Loving Through Responsibility

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This week, we’re talking about responsible love—the kind that shows up, adapts, and puts in effort even when it’s inconvenient.

We unpack the emotional labor of being present when life is overwhelming, how love needs to evolve as we grow, and why it’s important not to lose yourself while showing up for someone else.

From managing work-home balance to honoring small promises, we keep it honest about what makes love last.

If you’ve ever felt burnt out in your relationship, or like you're giving more than you’re getting, this episode is full of perspective and real-life insight.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You like babe, okay, you're you.

(00:01):
You hype right now.
I know what you're saying.
Things look like, but let metell you it's not.
It's you.
You looking at the, you lookingat the window when it's got
dust on it.
Let me Windex it for you.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
So I can show you a better view.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Goodbye so I can show you a better view.
Hey, everyone, and welcome backto another episode of life

(00:38):
after I do podcast.
Yes, how's it going, booskies?
It's going good I can't withyou there is a fly in here and I
feel like he is going to driveme absolutely crazy.
Start the episode about the flyagain, but he just like, oh
goodness, I don't know, there'sjust been like.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I feel like there's been an increase every summer we
go through an increase of flies, I know I'd rather have.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
I'd rather have the flies than the.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
It's the flies in the summer, it's the pincher bugs
in the winter.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Yeah, I was going to say I think I would rather have
the flies than the pincher bugs,though I mean I would rather
not have either but, Honestly,it's the flies and the wasps.
The wasp nest, don't the waspseat the flies, so the wasps must
be losing, okay.
So remember, when I was asking,I was like who eats who?

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Because I don't understand how all of them are
collectively here.
The flies eat shit.
I feel like flies eat shit.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
You know what the flies were eating today.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
What that dead bird your dog killed in the backyard.
Oh, wow, wow.
I walked outside I said I don'tknow how she caught this bird,
but she killed the bird and thenjust left it there.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
The bird got caught slipping.
Was it a little bird?
Yeah, it was probably a littlelike.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
No, it was probably a jaybird.
It was like a jaybird.
I said it wasn't.
It wasn't a chick, it was anactual bird, I said, and even
eat it.
She just killed it and justleft it here, I guess she.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
I was like, she was like I was trying to play with
it.
Then it just stopped moving.
I was like are you leaving thishere so the other birds don't
have?

Speaker 2 (02:07):
to come fuck with you .
Because when I grabbed theshovel and threw it in the trash
can?
She was even like that's myhard work, like what are you
doing?
I said, look here, we don'tleave cockerels around.
Only that birch around here ischicken.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Bye, you hear me, except if it's the neighborhood
chicken.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
No, because if I can't stop motherfuckers from
eating, no one agrees to.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
I feel like everybody now knows like we have a
neighborhood chicken, there'stwo of them.
Well, I've only ever seen one,I've never seen them together.
But we all know likecollectively in this, like
housing community and the nexthousing, it's the neighborhood
chicken and at any random timeyou can find him walking on the
top part of like the the brickof friends.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
No, that motherfucking comes around when
you seed your grass wellwhenever you see him.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
He was in our backyard one time and I was like
, when I first saw him, I waslike why is there a chicken in
the backyard and how did you gethere?
And then, um, and then werealized that he was like going
from house to house.
He gets on top of the roof.
Sometimes we took a family walk.
He, there's a, um, there's atree that he likes to hang out
by, and then there's a ladythat's in the actual
neighborhood and she feeds himso I was like anywhere yeah, he

(03:16):
has it pretty good, he does.
He gets.
There's got to be a two-for-onespecial.
He can live free range.
The second he get caught, noone's gonna no one's gonna catch
him.
I wonder where he came from,though, and then we're all just
like around here letting himjust run free right around here
somewhere.
He just go back home when hewant to.
I've never known chickens.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
Just go out and take a walk and then go back.
Oh, but what's diabolical isthe amount of stray cats you
would.
You would think he would havebeen caught now.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
No, that's why I said he's the neighborhood chicken,
like we all respect that.
He's the neighborhood chicken,even the cats, right, we all
respect that all he do.
Literally all he does is justwalk around the neighborhood in
different yards, the one ladyfeeds him and then, wherever he
goes, he goes Well, speaking ofbirds, how was your week, booski
?
Wow, why would you say thatthat was a terrible transition?

(04:05):
What are you talking about?
Speaking of birds, I called youa bird.
Wow, that's rude, is it?
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:11):
That's rude, you, my bird.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, that was rude.
I feel like you shouldapologize to me.
Okay, that was rude.
It hurt my feelings.
I now you want to start overyou know, you know the word is
right the bird is the word.
My week was good.

(04:35):
Well, my week it was.
My week was overall suboptimal.
Yeah, it was a little sad.
It was a little sad.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah, couldn't squat, couldn't squat, nope, because I
have a hip pitch it's funny,you couldn't squat, but y'all
you and your daughter was gassy.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Goodbye so, yeah, I have a uh, I have a hip pitch on
my right side right now, so Ihave my chiropractor appointment
.
I'm really hoping mychiropractor can work that out
for me because, like I was, likeI was, that sounds like a
muscle issue.
That's not a chiropractor.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Well, work that out for me Because, like I was, like
I was, that sounds like amuscle issue.
That's not a chiropractor.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Well, you know, I'm hoping that between a massage
and my chiropractor appointmentit can do something.
Okay, and I was trying to likeI was trying to push through
because you know me like I canpush through a little bit of
discomfort.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Oh yeah, you push it, I can push this concept if I go
heavier, the weight will pushme down more and I won't be able
to feel it as much.
How?

Speaker 1 (05:28):
that worked for you.
It did not, and by the time Igot to my 225 warm-up I did.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Oh wow, not the warm-up.
Oh, flex on them goodbye.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
When I got to my warm-up, I had did the 225 and
after like the third rep, I waslike I'm not gonna be able to
walk if I don't stop.
So, but other than that, like Ifeel, you know, and then I had
to have the whole conversationwith myself.
This is just part of thejourney, you know what I mean.
Like it's not always going tobe your body's not always going
to be in the best of like shapeand form to do the things that

(05:58):
you want to do, yeah.
So I was like don't let it be abrain thing, because for me I
was kind of like it was kind oflike what?
I was kind of like no, like, Ihave to really make sure it's
not nothing I just like reallylean into, because my brain will
easily be like well, I tried itand see what happened to what I
tried.

(06:18):
It got effed up, so I'm notgoing to do it anymore.
Like, and that's where I waskind of headed to her and I was
gonna do it anymore.
No, like, and that's where Iwas kind of headed to her and I
was like see, I was like now,now, now I'm not, what's the
point?
What's the point?
What's the point?
so, um, really, I'm just, I'mvibing no, don't, don't, don't,
don't do that you're gonnairritate me don't do that, don't
do that you're gonna irritateme um don't do that, but yeah,

(06:39):
so I was just like listen we'renot gonna do that did you say
linda, was just like listenwe're not going to do that, did
you say Linda?
No, I said listen, just listen,we're not literally to myself.
I was like we're not going todo that.
This comes with the territory,you know.
And then I started, I startedseeing um, that's how I know
your phone be listening.
Sometimes you start getting allthe videos where I started

(07:01):
getting the ones where it's likenobody talks about how hard it
is to go from here to here, orlike people who've like actually
had like big injuries and theywere like tip-top athletes but
then they went through a hugeinjury and they had to take like
a year off or a year and a half, but then they came back and I
was like girl, calm down, likeyour, your legs still work.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
You're just going through a little something right
now.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
You're completely out of commission but, but I was
just I.
I think this is, this is themental portion of um.
Working out like this is thethe mental workout.
You know what I mean?
That's the part where I have topush through.
When I'm like, when my brainwants to be like girl, just sit

(07:46):
down, Like you know let me sitmy stupid ass down, you know.
So I was just like, nope, I'mjust going to work my
accessories and I'm going to tryto be great in every other
aspect, and it just take it forwhat it is.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
And it was great.
That's it the greatest Ifaithfulness, yeah, and that's
it the greatest I have faith onthis yeah, my week was cool.
That's good.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
I'm just you know you you know what was the highlight
of your week?
You.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Pressure, show me pressure.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
What was the low light of your week?
You Bye, goodbye you, you.
Okay, I had no low lights thisweek.
That's good.
I'm happy to hear that it waspretty even okay, and stevens.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Okay, you know, I'm really just.
I'm really starting to justaccept things as they are and
I'm just starting to just rollwith the punches.
I'm not, I'm not feeding anyenergy into anything that is not
productive.
Exactly exactly that's what I'm.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
So so therapy be working, yeah but I, I think
that's where the growth comesfrom.
Goodbye, I think that's wherethe growth comes from.
When you're in the growth, justjust growth and maturity and
mental toughness.
You just hit a wink.
Huh, yeah, I did.
That's where the growth comesfrom, because now you're able to
recognize it ain't worth it.

(09:14):
Yeah, like you're able to takea step back and be like you know
what.
It's not going to be conduciveto anything if I feed into
what's not serving me right now,because it's like lowest
hanging fruit.
It's the easiest thing to do,right, it's literally the
easiest thing to do like, likehow I was saying with you know,
with my squat, the easiest thingfor me to do was to be like and

(09:34):
I'm giving up and I'm done andI'm done so, but think that's
that's where the growth comesfrom, where you're able to take
that little step back and sayyou know what, like marie is

(09:58):
you're blowing it up bigger thanwhat it really is, you know
what?

Speaker 2 (10:01):
and here's the thing is.
I know that I'm starting to getto the point, to where my
normal day-to-day conversationsare certain like talking points
I don't even want to entertainno more.
I'm like this is like old news,I don't care, this don't
interest me no more.
This has no benefit to me.
Can we talk about somethingpositive?

(10:21):
Can we talk about how we'regonna get this money bye?
Can we talk about how we'regonna get this?

Speaker 1 (10:25):
this money Bye.
Can we talk about how we'regoing to get this money?
That's what I would prefer totalk about.
That's what we're trying to getto yeah, but yeah, I think
that's really when you thinkabout that.
It's growth, that's growth.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Look at that.
Would you cut it out with thewinking?
What are?

Speaker 2 (10:40):
The growth.
Okay, look by, now they knowhow I feel about you.
Okay, do they.
And the growth.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
Cut it out with the growth.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
You said it.
It's weird.
Well, people, today's going tobe a little bit different.
My wife has ordered me.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
I haven't ordered you to do anything.
Let's not start off with lies.
She hasn't ordered me.
Let's start the episode withlies she has employed me.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
She wants me to take lead on this.
I said I'll lead every otheraspect of our lives, goodbye.
And I got to do this too.
Oh my gosh, it's rough.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
You guys know what I'm dealing with over here.
It's rough.
You know what I'm dealing withover here.
So roles are a little reversedtoday.
So, babe, what are we?

Speaker 2 (11:28):
getting into today.
Are we trading spaces Liketrading places?

Speaker 1 (11:32):
No, I knew you were going to reference that song.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Please don't no.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
What are we getting into this evening?

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Today we're going to talk about responsibility and
love Okay, right and unpackingthe emotional weight of showing
up every day, even when youdon't want to.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
And let me tell you, boy, there's some days, there's
some days.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
About being responsible in love, even when
it's not convenient.
Okay, and there is someinconveniences.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
You think you're such a sunshine.
Oh, I know I'm not.
No, I know that I'm not, andyou know how I know that I'm not
, because there are times whereI'm feeling that way and the
only thing that I can do is makesure that I'm not a sunshine.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Oh, okay, well, at least you admit it, but when I
say it so it's cool when you doit.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
No, wait, okay, wait, it's a problem when I do it so
we went and saw the comedian uhali sadiq, right, and he was
talking about how, like at hisage now, he was like I don't, I
don't really get sad, right, andhe's like, but when I do get
sad, I can't keep it to myselfokay, he was like I like to
share it with everybody.

(12:48):
So he was like I'll go into arandom store and I'll walk
straight in and I'll just belike can I speak to the manager?
damn so the manager will comeout and he said I just ask
what's your policy on on theft?
And the manager be like what hesaid, because we all know the
managers don't do shit, so I'mgonna make you work today.

(13:08):
So then he says so, then thatgets the manager out to the
sales floor.
He said and all I do is I walkaround for about 20 to 30
minutes picking up stuff andputting it down back in random
places, and all he do is followme around the whole day.
And so he was like and then,after he does that, he was like
maybe another time, and then hewalks out and he was like and I
feel better, and I was like ohsee, that's how you share giving

(13:32):
, you give and you share.
So that's why some asshole shitso that's why I said I know,
when I'm in one of those moods,I want to, I want to share
anyway, I have brought this toyou.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
I'm teasing.
I have brought this to youbecause I was thinking the other
day about how, in our marriageand in relationships in general,
how I am responsible or we bothare equally responsible for the
love we share, and that meansshowing up for each other when
we're not in the same room foreach other and when it's not
easy.
When it's not easy, it's doingthe right thing when the wrong

(14:06):
thing is so enticing.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
When the lowest hanging fruit is right there for
you to grab and get full off of.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
Right when she keep wearing that outfit trying to
entice me.
Oh wow, I said, nipples go backsomewhere.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
First of all.
First of all, now we know whoshe is if you've been around for
a little while, you'll knowthat we have given nicknames to
some of the regulars at ourlocal gym, and one of the
nicknames we have given isnipples, because she wears these

(14:42):
tops that are like that, likebarely cover her.
She's going to be seen, yeah.
So we, we dove her nipples andso he'll be like babe.
Nipples was at the gym today soshe'd be trying to entice you,
right?
I?

Speaker 2 (14:55):
can't Goodbye.
So the thing is, is that when,like, the thing about love is
that it's not just one thing, itencompasses a variety of tasks
and responsibility within itself.
Right?
So the way that you receive orperceive love, that's another
thing that I have to be mindfulof, that, because I have to then
portray that to you and viceversa.
Right so I know, like from yourpoint of view or from my

(15:21):
standard, like me being a sourceof stability, someone that you
can count on being that rock foryou, and like you knowing that
when you're not in the room,you're still up on that pedestal
.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Even though you lost two of the stepladders, you
still in your.
You can still climb up.
I don't know how you get upthere with only one stepladder.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
He cannot stay on task for like more than 30
seconds at a time.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
But you know, know, but it's just, it's like being
able, like me, being responsibleto you is being, is, is me
being, is you believing that youcan count on me, not only
financially but more butemotionally and spiritually?
Yes, right, yes, and it's thatI and I intertwine all those
aspects of your life to makesure that you feel stable,
secure in all those areas.
For the most part, I thinkthat's a key point in our

(16:05):
marriage.
That kind of helps us staygrounded and rooted together and
where we have for lack of youknow, have we have ingrained our
roots together to become oneweird dope ass family tree.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
But I kind of feel like that also.
Obviously, with a lot of things, that takes time.
Oh no, that takes time because,especially when you've been
with the same person for a longperiod of time Almost three
decades, yeah, we're 23 years in.
I have changed over the years,you have changed over the years.

(16:38):
Yeah, changing.
So what probably worked in myearly 20s?

Speaker 2 (16:44):
Don't work now.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
It definitely doesn't work now, and what worked prior
to having kids definitelydoesn't work now.
You know what I mean.
So finding out and learning howto grow, to learn how to love
your partner in different phasesof the relationship, I think is
that's where that comes fromemotional support.

(17:07):
My emotional support looks ahell of a lot different now,
going into my 40s, than it didprior to my 20s, when I still
had a little bit of guard up orwhen I still you know what I
mean when I still had a littlebit of attitude of I don't need
you.
You know what I'm saying.
And, of course, like financialstability, the rely relying on

(17:30):
you financially, that'scompletely different than what
it was in my early 30s or myearly 20s.
So, yeah, I yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
And like, another thing like I think is very, very
important and was kind ofreally, really hard it took me a
long time to grasp, especiallyonce we had the child was the
concept of providing versusbeing present.
Like I have to provide, I needto provide, but I also need to
be present.
I also need to be able to comein and be emotionally available

(18:02):
to you when you have yourmoments where you need to break
down, and I also need to be.
I also need to have a spacethat where I can be vulnerable
enough to get some of the work,slash, life stresses and
pressures off of me from time totime, so that I don't feel
overwhelmed, so I don't feellike I'm doing too much, so I
don't feel like I'm notappreciated because I'm just

(18:23):
running myself rampant to makesure everyone's okay, but now I
feel like no one's feeding backinto me.
Yeah, I have to make that timeso that you have time to feed
back into me.
Yeah, I have to make that timeso that you have time to feed
back into me.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah, you know, that reminds me of I had saw I think
her name was Brene Brown and aconcept that her and her husband
had came up with was givingeach other like percentages of
where they are right.
So like, if we're both workingparents, we're both tired.
If we're both working parents,we're both tired, right, but we
still have household things toget done, we still have kids to

(18:52):
take care of.
And it's like she'll ask herhusband where are you at right
now?
And he's like, he's like he'sat two percent or whatever, and
she's like I'm at whateverpercentage higher than two.
Then I'll go ahead and take onthe nightly task for tonight and
then we can revisit, liketomorrow.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, but see, that's what I'msaying with you.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
You wouldn't be fair, so that wouldn't work with us,
um, but but I can go, let mybattery die doing what you need
me to do.
Stop it.
But I think, um, when it comesto like being present, I can see
how difficult that can besometimes, especially when
you're like the primary provider.
So, obviously, in a financialaspect, when you're the primary
provider and you're the one whogoes out and you work, and you

(19:40):
work a lot of hours and thingslike that, and I primarily take
care of the kid and take care ofhome, but, like we've talked
about before, that's still neveran excuse for you not to be a
present parent.
Right, but that was something Ihad to learn, yeah, well and I
feel like that's something we Ido honestly feel like that's
something we still work through.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Because I know for us , like when we made the shift to
you being a stay at home wife,that was during COVID, yeah, and
I was working 60 plus hours aweek, yeah, and it was like when
I got home I was like I don'twant to do nothing.
Yeah, like I'm exhausted, likeI'm putting in 60, sometimes 60

(20:18):
through 263 hours a week when I,when I'm off, I want to be all,
I just want to sleep.
Yeah, like, and you're like, no, we need to do something.
That's half a family game nightand I'm like, can we have
family sleep night?

Speaker 1 (20:28):
yeah, can we have family nap day, and that's
something I had to learn too, toalso make sure that yes, no,
I'm sorry.
Can we go back to having familynap?

Speaker 2 (20:37):
day Bye.
Yes, we can.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
That was really nice.
But making sure that, I think,especially in the beginning
because before there was like awhole schedule and I kind of had
how I was running thing downpack I still wanted it to be
like I still need you to give me80% when you're here, even
though you've worked, you know,60 plus hours.

(20:59):
So that's something I had towork through also in the
transition and making sure thatI allow enough like time, grace
and patience for you and have abetter understanding.
You know, because now it's likemy energy even though I had a
little bit more energy in thebeginning because, to be honest,
it the first year it was likeyou was comfortable, very

(21:20):
comfortable, very comfortable.
I was like you know what I waslike home dude, the two uh, the
$2,000 gaming PC guy.
I was like you know what.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
This is great I said you do have to at least cook
some food around here.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I said this is great.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
I'm working 12 hours, 12, 13 hours a day.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
I'm coming home, y'all in your pajamas, so I was
like my energy.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
You talking about?
Did you get something on yourway home?
No, I came straight home.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
What are you talking about?
What have you been doing today?
You didn't mind picking uptakeout before, but then again
was also working, so nobody was.
The money was different when weboth was working, honey.
So you know me having todevelop the patience and the
grace to make sure I have abetter understanding, like
you've picked up increased hoursto cover what is no longer

(22:05):
there, to make sure thateverything can still run like
how it needs to run.
You know what I mean.
And then as we got more into aroutine and really more so as
she got older and therequirements of things started
to change, her schedule startedto change, things became a
little bit more demanding for me.
And then, once I started tosettle into, like you know,
running the house by myself anddoing things like that, I could

(22:27):
have a little bit more patienceand grace.
And then we kind of step intonow that you are settled with
how work is going and with thehours and stuff.
Just because you know again,you're working all those hours.
I'm not going to require you tohave like 80% energy when you
get home, but you do have tohave something like it's not
it's not, you know, it's not oneof those things where you get

(22:49):
to just say, oh, I went to worktoday, so therefore I'm hands
off everywhere else.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
And I will give you credit, because some days all I
got is I went to work today.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
And I know, but I know that, I know that I let it
be known.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Babe when.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
I get home, yeah, but I can feel that, but that's why
I say learning your partner,because now I can see, I can see
when you've had one of thosedays and you come home, I'm like
, okay, well, tonight's probablynot the night for me to bring
such and such up or whateverhappened earlier today.
I was waiting for you to gethome because another thing that
we've been trying to workthrough, like and this is why I

(23:23):
say this is a, it's a process,as you learn right, there's some
things I will text you about,like that happened at the house,
or like with the gardener orwith whatever, and you'll be
like, ok, well, I can't doanything about that right now
because I'm at work and in mymind I'm just like, I'm just
letting you know, but from yourperspective, you're like I'm
already dealing with a lot ofstuff right now, what I don't

(23:43):
want to deal with is you.
Yeah, Like you're sending methese random text messages
throughout the day and it's likeoh, the gardener didn't show up
or you know the dog tore downthe fence.
Oh, can't you know the this?
Can you send money for thatLike?

Speaker 2 (23:56):
put a damn dog.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
You know what I mean.
So that's where.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
I've told you, I've told you this.
I don't know if I said on apodcast, but I told your problem
comes to, it immediately, goesto the top of the list.
Of course, right, right Nowit's at the top of the list.
Now I think about okay, how bigof a problem is it?
Yeah, Because I have to addressit first, because I got to calm
you down because, lord knows,you'd be on 10.

(24:22):
You go straight to 10.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
I don't go straight to 10.
You go straight, maybe to 10.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
So, like now, I have to think about what the problem
is, and then I see, I say okay,I ask them, I say Marissa, okay,
what can you do right now?

Speaker 1 (24:36):
And if the answer is nothing, I just say hey there's
not much I can do right now, butif it made you feel better to
tell me when I get home.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I'll address it Now, for instance, when there is
something I can do, I'll say,okay, let me, let me call you
back, yeah, and I'll starttaking care of it.
But even then, like even when Ican like call somebody to come
out me being who I am, I don'tyou know, I don't really like
having other grown men here.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
I know when I'm not here.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
And that's why I tell you keep Olivia in close by
yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
No, I understand that and you know like the thing is
too, going back to like what yousaid before making sure you're
creating stability by makingsure I can also rely on you,
right?
So when I have transitioned tothe brainstem of when I do call
you, something happens.
And I mean, if you batten ahundred, I'll be like you know,
I'm going to just go ahead andcall my husband and let him take
care of it.
So I feel like that could be adouble-edged sword for you

(25:36):
sometimes.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
No, it is a double-edged sword and I've
literally said to myself this isexactly why our daughter thinks
the way she does Becausewhatever I it's like, whatever
mommy asks, he make happen.
Whatever I ask, he make happen.
Whatever I ask, he make happen.
So I'ma just, no matter howoutlandish or crazy it is, i'ma

(25:57):
just trust that my daddy and yoube like my husband gonna make
it happen and my dumb ass be outthere racking my brain trying
to figure out how to make ithappen.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
But then, here's the thing, so I'm, but then when you
problem when you make it happen.
Right, you know, and that'swhat I'm saying.
I should not be when you makeit happen, you know.
But I but I am a but see, thething is, I am aware of that.
So I do try, like I do try tonot like put too much, like I

(26:28):
try not to push the envelope toomuch, you know.
But if it's something where Ijust feel like I mean, you know,
I've offered too, because thisis the thing that you do also,
and I don't know if this is partof like your brain conditioning
as being like the provider is,when I do offer to try to take
care of something or handlesomething, immediately you're
like no, it's okay, baby, I'lltake care of it.
Like the situation with the carright, the car needed to get

(26:50):
picked up from the house to gettaken to the repair shop.
I can very much sit at the deskand call AAA and I can schedule
the appointment for the car toget picked up.
I can do those things.
Like, those are things I can do.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
I have done it, but most of the time you're like
don't worry about it, I'm gonnatake care of it and I'll be like
babe, I can take care of it,because I know that you're
already doing a hundred ahundred things, but one thing I
do is, at any time there's asituation where we're dealing
with any type of business oranything went into our child, I
let it be known that this womanhas a husband and this child has

(27:21):
a father, so ain't gonna be nobullshit up in here.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
You're not going to get over on it.
You're not going to letsomebody charge me for putting
air in my tire no.

Speaker 2 (27:33):
I'm let somebody charge me for putting air in my
tire.
No, I'm not, that that's nothappening.
So I said let me so some phonecalls I have to make that.
Yeah, the doctor's office gocall.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
Oh see, yeah, see you , you lead me to the shit.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
You just don't want to take care of girl, call them
a girl call them.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
But see in that.
But see, that's where we talkabout the stability, the support
and patients going both ways,right.
So when you need doctor'sappointments, babe, you know I
need a doctor's appointment.
Okay, let me get on that.
That's for me, that's part ofhousehold things anyway, because
I'm making my doctor'sappointments, I'm making her
doctor's appointments.
Let me go ahead and make yourdoctor, your dentist appointment
, put it on the calendar.
Whatever you know for the timeswhere I do know your schedule

(28:07):
or whatever else you need fromme to better help, support you
to make sure your day goes alittle bit more smoothly.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Let me ask you this how well do you think I partake
in what they call the silentlove language?

Speaker 1 (28:21):
The silent love language.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Right, which means it was just sacrifice.
Do you think I sacrifice my ownpersonal desires for what's
good for you and the family, ordo you think I just say?

Speaker 1 (28:35):
We're going to roll with the punches and see how we
end up on the other side If yougot it out, it ain't triggering.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
How much do you feel I put the family first, without
expecting praise or needingpraise for?

Speaker 1 (28:50):
that I think that you do a really good job at trying
to make sure that we're alwaysat the forefront where it counts
for sure.
There are times where and Idon't hold that against you
where it's like something youwant to do or something you want
to get, and it's like, no, I'mgoing to do this because, excuse

(29:11):
me, I've never seen you dosomething for yourself or get
something for yourself thatsacrificed something that either
that we needed or somethingthat was really important.
You know what I'm saying.
Like, for instance, I know thatyou really want a truck, you
know, and, yeah, I'm making thatpayment and technically, you
could get a truck, you know, andyeah, I'm making that payment
and technically you could get atruck but you also payment every

(29:34):
month, but you also know right,exactly, but you know how, you
know pretty of a bill we pay formaking for gymnastics lessons,
for competitions, for privatelessons, for dance practices
like time.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
So, and every time she don't get a nine, I say bye.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
I could have had a truck.
Goodbye, Don't put thatpressure on my baby Eight point
nine, but so I could have had atruck.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
It's like no hold on.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
I'm watching her get an eight point two, cut it out
and I could have had a truck.
So, like you know, just usingthat as an example, like yeah,
you could, you could go get thetruck you want, right, but also
being the protector and theleader, knowing that that may
not be the most financiallyresponsible thing to do.
So therefore, you figure, I'lljust, you know, I'll ride it out

(30:20):
, I'll sacrifice I don't likethat, that term for this example
, but I'll sacrifice somethingthat I really, really want for
the happiness of what this is,what my child is choosing to do,
right now and honestly, Ireally do try to put you guys
first.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
I really do try, I really do, I really do try to
give myself bare minimum what Ineed to just survive, and I
really try to.
But that's not what we want foryou, but I get that Sometimes I
feel like it is.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
But Sometimes it feels that way.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
However, I'd be like, babe, we got x amount of
dollars left.
You're like, oh, I'm on my wayto tour it goodbye.
No, I will go ahead and finishyour thought and then I'll let
you know.
So it's like I I part oftherapy has been me rewarding
myself with things that I want,not just what I need, because

(31:14):
it's one thing to buy myself thethings that I need because I'd
have to buy them anyway.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Right, whether we were here or not.
Right, that's what I always say.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
So like for me recently, if I can think back,
like the last six months, thoseheadphones I bought us I wanted
those.
I didn't need those.
Us I wanted those, I didn'tneed those, I wanted those.
And now I don't even use them.
Crazy work.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
I'm really over buying expensive headphones.
By the way, like I'm done.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
And the other thing I really, really want in my baby
my damn Ninja Turtle shoes.
I wanted them, shoes.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
So bad, and did you not get them?

Speaker 2 (31:49):
I got them, yes, and I want them so bad.
And now I want the other pairso bad, and every time I see
them I have fomo that I'm likewhen you go up to the bottom
they're gonna have no more.
You'll be mad, but it's like itis something where I've even
said this to my friends likesometimes you have to reward
yourself for the work you'redoing and, as a provider for me

(32:10):
personally, that was somethingthat was hard for me to
understand, because my mentalityfor so long was I don't want to
take from the pot when there'sother things needed.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, but there's always going to be other things.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
I mean you saw how bad.
I mean we got to a point y'allwhere she was throwing my
underwear away.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, it was just a little ridiculous.
I was like, sir, you might aswell just go out into the world
drawless Because the amount ofholes in these draws.
Like I told him, I said you arebasically a 40-year-old man and
there is no reason for you tohave a hole in your outside of
the hole that was intended to bethere.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
There's no reason why you should be walking around
with holy draws and I'm tellingher I'm paying for gymnastics
Draws, ain't that?

Speaker 1 (32:49):
And I'm paying for gymnastics Draws, ain't that?
And I went and bought him somedraws.
I said, because now you're justusing excuses, that's really an
excuse.
I had a lot going on A lotgoing on, but you paid $500 for
headphones.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Those headphones were not $500.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
No, I'm talking about when you bought both of our
headphones together, the AirPods.
Don't tell me what I do, yeah,but then you.
But then you come back and tellme you know I got a lot going
on.
I don't, you know.
Buying underwear is not notnecessary.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
Another thing, another thing with you know,
continue on another thing withthe whole love and
responsibility thing.
Right Is is me personallytaking the elite, taking
leadership and being a leaderwith accountability.
Now, I think I have done abetter job of that recently
because I've really been on myaccountability tip this whole

(33:37):
year.
Now I'm on my positiveaccountability tip.
I've really been trying to bepositive, even though this one
makes it very, very very hard,okay, so Hold on.
I'm not done, oh, go ahead,sorry.
But leadership andaccountability.
It means that just because I'mthe lead doesn't mean I can't
avoid it.
It doesn't mean I can avoidaccountability.

(33:57):
I've taken accountability forthat, and it's not about just
taking accountability for my ownmistakes, but it's also about
taking accountability for thethings that I allow to happen,
because I always say thatwhether I made the decision or
not, the aftermath still fallson me.
So, and I also, I try to leadwith some humidity.

(34:19):
Humidity, no humility.
You know what I mean Humidity,now, god, let me say it again
Humility.
So I try to.
I don't know if you have beenperceiving it that way, but I,
okay, see y'all, and this hasbeen the last episode, but

(34:40):
that's what I've been trying todo.
Yeah, so I don't know if that'sbeen coming off that way.
I don't.
I don't know how important likehave.
Have you seen?
Do you feel like?

Speaker 1 (34:51):
what you feeling.
Wow, what am I feeling.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
And not just my hand on your thigh.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
I see, okay, this is where I see I can see the second
, like that second thoughtprocess happen with you where
you're trying to work on oldhabits.
So when you react a certain wayto something, it's like the old
habit first, and then, onceyour brain kind of calms down,

(35:19):
then you are able to be like,hey, remember, this is something
we said we were working on.
And then you come back andyou're like okay, I apologize
for the way I handled that.
This is what I was trying tosay, this is how I'm feeling and
that's why it came off this way.
So it's growth.
That's what I said.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
It's growth it's growth.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Um, I think it was growth, stop it.
I think too, um, the biggestthing.
Well, not the biggest thing, butone of the things for me is
when we talk about you know, youbeing or just men in general,
being providers and beingprotectors and being the leader,
and like holding down the fourand being the strong one and

(36:00):
having to take care of a lot ofthings, making the other person
feel like they have to like.
Of course, we're grateful, we'reappreciative, you know, but
it's almost like likeweaponizing it in some form.
You know what I mean, becausewhen you are in a heightened
state or when something comesabout and you do have a lot

(36:20):
going on or a lot on your plate,it comes off when you're trying
to tell me like, oh, I'mstressed out about this and we
have this to do and we've gotthis to do, and it doesn't seem
like you, you appreciate thisand I'm not being appreciated to
do, and we've got this to do,and it doesn't seem like you,
you appreciate this and I'm notbeing appreciated and I'm just
like, okay, like, hold on,because we're in this together.
There's the problem.
And then there's us.

(36:41):
It's supposed to be us togethertackling it right and with bees,
bye stop it being a podtogether stop it, um, cut it On
the pod, cut it out, so it's.
You know, like I've told youbefore, as we're working through
you, when you're takingaccountability or whatever,
don't.
When you react in a heightenedstate, don't react in a way

(37:06):
where you're trying to translateto me that I don't understand
all that you have to do.
When I'm yeah, I am, I'm herebecause I have to deal with, I
get all of the emotional aspectof it.
When you are in that heightenedstate, when you're feeling
overwhelmed, when you're feelingstressed, when you're feeling

(37:28):
like you don't know whichdirection to go, when you feel
like you're at a crossroads I'mliterally right there.
You do not shield me from that.
Do you know what I'm sayingfrom that?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like it's not.
Like you go off into a cornerand you're dealing with all
those emotions by yourself andthen you come back out to the
room and you put on a face forme to be like everything's great

(37:48):
, like I hope you're, yeah,you're living life, everyone
looks good, happy.
Like you know, then I could livein La La Land and be like, yeah
, like life is great.
You know he's taking care ofeverything, I've got money in
the bank, I can go do what Iwant.
You know, it's not like that.
I feel when you're stressed out, you express to me when you're
stressed out, do you know what Imean?

(38:09):
So I feel like that's also apart of you taking
accountability, right, but Ithink for me personally, it's
like I don't.
I don't want you to feel likeyou're still having to just
carry the load by yourself.
Okay, because you know, eventhough you quote unquote may be
carrying the load by yourself,you don't have to carry the load

(38:31):
by yourself.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Okay, that's funny.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
You say that I'm not sure if, like I, used a lot of
words to go around and saysomething small.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
It's funny you say that because it's like the whole
concept of protecting yourpeace, right.
Not just your safety right, theconcept of me showing up through
love, by managing my tone, thetone I take with you right, by
planning ahead and handlingconflict before it gets to you.
So, basically, being thatbuffer and I do try, I make that

(39:02):
of my attempt to say, hey, man,let me try to hit this on the
head and I may not.
I understand now that I tellyou things without saying things
, like I'll be like, hey, babe,maybe not this week, maybe we do
that next week, or you know, wegot this coming up.
Yeah, like I never like, I trynot to never say like yes or no.

(39:24):
I try to like give you a broadpaint spread, brush spread or
whatever you want of thelandscape, but, hey, I know it
look good today, but I ain'tspending this.
Yeah, I ain't do this because Iknow what's coming yeah and I'm
trying to be ready for what'scoming.
So once I know we in the greenfor what's coming.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Now let me ask you this Then we can.
Let me ask you this, as we'relike learning, and you know
how's that working for you?
It's not working.
It's not working for you, right?
It's?
Not working for you Because,because, and like I've told you
before, there is there what,what I have to bring to.

(40:04):
You know, I hate this term oflike bringing something to the
table, what, where I can helpyou.
like I always tell you where Ican help you when you don't
allow me to do that and youdon't allow me to be a
participant in our marriage tohelp you and support you, then
that like that that puts me in avery not so good like headspace

(40:28):
, because I can either be likeno, let me bulldoze through this
so he can know that I'm hereand let me help him navigate
this, because I can see thisfrom a different angle.
Like I always tell you, likewhen you're looking at an issue
or when you're looking at aproblem, I can see how your
thought process is sometimes.
And you only see it, becausesometimes the oranges look like
peaches to me, right, and youcan only see it through that

(40:49):
lens.
But when I come to you and Isay, babe, let me reveal to you
a different angle, then you canbe like oh you know what, babe,
I didn't even think about that.
But that's what I try to remindyou, that's what I'm here for
that's how that's hold on that'show I support you.
Okay, you know what I mean, butyou have to.
I feel like where we're stilllearning is you having to learn

(41:13):
to lean and depend on that leanback like lean and depend or
lean into that right when I'mtelling you like babe, okay,
you're you hype right now.
I know what you're sayingthings look like, but let me
tell you it's not.
You're looking at the windowwhen it's got dust on it.
Let me Windex it for you.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
So I can show you a better view.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Goodbye, so I can show you a better view.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I get you so like.
That's where the support systemcomes in at.
That's how we work together.
That's how the head and theneck work together.
Who's the head, who's the neck?
We won't get into that.
Go ahead.
What did you have to say next?
Who's the head, who's the neck?
Go ahead.
Oh, so you didn't, don't letyour little deadlift PR get you.

(41:59):
Oh my gosh, bye.
Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Okay, and it's this thing, another thing, my last,
my last point is that it's it'sreally about me keeping the
promises, even the small ones.
So if I say, hey, babe, youknow we're going to flow on
Thursday, I promise you Thursday, even though when Thursday come
around, I don't want pho, nomore, I want some catfish.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yep, but what happened?
It's funny that you broughtthat particular example up,
Because what happens when youdon't keep the small promises?

Speaker 2 (42:33):
When I thought we were going to actually have pho.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
I wasn't happy and then, when I got an attitude,
you got upset that I had anattitude.
And then you got an attitude.
Look here.
But all this stems from you notkeeping your promise.
I really intend Something sosmall as some noodles.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
I woke up and said you know what?

Speaker 1 (42:51):
It was noodles people .

Speaker 2 (42:53):
I woke up and said you know what?

Speaker 1 (43:00):
I know I said I was looking forward to just a little
, just a side note.
We've literally been eating phoevery single Thursday for like
the past two and a half months.
Every Thursday we've beeneating pho, so I've kind of
gotten used to having my number11 on Thursdays you know what I
mean.
I look forward to my big sodiummeal of the week.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I was like, babe, let's just let's just hit up the
night market.
They got food trucks.
We can go kick it for goodvibes, yeah it wasn't bad, but
it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
It ain't fun.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
It wasn't my number 11 at Baja but you know, it's
just that I think I'm startingto understand that it's the
little promises and the littlethings that I keep.
It all feeds the bigger, thegrand, the gigantic romantic
gesture I give you, so it's likeit pretty much sustains you in

(43:55):
between the big ones.
Yeah, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
And it gives me something kind of to look
forward to it also showsconsistency correct, which is
very, very important.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
That's this show up that that's.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
I mean.
Consistency in relationship isin anything, it's yeah, in
anything, but especially withsomeone you're trying to do life
with and listen in, aninconsistent man can't do it,
can't do it, especially if it'slike, if you're supposed to be

(44:30):
the one with the, the plan andthe vision and driving the bus,
I'm gonna stand beside you.
No, I'm not.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
No, no, remember, I made that clear.
What was that in 2010?

Speaker 2 (44:56):
You broke my heart.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Yeah, I said.
I said listen, there's a lot ofthings I can do in life but
this ain't one of them but youdragging me to hell ain't gonna
be one of them, not hell come onnow.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
This has been another episode.
This has been the last episodebut you dragging me down, okay,
oh, no, okay, I'm gonna just endmy little part with this, okay,
since I'm I don't want to,since I, since she going to hell
apparently Shut up that.

(45:29):
I think every now and again, asa person, whether male or
female, you need to ask yourself.
When you look at your partner,when you're addressing, when
you're thinking about yourrelationship, your marriage,
whatever the case may be, youneed to ask yourself are you
loving responsibly or justemotionally?
Are you just in it for thefeels?
Are you actually practicing andworking in love day in and day

(45:54):
out, showing up and doing thethings that need to be done to
prove the love?
Not just say the words, butactually do the things that
actually show that you love.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Having action behind it.
Having action behind it.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
And you have to understand that responsibility
doesn't mean that you're perfectto achieve a certain level of
consistency and to set astandard of what you can
maintain maintain mentally for aextended period of time.

(46:38):
And I just want to reiterate,like it's not about just
sacrificing just yourself andall of who you are, because I
think that is not conducive toanything but see, the thing is
about that point, babe is likeonce you start to sacrifice
yourself, you're going to get tothe point to where you're going
to look across the room andyou're going to resent that
person well, yeah, because nowthere's nothing left in the tank
because you can't find yourselfright.
You don't want to get to thepoint to where you lose yourself
, to the point to where it'slike I don't even know who I am.

(46:59):
Yeah and now.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Because I don't want to get to the point to where you
lose yourself to the point towhere it's like I don't even
know who I am.
Yeah, and because I don't knowwho I am, but I do know that I
don't like you, right.
And then you're over therestill doing all the things that
you want to do and I'm over here, suffering.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
So now here I am, x amount of years later, having to
rediscover who I am.
Yeah, because I've been socaught up in for you that now I
don't know who I am.
So that's why I 100% agree withthat.
You cannot invest more insomeone else than you can in

(47:29):
yourself, because you need tounderstand that in a
relationship, in a marriage,especially in a marriage, the
more you love yourself, the moreyou are able to love your
partner and it makes lovingsomebody else a lot, not just a
lot easier, a lot more enjoyable, because, yes, we are in this
together, we are one, but beforewe were one.
Now, I may not agree with Willand Jade's marriage Bye.
But the one thing I do agreewith is that it is my

(47:51):
responsibility to make me happy.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Because that, to place that burden, because it's
a burden.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
Happiness is a burden , I don't care what anybody say,
it's a burden.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Okay, to place that burden on someone else, to make
them solely responsible, to makethem responsible for it yeah,
that's down the line, I meanbecause I would say, I would say
, if you are in a relationship,especially if you're in a
marriage, part of loving yourpartner is also being excited,
to see them excited and to seethem happy and to see them

(48:24):
succeed and to see them flourish, to see them hit goals.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
To see them sleep while you're getting ready for
work.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
Goodbye.
Is that what you do in themorning?

Speaker 2 (48:34):
To see them in the third rim.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
While you got to get up.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
While you're walking out the door.
Have a good day but thenthey'll call you on lunch and
say I just got up bye.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
It must be nice um, but yeah but wanting to see,
wanting to see them, you know,see them happy um should also
bring you joy.
Yeah, but definitely if it's ifboth are doing the same thing,
like if I'm doing things that Iknow bring you joy and vice
versa you're doing things thatbring me joy guess what?

(49:08):
we're gonna start doing thingstogether we're gonna start doing
things together, we're bothgonna be happy, and then we
could be like you know, you knowwhat I'm saying, you know what
I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying makinglove okay.
Okay, think we're going to haveto just hop right into our two
cents, our two shits.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Our two cents, everyone's favorite.
A segment Segment.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
We're going to have some new segments coming up too.
By the way, I don't want tolike put everything out there
yet, but we love y'all, episode100 might be a doozy, let's see
Okay.
Episode 100 might be a doozy,um, let's see okay.
so let's start with this one,because I think you'll find this
one okay let's go, let's get itum, am I the asshole for
putting glitter in my roommate'shumidifier after she kept,
quote-unquote borrowing myclothes without asking okay,

(49:52):
let's go?
I'm a 22 year old female and Ilive with a roommate and we'll
call her kayla the kleptomaniacwho has a chronic illness called
touching my stuff withoutpermission, no matter how many
times I've asked begged orwritten post-it notes in
increasingly aggressive fonts.
She's borrowing my clothes, notjust hoodies either.

(50:16):
I'm talking full outfits, downto my custom bras with my
initials on them.
So I got petty and I gotglittery.
She has this giant pinkhumidifier that she's obsessed
with.
Just think glowing orb ofaesthetic health vibes.
I unscrewed the top and dumpedan entire vial of ultra fine

(50:38):
cosmetic glitter into the water.
I figured best case scenarioshe sparkles like a twilight
vampire.
Worst case scenario thehumidifier dies and she stops
living like she's in a Pinterestboard.
She turned it on and withinhours our entire apartment
looked like Tinkerbell hadexploded.

(50:59):
Her cat was shimmering, ourcouch had become disco themed.
I was proud she was not.
She accused me of trying topoison her sinuses.
The glitter is non-toxic.
I checked Now she won't speakto me, and she posted on
Instagram that I'm a demonicterrorist.
Our mutual friends are split.

(51:20):
Half think that I'm a demonicterrorist.
Our mutual friends are split.
Half think that I'm a geniusand the other half think that
I've gone feral.
What do you think?
Am I the asshole as a boardmember of the petty committee?
That's kind of genius, I don'tknow.
I approve of all actions thefact that she was willing to
sacrifice the apartment.

(51:41):
She was like.
I don't really.
I approve of all actions thefact that she was willing to
sacrifice the apartment.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
She was like I don't really care.
At this point she said, a pointhas to be made and if I've gone
through the steps of trying tobe reasonable with you, I'm
going to have to do somethingdrastic.
So you know, I ain't the one toplay with.
That's crazy.
She said look here, I was theone and the two.
I ain't finna be the three.
That I was the one and the two.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
I ain't finna be the three, that's crazy, but the the
Tinkerbell.
She said Tinkerbell exploded.
She was like best case scenario.
She'll look like a twilightvampire she said even her custom
stuff that she had her initials, her bras with her initials on
them, and she's already givenher.
She's already asked, she'spleaded, she's already asked,

(52:20):
she's pleaded, she's begged andshe's wrote uh, post-it notes
with aggressive fonts.
What's an aggressive font?
So when?

Speaker 2 (52:26):
she's on caps yeah, I guess when she, when they're
posting them for her.
I thought about that.
That mean they used to say um,um when they left the note on
their food at work and it says Ieat ass, so go ahead eat my
lunch.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
I dare you my lunch, I dare you, I dare you, I dare
you.
She's not.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
No, you're not an asshole.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
No, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Some people may think you're an asshole.
I think this is hilarious.
I wish we had video footage ofthis.
Yeah, because that would befunny.
Because to have Tinkerbellexplode is not a model game.
Yeah, that's funny.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Wait, she gave her roommate the bippity boppity.
Okay, let's get through thislast one.
Um, am I the asshole forrefusing to reschedule my
wedding?
because my sister might bepregnant then.
I'm a 28 year old female andI'm getting married next March.
We've already booked the venue,the vendors and sent out, saved

(53:27):
the dates.
Everybody's been going.
Everybody's been going smoothlyuntil my sister who's 32,
dropped a bomb.
She and her husband are tryingfor a baby and she told me
there's a chance that she couldbe due around my wedding date.
Are trying for a baby and shetold me there's a chance that
she could be due around mywedding date.
She said if I'm pregnant, I'llbe too uncomfortable to be in
the wedding or possibly evenattend.
Can you just move it back a fewmonths?

(53:49):
Just in case I thought she wasjoking.
She's not even pregnant yet.
She hasn't even confirmedovulation yet.
But her own words yet.
But her own words.
But she insists that I'm beingtoo rigid and disrespectful for
not trying to accommodate apossible future niece or nephew.
I told her that I love her, butI'm not moving a wedding that's

(54:12):
been planned for a year becauseof something that may or may
not happen.
Facts Now my mom is calling meselfish and saying that the
family comes first.
Okay.
My fiance is furious and saysthat if she doesn't come, that's
on her right.
I honestly don't know anymore.
I didn't expect this to becomea family fight.
Am I the asshole?

(54:33):
Absolutely not.
Hold on.
No, mom is right.
Her mother is right.
Family does come first, andhe's about to be my creating
comes first.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Fuck your mama and your sister?

Speaker 1 (54:41):
I do you want to say that?
She right, family does comefirst.
The family you're creatingcomes first.
Fuck your mama and your sister.
I knew you were going to saythat she right, family comes
first, family does come first.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
I'm not moving.
So what's going to happen?
I done put these deposits down.
You're not even pregnant.
Yeah, I pushed my shit back andyou don't even get pregnant.
And now you get pregnant On aday when my shit would have been
I mean, on the new day and notthe day it would have been.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
No, yeah, you're not an asshole.
Yeah, you're not the asshole.
That's crazy work.
Look here.
Look here, that's crazy work.
Look here.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Don't play these stupid games, because when you
play stupid games, you getstupid prizes.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
You win stupid prizes , guys.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
So tell your sister she didn't say nothing about
pops.
Pops probably be like man, lethim know.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Pops is like don't involve me in crap, I don't.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
You just let me know what time and day and what I
need and what I need to pay andI'll be there and outside of
that I don't really care popsare here.
Well, this is.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
This is what I'm giving you for the wedding yeah,
he was like I don't really careoutside of that you and your
sister, and you, your sister,and your mama y'all deal with it
Y'all work that out.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
Why are women like this?

Speaker 1 (55:40):
I don't know why some women are.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
I'm not, but why does her sister think that her life
trumps her sister's day?

Speaker 1 (55:47):
Because she in her mind it's a baby, A duh, and
she's the older sister.
So she probably feels like Letthat baby come to term first.
Yeah Well, let the baby getthere in utero first.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
So yeah, and why do I care if you're?

Speaker 1 (56:02):
uncomfortable on my day Because she may not be able
to be in there.
Bye, we'll live stream it.
We'll go live.
You can watch it one way oranother.
All right, guys, this has beenanother episode of Life After I
Do Podcast.
If you're not doing so already,join in on the fun.
Join the 20,000 plus followerson TikTok.

(56:24):
Join the followers on Instagramand YouTube.
Okay, and Facebook.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
We appreciate all of our new followers, all of our
new supporters.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
We love y'all bad we are so grateful that you guys
are enjoying the content.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Look here the comments.
Keep me alive.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
Look here Keep me alive.
Look here Keep me alive.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
The comments confirmed to me every day how
much I love black people.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Because my people Hilarious, hilarious.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
If you keep playing with me, I'm going to leave you
at that playground.
Ma'am, I'm going to give youcredit for that.
I'm going to figure out whatyour name is.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
I'm gonna put that on the shirt because if you keep
playing with me, I'm gonna leaveyou at the playground keep
playing with me.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
I'm gonna leave the playground.
I said that's a shirt.
I said she done, gave us a wordand don't even know it.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Don't even know it.
Yes, we are so appreciativeguys.
It's, it's real, it's reallyfun.
It's fun to engage and interactwith you guys.
Um, thank you for all the newfollowers, the likes, the
comments, the shares, thereposts, all of the above.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
Uh, we absolutely appreciate you guys don't forget
, if y'all, if y'all got no,we'll read.
If y'all got some personal,stories.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
We'll read those too.
Oh yeah, don't forget, you canalways write into the podcast at
life afteridoepodcasts atgmailcom.
You can send them to the email.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
You can send them to the DMs.
Yeah, all that.
If we see them, we try torespond.
Yeah, we do our best, we try.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
And we're trying, we're doing of the feedback, so
hopefully you guys can also seesome of the little subtle
changes.
If that wasn't a piece of yourfeedback, you probably won't
notice the change Right, but ifit was your feedback then you
would notice the change.
We appreciate it.
So we appreciate that and weare just grateful and just want
to keep growing with you guys.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
Right.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
So don't forget to continue liking, sharing,
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Speaker 2 (58:17):
All those things.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
Hit us up on Instagram, tiktok, facebook,
youtube Only Pans, only Pans.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Okay, you get a new episode every Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
A new episode every Wednesday.
I got to kill this fly.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
You get a new episode every Wednesday, with or
without the fly.
Sometimes, with the fly anduntil next time.
Peace, booskies.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Peace booskies.