.
The express, uh, expressingneeds without accusing.
Yeah, Because when you, whenyou add the accused in there,
right that's a whole differentenergy.
Everyone shuts down, though.
That's the energy.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
That's the thing.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Because I know for me , when you accuse me of
something you know, you only gettwo responses.
I'm either going to shut downand say, okay, I'm not talking
about it there, you feel the way, you feel right, or I'm coming
with all the smoke.
I don't put up the trailersmoker behind me.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Bye, I got.
I got 2000 oxtails.
That's how he feels.
If he feels like someone'scalling him a liar.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
Oh, I got the smoke Cause.
I, I, I look here, I keepreceipts.
I can't, I keep receipts, Ikeep receipts and I will Google
you to death.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
So communication strategies.
Going back to what you talkedabout with maybe the
communication, the way that youcommunicate with your partner,
the way you communicate withyour woman, doesn't work for her
, how she perceives it or hercommunication type.
So I think it's importanttalking about your communication
types.
I know I believe we did anepisode about like communication

(54:38):
types too.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
I think that's something that's really really
really important Because, again,like we always say, it's not
what you said, it's how you saidit.
It's how you say it, so let meask you this what sounds better
to you?
You never loved me anyway.
Or would you perceive me sayingI just don't feel loved?

Speaker 2 (54:55):
I just don't feel loved, because if you come to me
and say you never loved me,anyway, instantly.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
I feel insulted Because I'm attacking you, yes,
and it feels like an attackBecause I'm telling you what
you're not doing yeah, andthat's why I feel insulted.
But when I remove you from theequation and say you know what,
I'm just not feeling loved,right?

Speaker 2 (55:12):
now.
Now for me, my ears hear islike I'm empathy.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
I need you to love me .

Speaker 2 (55:18):
Yeah, I hear empathy and I'm just like okay, so what?
What is it about my actionsthat I'm not conveying?
That's making my partner feelas if you keep covering that
shelf.
I have to wear pants in the gym, maurice, because if I showed
up without pants, they would askme to leave.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
I guess you're right, but at home, just, I have a
child.
Just keep that mobile on then,okay, because the way it sit
there.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
So communication strategies Drape off.
Okay, after that is smallintentional actions.
Small intentional actions go along way.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
It's the little things that's going to keep you
together.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
That's it Appreciation Again listening,
affirming words, in your case,physical affection.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
You are smart.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
You is kind Shut up, shut up, reese, I'm going to
stay in line.
And then commitment to mutualgrowth.
You know what I think it?

Speaker 1 (56:15):
is.
Here's the thing.
Hold on, hold on, hold on now.
We both had a thought.
Hold on now.
Now, when you say mutual growth, that one to me is kind of
tricky that's that's.

Speaker 2 (56:24):
That brings me to what I was going to say, though
okay, go ahead and say it Ithink that's where couples goal
planning comes in, becausethat's what an impasse is.
Yes, I think that's what it isbecause, believe it or not, I do
believe couples need to setgoals you podding today, huh.
You guys have to set goals.

(56:44):
Not the kind of goals wherey'all trying to decide where to
go to vacation.
Not those type of goals, no,but realistic, like reality,
everyday goals Like how can?

Speaker 1 (56:55):
we get these kids out of here exactly at 18?
.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Bye Maurice.
But but like you know how, howcan I be a better listener, like
that's?

Speaker 1 (57:05):
a goal.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
That's something that you're going to actively work
towards.
How can me and my partneractively spend more time
together, More like you know,intimate?

Speaker 1 (57:14):
time that's non-sexual.
I got a list of things.
Oh gosh.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
That's not a list of things.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Jesus, I do.
I think here's a couple ofthings that you should try to
goal.
No, it's just me.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
It's just me Some of the things he had on our journal
, that's all.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
I agree, like what you said non-sexual intimate
intimate time.
I think that's important where,where you guys are just together
, you're in an intimatesituation, intimate setting,
doing things that's non-sexual,where you're just.
You're just enjoying eachother's company, company of one
another.
Right, and I think anotherthing is is like what?
Sometimes I wake up and justsay what can I do today to make

(57:52):
her life easy?
It's not and it doesn't.
It doesn't matter how I feelabout whatever the task is, I
can suffer through it one day.
Yeah, just so that way, becauseI feel like when I do that, you
can verify it.
I feel like when I do that, notonly do I, not only by making
your life easy, you're nowyou're looking at me as like, ok
, he does see what I do, andthen now that opens up another
level of appreciation from youas to what I'm doing right and

(58:16):
it inspires me to want toreciprocate that right.
So, um, so that's another thing.
Like ask yourself, what can Ido to me?
And then here's my other thingis like I also say what can I do
today to surprise her in a goodway.
It is not necessarily doingsomething for you that you would
normally do for yourself, butlike what can I do that when I

(58:36):
show up, it's completely willcatch her off guard now, whether
that be like um, like the timesI bring you flowers or the time
I'll go and, um, I'll get yousomething that's your favorite
thing, or whatever, like how canI, how can I, um, how can I
spark something in her like ohdang, my baby was really
thinking.
Like just just the thought ofhaving her thinking, my baby was

(58:56):
thinking about me today.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
He thought about me today.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
You know, it wasn't just business as usual.
He thought about me.
And then the other thing iswhat I try to do is I say how
can I make myself better so thatI am more appealing?
Right, because I think that'sanother area of marriage and
relationship people don't thinkabout.
Yeah, appealing.

(59:21):
Right, because I think that'sanother area of marriage and
relationship people don't thinkabout.
Yeah, you attracted them.
Yeah, you guys got together.
Yeah, but again, like with themutual growth, how can I grow to
make myself more desirable as ahusband, as a father, as a
father, but as as as a husband,as a boyfriend, right, yeah, how
can I, as a partner, how can Imake myself more desirable?
How can I step up and do thethings where she looks at me
like, damn, that's my baby.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Yeah.
Ok, I see me taking video ofyou in the gym.

Speaker 1 (59:41):
OK, pervert, pervert, but I'm just saying it's like
like, yeah, the planning, thegoal planning, but you have to
be on the same page, right?

Speaker 2 (59:49):
But you won't know that until you go plan to yeah
Right, right, you got a goalplan.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
And you cannot be dismissive of each other.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
That, that, that, that is not communicating.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
Nope, don't just let it go.
Don't sweep it under the rug,cause that rug will get dirty.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
And you and you have to.
You have to like, um, you haveto practice having the hard
conversations.
Right Now, I'm going to saythis and I'm going to stop
talking.
One of the shows I used towatch all the time and love
which she hates is how I Metyour Mother.
Right, I love that show for aminimum reason, right?
But the one thing I loved aboutthat show was Marshall and Lily

(01:00:27):
, who was the couple on there.
They had a rule where, no matterhow heated the argument got,
they could pause.
They would just pause theargument and then we're going to
discuss it, we're going to talkabout it, and when it gets
heated, we're going to pause.
And now we're going to walkaway, we're going to act like
we're not even arguing, we'regoing to act like nothing's

(01:00:47):
happening.
And now, once we both calm down, we're going to unpause and
talk to her.
And I think that's crucial inmarriage, because you have to
practice and and and uh.
Practice having theuncomfortable conversations.
And when you get to a level, towhere you see red and now
you're just strictly defensiveand you, you don't, you don't
care what they're saying, yeah,All right, pause timeout.

(01:01:08):
Yeah, cause now you're losingsight of what we're going
through anyway, because I'mgetting to the point, to where
now I'm just protecting me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
Yeah, and I don't care what you say.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
Yeah because now the boxing gloves are on, so now to
time out.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Let's take a break, yeah, and we've done that.
We don't say pause, but we'vedone that.
We just say, okay, look, let's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
Before I say something that you can.
Feelings are hurt sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
Brutal Like her eyes.
Let's just put this on theshelf and come back to this
later, because right now,feelings are too high, emotions
are going crazy and we're nothearing each other.
We're just talking.
We're just talking.
So that's something you reallyhave to try to master and that's

(01:01:52):
really what's going to help youum be in these long, long
goodbye long repeated but thisis.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
This goes back to hold on repeat.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
It reruns constantly same channel tv one on all day.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
Okay, goodbye, goodbye, but I'll just finish
with this.
All of this, all the discussion, the cycles, the arguing, all
of that and trying to workthrough them, trying to get a
resolve, trying to grow together, all that is part of.
When people say marriage ishard work, it's hard, that's

(01:02:32):
what the work is.
So when, like when, people talkabout, you know, marriage,
marriage is work, it's notnecessarily in a negative light
or in a negative sense.
They mean like trying tocoexist with someone that you
deeply care for, that you deeplylove, and still trying to have

(01:02:53):
an identity in that relationshipand ensure that not only are
your mental and physical thingsare taken care of, but their
mental and physical things aretaken care of, and the work that
it takes for you both to getthrough that and work through
that and be mindful of that isthe work of relationship, that
is the work of marriage.

(01:03:14):
Okay, okay, alrighty, that wasgood, good, good little
discussion, babe.
Um, so we're now, we're gonnamove into our two.
This is a little bit of a longone, babe, is it?
But I would really love to getyour perspective, even though I
already know what your answer isgonna be.
I know what your answer isgoing to be.
I know what your answer isgoing to be because I know this
guy but I want to hear.

(01:03:35):
Okay, ready, am I the assholefor getting it elsewhere, since
my wife didn't want to have sexanymore.
Basically, my wife has decidedunilaterally that we are done
having sex.
She found out that she cannothave kids due to a choice that
she made before we met.

(01:03:58):
And kids apparently are the onlyreason that she was willing to
even have sex.
I love my wife and I enjoybeing intimate with her, but it
was making our marriage anduntenable after two years of
this.
So I posted for advice.
I got a lot of great supportand suggestions about how to
talk to my wife and I tried allof it.
I started going for counselingfor myself as well, but no

(01:04:19):
matter how I approached herabout our situation, she would
not try and see it from my pointof view.
Every discussion would end withher crying and screaming in my
face that I am trying toemotionally manipulate her.
I then wrote her a letteroutlining my feelings and asking
her to come with me tocounseling and to seek it for
herself independently, perhapsto even go see a doctor.

(01:04:40):
I was kind and loving in theletter.
The last thing I wanted to dowas to set her off.
I worked on my wording with thecounselor to make sure that I
wasn't saying anythingaggressive that could be
misrepresented.
She read the letter.
She then scrolled across itwith a red Sharpie that said go
get it elsewhere because you arenot getting it from me.

(01:05:03):
End quote.
Then she walked out.
I sat there for about an hourdoing nothing.
Then I told myself that thatwas what I was going to go do.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
Get it elsewhere.

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
We're both fairly successful in our jobs.
I'm not super attractive but Iam fit and a good talker.
It took a while but I metsomeone.
Wow.
We started out as friends butit became physical.
I made sure she knew that I wasmarried but she was not
interested in the relationship.
So I guess it's a safe optionfor the both of us.
My wife found out because Ididn't try and hide it.

(01:05:37):
She was crying when I got homeone night.
When I came in, she asked if Iwas going to leave her.
I said no.
She asked if I was cheating onher and I said that I was just
getting sex elsewhere.
She said that was cheating andI didn't agree.
I asked her what she wanted todo.
She said that I had to stop.
I asked her if we were going tostart having sex.

(01:05:57):
She said that I was anirrational asshole if I thought
that she would have sex with meafter I cheated.
I went to my desk and pulled outa photocopy of the letter that
I had wrote her and her answeron it.
I went to have a shower and goto my room to go to sleep.
When I woke up she was sittingon the couch waiting to talk.
She said that she reread theletter and that she realized she

(01:06:21):
had not realized something thatshe had not before.
She assumed it was just aletter that was me begging for
sex.
She said that she would go forcounseling alone and with me,
and all I had to do was stophaving sex elsewhere.
I said that I would be willingto pause my friendship until we
saw a counselor and that if Isaw progress in our relationship

(01:06:42):
then I would break it off.
She said she wouldn't agree tothe counseling without me
leaving the other woman.
It almost turned into a fightso I just went for my run.
Before I left, I asked her whatwould compel her to go to
counseling if I stopped havingsex elsewhere.
When I got back, she stilldidn't have an answer for me.
She couldn't even say that ourrelationship was worth saving.

(01:07:04):
I don't want a divorce, but Iam willing to leave her over
this.
I am a 28-year-old male.
I am not going to go the restof my life without sex and she
refuses to see my side.
Any advice?

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Tooth, that ass up, mommy, get it low.
Oh sir, for me this is a dealbreaker.
Let me tell you right now.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
That's what I already know, your answer.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
If you came with me tomorrow and I would ask you the
same question.
So am I free to get itelsewhere, or do you?

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
want to discuss arrangements right like how do
you want, how do you want to dothis, how would you like to do
the next lifetime and I wouldalso say that since you don't
want, I'm willing to give it toyou.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
You just might give it to me.
That that'll mean you can goget it elsewhere.
Oh wait a minute because I'mwilling.
You're forcing me to goelsewhere, so you, you stay here
, so you stay right here withyour no sex habit.

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
You stay here and be celibate and I'm gonna go here,
out here, give me a concubine.
That'll just be, that'll justbe an aspect of our relationship
that we just don't cometogether on.
And if you're willing to, ifyou're, you're already willing
to relinquish it, knowing thatwhen you agreed to marry me,
that that would be a part of themarriage You're not keeping
your mouth.
That would be a part of themarriage, and now you have taken

(01:08:23):
that off of the table and Idon't want to dismantle my
marriage.
Then we need to find asituation that works for the
both of us.
And right now I mean it's kindof working because my needs are
being met and I'm still herewith you, like you know we still
going to be together, like I'mstill taking care of my thing
here's, here's, here's, here'shere's.
I mean, it ain't going to lastthat long.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
Here's what I feel, I felt like she was perfectly
fine, because I felt like whenshe I don't think that she
misread the letter at all.
I think this is something shesaid after the fact because I
don't think she really thoughthe would go out there and get
somebody else.
I don't think she read it.
I think because she wroteacross it in sharpie after he

(01:09:03):
gave it to her.
I think she did so.
Um, but now that there'sanother person in the picture,
she don't like that.
She don't like that at all.

Speaker 2 (01:09:07):
She didn't mean it.
When she said go get itelsewhere, she didn't mean it
was like a figure of speech.

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
She didn't mean it, but he took it literally, that's
the thing, men we take thingsliterally don't, don't don't sit
here and say something youdon't mean, because if you say,
hey, if you find somebody that'swanting to give you some ass,
well it wouldn't be, it wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
It wouldn't be where.
He wouldn't believe her becausehe's she.
He believes the fact that she'salready told him that since we
can't have kids, I'm not having,and that is something she has
held true.
So when she wrote, go Get itElsewhere, it's not hard for him
to believe you meant that too.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
Yeah, so he wouldn't got it.
But now that he wouldn't got it, that was an issue, because now
she felt like she gotcompetition.
But I guarantee no, I thinkit's one of those things where
she just feels like he's mine.
But here's the thing she has tounderstand she has to know that
if they were to divorce, shewould have to be single because

(01:10:01):
there's no other relationshipshe's going to get into with a
straight heterosexual man.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
That's not true.
I disagree with that.
I disagree with that.
She's going to find a straightman.
I don't want to.
Babe, you'd be surprised.
I mean probably more women, butyou, I mean probably more women
.
But you'd be surprised howuninterested some men and women
are, this interested they are insex.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Well, let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
I know you ain't one of them.

Speaker 1 (01:10:22):
Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Really, you're going to turn to the side and he can't
see your face.
Let me tell you something yougo ahead and try that shit if
you want to.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Right, right.
It ain't going to go the wayyou think it is.

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
Well see.

Speaker 1 (01:10:36):
Because if you write on a piece of paper, go get it
somewhere else.
I'm going to say you sure.

Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
I'm only going to say are you sure?

Speaker 1 (01:10:42):
once, one time, and I'm going to have that on video
Because if you try, so when yougo to court.
She said it was cool becauseshe didn't want to put out.
So she said I can go get itsomewhere else.

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
And that's what I did .

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
And that's exactly what I did.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
And I see Stacey three times a week Would be
Stacey.

Speaker 1 (01:10:59):
I don't like the name .

Speaker 2 (01:11:02):
I'm sure she could change it for you, nah, but yeah
, you know.
The other thing that I thinkabout, though, is why.
Why about, though?
Is why why why?
Because I think that's.
I think there's a bigger andmore serious issue there.
Here you go explaining shitit's not women's planning but I

(01:11:22):
think she should have went tocouncil the first time, I think
there's a bigger, uh, biggerissue there as to her view about
um physical intimacy, and thatneeds to be explored, uh-oh.

Speaker 1 (01:11:35):
You know, and I so you're saying, something may
have happened in her past,possibly to turn her off from.

Speaker 2 (01:11:40):
And the only reason why she, like he said, the only
reason why she was interested indoing it anyway, was for kids.

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
So basically she was just on, and here's the thing
saying that that also means thatonce she got her babies damn,
she was also gonna say she done,I'm done.
But see now that you said that,that I couldn't go out because
the empathy in me, but like Ifeel for her well, yeah, because
there's a trauma there thatwould.

Speaker 2 (01:12:05):
That would change my mindset there's a trauma there
yeah, that would change mymindset situation there's a
trauma there and that's someonethat you genuinely love.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I have to give me a robot.
Don't get.
Don't get me wrong.
Like you know, that's.
That's a.
That's a moment that should beshared between the two of you.
But, like you and most men, I'mnot going to want, I'm not going

(01:12:25):
to enjoy it with my wife if Iknow that this is something that
she like it's not that.
She's not even interested.
She absolutely does not want todo this, and I know she doesn't
want to do it.
If you're not into it, I'mbetter off with my hair, exactly
.
So that's why I said thatthere's something bigger at play
here.
We don't know what the historywas, and then he said that they
can't have kids due to somethingthat she did when she was

(01:12:47):
younger.
That has obviously affected hernow in her adult life.
We don't know what that is andwe don't know the whatever that
was that happened.
There was a trauma thathappened prior to that, or there
was a trauma that caused that,and so now there's a whole
psychological thing around itand it could be that she's like
you know, like I'm not evenworth it anymore, like you know

(01:13:08):
what I mean there could besomething serious, because I
think that that has to besomething serious.
If you have a fully capable,healthy adult who has zero
interests especially they're 28,he's 28.
So I'm going to assume she'sabout the same age that has zero
interest in having a sexualrelationship with their partner

(01:13:31):
and they're in a marriage, thenwe have to explore that, we have
to talk about that and thenalso, was that not discussed
prior to marriage?

Speaker 1 (01:13:40):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
Because then that's a whole nother level of you know
what I mean, and I canunderstand that from his
perspective too, because it'slike you never mentioned any of
this before, that's what I'msaying.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
You lied to me and now you're not even honoring me
Well we don't know that.
Well, you didn't disclose.
Yeah, so I mean, I thinkthere's a lot which is the same
as lying.

Speaker 2 (01:14:00):
There's a lot behind that, but I do appreciate how I
appreciate you saying like okaynow I would need to reevaluate
that, because I didn't thinkabout.

Speaker 1 (01:14:11):
I do have empathy, yeah, and I'm on that.
You know, like, like in ourinstance, like if something was
to happen to you and likemedically.

Speaker 2 (01:14:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:14:20):
Not not mentally.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
I would be understanding, right, um and I
and I wouldn't for now, granted,granted, I'm gonna go do
something.
I'm not with somebody else, butI'm gonna take care of yourself
or whatever give me some toysor something make it happen.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
You know what I'm saying, but I'm gonna get it one
way or another.
You've made that clear.
You've made that clear.

Speaker 1 (01:14:48):
Don't say it don't say it, I don't want to get
flagged.

Speaker 2 (01:14:53):
I don't want to get flagged, but yeah, so I would.
I would just say take, takeeverything into consideration,
sir um, but you're not wrong forhow you feel either but take
everything into consideration,because it does sound like you
love her.
Like you said, you don't want adivorce, and if this is just
one aspect of your marriage thatyou guys aren't coming together
on, you know, okay, so be it,but I I don't marriage that you

(01:15:14):
guys aren't coming together on.
You know, okay, so be it, but II don't believe that you can
continue to have a sexualrelationship with somebody and
it not turn into something more,whether she's looking for a
relationship or not, and you'rejust using it for a good time.

Speaker 1 (01:15:25):
He wasn't that attractive, so maybe she just
won't.

Speaker 2 (01:15:28):
But like he said, he let her know it from that he is
married.
He let her know the situationand she told him and she told
him that she's not looking for arelationship.
But that doesn't.
That's not sustainable in longterm.
Somebody's going to getfeelings and chances are it's
going to be the woman.

Speaker 1 (01:15:40):
Can I?

Speaker 2 (01:15:40):
say one thing before we got out of here what Evil is
good and ass is good?
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (01:15:49):
And get yourself your piece of evil ass woo.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
Vampire in Brooklyn, in case you guys didn't know the
reference to the movie.
Anyway, this has been anotherepisode of the Life After I Do
podcast.
If you're not doing so already,don't forget to follow us on
all of our social mediaplatforms Facebook, YouTube,
Instagram.
You know all of them.
I was going to say Instacart.
Are we on Instacart?

(01:16:14):
Are we on?
No tiktok?
uh, don't forget to like andshare the videos when you guys
see the videos and the clips andthe reels.
We love engaging with you guys.
Um, y'all be on fire over thereon tiktok and them comments,
them comments.
Keep me rolling.
Y'all keep me busy over there.
So I enjoy that.
You can also write into thepodcast at lifeafteridopodcasts

(01:16:35):
at gmailcom and you get a newepisode every Wednesday and
until then, go get your piece ofyour ass.

Speaker 1 (01:16:42):
Peace booskies.

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